Original subtitles

Jackie, honey,

you've alphabetized my whole house.

Are you okay?

You have paprika before cumin.

Are you okay? [ Chuckles ]

It's just since you broke up with Hank,

you've been a little...

Salt goes on the table, crazy!

[ Chuckles ] ...intense.

It's understandable.

It's not just the breakup.

You quit your job on impulse,

and now you have no money coming in.

This pep talk is a lot like the one you gave me

after I lost student council, and you consoled me with,

"It's just a popularity contest."

I said it then, and I'll say it now.

Smart girls don't need to be popular.

Honey, I'm worried about you.

Don't be. Hank was way too old for me.

It's not like commercial real-estate management

was my dream job.

This is a chance to reset my life.

[ Door opens ] And your life.

Oh, God, she got you, too.

And his life. [ Door closes ]

I'm told my bras are next.

What's to organize?

There's one sport, two beige,

a lacy purple number for my annual mole patrol

with my cute dermatologist.

Oh, and a leftover nursing bra, because you never know.

Oh, I think we know.

It's been a nightmare at our place.

I mean, I couldn't even take a shower this morning

because she was cleaning the grout in the tub.

I got a new grout pen. What was I supposed to do?

You're going through a breakup.

You're supposed to use the bathtub for crying

and eating your feelings.

I'm not a Gilmore girl. I'm an adult woman.

And I'm unemployed now.

I have time to improve the world around me.

I'm like Gandhi.

She's worked her whole life.

When she was 13, she got a fake I.D.

just so she could work at Dairy Queen.

You need to focus on having some fun, sweetie.

Yeah, this is your Renaissance.

Or your rock bottom.

Both look the same on you.

Either way, now is your time to play.

Lane's right. You're young.

You have no responsibilities.

Go out and grab yourself a Bloody Mary.

I'm not really a Bloody Mary person.

I don't like my alcohol to taste like soup.

You know what?

I'm going out with my new friends from voice class.

They're crazy fun. You're coming with us.

Why?

Because you're stuck.

You're replacing feelings with weird busywork.

It's not healthy. It's sad.

And your sad is making me sad.

It's what she's always done.

When she lost that job at Dairy Queen,

she still snuck in to do their inventory.

Oh, Lane's right. You need to get out.

Live it up. Let your hair down. Get out.

You said "get out" twice.

Don't read into it, baby. Just get out.

Bye, you guys. Have a great time.

I'll just be here, thinking about you.

Hey, how's, uh -- how's Jackie doing?

Yeah, we don't need to do all that.

Oh, good.

***

***

-- Captions by VITAC --

[ Both moaning ]

I'm glad we decided that kissing was okay. Yeah, me, too.

We've kissed like 15 times in 2 days. Ooh.

I mean, I had to replace my ChapStick.

Oh, God. Danny, you're counting?

Sorry. Sorry. It's a habit.

I-I used to have this contest over the summer

with my mate Brendo, and my record was always two.

Oh. And one of those was my Nana.

And the other one was my other Nana.

I'm having a much better year.

I'm glad. But you can stop now. Okay.

Actually, do you mind if I quickly call Brendo?

I'm like 14 kisses away from his record.

[ Chuckles ] This is okay, right?

Okay? I would say it's great.

I'd say it's better than great.

I mean, except for that one where my lip bled.

Oh, sorry about that. I have a sharp tooth.

It comes in handy with those pistachios

that aren't all the way open.

[ Moans ]

Actually, why did you ask if this was okay?

Are you okay? Oh, yeah.

I just...wanted to make sure that we were in the clear. Yeah.

I-It's just I know that you're separated,

but, technically, you're still married.

Mm. I mean, I know it's just kissing.

Yeah, it's just --

I mean, in Europe, that's like a handshake.

In Australia, we call kissing "the European handshake."

Do you? No, but I really want that record.

But -- But, seriously,

I-I-I don't want to make you feel guilty or anything.

Like, I'll do whatever you want to do.

I just want to kiss.

I was hoping that's what you wanted to do.

Ow! Ow! Oh, sorry.

No, it's good -- it's a good --

it's a good "ow." Oh, okay.

***

Oh, hey, babe.

Um, is it okay if I take the two top shelves

of this closet?

Yeah. You don't have to ask me.

This is our place now, baby.

You are my fiancée.

I know. It's exciting.

But let's be chill about it.

You know, fiancée like Beyoncé.

Fiancée. Uh, hold that thought.

With all this moving-in craziness,

I've gotten super behind on my sponsored Instagram posts.

The brands are getting pissed.

Do me a favor and hold this for me, m'kay?

Okay. What do I have to say?

Oh, no, you'll be muted for sure.

I just need visuals of your cute face.

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

Is this energy drink safe?

The warning label says, "See you on the other side."

Oh, yeah. No, that's just fun marketing.

Um, but don't drink more than one

or you give up your right to pursue legal action.

Ah. [ Can hisses ]

Well, this is great.

Mm-hmm.

Ew. This burns. [ Camera shutter clicking ]

But everything else is great.

[ Coughs ] Mm-hmm.

Oh, I thought your clothes

would take up more space in our closet,

but it is a perfect fit, just like us.

Totes. Plus, it's easier

'cause I'll still keep most of my clothes at my apartment.

Uh, because you're leaving them for the next renter?

No, because I'm keeping my apartment.

What are you talking about?

Freddie, don't get dramatic. It's just a backup.

You know, it's like car insurance.

I didn't want to smash into that telephone pole,

but when I did, I was glad to have it.

And I don't want anything bad to happen between us,

but if it does, I'm glad to know

that I have hardwood floors, a peek of the ocean,

and original Hollywood Regency molding.

It doesn't say "diarrhea" on here.

Freddie, it's okay.

I already moved the most important thing here --

my heart. [ Chuckles ]

And my pug pillow. [ Squeals ]

Also important. Yay!

It's like having a real pug.

Have we kissed in the kitchen yet?

We have. But we haven't kissed in my kitchen.

The tile's different.

Let's do it. Yeah, yeah.

Oh! Hey. Hello, Freddie.

Hi, honey.

I was just going over to Danny's to...

replace his carpet with... other carpet.

And then we were going to -- Jean, stop. Stop.

Hey, Mom, I-I need to talk to you.

Oh, honey, it's fine.

People do it in Europe all the time.

Ew! God!

You guys were doing it?

No, just kissing.

I don't know why, but that's worse.

Just don't tell me any more.

The less you say, the less I'll picture.

I-I'm gonna go back to my place and, uh, clean the tile.

Uh, which is also from Europe, interestingly enough.

You can just leave, Danny.

Yeah, copy that. Yep. Ciao, ciao.

What's going on, honey? [ Sighs ]

Well, Celia's moving in with me,

but she's keeping her apartment.

That's weird, right?

That does seem weird. Yeah.

It's like she wants to keep one foot out the door.

One foot out the door? [ Chuckles ] What?

Does she think she can do better than you?

She can't. Believe me, I've tried.

Hey, Mom, I-I'm engaged. You're kissing a guy.

Maybe it's time to stop saying things like that.

Okay.

But just know that I believe it.

[ Sighs ] I just think Celia's scared.

And she doesn't even know this weirdness.

She's never seen a successful relationship.

Her parents divorced when she was super young,

and then they both got remarried and divorced again.

I just think she's having trouble

believing in the "happily ever after." Mm.

I knew she had trust issues,

but I thought once we were engaged, she was past it.

Do you think...

Can you go talk to her?

Why me?

I mean, she needs someone in her life

who's had a stable, successful marriage.

And, plus, Mom, she kind of worships you.

Worships?

That makes sense.

Oh, I could talk to her.

Our family's full of happy, stable marriages.

My Grandpa and Grammy were married for 67 years.

She died at his funeral.

They used the same hole.

You know, Mom, I know you love that story,

but maybe make it sound a little bit more romantic.

What's more romantic than that?

Okay, fine. I'll skip the death hole.

***

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I am starving. What is taking so long?

I thought you made a reservation.

So it's taking longer. No big deal.

We still have bar snacks and each other.

Yeah. Fun is about the in-between moments.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'm in between rage and a one-star Yelp review.

This place freshly picks their ingredients for every order,

so timing can be unpredictable.

Sometimes, they let the guests pick their own parsley

from the rooftop garden.

It's so fun.

Do you know what's fun?

Is when you pick something from the menu,

and then they bring it to you.

Excuse me?

We've been waiting for 20 minutes.

We had a reservation.

Oh, yes. I'm so sorry.

We'll seat you as soon as there's a table available.

There are at least three empty tables.

We reserve three tables for walk-ups.

It's policy.

Okay, can we cancel our reservation

and say that we're a walk-up?

That wouldn't be fair to the real walk-ups.

That's policy.

Okay, my friends and I

are trying to have a really fun night,

and I don't think your manager would apprec--

We're happy to wait. I'm so sorry.

Please let us bring the farm to our table.

Jackie, tonight was supposed to be about you having fun,

but you're making it really hard.

Like, I didn't know fun could be hard.

Okay, I can be fun, alright?

I would be a lot more fun with a napkin on my lap,

but I can be fun.

Yes. That's the spirit.

Go grab yourself a drink.

Okay, well, who's gonna light a fire under Little Miss Policy?

I'll take care of her.

You just go show them why you put on mascara tonight.

Can you pretend I'm heated and pushing really hard

for our table to satisfy my type-"A" friend over there?

I also work in customer service,

so I know how thankless this job can be.

You're doing great.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are we doing?

I-I thought when I said have a drink,

you were gonna have, like, a Chardonnay,

not drink like a prospector coming into town for supplies.

Relax. We're just doing a shot.

Shot! Three shots!

Uh-oh. You said "shot."

You got to take a shot. Got to take a shot.

Jackie, maybe pace yourself.

Lane said "pace yourself."

You got to take a shot! Got to take a shot.

That's -- That's not how drinking games work.

He said "work." You got to take a shot!

[ Chuckles ]

"Have fun." I'm really fun.

I'm being so fun right now, it's crazy.

***

Oh, hi. Hi.

So excited that you're here.

Finally have some one-on-one time.

Oh, I was thrilled when you called.

I need a necklace model for one of my sponsored posts.

You want me to model?

That makes sense.

The brand wants me to promote this to my followers

as the perfect gift for moms and grandmas. Huh.

They asked for a mature clavicle. Ugh.

I just wanted to, um, you know, check in,

make sure that you were doing okay.

So much has happened since the engagement. Mm.

Everything okay with you? Totally.

Okay. Give me more. [ Camera shutter clicking ]

[ Chuckles ] Less.

Give me none. I'll do it.

Why aren't you giving up your apartment?

What? Oh, did Freddie tell you that?

I knew he wasn't going to get pizza.

Look, Jean, it's no big deal.

The apartment's just my backup,

because, you know, love dies, and it's rent-controlled.

Love dies? And it's rent-controlled.

Give me a little hair toss.

You know what, Celia? Sit down.

I-I want to tell you about my Grammy and Grandpa.

Jean, Freddie has nothing to worry about.

I've just seen a lot of relationships end.

I saw my mom fall in and out of a million of them,

never thinking about her future.

Every time she got the hots for some guy,

she'd just run headfirst and end up losing everything.

I'm just protecting myself.

Like you're protecting yourself with Danny.

Oh, we're nowhere near the stuff that needs protection yet.

I've seen the chemistry between you two.

But until those divorce papers are signed,

you're not giving away anything.

Right.

Certainly wouldn't give it away 17 times.

Yeah, and I learned from watching you,

because who knows what's gonna happen?

I've seen it all.

His ex-wife could come back at the last minute,

get the house, and where are you gonna live?

She could do that? I've seen it all.

Or maybe they reconcile.

They could do that? I've seen it all.

What about me?

He might want to keep you on the side,

but you're not gonna want to do that.

Unless you do. I don't.

No judgment. I said I've seen it all.

That's why you stick to your guns, am I right?

Okay, now pretend like you fell asleep watching the news.

Okay. Mm-hmm.

[ Sighs ] But don't block the necklace.

Oh, yes.

Sleeping Beauty over here.

[ Knock on door ]

Hey, how'd everything go?

Do you want to order some dinner?

We have to stop.

Is this because the delivery driver saw you with your robe open?

I can answer the door this time.

But, FYI, that was probably the best day of his life.

No. The kissing. I-It has to stop.

Why? What is it?

Is it -- Is it the -- the counting?

Would you prefer I close my eyes?

No. But, yeah. But not now.

Hey. Hey, Mom, I thought you were gonna talk to Celia.

I did. We had a great conversation.

Yeah? Really?

Is that why she's keeping her apartment?

My God, Mom. I'm gonna lose her, aren't I?

Oh, honey, you're not gonna lose her.

She loves you.

Sometimes a woman just needs to protect herself.

Protect herself from what? Men.

Uh-oh. That's never good.

Celia and I are just realists when it comes to relationships.

Celia and I? Celia and I?

Yeah, she really opened up my eyes.

Smart cookie. A lot of levels to her.

I'm one of her models.

Sorry. Is it -- What's going on here?

Why have you changed your mind?

I mean, we've made out all over this apartment.

Eugh!

Why are you bailing?

Yeah, I mean, Celia accepted my proposal.

Why is she bailing?

Well, we're taking care of ourselves.

Well, it really sounds like you're bailing on us.

Yeah, it does kind of sound like you're bailing on us.

Well, we're sorry you feel that way.

Well, we're getting a little tired of this.

So now you have to make a decision.

Are you in, or are you out?

Is that an ultimatum?

Yeah, I'm not with him.

No, no. I'm -- I'm putting my foot down.

Oh, well, if the man is putting his foot down,

I guess the woman's feet have to respond. Mm-hmm.

What's that, feet? Oh, this way?

Bye.

Dude, did we just break up with my mom?

[ Sighs ]

Look, I'm totally on your side,

but what the hell is taking so long?

My uptight friend is getting wasted right now

with this girl Wanda,

who's way more of a party girl than you'd think

for somebody workshopping Neil Diamond covers in class.

Your table is ready.

Thank you for your excellent work.

And that's when I realized

I could make a lot of money selling my dirty socks online.

Our table is ready. Mm.

So let's eat, start rehydrating.

Where's Jackie?

You mean crying girl?

I think she went to the bathroom.

Crying girl?

When did she start crying?

After we switched to tequila.

Classic sob and rally.

Wanda, you have not helped me at all tonight.

***

I mean, are we? You know?

Are -- Are we the crazy ones for believing in love?

No, we're not crazy.

I feel a little bit crazy.

Maybe I put too much pressure on Celia to commit.

I mean, is it wrong I wanted to lock her down?

Ew! God!

"Lock her down" sounds so wrong.

I mean, am I supposed to chase after your mum and apologize?

I don't know, man. You're the therapist.

Aren't you a relationship expert?

I don't know, either. She keeps changing the rules.

We were supposed to wait until my divorce was final.

Then, apparently, kissing's okay.

17 times, by the way.

And that's sessions, not individuals.

Are you trying to make me run away?

Sorry. Where could she be?

I don't know, man, but there is one way to find out.

I set her up on a locator app after she got lost in the city.

I put a tracker on Celia for...emergencies.

[ Cellphone dings ]

Oh, got 'em. Huh.

I see you!

I'm gonna delete it as soon as we're done.

I think so.

***

Jackie?

Hi.

Aw, Jacks.

What happened?

I don't know.

I just started crying.

I came in here to regroup and I saw myself in the mirror

and I looked like one of those drunk, crying girls

on a reality show, which made me cry again.

I'm sorry about tonight. This is all my fault.

Yeah, it is. Thank you.

Thank me? Why?

You made me loosen up.

Look at how loose I am.

Yeah, but you were supposed to have fun.

[ Chuckles ]

I am having fun.

It's so exhausting being in control all the time,

pushing everything down.

I needed to be sad about my breakup and my unemployment.

Oh, no, I think I'm gonna cry again.

But silver lining -- you know what I realized?

I watched myself in the mirror,

and I'm a really pretty crier.

Yes.

You are.

I never could have done this on my own.

Do you want to talk more about it?

No. I think I just want to be sad and cry some more.

I think I'm dehydrated.

Let's get some food in you.

Tacos?

[ Gasps ] Yes! Yes!

Tacos!

[ Both laugh ]

Celia, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, too.

To you.

We're okay, aren't we, Celia?

Sure. Yeah.

I didn't mean to freak out.

No, I freaked out, too.

Freddie, I-I think I just need a minute

to get used to everything.

You can have all the time you want.

I just got so caught up in what I wanted,

I stopped thinking about what you needed.

I figured, when I got engaged, that we'd live together,

but we don't have to.

I'm flexible.

Only an idiot would put his foot down.

Okay, you don't have to stand on me to make yourself tall.

What's important is that we stay together.

We didn't have any of these issues before we were engaged,

so if it's too much pressure, let's just take a step back.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

[ Gasps ]

...Celia, will you keep your apartment?

Oh, my God.

Yes.

A thousand times, yes!

Oh! Ooh, this is cute,

but let's go do it at my place and film it for the 'Gram.

Uh, so, when you say "do it,"

you mean the apartment proposal, right?

Not it? Yes.

Oh. Yes?

Yes. Yes.

Oh, good. [ Chuckles ]

[ Door closes ]

Well, I really hope my apology works, 'cause he was my ride.

Let's hear it. Okay.

I overreacted,

um, because I thought we were finally

getting on the road with our thing, you know?

And I felt like you were putting the brakes on again.

I was excited, too.

But you're married.

Only for two more months. It counts.

It's just kissing. It counts. You literally counted.

I-I was really clear when we first met

that I needed to wait until you were free

to be in a relationship with me.

But then you kissed me.

Doesn't matter who kissed who.

You kissed me. Okay, fine.

Yeah. I-I shouldn't have done that.

I should have stuck to my guns. I used to have standards.

Suddenly, I'm forcing my daughter to day-drink

so I can try and set kissing records with a married man.

Not try. Did.

I don't want to change who I am to be with you.

I don't want you to change, either.

I like who you are. Oh, good.

Because I'm someone who likes to do things the right way.

I-It's like my Grammy used to say --

"You don't put up posters when the house is still in escrow."

She was a Realtor, but it's a good metaphor.

Okay, well, I can wait. And you know what?

In two months, by the grace of Judge Munsey,

I will be free and clear.

Then, in two months, I'll be ready.

[ Chuckles ] For kissing.

And other stuff.

Other stuff. Sounds promising.

Don't get too excited. I'm from Iowa.

Thanks for taking care of our girl.

Looks like you cured her.

My bras can rest easy. [ Chuckles ]

She just needed to let loose and feel her feelings.

Hey, Australian guy, let's keep the bacon flowing.

[ Glass clinking ]

Oh, loud, loud, loud, loud, loud, loud.

Oh, sorry.

Since we're all gathered here,

I thought it was a good chance to say something.

Do I have to wait for her to finish, or can I eat?

Falling in love is easy, but relationships are harder.

I'm gonna eat.

They say if you love something, set it free.

And, Freddie, you loved me so unconditionally

that you set me free.

But as soon as I was, all I could think about was,

if I found someone special enough

to make me feel safe being myself,

I better lock it down.

I kind of like it when you say it.

Freddie Raines, will you help me break my lease?

Yes. Yes! [ Laughs ]

I'm so happy for you guys. Oh, love lives.

Um, I'm happy for you,

but, um, didn't we already do this?

***