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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,356 Wow. 2 00:00:59,592 --> 00:01:01,389 Five inches taller. 3 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,557 I could be on the Lakers team. 4 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,700 There. 5 00:01:16,576 --> 00:01:18,874 Five inches taller. 6 00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:20,879 Could have been a movie star. 7 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:25,017 My darling, if I were king... 8 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,584 I would give you my throne, darling. 9 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,124 Or another movie star, a tall one. 10 00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,622 Listen, Scarlett, I don't give a damn. 11 00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:44,733 Say, Pop, I can't find the thing. I was upstairs and looking for... 12 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:52,044 Wait a minute. Am I shrinking, or are you getting taller? 13 00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:57,305 High-heeled Italian boots? 14 00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:59,317 So what. Everybody's wearing them. 15 00:01:59,385 --> 00:02:00,443 At 65? 16 00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:04,188 No, at 4.95 at Kinney's on the highway. 17 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,861 How'd you get them so cheap? 18 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,658 Truck ran over 'em. 19 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:16,001 Man, would you look at them heels? 20 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:19,163 You're gonna be walking downhill all night. 21 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:21,707 See, these boots ain't made for walkin'. 22 00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:24,072 They made for standing along side of. 23 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:29,241 At least that's what the ad said: "Now you can be taller than she is. " 24 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,749 I don't believe you, Pop. You're ridiculous. 25 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:35,310 You're going to all this trouble 'cause the barracuda's coming to dinner. 26 00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:39,320 Listen, don't call Donna that. Now you be nice to her at dinner. 27 00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:42,793 And speaking of dinner, how much did you pay for that rump roast? 28 00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:46,161 - Five seventy-five. So what. - Nothing but the best, huh? 29 00:02:46,232 --> 00:02:49,963 Well, it lasts all week. The Galloping Gourmet show yesterday... 30 00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:52,800 was called How To Stretch Your Rump Roast. 31 00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:57,070 So, that's what I'm gonna do, stretch my rump roast. 32 00:02:57,143 --> 00:02:59,373 First, let me fix this. 33 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:08,285 Hey, Pop, you know you look ridiculous in them shoes. 34 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:12,620 You're tilting forward. You're liable to fall right on your rump roast. 35 00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:17,255 That ain't funny. Let me get over here. 36 00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,465 Oh, wow. 37 00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:26,835 Help me get out of these things so I can finish cooking dinner. 38 00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:30,467 Say, Pop, how come you're doing all the cooking tonight? 39 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:34,206 Because Donna's working hard. And stop asking so many questions. 40 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,180 Bring that wheelchair over here. 41 00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:39,743 What's this old thing doing in here? 42 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,883 Oh, Donna's bringing one of her patients for dinner tonight. 43 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,721 A patient? What's she bringing a patient over here for? 44 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,727 Well, he's supposed to be with his son-in-law... 45 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,956 but he's out of town, so Donna's looking after him. 46 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,157 You know she's a practical nurse. 47 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:58,097 That's all we need is a sick old man over here for dinner. 48 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,969 Whatever you do, Pop, don't give him no rice pudding. 49 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,702 I can't stand when them old men get rice pudding on their chin. 50 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,539 It looks nasty. 51 00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:12,182 Well, we won't have to worry about that. 52 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:16,245 We'll just put him in the wheelchair and give him a lamb chop bone to gnaw on. 53 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,216 - Where do you want this chair? - Over by the table. 54 00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:23,387 Oh, no. I don't wanna look at that old man when I eat. 55 00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:26,261 Well, put it back there by that folding screen... 56 00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:28,562 and then when he dozes off, we can hide him. 57 00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:34,239 Boy, Pop, I see that barracuda's got you wound around her little finger. 58 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:36,901 Listen, Lamont. You call Donna a barracuda again... 59 00:04:36,976 --> 00:04:41,379 and I'll take this Italian boot and cave in your pasta fazule. 60 00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:44,109 There's your fianc�e now. 61 00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:46,481 You try to be nice to her tonight, you hear? 62 00:04:46,552 --> 00:04:48,782 Just for a change try to be nice to her. 63 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:55,819 - Donna. - Good evening, Fred. 64 00:04:57,597 --> 00:04:59,827 - Good evening, Lamont. - Hello. How are you? 65 00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,302 Mr. Wilcox will be in in a minute. 66 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,463 Maybe the old-timer's having trouble getting out of the car. 67 00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:07,938 I'll give him a hand. 68 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,074 Good evening. Good evening. Good evening. 69 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,079 Be of good cheer, Osgood is here. 70 00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:26,315 Mr. Wilcox, may I present my fianc� Fred Sanford and his son Lamont. 71 00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:28,724 - How do you do? - Lamont, Fred, Osgood Wilcox. 72 00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:29,921 How do you do? 73 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,865 - You're in pretty good shape. - Indeed, I am. 74 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:38,427 I did 30 push-ups, 50 sit-ups and jogged 3 miles this morning before breakfast. 75 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:39,596 What did you do? 76 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:43,039 He read Dear Abby, stood up too fast and almost fainted. 77 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:49,937 I'm in good condition for a man who's had several abdominal operations... 78 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,382 because I've had this little sweetie pie to take care of me. 79 00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:55,649 Honey, why don't you go and sit down and relax? 80 00:05:55,722 --> 00:05:58,520 - All right. - Lamont will give us some drinks. 81 00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,582 Do we still have some of that good sherry left? 82 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,322 - Yeah, it's in the refrigerator. - Well, bring it out, son. 83 00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:07,355 And use them good jelly glasses. 84 00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:10,129 It's a very interesting little place you have here, Sanford. 85 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,104 - What's your game? - Keno. What's yours? 86 00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:14,161 No, no. 87 00:06:15,641 --> 00:06:17,506 I mean, what do you do? 88 00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,841 - Oh, I'm a coordinator. - You're a coordinator. 89 00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:22,437 - What do you coordinate? - Junk. 90 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:27,346 Hey, Pop, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute? 91 00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,786 That kid can't find nothing. 92 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:32,882 Donna, will you explain to him what it is I collect? 93 00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:36,486 See, I'm not just an ordinary coordinator, I'm a collector. 94 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:38,291 Oh, you're a collector. What do you collect? 95 00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:40,764 Antiques? Bric-a-brac? Objet d'art? 96 00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:43,526 That's right, junk. 97 00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:47,967 Charming fellow. Charming. 98 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,201 I told you the wine was right over here. 99 00:06:50,276 --> 00:06:53,473 I know that, Pop. I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes in private. 100 00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:54,604 About what? 101 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,171 What was it you said that dude out there was, her patient? 102 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,842 - That's right. - Uh-huh. 103 00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,715 - What does that mean? - That means he's her patient... 104 00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,153 like Richard Burton is Elizabeth Taylor's patient. 105 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:06,055 Oh. What are you talking about? She's his nurse. 106 00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,820 Maybe that's the way it started. 107 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:11,159 I'm telling you, Pop, that dude out there is her boyfriend. 108 00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:14,757 Donna and I are engaged. Why would she bring a boyfriend here for? 109 00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:18,099 Get the bidding started. Get two guys competing against each other. 110 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,100 You've been watching too much Peyton Place. 111 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:23,472 - Get the wine. Come on. - I ain't gonna say another word. 112 00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,238 - I hope you don't. - I'm gonna mind my business. 113 00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:28,337 - Please do. - I ain't gonna say nothing. 114 00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:30,673 Yeah, I'm sorry we was too late. 115 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:33,742 Had to go down to the basement and get the refreshments. 116 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,682 White wine. Nothing like white wine. 117 00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:40,692 White wine should be drunk young. 118 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,694 Yeah, I was drunk when I was young. 119 00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:51,897 Oh, it's sherry. Nothing like a good sherry. Harvey's? 120 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,404 No, Thrifty's. 121 00:07:57,643 --> 00:08:00,407 Say listen, Wilcox, you don't have to stir it. 122 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:05,349 No, no, no, Fred. Mr. Wilcox is testing it for aroma and taste. 123 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,751 - He's quite a wine expert. - Oh, like my cousin T.J. 124 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,789 Oh, is your cousin a connoisseur? 125 00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,654 No, he's a wino. 126 00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:24,502 Well, it has an interesting aroma. Nice and fruity. 127 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:29,304 Fruity? Lamont, did you wash the jelly out of these glasses? 128 00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:32,071 I washed these glasses, Pop. 129 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:35,346 Well, it's pretty good for a domestic sherry. 130 00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:37,644 But one finds the best sherry in Spain. 131 00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,742 Yeah, but Thrifty's is closer. 132 00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:48,358 The last time I had some real good sherry was with E.W. Webster... 133 00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:50,725 the president of Westlander Insurance Company. 134 00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:53,390 Yeah, well, the last time I had some real good sherry... 135 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,764 was with one-eyed Jimmy Bivens. 136 00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:59,396 He's a big man in the pool hall... in the billiard industry. 137 00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:03,473 This reminds me of a very nice little raspberry cordial... 138 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,670 they serve at the Murietta Hot Springs. 139 00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:08,805 Tell me, Sanford, you go there for the baths? 140 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,906 No, I go upstairs for the baths. 141 00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:16,583 See, I got hot and cold running water... 142 00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:20,285 and a rubber plug and a plastic brush for my back. 143 00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:23,954 Donna, you're gonna enjoy that tub once we get settled. 144 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,225 I'm sure I will. 145 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,928 Fours years ago when I broke my hip, Donna used to give me my bath. 146 00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:32,368 Oh, really? 147 00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:36,132 She gave you a bath? 148 00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:39,974 It's normal procedure when the patient is incapacitated. 149 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:44,072 Is that what you were, incapacitated? 150 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:47,916 Indeed, I was, and I enjoyed every minute of it. 151 00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,487 Excuse me. Pop, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute? 152 00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:55,584 - Check out the rump roast. - Would you like me to do that? 153 00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,629 You just stay here and look after your patient. 154 00:09:57,697 --> 00:10:00,757 Excuse me. You know, you gotta keep your eye on the rump roast. 155 00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:03,028 Can't let it stay there too long without looking at it. 156 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:08,498 'Cause you gotta keep your eye on it. 157 00:10:08,574 --> 00:10:11,008 Well, now do you see what I'm talking about? 158 00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:14,205 Oh, what are you... You heard him say he had a busted hip... 159 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,646 an operation on his stomach and he ain't got no hair. 160 00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:18,616 Now what could he possibly do? 161 00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:21,244 I wouldn't know that, Pop. Why don't you ask Donna? 162 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,618 You watch your mouth. 163 00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:27,682 Pop, don't you see what's happening? You're bait. She's using you to get him. 164 00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:31,691 What woman would want him after seeing him in the bathtub? 165 00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:36,723 I'm not gonna stand around here and watch that woman make a fool out of you. 166 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,293 I trust her. She's wearing my engagement ring. 167 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:42,136 Oh, big deal. You gave her a ring. 168 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,699 I'll bet you he gave her that watch she's wearing 169 00:10:44,777 --> 00:10:46,404 - Bet. - Bet. How much? 170 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,776 - Six-pack. - It's a deal. 171 00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:49,508 - How we gonna find out? - I'm gonna ask her. 172 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:52,608 Wait a minute. Don't you ask her. 173 00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:55,654 See, you'll hurt your feelings. I'll ask her. 174 00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:58,485 You can't just run right in and ask something like that. 175 00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:01,117 You gotta lead up to it. I know how to do it. 176 00:11:01,193 --> 00:11:03,661 Leave it to me. Come on. 177 00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:08,063 Yeah, we're gonna have a fine dinner tonight. 178 00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,829 There's no kidding about that. 179 00:11:09,902 --> 00:11:13,235 - The rump roast is fine. - Good. 180 00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:15,273 Donna, where'd you get that watch? 181 00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,340 I gave it to her. 182 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,437 It's a good-looking watch. I bet it cost a lot of money. 183 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,744 Actually, there's another gift I'd like to give her. 184 00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:25,340 Oh, really? And what is that? 185 00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:28,148 I'd like to take her on a trip to the Grand Canyon. 186 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:31,587 Three glorious days and nights at the Hiawatha Lodge. 187 00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:36,185 - Stop it. - When I'm calling you 188 00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:41,455 Donna, come on, honey. Let's me and you check the rump roast. 189 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,900 Of course, but didn't you just check it with Lamont? 190 00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:46,870 Yeah, but this time I want a medical opinion. 191 00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:59,410 Wait a minute, Donna. I didn't bring you in here to check the rump roast. 192 00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:02,079 - That was just an excuse. - What is it, Fred? 193 00:12:02,154 --> 00:12:06,284 You ain't going down to the Grand Canyon with Osgood, are you? 194 00:12:06,358 --> 00:12:10,158 Why, Fred, I do believe you're jealous. 195 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:13,426 I'm not jealous. I just don't want you running to the Grand Canyon with him. 196 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:15,364 Let him go down in that hole by himself. 197 00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:21,238 Fred, dear, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. 198 00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:26,277 When are you gonna learn how to knock? 199 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,279 I just wanted to know when dinner would be ready. 200 00:12:28,347 --> 00:12:31,441 Why don't you both go and visit with Mr. Wilcox and let me serve dinner? 201 00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:36,181 No, you're a guest here. You go in, sit down and relax. Go on. 202 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,280 - Are you sure? - I'm sure. 203 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,517 Oh, no. 204 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,965 Hey, come here, lover. 205 00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:58,370 Listen, I'm up to my hips in rump roast. I ain't got no time... 206 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:00,639 You should see this. Come over here. 207 00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,647 Oh, what are you talking about? 208 00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:05,744 What is it? 209 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,721 Look at that. They're out there dipping and everything. 210 00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:15,654 Oh, that ain't nothing. They ain't doing nothing but dancing. 211 00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:19,186 Uh-huh. All I know is that he's the dude with the dame... 212 00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:21,256 and you're the chump with the rump. 213 00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:35,379 - Now what are they doing? - They dipping and everything. 214 00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,878 - How do you like them string beans? - I love the string beans. 215 00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:46,322 They're very good for you. They're full of calcium and iron. 216 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:49,919 Not these string beans. They full of fatback and bacon grease. 217 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:56,063 You really enjoy cooking, don't you, Fred? 218 00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:57,898 I love it, Donna. 219 00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,370 I'm gonna fix you some surprise meals once we get settled. 220 00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:02,737 - You'll never have to cook. - Oh, I like that. 221 00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:07,472 Say, excuse. What are you gonna do about getting a new nurse, Mr. Wilcox? 222 00:14:07,546 --> 00:14:09,343 - How's that? - Well, you just heard... 223 00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,144 pretty soon Pop and Donna will be married. 224 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:14,812 - You'll need a new nurse. - What? Donna will never leave me. 225 00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:17,287 We can talk about this some other time. 226 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,018 You're not going to continue to work after you marry Pop, are you? 227 00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:22,322 - She sure ain't. - Now, Fred dear... 228 00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:24,521 we can discuss it later, okay? 229 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:28,158 I hate marriage myself. Don't believe in it. 230 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,361 Tried it three times. Know what I hate about it? 231 00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,996 All the talking. Talk, talk, talk. 232 00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:36,268 I love talking to Donna. 233 00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,810 Donna is different. I like talking to Donna myself. 234 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,176 Especially when she's massaging my toes. 235 00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:49,448 She did your toes? 236 00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:54,682 Yes, Fred. When Mr. Wilcox was confined to a wheelchair. 237 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:58,389 Well, she did my toes too, and I wasn't in no wheelchair. 238 00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:00,989 I was in the front seat of her new Volkswagen. 239 00:15:03,202 --> 00:15:06,262 Did she ever do your neck till it cracked? 240 00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:09,330 Yeah, she did my neck till it cracked. 241 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:12,172 And the difference is with you, the cracking was medical. 242 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,804 With me, the cracking was love. 243 00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:19,748 Excuse me. 244 00:15:19,818 --> 00:15:23,083 Why don't we all have some dessert? I'll be happy to get it. 245 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,655 - Did you see that? - Did I see what? 246 00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:31,059 - How she took my hand. - She took mine too. 247 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:34,156 Yeah, but she squeezed mine. She took your pulse. 248 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:40,235 You're gonna hate to lose Donna after she marries Pop, huh, Mr. Wilcox? 249 00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:43,036 - They're not married yet. - You think we won't be? 250 00:15:43,108 --> 00:15:45,099 I don't know why a sweet young thing like Donna... 251 00:15:45,177 --> 00:15:47,168 should go off and marry a man twice her age. 252 00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,771 Twice her age? Are you kidding? You know how old I am? 253 00:15:49,848 --> 00:15:51,873 - Seventy-five. - Fifty-nine. 254 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,045 - Sixty-five. - Stay out of it. 255 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,884 At least I'm in good shape. I don't need no nurse looking after me. 256 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,949 Neither do I need a nurse. Donna is my companion. 257 00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:03,620 She started out as my nurse, but now she's my companion. 258 00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,790 We go to dinner together. We go to the movies together. 259 00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:10,096 - And dance together. - That's right. We dance together. 260 00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:13,229 I saw y'all dancing. Looked like she was holding you up. 261 00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:18,370 Looked like she was carrying a tree stump. 262 00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:21,902 - What are you talking about? - About that she's your companion. 263 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,915 She's your nurse. That's what she is. 264 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,349 And you know why? Because you're sick. 265 00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:28,909 Sick, am I? 266 00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,721 He's having a fit. 267 00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:02,352 Hey, that's terrific, Mr. Wilcox. 268 00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:04,651 What's so terrific about lighting a cigarette? 269 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:10,518 - Let me see you do it. - I'm not gonna lay down on that floor. 270 00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:12,928 Just because you know you cannot do it. 271 00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:15,489 No, because I know what's been on that rug. 272 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:22,406 I hate to admit it, Pop, but Mr. Wilcox has got a stronger arm than you have. 273 00:17:22,474 --> 00:17:25,637 Who? Come over here. 274 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:29,579 - Move some of that stuff back. - What are you gonna do? 275 00:17:29,648 --> 00:17:32,344 I'm gonna see how good he is at arm wrestling. 276 00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:35,444 - Come on, muscles. Sit down. - All right. 277 00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:37,785 Now, I'm gonna tell you this in front. 278 00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:41,587 That snap, crackle and pop you'll be hearing, won't be no cereal. 279 00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:44,629 It'll be your arm. 280 00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:46,687 - Now ready? - Ready. 281 00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:48,198 Wait a minute. 282 00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:53,499 I wasn't ready, and you cheated. 283 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,369 - Let's try it again. - All right. 284 00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:58,706 I know what I can do. This arm used to lift steel. 285 00:17:58,777 --> 00:18:01,871 And iron. Cast-iron bricks. 286 00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:04,177 I'd lift a Ford and change my tire. 287 00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:07,776 This is an arm here. You can... You lousy... 288 00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:09,821 Pop! 289 00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:12,322 There now, are you satisfied? 290 00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:14,052 I got arthritis. 291 00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:21,392 - Well, at least you have something. - What does that mean? 292 00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:24,129 That means that in assessing your qualifications... 293 00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:27,366 as a suitable mate for Donna, you've been found wanting. 294 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:29,168 Would you like me to translate? 295 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:31,675 Would you like one across your lip? 296 00:18:33,011 --> 00:18:35,673 Pop, Mr. Wilcox is a guest in our house. 297 00:18:35,747 --> 00:18:38,147 I don't mind giving a guest one cross his lip. 298 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:42,153 Now I think it only fair to warn you that I'm quite skilled at karate. 299 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,782 This nigger's crazy. 300 00:19:00,038 --> 00:19:02,973 These hands are registered as lethal weapons. 301 00:19:03,041 --> 00:19:04,975 Mr. Sanford, I'm a black belt. 302 00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:06,635 I can see that. 303 00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:13,207 All right. Now you've been duly warned. 304 00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:15,515 I will not take responsibility for what might happen. 305 00:19:15,587 --> 00:19:18,750 Are you kidding? I'll left hook you to death. 306 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:23,458 No, stay out of it. I used to spar with Jim Jeffries... 307 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:25,190 JackJohnson, Harry Wills. 308 00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:27,198 Did you ever hear ofJess Willard? 309 00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:29,063 I'm the one who softened him up for Dempsey. 310 00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:32,365 - Tommyrot. - I fought him too. 311 00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:36,100 Philadelphia. December 6, 1928. Knockout in six rounds. 312 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,736 I will not waste my time any further in this ridiculous discussion. 313 00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:42,006 - I'm leaving. Donna! - Put 'em up! 314 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,310 Put 'em up! Come on, put 'em up! 315 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:45,975 - Donna! - You'd better call Donna. 316 00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:48,918 You're gonna need a nurse and a doctor when I get through with you. Come on. 317 00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:52,218 - No, get outta the way! - Donna! 318 00:19:52,291 --> 00:19:55,055 - Fred, what are you doing? - Put 'em up! 319 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:56,856 - Pop! - Put 'em up! 320 00:19:56,929 --> 00:20:01,798 Come, Donna. I try not to lose my temper in the face of absurdity. 321 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,732 All right! 322 00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:05,770 I'm ashamed of you! Are you all right? 323 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:07,771 - Put 'em up! - I'm just fine. Put 'em up. 324 00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:10,205 Come on, I'll knock you out. Put 'em up! 325 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,440 He wouldn't put 'em up. 326 00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:21,984 If he'd had put 'em up, I'd have shown him my famous bolo. 327 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,386 Wow! 328 00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:27,118 I hate the thought of killing a man over a woman. 329 00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:30,355 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate to make you feel bad, Pop... 330 00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,363 but didn't you notice something a little strange? 331 00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:34,421 What? 332 00:20:34,499 --> 00:20:36,433 She ran out and immediately took his side. 333 00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:38,435 She didn't even ask you what the fight was about. 334 00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:40,497 That's right. 335 00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,472 All she said was that she's ashamed of you. 336 00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:44,907 - That what she said? - That's exactly what she said. 337 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:48,674 Why you, Fred Sanford, a decent, hard-working businessman. 338 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,942 An honorable, law-abiding citizen. 339 00:20:51,016 --> 00:20:52,950 A devoted and loving father. 340 00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:56,715 She said she was ashamed of you. Who does she think she is? 341 00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:58,983 Yeah, who does she think she is? 342 00:20:59,057 --> 00:21:00,354 Yeah. 343 00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:04,122 I don't know who she thinks she is, but I know what she is. 344 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,187 - A barracuda. - Right. 345 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:13,697 Fred Sanford, do you mind telling me what that was all about? 346 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:16,138 What that ridiculous spectacle was all about? 347 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:19,439 - Listen, I wanna tell you something... - And I wanna tell you something. 348 00:21:19,511 --> 00:21:22,605 I think your behavior this evening was childish and inexcusable. 349 00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:25,616 The very idea of fighting a man like Mr. Wilcox. 350 00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:28,278 You didn't even ask to see what we was fighting about. 351 00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:30,446 All you said was you was ashamed of me. Lamont told me. 352 00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:32,752 I didn't have to know what you were fighting about. 353 00:21:32,824 --> 00:21:35,349 I only know that Mr. Wilcox is a very sick man. 354 00:21:35,427 --> 00:21:37,452 I know he doesn't look it. He doesn't even know it. 355 00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:40,293 But he's had a series of operations and he's not well. 356 00:21:40,365 --> 00:21:43,698 He's my patient, and he's my responsibility. 357 00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:47,205 And, Lamont, this entire thing might not have happened if not for you. 358 00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:49,172 You encouraged it! 359 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,175 If neither one of you can tell the difference... 360 00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:54,804 between a patient and a fianc�, there's nothing more I have to say... 361 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,472 except good night. 362 00:21:57,749 --> 00:22:00,149 And good-bye. 363 00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:06,916 Hey, Pop, she didn't even let you... 364 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:09,119 Hey, Pop. Pop! 365 00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:11,128 She didn't even give you a chance to say nothing. 366 00:22:11,196 --> 00:22:13,130 Wasn't there something you wanted to say? 367 00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:15,632 - Yeah, put 'em up. - What? 368 00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:34,512 I hope I didn't wake you, but I felt it was important. 369 00:22:34,586 --> 00:22:37,077 No, I was in the kitchen fixing some hot chocolate. 370 00:22:37,155 --> 00:22:39,589 - Would you like some? Sit down. - No, thank you. 371 00:22:39,658 --> 00:22:41,956 I've just come to return this. 372 00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:44,120 - Your engagement ring? - Yes, Fred. 373 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:49,293 Don't do that, Donna. I only got 27 more payments to make on it. 374 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,529 I'm sorry, Fred, but after what happened here tonight... 375 00:22:51,603 --> 00:22:54,003 I don't think you and I can make a go of it. 376 00:22:54,072 --> 00:22:58,031 I'm sorry about that, Donna. I was gonna tell you, but you ran away. 377 00:22:58,110 --> 00:23:01,011 Now you know I love you. The only reason I was gonna fight Osgood... 378 00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:02,944 is because I was jealous of him. 379 00:23:03,014 --> 00:23:05,414 And because I got a dummy for a son. 380 00:23:06,351 --> 00:23:09,445 - Do you really mean that? - Of course I mean it. 381 00:23:09,521 --> 00:23:13,082 Well, then why don't you say it? 382 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:16,251 Okay. 383 00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:18,262 I got a dummy for a son. 384 00:23:21,299 --> 00:23:25,861 No, I mean the part about your loving me. 385 00:23:25,937 --> 00:23:28,167 I love you, Donna. 386 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,175 Here. Put the ring back on, and forget about tonight. 387 00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:35,043 - Okay. - You mind kissing me in my robe... 388 00:23:35,113 --> 00:23:37,047 or you want me to change clothes? 389 00:23:38,550 --> 00:23:40,518 No, it's all right. 390 00:23:42,788 --> 00:23:44,517 Come over here and sit down, honey. 391 00:23:45,690 --> 00:23:50,150 This is the way they do in those musicals when you make up. 392 00:23:50,228 --> 00:23:53,129 I saw one last night on television and he said... 393 00:23:53,198 --> 00:23:56,099 Do I love you 394 00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:58,728 Oh, my, do I 395 00:23:58,804 --> 00:24:02,570 Honey, indeed, I do 396 00:24:02,641 --> 00:24:07,908 Do I need you Oh, my, do I 397 00:24:07,979 --> 00:24:11,073 Honey, indeed, I do 398 00:24:11,149 --> 00:24:16,212 I'm glad that I'm the one who found you 399 00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:20,323 That's why I'm always 400 00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:23,725 Hanging around you 401 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:25,854 Do I love you 402 00:24:36,908 --> 00:24:41,208 Sanford And Son is recorded on tape before a live studio audience. 33594

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