All language subtitles for Sanford and Son - 02x18 - Watts Side Story.DVDRip.Addic7ed.com.srt (English)

I had plenty of money
in 1922

Let other people
make a fool out...

Hey, Lamont!
How you say you wanted your eggs?

I want 'em fried,
straight up!

Uh, how 'bout scrambled?

- I want 'em fried!
- Scrambled's good too.

How come I can't have 'em
straight up?

'Cause I dropped one
on the floor straight down.

Why don't you do right

Like some other people do

- Oh, no!
- What's the matter with you?

The truck is gone! Somebody stole
the truck! I'm gonna call the police.

Relax. The truck's not stolen.
Somebody borrowed it.

- What? Who did?
- I loaned the truck to, Julio.

Julio? You loaned our truck
to a Puerto Rican?

What difference does it make
what the man is?

He needed the truck
and I loaned it to him.

I'll tell you what difference it makes.
They don't return stuff.

What are you talking about?

I'm talkin' about how Puerto Ricans
borrow stuff and don't bring it back.

They borrowed Harlem,
remember?

And I'm sure
they'd be glad to return it.

Well, you can just kiss
that truck good-bye.

You know how bad
they drive.

What is this? They don't return things.
They don't know how to drive.

- What are you, a bigot?
- No, I'm a Baptist.

I never thought it was possible.
I'm the son of a bigot.

Just hush right up. I'm just a fella
that likes to protect his property.

What'd Julio need
the truck for anyway?

I don't know.
He said it was a surprise.

Yeah, I know what that is.

He's probably smuggling in
a truckload of Mexicans.

Pull that canvas back, and there
they are, a whole lot of wetbacks.

And they say, "Surprise!"

You don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh, yes, I do. It's either that or
he's smuggling in some Tijuana tobacco.

You know,
"EIJoint-os"?

Why don't you knock it off?
Now, the man doesn't have a truck.

I loaned him ours.
He had some work to do.

You loaned the man our truck
to cut into our business...

then there goes the empire.

What empire?

What empire?
This empire!

I built up from the ground
from nothing' to what you see now.

Look, Pop,
just knock it off.

We don't even need the truck.
It's Sunday.

And the bible says,
"On Sunday thou shall rest. "

That means, thou shall rest,
I shall rest...

and my truck
should also be resting.

You're gonna keep griping all day
'cause I loaned that truck toJulio?

Yeah, that's right.
'Cause I don't trust him no further...

than I can throw
a ten-ton banana.

Pop, Julio happens to be
a very honest guy, and he's generous.

I bet he even filled
the tank.

Yeah, with goat's milk.

I don't want to listen to no more
of this. I'm gonna have my breakfast.

I bet that's Julio now with your old,
dumb truck, and we'll get some peace.

I bet it's the highway patrol.
You get it.

'Cause I wanna be sitting down when
they tell me my truck went off a cliff.

- Hey, Julio!
- Hey, Lamont. �C�me est�?

- How you feel, buddy?
- Buenos d�as, Mr. Sanford.

Yeah, I know what that means.
Call your insurance company.

- Julio, is everything okay?
- Perfecto, man.

Here's the key,
and I want to thank you very much.

That truck was really
a big help.

And now I tell you the reason
why I borrowed the truck.

Whaa! I got
a big surprise, man!

You brought the truck back
in one piece.

Sure. By the way, to show how much I
appreciate, I filled the tank with gas.

- Julio, you didn't have to do that.
- Oh, yes, he did.

Hey, con permiso.
Excuse me.

I'm coming right back
with the surprise, man.

- It ain't here on the headlines.
- What are you doing?

I'm trying to see if there was a riot
yesterday 'cause if it was a riot...

that surprise could be
a truckload of hot televisions.

Listen, you. I want you to stop
insulting Julio. You got that?

Either that or he's smuggling
something in to the country.

Wetbacks.

Lamont, Mr. Sanford,
I want you to meet...

my mother Providencia,
and my sister Maria.

Ha-ha! They just came in
from New York.

Buenos d�as. I'm happy
to meet you, Se�or Sanford.

My son tells me that you too are
un comprado de hierro viejo.

No, no,
I'm a citizen.

No, se�or. Comprador
de hierro viejo is a junk man.

What'd she say?

Mommy said that she has never seen
an indoor junkyard.

Yeah, your...
your mama's really funny.

A regular Caesar sombrero.

Uh, shall we all
sit down?

Did you come here
for a visit, Mrs. Fuentes?

Yes! I dream of coming
to California for years! Maria too!

Oh, yes! Julio writes
that flowers grow all the time...

and that people keep a tan
all year long.

Oh, that's just
in this neighborhood.

- Have you folks had your breakfast yet?
- S�, thank you.

I'll tell you what. Maria,
why don't you help me unload the truck?

- I'll help you, Julio.
- Great. Mommy, why don't you stay...

and get acquainted
with Mr. Sanford?

No, no. Wait a minute.
Why don't we all help unload the truck?

No, Pop.
Let the young people do that.

You stay in here and
converse with Mrs. Fuentes.

No, no. Wait a minute, son.
Wait a minute.

- You sure you won't need more help?
- Would you go sit down and talk to her?

- Talk to her about what?
- I don't know. Talk about the weather.

Who wants to know
about the weather in Puerta Rico?

Say, you come out here
on the bus?

Oh, no, se�or.
We fly.

And it is so fast.
We get into the airplane...

and boom, boom,
we are here in five hours.

Well, they say it's
much faster going back.

You get in the airplane, and boom, boom,
you back home in four hours.

How long you gonna stay
out here?

I don't know, se�or.
Julio wants us to stay for good.

Oh, I'd think about that
if I was you.

I mean, it's all right for a visit
but I don't know about living out here.

Why?
It is bad to live here?

Oh, very bad.

- Look how dirty them windows are.
- You do not do windows?

No, I'm talkin' about smog.
That's smog.

We have smog in New York.

Yeah, but out here our smog
is mixed with earthquakes.

See, out here a building
will fall on you...

and your last breath
won't even be a good one.

I will get used to it
like everybody.

I'll tell you one thing
you don't get used to... the mayor.

Did you ever hear
of Sam "Airplane" Yorty?

Did you ever hear of
John "Garbage Strike" Lindsay?

You know who will be unhappy out here?
Is your daughter.

Maria? She could hardly wait
to come to California, se�or.

Well, does she have a boyfriend
back in New York?

Mmm. Poquitos.

See now, there's a problem
right there.

There ain't many
poquitos out here.

What do you mean?

If she was lookin' for a steady.
Or a sweetheart.

- How do you say that?
- Ah, s�. Un novio.

Novio. Yeah.

See, in this neighborhood,
our novios is black-eos.

Well, I do not worry about Maria.
She is smart.

She will do
the right thing.

Get that killer
out of here!

- Hold that killer!
- This must beJulio's goat.

Tell him something in Puerto Rican.
Tell him...

el goat-o get out
of el house-o.

- Get him out of here.
- Don't worry. He won't do anything bad.

I don't want
to give him time to try. Out-o!

- Hey, what'd she say?
- Nothing. Nothing.

What I think she said was that you
and the goat got the same beard. Right?

I'm sorry.

Your mama got off
another good one, didn't she?

- A regular Puerto Rican Phyllis Diller.
- We have to go.

By the way. Thank you, Mr. Sanford,
for being so nice to my mother.

Adi�s, Mr. Sanford.

Come on, chico.

Well, that's it.
He had the truck.

- He brought his family. The end.
- What's that supposed to mean?

It means we don't have to have
nothin' more to do with him.

Just like the old saying:
"East is east and west is west...

and never the twain
shall meet-o. "

And that's the way
you want it?

That's exactly the way I want it. You
can't be too nice to them Puerto Ricans.

Next thing you know, there'll be another
Puerto Rican family move in here.

Then another one and another one.
And then what you got?

Harlem West.

You can do what you wanna do,
but I plan on seeing them.

As a matter of fact,
I'm taking Julio's sister out tonight.

What you say?

You heard what I said.
I'm taking Maria out to dinner.

Oh, this is the big one.

You might as well stop that right now
because it's not gonna do any good.

Son, you can't go out
with her because she's a, she's a...

She's a what?
Go ahead, say it. She's what?

She's...
She's a foreigner.

I'm still going out
with her.

Oh, son, don't do that.
I got a heavy feelin' right here.

It'll pass.
I'm going and eat my breakfast.

Oh!
This is the big one.

Hear that, Elizabeth?

I'm comin' to join you,
honey...

with an enchilada
on my heart.

What's the matter
with you?

Take that thing
out of your mouth.

You know what's the matter with me,
and you know what's makin' me sick.

You wouldn't happen
to be sick because...

I'm taking Maria
out to dinner tonight, would you?

No. I just got this fever.

I'm real sick.
Look at that... 108.

Pop, if your temperature was 108,
you'd be dead.

Then I'm glad I won't be livin'
to see you take her out.

What's the matter with you?
Julio happens to be a friend of mine...

and his sister's in town
for the first time.

As an act of friendship, I'm taking her
out to dinner. What's wrong with that?

It's wrong. It's just wrong.
And it's dangerous.

- Dangerous? Why?
- You could be attacked by sharks.

- What are you talkin' about?
- Remember that movie, West Side Story?

The Sharks was a gang
of Puerto Ricans.

And they got that guy
for taking that Maria out.

And he was Irish, so you can imagine
what's gonna happen to you.

You really talk strange
sometimes.

What is this, "Sharks"? There're hardly
any Puerto Ricans in Los Angeles.

They'll ship 'em in
from New York.

I don't have time to stay around
and listen to this. I'm going.

Wait a minute, Lamont.
Wait a minute.

I'll tell you why I don't want
you to go out with her.

All right.

What if Bubba, Leroy
and Skillet see you.

They ain't as broad-minded
as I am.

- Yeah, you're pretty broad-minded, Pop.
- You know I'm broad-minded.

Remember that time that
white woman came in?

Didn't I let her
use the toilet?

Terrific. Look, I'm gonna take Maria
out to dinner tonight.

I don't care what they think. I don't
care about Bubba, Leroy or Skillet.

I don't care about them.

Well, what about me?
Don't you care about me?

Of course I care
about you, Pop.

But you still haven't given me
one intelligent reason...

why I shouldn't take Maria out.

Okay, I'll give you
an intelligent reason.

Remember that movie,
The Great White Hope?

You remember all the trouble
JackJohnson had with that white woman?

They threw him out of the motel
in the middle of the night...

and they wasn't even drinkin'
or playin' the TV loud.

- Come on, Pop.
- Yeah, see.

You and her won't even be able to get
an apartment in Beverly Hills.

What's wrong with you? You got us
married and living in an apartment.

And all I'm doin' is taking her
out to dinner. I gotta split.

Wait a minute.
Where you gonna take her?

You know that
Chinese restaurant, Chung Lee?

Well, listen, why don't you
take her to a drive-in?

That way you won't even
have to get out of the car.

- Good night, Pop.
- Wait a minute, son.

Take her to one of them nice
taco places, and she can teach you...

how to eat a taco without
the filling falling on the floor.

- Good night.
- Wait a minute.

Julio, what are you doing here?

- I just came over to thank you, man.
- Thank me for what?

I didn't want to do it in front of
Maria because it might embarrass her.

But I want to thank you for the
nice things you're doing for my sister.

You don't have to thank me for that.
I'm gonna enjoy taking her out.

- What's the matter? Are you sick?
- I'm real sick.

That's too bad. That's funny
because my mother is sick too.

She is?
She was all right this morning.

I know. But all of a sudden
she got a fever, man. Whoo!

She's probably sick
for the same reason I'm sick.

Because this dummy's
taking your sister out.

- Well, let's go, Julio.
- Wait a minute. Listen, Mr. Sanford.

What's wrong with Lamont
going out with Maria?

Never mind, Julio.
Let's go.

I would like to know what is wrong
with your son going out with my sister.

- You don't know?
- No.

- What? She's not pretty enough?
- No.

- She's not old enough?
- No.

Maybe, Mr. Sanford, it is because
she is a Puerto Rican.

S�, se�or.

No, no. Do you know
what you are, Mr. Sanford?

You are a persona fan�tica.
That is Spanish for bigot.

Well, how would you like one
across your lip?

That's English for "How would you
like one across your lip?"

No, no. I'm gonna tell you
something else, man!

I gotta tell you
something, man.

You know what?
Yeah, that's right.

No, you have to find out about this,
because your head is old-fashioned, man.

It is anticuado.

You better get out of here
before I peel your anticuado.

No, no, no. Listen.
I tell you what, man.

I didn't tell Lamont
he has to go out with my sister.

- That was his own idea!
- Well, that was a dumb idea!

Oh, yeah? If it is such a dumb idea,
you don't have to take her out.

What's the matter with you?
I ain't sayin' nothin'!

I didn't come over here for people
to insult my sister! No, no, no.

You don't have to take her out.
That's all. See if I care.

Hey, Pop, why...
Julio, I...

You anticuado!

Wait a minute!
Lamont!

Here we are.

Beef with
Chinese vegetables.

Lobster Cantonese.

- Fried rice. Okay?
- Okay.

Wow, look at all this food.
Who's gonna eat all this?

You know what they say. You eat Chinese
food, an hour later you're hungry.

You know what I always say? Eat for
an hour, then you won't be hungry again.

That's terrific.
That's really good.

Eat for an hour.

- Dig right in there and help yourself.
- Thank you.

Lamont, I want to thank you
for taking me out like this.

My first day in Los Angeles,
and I've got a date already.

That's okay.
Maybe after dinner...

we can drive up Pacific Coast Highway
and let the wind blow through your hair.

- That sounds nice.
- Yeah.

Wait a minute.
You don't have a convertible.

No, but if you roll the windows down
on the pickup, it's the same thing.

Good evening.
How many in your party?

Just one.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't have a table for one.

- Why so crowded tonight?
- Saturday night always crowded.

Jewish people like to eat
Chinese food on Sunday. Why is that?

Don't ask me.
I'm notJewish.

Hey, you got something
in the back?

Oh. Maybe I give you table six.
Yes, you come with me.

- You mind sharing a table with somebody?
- No. I don't care.

Excuse me, lady.
We very busy tonight.

You mind share table
with gentleman?

- You! What are you doing here?
- The same thing you are doing.

Oh, you two friends.
That's good.

What do you mean, the same thing?
How do you know what I'm doing here?

- You come here to watch your son?
- Yeah.

- I come here to watch your son too.
- What does that mean?

I watch to see
they do not get serious.

The minute he takes her hand
and looks into her eyes...

I will jump in
and say, "Basta. "

What'd you call my son?

I say, "Basta. "
Enough.

Enough?

I'm sorry my son was dumb enough
to go out with your daughter.

And I don't know why my daughter
is dumb enough to go out with your son.

It is as if she has
no good cerebro.

Just keep your daughter
away from my son.

If she likes our people,
let her start at the bottom.

Let her get a high yellow
and work up.

Do you know what you are,
Se�or Sanford?

You are a mentecato.
That mean "fool. "

And you are
an old mentecato.

- How you say "lips" in Spanish?
- Labios.

Labios. How'd you like
an old mentecato...

to give you one
across your labios?

It is a good thing we are not in New
York where her friends could see her.

I wish they were in New York
so that my friends...

couldn't see my son
out with her...

'cause it's gonna ruin his reputation
in this neighborhood.

Well, would you look
who's here!

Hello, Fred.
Look, Skillet, it's Fred.

Hello, Fred!

Man, we know that's you
behind them shades.

What you trying to do,
hide?

Oh, I get it! A little
la cucaracha time. Huh, Fred?

Uh, wait a minute, fellas.
Let me explain.

Ooh! Fred's out
with his Spanish teacher.

That's sweet!

Listen.
If you must know, uh...

we out here watchin' her daughter
'cause she's out with Lamont.

And we just watchin' 'em
sitting over there.

- Oh, yeah? Where?
- Right over there at the first ta...

I swear. Honest.
There were sittin' right over there.

Sure they were!
Let's go, Skillet.

Let's led Fred and the se�ora
enjoy their dinner.

Adi�s, you two!

I'm dead now.
I'm ruined.

I'll never hear the end of this,
and it's all your fault.

My fault? Because of you,
I didn't even see them leave.

You spoiled everything.

- Yes, sir. Ready to order now?
- What?

- You ready to order dinner?
- I might as well since I'm here.

And waiter, uh,
separate checks.

Hey, Pop, you home?

Hey, Pop, you up there?
Pop?

Hey, Pop,
you in the kitchen?

You are home.
Didn't you hear me calling you?

Of course I'm home. Where do you think
I'd be with a fever like I got?

Are you gonna
start that again?

I've been in bed ever since you left
to see that girl.

I could've been dead.

Who is that at this time of night?
You expecting company?

- Hey, Leroy, Skillet...
- Hey, Lamont. Hello, Fred.

- Good night, fellas.
- We just had to talk to your father.

Wait a minute.
All we want to know is...

who that woman was
we saw you with tonight.

- What? What'd you say?
- He didn't tell you?

Your pop was out
with a real cutie!

And all the sisters in the neighborhood
are gonna feel cheated.

Is there something
that you'd like to tell us?

Yeah. Basta.
All three of ya.

Sanford and Son is recorded on tape
before a live studio audience.