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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:02,536 2 00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:03,500 - ONE OF THE UPSIDES OF MY PARENTS SPLITTING UP 3 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,738 WAS I GOT TO SPEND TIME JUST ME AND DAD. 4 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:09,314 - HI. REGULAR COFFEE AND A HOT CHOCOLATE, PLEASE. 5 00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,083 - UH, TEN MARSHMALLOWS, TWO IN AND EIGHT ON THE SIDE. 6 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,383 - TWO IN AND ZERO ON THE SIDE. 7 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,154 - [chokes] 8 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:16,683 - HE'S CHOKING! - CHOKING. SOMEBODY'S CHOKING. 9 00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,787 - OH, AND MY DAD WAS BLIND 10 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,189 WHICH, I GUESS, TECHNICALLY IS CONSIDERED A HANDICAP. 11 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:22,322 - UH, D-DAD. - I'M ON IT. 12 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,786 - BUT IRONICALLY THE BLIND GUY DIDN'T SEE IT THAT WAY. 13 00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,125 - UUHH! 14 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:33,201 THANKS. - YEAH. 15 00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,104 ANYBODY NEED A BABY DELIVERED? 16 00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,836 [customers giggle, murmur] 17 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,740 - IT WASN'T ALL SUPERHERO STUFF. 18 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:39,842 - HERE YOU GO, BUD, 19 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:43,143 - THERE WERE SOME DOWNSIDES TO HAVING A BLIND DAD, 20 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,677 LIKE...FINGER JUICE. 21 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:50,353 BUT THE BIGGEST DOWNSIDE? HIS CRAZY BEDTIME STORIES. 22 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,294 FOR AS LONG AS I COULD REMEMBER... 23 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,860 - YEP, GOT THIS FREAK INFECTION AND WENT BLIND WHEN I WAS 12. 24 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:56,859 WENT TO BED 20/20. WOKE UP... 25 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,260 [pops lips] NOTHING. 26 00:00:58,292 --> 00:00:59,332 [sighs] HUH. 27 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,530 I WAS JUST A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN YOU ARE NOW. 28 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,474 ANYWAY, GET SOME SLEEP, BUDDY. 29 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,540 - ONLY ONE PART OF THE STORY EVER CHANGED. 30 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,369 - I WAS JUST THREE YEARS OLDER THAN YOU. 31 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:14,235 I WAS JUST TWO YEARS OLDER THAN YOU. 32 00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:15,875 I WAS JUST A YEAR OLDER THAN YOU. 33 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,749 ANYWAY, GET SOME SLEEP, BUDDY. 34 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,378 - LOOKING BACK, IT WAS COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL. 35 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,284 BUT I WAS TERRIFIED OF MY 12TH BIRTHDAY. 36 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,546 YOU KNOW THAT NIGHTMARE 37 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,324 ABOUT SHOWING UP TO SCHOOL IN YOUR UNDERWEAR? 38 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:28,263 I WOULD'VE KILLED FOR THAT ONE. 39 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:29,889 - * LET'S TELL THE WORLD 40 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,233 * ALL THE THINGS WE'VE DONE 41 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,230 * PLACES WE'VE BEEN 42 00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:36,262 * IN THE SETTING SUN 43 00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:40,497 * I'VE GOT A SONG AND A SMILE SO BRIGHT * 44 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:44,274 * I'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE HERE TONIGHT * 45 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:48,405 * I'LL MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE HERE TONIGHT * 46 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,754 - WITH MY BIRTHDAY JUST DAYS AWAY, 47 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:56,720 I WAS GIVING MYSELF EYE TESTS ROUGHLY EVERY CHANCE I GOT. 48 00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,149 - WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE? 49 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:04,328 - OH! UM, JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF I HAVE X-RAY VISION. 50 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:05,428 SOMETIMES I THINK I MIGHT. 51 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,159 - OH, BUG, TRY AND GET THAT ALL OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM, 52 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:10,296 OR THEY'RE GONNA DESTROY YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL. 53 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,271 - I DIDN'T WANNA TELL MY FAMILY WHAT WAS WORRYING ME, 54 00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,770 BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I KNEW IT WAS RIDICULOUS... 55 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,312 SLASH DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY HAPPENING. 56 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,168 - OKAY, BE BRUTALLY HONEST. 57 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,607 DO I LOOK LIKE I'M TRYING TOO HARD, 58 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:21,941 NOT TRYING AT ALL? 59 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,175 LIKE, WHERE DO I FALL ON THE TRYING SPECTRUM? 60 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,382 - YOU'RE VERY TRYING. 61 00:02:25,413 --> 00:02:27,253 WAIT, IS THAT MY SCARF? 62 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,681 AND MY PERFUME? 63 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:31,846 MOM, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BORROWING MY STUFF? 64 00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,715 - WE HAVE SO MANY GREAT TALKS, HON. 65 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,324 I DON'T REMEMBER. 66 00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,686 LOOK, I'M GONNA BE ON CAMPUS TODAY, 67 00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,764 BUYING MY TEXTBOOKS, AND I WANNA LOOK NICE. 68 00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:40,762 - MOM WAS GETTING HER DEGREE IN FAMILY THERAPY 69 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,264 WHICH, GIVEN OUR FAMILY, 70 00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:44,326 SHOULD'VE EARNED HER A MINOR IN IRONY. 71 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:45,625 - BYE, BIRTHDAY BOY. 72 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,396 - IT'S NOT MY BIRTHDAY YET, MOM. 73 00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,695 THREE DAYS. TECHNICALLY I'M STILL 11. 74 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:51,667 - AND YOU'RE MORE LIKE DAD EVERY DAY. 75 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,865 - ANY OTHER DAY I WOULD'VE TAKEN THAT AS A COMPLIMENT, 76 00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,507 BUT TODAY I DID NOT. 77 00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:56,943 AND THAT'S WHY I SAID... 78 00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,707 - WELL, YOU'RE MORE LIKE MOM EVERY DAY. 79 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,347 - SINCE I WAS SURE I WAS GOING BLIND, 80 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,853 RUNYEN AND I CAME UP WITH A LIST 81 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,454 OF ALL THINGS I NEEDED TO SEE BEFORE IT HAPPENED. 82 00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:08,357 MONA LISA, YOU GOTTA SEE THAT. 83 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,189 NIAGARA FALLS, BREATHTAKING. 84 00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:15,262 HOLD THE PHONE. 85 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,326 - I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO SEE BEFORE YOU GO BLIND. 86 00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:21,395 BOOBS! NAKED BOOBS. 87 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,335 - YEAH. 88 00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,872 - MEL? 89 00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:28,406 IT'S PRINCIPAL SLOAN FROM HENRY'S SCHOOL. 90 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,252 WELL, NOW IT'S PRINCIPAL SLOAN FROM ACROSS THE HALL. 91 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,449 - YEAH, I HEARD A RUMOR YOU WERE MOVING IN. 92 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:36,481 THAT SHOULD TRAUMATIZE HENRY NICELY. 93 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,947 WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 94 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,385 [Elvis growling] OH--SORRY. 95 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,460 ELVIS, NO, NO. - THAT'S OKAY. 96 00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:44,459 HE PROBABLY JUST SMELLS MY EX-WIFE'S APRICOT BODY SPLASH. 97 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,432 OR THE SALT FROM MY TEARS. [laughs] 98 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,030 - HA. - NO, IT'S GOOD. 99 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,701 IT'S GOOD. IT'S A FRESH START. 100 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,970 - OKAY, WELL, I'D HELP YOU LUG BOXES, BUT-- 101 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,369 - OH, NO, NO, NO. OF COURSE. 102 00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,841 - YEAH, AH. I GET OUTTA ALL KINDS OF STUFF. 103 00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:59,269 AIRPORT RUNS, CHARADES. 104 00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:03,537 ALL IN ALL, BEING BLIND IS A...PRETTY SWEET DEAL. 105 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,977 - WENDY AND I USED TO PLAY CHARADES. 106 00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:07,012 [door closes] 107 00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:11,287 [Elvis whimpers] 108 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:13,749 - WHOA, ELVIS, YOUR SNOOT IS OUT OF CONTROL TODAY, BUDDY. 109 00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,287 WHAT DO YOU GOT? 110 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,823 NO, LEAVE KATIE'S STUFF ALONE. 111 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:18,987 NO. LEAVE IT! 112 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:21,026 DID SHE LEAVE FOOD IN HER BAG AGAIN? 113 00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:24,001 HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO GIVE THE ANT SPEECH? 114 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:27,741 WHAT'S THIS? 115 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,968 [sniffs] 116 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:33,644 I'M GONNA NEED A NEW SPEECH. 117 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,844 - WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A FAMILY THERAPIST 118 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,746 TO KNOW WHAT'S UPSETTING HENRY. 119 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,408 HE'S OBVIOUSLY ANXIOUS THAT WITH THE DIVORCE 120 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,578 HIS BIRTHDAY IS GOING TO GET LOST IN THE SHUFFLE. 121 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,746 - WHICH IS WHY HE'S GONNA LOVE THE SURPRISE PARTY. 122 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,415 - [sighs] MAYBE WE SHOULD TELL HIM. 123 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,794 SHOULD TELL HIM? LET'S TELL HIM. 124 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,091 HENRY! - OR... 125 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,632 WE COULD NOT TELL HIM ABOUT THE SURPRISE PARTY 126 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,689 AND HAVE IT BE A SURPRISE PARTY. 127 00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:56,497 - REMIND ME TO STAND LIKE THIS NEXT TIME I WEAR THAT OUTFIT. 128 00:04:56,530 --> 00:05:00,800 IT'S REALLY EFFECTIVE. 129 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,444 [door opens] 130 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:03,900 - HI. 131 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:05,037 - HOW ARE YOU? 132 00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:06,772 - WHAT? 133 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,107 - ELVIS FOUND SOMETHING IN YOUR BAG. 134 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,711 - OH, SHOOT. - UH-HUH. 135 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:12,083 - LOOK, THAT ENERGY BAR WAS WRAPPED IN FOIL. 136 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,422 THERE'S NO WAY THE ANTS WERE AFTER THAT. 137 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,078 IF YOU'RE STILL FINDING ANTS IT'S 'CAUSE OF HENRY. 138 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:19,986 THAT KID KEEPS CHOCOLATE IN EVERY POCKET. 139 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,020 WHAT IS THAT? 140 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,726 THAT'S NOT MINE. 141 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,688 - THEN WHY WAS IT IN YOUR PURSE? 142 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,827 [cash register dings] - THAT'LL BE 158.52. 143 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:32,132 - OH, SHOOT! I DON'T HAVE MY WALLET. 144 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,995 I BORROWED MY DAUGHTER'S PURSE YESTERDAY. 145 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,004 [gasps] SHOOT! 146 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,136 - SO, WHAT, THE JOINT JUST FLEW INTO YOUR BAG 147 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,711 ALL BY ITSELF? 148 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,380 WHOA, MAN! 149 00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:45,109 THIS BAG LOOKS LIKE A MELLOW PLACE TO HANG OUT, MAN. 150 00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,415 - WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE? - OH, I'M SORRY! 151 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:48,518 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT DRUGS. 152 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,419 HOW DO THEY TALK? - I DON'T KNOW EITHER. 153 00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,251 IT'S NOT MINE. - KATIE, 154 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,694 YOU ARE TALKING TO A TRIAL ATTORNEY 155 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:57,091 WITH 30 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE DEALING WITH EVASIVE DEFENDANTS. 156 00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:00,494 - I AM NOT A DEFENDANT! [sighs] 157 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:01,798 - KATHERINE! 158 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,699 - WHAT? ARE YOU GONNA THROW YOUR GAVEL AT ME? 159 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:06,001 - I DON'T HAVE A... 160 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:13,937 . 161 00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:14,984 - SO MOM USED MY KEY TO SNEAK INTO DAD'S APARTMENT 162 00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:17,954 TO LOOK FOR HER POT, 163 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,908 WHICH SHE HAD LEFT IN KATIE'S BAG. 164 00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,092 - KATIE? 165 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,466 KATIE, IS THAT YOU? 166 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,700 KATIE, I CAN SMELL YOUR PERFUME. 167 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:46,574 - ACTUALLY, MEL, IT'S ME. - OH. 168 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:47,537 - HI. - HI. 169 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,205 - YEAH, I JUST BROUGHT A BOX OF STUFF OVER 170 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,142 FOR HENRY'S SURPRISE PARTY TO STASH HERE. 171 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,448 NOT STASH, UH, STORE. STORE...HERE. 172 00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:56,852 - YOU KNOW WHAT, ACTUALLY, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 173 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,994 WILL YOU... HAVE A SEAT, PLEASE? 174 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,659 WE REALLY NEED TO TALK. [sighs] 175 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,819 - MOM KNEW WHAT SHE HAD TO DO-- 176 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,957 HER CLASSIC SPEAK 'N' SNEAK. 177 00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,563 - OKAY, WHAT'S UP? 178 00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:09,095 - WELL, EVEN THOUGH WE ARE DIVORCED, 179 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,759 WE STILL NEED TO BE A UNITED FRONT 180 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:13,828 WHEN IT COMES TO THE KIDS, RIGHT? 181 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,937 - YES, OF COURSE. 182 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:18,509 - OKAY. 183 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:21,239 AH, BOY, THERE'S JUST NO EASY WAY TO TELL YOU THIS. 184 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,514 - WHAT IS IT, MEL? 185 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,154 - WELL... 186 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,748 OUR DAUGHTER IS ON DRUGS. 187 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,250 - WHAT? - OOH! 188 00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:30,221 JOYCE, COME ON! YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE IT 189 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,650 WHEN YOU SPEAK 'N' SNEAK. 190 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,117 - DUDE, I'M TELLING YOU, WE GO BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE, 191 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,956 WE SEE KATIE IN THE SHOWER, AND-- 192 00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,731 - MY SISTER IS NOT THE REFERENCE POINT I'M LOOKING FOR, 193 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,630 SO STOP ASKING. - [sighs] 194 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:42,832 - THIS IS PERFECT. 195 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,533 I HEARD MY MOM TALKING ABOUT HOW MRS. GLEBE BREAST-FEEDS 196 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,226 EVERY MORNING BEFORE WORK. 197 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,867 BREAST-FEED! IT'S RIGHT IN THE NAME. 198 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,914 OH, MY GOD, THERE SHE IS. - WHOA. 199 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,883 MRS. GLEBE'S BEAUTIFUL. 200 00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:01,521 - OH, MY GOD. - BE COOL, BE COOL, BE COOL. 201 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,949 [breast pump whirring] 202 00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,624 - UHH... 203 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,763 - [gasps] ABORT, ABORT! 204 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,218 - WHAT WAS THAT MACHINE DOING TO HER? 205 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,956 - NOW I WISH I WAS BLIND! 206 00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,761 - MAYBE IT'S NOT HERS, MEL. 207 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:15,233 MAYBE IT'S SOME OTHER KINDHEARTED PERSON 208 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,802 WHO JUST WANTED TO TRY IT ONCE 209 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,700 AND THEN STUPIDLY, STUPIDLY LEFT IT IN KATIE'S BAG. 210 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,173 - NO, IT'S HERS. 211 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:23,171 SHE RAN RIGHT OUTTA HERE. GUILTY! 212 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,843 - OKAY, LET'S NOT BE SO QUICK TO JUDGE. 213 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,872 - WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE A LITTLE QUICKER TO JUDGE. 214 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,077 I MEAN, WHAT IS GOING ON OVER THERE, JOYCE? 215 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,578 I'M BARELY OUTTA THE HOUSE AND OUR DAUGHTER IS ON DRUGS! 216 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,711 - SHE'S NOT ON DRUGS, MEL. - JOYCE, WAKE UP AND SMELL 217 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:33,876 THE MARIJU-- - OKAY, IT'S MY POT, OKAY? 218 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,154 MINE. YES, MINE. NOT KATIE'S. 219 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:39,753 YEAH... WHAT DO YOU GOT TO SAY NOW? 220 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,757 - WELL, THAT'S NOT A LOT BETTER! 221 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,759 JOYCE, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THIS EXPERIMENTAL PHASE, 222 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:46,631 AND YOU'RE DOING THE KALE CHIPS AND THE MEDITATION APP, 223 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,130 BUT THERE IS A LINE! GOOD LORD! 224 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,301 WHAT ARE YOU, RUNNING A DRUG DEN OVER THERE? 225 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,200 - I'VE ONLY HAD THE JOINT A DAY, ALL RIGHT? 226 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,772 I HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED IT YET. 227 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,041 A PHILOSOPHY MAJOR THAT I MET AT ORIENTATION 228 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,238 GAVE IT TO ME WHEN I COMPLIMENTED HER UKULELE. 229 00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:00,240 - OH. WELL, AT LEAST YOU GOT IT FROM SOME GIRL WITH NO FUTURE. 230 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,983 - [groans] 231 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,739 YOU'RE SO UPTIGHT! 232 00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:05,877 OKAY. [laughs] 233 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,583 YOU KNOW WHAT, MEL? 234 00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,745 I HONESTLY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. 235 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,283 WHEN WE WERE MARRIED, MAYBE. 236 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,818 BUT NOW THAT WE'RE GETTING DIVORCED, 237 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,593 UH-HUH, OKAY? 238 00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:15,922 I'VE ALWAYS KINDA WANTED TO TRY POT. 239 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,886 I'VE WANTED TO DO A LOT OF NEW THINGS-- 240 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,255 MAYBE GO VEGAN, LEARN TO PLAY THE DRUMS. 241 00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,233 BUT I NEVER EVEN MENTIONED ANY OF THOSE THINGS 242 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,002 BECAUSE I KNEW THIS IS HOW YOU WOULD REACT. 243 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:26,271 - WELL, THEN I DID MY JOB. YOU'RE WELCOME. 244 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,269 - THIS...IS WHAT PUSHED ME AWAY, MEL. 245 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,171 AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, IF YOU DON'T EASE UP, 246 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,873 YOU'RE GONNA PUSH KATIE AWAY TOO. 247 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,737 SO IF YOU'LL KINDLY HAND OVER MY DOOBIE, 248 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:37,076 I WILL BE ON MY WAY. 249 00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:39,010 - NOPE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 250 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,176 [Elvis whimpers] 251 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:51,155 - AH, IN A DRAWER WITH THE POT HOLDERS! 252 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,891 NICE TOUCH, MEL! 253 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,196 - THAT'S A COINCIDENCE. 254 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:58,768 I WOULD NEVER TRIVIALIZE DRUGS WITH A HUMOROUS... 255 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,099 HIDING PLACE. 256 00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,173 THANKS AGAIN FOR HELPING ME 257 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,712 TAKE THESE PARTY THINGS BACK OVER TO JOYCE'S HOUSE. 258 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,638 - OH, NO PROBLEMO. - HELLO? 259 00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:09,144 - * KATIE, IT'S YOUR FATHER * 260 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,676 - HEY, GUYS, I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 261 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,752 IT'S THIS BOY I MET FROM CAMP. HE'S SO OBSESSED WITH ME. 262 00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:15,721 [laughs] 263 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:16,979 WHAT? 264 00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,887 - WELL, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A LITTLE TALK 265 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,920 ABOUT OUR... OUR MISCOMMUNICATION EARLIER. 266 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,086 - YOU MEAN HOW YOU FALSELY ACCUSED ME OF DOING DRUGS? 267 00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,825 - WELL, YEAH, I GUESS THAT WAS THE GIST OF IT. 268 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,232 KATIE, I'M REALLY SORRY. 269 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,903 - SORRY FOR NOT BELIEVING ME? SORRY FOR YELLING? 270 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:35,243 SORRY FOR YOUR GENERAL STICK UP YOUR ASS... 271 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:36,398 ISHNESS? 272 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,266 - IT'S, UH, SORT OF A BLANKET APOLOGY. 273 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,135 - YOU KNOW WHAT, DAD? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. 274 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:43,213 I'M IN A METH LAB, AND IT'S REALLY LOUD! 275 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,353 - STICK UP MY ASS? 276 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:46,748 I DON'T HAVE A STICK UP MY A-- 277 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:48,180 IF I HAD A STICK UP MY ASS, 278 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,015 I WOULD'VE CALLED HER OUT FOR USING THE WORD "ASS." 279 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,890 female GPS voice: RIGHT ON COLORADO. 280 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,419 - I'M NOT UPTIGHT. ARE YOU TURNING ON COLORADO? 281 00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,193 I THINK WE SHOULD STAY ON APPLE GROVE. 282 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,692 - YES, THE BLIND GUY CORRECTING THE GPS LADY 283 00:10:57,725 --> 00:10:58,955 IS NOT AT ALL UPTIGHT. 284 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,992 - I MEAN, YOU'RE A PRINCIPAL. YOUR WHOLE GIG IS BY-THE-BOOK. 285 00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:02,258 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. 286 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,325 - YES, I'M A MAN OF LAW. 287 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,934 I RESPECT ORDER AND I FOLLOW THE RULES. 288 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,267 BUT I'VE ALSO SMOKED POT. 289 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,541 - REALLY? - YEP. 290 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,469 I GOTTA STAY CURRENT WITH WHAT'S GOING ON IN MY STUDENTS' LIVES. 291 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,305 VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES, TWILIGHT BOOKS, 292 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,312 YOGURT IN TUBES, 293 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,984 EVEN THE WACKY TOBACKY, IF THEY'RE INTO THAT. 294 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:21,212 SEE, I GOTTA TRY IT SO I KNOW WHERE THEY'RE COMING FROM 295 00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,918 WITHOUT OVERREACTING. 296 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,020 OTHERWISE I RISK ALIENATING THEM AND... 297 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:27,792 THEN I'VE LOST THEM FOREVER. 298 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,761 LIKE IN TWILIGHT WHEN JACOB LOST BELLA. 299 00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,996 - YEAH, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. 300 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:38,998 I DO NEED TO SAMPLE STUFF OUTSIDE MY OWN COMFORT ZONE 301 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,802 SO I DON'T LOSE THEM. - MEL FISHER... 302 00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:45,165 NEIGHBOR, DARE I SAY "FRIEND"... 303 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:46,865 YOU ARE SO G-D BRAVE. 304 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,937 - YOU'RE NOT GONNA HUG ME, ARE YOU? 305 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,076 - NO, I WAS NOT. 306 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,081 - SO...DO YOU HAVE ANY POT? 307 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:56,424 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU SAY IT. CAN YOU HOOK ME UP? 308 00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,819 - I DON'T HAVE A GUY ANYMORE 309 00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,791 SINCE THEY CLOSED THAT BLOCKBUSTER. 310 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,790 [Elvis whimpers] 311 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,792 - UH, YOU KNOW WHAT? NEVER MIND, I THINK I'M GOOD. 312 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,194 THANK YOU FOR HELPING OUT, 313 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,985 AND, UH, ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR DAY OFF. 314 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,727 - OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU UP TO FOR DINNER? 315 00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,434 [Elvis whines] 316 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:15,795 - YEAH. GOOD BOY! 317 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,036 [sniffs] 318 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,840 YOU FIND DRUGS BETTER THAN THE REAL ELVIS. 319 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,011 POT. 320 00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:25,153 POT. 321 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,948 I'M GONNA BE A PERSON WHO SMOKES POT. 322 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:31,821 ELVIS, MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO UPWIND. 323 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,252 I DON'T WANT YOU INHALING ANY SECONDHAND DRUG SMOKE. 324 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,887 GO, BUDDY! 325 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,294 [sighs] 326 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:45,831 [lighter clicking] 327 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,937 [police radio chatter] 328 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,910 - WHAT? NO, I'M NOT. WHA--WHO'S THIS? 329 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:53,810 - GIVE US A SEC. 330 00:12:59,479 --> 00:12:59,879 . 331 00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:00,883 - I YOU DON'T HAVE A PRESCRIPTION, WE'RE GONNA HAVE 332 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,084 TO WRITE YOU A CITATION FOR POSSESSION. 333 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,846 - MAKES SENSE. WE HAVE LAWS. 334 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,245 THEY EXIST FOR A REASON. 335 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,389 - SORRY. [sighs] 336 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:13,063 WE DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YOU WERE, UH... 337 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,533 NON-SIGHTED. 338 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:16,501 - YEAH. UM, I THINK WE'RE GOOD HERE. 339 00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,569 TAKE CARE NOW, SIR. 340 00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,028 - WHA-WHA-WHAT ABOUT MY CITATION? 341 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:21,527 - OH, IT'S FORGOTTEN, SIR. 342 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:24,138 - HEY, DON'T CALL ME SIR JUST 'CAUSE I'M BLIND. 343 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,541 - WE'RE NOT. 344 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,842 WE'RE CALLING YOU SIR 'CAUSE YOU'RE LIKE...50. 345 00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,505 - I DON'T WANT SPECIAL TREATMENT. 346 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,382 THIS IS AMERICA, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. 347 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,851 YOU SHOULD BE ARRESTING ME! 348 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,821 - OKAY. LOOSEN UP, SIR. 349 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:40,094 - COPS TELLING PEOPLE TO LOOSEN UP. 350 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,860 THIS COUNTRY'S GOING DOWN THE TUBES. 351 00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:44,559 - I DON'T KNOW IF I FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING THIS. 352 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,861 - OH, YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE? 353 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:49,404 BUDDY, YOU GOT LESS THAN 24 HOURS TILL YOUR BIRTHDAY, 354 00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:50,399 THEN IT'S LIGHTS OUT. 355 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,000 A GIRLS' HIGH SCHOOL LOCKER ROOM IS ALL WE GOT, 356 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,903 SO YOU GET COMFORTABLE. 357 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,611 - EVERYTHING'S BIGGER IN HIGH SCHOOL. 358 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,240 - YEAH. 359 00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:04,275 IF WE GOT STUFFED IN THESE LOCKERS, 360 00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:06,381 IT WOULDN'T BE THAT BAD. 361 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,053 [school bell rings, laughter] 362 00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:09,881 QUICK! 363 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:15,889 CLEAR YOUR MIND AND PREPARE FOR YOUR REFERENCE POINT. 364 00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:18,363 'CAUSE HERE THEY COME! 365 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:21,591 [overlapping chatter, laughter] 366 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:24,528 - WAIT. WHAT ARE GUYS DOING IN HERE? 367 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:27,574 WHAT GOES ON IN HIGH SCHOOL? 368 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,340 - WRONG LOCKER ROOM! ABORT, ABORT! 369 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,911 - EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN HIGH SCHOOL. 370 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:37,813 - IS THIS A CRY FOR ATTENTION? 371 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:42,284 LIKE, DO YOU NEED MORE STRUCTURE AND CONTROL IN YOUR LIFE? 372 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:45,145 OR...HAS THIS JUST BEEN INSIDE OF YOU FOR A WHILE, 373 00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:47,085 AND NOW THAT DAD'S GONE YOU FINALLY FEEL FREE 374 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,690 TO EXPLORE IT, YOU KNOW? 375 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,061 KINDA LIKE ME WITH MY COLLEGE COURSES, 376 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,631 AND YOU, I GUESS, WITH BOYS. 377 00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:54,129 - MOM, I TOLD YOU. 378 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:56,631 WE THOUGHT IT WAS THE GIRLS' LOCKER ROOM. 379 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,073 JUST LET ME OUT! 380 00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,668 I CAN WALK TO DAD'S FROM HERE. 381 00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:08,442 - IF YOU WANNA TALK, I'M HERE FOR YOU. 382 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,075 [cell phone chime] 383 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,510 HI, MEL. - JOYCE, IT'S ME, MELVIN FISHER. 384 00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:15,315 - I KNOW, THAT'S WHY I SAID, "HI, MEL." 385 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:18,488 - I'M AS HIGH AS A KITE. I NEED YOU TO SAVE ME. 386 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,288 - WHERE ARE YOU? 387 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,620 - I'M EITHER IN THE ATTIC OR THE BASEMENT. 388 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:30,860 . 389 00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:31,597 - JOYCE, I'M SORRY I YELLED AT YOU 390 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:34,095 FOR WANTING TO TRY POT. 391 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:37,004 YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M TOO UPTIGHT. 392 00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:39,307 I BLAME THESE SUCKERS. 393 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,379 I OVERCOMPENSATE TO FEEL LIKE I HAVE SOME KINDA CONTROL 394 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:44,079 OVER MY SURROUNDINGS, YOU KNOW? 395 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,251 - IT'S OKAY. 396 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,648 - OH, NO. 397 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,349 WE MISSED HENRY'S SURPRISE PARTY. 398 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,581 - [whispering] IT'S TOMORROW! 399 00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,116 - [whispering] OH, IT'S TOMORROW. 400 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:54,221 I'M SO THIRSTY. WHY AM I SO THIRSTY? 401 00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,194 - WELL, THERE'S OJ RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. 402 00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:58,293 I'LL GET YOU A GLASS. 403 00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:01,055 - JOYCE, I HAVE REALIZED SOMETHING. 404 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:05,004 I AM VERY DIFFICULT. 405 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:09,172 I REALLY AM. - I WASN'T ARGUING. 406 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,272 - THIS IS AMAZING. 407 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,614 HAVE YOU EVER TRIED ORANGE JUICE? 408 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,340 - A COUPLE TIMES. - I'M GONNA-- 409 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,035 I'M GONNA GET YOU A GLASS. WILL YOU GET ME A GLASS? 410 00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:18,277 - UH-HUH. 411 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:22,421 - I THINK I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO HAVE CONTROL OVER MY LIFE, 412 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,779 AND SOMETIMES THAT MAKES ME CONTROL YOU AND THE KIDS. 413 00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,117 IT'S LIKE THIS. 414 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,024 YOU WANT ORANGE JUICE, 415 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:32,026 AND I AM GIVING YOU FINGER JUICE. 416 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:33,629 AND THAT'S NOT FAIR. 417 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,130 - I'M SURE THE ACIDITY KILLS ANY OF THE BAD STUFF. 418 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:39,303 - IT'S A METAPHOR, JO-JO. - [mouthing words] JO-JO. 419 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,302 - THE JUICE IS YOUR LIFE, AND MY FINGER IS ALL... 420 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,635 OH, NO! 421 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,340 - [whispering] IT'S TOMORROW! 422 00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,042 - OH, GOOD. 423 00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:50,114 - YEP. NEVER TRYING POT. 424 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,583 - MOM DID A PRETTY GOOD JOB AT TALKING DAD DOWN 425 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:53,812 WHEN HE WAS FREAKING OUT. 426 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:57,146 AND THE NEXT DAY, HE DID THE SAME FOR ME... 427 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,024 NOT THAT I WAS FREAKING OUT OR ANYTHING. 428 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,320 - YOU EXCITED FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY, PAL? 429 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,656 - I DON'T WANNA GO BLIND! 430 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,691 - I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO BLIND EITHER. 431 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,256 THAT WOULD MESS UP OUR BASKETBALL GAME. 432 00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:10,825 - I'M TURNING 12, AND THAT'S WHEN YOU WENT BLIND. 433 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,733 AND NOW IT'S TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT 434 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:15,465 'CAUSE THERE'S ONLY 7 HOURS AND 22 MINUTES TILL MY BIRTHDAY. 435 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,372 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HEY, HEY, HENRY... 436 00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:19,805 WHAT I HAD IS NOT HEREDITARY. 437 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,779 YOU ARE NOT GONNA GO BLIND, OKAY? 438 00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:25,179 HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WORRIED ABOUT THIS? 439 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:28,622 - NOT THAT LONG. JUST LIKE... 440 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,418 FIVE...SIX YEARS. 441 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:33,520 - OH, GOOD. SO ONLY, LIKE, HALF YOUR LIFE. 442 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,723 WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING SOONER? 443 00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,656 - BECAUSE... I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK 444 00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:41,191 THAT I DIDN'T WANNA BE LIKE YOU. 445 00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:44,398 - OH, BUDDY. COME HERE. 446 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,770 THAT IS THE SWEETEST, 447 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,772 MOST INSANE THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. 448 00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:54,565 YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD HURT MY FEELINGS 449 00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:55,737 THAT YOU DIDN'T WANNA BE BLIND? 450 00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:58,305 NOBODY WANTS TO BE BLIND! 451 00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,545 HA. YOU THINK I WANNA BE BLIND? 452 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,850 - HOW AMAZING WAS THIS GUY? 453 00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:04,381 IN MY 12 YEARS AS HIS SON, 454 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,687 THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I REALIZED 455 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,288 HE DIDN'T WANNA BE BLIND. 456 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:08,660 - GIMME THE BALL. 457 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:11,318 - THE MAN NEVER COMPLAINED ABOUT IT. 458 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:14,258 - DID THAT DAMN HOOP FALL AGAIN? 459 00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,564 - OH, HE COMPLAINED ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE... 460 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,196 - HELP ME FIND THE RECEIPT, PAL, 461 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,431 'CAUSE WE ARE TAKING IT BACK! 462 00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,437 - BUT NEVER ABOUT THE BLIND THING. 463 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,840 LATER, WHILE I WAS UP IN MY ROOM PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, 464 00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,382 MOM AND DAD GATHERED ALL MY FRIENDS IN THE BASEMENT. 465 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:30,378 both: HEY, MR. FISHER. 466 00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:31,810 - HI, GIRLS! 467 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,614 - I LIKE YOUR DOG'S SADDLE. 468 00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:36,516 - OH, UH, THAT'S, UH-- THANK YOU. 469 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:37,819 - WE'RE GOING TO SURPRISE HENRY ANY MINUTE, 470 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,820 SO YOU NEED TO GO MAKE UP WITH YOUR FATHER. 471 00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,892 HI, MEL. UH, I BROUGHT KATIE OVER. 472 00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:45,362 - OH, HI, KATIE! KATE-A-ROO! 473 00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:48,202 * K-T AND THE SUNSHINE BAND 474 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:51,558 - YOU TWO NEED TO TALK. - DON'T THINK WE DO. 475 00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:54,826 - YOU KNOW WHAT, I GOT THIS. 476 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:58,167 MEL, RIGHT NOW, I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK OF ME AS YOUR WIFE. 477 00:18:58,205 --> 00:18:59,705 - EX-WIFE. 478 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,439 - OR YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND. - DONE. 479 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,884 - I WANT YOU INSTEAD TO THINK OF ME 480 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,709 AS YOUR EMOTIONAL INTERPRETER. 481 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,714 - OH, BOY. - OH, GOD. 482 00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,616 - NO, NO, NO. NOW LET'S DIG DEEP HERE. 483 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,278 I THINK IT WAS FREUD WHO FIRST SAID-- 484 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,717 - KATIE, I AM SO SORRY. - TOTALLY FORGIVEN. 485 00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,491 - WELL, I'M GONNA CRUSH THOSE CLASSES. 486 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,664 - LADIES! GOOD TO SEE YOU. 487 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,692 IF YOU WANT I CAN SNEAK YOU INTO THE AFTER-PARTY. 488 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,428 - OH, LIKE YOU SNUCK INTO THE BOYS' LOCKER ROOM? 489 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:30,673 - SO, MELVIN. LET'S REVIEW. 490 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:33,513 FIRST, YOU ACCUSE ME OF HAVING POT. 491 00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:36,610 I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T MINE, BUT DID YOU BELIEVE ME? 492 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:38,613 MM, YOU DID NOT. 493 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,875 AND AS IT TURNS OUT, 494 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,722 NOT ONLY WAS IT NOT MINE, 495 00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,779 IT WAS IN FACT MY MOTHER'S. 496 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:48,317 - SHE TOLD YOU. - SHE CAN'T NOT TELL ME. 497 00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:50,585 SHE ALSO TOLD ME THAT SHE DIDN'T SMOKE IT 498 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,733 BECAUSE YOU DID. 499 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,729 DO I HAVE THE FACTS OF THE CASE CORRECT, COUNSELOR? 500 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,862 - INDEED YOU HAVE. NICELY PLAYED. 501 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,397 - MEL! IT'S 7:19. 502 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,772 I NEED YOU TO GO GET HENRY. CHOP-CHOP! 503 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,300 - OKAY. - YEP. 504 00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:05,305 - HEY, UH, SHE ALSO TOLD ME WHY YOU SMOKED IT-- 505 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:07,668 SOMETHING ABOUT WANTING TO BE A BETTER PARENT. 506 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:09,637 I GUESS THAT'S SWEET. 507 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:12,246 AND WEIRD. BUT...SWEET. 508 00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:18,319 - HEY, PAL. 509 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,391 MOM CALLED, SAID THERE'S A FUSE OUT DOWNSTAIRS. 510 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:21,850 CAN YOU GIVE ME A HAND? - SURE. 511 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,658 - MOM AND DAD THOUGHT I WAS WORRIED 512 00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,730 MY BIRTHDAY WOULD GET OVERSHADOWED BY THE DIVORCE. 513 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:28,528 SO THEY THREW ME A PARTY I'D NEVER FORGET. 514 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,001 - JUST NEED YOU TO SHOW ME WHICH FUSE IT IS, BUDDY, 515 00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,599 SO WE CAN SWAP IT OUT. 516 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,401 all: SURPRI-- 517 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:34,773 OH! 518 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:39,471 - NEVER, EVER, EVER FORGET. 519 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,783 - [laughing] 520 00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:45,779 OH! WE GOT YA, MAN! RIGHT? 521 00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:48,322 HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 522 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,818 WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING A SHIRT? 523 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:53,590 - YEP. TURNS OUT THE ONLY BOOBS THAT WERE SEEN ON MY BIRTHDAY 524 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,520 WERE MINE. 525 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:01,330 [upbeat music] 526 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,461 - * ARE YOU READY FOR THIS, ARE YOU READY FOR THIS * 527 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,426 * ARE YOU READY FOR THIS 528 00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:06,895 * ARE YOU READY FOR THIS 529 00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,973 - THAT'S MY BOY. 38417

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