All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory - 02x20 - The Hofstadter Isotope

[GROANS]

[CONTINUES GROANING]

Problem?

- This is Thai food.
- Here we go.

We don't have Thai food on Thursday.
We have pizza on Thursday.

Yes, but we all agreed
the third Thursday of every month...

...would be
Anything Can Happen Thursday.

The news didn't reach
my digestive system which, when startled...

...has its own version
of Anything Can Happen Thursday.

The whole idea behind
Anything Can Happen Thursday...

...is to get out of this rut
we've been in.

Rut? I think you mean consistency.

And if we're going to abandon that,
why even call it Thursday?

Let's call it "Quonko Day" and divide it
into 29 hours of 17 minutes a piece...

...and celebrate it by sacrificing a goat
to the mighty god Ra.

I could go for some goat.

Sheldon, we agreed we'd do something
different tonight.

All right. Let's go
to the comic book store.

We went to the comic book store
last night.

Last night was Wednesday.
Wednesday is comic-book night.

We'll be going on Thursday because
it's Anything Can Happen Thursday.

Way to think outside but pressed right up
against the box, Sheldon.

What are we gonna do tonight?

If I may proffer a suggestion...

...in bars all across this great nation
of ours, Thursday night is Ladies' Night.

As the evening progresses,
we will get better-looking...

...courtesy of 99-cent margaritas
and two-for-one Jell-O shots.

Come on, Howard, the odds of us picking
up girls in a bar are practically zero.

Oh. Really?
Are you familiar with the Drake equation?

The one that estimates the odds
of contact with extraterrestrials...

...by calculating the product
of series of fractional values...

...such as stars
with planets likely to develop life?

N equals R times FP times NE times FL
times Fl times FC times L?

Yeah, that one.

You can modify it
to calculate our chances of having sex...

...by changing the formula
to use single women in Los Angeles...

...those who might find us attractive...

...and what I call
The Wolowitz Coefficient.

- The Wolowitz Coefficient?
- Neediness times dress-size squared.

In crunching the numbers, I come up with a
conservative 5812 potential sex partners...

...within a 40-mile radius.

You're joking.

I'm a horny engineer, Leonard.

I never joke about math or sex.

Well, what are we waiting for?
Let's bounce, bitches.

Oh, you're right.
It's Anything Can Happen Thursday.

Let's hit the clubs
and meet hot women.

Here we go. Lock up your daughters.
We're gonna hit it and quit it.

Or we could finish eating
and go to the comic book store.

Also a good plan.

But next Anything Can Happen Thursday,
we're going to a bar.

- Oh, absolutely.
- You heard that, Ladies' Night ladies?

We're eventually coming for you.

Fascinating.

- Oh, hey, guys. Where you headed?
- To the comic book store.

You're thinking,
"The comic book store on a Thursday?

Why, I've fallen down the rabbit hole
and into a land of madness."

What you have failed to take into account is
that this is Anything Can Happen Thursday.

You got me.

Oh, hey, could you pick me up
a few comics for my nephew's birthday?

No, I think you mean comic books.

Comics are feeble attempts at humor...

...featuring talking babies
and anthropomorphized pets...

...found traditionally
in the optimistically named "funny pages."

Leonard, pick me up comics
for my nephew's birthday?

- Sure. What does he like?
- I don't know, just pick out anything.

Just pick out anything?

Maybe we can pick out a new suit for him
without knowing his size...

...or pick out his career
without knowing his aptitude...

...or pick out a new breakfast cereal
without knowing his fiber requirements...

...or his feelings
about little marshmallows.

Spider-Man. Get him Spider-Man.

Amazing Spider-Man, Ultimate Spider-Man,
Spectacular Spider-Man...

...The Marvelous Adventures of Spider-Man,
Spider-Man 2099?

- Leonard?
LEONARD: This can go on all night.

Why don't you just come with us?

Ugh. That's what I was trying to avoid.

Oh, I forgot Sensational Spider-Man.

Oh, what a cute little store.

Everybody's staring at me.

LEONARD: Don't worry. They're more
scared of you than you are of them.

Unlikely.

Here. What about this one
for my nephew?

- A superb choice.
- Oh, great.

Yeah, provided he has already read
Infinite Crisis and 52...

...and is familiar with the reestablishment
of the DC Multiverse.

Uh, what's a Multiverse?

Get her out of here.

Come on, I'll help you pick something.

That's right. She's with us.

Guys like that are so pathetic.

Tell me about it.

Ooh, look, a new Batman belt buckle.

Oh, hey, Leonard.
I help you find something?

Oh, hey, Stuart. This is Penny.
She's just looking for some comic books.

Oh, really? Wow. Blink twice
if you're here against your will.

I think we're fine, Stuart.

- Okay. Let me know if you need anything.
- Thanks.

Oh, he seems like a nice guy.

You mean for someone
who's into comic books?

No, no, no. I just meant for... Yeah.

Just because people appreciate comic
books doesn't make them weirdoes.

Stuart's a terrific artist. He went
to the Rhode Island School of Design.

Okay, what about the guy in the superhero
T-shirt tucked into his sweatpants?

Oh, yeah, that's Captain Sweatpants.

He doesn't really help the point
I'm trying to make.

- Got it, got it, got it.
- Got it, got it, got it.

- Need it.
- Need it.

- Let it go, Sheldon.
- Why should I let it go? I saw it first.

- Yes, but I saw it from the front.
- A far less impressive feat.

Oh, come on, I need this
for my Batman collection.

- I need it for my Robin collection.
- Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock?

Why would I gamble? It's mine. Let go.

- You let go.
- No, you.

- Problem?
- Yes. He won't let go of my comic book.

- It's my comic book.
- Leonard, we need a ruling.

Uh, cut it in half?

- Excuse me.
- Oh, hello again.

Hi. What would you recommend
as a present for a 13-year-old boy?

A 13-year-old girl.

[LAUGHS]

But if you're dead set
on a comic book, try this.

Oh. "Hellblazer. " What's this about?

A morally ambiguous confidence man
who smokes, has lung cancer...

...and is tormented
by the spirits of the undead.

Well, if that doesn't make me
the favorite aunt, I don't know what will.

Is this me?

Depends. Do you like it?

- Wow, it's really good.
- Yes, that's you.

That's so sweet.
But what if I didn't like it?

It'd still be you, but I'd feel like an idiot.

I don't believe it.
Stuart's putting the moves on Penny.

I have got to learn how to draw.

Hey.

Once again, defeated
by your own prurient interests.

Guys, have you seen Stuart all up
in Penny's business over there?

Nobody's up in anybody's business.
Let's just buy our stuff and go.

Okay, you've got my number.
Now give me the picture.

All right. You drive a hard bargain...

- ...but here.
- All right. So, um, just give me a call.

So Leonard, how are you enjoying
Anything Can Happen Thursday?

Look at that. That's a dent.

Thank you,
Howard "Ham-Fisted" Wolowitz.

Did you shut the TV off
in the middle of the Deep Space Nine...

...Star Trek: The Original Series
"Trouble With Tribbles" crossover episode?

Apparently so.

Are you ill?

No.

All right.

Then is it fair to say that you're
experiencing some emotional turmoil...

...over the events involving Penny
earlier this evening?

When did you pick up on that?

A moment ago, you turned off the TV
in the middle of the Deep Space Nine...

...Star Trek: The Original Series
"Trouble With Tribbles" crossover episode.

Would you like some advice?

Sure, why not?

Then this is the perfect time
to launch a blog...

...with an interactive comments section.

Gee, thanks a lot.

Would you rather I offer
my personal insight?

No, I don't need any insights.

I just wanna know why Penny's
more interested in Stuart than me.

We're practically the same guy.

Oh, I disagree.

You know, Stuart is taller,
artistic, self-employed...

...and, most significantly,
he gets 45 percent off comic books.

You're right. I really should be asking
strangers on the Internet.

My original point.

Chinese food, vintage video games.

After the nightmare
of Anything Can Happen Thursday...

...this is Friday night
the way it was meant to be.

Who's up for Sheldon-Free Saturday?

Oh, hey, guys.

Hey, Penny and Stuart.

Hey, Stuart.

- Hey, guys.
- So, what are you kids up to?

Stuart has a piece in an art show
that's opening tonight.

And you guys are going together. Great.

It is great. Really great.

It's freaking awesome.

- What are you doing?
- Friday night.

That means Chinese food
and vintage video games?

Vintage doesn't even begin to describe
what we have planned.

Tonight we are playing the classic 1980
interactive text adventure, "Zork."

It's the buggy beta version.

Wow, "Zork."

- Well, you guys have fun.
- Yeah.

STUART: See you, guys.
- See you, Stuart.

- Hey, Howard?
- Yes?

Take me to a bar with women.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Okay.

Let me just go inside
and slip off my underwear.

Why?

HOWARD: Well, if I get lucky, I don't wanna
be caught in my Aquaman briefs.

Do you...? Let's go.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

May I have a grasshopper
with a little umbrella, please?

- No, he may not.
- Why?

I'm not sitting here with a guy drinking
a grasshopper with a little umbrella.

Fine.

I'll have a chocolate martini.

Wrong again.

You know I can't talk to women unless
I'm lit up like the Hindu festival of Diwali.

There are plenty of bars where you can
order grasshoppers or chocolate martinis...

...but you wouldn't have to
because there are no women in them.

Gotcha.

I'll have a Brandy Alexander.

All right, the Three Musketeers
just became the Dynamic Duo.

- Should we talk to some of these women?
- No, it's way too early in the night for that.

See, first we let the lawyers
and the jocks thin the herd...

...and then we go after the weak
and the old and the lame.

- That's your system?
- That's my system.

Oh, and if you spot a chick
with a Seeing Eye dog, she's mine.

Oh, come on.

I think it's nice that Captain Sweatpants
showed up to your art opening.

Yeah. It would've been nicer
if he hadn't touched all the cheese.

Um, you know, it's kind of early.

Wanna maybe come in for coffee
or something?

Oh, gee, it's a little late for coffee,
isn't it?

Oh, you think "coffee" means coffee.
That is so sweet.

Come on, I think I have decaf.

Oh, good, Stuart.
I thought I heard your voice.

- Do you have a moment?
- Uh, yeah, I guess.

We're a little busy here, so...

- What are you doing?
- We're having coffee.

Isn't it a little late for coffee?

It's okay. She thinks she has decaf.

I'll just go look for it.

- What's up?
- Well, I've spent the last three hours...

...in a debate in the DC Comics Batman
chat room, and I need your help.

Oh, yeah. Those guys can be
very stubborn. What's the topic?

I am asserting in the event
that Batman's death proves permanent...

...the original Robin, Dick Grayson,
is the logical successor to the Bat Cowl.

Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid
you couldn't be more wrong.

"More wrong"?

Wrong is an absolute state
and not subject to gradation.

Of course it is. It's a little wrong
to say a tomato is a vegetable.

It's very wrong to say
it's a suspension bridge.

But returning to the original issue,
Dick Grayson became Nightwing.

A superhero in his own right.

"Batman Two" has to be the second Robin,
Jason Todd.

"Has to be"? "Has to be"?

I hope you're being
deliberately provocative.

PENNY: I found the decaf.
- Oh, great.

Yeah, herbal tea for me, please.

Barkeep, Alexander me.

How about those two?

No, they're eating peanuts.

With my allergies, one kiss
would put me in Cedars-Sinai for a week.

What about the ones in the corner?

Possible. Very possible.

You want the one in the whiplash collar
or the one who keeps blinking?

- I think Blinky's cute.
- Done, sir.

Wait. So we just go over there?

No. We have a little prep work to do.

Put this in your mouth, we walk past them,
you stumble a bit.

I say, "Sorry,
my friend's had a little too much."

And then I start to pull it
out of your mouth and say:

"A little too much fun."

[LAUGHS]

Get it? I mean, they're laughing,
we're laughing. Then we get them up...

...to about a 0.15 blood alcohol level
and tell them we're millionaires.

What else you got?

Depends. Are you willing to sit on my lap
and pretend to be a ventriloquist's dummy?

No.

I can't sit on your lap.
You don't know the routine.

I'm sorry, but you're obviously stuck
in a pre-Zero Hour DC Universe.

Of course I am. Removing Joe Chill
as the killer of Batman's parents...

...effectively deprived him
of his raison d'être.

You can throw all the French around
you want, it doesn't make you right.

Au contraire.

Plus, you're forgetting
that the Infinite Crisis story line...

...restored Joe Chill
to the Batman mythology.

I am forgetting nothing,
and I resent your tone.

[SIGHS]

Okay. Look, Sheldon, it's late.
I've gotta get some sleep.

- So I win.
- No, I'm tired.

So I win.

- Fine, you win.
- Darn tooting, I win.

Penny, I really had a terrific time.

Penny?

No, no, no. Don't wake her.

She'll maul you like a rabid wolverine.

You know, I don't think that was decaf.

HOWARD:
Wait, is this your card or isn't it?

Trust me, this was their card.

I thought you were good at this.

You're always talking about
how you go to bars and meet women.

I do. All the time.

Well, what happened?
Been sitting here all night...

...and the longest conversation you've had
with a woman was when your mom called.

Wow, you're just gonna make me
come out and say it, aren't you?

Say what?

You're weighing me down.

I'm a falcon who hunts better solo.

Fine, I'll sit here.
You take flight and hunt.

Don't be ridiculous.
You can't just tell a falcon when to hunt.

Actually, you can.

There's a whole sport built around it.

Falconry.

Shut up.

Let's just get Koothrappali and go.

Lucky bastard.

It's gotta be that stupid accent of his.

[IN INDIAN ACCENT]
Hello, I'm Sanjay Wolowitz from Bombay.

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Okay, I'm stumped.

[English - US - SDH]