All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory - 02x18 - The Work Song Nanocluster

Knight to Queen's Bishop 5.

Ah. Very nice. What's Leonard gonna do?

Does he give up the pawn
or give up the position?

Mm. Let's find out. Leonard, ready?

Ready.

Go.

[HUMMING IN UNISON
KHACHATURIAN'S "SABRE DANCE"]

[BUZZER SOUNDS]

Damn it. I slipped.

Too bad. You know the rules
of Secret Agent Laser Obstacle Chess.

Leonard died again, Sheldon. You're up.

Despite my deep love of chess,
lasers and aerosol disinfectant...

...I must forfeit.

- Why?
- Because it's almost 11:00.

- So?
- So Penny has a...

..."Don't knock on my door before 11:00
or I punch you in the throat" rule.

[DOOR CLOSES]

ALL:
Ah.

Hey, you know
what would be a great idea?

We get some girls over here
and play Laser Obstacle Strip Chess.

Believe me, any girl willing to play that,
you don't wanna see naked.

You underestimate me.

Penny.

Penny. Penny.

Hey, Sheldon.

- It's 11 a.m.
- I know. You're safe.

This package came
while you were at work.

Great, my rhinestones. Thank you.

- Excuse me.
- What?

You have to sign this.

What is it?

When I signed for the package, I was
deputized by the United Parcel Service...

...and entrusted with its final delivery.
I need you to acknowledge receipt...

...so that I'm fully indemnified
and no longer liable.

Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones.

Contents are irrelevant.
A legal bailment has been created.

Does that mean nothing to you?

It means nothing to anybody.

- Let me show you what I'm doing.
- Bailment...

...describes a relationship
in common law...

...where a physical possession
of personal property, or chattels...

...is transferred from one person, the bailer,
to another person, the bailee.

Yeah, yeah. Look, look.
I started a business.

Obviously not a cleaning business.

No. I'm making flower barrettes. See?

I call them Penny Blossoms. I made one
for myself. All the girls at work wanted one.

I showed some to this lady who
runs a shop. She sells cards and jewelry.

She wanted to sell them, I said okay,
and in one week, I made a $156.

Good for you. Sign here.

Sheldon, don't you get it? If this takes off,
I won't have to be a waitress anymore.

But then who will bring me
my cheeseburger on Tuesday nights?

Another waitress?

- What's her name?
- I don't know.

And you're going to let her
handle my food?

Nancy. Her name is Nancy.

I think you're just making that up.

Sheldon, I'm sorry about your hamburger,
okay? I just don't wanna be a waitress.

Cheeseburger. I get a cheeseburger.

- Fine. Cheeseburger.
- Maybe I'd be better off with Nancy.

So, what do you think?
I mean, this could be a business, right?

- How many of these can you make a day?
- Mm. About 20.

And how much profit do you make
per Penny Blossom?

- I don't know. Like, 50 cents. I'm not sure.
- No, of course you're not. All right.

Ten dollars a day times five days a week
times 52 weeks a year is $2600.

- That's all?
- Before taxes.

Well, I don't have to pay taxes
on this stuff.

The Internal Revenue Service
would strongly disagree.

But if you took advantage
of modern marketing techniques...

...and optimized
your manufacturing process...

...you might make this a viable business.

And you know about that stuff?

Penny.

I'm a physicist.

I have a working knowledge of the entire
universe and everything it contains.

Who's Radiohead?

I have a working knowledge
of the important things in the universe.

- Good luck.
- Sheldon, hold on.

Could you maybe show me
how to make more money with this?

Of course I could.

Sheldon, wait.

Will you?

Just to be clear here.

You're asking for my assistance.

Yes.

And you understand that will involve me
telling you what to do?

I understand.

And you're not allowed to be sarcastic
or snide to me while I'm doing so.

Okay.

Good.

Let's begin with the premise that everything
you've done up to this point is wrong.

- Oh, imagine that.
- Sarcasm. Goodbye.

No, I'm sorry. Wait. Please, come back.

- There. Done.
- All right.

Twelve minutes and 17 seconds.

Oh, pretty good, right?

That's 4.9 Penny Blossoms per hour.

Based on your cost of materials
and your wholesale selling price...

...you'll effectively be paying yourself
$5. 19 a day.

A day?

There are children in a sneaker factory
in Indonesia who out-earn you.

That just can't be right.

- You're questioning my math?
- No, sorry.

- Would you like me to show my work?
- God, no, no.

- Just please tell me what to do about it.
- All right.

Are you familiar with the development
that resulted from Honoré Blanc's...

...1778 use of interchangeable parts?

The assembly line, of course.

Okay, if I'm not allowed to be snide,
you're not allowed to be condescending.

That wasn't a part of our original agreement
and I do not agree to it now.

How are we supposed to set up machines
and conveyor belts in my apartment?

You're thinking of
the moving assembly line.

An understandable,
but not excusable, mistake. Now...

...the moving assembly line, that was
introduced by Henry Ford in 1908.

That innovation is what made possible
our modern consumer culture...

...by enabling a low unit cost
for manufactured goods.

I guess that isn't one of the topics
discussed on your Radiohead.

We're gonna miss the coming attractions.

[GROANS]

What's the matter?

I think I bruised a testicle
capturing that last pawn.

[PENNY & SHELDON SINGING
"BLOW THE MAN DOWN"]

PENNY & SHELDON [SINGING]:
Give me some time to blow the man down

I'm a deep-water sailor
Just come from Hong Kong

BOTH:
To me way, hey, blow the man down

If you give me some whiskey
I'll sing you a song

Give me some time
To blow the man down

Hello?

[IN UNISON]
Hello.

Come quickly, lay aft
To the break of the poop

To me way, hey
Blow the man down

Or I'll help you along
With the toe of my boot

PENNY & SHELDON:
Give me some time to blow the man down

What's going on?

I assume you're referring
to the sea shanty.

It's a rhythmic work song
to increase productivity.

Yeah. It's crazy, but it works.

Look, we made this Penny Blossom
in under three minutes.

Terrific, but that kind of raises
more questions than it answers.

Penny's making hair accessories.

I'm helping her optimize
her manufacturing process.

All right, break's over.

[SINGING] Pay attention to orders
Now you one and all

- What are you using as a bonding agent?
- Hot glue.

You're kidding. Any of the cyanoacrylates
would do a better job.

- Won't work. The flower's porous.
- What if we infused the bottom layer...

...with silicone RTV
to provide a better mounting surface?

Intriguing.

What are your marketing
and distribution channels?

The waitresses at my work,
and this cute shop...

Hush, hush, hush. Virtually nonexistent.

I'm thinking that we set her up with a
hosted turnkey e-commerce system to start.

Eliminate the middle man.

A small server farm
with a static IP in her bedroom.

- She'll need some kind of cooling system.
- Of course.

But before we set up
a marketing infrastructure...

...we should finish optimizing
the manufacturing process.

She has a terrible problem
with moisture-induced glitter clump.

Yeah, it's a bitch.

Ah, I've seen this before.

- Where?
- It's a common stripper problem.

They dance, they sweat, they clump.

Ew.

Thinking about adding a desiccant
like calcium sulfate?

Actually, I'm thinking
about this one stripper named Vega.

But, sure, calcium sulfate could work.

Let's think out of the box for a moment.

How about a molecular sieve?

HOWARD & LEONARD:
Oh.

I've got a spaghetti strainer
in the kitchen.

Wow.

Hey, we could liberate some
microporous charcoal from the chem lab.

Oh, great.

Raj, why don't you go get the charcoal?

Leonard, start working
on some preliminary website designs.

I'll make space in our apartment so we
can move the manufacturing process.

- Well, what's wrong with my apartment?
- It's not my apartment.

Wait, wait, what am I gonna do?

Hey, it's your business.
Do whatever you want.

Oh.

Okay. Cool.

I'm gonna take a nap.

I'm still tweaking things a little bit, but this
will give the general idea of the website.

So, what do you guys think?

No, pretty much any way I say that
is gonna hurt his feelings.

Okay, what's wrong with it?

- What's wrong with it?
- Not you. I wasn't asking you.

- Penny?
- Well, it's a little juvenile.

I mean, it kind of looks like
the MySpace page of a 13-year-old girl.

No, it doesn't.

Please. Dateline could use it
to attract predators.

Penny, this is your enterprise,
so it's ultimately your decision.

But based on the quality of his work,
I'd strongly recommend...

...that we let Leonard go.

You wanna fire me?

What I want is irrelevant.
This is Penny's decision.

Penny?

Excuse me, if I did such a bad job,
then why do we already have orders?

- We do?
- Uh-huh. Look.

Mrs. Fiona Fondell from
Huntsville, Alabama has ordered two.

- No kidding. Two?
- Uh-huh. Look at the comments.

"Thank you, Penny Blossoms.
These'll be perfect to cover my bald spots."

Aw.

Yeah. That is so sweet.

Camouflaging bald spots.
That's primarily a male concern.

Perhaps we could expand our market.

How are flower barrettes
gonna appeal to men?

- We add Bluetooth.
- Oh.

- Brilliant. Men love Bluetooth.
PENNY: Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You wanna make a hair barrette
with Bluetooth?

Penny, everything is better
with Bluetooth.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Holy crap. Someone just ordered
1000 Penny Blossoms.

Get out! Who needs 1000
sparkly flower barrettes with rhinestones?

"The fifth annual East Rutherford,
New Jersey, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual...

...and Transgender Alliance Luau."

Oh, another market to expand into.
Balding gay men.

And I'll bet lesbians love Bluetooth.

We should get to work.

Wait, wait, why does it say
"one-day rush"?

Since when do we offer a one-day rush?

Amazon offers one-day rush.

Yeah, but they don't have to glue
the books together.

How are we gonna make
1000 Penny Blossoms in one day?

Don't yell at me. I'm not manufacturing.
I'm just web design.

I have to call them and cancel that order.

Excuse me, but was this not your goal?

Financial independence through
entrepreneurial brilliance and innovation?

Yeah, my brilliance and innovation,
of course, but still.

I just don't see how we can pull this off.

Okay, that, right there,
that equivocation and self-doubt...

...that is not the American spirit.

Did Davy Crockett quit at the Alamo?
Did Jim Bowie?

They didn't quit. They were massacred...

...by, like, a gazillion angry Mexicans.

All right, let me put it this way.
Your gross receipts on this one order...

...will be over $3000
for one night's work.

You guys get started.

- What are you doing?
- Going online to buy shoes.

[SINGING]
She'll be coming 'round the mountain

- When she comes
- When she comes

She'll be coming 'round the mountain
When she comes

PENNY:
When she comes

SHELDON:
She'll be coming 'round the mountain

BOTH:
She'll be coming 'round the mountain

If I wanted to spend
my Saturday nights doing this...

...I could have stayed in India.

Oh, stop with the fake third-world crap.

Your father's a gynecologist
and you had a house full of servants.

We only had four servants.
And two of them were children.

How are we doing?

We have 128 assorted Penny Blossoms
ready to ship.

God, we're never gonna finish in time.

- Hold.
RAJESH: Who made Sheldon the boss?

I believe I'm hearing some negativity
on the factory floor.

- So?
- The labor force is a living organism...

...that must be nurtured.

Any counterproductive grumbling
must be skillfully headed off...

...by management. Observe. Hey!

Less talk, more work.

- Nicely done.
- Thank you.

You hear any union talk,
you let me know.

[SINGING WHILE YAWNING]
Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah

[WHISPERING]

[SINGING]
Someone's in the kitchen I know

Ho, ho, ho

[SINGING]
Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah

Sheldon. Sheldon.

[SINGING]
'Cause I sold my soul

To the company store

- Honey, do you want some coffee?
- No, I don't drink coffee.

If you don't stay awake,
we'll never finish.

I'm sorry. Coffee is out of the question.

When I moved to California, I promised my
mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.

Leonard, help.

Sheldon, we still have 380
of these things to make.

I have faith that you will make them.
Good night.

- Leonard.
- Yeah... No.

But, Sheldon, without your insight and
leadership, this enterprise will surely fail.

You're right, of course.

Here, this will help.

Very well.

But if this leads to opiates
or hallucinogenics...

...you're gonna have to answer
to my mother.

Look at Planck's constant.
People say that's arbitrary.

That could not be less arbitrary.
If it varied even slightly...

...life as we know it would not exist. Bam!

Now, now, let's reconsider the entire
argument but with entropy reversed...

...and effect preceding cause.

So you are thinking of a universe.
It's not expanding from the center, no.

It is retreating
from a possibility space. Bam!

This is a space where we are all essentially
Alice standing in front of the Red Queen...

...and we're being offered a cracker
to quench our thirst.

Bam!

In another universe,
let's call that Universe Prime...

- ...there's another Sheldon...
- We should have let him go to bed.

Bam.

I can't believe we actually did it.

One thousand frigging Penny Blossoms.

I just want you guys to know
I am really grateful for your help...

...and for every dollar I make,
I'm gonna give you 20 cents.

That's your entire profit margin.

Oh. Then never mind.

I'll print out the shipping label.

Uh-oh.

What?

We got an email from the East Rutherford,
New Jersey, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual...

...and Transgender Alliance.

They want another 1000 Penny Blossoms.

- Really?
- One-day rush.

I really need to take that off the website.

Okay, well, guess we better get started.

You can't be serious.

But, come on. What about
the living organism of the work force...

...and the American spirit?

And Jiminy Crockett at the Alamo?

Davy Crockett.
Jiminy Crockett was a cricket.

Yes, I know that, okay? I'm tired
and I've had 18 cups of coffee.

The point is, if we all just pull together,
we can do this. Who's with me?

Penny, although you may find it hard
to believe, we do have lives.

Leonard?

Sorry.

My apologies to the gay community
of East Rutherford, New Jersey.

Zoom, zoom, zoom!

Where's the coffee?

We're all out.

No problem.

I'll be back before this banana hits
the ground.

Zoom, zoom, zoom.

[HUMMING IN UNISON
KHACHATURIAN'S "SABRE DANCE"]

Yes!

Sorry, guys, but Secret Agent
Laser Obstacle Lunch is just stupid.

[English - US - SDH]