All language subtitles for Lois and Clark - 02x15 - Return Of The Prankster

Hi, honey.

Welcome home. You're home early.

And look, she brought me flowers.

How was your day,
my busy little reporter?

My busy, busy little reporter.

How about a picture
of her where she's not so...

- Clothed?
- Grow up.

I meant smug.

Excuse me. Would you mind switching it
from freeze to photoflash?

Say freeze, baby.

Very nice.

- Come on. Let's go.
- But we didn't find what we came for.

Maybe that's because it's not here.

Can I have one of these?
I love these. Come on.

She has another. Can I have one?

- Okay.
- Out.

I've been trying to get ahold of you.

You won't believe this.
The Prankster broke out of jail.

I know. Griffin and his beady-eyed friend
were waiting for me when I got home.

In your apartment?

They must be looking for something.
The place was a mess.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I guess so.

Chief! Chief, you better
take a look at this.

What is this?

It was the weirdest thing. I walked in
and there was this intense yellow light.

And you don't remember
a thing that happened after.

- How did you know?
- Same thing happened at the penitentiary.

That's how Griffin and Victor broke out.

They froze a guard in the laundry room and
they left him in his underwear in a dryer.

What is with me and people
breaking into my apartment...

...and flashing lights in my eyes?

Well, you know, Lois, this doesn't bode well
for your interview with the president.

- Why?
- The White House won't be excited...

...about exposing the president
to The Prankster.

Clark, the president is coming...

...to present the city an award
for the lowest crime in America.

It would be embarrassing for him to cancel
his trip because there's one criminal loose.

Now, Lois, I know you're the only reporter
to get an interview with the president.

I'm proud of you, but I think this
has gotta be the White House's call.

- But, Perry...
- Lois...

...it is the president of the United States.

All we have to do...

...is figure out a way to make
this thing work on Superman.

We're home free.

Do we have to go up against him again?

Why can't we just use
this thing to, you know...

Rob a bank or something?

Victor...

...I'm gonna teach you to use something
you don't use everyday. It's your mind.

The mind helps us see
the big picture, Victor.

If we rob a little bank we
get a few measly little dollars.

But imagine the big picture.

Big picture, Victor.

Millions of dollars.
Picture yourself making history.

Because how much money do you think...

...the government
of the United States of America...

...would pay to ransom the president.

A lot.

A lot.

You know, Victor...

...you have a sweet and ultimately
irritating knack for understatement.

Would you mind handing me
the photoconductive cell.

Did you see it? A rat. A huge rat.

- Probably a whole nest under the floor.
- Victor.

I'm not interested in hysterical fantasies
from your screwed-up childhood...

...in that day care center basement.

Now, may I have...

...the photoconductive cell, please?

Do not make me ask again...

...or the consequences...

...will not be pretty.

- That wasn't so hard, was it?
- I guess not.

Now, pick it up again, but slowly this time
because you gotta face those fears, Victor.

You gotta get down and you gotta pick...
Not a word. Not a word.

Down you go. Face those fears.

Good boy, Victor. He's a good boy.

- You're a good boy.
- Why do we have to stay here?

Can't we hide in a place that's...

- ...a little nicer?
- I'll tell you, this is a condemned building.

No one can find us here which I find
to be a pretty good ingredient for a hideout.

All right.

All new and improved.

All we have to do is come up with a micro
step-up transformer. Did you locate one?

- Yes, yes. Yes, I did.
- And where is it?

At the Metropolis Department...

Of...?

- Light and Power.
- Yeah, and do they have one?

Yes. They just installed them
in their master switcher.

Goody.

When Griffin's father got out of jail,
he sold the store and disappeared.

And that warehouse you caught Griffin in,
they turned that into a Buddhist temple.

- Thanks, Jimmy. Keep searching.
- You got it.

- Miss Lane?
- Yes.

Carrigan. Secret Service.

You phoned our office.

Yes. You didn't have to come down
here. You could've just called me back.

I never use the phone.

Commies can tap phones.

Now, what is all this about?

I'm the reporter that's going
to be interviewing the president.

- We know that.
- Of course you do.

Well, I just wanted to make you aware...

...of the fact that we have a minor situation
that's developed with a small-time criminal.

If it's about The Prankster,
we know about it.

You do.
Then there's no problem.

There's always a problem.

There is?

No one thought there was a problem...

...when Carter went fishing...

...until that killer rabbit came
out of nowhere and charged his rowboat.

Killer rabbit.
Yeah, I get it, that's good.

Twenty-first April, '79.

I should've been there...

...but I took the day off that day.
I went to the dentist.

Impacted tooth.

If you wanna take care of the president,
you've got to take care of your teeth.

I see.

Well, I can see that with
you and your men protecting him...

...the president has
nothing to worry about.

Clark, I want you to meet
Mr. Carrigan from the Secret Service.

He says that he and his men
have everything under control.

Good. Then you're not worried
about this freezing weapon?

Weapon. It's not a weapon.
It's an invention.

It seems to freeze people in place
very temporarily. It's really harmless.

Sort of a '90s version
of that kid's game, freeze tag.

Oh, God, what am I saying? Anyway,
I get nervous, you know. The presidential...

- Lois, that's not exactly...
- What?

You weren't there.
He wasn't there. He doesn't know.

Mr. Carrigan is a trained professional.

The police are looking for The Prankster.
And Superman, I'm sure, is on the job.

The president would probably be safer here
than in the White House.

And what do you know about
the White House, ma'am?

Nothing.

Nothing. It was just an...

...example, you know.

I could've said
safer than a bug in the rug.

Or two peas in a pod.

Are you on any type
of medication, ma'am?

- Who are you?
- The painter.

The city decided this place
needed a little sprucing up.

- Let me see your work order.
- I'm sorry.

Right here, there you are.
I'm sorry.

- You know, no one told me about this.
- That's bureaucracy for you.

You're gonna get a nice fresh coat
of Navajo white.

Okay. Hold on. Just wait a second. Hold on.
Okay, okay, okay. I'm going, I'm going.

All right. This won't take long.

I'm in.

- Hey, Dad.
- Hey!

- Nice job.
- Stuff it.

You know how I hate suck-ups.

Did you find the keys?

You and your stupid questions.

- You idiot.
- You idiot.

Micro step-up transformer.

This little baby will increase
the weapon's power 12-fold...

...by coupling itself with
the multiplex negative...!

You're boring me.

Come here.

- Now.
- Okay.

- See...
- Shut up.

Go get the contact lenses.

This isn't fair.
I put him away twice before.

- Are you gonna stay at your apartment?
- I didn't want to.

Every hotel room in town
is booked because of the president.

Perry offered, but Alice has the flu,
so I don't wanna impose.

Well, you know you could...

No. I...

I just think with us dating...

...or almost dating,
that I would feel uncomfortable.

- Night, guys.
- Hey, Jimmy.

- You have a pull-out couch?
- Oh, Clark.

- Yeah, why?
- Well, it's just that...

...Lois needs a place to stay until
this whole Prankster thing is resolved.

Well...

...are you sure you wanna stay there?
It's just a hole-in-the-wall bachelor pad.

- You know, if it makes you uncomfortable...
- No, no, no.

As long as you don't mind roughing it.
That's what friends are for.

Thanks. I promise
you won't even know I'm there.

Maybe I'd better get home, straighten
things up a little bit before you get there.

- Hold the elevator.
- That was sweet of him.

What the heck?

- Lois Lane.
- Hi, Lo.

Great to talk to you again.

I know you've been wondering where I am
and I didn't want you to be kept in the dark.

You're controlling the lights
at the Planet.

Well, I'd say I'm...

...pretty much controlling
the whole darn city.

Take a look.

What do you want now?

Well, since you're my favorite reporter...

...I thought I'd give you a scoop
on an electrifying story.

Shut up.

I've accessed the computers
from Light and Power...

...and later on when I shut down
the airport it should be a real party.

Talk about flying blind.

- Where are you going?
- To the airport.

In case The Prankster
makes good on his threat.

Okay. I'll follow up
on Metropolis Light and Power.

You've reached
Metropolis Light and Power.

Due to the high volume of calls,
your wait time may be 5 to 15 minutes.

Thank you for your patience.

This is ridiculous.

Hey, Lois.

- Griffin.
- I knew you'd come.

Reporters are so predictable.

- What's this all about?
- What's this all about?

It's about magic. It's about wonder.

It's about power. Lots of power.

- If you give yourself up...
- Shut up.

There's only two words we wanna hear.

And those two words would be:

"Help, Superman."

Come on. Let me hear you say:

"Help, Superman."

Victor, I think she's gonna need
some persuasion.

Lois, this is a boiler. It's very hot.

See? And this is the gauge that tells us
how much pressure's in the boiler.

Now normally this old boiler
could take this much pressure.

But today we're gonna turn the pressure
all the way up to here.

Thanks for playing along.
Johnny, tell her what she's won.

A trip for one into orbit.
Don't get steamed.

Superman, I could really use
your help right now.

Who am I kidding? Superman, help!

Help, Superman!

There goes my dream of living on a ranch
with Lois, kids, roping steer, deep-frying...

You should've never
come back to Metropolis.

I'll be out of your life.

Just came back to pick up my CDs.

Smile.

Darn it.

- Don't you ever learn?
- Learn this.

In about 15 seconds a boiler is gonna blow
up and Lois Lane will be just a memory.

- Where is she?
- That's for you to know and us to find out.

Victor...

...why haven't I killed you yet?

Superman.

I hope I never get laryngitis.

Did you see Griffin?

He got away.

You were his safety valve
in case his weapon couldn't freeze me.

Lois, you might wanna leave town
until I can catch him.

I can't leave town. In two days I have
an exclusive interview with the president.

And it's not that often I get to meet
somebody with such incredible power.

Except for you.

You're different. Not different in an obvious
way, but you're just, more than a story...

I don't know.
You know, you're... you're, well...

...you know what you are, don't you?

This new transformer...

...lets me modulate the intensity...

...and duration of the blast.

Allowing me to freeze someone
for a minute...

...five minutes, an hour...

...or a day.

Yeah, except for Superman.

That's right. That's right, Victor.
Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

Now, you see, that's why
we have to figure out where...

...besides Lois Lane's apartment, we can
get the information on him that we need.

- What? What is it?
- There was a tail under the bed.

Listen, I saw this documentary where
this whole family got bitten by rats...

Rats, and they all got sick and they had to
get shots and you know I hate needle...

Now, Victor.

Now, instead of putting pincers...

...up inside our nostrils...

...which is ornamental,
but not as helpful as one would wish...

...why don't you help Kyle
come up with some kind of idea.

Okay. Okay, I've got an idea.

Maybe Lois Lane has some sort
of file on her computer at work.

You know, like maybe
a diary or something?

Victor! Do you realize
what you've done?

- Bad idea?
- No, it's wonderful!

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Don't expect me to be all happy
and peppy on three hours sleep.

Ever since I was a kid, I've slept
with the TV on. I can't help it.

Don't you think freaking out
when I turned it off was over-dramatic?

I mean, come on,
it was a 976 infomercial.

I didn't do it on purpose. That's the way
I wake up when there isn't noise.

Which explains why you
live across from a fire station.

I spoke to Metropolis Edison.

They managed to contain the blast
so they can still meet the city's needs.

Well, thank God.
One blackout's about all I can handle.

Lois, I just got off the phone with
Helen Bartlett at the White House...

...and they are very concerned
about The Prankster.

And the president's gonna
cut his trip as tight as possible.

Don't tell me.
My interview's canceled.

Well, they did say that
they wanted to reschedule.

If I ever get my hands
on Griffin, I swear...

Hey, hey, hey.
Just hold your horses.

I said they wanted to reschedule.

I told them they weren't dealing with some
small town rag. This was the Daily Planet.

So in other words, Chief, you groveled.

- But only on one knee.
- Yes.

- You got five minutes.
- Five minutes? That's it?

Lois, that's five minutes
more than any other reporter.

I guess you're right.

All right. I want you to concentrate
all your attention on The Prankster.

People in Metropolis hate him,
but they love reading about him.

Five minutes.
What can I do with five minutes?

Look, we've still got 24 hours. There has
to be somebody who can give us a lead.

- What do you mean you don't know?
- What are you doing?

I am not feeding you
so you tell me you don't know.

You gotta feed me on spec.
I'll find something out in a couple days.

A couple of days will be too late.

Well, then consider it a down payment
on the next time.

- Boy, oh boy, are we testy.
- She's just upset.

Her interview with the president
got cut down to five minutes.

I only get to ask one question.

It's not fair.
I have so many areas I wanna cover.

- Don't play with that.
- I wasn't playing with it.

Okay, I won't do it again.

I think I found the perfect test target.

- Where?
- Right over there.

Yeah.

It worked. You're not just
gonna leave him like that?

Yes, I am.

That's why they call me The Prankster.
And that's funny.

So, what would you ask him? Something
about the economy or foreign policy?

I think I'd ask him something that...

...people would find interesting
but wouldn't normally ask.

Like, if he could be a baseball player,
what position would he play, and why?

Are you serious?
That would be your one big question?

No offense,
but I think that's pretty dumb.

Clark, that's a very good question.

Thank you.

Help! Somebody, help!
The piano's gonna fall.

I just remembered I have an appointment in
a few minutes. I'll meet you at the Planet.

Griffin.

Lois?

I'd like to apologize about last night.

I've never had anybody sleep over before.

- Little wonder.
- Yeah.

Well, anyway, I think
I've solved the problem.

Headphones.

Now we can both sleep.

Thanks, Jimmy. That was awfully sweet.

You got it.
So, what are you working on?

The one question I can ask the president.

You're a part of Generation X.
What would somebody your age ask?

Me? I'd...

I'd ask him for a job.
It'd be cool working in the White House.

That wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

- Sorry.
- Here you go, Lois.

Perry, what one question
would you ask the president?

Easy. I'd ask him why he vetoed the bill
to make Graceland a national monument?

- Perry, I'm serious.
- Well, I am too.

When it comes to that,
I'm serious as a heart attack.

Now, anything new on Griffin?

Why don't you ask him yourself.

These shoes are new, Perry.

What...? What...? What's this?

What's so funny, CK?

Why am I...?

Griffin.

Jimmy, give me back my dress.

Now, there's something
you don't hear everyday.

- Look at my tie.
- How do you get this thing off?

Look on the bright side, Lois.
No permanent damage was done.

Yeah. Tell that to my tie.

I loved this tie.

Why couldn't it have been that ugly
fish tie Alice gave me for Christmas?

Well, I think the better question, Chief,
is why was Griffin here?

My continuing degradation
comes to mind.

No, I think that's just a bonus.

My guess is he was looking for whatever
it is he couldn't find in your apartment.

You ought to check your computer, Lois.

Hello, Lo.

Wasn't that fun?
Well, it was for me too.

- There's one thing I'd like to know.
- Where you buy your lingerie.

Bye.

Why is it that Victor and Griffin can zap
an entire newsroom and not be affected?

Because they're subhuman.

No, maybe Professor Hamilton has
a slightly more scientific explanation.

Ordinarily signals are sent via the optic
nerve to the occipital lobe of the brain.

However, this Griffin character seems
to have found a way to divert the light...

...to the central motor cortex,
which is located here.

And that causes paralysis.

Spontaneous muscle contraction
effectively freezing the victim in place.

So why wasn't Griffin affected?

I don't know. Unless he wore some glasses
that would block the effects of the rays.

No glasses.

His eyes did look strange. They were
sparkly and they had a reddish tint.

- Contact lenses?
- That could be it.

Could you make contact lenses like that?

I don't know. It's a long shot.

I'd have to experiment
with various occipital lobes to determine...

Anything you could do.

Thanks, professor.

By the way. If you could ask the
president one question, what would it be?

I'd demand to know why the government is
covering up data on the existence of UFOs.

Yeah. That's a good one.

- Obviously.
- Thanks.

Occipital. Occipital. Occipital.

Victor?

Victor?

What are you doing?

I'm...

You sound like a pervert
at a magazine stand.

What did I ask you to do?

- Look up information about Superman.
- That's right.

And are you looking up information
about Superman?

- Not exactly.
- I see.

Well, Victor, what exactly are you doing?

Well...

...I found this file
on Lois Lane's computer.

And it looks like she's writing
some kind of novel.

It's a story about this female reporter
who meets this guy from outer space.

And it's really very good.
It's got a lot of that stuff in it.

It was the last file.
I couldn't find anything else.

- I found something.
- You did? What?

Well, there's a whole subdirectory on
Lois Lane's C-drive about Superman.

Unfortunately most of it is just
worthless, worthless, worthless.

Except for this.

Now, it seems about two months ago...

...our friend Superman
was rendered temporarily...

What's this word?

- Inflicted with occipital opacity.
- What does that mean?

- Couldn't see.
- Couldn't see.

Couldn't see?

He couldn't see because of a special light
beam developed by a certain Dr. Faraday.

And...

...she's got all the unprintable
details about it right in here.

Victor, all we have to do
is make the light beam shorter.

Jimmy, I don't wanna talk about it.

I didn't know the guys were coming by.

They live with their parents.
They have no place else to kick it.

Did they have to "kick it" at your place
until 3 in the morning.

Lois, I tried to keep it down, honestly.
All right?

They're kids.

Where'd you go when you left?

- I had to use the phone.
- I have a phone...

Wait a minute.

Are you the neighbor
who called the cops on us?

That's funny.
That's funny. Yeah.

What in the sam hill is this?

Have you seen today's edition?

- Not yet, Chief. Why?
- Look what Griffin's done to my masthead.

He somehow broke into
the computerized typesetter.

Have you got any leads on this guy?
He's made us look like a laughingstock.

No, not yet. Clark's down at the
police station trying to get a lead.

All right. Stay on it.

- Lois Lane.
- This is Miss Bartlett from the White House.

- Hi.
- Miss Lane, we've set up a press room...

...in the penthouse
at the Lakeside Towers.

Can you come over now
so we can discuss protocol?

Yes. I'll be right there.

All right, Miss Lane.
We'll be expecting you. Good day.

She's on her way.

This is so cool.

It smells great.

Specialty of the house.

Those teeth.

An ode to your teeth:

They're so perfect and shiny

I love you so much

I wish you were mine-y

Hey, I had a second verse.

Jimmy. How is your house guest?

Hear she called the cops on me?

What? Why?

Well, I had a few friends over.
She thought we were too loud.

A monk would be too loud for Lois.

You know what?

I know you two have this thing
going on together...

...but let me tell you something.

You do not know the real Lois Lane.

I been trying to get back at her all day.

Hold on, Jimmy.
She has been under a lot of stress lately.

She's gonna find out
what real stress is all about.

Jimmy.

- Clark Kent.
- Hi, Clark.

- This is The Prankster.
- What do you want?

Do I sense some hostility?

Some? Let's just say that everyone's
getting sick of your games.

Not everyone.
As a matter of fact...

...Victor and I and Lois are just
sitting down for three-handed pinochle.

She and I have become inseparable.

If you can get a message to Superman...

...tell him we're in the penthouse
of the Lakeside Towers.

Buh-bye.

This is such a nice place.

We live in such a dump.

Kyle, why can't we live
in a nice place like this?

We will, Victor.

Soon.

Hi, Supey. Glad you could join us.

Care for some pinochle?

- You're finished, Griffin.
- Gosh, I hope not.

I'm at the pinnacle of my pinochle.

Come on, Supester.
Join me for just one hand.

All work and no play
makes Superman a very dull boy.

You'll find out...

...how dull life can be when you're
back in prison for the rest of your life.

Okay. Have it your way.

When will you realize that
doesn't work on me.

Correction. It didn't work.

But I've made a few improvements.

- It worked.
- Of course it worked. I designed it, didn't I?

He's not so tough.

Come on, Superman.
Show me what you got.

This is a Kodak moment.

I predict Victor will be the victor.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

It's kind of a pretty picture, isn't it?

Your little boyfriend frozen
just as stiff as a fish stick.

You know what the problem is
with being the Man of Steel?

Steel don't bounce.

How could you do that?

Kind of like this.

Hey, Supe.

He caught her.

Darn, he caught her.
It's a bad thing.

Are you all right?

You seem to ask me that a lot lately.

People seem to try to kill you a lot.

Yeah. I was so popular in high school.

- If you'll excuse me.
- Superman?

There's nothing you can do.
If he froze you once, he'll do it again.

Look. Clark and I think
we found a way of neutralizing Griffin.

Professor Hamilton is working on it.

So...

...I guess this time...

...you'll just have to rely on us.

I don't think you're getting the point.

Try it again.
I still can't hear you.

The Prankster has found a way
of stopping Superman.

No. I'm not reading you.

So I think that as much
as this pains me to say...

...I think the president should
consider postponing his visit.

I think I found the problem here. If you
would just have general services send up...

...a box of cotton swabs,
that ought to do it.

What? I can't hear you, say again.

- Are you hearing anything I'm saying?
- I'm hearing you. Now hear me.

All systems are go.
My men are trained for any eventuality.

I heard from Bobby Bigmouth.

What did he want, seconds?

Said he had an address on The Prankster.

The apartment he grew up in.

But I checked it out.
Now it's just a condemned building.

Either Griffin's a very concerned voter...

...or the president's in trouble.

Clark, look. It's a map
of today's motorcade.

I guess we could notify Carrigan.

What for? He and his men are trained
for any eventuality, remember?

You try and find Superman.

Have him meet me
at Professor Hamilton's ASAP.

Sure. Okay.

Since you told me the light he used
was yellow...

...I ground and tinted the lenses
so that the yellow light...

...instead of going to the motor cortex will
be diverted to the inner and outer canthus.

- What's that?
- It's right in back of the canal of Schlemm.

Do you really want to know?

All I wanna know is, will they work?

Not knowing the exact frequency
of the light, I can't really promise.

Victor, you're on.

Roger that.

Hey! You, get that thing out of here.

- I'm trying.
- We have a situation here.

Some idiot just parked
in the middle of the street.

You're in big trouble, pal.
Now move it.

- We'll see.
- It's now or never, son.

Carrigan, look out, it's a trap!

Well, well. Who looks like the idiot now?

Come on. We got a president to kidnap.

Yeah. There she is, Lois Lane.

Just as frozen as she could be.

Too bad she's not awake...

...to see my greatest triumph.

Well, maybe we could take her with us
and I could explain it to her later?

Victor, you did good this time,
so I'm gonna let you have her.

- I'm gonna let you have her.
- Thank you so much...

Business before pleasure.

And that's a lovely face.

Now, look. Here's what I'd like you to do.

Just help me carry the president
to the van.

- Superman!
- Superman!

Yes, I am.

Sorry to ruin your plans, Griffin.
But the president is safely tucked away.

Just like you're gonna be.

But...

- ...how?
- Look deep into my eyes.

Contacts.

I'm sorry, but that is really not fair.

Neither is this.

Just thought one good prank
deserved another.

My contacts. You knocked out my...

I think turnabout's fair play.

Come on, he deserved that.

I should've had a daughter.

This is unit 15, sector seven is secure.

- What?
- I repeat, sector seven is secure.

I don't wanna tell you your job, sir.

But if I were you,
I would take this man into custody.

I knew that.

- I knew that.
- All right, let's go. Move it.

He's hitting me.

Do I have the right to hit him back?

Lois, you better get going.

Don't wanna be late
for your meeting with the president.

That's right, my big moment. I still
have no idea what I'm gonna ask him.

What one question
would you ask the president?

I guess I'd ask him why he wouldn't give
a great reporter like Lois Lane...

...more than a five-minute interview.

I gotta hand it to you, Lois.
This is one terrific interview.

You really pulled it off.

Take a lesson. This is the
mark of a seasoned reporter.

Someone who can get her subject
to open up and talk freely.

That one question you were sweating
about must've really broken the ice.

So, what was it?

Well, I just asked him...

...if he was a professional baseball player,
what position would he play and why.

That's a great question.

That's first-rate.

This girl thinks on her feet.

Jimmy, I just wanna say
thank you and also apologize.

You really helped me out
by letting me stay at your place.

I know I wasn't very grateful.
I've just been under a lot pressure.

Anyway, I'm sorry.

Hey, it was no sweat.

You know something, CK?
She's a class act.

I've always thought so.

I can't believe I was thinking
about getting revenge.

Lois, don't open...!

That.

I think I'm about to use
one of my sick days.

Hold the elevator!