All language subtitles for The.Yank.2014.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

MY NAME IS TOM MURPHY.

LIKE MY PARENTS
AND MY GRANDPARENTS

I'VE LIVED IN CLEVELAND, OHIO
MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I'VE BEEN IN THE PAINTER'S UNION

EVER SINCE I GRADUATED
HIGH SCHOOL.

YEAH, I'M YOU'RE TYPICAL
CLEVELAND IRISH WORKING MAN.

YOU'RE SO STRONG!

I'M A MEAT AND POTATOES MAN.

I SPEND MY WEEKENDS
AT THE LAKE ERIE ISLANDS.

AND DURING THE WEEK

I ALWAYS VISIT
THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME

TO SEE THE U2 EXHIBIT.

TIME TO MEET COLLEEN,
MY IRISH GIRL.

AT LEAST I THINK SHE'S IRISH,
I DON'T KNOW.

SHE DOESN'T LIKE
TO TALK A WHOLE LOT,

BUT AT LEAST
MY MOTHER'S HAPPY.

NOTHING IS STRONGER
THAN AN IRISH MOTHER'S LOVE.

THROW IN A LITTLE
CATHOLIC GUILT

AND YOU ARE POWERLESS.

HEY.

HEY.

WHAT'S WRONG?

LEMME GUESS...
THE U2 EXHIBIT AGAIN?

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

THAT'S RIGHT.

IT'S SO AWESOME.

THEY GOT A BUNCH OF NEW
STUFF FROM THE LAST TOUR.

IT'S OVER, TOM.

COLLEEN,
IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY.

THIS IS THE PLACE WE WENT
ON OUR FIRST DATE.

AND OUR SECOND DATE,

AND OUR THIRD,
AND OUR FIFTIETH.

STOP WITH THE MATH!

I HATE U2.

WHAT?

I DO,
I HATE U2.

YOU COME IN HERE
DRESSED LIKE A LEPRECHAUN,

AND YOU HATE U2?

I HAD A PICTURE
OF YOUR RING

I WAS GONNA
GIVE YOU IN THIS.

IF YOU COULD DELETE MY PHOTOS
OFF YOUR CAMERA.

EVEN THE ONES WHERE
YOU HAVE CLOTHES ON?

ALL OF THEM.

ALL RIGHT,
IT SHALL BE DONE.

EXCUSE ME, SIR,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

OH, RIGHT ON TIME.

OKAY, I'M A CURATOR
FOR THE HALL, SIR,

AND YOU ARE STRICTLY
PROHIBITED FROM SITTING

ON THOSE DRUMS!

THAT'S A GOOD RULE.

OOPS.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

IT'S SET TO LANDSCAPE MODE
FOR MOUNTAINS SO...

ALL RIGHT.

...IT'S A COMPLIMENT.

I NEED ASSISTANCE
IN THE LOBBY.

WE'VE GOT A PERVERT TAKING
PICTURES AND SITTING ON DRUMS.

THERE'S NOT ENOUGH
CHAIRS IN HERE.

YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE REALLY SICK!

OH, GREAT, AM I GONNA
GET A PRIVATE TOUR NOW?

OH, YEAH.

YOU'RE GONNA GET
A PRIVATE TOUR.

GET 'IM OUTTA HERE.

ANOTHER TUCHUS
ON THOSE SACRED BASS DRUMS?

YOU'RE FIRED!

MR. FIGLER...

I PROMISE
I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

PLEASE, JUST...

WHA...

THAT JERK, GOD, IDIOT!

ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR!

MY HIGH SCHOOL BUDDIES AND
I HAVE BEEN GOING TO THE HARP PUB

SINCE WE WERE IN GRADE SCHOOL

AND NOW, ONE OF US
WAS COMING HOME.

YOU KNOW,
WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT

BUT YOU NEVER FORGET
THE GUYS YOU GREW UP WITH.

FREDDIE!
HOW ARE YA, MAN?

TOMMY!

HOW ARE YOU, MAN?

WHERE YOU BEEN?

I'M SORRY, MAN,
I'VE BEEN WORKING A LOT.

YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE
GLOBAL WARMING THING,

IS KINDA GETTING ME DOWN.

YEAH, I'D FREAK OUT.

I THINK WE'RE GONNA BURN UP
IN A FIERY BALL OF FIRE.

WORDS ON A SCREEN.

BUT LISTEN,
YOU LOOK GOOD.

BOY, THOSE STOMACH STAPLES

ARE WORKING OUT
FOR YOU, RIGHT?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

JUST, YOU KNOW,
PORTION CONTROL.

I'LL EAT A SESAME SEED

AND I'M FULL.

YOU GONNA PUKE ON ME?

HA-HA-HA.

NO, NOT THIS YEAR.

GOOD SEEING YOU, BRO.

HEY!

THERE HE IS.

HOW ARE YOU?

I KNEW I'D FIND YOU HERE.

WELCOME BACK
TO THE STATES, BUDDY.

THANKS.

THIS IS BERNIE.

AND I MET HER IN DUBLIN
WHILE I WAS WORKING THERE.

A REAL IRISH GIRL?

YES, THEY DON'T MAKE 'EM
FAKE ANYMORE.

GOD, BERNIE...

IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU.

LOVELY TO MEET YA, TOM.

I'VE HEARD SO MANY
WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT YOU.

AH, I HOPE SOME
OF THEM ARE GOOD.

THEY'RE ALL GOOD.

ME MARTY LOVE YA.

"YOUR" MARTY?

YEAH, IT'S GETTING A
LITTLE POSSESSIVE NOW.

HER MARTY.

AYE, TEE-TEE-TEE.

WAIT'LL YOU HEAR, MAN.

WAIT'LL I HEAR WHAT?

LADIES AND GENTLEMAN,
IF I COULD HAVE YOUR ATTENTION.

MY GIRLFRIEND BERNIE AND I HAVE
A LITTLE ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

UH-OH.

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.

WHAT?

TO PUT THE CHERRY
ON TOP OF THAT...

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED
IN BERNIE'S HOMETOWN IN IRELAND,

SO... BOOK YOUR TRAVEL TICKETS
'CAUSE WE'RE

GOING ACROSS THE POND.

HOLY CRAP,
WE'RE GOING...

CONGRATULATIONS.

A LITTLE FAR.

WHERE EXACTLY IS
IRELAND?

IF YOU LOOK AT A
GLOBAL IMAGING MAP,

IT'S 53 DEGREES
LONGITUDE,

YOU'LL START TO DRIFT.

ABOUT 6 DEGREES
LATITUDE ACROSS...

LA-LA-LA, JUST FOLLOW
THE SOUR CREAM BOAT..

IF I'M GOING,
YOU'RE GOING.

UH...

AND YOU AND FREDDIE.

I GOT THE NEED,

I GOT THE NEED
FOR TWEED.

ALL RIGHT!

WE'RE ALL GOING TO IRELAND!

WE'RE GONNA NEED CONVERTERS
FOR OUR HOTEL ROOMS.

IT'S A DIFFERENT
ELECTRICAL SYSTEM.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PACK
SOME STUFF INDIVIDUALLY

THEN WE'RE GONNA REGROUP
ONCE WE GET OVER THERE.

BUNGEE CORD,
COMPRESSION SOCKS.

MAYBE SOME IODINE TABLETS.

SHUT UP, NERD!

I'M JUST KIDDING.

MY DAD PETER MURPHY'S HALFWAY TO ST.
PATRICK'S DAY PARTY.

ONLY 182 DAYS UNTIL
GREEN BEER,

IRISH MUSIC
AND CORNED BEEF.

AND HOW DO WE CELEBRATE?

PRACTICING WITH GREEN BEER,
IRISH MUSIC AND CORNED BEEF.

TOMMY!
LOOK AT THE TIME!

THERE'S ONLY
SIX MONTHS LEFT!

HIGH HOLY DAY,
WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?

PITTSBURGH,
MASSACHUSETTS?

OH, PROHIBITION,
PROHIBITION.

'SCUSE ME, BARKEEP,

HOW 'BOUT ONE OF THEM
BLACK BEERS?

AH...

NOW RIGHT THERE,

THAT IS THE WORST JOHN WAYNE
IMPERSONATION I HAVE EVER HEARD.

THAT WAS TERRIBLE.

PLEASE DON'T EVER
DO THAT AGAIN, SON.

OH, MY GOD, PLEASE...

LET ME HANDLE THIS,
UNCLE ANTHONY.

ON TOP OF THAT,
YOU WERE TWO HOURS LATE!

SORRY, DAD,
I JUST GOT DELAYED.

BUT YOU MISSED
ALL THE FUN.

UNCLE ANDY SHOWED OFF
HIS SHILLELAGH TATTOO.

AND THE REST OF US
WERE RECALLING OUR FINEST

CHILDHOOD BEATINGS.

AH, THE GOOD
OLD DAYS.

THE GOOD OLD DAYS
INDEED.

WELL, IT WAS EITHER THAT
OR A SWEARING CONTEST,

AND UNCLE ANTHONY
ALWAYS WINS.

HE WAS A TEAMSTER.

HA-HA-HA!

SO WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?

WELL, I MET THE GANG
DOWN AT THE HARP AND...

MARTY FLYNN AND HIS IRISH
GIRLFRIEND BERNIE ANNOUNCED

THEY'RE GETTING MARRIED.

YOU DON'T SAY?

HE'S A GOOD MAN,
THAT MARTY FLYNN.

PRINCE OF A FELLOW.

IRISH GIRLFRIEND.

WELL, IF THE HOMELY
MARTY FLYNN CAN FIND ONE

YOU CERTAINLY CAN
FIND ONE, TOO!

WELL, MAYBE I WILL,
WHEN I'M OVER THERE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"OVER THERE"?

OVER WHERE?

MARTY AND BERNIE
ARE GETTING MARRIED

IN BERNIE'S HOMETOWN
IN IRELAND.

AND THEY WANT ME
TO BE THE BEST MAN AND...

I'M GOING TO IRELAND.

MY SON IS GOING

TO IRELAND.

ALL THAT WATER
TO FLY OVER.

I THINK
I'M GONNA CRY.

TOMMY IS GOING
TO MECCA.

WELL, ROUND 'EM UP
AND HEAD 'EM OUT.

FIVE! FOUR! THREE!

TWO! ONE!

WHOO!

I'M NOT GETTING
ANYTHING IN THERE.

IT'S PROBABLY
ON A GOAT'S NUT SACK.

CONGRATULATIONS, SWEETIE!

CONGRATULATIONS.

OH, SO HAPPY
FOR YOU GUYS.

THAT'S SO EXCITING!

I KNOW!

UH-OH.

YOU!

I SEE YOU'VE MET TOM.

YEAH, SHE HAD ME
THROWN OUT

OF THE ROCK AND ROLL
HALL OF FAME TODAY.

I LOST MY JOB 'CAUSE HE WAS
SITTING ON THE BASS DRUM!

NO, I WASN'T!

YES, YOU WERE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WHAT HAPPENED?

OKAY, I WAS
AT THE ROCK HALL, OKAY?

THERE'S NO PLACE TO SIT.

I SAT DOWN
ON THE BASS DRUM.

THERE WAS NAKED PICTURES,
I WAS TAKING...

HE WAS TAKING PICTURES
OF MY... HMM-MMM.

AND THEN I GOT FIRED.

MY THUMB GOT STUCK
ON THE...

OKAY, OKAY...

WAIT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE HISTORY IS HERE.

I DON'T CARE.

BUT WHAT I DO KNOW
IS THIS...

BOTH OF YOU ARE STANDING UP
FOR BERNIE AND ME IN IRELAND.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YEAH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

OKAY, UHM, WHAT I MEAN TO SAY
IS YOU'RE MY BEST MAN,

AND SHE'S...

IS ME MAID OF HONOR.

OH, GOD.

MARTY AND BERNIE...

LOOKING REAL GOOD.

OKAY, WE COULD PROBABLY
JUST SIT HERE ALL NIGHT

AND NOT SAY A WORD
TO EACH OTHER

BUT YOU KNOW,

WE'RE THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT
PEOPLE IN THEIR WEDDING PARTY,

SO WE'RE PROBABLY
GONNA BE SPENDING

A LOT OF TIME
WITH EACH OTHER.

DON'T REMIND ME.

ALL RIGHT, SO,
WE PROBABLY NEED TO TALK.

LET'S START FROM SCRATCH.

COMPLETELY WIPE
THE SLATE CLEAN.

WELL, SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED
AT THE HALL OF FAME TODAY.

THERE!
THAT'S BETTER.

THAT'S IT?

WHAT?

I SAY "I'M SORRY",
YOU SAY, "THAT'S BETTER"?

WELL, WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO SAY?

OH, NO, TELL ME, PLEASE,

BECAUSE INVARIABLY I'M GONNA
SAY THE WRONG THING

SO TELL ME.

WELL, YOU COULD SAY THAT
YOU'RE SORRY I LOST MY JOB.

OKAY...

I'M SORRY YOU LOST
YOUR JOB.

I REALLY AM.

BUT I WASN'T TAKING
PICTURES OF, OF YOU, YOUR...

I WASN'T, HONESTLY.

I JUST BROKE UP
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

YOU WANNA SEE
A PICTURE OF HER?

NUH-UH.

NO, REALLY, I COULD
SHOW YOU A PICTURE OF HER.

SHE'S REALLY PRETTY.

I DON'T HAVE ANY ONES
WHERE SHE'S GOT

CLOTHING ON.

SO UH...
HOW'D YOU MEET BERNIE?

HER BROTHER WAS
IN THE BAND OF POGUES.

WE BECAME GREAT FRIENDS
WHEN I LIVED IN DUBLIN.

DUBLIN?

WOW, IT'S SO INFAMOUS
FOR POETS

AND THE GUINNESS FACTORY.

IS THAT ALL YOU DO
IS DRINK,

ALL YOU IRISH GUYS?

AND DRINK THAT STUFF THAT
LOOKS LIKE I SHOULD BE

FUNNELING IT DOWN
MY CAR ENGINE?

YEAH, THAT'S ALL WE DO.

WE JUST, UH, YOU KNOW,
WE WRITE LONG SPEECHES

AND TELL BAD JOKES

AND YOU KNOW,
WE RUN FOR CONGRESS.

THEN WE HAVE
CORNED BEEF SANDWICHES.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THEN WE WASH IT ALL DOWN

WITH A 20 OUNCE GLASS
OF MOTOR OIL.

THE WEDDING PARTY DECIDED
TO GET IN SHAPE FOR IRELAND

AND WHAT BETTER WAY
THAN A LOCAL CHARITY RUN?

JUST CARBING UP
A LITTLE.

AH!

THAT POCKET'S YOURS,
BABY!

YEAH, BABY!

ALL RIGHT,
YOU GOT ONE!

WE GOT ONE!

NINE MORE AND THAT WOULD
HAVE BEEN A STRIKE.

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN...

SORRY I'M LATE,
I HAD THE DAY SHIFT.

OH...

RACK 'EM.

SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

"RACK 'EM"?

ALL RIGHT, LADIES,
I WANT YOU TO WATCH PERFECTION.

I WANT YOU TO WATCH THE STYLE.

SLIGHT BEND OF THE KNEES.

BACK... STIFF AS A BOARD.

HERE WE GO.

WATCH THE CURVE OF THE BALL,
WATCH THE STYLE.

WE'RE SHAKING HANDS
WITH THE HEAD PIN.

HERE IT IS!

YAY!

MOCK APPLAUSE,
IT'S VERY CUTE.

SPEAKING OF LOOKIN' GOOD,
WHAT'D YOU THINK OF TOMMY?

HE'S YOUR BEST MAN,
NOT MINE.

YOU DON'T LIKE HIM?

I MEAN, HE'S OKAY,
I GUESS.

YOU'RE A LIFE-LONG FRIEND
SO I PROMISE

TO GET ALONG WITH HIM.

PROMISE.

I PROMISE.

I PROMISE JUST FOR YOU,

ONLY FOR YOU AM I GONNA
GET ALONG WITH HIM.

GOOD.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD BECAUSE UH...

WE'RE ALL GOING TO HIS
PARENTS' HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT.

WAIT, WHAT?

NO, COME ON, WHY?

LOOK, IT'S THEIR ANNUAL IRELAND VS.
ITALY WORLD CUP PARTY

AND THEY WANT TO SEE ME
AND THEY WANT TO MEET BERNIE

AND IT'LL BE FUN,
YOU SHOULD GO.

ALL RIGHT,
ISN'T THE WORLD CUP OVER?

YEAH.

OKAY, SO WHEN DID IRELAND AND
ITALY PLAY EACH OTHER THEN?

1994.

SO THEY'RE HAVING A PARTY

FOR A SOCCER GAME

THAT HAPPENED IN 1994?

LOOK, THEY'RE IRISH.

THEY CELEBRATE ANYTHING
AND EVERYTHING IRISH.

OKAY, JUST A LITTLE WEIRD,
I'M JUST SAYIN'.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE UP.

I'VE HEARD A LOT
ABOUT YOUR GAME, GIRL.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

LEMME SHOW YOU
HOW IT'S DONE.

ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT.

YOUR FORM'S AWFUL.

MY FORM'S FINE,
STOP IT!

OKAY, ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO!

HERE WE GO,
HERE WE GO!

OH, MY...!

THE WORLD CUP 1994,

JACK CHARLTON
AND HIS UNDERDOG IRISH TEAM

DEFEATED THE HEAVILY-FAVORED
ITALIAN TEAM ONE TO NOTHING.

MY PARENTS WERE SO MOVED,

THEY WENT OUT
AND RENEWED THEIR VOWS.

I LET MY MOM KNOW I WAS
THROWN OUT OF THE U2 EXHIBIT

BY THE CURATOR,
WHO'S COMING OVER RIGHT NOW

AND IS IN THE WEDDING,
AND IS REALLY PRETTY,

AND SHE'S GREEK...
OH, BOY.

LOOK WHO'S HERE.

IT'S THE HOMELY MARTY FLYNN.

AUNT MARY.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.

"HOMELY" MARTY FLYNN?

WELL, THAT'S WHAT THEY
CALL ME AROUND HERE.

AUNT MARY,
THIS IS BERNIE.

LOVELY TO MEET YOU.

AND YOU TOO!

AND VANESSA.

HI.

VANESSA.

OH, IS THIS THE GREEK GIRL
YOU'VE BEEN TELLING US ABOUT?

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT A GREEK GIRL.

YOU BEEN TALKING
ABOUT ME, HUH?

YEAH, HE TOLD US
ALL ABOUT YOU.

ANNIE, COME AND MEET
THE GREEK GIRL.

AND, THIS IS MY HUSBAND,
ANTHONY.

HI.

WHERE'S YOUR
TROJAN HORSE?

IN THE STABLES.

THEY'RE STILL LOADING
THE SOLDIERS.

SHE'S FUNNY,
I LIKE HER!

WELL, HELLO,
HOW ARE YOU?

THIS IS MY BRIDE-TO-BE.

CHARMED,
I'M SURE.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

I SEE YOU'VE ALREADY MET
UNCLE TIMBER LEG.

I'M PETER MURPHY,
TOM'S DAD.

ANNIE!
THE GREEK GIRL IS HERE!

HI.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

CHARMED.

DID YOU SAY
TIMBER LEG?

YEAH, WE WERE GONNA
CALL HIM TONY

INSTEAD OF ANTHONY

BUT HE HAD HIS TOES
AMPUTATED,

SO HE COULD STAND
CLOSER TO THE BAR.

PLUS, CALLING HIM
TONY IS VERY, UH...

ITALIAN,

AND THERE'S NOTHING
ITALIAN IN THIS HOUSE

BUT YOUR MOTHER'S FAMOUS
HOMEMADE SPAGHETTI SAUCE.

SO GLAD YOU COULD COME.

ANNIE, COME MEET
THE GREEK GIRL.

THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

IT'S SO INTERESTING
TO BE AROUND A FAMILY

SO FOND OF THE PAST.

OH-HO, I COULD
TELL YOU A STORY.

I GOT A SCAR HERE,

I WAS STANDING
AT A ROULETTE TABLE

IN THE HOLY ROSARY CHURCH

DURING THE FEAST
OF ASSUMPTION.

IT WAS 1973...

SAY HELLO.

UH, VANESSA,
THIS IS MY MOTHER ANNIE.

HI, PLEASURE
TO MEET YOU.

WELCOME TO OUR HOME.

YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU'RE GREEK.

I'M A HUNDRED PERCENT.

ACTUALLY MY PARENTS
ARE FROM A LITTLE VILLAGE

CALLED PALEOPANAGIA,

RIGHT OUTSIDE
OF SPARTA, GREECE.

THAT IS SO CUTE.

YEAH, I LOVE IT,
I LOVE BEING GREEK.

AND YOU'RE IRISH.

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.

THAT'S SO CUTE.

IS IT?

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME

MEATBALLS AND
SODA BREAD?

UH...

OH, I AM SO SORRY.

I DON'T HAVE ANY
CUCUMBER SAUCE.

OH, YOU MEAN TZATZIKI SAUCE.

UH, EXCUSE ME,
EVERYBODY,

MY MOM NEEDS SOME HELP

IN THE BACK
MAKING SOME ICE CUBES.

UH, STEVEN, COULD YOU
GET EVERYONE SOME DRINKS?

I DO LOVE
YOUR ARCHITECTURE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET
THE BRIDE-TO-BE A DRINK, HUH?

MOM,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THAT'S MARTY AND
BERNIE'S FRIEND!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,

BUT PROMISE ME,
THOMAS,

YOU WILL NOT GET INVOLVED
WITH A GREEK GIRL.

I PROMISE,
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

I'LL TELL YOU
ONE THING...

IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS OF
THAT, JUST REMEMBER,

A GREEK GIRL'S LOYALTY
IS TO HER FATHER,

AND MAKING SURE EVERYBODY
SEATED HAS MENUS

AND IS FAMILIAR WITH
TODAY'S SPECIALS.

WE DON'T KNOW
IF SHE'S LIKE THAT.

MARK MY WORDS,
YOU'LL FIND OUT.

FIVE-FOUR-THREE-TWO-ONE...

YAY!

WELL, IRELAND
WON AGAIN.

I HAVE TO GET GOING.

THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY.

OH, WELL,
YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME.

I HAD A REALLY NICE TIME.

I'M GLAD.

THANKS.

'BYE!

I GUESS MY MOM WAS RIGHT
ABOUT GREEK GIRLS AND THEIR FATHERS.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S THE SAME WITH
IRISH BOYS AND THEIR MOTHERS.

WHOO-WHOO-WHOO!

WHO WANTS TO SEE THIS
ONE MORE TIME?

I SWEAR TO GOD,
PETER,

HE IS GONNA MAKE ME
GO GRAY BEFORE MY TIME.

NO, NO, NO,

ALL IN ALL, IT WAS
A NICE EVENING.

DID I NOTICE
A LITTLE FRICTION

BETWEEN YOU
AND VANESSA?

ABSOLUTELY,
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I THINK SHE
INSULTED ME!

ABSOLUTELY!

SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO

WITH MY SODA BREAD
AND MY MEATBALLS.

AND I AM
A VERY GOOD COOK!

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME.

HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH TOM.

HE'S THINKING WORLDWIDE.

WE'VE GOT TO GET HIM
FOCUSED ON IRELAND.

AND THIS IS NOT HELPING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THIS IS ITALIAN FOOD.

FROM NOW ON,
NO FOREIGN FOODS IN THIS KITCHEN

UNTIL HE LEAVES.

AND I WANNA STRESS
IRISH CULTURE.

I'M GONNA TAKE HIM OUT ON A
LITTLE WALK TO THE IRISH GARDENS.

OH, THAT WOULD BE GOOD.

I WISH I KNEW MORE
IRISH HISTORY.

BUT HE KNOWS
LESS THAN I DO.

WATCH YOUR STEP, SON.

ALL RIGHT, DAD.

I WANT YOU TO SEE
THIS AMAZING PLACE.

WOW, IT'S PRETTY.

I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER
BEEN HERE BEFORE.

WELL, IT'S JUST BEEN
REFURBISHED.

BUT LET ME TELL YOU,
EVERY NATIONALITY

HAS A GARDEN
ON THIS STREET.

THIS ONE IS IRISH.

IT'S VERY SPECIAL.

IT'S A MONUMENT TO ALL
THE GREAT IRISH POETS,

PLAYWRIGHTS.
CLEVELAND SETTLERS,

WHO CAME ACROSS ON THE NINA,
THE PINTA AND THE GOOD TIMES III.

THAT'S RIGHT,
THE GOOD TIMES III.

GOOD TIMES I AND II
WENT DOWN IN HEAVY SEAS.

BUT THEY WENT DOWN
HAVING FUN.

LAKE ERIE'S TOUGH.

ESPECIALLY THE CROSSING
FROM TORONTO.

SAMUEL BECKETT.

HE WROTE
WAITING FOR GODOT.

IT'S CONSIDERED
THE MODERN BIBLE

FOR THE HUNTING
OF FEMALE DEER.

A CRUEL AND
SENSELESS SPORT.

THE VON TRAPP FAMILY
SANG ABOUT IT.

JAMES JOYCE WROTE

ULYSSES, A DAY IN THE LIFE OF ULYSSES S.
GRANT, THE GREAT GENERAL.

WILL WE EVER SEE
THE END OF WAR?

HE WAS GOING TO BUILD
A CASINO IN ATLANTA

BEFORE SHERMAN BURNED
THE PLACE DOWN.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW.

HE WAS MUCH LAUDED
FOR HIS WORK WITH PYGMIES.

HE WAS REFERRED TO BY SOME
AS THE JANE GOODALL OF DUBLIN.

HE WAS A GOOD MAN.

VERY GOOD, THEY WERE
ALL GOOD FINE FOLK,

BUT YOU DON'T HEAR A LOT ABOUT MANY
OF THE FINE CLEVELAND IRISH FOLKS.

SUCH AS,
CHEF BOYLE O'DEE.

THE CHEF WHO CREATED THE TECHNIQUE
OF COOKING CALLED BOILING.

HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT?

OH, I SURE HAVE.

YOU SHOULD.

IT HELPED MICHAEL SYMON
BECOME IRON CHEF.

AND PADDY "PAINT STROKES"

MCGINTY.

HE PAINTED THE FIRST SIGN
THAT READ:

IRISH NO NEED APPLY.

HE WAS GOOD
WITH A PAINT BRUSH.

NOT TOO GOOD WITH
STRUCTURING A SENTENCE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALL THESE
FINE FOLK HAVE IN COMMON?

THEY'RE ALL DEAD?

WELL, UH, LET'S HOPE SO.

BUT MORE IMPORTANT,

THEY ALL HAD A GOOD,
STRONG WOMAN AT THEIR SIDE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
DAD, I GET IT.

EXCEPT OSCAR WILDE.

HE INVENTED THE HOT DOG.

I DON'T THINK HE WAS
EVEN IRISH.

LET'S TAKE A WANDER
OVER TO THE WISHING WELL.

I WANT YOU TO MAKE
A WISH HERE, SON.

DO YOU HAVE A COIN?

I THINK I DO.

GOT A LUCKY PENNY,
DAD.

OH, A PENNY,
CAN'T BE TOO LUCKY.

I WANT YOU TO TOSS IT
IN AND MAKE A WISH.

WISH THAT YOU FIND A
NICE, STRONG IRISH WOMAN

WHO'LL STAND BEHIND YOU,

ESPECIALLY AFTER
YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING.

GIVE IT A PITCH.

NOW LET'S GO GET
SOMETHING TO EAT.

YOUR MOM'S BOILING
A TURKEY.

YUM.

WHILE I WAS GETTING
MY PASSPORT,

DAD DECIDED TO JOIN
THE FELLOWS

FOR SOME AUTHENTIC
IRISH CORNED BEEF.

THIS IS IRISH
CORNED BEEF?

HE HAD TO DO SOMETHING

TO GET THE TASTE OF BOILED
TURKEY OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

YOUR FIRST TIME
GOING OVERSEAS.

FIRST TIME ACROSS THE
ATLANTIC, MR. MURPHY.

IT TOOK ME 30 DAYS

JUST TO GET
MY PASSPORT APPROVED,

SO I'M WORRIED ABOUT
THE PROCEDURES

ONCE WE FLY OUT OF NEW YORK
TO CROSS THE ATLANTIC.

WHAT PROCEDURES IS THAT?

YOU JUST GET ON A PLANE
AND YOU SIT.

WELL, NOT ANYMORE.

YOU GO THROUGH CUSTOMS,

THEN THEY HAVE THIS THING
WHERE YOU STAND STRAIGHT

WITH YOUR HANDS UP,

AND THEN A SCANNER
GOES IN FRONT OF YOU,

ALL THE WAY AROUND.

THEY SEE YOUR NAUGHTY BITS
THROUGH THERE.

IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING?

AND YOU CAN GET
A PHOTO OF IT BACK,

YOU KNOW, AN EIGHT-BY-TEN,
IF YOU WANT IT.

YOU CAN HANG IT
ON YOUR WALL.

THEY SPEAK UH...
ENGLISH THERE, DON'T THEY?

AND GAELIC, MR. MURPHY,
GAELIC.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND
GAELIC?

A LITTLE BIT.

I'VE BEEN RESEARCHING IT
FOR THIS TRIP.

I'LL THROW SOME ON YOU,
YOU TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU SOUND A LITTLE
GERMAN THERE.

I'M STARTING TO SLIP.

I DIDN'T HEAR ANY
ACHTUNG IN THERE.

ACHTUNG!

DID IT GO WELL AT THE
CULTURAL GARDENS WITH TOMMY?

I THINK I MADE SOME
BIG HEADWAY THERE.

HE SEEMED QUITE IMPRESSED.

YOU KNOW, I'M A LITTLE FLIMSY
ON MY IRISH HISTORY.

BUT I PULLED THINGS FROM,
I DON'T KNOW WHERE.

AND IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SPOT.

HAVE ANY OF YOU
BEEN THERE?

THEY GOT JAMES JOYCE.

NOW I'M NOT SURE IF THEY WERE
BORN HERE IN CLEVELAND OR NOT,

BUT THEY GOT THE
BEAUTIFUL MARKERS THERE,

AND WHEN I FIRST
GOT THERE I THOUGHT,

GOOD LORD,
ARE THESE PEOPLE BURIED HERE?

BUT I DON'T THINK
THEY ARE.

I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE
IS BURIED THERE.

YOU KNOW AT YANKEE STADIUM,
THE MEMORIAL GARDEN?

OH, SURE.

I, AS A KID,
I THOUGHT

LOU GEHRIG AND BABE RUTH
WERE BURIED THERE.

AND I SAID, THAT MUST BE A
GREAT PLACE TO BE BURIED.

OUT IN CENTERFIELD.

NO, IT'D BE HARD
TO REST THERE.

THE RIVER LIFFEY PRETTY MUCH
BISECTS THE CITY OF DUBLIN.

CAN YOU SWIM
IN THAT RIVER?

WELL, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
KNOWN TO DO THAT.

THERE'S AN OLD TRADITION
WHERE YOU GET IN,

IF YOU CAN SWIM TO THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE BRIDGE NEAR TRINITY,

YOU MIGHT HAVE A SHOT
THAT SEMESTER.

A LOT OF TRADITIONS
ON THE CAMPUS AT THE UNIVERSITY.

THE BOOK OF KELLS?

THAT'S WHERE THE BOOK OF KELLS
IS KEPT.

WHAT IS YOUR
LEAST-FAVORITE WORD?

MY LEAST FAVORITE WORD IS
UNFORTUNATELY.

MY FAVORITE IS
CONGRATULATIONS.

ANOTHER LEAST-FAVORITE
WORD IS DUCK!

WHAT ARE THE THREE THINGS IF YOU
HAD TO IMPART ON THIS SCHMUCK

WHO'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN
THE AISLE OVER IN IRELAND,

WHAT ARE THE THREE THINGS HE HAS
TO WALK AWAY WITH, HANDS DOWN?

WELL, OUR MARRIAGE
STARTED OFF TERRIFIC.

THEN AS WE WERE LEAVING
THE CHURCH,

I GUESS I SAID
THE WRONG THING.

AND YOU KNOW
SOMETHING ELSE

YOU HAVE TO TAKE PHILOSOPHICALLY
IN YOUR MARRIAGE...

IF YOU WEREN'T MARRIED
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW

WHAT THE HELL
YOU WERE DOING WRONG.

THAT'S WHAT A GOOD
WOMAN DOES,

TO POINT OUT
WHAT YOU DID WRONG.

I USED TO BE
A SNAPPY DRESSER,

BUT NOW ALL I HEAR IS

YOU'RE NOT GOING OUT
IN THAT ARE YA?

YOU LOOK GOOD TODAY.

THANK YOU.

SLÁINTE.

SLÁINTE, SLÁINTE.

THE WATER'S
LO-CAL, TOO.

YOU ALL PACKED,
STEVEN?

YEP, I THINK
I'M READY TO GO.

I'VE BEEN READING UP ON
THE IRISH HISTORY.

HAVE YOU BEEN?

GETTING READY FOR
THE METRIC SYSTEM, BOYS.

ALSO, DID YOU KNOW
IN IRELAND

THEY DON'T USE MILES,
THEY USE KILOMETERS.

YOU NEED ME.

YEAH.

I'M A CONVERTER,
HUMAN CONVERTER.

I'M STILL GONNA DO MILES.

ME, TOO.

YOU HAVE TO DO
KILOMETERS.

ALL RIGHT, BUDDY.

COME ON,
DON'T DO THIS.

STEVE!

LOOK AT HIM!

STEVEN, YOU'RE GONNA WET
YOUR PANTS AGAIN.

YEAH.

THAT'S BAD,
THAT'S NOT GOOD.

YOU'VE GOT A LONG FLIGHT.

I DON'T THINK
I CAN GO, YOU GUYS.

DON'T FREAK OUT.

IT'S TOO MUCH.

I'VE NEVER BEEN
OUT OF OHIO.

HEY, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON,
COME ON, WHAT ARE YOU...

WE WERE GONNA GO
TO MICHIGAN FOR A TRIP.

BUT I HAD TO GET SOME
VACCINATIONS,

AND EVERYTHING
FELL APART.

HOW 'BOUT YOURSELF,
YOU ALL PACKED?

YEAH, ALL PACKED.
HERE WE GO.

OH, WHAT IS THAT?

THIS IS MY LUGGAGE.

YOUR WHAT?

YOU'RE TAKING THAT
TO THE AIRPORT?

YEAH.

I GOT ALL THE ESSENTIALS
IN HERE.

THIS RIGHT HERE...

A PIANO TIE?

...THAT GETS THE CHICKS.

SHOWS 'EM YOU'RE ARTISTIC.

YEAH, YOU'RE LIKE, FUN.

DIRECT LINE TO THE OLD MAN.

UH, RIGHT, THAT'S,
I COULD PROBABLY USE THAT.

AND I GOT A FOOTBALL
FOR THE PLANE,

TOSS THAT AROUND.

THAT'LL BE FUN.

I GOT THIS.

I DON'T WANT TO
TALK ABOUT THAT.

I'M READY FOR IRELAND,
BOYS.

LET'S HAVE A TOAST.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT,
I GOTTA GET GOING.

I'M OFF TO THE AIRPORT.

ALL RIGHT, SEE YA THERE.

ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE GOING TO IRELAND!

WE'RE GOING TO,
WE'RE GOING TO IRELAND!

WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT.

WE'RE NOT,
THERE'S NO WAY.

THOMAS, TOMMY,
I AM SO GLAD WE CAUGHT YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HERE?

SON, I AM PROUD OF YOU.

WE BOTH ARE,
AM I RIGHT, ANNIE?

WAS THAT
THE GREEK GIRL I SAW

GETTING OFF THE SHUTTLE
WITH YOU?

SHE'S NOT WITH ME,
HONESTLY.

WE WERE ON THE SAME
SHUTTLE BUS TOGETHER.

YOU STEER CLEAR OF HER.

SHE'S NO GOOD, TOM,
NO GOOD, I TELL YOU.

MOM, TAKE IT EASY.

YOU SOUND LIKE
BARBARA STANWYCK.

WELL, I DON'T WANT HER
TO SPOIL THIS CHANCE FOR YOU.

WHAT CHANCE?

TOM, WHAT YOUR MOTHER
MEANS TO SAY IS,

YOU'RE THE FIRST MURPHY
SINCE MY GREAT GRANDFATHER

WHO IMMIGRATED
TO AMERICA IN THE 1880S...

TO GO BACK TO IRELAND.

IT'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE
TO FIND A REAL IRISH GIRL.

MAKE US PROUD.

YOU'RE GONNA MEET A LOT
OF LOVELY IRISH LASSES.

SAVE ONE FOR ME.

I MEAN, FOR BOTH OF US.

UH, FOR CONVERSATION.

I HAVE A DISTANT RELATIVE

IN A PLACE CALLED MILLTOWN
MALBAY, COUNTY CLARE.

IT'S THE ONLY ROOTS
I HAVE LEFT IN IRELAND.

HIS NAME IS FINTAN MCGUIRE.

YOU WANT ME TO LOOK UP
THIS ONE PERSON IN IRELAND?

YOU'RE REPRESENTING
THE MURPHYS.

DO US PROUD.

AND SINCE YOU'RE THERE,
LOOK UP MY RELATIONS, TOO.

COME ON, DAD.

THEY'VE GOT THE ONLY
BARBERSHOP

IN A LITTLE TOWN
CALLED BRUMFORMENA.

IT'S... SOMEWHERE
IN THE MIDDLE.

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE.

THAT NARROWS IT DOWN.

PLEASE, TOM,
THEY'RE ALL I HAVE LEFT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, DAD,
KNOCK IT OFF.

THE OSCARS ARE OVER.

I'LL DO MY BEST.

THERE'S A GOOD BOY.

AND REMEMBER TO KISS
THE BLARNEY STONE FOR ME.

UH, DAD, I THINK THE LOCALS
PEE ON IT.

BRUSH YOUR TEETH AFTER.

NOW GO ON,
MOVE YOUR ASS.

I LOVE YOU GUYS.

I'LL MAKE YOU PROUD.

FINALLY, NEXT STOP
DUBLIN, IRELAND.

HOPEFULLY I'LL SIT NEXT TO
SOMEBODY FAMOUS

LIKE SINEAD O'CONNOR,
COLIN FARRELL,

OR EVEN CARROT TOP.

EXCUSE ME, COULD I GET
A DIFFERENT SEAT,

OR MAYBE TRADE
WITH SOMEBODY?

OH, THIS FLIGHT IS FULL.

ANOTHER
SEAT, I LOVE IT!

EXCUSE ME,
I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

LUCKY YOU,
YOU GOT ME.

DON'T WORRY,
I'M A FREQUENT BATHER.

WHAT,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TAKING MY SEAT.

NOT HERE.

YES, HERE.

CAN'T YOU SIT
SOMEWHERE ELSE?

NO, I CAN'T, THIS IS MY SEAT,
I PAID FOR IT.

YOU'VE GOT
TO BE KIDDING!

YES.

HI, IS THERE ANYWHERE ELSE
I CAN SIT ON THE PLANE?

OH, SURE, I'VE GOT
A REALLY NICE SEAT FOR YOU.

RIGHT OUT ON THE WING.

SCOOCH IN, DOLL,
I GOTTA GET THROUGH.

MOVE OVER,
CABBAGE BREATH.

GET OUT OF MY WAY.

FINE.

YOU!

TAKE YOUR SEAT!

AH!

JUST DON'T CROSS
THIS LINE, OKAY?

JUST DON'T TALK TO ME,
DON'T LOOK AT ME.

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

FINE, FINE, DON'T BREATHE
IN MY AIR SPACE, OKAY?

FINE!

FINE.

I'LL JUST HAVE A DRINK.

GET LIVER DISEASE
LIKE YOU IRISH PEOPLE DO.

HA!

DID A LITTLE WORK...
TIME FOR A NAP.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

YOU TAKE A NAP AND
YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!

DON'T TOUCH ME.

A DISASTER.

OH.

'SCUSE ME, GUYS,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

THIS A RESTRICTED AREA.

OH, SORRY,
THERE'S A PERFECT EXPLANATION.

OUR SON IS GOING TO IRELAND.

YES, YES, IT'S THE FIRST
TIME FOR ANY OF US.

HE'S OUR ONLY ONE.

YOU GUYS CAN'T BE OUT HERE,
THIS IS A RESTRICTED AREA.

OH, THERE'S A LITTLE HOLE
IN THE FENCE THERE.

IT LOOKED SO INVITING.

IS THERE A GOOD PLACE
TO EAT?

SO... WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
YOU WENT TO IRELAND?

ACTUALLY
THIS IS MY FIRST TIME.

WAIT... WHAT?

RAH-RAH BOY'S NEVER
BEEN TO IRELAND?

YOU MEAN, YOUR MOMMY
NEVER TOOK YOU?

NOPE, THEY DIDN'T.

OH, MY GOD...

WELL, I WENT A COUPLE
OF YEARS AGO.

I WENT THERE TO GET OVER A GUY
I HAD JUST BROKEN UP WITH.

REALLY?

I KNOW, I LET A GUY HAVE THAT
BIG OF AN EFFECT ON ME

THAT I HAD TO LEAVE
THE COUNTRY TO GET OVER HIM.

BUT THAT WILL NEVER
HAPPEN AGAIN,

NO SIR.

BECAUSE NO MAN IS WORTH THAT,

NOT EVEN A GREEK
ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON.

SO, WITH THAT BEING SAID,

MY LIFE IS NOT SUBJECT
TO YOUR APPROVAL

OR ANYONE ELSE'S APPROVAL,
YOU GOT THAT?

GOT IT.

GOOD.

MOSQUITO BITE.

WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S A SHAMROCK.

I GOT IT FOR THE TRIP.

NO, IT'S NOT.

YES, IT IS.

NO, IT'S NOT.

YES, IT IS.

HONEY, A SHAMROCK HAS
THREE LEAVES.

NUH-...

SHIT.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

THE IRISH BOY DOESN'T KNOW
WHAT A SHAMROCK IS?

YOU'RE WACKED.

CAN SOMEBODY
GET HER A GYRO?

EXCUSE ME, SIR,
WE'RE LANDING.

PUT YOUR SEAT BACKS UP.

IT'S 7 A.M. IRISH TIME,
OR ABOUT 2 A.M. BACK HOME,

BUT I'M NOT TIRED AT ALL.

MAN, I'M SO EXCITED.

WE'RE FINALLY IN IRELAND.

WE'RE HERE!

YEAH! MY CAR'S THIS WAY,

I GOT A SPECIAL
SURPRISE FOR YOU.

OKAY.

IT'S THE GRAVITY BAR!

WHOO-HOO!

COME ON, YOU GUYS!

IT'S THE GRAVITY BAR!

ALL RIGHT.

THAT IS GUINNESS FACTORY,

ONE OFF THE BUCKET LIST.

MMM-HMMM.

AND WHAT'S NEXT, FRED?

DATE A COUGAR.

DATE A COUGAR?

YOU REALLY SET THE BAR HIGH
WITH THAT ONE.

THANK YOU.

WHAT'S AFTER THAT ONE?

I'M GONNA SWIM ACROSS
LAKE ERIE,

AND THEN I'M GONNA TAKE
BALLET LESSONS.

UH, WHAT?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?

IT HELPS WITH
SPORTS, OKAY?

WHICH SPORTS WOULD
THAT BE?

ONES THAT ARE...
YOU KNOW...

I ALSO WANT TO PLAY
BEACH VOLLEYBALL.

I ALSO WANT TO WIN A
CHICKEN WING EATING CONTEST,

THAT WOULD BE COOL,
RIGHT?

SWIM WITH THE DOLPHINS.

AND MAKE MY OWN
LUXE CAPACITOR.

WE TALKED ABOUT THIS,
FRED.

THAT'S A MOVIE.

AND YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF YOUR
GOALS ARE FAIRLY ATTAINABLE.

EXCEPT FOR
THE CHICKEN WING THING.

NO, I CAN DO THAT.

NO.

I CAN DO THAT.

THIS IS AWESOME,
WE'RE AT GUINNESS, MAN.

WE'RE AT GUINNESS.

WE'RE DRINKING
IN THE MORNING.

THEY GOT A BUNCH
OF OOMPA-LOOMPAS

THAT ARE STIRRING
A GUINNESS.

AGAIN, THAT'S A MOVIE,
THAT'S THE WORLD OF MOVIES.

I KNOW.

BESIDES IT'S CREEPY.

YOU'RE GONNA SLEEP IN THE
SAME BED AS YOUR GRANDPARENTS.

NO.

THAT WAS KINDA WEIRD.

YOU KNOW, ARTHUR GUINNESS ACTUALLY
SIGNED A 9,000 YEAR LEASE ON THE PLACE.

WOW... I HOPE
THEY RENEW IT.

I THINK THEY'LL BE OKAY.

ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GET ANOTHER ONE.

YEAH.

I'M READY.

UH, WE ONLY
GET ONE, GUYS.

WHAT?

THE FIRST ONE'S FREE,
BUT THEN

WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT

SO THEY CAN BRING IN
OTHER PEOPLE.

I MEAN, THEY'RE BRINGING UP
PEOPLE ALL DAY,

SO WE GOTTA GO.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

IT'S OKAY, FRED.

NO, I THOUGHT I
HEARD HIM SAY ONE.

WE HAVE A FULL DAY
IN THE CITY.

NO!

WE HAVE A LOT
OF THINGS TO DO.

NO! THAT'S NOT RIGHT! NO!

NO!

TALK TO MR. GUINNESS!

NOT ONE!

I WOULD HAVE
ORDERED A PITCHER.

YOU CAN'T GET A PITCHER,
THAT'S MY POINT.

WE HAVE TO GO...

I'LL GO BUY US A ROUND.

THE FIRST ROUND'S
ON ME, GUYS.

LOOK WHAT YOU DID.

I COME HERE ALL THE WAY
FROM CLEVELAND

TO GET MORE THAN ONE...
YOU GIVE ME ONE?

IT'S OKAY.

SHUT UP.

GO TO YOUR HAPPY PLACE.

REMEMBER YOUR HAPPY PLACE?

THERE IS NO GOD.

REMEMBER...

THERE'S NO HAPPY PLACE.

...EDGEWATER PARK?

A BIG OL' THING
OF POPCORN.

NO.

AND THERE'S SEAGULLS.

LOOK AT THE SEAGULLS,
FREDDIE.

I'M GONNA KILL SOMEBODY.

IT'S MY FIRST DAY IN IRELAND,

NO SLEEP,
BUT IT'S WORTH IT.

ONE OF MY DREAMS
JUST CAME TRUE.

THANKS.

SEE YOU AT
THE REHEARSAL, MAN.

SOUNDS GOOD.

GET SOME REST.

NOW IT'S TIME TO RELAX

IN THE COMFORTS
OF A CHARMING BED AND BREAKFAST.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE I'LL GET
A SPA TREATMENT OR A MASSAGE

SET UP WITH THE CONCIERGE.

HI, I'M WITH
THE FLYNN WEDDING PARTY.

I'M JUST CHECKING IN.

YES, YOU ARE.

CEAD MILE FAILTE.

WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU

SINCE SUPPERTIME.

SUPPER...

UHM, YESTERDAY,
I'M PRETTY SURE

I SAID I'D BE
ARRIVING TODAY.

WE EAT OUR SUPPER
AT 1 P.M. SHARP EVERY DAY!

ONE P.M.?
UHM...

WHAT TIME'S
THE LATE LATE SHOW ON?

3:30?

FOLLOW ME!

BREAKFAST IS AT 7:30 A.M. SHARP.

SUPPER AND DINNER,
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.

I'M LILLY O'SHEA.

AND THIS GOBSHITE HERE,

WITH THE SPILLED TEA
ON HIS TROUSERS,

IT LEAST I HOPE IT'S SPILLED
TEA, IS MR. O'SHEA.

I'M TOM MURPHY,
I'M FROM THE STATES.

OH, A YANK!

ALL THE WAY
FROM THE STATES!

I HAVEN'T HAD ONE OF THOSE
IN QUITE SOME TIME NOW,

IT'S MOSTLY GERMANS
OR UHM, ITALIANS.

HERE YOU GO.

THIS IS THE KEY
TO THE FRONT DOOR,

AND THAT'S THE KEY
TO YOUR BEDROOM.

THANK YOU, MA'AM,
I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.

NOW... MR. O'SHEA

IS ON HIS HEART MEDICINE,
SO NO NOISE

AFTER THE CHAT SHOWS
WHICH IS 10 P.M. SHARP.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU'RE PROBABLY NEVER
EVER GONNA EVEN SEE ME.

I'M JUST HERE FOR
THE WEDDING.

I'M JUST GONNA
PRETTY MUCH SLEEP HERE.

OH, NO, NO, NO, WE'D LIKE TO SEE
A LITTLE BIT OF YOU, LAD.

MY SON, EUGENE, HAS BEEN GONE
FOR SOME TIME NOW.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

COMPUTER PROGRAMMER
IN CORK CITY.

OH.

OH, WE MISS HIM SO MUCH.

THE HOUSE HASN'T BEEN
THE SAME WITHOUT HIM.

MR. O'SHEA TALKS
TO THE SEAGULLS NOW.

AND I THINK THEY LISTEN.

OKAY...

YOU KNOW...

MAYBE WE CAN HAVE
A CUP OF TEA SOMETIME.

OH, YOU DON'T MEAN IT!

GO GET THE BELLEEK OUT.

I HAVE SOME FRESH SCONES MADE
AND MARMALADE AND A CUP O' TEA.

WOULD YOU LIKE
A CUP O' TEA?

UH, NO, GOD, NO.

RIGHT NOW, I'M JET LAGGED.

I JUST WENT TO
THE GUINNESS FACTORY.

OH, YOU DID, ALL RIGHT, THEN
YOU NEED TO GET SOME REST.

YEAH, WORKING HARD.

GO ON IN THERE
AND HAVE A NICE REST.

THAT'S A GOOD LAD.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'LL BE RIGHT OUT HERE
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.

THAT'S REASSURING,
THANK YOU.

ANYTHING AT ALL.

HE'S A NICE YOUNG LAD,
FOR A YANK.

HE'S A BOLLOCKS.

MR. MURPHY, MR. FRED,
AND MR. RICARDO,

WELCOME TO THE PUB
I GREW UP IN.

I HAD ME FIRST DRINK
RIGHT HERE.

AND HOPEFULLY HER LAST
FOR THE EVENING.

NO.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER,
DON'T WORRY.

COME MEET THE IN-LAWS.

MY PARENTS-TO-BE.

WISH ME LUCK
ON THIS ONE, FELLOWS.

YEAH, GOOD LUCK.

TOM, I WANT YOU
TO MEET ME PARENTS.

THIS IS MARY AND
HUGH FITZGERALD.

HI, HOW ARE YOU?

CONGRATULATIONS,
THANK YOU FOR HAVING US.

HOW ARE YOU?

GREAT DAUGHTER,
SHE'S REALLY NICE.

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO BE

A WANKING BANKER NOW,
WOULD YOU?

UH...

OH, NO.

I'M ONLY CODDING.

DON'T YOU PAY ANY
ATTENTION TO HIMSELF.

HE'S JUST MAD THE DUBS
LOST TO CLARE AT CROKE PARK.

OH, I GET IT,
I'M INTO SPORTS, TOO.

WELCOME TO OUR HOME.

THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR HAVING ME.

WE HEARD SO MUCH
ABOUT YOU.

OH, HE'S TWITCHING NOW.

THEY LURED ME IN.

YOU'RE SO NICE!

A HUGGER, TOO.

THOMAS!

THOMAS MURPHY!

MR. MURPHY, GET UP OUT
OF THAT BED!

HALF THE DAY IS OVER!

WHAT TIME IS IT?

IT'S VERY LATE!

IT'S SIX A.M.

SIX A.M.?

WHAT ARE WE, AMISH?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
WHAT ARE WE, AMISH?

WHAT IS THAT?

IS THAT A RASH
OR SOMETHING?

COME ON, GET UP
OUT OF THAT BED!

COME ON!

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

WHAT?

WHERE'S THE CAT?

WHAT... WHAT CAT?

THE CAT THAT TOOK
A SHITE IN YOUR MOUTH!

HOLY MARY,
MOTHER OF GOD!

WOULD YOU GET UP,
MR. BOG BREATH!

JAYSUS...

HERE YOU GO, YANK.

YOUR FIRST
IRISH BREAKFAST.

"YANK"?

QUICK QUESTION...

WHAT IS THIS?

DID YOU HEAR THAT,
MR. O'SHEA?

DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD, YANK.

THIS, FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
IS A TRADITIONAL IRISH BREAKFAST

OF RASHERS, SAUSAGES,

EGGS PARTIALLY SUNNYSIDE UP
WITH A CHANCE OF RAIN,

BLACK AND WHITE PUDDING
AND FRIED TOMATO,

SO YOU CAN EITHER EAT UP
OR SHUT UP.

OKAY... I APPRECIATE IT,
THANK YOU.

HMM, THIS IS PRETTY GOOD.

WHAT'S IN IT?

BLOOD AND INTESTINES.

WHOO! ALL DONE!

THAT WAS DELICIOUS.

BUT YOU'VE HARDLY
TOUCHED IT.

I DID, I'M A LIGHT EATER.

WELL, YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE
A LIGHT EATER.

I EAT A LOT OF SALADS.

OKAY...

DO YOU HAVE THE INTERNET?

AFTER GETTING MY FILL
OF BLOOD SAUSAGE AND RUNNY EGGS

IT WAS TIME TO BURN OFF
THOSE EXCESS CARBS

AND SEE THE SIGHTS OF DUBLIN.

DUBLIN IS AN AMAZING
METROPOLITAN CITY.

IT WAS NOTHING LIKE MY DAD
SAID IT WAS.

THERE ARE MULTI-NATIONAL
COMPANIES HEADQUARTERED THERE.

EVERY NATIONALITY IN THE WORLD
WALKED DOWN ITS STREETS.

GOOD MORNING.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

YOU LIKE IT?

YEAH, THAT'S REALLY GOOD.

I LOVE SUNSETS.

IT'S ACTUALLY
A SUNRISE.

IT'S A SUNSET.

NO, IT'S A SUNRISE.

NO, IT'S NOT.

YES, IT IS.

IN FACT, IT'S THAT
SUNRISE.

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M
DOING UP THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING?

I'M PAINTING THE SUNRISE
AT SUNRISE.

TAKE IT EASY... ARTISTS.

THE TERTIARY COLORS ARE
JUST CRISP, VERY BRIGHT.

WOW.

A COMPLIMENT,
I'M FLATTERED.

ALL RIGHTY THEN.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

NO, THAT WOULD BE ALL.

OKAY, GOOD.

GO BACK TO PAINTING
YOUR SUNSET.

IT'S A SUNRISE.

IT'S A SUNSET.

WHATEVER.

IT'S GOOD.

POOR LILLY, SHE MISSES
HER SON IN COUNTY CORK.

I GUESS IRISH MOTHERS
ARE IRISH MOTHERS

NO MATTER WHAT COUNTRY
THEY LIVE IN.

WE GOTTA GET OUT
OF HERE.

YEAH, LET'S GET
THIS GUY MARRIED.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING
DRESSED LIKE THAT?

YOU LOOK LIKE
A KNACKER.

GET BACK INTO YOUR ROOM AND
CHANGE YOUR TIE THIS INSTANT.

GUYS, THIS IS LILLY.

HOW ARE YOU, LADS?

VERY NICE TO MEET YA.

YOU'RE NOT REALLY GOING
TO WEAR THAT TIE, ARE YOU?

THIS IS WHAT WE'RE WEARING
IN THE WEDDING.

UH, MY FIANCÉ ACTUALLY PICKED
OUT THE COLOR SCHEME HERE.

IS YOUR FIANCÉ FROM
CORK CITY?

NO.

THOSE ARE THE CORK COLORS.

THESE ARE THE DUBLIN COLORS.

YOU SHOULD BE WEARING
YOUR BLUE AND YOUR NAVIES.

YOU'RE GOING TO GET DESTROYED,
YOU KNOW, AT THE WEDDING.

THEY'LL BE PELTING EGGS
AND EVERYTHING AT YOU.

AND WHAT IS THAT?

I MEAN, THEY'LL MAKE...

YOU'RE AN AWFUL LOOKIN' EEJIT.

THEY'RE GONNA MAKE A TOTAL
FOOL OUT OF YOU AT THE WEDDING.

OKAY,
IT'S GETTING LATE.

HEY! I'M GETTING MARRIED.

RIGHT!

LET'S GO!

HEY!

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

SHOULD BE IN CORK,
THOUGH, NOT IN DUBLIN.

THAT'S ALL I'M GONNA SAY.

MATCHES YOUR EYES.

MATCHES YOUR EYES...
AND DON'T BE SO SMART.

SHOWING OFF IN FRONT
OF YOUR FRIENDS.

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

DESPERATE PUPS.

WOW, THIS IS
A BEAUTIFUL CHURCH.

I COULDN'T BE MORE HAPPY AND
PROUD FOR MARTY AND BERNIE.

MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL FIND
THAT HAPPINESS, TOO.

I KNOW MY PARENTS WANT ME
TO FIND AN IRISH GIRL,

BUT I'M NOT GONNA FORCE IT.

IF IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS.

TOMORROW WE LEAVE DUBLIN
AND THE EAST COAST

AND SET OUT
TO THE WESTERN SIDE

TO A PLACE CALLED
COUNTY CLARE.

LET'S GET
THIS STAGECOACH A-MOVING, PILGRIM.

UHM, YEAH, I GUESS MY DAD'S
RIGHT, I BETTER WORK ON THAT.

I'M PISSED.

I'M PISSED, DARLIN'.

PISSED.

HEY, TOMMY TOM-TOM.

WHAT'S THAT?

YOU GOING FOR SOME
BRIDESMAID ACTION?

I SAW YOU CHECKING OUT
CARMEL OVER THERE.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT.

HEY, RICARDO...

I HAVE TWENTY DOLLARS U.S.,
SEVEN DOLLARS EURO,

SAYS THAT TOM DOESN'T HAVE
THE GUTS TO GO OVER THERE

AND MAKE SOMETHING
OUT OF THAT.

COME ON, NO, NO.

GO OVER THERE

AND HAVE HER MAKE YOU BLOOD
SAUSAGE IN THE MORNING.

YOU'RE SERIOUS?
RIGHT NOW?

GO, GO, GO.

PROVE IT.

DO IT, DO IT, DO IT.

ALL RIGHT.

HE'S GONNA STRIKE OUT.

HE'S A DEAD MAN.

THERE'S NO WAY.

I'M PRETTY SURE
THAT GIRL'S A DUDE.

HEY, CARMEL.

HELLO.

NICE JOB TODAY.

THANKS, YOU, TOO.

YEAH, I THOUGHT WITH ALL
THE ROMANCE IN THE AIR,

IT'D BE KIND OF
A SHAME TO WASTE IT.

WHAT?

YEAH, I MEAN,
SINCE I'M FROM THE BIG CITY,

AND UH,
I'M WEARING SHOES,

I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE
TO DANCE.

WEARING SHOES?

UH-HUH.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF US?

THAT WE'LL ALL COUNTRY FOLK,
STUCK ON OUR FARMS,

MILKING COWS
AND BALING HAY?

YEP.

WE INVENTED RIVERDANCE,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

AND BESIDES, I THINK
YOUR LITTLE FRIEND IS CUTE.

HIM?

HEY, MAN!

MICHAEL FLATLEY IS FROM
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.

IRISH WOMEN DON'T EAT
MEAT AND POTATOES ALL THE TIME.

WHAT'S UP, DUDE?

THAT YOUR FRIEND?

YES.

HEY, SONNY.

RIGHT IN THE BABY MAKER.

WANT TO DANCE?

SURE.

THOUGHT SHE WAS
HEADING FOR ME.

NO.

YOU'RE A HERMAPHRODITE.

I DUB YOU
HERMAPHRODITE.

ARE YOU CRYING?
HUH?

SORRY.

YOU'RE NOT
HERMAPHRODITE.

YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL
STILL!

LOOK AT YOU,
YOU'RE GLOWING!

YOU'RE A LIAR,
BUT GOD BLESS YOU.

SO DID YOU HAVE FUN?

I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN.

EVEN THOUGH TOM'S HERE
I'M STILL HAVING A BLAST.

VANESSA, YOU'RE ME MAID OF
HONOR, YOU'RE ME BEST FRIEND,

AND I'LL ALWAYS BE
ON YOUR SIDE,

BUT I THINK YOU'RE BEING
AWFUL ROUGH ON TOM.

OH, BERNIE.

SURE,
HE'S NOT PERFECT,

BUT HE'S KIND AND HE'S FUN.

AND HE'S CRAZY.

HE'S NOT CRAZY,
HE'S IRISH.

WELL, THAT'S TRUE.

I THINK YOU MAY HAVE GOT OFF
TO A BAD START,

BUT IT'S JUST A START.

ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN.

HI.

HI.

YOU EVER HAVE ALL THESE
EXPECTATIONS YOU HAVE TO LIVE BY

AND THEY'RE NOT YOURS,
THEY'RE EVERYBODY ELSE'S?

YEAH.

I THINK THAT WOULD BE
MY LIFE STORY.

REALLY?

HMM-MMM.

I GUESS I JUST KIND OF
EXPECTED MORE FROM THAT,

I MEAN,
IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND ALL.

IT'S VERY ROMANTIC.

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN
OUT HERE.

LILLY, THANK YOU SO MUCH,
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

IT WAS A GREAT TIME,
GREAT STAY,

AND UH, WELL,
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

GO AWAY WITH THAT!

OH, OKAY.

OH, YOU TAKE GOOD CARE
OF YOURSELF NOW, TOM.

THANK YOU, I WILL.

I CLEANED ALL
YOUR UNDERWEAR.

YOU DID?

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BANANA
SANDWICHES FOR THE ROAD?

THOSE ARE BOTH
CREEPY STATEMENTS.

I APPRECIATE IT,
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

NO, I GAVE 'EM UP.

I'M TRYING TO GIVE UP
PUDDING AND BANANAS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOU CAN COME BACK
ANY TIME AND VISIT US.

ANY TIME.

I WILL, I CAN'T WAIT
TO BOOK IT.

OH, WE'RE GOING TO
MISS YOU.

CAN I HAVE THE BAG?

I WILL.

HEY, LOOK, THE CAT'S
GETTING OUT.

I GOTTA GO, 'BYE.

'BYE.

WE GOTTA GET THE HELL
OUT OF HERE!

POOR LILLY, I GUESS
I REMIND HER OF HER SON.

WELL, SHE REMINDS ME
OF MY MOM.

THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

OKAY,
WHERE'S THE STEERING WHEEL?

WHOA.

WHOA!

ARE YOU ON
THE RIGHT SIDE?

AH!

WHO'S BREATHING HARD?

I CAN'T SEE A THING.

YOU WANNA GUESS?

I GOT GAS.

TIME TO HEAD WEST
INTO THE HEART

OF THE IRISH COUNTRYSIDE

TO A PLACE CALLED
MILLTOWN MALBAY COUNTY CLARE.

IT'S PRETTY CLOSE
TO SHANNON AIRPORT

SO I THINK I'LL LOOK UP
MY RELATIVES.

THE ENTIRE WEDDING PARTY
IS GOING, INCLUDING VANESSA.

VANESSA,
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

THEY RENTED ME A SHIT
BOX, THAT'S THE PROBLEM!

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY,
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

TELL YOU WHAT.

WHY DON'T YOU
RIDE WITH US?

HEY, TOMMY,
IS THAT OKAY?

YEAH, YEAH,
OF COURSE.

HEY, TOM...

WHY DON'T YOU BE
A GENTLEMAN

AND HELP THE LADY
WITH HER BAGS?

ME BE THE GENTLEMAN...

OH, OKAY.

YOU'RE SCREWED!

OH, YEAH, THANKS.

YEAH, THAT DOESN'T
REALLY LOOK GOOD.

THAT'S LEADING
FROM THE MANIFOLD.

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT THAT IS.

MANIFOLD'S GONNA
COME DOWN...

THAT'S NOT A MANIFOLD.

IT'S GONNA CONNECT
TO A RADIATOR.

DRUMFOMINA...

HALFWAY THROUGH OUR TRIP
WE FOUND IT.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I FOUND THIS PLACE.

LET'S GO TO A PUB.

OH, I CAN'T,
THIS IS MY DAD'S RELATIVES.

I PROMISED HIM
WE'D STOP BY.

IT'S DAPPER DAN.

IT'S THE ONLY BARBER
IN TOWN,

SO IT'S GOTTA BE IT.

I'M SORRY,
THE ONLY BARBER?

WHAT ARE WE ON,
FLEET STREET?

I'M NOT EATING
ANY PIE.

HEY, TOM, WHAT ARE
WE DOING HERE?

YEAH, WE COULD BE AT A PUB
OR SOMETHING RIGHT NOW.

ALL RIGHT GUYS, COULD YOU GIVE
THE PUB ONE DAY OF REST?

OKAY...

EAT UP, YOU GOT LOTS OF FOOD
ON YOUR PLATES NOW.

NEIL, GET IN HERE!

CALL YOUR DA.

DAD! DA!

BILLY GOATS.

LOOK WHO'S COME A-VISITING
ALL THE WAY FROM AMERICA.

YOUR RELATIVES FROM THE STATES.

YOU DON'T SAY!

WELL, HELLO, MISS.
HELLO, LAD.

I'M NEIL MURPHY.

I SEE YOU MET ME WIFE,
LIZZY, ALREADY.

AND THESE ARE OUR DAUGHTERS.

SIOBAN AND THERESA.

HELLO.

HOW ARE YE?

HELLO.

AND HOW IS EVERYONE
BACK IN THE STATES?

PRETTY GOOD.

DAD'S ABOUT TO RETIRE;
MOM JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB.

SO... YEAH, IT'S A BIG MONTH.

HMM.

YOU KNOW, YOUR FOOD'S
REALLY RICH.

I'M HAVING A TOUGH TIME
GETTING ADJUSTED.

ALL NATURAL.

NO PRESERVATIVES, LAD.

WHAT WAS THAT?

THAT, MY FRIEND,
IS ANOTHER CUSTOMER.

SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO IRELAND?

WELL, UH, A REALLY GOOD FRIEND
OF OURS GOT MARRIED IN DUBLIN

AND UH...

AND TOM IS LOOKING FOR
AN IRISH BRIDE.

OH!

JUST A BEARD TRIM.

MY ASSISTANT'LL
TAKE CARE OF IT.

WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT?

YOUNG TOMMY HERE'S COME TO
IRELAND TO FIND A BRIDE.

MY GOODNESS.

SUCH A WAY TO COME FOR THAT!

DUTY CALLS.

MAYBE YOU CAN MARRY
ONE OF MY FRIENDS, TOM.

YEAH, TOM, MAYBE YOU CAN
MARRY ONE OF HER FRIENDS.

WHAT ABOUT THE THREE
OF YOU LADS?

ARE YOU LOOKING
TO GET MARRIED?

UH... UH...

WE'RE GAY.

AH! HOMOSEXUALS,
THAT'S WHAT WE ARE.

HOMOSEXUALS.

YEAH, WE'RE, UH,
WE'RE SUPER GAY.

WAY GAY.

WHOO! WHOO!

YOU'RE SURE?

BACK UP, GIRLFRIEND.

HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!

THIS IS MY ASSISTANT,
SASHA.

SHE'S FROM LATVIA.

DOESN'T SPEAK A LICK
OF ENGLISH,

BUT SHE CAN CUT HAIR
LIKE NO OTHER.

AND SHE BRINGS A LITTLE
WOMANLY TOUCH TO THE SHOP.

NOW WHAT WERE WE
ON ABOUT?

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT
WOMANLY TOUCHES AS WELL,

THESE THREE LADS...
LIKE... LADS.

THAT'S FUNNY!

YOU KNOW,
I'M REALLY "BI."

BYE?

YEAH, I'M BI.

OH, BYE-BYE.

NO, NOT BYE-BYE.

NO, I MEAN I'M BI-SEXUAL,
I'M BI-SEXUAL.

BUT I PREFER DUDES
A LOT MORE, A LOT MORE.

SURE IS BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.

YEAH, IT'S KINDA NICE.

IT'S ALMOST AS BEAUTIFUL
AS GREECE.

OH, ALMOST?

ALMOST AS BEAUTIFUL.

OH...

IT'S REALLY NICE,
IT'S ACTUALLY GORGEOUS..

SO WHAT DO YOU DO
IN GREECE FOR FUN?

YOU SUN BATHE.

YOU SUN BATHE.

YEAH.

TOUGH GIRLS,
GREEKS.

HEY, MY PARENTS
WERE BORN IN SPARTA.

I WANT A STRONG MAN.

SO, DID YOU GUYS
LIKE, WATCH 300

AND GO, OH MY GOD,
I'M RELATED TO LIKE 299 OF THOSE.

OH-HO!
YOU'RE A FREAK.

I'M A FREAK?

I'M CONSIDERED LIKE
A SUPER STAR IN THIS PLACE.

OH, THAT'S WHY YOU CAME ALL
THE WAY HERE TO FIND A WIFE?

I...

IS THAT TRUE?

I'M INTERVIEWING.

YOU'RE INTERVIEWING GIRLS?

YES.

YOU CAN'T GET A GIRL
IN THE STATES...

SO YOU CAME HERE
TO TRY TO FIND ONE.

HOW 'BOUT YOURSELF?

THERE WAS THIS ONE GUY,

BUT UHM... IT JUST
DIDN'T WORK OUT.

WHAT HAPPENED?

HE DIDN'T GIVE YOUR DAD
ENOUGH CHICKENS

OR LIVESTOCK OR PIGGIES?

NO, IT WASN'T THAT.

WHAT?

MY FATHER DIDN'T LIKE HIM.

SO YOU DUMPED THE GUY
THAT YOU LOVED

BECAUSE YOUR FATHER
DIDN'T LIKE HIM?

IT'S NOT LIKE THAT.

MY FATHER'S ALL I'VE GOT
SINCE MY MOTHER DIED.

I GUESS I WANT SOMEONE
JUST LIKE HIM.

YOU KNOW,
STRANGELY ENOUGH,

I THINK I CAN RELATE TO THAT.

I THINK I WANT SOMEBODY
JUST AS GOOD AS MY PARENTS, TOO.

YEAH.

THAT'S COOL.

HEY, FELLOWS,
I GOTTA GET DIRECTIONS.

SO STEVEN,
YOU WANNA COME WITH ME?

WE'LL GO TO THAT HARDWARE STORE.

LET'S TRY THIS PLACE.

THAT DOOR'S STUCK.

IT'S REALLY DAMP IN HERE.

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD
PLEASE HELP ME OUT.

I'M TRYING TO FIND
FINTAN MCGUIRE.

I'M A RELATION OF HIS
FROM THE STATES.

YEAH, IT'S ABOUT THREE KILOMETERS
DOWN THE END OF THIS ROAD.

KILOMETERS!
OKAY!

THAT'S MY LANGUAGE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

KILOMETER...
WHERE IS THAT AT?

ARE THERE ANY LANDMARKS?

THE FARM WITH THE HORSE
IN THE FIELD, YOU CAN'T MISS IT.

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

UHM, YOU'RE...?

MOLLY, MOLLY SWEENEY.

MOLLY, PRETTY NAME.

I'M TOM MURPHY.

ANYTHING ELSE?

NO, THANK YOU,
HAVE A GOOD DAY.

HOPE YOU HAVE
A NICE CRACK...

CHEERS.

THEY DON'T PUT ANY
NUMBERS ON THE DOORS.

GO AHEAD AND KNOCK.

LET'S TRY THIS ONE,
I GUESS.

I THINK THE GREEN
HORNET AND KATO ARE AT THE DOOR.

HI, I'M TOM MURPHY,
I'M FROM CLEVELAND... USA.

I THINK MY MOTHER ANNIE
IS A RELATION OF YOURS.

HER MAIDEN NAME IS MCGUIRE,
ANNIE MCGUIRE.

ANNIE MCGUIRE!

AH! COME IN,
COME IN, COME IN!

HOW ARE YOU?
TOM.

TOM, HOW ARE YOU?

RICARDO.

RICARDO,
HOW ARE YOU?

THIS IS MY WIFE,
FIONA.

HELLO.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

WELL, I HAVEN'T HEARD
FROM YOUR MOTHER IN YEARS.

IF WE'D KNOWN
YOU WERE COMING,

SHE'D HAVE BAKED
A CAKE.

PLEASE, DON'T GO TO
ANY TROUBLE FOR US.

WE WERE AT A WEDDING
IN DUBLIN

AND WE THOUGHT
WE'D JUST POP IN.

I PROMISED MY MOM.

THEY WERE IN DUBLIN
FOR A WEDDING

AND THEY POPPED
INTO CLARE.

YOU MUST BE VERY THIRSTY
AFTER ALL THAT DRIVING.

THANK YOU.

SMALL ONE FOR YOU,
DARLING.

THANK YOU.

SLÁINTE.

FINTAN!

YOU HAVE THE MANNERS
OF A GOAT.

SORRY, LUV.

WELL, THE YANKS ARE HERE,

WE BETTER GO
TO THE PUB, HUH?

I'D GIVE YOU A DIRTY LOOK
ONLY YOU'RE WEARING ONE ALREADY.

OH, DARLING,
IT'S A CELEBRATION.

WHERE'S FINBAR?

FINBAR! FINBAR!
GET DOWN HERE!

COME ON, WE'RE GOING
TO THE PUB!

THE YANKS ARE HERE!

OH, AND YOU TWO,
YOU'RE STAYING RIGHT HERE.

OH, NO-NO-NO.

WE INSIST,
DON'T WE, DARLING?

YES.

YOU'RE FAMILY.

OKAY, WE'LL STAY.

WE'LL DO CHORES,
IF YOU WANT US TO.

YOU CERTAINLY WILL.

THEY GOT ANIMALS
AND STUFF.

OH.

PAINT THE ANIMALS.

NO, DON'T PAINT THE ANIMALS,
NO, WE WOULDN'T LIKE THAT.

IT'S NOT
ST. PATRICK'S DAY, RIGHT?

I REMEMBER THAT.

SORRY.

YOU SHOULDN'T
DO THAT.

EVENIN' ALL,
HOW ARE WE?

BRIDIE! PETER!

HELLO, FINTAN.

WE'LL HAVE SIX PINTS
OF STOUT HERE.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS,
THIS IS MY ROUND.

NO, NO, NO,
PUT THAT AWAY.

PUT THAT AWAY!

NO, I INSIST.

I INSIST,

IT'S THE LEAST
I CAN DO, OKAY?

THANK YOU.

SLÁINTE.

SLÁINTE.

TO THE MCGUIRES,
MY FAMILY.

CHEERS.

CHEERS.

YOUR CHANGE.

NO, NO, NO, THAT'S OKAY,
THAT'S YOUR TIP.

OH, "TIP."

TIP, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?

TIP FROM THE YANKS.

HERE'S YOUR TIP, YANK.

PUT THAT AWAY,
PUT IT AWAY.

WHAT DID I DO?

YOU DON'T TIP PEOPLE
AROUND HERE.

INSULTING THEM.

TIP THAT INTO YOUR GOB, HUH?

THIS PLACE IS SO HOMEY.

HOMEY.

YEAH, I SHOULD HOPE SO.

BRIDIE AND PETER HAVE BEEN HERE
FOR NOW 54 YEARS.

WOW.

FIFTY-FOUR YEARS.

LIVING IN A PUB.

YES, THEY RAISED THEIR LITTLE
ONES HERE SINCE THEY WERE PUPS.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR A LIVING?

OH, I'M IN THE CATTLE
BUSINESS.

YES, BEEF, CREAM...

YOU KNOW, IF YOU CAN EAT IT
OR DRINK IT

AND OH, IF IT HAS HORNS ON IT,
I'M YOUR MAN.

SUPPOSE IT'S NOT AS COOL
AS THE PUB BUSINESS.

BUT IT HAS ITS MOMENTS.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT
YOU THREE STOOGES, HUH?

LEMME GUESS.

YOU'RE A TRUST FUND BABY,
RIGHT?

AND YOU...

YOU'RE A DANCER.

HA-HA!

I SUPPOSE YOU MAKE
PEKING DUCKS, DO YA?

ACTUALLY,
I'M AN ACCOUNTANT.

AH, I KNEW IT.

A REGULAR
WARREN "BUFFAY."

I ACTUALLY DID WIN THE
CLEVELAND DANCING WITH THE STARS

A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.

OOO, FREDDY TRAVOLTA, HUH?

AH-HA, I KNEW IT,
I KNEW IT.

I SUPPOSE YOU DON'T
MAKE PEKING DUCKS.

UH, ACTUALLY
I DELIVER THEM.

DELIVER THEM?

I'M A VETERINARIAN;
I'M AN ANIMAL DOCTOR.

OH, WELL, THAT'S...

THAT'S NOT A DOCTOR.

UNBELIEVABLE.

THERE'S A COW UP THERE
ABOUT TO DELIVER A CALF,

AND I'M A BIT CONCERNED.

WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS?

SYMPTOMS...
WELL, SHE'S...

SHE'S... SHE...
YOU KNOW...

SHE'S BEEN LEAVING PILES OF
SHITE HIGHER THAN YAO MING.

THAT COULD BE
A PARASITE.

WHY DON'T I TAKE
A LOOK AT HER TOMORROW?

A PARASITE?

YEAH, SOME KIND

OF STOMACH WORM,
OR A LIVER FLUKE.

DON'T WORRY,
I'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.

OH, THANK YOU.

COME ON, LADS,
WE GOING TO THE DISCO.

DISCO.

THE DISCO, IT'S WHERE ALL
THE BIRDS HANG OUT.

I LIKE BIRDS.

COME ON.

I GOT A LOT
OF BIRDSEED, TOO.

LET'S GO.

HEY, IT'S CARMEL,

SHE WANTS ME TO MEET HER
IN GALWAY FOR THE RACES.

YEAH, I'M STAYING HERE.

I THINK I FOUND MY PLACE.

THE GALWAY RACES, HUH?

THEY MIGHT HIRE YOU ON
AS A JOCKEY.

SO, YOU GUYS ARE LEAVING
WITHOUT US?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

YOU CAN CONTINUE
YOUR QUEST.

JUST VISIT WITH
YOUR RELATIVES.

YOU'LL BE OKAY.

AH, WE'RE ONLY KIDDING
YA, COME ON!

WHAT WAS THIS ABOUT
A QUEST?

TOMMY'S HERE TO FIND A WIFE.

A WIFE? HERE?

GEEZ.

WHY DON'T YOU GET
YOUR COMPUTER OUT

AND YOU KNOW,
MADE TO ORDER.

THERE'S THE MATCHMAKING
FEST IN LISDOONVARNA.

HE MIGHT FIND A GERMAN
OVER THERE.

A NICE GERMAN GIRL.

ACHTUNG BABY.

NO, NO, THEY'RE TOO
COLD, TOO FRIGID.

FINT!

WHAT?

THEY'RE LOVELY PEOPLE,
THE GERMANS.

HOW 'BOUT A FRENCH GIRL?

OH, YES, YES, A FRENCH
OOO-LA-LA.

OOO, THERE YOU GO.

YOU DON'T OWN ENOUGH
TURTLENECKS, DO YOU?

V-NECKS.

HOW 'BOUT AN ITALIAN?

OH, AN ITALIAN,
NOW YOU'RE TALKING.

YOU OUGHT TO BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.

CODDING HIM LIKE THAT.

OH, WE'RE ONLY HAVING
A BIT OF FUN.

IT'S ROMANTIC,
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT WORD?

ANY WOMAN IN HER RIGHT MIND
WOULD LIKE SOME PASSION.

HE'S PASSIONATE
AND ROMANTIC.

JUST LIKE YOU USED TO BE.

NOW GET OUT THERE
AND TAKE HIM DOWNTOWN.

AH, GEEZ, YOU'RE GIVING
A HUSBAND A HEADACHE.

I'LL TAKE HIM INTO TOWN.

AND NOT THE PUB!

I WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT.

SO YOU'RE HERE
LOOKING FOR A WIFE.

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T KNOW?

EVERYBODY BACK HOME
IN THE STATES SAYS THAT,

YOU KNOW, IF I TRY
HARD ENOUGH,

I'LL FIND THE WOMAN
OF MY DREAMS

IN THE PLACE WHERE
DREAMS COME TRUE.

THE PLACE WHERE
DREAMS COME TRUE?

YEAH.

HERE?

YEAH.

BOLLOCKS.

BOLLOCKS?

LOOK, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

IRELAND IS A LOVELY PLACE,
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE,

LOVELY SCENERY.

I WOULDN'T LIVE
ANYWHERE ELSE.

BUT IT'S CHANGED.

HOW'S IT CHANGED?

I HAVEN'T SEEN
A THATCHED COTTAGE YET.

THERE HASN'T BEEN
A THATCHED COTTAGE AROUND HERE

FOR FORTY YEARS.

IN THE QUIET MAN,
I MEAN...

THE QUIET MAN, HA!

THAT FILM IS OLDER THAN JESUS.

LOOK, YOU YANKS,
YOU COME OVER HERE

AND YOU THINK THIS PLACE
IS LIKE A MOVIE, BUT IT'S NOT.

WE'RE IN THE EUROPEAN
UNION NOW.

YOU LOOK FOR A GENIE
IN A BOTTLE,

MAYBE YOU'LL FIND IT,

BUT MORE THAN LIKELY,
YOU WON'T.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

I MEAN, I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE
LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT ONE.

BUT IT'S PERFECT
FOR MY FAMILY,

IT'S PERFECT FOR MY FRIENDS.

WELL, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM
RIGHT THERE.

YOU HAVE TO FIND THE WOMAN
THAT'S PERFECT FOR YOU.

HOW'D YOU KNOW FIONA
WAS YOUR SOUL MATE?

ME SOUL MATE?

OH, YEAH, YOU BETTER NOT
LET HER HEAR YOU SAYING THAT

BECAUSE YOU MAKE IT
SOUND LIKE A PRISON SENTENCE.

HOW'D YOU KNOW SHE WAS

THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?

WELL, I JUST KNEW.

I MEAN, SOMEONE WHO'S LOYAL
AND LOVES YOU,

AND YOU KNOW, SHE'S YOUR BEST
FRIEND, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S,

YOU HAVE TO TAKE
A CHANCE ON THAT.

LOVE, LOYALTY,
AND FRIENDSHIP.

AND MAKES YOU LAUGH.

YEAH, I'VE HEARD
THAT BEFORE.

YOU READING THAT NEWSPAPER
YOU'RE SITTING ON?

WHAT?

THIS ONE?

YEAH, I AM.

FECK OFF,
NOSEY O'GRADY.

HOW 'BOUT SHOWING ME
MORE OF YOUR LITTLE COUNTRY?

LET'S GO!

I WANT TO GET
SOME ICE CREAM.

LOVELY.

SOUND GOOD?

YES, ABSOLUTELY,
I'LL HAVE ONE AS WELL.

GET ME A 99.

A 99?

CONE WITH
A FLAKE IN IT.

OH, THE FLA-,
OKAY, GOOD.

TOO MUCH SUGAR
IS BAD FOR YOU, YOU KNOW.

I'LL BE FINE.

SHUT UP AND GIVE ME
YOUR WALLET, OLD MAN!

AH!

ARE YOU OKAY?

I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

OVER THERE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS
AND CONSIDERATION.

IT'S REALLY
NO PROBLEM AT ALL.

I JUST HOPE YOU'RE OKAY.

I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE,

BUT YOU'RE NOT FROM
IRELAND, ARE YOU?

AND YOU ARE NOT
FROM IRELAND.

NO, I'M NOT,
MY RELATIONS ARE.

I'M FROM THE U.S.
MY NAME'S TOM, TOM MURPHY.

AH, THAT'S GREAT.

MY DAUGHTER,
SHE LIVES THERE.

OH.

IT IS THE LAND
OF OPPORTUNITY.

BUT YOU HAVE TO
WORK HARD.

YES, YES, YOU DO,
THAT'S SO VERY TRUE.

DO YOU LIKE LIVING
IN IRELAND?

WHEN THE SUN COMES OUT
I HAVE TO SIT BACK AND LAUGH.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY
ABOUT THE SUN?

WE ARE IN IRELAND.

THE SUN IS A MAGICIAN
AND DISAPPEARS.

IN GREECE WE GRAB OUR LOVER
AND DANCE THE WHOLE NIGHT LONG.

HA-HA!

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE A LUCKY MAN,

THAT'S ALL I GOT TO SAY.

TAKE CARE,

I HOPE YOU
FEEL BETTER, OKAY?

TOM, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

I WAS JUST HELPING
AN OLD GUY WHO FELL.

YOU CAME ALL THIS WAY
TO HELP AN OLD GUY WHO FELL?

NO, I DIDN'T COME
ALL THIS WAY TO...

I'M WITH MY RELATIONS.

I'M GETTING SOMETHING
CALLED A 99.

AND UH...
THIS OLD GUY, HE JUST...

WAS IT BEFORE OR AFTER
YOU GOT HIM FIRED?

WELL, I GOTTA GO.

YEAH, I GOTTA
TAKE OFF, TOO.

OKAY.

SO, I'M GONNA BE AT
THE PUB TOMORROW NIGHT.

YEAH?

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW WHY
I JUST TOLD YOU THAT

BUT UHM, IF YOU'RE BORED AND
HAVEN'T MADE ANY FRIENDS,

WHICH WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME,

WELL, MAYBE I'LL TALK
TO YOU FOR A BIT.

YOU KNOW,
IF YOU'RE AT THE PUB.

YEAH.

YEAH, THAT SOUNDS
KINDA GOOD.

MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU
AT THE PUB.

OKAY.

PUBBING.

THANKS.

ALL RIGHT, 'BYE.

'BYE.

HI, TOM MURPHY.

HEY, MOLLY, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

UH, SORRY ABOUT
THE CRACK THING.

I'M LEARNING WORDS,
GOOD CRACK!

GOODBYE, TOM MURPHY.

OKAY.

WHERE'D YOU GO?

WHERE'S THE ICE CREAM?

THEY RAN OUT.

RAN OUT?

THEY NEVER RUN OUT.

THERE WAS A TOUR BUS
FROM PITTSBURGH.

PITTSBURGH?

BY THE WAY,
YOU BE CAREFUL WITH THAT ONE.

WHAT ONE?

MOLLY SWEENEY.

HER BROTHER, DECLAN,
HE'S A BIT OF A LOOSE CANNON.

FIRST OF ALL,
ALL I SAID WAS HELLO.

YEAH, WELL, SHE WAS SAYING
MORE THAN THAT.

DECLAN, HE'S SIX-FOOT-FOUR
AND TWENTY STONE.

THAT'S SO IMMATURE.

JESUS, HE'S BIG, GOD.

IT'S LIKE WILL DANAHER
AND I'M SEAN THORNTON

FROM THE QUIET MAN.

THE QUIET MAN, AGAIN,
GEEZ.

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT
BY THE TIME YOU GET TO SAY

MARQUIS OF QUEENSBURY RULES

HE'LL HAVE HIS BOOT
UP YOUR ARSE.

I CAN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT VANESSA,

BUT I'M IN IRELAND

AND I PROMISED MY PARENTS
I'D MEET AN IRISH GIRL,

SO THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

HEY, MOLLY.

HEY, WE MEET AGAIN.

HOW'S IT GOING?

NOT TOO BAD,
YOURSELF?

GRAND, YEAH.

HOW'S THE UH,
HOW'S THE FISHING?

CATCH ANYTHING TODAY?

OH, NO, NOT YET.

BUT THAT MIGHT CHANGE
WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN.

OH, NIGHT FISHERMAN.

SO WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO IRELAND, HMM?

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS DREAMED
OF COMING TO IRELAND

AND UH, THOUGHT IT'D BE A
GREAT CHANCE TO MEET MY FAMILY.

YOUR FAMILY?

YEAH, FIND OUT
WHERE I COME FROM.

FINTAN MCGUIRE,
MY RELATION.

I JUST...

I SEE A LOT
OF MYSELF IN HIM.

YOU'RE NOTHING LIKE FINTAN.

NO?

UH-UH.

NOTHING.

UH-UH.

IT'S JUST THERE'S SO MANY
PEOPLE IN AMERICA THAT UH...

THEY DON'T KNOW
WHERE THEY COME FROM.

I FINALLY DO.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS
A LITTLE GIRL,

I ALWAYS DREAMED ABOUT
GOING TO AMERICA.

YOU DID?

I'M GUESSING, I'D SAY,
FLORIDA.

ARE YOU MAD?

WITH MY SKIN?

WHY NOT?

I'M SURE I'D HAVE TO STOP
AT A PAINT STORE FOR SUNSCREEN.

THAT'S TRUE,
TELL ME WHERE.

COLORADO.

COLORADO?

UH-HUH, I COULD FLY FISH

AND LISTEN TO JOHN DENVER
ALL DAY IN THE MOUNTAINS.

JOHN, LITTLE J.D.,
THAT'S NICE.

AT THE END OF THE DAY

MAYBE GET SOME
ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS.

UH-HUH, GOD, YOU'RE A REAL SMOOTH
TALKER, AREN'T YOU?

OH, YEAH, QUICK-WITTED.

I LEARNED SOME NEW SWEAR
WORDS TODAY IN GAELIC.

YEAH, I GOT
A LOT GOING SO...

I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER
YOU, SO HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

SO, I'LL SEE YOU LATER,
YEAH?

YEAH, SEE YOU LATER.

COOL.

'BYE.

VANESSA...

HEY, SO I SEE YOU
MET A LOCAL.

OH, YEAH,
SHE'S A PRETTY NICE GIRL.

SHE WHAT YOU'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR?

WHY WOULD YOU CARE,
I'M A DISASTER, REMEMBER?

I DON'T KNOW, I JUST DON'T WANT
TO SEE YOU GET HURT.

HOW COULD SHE HURT ME?

SHE'S AN IRISH GIRL.

IRISH GIRLS LOVE
AMERICAN MEN.

YEAH, THEY LOVE
AMERICAN MEN, ALL RIGHT.

JUST LIKE CARMEL.

YOU KNOW YOU GET COCKY.

I'M NOT GETTING COCKY,
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

I MEAN, FIRST I'M A PIECE
OF BLACK PUDDING

AND NOW YOU'RE CLARENCE
FROM IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE?

WHY DO YOU CARE?

I DON'T KNOW,
IS SHE REALLY WHAT YOU WANT?

YES!

NO!

SHE'S WHAT I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE WITH.

SAYS WHO?

SAYS EVERYONE!

THEY SAY, BE WITH
AN IRISH GIRL.

NOT SOMEBODY LIKE...

WHAT? SOMEONE LIKE ME?

NO! NO, I'M NOT... NO!

I'M DOING EVERYTHING THAT
EVERYONE ELSE WANTS ME TO DO,

AND I'M OUT OF MY MIND.

YOU KNOW, TOM...

UP UNTIL TODAY I THOUGHT
I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH A GUY

THAT LOOKED LIKE JOHN STAMOS.

GROSS!

I MEAN, WE SPEND OUR LIVES
SAYING WE HAVE TO...

WE HAVE TO GET A GOOD JOB,

WE HAVE TO MAKE
OUR FAMILIES HAPPY.

WE HAVE TO LOVE SOMEONE THAT
THEY WANT US TO LOVE.

THEN SOMETHING CHANGED THAT.

SOMEONE TOLD ME
IT'S OKAY TO BE WITH SOMEONE

AS LONG AS THEY HAD
A GOOD HEART.

MORNING, MY FRIEND,
HOW ARE YOU DOING?

HOO, IT'S GONNA BE A SUNNY DAY
TODAY, I KNOW IT.

BROWN BREAD,
HIGH IN FIBER, OKAY...

TEA, COULD PROBABLY USE
SOME WHISKEY

BUT IT'S A LITTLE EARLY.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

NOTHING.

I WAS ON THE BEACH
LAST NIGHT,

SPANISH POINT BEACH.

IRISH MOLLY,
SHE KISSED ME.

I WARNED YOU
ABOUT THAT GIRL.

I KNOW, I KNOW.

BUT YOU REMEMBER THE TALK
WE HAD YESTERDAY,

ABOUT FINDING
THE PERFECT ONE?

I KNEW INSTANTLY
IT'S NOT HER.

IT'S SOMEBODY ELSE.

WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.

YEAH! AND THEN SHE JUST
WALKED AWAY.

SHE PROBABLY RAN HOME
AND TOLD HER BIG BROTHER.

OH, CRAP!

YOU PUT BOTH FEET IN THE WOOD
CHIPPER THIS TIME, DIDN'T YOU?

LISTEN, IF YOU HAVE
SO MUCH ENERGY,

YOU CAN HELP ME IN THE FIELDS.

SOUNDS GOOD,
DOING WHAT?

YOU'LL SEE.

OH, LOVELY!
BRAVO!

AH, THAT WAS
A LOVELY MASS.

YEAH, IT WAS,
WASN'T IT?

UH-HUH.

DIDN'T NOD OFF THEN?

WHO?

'COURSE I DIDN'T.

NOT ONCE.

NOT EVEN A LITTLE NAP?

NO!

OKAY.

SO WHAT WAS
THE HOMILY ABOUT?

IT WAS ABOUT UH, LOVE...

LOVE, UH...
AND SOMETHING...

MMM, SOMETHING.

SPEAKING OF WHICH...
HAS TOM FOUND HIS YET?

NO.

NO, I THINK HE'S A BIT
CONFLICTED.

WHY?
WHAT'S THE CONFLICT?

WELL, IT SEEMS HE FANCIES
A LOVELY AMERICAN GIRL,

BUT HIS FAMILY IN AMERICA WANT
HIM TO MARRY AN IRISH-BORN GIRL.

VERY BACKWARD LIKE THAT,
THESE AMERICAN COUSINS OF MINE.

MMM, NO MORE THAN
YOUR OWN FAMILY

WANTING YOU TO MARRY
THAT GIRL YOU GOT PREGNANT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO
BRING THAT UP FOR?

HAVE YOU BEEN AT
THE COMMUNION WINE AGAIN?

SHEESH...

ANYWAY, SHE WASN'T PREGNANT.

IT WAS ENTRAPMENT.

LUCKILY I HAD ME SENSES
ABOUT ME.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

BEGGING YOUR MOTHER
FOR FORGIVENESS.

WELL, I HAD TO,
DIDN'T I?

I MEAN,
SHE IS ME MA.

DIDN'T WANT TO BREAK
HER HEART.

THAT WOULD BE A SIN.

THEN I WOULDN'T BE ABLE
TO COME TO MASS WITH YOU

AND HAVE A PINT
AFTERWARDS, WOULD I?

COME ON.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING TO GALWAY RACES?

DIDN'T WORK OUT
THAT WAY.

BESIDES, I WAS ON CALL.

THAT'S A BRAND-NEW
BABY CALF.

EXPERTLY DELIVERED
BY MY NEW FRIEND HERE.

OH, MAN...

DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE
YOU NEED TO BE RIGHT ABOUT NOW?

YEAH, YEAH, I DO.

I GOTTA GO.

GO GET HER.

YOU'RE NOT A BAD LAD,
FOR A YANK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW
FIZZY CANDIES

AND GUINNESS WERE
LETHAL TO COWS?

DO YOU THINK...

WHEN YOU WERE A KID,
DID THEY SAY,

"THE HORSE EATS HAY,"

"THE COWS EAT FIZZY CANDY
AND GUINNESS"?

SO, WHEN ARE WE
OFF TO AMERICA?

UH, HOW YOU DOIN',
MOLLY?

I'M GUESSING THAT'S
YOUR BROTHER, DECLAN.

HEY, DON'T TALK
TO MY SISTER, HUH?

WHAT IS THIS GUY,
THE IRISH BIFF TANNEN?

YOU ALL RIGHT?

I DON'T WANT TO
FIGHT YOUR BROTHER.

WHAT'S THE IRISH WORD
FOR PEACE?

OH, IT'S PÓG MO THÓIN.

HEY, DECLAN,
PÓG MO THÓIN, BUDDY.

PÓG MO THÓIN.

PÓG MO THÓIN.

COME AGAIN?

RIGHT?
PÓG MO THÓIN.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

A KICKING COULDN'T HURT
LONG BEFORE I KISS IT.

TOM! YOU TOLD HIM
TO KISS YOUR ARSE!

WHAT?

WHAT? ME?

OH, APPARENTLY I JUST
LOVE AMERICAN MEN.

OKAY, DECLAN, THIS IS A
LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING, HERE.

UH, DECLAN...

THAT'S IT.

BARE HANDS, MAN.

I'LL TELL YOU NOW,
I'M SICK OF YOUR SHITE AMERICAN TALK.

TALK OF CAPPUCCINOS,

DILDOS, SKYSCRAPERS,

DALLAS REMAKES, STARBUCKS,
AND SOFT DOWN YUPPIES,

WALL STREET BANKERS.

GO ON BACK TO
FECKIN' ILLINOIS.

ALL RIGHT, NOBODY SAYS
I'M FROM ILLINOIS!

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO ABOUT IT?

YOU WANNA GO,
JUST THROW IT DOWN, BUDDY.

WHERE ARE WE GOIN', MAN?

YEAH, WELL,
FIGHT, NOT GO.

WHERE WE GOING TO?

'CAUSE I'LL TAKE YOU
ON A MAGIC CARPET RIDE.

YEAH?

TO SLAP CITY.

YEAH, TAKE OFF THE LEATHER.

HOW MANY COWS YOU KILL?

NOT ENOUGH, MAN.

THIS IS GETTING
OUT OF HAND.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
FELLOWS, FELLOWS.

HOLD ON A SECOND!

HEY, HEY, WHO'S THIS
COHORT!

MY NAME'S FRED,
ALL RIGHT?

NOW HANG ON A SECOND.

WE'RE ALL IRISH BROTHERS
AND SISTERS HERE.

EVERYONE, RIGHT?

LISTEN, NOBODY'S
GONNA DO ANY

SHITE KICKING

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT
ANYTHING IN ANYBODY'S GOB.

KEEP YOUR GOB OPEN.

LET IT BREATHE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

LOOK IT, THIS IS
A NIGHT OF LOVE

AND LOVEMAKING.

NO...

WELL, NOT LOVEMAKING
BUT, BUT LOVE, ANYWAY.

YOU KNOW, LIKE
FRIENDSHIP, IRISH LOVE.

YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS
SING A LOT AND ALL THAT.

IT'S ALL ABOUT SINGING,
IT'S LIKE,

HER EYES WERE AS
BRIGHT AS DIAMONDS, WEREN'T THEY?

NO, NO, THAT'S NOT
HOW IT GOES.

THESE PEOPLE
ALL SPEAK ENGLISH, FRED.

OKAY, WELL, HOW 'BOUT

THE FIRST ROUND'S
ON THE YANK?

THAT YANK,
RIGHT OVER THERE.

COME ON OVER HERE.

BARKEEP, COME ON.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

I'LL JOIN YOU GUYS
IN A LITTLE BIT, OKAY?

VANESSA, I JUST WANT
TO COME OVER AND JUST...

HRISTOS...

HOW YOU DOING,
ARE YOU OKAY?

GOOD, MY FRIEND,

MUCH BETTER.

TOM, THIS IS
MY FATHER.

HE'S YOUR FATHER?

MY DAUGHTER TELLS ME SHE MET
A MAN AND HE'S NOT GREEK.

NO GOOD!

THEN SHE TELLS ME
HE'S TOM MURPHY.

I SAY, I KNOW THIS
TOM MURPHY.

HE'S OKAY.

HE'S VERY OKAY.

YES, PAPA,
HE'S PRETTY OKAY.

OKAY.

IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

VANESSA AND I TALKED INTO
THE WEE HOURS IN THE MORNING.

OF COURSE, UNDER THE SUPERVISION
OF HER FATHER, BUT...

THAT'S OKAY.

IT WAS AMAZING.

WE TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAD SO MUCH
IN COMMON AFTER ALL.

HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD.

THAT WAS A GREAT TIME
LAST NIGHT.

YEAH, I HAD
A LOT OF FUN.

YOUR DAD'S
A GREAT GUY.

I KNOW.

I DIDN'T WANT
THE NIGHT TO END.

NEITHER DID I.

LOOK AT THAT,
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?

WOUND UP TOGETHER.

THEY ARE A GREAT
COUPLE.

THAT IS REALLY NICE.

I WAS HOPING
HE'D GO WITH MOLLY.

ME, TOO, SHE'S HOT.

BOY, I WONDER IF
SHE'S STILL...

LET'S GO TALK TO
THAT CHICK.

SMOKING!

HOT!

WANNA GO FOR A WALK?

YES, LOVE TO.

OKAY.

IT'S A GREAT SUNRISE,
BY THE WAY.

SUNSET!

OH, OKAY.

I KNOW IT'S JUST A START,
BUT WHO KNOWS?

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS
THAT WE'RE BOTH

OPEN- AND NOT CLOSED-MINDED.

IN 2013, THE YEAR
OF THE GATHERING IN IRELAND,

I WENT BACK TO THE COUNTRY
OF MY HERITAGE

AND I MET A GREEK GIRL.

NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL
THE LUCK OF THE IRISH.

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