All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory - 02x17 - The Terminator Decoupling

Okay, Raj...

...hand me the number six
Torx screwdriver.

Stop.

We can't do this. It's not right.

Sheldon, you have got two choices.

Put a bigger hard drive in the TiVo
or delete stuff before we go out of town.

But once you open the box,
you've voided the warranty.

The warranty is a sacred covenant
we've entered into with the manufacturer.

He offers to stand by his equipment.

We in return agree not to violate
the integrity of the internal hardware.

This little orange sticker is all that stands
between us and anarchy.

Okay,
then we won't touch the hard drive.

We'll just erase the first season
of Battlestar.

There. We're outlaws.

- Here you go, Leonard. Is this big enough?
- It's perfect.

For taking daffodils to your unicorn.

It's just for my notebooks.
Thanks, Penny.

I love San Francisco.
I wish I was going with you.

I understand your envy.

This is a can't-miss symposium.

There are going to be discussions
on bioorganic cellular computer devices...

...advancements
in multi-threaded task completion...

...plus a round table on the non-equilibrium
Green's Function approach...

...to the photoionization process
in atoms.

When I go, I usually just get hammered
and ride the cable cars.

This conference is a big thing.

The keynote address
is delivered by George Smoot.

Oh, my God. The George Smoot?

- You've heard of him?
- Of course I haven't.

George Smoot
is a Nobel Prize-winning physicist...

...one of the great minds of our time.

His work in black body form...

...and anisotropy of the cosmic
microwave background radiation...

...cemented our understanding
of the origin of the universe.

It's kind of a funny name though.

Smoot.

It's like talking to a chimp.

Okay, now that I've been completely
insulted, have a good flight.

- Yeah, I wish.
- We're not flying. We're taking the train.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, cool. Seven times as long as flying
and costs almost twice as much.

- Well then why are you doing it?
- Well, we had a vote.

Three voted for airplane,
Sheldon voted for train.

So we're taking the train.

Don't say it like that, Leonard.
Say it like, "We're taking the train!"

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

We're going to the Apple store
to make fun of the Genius Bar.

You wanna come?

Oh, I always enjoy that,
but I'm a little busy.

What are you doing?

I'm simplifying the task of packing
for our trip.

See, by attaching RFID tags
to my clothing...

...it will enable my laptop to read
and identify the items with this wand.

Then cross-reference them against
destination, anticipated activity spectrum...

...weather conditions,
duration of trip, etc.

Well, that does sound much simpler.

How long is this gonna take?

Assuming I can keep up this pace,
three hours 11 minutes.

Plus however long it takes to conclude
this fairly pointless conversation.

Wow.

Teasing the guys at the Apple store
seems a little redundant now.

- I don't follow.
- I wouldn't expect you to. I'll see you later.

[SCANNER BEEPS]

Socks, one pair, cotton, argyle, blue.

[SCANNER BEEPS]

Socks, one pair, cotton, argyle, blue.

What on earth are you doing?

Whatever it is,
I'm guessing we're doing it wrong.

Gentlemen, this is the Coast Starlight...

...one of the great American trains operating
on one of the classic American routes.

On this side,
you'll see panoramic ocean vistas...

...inaccessible
to any other form of transportation.

While on your side
you'll be treated to 350 miles...

...of Costcos, Jiffy Lubes and cinder block
homes with above-ground pools.

- Come on, Raj.
- What's wrong with Jiffy Lubes?

No.

- Why not?
- That's over the wheelbase.

Are you completely unfamiliar
with the suspension characteristics...

...of a pre-1980 Pullman-built
Superliner Deluxe passenger coach?

Sheldon,
we've been on this train 90 seconds...

...and you've already said
a thousand words.

Just tell us where to sit and shut up.

Here.

I'm hoping once you reap
the endorphic rewards...

...of the steady clickety-clack
of steel wheels on polished rails...

- ...your sour disposition will abate.
- Yeah, maybe.

Back in the 21st century, people are raising
tray tables and putting seat-backs upright...

...because it's time to land
in San Francisco.

It's not so bad really.
At least these trains have modern plumbing.

In India, you squat over a hole in the train
and expose your naked buttocks...

...to the chilly air of Rajasthan.

He is referring, of course, to third class...

...on Indian Railways' magnificent
Ranakpur Express...

...and its 1200-kilometer journey
from Maharashtra to the Bikaner Junction.

Oh, look.
Now he's boring on an international scale.

Holy crap, look.

- Is that who I think it is?
- It can't be.

What would Summer Glau
be doing riding the train?

Maybe John Connor's aboard and she's
protecting him from an evil Terminator.

Unlikely.
That's a television show, Leonard.

Thank you.

If Skynet did exist in the future, a perfect
way to infiltrate and destroy mankind...

...would be to send Terminators back
as actors...

...who have played Terminators
in films and television...

...lulling us into a false sense
of security, i.e.:

"That's Summer Glau
from The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

No, Summer, don't kill me!
I'm pro-robot."

[GROANING]

At least he's off the train crap.

[TRAIN STARTING]

SHELDON:
Wheeee.

Sheldon, I owe you an apology.

Taking the train was a stroke of brilliance.
I've actually got a shot at a Terminator.

Please. When it comes to Terminators...

...you've got a better shot of scoring
with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

You're overlooking something.

I have 11 hours with her
in a confined space.

Unless she's willing to jump off
a moving train...

...tuck and roll down the side of a hill,
she will eventually succumb...

...to the acquired taste
that is Howard Wolowitz.

My money's on tuck and roll.

I'm confused.

I thought you were involved in some sort of
socially intimate pairing with Leslie Winkle.

- Let me explain to you how this works.
- All right.

- That's Summer Glau.
- Yes?

That's it.

Hang on a sec.

- Why do you get first crack at her?
- Uh, well, let's see. Couple reasons.

One, I saw her first.

No, you didn't. I did.

Fair enough. But then let me move on
to number two.

Unlike you, I can actually talk to women
when I'm sober.

You fail to take into account
that even mute, I am foreign and exotic...

...while you, on the other hand,
are frail and pasty.

Well, you know the old saying.

Pasty and frail, never fail.

Excuse me, but what about me?

Why don't I get a shot?

Fine, go ahead, take a shot.

I've already got a gorgeous blonde
back home I can't score with.

I think I'll let you two take this one.

Sheldon, is there a place on this train
to get alcohol?

Interesting that you ask.

The Coast Starlight recently added
the refurbished Pacific Parlour Car.

Built in 1956 and originally known as
the Santa Fe Lounge Car, the lower level...

- Which way?
- Upper level is a bar...

...that offers wine tastings
if you're going as far as Portland.

Aren't you gonna go talk to her?

I will.
I'm just working on my opening line.

She's probably heard every possible line,
Howard.

Why don't you try, "Hello?"

No, no, no.
That always creeps girls out.

I need to come up with something that's
funny, smart and delicately suggests...

...that my sexual endowment
is disproportionate to my physical stature.

You're gonna need more than 11 hours.

Oh no.

- What's the matter?
- I forgot my flash drive.

- So?
- So we have to go back.

Okay, Sheldon, I'm gonna say, "Why?"

And your answer cannot be
"Because I forgot my flash drive."

You don't understand.

My flash drive has my paper
on astrophysical probes...

...of M-theory effects
in the early universe...

...I was gonna give to George Smoot
at the conference.

Why do you have to give your paper
to George Smoot?

It's brilliant. He needs to read it.

So you'll send him an email
when we get back.

Then I won't get to see
his face light up as he reads it.

- Right. Of course.
- Oh, this is an unmitigated disaster.

Well, there's nothing you can do about it,
so relax.

Sit back, enjoy the clickety-clack
of the steel wheels on the polished rails.

[SINGING] You forgot your flash drive
You forgot your flash drive

You forgot your flash drive
You forgot your flash drive

You forgot your flash drive

Only 10 hours, 55 minutes to go.

You forgot your flash drive
You forgot your flash drive

It's hot in here. Must be Summer.

So, where you gals headed?

Okay, I've found the perfect solution.

We get off the train at the next stop
in Oxnard.

We then take the 1: 13 train
back to Union Station.

We take a cab back,
get my flash drive...

...and race to San Luis Obispo, assuming
the lights are with us, minimal traffic...

...we'll meet the train.

- I've got a better idea.
- Are you going to be sarcastic?

Boy, you take all the fun out of it for me.

But, look, Penny's home.

Why don't we call her, have her get
your flash drive and e-mail you the paper?

But the flash drive
is in a locked drawer in my desk.

- So?
- The key is hidden in my room.

- So?
- Penny'd have to go into my room.

- So?
- People don't go in my room.

I see. Well, it seems once again...

...you're caught
between a rock and a crazy place.

Oh, I hate when that happens.

It's hot in here. Must be Summer.
It's hot in here. Must be summer.

It's hot in here. Must be Summer.

- That's cute.
- Really? I just made it up.

Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire?

Oh yeah, I loved it.

It's loosely based on my life.

We're putting the play on for one night
in this little 99-seat theater.

Can you come? Oh, great.

Do you know 98 other people
that might wanna come?

Oh, hang on. Hello?

Listen. I'm about to give you
a set of instructions...

...which you must follow to the letter.

Just a sec.

Theater's above a bowling alley
so it's a little noisy...

...but it might be the only chance
I'll ever get to play Anne Frank.

And the director is brilliant.

He uses the bowling sounds
as, like, Nazi artillery.

Okay, great, I'll see you then.

- Hello?
SHELDON: Okay, step four.

Do you see that small plastic case
on my dresser?

Your dresser? Who is this?

It's Sheldon.

PENNY: Oh, hey, Sheldon.
How's San Francisco?

I'm not in San Francisco. I'm on a tra...
Were you even listening to me?

- No, I was talking to my friend. What's up?
- What's up? I'll tell you what's up.

I'm in a crisis situation...

...I need you to marshal your powers
of concentration, limited as they may be...

Give me the phone.

Hi, Penny, it's Leonard.

Hey, Leonard, what's going on
with Dr. Wackadoodle?

He's calling to ask you a favor.
You might be confused...

...because he didn't use the words "Penny,"
"Sheldon," "please" or "favor."

Okay. Enough chitchat.

Okay, step one: Locate your emergency key
to our apartment.

Step two: Enter our apartment.
Step three...

Enter my bedroom.

SHELDON: Step four...
- Yeah, hang on, getting another call.

No!

Let me tell you something. Personal
robots cannot get here soon enough.

And that bright little star
peeking her head out early today...

...that's Venus.

That is so cool.

You know a lot about space.

Come on. When you were on TV in Firefly,
you were actually in space.

You're not one of those guys
who believe that?

You mean one of the hopeless geeks?
No.

Those are crazy people.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Howard, be a dear
and get me another one of these.

Now him, he's one of those geeks.

All right, now before you enter
my bedroom unescorted...

...I need you to understand
that this one time grant of access...

...does not create a permanent easement.

Easement.

It's a legal right of access. Good grief.

What? No, don't put me on hold. I...
Oh...

HOWARD:
Do you believe him?

Normally around women,
he has the personality of a boiled potato.

Put one beer in him,
and he's M. Knight Charmalarmalon.

Is that what he's drinking?
It's not even real beer.

- What?
- Look at it.

Non-alcoholic beer.

- Then what's going on?
- I don't know.

Some sort of placebo effect, I guess.

Placebo, you say.

Interesting.

Yes, I'm still here.
Where am I going? I'm on a train.

Now, what you'll be looking for
is a small wooden box...

...located between a Hoberman Sphere
and a sample of quartz flecked with pyrite.

Hoberman Sphere.

It's a collapsible icosidodecahedron.

No, the thing with the time on it
is my alarm clock. My God.

Actually, in India,
the names of constellations are different.

Where you have the Big Dipper,
we have the Big Curry Pot.

You're making that up.

You got me.

Now, what are you going to do with me?

- Raj. Look.
- Yes?

- What am I looking at?
- You tell me.

Non-alcoholic beer.

Hi. I'm the small package
good things come in.

Okay, I got a box, but there's no key
in here. Just letters.

That's the wrong box. Put it back.

Oh, Sheldon, are these letters
from your grandmother?

Don't read those letters.

Oh, look, she calls you Moon Pie.
That is so cute.

[SHRIEKING]
Put down the letters!

Hey, Penny. It's Leonard.

Hey, Leonard. How's the train ride?

Delightful. I don't know
what you're doing right now...

...but there are little bubbles forming
in the corner of Sheldon's mouth.

Okay. Yeah, I kind of crossed a line.
Put him back on.

Thank you.

- I'm back.
- What up, Moon Pie?

No one calls me Moon Pie but Meemaw.

Hey, Penny. Leonard again.

So anyway, in the dream, you and I
were ice skating, just the two of us.

And then I picked you up
by your ankles...

...and twirled you round and round
until your legs tore off.

I mean, I tried to stick them back on,
but before I could...

...you turned into a giant loaf
of pumpernickel bread.

What do you think that means?

I really don't know.

I'll give you a little clue.

My favorite sandwich?
Salami on pumpernickel.

Is that so?

Did you know the word pumpernickel comes
from the German words pumper and knickel.

Which loosely translates to fart goblin?

No. I didn't.

Okay, I found the box. Now what?

You're holding a Japanese puzzle box,
which takes 10 precise moves to open.

Okay, first locate the
panel with the diamond pattern...

...and slide the center portion
1 millimeter to the left.

Then, on the opposite end of the box...

...slide the entire panel
down 2 millimeters.

You'll hear a slight click.

Hang on. Sheldon, do you have
any emotional attachment to this box?

No. It's a novelty I ordered off the Internet.
Did you hear the click?

Not yet.

There it is.

Okay, here's another one.

If you married the famous rock guitarist
Johnny Winter...

...you'd be Summer Winter.

- Uh-huh.
- Yep.

Okay, I'm gonna just go for broke here
and say I like you.

Yeah?

So here's my question:

Do you see any conversational path that
would take us from where we are now...

...to a place where I could ask you out
and you'd say yes?

No.

Fair enough. I'll leave you in peace.

Thank you.

But before I go...

...would you mind if I just take one picture
of us together for my Facebook page?

Sure.

Okay. Great.

Can I take one
where it looks like we're making out?

Okay, now you're going to insert
the flash drive into the USB port.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

She calls me Moon Pie
because I'm nummy-nummy...

...and she could just eat me up.

Now please put the flash drive
in the USB port.

The one that looks like
a little duck's mouth.

- Hey, how'd it go?
- Terminator broke my phone.

Excuse me.

Okay, I'll be honest with you.

I've spent the last two hours imagining
various scenarios in my head...

...trying to come up with some line
to say to you...

...but then I finally realized
you're a human being, I'm a human being.

I could just say...

CONDUCTOR [ON PA]:
Next stop, Santa Barbara.

I'm sorry. This is me.

"Hi, my name's Leonard."

So I'm thinking you won the Nobel Prize,
what, three years ago...

...so you must deal with a whole lot
of "What has Smoot done lately?"

My thought is we continue my research
as a team, you know...

...Cooper-Smoot, alphabetical...

...and when we win the Nobel Prize,
you'll be back on top.

With all due respect, Dr. Cooper,
are you on crack?

Fine. Smoot-Cooper.

Wow, what a diva.

[English - US - SDH]