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("Midnight Blues" playing)
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CHARLENE: ♪ Got too much time
And nowhere to go ♪
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♪ But I drink enough
to say hello ♪
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♪
♪ But I'm high enough
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Not to give a... ♪
LANA: Goddamn it!
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CHERLENE: Cut!
Okay, whoa!
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Cut it, fellas!
(music stops)
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ARCHER: Man, I am blowing
this jug.
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CHERLENE: What the hell is
wrong with you?
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LANA: You are what's wrong
with me!
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It's 5:50 in the goddamn
morning!
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CHERLENE: Uh, duh, it's
called the golden hour.
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00:00:46,626 --> 00:00:48,426
LANA: The...
PAM: The light takes on a
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special quality.
LANA: I know what it means,
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but...
CHERLENE: Then you know it's
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the best time to record stuff,
so...
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LANA: Film!
It's the best time to record
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things on film!
It cannot possibly have any
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effect on recording audio.
KRIEGER: Oh, was I supposed
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to be recording that?
CHERLENE: Krieger!
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PAM: Goddamn it.
(Cherlene growls)
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CHERLENE: We're losing the
light!
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ARCHER: We're not losing me
blowing this jug.
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MALORY: Are you bothering
them?
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LANA: I am, and also,
happy Opposite Day.
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MALORY: Is she bothering you?
OTHERS: Yes!
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MALORY: Stop bothering them.
LANA: They're the ones...
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MALORY: They are trying to
make a record, Lana, and there
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is a finite amount of golden
hour.
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LANA: Which, again...
MALORY: I know, but if
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Cherlene's happy...
CHERLENE: Outlaw country,
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woooooo!
(music playing)
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MALORY: "Woo," exactly.
Then I am happy.
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Or at least I will be, once we
start selling some records.
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LANA: I'll be happy when I
can sleep without getting up to
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pee every six minutes.
MALORY: Pfft, you think
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you're not sleeping now?
Wait till that thing's born.
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LANA: Oh!
MALORY: So do yourself and
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those bosoms of yours a favor,
and get a wet nurse.
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LANA: That cannot still be
a thing.
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MALORY: Preferably one who
cooks.
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We had a Dominican, just lovely,
bosoms like... well, like yours,
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but umpteen babies later.
My God, Sterling loved her.
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She was with us nearly four
years.
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Now what was her name?
I want to say Mariela?
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00:02:01,167 --> 00:02:03,734
Maricela?
Wait, or Ruby?
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LANA: I don't...
MALORY: The point is, they
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steal from you; it's just the
cost of doing business.
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(Lana sighs)
LANA: Steal what?
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We haven't been paid in months,
Malory; I'm pretty much broke.
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MALORY: Join the club.
Because believe me, if I had
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the money, I would get the hell
out of this... Hillbilly Hilton.
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KRIEGER: Am I supposed to be
recording this?
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PAM: Krieger!KRIEGER: Watch it!
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CHERLENE: Goddamn it!ARCHER: Whoa!
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(jug shattering)Jug down!
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Jug down!MALORY: As difficult as that
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would be.(Archer sobs)
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ARCHER: I'm 'a planta red fern for ya, jug.
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MALORY: Item one:
Woodhouse, scrape.
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WOODHOUSE: Yes, mum.
(all groaning)
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MALORY: And gripe all you
want, but no one is eating Eggs
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Woodhouse until you people start
bringing in some money!
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ARCHER: But they were already
cooked; what good does it do
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to throw them away?
MALORY: None.
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That's the whole point.
And no cocaine donuts for you!
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PAM (muffled): Aw, come on!
I got to load up my body before
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Krieger sells it all!
ARCHER: Before what?
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CHERLENE: What?
PAM: Krieger's selling the
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cocaine online.
MALORY: Are you insane?
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KRIEGER: Yeah, if it's insane
to use an X-gen asymmetric onion
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router and digital
cryptocurrency to sell your
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cocaine anonymously and
completely risk-free.
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Ah...
Or a lot of the other shit I do.
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MALORY: But... so do people
e-mail you, or...?
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KRIEGER: No.
It's like shopping online, only
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for cocaine.
I've already sold, uh...
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Wow, almost 800 grand worth.
MALORY: Really?
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But how do we get paid?
KRIEGER: With a totally
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00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:07,687
untraceable digital currency
that we can exchange for real
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00:04:07,689 --> 00:04:12,526
U.S. dollars whenever we want.
I call 'em Kriegerrands.
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MALORY: And then how do they
get the cocaine?
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KRIEGER: We pack it up and
MALORY: Oh, for...
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I'll send up some help. And,
missy, you had better watch it.
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(noisy chewing)
ARCHER (mouth full): Jesus,
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these taste like calluses.
PAM: Ew.
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CYRIL: Gross.
RAY: That's so accurate.
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ARCHER: Lana.
Lana.
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La...
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CHERLENE: What's up her
gigantic giant ass?
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RAY: Wh...
Probably you shitheads!
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OTHERS: What did we do?
RAY: Besides keeping
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everybody up all night with your
damn hootenannies...
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ARCHER: Wait, that was a
hootenanny?
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RAY: ...has anybody even
thought about throwing her a
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goddamn baby shower?!
CHERLENE: Ew!
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PAM: Um...
CYRIL: Pfft, you mean a
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bastard sh... Ow!
ARCHER: Cyril, shut your
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pout-hole, accept the fact that
Lana was so far out of your
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league that impregnating her
would've basically been
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interspecies breeding, and get
on with your life!
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And then go get a cake.
Okay, Ray...
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MALORY: Ray, Cyril, go help
Krieger pack the cocaine.
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Cherlene, go pick or grin or
something, and the rest of
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you...
ARCHER: We're throwing Lana
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a baby shower.
MALORY: Wh...?
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We haven't done that yet?
I said move, people!
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Go, go, go, go, go!
(Ray bleats)
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Idiots.
All right, I need them here
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making music and packaging
cocaine, so this baby shower is
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up to you.
Don't cock it up like you did
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Texas!
PAM: Hey!
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MALORY: Oh, blow it out
your ass!
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(Pam farts)
(Archer laughs)
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ARCHER: I was hoping you'd
do that.
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Okay, we should make a list.
Item one: some paper to write
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said list on.
(gasps)
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Item two... Woodhouse!
Get in here!
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WOODHOUSE: Sir?
ARCHER: Here, here's...
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400 bucks; go get all the stuff
for a baby shower: cake,
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decorations, some of those water
guns shaped like dicks...
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PAM: I think that's
bachelorette parties.
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ARCHER: Really?
Wow, okay, that explains...
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Uh, never mind.
And, Woodhouse,
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if you spend any of this on
heroin, you better buy enough to
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O.D. on, bec...
WOODHOUSE: Will do!
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ARCHER: Will don't!
PAM: Wait, so if Woodhouse is
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getting everything we need for
the party, then...
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ARCHER: Oh, not everything,
Pam.
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Because... you and I are going
to get Kenny Loggins to play
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Lana's baby shower.
PAM: Goddamn it.
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ARCHER: Pam. Danger zone. ♪
Wait, wait, wait, no.
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♪ This is it.
KRIEGER: Yeah, you guys box
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it up, I slap on a mailing label
from the printer, bing bang
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boom, it's good to go zoom.
CYRIL: So, why are we in
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our underwear?
KRIEGER: Eh, don't worry
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about it.
PAM: Because it kind of seems
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like this is about you and not
really about Lana.
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ARCHER: Okay, A, Lana loves
Kenny Loggins.
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PAM: Really?
ARCHER: I don't know.
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I mean, I assume she does.
I do.
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GUARD: Whoa, whoa, where you
think you're going?
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ARCHER: Uh, well, to give Mr.
Loggins his wardrobe.
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00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,602
GUARD: Not without a pass
you're not.
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ARCHER: Yeah, we...
PAM: Hey, I appreciate you're
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just doing your job, but if
Kenny doesn't get this
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embroidered hippie shirt and
these gigantic bell-bottoms, I
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highly doubt you'll have a job
tomorrow.
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GUARD: Look, he ain't even
here.
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00:07:20,549 --> 00:07:22,549
He's probably still at the
Tuntmore.
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PAM: Now, was that so hard...
neck nuts?
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ARCHER: Good instincts back
there, Pam.
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That's what we field agents
call... Hmm.
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Guess I'm not a field agent
anymore though.
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(Pam laughs)
PAM: Man, you got to miss it.
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What a rush!
ARCHER: Yeah, I miss it, but
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00:07:37,766 --> 00:07:40,033
calm down.
Jesus, it's not like you killed
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a guy.
Taxi!
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00:07:42,537 --> 00:07:44,754
(car door closes)
Okay, so phase two may call for
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00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:47,407
some field craft.
A, there's no way a superstar
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like Kenny Loggins is gonna be
registered under his own name.
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PAM (laughs): Yeah.
It's not like he's Messina.
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ARCHER: Don't do that.
Don't ever do that!
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PAM: Sorry! Geez!
ARCHER: You should be.
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Jim Messina is a genius, and
without him, no Poco.
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00:07:59,988 --> 00:08:02,522
Where was I?
Oh, yeah, we'll probably need to
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00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,524
access the computer terminal at
reception, so just follow my
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00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,526
lead.
PAM: Could I just follow
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00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,528
Kenny Loggins?
ARCHER: Wha...?
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00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:10,530
KENNY LOGGINS: Well, maybe
because it's in the rider,
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00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,532
which I'll be happy to come down
there and shove up his ass.
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00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,567
ARCHER: Uh, excuse me, Mr.Loggins?
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00:08:14,569 --> 00:08:16,569
Hi, I'm, uh...
KENNY LOGGINS: Uh-huh,
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00:08:16,571 --> 00:08:18,571
uh-huh, uh-huh.
ARCHER: What the shit,
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00:08:18,573 --> 00:08:20,573
Loggins?!
KENNY LOGGINS: Ricky, bad
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touch!
RICKY: Hands off Mr. Loggins!
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00:08:22,577 --> 00:08:24,577
ARCHER: Hands off me, Lurch.
Look at my suit.
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00:08:24,579 --> 00:08:26,579
KENNY LOGGINS: Zap, Ricky,
zap!
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00:08:26,581 --> 00:08:28,581
ARCHER: Hey... Aah!
(Pam screams)
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00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:31,351
KENNY LOGGINS: Uh, hang on.
Hit him again.
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00:08:31,353 --> 00:08:33,520
PAM: Wait! No, no, no, no!
ARCHER: What?! I...
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00:08:33,522 --> 00:08:35,922
(grunting gibberish)
KENNY LOGGINS: What's that?
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00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:38,691
No, no, never mind.
It's just a fan.
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00:08:38,693 --> 00:08:40,994
(Archer groans)
PAM: Holy shit zaps!
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00:08:40,996 --> 00:08:43,029
Are you okay?
(Archer coughs)
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00:08:43,031 --> 00:08:45,366
ARCHER: Yeah, and I don't
know about you, but
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00:08:45,486 --> 00:08:46,725
I'm gonna be pretty upset
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00:08:46,845 --> 00:08:49,111
if I end up having to murder
Kenny Loggins.
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00:08:50,804 --> 00:08:52,271
Meh.
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00:08:53,746 --> 00:08:56,721
ARCHER: Yeah, that's fair!
Kick out the guy whose custom
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00:08:56,961 --> 00:09:00,579
Super 220 wool suit was ruined
by Kenny Loggins!
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00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,581
And where were you during all
that?
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00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,584
PAM: Oh, man, I was like,
"What?!"
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00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:08,520
So, what's up? What's the plan?
ARCHER: (sighs) The plan is
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00:09:08,522 --> 00:09:12,157
shut up and come on.
GILLETTE: No, we have to play
196
00:09:12,159 --> 00:09:15,160
games at the baby shower.
There's Don't Drop the Baby, uh,
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00:09:15,162 --> 00:09:18,730
Dirty Diaper Game...
CYRIL: What in God's name is
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00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:20,833
the Dirty Diaper Game?
GILLETTE: Oh, my God, it's
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00:09:20,835 --> 00:09:22,835
hilarious.
You get a bunch of newborn
200
00:09:22,837 --> 00:09:25,003
diapers, then you microwave
different candy bars...
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00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:28,106
CYRIL: Stop! Yeah, let me
just stop you there, because if
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00:09:28,108 --> 00:09:30,742
you finish that sentence, I'm
going to rub cocaine in your
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00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,745
eyes until you are blind.
GILLETTE: Goddamn, Shawshank.
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00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,981
LANA: Uh, Malory?
(Malory screams)
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00:09:35,983 --> 00:09:38,183
LANA: What?!
MALORY: What... do you want?
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00:09:38,185 --> 00:09:40,219
Jesus.
LANA: I, um...
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00:09:40,221 --> 00:09:43,655
Okay, so, as you know, or should
know, I'm pregnant and...
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00:09:43,657 --> 00:09:45,657
MALORY: (sighs) Lana, it's
too late to...
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00:09:45,659 --> 00:09:47,693
LANA: Okay, let me stop you.
Having the baby-- don't know why
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00:09:47,695 --> 00:09:49,695
that's such a mindbender for
everybody, but...
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00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:51,830
MALORY (chuckling): Well...
LANA: But... Hush. I have a
212
00:09:51,832 --> 00:09:54,099
lot of pretty major expenses
coming up, and since we haven't
213
00:09:54,101 --> 00:09:57,603
been paid...
(sighs) Look, I hate to ask, but
214
00:09:57,605 --> 00:09:59,605
I need...
MALORY: WIC!
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00:09:59,607 --> 00:10:01,607
LANA: What?
MALORY: It's like welfare but
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00:10:01,609 --> 00:10:03,609
for babies.
I don't know-- I'm not a
217
00:10:03,611 --> 00:10:05,611
Democrat.
But I think they give you a
218
00:10:05,613 --> 00:10:14,953
birth cheese.
I only had $200.
219
00:10:14,955 --> 00:10:18,957
MALORY: Not you.
Really? $200?
220
00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:21,894
ARCHER: Okay, there's $200
for the uniforms, $100 for the
221
00:10:21,896 --> 00:10:26,932
sweet wigs and another $300 for
Kenny Loggins' room number.
222
00:10:26,934 --> 00:10:30,269
HOUSEKEEPER: Mm-hmm.
PAM: So, I'm curious-- why
223
00:10:30,271 --> 00:10:32,971
didn't you just call Cherlene,
who owns the hotel?
224
00:10:32,973 --> 00:10:35,107
ARCHER: (sighs) And I'm
curious-- why didn't you remind
225
00:10:35,109 --> 00:10:37,276
me about that until just now?
PAM: You said shut up,
226
00:10:37,278 --> 00:10:39,278
J. Alfred Gotrocks.
ARCHER: What?
227
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,280
PAM: We haven't been paid in
forever.
228
00:10:41,282 --> 00:10:43,282
Where are you getting all this
money?
229
00:10:43,284 --> 00:10:46,385
ARCHER: I, uh...
sold some artwork?
230
00:10:46,387 --> 00:10:48,854
CHERLENE: Goddamn it!
What did I tell you about
231
00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:52,190
staying up on the wall, ghosts?!
ARCHER: Okay, since I am or
232
00:10:52,192 --> 00:10:56,695
was a world-class secret agent,
when we get up to his room, do
233
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:59,698
actually follow my lead or...
PAM: Hang on, let me grab a
234
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,867
name tag.
ARCHER: (gasps) Ruby! Ruby!
235
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,869
Is there a Ruby?
See if there's a Ruby.
236
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:06,138
Is there a Ruby?!
PAM: It's pretty close to
237
00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:08,140
Ruby.
ARCHER: No, Pam, it isn't.
238
00:11:08,142 --> 00:11:10,175
PAM: Well, why do...
ARCHER: Don't worry about it.
239
00:11:10,177 --> 00:11:12,711
Let it go.
And give me one of those mints.
240
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:15,714
PAM: Dude, they're cocaine.
ARCHER: (sighs) Of course
241
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:17,883
they are.
PAM: (laughs) Right?
242
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,918
ARCHER: All right, here's the
penthouse.
243
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,921
Now, I cannot stress this
enough, Pam: follow my lead.
244
00:11:22,923 --> 00:11:25,190
PAM: Okay.
ARCHER: Room ser...
245
00:11:25,192 --> 00:11:27,759
PAM: Housekeeping!
ARCHER: (clears throat) What
246
00:11:27,761 --> 00:11:30,228
did I just...
PAM: Prostitute!
247
00:11:30,230 --> 00:11:32,331
(gasps, grunts)
RICKY: What the hell is your
248
00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:36,401
problem?
PAM: Besides my face hurts?
249
00:11:36,403 --> 00:11:39,104
KENNY LOGGINS: Why do I pay
you 20 grand a month?
250
00:11:39,106 --> 00:11:41,940
I don't want to read about Kenny
Loggins; I want to read about
251
00:11:41,942 --> 00:11:45,344
K-Log.
(sighs) Jesus, don't ever get a
252
00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:48,246
publicist.
ARCHER: Well, as a lowly room
253
00:11:48,248 --> 00:11:51,883
service waiter, I probably
won't, but...
254
00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:54,886
Wow. Okay, uh...
KENNY LOGGINS: K-Log didn't
255
00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:58,156
order room service.
ARCHER: Sure, you did.
256
00:11:58,158 --> 00:12:01,326
KENNY LOGGINS: No, I didn't.
(crash, glass shatters)
257
00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:03,829
(Pam grunting)
ARCHER: A housekeeper and/or
258
00:12:03,831 --> 00:12:05,831
prostitute?
KENNY LOGGINS: You think
259
00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:08,033
K-Log needs to pay for sex, do
you?
260
00:12:08,035 --> 00:12:11,870
ARCHER: Mm... no, but, that
being said, I do think he needs
261
00:12:11,872 --> 00:12:14,906
to reevaluate this whole K-Log
thing.
262
00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:16,908
KENNY LOGGINS: Oh, yeah?
Well, I think you need to
263
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:19,378
reevaluate your face.
ARCHER: My... Oh.
264
00:12:19,380 --> 00:12:20,846
(chuckles) Okay.
I can explain that.
265
00:12:20,966 --> 00:12:22,752
KENNY LOGGINS: How?
ARCHER: Uh...
266
00:12:23,236 --> 00:12:25,738
- Lip chemo?
- It's the crazy guy from the lobby!
267
00:12:25,858 --> 00:12:28,258
Which means you're no prostitute.
268
00:12:28,378 --> 00:12:30,337
And that being said,
269
00:12:30,457 --> 00:12:33,458
I am open to blow jobs for money.
I only got eight bucks on me,
270
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:34,652
but...
ARCHER: Pam!
271
00:12:34,772 --> 00:12:38,096
Self-esteem, buddy. Come on.
Now, let's just put the gun down
272
00:12:38,098 --> 00:12:40,098
and...
RICKY: Mr. Loggins, please
273
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,100
advise.
KENNY LOGGINS: K-Log.
274
00:12:42,102 --> 00:12:44,269
K-Log, damn it.
RICKY: Yeah, I'm kind of with
275
00:12:44,271 --> 00:12:46,905
him on that one.
KENNY LOGGINS: Oh, really?
276
00:12:46,907 --> 00:12:50,142
So you agree with Borgnar's
pathetic little errand boy?
277
00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:52,144
ARCHER: Wait, what?
And also who?
278
00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,212
KENNY LOGGINS: Well, I'll
tell you the same thing I told
279
00:12:54,214 --> 00:12:56,248
Borgnar that night in Caracas.
It's not for sale.
280
00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:58,250
At any price.
ARCHER: Who the hell is
281
00:12:58,252 --> 00:13:00,252
Bor... (grunts)
(gunshot, glass shatters)
282
00:13:00,254 --> 00:13:02,254
(Pam shouts)
(Ricky screams)
283
00:13:02,256 --> 00:13:04,256
(gunshots)
KENNY LOGGINS: Hi-yah!
284
00:13:04,258 --> 00:13:06,291
(Archer grunts)
Ricky, attack!
285
00:13:06,293 --> 00:13:10,162
PAM (chuckling): Yeah, Ricky.
(Ricky and Pam grunting)
286
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,798
(Ricky screams)
ARCHER: Okay. Okay, good.
287
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:16,802
Pam, are you good?
PAM (chuckling): Oh, yeah.
288
00:13:16,804 --> 00:13:20,972
(Ricky and Pam roaring)
(Ricky and Pam grunting)
289
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:23,442
ARCHER: Yeah, good, okay.
'Cause this time, I may actually
290
00:13:23,444 --> 00:13:25,444
murder Kenny Loggins.
PAM: Wait, wait, wait, wait,
291
00:13:25,446 --> 00:13:27,512
wait!
ARCHER: What, Pam?!
292
00:13:27,514 --> 00:13:29,110
PAM: First see if he wants
a beej.
293
00:13:33,735 --> 00:13:36,876
(crashing, fighting)
ARCHER: Loggins! Loggins!
294
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,434
Now, look, before either of us
does something we'll both
295
00:13:39,436 --> 00:13:42,804
regret, let's...
(gunshots)
296
00:13:42,806 --> 00:13:46,774
Okay, that's just unacceptable.
Pam, I'm going in!
297
00:13:46,776 --> 00:13:49,911
PAM: Okay!
(both grunting)
298
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:54,516
(Archer grunts)
(sniffing)
299
00:13:54,518 --> 00:13:57,852
(coughs)
ARCHER: Oh, wow, he really
300
00:13:57,854 --> 00:14:00,321
likes the Paco Rabanne.
(gasps)
301
00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:03,691
KENNY LOGGINS: Tell Borgnar
I'll see him in hell!
302
00:14:03,693 --> 00:14:15,403
Wonder if it's too late
to get Messina.
303
00:14:15,405 --> 00:14:19,007
Holy shit.
What kind of colossal idiot
304
00:14:19,009 --> 00:14:21,876
would build a pool like that?
CHERLENE: I just want to go
305
00:14:21,878 --> 00:14:24,345
on record as saying
that a glass swimming pool on
306
00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:26,447
the penthouse balcony is,
without a doubt,
307
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:29,551
the absolute worst idea that
I have ever heard in my entire
308
00:14:29,553 --> 00:14:33,888
goddamn life.
But you're the men, so...
309
00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:36,024
ARCHER: (chuckles) But can
you imagine banging in
310
00:14:36,026 --> 00:14:38,927
that thing?
Why, yes, Archer, yes, I can.
311
00:14:38,929 --> 00:14:40,795
KENNY LOGGINS: Drop it!
(gun cocks)
312
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:43,298
Drop it on the ground.
ARCHER: Do you know how bad
313
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,400
that is for it?
I will place it on the ground,
314
00:14:45,402 --> 00:14:47,302
but...
KENNY LOGGINS: You think
315
00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:50,705
K-Log won't shoot, punk?
ARCHER: No, I think K-Log is
316
00:14:50,707 --> 00:14:52,407
out of bullets.
KENNY LOGGINS: What?
317
00:14:52,409 --> 00:14:53,942
(gun clicks)
How did you...
318
00:14:53,944 --> 00:14:55,944
ARCHER: It's just a thing
I do.
319
00:14:55,946 --> 00:14:57,946
Now what the hell is in that
briefcase?
320
00:14:57,948 --> 00:14:59,948
KENNY LOGGINS: As if you
don't know.
321
00:14:59,950 --> 00:15:01,950
ARCHER: I honestly don't.
KENNY LOGGINS: Liar.
322
00:15:01,952 --> 00:15:04,018
ARCHER: (chuckles) Look, I
put my weapon down, I'm not a
323
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:06,321
threat; how would I know what's
in...?
324
00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:09,324
RICKY: Aah!
(Pam growling)
325
00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:11,593
(Kenny Loggins grunts)
ARCHER: Pam, no, no, no, no,
326
00:15:11,595 --> 00:15:14,796
no, don't, no, don't...
(gunshot)
327
00:15:14,798 --> 00:15:17,065
KENNY LOGGINS: Shit.
ARCHER: Ooh, okay.
328
00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:20,001
So one of...
(glass cracks)
329
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:24,339
One fairly predictable thing is
gonna happen now, so...
330
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,341
KENNY LOGGINS: Aah!
PAM and RICKY: Aah!
331
00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:30,378
ARCHER: Loggins!
(Loggins grunts)
332
00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:33,781
ARCHER: Ooh.
KENNY LOGGINS: (coughs) You
333
00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:35,783
saved me.
But why?
334
00:15:35,785 --> 00:15:37,885
ARCHER: What do you mean why?
(coughs)
335
00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:40,088
I wanted you to play a baby
shower. (coughs)
336
00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:42,624
KENNY LOGGINS: Wait, what?
ARCHER: The Dirty Diaper
337
00:15:42,626 --> 00:15:45,393
game?
Water guns shaped like dicks?
338
00:15:45,395 --> 00:15:47,495
A baby shower.
KENNY LOGGINS: Oh.
339
00:15:47,497 --> 00:15:50,698
So, Borgnar? The briefcase?
ARCHER: I don't know anyone
340
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,700
named Borgnar.
And I don't want your crazy
341
00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,702
briefcase.
What the hell is even in that
342
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,704
thing?
KENNY LOGGINS: Don't worry
343
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,806
about it.
Just let it go.
344
00:15:58,808 --> 00:16:00,875
ARCHER: I should let you go.
KENNY LOGGINS: Look, I'm...
345
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,910
you know...
ARCHER: Sorry?
346
00:16:02,912 --> 00:16:05,413
KENNY LOGGINS: Mm, more just
embarrassed.
347
00:16:05,415 --> 00:16:07,415
Is there some way I can make
this all up to you?
348
00:16:07,417 --> 00:16:09,417
PAM: A beej!
ARCHER: Pam!
349
00:16:09,419 --> 00:16:12,420
And no, Kenny Loggins, there's
no way to make up for almost
350
00:16:12,422 --> 00:16:15,390
killing me over a briefcase
full of what I can only assume
351
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:18,893
is either plutonium or a human
soul.
352
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:27,468
(coughs) Although, that being
said..
353
00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:29,871
KENNY LOGGINS: (sighs) Yes.
CHERLENE: Wow, snotty.
354
00:16:29,873 --> 00:16:32,540
Okay, fine, so during the boring
parts, just scream "outlaw
355
00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:34,575
country."
KENNY LOGGINS: Yeah,
356
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:38,646
absolutely not.
CHERLENE: ♪ Revvin' up your
357
00:16:38,648 --> 00:16:41,582
engine, listen to her howlin'
roar... ♪
358
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,618
(Lana squeals)
Ugh!
359
00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:46,087
ALL: Happy baby shower!
(cork pops)
360
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,623
LANA: Oh, my God, you guys.
KRIEGER: Me first, here!
361
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:50,958
It's a breast pump.
Go ahead and use it now if you
362
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,361
want.
LANA: I do not want, Krieger,
363
00:16:53,363 --> 00:16:56,097
but thank you.
Aw, and thank you, Pam.
364
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:59,100
PAM: It's cocaine!
LANA: Oh, of course it is.
365
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,102
And also, what the hell
happened to you?
366
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,504
PAM: This big bastard.
LANA: What big...?
367
00:17:03,506 --> 00:17:05,973
Whoa.
RICKY: Uh, hi.
368
00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:08,576
Um, this is a car seat.
GILLETTE: Wha...
369
00:17:08,578 --> 00:17:11,112
Goddamn it!
This whole stupid baby shower
370
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:14,449
was my idea! (sobbing)
CHERLENE/LOGGINS: ♪ Highway
371
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:18,886
to the danger zone
KENNY LOGGINS: ♪ I'll take
372
00:17:18,888 --> 00:17:24,025
you right into the danger
zone... ♪
373
00:17:24,027 --> 00:17:27,462
CYRIL: Here.
LANA: Oh, wow, a check.
374
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,465
For $80.
CYRIL: Please take me back.
375
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,568
LANA: Aw, Cyril.
Who's next?
376
00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:36,104
MALORY: Well, I suppose me.
And all of this.
377
00:17:36,106 --> 00:17:38,706
It's a layette.
Onesies, binkies,
378
00:17:38,708 --> 00:17:41,109
itty bitty booties, blah blah
blah.
379
00:17:41,111 --> 00:17:44,779
From baby Bergdorf's.
LANA: Oh, my God, it must've
380
00:17:44,781 --> 00:17:46,814
been a fortune.
MALORY: Well, I can afford
381
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,417
it.
Apparently, Krieger's online
382
00:17:49,419 --> 00:17:51,552
pharmacy is going gangbusters,
so...
383
00:17:51,554 --> 00:17:54,989
WOODHOUSE: Pardon me, mum.
This was delivered for
384
00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,991
Dr. Krieger.
KRIEGER: What...?
385
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,560
Not now, you shriveled...
MALORY: Wait a minute.
386
00:17:59,562 --> 00:18:01,963
That's the cocaine.
So this whole thing was just a
387
00:18:01,965 --> 00:18:03,965
sham?
KRIEGER: Well, only if by
388
00:18:03,967 --> 00:18:06,901
"sham" you mean "sham."
MALORY: (growls) Krieger!
389
00:18:06,903 --> 00:18:08,903
KRIEGER: Aah! But you were
temporarily so happy!
390
00:18:08,905 --> 00:18:10,905
CYRIL: Krieger, get back
here!
391
00:18:10,907 --> 00:18:14,041
PAM: Yay!
KENNY LOGGINS: ♪ You'll never
392
00:18:14,043 --> 00:18:19,113
say hello to you until you get
it on red line overload ♪
393
00:18:19,115 --> 00:18:22,517
CHERLENE: ♪ You'll never know
what you can do until you get it
394
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:26,120
up as high as you can ♪
CHERLENE/LOGGINS: ♪ Go...
395
00:18:26,122 --> 00:18:28,556
LANA: Wow.
This baby shower actually went
396
00:18:28,558 --> 00:18:30,558
a lot better than I would've
imagined.
397
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,593
ARCHER: Right?
LANA: And what happened to
398
00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:34,829
you?
ARCHER: Your present, Lana,
399
00:18:34,831 --> 00:18:36,831
is what happened.
LANA: And it's...
400
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:44,972
where, exactly?
crib!
401
00:18:44,974 --> 00:18:48,743
Uh, which I want you to have for
the baby.
402
00:18:48,745 --> 00:18:50,945
LANA: (gasps) Archer.
ARCHER: Because you're
403
00:18:50,947 --> 00:18:54,448
important to me, so I made
Woodhouse get it from Mother's
404
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:58,486
storage unit, because I own him.
LANA: Archer. (sniffles)
405
00:18:58,488 --> 00:19:02,790
Archer, that is the sweetest
thing anybody has ever given me,
406
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:04,926
ever.
ARCHER: Well, yeah.
407
00:19:04,928 --> 00:19:08,763
But, I mean, the big present,
obviously, is, uh...
408
00:19:08,765 --> 00:19:12,233
"Danger Zone."
LANA: "Danger Zone."
409
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:14,869
ARCHER: The...
Lana, the song.
410
00:19:14,871 --> 00:19:21,042
CHERLENE/LOGGINS: ♪ Highway
to the danger zone
411
00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:33,154
Right into the danger zone...
Ooh... ♪
412
00:19:33,156 --> 00:19:35,957
LANA: Oh.
Oh, okay.
413
00:19:35,959 --> 00:19:39,660
ARCHER: "Danger Zone," Lana.
You know, how I'm always saying
414
00:19:39,662 --> 00:19:42,964
"danger zone"?
LANA: Uh, kinda?
415
00:19:42,966 --> 00:19:44,999
Yes?
ARCHER: Well...
416
00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:47,001
LANA: It's from a song?
ARCHER: Yes, it's from a
417
00:19:47,003 --> 00:19:49,670
song!
Recorded by Grammy winner and
418
00:19:49,672 --> 00:19:53,207
possible Faustian bargain-maker
Kenny goddamn Loggins!
419
00:19:53,209 --> 00:19:56,677
LANA: (chuckles) Okay, calm
down.
420
00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:59,647
So who's Beard Guy?
ARCHER: (scoffs) Are you...?
421
00:19:59,649 --> 00:20:01,649
That's Kenny Loggins!
LANA: (gasps)
422
00:20:01,651 --> 00:20:04,816
From Kenny Loggins Roasters?
423
00:20:11,091 --> 00:20:20,560
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
35108
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