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1
00:00:07,620 --> 00:00:08,970
- I was at this art exhibit
and I saw this sculpture,
2
00:00:09,034 --> 00:00:10,284
and I was like,
who did this amazing sculpture?
3
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,074
And she's like, me.
That's how I met Casey.
4
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,547
[laughter]
5
00:00:13,620 --> 00:00:15,070
- I like to think I seduced
him with my erotic artwork.
6
00:00:15,137 --> 00:00:16,477
It's all very vaginal.
7
00:00:16,551 --> 00:00:18,971
- Oh, it's not all vaginal.
There's some butt stuff.
8
00:00:19,034 --> 00:00:20,034
- What's vaginal?
9
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:22,523
- Uh, I'm gonna run
to the restroom.
10
00:00:22,586 --> 00:00:24,136
Feel free to talk
about me while I'm gone.
11
00:00:24,206 --> 00:00:25,786
- We'd never do that.
That's so rude.
12
00:00:25,862 --> 00:00:27,762
- Mm. [laughs]
- All right.
13
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:29,587
- You have one minute.
Tell me everything.
14
00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:30,685
- Okay, I like her.
15
00:00:30,758 --> 00:00:31,588
She's nice
and her hair smells good.
16
00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:32,895
- What?
17
00:00:32,965 --> 00:00:35,515
- Stop smelling women
you don't know, Chris.
18
00:00:35,586 --> 00:00:37,336
- Well, I think she's hot.
I mean, I'd date her.
19
00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:38,383
I mean, obviously because
you're dating her,
20
00:00:38,448 --> 00:00:39,788
I'm not gonna date her.
21
00:00:39,862 --> 00:00:40,932
But if you weren't dating her,
I'd be dating her.
22
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,760
But I'll just follow
on Instagram.
23
00:00:42,827 --> 00:00:43,757
- You didn't
have to tell me that.
24
00:00:43,827 --> 00:00:45,137
You could've just followed her.
25
00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:46,446
- I mean, she's a cool,
successful artist
26
00:00:46,517 --> 00:00:47,687
without being
an asshole about it.
27
00:00:47,758 --> 00:00:49,028
That may be a first.
- Yep.
28
00:00:49,103 --> 00:00:51,383
- And she's super-grounded
for an Aquarius.
29
00:00:51,448 --> 00:00:52,688
- Wait, when's her birthday?
30
00:00:52,758 --> 00:00:54,138
- Friday.
31
00:00:54,206 --> 00:00:55,786
She mentioned it when you
were talking to the bartender
32
00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:57,102
about the brand of soap
in the bathroom.
33
00:00:57,172 --> 00:00:58,102
- I have to get her
an awesome gift.
34
00:00:58,172 --> 00:00:59,382
- That's a terrible idea.
35
00:00:59,448 --> 00:01:01,718
Remind everyone how long
you've been dating her.
36
00:01:01,793 --> 00:01:02,723
- [mumbles]
37
00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:03,933
- What?
38
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,690
- Project.
You're classically trained.
39
00:01:05,758 --> 00:01:07,518
- Three weeks, okay?
So what?
40
00:01:07,586 --> 00:01:10,856
- So that's way too soon
for birthday stuff.
41
00:01:10,931 --> 00:01:12,411
I've dated guys for three weeks
42
00:01:12,482 --> 00:01:14,172
who I didn't even know
their last name.
43
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,411
- Well, I'm sorry that romance
is dead for you.
44
00:01:15,482 --> 00:01:16,452
- Untrue.
45
00:01:16,517 --> 00:01:17,787
- Don't ask me.
46
00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:20,032
Longest relationship
I had lasted one month.
47
00:01:20,103 --> 00:01:21,383
- Chris, that's really sad.
48
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:22,658
But we don't have time to talk
about that right now.
49
00:01:22,724 --> 00:01:23,934
She's gonna pee and come back.
50
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,140
- I personally think
it's never too soon
51
00:01:25,206 --> 00:01:26,236
for a little birthday stuff,
all right?
52
00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:27,030
- And that's why
you're my friend.
53
00:01:27,103 --> 00:01:28,553
- Stop it.
54
00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:30,970
- I had a woman who got me
a car after our second date.
55
00:01:31,034 --> 00:01:33,484
Yeah, I mean,
she was a little older,
56
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,411
but she introduced
me to her friends,
57
00:01:35,482 --> 00:01:36,862
and I got some gifts
from them, too.
58
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:38,661
So it really worked out.
59
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:39,864
- Seaton, were you
a prostitute?
60
00:01:39,931 --> 00:01:41,791
- Legally, no.
- Okay.
61
00:01:41,862 --> 00:01:43,242
- So I think they have both
62
00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:46,620
sufficiently disqualified their
opinions on relationships.
63
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,139
- Oh.
- Okay, but listen.
64
00:01:48,206 --> 00:01:50,026
I know that it might seem
like too soon,
65
00:01:50,103 --> 00:01:52,103
but I've connected
with her so much already,
66
00:01:52,172 --> 00:01:53,662
I would feel like a dick
if I didn't get her something.
67
00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,144
- Trust me, okay?
68
00:01:55,206 --> 00:01:57,376
It's too soon
for birthday stuff.
69
00:01:57,448 --> 00:01:59,518
- Fine, I won't do anything
for her birthday.
70
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:00,656
God.
71
00:02:00,724 --> 00:02:02,664
- Sit up straight.
72
00:02:02,724 --> 00:02:04,454
- Hi.
- Hi.
73
00:02:06,551 --> 00:02:07,901
- So what are we doing
for your birthday?
74
00:02:07,965 --> 00:02:09,785
[chuckles]
75
00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:12,142
- Seaton was a hooker.
76
00:02:12,206 --> 00:02:15,136
[cool percussive music]
77
00:02:15,206 --> 00:02:22,206
♪ ♪
78
00:02:23,689 --> 00:02:26,659
[applause]
79
00:02:26,724 --> 00:02:28,834
- Thank you for helping
me at the talent show, Dad,
80
00:02:28,896 --> 00:02:31,376
even though the finale
didn't go quite as planned.
81
00:02:31,448 --> 00:02:32,928
[audience laughter]
82
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,380
- Don't worry, mi hija.
83
00:02:34,448 --> 00:02:36,378
You have worse memories
than trying to salsa dance
84
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,378
in a mermaid costume.
85
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,478
[audience laughter]
86
00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:41,281
Goodnight, mi hija.
87
00:02:43,034 --> 00:02:46,034
- Wait, Dad,
can I ask you something?
88
00:02:46,103 --> 00:02:47,623
- Yes, of course, mi hija.
89
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:48,719
- Do you speak Spanish?
90
00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,003
[audience laughter]
91
00:02:50,068 --> 00:02:50,998
- Sí.
92
00:02:51,068 --> 00:02:52,168
Of course, I do.
93
00:02:52,241 --> 00:02:53,551
Why do you ask?
94
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:56,380
- It just seems forced
whenever you say mi hija.
95
00:02:56,448 --> 00:02:59,518
[audience laughter]
96
00:02:59,586 --> 00:03:02,406
- Very funny.
Bedtime now.
97
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:03,412
I love you, mi hija.
98
00:03:03,482 --> 00:03:05,972
[audience awws]
99
00:03:06,034 --> 00:03:09,864
[soft rock music]
100
00:03:09,931 --> 00:03:12,171
[tense music]
101
00:03:12,241 --> 00:03:15,141
- Look, kid, you have to stop
asking those questions, okay?
102
00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:17,786
We are one-note Latino
characters on a sitcom.
103
00:03:17,862 --> 00:03:19,792
We only exist so that white
people can feel less racist.
104
00:03:19,862 --> 00:03:21,722
- Is that why Mom
is so much hotter than you?
105
00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:23,693
- Wow, rude, but yes,
that's related.
106
00:03:23,758 --> 00:03:26,098
Look, you gotta play
along, okay?
107
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:28,072
It's the only way people
like us can exist on TV.
108
00:03:28,137 --> 00:03:29,377
- But I don't
want to just be a daughter
109
00:03:29,448 --> 00:03:30,998
on a vaguely Hispanic sitcom.
110
00:03:31,068 --> 00:03:33,828
- Trust me, it's way better
than the only other alternative
111
00:03:33,896 --> 00:03:35,376
for Latino characters.
Way better.
112
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,828
- I don't care.
I want to experience the world.
113
00:03:37,896 --> 00:03:40,096
- Don't. Do not do it.
No, no.
114
00:03:40,172 --> 00:03:41,592
Hey, get back here.
Stop it.
115
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,685
[police siren]
116
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:45,688
[gun cocking]
117
00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:46,968
- Hands up!
118
00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:48,694
We know you're hiding
50 kilos of cocaine.
119
00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:50,098
- What the fuck is going on?
120
00:03:50,172 --> 00:03:51,552
[guns cocking]
121
00:03:51,620 --> 00:03:53,000
[urban accent] Why am I
talking like this?
122
00:03:53,068 --> 00:03:55,378
This shit is loco, ese.
I'm outta here.
123
00:03:58,137 --> 00:03:59,717
[soft rock music]
124
00:03:59,793 --> 00:04:03,173
- Next time use the front door
like the rest of us, mi hija.
125
00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:07,551
[audience laughter]
126
00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:09,340
And remember,
I love you, mi hija.
127
00:04:09,413 --> 00:04:10,343
[audience awws]
128
00:04:10,413 --> 00:04:11,593
- I love you, too, Dad.
129
00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:12,925
- Goodnight.
130
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,310
- Night.
131
00:04:15,379 --> 00:04:17,619
- Close your eyes.
They're watching.
132
00:04:17,689 --> 00:04:21,099
[cool percussive music]
133
00:04:21,172 --> 00:04:22,662
[dramatic music]
134
00:04:22,724 --> 00:04:24,764
- General, the guerrilla forces
are closing in.
135
00:04:24,827 --> 00:04:27,167
- I fear we are out of time.
What should we do?
136
00:04:31,275 --> 00:04:35,585
- Soldiers, I have given
my life to the cause.
137
00:04:35,655 --> 00:04:37,275
I have stared death
in the face more times
138
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:38,864
than I care to remember.
139
00:04:38,931 --> 00:04:41,481
My entire life has been danger,
140
00:04:41,551 --> 00:04:44,141
but why have I survived
this long? Hm?
141
00:04:44,206 --> 00:04:48,586
It's because I do not see fear
or threats, or...
142
00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:54,590
Uh-oh.
Plot twist.
143
00:04:54,655 --> 00:04:56,235
Who left these bad boys here?
144
00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:58,240
Seriously, you cannot leave
these lying around.
145
00:04:58,310 --> 00:05:01,310
Somebody is going to get hurt.
146
00:05:01,379 --> 00:05:03,339
And that somebody is me.
Excuse me.
147
00:05:03,413 --> 00:05:06,103
[laughs]
You know. Mm.
148
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:08,662
Mmm.
Mmm.
149
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:10,034
Are you kidding
me right now?
150
00:05:10,103 --> 00:05:12,033
Pink frosting
with rainbow sprinkles?
151
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,483
Just shoot me
in the face already.
152
00:05:13,551 --> 00:05:15,341
These are too dangerous.
Too dangerous.
153
00:05:15,413 --> 00:05:17,003
Oh, my God.
- With all due respect,
154
00:05:17,068 --> 00:05:19,448
we are facing a critical
situation, General.
155
00:05:19,517 --> 00:05:22,687
- Do you want to see critical,
young man?
156
00:05:22,758 --> 00:05:23,928
Take a look at this waistline.
157
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,240
Am I right?
Up top.
158
00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:27,210
- Sir, perhaps we should
get back to the plan.
159
00:05:27,275 --> 00:05:29,475
- I did not know
there were two generals.
160
00:05:29,551 --> 00:05:31,281
All I see is one general,
161
00:05:31,344 --> 00:05:32,724
unless I polish
these bad boys off.
162
00:05:32,793 --> 00:05:33,863
Then there will be two of me.
163
00:05:33,931 --> 00:05:34,971
[chews loudly]
164
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,974
I bloat immediately.
Immediately.
165
00:05:37,034 --> 00:05:39,104
- Sir, our forces
are awaiting orders.
166
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,342
- Okay, you're right.
It's very simple.
167
00:05:41,413 --> 00:05:43,283
Our defenses cut all
along this line.
168
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,694
Now our blind spot--
okay is it just me,
169
00:05:46,758 --> 00:05:49,338
or does the map of Colombia
look like a giant cupcake.
170
00:05:49,413 --> 00:05:51,313
I mean, who put
the sprinkle there?
171
00:05:51,379 --> 00:05:53,139
These are obviously sprinkles.
172
00:05:53,206 --> 00:05:55,376
- General, please.
Yesterday we lost 800 men.
173
00:05:55,448 --> 00:05:57,338
- And I literally
just consumed 800 calories.
174
00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:58,663
In long term, which is worse?
175
00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:00,004
- The 800 men.
176
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:02,338
- You tell that to my pants.
I mean, seriously.
177
00:06:02,413 --> 00:06:04,623
[helicopter whirs]
178
00:06:04,689 --> 00:06:06,859
- They're here.
Base camp's been overrun.
179
00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:08,661
The situation
is out of control.
180
00:06:08,724 --> 00:06:10,004
- I know the feeling.
181
00:06:10,068 --> 00:06:11,968
Out of control, like--
like I shouldn't?
182
00:06:12,034 --> 00:06:13,214
I shouldn't, but I am.
183
00:06:13,275 --> 00:06:15,235
- General, we will fight
for the last man.
184
00:06:15,310 --> 00:06:16,900
- Do not leave me alone
with these cupcakes.
185
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:19,755
Too dangerous.
Ah, it's so dangerous.
186
00:06:19,827 --> 00:06:21,097
Mmm.
187
00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,552
- I would kill for a glass
of milk right now.
188
00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:23,550
Like, literally murder someone.
189
00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:24,590
[gunfire]
190
00:06:24,655 --> 00:06:26,065
- Nobody move.
- [shouts]
191
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:28,617
- General Bautista,
we have you surrounded.
192
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:31,449
Raise your hands,
or we will kill all your men.
193
00:06:33,137 --> 00:06:34,137
And the other hand?
194
00:06:35,413 --> 00:06:37,343
The other one.
195
00:06:37,413 --> 00:06:38,523
Both at the same time!
196
00:06:38,586 --> 00:06:40,026
La dos.
197
00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:45,860
- [groaning]
198
00:06:45,931 --> 00:06:48,621
- The poison cupcakes worked.
199
00:06:48,689 --> 00:06:50,999
- General was right.
200
00:06:51,068 --> 00:06:53,278
- Most dangerous cupcakes.
201
00:06:53,344 --> 00:06:56,144
[cool percussive music]
202
00:06:58,655 --> 00:07:01,475
[cool percussive music]
203
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,721
♪ ♪
204
00:07:03,793 --> 00:07:05,283
[pop music]
205
00:07:05,344 --> 00:07:06,794
- Oh, wow.
206
00:07:06,862 --> 00:07:08,342
Ooh.
207
00:07:09,517 --> 00:07:11,927
- Hi, can I help
you find anything?
208
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,590
- Actually, yes, I'm looking
for a gift
209
00:07:13,655 --> 00:07:14,825
for my romantic lady-friend.
210
00:07:14,896 --> 00:07:17,066
- Mm, wonderful.
What's the occasion?
211
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,207
- Her birthday.
212
00:07:18,275 --> 00:07:19,755
- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
213
00:07:19,827 --> 00:07:21,337
She's having dinner with some
friends, you know,
214
00:07:21,413 --> 00:07:22,523
and she invited me.
So...
215
00:07:22,586 --> 00:07:24,206
- Fun.
- Yeah.
216
00:07:24,275 --> 00:07:25,965
Well, technically,
I asked her what she was doing
217
00:07:26,034 --> 00:07:27,174
for her birthday
and she's like,
218
00:07:27,241 --> 00:07:28,451
I'm having dinner with friends.
219
00:07:28,517 --> 00:07:30,137
And I was like, can I come?
[laughs]
220
00:07:30,206 --> 00:07:31,616
But she said yes
almost immediately.
221
00:07:31,689 --> 00:07:33,759
So, yeah.
222
00:07:33,827 --> 00:07:35,587
- How long have
you been dating?
223
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:36,785
- Three weeks.
224
00:07:36,862 --> 00:07:39,792
- Okay, yeah,
so this is a mistake.
225
00:07:39,862 --> 00:07:41,692
- I know how it sounds,
but I just feel like
226
00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:43,308
it's been just so much longer
than that, you know?
227
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,409
- Hmm.
228
00:07:44,482 --> 00:07:45,342
- What about this hat?
Hello.
229
00:07:45,413 --> 00:07:46,623
- Oh, it's--
230
00:07:46,689 --> 00:07:48,659
- Calling to me, so to speak.
You know?
231
00:07:48,724 --> 00:07:50,004
- Absolutely. Um--
- Wow.
232
00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:51,828
- Can I give you some advice?
233
00:07:51,896 --> 00:07:52,826
- Sure.
234
00:07:52,896 --> 00:07:54,166
- And this isn't easy for me
235
00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,931
because I'd make a huge
commission off this hat.
236
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,380
I mean, massive.
237
00:07:57,448 --> 00:07:59,068
But look, if you've only
bee dating her three weeks,
238
00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:00,657
you really shouldn't
be getting her a gift.
239
00:08:00,724 --> 00:08:02,414
- But you don't know her
like I know her, so...
240
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:06,762
- Mm-kay. Well, if that's true,
what's her favorite color?
241
00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:10,412
Favorite TV show.
242
00:08:10,482 --> 00:08:12,172
- [mutters]
243
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,661
- What are her parents like,
you know?
244
00:08:13,724 --> 00:08:15,174
What are her dreams,
her hopes?
245
00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:16,861
Does she like dessert?
246
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,861
- I know she makes
papier-mâché vaginas
247
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:20,281
and her birthday's on Friday.
248
00:08:20,344 --> 00:08:21,594
- Okay.
249
00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:23,825
You know, it isn't really
my place to say this,
250
00:08:23,896 --> 00:08:27,716
but a bad gift is so much
worse than no gift.
251
00:08:27,793 --> 00:08:30,143
- Oh, wow.
Thank you.
252
00:08:30,206 --> 00:08:31,406
I'm gonna take the hat.
253
00:08:31,482 --> 00:08:33,412
[cash register chimes]
254
00:08:33,482 --> 00:08:34,412
- You're gonna regret this.
255
00:08:34,482 --> 00:08:35,412
- Oh, I'm not.
256
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:36,862
- Here's the receipt you need
257
00:08:36,931 --> 00:08:38,521
when you need
to return the hat.
258
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:41,376
- Oh, cool.
I won't be needing this.
259
00:08:41,448 --> 00:08:42,408
- Okay.
260
00:08:42,482 --> 00:08:44,482
- But thank you.
261
00:08:44,551 --> 00:08:45,761
- Can you pick that up?
262
00:08:45,827 --> 00:08:46,967
- Yeah, sorry.
That was just super rude.
263
00:08:47,034 --> 00:08:50,384
[cool percussive music]
264
00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:52,968
[crowd cheering]
265
00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:58,244
- Whew.
266
00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:00,520
- Whoa, coming in hot.
267
00:09:00,586 --> 00:09:02,686
Ahh.
268
00:09:02,758 --> 00:09:04,028
You know, if you shake
it more than once,
269
00:09:04,103 --> 00:09:05,143
you're playing with yourself.
270
00:09:05,206 --> 00:09:06,826
[laughs]
271
00:09:06,896 --> 00:09:08,026
- Yeah.
272
00:09:08,103 --> 00:09:09,663
- Ooh.
Whoa, sorry about that.
273
00:09:09,724 --> 00:09:11,004
- Watch out, dude.
274
00:09:11,068 --> 00:09:13,758
- That was almost
a helmet-to-helmet hit.
275
00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:15,897
- Hey, you know what they say.
276
00:09:15,965 --> 00:09:17,615
You shake it more than once,
you're playing with it.
277
00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:20,139
- [laughs]
278
00:09:20,206 --> 00:09:21,136
Who is that over there?
279
00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:22,446
- Who, what?
280
00:09:22,517 --> 00:09:23,787
No.
Sammy.
281
00:09:23,862 --> 00:09:25,522
- Carl, I knew
it was you, buddy.
282
00:09:25,586 --> 00:09:27,026
Good to see you.
- What up?
283
00:09:27,103 --> 00:09:28,693
- Guys, guys, guys, guys!
Guys!
284
00:09:28,758 --> 00:09:30,208
Please be careful, man.
285
00:09:30,275 --> 00:09:31,685
You almost pissed
all over me, dude.
286
00:09:31,758 --> 00:09:33,168
- Pfft.
287
00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:35,381
- Pissed all over you.
Did you hear that, Carl?
288
00:09:35,448 --> 00:09:36,588
- I don't think we've done
a proper introduction here.
289
00:09:36,655 --> 00:09:37,825
- We are legends.
290
00:09:37,896 --> 00:09:39,276
There's no chance
of that happening.
291
00:09:39,344 --> 00:09:42,314
- Back in '97, Carl here and I
won the Micturition Nationals.
292
00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:44,549
- What's
a Micturition National?
293
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:46,100
- What's the Micturition
Nationals?
294
00:09:46,172 --> 00:09:47,102
You hear that, Carl?
295
00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:48,662
- Wow. Wow.
- [whistles]
296
00:09:48,724 --> 00:09:53,834
We invite you
to watch and learn.
297
00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:56,414
[both inhale]
298
00:09:56,482 --> 00:09:57,592
- It's really good to see you.
299
00:09:57,655 --> 00:09:58,755
- I love you.
300
00:09:58,827 --> 00:10:00,787
[both exhale]
301
00:10:00,862 --> 00:10:03,792
[classical music]
302
00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:10,902
♪ ♪
303
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,790
[crowd cheering]
304
00:10:55,862 --> 00:10:57,482
- Wow.
305
00:10:57,551 --> 00:10:59,281
That was incredible.
306
00:10:59,344 --> 00:11:00,384
Wow.
307
00:11:00,448 --> 00:11:01,548
- Thank you so much.
308
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,140
And that was really
great improv, kid.
309
00:11:03,206 --> 00:11:04,586
- Oh, my God.
Thank you so--do you mean that?
310
00:11:04,655 --> 00:11:05,965
- You're a natural.
311
00:11:06,034 --> 00:11:07,144
- Well, I mean, you shake it
more than once,
312
00:11:07,206 --> 00:11:08,516
you're playing with it.
313
00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:10,166
But you shake it
more than twice,
314
00:11:10,241 --> 00:11:11,481
now that's art, my buddy.
315
00:11:11,551 --> 00:11:14,141
[all laughing]
316
00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:15,896
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, sorry.
317
00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:17,475
- Yep. Sorry.
- Sorry about that.
318
00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:21,031
[cool percussive music]
319
00:11:21,103 --> 00:11:24,283
- With liberty
and justice for all.
320
00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:25,554
And that's how you say
321
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:27,790
the Pledge of Allegiance
in America.
322
00:11:27,862 --> 00:11:28,792
Thank you.
323
00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:29,792
[applause]
324
00:11:29,862 --> 00:11:32,932
- Good job, Imelda.
325
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,380
Okay, let's move on
to the next subject
326
00:11:34,448 --> 00:11:37,168
you should know about
as recent immigrants.
327
00:11:37,241 --> 00:11:39,241
We're talking gun violence.
328
00:11:39,310 --> 00:11:41,030
- Oh, I know all about that.
329
00:11:41,103 --> 00:11:43,073
There's a lot of gun violence
in my country,
330
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:44,897
but I am very happy
to be safe in America
331
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:47,515
where there are no cartels.
Thank goodness, you know?
332
00:11:47,586 --> 00:11:48,966
- Okay, though that
may be true, Diego,
333
00:11:49,034 --> 00:11:51,074
we do have gun violence
in this country.
334
00:11:51,137 --> 00:11:53,097
For example,
mass shootings in schools.
335
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,282
- Oh, unfortunately,
we have that stuff, too.
336
00:11:55,344 --> 00:11:57,144
Two students
are in rival cartels,
337
00:11:57,206 --> 00:11:58,546
and they shoot
each other at the school.
338
00:11:58,620 --> 00:11:59,590
It's very tragic.
339
00:11:59,655 --> 00:12:01,095
- Okay, no, in this country
340
00:12:01,172 --> 00:12:02,762
it's more like a single student
shoots other students.
341
00:12:02,827 --> 00:12:04,027
- Because he's in a cartel,
342
00:12:04,103 --> 00:12:05,663
so he's taking out the family
of his rival.
343
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:06,764
I understand.
344
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,447
- Nope.
It's not a cartel thing.
345
00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:10,927
- Mm. Okay, excuse me.
Sorry.
346
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,280
- Yes, Diego.
347
00:12:12,344 --> 00:12:14,454
- He is the drug lord
of the school, right?
348
00:12:14,517 --> 00:12:17,857
And he's trying to tell
everybody that he is the man.
349
00:12:17,931 --> 00:12:20,171
- No, it's more like
he's just a lonely kid.
350
00:12:20,241 --> 00:12:21,691
- I'm sorry, lonely?
351
00:12:21,758 --> 00:12:23,408
- Yes, or like,
like really shy.
352
00:12:24,517 --> 00:12:25,687
- Excuse me?
353
00:12:25,758 --> 00:12:28,168
- Oh, I'm sorry.
My English is not very good.
354
00:12:28,241 --> 00:12:30,831
The student must want
something, right?
355
00:12:30,896 --> 00:12:32,376
Money or power, revenge.
356
00:12:32,448 --> 00:12:35,478
- No, he's, like, looking
for something like a date.
357
00:12:35,551 --> 00:12:38,101
- But does he get
the date or...?
358
00:12:38,172 --> 00:12:40,382
- No, he usually kills them.
359
00:12:40,448 --> 00:12:42,618
Okay?
It's messed up.
360
00:12:44,137 --> 00:12:45,067
Yes?
361
00:12:45,137 --> 00:12:47,207
- If he is not in a cartel,
362
00:12:47,275 --> 00:12:48,755
then where is he
getting his guns?
363
00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:51,547
- You can get guns anywhere.
It's America.
364
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:53,280
I can get you a gun.
365
00:12:53,344 --> 00:12:55,004
- Let's move on.
366
00:12:55,068 --> 00:12:56,658
Let's move on.
I'm sorry, everybody.
367
00:12:56,724 --> 00:12:59,104
- I mean, mass shootings happen
anywhere that there's a crowd.
368
00:12:59,172 --> 00:13:02,212
A movie theater, a nightclub,
a church.
369
00:13:02,275 --> 00:13:05,545
You may remember one recently
that happened in Las Vegas
370
00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:06,720
at the concert.
371
00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:08,693
- Okay, concerts make sense.
372
00:13:08,758 --> 00:13:10,688
Because the singer
was singing narcocorridos
373
00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:12,098
about a rival cartel member,
374
00:13:12,172 --> 00:13:14,032
so they shot him
to send a message.
375
00:13:14,103 --> 00:13:15,243
- No, actually, the singer
wasn't hurt.
376
00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:17,790
- He was aiming at the singer,
377
00:13:17,862 --> 00:13:20,382
missed, and shot
some innocent bystanders?
378
00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:22,968
- No, he was aiming
at the innocent bystanders.
379
00:13:23,034 --> 00:13:24,834
- Because they were
in a rival cartel.
380
00:13:24,896 --> 00:13:27,406
- No one was in a cartel.
381
00:13:27,482 --> 00:13:30,172
- The shooter had
a blood feud with his victims.
382
00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:32,381
- The shooter did not know
his victims.
383
00:13:32,448 --> 00:13:33,758
- He took their money
after he killed them.
384
00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:35,587
- Shot himself.
Killed himself.
385
00:13:35,655 --> 00:13:36,545
He didn't get anything
out of it.
386
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:38,380
- Okay.
387
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:40,238
I'm not gonna get this,
so...
388
00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:41,830
sorry to interrupt.
389
00:13:41,896 --> 00:13:43,996
- It's all right.
You'll get it eventually.
390
00:13:44,068 --> 00:13:45,208
Where are you going?
391
00:13:45,275 --> 00:13:47,825
- Oh, I'm just going
back to Central America.
392
00:13:47,896 --> 00:13:49,376
It is super dangerous,
393
00:13:49,448 --> 00:13:50,788
but they have rules
I can understand.
394
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:53,142
- Can't argue with that.
[laughs]
395
00:13:53,206 --> 00:13:55,166
- I'm so sorry.
Good luck.
396
00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:58,101
- Okay, let's talk
about opioids.
397
00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:00,692
[cool percussive music]
398
00:14:03,172 --> 00:14:06,762
[cool percussive music]
399
00:14:06,827 --> 00:14:09,587
- Thank you all for being here.
400
00:14:09,655 --> 00:14:12,065
You've been my dearest friends
for as long as I can remember,
401
00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:14,897
and I love each one of you.
402
00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:20,655
And Arturo, uh...
403
00:14:20,724 --> 00:14:22,834
you're also here.
404
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:23,856
- I'm glad I'm here, too.
405
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,001
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
406
00:14:25,068 --> 00:14:26,588
- To Casey.
407
00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:32,240
- So how long have
you two been dating?
408
00:14:32,310 --> 00:14:33,310
- Three weeks.
409
00:14:33,379 --> 00:14:35,519
- Oh. Wow.
410
00:14:35,586 --> 00:14:37,476
- I know.
It's very exciting.
411
00:14:37,551 --> 00:14:40,031
Hey, do you know
when we're doing gifts?
412
00:14:40,103 --> 00:14:41,213
- We're not.
413
00:14:41,275 --> 00:14:43,895
Casey thinks gifts
are consumer bullshit.
414
00:14:43,965 --> 00:14:45,065
- Got it.
415
00:14:45,137 --> 00:14:46,717
No gifts.
So unnecessary.
416
00:14:46,793 --> 00:14:47,723
[loud clang]
417
00:14:47,793 --> 00:14:48,723
- Ow!
418
00:14:48,793 --> 00:14:50,003
What is that?
419
00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:52,448
Hey, did somebody bring a gift?
420
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,787
- Oh.
421
00:14:53,862 --> 00:14:55,142
- Who would do that?
422
00:14:55,206 --> 00:14:57,826
You know, Casey doesn't
like gifts, people.
423
00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:01,376
I personally think
they are consumer bullshit,
424
00:15:01,448 --> 00:15:02,858
and I'm not afraid to say it.
425
00:15:02,931 --> 00:15:04,281
It says--
- Don't read that.
426
00:15:04,344 --> 00:15:08,214
- To Casey, with budding love
and relatively new
427
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,785
but definitely real affection.
428
00:15:11,862 --> 00:15:13,242
From Arturo.
429
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:16,240
- Arturo, did you...
do you get me a gift?
430
00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:18,660
- Yeah, I didn't know
we weren't doing gifts.
431
00:15:18,724 --> 00:15:19,664
I'm sorry--
432
00:15:19,724 --> 00:15:20,664
- Oh.
433
00:15:20,724 --> 00:15:22,454
It's okay.
434
00:15:22,517 --> 00:15:24,237
Here, I'll open it.
435
00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:25,240
- No, you don't have to.
436
00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:27,550
Let's enjoy...
437
00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:28,690
hors d'oeuvres?
438
00:15:28,758 --> 00:15:30,998
- Wow--um...
439
00:15:31,068 --> 00:15:33,308
it's so--it's so big.
440
00:15:33,379 --> 00:15:34,449
[laughs]
441
00:15:35,482 --> 00:15:36,762
What does this button do?
442
00:15:36,827 --> 00:15:37,757
- Please don't press--
443
00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:39,857
[all gasping]
444
00:15:39,931 --> 00:15:42,281
- Um...wow.
445
00:15:42,344 --> 00:15:44,384
This is...
446
00:15:44,448 --> 00:15:45,688
a lot.
447
00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:48,718
But--but very sweet.
448
00:15:48,793 --> 00:15:51,033
But--but mostly a lot.
449
00:15:51,103 --> 00:15:54,173
- Yeah, you know, you can just
open it later, or never.
450
00:15:54,241 --> 00:15:55,931
That would be fun.
451
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,070
- Oh, my God.
452
00:15:58,137 --> 00:15:59,477
- It's not that big a deal.
453
00:15:59,551 --> 00:16:00,791
- [laughs]
454
00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:04,142
That's hilarious.
Is that--is that a hat?
455
00:16:04,206 --> 00:16:05,136
[laughs]
456
00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:06,136
- I'm sorry.
457
00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:07,716
I'm sorry, what?
458
00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:09,793
- Oh, my God. For a second,
I thought it was a real gift.
459
00:16:09,862 --> 00:16:11,412
This is so ugly.
460
00:16:11,482 --> 00:16:13,552
[laughter]
461
00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:14,970
- Yeah.
462
00:16:15,034 --> 00:16:16,074
Ew.
463
00:16:16,137 --> 00:16:18,067
- Oh, my God.
That's hideous.
464
00:16:18,137 --> 00:16:19,997
I love it.
Let me take a selfie with it.
465
00:16:20,068 --> 00:16:22,588
- [laughs]
466
00:16:22,655 --> 00:16:25,375
- Oh, my God.
And she hates hats.
467
00:16:25,448 --> 00:16:28,658
You know her so well.
What a--what a great guy.
468
00:16:28,724 --> 00:16:31,454
- Did nobody else
bring a prank gift?
469
00:16:31,517 --> 00:16:33,067
- Yeah.
470
00:16:33,137 --> 00:16:34,857
[camera clicks]
471
00:16:34,931 --> 00:16:38,451
[cool percussive music]
472
00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:40,447
[clock ticking]
473
00:16:40,517 --> 00:16:43,067
- Narcocorrido,
or drug ballad,
474
00:16:43,137 --> 00:16:46,027
is a style of folk music
born in the north of Mexico.
475
00:16:46,103 --> 00:16:48,383
The music's themes deal
with the dangerous and violent
476
00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:51,098
lives of the most famous
drug smugglers.
477
00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:52,832
Tonight we talk
to Juan Trevino,
478
00:16:52,896 --> 00:16:55,616
and his narcocorrido band,
Las Arañas,
479
00:16:55,689 --> 00:16:57,549
to find out
what inspires them.
480
00:16:57,620 --> 00:16:59,100
- Ay ay ay ay ay!
481
00:16:59,172 --> 00:17:02,972
- Now as we know, traditional
narcocorrido music is all about
482
00:17:03,034 --> 00:17:06,074
drug lords and gangsters
and vicious killers.
483
00:17:06,137 --> 00:17:08,617
- Yes, and we do enjoy singing
about these men.
484
00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:09,659
We do.
485
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:10,904
But it has its downsides.
486
00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,685
If Jorge loses one more finger,
487
00:17:12,758 --> 00:17:14,928
he will not be able
to play E minor.
488
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,310
But now we sing about different
489
00:17:16,379 --> 00:17:18,519
but equally
dangerous criminals.
490
00:17:18,586 --> 00:17:20,966
[trumpet blares]
491
00:17:21,034 --> 00:17:22,454
Paco, Paco.
Too loud, man.
492
00:17:22,517 --> 00:17:23,927
Too loud.
493
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,070
- Why don't we take a look
at one of your latest songs?
494
00:17:26,137 --> 00:17:29,757
[singing in Spanish]
495
00:17:39,551 --> 00:17:40,831
Ay ay ay ay ay!
496
00:17:40,896 --> 00:17:43,096
- Hey, stop following me,
assholes.
497
00:17:48,137 --> 00:17:51,307
Did--did you follow around
an actual jaywalker
498
00:17:51,379 --> 00:17:52,409
for that video?
499
00:17:52,482 --> 00:17:54,072
- Yes.
Yes, we did follow him,
500
00:17:54,137 --> 00:17:56,827
because we are not
afraid of anything.
501
00:17:56,896 --> 00:17:57,966
No fear.
502
00:17:58,034 --> 00:17:59,454
[trumpet blares]
503
00:17:59,517 --> 00:18:01,377
Paco, Paco, Paco!
504
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,138
What did I just say, man?
505
00:18:03,206 --> 00:18:05,546
The big noises, okay.
They're a lot, brother.
506
00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,140
- Okay, let's take a look
at another one of your songs.
507
00:18:23,137 --> 00:18:26,027
- If you losers tell on me,
I'll kick your ass.
508
00:18:28,551 --> 00:18:30,411
- You guys scare very easily.
509
00:18:30,482 --> 00:18:31,452
- No way, ma'am.
510
00:18:31,517 --> 00:18:32,687
If we got scared so easily,
511
00:18:32,758 --> 00:18:35,168
why would we name
our band Las Arañas?
512
00:18:35,241 --> 00:18:36,481
- The Spiders?
513
00:18:36,551 --> 00:18:38,171
- Where, where, where?
I hate them. Where?
514
00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:39,171
[trumpet blares]
515
00:18:39,241 --> 00:18:40,691
Paco, enough!
516
00:18:41,448 --> 00:18:42,898
You are done.
You are done.
517
00:18:42,965 --> 00:18:46,025
- Nothing you guys sing about
is even remotely dangerous.
518
00:18:46,103 --> 00:18:47,453
- Then you obviously haven't
heard our song
519
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:49,857
about the most ruthless killer.
520
00:18:49,931 --> 00:18:51,241
"El Asesino."
521
00:18:51,310 --> 00:18:52,240
- The Assassin.
522
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:53,900
Okay, now we're talking.
523
00:18:53,965 --> 00:18:55,995
- If you can handle it.
Let's play it.
524
00:19:23,241 --> 00:19:24,451
- Okay, I don't want
to be rude,
525
00:19:24,517 --> 00:19:26,097
but you guys are pathetic,
526
00:19:26,172 --> 00:19:28,382
and this was a total
waste of my time.
527
00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:30,758
- That was, like,
extremely rude.
528
00:19:30,827 --> 00:19:33,617
Uncalled for.
529
00:19:33,689 --> 00:19:34,619
[gasps]
530
00:19:34,689 --> 00:19:35,659
Orale.
531
00:19:35,724 --> 00:19:38,764
[mariachi music]
532
00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:42,405
Spider!
Spider!
533
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:48,003
[clock ticking]
534
00:19:48,068 --> 00:19:50,068
[cool percussive music]
535
00:19:52,896 --> 00:19:55,996
[cool percussive music]
536
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:05,521
[pop music]
537
00:20:05,586 --> 00:20:06,896
- Hello.
- Hi.
538
00:20:06,965 --> 00:20:08,965
- Can I please return
this as quickly as possible?
539
00:20:09,034 --> 00:20:11,004
- Oh, of course.
540
00:20:11,068 --> 00:20:13,928
Kate, can you come up front
and handle this return?
541
00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:17,895
- [laughs]
542
00:20:17,965 --> 00:20:20,755
Well, hello, valued customer.
543
00:20:20,827 --> 00:20:22,827
Let me guess.
She didn't like it.
544
00:20:22,896 --> 00:20:24,786
- Actually, she loved it.
545
00:20:24,862 --> 00:20:26,212
It's just...
546
00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:28,165
too small for her head.
- Oh.
547
00:20:28,241 --> 00:20:29,281
- Yeah, she has
a very big head,
548
00:20:29,344 --> 00:20:30,554
and it's very
embarrassing to her,
549
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,210
so please, let's stop
talking about it.
550
00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:33,335
- So you'll just need
to exchange it
551
00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:35,033
for a larger size, then?
552
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,483
- It gave her a horrible rash.
553
00:20:36,551 --> 00:20:38,341
You know, and she's really
in deep pain right now,
554
00:20:38,413 --> 00:20:39,903
and just--don't want to sue.
555
00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:41,545
I just want my money back.
Okay?
556
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:42,970
- She doesn't have a rash.
557
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,034
- She died.
558
00:20:44,103 --> 00:20:46,103
- Oh.
- Horribly.
559
00:20:46,172 --> 00:20:47,662
It's really painful
to talk about.
560
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:50,314
- Look, I'll make you
a deal, okay?
561
00:20:50,379 --> 00:20:52,379
You don't have a receipt,
so you can't return the hat.
562
00:20:52,448 --> 00:20:54,588
But I'll make an exception,
563
00:20:54,655 --> 00:20:57,715
if you admit you should've
taken my advice.
564
00:21:05,241 --> 00:21:06,861
- What's up, bro?
565
00:21:06,931 --> 00:21:09,281
[cool percussive music]
566
00:21:09,965 --> 00:21:12,895
[cool percussive music]
567
00:21:12,965 --> 00:21:19,995
♪ ♪
568
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:24,595
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