Original subtitles

[Jessica] Tonight on Murder, She Wrote.

Was there some problem with the wine?

I wouldn't know the difference between a brut and a sangria.

Are you seriously suggesting that someone is trying to kill your niece?

They call it, "the jinxed

ship".

At this moment I have motive for killing you.

I want to show you my hoochie-coochie.

That's the one thing I've been dying to see.

What are you talking about?

Murder, most foul.

[cheerful orchestral music]

[ominous music]

[heart beating]

[heart beating rapidly]

[Inaudible speech]

Johnny!

It's all right now, Pamela. I'm here.

Easy now. It's all right.

Lie down, dear. Lie down.

It's a dream, that's all.

Just a dream.

Dr. McGill, I assure you.

I wouldn't be releasing your daughter

if I didn't think it best.

Frankly, doctor, this is one of those

rare occasions when I wished I'd studied

psychiatry not surgery.

I think you've handled Pamela's situation beautifully.

Losing a husband to suicide can be a wrenching trauma.

Your support has been invaluable.

But is she really well?

I'm not sure.

But to keep her confined any longer might be a mistake.

It could lead to a permanent dependency on this institution.

No, I think this cruise is just what she needs.

Two weeks of sun, fresh air,

and the companionship of this favorite aunt?

My sister, Jessica.

From Pamela's description, she sounds like a perfect tonic.

[laughs]

Well, I'll promise you this.

She won't let Pam curl up in her cabin and hide.

Dad!

[Dr. McGill] Hi, honey! How's my girl?

[Pamela] Just fine.

-[Dr. McGill] You look beautiful. -Thanks.

-They take good care of you? -Yeah.

Hmm. Smell that clean air, darling.

Think of it: two straight weeks of solid breathing.

You know, George. Right now I'm almost glad you talked me into this.

So am I.

Listen, will you take care of the luggage? I'm just going to call the office.

Oh, now, Andrea.

There may be an emergency. This one last call, that's it.

Hold it right there. Pam, Pam, you're squinting.

Just lift your head, just a little.

Oh, I'm getting lockjaw. Take the picture, Marshall.

All right, here we go. Bang. [shutter snaps]

That was a beauty.

Dad, I hope you don't freeze over your patients like that.

It's a wonder any of them survive.

[chuckles] I'd love to have one

of the three of us.

Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

Uh, would you mind taking a picture of us?

Well, I'd be delighted, but I'm a dreadful photographer.

-Thank you. -What do I do?

Uh, well, there's nothing to it.

You just aim and, uh, push this button right here.

Okay.

Thank you.

All right, ladies. Lots of teeth.

Which button?

The one on the top.

Ready?

Okay. Now, just hold still.

One second.

[camera clicks]

[laughing]

Well, that was nice.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

My pleasure.

Uh, this is for you.

Oh.

Dad, your good camera.

Remember, I want lots of pictures of the two of you.

And they've got developing facilities on board,

and I've got some extra film in your bag.

Okay.

All right?

I'm gonna miss the two of you.

I wish I were coming.

Marshall, your patients come first.

Besides, this trip is for us ladies only.

[Jessica] Doctor's orders.

Yeah. Have a good time, sis.

[chuckles]

Take care of my little girl.

Bye, honey.

Bye, dad.

[panicked] It's oh, it's leaving!

-Oh, no! My God, we have missed it. -We didn't miss it, now get the bags.

[foghorn] You go... Hold it! Wait a minute!

-I lost the tickets. -You haven't lost the tickets.

I've got the tickets right here. Pay the driver, we'll settle up later.

I knew we shouldn't have done this at the last minute.

[screaming] Wait!

I'll feel much better after I get my hair done.

You've just had your hair done.

That was yesterday!

[both screaming] Wait!

I gonna to put this roll of film in for developing.

Yes, I'm going to the purser's office

to cash some traveler's checks.

I'll meet you in the cabin later.

Okay, right, that's "A" deck, number 22, is it?

Yeah, I think it's, uh, up there.

Oh.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Oh, no, it was my fault. I wasn't looking.

-Are you all right? -Yes, fine.

Well, then, uh, okay.

I'm very sorry.

Schoolteacher. Got to be.

You know, if I didn't love you so much,

I'd resent that remark.

[laughs] I'll see you later.

Mrs. Fletcher I was so delighted to learn that you would be joining us this trip.

I just hope I haven't inconvenienced you too much.

Pardon?

Well, I'm sure that my publisher used his influence

to get us aboard this cruise at the last minute.

Really hate that sort of thing, you know.

Cutting to the front of the line.

Well, please don't worry yourself.

I'm sure that your publisher's influence had nothing to do with it.

As a matter of fact, we're only 90 per cent booked.

Really?

Well, this old ship's just been refurbished.

We're a shake down cruise. We were only added to the schedule a month ago.

As a matter of fact,

we were taking on last minute passengers all the way up to yesterday.

Well, I feel so much better.

Well, we're all set.

Cash in the purse, postcards for the relatives,

and cookies for a midnight snack.

Sounds great.

[sighs]

What is it, Pammy, darling?

What's the matter?

Oh, I'm sorry, aunt Jess.

I started reading Johnny's letter again.

It's the one he left when he...

I'm not sure you should've brought that with you.

Oh, no, I keep it with me always.

It's all I have left.

Oh, aunt Jess, why did I fail him?

Pam, it wasn't your fault.

Johnny had financial problems.

I know.

But he never told me.

Oh, he was so secretive.

For some reason, he was afraid for me to share his life.

Some men find it difficult

to open up about personal matters.

Even the fact that he was adopted.

Really? I never knew that.

Neither did I until four months after the wedding.

His real mother was an unwed teenager.

She gave him up adoption.

He was so ashamed.

I don't know why.

It was typical of the way he kept things bottled inside.

Oh, Pammy, you can't blame yourself.

But I do.

Don't you see? I was his wife.

We were supposed to be a team,

like you and uncle Frank.

It should've been perfect, and it wasn't.

Oh, now, just a moment.

What is all this nonsense about perfection in a marriage?

[chuckles] That is absurd.

Yeah, but you and uncle Frank, you were...

Well, we were very happy, but we--we had our problems

just like anyone else.

You see, the truth is that you can be married to someone

and think you know them intimately.

And then... [chuckles]

Well, it's hard enough to know yourself,

let alone another person.

I want you to read Johnny's letter.

Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't.

No. Aunt Jess, please.

I've never shared it with anyone else.

[knock at door]

Who in the world can that be?

Buon giorno, Signora Crane.

Uh, I'm Mrs. Crane.

Ah.

[Italian accent] I am Ramon.

It would be my pleasure to serve you and your charming sister

during your voyage.

Oh, uh, that's very nice. [chuckles]

Do you wish me to open it?

No, no, no, thank you.

Uh, perhaps there's some other way I may serve you.

Uh, maybe later.

Of course, later.

Until then, eh?

Ha. I'll flip you for him.

Heads, I lose. Tails, you win.

[laughs]

No, he's all yours, aunt Jess.

Pam, what is it?

"Bon voyage, Pepper. Have a lovely trip."

"Pepper"?

It was a pet name Johnny had for me.

No one else ever called me that.

-Now, ladies, Good Evening. -Hi.

Miss Carroll and Miss Raymond.

Ah yes, table 31.

Listen, I don't know what the table number is but...

there's an Oklahoma cattle king over there.

Ah, yes.

-[whispering] You are embarrassing. -Listen!

Maybe you wanna get stuck with one of those stewards for two weeks. Not me.

I did not come here, for the sea breeze.

Table number 20 for the ladies.

Wait.

There's someone over there I want you to meet.

You table hopping already, George?

Mm-hmm.

Excuse me.

J.B. Fletcher, I believe.

Yes.

George Reed, a devoted fan of your considerable talent.

How very kind, Mr. Reed.

My wife, Andrea.

We've met. Hello again.

Oh, of course, the picture at dockside.

My niece, Pamela.

Delighted.

-Hello. -Hello.

Darling, Mrs. Fletcher is quite a well-known author

of mystery novels.

Oh, how wonderful.

George does all the reading in the family.

I'm too busy.

Would you like to join us?

Oh, no, no.

We don't want to disturb.

I'm sure we'll see more of each other over the next few days.

Oh, I'm sure we will.

-Bye. -Bye.

They seem very nice. Maybe we should've insisted.

Well, if you're anxious to have extra company,

what about, um...

Oh, aunt Jess.

Oh, it's so terrible to eat alone.

Now, don't you go trying to fix me up on this cruise.

Why, Pamela, dear, the thought never entered my mind.

Oh, right.

Well, shall we look at the menu?

Okay.

Oh, God.

Oh, this is insane.

What is it?

Tonight's special:

"Chicken breast stuffed with chopped walnuts, mushrooms,

and covered with mustard sauce."

Mmm.

This is it. Sounds delicious.

It was Johnny's favorite meal.

It was my recipe, aunt Jess.

I made it up.

Pamela!

Something wrong, madam?

Yes, this--this--this entree special,

whose idea was that?

Why, no one's. This must be someone's idea of a joke.

This item is not on our menu.

My niece received anonymous champagne.

Is there any way to find out who sent it?

Well, if it was waiting in your cabin when you boarded,

then I'm afraid it was handled by our port people.

No. It was delivered after we were underway.

Oh, well, in that event,

it was ordered by someone already aboard ship.

Let me check for you.

Was there some problem with the wine?

No.

At least, I don't think so.

We hadn't opened it yet.

Oh, yes, here we are.

Whoever ordered it, enclosed cash with a note,

and it's not signed.

May I see that?

Certainly.

I'm going to keep this.

[whispering] Pepper.

[whispering] Pepper.

Doggies! Oh, I just love doggies.

When I was a little girl, I had a cocker spaniel.

Cute little thing.

I think you misunderstand, ma'am.

Dogies are unbranded calves.

Oh, right, calves. [giggles]

Cute little baby cows, huh?

Yes, ma'am.

Do you know, even if you only lose a couple of hundred

of those little critters a year,

that's still a lot of steaks and chops

by the time you get to slaughter.

Right.

Uh, excuse me.

Did you happen to see a young woman pass this way?

It's my niece. She's very pretty, blonde.

I remember. From the dining room.

-That's right. -Mm-hmm.

Golly, I'm sorry. I haven't.

[woman screaming]

[screams]

Miss, are you all right?

She's alive. Someone get the ship's doctor.

That's a bad cut, but it could've been worse.

Yes, uh, now, Mrs. Crane, you say that someone pushed you?

She's already told us that, captain.

Yes, I know that, Mrs. Fletcher.

I, uh, would like to hear it again, please.

I heard a voice. It called out my name.

-Yes. "Pepper"? -Yes.

A pet name.

At least, that's what I thought I heard.

So I started up the stairs,

and when I got to the top,

I think someone grabbed me and shoved me down the staircase.

You, "think."

I mean, I'm sure.

At least, I was sure.

It happened so fast, I--

Captain, I wonder if my niece might spend the night here

in the infirmary, uh, just in case of complications.

It would be best. She lost some blood.

Yes. Very well.

I'd also like someone to be in here with her at all times.

I will arrange that. Yeah.

Then, I think that you and I should speak privately.

Yes, the handwriting appears to be identical.

Either that, or it's an expert forgery.

And the wine?

Well, it seemed all right.

But, quite honestly, I wouldn't know the difference

between a brut and a sangria.

It wouldn't hurt to have it tested.

What, poison?

Mrs. Fletcher, we don't have that sort of facility aboard.

Are you seriously suggesting

that someone is trying to kill your niece?

Well, I'll guarantee she's being terrorized.

Good Lord.

There's 680 people aboard.

Yes, but I think that we can narrow the list down

to likely suspects.

I mean, whoever is responsible

must have followed us onto this cruise.

Now, since I only made the reservation on Monday,

that's four days ago,

whoever's behind this must've booked after that date.

Yes--yes.

Let me look take a look at my records.

Amazing what computers can do nowadays.

Yes, now, here we are.

Seems to be about, uh, a dozen names.

Uh, Mrs. Fletcher, I find myself in a very awkward position.

Uh, I'm quite concerned about your niece's safety,

but I shudder to think how my passengers might react

if they thought that a potential killer

was running loose, and, uh--

but my niece is the only one in danger.

Captain, I want you to put Pamela under 24-hour protection

as long as she is on this ship.

Yes, of course.

[horn bellowing]

Oh, Mrs. Fletcher, we heard about your niece.

Is she all right?

Oh, yes.

It was more a fright than anything else.

We heard someone tried to push her overboard.

Oh, no, no, no, no. She was climbing the stairs

and slipped, that's all. She's fine, really.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.

Do give her our best, please.

Oh, thank you. I will.

[birds squawking]

Maybe I left the sanitarium too soon.

Maybe I'm still-- oh, I don't know.

You're not the least bit, "I don't know."

Someone very real is behind all this.

Then, someone did push me?

Yes.

Now, I don't want to alarm you,

but it's preferable to thinking you've lost your mind.

Have you noticed, aunt Jess?

I think we're being followed.

[chuckles] Officer Morley.

You're not serious. A bodyguard?

Relax and enjoy him.

Pam, could there be someone who, for whatever reason,

might have blamed you for Johnny's death?

I mean, for example,

what was your relationship with his adoptive parents?

They're dead.

A car crash several years ago.

Oh.

Well, wait a minute.

You said Johnny told you he was adopted,

that his mother was an unwed teenager.

Yes.

But how could he have known that?

I mean, those records

are supposed to be sealed, aren't they?

Yes, but Johnny heard from her.

From his real mother?

Yes.

A couple of months bef-- before he died

she sent him a note.

I didn't know at the time.

He told me all this much later.

She wanted to meet him. He went. She never showed up.

He never heard from her again.

But he never followed it up on his own?

Well, he thought about it.

But I think he was a little afraid of what he might learn.

So neither you nor Johnny ever met her.

You wouldn't know what her name was or what she looked like?

No, why?

Well--

Excuse me, miss, uh, Mrs. Crane.

Hello.

Yeah, I was--I was there last night when you fell,

and I was just wondering, how do you feel?

Better, thanks.

Uh, my aunt, Mrs. Fletcher.

-Russell Tompkins. -How do you do?

We're just having a constitutional.

Would you care to join us for a stroll around the decks,

Mr. Tompkins?

Oh, well, I--

Oh, of course you would. Come along.

Well, if I'm not barging in.

Oh, don't be silly.

We're delighted to have your company.

[chuckles]

Oh, dear.

I've got an appointment.

Ah, well, no matter.

Uh, you two wander along without me.

Aunt Jess.

Have a good time, children.

That's right, Marshall.

Johnny Crane was adopted.

I had no idea.

Why on earth didn't Pam--

[Jessica] Marshall, don't talk, just listen.

You must find out when it happened,

the identity of his real mother,

and most important, her current whereabouts.

Aren't those records confidential?

Well, they are, but the situation is extraordinary.

Never mind the details.

But if you and Judge Willis are still drinking buddies,

get him to help.

Yeah, I'll call him right away.

Oh, Jess, one thing.

It probably doesn't mean anything,

but Pam's house was broken into a couple of days ago.

Yeah, I checked the house this morning.

Nothing seems to be missing.

Uh, not even an old recipe file?

What?

Never mind.

Call me back if you have any news.

-All right. -Thank you.

Uh, forgive me, Mrs. Fletcher.

Uh, but this situation is becoming more and more

bizarre as it goes along.

Uh, what are you suggesting now,

that some deranged woman

is responsible for the attacks on your niece?

Well, that is one possibility.

Good Lord.

Nineteen years at sea, the last four in command--

Captain, we can still function with a minimum of fuss.

Now, if our terrorist is Johnny Crane's real mother,

the woman would be in her early 40s.

She'd also be one of the people who had booked a late passage,

which narrows the list down to three names.

Those two secretaries traveling together

and Mrs. Andrea Reed.

What?

Mrs. Reed... [chuckles]

She's a very shrewd businesswoman.

I've known her for years.

She and her husband honeymooned aboard last year on my ship.

Now, if she's insane, then I am too.

That's precisely what the Bordens said

about their daughter Lizzie.

[Captain] Oh, uh, oh, Mrs. Fletcher.

Uh, I have something you ought to know.

I believe that you have a fourth candidate

who's not on the passenger list.

Our purser, Miss Shelley,

her file lists her age at 43.

At least, that's what she's told us.

Yes?

Well, three days ago, our scheduled purser

suddenly took ill, and she volunteered to replace him.

And, as I recall, uh, she was quite insistent about it.

I take lessons twice a week but

black belt is a long way off.

My karate instructor considers me a hopeless student.

You're married, aren't you?

Why do you say that?

Oh, I don't know. You seem the type.

Halt! Signora Fletcher!

Signora!

I was bringing these to your cabin.

Signor--Signora Crane,

she put them in development yesterday.

Oh, yes. Thank you very much.

I did not see you, uh, at the dance last evening.

I was most disappointed when you did not appear.

Oh, how sweet. I was, uh, indisposed.

I hope this evening you will do me the honor of one dance.

Perhaps some more, hmm?

I will show you my hoochie-coochie.

How did you know, Ramon?

That's the one thing I've been dying to see.

Oh, buon giorno! Buon giorno, Mrs. Richardson!

How are you?

Actually, my fifth wedding anniversary is this Friday.

Or it would've been, but my wife divorced me six months ago.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I write copy for an advertising agency.

And it pays the bills, but I want to do a lot more.

I've been trying for years to write a book.

That's wonderful.

I'm glad you think so. Liza didn't.

It takes a lot of time, and, she didn't have the patience.

I mean, it's not her fault. That's the way she is.

Shortsighted and selfish.

[woman's voice over loud speaker] Passenger Pepper Crane.

Passenger Pepper Crane.

Please report to the purser's office.

Passenger Pepper Crane.

No.

Pamela, what's the matter?

No.

Pamela, what is it?

Passenger Pepper Crane,

please report to the purser's office.

Why are you doing this to me?

Excuse me?

Why are you doing this? Who's behind this sick joke?

I'm sorry, miss... eh.

Pamela Crane.

Oh, Mrs. Crane.

Well, I don't anything about a joke,

but we did receive this Telex for you.

Oh.

Close your eyes, Pam.

Try to relax.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Please believe me.

She should doze off soon.

I gave her a very strong sedative.

Now, doctor, Officer Morley is on his way,

and I want him here at all times.

No one is to come in or out,

unless there's an absolute emergency.

Yes, Sir.

Captain, I think we should have a talk

with Miss Shelley.

I volunteered for this assignment

for a very simple reason.

I needed an escape from a difficult relationship.

A love affair.

Yes.

The gentleman's name?

Is that necessary?

It is.

Geoffrey Windom.

He's an attorney. But please don't call his house.

His wife will answer.

About this Telex, did you check it out?

Yes, Sir.

The message was placed several days ago

with orders to delay transmission until this morning.

The sender remained anonymous.

[knock at door] Come in.

Yes, Ramon?

Sir, Signora Carroll and Signora Raymond

are having lunch in the dining room.

I was unable to locate Signora Reed.

She is not in her cabin.

Uh, thank you, Ramon. That's all.

Very good, Sir.

You may go too, Miss Shelley.

You understand, of course, that we'll be checking out

everything that you've told us?

I understand.

Well, uh, Mrs. Fletcher,

shall we adjourn to the ladies in the dining room?

You know, captain, you cut quite a dashing,

if somewhat imposing, figure.

[chuckles] Oh, imposing?

Well, actually, quite intimidating.

Oh, really?

You know, I was thinking

that if I approach the ladies alone,

if they did have something to hide,

this gold braid might be quite off-putting.

Oh, yes. Yes, I suppose.

Of course, if you learn something,

you will apprise me.

Oh, yes, of course.

[undistinguishable speaking]

All right, Miss Pig-out,

don't ask to borrow my bathing suit, no way.

Listen Phoebe, stuff it, will ya.

That's cute. I like that. Look who's talking.

I happen to be the victim of a very

tragic love affair.

You talking about the king of the cowboys?

He was a jerk, Carla.

He was cute!

-And he was single. -There's a very good reason for that.

-Listen, you are 44 years old. -Shh!

Forty-four!

I hate when you say that.

Nevertheless, when are you going to grow up?

The Love Boat sailed for me and thee a long time ago.

Speak for thyself, miss.

-Hello. -Hi.

Hi.

-Oh my, that looks delicious! -It is.

Mind if I join you?

-Help yourself, there's a whole tableful. -Thank you.

You're Mrs. Fletcher, right?

-Write books or something? -Right

Oh, thank you very much.

Thanks.

I don't know about you two,

but frankly, I think this cruise is the absolute pits.

Oh yeah? Gee, I don't think it's so bad.

You don't? You must be joking!

My cabin is draughty, the thermostat doesn't work.

and half the time there's no hot water.

[Jessica] The steward is very surly.

I think it's the, eh... jinx.

The jinx?

-Oh, surely you knew? -What?

They call it "the jinxed ship".

That's why the ship is half empty.

That's why we were all able to book at the last minute.

Your travel agent must have told you.

[scoffing] Travel agent!

Carla and I work for an insurance company, right?

And every year, we go someplace together.

Well, next year, we were planning six weeks in China.

And, suddenly, our company comes to us and says,

"You can't save up vacation time."

Well, we had three weeks saved.

They said, "Use it, or lose it."

But that was last week.

We had till Friday to take our vacation,

or we had to turn back three whole weeks.

Ha, we weren't about to do that.

That's why you picked this cruise?

Well, it's the only one we could get in such a hurry.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're gettin' stiffed,

but we're having a pretty good time.

Well, I'm delighted to hear that.

-Hello. -Oh, Mr. Reed.

I was just looking for you.

Oh.

-Nice meeting you. -Well, same here.

-Ladies. -Hi.

He's very cute.

Mr. Reed, it's urgent that I talk with your wife.

The name is George, and Andrea's in the cabin.

She went there about an hour ago to take a nap.

That's not so. They checked, and she wasn't there.

She has to be.

I don't know why she wouldn't answer the phone,

unless she was in the shower.

She's not that sound a sleeper.

Andrea!

Uh-uh, don't touch anything.

Please, ladies and gentlemen, would you clear the corridor?

Please, there's nothing to see.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Would you give us your cooperation?

Good Lord.

-Is she dead? -Yes, Sir.

I'd say about an hour.

Her body's already beginning to cool.

Here's the culprit. Barbiturates.

She must've taken the whole bottle.

I thought you said she wasn't here.

I--I'm sorry, Sir.

I knock. When there was no answer,

I did not think to unlock the door.

How long ago?

About an hour and a half back, Sir.

Where's her husband?

Oh, Signora Fletcher, she took him back to her cabin.

"A" deck, uh, number 22, Sir.

[knock at door]

Oh, come in, captain.

Mr. Reed, I'm--I'm dreadfully sorry.

It's--it's a terrible tragedy.

Thank you.

We found this picture clutched in her hand.

This is my niece with her late husband.

We also found those hidden away in her luggage.

They were all very similar,

and all taken with a telephoto lens.

She must've been the husband's real mother as you suspected.

Mm.

There's more in that envelope.

There's a sample of Johnny's handwriting

and also a birth certificate from the hospital.

Hmm.

Uh, Mr. Reed, I know how shocked you must be,

but is there anything you can tell me?

The authorities will want to know

exactly what happened here.

I don't know very much, captain.

Certainly, nothing about-- about this.

A couple of hours ago, we were out sunning on the deck.

I realize now, Andrea was upset.

We heard the page asking her and those other two women

to come to your office.

For no reason, she suddenly became very agitated.

Said she didn't want to talk to anyone, especially you.

"Why not?" I asked her.

She wouldn't say.

Said she was going back to the cabin to lie down.

I volunteered to go with her.

And she turned at me with this look in her eye of...

I don't know...

Hatred, maybe even madness.

"No," she said.

"You stay here.

I want nobody with me now."

And then, she walked away.

Did she say why?

Did she ever mention the name Johnny Crane

or his wife, uh, Mrs. Fletcher's niece?

[George] No, no. Nothing.

W-we've only been married a short time,

yet I thought I really knew her.

But this...

[knock at door]

Ah, Signora, excuse.

Ramon, really, we're very busy right now.

There is a phone call for you.

The captain's office, very important.

Yes.

Yes, Marshall, I understand.

And thank you.

No, no, we're--we're fine.

But I will call you from our first port of call

and fill you in.

Right.

Twenty-six years ago, my niece's late husband, John Crane,

was born to a 17-year-old high school student

named Andrea Jeffries.

Jeffries...

My wife's maiden name.

Well, then that's it then.

We'll be in port first thing tomorrow morning, Mr. Reed.

The authorities will take charge of the situation.

I'm sure that they'll ask you some routine questions.

Certainly.

Uh, you and your niece as well, I suspect, Mrs. Fletcher?

Oh, of course.

Captain, if you don't need me anymore...

Yeah, I understand, Sir.

Uh, I will have our purser, Miss Shelley,

find another cabin for you to use this evening.

That's very thoughtful. Thank you.

Excuse me.

Uh, uh, Mr. Reed.

Is there anything I can do?

No, no.

You've--you've been terribly understanding, Mr. Fletcher,

considering everything Andrea put you through.

Poor woman.

Carrying around that secret,

letting it destroy her.

Well, I suppose once they find a private detective

and confirm the details, the case will be closed.

Private detective? What are you talking about?

Well, the photos.

The person who took the photos.

I assume it was a private detective.

I'm sure you'll have no difficulty identifying him.

No, I-I'm certain Andrea took those photos herself.

She was quite an expert photographer, you know.

Now, you will excuse me.

Oh, Jess.

Dr. Carmichael told me what happened.

That poor woman.

Then there's no mistake?

She was really Johnny's natural mother?

Yes, she was.

Oh, I feel so sorry for her.

To be that unhappy to do something like that.

Unhappy? Oh, not at all, child.

Andrea Reed was a bright, hard-working woman

who made a mistake early in her life.

But she didn't deserve to be murdered.

Murdered? By who?

By her husband, Pam.

I'm just not sure how to prove it.

What you are suggesting--

what you're suggesting is--

Murder. Murder, plain and simple.

Mrs. Fletcher, now even if you were right about Mrs. Reed,

even if your accusations were true,

the situation is far from simple.

What you are asking me is to take action in my--my--my

official capacity as captain of this vessel.

Yeah, I'm asking you to detain George Reed

until the authorities at our next stop

can place him under arrest.

You are asking me to risk a multimillion-dollar lawsuit.

You have the authority, captain,

and the responsibility.

Madam, forgive me.

I have not risen from deck steward to captain

by accusing my passengers of murder.

You bring me the, uh, flimsiest of evidence,

mere speculation, really.

But I met the woman, captain.

I talked with her. She was not suicidal.

And you expect me to risk my career on your suspicion

that George Reed might have murdered his wife.

[chuckles]

As her husband, he'll inherit millions.

He had motive.

Oh, good God, woman.

At this moment, I have motive for killing you.

Well, resorting to personal invective

is no way to resolve this situation, captain.

Mrs. Fletcher, then let me be blunt.

Tomorrow, Mrs. Reed's body will be turned over

to the authorities, along with my statement

and whatever, uh, evidence that we might have.

And until such time, I have no intention

of detaining George Reed nor confronting him

nor accusing him.

And I would appreciate it now if you would leave my bridge.

Thank you.

Uh, Mr. Jarvis, continue full ahead.

[bell dinging]

To love, darling.

Love and good fortune.

Yes, fortune, particularly that.

What were the latest figures?

Thirty-seven buildings, 856 units, a 97% occupancy rate.

[knock at door] How delightful.

[from outside] George!

Uh, Georgie. [knocking continues]

Yoo-hoo.

Hello, George.

Mrs. Fletcher, what are you doing here?

I've come to look the dragon in the eye,

searching, as it were, for some sort of remorse,

some little hint of shame.

And, alas, what do I find?

Nothing but dark reflections of villainy.

What are you talking about?

Murder, George. Murder.

Most foul.

I'm sorry, but I haven't the faintest idea

of what you're up to.

Oh, of course, you don't.

Just like you didn't know what your wife was up to with Pamela.

But then it wasn't your wife who was doing it, was it, Georgie?

It was you and only you.

Don't you think you ought to go back to your cabin

and, uh, try to sleep this off?

-Excuse me, please. -No.

Don't you want to hear about my proof,

what I'm gonna tell the police tomorrow?

You know, you're gonna have to excuse me.

I've, um--I've been drinking a little.

But when I thought of that-- that poor woman, oh.

Proof?

What sort of proof?

Well, the pictures, of course.

Remember when you told me what a--what a Jim-dandy

photographer your wife was,

how she took all the pictures? [chuckles]

Well, let me tell you something, George.

Your wife didn't know a Fuji from a firecracker.

Listen, I got--I got it here. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I got 'em in here someplace.

Wait, whoops.

I got the picture, and I got the negative.

Mm-hmm, very important. The negative.

[cackles]

There. Your wife took that of us on the dock.

Nice, huh? [chuckles]

You see how your wife knew nothing

about photography, George. Zero.

[chuckles] Wait until the police see this

and you try to convince them

what a fantastic photographer

she was.

[chuckles] Mrs. Fletcher, there is a reasonable explanation.

Won't you step inside? I'll fix you a fresh drink.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Not on your life, Buster.

I'm gonna take this picture,

and I'm gonna show it to my niece.

And after that, I'm gonna show it to the captain.

And after that, you've had it.

Mrs.--

[camera shutter clicking]

Mrs. Fletcher.

But who...

Did you get the picture?

A perfect shot, aunt Jess.

And worth at least a thousand words.

Mrs. Fletcher.

Oh, good morning, captain.

Good morning.

Well, you'll be pleased to know

that George Reed has made a full admission of his guilt.

Well, I'm sure you're as pleased as I am.

Yeah.

But I'm tempted to reprimand Officer Morley

for the part he played in last night's theatrics.

Oh, don't be silly, captain.

Your last orders to Mr. Morley were to protect my niece,

and you never countermanded those orders.

I mean, he was where she was.

Which just happened to be on "B" deck,

trapping Mr. Reed into revealing himself.

[laughs]

Oh, that poor woman.

I can't help but think

if only we'd arrived at the truth sooner,

we might have been able to save her life.

No, I don't think anything could have been done.

He planned this for months.

Last year or shortly after they were married,

his wife told him of the, uh, the son she had

when she was 17.

Case of too much candor being fatal.

Oh, well, he was after her money.

Yes, of course. And divorce would not do.

Her fortune had been earned before she met him

and was not community property.

Mm-hmm.

She had to die in a way

that would make him appear blameless.

So he bribed a records clerk,

he wrote that note to Johnny Crane,

took the photos,

and was going to work his nightmarish mind game

on Johnny, Johnny himself,

but he died before he got the chance.

And then by the time he realized

that his scheme would work just as well

if he terrorized your niece,

she had already entered the sanitarium.

Mm-hmm. And remained there until just four days ago,

when she left to accompany me on this cruise.

The champagne, the delayed Telex from port, phony menu:

All carefully planned to make his wife

look like she's deranged, out to kill your niece,

and then, having failed, committed suicide.

[sighs]

Mrs. Fletcher, now, look here.

I, um, I owe you an apology.

Oh, nonsense, captain.

No, you've got a host of responsibilities to consider.

Well, nonetheless.

I should have been more open-minded.

And to make amends, I would, um--

I happen to know of a magnificent little restaurant

here in port.

And, uh, would you, uh...

Would you do me the honor of dining with me this evening?

Well, uh, that depends.

Uh, you're not planning to show me

your hoochie-coochie, are you?

Definitely not. Oh!

[both laugh]

[Cheerful orchestral music]