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1
00:00:02,055 --> 00:00:03,997
The transplant, the hair plug...
2
00:00:05,511 --> 00:00:08,675
...is really quite amazing.
Hair on your shower soap yesterday...
3
00:00:08,839 --> 00:00:10,814
...can be in your head tomorrow.
4
00:00:10,982 --> 00:00:12,324
How do they do the transplant?
5
00:00:12,487 --> 00:00:14,691
Did they have the guy take
a shower, get his soap...
6
00:00:14,855 --> 00:00:16,197
...rush it in by helicopter?
7
00:00:16,359 --> 00:00:19,392
You know, keep the soap alive
on the soap-support system?
8
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,761
Then eventually move it over?
9
00:00:21,927 --> 00:00:24,894
''We got the hairs,
but I think we lost the Zest.''
10
00:00:25,446 --> 00:00:27,748
Sometimes the body
rejects the transplant...
11
00:00:27,910 --> 00:00:30,779
...with organs. Is it possible
that a head could reject...
12
00:00:30,950 --> 00:00:32,357
...a hair transplant?
13
00:00:32,518 --> 00:00:35,452
The guy's just standing
around. Suddenly:
14
00:00:38,213 --> 00:00:40,602
It lands in someone's
frozen yogurt.
15
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:47,259
You see, the gaskets
that you have here...
16
00:00:47,429 --> 00:00:49,087
...are asymmetrical.
17
00:00:49,253 --> 00:00:51,937
-Really?
-So I took off the motor relay...
18
00:00:52,102 --> 00:00:56,291
...on the compressor because
you've got some discoloration.
19
00:00:56,452 --> 00:00:58,689
-Oh, whatever you have to do.
-I was working...
20
00:00:58,853 --> 00:01:00,413
...with one mount at a time.
21
00:01:00,581 --> 00:01:02,621
You know, because
you don't want to disturb...
22
00:01:02,789 --> 00:01:06,171
-...the position of the compressor.
-No, you don't.
23
00:01:08,292 --> 00:01:10,714
Hey, what are you listening to?
24
00:01:10,884 --> 00:01:12,062
My show from last night.
25
00:01:12,228 --> 00:01:14,879
-Oh, you taped it?
-Yeah, I was doing some new material.
26
00:01:15,044 --> 00:01:17,215
Did you ever do that thing
on the toes that I said?
27
00:01:18,276 --> 00:01:21,538
You know, how, like, the big toe
is, like, the captain of the toes.
28
00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:24,417
But sometimes the toe
next to the big toe gets so big...
29
00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:26,336
...that there's, like,
a power struggle.
30
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:28,605
And the second toe assumes
control of the foot.
31
00:01:28,772 --> 00:01:30,812
-The coup d'e-toe.
-Yeah.
32
00:01:31,875 --> 00:01:33,184
-Did you do it?
-Yeah.
33
00:01:33,347 --> 00:01:34,841
-So?
-Nothing.
34
00:01:35,652 --> 00:01:37,113
Nothing at all.
35
00:01:37,283 --> 00:01:38,777
-I need the phone.
-Who you calling?
36
00:01:38,947 --> 00:01:40,354
China.
37
00:01:41,219 --> 00:01:42,625
-China?
-Yeah, I'll pay for it.
38
00:01:42,787 --> 00:01:44,347
-What for?
-What for?
39
00:01:44,515 --> 00:01:46,904
I'll tell you what for.
For hair.
40
00:01:47,682 --> 00:01:50,049
-Hair?
-The Chinese have done it, my friend.
41
00:01:50,562 --> 00:01:52,733
-The Chinese have done it.
-Done what?
42
00:01:52,898 --> 00:01:55,713
-Discovered the cure for baldness.
-Did you see that last night?
43
00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:58,874
It was on CNN. This
Chinese doctor, Zang Zhao...
44
00:01:59,043 --> 00:02:00,384
...has cured baldness.
45
00:02:00,546 --> 00:02:02,848
-What's this?
-Oh, I just got it.
46
00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:04,603
Spector gave it to me.
47
00:02:04,770 --> 00:02:06,526
He's giving everything away.
48
00:02:06,690 --> 00:02:09,111
He's becoming a minimalist.
49
00:02:09,986 --> 00:02:11,480
Is that the guy
who likes fat women?
50
00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:12,991
Yeah.
51
00:02:13,153 --> 00:02:16,699
Doesn't the fat fetish conflict
with the minimalism?
52
00:02:18,594 --> 00:02:22,107
You. You should have watched
that report on CNN last night.
53
00:02:22,273 --> 00:02:24,412
I did. I'm trying to call China.
54
00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:26,268
You can't call China now.
55
00:02:26,434 --> 00:02:28,768
It's like, what, 3:00
in the morning there.
56
00:02:28,929 --> 00:02:30,969
-Oh, my God.
-What?
57
00:02:31,969 --> 00:02:34,270
Oh, God.
58
00:02:35,425 --> 00:02:36,854
Man.
59
00:02:37,985 --> 00:02:39,992
Oh, brother.
60
00:02:41,025 --> 00:02:43,163
I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
61
00:02:43,328 --> 00:02:45,368
This woman's talking to me
on my tape recorder...
62
00:02:45,536 --> 00:02:46,714
...while I was on stage.
63
00:02:47,328 --> 00:02:48,855
This is wild.
64
00:02:49,024 --> 00:02:50,998
I never heard
anything like this. Listen.
65
00:02:51,168 --> 00:02:54,201
I want to slide my tonguearound you like a s--
66
00:02:56,512 --> 00:02:57,941
Oh, my God.
67
00:02:58,112 --> 00:03:00,054
-Let me hear.
-Wait, wait, wait.
68
00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:03,644
-Who is this woman?
-I don't know. I have no idea.
69
00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:05,498
I was just listening,
and she came on.
70
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:07,998
This is like a Penthouse letter.
71
00:03:08,895 --> 00:03:10,783
-Why can't I meet women like this?
-Come on.
72
00:03:10,944 --> 00:03:12,798
Wait! Wait!
73
00:03:14,207 --> 00:03:16,890
-Where was the tape recorder?
-Back of the room, on the ledge.
74
00:03:17,055 --> 00:03:19,095
She must have been sitting
right in front of it.
75
00:03:19,263 --> 00:03:20,888
-My God.
-All right, come on.
76
00:03:21,054 --> 00:03:23,291
-It's my turn.
-All right. All right. All right.
77
00:03:23,455 --> 00:03:26,204
-How you gonna find out who this is?
-Good question.
78
00:03:26,366 --> 00:03:27,992
Where's the volume?
79
00:03:31,199 --> 00:03:32,889
What do the Chinese
have to gain...
80
00:03:33,054 --> 00:03:35,389
...by faking a cure
for baldness?
81
00:03:35,551 --> 00:03:38,006
lf it was real, they'd never
let it out of the country.
82
00:03:38,174 --> 00:03:39,385
Imagine no baldness.
83
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:41,589
It would be like
a nation of supermen.
84
00:03:42,110 --> 00:03:43,419
-Hi, boys.
-Hello.
85
00:03:43,582 --> 00:03:45,687
-Hello.
-What's happening?
86
00:03:45,854 --> 00:03:48,025
Tell her.
I want to hear her reaction.
87
00:03:48,957 --> 00:03:51,379
This woman left this sexy
message on Jerry's tape--
88
00:03:51,550 --> 00:03:53,011
Not that, you idiot!
89
00:03:53,182 --> 00:03:55,222
-What?
-The Chinese!
90
00:03:55,389 --> 00:03:56,884
The Chinese bald cure!
91
00:03:57,053 --> 00:03:59,541
-Oh, I thought you meant that--
-No, I meant the bald cure.
92
00:03:59,709 --> 00:04:01,531
We were talking
about the bald cure!
93
00:04:01,693 --> 00:04:02,871
What did she say?
94
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,084
Seinfeld.
95
00:04:05,757 --> 00:04:07,251
Hey, is that Beder?
96
00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,047
I can't believe it.
97
00:04:09,212 --> 00:04:11,122
Get me a cup of decaf.
98
00:04:11,676 --> 00:04:13,585
So did you hear this message?
99
00:04:13,756 --> 00:04:16,058
Man, it was unbelievable.
100
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:18,517
-Really?
-I can't get over it.
101
00:04:19,580 --> 00:04:21,009
Sexy?
102
00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:23,635
This woman drove us
out of our minds.
103
00:04:23,804 --> 00:04:25,876
Like, how did she sound?
104
00:04:26,044 --> 00:04:29,622
She had this throaty,
sexy kind of whisper.
105
00:04:30,044 --> 00:04:32,761
Really? Like....
Like:
106
00:04:33,788 --> 00:04:34,998
Jerry...
107
00:04:35,164 --> 00:04:38,742
...I want to slide my tongue
around you like a snake.
108
00:04:50,715 --> 00:04:53,082
Oh, my God.
109
00:04:53,691 --> 00:04:55,098
You?
110
00:04:55,259 --> 00:04:57,201
You?
111
00:04:57,947 --> 00:04:59,769
That was you!
112
00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:02,035
-How did you--?
-I stopped in the club to see him.
113
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,111
I was standing in the back
while he was on.
114
00:05:04,282 --> 00:05:06,518
There was this tape
recorder there.
115
00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:08,308
And I got this impulse.
116
00:05:13,626 --> 00:05:15,731
-What?
-No, nothing. Nothing.
117
00:05:17,274 --> 00:05:19,128
Now listen, promise me
you won't tell him.
118
00:05:19,289 --> 00:05:20,882
I want to have
a little fun with this.
119
00:05:21,305 --> 00:05:24,339
I had no idea you
were filled with such...
120
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:26,994
...sexuality.
121
00:05:28,793 --> 00:05:30,003
Oh, that was nothing.
122
00:05:30,169 --> 00:05:31,762
So listen,
what about this bald thing?
123
00:05:31,929 --> 00:05:35,158
Some bald thing, a bald thing.
I don't know. It's nothing.
124
00:05:36,089 --> 00:05:37,518
-Remember Beder?
-Beder?
125
00:05:37,689 --> 00:05:39,030
Yeah, you remember Beder.
126
00:05:39,193 --> 00:05:41,265
I told you he went
to the track that one time...
127
00:05:41,433 --> 00:05:42,993
...and he was yelling
at this jockey.
128
00:05:43,161 --> 00:05:46,390
And the jockey got off the horse
and started chasing him.
129
00:05:47,065 --> 00:05:50,261
So listen. What about this girl
on your tape recorder?
130
00:05:50,424 --> 00:05:52,213
Oh, Elaine.
131
00:05:53,881 --> 00:05:58,158
What do you think an enraptured
female fan of mine might say?
132
00:05:58,584 --> 00:06:00,145
I don't know.
133
00:06:00,312 --> 00:06:03,628
She went on in some detail
about certain activities...
134
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,701
...illegal in some states,
for consenting adults.
135
00:06:06,871 --> 00:06:08,911
Things you would
know very little about.
136
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,152
-Oh, really?
-Well...
137
00:06:11,319 --> 00:06:13,458
...this type of thing
is very common...
138
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,762
...when you're in show business.
139
00:06:16,759 --> 00:06:18,188
So, what?
You gonna ask her out?
140
00:06:18,359 --> 00:06:20,115
No, she didn't leave
her name or number.
141
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:22,221
Bummer. Okay.
142
00:06:22,551 --> 00:06:24,438
Good luck finding her.
I'm taking off.
143
00:06:24,758 --> 00:06:26,831
-Where are you going?
-Home.
144
00:06:27,223 --> 00:06:28,433
What are you going home for?
145
00:06:30,007 --> 00:06:31,120
I just came from the gym--
146
00:06:31,286 --> 00:06:33,741
-Unless I can shower at your place.
-Sure.
147
00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:41,299
Oh, my God.
148
00:06:43,798 --> 00:06:45,554
Oh, man.
149
00:06:45,718 --> 00:06:46,896
I don't get it.
150
00:06:47,062 --> 00:06:50,193
Why would a woman do that and then
leave no way to get in touch with her?
151
00:06:50,358 --> 00:06:52,147
Maybe she realized
she couldn't have you...
152
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:54,960
...and jumped off the
George Washington Bridge.
153
00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:57,099
Yes. Operator.
154
00:06:57,270 --> 00:06:58,830
Beijing.
155
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:03,147
-Why are you doing this?
-Why do I do anything?
156
00:07:03,317 --> 00:07:04,691
For women.
157
00:07:04,853 --> 00:07:06,828
Elaine, have you ever
gone out with a bald man?
158
00:07:06,997 --> 00:07:09,168
-No.
-Know what that makes you? A baldist.
159
00:07:10,325 --> 00:07:12,016
Oh, this I need.
160
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:15,694
Hello, is this
the hair restoration clinic?
161
00:07:15,861 --> 00:07:18,032
Yeah, yeah.
Does anyone speak English?
162
00:07:18,197 --> 00:07:19,953
You're taping.
163
00:07:20,117 --> 00:07:22,189
Just be yourselves.
164
00:07:22,356 --> 00:07:24,560
Oh, okay.
165
00:07:25,908 --> 00:07:27,763
Well, we're talking
with Elaine Benes...
166
00:07:27,924 --> 00:07:29,713
...adult film star...
167
00:07:31,348 --> 00:07:32,809
...on the set
of her new picture...
168
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:35,281
...Elaine Doesthe Upper West Side.
169
00:07:37,396 --> 00:07:39,698
Hi, how you doing?
170
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,249
Well, I'm doing fine.
171
00:07:42,419 --> 00:07:44,874
Do you speak English?
English!
172
00:07:45,043 --> 00:07:47,050
Oh, here's the director,
Jerry Seinfeld.
173
00:07:47,219 --> 00:07:49,226
Jerry, you discovered
Elaine Benes.
174
00:07:49,395 --> 00:07:50,889
Well, yes I did. That's true.
175
00:07:51,059 --> 00:07:54,320
Couple of guys I knew
in the Coast Guard told me about her.
176
00:07:56,115 --> 00:07:59,911
And I sensed that she had
the anger and intensity...
177
00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:02,930
...that I needed
to make this film work.
178
00:08:03,538 --> 00:08:04,880
English!
179
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:06,895
Does anybody speak English?
180
00:08:07,059 --> 00:08:08,236
Nobody speaks English.
181
00:08:08,402 --> 00:08:11,152
So, what scene are you getting
ready to shoot now, Elaine?
182
00:08:11,314 --> 00:08:14,445
In this scene, my costar,who's right over here....
183
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:17,359
Follow me.
Is George Costanza.
184
00:08:17,522 --> 00:08:19,595
And he plays an airline pilot...
185
00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:21,191
...who's just returnedfrom Rome.
186
00:08:21,362 --> 00:08:24,745
And I'm about to show himhow much I've missed him.
187
00:08:25,746 --> 00:08:27,633
That's my Chinese food.
188
00:08:29,265 --> 00:08:31,632
So, George, is this your
first movie with Elaine?
189
00:08:32,882 --> 00:08:34,376
I don't know.
190
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:40,328
So, Elaine, in your movies,
is the sex real, or is it simulated?
191
00:08:40,497 --> 00:08:42,668
Oh, it's always simulated...
192
00:08:42,833 --> 00:08:44,295
...except with George.
193
00:08:44,465 --> 00:08:46,319
That's in my contract.
194
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:47,909
All right, Kramer.That's enough.
195
00:08:48,081 --> 00:08:50,186
That's enough. Yeah, hello?
196
00:08:50,353 --> 00:08:51,531
Yeah, hello?
197
00:08:51,696 --> 00:08:52,973
English!
198
00:08:53,137 --> 00:08:54,631
Does anyone speak English?
199
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,327
-How much do I owe you?
-$ 1 5.90
200
00:08:56,496 --> 00:08:58,765
-$ 1 5.90?
-Excuse me?
201
00:08:58,928 --> 00:09:01,197
-Do you speak Chinese?
-Chinese? Yeah.
202
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,767
Oh, look!
203
00:09:02,928 --> 00:09:06,027
I'm on with Beijing
at the hair restoration clinic.
204
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:07,599
Could you talk to them for me...
205
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:10,029
...and tell them
I'd like to place an order?
206
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,145
They've got a billion people over
there. He found a relative.
207
00:09:25,519 --> 00:09:27,461
lf you send money,
they send cream.
208
00:09:27,631 --> 00:09:28,908
They send me. All right.
209
00:09:29,071 --> 00:09:30,565
Ask them, does it really work?
210
00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:36,717
They say you grow hair.
Look like Stalin.
211
00:09:39,438 --> 00:09:41,827
Ask them,
are there any side effects?
212
00:09:44,623 --> 00:09:46,510
Impotence.
213
00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:52,066
Oh, funny.
He's a funny guy, yeah.
214
00:09:52,238 --> 00:09:54,245
Get a money order
from the Bank of China.
215
00:09:54,414 --> 00:09:56,203
Be here three days
after they get check.
216
00:09:56,366 --> 00:09:57,795
All right, thank you. Thank you.
217
00:10:17,549 --> 00:10:19,011
Excuse me.
218
00:10:20,045 --> 00:10:21,223
Kind of an expensive call.
219
00:10:23,533 --> 00:10:24,995
Thanks for driving me home.
220
00:10:25,164 --> 00:10:26,539
What did I do to deserve this?
221
00:10:26,701 --> 00:10:28,162
You do plenty.
222
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:32,522
So, what are you doing?
You're-- You're going in.
223
00:10:32,684 --> 00:10:34,539
Well, yeah. I guess so.
224
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,423
Why, you want to do something?
225
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:40,516
Yeah, I don't--
I don't know. What?
226
00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:44,264
There's really nothing to do.
227
00:10:44,428 --> 00:10:46,916
Yeah, no. There's--
There's nothing.
228
00:10:47,083 --> 00:10:48,872
Can you think of anything?
229
00:10:50,412 --> 00:10:52,070
No, no. Not really.
230
00:10:52,684 --> 00:10:54,571
I am up for anything.
231
00:10:54,731 --> 00:10:56,586
Really?
232
00:10:59,915 --> 00:11:01,857
I have to say...
233
00:11:02,027 --> 00:11:04,744
...you were really good
doing that porno thing.
234
00:11:04,907 --> 00:11:06,631
You're-- You're talented.
235
00:11:06,795 --> 00:11:08,518
I was just kidding around.
236
00:11:09,514 --> 00:11:12,100
That thing you said about
the sex not being simulated....
237
00:11:14,347 --> 00:11:15,591
That was really funny.
238
00:11:17,098 --> 00:11:19,367
Yeah, that was fun.
239
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,649
So I'll speak to you
through Jerry and everything.
240
00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,436
Okay.
241
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:28,806
-Thanks a lot for the ride.
-Yeah, anytime.
242
00:11:38,154 --> 00:11:39,681
Thanks a million. I appreciate this.
243
00:11:39,849 --> 00:11:41,759
You're sure this was
the woman at the table...
244
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:44,068
...where I had
my tape recorder?
245
00:11:44,233 --> 00:11:45,924
Okay, great.
246
00:11:46,090 --> 00:11:47,944
Thanks, again. Bye.
247
00:11:49,961 --> 00:11:53,474
Who do these women
think they're dealing with?
248
00:11:55,336 --> 00:11:58,184
Did she think she was gonna leave
this incredibly erotic message...
249
00:11:58,345 --> 00:12:00,352
...on my tape,
and I was just gonna let it go?
250
00:12:00,808 --> 00:12:03,623
Not bloody likely.
251
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,018
What is that?
252
00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:08,224
-It's my cockney accent.
-No, no. That's no good.
253
00:12:09,352 --> 00:12:10,629
Let's hear yours.
254
00:12:10,793 --> 00:12:13,062
Not bloody likely.
255
00:12:16,328 --> 00:12:18,913
That's the worst cockney accent
I ever heard in my life.
256
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,432
Hey, Georgie boy,
guess what I got.
257
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,323
Guess what I got.
258
00:12:24,488 --> 00:12:25,698
Oh, is that the bald stuff?
259
00:12:25,863 --> 00:12:27,424
From China.
All the way from China.
260
00:12:27,591 --> 00:12:29,053
Wait, wait.
Let me get the camera.
261
00:12:29,224 --> 00:12:32,966
No, don't get the camera.
We don't need the camera.
262
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,517
I know you're skeptical,
but I believe in the Chinese.
263
00:12:35,687 --> 00:12:36,897
Yes, I am skeptical.
264
00:12:37,543 --> 00:12:39,910
Why do you have to be
so suspicious of everyone?
265
00:12:40,071 --> 00:12:42,111
This is a great man,
Zang Zhao.
266
00:12:42,278 --> 00:12:44,002
He wants to help bald people.
267
00:12:44,167 --> 00:12:46,817
Wait, wait. Let's videotape
your head for the before picture.
268
00:12:46,982 --> 00:12:48,640
So we can watch
how it grows and stuff.
269
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,844
-Here, sit down.
-All right.
270
00:12:55,911 --> 00:12:57,950
All right, lean back.
271
00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:01,602
A little bit to the right.
272
00:13:01,766 --> 00:13:03,741
Now make sure
you get this area here.
273
00:13:03,910 --> 00:13:05,633
-That's where he needs help.
-All right.
274
00:13:07,718 --> 00:13:09,856
Well, he's a happy
camper, huh?
275
00:13:10,021 --> 00:13:13,185
Happy camper. Yeah,
I don't hear that expression enough.
276
00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:15,260
Remember that guy
who took my jacket?
277
00:13:15,429 --> 00:13:16,956
The one I found
at my mother's house?
278
00:13:17,317 --> 00:13:18,495
-Yeah.
-My mother told me...
279
00:13:18,661 --> 00:13:20,286
...that he got arrested
for mail fraud.
280
00:13:20,453 --> 00:13:22,177
-No kidding.
-Yeah, he's in jail.
281
00:13:22,341 --> 00:13:24,195
What about the jacket?
He take it with him?
282
00:13:24,357 --> 00:13:26,626
That's what I intend
to find out.
283
00:13:29,924 --> 00:13:31,834
Well, you can see it.
284
00:13:32,004 --> 00:13:33,979
Are you gonna
walk around like that?
285
00:13:34,437 --> 00:13:35,680
And it stinks.
286
00:13:35,844 --> 00:13:37,251
Can you smell that?
287
00:13:37,412 --> 00:13:39,201
You stink.
288
00:13:41,316 --> 00:13:43,258
How long are you supposed
to leave it on for?
289
00:13:43,428 --> 00:13:44,988
All day.
290
00:13:48,420 --> 00:13:50,689
-Hello?
-Hello, it's Elaine Marie Benes.
291
00:13:50,852 --> 00:13:52,313
-Well, hello.
-Hello.
292
00:13:52,484 --> 00:13:53,978
Did you find outwho that woman was?
293
00:13:54,148 --> 00:13:56,002
Yes, I got her number.
294
00:13:56,164 --> 00:13:58,106
-Hey, is that Elaine?
-Yeah.
295
00:13:58,275 --> 00:13:59,966
Hi, Elaine!
296
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:03,616
So I guess you figureyou're in for a pretty wild night.
297
00:14:03,779 --> 00:14:04,957
Well, as I said...
298
00:14:05,124 --> 00:14:07,993
...this type of thing is
very common in show business.
299
00:14:08,643 --> 00:14:11,098
Well, listen, I'm at Arlene's.You want me to stop by?
300
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,641
-Sure.
-Okay, bye.
301
00:14:12,803 --> 00:14:14,265
Bye.
302
00:14:14,755 --> 00:14:16,729
-Did she say ''hello''?
-What? Oh, I don't know.
303
00:14:17,603 --> 00:14:21,215
What do you mean? She heard me
say hello. Did she say hello back?
304
00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:23,353
I don't know.
Who keeps track of hellos?
305
00:14:23,523 --> 00:14:26,719
Isn't it polite to say hello
when somebody says hello?
306
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,241
She's coming up.
307
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:32,376
-Elaine's coming up?
-Yeah, why? What's wrong?
308
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,628
-Where are you going?
-Nowhere, nowhere. I'll be right out.
309
00:14:38,433 --> 00:14:40,343
How often do you
cut your toenails?
310
00:14:43,810 --> 00:14:46,428
I would say every two and a half
to eight weeks.
311
00:14:48,578 --> 00:14:50,814
Because the other night
I was sleeping with Marion...
312
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,824
...and I rolled over, and l
cut her ankle with my big toe.
313
00:14:55,297 --> 00:14:57,534
The big toe, the captain.
314
00:14:58,177 --> 00:15:00,512
-What?
-The captain of the toes.
315
00:15:05,185 --> 00:15:06,614
-Hello?
-Jerry?
316
00:15:06,784 --> 00:15:08,028
-Yeah.
-Jerry, listen.
317
00:15:08,192 --> 00:15:10,396
I got too much to do.I can't come over. Forget it.
318
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:11,739
Oh, okay, too bad.
319
00:15:11,904 --> 00:15:13,846
So when are yougonna call her?
320
00:15:14,016 --> 00:15:16,285
As soon as I get off
the phone with you.
321
00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:18,903
-Good luck.
-Okay.
322
00:15:19,072 --> 00:15:20,795
-Bye.
-Bye.
323
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,603
-What happened? You took it off?
-Yeah. That was enough.
324
00:15:25,471 --> 00:15:26,649
That's it? You gave up?
325
00:15:26,816 --> 00:15:28,638
No, I'm working on a system.
Who was that?
326
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,899
That was Elaine. She changed
her mind. She's not coming over.
327
00:15:38,527 --> 00:15:41,397
-Hello?
-Hello, is this Alisha?
328
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:44,153
-Yes.
-This is Jerry Seinfeld.
329
00:15:53,503 --> 00:15:55,096
-So?
-I don't get this woman.
330
00:15:55,263 --> 00:15:58,524
We're having a great time,
couple of laughs. Everything's nice.
331
00:15:58,686 --> 00:16:00,410
End of the night,
I go in for contact.
332
00:16:00,575 --> 00:16:02,168
I get the pullback.
333
00:16:02,558 --> 00:16:06,005
This woman, she said the filthiest
things I ever heard in my life.
334
00:16:06,718 --> 00:16:08,507
And I get the pullback.
335
00:16:10,941 --> 00:16:12,119
-Yeah?
-It's George.
336
00:16:12,286 --> 00:16:13,813
Come on up.
337
00:16:14,142 --> 00:16:15,603
What is he doing here now?
338
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:17,661
So you blew it?
339
00:16:19,102 --> 00:16:20,792
She must be psychotic
or something.
340
00:16:20,957 --> 00:16:23,062
Let me have the number.
341
00:16:23,229 --> 00:16:24,691
I'm not giving you the number.
342
00:16:24,861 --> 00:16:26,617
I know how to handle
these psychotics.
343
00:16:32,413 --> 00:16:34,038
Sheriff.
344
00:16:36,701 --> 00:16:38,556
What's with the hat?
345
00:16:40,381 --> 00:16:42,169
Boy, you stink.
346
00:16:43,453 --> 00:16:45,787
-What are you doing here now?
-I have to talk to you.
347
00:16:45,949 --> 00:16:47,737
Let's take a look here,
see what we got.
348
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:52,053
Wait a second.
349
00:16:52,732 --> 00:16:55,066
I think I see
something here, George.
350
00:16:55,228 --> 00:16:59,287
-Let's go to the videotape.
-Oh, Kramer. No, no.
351
00:17:01,276 --> 00:17:02,770
-What's up?
-I can't tell you now.
352
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,695
-He'll be back in 1 0 seconds.
-Start it.
353
00:17:04,859 --> 00:17:06,037
-I can't.
-Oh, come on.
354
00:17:06,204 --> 00:17:09,204
He'll be over there for a half-hour.
He gets lost over there.
355
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:11,538
-Come on. What is this about?
-All right.
356
00:17:13,979 --> 00:17:15,408
I've become attracted to Elaine.
357
00:17:17,211 --> 00:17:18,673
All right.
358
00:17:20,635 --> 00:17:22,228
-Sit down.
-Could we do this later?
359
00:17:22,395 --> 00:17:24,304
No, I got the tape right here.
360
00:17:24,475 --> 00:17:26,384
Kramer, let's do this later.
361
00:17:26,555 --> 00:17:27,929
Okay, now....
362
00:17:28,635 --> 00:17:31,002
This is the tape
that we made earlier.
363
00:17:32,027 --> 00:17:33,488
And I think...
364
00:17:33,658 --> 00:17:36,309
...that I see a couple of buds...
365
00:17:37,722 --> 00:17:39,827
...right here.
366
00:17:39,994 --> 00:17:41,620
-Really? You think?
-Yeah.
367
00:17:41,786 --> 00:17:44,436
Kramer, I would like to talk
to George for a minute, please.
368
00:17:44,602 --> 00:17:46,228
-About what?
-It's kind of private.
369
00:17:46,394 --> 00:17:48,019
Like the big toe captain? What?
370
00:17:48,186 --> 00:17:51,121
-Oh, so you're doing my bit?
-I'm not doing the bit!
371
00:17:51,610 --> 00:17:53,333
All right.
Okay, all right.
372
00:17:53,498 --> 00:17:55,887
I'm gonna take
a look at this, huh?
373
00:18:00,922 --> 00:18:02,383
-Does she know?
-No.
374
00:18:02,553 --> 00:18:05,138
-How did it happen?
-I can't say.
375
00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:07,607
-Well, why can't you say?
-Because I promised her.
376
00:18:07,769 --> 00:18:10,005
-I thought you said she doesn't know.
-She doesn't.
377
00:18:10,169 --> 00:18:12,471
-So how can you promise her?
-Because she asked me to.
378
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,705
What is this,
an Abbott and Costello routine?
379
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,455
All right, you really want to know?
380
00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:21,971
It all started
when she told me...
381
00:18:22,424 --> 00:18:24,628
...that she was the voice
on your tape recorder.
382
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:26,287
What? Elaine?
383
00:18:26,456 --> 00:18:29,805
Yeah. She made me promise not
to tell. It was supposed to be a joke.
384
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,886
-That was Elaine?
-Yeah, let me hear.
385
00:18:32,055 --> 00:18:35,187
-Wait a second! Give me a second--
-You heard it 50 times already--
386
00:18:35,352 --> 00:18:37,839
She's my ex-girlfriend.
I think I have precedence.
387
00:18:43,768 --> 00:18:45,426
-Yeah?
-Hi, it's Elaine.
388
00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:47,632
Is this a bad time?
389
00:18:47,895 --> 00:18:49,139
Yeah.
390
00:18:49,975 --> 00:18:51,764
Don't tell her I told you!
She'll kill me!
391
00:18:51,927 --> 00:18:54,065
Okay, I promise!
392
00:19:01,239 --> 00:19:02,962
Oh, man.
393
00:19:03,798 --> 00:19:05,620
Oh, God.
394
00:19:06,230 --> 00:19:08,499
Oh, brother.
395
00:19:11,190 --> 00:19:15,347
-What's the matter?
-I got a pain in my side...
396
00:19:16,214 --> 00:19:17,806
-...from, you know--
-Hi, George.
397
00:19:17,974 --> 00:19:19,698
Hi, how you doing?
398
00:19:20,917 --> 00:19:23,219
Something stinks in here.
399
00:19:27,989 --> 00:19:29,167
What are you doing here?
400
00:19:29,942 --> 00:19:32,876
I was the one who talked
into your tape recorder.
401
00:19:33,045 --> 00:19:34,736
I know. George told me.
402
00:19:38,933 --> 00:19:41,999
-You told him?
-He threatened me.
403
00:19:43,221 --> 00:19:45,610
Where did you come up
with all that stuff?
404
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:48,017
-Oh, that was nothing.
-Elaine....
405
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,377
-I have to tell you something.
-George, no.
406
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:53,101
-No, no.
-George, I'm telling you--
407
00:19:53,268 --> 00:19:54,643
What is it?
408
00:19:54,805 --> 00:19:56,495
I'm very attracted to you.
409
00:19:57,204 --> 00:19:58,382
I found a hair!
410
00:19:59,476 --> 00:20:00,654
Yes!
411
00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:03,187
Okay, come here. Come here.
Take a look at this.
412
00:20:03,348 --> 00:20:07,090
Ever since I found out that you left
the message on Jerry's tape recorder--
413
00:20:10,387 --> 00:20:13,071
-That was you?
-It was a joke.
414
00:20:13,427 --> 00:20:15,762
Wait.
415
00:20:16,211 --> 00:20:18,600
Oh, my God.
416
00:20:19,156 --> 00:20:20,978
Oh, yeah.
417
00:20:22,099 --> 00:20:25,001
Elaine, I can't believe
that that is you.
418
00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:33,737
I think I'll get going.
419
00:20:33,907 --> 00:20:35,598
Stick around a while.
420
00:20:35,763 --> 00:20:38,151
-It's early.
-We'll order Chinese.
421
00:20:42,226 --> 00:20:45,008
Give me the tape.
Give me the tape.
422
00:20:52,466 --> 00:20:54,571
A woman left a message
on my phone machine...
423
00:20:54,737 --> 00:20:56,395
...with kind of a breathy voice.
424
00:20:56,561 --> 00:20:59,693
No matter what a woman says, if it's
in that breathy voice, you know....
425
00:20:59,857 --> 00:21:00,872
''You have cancer.''
426
00:21:01,042 --> 00:21:02,830
''Really?''
427
00:21:04,401 --> 00:21:06,059
Sounds pretty good.
428
00:21:07,793 --> 00:21:10,095
The stewardess could lean over
and whisper in my ear:
429
00:21:10,257 --> 00:21:11,631
''Would you put
on your seat belt.
430
00:21:11,793 --> 00:21:14,793
We're about to go
into a mountain.''
431
00:21:14,961 --> 00:21:16,935
I'd go, ''Really, so
what are you doing later...
432
00:21:17,105 --> 00:21:19,952
...by the ruptured remains
of the fuselage?
433
00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:22,895
How about some peanuts
over by the black box?
434
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,095
I'll meet you there.''
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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