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[Ennui Le Triste]
Previously on Kidding...
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00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:37,855
Don't do drugs!
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00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:39,563
[Jeff] We're gonna build
Listen-To-Me Pickles.
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00:00:39,646 --> 00:00:41,312
I should go talk to Peter.
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00:00:41,396 --> 00:00:42,438
[nurse] I don't think your wife
wants that to happen,
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00:00:42,521 --> 00:00:44,271
but he wants to
talk to you though.
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00:00:44,354 --> 00:00:46,062
[Josip] I learned English
from watching your show.
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00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,896
[Seb]
His name is Josip Butkevich.
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00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:50,062
He's some Croatian voice actor.
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00:00:50,146 --> 00:00:52,021
I have to write
a $600,000 check
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00:00:52,104 --> 00:00:54,187
so the IRS won't pummel me.
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00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:55,604
You're gonna put Puppet Time
back on the air.
13
00:00:55,688 --> 00:00:57,187
Not Dad.
You.
14
00:00:58,271 --> 00:01:01,104
♪ classical music ♪
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00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:03,146
♪♪♪
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00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,771
♪ Jack and Jill
went up the hill ♪
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00:01:05,855 --> 00:01:08,855
♪ To fetch a pail of water ♪
18
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:10,938
♪ Jack fell down
and broke his crown ♪
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00:01:11,021 --> 00:01:14,021
♪ And Jill came
tumbling after ♪
20
00:01:14,104 --> 00:01:17,062
[whimsical orchestration]
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00:01:17,146 --> 00:01:20,396
♪♪♪
22
00:01:22,187 --> 00:01:24,312
- [indistinct shouting]
- [alarm blaring]
23
00:01:24,396 --> 00:01:26,062
speaking native language
24
00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:31,688
[gunfire]
[people shouting]
25
00:01:31,771 --> 00:01:35,062
[siren continues blaring]
26
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:37,146
[man shouting
in native language]
27
00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:42,229
[Jeff]
We need friends...
28
00:01:43,730 --> 00:01:45,646
Friends to laugh with,
29
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,354
friends to share with,
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00:01:47,438 --> 00:01:49,688
friends to play with,
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00:01:49,771 --> 00:01:51,563
friends to learn with.
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00:01:51,646 --> 00:01:54,479
We need friends because
friends help us grow.
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00:01:54,563 --> 00:01:55,896
[girl giggles]
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00:01:55,980 --> 00:01:57,771
[Snagglehorse]
Friends help us grow?
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00:01:57,855 --> 00:01:58,896
[Uke-Larry]
True friends do.
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00:01:58,980 --> 00:02:00,938
[both]
True friend do.
37
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,104
[Snagglehorse] But what's
a true friend, Mr. Pickles?
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00:02:03,187 --> 00:02:04,980
[kids laugh]
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00:02:05,062 --> 00:02:06,938
[Jeff] ♪ A friend is someone
that could tell you ♪
40
00:02:07,021 --> 00:02:08,938
- [Jeff] When there's jelly...
- [Uke-Larry] On your face.
41
00:02:09,021 --> 00:02:11,062
[laughter]
42
00:02:11,146 --> 00:02:13,730
[Uke-Larry] A friend is someone
you can tell any...
43
00:02:13,813 --> 00:02:16,980
- [boom]
- [kids whimper]
44
00:02:19,062 --> 00:02:21,271
[kids groan]
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00:02:23,521 --> 00:02:24,521
[pounding]
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00:02:24,604 --> 00:02:25,938
[Gregur]
Josip.
47
00:02:33,021 --> 00:02:34,146
♪ When you need someone
to talk to ♪
48
00:02:34,229 --> 00:02:36,771
♪ You can always depend
on a friend ♪
49
00:02:36,855 --> 00:02:38,271
♪ A true friend ♪
50
00:02:38,354 --> 00:02:41,604
♪ A friend is someone
you call on the phone ♪
51
00:02:41,688 --> 00:02:43,479
♪ To be by your side
when you're feeling alone ♪
52
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:46,521
- [boom]
- [kids screaming]
53
00:02:46,604 --> 00:02:48,980
[boom!]
54
00:02:52,730 --> 00:02:54,479
[kids yelling,
voices retreat]
55
00:02:54,563 --> 00:02:57,730
[alarm blaring distantly]
56
00:02:57,813 --> 00:03:00,646
[helicopter blades thrumming]
[man shouts in native language]
57
00:03:04,187 --> 00:03:06,062
[man continues to shout
distantly]
58
00:03:11,688 --> 00:03:14,229
♪ somber music ♪
59
00:03:14,312 --> 00:03:17,438
♪ A friend is someone
who will care for you so ♪
60
00:03:17,521 --> 00:03:21,479
♪ When you feel a little broken,
they can make you feel whole ♪
61
00:03:21,563 --> 00:03:24,271
♪ When the day feels lonely,
you can always depend ♪
62
00:03:24,354 --> 00:03:26,896
♪ On a friend, a true-- ♪
63
00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:30,229
[door opens, closes]
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00:03:38,312 --> 00:03:41,229
[lively folk music
playing over radio]
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00:03:41,312 --> 00:03:46,354
♪♪♪
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00:03:56,855 --> 00:03:58,104
- [grunts]
- [xylophone dings]
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00:03:59,604 --> 00:04:01,479
- [whimpers]
- [pleasant tone]
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00:04:01,563 --> 00:04:03,479
[Jeff]
Hello from Ohio.
69
00:04:03,563 --> 00:04:05,271
It's almost time
to have supper where you live,
70
00:04:05,354 --> 00:04:06,771
Serbia and Croatia.
71
00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:08,396
What are you having?
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00:04:08,479 --> 00:04:11,479
I'm having a song for dinner.
A supper song.
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00:04:11,563 --> 00:04:16,771
♪♪♪
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00:04:17,813 --> 00:04:19,396
[imitates Jeff]
Do you think I sound like him?
75
00:04:22,771 --> 00:04:25,479
[Jeff] ♪ A friend is someone
you can call on the phone ♪
76
00:04:25,563 --> 00:04:28,688
♪ To be by your side
when you're feeling alone ♪
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00:04:28,771 --> 00:04:32,479
[together] ♪ A friend is someone
who will care for your soul ♪
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00:04:32,563 --> 00:04:37,396
♪ When you feel broken,
they'll make you feel whole ♪
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00:04:37,479 --> 00:04:41,479
♪♪♪
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00:04:49,271 --> 00:04:50,771
Let's call it even.
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00:04:53,104 --> 00:04:54,771
[door bell]
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00:05:02,062 --> 00:05:03,980
- ♪ soft dramatic music ♪
- Hello, Jeff.
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00:05:04,062 --> 00:05:06,771
This is Josip Butkevich.
84
00:05:06,855 --> 00:05:10,521
You may remember me from
my puppet-based erotica website.
85
00:05:10,604 --> 00:05:14,104
I'm sorry your animated series
did not work out,
86
00:05:14,187 --> 00:05:17,146
and I hope that things
are better with your father.
87
00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:19,688
I know you won't
respond to this,
88
00:05:19,771 --> 00:05:23,271
but if you ever need a friend,
you have one
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00:05:23,354 --> 00:05:27,730
on the border between
Serbia and Croatia.
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00:05:27,813 --> 00:05:30,646
♪ quirky music ♪
91
00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:35,479
♪♪♪
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00:05:42,730 --> 00:05:44,479
[cheers and applause]
93
00:05:44,563 --> 00:05:47,312
So, Mr. Pickles,
let's talk about this new doll.
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00:05:47,396 --> 00:05:51,187
It's kind of like Alexa,
but instead of a computer,
95
00:05:51,271 --> 00:05:54,771
there's a middle-aged man
listening on the other end.
96
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,229
[laughter]
97
00:05:57,312 --> 00:05:59,938
Children deserve to be heard.
I chose to listen.
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00:06:00,021 --> 00:06:02,312
[applause]
99
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,813
You know, I-sorry,
but as a mother,
100
00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:06,688
and also
the first celebrity Barbie...
101
00:06:06,771 --> 00:06:09,980
[cheers and applause]
Oh.
102
00:06:10,062 --> 00:06:14,187
But I just have to say that
it's kind of surprising to me
103
00:06:14,271 --> 00:06:16,438
that parents are okay with this.
104
00:06:16,521 --> 00:06:18,354
[audience ohhs, chatters]
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00:06:18,438 --> 00:06:20,813
They don't seem to mind giving
their children smartphones
106
00:06:20,896 --> 00:06:24,604
with access to pornography
and livestream school shootings.
107
00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:27,479
Listen-To-Me Pickles was meant
to be an antidote to all that,
108
00:06:27,563 --> 00:06:30,563
a way to bypass
the depravity of social media,
109
00:06:30,646 --> 00:06:34,604
to give children the attention
they crave and so deserve.
110
00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:41,354
You had a show on air
for 30 years,
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00:06:41,438 --> 00:06:43,312
and...now it's not.
112
00:06:43,396 --> 00:06:45,021
How is that affecting you?
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00:06:47,730 --> 00:06:49,396
I miss seeing my friends,
114
00:06:49,479 --> 00:06:51,104
Snagglehorse
and Ennui Le Triste.
115
00:06:51,187 --> 00:06:53,563
Uke-Larry and Astronotter.
116
00:06:53,646 --> 00:06:55,396
- [audience] Aw...
- But I created a world
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00:06:55,479 --> 00:06:58,396
where children could see me
and I couldn't see them.
118
00:06:58,479 --> 00:07:01,563
Now I've created a way for us
to really connect
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00:07:01,646 --> 00:07:03,855
and talk to each other.
120
00:07:03,938 --> 00:07:06,730
[chuckling] I have more friends
now than I've ever had.
121
00:07:06,813 --> 00:07:08,771
- [audience] Aww.
- [applause]
122
00:07:09,938 --> 00:07:14,229
Well, Mr. Pickles, you're gonna
have 200 more friends to talk to
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00:07:14,312 --> 00:07:16,396
because everyone
in our studio audience
124
00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:20,229
is getting a free
Listen-To-Me Pickles doll!
125
00:07:20,312 --> 00:07:23,396
[bright music plays
over speakers]
126
00:07:23,479 --> 00:07:25,479
♪♪♪
127
00:07:28,688 --> 00:07:30,813
Jeff, you don't have
a lot of friends, do you?
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00:07:30,896 --> 00:07:33,396
Oh, I have millions of them
in terms of Pickle pals.
129
00:07:33,479 --> 00:07:35,855
And I have my sister.
130
00:07:35,938 --> 00:07:37,396
And the children I speak to
131
00:07:37,479 --> 00:07:39,604
over an internet-connected doll.
132
00:07:39,688 --> 00:07:43,604
So...no, I guess I don't.
133
00:07:43,688 --> 00:07:45,271
You know,
an important part of recovery
134
00:07:45,354 --> 00:07:47,438
is just having somebody
to talk to.
135
00:07:47,521 --> 00:07:50,855
How's your pain
at the incision point?
136
00:07:50,938 --> 00:07:52,604
[grunts]
Ah--a lot.
137
00:07:52,688 --> 00:07:54,896
- Even with the oxycodone?
- I haven't been taking those.
138
00:07:54,980 --> 00:07:56,604
Are you experiencing
side effects?
139
00:07:56,688 --> 00:07:58,438
I believe opiates
are overprescribed
140
00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:00,062
and highly addictive.
141
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,271
They've robbed children
of their parents
142
00:08:01,354 --> 00:08:02,646
and parents of their children.
143
00:08:02,730 --> 00:08:04,229
I don't wanna be a part of that.
144
00:08:04,312 --> 00:08:06,104
But Jeff, you're gonna
feel a lot of pain.
145
00:08:06,187 --> 00:08:08,521
Isn't there some kind
of alternative?
146
00:08:08,604 --> 00:08:11,771
Something non-addictive,
organic, all-natural?
147
00:08:11,855 --> 00:08:13,438
I believe I can
accommodate that.
148
00:08:13,521 --> 00:08:15,271
Thank you.
149
00:08:15,354 --> 00:08:17,438
I'm gonna prescribe you
medical marijuana.
150
00:08:17,521 --> 00:08:20,187
♪ mellow music ♪
151
00:08:20,271 --> 00:08:21,980
[softly] Oh, God.
152
00:08:22,062 --> 00:08:22,938
[Listen-To-Me Pickles blips]
153
00:08:23,021 --> 00:08:25,980
[Jeff] Hey, Peter?
154
00:08:26,062 --> 00:08:27,855
You wanna
go to lunch sometime?
155
00:08:27,938 --> 00:08:32,146
♪♪♪
156
00:08:32,229 --> 00:08:35,146
[piano lounge music playing]
157
00:08:35,229 --> 00:08:36,938
[indistinct chatter]
158
00:08:37,021 --> 00:08:39,312
♪♪♪
159
00:08:39,396 --> 00:08:41,479
So how long you in Seattle?
160
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,396
- Till I go to New York.
- What's in New York?
161
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,187
Your competition.
162
00:08:45,271 --> 00:08:47,021
I'd write you a check right now
if it meant we could stream
163
00:08:47,104 --> 00:08:50,396
the last 30 years
of Puppet Time on our service.
164
00:08:50,479 --> 00:08:51,604
It's the new stuff
I'm uncomfortable
165
00:08:51,688 --> 00:08:54,146
putting Amazon's name on.
166
00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:56,354
I will buy the archives.
167
00:08:56,438 --> 00:08:58,646
I told your dad I would.
168
00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:02,312
But I'm not putting you
back on the air.
169
00:09:02,396 --> 00:09:04,146
You're worried about
Jeff having a filter.
170
00:09:04,229 --> 00:09:06,730
Right now,
he doesn't have a filter,
171
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,062
and he's broadcasting every day
172
00:09:09,146 --> 00:09:11,021
through a network
of talking dolls
173
00:09:11,104 --> 00:09:12,855
because what the fuck?
174
00:09:12,938 --> 00:09:14,730
[chuckles softly]
175
00:09:14,813 --> 00:09:17,855
And who buys the dolls?
The parents.
176
00:09:17,938 --> 00:09:19,896
And what website
are they buying them on?
177
00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:21,730
Ours.
178
00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:25,938
- How many dolls have you sold?
- I can't tell you that.
179
00:09:26,021 --> 00:09:28,021
But you know the answer.
180
00:09:28,104 --> 00:09:30,938
Here are the rules.
We shoot in Columbus.
181
00:09:31,021 --> 00:09:33,855
Nobody tells Jeff
there are things he can't say.
182
00:09:33,938 --> 00:09:35,896
I didn't realize
we were negotiating.
183
00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:38,187
We keep total creative control.
184
00:09:38,271 --> 00:09:39,896
- Let me think about it.
- I'm not done.
185
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:42,688
And every child in America
needs to be able
186
00:09:42,771 --> 00:09:45,688
to watch the show
for free.
187
00:09:45,771 --> 00:09:50,396
♪♪♪
188
00:09:50,479 --> 00:09:52,604
When are you leaving
for New York?
189
00:09:52,688 --> 00:09:54,229
Wouldn't you like to know?
190
00:09:59,312 --> 00:10:01,563
[Peter] So lunch, huh?
I love lunch.
191
00:10:01,646 --> 00:10:05,312
You wanna go out or stay in?
192
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:06,646
[Jeff]
I only have cereal.
193
00:10:08,312 --> 00:10:09,730
[Peter]
Yeah, that's fine.
194
00:10:18,271 --> 00:10:20,229
What's it like
having me inside you?
195
00:10:20,312 --> 00:10:22,104
The same,
196
00:10:22,187 --> 00:10:24,438
except for the odd moment
I catch myself
197
00:10:24,521 --> 00:10:26,896
doing something
I've never done before,
198
00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:28,938
like learning to walk again.
199
00:10:32,104 --> 00:10:33,354
That was me joking.
200
00:10:33,438 --> 00:10:34,813
- [exhales]
- Sort of.
201
00:10:36,855 --> 00:10:38,396
So you didn't have to learn
how to walk again?
202
00:10:38,479 --> 00:10:40,688
No, I did.
203
00:10:42,855 --> 00:10:45,938
Do you remember
stealing my rocket ship?
204
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,813
Ennui calling me a cocksucker?
205
00:10:50,146 --> 00:10:51,146
I don't think so.
206
00:10:51,229 --> 00:10:52,896
Oh.
207
00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:55,229
There was a second when
I thought our souls were fusing.
208
00:10:55,312 --> 00:10:59,187
No, my soul was crushed when
you ran over it with your car.
209
00:10:59,271 --> 00:11:00,938
Sorry.
210
00:11:01,021 --> 00:11:03,938
[sighs] I should've known
weed was a big deal for you
211
00:11:04,021 --> 00:11:07,855
after all those anti-drug PSAs
that you did in the '90s,
212
00:11:07,938 --> 00:11:11,855
not to mention how upset
you were over Will smoking up.
213
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,146
I...
214
00:11:13,229 --> 00:11:15,646
I shouldn't have
offered you that joint.
215
00:11:15,730 --> 00:11:17,396
Thanks for saying that.
216
00:11:19,104 --> 00:11:21,771
Can you help me find
some weed?
217
00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:24,688
Hi.
Uh...
218
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:26,980
I'm a doctor,
219
00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:29,604
and a patient of mine...
220
00:11:29,688 --> 00:11:31,938
[softly] who's a well-known
public figure...
221
00:11:32,021 --> 00:11:34,896
[normal voice]
is waiting outside.
222
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:37,688
Um...
223
00:11:37,771 --> 00:11:39,229
[softly] It's important
for his reputation
224
00:11:39,312 --> 00:11:42,062
that no one sees him...
225
00:11:42,146 --> 00:11:44,688
[whispering] buy marijuana,
so could we, like,
226
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,604
possibly clear
the establishment?
227
00:11:46,688 --> 00:11:48,563
Sorry, Doctor.
State law
228
00:11:48,646 --> 00:11:51,104
provides these patients
with the right to be here.
229
00:11:51,187 --> 00:11:52,855
We could lose our license.
230
00:11:52,938 --> 00:11:54,521
[mumbles]
231
00:11:54,604 --> 00:11:56,438
[sighs] Well,
232
00:11:56,521 --> 00:11:59,146
don't wanna break the law.
233
00:11:59,229 --> 00:12:01,813
Who is it?
234
00:12:01,896 --> 00:12:04,354
♪ mellow music ♪
235
00:12:04,438 --> 00:12:05,896
[sighs]
236
00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:07,771
Am I gonna regret this?
237
00:12:07,855 --> 00:12:11,021
If it makes a difference,
I've watched Puppet Time
238
00:12:11,104 --> 00:12:12,980
plenty of times while medicated.
239
00:12:13,062 --> 00:12:15,146
Me too.
240
00:12:15,229 --> 00:12:17,021
All right.
241
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,813
[woman] I always learn
something new about myself
242
00:12:19,896 --> 00:12:21,604
and about Pickle Barrel Falls.
243
00:12:21,688 --> 00:12:23,646
- Like what?
- Like how none of the puppets
244
00:12:23,730 --> 00:12:26,771
on the show are mothers,
which is weird.
245
00:12:26,855 --> 00:12:30,479
But then you realize
the water is your mom
246
00:12:30,563 --> 00:12:32,354
because it's everywhere
247
00:12:32,438 --> 00:12:34,104
and it takes you anywhere
that you wanna go.
248
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:36,312
But it also can't speak,
249
00:12:36,396 --> 00:12:39,354
so it's kinda like how
the hardest part of parenting
250
00:12:39,438 --> 00:12:41,604
is sending your kid
down the river of life
251
00:12:41,688 --> 00:12:44,021
and being both on the journey,
252
00:12:44,104 --> 00:12:47,730
but unable to steer the ship.
253
00:12:47,813 --> 00:12:50,479
Also,
Sy the Wide-Eyed Fly is death.
254
00:12:50,563 --> 00:12:52,146
Oh.
255
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,563
[Peter] And Hopscotch the
Sasquatch might have leprosy
256
00:12:54,646 --> 00:12:56,730
'cause he's just down
to the one leg,
257
00:12:56,813 --> 00:12:58,730
but, you know, what do I know?
258
00:12:58,813 --> 00:13:01,229
I'm just high and a doctor.
259
00:13:01,312 --> 00:13:02,980
I definitely don't
wanna smoke anything.
260
00:13:03,062 --> 00:13:05,104
You don't have
to smoke anything.
261
00:13:05,187 --> 00:13:08,146
♪♪♪
262
00:13:08,229 --> 00:13:09,730
How's your recovery?
263
00:13:12,146 --> 00:13:15,896
Well, I've, uh, lost
most of my liver.
264
00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:18,479
I had to quit smoking
cold turkey, stop drinking.
265
00:13:18,563 --> 00:13:20,563
I have acute
erectile dysfunction
266
00:13:20,646 --> 00:13:22,771
and I lost my job,
267
00:13:22,855 --> 00:13:25,396
but other than
those five examples,
268
00:13:25,479 --> 00:13:27,271
I'm really good.
269
00:13:27,354 --> 00:13:29,604
And you and Jill are...
the same?
270
00:13:29,688 --> 00:13:32,021
- We're a lot stronger now...
- Mm.
271
00:13:32,104 --> 00:13:34,438
That I quit drinking,
stopped smoking,
272
00:13:34,521 --> 00:13:37,938
spent more time at home
since I've lost my job.
273
00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:40,730
Her teaching me
to walk upstairs again
274
00:13:40,813 --> 00:13:43,646
was a real relationship booster.
275
00:13:43,730 --> 00:13:47,688
Well, between you, me,
and Ennui Le Stoned,
276
00:13:47,771 --> 00:13:50,855
I too am having
a little issue with ED.
277
00:13:50,938 --> 00:13:53,354
Not uncommon
after major surgery.
278
00:13:53,438 --> 00:13:55,646
Obviously,
it's different for you.
279
00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:58,312
Your car has a garage
to pull into.
280
00:13:58,396 --> 00:14:01,271
I'm parked on the street
at night
281
00:14:01,354 --> 00:14:02,813
and in the shower.
282
00:14:02,896 --> 00:14:04,104
Here.
283
00:14:04,187 --> 00:14:06,021
It's a tea
so you don't have to smoke it.
284
00:14:06,104 --> 00:14:09,479
And you dip it in water,
so it'll remind you of your mom.
285
00:14:09,563 --> 00:14:12,855
Will you sip drugs with me?
286
00:14:12,938 --> 00:14:14,896
I don't wanna be alone
my first time.
287
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:19,146
Yeah, I'll sip drugs with you.
288
00:14:19,229 --> 00:14:22,146
♪ bright music ♪
289
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:24,896
♪♪♪
290
00:14:24,980 --> 00:14:28,479
This reminds me of the night
I lost my virginity.
291
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,104
Was she a pot-sipper?
292
00:14:30,187 --> 00:14:32,312
No, but we did it
in her grandmother's house
293
00:14:32,396 --> 00:14:34,604
and she had the same tea set.
294
00:14:34,688 --> 00:14:38,021
Nothing like a post-coital
digestive biscuit
295
00:14:38,104 --> 00:14:40,312
from Nana's treat jar.
296
00:14:40,396 --> 00:14:42,771
I lost my virginity
to an older woman.
297
00:14:44,438 --> 00:14:46,104
Really?
298
00:14:46,187 --> 00:14:47,896
I guess that I assumed
Jill was your one and only.
299
00:14:47,980 --> 00:14:50,688
She was my second
and most special.
300
00:14:50,771 --> 00:14:53,938
Mm-hmm.
Who was your first?
301
00:14:54,021 --> 00:14:57,563
I don't think I should say.
She was an actress.
302
00:14:57,646 --> 00:15:00,187
Oh.
Would I know her?
303
00:15:00,271 --> 00:15:02,855
She starred in a movie
304
00:15:02,938 --> 00:15:04,938
about the sound of music.
305
00:15:07,938 --> 00:15:11,187
Did you lose your virginity
to Julie Andrews?
306
00:15:14,354 --> 00:15:15,896
Mary Poppins?
307
00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:18,604
My sister calls her
Cherry Poppins.
308
00:15:18,688 --> 00:15:19,604
[whispers]
How old were you?
309
00:15:19,688 --> 00:15:22,104
I was 16 going on 17.
310
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:23,479
You're kidding.
311
00:15:23,563 --> 00:15:24,813
Yes.
312
00:15:24,896 --> 00:15:28,438
I was 28.
She was 59, but vivacious.
313
00:15:28,521 --> 00:15:30,563
You're familiar with
the 1995 Broadway season?
314
00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:32,146
I'm not.
No.
315
00:15:32,229 --> 00:15:36,021
I got to go backstage during
her run of Victor/Victoria.
316
00:15:36,104 --> 00:15:39,563
Let's just say between
me and her Tony nomination,
317
00:15:39,646 --> 00:15:43,146
one she famously declined,
the other was me.
318
00:15:43,229 --> 00:15:45,062
Which one was she dressed as?
Victor or Victoria?
319
00:15:45,146 --> 00:15:47,271
A gentleman never tells.
320
00:15:47,354 --> 00:15:48,271
[door closes]
321
00:15:48,354 --> 00:15:49,271
Mm.
322
00:15:51,938 --> 00:15:53,104
What are you two doing?
323
00:15:53,187 --> 00:15:55,271
Drinking weed.
324
00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:57,646
Cool.
325
00:15:57,730 --> 00:15:59,187
Don't forget to take these.
326
00:15:59,271 --> 00:16:02,104
They're so your liver doesn't
fall out of your ass.
327
00:16:02,187 --> 00:16:03,688
Enjoy whatever this is.
328
00:16:03,771 --> 00:16:06,104
Hey.
329
00:16:06,187 --> 00:16:07,646
Do you like my haircut?
330
00:16:10,563 --> 00:16:12,688
Later, Pancake.
331
00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:14,646
[door rattles, closes]
332
00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:16,604
[whispers]
I like your haircut.
333
00:16:16,688 --> 00:16:17,938
Why do you call her
"Pancake"?
334
00:16:18,021 --> 00:16:19,980
'Cause on our first date,
335
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,271
we had pancakes.
336
00:16:22,354 --> 00:16:24,229
I'm not feeling anything
from this tea.
337
00:16:24,312 --> 00:16:27,062
I don't think I'm high,
but I have an idea.
338
00:16:27,146 --> 00:16:28,980
We find the tallest building
in the city.
339
00:16:29,062 --> 00:16:30,938
We ride the elevator
all the way to the top.
340
00:16:31,021 --> 00:16:32,938
And if the elevator
is fast enough,
341
00:16:33,021 --> 00:16:35,688
it should push the blood
from our brains to our penises,
342
00:16:35,771 --> 00:16:39,438
solving our erectile disorders.
343
00:16:39,521 --> 00:16:41,354
No, you're high.
344
00:16:41,438 --> 00:16:44,312
♪ Beethoven's
Fur Elise ♪
345
00:16:44,396 --> 00:16:48,521
♪♪♪
346
00:16:48,604 --> 00:16:50,229
See you tomorrow
at the mediation.
347
00:16:50,312 --> 00:16:52,021
Don't sound so excited.
348
00:16:52,104 --> 00:16:53,813
Well, I'm not excited.
349
00:16:53,896 --> 00:16:56,229
I'll be excited when
you close that Amazon deal
350
00:16:56,312 --> 00:16:57,980
and I get half of it.
351
00:16:58,062 --> 00:16:59,604
I'll be excited about
getting half the cash
352
00:16:59,688 --> 00:17:02,354
you squirreled away instead
of giving it to charity.
353
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,521
But I'm not excited about
the mediation itself.
354
00:17:04,604 --> 00:17:07,688
That sounds boring.
355
00:17:07,771 --> 00:17:10,021
Aren't you gonna ask
why I'm in a tuxedo?
356
00:17:10,104 --> 00:17:13,104
I didn't notice.
357
00:17:13,187 --> 00:17:15,896
[door hinges creak]
358
00:17:15,980 --> 00:17:18,813
♪ rapid piano music ♪
359
00:17:18,896 --> 00:17:23,938
♪♪♪
360
00:17:38,229 --> 00:17:39,646
Tonight's honoree
361
00:17:39,730 --> 00:17:42,730
is one of the most selfless
individuals I have met
362
00:17:42,813 --> 00:17:45,646
in my 42 years helping children.
363
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:49,104
Her generous donation
of nearly $1 million...
364
00:17:53,438 --> 00:17:56,062
Will go directly
to a new program
365
00:17:56,146 --> 00:18:00,062
focused on Columbus'
most at-risk youth.
366
00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:03,771
Deirdre's Kids:
No child left behind.
367
00:18:03,855 --> 00:18:05,104
Ladies and gentlemen,
368
00:18:05,187 --> 00:18:07,604
Columbus'
Philanthropist of the Year,
369
00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:09,396
Deirdre Piccirillo.
370
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:12,229
[applause]
371
00:18:17,771 --> 00:18:21,062
- I've devoted my life...
- [applause fades]
372
00:18:21,146 --> 00:18:25,354
To giving a voice
to the voiceless,
373
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,896
a hand to the handless,
374
00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:30,187
hope...
375
00:18:30,271 --> 00:18:32,855
[sighs]
Why didn't you clap for me?
376
00:18:32,938 --> 00:18:36,646
[piano lounge music playing]
377
00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:38,771
Really?
Nothing?
378
00:18:38,855 --> 00:18:40,730
I just won an award
379
00:18:40,813 --> 00:18:43,521
and a bunch of poor kids
got Chromebooks.
380
00:18:43,604 --> 00:18:47,896
♪♪♪
381
00:18:47,980 --> 00:18:49,980
Nothing?
Nada?
382
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:52,604
I thought you were just
avoiding tax evasion.
383
00:18:52,688 --> 00:18:54,271
I'm talking to him.
384
00:18:54,354 --> 00:18:57,896
Is this because you were wrong
about the listening doll?
385
00:18:57,980 --> 00:18:59,521
Is it because I'm getting
the show back on the air
386
00:18:59,604 --> 00:19:01,021
and you couldn't?
387
00:19:01,104 --> 00:19:04,438
No. I did not make
too many demands.
388
00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:06,813
I demanded our worth.
389
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,688
He didn't say anything.
390
00:19:08,771 --> 00:19:12,604
[forced chuckle]
I'm aware.
391
00:19:12,688 --> 00:19:14,104
Would you please say
something?
392
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,438
Anything?
Please?
393
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,771
They spelled your name wrong.
394
00:19:21,896 --> 00:19:23,771
Where the fuck is Jeff?
395
00:19:23,855 --> 00:19:27,855
Your hand is glued
to that trophy, isn't it?
396
00:19:27,938 --> 00:19:29,521
No!
397
00:19:31,855 --> 00:19:33,813
I feel like I'm supposed
to be someplace.
398
00:19:33,896 --> 00:19:35,229
- [elevator dings]
- [Peter chuckles]
399
00:19:37,354 --> 00:19:40,312
- Sorry, elevator's closed.
- For science.
400
00:19:42,021 --> 00:19:43,855
- [exhales]
- Okay, moment of truth.
401
00:19:43,938 --> 00:19:46,146
I'm nervous.
402
00:19:46,229 --> 00:19:49,229
[elevator whirring]
403
00:19:53,730 --> 00:19:55,730
[exhales]
404
00:19:55,813 --> 00:19:58,062
[elevator stops, dings]
405
00:19:58,146 --> 00:19:59,563
- [doors open]
- [gasps]
406
00:19:59,646 --> 00:20:02,521
Oh.
407
00:20:02,604 --> 00:20:04,062
You're a genius.
408
00:20:04,146 --> 00:20:06,896
No.
I failed.
409
00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:09,688
[sighs]
Fix me, Peter.
410
00:20:11,938 --> 00:20:14,604
- [grunts, sighs]
- [elevator dings]
411
00:20:14,688 --> 00:20:16,479
[elevator whirs]
412
00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:19,688
It's the night of the
Von Trapp's big party.
413
00:20:19,771 --> 00:20:21,980
[whispering] Fraulein Maria
is out on the patio
414
00:20:22,062 --> 00:20:23,896
teaching Friedrich
the Laendler.
415
00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:25,521
Stop.
Don't do that.
416
00:20:25,604 --> 00:20:28,146
Captain appears in the doorway,
taps his son on the shoulder...
417
00:20:28,229 --> 00:20:29,604
[sighs]
418
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:32,229
Takes Maria's hand
in his crisp, white glove.
419
00:20:32,312 --> 00:20:34,730
- Peter, please.
- Together at last.
420
00:20:34,813 --> 00:20:36,438
Their two bodies gliding
421
00:20:36,521 --> 00:20:38,771
in perfect synchronicity
under the Austrian moonlight.
422
00:20:38,855 --> 00:20:40,354
It's not gonna work.
423
00:20:40,438 --> 00:20:42,855
So lost in each other's eyes,
they don't even notice--
424
00:20:42,938 --> 00:20:45,688
Notice The Baroness approach.
425
00:20:45,771 --> 00:20:47,438
He never loved her.
426
00:20:47,521 --> 00:20:49,438
Never.
427
00:20:49,521 --> 00:20:52,146
The Captain's heart
melts for Maria,
428
00:20:52,229 --> 00:20:54,062
but she made a vow to God,
429
00:20:54,146 --> 00:20:56,312
which is why
she breaks away from him.
430
00:20:56,396 --> 00:20:57,771
- Breathless.
- Yep.
431
00:20:57,855 --> 00:20:58,896
- Blushing.
- Uh-huh.
432
00:20:58,980 --> 00:21:00,855
- Beguiled
- Amen.
433
00:21:00,938 --> 00:21:02,062
[elevator dings]
434
00:21:02,146 --> 00:21:03,855
♪ pleasant music ♪
435
00:21:03,938 --> 00:21:06,646
[humming cheerfully]
436
00:21:08,021 --> 00:21:09,938
Thanks for spending time
with me.
437
00:21:10,021 --> 00:21:11,229
I hadn't been getting
out much.
438
00:21:11,312 --> 00:21:13,062
No, thanks for the liver.
439
00:21:13,146 --> 00:21:15,479
[both laugh]
440
00:21:15,563 --> 00:21:18,855
Um...
441
00:21:18,938 --> 00:21:20,730
now I should go see Jill.
442
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,896
Oh.
443
00:21:22,980 --> 00:21:24,896
I understand.
444
00:21:24,980 --> 00:21:28,229
I should go buy some ping pong
balls and a jar of mayonnaise.
445
00:21:28,312 --> 00:21:31,980
Ping pong balls go in a sock.
Mayonnaise in my hand.
446
00:21:32,062 --> 00:21:34,855
- To masturbate.
- Yeah.
447
00:21:34,938 --> 00:21:37,604
Well, good luck with Pancake.
448
00:21:37,688 --> 00:21:39,813
Thank you.
449
00:21:39,896 --> 00:21:43,521
[laughs]
Um...
450
00:21:43,604 --> 00:21:44,896
She really wants you
to sign those divorce papers.
451
00:21:44,980 --> 00:21:47,229
[softly]
Oh, right.
452
00:21:47,312 --> 00:21:50,271
♪ melancholy music ♪
453
00:21:50,354 --> 00:21:53,271
♪♪♪
454
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:56,813
[faucet running]
455
00:21:56,896 --> 00:21:58,146
Why do you sound like me?
456
00:21:58,229 --> 00:22:01,104
[crickets chirping]
457
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:03,771
I learned English
from watching your show.
458
00:22:03,855 --> 00:22:07,479
It was the only voice I heard,
so it's the only voice I have.
459
00:22:10,146 --> 00:22:11,855
Jeff?
460
00:22:11,938 --> 00:22:13,521
You still there?
461
00:22:15,271 --> 00:22:16,813
[inhales deeply]
462
00:22:16,896 --> 00:22:20,271
I have to say good-bye
to my best friend today,
463
00:22:20,354 --> 00:22:23,312
but I don't think
I can sign the papers.
464
00:22:23,396 --> 00:22:25,646
If I sign them,
I won't have any friends left.
465
00:22:25,730 --> 00:22:27,229
[Josip]
I'm sorry, Jeff.
466
00:22:27,312 --> 00:22:28,896
If you're calling your
puppet erotica voice double
467
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:31,104
for relationship advice,
468
00:22:31,187 --> 00:22:32,980
I believe you.
469
00:22:33,062 --> 00:22:35,146
So what should I do?
470
00:22:35,229 --> 00:22:38,229
You have to move on.
Sign the papers.
471
00:22:38,312 --> 00:22:40,646
Ugh.
I don't wanna do it alone.
472
00:22:40,730 --> 00:22:43,563
I want her to be there with me.
473
00:22:47,062 --> 00:22:48,062
What's her number?
474
00:22:50,688 --> 00:22:52,479
It's okay.
You can trust me.
475
00:22:54,646 --> 00:22:56,146
Six-one-four,
one-two-four,
476
00:22:56,229 --> 00:22:57,730
four-three-two-four.
477
00:22:57,813 --> 00:23:00,312
[phone dialing]
478
00:23:00,396 --> 00:23:01,980
[line ringing]
479
00:23:02,062 --> 00:23:04,438
[Jill] Hi, it's Jill.
Sorry I missed your call.
480
00:23:04,521 --> 00:23:06,312
- But please leave a message.
- [beep]
481
00:23:06,396 --> 00:23:08,438
[Josip] Hi, Jill.
It's me, Jeff.
482
00:23:08,521 --> 00:23:10,521
I'm gonna sign the papers,
but on one condition.
483
00:23:10,604 --> 00:23:13,646
I would like you to be
with me when I do it.
484
00:23:13,730 --> 00:23:15,938
Thanks for understanding.
Good-bye.
485
00:23:17,855 --> 00:23:19,563
How was that?
486
00:23:23,312 --> 00:23:25,021
I couldn't have
said it better myself.
487
00:23:25,104 --> 00:23:26,980
[laughs softly]
488
00:23:27,062 --> 00:23:28,730
Friends come and go.
489
00:23:28,813 --> 00:23:31,563
Sometimes, we even have to say
good-bye to our best friends.
490
00:23:31,646 --> 00:23:33,563
In the end,
it's important to remember
491
00:23:33,646 --> 00:23:36,354
that our real best friend
is always there,
492
00:23:36,438 --> 00:23:38,938
staring at us in the mirror.
493
00:23:39,062 --> 00:23:40,604
[squeegee squeals]
494
00:23:40,688 --> 00:23:43,563
♪ mellow music box music ♪
495
00:23:43,646 --> 00:23:45,146
[door opens]
496
00:23:45,229 --> 00:23:45,980
What?
497
00:23:46,062 --> 00:23:51,104
♪♪♪
498
00:23:56,312 --> 00:23:58,146
[Deirdre]
They accepted every term.
499
00:24:01,312 --> 00:24:03,271
[both laugh]
500
00:24:03,354 --> 00:24:05,438
Oh, you had--where's the hair?
501
00:24:05,521 --> 00:24:07,229
- I know.
- [indistinct chatter]
502
00:24:07,312 --> 00:24:08,771
I thought it was
against the rules.
503
00:24:08,855 --> 00:24:13,563
♪♪♪
504
00:24:42,688 --> 00:24:44,646
My client would like to submit
the substantial proceeds
505
00:24:44,730 --> 00:24:49,062
from Ms. Piccirillo's recent
business deal with Amazon.com
506
00:24:49,146 --> 00:24:52,104
to the sum of their
shared communal assets.
507
00:24:52,187 --> 00:24:54,479
Actually, my client informs me
that that deal won't close
508
00:24:54,563 --> 00:24:56,563
until well after
we've finished our mediation.
509
00:24:56,646 --> 00:24:57,980
- What?
- [Deirdre] Sorry.
510
00:24:58,062 --> 00:24:59,479
Delay in paperwork.
511
00:24:59,563 --> 00:25:02,771
- Well, good move on your part.
- Thank you.
512
00:25:02,855 --> 00:25:05,354
My client also asserts
his entitlement to over
513
00:25:05,438 --> 00:25:07,563
$1 million in funds
meant for charity
514
00:25:07,646 --> 00:25:09,563
that Ms. Piccirillo has hidden
in various accounts
515
00:25:09,646 --> 00:25:11,021
over a period of 12 years.
516
00:25:11,104 --> 00:25:12,521
I'm so sorry.
517
00:25:12,604 --> 00:25:14,312
Those funds have
already been allocated
518
00:25:14,396 --> 00:25:15,730
to our city's at-risk youth.
519
00:25:15,813 --> 00:25:19,563
But I guess I could always
ask that they be returned.
520
00:25:19,646 --> 00:25:21,563
Let the record show
that my client
521
00:25:21,646 --> 00:25:24,229
has recently received
an award for her efforts.
522
00:25:27,896 --> 00:25:29,312
They spelt your name wrong.
523
00:25:29,396 --> 00:25:31,146
- Shrug.
- Let's move on.
524
00:25:31,229 --> 00:25:33,312
- Please.
- Please.
525
00:25:33,396 --> 00:25:35,813
[lawyer] When all is said and
done, we've determined that
526
00:25:35,896 --> 00:25:38,855
the combined value
of their cash,
527
00:25:38,938 --> 00:25:40,938
holdings,
and intellectual property
528
00:25:41,021 --> 00:25:44,938
comes to a total
of $207.4 million.
529
00:25:45,021 --> 00:25:46,438
Ah.
530
00:25:46,521 --> 00:25:48,229
That, what?
531
00:25:48,312 --> 00:25:49,938
What did you just say?
532
00:25:50,021 --> 00:25:54,354
Much of that value comes from
your intellectual property.
533
00:25:54,438 --> 00:25:56,062
These are your designs,
aren't they?
534
00:25:56,146 --> 00:25:57,855
Where'd you...
535
00:25:57,938 --> 00:26:01,271
The state considers these
creatures a communal asset.
536
00:26:01,354 --> 00:26:04,438
Ergo, Scott, a recently-single,
537
00:26:04,521 --> 00:26:07,312
openly-gay man
is entitled to half.
538
00:26:07,396 --> 00:26:09,479
Did you just say openly gay?
539
00:26:09,563 --> 00:26:12,938
Wait, I...
I own all the puppets?
540
00:26:13,021 --> 00:26:16,104
[lawyer] You created them.
The copyrights are in your name.
541
00:26:16,187 --> 00:26:17,396
Your father never told you?
542
00:26:17,479 --> 00:26:19,604
[Scott]
Who knew so many major brands
543
00:26:19,688 --> 00:26:21,354
were clamoring
for spokes-puppets?
544
00:26:21,438 --> 00:26:23,730
I've been fielding calls
all week.
545
00:26:23,813 --> 00:26:25,521
Fast food.
Pharmaceuticals.
546
00:26:25,604 --> 00:26:27,021
You can't have them.
547
00:26:27,104 --> 00:26:30,354
You're the one who agreed
to split everything 50/50.
548
00:26:30,438 --> 00:26:31,813
We did.
549
00:26:33,980 --> 00:26:37,229
I'm sorry.
Let's begin, eh?
550
00:26:37,312 --> 00:26:40,146
♪ soft rousing music ♪
551
00:26:40,229 --> 00:26:44,646
♪♪♪
552
00:26:44,730 --> 00:26:46,563
[lawyer]
My client Scott Perera
553
00:26:46,646 --> 00:26:50,104
will now take sole custody
of the following puppets.
554
00:26:50,187 --> 00:26:52,271
Ennui Le Triste.
555
00:26:52,354 --> 00:26:55,479
$26.1 million.
556
00:26:55,563 --> 00:26:57,187
♪♪♪
557
00:26:57,271 --> 00:26:59,062
Snagglehorse.
558
00:26:59,146 --> 00:27:01,938
♪♪♪
559
00:27:02,021 --> 00:27:03,938
$18.2 million.
560
00:27:06,187 --> 00:27:08,354
Thump-Thump.
561
00:27:12,062 --> 00:27:15,938
$9.4 million.
562
00:27:16,021 --> 00:27:17,813
The Oops.
563
00:27:21,354 --> 00:27:23,187
$12.4 million.
564
00:27:23,271 --> 00:27:25,146
Oops.
565
00:27:25,229 --> 00:27:29,229
Astronotter.
566
00:27:29,312 --> 00:27:32,146
$21.4 million.
567
00:27:32,229 --> 00:27:35,771
I just want what's fair.
568
00:27:35,855 --> 00:27:37,312
[lawyer]
Oh, sorry.
569
00:27:37,396 --> 00:27:39,688
I forgot one.
570
00:27:39,771 --> 00:27:43,646
♪ Some were there
in the beginning ♪
571
00:27:43,730 --> 00:27:48,604
♪ Some don't show up
till the end ♪
572
00:27:48,688 --> 00:27:51,604
♪ But it's the ones
who never leave you ♪
573
00:27:51,688 --> 00:27:56,229
♪ They're the ones
that you can always call ♪
574
00:27:58,604 --> 00:28:03,396
♪ A friend ♪
40625
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