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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,825
Happily Divorced is shot
before a live audience
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00:00:03,716 --> 00:00:06,441
and based on what
actually happened to me.
3
00:00:07,933 --> 00:00:10,690
So as your wedding planner,
I took it upon myself
4
00:00:10,583 --> 00:00:12,477
to come up with a few
design concepts,
5
00:00:12,404 --> 00:00:13,666
but it's your wedding.
6
00:00:13,618 --> 00:00:15,047
This should be your vision.
7
00:00:15,024 --> 00:00:16,152
Well, I was thinking...
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00:00:16,142 --> 00:00:19,332
The aisle is strewn
with cabbage roses.
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00:00:19,208 --> 00:00:21,699
The music swells,
the guests turn,
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00:00:21,636 --> 00:00:25,490
and on horseback,
through a mist of dry ice,
11
00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:28,862
here comes
the bride's ex-husband.
12
00:00:32,528 --> 00:00:34,555
What?
I want your wedding to be
13
00:00:34,476 --> 00:00:37,302
as spectacular
as William and Kate's.
14
00:00:37,224 --> 00:00:42,575
Yeah, well, William and Kate
weren't upstaged by the queen.
15
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,492
Come on, Peter, we got
a lot of things to finalize.
16
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:47,402
We got to put a deposit down
or we're gonna lose the hall.
17
00:00:47,287 --> 00:00:49,281
Oh, Mr. Peter.
18
00:00:49,204 --> 00:00:51,230
Puse un arreglo floral
muy bonito
19
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:52,579
en el cuarto
de su hermana.
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00:00:52,525 --> 00:00:54,086
Gracias, Cesar.
21
00:00:54,059 --> 00:00:58,943
All right, what's
with the telemundo show?
22
00:00:58,753 --> 00:01:00,548
What is it
you don't want me to know?
23
00:01:00,479 --> 00:01:02,706
Cesar?
24
00:01:02,651 --> 00:01:04,180
Please tell her
your sister's coming.
25
00:01:04,121 --> 00:01:05,283
I can't keep a secret
like you.
26
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:08,265
Oh,
your sister's coming?
27
00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:11,071
Oh, good,
you told her.
28
00:01:10,992 --> 00:01:12,719
I don't want that crackpot
in my house.
29
00:01:12,685 --> 00:01:14,247
Franny, come on.
30
00:01:14,187 --> 00:01:15,912
Gary just finalized
their divorce.
31
00:01:15,846 --> 00:01:18,338
She is very fragile right now.
She needs her family.
32
00:01:18,273 --> 00:01:20,499
She needs shock therapy.
33
00:01:20,446 --> 00:01:23,702
Well, fine, be that way.
I'll tell her she can't stay.
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00:01:23,609 --> 00:01:24,604
Good.
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00:01:24,567 --> 00:01:26,726
For very long.
36
00:01:27,697 --> 00:01:30,687
He-ere's Peggy!
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00:01:35,523 --> 00:01:38,613
- Mmm.
- Ohh! Pegboard.
38
00:01:38,525 --> 00:01:40,818
- Fran.
- Peggy.
39
00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:44,452
- My favorite sister-in-law.
- Peggy.
40
00:01:47,311 --> 00:01:52,595
? She was certain
that he was her one and only ?
41
00:01:52,390 --> 00:01:57,342
? But their union
always seemed a little forced ?
42
00:01:57,150 --> 00:02:00,141
? She got married anyway ?
43
00:02:00,025 --> 00:02:02,217
? Turns out
that he was gay ?
44
00:02:02,132 --> 00:02:03,328
? They're still in love ?
45
00:02:03,283 --> 00:02:05,941
? But now,
she's Happily Divorced ?
46
00:02:05,838 --> 00:02:07,666
47
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:12,844
oh, Peter, I didn't know
you had a new latino lover.
48
00:02:12,642 --> 00:02:14,437
Tres bien.
49
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,692
Who, Cesar? Oh, God, no.
50
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:19,161
Look, he just works here.
He's not my boyfriend.
51
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:21,984
You're no
Justin bieber yourself.
52
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:27,101
Oh, shoot.
That's my therapist.
53
00:02:26,984 --> 00:02:29,243
She's getting me through
my divorce from Gary.
54
00:02:29,156 --> 00:02:30,351
She's also helping me
get rid
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00:02:30,305 --> 00:02:32,099
of all the toxic people
in my life.
56
00:02:32,062 --> 00:02:34,888
Hmm.
Can I have her number?
57
00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:38,068
Well, sis,
the den is all set up for you.
58
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,901
Oh, geez, thank you, guys.
59
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,819
- This is swell.
- Oh, good.
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00:02:41,742 --> 00:02:44,267
Well, if you need towels,
they're in the hall closet.
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00:02:44,169 --> 00:02:46,595
I don't want her here.
62
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,361
Well, I can't just
ask her to leave.
63
00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:50,251
She just got off
a 22-hour bus ride.
64
00:02:50,206 --> 00:02:54,028
That's because
she's on the no-fly list.
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00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,142
Peter,
have you forgotten
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00:02:55,094 --> 00:02:57,152
that she tried to stop us
from getting married?
67
00:02:57,104 --> 00:02:58,865
Oh, here we go again.
68
00:02:58,797 --> 00:03:01,256
Come on, you can't still be
holding onto that, Fran.
69
00:03:01,193 --> 00:03:02,887
I'm not holding
onto anything,
70
00:03:02,822 --> 00:03:04,881
I'll just never forgive her
for as long I live.
71
00:03:04,801 --> 00:03:08,058
Fran, just forget it.
Look, we got married anyway.
72
00:03:07,932 --> 00:03:10,390
Yeah, right after she said,
"I object."
73
00:03:10,327 --> 00:03:13,274
That was the rabbi's fault.
He asked.
74
00:03:13,170 --> 00:03:16,400
She never thought that I was
good enough for you, Peter.
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00:03:16,299 --> 00:03:18,858
Fran, I owe her.
When my mother died,
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00:03:18,759 --> 00:03:21,075
she practically raised
me and my brother.
77
00:03:20,994 --> 00:03:22,754
Please,
don't start with that again.
78
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,746
Look, she cooked dinner
for us every night,
79
00:03:24,668 --> 00:03:27,357
even though she was too small
to reach the top of the stove.
80
00:03:27,253 --> 00:03:30,299
Not the little
Peggy lovett story.
81
00:03:30,181 --> 00:03:32,412
Little Peggy lovett.
82
00:03:32,353 --> 00:03:33,814
Standing on a step stool,
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00:03:33,758 --> 00:03:37,380
stirring porridge
for her poor, hungry brothers.
84
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,694
The little girl
shouldn't have to work so hard.
85
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,350
God bless
the poor child.
86
00:03:43,242 --> 00:03:45,635
Oh, all right,
she can stay.
87
00:03:45,574 --> 00:03:47,168
Oh, thank you, Fran.
Thank you.
88
00:03:47,106 --> 00:03:49,009
Believe me,
you won't even know she's here.
89
00:03:48,959 --> 00:03:51,085
Oh, thank you, guys.
90
00:03:51,003 --> 00:03:53,095
You know, I haven't been
this happy since
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00:03:53,015 --> 00:03:56,438
Gary found that dead squirrel
in his computer bag.
92
00:03:56,305 --> 00:03:58,498
Oh...
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00:03:58,414 --> 00:04:00,739
Yay! Mwah!
94
00:04:06,195 --> 00:04:09,486
Oh, Judi, what do you think
if I did an all-white wedding?
95
00:04:09,390 --> 00:04:13,145
Thinking you'll have to find
another maid of honor.
96
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,591
Okay, so what song
do you want me to sing
97
00:04:15,491 --> 00:04:17,585
while you're walking
down the aisle?
98
00:04:17,504 --> 00:04:21,395
At last, hallelujah,
or it's a miracle?
99
00:04:23,392 --> 00:04:24,588
Ha ha.
100
00:04:24,573 --> 00:04:26,436
- What?
- What's with Peter?
101
00:04:26,364 --> 00:04:29,686
Where is he? I have
all these decisions to make.
102
00:04:29,590 --> 00:04:32,546
He's my wedding planner.
What am I paying him for?
103
00:04:32,465 --> 00:04:33,727
You're not paying him.
104
00:04:33,710 --> 00:04:36,934
Well, I'm getting
my money's worth.
105
00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:38,836
Oh.
106
00:04:38,790 --> 00:04:42,912
Oh, my God, Judi mann,
I have not seen you in forever.
107
00:04:42,752 --> 00:04:44,378
You look amazing.
108
00:04:44,316 --> 00:04:47,041
Thinner, younger,
more beautiful than ever.
109
00:04:46,935 --> 00:04:49,792
Thank you.
110
00:04:49,716 --> 00:04:52,307
She ain't crazy.
111
00:04:52,207 --> 00:04:55,431
Oh, Franny,
we had the bestest day ever.
112
00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:56,832
Yeah,
we were down at the pier.
113
00:04:56,775 --> 00:04:59,101
There's this honeymoon couple
there getting a free lunch,
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00:04:59,044 --> 00:05:00,970
so this one
starts telling everybody
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00:05:00,896 --> 00:05:02,291
that we're
on our honeymoon.
116
00:05:02,237 --> 00:05:04,829
And he was so convincing
pretending to be my husband.
117
00:05:04,761 --> 00:05:07,420
Well, he had
18 years of practice.
118
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:11,070
Uh, sis, could you
give me and Fran a minute?
119
00:05:10,926 --> 00:05:12,487
Oh, sure.
120
00:05:12,427 --> 00:05:16,649
One-one-thousand,
two-one-thousand.
121
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,345
Franny, I know I'm supposed
to be helping you,
122
00:05:18,275 --> 00:05:20,467
but listen, this trip
is doing Peggy so much good.
123
00:05:20,382 --> 00:05:22,809
She is just improving
by leaps and bounds.
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00:05:22,747 --> 00:05:25,637
She's eating the flowers.
125
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:31,605
Okay, look,
from this moment on,
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00:05:31,527 --> 00:05:34,618
I am all yours, and 4:00,
we're gonna go cake tasting.
127
00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:36,091
Just you and me.
128
00:05:36,064 --> 00:05:37,625
Well, what is she
supposed to do?
129
00:05:37,596 --> 00:05:42,183
Well, if she's still hungry,
the lawn needs mowing.
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00:05:44,816 --> 00:05:47,708
Welcome
to "for goodness cake,"
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00:05:47,596 --> 00:05:50,552
the most delicious part of your
wedding planning experience.
132
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,266
We have a full selection of...
133
00:05:52,196 --> 00:05:54,821
You swipe it,
you buy it.
134
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,647
Sorry.
135
00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,465
Oh, sorry I'm late.
136
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:00,151
Had to drop my sister
at the Disney store.
137
00:06:00,117 --> 00:06:02,741
She's trying on dresses
for the wedding.
138
00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:06,493
You invited your sister
to my wedding?
139
00:06:06,345 --> 00:06:08,537
Uh, cake helper person!
Hi.
140
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,479
We have an appointment.
This is Fran lovett.
141
00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:13,391
Wait, aren't you Fran
from "frantastic flowers?"
142
00:06:13,308 --> 00:06:15,035
Well, yes, I am.
143
00:06:14,969 --> 00:06:17,494
Did I do an amazing
arrangement for you?
144
00:06:17,429 --> 00:06:20,386
No, you broke up
my engagement.
145
00:06:20,303 --> 00:06:22,962
Of course, Jeremy.
146
00:06:22,891 --> 00:06:25,882
- Yes.
- Oh, hi. How are you?
147
00:06:25,767 --> 00:06:27,628
Peter,
do you remember Jeremy?
148
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:30,413
He was engaged to a woman,
and I convinced them
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00:06:30,304 --> 00:06:32,363
that they weren't
right for each other.
150
00:06:32,283 --> 00:06:34,310
God, I was
in such denial then.
151
00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:35,863
- Aw, that's okay.
- Oh.
152
00:06:35,828 --> 00:06:39,788
Turns out I'm actually
into older women.
153
00:06:39,662 --> 00:06:42,354
Here's my new girlfriend,
edna...
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00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,346
Mm.
155
00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,799
And our cavalier
king Charles spaniel.
156
00:06:45,732 --> 00:06:47,027
Oh, how cute.
How cute is that?
157
00:06:48,127 --> 00:06:50,719
So should we start
with the chocolate silk,
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00:06:50,651 --> 00:06:53,011
the decadent carrot,
or the strawberry cream?
159
00:06:52,952 --> 00:06:54,513
- Yes.
- Okay.
160
00:06:54,453 --> 00:06:58,773
Oh, Peter, I can't believe
this is actually happening.
161
00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:05,183
What is your sister
doing here?
162
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,416
All right, all right,
I left her in the car.
163
00:07:07,325 --> 00:07:10,084
Must have forgotten
to crack the windows.
164
00:07:10,009 --> 00:07:11,803
Well,
I don't want her
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00:07:11,734 --> 00:07:13,461
standing out there
staring at us.
166
00:07:13,427 --> 00:07:15,953
Franny, you know,
you're absolutely right.
167
00:07:15,887 --> 00:07:18,877
Peg,
Fran wants you in here.
168
00:07:20,486 --> 00:07:23,809
Mmm! Oh, yum!
169
00:07:23,681 --> 00:07:26,008
Do not let me eat any of this,
otherwise,
170
00:07:25,918 --> 00:07:29,240
I'll never be able to fit
into my little mermaid dress.
171
00:07:30,612 --> 00:07:34,699
And here we are
with the decadent carrot cake.
172
00:07:34,573 --> 00:07:36,833
Oh, carrot cake.
173
00:07:36,745 --> 00:07:39,436
Wow, this is such
an interesting way to go.
174
00:07:39,364 --> 00:07:43,818
The carrots are organic.
I grow them for edna.
175
00:07:43,645 --> 00:07:45,804
Her eyesight
isn't what it used to be.
176
00:07:45,754 --> 00:07:47,680
Mmm.
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00:07:47,606 --> 00:07:50,730
Oh, no.
That's gonna be Joan. Oh.
178
00:07:50,610 --> 00:07:53,932
Hello, miss Collins.
Yes, I... I'm afraid I...
179
00:07:53,803 --> 00:07:55,630
I'm stuck at the dmv.
180
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,450
Complimentary champagne?
181
00:07:58,338 --> 00:08:01,793
Boy, have they stepped up
their customer service.
182
00:08:05,013 --> 00:08:07,937
Fran, if you need
any help deciding,
183
00:08:07,824 --> 00:08:10,217
I was in charge
of a very elegant affair at
184
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:13,514
a highly regarded international
restaurant in Ohio.
185
00:08:13,414 --> 00:08:16,404
Yeah, well, as much
as I'm sure your co-workers
186
00:08:16,289 --> 00:08:20,344
at the house of pancakes
enjoyed the Christmas party,
187
00:08:20,187 --> 00:08:22,480
I got this one.
188
00:08:22,424 --> 00:08:24,550
I totally understand.
189
00:08:24,468 --> 00:08:26,234
Peter told me
why you don't want me here.
190
00:08:26,192 --> 00:08:28,518
- He did?
- Mm-hmm. He did.
191
00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:30,488
He said that you're
very high-maintenance
192
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:35,228
and have control issues,
so don't poke the bear.
193
00:08:35,072 --> 00:08:38,229
Jeremy, this is the best
carrot cake I've ever tasted.
194
00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:40,032
I think
this is the way to go.
195
00:08:42,611 --> 00:08:45,635
- What?
- No. Nothing.
196
00:08:45,519 --> 00:08:47,745
Look, everybody liked the cake
at my last wedding.
197
00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:50,948
That's because
it wasn't carrot.
198
00:08:50,854 --> 00:08:53,976
Jeremy, I want the carrot cake
with cream cheese frosting.
199
00:08:53,855 --> 00:08:56,281
Hmm. Don't you think
you're rushing into this,
200
00:08:56,188 --> 00:08:58,048
which you do
have a tendency to do?
201
00:08:58,009 --> 00:08:59,970
Are you objecting
to my choice,
202
00:08:59,894 --> 00:09:01,753
which you have
a tendency to do?
203
00:09:01,714 --> 00:09:04,173
No. I just don't want
your wedding to be a disaster.
204
00:09:04,109 --> 00:09:07,932
Well, fine.
Then why don't you rsvp "no"?
205
00:09:07,816 --> 00:09:10,208
That is really hurtful,
206
00:09:10,115 --> 00:09:11,776
just like all
the Christmas presents I send
207
00:09:11,713 --> 00:09:13,275
that I never get
"thank you" notes for.
208
00:09:13,245 --> 00:09:14,742
You never get
"thank you" notes
209
00:09:14,685 --> 00:09:17,578
'cause the boxes
are always empty!
210
00:09:17,498 --> 00:09:20,589
Thoughts!
Thoughts are in there, Fran,
211
00:09:20,469 --> 00:09:21,896
and that's
all that counts.
212
00:09:21,874 --> 00:09:24,400
Look,
I don't want your thoughts
213
00:09:24,303 --> 00:09:25,930
and I don't want
your opinions.
214
00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:27,694
You almost ruined
my last wedding.
215
00:09:27,657 --> 00:09:31,477
Yeah, and guess what?
I was right. You're divorced!
216
00:09:31,329 --> 00:09:33,655
Yes, we are,
and that means
217
00:09:33,566 --> 00:09:36,025
that you and I
aren't related anymore,
218
00:09:35,930 --> 00:09:38,854
so I don't have to listen
to any of your crap!
219
00:09:38,772 --> 00:09:41,497
I thought we were friends,
but obviously, we're not,
220
00:09:41,425 --> 00:09:43,020
and I didn't have any friends
growing up
221
00:09:42,959 --> 00:09:44,287
because I spent
my whole childhood
222
00:09:44,236 --> 00:09:45,498
taking care
of my little brothers.
223
00:09:45,481 --> 00:09:46,711
Please!
224
00:09:46,664 --> 00:09:50,055
You didn't have friends
because you bit people!
225
00:09:51,138 --> 00:09:56,522
Jeremy, I want to order
that carrot cake right now!
226
00:09:56,344 --> 00:09:58,305
I just think
you should try the chocolate.
227
00:09:58,261 --> 00:09:59,457
Would you just...
228
00:09:59,411 --> 00:10:02,601
Ah! Oh! Ah.
229
00:10:06,055 --> 00:10:08,646
Oh. Oh!
230
00:10:10,239 --> 00:10:12,864
I can't believe
you just did that!
231
00:10:12,762 --> 00:10:14,656
Are you kidding me?
232
00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:16,708
I'm sorry.
It was just an impulse.
233
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,353
- Really?
- Yeah.
234
00:10:18,288 --> 00:10:21,112
- Well, so is this!
- Aah!
235
00:10:23,111 --> 00:10:24,374
No!
236
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,988
Oh, my God!
237
00:10:29,948 --> 00:10:31,774
What happened?
Peggy, are you all right?
238
00:10:31,736 --> 00:10:36,821
No, she's not all right.
She's certifiable!
239
00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:39,038
What the hell happened?
240
00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:40,515
I'll tell you
what the hell happened.
241
00:10:40,457 --> 00:10:43,181
I ordered a carrot cake
for my wedding
242
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,036
and she objected!
243
00:10:44,993 --> 00:10:47,319
Fran, are we really
going back there?
244
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,791
You have got to
let this go!
245
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,924
I honestly don't know
what happened, Peter.
246
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,036
We were just talking.
247
00:10:52,021 --> 00:10:53,284
Talking?
248
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:57,722
Does this look like
we were talking?
249
00:10:57,579 --> 00:11:01,335
Franny, I told you,
she is very delicate.
250
00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:03,084
You have got to try
to be sympathetic.
251
00:11:03,042 --> 00:11:07,927
Well,
she poked the bear!
252
00:11:07,769 --> 00:11:10,361
And I am sorry,
but I am done.
253
00:11:10,261 --> 00:11:13,385
I don't want her in my house,
I don't want her in my life,
254
00:11:13,264 --> 00:11:15,822
and I certainly
don't want you at my wedding!
255
00:11:17,257 --> 00:11:18,387
Well, if you don't
want her there,
256
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,805
you don't want me there
either!
257
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:22,406
Well, fine.
Don't come.
258
00:11:22,305 --> 00:11:24,764
Cousin joshie
will be my ring bearer.
259
00:11:31,568 --> 00:11:35,455
That's $7 for parking
and $3,200 for the cakes.
260
00:11:37,189 --> 00:11:39,680
Are you serious?
261
00:11:39,584 --> 00:11:42,575
You charge for parking?
262
00:11:51,372 --> 00:11:52,867
Okay, you guys,
I want you
263
00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:55,534
to taste
the wedding cake I chose.
264
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,126
Is there something
you need to tell us, darling?
265
00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:05,432
Peter's planning
the wedding party.
266
00:12:05,301 --> 00:12:07,861
The sister she can't stand
shows up at the cake tasting.
267
00:12:07,762 --> 00:12:10,553
Come on,
it writes itself.
268
00:12:10,478 --> 00:12:13,235
And I told her that I didn't
want her coming to the wedding,
269
00:12:13,129 --> 00:12:15,588
and then Peter said,
"well, if she's not coming,
270
00:12:15,493 --> 00:12:17,254
then I'm not coming."
271
00:12:17,186 --> 00:12:22,270
I never dreamed that he would
pick sybil over me.
272
00:12:22,104 --> 00:12:24,530
Well, that's because
you're an only child.
273
00:12:24,467 --> 00:12:26,760
You don't know what it's like
to have a sibling.
274
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,032
Well, whose fault
is that?
275
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:31,472
Why didn't you ever
have kids after me, anyway?
276
00:12:36,001 --> 00:12:39,889
Darling,
who could top you?
277
00:12:41,655 --> 00:12:47,536
You were so much more than
any two people ever deserved.
278
00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,530
Oh.
279
00:12:50,438 --> 00:12:51,999
Sweetheart, you're never
gonna win this one
280
00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:53,269
with the sister,
she's blood.
281
00:12:53,249 --> 00:12:56,407
That's right.
Family comes first.
282
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,445
If Judi and I
were drowning
283
00:12:58,363 --> 00:13:01,852
and you could only save
one of us, who would it be?
284
00:13:07,307 --> 00:13:11,395
Well, ma,
you've lived a very long life.
285
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:14,192
And she asks why
we didn't have more children.
286
00:13:15,645 --> 00:13:19,202
Sweetheart, bury the hatchet
with the sister already.
287
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,525
You're marrying
someone else.
288
00:13:20,469 --> 00:13:23,593
More importantly,
make up with my Peter.
289
00:13:23,504 --> 00:13:26,328
Oh, you're right, ma.
I can't even imagine
290
00:13:26,218 --> 00:13:28,611
what the wedding would be like
without Peter.
291
00:13:28,551 --> 00:13:32,007
Oh, I can.
It's gonna suck.
292
00:13:31,906 --> 00:13:34,997
You have no taste.
293
00:13:34,909 --> 00:13:39,163
You married a gay man.
For God's sake, use him!
294
00:13:46,503 --> 00:13:51,356
Oh, hey, Petey.
Where's "pegleg"?
295
00:13:51,168 --> 00:13:52,496
It's "pegboard,"
296
00:13:52,445 --> 00:13:54,705
and she's still crying
in my bathroom,
297
00:13:54,618 --> 00:13:57,742
thanks to you.
I'm worried sick about it.
298
00:13:57,621 --> 00:14:00,911
My pills are in there.
299
00:14:00,784 --> 00:14:06,001
Oh, Petey, she's not gonna
o.D. On Propecia and beano.
300
00:14:05,830 --> 00:14:10,017
Okay, well,
I was on hold with amtrak,
301
00:14:09,855 --> 00:14:11,648
and I found out there is
a midnight train to Georgia,
302
00:14:11,579 --> 00:14:14,569
which I'm not gonna take
'cause I live in Ohio.
303
00:14:16,371 --> 00:14:20,989
Um, Peggy, come here.
Sit down next to me and Petey.
304
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:23,236
I want to talk to you.
305
00:14:23,175 --> 00:14:26,696
I just want to say
I'm really sorry.
306
00:14:26,592 --> 00:14:28,153
And what exactly
are you sorry for?
307
00:14:28,126 --> 00:14:32,311
I don't know, but my mother
told me I have to apologize.
308
00:14:32,181 --> 00:14:33,675
Well, I can't accept
that apology
309
00:14:33,617 --> 00:14:35,243
'cause it's not
from the heart.
310
00:14:35,215 --> 00:14:38,504
Okay, I'm sorry because
I know that you're capable
311
00:14:38,376 --> 00:14:42,529
of doing really bad things
and I'm afraid for my life.
312
00:14:43,646 --> 00:14:45,771
Oh, Franny, I accept.
313
00:14:45,689 --> 00:14:46,985
Mm.
314
00:14:46,936 --> 00:14:48,862
Oh, thank God.
Now, come on.
315
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:50,150
Wasn't this whole thing
just silly?
316
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,791
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, it was.
317
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,954
It was.
318
00:14:52,908 --> 00:14:54,968
I mean, the wedding
was 20 years ago.
319
00:14:54,888 --> 00:14:56,249
Yeah.
320
00:14:56,197 --> 00:14:58,423
When you think about it,
it was really kind of funny.
321
00:15:05,396 --> 00:15:08,685
We stand together
under the chuppah,
322
00:15:08,557 --> 00:15:11,415
a canopy which symbolizes
the home
323
00:15:11,305 --> 00:15:13,996
that the new couple
will build together.
324
00:15:13,924 --> 00:15:16,083
I don't know, Fran.
I don't know.
325
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,227
What? What?
326
00:15:17,181 --> 00:15:21,235
I should've worn tails.
I'm not popping.
327
00:15:21,110 --> 00:15:24,099
I can't believe
our little girl's bedroom's
328
00:15:23,983 --> 00:15:25,313
going to be empty.
329
00:15:25,293 --> 00:15:28,550
When does
the treadmill come?
330
00:15:28,456 --> 00:15:31,446
Thursday at 3:00.
331
00:15:34,462 --> 00:15:36,622
If there is anyone
who knows a reason
332
00:15:36,539 --> 00:15:38,698
why this couple
should not be married...
333
00:15:45,131 --> 00:15:46,427
Peggy,
are you okay?
334
00:15:46,409 --> 00:15:50,563
I'm so sorry. Uh, pardon me.
Please excuse me.
335
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:53,126
If there is anyone here
who knows a reason
336
00:15:53,022 --> 00:15:54,050
why this couple should...
337
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,782
Would you like
a cough drop?
338
00:16:00,686 --> 00:16:03,445
Or a tracheotomy?
339
00:16:03,371 --> 00:16:06,627
I'm sorry, it's just...
It's really dry in here.
340
00:16:06,501 --> 00:16:08,926
You know, maybe we should
do this another time.
341
00:16:08,865 --> 00:16:10,692
What?
342
00:16:10,654 --> 00:16:14,045
I just think you're making
a big mistake. Sorry.
343
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:19,266
Don't make me
take my earrings off.
344
00:16:22,090 --> 00:16:26,477
Actually, it's not as funny
as I remembered.
345
00:16:27,969 --> 00:16:30,959
In fact, the more
we're talking about it,
346
00:16:30,843 --> 00:16:33,933
the more
I'm feeling furious.
347
00:16:33,846 --> 00:16:35,008
About what?
348
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,919
Well, Peggy,
it's perfectly natural.
349
00:16:37,806 --> 00:16:40,098
You know, Fran is still upset
that you didn't like her
350
00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:41,306
and you tried
to stop the wedding.
351
00:16:41,257 --> 00:16:42,319
Huh.
352
00:16:42,310 --> 00:16:43,838
Peter, you know
that's not why
353
00:16:43,779 --> 00:16:44,875
I tried to stop the wedding.
354
00:16:44,833 --> 00:16:47,657
- Shall I continue?
- Please do.
355
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,040
Do you, Peter lovett,
take Fran Newman
356
00:16:49,944 --> 00:16:52,104
to be
your lawfully wedded wife?
357
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:55,043
Don't go through with this.
You're gay.
358
00:16:54,927 --> 00:16:56,888
What?
359
00:16:56,844 --> 00:16:58,571
What?
360
00:16:58,505 --> 00:17:01,562
What?
361
00:17:06,857 --> 00:17:10,911
Your sister told you
you were gay at our wedding
362
00:17:10,754 --> 00:17:13,744
and that didn't
give you pause?
363
00:17:13,661 --> 00:17:15,787
I don't remember that.
364
00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:17,766
I really don't know
what she's talking about.
365
00:17:17,718 --> 00:17:20,077
Well, I don't know
how you can't remember
366
00:17:19,986 --> 00:17:21,614
something like that.
That's huge!
367
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,707
I'm telling you, Fran,
I just don't remember it.
368
00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:27,144
I mean, there was a lot
going on that day.
369
00:17:27,045 --> 00:17:30,102
Your head was too big
for that headpiece.
370
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:31,577
Well, Fran,
you must remember.
371
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:34,606
Why would I remember
what you whispered to him?
372
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:36,945
And do you, Fran Newman,
take Peter lovett
373
00:17:36,852 --> 00:17:38,447
to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
374
00:17:38,385 --> 00:17:42,040
Don't go through with this.
He's gay.
375
00:17:41,899 --> 00:17:44,158
What?
376
00:17:44,071 --> 00:17:46,064
What?
377
00:17:47,807 --> 00:17:50,366
How does a person
not remember that, Fran?
378
00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:52,127
That's huge!
379
00:17:52,088 --> 00:17:54,979
I don't know.
380
00:17:54,867 --> 00:17:57,160
I mean,
all I remember is that
381
00:17:57,104 --> 00:18:00,127
she was whispering something
in my ear.
382
00:18:00,042 --> 00:18:01,869
Yeah, I remember
her talking near me
383
00:18:01,799 --> 00:18:05,588
and smelling like gummy bears
and nyquil.
384
00:18:05,441 --> 00:18:09,129
How could we hear something
and not hear it?
385
00:18:09,017 --> 00:18:11,910
I don't know.
Maybe we didn't want to hear it.
386
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:14,421
Maybe you two
were just blinded by love.
387
00:18:14,321 --> 00:18:19,340
Just like Gary was almost
blinded by that kabob skewer.
388
00:18:19,145 --> 00:18:20,940
Welp,
I gotta go pack.
389
00:18:20,871 --> 00:18:22,698
After you've been gone
for 48 hours,
390
00:18:22,628 --> 00:18:25,619
security starts to notice.
391
00:18:28,538 --> 00:18:30,797
Wow!
392
00:18:30,711 --> 00:18:33,368
Yeah, I know.
393
00:18:33,265 --> 00:18:36,555
I mean, that Jeremy,
the cake guy,
394
00:18:36,428 --> 00:18:40,150
I thought he was in denial,
but look at us.
395
00:18:40,038 --> 00:18:41,798
What if we
had heard her?
396
00:18:41,762 --> 00:18:46,182
Our lives, it would have been
completely different.
397
00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:50,596
- You know what, sweetie?
- What, honey?
398
00:18:50,452 --> 00:18:54,007
I'm glad
we didn't hear her.
399
00:18:53,869 --> 00:18:58,056
As much as I
hate to admit it,
400
00:18:57,894 --> 00:19:00,120
I'm glad too.
401
00:19:01,472 --> 00:19:03,500
I just love you,
that's all.
402
00:19:03,452 --> 00:19:05,712
I love you too, Fran.
403
00:19:05,625 --> 00:19:07,816
He's gay.
404
00:19:07,866 --> 00:19:12,416
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