Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:33,885
Hey, can I get another drink
down here?
2
00:03:19,269 --> 00:03:21,688
There's Santa Claus.
Look there.
3
00:03:26,193 --> 00:03:27,778
Wow.
4
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:40,395
Oh, my. What a darling photo.
Are you certain you only want
the single?
5
00:03:40,479 --> 00:03:43,773
Additional photos come in handy
as gifts for Grandma and Grandpa
6
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:46,026
or as a wonderful remembrance
for friends.
7
00:03:48,109 --> 00:03:51,321
Gee. You know what?
This one, I think it's more
than enough.
8
00:03:51,404 --> 00:03:53,740
Thanks.
Merry Christmas.
9
00:03:54,782 --> 00:03:58,036
- So, what do you want, little girl?
- A drum set.
10
00:03:58,703 --> 00:04:02,373
Oh, the old man will love that.
Okay. Fine. See you later.
11
00:04:12,217 --> 00:04:14,260
I saw you at another mall.
12
00:04:14,344 --> 00:04:16,012
Well, I'm very happy for you.
13
00:04:16,095 --> 00:04:20,099
You're not really Santa.
If you were Santa, you could do magic.
14
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:25,603
You want to see some magic? Here.
Let's watch you disappear.
15
00:04:26,755 --> 00:04:29,716
Watch the bladder, kid.
Santa's got to pee. What do you want?
16
00:04:29,799 --> 00:04:33,220
- A new bike.
- A new bike. Wow. That's a new one. Excellent.
17
00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:36,323
Attention, shoppers. The store will be closing
in five minutes.
18
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:39,484
We hope tomorrow is a pleasant Christmas.
Thank you for shopping with us.
19
00:04:39,568 --> 00:04:41,778
- Is that it?
- Yeah, that's the last one.
20
00:04:41,862 --> 00:04:44,197
Thank the fuck Christ.
21
00:04:45,115 --> 00:04:48,785
Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph.
You pissed yourself.
22
00:04:53,623 --> 00:04:55,375
Aw, Jesus.
23
00:04:58,786 --> 00:05:00,996
Okay.
24
00:05:01,965 --> 00:05:04,843
- Good night. Merry Christmas.
- Good night.
25
00:05:05,135 --> 00:05:06,970
Happy holidays to you.
26
00:05:07,771 --> 00:05:09,371
Merry Christmas.
27
00:05:10,172 --> 00:05:12,341
Happy holidays.
28
00:05:13,158 --> 00:05:14,785
Yeah.
No, I know.
29
00:05:15,686 --> 00:05:18,448
No, I agree. They shouldn�t pay the whole lot of them.
30
00:05:18,524 --> 00:05:20,284
- What are you doing man, Solo?
- I�d get back to you..
31
00:05:20,285 --> 00:05:21,685
- Hey, hey, hey.
- I�m fucking leave here.
32
00:05:21,726 --> 00:05:24,960
Relax.
These pants are awful baggy.
33
00:05:25,544 --> 00:05:27,504
You wouldn�t be trying to steal nothing, would you?
34
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,518
You�re an asshole, you know that?
35
00:05:31,901 --> 00:05:33,936
That�s a nice talk.
36
00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:35,771
I almost had that job.
37
00:05:40,618 --> 00:05:43,005
38
00:06:23,878 --> 00:06:25,262
39
00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:42,778
Ready.
40
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,283
Jesus.
41
00:07:35,524 --> 00:07:38,068
- How's it going?
- I'm finished when I'm finished.
42
00:07:38,151 --> 00:07:42,489
I'm going back upstairs. I need a melon
baller and a loofah.
43
00:07:44,165 --> 00:07:45,458
Got it.
44
00:07:51,195 --> 00:07:52,697
Fuck the loofah.
Let's go.
45
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:10,474
- Marcus, you get the loofah?
- Drive.
46
00:08:46,070 --> 00:08:47,404
Fucking shit�
47
00:08:47,405 --> 00:08:48,905
Fuck you.
48
00:09:29,227 --> 00:09:30,728
Message one.
49
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,213
MAN:
Mr. Soke?
50
00:09:32,214 --> 00:09:35,785
This is Andrew Kaplan again,
from the collection agency.
51
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:37,211
Message two.
52
00:09:37,212 --> 00:09:40,924
WOMAN:
This is Dolores Axelrod.
You ran into my car last week.
53
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:46,054
I called State Farm,
but they have no record
of any insurance policy for you.
54
00:09:46,138 --> 00:09:49,308
In case you misplaced it,
my phone number is 4...
55
00:09:49,441 --> 00:09:50,901
Message three.
56
00:09:50,984 --> 00:09:54,321
Willie, it's Marcus.
It's that time of year again.
57
00:09:54,405 --> 00:09:56,448
Pack your shit.
Phoenix.
58
00:09:59,151 --> 00:10:03,197
59
00:10:32,668 --> 00:10:34,128
Jesus Christ!
60
00:10:34,211 --> 00:10:37,132
Can you maybe keep it together
for just 10 minutes?
61
00:10:37,226 --> 00:10:40,226
For crying out loud,
you trucking fucking imbecile.
62
00:10:48,547 --> 00:10:51,508
Harrison, just let me explain,
please. Financially...
63
00:10:51,591 --> 00:10:53,009
Well, you get what you paid for,
Chipeska.
64
00:10:53,093 --> 00:10:55,137
Five Christmases I've been here.
65
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:58,974
You flip me for some stranger who'll do it
for peanuts and who happens to work
with a real midget.
66
00:10:59,057 --> 00:11:00,892
Well let me tell you something.
Nobody cares.
67
00:11:00,976 --> 00:11:03,687
Nobody comes here for the elf.
Santa's the attraction.
68
00:11:03,770 --> 00:11:07,065
I do Burl Ives songs.
Does this schmo even play guitar?
69
00:11:07,149 --> 00:11:10,569
Look, Harrison, it's not about
the money or the midget.
70
00:11:10,652 --> 00:11:12,320
Believe me, if it was, I...
71
00:11:12,404 --> 00:11:15,991
I don't think they like "midget. "
I think you're supposed to call them...
72
00:11:16,074 --> 00:11:17,993
Oh, just forget it.
73
00:11:19,911 --> 00:11:21,246
Hacks!
74
00:11:22,038 --> 00:11:24,332
Hi. Bob Chipeska.
75
00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:27,527
Welcome. Great photo and r�sum�,
by the way.
76
00:11:27,611 --> 00:11:30,072
Thanks. We've been at this
a long time and all.
77
00:11:30,255 --> 00:11:32,299
We'd like to think we do
a good job.
78
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:36,852
Well, you are truly the best man I�ve ever seen for this job..
79
00:11:37,058 --> 00:11:38,107
MARCUS:
Thanks.
80
00:11:38,108 --> 00:11:40,900
We've been at this for years.
You got nothing to worry about.
81
00:11:41,183 --> 00:11:44,058
You two are the best men
for this job, truly.
82
00:11:44,142 --> 00:11:47,433
So don't let his unpleasantness
affect your performance in any way.
83
00:11:47,517 --> 00:11:49,475
- Oh, no. We're fine.
- Performance?
84
00:11:49,490 --> 00:11:52,311
Yes. Uh, your performance.
You know, the, um...
85
00:11:52,494 --> 00:11:54,579
Performance, like sexual?
86
00:11:55,497 --> 00:11:56,747
- Excuse me?
- Willie.
87
00:11:56,748 --> 00:11:59,501
Are you saying there's
something wrong with my gear?
88
00:11:59,584 --> 00:12:02,421
- Is that what you're saying?
- I'm sorry. Your gear?
- Willie.
89
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,131
My fuck stick.
90
00:12:06,208 --> 00:12:09,377
Hey, Willie. Take a seat.
You know how your blood sugar is.
91
00:12:11,578 --> 00:12:13,878
He�s such a cud that guy, he�s such a cud�
92
00:12:14,461 --> 00:12:17,756
He's not going to say "fuck
stick" in front of the children?
93
00:12:17,939 --> 00:12:19,858
No, no, no.
It's a joke.
94
00:12:20,317 --> 00:12:23,028
An adult joke for us adults.
95
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,880
It's a joke.
Just a joke.
96
00:12:39,670 --> 00:12:40,920
"Fuck stick"?
97
00:12:40,921 --> 00:12:43,799
Yes. I thought it was
very strange, too.
98
00:12:44,341 --> 00:12:48,345
So, as our security chief,
I wanted you to be aware.
99
00:12:48,429 --> 00:12:51,974
But his little friend promised
he wouldn't say it in front of the children�
100
00:12:52,057 --> 00:12:57,948
which is fine. Because, you know,
there is an adult world and a child's world,
and that's okay.
101
00:12:58,031 --> 00:13:00,617
- I'm no censor.
- "Little friend"?
102
00:13:00,784 --> 00:13:03,829
Yes, he happens to be a dwarf.
103
00:13:03,912 --> 00:13:06,289
Or midget.
104
00:13:06,373 --> 00:13:11,419
I don't know what he's called exactly.
But, uh, he's a little guy.
105
00:13:12,337 --> 00:13:15,131
Little Billy Barty.
God rest.
106
00:13:15,315 --> 00:13:20,236
But thin fingers. Not the fat
sausage fingers.
107
00:13:23,506 --> 00:13:25,466
"Little people. "
That's what they like.
108
00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:27,677
Yes. Uh, right.
109
00:13:28,636 --> 00:13:30,846
So "fuck stick. "
That's it?
110
00:13:32,139 --> 00:13:33,607
Yeah.
111
00:13:45,275 --> 00:13:51,275
Merry Christmas!
Santa's coming. Yay!
112
00:13:52,758 --> 00:13:55,258
Merry Christmas!
113
00:14:04,027 --> 00:14:06,279
Have you seen that new Santa
they just hired?
114
00:14:06,362 --> 00:14:08,698
Yeah.
He's back there drunk.
115
00:14:12,869 --> 00:14:16,206
He's coming, guys.
Santa will be here real soon.
116
00:14:21,733 --> 00:14:23,108
God damn it!
117
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:26,092
What the fuck you doing?
�Fuck stick� in front of the boss?
118
00:14:26,293 --> 00:14:27,693
I don�t like that guy.
119
00:14:27,894 --> 00:14:29,194
You don�t like any guy.
120
00:14:29,247 --> 00:14:31,541
You blow this, and we're broke for the whole fucking year.
121
00:14:31,624 --> 00:14:35,003
So stop acting like you know something.
'Cause, pal of mine,
you don't know squat!
122
00:14:35,786 --> 00:14:38,538
Now, put on your fucking hat
and get out there.
123
00:14:38,821 --> 00:14:42,033
And try to act professional,
for Christ's sakes.
124
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:59,657
WILLIE:
What do you want? What?
125
00:15:00,617 --> 00:15:03,286
Get out of here. Next.
126
00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:11,200
Oh, good.
What do you want?
127
00:15:13,061 --> 00:15:14,855
What do you want?
What are you doing?
128
00:15:17,189 --> 00:15:20,442
- God damn it!
- Nintendo Deer Hunter 3.
129
00:15:21,026 --> 00:15:23,069
I don't give a shit
what you want.
130
00:15:23,153 --> 00:15:25,822
Blowing snot all over everybody
and fucking whatever.
131
00:15:25,905 --> 00:15:27,449
Next.
Come on.
132
00:15:30,535 --> 00:15:31,828
What do you want?
133
00:15:31,911 --> 00:15:34,205
- Um, Santa?
- Yeah, I'm Santa.
134
00:15:34,288 --> 00:15:36,457
- Come on. What do you want?
- Um, Barbie.
135
00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:37,792
Say cheese.
136
00:15:37,875 --> 00:15:40,211
Okay. Fine.
Barbie. Oh, thank you.
137
00:15:40,962 --> 00:15:44,173
Ow! Watch the toenails, kid!
Shit. Next.
138
00:15:50,346 --> 00:15:53,432
- What do you want?
- Fraggle-Stick car.
139
00:15:54,392 --> 00:15:57,311
- What the fuck is that?
- Fraggle-Stick car.
140
00:15:57,436 --> 00:16:00,231
Well, I heard you.
Fraggle-Stick car. Fine.
141
00:16:14,596 --> 00:16:16,556
Hey, check out this loser.
142
00:16:17,057 --> 00:16:19,601
Hey, fat-ass.
How you doing today?
143
00:16:21,550 --> 00:16:23,133
Hey, loser. What�s up fat-ass?
144
00:16:26,375 --> 00:16:28,208
Hey, dipshit.
145
00:16:28,292 --> 00:16:29,833
Moron.
146
00:16:30,417 --> 00:16:32,878
Hey, loser.
How you doing today?
147
00:16:33,504 --> 00:16:36,090
Dumb-ass,
why don't you turn around?
148
00:16:39,009 --> 00:16:41,136
You know what?
Fuck this.
149
00:16:48,066 --> 00:16:49,827
WILLIE:
Next.
150
00:16:53,451 --> 00:16:55,151
You're next.
151
00:16:55,553 --> 00:16:58,890
I said next, God damn it.
This is not the DMV, all right?
152
00:16:58,973 --> 00:17:00,517
Move it along.
153
00:17:07,411 --> 00:17:09,955
What's your name?
You can tell me.
154
00:17:11,748 --> 00:17:14,001
I know.
How about Santa?
155
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:17,504
If you don't tell him,
you won't get a present.
156
00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:21,425
That's right. Come on and tell Santa
all about it.
157
00:17:25,762 --> 00:17:27,472
What do you want?
158
00:17:28,765 --> 00:17:31,810
Well, come on.
What do you want? A snot-rag?
159
00:17:35,605 --> 00:17:37,607
Right.
Another fucking Mongoloid.
160
00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:41,278
Marcus, get this kid off me
before he pisses on me.
161
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,314
- Don't fuck with my beard.
- It's not real.
162
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:45,990
No shit.
163
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:49,536
Well, it was real. But, you see, I got sick
and all the hair fell out.
164
00:17:49,619 --> 00:17:52,940
- so I have to wear this fucking thing.
- How did you get sick?
165
00:17:53,023 --> 00:17:56,026
- I loved a woman who wasn't clean.
- Mrs. Santa?
166
00:17:56,100 --> 00:17:57,350
No.
It was her sister.
167
00:17:57,351 --> 00:18:00,251
Now get the fuck out of my lap or
tell me what you want.
168
00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:02,658
What's it like
at the North Pole?
169
00:18:03,971 --> 00:18:06,349
- Like the suburbs.
- Which one?
170
00:18:07,975 --> 00:18:10,811
Apache Junction. What the fuck do you care?
171
00:18:11,195 --> 00:18:15,031
Now, get off my lap.
You sit there
like a fucking retard.
172
00:18:15,915 --> 00:18:17,583
You are really Santa, right?
173
00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:19,043
No.
I'm an accountant.
174
00:18:19,126 --> 00:18:22,713
I wear this fucking thing as
a fashion statement, all right?
175
00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:24,314
Okay.
176
00:18:25,090 --> 00:18:27,801
Marcus, get this kid out of here.
He's freaking me out.
177
00:18:40,132 --> 00:18:43,218
I got to get a drink on.
I'll see you tomorrow.
178
00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:46,096
Just don't come into work
stinking of booze again.
179
00:18:46,180 --> 00:18:47,639
Yeah.
Why don't you get going?
180
00:18:47,723 --> 00:18:50,726
You'll be late for your
"Wizard of Oz" Candy Bar Guild.
181
00:18:50,809 --> 00:18:52,644
Lollipop Guild, you asshole.
Jesus!
182
00:18:52,728 --> 00:18:55,439
Two-year-olds flip me shit
better than you.
183
00:18:55,522 --> 00:18:56,982
You saying something to me?
184
00:18:57,066 --> 00:19:00,319
Yeah. I'm gonna stick
my whole fist up your ass.
185
00:19:03,269 --> 00:19:05,769
Why don�t you fuck-off, you little shit.
186
00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:07,670
Fuck you.
187
00:19:59,049 --> 00:20:00,517
What?
188
00:20:09,859 --> 00:20:12,612
- Another round Grand-Dad, Santa?
- Yeah.
189
00:20:21,203 --> 00:20:22,663
Got a name?
190
00:20:28,669 --> 00:20:32,715
So, what do you do, you know...
After the holidays, I mean.
191
00:20:32,882 --> 00:20:36,552
Well, nothing till March,
and then I'm the Easter Bunny.
192
00:20:40,598 --> 00:20:42,725
- Oh. Another?
- Yeah. Why not?
193
00:20:46,938 --> 00:20:48,606
Merry Christmas.
194
00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:54,403
Not a big talker.
195
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,113
No, not really.
196
00:20:58,908 --> 00:21:01,077
- Buy you one?
- Why not?
197
00:21:06,215 --> 00:21:07,800
Happy New Year.
198
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:13,239
You're pretty regular
for a Santa.
199
00:21:13,323 --> 00:21:15,743
It's just a job,
you know what I mean?
200
00:21:15,827 --> 00:21:19,455
I'm an eating, drinking,
shitting, fucking Santa Claus.
201
00:21:20,424 --> 00:21:21,759
Prove it.
202
00:21:23,612 --> 00:21:25,989
Fuck me, Santa.
Fuck me, Santa.
203
00:21:29,618 --> 00:21:32,245
- Can't I at least take this hat off?
- No!
204
00:21:32,329 --> 00:21:35,082
- I love the hat.
- Okay.
205
00:21:42,339 --> 00:21:45,801
I've always had a thing
for Santa Claus.
206
00:21:48,593 --> 00:21:50,261
In case you didn't notice.
207
00:21:50,945 --> 00:21:54,548
It's like some deep-seated
childhood thing.
208
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,150
So is my thing for tits.
209
00:21:57,233 --> 00:22:00,653
Yeah. It is like that, though.
From when you're a kid.
210
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,406
'Cause my dad was Jewish,
and we didn't have Christmas.
211
00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:07,869
So it was like this forbidden thing.
212
00:22:14,635 --> 00:22:16,094
I like you.
213
00:22:18,988 --> 00:22:21,407
Don't mothball that suit.
214
00:22:27,897 --> 00:22:30,983
- What the fuck?
- I am not gay.
215
00:22:31,868 --> 00:22:35,663
- What the hell, buddy?
- Buddy? I said I am not gay.
216
00:22:35,747 --> 00:22:38,750
Are you off your fucking meds
or something?
217
00:22:39,042 --> 00:22:42,420
Yes. But that isn't
what this is about.
218
00:22:43,212 --> 00:22:46,567
- You're as queer as a $10 bill.
- Oh really? Let me tell you something.
219
00:22:46,650 --> 00:22:50,028
My brother lost a goddamn arm
fighting you fuckers in Vietnam.
220
00:22:50,112 --> 00:22:53,407
So I want you to look at my face
one last fucking time.
221
00:22:53,490 --> 00:22:55,601
This is the last thing you're
ever gonna see before I...
222
00:22:55,684 --> 00:22:59,196
- Elf fucker!
- Motherfucker!
- Turn around, elf fucker.
223
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:03,284
Who's the bitch now,
Santy Claus? Huh?
224
00:23:04,767 --> 00:23:09,087
- Leave Santa alone!
- Little boy, don't interfere.
225
00:23:09,454 --> 00:23:12,457
- I am doing this for all of us.
- Leave Santa alone!
226
00:23:12,740 --> 00:23:14,367
Good God.
227
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:18,380
Ass clown.
228
00:23:26,263 --> 00:23:27,973
Hey, you're that kid.
229
00:23:29,849 --> 00:23:31,643
What the fuck are you
doing here?
230
00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:48,118
- This one fucking time I take you home, okay?
- Uh-huh.
231
00:23:48,201 --> 00:23:49,995
- I�m not your fucking dada.
- Uh-huh.
232
00:23:53,081 --> 00:23:56,018
It's not like you helped me
with that nutjob or anything. You know?
233
00:23:56,030 --> 00:23:57,581
Why do you need a car?
234
00:23:57,582 --> 00:24:00,585
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- This car.
235
00:24:00,711 --> 00:24:03,880
- Which turn is it?
- Sage Terrace. Where's your sleigh?
236
00:24:03,964 --> 00:24:05,966
It's in the shop,
getting repaired.
237
00:24:06,049 --> 00:24:09,886
- Where are the reindeer?
- I stabled them. Is it left or right?
238
00:24:09,970 --> 00:24:12,306
That way. Where's the stable?
239
00:24:12,723 --> 00:24:15,058
- Next to the shop.
- How do they sleep?
240
00:24:15,142 --> 00:24:18,645
- Who? The reindeer? Standing up.
- But the noise. How do they sleep?
241
00:24:18,729 --> 00:24:20,897
- What noise?
- From the shop.
242
00:24:21,982 --> 00:24:24,026
They only work during the day,
all right?
243
00:24:24,109 --> 00:24:26,320
I thought it was always night
at the North Pole.
244
00:24:26,403 --> 00:24:28,155
Well, not now.
Right now it's always day.
245
00:24:28,238 --> 00:24:31,325
- Then how do they sleep?
- Oh, shit. Sage Terrace.
246
00:24:31,658 --> 00:24:35,162
What is it with you anyway? Somebody
drop you on your fucking head?
247
00:24:35,245 --> 00:24:36,538
On my head?
248
00:24:36,622 --> 00:24:39,207
Well ya. Are they gonna drop you
on somebody else's head?
249
00:24:39,291 --> 00:24:43,503
- How can they drop me onto my own head?
- No, not onto your...Would...
250
00:24:43,587 --> 00:24:46,256
God damn it!
Are you fucking with me?
251
00:24:50,927 --> 00:24:53,847
- Okay. Which house is it?
- That one.
252
00:24:54,431 --> 00:24:57,601
- With Jesus and his family there or what?
- No. The one beside that.
253
00:24:57,684 --> 00:25:00,103
- Right here?
- Yeah. That one.
254
00:25:09,279 --> 00:25:10,781
Nice digs.
255
00:25:12,658 --> 00:25:13,992
Is Daddy home?
256
00:25:14,076 --> 00:25:17,537
He's on an adventure, exploring mountains.
He's been gone a long time.
257
00:25:17,621 --> 00:25:20,999
Exploring mountains, huh?
How long is he gonna be gone?
258
00:25:21,333 --> 00:25:23,752
- Till next year.
- Yeah? What about Mommy?
259
00:25:23,835 --> 00:25:26,964
She lives in God's house with
Jesus and Mary and the ghost
260
00:25:27,047 --> 00:25:31,093
and the long-eared donkey and
Joseph and the talking walnut.
261
00:25:31,385 --> 00:25:33,887
- Well, who the fuck takes care of you, then?
- Grandma.
262
00:25:34,371 --> 00:25:36,706
Yeah?
What's her name?
263
00:25:36,989 --> 00:25:38,282
Grandma.
264
00:25:39,116 --> 00:25:40,701
Is Granny spry?
265
00:25:50,469 --> 00:25:51,762
Grandma?
266
00:25:52,563 --> 00:25:53,863
Grandma?
267
00:25:54,889 --> 00:25:56,391
Santa's here.
268
00:25:58,203 --> 00:25:59,871
Are you spry?
269
00:26:01,772 --> 00:26:03,572
Oh, Roger.
You're home.
270
00:26:07,113 --> 00:26:09,532
Let me fix you some sandwiches.
271
00:26:17,832 --> 00:26:21,127
Are you telling me
she's the only one here?
272
00:26:21,211 --> 00:26:22,712
Nobody else?
273
00:26:22,795 --> 00:26:25,882
No aunts or cousins or uncles
or anything like that?
274
00:26:25,965 --> 00:26:29,093
- A butler or security guard or something?
- Nuh-unh.
275
00:26:30,470 --> 00:26:32,263
You're shitting me.
276
00:26:34,557 --> 00:26:36,476
Does your daddy have a safe?
277
00:26:42,607 --> 00:26:45,860
- Need money to fix your sleigh?
- Exactly.
278
00:26:51,274 --> 00:26:53,777
- You want milk and cookies?
- No.
279
00:26:53,860 --> 00:26:56,404
- Should I fix you some sandwiches?
- Unh-unh.
280
00:26:56,780 --> 00:26:58,240
Does your daddy have a car?
281
00:27:03,286 --> 00:27:05,038
Bye, Santa!
282
00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,092
WILLIE:
Oh, my!
283
00:27:24,099 --> 00:27:27,019
Ooh!
284
00:27:27,175 --> 00:27:29,092
- WOMAN: Keep going.
- Jesus!
285
00:27:29,175 --> 00:27:30,467
Keep on going.
286
00:27:31,717 --> 00:27:33,833
Oh, God!
287
00:27:34,075 --> 00:27:35,433
Ooh!
288
00:27:37,075 --> 00:27:38,567
Oh, Jesus!
289
00:27:38,608 --> 00:27:39,992
Keep on going.
290
00:27:40,675 --> 00:27:41,983
Oh, God!
291
00:27:42,167 --> 00:27:43,833
Yeah, baby.
Yeah, baby.
292
00:27:43,917 --> 00:27:46,458
You ain't gonna
shit right for a week.
293
00:27:46,766 --> 00:27:50,770
A couple of days ago, I was in,
uh, Women's Big & Tall.
294
00:27:51,721 --> 00:27:53,806
And I heard these...
295
00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:58,052
Um, you know, these noises.
296
00:27:58,502 --> 00:28:02,589
And I heard a woman screaming,
"Yeah. Oh, yeah. "
297
00:28:03,290 --> 00:28:05,375
And I heard his voice saying,
298
00:28:05,376 --> 00:28:06,976
"That's right.
299
00:28:07,259 --> 00:28:11,020
You ain't going to S-H-I-T
300
00:28:11,063 --> 00:28:12,949
right for a month. "
301
00:28:14,176 --> 00:28:16,345
But don't get me wrong.
302
00:28:16,636 --> 00:28:20,432
I was against the Clinton impeachment. What a man does with his own penis...
303
00:28:20,515 --> 00:28:23,143
Oval Office,
Women's Big & Tall...
304
00:28:23,226 --> 00:28:25,437
it's not for
the American people to say.
305
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,647
- Yeah, right.
- But when�
306
00:28:28,357 --> 00:28:30,776
you're dealing
with children...
307
00:28:34,820 --> 00:28:37,239
They have a tender sensibility.
308
00:28:37,322 --> 00:28:40,909
And you are in a position
of trust. I think perhaps�
309
00:28:41,535 --> 00:28:46,582
someone who has screaming orgasms
with large women shouldn't...
310
00:28:47,700 --> 00:28:49,158
Yeah.
311
00:28:50,492 --> 00:28:52,200
Of course,
I can't fire him for that.
312
00:28:52,501 --> 00:28:54,201
The sizes, they say�
313
00:28:55,202 --> 00:28:58,002
That�s not true, I�m no sizes
314
00:28:58,003 --> 00:29:00,203
But I can see the picket line now�
315
00:29:00,204 --> 00:29:02,604
Yeah. Big fucking farewell.
316
00:29:03,205 --> 00:29:06,305
They�d all say: If it had been a supermodel or a beautiful�
317
00:29:06,383 --> 00:29:08,633
Oh, yeah.
Unfair practices.
318
00:29:08,675 --> 00:29:11,258
Special pleading.
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
319
00:29:11,342 --> 00:29:12,675
Fucking broads.
320
00:29:12,758 --> 00:29:14,008
But I just can't help it.
321
00:29:14,092 --> 00:29:17,550
There's something about the guy
that makes me uneasy.
322
00:29:17,633 --> 00:29:18,674
Well, sure.
323
00:29:18,675 --> 00:29:21,383
Santa fucking someone
in the ass.
324
00:29:23,550 --> 00:29:25,633
So...
325
00:29:25,717 --> 00:29:28,258
Maybe there's something
I could fire him for.
326
00:29:29,450 --> 00:29:30,549
Yeah, I get you.
327
00:29:30,550 --> 00:29:32,217
Do you?
328
00:29:32,300 --> 00:29:34,175
Do you think
you could find something?
329
00:29:34,217 --> 00:29:37,217
Shit, yeah.
Always found them�
330
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,739
I dig that little thing
on your belly button.
331
00:30:29,816 --> 00:30:31,078
What's that?
Like a diamond?
332
00:30:31,150 --> 00:30:33,118
It's a belly-button ring.
333
00:30:33,186 --> 00:30:34,585
Oh, yeah?
Hang on a second.
334
00:30:34,654 --> 00:30:36,315
Check this out.
335
00:30:36,389 --> 00:30:39,119
You got to thrust.
See what I'm saying?
336
00:30:39,559 --> 00:30:42,790
You gotta move the ball around.
You go up there, baby.
337
00:30:42,862 --> 00:30:44,193
Come on.
338
00:30:44,263 --> 00:30:46,527
See? Move the ball.
There you go.
339
00:30:46,599 --> 00:30:48,829
Motherfucker!
340
00:30:48,901 --> 00:30:52,098
Oh, you lousy, fucking
motherfucker.
341
00:30:55,508 --> 00:30:57,442
That's the kind of shit
that's gonna get us pinched.
342
00:30:57,510 --> 00:30:58,841
She said she was 18.
343
00:30:58,911 --> 00:31:00,310
But you promised no arcades.
344
00:31:00,379 --> 00:31:02,108
You said you'd only hustle
Big & Tall.
345
00:31:02,709 --> 00:31:06,009
How many times you fucked:
�The bigger the store, the bigger the take�.
346
00:31:06,010 --> 00:31:08,510
We can�t work the big store with your big fucking trainwreck.
347
00:31:08,511 --> 00:31:10,511
You got some nerve,
you little fuck you.
348
00:31:10,581 --> 00:31:13,379
What, you shat me out of your womb?
You're my fucking mom now?
349
00:31:13,451 --> 00:31:15,112
I don't need
any goddamn lectures out of you.
350
00:31:15,186 --> 00:31:17,654
I know how to keep
a low profile. Thank you.
351
00:31:19,156 --> 00:31:21,886
What the fuck is this,
Mr. Low Profile?
352
00:31:21,959 --> 00:31:24,223
Mind your own goddamn business.
353
00:31:25,024 --> 00:31:26,524
You cocksucker!
354
00:31:30,836 --> 00:31:33,770
Ever hear of
the open bottle law?
355
00:31:33,771 --> 00:31:35,571
You dipshit motherfucker�
356
00:31:58,093 --> 00:31:59,561
Shit.
357
00:32:02,221 --> 00:32:03,688
Hey, Opal.
358
00:32:03,889 --> 00:32:07,476
- Come here.
- Unh-unh. Screw you, Willie, your kinky ass.
359
00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:09,845
Last time I didn't shit right
for a week.
360
00:32:10,128 --> 00:32:13,924
No, it's not that. Just come here.
I need to talk to you.
361
00:32:15,257 --> 00:32:17,635
I'm just tired of you, Willie. Ooh.
362
00:32:22,139 --> 00:32:25,559
Who the fuck is in my room?
Did you see somebody go in my room?
363
00:32:25,642 --> 00:32:28,937
Yeah. Some guy asking about you.
Looked like a cop.
364
00:32:29,804 --> 00:32:31,097
Oh, shit.
365
00:33:04,098 --> 00:33:07,268
Marcus, it's Willie.
Listen, I just got back to the motel. ...
366
00:33:07,352 --> 00:33:09,729
And some guy is nosing around
in my room.
367
00:33:09,812 --> 00:33:13,274
- What guy? You get a look at him?
- No. But I think he's a cop, though.
368
00:33:13,358 --> 00:33:16,861
- Think somebody's onto us?
- Is there anything in the room?
Anything professional?
369
00:33:17,544 --> 00:33:18,963
No, I just got clothes in there.
370
00:33:19,046 --> 00:33:22,341
Just ditch, you idiot.
You got anywhere to sack out for a while?
371
00:33:24,717 --> 00:33:26,177
- Santa!
- Yeah.
372
00:33:26,261 --> 00:33:28,888
- You're bringing my present early?
- No.
373
00:33:30,348 --> 00:33:32,267
But I never told you
what I wanted.
374
00:33:32,350 --> 00:33:35,019
I said I didn't bring it,
dipshit.
375
00:33:35,144 --> 00:33:39,148
Okay. Good. I want a stuffed elephant.
A pink one.
376
00:33:39,899 --> 00:33:44,571
Wish in one hand, shit in the other one.
See which one fills up first.
377
00:33:44,654 --> 00:33:45,905
Okay.
378
00:33:46,322 --> 00:33:50,493
So I'm gonna be staying here for a while.
Things are all fucked up at the North Pole.
379
00:33:50,577 --> 00:33:53,746
Mrs. Santa caught me
fucking her sister.
380
00:33:53,830 --> 00:33:57,333
And I'm out on my ass now.
She got half of everything.
381
00:33:57,584 --> 00:34:00,962
This is gonna be cool. This will do fine.
382
00:34:07,677 --> 00:34:09,387
So I'm gonna be crashing here.
383
00:34:09,470 --> 00:34:12,599
It will be just you and me,
like roommates, you know?
384
00:34:12,765 --> 00:34:14,976
Do you and Mrs. Santa have kids?
385
00:34:15,059 --> 00:34:16,769
No.
Thank the fuck Christ.
386
00:34:16,853 --> 00:34:18,730
What about the elves?
387
00:34:19,188 --> 00:34:21,691
Well, they stay with Mrs. Santa.
388
00:34:22,275 --> 00:34:26,112
I get them on the weekends.
Why don't you go run me a bath?
389
00:34:30,399 --> 00:34:31,901
What about the reindeer?
390
00:34:32,484 --> 00:34:35,362
Would you please shut up
about reindeer?
391
00:34:38,488 --> 00:34:40,157
What are their names?
392
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,359
- Who?
- The elves.
393
00:34:43,526 --> 00:34:46,403
Oh, shit.
I can't remember.
394
00:34:46,487 --> 00:34:49,365
- I think one of them is Sneezy. There's a Dopey....
- That's the Seven Dwarfs.
395
00:34:49,448 --> 00:34:53,577
Oh, you're shitting me. I thought...
I was thinking it was the...
396
00:34:54,370 --> 00:34:57,706
I don't know.
Fuck, kid.
I just call them, "bub. "
397
00:34:57,790 --> 00:35:02,128
I say, "Hey, bub" or "chief" or whatever the fuck.
I tell him to make the goddamn toy.
398
00:35:02,336 --> 00:35:05,714
What the fuck is wrong
with you?
I can't remember this shit!
399
00:35:05,998 --> 00:35:09,460
Does everything with you
have to be a fucking test?
400
00:35:11,820 --> 00:35:13,530
How old are they?
401
00:35:23,094 --> 00:35:26,055
- You want cookies?
- No.
402
00:35:26,472 --> 00:35:28,349
- Warm milk?
- No.
403
00:35:28,641 --> 00:35:32,270
- Should I fix you some sandwiches?
- I don't want any fucking sandwiches.
404
00:35:32,353 --> 00:35:34,856
What is it with you
and fixing fucking sandwiches?
405
00:35:36,139 --> 00:35:39,184
- Okay. Do you want anything else?
- No.
406
00:35:52,485 --> 00:35:54,070
Fuck me?
Fuck you.
407
00:35:54,153 --> 00:35:56,113
You can't just take up
with some kid.
408
00:35:56,197 --> 00:35:58,407
You don't know who's around
or what they do.
409
00:35:58,491 --> 00:36:00,701
You got some nerve, you little shit you.
410
00:36:00,785 --> 00:36:03,579
What, you're my mom now?
You shat me out of your womb?
411
00:36:03,663 --> 00:36:06,582
You said that yesterday,
you stupid fuck.
412
00:36:07,375 --> 00:36:08,584
Shit.
413
00:36:10,127 --> 00:36:11,462
Fuck you.
414
00:36:20,388 --> 00:36:25,226
You are by far the dumbest,
most pathetic piece of maggot-eating shit...
415
00:36:25,309 --> 00:36:28,813
that has ever slid
from a human being's hairy ass.
416
00:36:29,522 --> 00:36:32,483
What if the kid has one of those
fucking playdates they have now?
417
00:36:32,566 --> 00:36:35,069
Are you shitting me?
The kid don't have any friends.
418
00:36:35,152 --> 00:36:38,406
He don't even have an imaginary
friend unless he ditched him.
419
00:36:38,489 --> 00:36:40,992
He lives with his drooling-ass
old grandmother.
420
00:36:41,075 --> 00:36:43,035
Sits in front of the TV
all the time.
421
00:36:43,119 --> 00:36:44,745
You think she's gonna
rat me out?
422
00:36:44,829 --> 00:36:47,498
She don't know her ass
from last Tuesday.
423
00:36:48,332 --> 00:36:49,875
You fuck her?
424
00:36:51,460 --> 00:36:54,588
Jesus Christ. Is everything fucking sex
with you?
425
00:36:54,672 --> 00:36:56,590
With me?
I fuck one person.
426
00:36:56,674 --> 00:36:59,385
I ain't out there serial fornicating,
trying to float my liver,
drinking myself silly
427
00:36:59,468 --> 00:37:03,764
'cause I can't stand
what a piece of shit I am.
428
00:37:03,848 --> 00:37:06,183
What are you,
Sigmund Sawed-off Fucking Freud?
429
00:37:06,267 --> 00:37:09,812
Yeah, that's right. Go ahead.
Talk about my height.
430
00:37:09,895 --> 00:37:13,274
Make it about something safe
'cause you're an emotional fucking cripple.
431
00:37:13,357 --> 00:37:17,695
Your soul is dog shit.
Every single fucking thing
about you is ugly.
432
00:37:24,285 --> 00:37:26,996
Come on, Lois.
Let's get out of here.
433
00:37:36,547 --> 00:37:40,509
Look who's here, Jimmy.
It's Santa.
434
00:37:40,593 --> 00:37:41,844
That's fucking great.
435
00:37:41,927 --> 00:37:44,930
Let's tell him what you want
for Christmas.
436
00:37:49,685 --> 00:37:52,521
I'm on my fucking
lunch break, okay?
437
00:37:54,106 --> 00:37:55,691
Are you insane?
438
00:37:55,941 --> 00:37:59,779
- Management's gonna hear
about this.
- You think that's a threat?
439
00:37:59,862 --> 00:38:02,907
If you think you can make my fucking
life any worse, go right ahead.
440
00:38:02,990 --> 00:38:05,493
Be my fucking guest.
Take a shot.
441
00:38:32,092 --> 00:38:35,117
- Can I help you, ma�am?
- Just looking.
442
00:38:48,242 --> 00:38:50,442
Hello ma�am, can I help?
443
00:38:51,043 --> 00:38:52,943
Are these designer or knockoff?
444
00:38:53,044 --> 00:38:55,644
Well, they�re designer sunglasses
but they�re at knockoff prices.
445
00:38:56,345 --> 00:38:57,645
They look great on you ma�am. Sale this week only.
446
00:38:58,146 --> 00:39:00,146
Cut the bullshit,
I�m just looking.
447
00:39:09,066 --> 00:39:11,360
Find everything
you're looking for?
448
00:39:11,443 --> 00:39:13,362
Um, yeah.
Thank you.
449
00:39:13,737 --> 00:39:16,073
Nothing I can help
you with, huh?
450
00:39:16,865 --> 00:39:20,869
No. I'm just looking at
the games 'cause I have an Xbox.
451
00:39:21,537 --> 00:39:23,747
Get your hands
out of my pants, man!
452
00:39:23,831 --> 00:39:27,042
You're stealing from the store,
you're stealing from me.
453
00:39:27,126 --> 00:39:28,376
What is this?
454
00:39:28,377 --> 00:39:31,505
- I was gonna pay for it.
- Wrong answer.
455
00:39:31,588 --> 00:39:33,716
When I look at you,
you know what I think?
456
00:39:33,799 --> 00:39:36,176
I think America has
a sad future ahead of it.
457
00:39:36,260 --> 00:39:39,054
And you're part
of this sorry-ass generation.
458
00:39:39,138 --> 00:39:42,725
- What you want to be when you grow up?
- I don't know.
459
00:39:45,942 --> 00:39:47,693
- This MP3?
- Yeah.
460
00:39:47,777 --> 00:39:49,237
Take it off.
461
00:39:49,487 --> 00:39:52,990
- But my grandmother gave...
- Take it off.
462
00:39:53,074 --> 00:39:56,202
I don't care who gave it to you.
463
00:39:56,285 --> 00:39:58,621
I don't care if it choke you
to death.
464
00:39:58,704 --> 00:40:00,748
Now, I want you to get on
out of here. Get!
465
00:40:00,832 --> 00:40:03,709
- But can I have...
- Get! Happy Kwanzaa.
466
00:40:07,380 --> 00:40:09,465
And pull your damn pants up!
467
00:40:09,549 --> 00:40:12,218
What's wrong with you kids
these days?
468
00:40:12,301 --> 00:40:14,345
- Gin?
- Yeah.
469
00:40:14,428 --> 00:40:17,098
- Yeah, what do you need?
- I need you to run a plate for me.
470
00:40:17,181 --> 00:40:20,184
- It's Arizona plates.
- Hold on. Let me get a pen.
471
00:40:47,503 --> 00:40:48,963
Is that it?
472
00:40:59,765 --> 00:41:03,728
For Christ's sake, make a move
and stick with it, would you?
473
00:41:10,744 --> 00:41:12,246
King me.
474
00:41:14,290 --> 00:41:16,333
Son of a bitch!
475
00:41:18,884 --> 00:41:23,929
You lousy, cheating little fucking shit!
476
00:41:26,143 --> 00:41:27,895
Want to play again?
477
00:41:27,981 --> 00:41:31,318
MAN ON TV: You can make
a delicious six-pound chicken.
478
00:41:31,319 --> 00:41:34,619
MAN ON TV: A six-pound mouth watering pork-loin roast.
479
00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:39,020
MAN ON TV: A luscious looking six-pound leg of lamb with rosemary.
480
00:41:39,221 --> 00:41:42,221
MAN ON TV: Four half-pound juicy hamburgers.
481
00:41:42,285 --> 00:41:45,705
MAN ON TV: And a hot dog and sausages to feed a small army.
482
00:41:45,788 --> 00:41:49,167
MAN ON TV: Not one, but two delicious
rotisserie chickens.
483
00:41:49,375 --> 00:41:51,294
MAN ON TV: A dozen tasty juicy lamb chops.
484
00:41:51,377 --> 00:41:52,879
Fuck me, Santa. Fuck me, Santa.
485
00:41:52,962 --> 00:41:57,300
MAN ON TV: A 6 1/2-pound honey ham. 4 freshly caught whole trout.
486
00:41:57,301 --> 00:42:00,301
MAN ON TV: Scrumptious
6 1/2-pound standing rib roast.
487
00:42:00,783 --> 00:42:05,296
MAN ON TV: And everybody�s favorite, baby back ribs.
488
00:42:10,826 --> 00:42:12,953
Such a nice place here you got.
489
00:42:12,963 --> 00:42:15,340
Needs a little bit of a woman's touch.
490
00:42:15,424 --> 00:42:18,135
I just rent
the fucking place anyway.
491
00:42:21,221 --> 00:42:23,807
- Yeah. I just rent stuff, too.
- Yeah?
492
00:42:24,099 --> 00:42:25,934
Let me get your drink.
493
00:42:31,481 --> 00:42:33,650
How long are you gonna be here?
494
00:42:33,734 --> 00:42:35,485
What? On the couch?
495
00:42:35,986 --> 00:42:38,739
No, in town.
496
00:42:40,041 --> 00:42:42,251
I don't know.
Just through the holidays.
497
00:42:42,793 --> 00:42:45,504
You know, then I'll move on.
498
00:42:46,615 --> 00:42:48,659
So, do you like kids?
499
00:42:48,701 --> 00:42:50,036
Fuck, no!
500
00:42:50,536 --> 00:42:53,039
What, do you think
I'm some kind of pervert?
501
00:42:53,122 --> 00:42:56,000
I just mean because
you're Santa Claus.
502
00:42:57,610 --> 00:42:59,571
I like kids.
I really like kids.
503
00:42:59,654 --> 00:43:01,573
- You do?
- I love kids.
504
00:43:01,865 --> 00:43:03,491
Well, good.
505
00:43:05,035 --> 00:43:07,787
Yeah, they're something else,
those kids.
506
00:43:08,806 --> 00:43:10,933
And to tell you the truth...
507
00:43:11,026 --> 00:43:14,530
The fact of the matter is,
I'm not Santa.
508
00:43:17,008 --> 00:43:19,094
Like ya anyway.
509
00:43:34,150 --> 00:43:38,238
- So, you'll call me, right?
- Yeah. I'll call you.
510
00:43:39,172 --> 00:43:42,884
I'm gonna buy you some flowers. Some of
those really good expensive ones.
511
00:43:42,968 --> 00:43:44,302
Shut up.
512
00:43:48,098 --> 00:43:49,349
Bye.
513
00:44:25,466 --> 00:44:28,886
Roger, you're home. Let me fix
you some sandwiches.
514
00:44:32,014 --> 00:44:36,060
What the fuck? Kid, what the
fuck is wrong with you?
515
00:44:41,815 --> 00:44:44,443
Jesus Christ! Let me see it!
Let me see it!
516
00:44:44,526 --> 00:44:48,447
- What the hell happened to you?!
- I cut my hand by mistake! Ow!
517
00:44:49,406 --> 00:44:51,700
- Of course it was by mistake.
- Ow!
518
00:44:52,242 --> 00:44:53,661
Here, hold still.
Hold still.
519
00:44:55,246 --> 00:44:57,456
I was just trying to help you!
520
00:44:57,748 --> 00:45:00,334
I forgot to say,
"It's gonna sting a little bit. That�s all "
521
00:45:00,417 --> 00:45:03,087
Shouldn't I wrap it
in a T-shirt or something?
522
00:45:03,170 --> 00:45:04,755
God damn it.
523
00:45:17,956 --> 00:45:19,249
You're late.
524
00:45:26,089 --> 00:45:28,258
Kids.
Let me tell you.
525
00:45:31,261 --> 00:45:33,096
They run you ragged.
526
00:45:44,849 --> 00:45:46,768
Morning, team.
527
00:45:48,686 --> 00:45:50,772
It's not quite 8:00 yet.
528
00:45:51,956 --> 00:45:53,666
Well, how close are we?
529
00:45:58,504 --> 00:46:00,965
Now it's 8:00. Merry Christmas.
530
00:46:01,049 --> 00:46:02,634
Up your ass.
531
00:46:09,599 --> 00:46:10,975
God damn it!
532
00:46:11,059 --> 00:46:12,477
You tear your ball again?
533
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:14,354
I don't think so.
534
00:46:14,887 --> 00:46:16,264
That's it.
535
00:46:16,665 --> 00:46:18,165
Get the ladder and put it over here.
536
00:46:23,098 --> 00:46:24,805
Hold it for me.
537
00:46:36,332 --> 00:46:39,812
- You�re in?
- Yeah, I�m in. I�m trying to find out where the hell I�m going.
538
00:47:01,013 --> 00:47:02,513
God damn it!
539
00:47:53,082 --> 00:47:57,211
Sweetheart, don't romance 'em, now.
Go on and get in there. I can take it.
540
00:47:59,171 --> 00:48:02,216
- Yeah.
- Gin, I got the info on that Arizona plate.
541
00:48:02,299 --> 00:48:06,136
All right. Now you're talking.
Oh, hold on one minute.
542
00:48:06,428 --> 00:48:09,848
Baby, baby. Baby, baby.
Don't use that one.
That's not the stuff.
543
00:48:10,015 --> 00:48:12,142
Use something
with some claws to it.
544
00:48:12,226 --> 00:48:14,478
Yeah, that hard candy.
That's it right there.
545
00:48:14,561 --> 00:48:17,481
Let me get some of that.
Yeah, that's it.
546
00:48:19,525 --> 00:48:21,860
- Yeah, I'm back.
- The guy's Roger Merman.
547
00:48:21,944 --> 00:48:24,113
- Guess where he is.
- Give it to me.
548
00:48:24,989 --> 00:48:27,032
Ow! Damn it!
What's wrong with you, woman?
549
00:48:31,058 --> 00:48:32,531
Number 8.
550
00:48:40,159 --> 00:48:42,912
- Who are you?
- Your name Roger Merman?
551
00:48:42,995 --> 00:48:45,831
- Yes. But...
- You doing three to six for embezzlement?
552
00:48:46,815 --> 00:48:51,027
Uh, well, many accounting
questions are not cut-and-dried.
553
00:48:51,311 --> 00:48:53,688
Do you live at 41 Sage Terrace?
554
00:48:54,138 --> 00:48:57,391
Is it Grandma? Is my son all right?
555
00:48:57,725 --> 00:49:00,645
They're fine. Do you have any houseguests?
556
00:49:02,013 --> 00:49:03,514
Houseguests?
557
00:49:05,182 --> 00:49:08,019
Thank you for your time.
God bless.
558
00:49:08,973 --> 00:49:10,475
Houseguests?
559
00:49:11,898 --> 00:49:13,942
Well, it's fucked.
560
00:49:14,025 --> 00:49:15,694
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
561
00:49:18,029 --> 00:49:19,447
- Fucked, frankly.
- He's...
562
00:49:19,531 --> 00:49:20,740
- Clean...
- Oh.
563
00:49:21,074 --> 00:49:22,867
- As a fucking whistle.
- Nothing?
564
00:49:22,951 --> 00:49:26,162
- No. Nothing. I mean shit.
- Yeah.
565
00:49:26,329 --> 00:49:27,539
- He curses.
- Yeah?
566
00:49:27,622 --> 00:49:29,332
- But never around children.
- Oh.
567
00:49:29,416 --> 00:49:33,002
- No criminal record. No parking tickets for Christ�s sake.
- Yeah.
568
00:49:33,086 --> 00:49:35,463
- Nothing.
- No bad habits, either.
569
00:49:35,755 --> 00:49:38,758
Sex, yeah.
But man is a sexual being.
570
00:49:39,300 --> 00:49:41,261
- Yeah.
- Fuckin' Darwinian.
571
00:49:41,803 --> 00:49:43,763
- You can't do shit about that, Jack.
- No.
572
00:49:43,847 --> 00:49:45,932
Hell, I wouldn't want to.
573
00:49:49,435 --> 00:49:52,980
No, of course not.
I'm not advocating celibacy.
574
00:49:53,064 --> 00:49:55,775
Hope not. It'd be the end
of the fucking human race.
575
00:49:55,858 --> 00:49:58,528
- Yeah.
- Fucks large women.
576
00:49:59,946 --> 00:50:01,614
What can I say?
577
00:50:22,500 --> 00:50:24,300
Yeah, just looking.
578
00:50:36,077 --> 00:50:38,329
Hey, look,
it's the retard again.
579
00:50:50,999 --> 00:50:53,168
- Wedgie.
- Yeah.
580
00:51:01,196 --> 00:51:03,573
- So what do you want?
- Pok�mon!
581
00:51:03,657 --> 00:51:04,908
Done.
582
00:51:11,012 --> 00:51:14,140
You probably shouldn't
be digging in your ass.
583
00:51:15,809 --> 00:51:17,143
Santa...
584
00:51:18,895 --> 00:51:20,313
Oh, jeez.
585
00:51:23,817 --> 00:51:26,444
- Is that your underwear?
- Part of it.
586
00:51:26,528 --> 00:51:28,280
Where the hell's the rest of it?
587
00:51:28,363 --> 00:51:31,032
No, actually, don't tell me. I don�t
want to know. What do you want?
588
00:51:31,116 --> 00:51:34,703
I was thinking I wanted a purple
stuffed elephant, not pink.
589
00:51:34,786 --> 00:51:37,289
- But now I changed my mind.
- Yeah, what?
590
00:51:37,372 --> 00:51:39,207
Now I don't want an elephant at all.
591
00:51:39,291 --> 00:51:42,002
I want a gorilla named Davey
for beating up the skateboard kids.
592
00:51:42,086 --> 00:51:43,294
who pull on my underwear.
593
00:51:43,295 --> 00:51:45,756
He could take his orders
from the talking walnut,
594
00:51:45,839 --> 00:51:48,258
so it wouldn't be my bad thing.
595
00:51:52,871 --> 00:51:56,250
Jesus, kid. When I was your age,
I didn't need no fucking gorilla,
596
00:51:56,333 --> 00:51:58,210
and I wasn't as big
as one of your legs.
597
00:51:58,293 --> 00:52:01,839
Four kids beat me up and I went crying
to my daddy. You know what he did?
598
00:52:01,922 --> 00:52:05,676
- He made it all better?
- No, he kicked my ass. You know why?
599
00:52:05,759 --> 00:52:08,429
'Cause you went to the bathroom
on Mommy's dishes?
600
00:52:08,712 --> 00:52:11,381
What the fuck? No.
601
00:52:11,832 --> 00:52:14,501
He tried to teach you
not to cry and be a man?
602
00:52:15,284 --> 00:52:18,913
No. It's because he was
a mean, drunk son of a bitch.
603
00:52:19,196 --> 00:52:23,284
When he wasn't busting my ass, he was
putting cigarettes out on my neck.
604
00:52:23,367 --> 00:52:26,829
The world ain't fair. You gotta take
what you need when you can get it.
605
00:52:26,912 --> 00:52:28,873
You gotta learn to stand up for yourself.
606
00:52:28,956 --> 00:52:33,636
You�re gonna have to quit being a pussy
and kick these kids in the balls or something.
607
00:52:35,345 --> 00:52:38,473
Or don't. Shit, I don't care.
Just leave me out of it.
608
00:52:38,556 --> 00:52:41,768
- Now, get on out of here.
- Okay. Thanks, Santa.
609
00:52:56,616 --> 00:52:59,535
Go get the next lucky boy
or girl, okay?
610
00:53:02,936 --> 00:53:04,936
Put the cigarettes away, you asshole.
This ain�t no fucking bar.
611
00:53:08,753 --> 00:53:10,421
All right, next.
612
00:53:17,549 --> 00:53:19,985
Open the ropes there, Marcus.
613
00:53:20,602 --> 00:53:22,362
- I know you?
- Not yet.
614
00:53:27,352 --> 00:53:29,286
Santa don�t do grab ass, cowboy.
615
00:53:29,287 --> 00:53:30,787
You are Willie �Tugboat� Soak.
616
00:53:31,065 --> 00:53:33,065
And you�re Marcus �The Prince� Skidmore.
617
00:53:33,466 --> 00:53:36,466
And on Christmas Eve, you�re going to rob this store blind.
618
00:53:37,567 --> 00:53:39,567
What�d say we go somewhere private.
619
00:53:41,665 --> 00:53:44,876
Seven cities in seven years. Pretty impressive.
620
00:53:45,794 --> 00:53:49,965
The store changes, your name changes.
But you always get away clean.
621
00:53:50,423 --> 00:53:53,468
Yeah. Pretty darn impressive.
622
00:53:54,177 --> 00:53:57,847
Well, let's face the facts.
Y'all are a couple of half-bucket small-timers.
623
00:53:57,931 --> 00:54:01,101
You, because of your physical
attributes, you found a niche,
624
00:54:01,184 --> 00:54:04,270
and I respect that. But you also been caught...
625
00:54:05,730 --> 00:54:06,982
... by me.
626
00:54:07,524 --> 00:54:09,859
So this is how it's gonna be.
627
00:54:09,943 --> 00:54:14,030
I don't want to take over.
I don't even want to change your scam.
628
00:54:14,114 --> 00:54:17,867
Whatever you guys do, it works.
All I want is a taste.
629
00:54:18,201 --> 00:54:20,870
When the deed is done,
we part ways.
630
00:54:20,954 --> 00:54:22,872
I'll buy a little ranch
in Havasu,
631
00:54:22,956 --> 00:54:26,751
and you all take your little
medicine show back on the road.
632
00:54:28,586 --> 00:54:29,838
- How much?
- Half.
633
00:54:29,921 --> 00:54:33,174
- No way! You don't know who you're fucking with.
- Back off, Will.
634
00:54:33,258 --> 00:54:34,718
I got this. I got this!
635
00:54:37,137 --> 00:54:41,850
Okay. 30%. There's three of us.
30%. That's fair.
636
00:54:42,267 --> 00:54:43,560
Half.
637
00:54:44,368 --> 00:54:46,370
- I meant 33%...
- I meant half.
638
00:54:46,454 --> 00:54:48,331
- ... and 1/3.
- Half.
639
00:54:50,166 --> 00:54:51,634
35%.
640
00:54:52,710 --> 00:54:53,920
Half.
641
00:54:54,295 --> 00:54:55,763
40%.
642
00:54:56,255 --> 00:54:57,548
Half.
643
00:55:00,500 --> 00:55:01,968
42%.
644
00:55:10,344 --> 00:55:11,553
45%.
645
00:55:17,517 --> 00:55:18,727
Half.
646
00:55:21,828 --> 00:55:23,296
48%?
647
00:55:24,164 --> 00:55:25,374
Half.
648
00:55:26,708 --> 00:55:28,502
- 49%.
- Half.
649
00:55:31,046 --> 00:55:34,508
- Well, what's one point?
- We split the dough right down the middle.
650
00:55:34,591 --> 00:55:37,469
Any merchandise you take, I get
to look at and cherry-pick.
651
00:55:37,553 --> 00:55:39,805
No! Money's one thing,
but you ain't gettin' the...
652
00:55:40,388 --> 00:55:43,099
This ain't no Chinese menu, you jagoff.
653
00:55:43,183 --> 00:55:45,602
I tell you how it's gonna be.
654
00:55:45,927 --> 00:55:47,720
This is pricks fix.
655
00:55:50,634 --> 00:55:53,304
- Pricks fix?
- He's a fucking moron.
656
00:55:53,888 --> 00:55:56,724
Oh, really? Is that how you got
the upper hand?
657
00:55:56,807 --> 00:55:58,517
- Fuck you.
- Negotiating?
658
00:55:58,601 --> 00:56:03,513
If you don't like, next year, fuck off.
I can always get another box jockey.
659
00:56:03,796 --> 00:56:06,257
- I can get another midget, too.
- Yeah, where?
660
00:56:06,340 --> 00:56:09,510
You see us hanging off of fucking trees
like fucking crab apples?
661
00:56:09,594 --> 00:56:13,139
Even if we did, you'd never front your
own racket. You know why, Willie?
662
00:56:13,222 --> 00:56:16,309
Because you got no discipline.
You got zero fuckin' initiative.
663
00:56:16,392 --> 00:56:19,562
You'd fall apart without me.
You're too pathetic for words.
664
00:56:19,645 --> 00:56:22,899
You're a fucking loser,
and you fucking know it.
665
00:56:44,262 --> 00:56:47,474
Santa'll be here real soon,
kids. Real soon.
666
00:57:04,466 --> 00:57:05,842
Oh, no.
667
00:58:04,705 --> 00:58:06,791
Sweet Jews for Jesus.
668
00:58:07,625 --> 00:58:08,918
I pissed myself.
669
00:58:09,001 --> 00:58:12,672
What the fuck do you think
you doing? You son of a bitch!
670
00:58:12,755 --> 00:58:15,258
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, come on, come on.
671
00:58:18,626 --> 00:58:21,421
Look here. Get him out of here.
I'll smooth things over with Chipeska.
672
00:58:21,504 --> 00:58:23,256
Tell him food poisoning or something.
673
00:58:23,339 --> 00:58:26,301
- What do you mean �Get him out of here"?
- Take him to the car.
674
00:58:27,684 --> 00:58:30,562
In case you hadn't noticed,
I'm a motherfuckin' dwarf.
675
00:58:30,645 --> 00:58:34,399
So unless you got a forklift handy,
maybe you should lend a hand, hmm?
676
00:58:34,483 --> 00:58:36,651
That figures. You want
all kind of set-asides.
677
00:58:36,735 --> 00:58:39,988
Special treatment 'cause you're
handicapped. You all the same.
678
00:58:40,072 --> 00:58:43,283
Special treatment?
I'm 3-foot-fucking-tall,
you asshole!
679
00:58:43,366 --> 00:58:47,370
It's a matter of physics. Draw me a
sketch of how I get him to the car, huh?
680
00:58:47,454 --> 00:58:49,206
Bitch, bitch, bitch.
681
00:58:49,489 --> 00:58:53,368
Sketch it up, you fuckin� moron.
Fucking Leonardo da Vinci.
682
00:58:56,411 --> 00:58:57,954
What you call me, thigh high?
683
00:58:58,038 --> 00:59:02,209
I called you a fucking guinea homo from
the 15th-fucking-century, you dickhead!
684
00:59:03,592 --> 00:59:05,594
I could stick you up my ass,
small fry.
685
00:59:05,677 --> 00:59:08,305
Yeah? You sure it ain't
too sore from last night?
686
00:59:08,589 --> 00:59:10,424
You got some lip on you, midget.
687
00:59:11,007 --> 00:59:13,843
Well, these lips were on
your wife's pussy last night.
688
00:59:13,927 --> 00:59:17,597
Why don't you dust that
thing off once in a while? Asshole.
689
00:59:22,393 --> 00:59:24,771
- I pissed my pants.
- Oh, shut up.
690
00:59:24,854 --> 00:59:28,024
691
00:59:50,422 --> 00:59:51,756
Santa.
692
01:00:03,257 --> 01:00:04,757
Santa?
693
01:00:06,236 --> 01:00:07,487
What?
694
01:00:09,922 --> 01:00:11,715
What are you doing?
695
01:00:13,108 --> 01:00:14,485
Nothing.
696
01:00:15,619 --> 01:00:17,705
You going to work today?
697
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:22,501
Not really.
698
01:00:23,519 --> 01:00:25,646
You just gonna sit there?
699
01:00:27,940 --> 01:00:30,734
Yeah. Just let me alone, okay?
700
01:00:35,281 --> 01:00:37,867
- Hey, wait a minute. Hey, kid?
- Yeah?
701
01:00:42,288 --> 01:00:44,415
I want you to take this letter.
702
01:00:44,498 --> 01:00:47,710
When the paramedics come
to bag Santa up,
703
01:00:48,669 --> 01:00:50,963
there's gonna be
some cops there.
704
01:00:51,046 --> 01:00:54,133
I want you to make sure that
those cops get that envelope.
705
01:00:54,216 --> 01:00:55,676
What is it?
706
01:00:56,051 --> 01:00:59,054
It just tells
all the bad things that...
707
01:01:01,557 --> 01:01:04,185
What the fuck happened
to your eye?
708
01:01:05,019 --> 01:01:06,937
Fucking little prick!
709
01:01:09,831 --> 01:01:13,001
So you like to give little kids
black eyes, huh?
710
01:01:18,753 --> 01:01:20,755
How 'bout you, huh?!
You want some?!
711
01:01:20,839 --> 01:01:24,426
Anybody else? Anybody else?
Come on! Yeah, there you go.
712
01:01:43,445 --> 01:01:46,281
You know, I think
I've turned a corner.
713
01:01:46,907 --> 01:01:49,576
Yeah?
You fucking petites now?
714
01:01:50,035 --> 01:01:52,454
No. I'm not talking about that.
715
01:01:54,664 --> 01:01:57,542
I beat the shit
out of some kids today.
716
01:01:58,376 --> 01:02:00,420
But it was for a purpose.
717
01:02:02,881 --> 01:02:05,467
It made me feel good
about myself.
718
01:02:07,093 --> 01:02:11,598
It was like I did something constructive
with my life, or something�
I don't know.
719
01:02:11,681 --> 01:02:14,059
Like I accomplished something.
720
01:02:17,437 --> 01:02:19,856
You need many years of therapy.
721
01:02:20,273 --> 01:02:23,735
Many, many, many
fuckin' years of therapy.
722
01:02:23,736 --> 01:02:25,536
And I bullshit you not.
723
01:02:37,500 --> 01:02:40,492
Shut up. That's not even
what you said.
724
01:02:40,533 --> 01:02:43,367
Oh, God damn it,
I forgot about that.
725
01:02:45,308 --> 01:02:48,033
We got a fucking nursing home
around here.
726
01:02:48,117 --> 01:02:50,242
Well, we can go in another room.
727
01:02:56,542 --> 01:02:59,000
She does look kind of still,
doesn't she?
728
01:03:01,017 --> 01:03:02,558
Hey, Granny?
729
01:03:04,775 --> 01:03:06,567
Hey, Granny.
730
01:03:14,417 --> 01:03:16,467
Hey, there, Granny?
731
01:03:16,650 --> 01:03:18,358
Oh, Granny.
732
01:03:20,008 --> 01:03:21,049
Oh, my God.
733
01:03:21,050 --> 01:03:22,592
What the fuck?
734
01:03:25,092 --> 01:03:26,300
Oh, shit.
735
01:03:29,883 --> 01:03:31,092
- Roger!
- God!
736
01:03:31,175 --> 01:03:33,758
- God damn it! Shit!
- You're home.
737
01:03:33,842 --> 01:03:37,425
- Please just tap me.
- Let me fix some sandwiches.
738
01:04:14,562 --> 01:04:17,398
- Hello, little boy.
- Hello. Santa...
739
01:04:17,815 --> 01:04:20,109
I know that Christmas Eve
is in a couple days,
740
01:04:20,192 --> 01:04:23,571
and you have to fly around
the world and give presents to everyone,
741
01:04:23,654 --> 01:04:26,240
and you won't be around anymore.
742
01:04:26,324 --> 01:04:29,827
- Yeah?
- So I thought I'd give you
your present now.
743
01:04:36,459 --> 01:04:39,503
- What the fuck is it?
- It's a wooden pickle.
744
01:04:40,455 --> 01:04:41,915
Why'd you paint it brown?
745
01:04:41,998 --> 01:04:46,419
It's not paint. It's blood from when
I cut my hand making it for you.
746
01:04:50,540 --> 01:04:53,084
Well, shit, kid, I don't know. I...
747
01:04:55,586 --> 01:04:56,879
Thanks.
748
01:04:57,588 --> 01:04:59,215
You're welcome.
749
01:04:59,674 --> 01:05:01,467
Good night, Santa.
750
01:05:02,419 --> 01:05:05,172
Good night, Mrs. Santa's sister.
751
01:05:05,839 --> 01:05:07,758
Good night, sweetie.
752
01:05:10,135 --> 01:05:11,595
Oh, my God.
753
01:05:12,304 --> 01:05:16,308
That was so sweet.
He's a really sweet kid,
isn't he?
754
01:05:16,683 --> 01:05:18,477
Yeah, I guess so.
755
01:05:21,730 --> 01:05:23,398
Come on, baby.
756
01:05:24,232 --> 01:05:25,650
Come here.
757
01:05:27,569 --> 01:05:28,820
What?
758
01:05:29,529 --> 01:05:31,698
Oh, nothing.
I'm all right.
759
01:05:35,035 --> 01:05:37,120
Just a little tired.
760
01:05:50,215 --> 01:05:51,466
Santa!
761
01:05:51,633 --> 01:05:53,677
God damn it!
Whoa! Shit!
762
01:05:53,802 --> 01:05:55,929
Want to see my report card?
763
01:05:56,179 --> 01:05:59,600
- You scared the holy shit out of me.
- Think I did good?
764
01:05:59,783 --> 01:06:03,453
How would I know? I haven't seen
the fuckin' thing yet.
765
01:06:08,565 --> 01:06:10,275
Who the fuck is Thurman?
766
01:06:10,359 --> 01:06:12,653
- Is your name Thurman?
- Yeah.
767
01:06:13,070 --> 01:06:14,822
768
01:06:15,155 --> 01:06:17,157
- Thurman Merman?
- Yeah.
769
01:06:19,843 --> 01:06:21,136
Jesus.
770
01:06:21,545 --> 01:06:23,672
So, you think I did good?
771
01:06:25,966 --> 01:06:28,802
What do you care
what I think, huh?
772
01:06:30,703 --> 01:06:34,498
Hell, I guess you did better
than I did.
I never got any B's.
773
01:06:35,074 --> 01:06:37,785
I thought maybe at least
since I did good in school,
774
01:06:37,868 --> 01:06:39,537
maybe you'd bring me a present.
775
01:06:39,620 --> 01:06:44,458
'Cause last year and the year before that,
you didn't bring me any presents.
776
01:06:46,710 --> 01:06:49,129
Even though I'm a dipshit loser.
777
01:06:53,425 --> 01:06:57,805
Jesus fucking Christ, kid!
Why do you talk about
yourself that way?!
778
01:06:58,572 --> 01:07:01,867
Let me give you some news.
I'm not Santa Claus, all right?
779
01:07:02,151 --> 01:07:04,528
Take a look at me.
Do I look like Santa Claus?
780
01:07:04,611 --> 01:07:09,533
As a matter of fact, I'm living fucking proof that there's not a Santa Claus.
781
01:07:10,159 --> 01:07:12,327
I know there's no Santa.
782
01:07:12,578 --> 01:07:17,249
I just thought maybe you'd want to give me a present 'cause we're friends.
783
01:07:55,470 --> 01:07:57,514
- Good night, Gin.
- Good night.
784
01:08:31,579 --> 01:08:35,083
Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph.
What is the problem now?
785
01:08:35,166 --> 01:08:39,379
I'm sorry.
The van stalled.
Will you give us a jump, please?
786
01:08:39,930 --> 01:08:44,267
I'll be dipped in dog shit.
Do I look like an auto mechanic to you?
787
01:08:51,441 --> 01:08:53,151
I appreciate it.
788
01:08:55,904 --> 01:08:58,573
All right, small fry,
help yourself.
789
01:09:03,036 --> 01:09:05,789
- I can't reach it.
- Jesus Christ, give me that.
790
01:09:05,872 --> 01:09:07,207
Thanks.
791
01:09:09,459 --> 01:09:11,211
All right, hit it.
792
01:09:45,066 --> 01:09:48,152
Oh, my.
What a terrible accident.
793
01:09:49,279 --> 01:09:50,655
- Is he dead?
- No.
794
01:09:50,738 --> 01:09:53,199
But it looks like
you broke most of his ribs.
795
01:09:53,283 --> 01:09:57,245
I'd say maybe 50% of them,
or do you think 30%?
796
01:09:58,204 --> 01:10:02,584
I needed more of a running start.
I couldn't build up enough speed.
797
01:10:13,076 --> 01:10:14,076
Is he dead?
798
01:10:14,077 --> 01:10:15,577
Shit.
799
01:10:32,709 --> 01:10:33,950
Put it on reverse, Lois.
800
01:10:54,376 --> 01:10:56,739
What are you drinking, Styrinol now?
801
01:10:56,740 --> 01:11:00,740
�caused you sounded like my aunt Tilly right before she smeared her own shit on her bedroom walls.
802
01:11:00,741 --> 01:11:03,041
You better be in shape by this evening, asshole.
803
01:11:03,242 --> 01:11:05,242
After tonight I don�t give a shit.
804
01:11:05,343 --> 01:11:08,643
But this is the time we reach deep down and suck it up.
805
01:11:12,434 --> 01:11:13,696
Lovely child.
806
01:11:13,806 --> 01:11:15,965
Good night and have a very Merry Christmas.
807
01:11:15,966 --> 01:11:17,426
- Merry Christmas.
- Good night.
808
01:11:18,043 --> 01:11:19,795
Merry Christmas.
809
01:11:20,287 --> 01:11:22,456
- Good night.
- Okay! Happy holiday!
810
01:11:22,539 --> 01:11:25,726
CHIPESKA:
Attention, shoppers. The store will be closing in five minutes.
811
01:11:26,009 --> 01:11:30,681
We wish you all a merry Christmas, a happy Hanukkah, and a joyous Kwanzaa.
812
01:11:47,063 --> 01:11:49,232
All right, hold it steady.
813
01:11:53,820 --> 01:11:55,947
Oh, yeah, shit, let's do it.
814
01:11:57,282 --> 01:11:58,575
Oh, Christ.
815
01:12:04,055 --> 01:12:05,765
Merry Christmas.
816
01:12:07,142 --> 01:12:08,602
Good night.
817
01:12:10,020 --> 01:12:12,898
- Merry Christmas, Willie.
- Up your ass.
818
01:12:24,651 --> 01:12:25,854
819
01:12:53,345 --> 01:12:54,688
820
01:13:14,799 --> 01:13:16,092
Oh, shit.
821
01:13:17,510 --> 01:13:18,761
What?
822
01:13:22,862 --> 01:13:24,162
What?
823
01:13:24,308 --> 01:13:26,769
- It's a Kitnerboy Redoubt.
- So?
824
01:13:26,853 --> 01:13:29,230
- Remember Andy Pitz?
- Andy Pitzorella? Yeah.
825
01:13:29,706 --> 01:13:34,586
When I was in the joint with him, he told me that the Kitnerboy Redoubt can't be cracked.
826
01:13:34,836 --> 01:13:36,754
Are you shittin' me?
827
01:13:37,088 --> 01:13:39,632
Are you telling me
that after I propped you up,
828
01:13:39,716 --> 01:13:42,886
held you together,
smiled for all those kids,
829
01:13:42,969 --> 01:13:45,388
danced for all those
fucking housewives
830
01:13:45,471 --> 01:13:48,141
in a fucking lime-green,
fucking velvet elf costume,
831
01:13:48,224 --> 01:13:50,518
that you cannot
get in this fucking safe?!
832
01:13:50,602 --> 01:13:53,021
Is that what you're
telling me?! Huh?!
833
01:14:39,257 --> 01:14:40,725
Fuck.
834
01:14:41,085 --> 01:14:42,377
Shit.
835
01:15:08,478 --> 01:15:09,938
Terza.
836
01:15:59,816 --> 01:16:01,067
34C.
837
01:16:35,100 --> 01:16:36,768
Piece of cake.
838
01:16:38,445 --> 01:16:41,656
I gotta get one more thing.
I'll be right back.
839
01:17:07,521 --> 01:17:09,856
Oh, shit.
Which one did he say?
840
01:17:30,275 --> 01:17:32,903
I'll bet the store dick
don't want this.
841
01:17:32,986 --> 01:17:35,322
Store dick don't want shit.
842
01:17:36,650 --> 01:17:38,443
What do you mean?
843
01:17:39,335 --> 01:17:41,128
Store dick's dead.
844
01:17:41,279 --> 01:17:43,531
Store dick don't want shit.
845
01:17:46,032 --> 01:17:48,432
Fuck the fuckin� store dick.
846
01:17:50,049 --> 01:17:51,467
He's dead, huh?
847
01:17:54,345 --> 01:17:56,514
I didn't even know he was sick.
848
01:17:56,597 --> 01:18:00,268
Willie, this has been
a long time coming.
849
01:18:00,726 --> 01:18:04,647
Every year, you're worse.
Every year, less reliable.
850
01:18:04,939 --> 01:18:08,609
More booze.
More bullshit.
More buttfucking.
851
01:18:09,318 --> 01:18:11,112
Sure, the three B's.
852
01:18:12,280 --> 01:18:14,907
You gotta be able to rely,
Willie.
853
01:18:16,868 --> 01:18:18,995
You people are monsters.
854
01:18:19,579 --> 01:18:21,956
There's no joy in this for me.
855
01:18:25,418 --> 01:18:29,255
I'm not talking about
you taking me out. That part, I get.
856
01:18:33,343 --> 01:18:35,512
But look at all that shit.
857
01:18:37,389 --> 01:18:39,975
Do you really need
all that shit?
858
01:18:41,977 --> 01:18:43,937
For Christ sakes,
it's Christmas.
859
01:18:50,632 --> 01:18:52,568
Come on, let�s go.
860
01:18:53,774 --> 01:18:55,526
Goodbye, Willie.
861
01:18:57,861 --> 01:18:59,279
Drop the gun.
862
01:19:00,633 --> 01:19:03,635
- Where did you come from?
- Shit, that fucking kid.
863
01:19:03,658 --> 01:19:05,326
Marcus, hop on!
864
01:19:22,439 --> 01:19:23,773
Fuck me.
865
01:20:33,891 --> 01:20:37,853
Halt, police!
Put your hands up! I said freeze!
866
01:20:38,687 --> 01:20:39,980
Freeze!
867
01:20:53,981 --> 01:20:56,951
Somebody stick a cord on those fuckin� kids.
868
01:21:42,050 --> 01:21:43,510
"Dear kid...
869
01:21:44,010 --> 01:21:48,014
I hope that you got my present and that there wasn't too much blood on it,
870
01:21:48,098 --> 01:21:50,725
although there was blood
on the present you gave me,
871
01:21:50,809 --> 01:21:52,561
which didn't keep me
from enjoying it.
872
01:21:52,644 --> 01:21:56,106
So maybe the blood doesn't
matter so much, I guess. "
873
01:21:58,891 --> 01:22:01,019
"Anyway, just in case
they took it as evidence,
874
01:22:01,083 --> 01:22:03,317
I'm also sending you a T-shirt.
875
01:22:03,400 --> 01:22:05,858
I hope it's the right size. "
876
01:22:06,525 --> 01:22:07,900
"I'm healing up good,
877
01:22:07,983 --> 01:22:10,733
and they tell me
that I will soon be 100%,
878
01:22:10,817 --> 01:22:12,692
even with 8 bullets
dug out of me,
879
01:22:12,733 --> 01:22:14,817
because they didn't hit
any vital organs,
880
01:22:14,900 --> 01:22:17,567
just my liver,
which is fucked anyway.
881
01:22:17,608 --> 01:22:19,275
Ha ha ha.
882
01:22:19,625 --> 01:22:22,867
Anyways, I told the cops you had no one to take the fuck care of you,
883
01:22:22,950 --> 01:22:25,117
so they set it up
with Mrs. Santa's sister
884
01:22:25,200 --> 01:22:26,700
watching you
till your dad gets back
885
01:22:26,825 --> 01:22:28,242
in one year and three months.
886
01:22:29,025 --> 01:22:31,942
They made her a guardian
pro tem or some such shit.
887
01:22:32,025 --> 01:22:34,433
Anyway, she makes better money than bartending
888
01:22:34,834 --> 01:22:37,325
she seems to like you
and your house and Jacuzzi.
889
01:22:38,717 --> 01:22:41,133
As for my little helper,
I'm sorry to have to tell you
890
01:22:41,217 --> 01:22:43,383
that him and his
prune-faced, mail-order wife
891
01:22:43,967 --> 01:22:46,217
are gonna be exploring
mountains with your dad.
892
01:22:46,300 --> 01:22:49,883
I hope your dad doesn't go
sucking shit from them like I did.
893
01:22:51,437 --> 01:22:53,564
Thank you for giving
that letter to the cops.
894
01:22:53,648 --> 01:22:56,693
I forgot I asked you to do it,
but it's a good thing you did,
895
01:22:56,776 --> 01:22:59,237
or Santa's little helper
would've plugged his ass.
896
01:22:59,320 --> 01:23:02,532
Now the cops know I wrote it, which is gonna keep my ass out of jail.
897
01:23:02,615 --> 01:23:04,075
That, plus everyone agreeing...
898
01:23:04,158 --> 01:23:07,161
that the Phoenix police department
shooting an unarmed Santa...
899
01:23:07,245 --> 01:23:09,789
was even more fucked up
than Rodney King. "
900
01:23:09,872 --> 01:23:12,542
"The cops are treating me
like fucking royalty now,
901
01:23:12,625 --> 01:23:13,960
which is new in my experience.
902
01:23:14,043 --> 01:23:16,296
They're gonna make me
a sensitivity counselor,
903
01:23:16,379 --> 01:23:17,714
so that tragedies like this...
904
01:23:17,797 --> 01:23:20,508
will never again embarrass
the whole fucking department.
905
01:23:20,686 --> 01:23:21,886
Whatever.
906
01:23:21,887 --> 01:23:24,386
907
01:23:24,387 --> 01:23:26,187
So I�ll be staying in Phoenix now,
908
01:23:26,188 --> 01:23:29,900
telling the police how screwed up they are which is not a bad job as jobs go.
909
01:23:30,367 --> 01:23:33,317
They're supposed to let me
out of this hospital room soon,
910
01:23:33,400 --> 01:23:36,383
So I�ll see you when I come over to fuck Mrs Santa�s sister in the Jacuzzi.
911
01:23:36,567 --> 01:23:39,650
Until then, don�t take no shit from nobody,
912
01:23:39,733 --> 01:23:41,317
least of all yourself.
913
01:23:41,700 --> 01:23:43,783
Anyway, see you soon.
914
01:23:45,325 --> 01:23:47,217
Santa.�
915
01:24:18,748 --> 01:24:23,461
71259
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.