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1
00:00:03,029 --> 00:00:06,260
You know who's gotta be the bravest
person in the Marvel Universe?
2
00:00:06,433 --> 00:00:08,594
Whoever has to give She-Hulk
a bikini wax.
3
00:00:09,803 --> 00:00:11,065
You wanna talk brave?
4
00:00:11,237 --> 00:00:14,297
How about Captain America's
undocumented Mexican gardener?
5
00:00:15,742 --> 00:00:19,143
He's not braver than whoever uses
the bathroom after The Thing.
6
00:00:20,513 --> 00:00:22,640
As usual, you're all wrong.
7
00:00:22,882 --> 00:00:25,350
Bravest person in the Marvel Universe
is the doctor...
8
00:00:25,518 --> 00:00:27,543
...who gives Wolverine his prostate exam.
9
00:00:29,089 --> 00:00:32,286
What about the guy who gets
a prostate exam from Wolverine?
10
00:00:33,126 --> 00:00:35,390
Now you're just being silly.
11
00:00:35,595 --> 00:00:39,827
Wolverine's never displayed interest
in helping others prevent prostate cancer.
12
00:00:40,533 --> 00:00:42,000
(PHONE RINGS)
13
00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:45,562
Hello?
14
00:00:45,739 --> 00:00:49,402
Yes, the elevator's out of order.
You'll have to use the stairs.
15
00:00:49,576 --> 00:00:50,634
Of course you can.
16
00:00:50,810 --> 00:00:53,108
Pizza dates back to the 16th century...
17
00:00:53,279 --> 00:00:56,339
...while the first elevator was not installed
until 1852.
18
00:00:56,549 --> 00:00:58,915
That means that for over 300 years...
19
00:00:59,085 --> 00:01:01,519
...people carried pizzas upstairs.
20
00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:03,747
Be part of that proud tradition.
21
00:01:05,558 --> 00:01:08,755
I'll go get Penny
while that guy spits on our food.
22
00:01:10,964 --> 00:01:13,990
Do you think they gave Wolverine
an adamantium prostate?
23
00:01:14,167 --> 00:01:16,067
That's a stupid question.
24
00:01:16,269 --> 00:01:19,761
We're having a conversation
about probing the heinies of superheroes.
25
00:01:19,939 --> 00:01:22,169
There are no stupid questions.
26
00:01:29,315 --> 00:01:31,180
- Yes?
- Oh. Uh...
27
00:01:31,351 --> 00:01:33,148
Is Penny here?
28
00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:35,014
You're Leonard, right?
29
00:01:35,188 --> 00:01:37,019
Yeah.
30
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:39,384
Damn, it's good to finally meet you, son.
31
00:01:39,893 --> 00:01:42,657
Okay, I think
a bit of context here might help.
32
00:01:42,862 --> 00:01:44,727
Oh, hey, Leonard.
I see you met my dad.
33
00:01:44,964 --> 00:01:47,489
Oh, good. Context.
34
00:01:47,701 --> 00:01:49,293
Come in, buddy. Take a load off.
35
00:01:49,469 --> 00:01:52,370
Oh, Dad, Leonard can't stay.
He just dropped by to say hello.
36
00:01:52,539 --> 00:01:55,303
Thanks for stopping by, sweetie.
I'll see you later.
37
00:01:57,844 --> 00:01:59,607
Bye.
38
00:02:03,516 --> 00:02:05,541
That was odd.
39
00:02:32,812 --> 00:02:34,905
Are you sure you have enough comics?
40
00:02:35,115 --> 00:02:38,312
You're monitoring the telescope
for 12 hours, and by my estimate...
41
00:02:38,485 --> 00:02:41,420
...you've only selected seven hours
of reading material.
42
00:02:42,422 --> 00:02:44,481
That's even factoring in your difficulty...
43
00:02:44,691 --> 00:02:48,183
...in parsing American comic-book idioms
like "Bamf" and "Snikt."
44
00:02:49,496 --> 00:02:51,691
Is that racist? It feels racist.
45
00:02:52,799 --> 00:02:57,065
Don't be oversensitive.
He's calling you illiterate, not your race.
46
00:02:58,338 --> 00:02:59,999
Oh, okay. Good.
47
00:03:00,974 --> 00:03:03,306
I don't need more comics.
Howard's gonna stop by.
48
00:03:03,476 --> 00:03:06,274
We'll play Intergalactic Battleship
and Indian Monopoly.
49
00:03:06,479 --> 00:03:08,845
I don't care
for novelty editions of Monopoly.
50
00:03:09,015 --> 00:03:12,314
I prefer the classics, regular and Klingon.
51
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,847
Actually,
Indian Monopoly's just like regular.
52
00:03:16,022 --> 00:03:20,425
Except the money's in rupees,
instead of hotels you build call centers...
53
00:03:20,593 --> 00:03:23,960
...and when you pick a Chance card
you might die of dysentery.
54
00:03:25,732 --> 00:03:27,666
Oh, just FYI, that was racist.
55
00:03:30,804 --> 00:03:32,431
You'll never guess what happened.
56
00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:35,699
You went out in the hallway,
stumbled into a portal...
57
00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:38,275
...which brought you 5000 years
into the future...
58
00:03:38,444 --> 00:03:41,777
...where you took advantage
of the technology to build a time machine.
59
00:03:41,948 --> 00:03:45,440
Now you're back to bring us all to 7010,
where we are transported...
60
00:03:45,618 --> 00:03:50,282
...to work at the Thinkatorium by
telepathically-controlled flying dolphins?
61
00:03:53,159 --> 00:03:54,922
- No.
- Oh...
62
00:03:56,396 --> 00:03:58,125
Penny kissed me.
63
00:03:58,331 --> 00:04:00,128
Well, who would ever guess that?
64
00:04:01,201 --> 00:04:04,500
- What kind of a kiss?
- A big kiss, on the mouth.
65
00:04:04,704 --> 00:04:07,172
Is it possible
that she was going for your cheek...
66
00:04:07,340 --> 00:04:09,501
...and you moved
and she accidentally got lip?
67
00:04:09,676 --> 00:04:12,770
That happens with me and my mom
all the time.
68
00:04:13,813 --> 00:04:15,474
She introduced me to her father...
69
00:04:15,648 --> 00:04:18,139
...kissed me
and then shut the door in my face.
70
00:04:18,651 --> 00:04:20,448
She was trying to send you a message.
71
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:21,609
- You think?
HOWARD: Yeah.
72
00:04:21,788 --> 00:04:24,484
"This man is not my father,
I'm being held hostage...
73
00:04:25,058 --> 00:04:29,154
...so I'm gonna do something insane
in the hopes that you'll call 911."
74
00:04:29,362 --> 00:04:32,889
Penny kissing me is not insane.
She used to kiss me all the time.
75
00:04:33,099 --> 00:04:36,557
Einstein defined insanity as doing
the same thing over and over again...
76
00:04:36,736 --> 00:04:38,931
...and expecting different results.
77
00:04:39,873 --> 00:04:42,706
By that standard,
Penny is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
78
00:04:44,677 --> 00:04:47,441
I'm just saying,
it felt like it may have meant something.
79
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,808
Oh, this takes me back.
Leonard obsessing about Penny.
80
00:04:51,017 --> 00:04:53,178
Don't get me wrong,
I love your new stuff...
81
00:04:53,353 --> 00:04:56,117
...but once in a while,
it's nice to hear the hits.
82
00:04:56,990 --> 00:05:01,120
Ooh, ooh! Do "Our babies
will be smart and beautiful."
83
00:05:03,229 --> 00:05:05,220
That one always makes me laugh.
84
00:05:06,132 --> 00:05:07,292
(DOOR KNOCKS)
85
00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:09,524
Why do I bother talking to you people?
86
00:05:09,736 --> 00:05:12,534
If it will make you feel better,
we rarely listen.
87
00:05:12,939 --> 00:05:15,533
- Can I talk to you out here for a sec?
- Yeah, sure.
88
00:05:17,343 --> 00:05:20,210
I'm starting to think
we're never going to see that pizza.
89
00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:23,946
You're probably wondering
what that was about.
90
00:05:24,150 --> 00:05:25,777
What? The kissing and everything?
91
00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:28,921
No, women do that to me all the time.
92
00:05:29,622 --> 00:05:33,058
The thing is, I kind of told my father
we got back together again.
93
00:05:33,259 --> 00:05:34,556
What? Why?
94
00:05:34,727 --> 00:05:37,252
You're the first guy
he's ever really approved of.
95
00:05:37,430 --> 00:05:40,888
You're a scientist who went to college
and you don't have a neck tattoo...
96
00:05:41,067 --> 00:05:43,729
...or outstanding warrants, or...
97
00:05:43,903 --> 00:05:45,632
Or a baby.
98
00:05:46,472 --> 00:05:49,305
What kind of guys
did you used to go out with?
99
00:05:49,943 --> 00:05:51,001
Just guys.
100
00:05:51,177 --> 00:05:53,509
When I told him we split up,
he was heartbroken.
101
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:57,116
He kept bugging me, "How's Leonard?"
"Why can't you get back together?"
102
00:05:57,283 --> 00:05:59,979
"I bet Leonard never tipped a cow
over on himself."
103
00:06:01,421 --> 00:06:04,584
So to get him off my back,
I told him we worked things out.
104
00:06:04,757 --> 00:06:06,190
Really?
105
00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:08,893
(CLEARS THROAT)
106
00:06:09,629 --> 00:06:11,927
How... How did we manage that?
107
00:06:12,598 --> 00:06:15,624
- What?
- I mean, did you apologize?
108
00:06:15,802 --> 00:06:18,032
Did you have to woo me?
109
00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:22,472
Get over yourself.
I whistled, you came running.
110
00:06:23,810 --> 00:06:27,007
- Yeah, no, I don't think so.
- Okay, why are you arguing about this?
111
00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:29,205
I'm saying, if we fake got back together...
112
00:06:29,415 --> 00:06:31,815
...that's totally not how it fake happened.
- Oh.
113
00:06:32,218 --> 00:06:34,709
Will you please just play along
until my dad leaves?
114
00:06:34,954 --> 00:06:37,548
Hold on, you actually want me
to deceive your father...
115
00:06:37,724 --> 00:06:40,124
...with some sort
of sham play-acting and kissing?
116
00:06:40,293 --> 00:06:42,227
Because I'm good with that.
117
00:06:42,996 --> 00:06:45,362
WYATT:
Penny, you out here?
118
00:06:47,734 --> 00:06:49,497
(PENNY STAMMERING)
119
00:06:51,804 --> 00:06:53,738
Come on, honey, not in front of my dad.
120
00:06:53,973 --> 00:06:57,465
Relax, I've seen you do a lot worse
with a lot stupider.
121
00:06:59,178 --> 00:07:00,304
See? He doesn't mind.
122
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,040
I'm taking your gal out for dinner.
You wanna join us?
123
00:07:03,216 --> 00:07:05,377
Oh, Dad, that's nice,
but Leonard has to work.
124
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,849
- Right, Leonard?
- I do, I have to work.
125
00:07:08,021 --> 00:07:11,821
But I'm gonna blow that off to spend the
evening with my sweetie and her father...
126
00:07:11,991 --> 00:07:13,891
...because it's
just the kind of boyfriend I am.
127
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:15,152
Oh...
128
00:07:15,395 --> 00:07:17,761
- Come here, you.
- Oh...
129
00:07:25,605 --> 00:07:28,165
- C-7.
- Miss.
130
00:07:28,374 --> 00:07:31,002
How could that be a miss?
C-6 was a hit, C-8 was a hit.
131
00:07:31,177 --> 00:07:33,407
Part of your starship has to be on C-7.
132
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:36,846
Not if it has a hole in the middle.
133
00:07:37,784 --> 00:07:40,753
What kind of spaceship
has a hole in the middle?
134
00:07:41,687 --> 00:07:45,214
A Romulan battle bagel?
135
00:07:47,293 --> 00:07:48,385
BERNADETTE:
Knock, knock.
136
00:07:48,561 --> 00:07:50,290
Oh, great, you made it. Come on in.
137
00:07:50,463 --> 00:07:51,487
(INAUDIBLE WHISPER)
138
00:07:51,664 --> 00:07:52,858
I invited her.
139
00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:54,727
So where's the telescope?
140
00:07:54,901 --> 00:07:57,392
Well, it's in Hawaii,
but Raj controls it from here.
141
00:07:57,570 --> 00:07:59,800
He's hoping to see Epsilon Eridani dim...
142
00:08:00,006 --> 00:08:02,907
...which would be evidence
of a planet orbiting it.
143
00:08:03,076 --> 00:08:07,069
So we just sit and stare at the screen,
waiting for something to happen?
144
00:08:07,246 --> 00:08:10,147
I did it with you
when we rented The Notebook.
145
00:08:13,953 --> 00:08:16,786
Yes, Gena Rowlands is a treasure.
146
00:08:18,057 --> 00:08:21,788
You better open up that bottle of wine
or I'm gonna end up with swimmer's ear.
147
00:08:21,961 --> 00:08:23,223
Okay.
148
00:08:23,396 --> 00:08:25,227
Excuse me, I can't be drinking.
149
00:08:25,398 --> 00:08:27,866
I'm about to make
an important scientific discovery here.
150
00:08:28,034 --> 00:08:31,026
What...? Galileo did his best work
while drinking wine.
151
00:08:31,237 --> 00:08:33,569
- How do you know that?
- Well, he was Italian.
152
00:08:33,739 --> 00:08:36,139
It's a reasonable assumption.
153
00:08:36,776 --> 00:08:40,268
Dude, can you even open your mouth
without spewing a cultural stereotype?
154
00:08:40,446 --> 00:08:42,471
I'm sorry, Galileo drank diet Sprite.
155
00:08:44,417 --> 00:08:47,318
Look, you're my best friend,
she's my girlfriend, you should bond.
156
00:08:47,487 --> 00:08:49,546
You know, like you and my mom did.
157
00:08:49,755 --> 00:08:52,451
Your mom creeps the hell out of me.
158
00:08:52,925 --> 00:08:57,123
Yes, but she's stopped calling you
Slumdog Millionaire.
159
00:08:57,330 --> 00:08:59,093
I do appreciate that.
160
00:08:59,799 --> 00:09:00,925
Here we go.
161
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:03,568
Oh, well, I'd like to propose a toast.
162
00:09:03,769 --> 00:09:05,703
To science and friendship.
163
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,197
Hold on. Wait.
164
00:09:09,442 --> 00:09:11,637
- No, it's okay, go ahead.
- What?
165
00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:15,177
I was working with penicillin-resistant
gonorrhea in the lab today...
166
00:09:15,348 --> 00:09:18,340
...and I was just trying to remember
if I washed my hands.
167
00:09:24,724 --> 00:09:27,454
- Thanks for the steak, Wyatt.
- My pleasure.
168
00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:31,859
It's nice to have dinner with a boyfriend
of Penny's that knows how to use a napkin.
169
00:09:32,465 --> 00:09:34,023
So not funny, Dad.
170
00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:37,498
Let me tell you about this one genius.
This fella Donnie.
171
00:09:37,670 --> 00:09:39,035
Will you please let it go?
172
00:09:39,205 --> 00:09:42,368
Donnie was gonna make millions
turning farm waste into biofuel...
173
00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:44,305
...and selling it to the government.
174
00:09:44,477 --> 00:09:46,707
- A lot of people are doing that.
- Oh, see?
175
00:09:46,913 --> 00:09:49,245
But all Donnie did
was mix pig poop with water...
176
00:09:49,415 --> 00:09:51,542
...and pump it into his mom's Camry.
177
00:09:52,818 --> 00:09:55,218
Yeah, that's great.
It's a funny story, moving on.
178
00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:56,719
Donnie was a rocket scientist...
179
00:09:56,889 --> 00:09:59,653
...compared to that boy who wanted
to get beer pong into the Olympics.
180
00:09:59,825 --> 00:10:01,349
- What was his name?
- Curtis.
181
00:10:01,527 --> 00:10:04,325
- And I'm pretty sure he was joking.
- Well, I don't know.
182
00:10:04,497 --> 00:10:06,488
That petition looked real to me.
183
00:10:06,933 --> 00:10:10,130
Okay, I think this ends
the ex-boyfriend portion of our evening.
184
00:10:10,336 --> 00:10:13,169
Well, I'm just glad
you finally found yourself a keeper.
185
00:10:13,339 --> 00:10:14,431
Thanks, Wyatt.
186
00:10:15,775 --> 00:10:17,333
I'm a keeper.
187
00:10:17,510 --> 00:10:19,102
(CHUCKLES)
188
00:10:21,781 --> 00:10:23,305
You wanna come in for a nightcap?
189
00:10:23,482 --> 00:10:26,144
Dad, he'd love to,
but Leonard has to work in the morning.
190
00:10:26,352 --> 00:10:29,446
- Maybe I could go in a little late.
- No, no, no, you can't.
191
00:10:29,655 --> 00:10:31,885
Your career is far too important.
192
00:10:32,058 --> 00:10:36,552
Behind every man is a nagging woman
who won't let him have any fun, right?
193
00:10:37,430 --> 00:10:39,364
Don't I know it.
194
00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:43,192
- Well, good night, son.
- Good night, Wyatt.
195
00:10:43,369 --> 00:10:46,304
- Oh, good night, honey.
- Good night.
196
00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:49,167
I love you.
197
00:10:52,478 --> 00:10:54,241
I love you too. Heh, heh.
198
00:11:02,255 --> 00:11:05,713
Oh, friggety-frak. Not this again.
199
00:11:11,364 --> 00:11:13,525
Three, four, five, pass go...
200
00:11:13,733 --> 00:11:17,726
...get 2000 rupees, six, seven...
201
00:11:17,937 --> 00:11:21,031
Whoops! Can't go any further,
there's a sacred cow in my way.
202
00:11:21,841 --> 00:11:24,241
Tell your boyfriend
to cool it with the cow jokes.
203
00:11:24,443 --> 00:11:28,470
It won't help. Once he finds
a joke he likes, he sticks with it.
204
00:11:28,781 --> 00:11:30,840
- Like his haircut material.
- Oh, right.
205
00:11:31,017 --> 00:11:34,453
- "Did you get your hair cut?"
- "No, I got them all cut."
206
00:11:35,521 --> 00:11:37,546
Which is still so funny.
207
00:11:38,958 --> 00:11:42,826
When you go to a Chinese restaurant, he
gets the same fortune in his fortune cookie.
208
00:11:43,029 --> 00:11:46,260
Right. "Help, I'm a prisoner
in a Chinese fortune-cookie factory."
209
00:11:46,432 --> 00:11:47,524
(BOTH GIGGLE)
210
00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:50,562
Okay, I think that's enough about me.
211
00:11:50,803 --> 00:11:52,771
He's right. Let's make fun of his mother.
212
00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:56,300
(IMITATING HOWARD'S MOTHER)
"Howard, come rub my feet.
213
00:11:56,475 --> 00:11:58,500
My corns are killing me."
214
00:12:00,146 --> 00:12:02,478
(IMITATING HOWARD'S MOTHER)
"Howard, help me out of the tub.
215
00:12:02,648 --> 00:12:04,582
I'm stuck again."
216
00:12:07,486 --> 00:12:08,510
(DOOR KNOCKS)
217
00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:10,178
Coming.
218
00:12:13,059 --> 00:12:14,924
Hey, love bug.
219
00:12:15,795 --> 00:12:17,490
Shut up.
220
00:12:17,730 --> 00:12:20,062
You know what I've been doing
for the last hour?
221
00:12:20,232 --> 00:12:23,531
Dreamily doodling
"Mrs. Leonard Hofstadter" in a notebook?
222
00:12:24,236 --> 00:12:27,103
Listening to my father go on
about what a great guy you are.
223
00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:30,241
You gotta admit, I'm delightful.
224
00:12:31,844 --> 00:12:33,675
Why are you making this so difficult?
225
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:37,872
- It's not difficult for me, I'm having fun.
- Leonard.
226
00:12:38,084 --> 00:12:39,551
What do you want me to do?
227
00:12:39,719 --> 00:12:41,983
- Do you wanna tell him we're broken up?
- No.
228
00:12:42,154 --> 00:12:43,781
- Then what do you want?
- I don't know.
229
00:12:43,956 --> 00:12:47,687
Don't you think that's something
you should have figured out?
230
00:12:47,860 --> 00:12:49,521
Maybe.
231
00:12:49,862 --> 00:12:51,625
Leonard, Penny, excellent.
232
00:12:51,831 --> 00:12:54,629
I'd like to say I'm very happy
that you're back together...
233
00:12:54,834 --> 00:12:59,237
...and if I can figure out a way to do so
and sound sincere, I will.
234
00:12:59,438 --> 00:13:03,704
In the meantime, I'd like to go over some
changes to the Roommate Agreement...
235
00:13:03,876 --> 00:13:07,403
...specifically to address
Penny's annoying personal habits.
236
00:13:07,580 --> 00:13:09,912
Oh, my God. What personal habits?
237
00:13:10,116 --> 00:13:11,208
I have a list.
238
00:13:11,717 --> 00:13:15,153
FYI, overuse of the phrase
"Oh, my God" is Number 12.
239
00:13:16,722 --> 00:13:19,486
Sheldon, you don't have to do this,
because Leonard and I are no...
240
00:13:19,658 --> 00:13:23,094
- Bup, bup. You wanna include him in this?
- Include me in what?
241
00:13:23,262 --> 00:13:27,255
Is there a plot afoot?
I'll have no truck with plots.
242
00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:32,564
No, you're right.
No, there's no plots, no trucks, no feet.
243
00:13:32,738 --> 00:13:35,263
So, what other annoying habits
shall we discuss?
244
00:13:35,441 --> 00:13:36,999
We don't discuss anything.
245
00:13:37,176 --> 00:13:39,736
Leonard is the signatory
to the Roommate Agreement...
246
00:13:39,912 --> 00:13:44,372
...as such, he bears responsibility for all
your infractions and must pay all fines.
247
00:13:45,651 --> 00:13:46,811
- Fines?
- Yes.
248
00:13:47,019 --> 00:13:50,955
If Penny's spending nights here again,
you'll need to set up an escrow account.
249
00:13:55,795 --> 00:13:56,853
Hello, Hawaii.
250
00:13:57,029 --> 00:13:59,497
This is Dr. Koothrappali in Pasadena.
251
00:13:59,665 --> 00:14:02,429
I'd like you
to reposition the telescope, please.
252
00:14:02,601 --> 00:14:04,933
Scarlett Johansson's house.
253
00:14:05,104 --> 00:14:06,901
(LAUGHING)
254
00:14:07,173 --> 00:14:10,836
I'm kidding, Hawaii. Mahalo.
255
00:14:11,010 --> 00:14:12,375
Whoo!
256
00:14:13,813 --> 00:14:16,941
It might have been a mistake
to open that second bottle of wine.
257
00:14:17,516 --> 00:14:19,313
Well, live and learn.
258
00:14:19,852 --> 00:14:24,482
You think this planet you're looking for
has an atmosphere that supports life?
259
00:14:24,690 --> 00:14:25,782
Maybe.
260
00:14:25,958 --> 00:14:29,450
If it did, I'd be famous.
I'd be on the cover of magazines.
261
00:14:29,628 --> 00:14:33,359
And then instead of living alone in my
tiny apartment, I'd have a big mansion.
262
00:14:33,566 --> 00:14:36,296
- Well, that sounds great.
- It is.
263
00:14:36,469 --> 00:14:40,371
If you like wandering around a big
empty house with no one to love you.
264
00:14:43,242 --> 00:14:45,802
- We'd come visit you.
- No, you wouldn't.
265
00:14:45,978 --> 00:14:48,003
You'd be intimidated
by my wealth and fame.
266
00:14:48,747 --> 00:14:51,978
My only friends would be my
genetically-engineered monkey butler...
267
00:14:52,151 --> 00:14:55,552
...and the little people I hired
to be my living chess set.
268
00:14:57,957 --> 00:14:59,754
He's taking a turn to the dark side.
269
00:14:59,992 --> 00:15:03,257
- Oh, hold on, he could come back.
- What's the point of everything?
270
00:15:03,496 --> 00:15:05,327
Nope. He's gone.
271
00:15:05,998 --> 00:15:08,558
It's more than a year
since I've kissed a girl.
272
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:11,668
What about that hookup at Comic-Con
you told me about?
273
00:15:11,871 --> 00:15:15,363
Grow up, I was lying, I lie all the time.
Nobody wants to kiss me.
274
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:18,005
You poor, poor thing.
275
00:15:18,177 --> 00:15:20,771
Raj, you have to know,
you're a wonderful man.
276
00:15:20,980 --> 00:15:24,006
There are a lot of girls out there
who wanna kiss you.
277
00:15:24,183 --> 00:15:26,981
- Where?
- You just have to look.
278
00:15:30,489 --> 00:15:33,515
No!
279
00:15:42,568 --> 00:15:44,695
Well, this was fun.
280
00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:51,641
Oh, I think I got a nibble.
281
00:15:51,810 --> 00:15:54,643
Oh, be careful. Give him some line.
282
00:15:56,549 --> 00:15:58,744
Okay, now reel him in.
283
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:02,383
Oh, look at that baby.
They're really biting, huh?
284
00:16:02,588 --> 00:16:05,056
Yeah, they do that
when you set it on "easy."
285
00:16:06,158 --> 00:16:07,284
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
286
00:16:07,459 --> 00:16:09,393
Oh, that's me.
287
00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:12,727
Hello? Oh, hi, sweetie.
288
00:16:12,898 --> 00:16:14,866
I got up early
and didn't wanna wake you...
289
00:16:15,034 --> 00:16:17,901
...so I went out for coffee,
ran into Leonard on the way back.
290
00:16:18,070 --> 00:16:20,470
Guess what. We're fishing.
291
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,099
Yeah, right here on his couch.
292
00:16:24,043 --> 00:16:26,170
Hey, baby, I love you.
293
00:16:26,345 --> 00:16:27,937
(KISSING SOUNDS)
294
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,807
That's Leonard. He says he loves you.
295
00:16:32,785 --> 00:16:34,309
What?
296
00:16:35,754 --> 00:16:37,346
I see.
297
00:16:37,556 --> 00:16:39,183
The whole thing's bull squirt, huh?
298
00:16:41,260 --> 00:16:43,490
Well, that's very disappointing.
299
00:16:43,862 --> 00:16:45,352
Bye.
300
00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:55,364
Oh, hey, there's something
I've been meaning to tell you.
301
00:16:57,343 --> 00:16:59,436
I can't believe you would lie to me.
302
00:16:59,645 --> 00:17:03,103
- I did not wanna be a part of this.
- I'll get to you in a minute.
303
00:17:03,282 --> 00:17:04,374
No hurry.
304
00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:07,314
My daughter thinks I don't love her
enough to support her...
305
00:17:07,486 --> 00:17:09,386
...no matter what choices she makes.
306
00:17:09,622 --> 00:17:11,886
- I'm sorry, Daddy...
- Let me finish.
307
00:17:12,124 --> 00:17:15,184
I thought we were past the days
when you'd pull the wool over my eyes.
308
00:17:15,361 --> 00:17:18,660
Telling me the baggie
in your underwear drawer is potpourri.
309
00:17:20,232 --> 00:17:23,360
And the pee stick in your bathroom
is to check for diabetes.
310
00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:28,901
I know. I'm sorry.
311
00:17:29,108 --> 00:17:31,702
I respect your right
to make your own decisions...
312
00:17:31,877 --> 00:17:35,108
...but all I ask is you respect me enough
to be honest about them.
313
00:17:35,314 --> 00:17:37,908
You're right.
From now on, I will tell you the truth.
314
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:40,141
Thank you.
Now go and put some clothes on.
315
00:17:40,319 --> 00:17:42,617
We'll grab a bite
before I head for the airport.
316
00:17:42,821 --> 00:17:44,254
- Okay.
- Now you...
317
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:46,651
- He had nothing to do... Okay.
- Keep walking.
318
00:17:50,663 --> 00:17:53,757
Please, please,
please don't give up on her.
319
00:17:55,734 --> 00:17:57,258
What?
320
00:17:57,503 --> 00:18:00,495
I can't go back to the skateboard idiots,
the white rappers...
321
00:18:00,673 --> 00:18:04,165
...and all the sweaty dumb-asses
with their backwards hats.
322
00:18:05,577 --> 00:18:08,273
Gee, I don't know if it's in the cards, sir.
323
00:18:08,514 --> 00:18:09,776
Then stack the deck.
324
00:18:10,549 --> 00:18:13,518
Cheat, lie, I don't care.
325
00:18:13,686 --> 00:18:18,089
I want grandkids and I want them
to grow up in a house without wheels.
326
00:18:24,563 --> 00:18:26,292
- I'll give it a shot.
- Thank you.
327
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:29,867
Now, I'm gonna do something here
to help you along.
328
00:18:30,035 --> 00:18:31,434
- Excuse me?
- Just don't panic.
329
00:18:31,603 --> 00:18:34,037
(YELLING) Now get your sorry,
lying ass out of my face...
330
00:18:34,206 --> 00:18:36,265
...and make sure I never see it again.
331
00:18:36,475 --> 00:18:39,603
Oh, the reverse-psychology thing.
I see, that's very clever.
332
00:18:39,812 --> 00:18:42,212
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Don't yap. Just get out.
333
00:18:42,915 --> 00:18:44,314
I'll friend you on Facebook.
334
00:18:51,323 --> 00:18:53,416
Oh, there you are.
335
00:18:53,592 --> 00:18:55,457
Just so you know, I was up all night...
336
00:18:55,627 --> 00:18:58,562
...but I've finally completed
the Penny-specific section...
337
00:18:58,731 --> 00:19:00,824
...of the new Roommate Agreement.
338
00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:04,334
Yeah? Well, not necessary,
we broke up again.
339
00:19:17,015 --> 00:19:19,745
Do you even think about other people,
Leonard?
340
00:19:22,521 --> 00:19:24,421
Do you?
341
00:19:31,196 --> 00:19:32,925
Hey. Oh, how did it go last night?
342
00:19:33,932 --> 00:19:37,834
Oh, you know. Same old, same old.
343
00:19:38,003 --> 00:19:41,029
Looked through a telescope,
saw some stars, big whoop.
344
00:19:41,673 --> 00:19:44,267
Really? You waited months
for time with that telescope.
345
00:19:44,443 --> 00:19:46,911
- What happened?
- Why, you writing a book?
346
00:19:48,147 --> 00:19:50,012
I'm going to propose a hypothesis.
347
00:19:50,182 --> 00:19:54,516
Last night, Raj accidentally made
contact with an alien civilization...
348
00:19:55,854 --> 00:19:59,654
...and has been ordered by the
U.S. Government to keep it a secret.
349
00:20:01,293 --> 00:20:03,523
Nothing happened.
Can we change the subject?
350
00:20:03,729 --> 00:20:06,527
That sounds rehearsed. We are not alone.
351
00:20:08,233 --> 00:20:09,928
HOWARD: Hey.
SHELDON: Hello.
352
00:20:10,435 --> 00:20:11,959
- Hey.
- Hey.
353
00:20:13,739 --> 00:20:16,970
Did you get to play
with Raj's big telescope last night?
354
00:20:17,709 --> 00:20:19,904
- Wha...?
- Wha...?
355
00:20:20,312 --> 00:20:24,271
- Where did that come from?
- He never touched my telescope.
356
00:20:24,483 --> 00:20:27,077
- Way to go shutting up.
- I did shut up. Now you shut up.
357
00:20:27,252 --> 00:20:29,117
- Fine.
- Thank you.
358
00:20:33,959 --> 00:20:36,325
I can't believe
you didn't call me this morning.
29790
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