Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,078
-- Subs by kinglouisxx --
for www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:05,304 --> 00:00:07,272
Happy belated birthday!
3
00:00:07,306 --> 00:00:09,062
My birthday was like a month ago.
4
00:00:09,116 --> 00:00:12,414
Well, it took me this long to
find you the perfect present.
5
00:00:13,308 --> 00:00:14,643
Holy crap.
6
00:00:14,668 --> 00:00:17,150
Is that one of those giant
coffee table books?
7
00:00:17,182 --> 00:00:18,783
Yep.
8
00:00:18,817 --> 00:00:20,353
It's one of those gifts
that looks impressive
9
00:00:20,385 --> 00:00:22,187
but is actually really cheap, right?
10
00:00:22,220 --> 00:00:24,724
Well, that's what made it so perfect.
11
00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:27,894
I got it for 25 cents at a yard sale.
12
00:00:27,926 --> 00:00:30,595
This old lady with arthritis
couldn't even lift it anymore,
13
00:00:30,629 --> 00:00:34,199
so she dragged it in by a wagon
to show it to me.
14
00:00:38,703 --> 00:00:41,541
Wow, a book about famous castles.
15
00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:43,964
How did you know about my love
for giant stone houses?
16
00:00:45,944 --> 00:00:48,547
This is the same book
Meghan Markle looks at
17
00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:50,449
when she's filled with regret.
18
00:00:51,983 --> 00:00:55,587
So, you never told me...
what did Josh give you?
19
00:00:56,721 --> 00:00:59,492
You're the first woman in
the family to date a rich guy.
20
00:00:59,525 --> 00:01:01,961
I once got an expensive silk scarf,
21
00:01:01,994 --> 00:01:04,163
but the guy's wife came
and took it back.
22
00:01:05,531 --> 00:01:07,333
Oh, well, uh,
Josh was supposed to take me
23
00:01:07,365 --> 00:01:09,401
to his family's vacation house
in South Haven,
24
00:01:09,434 --> 00:01:12,404
but, uh, I haven't really
heard from him in a while.
25
00:01:12,437 --> 00:01:13,939
How long's a while?
26
00:01:13,972 --> 00:01:15,707
I don't know, like a-a couple of weeks.
27
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:17,576
A couple of weeks?
28
00:01:17,609 --> 00:01:19,644
You guys were all over each other 24/7.
29
00:01:19,677 --> 00:01:21,446
I know.
30
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:22,681
Just please don't tell Mom about it.
31
00:01:22,714 --> 00:01:24,916
She'll blow this way out of proportion.
32
00:01:24,949 --> 00:01:27,919
He's probably just protesting
somewhere with no cell service.
33
00:01:27,952 --> 00:01:30,455
I'm sure he'll get me something
great when he gets back.
34
00:01:30,489 --> 00:01:32,924
Harris, sweet Harris.
35
00:01:32,957 --> 00:01:35,293
We're all raised to believe in
the fairy tale.
36
00:01:35,326 --> 00:01:36,695
You know the one.
37
00:01:36,728 --> 00:01:38,563
It's 3:00 in the morning
at some dive bar
38
00:01:38,597 --> 00:01:39,931
and you see him
39
00:01:39,964 --> 00:01:42,635
scratching his head with a fork
in the cutest way.
40
00:01:44,002 --> 00:01:45,737
He puts out a cigarette
in his leftover nachos
41
00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:48,540
and approaches you, and you think
42
00:01:48,573 --> 00:01:51,611
"This is the start of
something beautiful,"
43
00:01:51,644 --> 00:01:53,779
so you spend the night with him.
44
00:01:53,811 --> 00:01:56,815
But you wake up the next morning
and he's gone.
45
00:01:56,849 --> 00:01:58,451
And so is your toaster oven.
46
00:02:00,585 --> 00:02:04,656
And you sit there eating your
soft, dry bread, thinking,
47
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:07,760
"Damn, he got the coffee maker, too."
48
00:02:11,663 --> 00:02:12,697
Why don't you look at the castles
49
00:02:12,731 --> 00:02:14,466
and pretend you're a princess?
50
00:02:16,869 --> 00:02:19,639
I don't understand
why we can't have waffles.
51
00:02:19,672 --> 00:02:21,474
Grandpa has syrup right there.
52
00:02:21,506 --> 00:02:24,776
Uh, that is pure maple syrup
that I bought for your grandpa.
53
00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,054
That stuff is like gold.
54
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,647
We're not gonna waste it
on your unevolved palates.
55
00:02:29,815 --> 00:02:32,317
We'll get you a jug of the cheap stuff
56
00:02:32,351 --> 00:02:34,586
whenever we get a coupon for it.
57
00:02:34,619 --> 00:02:38,023
I'll add that to my list
for Child Protective Services.
58
00:02:38,056 --> 00:02:39,993
I've had previous grievances.
59
00:02:42,026 --> 00:02:43,127
Oh, wow.
60
00:02:43,161 --> 00:02:46,498
Here's a picture of a woman
who's over 100 years old.
61
00:02:46,531 --> 00:02:48,701
In 1918, she had the Spanish flu,
62
00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:50,669
and in 2020, she beat Covid.
63
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:52,338
Twice.
64
00:02:52,370 --> 00:02:54,072
Man, I wish I had her genes.
65
00:02:54,106 --> 00:02:56,341
But not her luck.
66
00:02:56,375 --> 00:02:57,677
What do you got for me?
67
00:02:57,709 --> 00:03:00,445
Um, a woman made her family
move into the garage
68
00:03:00,478 --> 00:03:01,746
because she didn't want to get Covid,
69
00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:03,849
so she got a cat for company.
70
00:03:03,881 --> 00:03:05,817
And then she tripped over
the cat on the stairs
71
00:03:05,851 --> 00:03:06,886
and broke her neck.
72
00:03:07,853 --> 00:03:09,588
As soon as we knock out
this Covid thing,
73
00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:11,724
we gotta go after cats.
74
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:14,993
Can we just enjoy
sitting down to one meal
75
00:03:15,026 --> 00:03:16,862
without talking about Covid?
76
00:03:16,894 --> 00:03:18,596
There's plenty of other tragic events
77
00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:20,699
for you two to find hilarious.
78
00:03:20,732 --> 00:03:23,001
Homicides are up everywhere.
79
00:03:23,035 --> 00:03:24,870
Enjoy.
80
00:03:24,903 --> 00:03:26,605
Well, this is how we
deal with this stuff.
81
00:03:26,637 --> 00:03:29,574
You can either laugh or cry,
and we choose to laugh about it.
82
00:03:29,607 --> 00:03:31,076
Oh, by the way, Mom, I don't have
83
00:03:31,109 --> 00:03:32,877
basketball practice tomorrow.
84
00:03:32,911 --> 00:03:34,613
They said there's a leak in the gym roof
85
00:03:34,645 --> 00:03:35,847
and the floor isn't safe.
86
00:03:35,881 --> 00:03:37,550
Oh, nope, that's a lie.
87
00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:38,851
The parents got an e-mail saying
88
00:03:38,883 --> 00:03:40,820
that your coach just tested positive.
89
00:03:42,588 --> 00:03:44,123
C-Coach Kazmerick?
90
00:03:44,155 --> 00:03:45,657
Is he okay?
91
00:03:45,691 --> 00:03:47,727
Yeah, he'll probably be fine.
92
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,794
The good news is if enough kids
have to quarantine,
93
00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:51,597
you might actually get a chance to play.
94
00:03:55,967 --> 00:03:57,570
Do you think there's a reason
95
00:03:57,602 --> 00:04:00,071
they didn't tell the kids
about the coach?
96
00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:02,475
Oh, he would've heard it
from his friends anyway.
97
00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:04,709
I think it's a mistake
constantly hammering him
98
00:04:04,743 --> 00:04:07,079
with all this Covid stuff.
99
00:04:07,112 --> 00:04:09,749
He's gonna develop an obsession with it.
100
00:04:09,781 --> 00:04:12,717
I-I just got him talking
about it, which is healthy.
101
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,052
I started having panic attacks
102
00:04:14,085 --> 00:04:16,121
because I wasn't talking about
my anxieties.
103
00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:18,524
Yeah, fair enough,
but m-maybe you could try
104
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:20,659
mixing some good news in with it.
105
00:04:20,692 --> 00:04:22,428
Uh, I-I mean, I read this morning
106
00:04:22,461 --> 00:04:24,630
more and more people
are surviving the virus.
107
00:04:24,663 --> 00:04:27,433
Well, Mark's a smart kid.
He knows it goes beyond that.
108
00:04:27,466 --> 00:04:29,735
He knows some of them
wind up with heart problems,
109
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:32,070
lung problems, memory problems.
110
00:04:32,103 --> 00:04:33,938
See, there's your good news.
111
00:04:33,971 --> 00:04:35,942
Those people won't remember
what it was like to be healthy.
112
00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:42,790
3x12 - A Stomach Ache,
A Heartbreak And A Grave Mistake
113
00:05:15,947 --> 00:05:19,551
That was so sweet for you to
get this for Beverly Rose, Dad,
114
00:05:19,584 --> 00:05:21,954
but don't you think the way
her legs wrap around the seat
115
00:05:21,986 --> 00:05:24,088
will make her bowlegged?
116
00:05:24,122 --> 00:05:26,725
Well, if it does,
it'll make it much easier
117
00:05:26,757 --> 00:05:28,233
for her to ride a horse.
118
00:05:29,527 --> 00:05:31,830
Don't repeat this to your sister.
119
00:05:31,863 --> 00:05:33,899
I'm listening.
120
00:05:33,932 --> 00:05:36,669
- Dad, I need to talk to you about Josh...
- Ehh.
121
00:05:36,694 --> 00:05:38,821
...that rich kid
that Harris is in love with.
122
00:05:38,846 --> 00:05:39,872
Oh, I like him.
123
00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:41,139
He gives me cash to leave the room
124
00:05:41,173 --> 00:05:43,175
so they can make out.
125
00:05:43,207 --> 00:05:45,678
Invest that wisely.
That's your college fund.
126
00:05:45,711 --> 00:05:47,980
So, Harris thinks he's out of town,
127
00:05:48,012 --> 00:05:49,981
but I saw him at his parents' house
128
00:05:50,014 --> 00:05:52,017
watching "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"
129
00:05:52,050 --> 00:05:54,820
on the biggest projection TV
I have ever seen.
130
00:05:54,853 --> 00:05:56,522
I mean, the picture was so clear,
131
00:05:56,555 --> 00:05:59,191
it was like I was in the parade.
132
00:05:59,224 --> 00:06:02,194
You were spying on this guy and
you stayed to watch the movie?
133
00:06:02,226 --> 00:06:03,895
I already had a comfortable
position in the tree,
134
00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:06,599
and that movie really holds up.
135
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:07,933
Should I tell Harris?
136
00:06:07,966 --> 00:06:10,102
Nehh. Tell Darlene. It's her kid.
137
00:06:10,135 --> 00:06:12,704
I'm Harris' brother.
Can I please tell her?
138
00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:15,173
No. There's $5 in my purse.
139
00:06:15,207 --> 00:06:16,742
You can have it if you leave now.
140
00:06:16,774 --> 00:06:17,942
You don't have a purse.
141
00:06:17,976 --> 00:06:19,879
I don't have $5, either. Get out.
142
00:06:22,147 --> 00:06:24,183
I don't know what to do.
143
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:26,819
Darlene warned Harris about Josh,
144
00:06:26,851 --> 00:06:29,589
but she doesn't want
the "I told you so."
145
00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:34,093
I can't just sit back and watch
Harris be blindsided like this.
146
00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:35,827
I know how much that hurts.
147
00:06:35,861 --> 00:06:37,962
Hey, Grandpa,
you might want to check on Mary.
148
00:06:37,995 --> 00:06:39,130
She doesn't know how to work the remote
149
00:06:39,163 --> 00:06:40,699
and she just ordered "Mulan" four times.
150
00:06:40,731 --> 00:06:42,667
Aah! That's 120 bucks!
151
00:06:45,803 --> 00:06:48,139
I'm so glad you came in here.
152
00:06:48,173 --> 00:06:49,642
There's something I need to show you.
153
00:06:51,709 --> 00:06:53,912
I took this yesterday.
154
00:06:53,945 --> 00:06:56,748
Josh has been at his parents'
house the whole time.
155
00:06:56,781 --> 00:06:59,084
That piece of crap.
156
00:06:59,116 --> 00:07:01,586
He said he loved me.
Things were going great with us.
157
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:03,756
I'm really sorry.
158
00:07:03,788 --> 00:07:05,724
He owes you an explanation.
159
00:07:05,757 --> 00:07:07,259
Why?
160
00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:09,561
It's over. There's nothing I can do.
161
00:07:09,594 --> 00:07:11,329
Yes, there is.
162
00:07:11,363 --> 00:07:13,899
Nobody has the right to
disrespect you like that.
163
00:07:13,932 --> 00:07:15,234
You deserve some closure.
164
00:07:16,134 --> 00:07:18,637
You let one guy get away with
treating you badly,
165
00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:21,240
it's easier to let the next guy
do it to you, too.
166
00:07:21,272 --> 00:07:25,043
Just don't want to be some
creepy ex-girlfriend stalker.
167
00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:26,646
I don't know why that's gotten
such a bad rap.
168
00:07:28,647 --> 00:07:30,014
You need to go over there
169
00:07:30,048 --> 00:07:32,918
and show him you will not be ignored.
170
00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:35,053
Maybe you boil his rabbit.
171
00:07:35,086 --> 00:07:36,087
What the hell are you talking about?
172
00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,257
Boil his rabbit? That's horrible.
173
00:07:38,289 --> 00:07:40,325
Oh, you never saw that movie.
174
00:07:40,358 --> 00:07:43,027
It's about this
perfectly reasonable woman
175
00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:44,195
who gets the short end of the stick.
176
00:07:44,228 --> 00:07:45,897
We'll watch it later.
177
00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:48,601
Oh, God. I can't believe this.
178
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:49,901
What's wrong?
179
00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:52,171
I don't want your father to hear.
180
00:07:52,204 --> 00:07:54,639
I went to visit Roseanne's grave
181
00:07:54,673 --> 00:07:56,375
because it'd been almost two years.
182
00:07:56,408 --> 00:07:57,810
Why are you freaking out?
183
00:07:57,843 --> 00:07:59,044
Wait, was she not there?
184
00:07:59,077 --> 00:08:00,178
No, she's there.
185
00:08:00,211 --> 00:08:01,647
But now there's a tombstone
186
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,149
right next to hers that says,
187
00:08:04,182 --> 00:08:06,814
"I can't believe they stuck me
next to this bitch."
188
00:08:07,885 --> 00:08:09,887
That is horrible. Who is it?
189
00:08:09,913 --> 00:08:11,881
You remember the Remschlatters?
190
00:08:11,923 --> 00:08:13,158
You have to be more specific.
191
00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:14,792
There's a lot of
Remschlatters out there.
192
00:08:14,825 --> 00:08:16,294
Paul Remschlatter.
193
00:08:16,327 --> 00:08:18,663
The guy down the street
who used to put his trash
194
00:08:18,697 --> 00:08:20,766
in our cans when his were full.
195
00:08:20,798 --> 00:08:22,700
Oh, I remember that.
196
00:08:22,733 --> 00:08:26,171
And then Mom took the trash cans
and dumped them out on his lawn.
197
00:08:26,204 --> 00:08:28,007
You know, after we picked out
all his recyclables.
198
00:08:28,039 --> 00:08:29,707
Yeah, so that went on for years,
199
00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:31,844
and now he's trying to have
the last laugh.
200
00:08:31,877 --> 00:08:33,878
- Not on my watch.
- What are you gonna do?
201
00:08:33,911 --> 00:08:35,714
I don't know,
but I have to defend my sister
202
00:08:35,747 --> 00:08:37,082
because she can't.
203
00:08:37,114 --> 00:08:39,417
And she always defended me.
204
00:08:39,450 --> 00:08:41,686
Was that after I left the house?
205
00:08:41,719 --> 00:08:44,757
Because all I remember
is her relentlessly mocking you.
206
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:46,158
Tomato, potato!
207
00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:48,259
She was a wonderful person!
208
00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:53,899
Mulan is so brave.
209
00:08:53,931 --> 00:08:56,868
She took her father's place
in the war to protect him.
210
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,237
That's a good daughter.
211
00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:01,706
Hey, when you drop your phone,
212
00:09:01,739 --> 00:09:03,942
I pick it up so you
don't have to bend over.
213
00:09:04,975 --> 00:09:06,711
Yeah, okay.
214
00:09:06,744 --> 00:09:08,780
Do you think my arm looks swollen?
215
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:10,349
It's a lot bigger than
the other one, right?
216
00:09:11,749 --> 00:09:13,251
They both look exactly the same.
217
00:09:13,285 --> 00:09:14,520
What's going on?
218
00:09:14,552 --> 00:09:17,722
Well, Mom sent me this article
that said some Covid patients
219
00:09:17,756 --> 00:09:19,757
experience inflammation in their veins
220
00:09:19,791 --> 00:09:21,926
when they first get it and it
makes their arms swell up.
221
00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:24,363
Well, it doesn't look swollen,
but is it sore?
222
00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:25,731
I don't know. Maybe.
223
00:09:25,763 --> 00:09:28,066
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
224
00:09:28,091 --> 00:09:30,368
Why are you sending articles
like that to him?
225
00:09:30,401 --> 00:09:32,036
No, it's okay. I asked her.
226
00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,372
No, it's not okay.
227
00:09:33,405 --> 00:09:35,140
I'm just gonna go upstairs
and rent this again
228
00:09:35,172 --> 00:09:37,408
on my computer where I can hear it.
229
00:09:39,310 --> 00:09:41,379
Mark, go outside
and shoot some hoops, buddy.
230
00:09:41,412 --> 00:09:42,947
I need to talk to your mom.
231
00:09:44,416 --> 00:09:48,152
No, I don't need to talk to you.
I know what I'm doing.
232
00:09:48,185 --> 00:09:50,089
I'm sorry,
but I'm not gonna let that kid
233
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:52,190
think he's got Covid.
234
00:09:52,224 --> 00:09:54,926
The only reason he thinks
he's got vein inflammation
235
00:09:54,959 --> 00:09:57,095
is because you keep pushing
this crap on him.
236
00:09:57,128 --> 00:09:59,130
No, I'm not pushing anything on him.
237
00:09:59,164 --> 00:10:01,834
He asked me about it,
and I'm not gonna lie to him.
238
00:10:01,867 --> 00:10:05,304
That's a parent's job.
You have to lie to them.
239
00:10:05,337 --> 00:10:08,173
Kids can't handle everything
that goes on in the world.
240
00:10:08,205 --> 00:10:09,140
That's just common sense, right?
241
00:10:09,174 --> 00:10:11,977
Sure, kids are fragile.
That's common sense.
242
00:10:12,009 --> 00:10:15,213
No. The entire world
is on their phones now.
243
00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:17,116
You can't hide the truth
from them anymore.
244
00:10:17,148 --> 00:10:18,873
And if you do, they're just
not gonna trust you.
245
00:10:18,898 --> 00:10:19,951
Oh, yeah, no.
246
00:10:19,984 --> 00:10:21,820
If you don't have trust,
you got nothing.
247
00:10:21,853 --> 00:10:23,822
It's not so much a matter of trust
248
00:10:23,854 --> 00:10:26,524
as it is making the kid
feel safe and secure.
249
00:10:26,557 --> 00:10:29,393
Remember when D.J. had strep throat?
250
00:10:29,426 --> 00:10:31,997
We calmed him down by telling
him he was gonna live forever.
251
00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:35,367
You can't go by him.
You can't cure stupid.
252
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,937
I'm having
really bad pains in my stomach.
253
00:10:38,969 --> 00:10:40,104
Where does it hurt?
254
00:10:40,137 --> 00:10:42,141
Upper stomach? Lower stomach?
255
00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:43,308
Did you go to the bathroom today?
256
00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:46,210
Yes. It really hurts. Is it Covid?
257
00:10:46,243 --> 00:10:47,278
You know what?
We're gonna go to urgent care.
258
00:10:47,311 --> 00:10:48,312
Yeah, that's what I'd do.
259
00:10:48,345 --> 00:10:49,914
It's a stomach ache.
260
00:10:49,948 --> 00:10:52,084
Let him lay down and see if
he's better in a half an hour.
261
00:10:52,117 --> 00:10:53,886
You're right. We might be overreacting.
262
00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:55,988
No, we're going. Are you coming, Jackie?
263
00:10:56,021 --> 00:10:57,488
Well, maybe I should.
264
00:10:57,522 --> 00:10:59,471
Unless Dan wants me to
stay here for supper.
265
00:10:59,496 --> 00:11:01,392
- You should go, Jackie.
- Okay.
266
00:11:09,009 --> 00:11:10,344
Ms. Harris?
267
00:11:10,399 --> 00:11:12,034
- Yeah.
- Don Blansky.
268
00:11:12,076 --> 00:11:14,056
I'm the director of
the Forest Hills cemetery.
269
00:11:14,111 --> 00:11:15,947
Oh, hi. Thank you so much for coming.
270
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:17,694
- Call me Jackie.
- Oh.
271
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,618
And I'm sorry I had to
push our appointment.
272
00:11:19,643 --> 00:11:22,251
I had to take my grand-nephew
to urgent care.
273
00:11:22,276 --> 00:11:24,445
Oh, anything serious, or...?
274
00:11:24,485 --> 00:11:25,653
Oh, no, no. Don't get excited.
275
00:11:25,687 --> 00:11:27,990
He's fine.
276
00:11:28,023 --> 00:11:30,826
But I made you some pie
to nosh on while we talk.
277
00:11:30,859 --> 00:11:33,762
So, I imagine you're probably wondering
278
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,563
why I invited you here.
279
00:11:35,596 --> 00:11:36,965
Uh, well, no. Not really.
280
00:11:36,998 --> 00:11:38,834
I mean, getting wined and dined
281
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,802
is all part of the job these days.
282
00:11:40,836 --> 00:11:42,805
- Ah, I didn't know that.
- Oh, yeah.
283
00:11:42,837 --> 00:11:44,706
Everyone's trying to get a good spot.
284
00:11:44,739 --> 00:11:46,475
It's not like high school.
285
00:11:46,508 --> 00:11:49,177
Everybody wants to be
Don Blansky's friend now.
286
00:11:49,211 --> 00:11:50,946
Ooh.
287
00:11:50,979 --> 00:11:53,182
Well, I'm glad you're doing well,
288
00:11:53,215 --> 00:11:55,951
even if it is for all the wrong,
ghoulish reasons.
289
00:11:55,984 --> 00:11:58,120
Mm. I don't wish anyone ill.
290
00:11:58,153 --> 00:12:01,123
But when a jock who bullied me dies,
291
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:05,059
you know, a nerd gets a Porsche,
you feel me?
292
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,829
I'm trying not to. But, uh...
293
00:12:07,862 --> 00:12:10,231
No, I-I actually don't need a spot.
294
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:13,129
I just need a small,
itty-bitty, little favor.
295
00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:17,172
I would like you to dig up
Paul Remschlatter
296
00:12:17,205 --> 00:12:18,907
and move him.
297
00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:20,576
We don't really dig people up, you know.
298
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:23,177
Unless the authorities
figure out something like, uh,
299
00:12:23,211 --> 00:12:25,681
you know, his wife cashed
a big life-insurance check,
300
00:12:25,713 --> 00:12:27,715
so maybe he didn't shoot himself
in the back of the head.
301
00:12:27,749 --> 00:12:29,750
- That kind of thing.
- Mm, well, yeah.
302
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,620
That's not my situation.
303
00:12:31,653 --> 00:12:33,221
Well, what's the issue with
Remschlatter?
304
00:12:33,254 --> 00:12:36,057
Uh, the issue is that his headstone
305
00:12:36,091 --> 00:12:39,027
is insulting my sister
who's buried right next to him.
306
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,229
Oh! The... The "bitch" one, right?
307
00:12:41,263 --> 00:12:42,764
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
308
00:12:42,797 --> 00:12:44,766
Yeah, why would you allow that?
309
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,269
Well, it was the deceased's
last request,
310
00:12:47,302 --> 00:12:49,204
and it's... it's kind of funny.
311
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:52,540
People think we have
no sense of humor, but we do.
312
00:12:52,573 --> 00:12:54,509
We're just people.
313
00:12:54,543 --> 00:12:57,178
Okay, look, I...
314
00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:58,713
Here's what it is.
315
00:12:58,746 --> 00:13:01,782
I never thought that I would
outlive my older sister.
316
00:13:01,816 --> 00:13:03,051
I was a cop.
317
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,653
I was a trucker who fell asleep a lot.
318
00:13:05,687 --> 00:13:08,557
But I'm still going, and she's not,
319
00:13:08,590 --> 00:13:12,261
and so the least I can do
is to take care of her memory.
320
00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:13,794
Okay, look.
321
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,129
I'm sorry about your sister,
322
00:13:15,163 --> 00:13:16,798
but, you know, there's nothing I can do.
323
00:13:16,831 --> 00:13:18,634
We... We signed a contract.
324
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,202
Well, what's Remschlatter gonna do?
325
00:13:20,235 --> 00:13:21,970
Take you to court? He's dead!
326
00:13:22,003 --> 00:13:23,639
Well, everyone I work with is dead.
327
00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:25,139
That's not an arguing point.
328
00:13:25,173 --> 00:13:27,241
Look, most people will think
it's the woman
329
00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,144
on the other side of him, okay?
330
00:13:29,177 --> 00:13:32,147
I'm sure everyone knows
your sister was a nice person.
331
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:34,649
Well, that's where you're wrong,
my friend.
332
00:13:34,682 --> 00:13:36,117
Good day to you.
333
00:13:39,955 --> 00:13:41,623
Josh! It's Harris!
334
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,924
I know you're in there! Come out!
335
00:13:42,957 --> 00:13:44,692
What are you doing?
336
00:13:44,726 --> 00:13:46,827
Pizza Express!
337
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,298
Guys hate confrontation,
but they love pizza.
338
00:13:50,599 --> 00:13:51,767
Josh!
339
00:13:51,799 --> 00:13:53,134
I just want to talk!
340
00:13:54,936 --> 00:13:56,805
He's never gonna come out.
341
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:58,072
I feel so stupid. Let's just go.
342
00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,942
Oh, I got a way to get him out.
343
00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:08,850
Geez! First the rabbit, now a bat?
344
00:14:08,883 --> 00:14:12,220
God, you're a psycho.
This is why you're single.
345
00:14:12,253 --> 00:14:15,123
Calm down.
We're gonna destroy his mailbox.
346
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,324
Once he sees that, he'll come out.
347
00:14:23,365 --> 00:14:25,267
Whoa!
348
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:27,368
That stung a little.
349
00:14:27,402 --> 00:14:30,706
If this was a cartoon,
I'd be vibrating right now.
350
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:32,941
You have lost some rage
since you had that baby.
351
00:14:32,974 --> 00:14:34,743
Let me take a shot.
352
00:14:36,144 --> 00:14:38,113
I felt that one in my teeth.
353
00:14:40,148 --> 00:14:42,151
Okay.
354
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,757
He may be too wealthy to vandalize.
355
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:54,062
Their mail must be
much more important than ours.
356
00:14:56,030 --> 00:14:58,399
God, it's taking a long time
for the doctor
357
00:14:58,432 --> 00:14:59,967
to give us Mark's test results.
358
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,836
I'm sure he's fine, sweetie.
359
00:15:01,870 --> 00:15:04,206
The doctor is probably
just ripping somebody else off
360
00:15:04,239 --> 00:15:06,742
for a $300, two-minute video chat.
361
00:15:06,774 --> 00:15:08,409
Hey, Doc!
362
00:15:08,442 --> 00:15:11,646
Thank you for your service
during these difficult times.
363
00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:13,214
Is Mark okay?
364
00:15:13,248 --> 00:15:15,350
Yes, he's tested negative for Covid-19.
365
00:15:15,383 --> 00:15:16,351
Really?
366
00:15:16,384 --> 00:15:17,485
Are you sure?
367
00:15:17,519 --> 00:15:21,423
I mean, he did have that
imaginary swollen arm and all.
368
00:15:21,456 --> 00:15:23,792
Well, we also ran some tests
for IBS and colitis
369
00:15:23,825 --> 00:15:25,093
because of the recurring stomach aches,
370
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,661
but we were able to
rule that out, as well.
371
00:15:26,695 --> 00:15:28,030
Recurring?
372
00:15:28,062 --> 00:15:30,432
Mark didn't have any
stomach problems until now.
373
00:15:30,465 --> 00:15:32,300
So, he didn't tell you he's
been having them for weeks?
374
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,068
No.
375
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:35,870
I'm seeing a lot of kids
with stomach issues
376
00:15:35,903 --> 00:15:37,972
from chronic stress in this pandemic.
377
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:39,807
It's been a year of these kids
being bombarded
378
00:15:39,841 --> 00:15:40,875
by information every day.
379
00:15:40,908 --> 00:15:42,210
It's... It's too much.
380
00:15:42,243 --> 00:15:43,344
No, that can't be the problem.
381
00:15:43,378 --> 00:15:46,248
Mark's the kind of kid who likes
to hear the information.
382
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,816
Well, you know your kid.
383
00:15:48,850 --> 00:15:51,219
But I'd talk to him
and see what's going on.
384
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,387
I'm gonna put my nurse on
to tell you about
385
00:15:53,421 --> 00:15:55,224
some over-the-counter
medications that might help.
386
00:15:56,857 --> 00:15:58,259
This doesn't make sense.
387
00:15:58,293 --> 00:15:59,727
I didn't make my kid sick.
388
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,228
No, you didn't.
389
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,330
You gave him
a crippling anxiety disorder.
390
00:16:03,364 --> 00:16:05,434
You didn't know what he was
gonna do with it.
391
00:16:08,845 --> 00:16:10,562
Aah!
392
00:16:11,156 --> 00:16:13,170
Holy crap!
393
00:16:13,195 --> 00:16:16,132
This mailbox is built better
than our house.
394
00:16:16,181 --> 00:16:18,749
Next tornado, I'm putting
Beverly Rose in this thing.
395
00:16:19,949 --> 00:16:21,864
Hey, what are you doing?
396
00:16:21,919 --> 00:16:23,454
My parents are gonna call the cops.
397
00:16:23,487 --> 00:16:25,457
Rich people. Okay, Karen.
398
00:16:28,592 --> 00:16:30,194
Why the hell have you been ghosting me?
399
00:16:30,227 --> 00:16:32,731
Because I thought talking
would be awkward.
400
00:16:32,764 --> 00:16:35,467
You seemed really into me, and I
just didn't feel the same way.
401
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,001
Plus, I mean, I was your first love.
402
00:16:37,034 --> 00:16:37,935
I didn't want to hurt you.
403
00:16:37,970 --> 00:16:40,872
So you just pretend that I don't exist?
404
00:16:40,905 --> 00:16:43,186
You were only trying to
protect your own feelings
405
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,943
because you're not man enough
to actually face me
406
00:16:44,976 --> 00:16:46,477
and say goodbye.
407
00:16:46,510 --> 00:16:49,146
Did you think that I was
so in love with you
408
00:16:49,179 --> 00:16:50,848
that you would crush me?
409
00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:53,852
You are not that smart,
you are not funny,
410
00:16:53,885 --> 00:16:55,554
and you have to go to protests
411
00:16:55,587 --> 00:16:57,222
to make yourself look interesting.
412
00:16:57,255 --> 00:16:58,990
You may have great hair,
413
00:16:59,023 --> 00:17:01,427
but the rest of you
is extremely average.
414
00:17:02,693 --> 00:17:04,162
So, are we good?
415
00:17:04,194 --> 00:17:05,797
I am.
416
00:17:05,829 --> 00:17:06,898
You suck.
417
00:17:14,838 --> 00:17:16,640
I'm proud of you.
418
00:17:16,674 --> 00:17:18,143
There are so many times
419
00:17:18,175 --> 00:17:19,711
I should've done that, and I didn't.
420
00:17:19,743 --> 00:17:21,178
Thanks.
421
00:17:21,212 --> 00:17:22,513
Feel better?
422
00:17:22,547 --> 00:17:24,516
Yeah, but no.
423
00:17:24,549 --> 00:17:27,219
I mean, I know I deserve way
better than that jerk, but...
424
00:17:27,251 --> 00:17:29,520
doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
425
00:17:29,553 --> 00:17:31,022
One last thing.
426
00:17:37,529 --> 00:17:38,896
- Yes!
- Oh!
427
00:17:38,930 --> 00:17:41,099
- Yeah! Great job!
- Whoo!
428
00:17:41,132 --> 00:17:43,568
I forgot to tell you
that messing with a mailbox
429
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:44,969
is a federal crime.
430
00:17:45,002 --> 00:17:46,038
We should probably run right now.
431
00:17:51,075 --> 00:17:52,510
Hey.
432
00:17:52,543 --> 00:17:53,878
How you feeling?
433
00:17:53,912 --> 00:17:56,014
A little better.
W-What did the doctor say?
434
00:17:56,047 --> 00:17:58,183
Well, no disease,
435
00:17:58,215 --> 00:18:00,885
but she says you're under
a lot of stress.
436
00:18:00,918 --> 00:18:02,720
So, why didn't you tell me
437
00:18:02,753 --> 00:18:03,855
you've been having these stomach aches?
438
00:18:03,887 --> 00:18:07,024
Well, I-I didn't want to worry you.
439
00:18:07,058 --> 00:18:10,761
Well, I'm a parent.
I'm supposed to worry.
440
00:18:10,795 --> 00:18:13,265
And now, the doctor says that
me talking to you
441
00:18:13,298 --> 00:18:16,601
about all this Covid stuff
might be causing the problem.
442
00:18:16,634 --> 00:18:18,270
Do you think we talk about it too much?
443
00:18:18,302 --> 00:18:21,205
Yeah, but we have to.
444
00:18:21,239 --> 00:18:22,908
Why?
445
00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:25,309
Because you need to.
446
00:18:25,343 --> 00:18:27,946
What are you talking about?
447
00:18:27,979 --> 00:18:29,780
Covid makes people anxious,
448
00:18:29,814 --> 00:18:32,217
and you've been having panic attacks.
449
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:34,786
That's why you want to
talk about it all the time.
450
00:18:34,818 --> 00:18:37,856
Sharing it with other people
makes it less scary, right?
451
00:18:37,888 --> 00:18:39,924
No, I don't want to talk about it.
452
00:18:39,958 --> 00:18:42,928
I-I was only doing it
to make you less anxious.
453
00:18:42,961 --> 00:18:45,697
So, we don't have to do this?
454
00:18:45,730 --> 00:18:47,299
My God, no!
455
00:18:48,966 --> 00:18:50,768
It... It's like that O. Henry story,
456
00:18:50,801 --> 00:18:53,972
but instead of selling your hair
to get me a pocket watch,
457
00:18:54,004 --> 00:18:57,608
you gave me severe cramps and diarrhea.
458
00:18:57,642 --> 00:18:59,978
Oh, yeah, everybody knows
that O. Henry story.
459
00:19:01,145 --> 00:19:04,648
Anyway, um, since my love
460
00:19:04,682 --> 00:19:09,120
irritates your intestinal tract,
let's try this...
461
00:19:09,153 --> 00:19:12,624
We are going to focus on the positives
462
00:19:12,656 --> 00:19:14,960
and we're gonna stop looking at
the negatives.
463
00:19:14,992 --> 00:19:17,261
That sounds good. And who are you?
464
00:19:17,295 --> 00:19:18,997
Come on.
465
00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:21,132
Look, there's animals
coming back to places
466
00:19:21,164 --> 00:19:23,801
that were totally overrun with people.
467
00:19:23,835 --> 00:19:25,837
There's jellyfish that are living again
468
00:19:25,869 --> 00:19:27,271
in the canals of Venice.
469
00:19:27,305 --> 00:19:29,975
Is that a good thing?
I thought jellyfish sting you.
470
00:19:30,008 --> 00:19:31,710
Oh, you don't have to
worry about that, honey.
471
00:19:31,742 --> 00:19:32,577
They're in Italy.
472
00:19:32,610 --> 00:19:34,145
You're never gonna make it past Indiana.
473
00:19:35,847 --> 00:19:37,749
I-I guess I just have to relax
474
00:19:37,781 --> 00:19:41,218
and accept that even bad things
happen for a reason.
475
00:19:41,251 --> 00:19:42,787
That's right.
476
00:19:42,819 --> 00:19:44,188
And you know the saying...
477
00:19:44,222 --> 00:19:47,224
"When God closes a door,
he opens a window."
478
00:19:47,258 --> 00:19:49,094
And that's how
the murder hornets get in.
479
00:19:50,260 --> 00:19:52,664
I'll... I'll work on it. Yeah.
480
00:19:52,696 --> 00:19:55,199
That wasn't good.
481
00:20:01,905 --> 00:20:03,040
What are you doing out here?
482
00:20:03,074 --> 00:20:04,743
Having a little celebration.
483
00:20:04,776 --> 00:20:07,178
Problem at the cemetery... resolved.
484
00:20:07,211 --> 00:20:10,181
You slept with the cemetery guy? Gross.
485
00:20:10,213 --> 00:20:12,049
He didn't make you
lie perfectly still, did he?
486
00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:13,852
Oh, my God!
487
00:20:13,885 --> 00:20:15,753
I didn't do anything
with the cemetery guy.
488
00:20:15,787 --> 00:20:18,023
Oh, come on. You can tell me.
489
00:20:18,056 --> 00:20:19,223
Was his bed like a coffin?
490
00:20:19,257 --> 00:20:22,027
Ugh! I wouldn't know.
491
00:20:22,059 --> 00:20:24,428
There was a phone call, we came
to an agreement, and it's done.
492
00:20:24,462 --> 00:20:25,930
I'm having Roseanne moved.
493
00:20:25,962 --> 00:20:27,665
Sweet.
494
00:20:27,699 --> 00:20:30,001
I feel sorry for whoever's gonna
be buried next to that jerk.
495
00:20:30,033 --> 00:20:31,770
Yeah.
496
00:20:31,802 --> 00:20:34,739
I don't think my mom's gonna like it.
497
00:20:38,276 --> 00:20:40,872
Grandpa, where were you?
You never miss dinner.
498
00:20:40,928 --> 00:20:43,669
What's with all the screaming?
499
00:20:43,755 --> 00:20:45,379
Dad, we're not screaming.
500
00:20:45,426 --> 00:20:47,396
Maybe it just seemed
that way 'cause somebody
501
00:20:47,428 --> 00:20:50,565
just got certified
pre-owned hearing aids.
502
00:20:50,599 --> 00:20:52,266
Used hearing aids?
503
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:55,070
That's disgusting.
504
00:20:55,102 --> 00:20:57,038
You know, if you snuck up
behind an old guy
505
00:20:57,071 --> 00:20:59,140
to take them, they don't work.
506
00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:02,077
No, I got them from
a very fine pawnshop,
507
00:21:02,109 --> 00:21:04,146
and they work fantastically.
508
00:21:04,178 --> 00:21:06,348
Can you hear this?
509
00:21:06,380 --> 00:21:08,383
Yes.
510
00:21:08,416 --> 00:21:11,086
Can you hear this? Old goat says what?
511
00:21:11,118 --> 00:21:14,006
Yes, I can hear it. Move.
512
00:21:14,755 --> 00:21:16,257
And with this gizmo,
513
00:21:16,291 --> 00:21:18,426
I can also turn them all the way down
514
00:21:18,459 --> 00:21:21,317
so I don't have to hear any of this.
515
00:21:21,342 --> 00:21:23,372
Now, tell me, Jackie, how was your day?
38485
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.