Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,908 --> 00:00:07,157
[puppet]
Previously on Kidding...
2
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:08,866
[Will] Do you believe
you could turn back time?
3
00:00:08,950 --> 00:00:09,866
That's absurd.
4
00:00:09,950 --> 00:00:10,991
I think we should fuck.
5
00:00:11,074 --> 00:00:12,533
I serve a higher
moral authority:
6
00:00:12,616 --> 00:00:13,950
the children of Japan.
7
00:00:14,032 --> 00:00:14,991
[New Pickles-san]
Stop! Stop! Stop!
8
00:00:15,074 --> 00:00:16,449
[Deirdre] Yes! Yes!
9
00:00:16,533 --> 00:00:18,074
[man] Scott is entitled
to half.
10
00:00:18,157 --> 00:00:19,533
What is divorce?
11
00:00:19,616 --> 00:00:21,241
Divorce is when
a husband and a wife
12
00:00:21,324 --> 00:00:23,533
decide they don't want to be
married to each other.
13
00:00:23,616 --> 00:00:24,908
See you at the bottom.
14
00:00:25,741 --> 00:00:28,157
[indistinct chatter]
15
00:00:28,241 --> 00:00:31,157
[gentle music playing on TV]
16
00:00:31,241 --> 00:00:33,324
♪♪♪
17
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,324
♪ singing in Tagalog ♪
18
00:00:36,408 --> 00:00:41,408
♪♪♪
19
00:00:57,032 --> 00:01:00,116
Divorce is for the best.
20
00:01:03,366 --> 00:01:05,366
speaking Tagalog
21
00:01:38,908 --> 00:01:42,408
[people clamoring]
22
00:01:42,491 --> 00:01:45,282
[man shouting indistinctly]
23
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:46,282
No!
24
00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:47,741
Please!
Please, no!
25
00:01:47,825 --> 00:01:50,408
[screaming]
26
00:01:50,491 --> 00:01:51,991
[body crashes, bell jingles]
27
00:01:54,950 --> 00:01:57,908
♪ mysterious music ♪
28
00:01:57,991 --> 00:02:02,950
♪♪♪
29
00:02:09,908 --> 00:02:11,950
You got divorced
on national television
30
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:15,366
before an audience
of mostly children.
31
00:02:15,449 --> 00:02:19,199
Now, do you still think
that was "for the best"?
32
00:02:21,157 --> 00:02:22,032
I do.
33
00:02:22,116 --> 00:02:24,866
Well, what about
the critics who argue
34
00:02:24,950 --> 00:02:28,449
that you singlehandedly
have broken up more homes
35
00:02:28,533 --> 00:02:31,324
than anyone
in the whole of humanity?
36
00:02:31,408 --> 00:02:32,950
Homes don't break.
37
00:02:33,032 --> 00:02:34,658
They change,
38
00:02:34,741 --> 00:02:35,908
like people,
39
00:02:35,991 --> 00:02:37,783
which I truly believe
is for the best.
40
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,032
But what about what happened
in the Philippines?
41
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:41,282
Was that for the best?
42
00:02:41,366 --> 00:02:42,616
I'm sorry.
43
00:02:42,700 --> 00:02:43,783
What-what happened
in the Philippines?
44
00:02:43,866 --> 00:02:46,032
You don't know what happened?
45
00:02:46,116 --> 00:02:47,866
Here.
Here, here.
46
00:02:48,991 --> 00:02:49,950
[man shouting indistinctly]
47
00:02:50,032 --> 00:02:50,950
No!
48
00:02:51,032 --> 00:02:52,449
Please!
Please, no!
49
00:02:52,533 --> 00:02:54,908
[screaming]
50
00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:57,991
[body crashes, bell jingles]
51
00:02:59,241 --> 00:03:00,908
I wasn't aware
of this incident.
52
00:03:00,991 --> 00:03:04,408
But do you feel responsible
for the death of Phil?
53
00:03:06,366 --> 00:03:07,324
What did you say?
54
00:03:07,408 --> 00:03:10,241
[coughs]
Excuse me one second.
55
00:03:12,783 --> 00:03:14,825
Do you feel responsible
56
00:03:14,908 --> 00:03:17,074
for the death
of Filipino Pickles?
57
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,157
♪ soft music ♪
58
00:03:22,241 --> 00:03:27,074
♪♪♪
59
00:03:27,157 --> 00:03:29,324
They threw him off a roof.
60
00:03:29,408 --> 00:03:31,741
♪♪♪
61
00:03:31,825 --> 00:03:34,324
He landed
on an ice cream vendor.
62
00:03:34,408 --> 00:03:35,950
♪♪♪
63
00:03:36,032 --> 00:03:38,908
Is the ice cream vendor okay?
64
00:03:38,991 --> 00:03:40,741
He may never walk again.
65
00:03:40,825 --> 00:03:43,032
♪♪♪
66
00:03:43,116 --> 00:03:45,950
So there's a chance
he could walk again?
67
00:03:46,032 --> 00:03:47,366
No.
68
00:03:47,449 --> 00:03:51,324
♪♪♪
69
00:03:51,408 --> 00:03:52,574
Where's the funeral?
70
00:03:52,658 --> 00:03:54,533
♪♪♪
71
00:03:54,616 --> 00:03:56,574
There isn't one.
72
00:03:56,658 --> 00:03:58,825
Philippines won't let
Ginoo Pickles' body
73
00:03:58,908 --> 00:04:01,032
be buried
on their soil, so...
74
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,783
♪♪♪
75
00:04:02,866 --> 00:04:06,074
...they have
to bury him at sea.
76
00:04:06,157 --> 00:04:10,616
[no audible dialogue]
77
00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:13,866
[muffled arguing]
78
00:04:13,950 --> 00:04:15,533
Now you want my advice?
79
00:04:15,616 --> 00:04:16,700
A man is dead--
80
00:04:16,783 --> 00:04:17,908
a man I hired!
81
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,157
I didn't say "advice."
I said "read."
82
00:04:19,241 --> 00:04:20,199
I want your read.
83
00:04:20,282 --> 00:04:21,449
My read is, I was right
84
00:04:21,533 --> 00:04:23,366
about this listening doll,
85
00:04:23,449 --> 00:04:27,032
this death-threat-
receiving machine.
86
00:04:27,116 --> 00:04:28,408
Do you want to send a message?
87
00:04:28,491 --> 00:04:30,241
No, I do not!
88
00:04:30,324 --> 00:04:31,616
Calm down.
Have a seat.
89
00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:32,741
Where?
90
00:04:32,825 --> 00:04:34,533
There is nowhere to sit
91
00:04:34,616 --> 00:04:36,282
in this entire office.
92
00:04:36,366 --> 00:04:37,324
Nowhere.
93
00:04:37,408 --> 00:04:38,574
I thought I had one chair!
94
00:04:38,658 --> 00:04:39,533
No!
95
00:04:39,616 --> 00:04:40,449
No chair.
96
00:04:40,533 --> 00:04:42,908
And look at this mess.
97
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,032
[channels flipping]
98
00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:45,908
Do you want a new iPhone
99
00:04:45,991 --> 00:04:48,241
but your money's all tied up
in your home?
100
00:04:48,324 --> 00:04:50,366
Then you need
a reverse mortgage.
101
00:04:50,449 --> 00:04:52,574
Trust me.
It's not a scam.
102
00:04:52,658 --> 00:04:56,157
Unlocking the hidden equity
in your home is Snaggle-rific.
103
00:04:56,241 --> 00:04:57,366
I'm Stacy Keach,
104
00:04:57,449 --> 00:04:59,241
and Snagglehorse is right.
105
00:04:59,324 --> 00:05:01,574
Together, we're gonna take you
on a trail ride
106
00:05:01,658 --> 00:05:03,908
through the land
of fiscal empowerment.
107
00:05:04,032 --> 00:05:05,700
[Snagglehorse]
Plus, it's just common sense
108
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:07,116
that anything in reverse
109
00:05:07,199 --> 00:05:10,032
is always twice as fun
as doing it the normal way.
110
00:05:12,074 --> 00:05:15,616
The whores have stolen
the children, Deirdre,
111
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:16,908
on your watch.
112
00:05:16,991 --> 00:05:18,574
Fili-Pickles is dead.
113
00:05:18,658 --> 00:05:20,449
And they're going
to bury him at sea
114
00:05:20,533 --> 00:05:22,241
like some
Pickle bin Laden.
115
00:05:22,324 --> 00:05:23,866
You want my advice?
116
00:05:23,950 --> 00:05:26,950
Do not let Jeff bury that man,
117
00:05:27,032 --> 00:05:30,408
and bring back
my leather couch.
118
00:05:30,491 --> 00:05:31,950
How do you nap?
119
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,783
I don't nap, Dad!
120
00:05:34,866 --> 00:05:37,700
And it's not my fault
the Philippines
121
00:05:37,783 --> 00:05:41,408
enforce some militant brand
of Catholicism.
122
00:05:41,491 --> 00:05:43,116
The divorce is on you, though.
123
00:05:43,199 --> 00:05:45,199
Not blaming, just saying.
124
00:05:45,282 --> 00:05:47,282
You do that a lot, you know.
125
00:05:47,366 --> 00:05:48,199
What?
126
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:49,616
Mistake an opportunity
127
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:51,950
to be a good father
128
00:05:52,032 --> 00:05:54,324
with an occasion
to shame me.
129
00:05:54,408 --> 00:05:56,491
Every now and then,
just so you know,
130
00:05:56,574 --> 00:05:58,908
I could use
a thumbs-up from you,
131
00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:02,116
since we both know
that "Good job, Dee Dee,"
132
00:06:02,199 --> 00:06:03,574
is too hard to say.
133
00:06:03,658 --> 00:06:06,116
If you want to fix this,
134
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,658
you have to think of Jeff
as a child.
135
00:06:09,741 --> 00:06:12,157
You have to discourage him.
136
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,491
It's fine.
I know what to do.
137
00:06:20,408 --> 00:06:21,658
[woman] I told my daughter
that Daddy and I
138
00:06:21,741 --> 00:06:23,116
were just getting
a second house,
139
00:06:23,199 --> 00:06:25,157
but now she knows
it's divorce.
140
00:06:25,241 --> 00:06:26,658
[girl] My mom
broke up with my dad
141
00:06:26,741 --> 00:06:28,241
because of the song you sang.
142
00:06:28,324 --> 00:06:29,991
[man] Wife waiting for me
when I get home.
143
00:06:30,074 --> 00:06:32,282
Ambushes me,
says Mr. Pickles is right.
144
00:06:32,366 --> 00:06:34,282
She took everything
but this doll.
145
00:06:34,366 --> 00:06:36,032
You broke up my home, asshole.
146
00:06:36,116 --> 00:06:38,366
I'm gonna fuck you up so bad,
Pickles.
147
00:06:38,449 --> 00:06:41,366
♪ dramatic music ♪
148
00:06:41,449 --> 00:06:46,366
♪♪♪
149
00:06:49,866 --> 00:06:51,783
- Hi.
- Hey, pal.
150
00:06:51,866 --> 00:06:53,282
I think I left
my passport here.
151
00:06:53,366 --> 00:06:54,366
Ah!
152
00:06:54,449 --> 00:06:56,366
Finally going
on vacation, huh?
153
00:06:57,449 --> 00:06:59,116
I have to bury
a Filipino Pickle.
154
00:06:59,199 --> 00:07:00,199
Oh.
155
00:07:00,282 --> 00:07:01,866
Well, that's, um...
156
00:07:03,366 --> 00:07:04,491
I'm glad you're here.
157
00:07:04,574 --> 00:07:06,533
Uh, question.
158
00:07:06,616 --> 00:07:09,741
Would you ever coinvest
in a breedable affenpinscher?
159
00:07:09,825 --> 00:07:12,991
They are reliable show dogs,
160
00:07:13,074 --> 00:07:16,783
loyal, curious,
famously amusing.
161
00:07:16,866 --> 00:07:18,616
If that's an invite
to trot the circuit,
162
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:19,908
I feel a team forming.
163
00:07:19,991 --> 00:07:21,074
I support it.
164
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:23,157
Hey, hey,
second question,
165
00:07:23,241 --> 00:07:25,032
unrelated,
equally important,
166
00:07:25,116 --> 00:07:27,199
if not more so.
167
00:07:27,282 --> 00:07:31,741
Uh, I'm taking Jill and Will
to Hersheypark this weekend.
168
00:07:31,825 --> 00:07:34,950
'Cause I want
to propose to Jill.
169
00:07:35,032 --> 00:07:36,324
What do you think about that?
170
00:07:37,616 --> 00:07:38,741
[sighs]
171
00:07:40,241 --> 00:07:41,700
Um...
172
00:07:41,783 --> 00:07:44,700
I think...
173
00:07:44,783 --> 00:07:47,408
Does, uh, Will have
to be there to witness it?
174
00:07:47,491 --> 00:07:48,741
I mean,
175
00:07:48,825 --> 00:07:50,032
I'd like him to be.
176
00:07:50,116 --> 00:07:51,658
Oh, sure.
177
00:07:51,741 --> 00:07:53,533
[laughs]
178
00:07:56,282 --> 00:07:57,783
This hug is complicated
179
00:07:57,866 --> 00:08:00,616
but...
180
00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:02,157
- genuine.
- Thank you, man.
181
00:08:02,241 --> 00:08:05,408
Hey, I loved
the divorce episode.
182
00:08:05,491 --> 00:08:06,783
Thanks.
183
00:08:06,866 --> 00:08:08,950
I think it's what killed
the Filipino guy.
184
00:08:09,032 --> 00:08:10,700
Mm.
Can't win 'em all.
185
00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:14,449
Liver brothers forever!
186
00:08:23,199 --> 00:08:25,282
Hersheypark this weekend, huh?
187
00:08:25,366 --> 00:08:26,825
[chuckles]
188
00:08:29,491 --> 00:08:30,616
I need to get my passport.
189
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,408
Hey, are you and Peter
190
00:08:32,491 --> 00:08:34,658
investing in a show hound?
191
00:08:34,741 --> 00:08:36,574
He has his heart set
on an affenpinscher.
192
00:08:36,658 --> 00:08:37,991
But little does he know
193
00:08:38,074 --> 00:08:39,950
that I have my hand
on the tail
194
00:08:40,032 --> 00:08:41,825
of a horse-haired schnauzer
named Wunderbar.
195
00:08:41,908 --> 00:08:42,908
[chuckles]
196
00:08:42,991 --> 00:08:44,157
Big, thick whiskers
197
00:08:44,241 --> 00:08:45,908
and a scrotum you could
wind your watch to.
198
00:08:45,991 --> 00:08:48,032
You have a gift, you know?
199
00:08:48,116 --> 00:08:49,366
You tried to manslaughter him,
200
00:08:49,449 --> 00:08:51,116
and now you're going halfsies
on a schnauzer.
201
00:08:51,199 --> 00:08:52,491
I mean, to be fair,
202
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:56,700
we haven't committed
totally to a breed.
203
00:08:56,783 --> 00:08:58,408
Great guy, Peter.
204
00:09:00,116 --> 00:09:01,366
I like him.
205
00:09:02,908 --> 00:09:05,282
Enjoy the chocolate park.
206
00:09:05,366 --> 00:09:06,449
I don't know if I can go.
207
00:09:06,533 --> 00:09:08,032
I'm supposed to work
a Sunday shift.
208
00:09:08,116 --> 00:09:09,449
Oh, no, no, no.
209
00:09:09,533 --> 00:09:11,658
You should
take the time off.
210
00:09:11,741 --> 00:09:13,533
No one ever regrets a vacation.
211
00:09:13,616 --> 00:09:16,533
Passports are in that thing
in the closet.
212
00:09:18,116 --> 00:09:19,199
Wait, you know what?
213
00:09:19,282 --> 00:09:20,282
I'll just grab 'em.
214
00:09:20,366 --> 00:09:22,199
The-the closet's a mess.
215
00:09:22,282 --> 00:09:24,908
♪ soft music ♪
216
00:09:24,991 --> 00:09:28,866
♪♪♪
217
00:09:28,950 --> 00:09:30,157
- Everything okay?
- Yep!
218
00:09:30,241 --> 00:09:31,783
They are right here.
219
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:35,574
[sighs]
220
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,282
Not gonna ask me
where I'm going?
221
00:09:37,366 --> 00:09:39,074
[Peter] Jill,
can you spot me on the ladder?
222
00:09:39,157 --> 00:09:40,533
Hopefully somewhere relaxing.
223
00:09:40,616 --> 00:09:45,199
♪♪♪
224
00:09:45,282 --> 00:09:46,199
[Havana] Sorry.
225
00:09:46,282 --> 00:09:47,908
When my parents
are upset,
226
00:09:47,991 --> 00:09:50,116
they only speak Tagalog.
227
00:09:50,199 --> 00:09:52,324
What were they yelling about?
228
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:54,199
I guess your dad
killed a guy?
229
00:09:54,282 --> 00:09:55,282
Hmm?
230
00:09:55,366 --> 00:09:57,324
Ooh, Will!
Win me some Skitties!
231
00:09:58,491 --> 00:10:00,449
Yeah, Will,
win her some Skitties.
232
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,157
No, I'm okay.
233
00:10:02,241 --> 00:10:03,408
I don't want this.
234
00:10:03,491 --> 00:10:05,282
They're Skittles,
not Skitties.
235
00:10:05,366 --> 00:10:06,533
My sorrys.
236
00:10:06,616 --> 00:10:07,574
Your what?
237
00:10:07,658 --> 00:10:09,491
If you guess how many
are in the "vahse"...
238
00:10:09,574 --> 00:10:11,574
- "Vayse."
- ...we get all the Skitties.
239
00:10:11,658 --> 00:10:13,324
Why do you want these?
240
00:10:14,783 --> 00:10:16,908
Hmm.
241
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,408
I'm gonna say...
242
00:10:19,491 --> 00:10:23,032
if one Skittie occupies
a full cubic centimeter
243
00:10:23,116 --> 00:10:25,741
and the volume
of your Skittie container
244
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:28,366
equals pi times the radius
times the height--
245
00:10:28,449 --> 00:10:30,616
6,765.
246
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:34,449
6,765 Skittles.
247
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:35,825
Just write that down.
248
00:10:35,908 --> 00:10:37,032
Enjoy.
249
00:10:37,116 --> 00:10:38,866
Taste the motherfucking
rainbow.
250
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:41,408
Wait.
251
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:43,741
Are you sure
that's the number?
252
00:10:43,825 --> 00:10:44,950
Fuck you, Will.
253
00:10:45,908 --> 00:10:46,866
Fuck you, Cassidy.
254
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:49,700
♪♪♪
255
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,074
[both slurp]
256
00:10:51,157 --> 00:10:52,700
I think I'm magic.
257
00:10:54,282 --> 00:10:55,783
Go on.
258
00:10:55,866 --> 00:10:58,157
So you know that old
library book I got
259
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,783
on math and mysticism
and the universe?
260
00:11:00,866 --> 00:11:04,366
Well, when I saw my mom
hand my dad the divorce papers,
261
00:11:04,449 --> 00:11:06,991
I, uh-I read about
how to turn back time
262
00:11:07,074 --> 00:11:08,658
so they'd get back together.
263
00:11:08,741 --> 00:11:10,449
Uh, are you guys
drinking drugs?
264
00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:12,157
We're having high tea.
265
00:11:12,241 --> 00:11:13,449
- Long live the queen.
- [teacups clink]
266
00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:15,783
I think what I did
is really working.
267
00:11:15,866 --> 00:11:18,366
This is a beautiful effort
on your part,
268
00:11:18,449 --> 00:11:21,116
but your dad got divorced
on national TV.
269
00:11:21,199 --> 00:11:22,449
[Skittles clatter]
270
00:11:22,533 --> 00:11:23,658
That doesn't matter.
271
00:11:23,741 --> 00:11:26,408
My parents are still
technically single.
272
00:11:26,491 --> 00:11:28,449
I know it's hard
to accept, bud, but--
273
00:11:28,533 --> 00:11:30,366
10946.
274
00:11:30,449 --> 00:11:32,908
That was the address
of the kid who had Phil's eyes.
275
00:11:32,991 --> 00:11:36,866
6,765 was the number
of Skittles in the vase.
276
00:11:36,950 --> 00:11:39,116
This can't just be
a coincidence.
277
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,991
This is the universe talking.
278
00:11:41,074 --> 00:11:43,116
No, this is coincidence.
279
00:11:43,199 --> 00:11:45,950
Plus, those dates
are going forward in time,
280
00:11:46,032 --> 00:11:47,157
not backwards.
281
00:11:47,241 --> 00:11:48,491
If you're looking
for a sign from God,
282
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,616
those numbers
would need to indicate
283
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,324
reverse temporal momentum.
284
00:11:52,408 --> 00:11:53,574
I disagree.
285
00:11:54,783 --> 00:11:59,533
♪♪♪
286
00:12:07,783 --> 00:12:09,700
See, the numbers do go down
287
00:12:09,783 --> 00:12:12,616
when you treat them
as numbers, not dates.
288
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:15,032
I'm confident Will
is turning back time.
289
00:12:15,116 --> 00:12:16,866
Please, explain more.
290
00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:18,783
These numbers, fellow dudes,
291
00:12:18,866 --> 00:12:20,533
are a Fibonacci sequence.
292
00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:21,950
What's that?
293
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:24,700
Fibonacci numbers are
the magic numbers in nature
294
00:12:24,783 --> 00:12:26,449
that determine
the order of everything,
295
00:12:26,533 --> 00:12:30,199
from flower petals
to stripes on a tiger.
296
00:12:30,282 --> 00:12:31,533
They're God's numbers.
297
00:12:31,616 --> 00:12:35,032
And they're counting backwards.
298
00:12:35,116 --> 00:12:38,032
I mean, you asked God
to turn back time.
299
00:12:41,116 --> 00:12:42,533
This is the countdown.
300
00:12:42,616 --> 00:12:44,032
♪♪♪
301
00:12:44,116 --> 00:12:45,241
You hacked space and time.
302
00:12:45,324 --> 00:12:46,241
Whoa.
303
00:12:46,324 --> 00:12:47,241
Uh, Will?
304
00:12:47,324 --> 00:12:48,825
Your dad is here
to pick you up.
305
00:12:48,908 --> 00:12:50,032
It's working.
306
00:12:50,116 --> 00:12:51,908
He picks me up all the time.
307
00:12:51,991 --> 00:12:54,282
Will, we gotta go.
308
00:12:54,366 --> 00:12:55,700
We gotta catch a plane.
309
00:12:55,783 --> 00:12:57,199
Where are we going?
310
00:12:57,282 --> 00:12:59,157
The middle
of the South China Sea.
311
00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:01,074
[sighs]
312
00:13:01,157 --> 00:13:03,991
♪ spacey music ♪
313
00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:09,116
♪♪♪
314
00:13:14,908 --> 00:13:16,908
[text message whooshes]
315
00:13:16,991 --> 00:13:18,908
Mom's wondering where I am.
316
00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:22,616
Tell her the truth.
317
00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:30,032
You have a pretty cool job.
318
00:13:33,449 --> 00:13:37,116
You know, one day, this could
be your pretty cool job.
319
00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:39,366
What do you mean?
320
00:13:39,449 --> 00:13:42,074
I've handpicked
three of the kindest,
321
00:13:42,157 --> 00:13:44,950
most selfless people
from all over the world,
322
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,157
including Herr Gherkin
von Deutschland back there...
323
00:13:50,324 --> 00:13:54,074
...to protect and nourish
the world's children.
324
00:13:54,157 --> 00:13:55,574
Pickles are men and women
325
00:13:55,658 --> 00:13:58,074
selected for
their high moral caliber,
326
00:13:58,157 --> 00:13:59,908
a parliament of the righteous
327
00:13:59,991 --> 00:14:02,116
who don't drink, use drugs,
328
00:14:02,199 --> 00:14:04,449
invoke bad
or discouraging language,
329
00:14:04,533 --> 00:14:05,783
and they don't have sex
330
00:14:05,866 --> 00:14:08,157
unless they're in
a loving relationship.
331
00:14:08,241 --> 00:14:09,324
Like priests?
332
00:14:09,408 --> 00:14:10,574
Yeah.
333
00:14:10,658 --> 00:14:12,491
But for children.
334
00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:16,157
I see that same
goodness in you.
335
00:14:16,241 --> 00:14:19,366
I see that potential
to shape the world.
336
00:14:21,950 --> 00:14:23,950
No matter what happens
with your mom and I,
337
00:14:24,032 --> 00:14:25,866
I'll always be your father.
338
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:28,449
And you'll always be both
339
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:30,157
a Piccirillo...
340
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,783
...and, if you want...
341
00:14:33,866 --> 00:14:34,866
a Pickles.
342
00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:36,908
We are a family.
343
00:14:38,908 --> 00:14:40,574
Welcome to that family.
344
00:14:44,241 --> 00:14:46,366
Can Pickles
do magic tricks?
345
00:14:46,449 --> 00:14:48,449
You can be the first.
346
00:14:48,533 --> 00:14:49,783
Want me to tie that?
347
00:14:49,866 --> 00:14:50,950
I know how.
348
00:14:56,324 --> 00:14:58,783
[Seb] Is that the crew
from 60 Minutes?
349
00:14:59,991 --> 00:15:01,032
[sighs]
350
00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:02,241
They've seen him
at his worst.
351
00:15:02,324 --> 00:15:03,950
They should see him
at his best.
352
00:15:05,658 --> 00:15:08,032
I'm sorry
for what I said earlier.
353
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:11,032
You're doing a better job
than I expected you to.
354
00:15:12,032 --> 00:15:13,783
Why do you have
to qualify that?
355
00:15:16,491 --> 00:15:19,449
♪ taps playing on violin ♪
356
00:15:19,533 --> 00:15:24,533
♪♪♪
357
00:15:35,658 --> 00:15:38,616
speaking Hausa
358
00:15:43,991 --> 00:15:45,991
speaking Swedish
359
00:15:46,741 --> 00:15:47,783
[nose squeaks]
360
00:15:51,908 --> 00:15:53,825
speaking French
361
00:15:58,282 --> 00:16:00,241
speaking a Chinese language
362
00:16:06,408 --> 00:16:08,157
See you at the bottom.
363
00:16:15,366 --> 00:16:18,074
We offer this prayer
for our dear loved one,
364
00:16:18,157 --> 00:16:19,408
Ginoo Pickles,
365
00:16:19,491 --> 00:16:24,074
who has left this world
and is returning to you.
366
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:27,825
speaking Tagalog
367
00:16:33,616 --> 00:16:38,032
As we commit this man
to the sea,
368
00:16:38,116 --> 00:16:40,783
the water will fill
the barrel's bunghole...
369
00:16:40,866 --> 00:16:43,282
Yes, that's really
what it's called.
370
00:16:43,366 --> 00:16:46,533
...and slowly sink
our beloved friend
371
00:16:46,616 --> 00:16:48,282
to his final resting place
372
00:16:48,366 --> 00:16:52,032
on the floor
of the sanctuary of the sea.
373
00:17:17,241 --> 00:17:19,741
A devoted husband, father--
374
00:17:19,825 --> 00:17:22,116
[man whispering]
Traitor.
375
00:17:22,199 --> 00:17:23,574
A devoted father...
376
00:17:23,658 --> 00:17:24,491
[man whispering]
Murderer.
377
00:17:24,574 --> 00:17:26,866
...and husband
378
00:17:26,950 --> 00:17:28,616
who acknowledged,
by the actions that he took...
379
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:30,074
Uh-oh.
380
00:17:30,157 --> 00:17:31,199
What?
381
00:17:31,282 --> 00:17:32,741
I'll meet you
in the life raft.
382
00:17:32,825 --> 00:17:35,449
We have to get up
every day
383
00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:36,574
and take a leap of faith.
384
00:17:36,658 --> 00:17:37,533
Leap?
385
00:17:37,616 --> 00:17:39,032
He was thrown off a roof!
386
00:17:39,116 --> 00:17:40,783
Señor Pepinillo, please.
387
00:17:40,866 --> 00:17:42,991
We are contractually obligated
to repeat what you say.
388
00:17:43,074 --> 00:17:45,032
When you speak,
you are speaking for all of us.
389
00:17:45,116 --> 00:17:47,825
Will you not stop
until you get all of us killed?
390
00:17:47,908 --> 00:17:48,866
- That's right!
- [nose squeaking]
391
00:17:48,950 --> 00:17:50,866
Smorgas Gurka,
that's not true.
392
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:52,157
And you don't have
to honk like that.
393
00:17:52,241 --> 00:17:53,908
speaking a Chinese language
394
00:17:53,991 --> 00:17:57,366
You don't mean that...
Chinese Pickles.
395
00:17:57,449 --> 00:17:58,408
Uh, uh...
396
00:17:58,491 --> 00:17:59,741
I'm sorry.
I forgot your name.
397
00:17:59,825 --> 00:18:02,616
His sister
touched my brother's penis!
398
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,032
[crowd gasps]
399
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:05,741
Now he is missing.
400
00:18:05,825 --> 00:18:08,241
I don't even know
if he is alive.
401
00:18:08,324 --> 00:18:09,658
What?
No, I-I...
402
00:18:09,741 --> 00:18:11,032
[pickle smacks]
403
00:18:11,116 --> 00:18:12,366
All right, who did that?
404
00:18:12,449 --> 00:18:14,574
Who threw that?
Who threw that?
405
00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:17,157
speaking Tagalog
406
00:18:17,241 --> 00:18:19,741
We all have to take
a "calm me down" breath.
407
00:18:19,825 --> 00:18:21,866
How about
a "go fuck yourself" breath?
408
00:18:21,950 --> 00:18:23,783
[all shouting]
409
00:18:23,866 --> 00:18:24,866
[Will] Stop!
410
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:25,866
Stop!
411
00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:28,074
Stop it!
412
00:18:28,157 --> 00:18:31,157
speaking Spanish
413
00:18:34,408 --> 00:18:35,991
- [pickle smacks]
- Shut up, kid.
414
00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:37,449
This is not who we are.
415
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:38,991
This is not who we are!
416
00:18:39,074 --> 00:18:40,074
[all shouting angrily]
417
00:18:40,157 --> 00:18:41,199
If you are not a Pickle,
418
00:18:41,282 --> 00:18:43,783
then I am not a Pickle.
419
00:18:43,866 --> 00:18:47,950
[cheers and applause]
420
00:18:48,032 --> 00:18:50,116
Señor Pepinillo,
por favor, no.
421
00:18:50,199 --> 00:18:51,616
Sí.
422
00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:54,783
[all shouting angrily]
423
00:18:59,950 --> 00:19:01,408
Coward.
424
00:19:01,491 --> 00:19:04,658
[shouting continues]
425
00:19:04,741 --> 00:19:06,032
Dad!
426
00:19:07,282 --> 00:19:08,616
- What do we do?
- [Herr Gherkin] Look!
427
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:10,658
I found a crate of vodka!
428
00:19:10,741 --> 00:19:11,491
[crowd cheering]
429
00:19:11,574 --> 00:19:12,950
Didn't you hear?
430
00:19:13,032 --> 00:19:14,116
Their god is dead,
431
00:19:14,199 --> 00:19:15,408
priests are thirsty,
432
00:19:15,491 --> 00:19:17,866
and this ship is
about to dock in Gomorrah.
433
00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:19,741
No one can help us now.
434
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,408
[bottles clinking]
435
00:19:22,491 --> 00:19:25,032
Vodka for everyone!
436
00:19:25,116 --> 00:19:26,825
No.
No.
437
00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:28,658
[crowd cheering]
438
00:19:36,032 --> 00:19:38,157
I'm sorry I brought you
on this trip.
439
00:19:38,241 --> 00:19:39,991
I'm not.
440
00:19:40,074 --> 00:19:41,157
[sighs]
441
00:19:41,241 --> 00:19:43,324
I think I finally
killed somebody.
442
00:19:44,157 --> 00:19:45,282
No.
443
00:19:45,366 --> 00:19:46,991
You didn't do anything wrong.
444
00:19:47,074 --> 00:19:48,866
You told the truth,
445
00:19:48,950 --> 00:19:51,950
in song with puppets.
446
00:19:52,032 --> 00:19:53,408
Gravity killed him.
447
00:19:53,491 --> 00:19:54,908
Thanks for saying that.
448
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:59,658
♪ mysterious music ♪
449
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:04,741
♪♪♪
450
00:20:05,908 --> 00:20:08,658
Dad, I know how this
is going to sound, but...
451
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,491
it's going to be okay.
452
00:20:10,574 --> 00:20:12,491
All of it.
453
00:20:12,574 --> 00:20:15,658
I think I know how I can put
everything back the way it was.
454
00:20:15,741 --> 00:20:17,116
Mom's getting remarried.
455
00:20:17,199 --> 00:20:18,074
What?
456
00:20:19,157 --> 00:20:20,950
Peter is gonna propose.
457
00:20:21,032 --> 00:20:22,533
Actually,
458
00:20:22,616 --> 00:20:24,199
it's probably happening
right now.
459
00:20:26,366 --> 00:20:30,116
[bell dinging]
460
00:20:30,199 --> 00:20:31,866
No!
461
00:20:31,950 --> 00:20:34,700
Who wants to see a magic trick?
462
00:20:34,783 --> 00:20:36,282
I will now
463
00:20:36,366 --> 00:20:38,700
make this can of beer
464
00:20:38,783 --> 00:20:40,116
disappear.
465
00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:42,199
[crowd cheering]
466
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,324
- [grunts]
- [Deirdre] No!
467
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:44,783
No, no!
No!
468
00:20:44,866 --> 00:20:46,116
Inappropriate.
469
00:20:46,199 --> 00:20:47,157
Hey!
470
00:20:47,241 --> 00:20:48,366
No.
No drinking.
471
00:20:48,449 --> 00:20:49,533
[glass shatters]
472
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:53,366
[hip-hop music blaring
over stereo]
473
00:20:53,449 --> 00:20:55,825
[Baba Pickles] Look out below!
474
00:20:55,908 --> 00:20:58,032
- [Deirdre] Ah!
- [loud crash]
475
00:20:58,116 --> 00:20:59,491
Pardonnez-moi.
476
00:20:59,574 --> 00:21:00,783
Peanuts do not go
to space, Deirdre.
477
00:21:00,866 --> 00:21:01,783
They are legumes.
478
00:21:01,866 --> 00:21:03,700
[Australian Pickles]
Oi, and Guitar Gary
479
00:21:03,783 --> 00:21:05,241
will never possess
the boundless joy
480
00:21:05,324 --> 00:21:08,783
nor the rough-and-tumble wit
of Ukulele Larry.
481
00:21:08,866 --> 00:21:10,324
We had to adapt.
482
00:21:10,408 --> 00:21:11,866
There was not a lot
we could do,
483
00:21:11,950 --> 00:21:13,282
given the time constraints
484
00:21:13,366 --> 00:21:15,241
of a global
production schedule.
485
00:21:15,324 --> 00:21:16,199
Is called a prenup.
486
00:21:16,282 --> 00:21:17,574
It is not rocket science.
487
00:21:17,658 --> 00:21:18,991
And if it was rocket science,
488
00:21:19,074 --> 00:21:20,783
it would not be performed
by a legume!
489
00:21:20,866 --> 00:21:24,032
Legumes can perform
all sorts of tasks!
490
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,199
Maybe if you had performed
a few more tasks,
491
00:21:26,282 --> 00:21:27,783
your husband
would not have left you.
492
00:21:29,658 --> 00:21:30,908
Is this glue?
493
00:21:30,991 --> 00:21:32,157
Are you gluing again?
494
00:21:32,241 --> 00:21:33,533
It's sunscreen.
495
00:21:33,616 --> 00:21:34,741
So the rumors are true.
496
00:21:34,825 --> 00:21:35,908
She glues.
497
00:21:35,991 --> 00:21:37,116
[Señor Pepinillo]
We are a giraffe!
498
00:21:37,199 --> 00:21:39,574
- [crowd cheering]
- Fuck all of you!
499
00:21:39,658 --> 00:21:41,574
[both grunt]
500
00:21:41,658 --> 00:21:43,074
Fuck you!
501
00:21:43,157 --> 00:21:46,533
[indistinct chatter]
502
00:21:48,616 --> 00:21:49,741
Is this waterproof?
503
00:21:49,825 --> 00:21:51,616
Uh, I don't know.
504
00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:53,282
- [Deirdre] Hmm.
- That's a good question.
505
00:21:53,366 --> 00:21:55,157
Let me see.
506
00:21:55,700 --> 00:21:57,533
- [phone dings]
- [water splashes]
507
00:21:59,533 --> 00:22:01,157
- Anything else?
- [water splashes]
508
00:22:01,241 --> 00:22:02,616
[indistinct chatter]
509
00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:04,241
- [Deirdre] Ugh.
- [nose squeaks]
510
00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:05,616
No.
511
00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:07,700
You're very cute.
512
00:22:07,783 --> 00:22:09,074
Thank you.
513
00:22:09,157 --> 00:22:10,866
I find you attractive as well.
514
00:22:10,950 --> 00:22:12,700
I'm sorry to hear about
what happened to your brother.
515
00:22:12,783 --> 00:22:13,908
[sighs]
516
00:22:13,991 --> 00:22:16,616
We were close.
I miss him.
517
00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:19,199
He could puppet a horse
with his genitals.
518
00:22:19,282 --> 00:22:21,658
Maybe, uh, one day you, too,
519
00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:23,324
could puppet a horse
with your genitals.
520
00:22:23,408 --> 00:22:25,032
No, not me.
521
00:22:25,116 --> 00:22:27,241
I didn't even want this job.
522
00:22:27,324 --> 00:22:29,157
But the Japanese Pickle Code
523
00:22:29,241 --> 00:22:32,282
is a byzantine web
of obligation.
524
00:22:32,366 --> 00:22:33,908
If a Pickles-san goes missing,
525
00:22:33,991 --> 00:22:37,658
the next of kin
must assume the role.
526
00:22:37,741 --> 00:22:40,658
They dragged me out of bed
and put the tie on me!
527
00:22:41,658 --> 00:22:43,908
Is it true
that all Pickles-sans
528
00:22:43,991 --> 00:22:45,783
have to take
a vow of chastity?
529
00:22:45,866 --> 00:22:48,241
I took a vow of chastity?
530
00:22:48,324 --> 00:22:52,866
You know, my first time
in a vessel like this,
531
00:22:52,950 --> 00:22:56,825
we rescued 2,000 children
off the coast of Saigon.
532
00:22:56,908 --> 00:22:58,783
Ooh.
A navy man.
533
00:22:58,866 --> 00:23:01,241
Sebastiano Piccirillo.
534
00:23:01,324 --> 00:23:02,783
I know we've met,
535
00:23:02,866 --> 00:23:06,366
but I like to watch my name
travel up a woman's spine.
536
00:23:06,449 --> 00:23:10,324
I'm sorry, but we were having
a flirtatious conversation.
537
00:23:10,408 --> 00:23:13,366
[Seb] These hands once pushed
a helicopter into the sea.
538
00:23:13,449 --> 00:23:16,241
Imagine what they can do
to a female body.
539
00:23:18,449 --> 00:23:21,074
My name is Pickles-san.
540
00:23:21,157 --> 00:23:23,616
You touched my brother's penis.
541
00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:24,991
Prepare to die.
542
00:23:25,074 --> 00:23:26,199
[spits, coughs]
543
00:23:26,282 --> 00:23:28,449
He did not give you consent!
544
00:23:28,533 --> 00:23:29,741
He wanted it!
545
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:30,950
When are they getting married?
546
00:23:31,032 --> 00:23:33,199
I don't know.
I don't know.
547
00:23:33,282 --> 00:23:35,658
So there's a chance you and mom
can still work things out?
548
00:23:35,741 --> 00:23:37,157
No, that was never
part of the plan.
549
00:23:37,241 --> 00:23:38,700
You two still love each other.
550
00:23:38,783 --> 00:23:39,908
I signed the papers.
551
00:23:39,991 --> 00:23:42,032
Those are just papers.
552
00:23:42,116 --> 00:23:44,616
If she marries someone else,
it's really over.
553
00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:46,199
It's really been over
for a while.
554
00:23:46,282 --> 00:23:48,366
Because you didn't try
hard enough.
555
00:23:48,449 --> 00:23:50,616
You should have been
trying to win her back.
556
00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:53,157
You should have been trying
to keep this family together.
557
00:23:53,241 --> 00:23:54,074
I tried.
558
00:23:54,157 --> 00:23:55,408
I don't want you to try.
559
00:23:55,491 --> 00:23:57,324
I want you to fight!
560
00:23:57,408 --> 00:23:58,616
Hit him with your car again.
561
00:23:58,700 --> 00:23:59,783
No, you don't want that.
562
00:23:59,866 --> 00:24:00,991
Get away from me!
563
00:24:01,074 --> 00:24:01,991
Will!
564
00:24:02,074 --> 00:24:03,574
- It was all working!
- Will.
565
00:24:03,658 --> 00:24:05,157
Until today,
it was all working.
566
00:24:05,241 --> 00:24:06,157
Will.
567
00:24:06,616 --> 00:24:09,157
speaking Tagalog
568
00:24:14,616 --> 00:24:16,199
[New Pickles-san]
You raped my brother!
569
00:24:16,282 --> 00:24:17,574
He was a good man!
570
00:24:17,658 --> 00:24:19,825
He did not give you consent!
571
00:24:20,449 --> 00:24:21,741
- [New Pickles-san moans]
- Dad.
572
00:24:21,825 --> 00:24:22,908
- Dad, are you in there?
- [New Pickles-san] Answer me.
573
00:24:22,991 --> 00:24:24,658
- Dad!
- Are you the Yakuza?
574
00:24:24,741 --> 00:24:25,783
Answer me!
575
00:24:25,866 --> 00:24:27,908
Are you the Yakuza?
576
00:24:27,991 --> 00:24:30,991
[faint squeaking]
577
00:24:35,616 --> 00:24:38,199
[squeaking continues]
578
00:24:38,282 --> 00:24:39,700
Smorgas Gurka?
579
00:24:46,241 --> 00:24:48,533
Sucky-sucky boat-boat.
580
00:24:59,282 --> 00:25:00,783
What's wrong?
581
00:25:00,866 --> 00:25:03,991
She raped my brother
and ruined my life.
582
00:25:06,116 --> 00:25:08,032
speaking German
583
00:25:09,282 --> 00:25:10,449
What did you say?
584
00:25:10,533 --> 00:25:12,366
Nothing.
585
00:25:18,491 --> 00:25:22,908
♪ singing in German ♪
586
00:25:22,991 --> 00:25:25,282
- Pull!
- [gunshots]
587
00:25:25,366 --> 00:25:27,825
- [laughs]
- Get away from me.
588
00:25:27,908 --> 00:25:30,282
- No, please!
- Murderer!
589
00:25:30,366 --> 00:25:32,700
[all chanting]
Murderer! Murderer!
590
00:25:32,783 --> 00:25:35,116
Murderer! Murderer!
591
00:25:35,199 --> 00:25:38,282
Murderer! Murderer!
Murderer!
592
00:25:38,366 --> 00:25:40,324
Murderer! Murderer!
593
00:25:40,408 --> 00:25:43,866
Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
594
00:25:43,950 --> 00:25:48,408
[both]
♪ singing in German ♪
595
00:25:48,491 --> 00:25:50,783
[all chanting]
Murderer! Murderer!
596
00:25:50,866 --> 00:25:53,658
Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
597
00:25:53,741 --> 00:25:55,866
You killed the magic!
598
00:25:55,950 --> 00:25:59,783
[gunshots]
599
00:25:59,866 --> 00:26:03,157
[panting]
600
00:26:03,241 --> 00:26:05,908
♪ dramatic percussive music ♪
601
00:26:05,991 --> 00:26:08,658
♪♪♪
602
00:26:08,741 --> 00:26:12,366
[gunshots]
603
00:26:12,449 --> 00:26:17,408
♪♪♪
604
00:26:20,866 --> 00:26:23,908
[wind whistling, waves lapping]
605
00:26:30,449 --> 00:26:33,282
[man]
♪ singing in native language ♪
606
00:26:33,366 --> 00:26:38,324
♪♪♪
39741
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
