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Funny thing is, I don't even like drinking.

Sounds strange for something I've been doing for 24 years

and doing very well, thank you,

but I don't particularly like the taste of liquor.

I like bars.

I like the people you meet in bars.

And occasionally, I've even liked the people

I've gone home with from bars, but...

the drinks were never the thrill.

I mean, for pure drinking enjoyment,

a double chocolate milkshake wins hands down,

but it won't get you through 30 minutes

of a cold, rainy night in Philadelphia.

I like... holding a drink in my hand.

I mean,

I know where it's going and how it's gonna feel.

I'm funny when I drink.

Jeez... it makes me funny.

Unfortunately, I don't happen to remember

anything I have ever said while I was drunk,

but the few people who still talk to me

tell me I'm funny as hell.

I've, uh...

I've been here before, you know.

I don't mean this particular dry-cleaning establishment.

They're all pretty much the same, aren't they?

Boy, I hope we can get it right this time

because I'm not coming back again.

I wanna work.

I wanna know I can get through a six-month run of a play

and not have that

falling-apart-at-the-seams feeling come over me.

I wanna spend weekends with my daughter

and not have to hide my hands so she won't see them shaking.

And I wanna walk past a bar at 5:00 in the afternoon

and know that I'm strong enough just to keep right on walking.

That's what I want. Heh.

What I'm really hoping for

is a double Bombay martini with a twist

and a weekend in Acapulco with Sean Connery.

Ah, just thought I'd ask.

You had to look gorgeous today, right?

Can I help you?

Yes. I'm here to pick up Mrs. Hines.

Your name, please?

Uh, Landau. Toby Landau. I'm late.

I'm terrible on Long Island.

One moment, please.

Mrs. Landau is here. You got everything?

I'm missing about 33 pounds.

You wanna look under the bed?

You look terrific. I wish I was thin like you.

Jesus, I could make two more dresses

and a bedspread out of this thing.

Oh, good. I thought you'd never leave.

You know I love it here.

Ninety-five drunks are my kind of people.

I'll take these down to the car.

Don't drop it. All my empty bottles are in there.

Oh, Georgia, I'm gonna miss you,

and I don't tell that to everyone.

The hell you don't.

Well, maybe not with as much conviction.

What does today feel like?

Glad to be leaving,

scared as hell about going home.

You don't happen to have a halfway house

on the Long Island Expressway, do you?

You have my telephone number.

Call anytime. No obligation.

I've got a crush on you, you know.

Oh, you don't have to leave your wife and Volkswagen.

I just thought you'd be thrilled to know

that a 38-year-old ex-wino had a big thing for you.

Well, I'm flattered.

Unfortunately, you'll be over it

by the time you hit the Midtown Tunnel.

Come on, we need the room.

Have you got any immediate plans?

Just trying to get down these stairs.

Wouldn't be a bad idea

if someone stayed with you for a while.

Please. That's how I ended up here in the first place.

You see why I'm gonna miss you?

Don't say anything that's going to make me cry.

Is, uh, "Hello, Georgia" all right?

You're stabbing me to death.

Oh, God, I'm sorry. These are for you.

Oh, you look so beautiful.

Do you know how beautiful you look?

Well, I was doing fine until you showed up.

Georgia? I want you to call me next week.

I wanna know how you're doing.

I love it when you worry about me.

I know you don't handle compliments very well,

but I'm very proud of you. Goodbye, Georgia.

Thanks, Bob.

You ready?

Goodbye, Mrs. Hines.

So long, Sandy.

Goodbye, Georgia.

Good luck, hon.

Goodbye, girls.

Thanks for sneaking in the rum cakes.

Oh, just lean on me, darling.

I can walk.

Jimmy's been at the apartment

since 7:00 this morning filling your refrigerator.

Don't tell him I told you. It's supposed to be a surprise.

You could use a little color.

Maybe go to the park in the afternoons

and get a little sun, hmm?

I never thought you'd last the 12 weeks out.

Besides me,

what did you miss more than anything else?

Gossip.

And Haagen Dazs chocolate chocolate chip ice cream.

I'll get you.

Oh! Oh!

Come on, man, cut it out!

Take that.

Hey, come on, let's get this car. Come on!

Hey.Goddamn them.

Why do you live in this neighborhood?

Why don't you move?

Because it only costs me 300 a month.

It's on a sublet from Mary Todd Lincoln.

♪ I'm leaving today ♪

♪ I want to be a part of it ♪

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ If I can make it there ♪

♪ I'll make it anywhere ♪

♪ It's up to you, New-- ♪

Up, up. Everybody up.

It's a big day, for chrissakes.

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ Start spreading-- ♪

Is it who I think it is?

The groceries.

Oh.

Where were you? I thought you people went out of business.

Just put 'em in the kitchen, please.

Missy Hine live here?Yes, Mrs. Hines lives here.

Just put the groceries in the kitchen, please.

It's $14.28.

Fine. Terrific. That's a charge.

She has a charge account. Do you know what that is?

Sure. That's a charge account.

I don't live here. I'm a friend of Mrs. Hines.

Would you just put the groceries down

and charge them to her account?

Mr. D'Ellessandro say to me, "If they say to you,

'It's a charge account,' you say to them,

"She don't have no charge account no more."

You say, "It's $14.28, Manuel."

That's me--Manuel.

Do you want me to get on the phone

and talk to Mr. Dia-Handra-Hudro?

What is the number?

I don't know. I never call Mr. D'Alejandro.

Look, I don't have any money on me.

I have no cash.

Do you understand?

Sure. So what you wanna do, man?

Oh, don't call me "man."

I am not your man.

Wait there. I'll see what I have.

That's far enough.

What's the matter, man?

You afraid I come inside and rob your house?

I don't rob no houses.

Yeah, in the daytime. How much was that again?

Same thing--$14.28.

Fourteen dollars, 28 cents.

Okay, here you go. Four--

Oh, I used to have this. Unemployment book.

You unemployed, man?

Oh, who asked you? Here.

Fourteen dollars, 28 cents.

There, all right? Now would you please leave?

There's no tip. I don't live here.

I don't tip where I don't live.

I don't want no tip, man.

You ain't even got a job. I don't need your tips.

And I don't need your goddamn advice.

You're a fresh kid for a delivery boy, you know?

What's the matter with you? You don't like Spanish people?

Who said anything about Spanish people?

You're the one I don't like. Oh, would you please leave?

I know the kind of people you like.

Oh, get out of here.

I wouldn't live in this neighborhood

if I could afford it.

Oh, when did they put in extra steps?

Hey, what you say, ladies?

My first wink.

Oh, Christ. Who is it now?

It's Toby. We're home.

Oh, wait a second!

Smile, everybody, smile.

Ah-ah-ah-ah...

Where is she?Stand back.

Is anything wrong? What happened?

In the middle of the room. She wants a big entrance.

Are you ready?

Ready.

Well, come in.

Do it like it's on The Merv Griffin Show,dummy.

Uh, may I present,

directly from the most ghoulish place on Long Island,

the all new, the all skinny Miss Georgia Hines.

Okay, say it.

I'm goddamn gorgeous.

Oh, dear God, I don't believe it.

Oh, dear. Who is this?

Who is this fabulous creature?

Jesus. Don't tell me she picked up the wrong person.

Am I allowed to hug you?

You can do whatever you want.

Oh, Christ. Look at me crying.

Aw.

Screw it. I'm only human.

How come you're not crying?

I already gave.

You mean it's really gone?Yeah.

Thirty-five pounds of chin, hips, and ass, and it's gone.

Where is it?

In the suitcase. It's a present.

I didn't know what to get you.

Oh, Toby, will you look at her?

This is a nice, skinny WASP woman.

You put a regular dress on her, you could take her anywhere.

You changed things around, didn't you?

Oh, well, I tried rearranging the furniture,

but it always came out like a bus terminal in Jersey City.

It looks so different when you're sober.

I thought I had twice as much furniture.

All right, where's the food?

The woman hasn't had civilized food in three months.

What do you mean food? I have a feast.

Bagels, cream cheese...

Aw...

Nova Scotia.

I even got caviar. The orange kind from Minnesota.

Oh, I'll unpack for you. All right?

No, Nurse Ratched. I will do it later.

I am so glad to be home.

What's wrong?

I hate this room.

Screwed up half my life in there.

Maybe I could have it sealed off with bricks.

I think it just has to be redone.

Someone to take the martini stains off the wall.

I found a Sara Lee crumb cake under the bed.

God knows what went on in there.

Are you all right?

A little dizzy. Too much freedom, I think.

Do you want your pills? Uh, Jimmy, get a glass of water.

What's wrong?

Getting healthy really gets you out of shape.

Is this the bottle? Uh, the blue ones?

Mm-hmm.

Maybe you ought to see my doctor tomorrow,

have a regular physical checkup.

Then we've gotta get her some clothes.

Looks like she's wearing drapes from Radio City Music Hall.

And I thought my mother lived in Missouri.

Oh, my God. It's 12:30.

I'm late for my nutritionist. I've got to leave.

You're leaving?

I thought you were gonna stay here and grow old with me.

Don't be absurd. I'm never growing old.

Phone company called. You owe 'em for three months.

They said if you don't pay in two weeks,

you can only receive obscene phone calls.

Receive them? I'm gonna stay home and make them.

Jewish food, everyone. All diets are off.

What you don't finish, I take home.

I lost another job this week.

Again?

Do you know what it feels like

to be turned down for a hemorrhoid commercial?

So don't tell me your troubles, girls.

Look at that hand. If I could've done that three months ago,

I could've saved myself $6,000.

Mmm. Toby, cream and sugar?

Nothing for me.

I put on four and a half ounces since yesterday.

Do you hear this? Four and a half ounces.

The woman weighs herself like gold and silver.

If you don't watch yourself, no one else will.

You watch enough for everybody.

What is that crap you're putting on your face?

It's from Vienna. It is $90 a tube.

Do you notice how you never see a single pore on my face?

I've never even seen your face. Who are you, anyway?

Who is she? Do you know who she is?

A woman can never be too pretty.

They take it away soon enough. Hold onto it while you can.

Come on. If you went bald and lost your teeth,

you'd still be cute-looking.

God, how I missed these conversations.

Next to sex, dishing with the girls

is the best thing I know.

Hey. Let's all go out to dinner tonight.

I have an overwhelming desire

to see a young, good-looking waiter.

Who doesn't?Oh, I can't.

I have to meet Kevin at Romeo Salta's.

It's business. I distract the client.

Jimmy, you can take her. I'll pay for it.

I have an audition at 7:00, but you can leave me the cash.

Jesus. Some friends.

Well, don't say that. I am a wonderful friend.

Even if it's just a joke, don't say it, Georgia.

You know I'm sensitive.

All right, all right. Don't pout.

You'll crack your make-up, start an avalanche on your face.

You could call Polly.

She gets off early from school today. She told me.

You told her I was coming home today?

I asked you not to.

Well, I didn't tell her. I--

She asked me. Georgia, why don't you just call her?

She's dying to see you.

I will call my daughter when I am ready, thank you.

Stop eating all those cookies.

You're fat enough.

Well, listen to her.

What'd they do in that place, make you matron?

The dialogue is just where I left it three months ago,

so it must be safe to leave. You could meet us.

Kevin's friend is very attractive.

Will you leave the woman alone?

She hasn't even had Jell-O yet.

I'm not rushing her.

I just want her to know that there are people out there

waiting for her whenever she's ready.

When I am, I'll hang out a green flag.

Go on, go on, go on.

I'm gonna watch you from the window.

I want to learn that Harper's Bazaarway to walk.

I just want you to know

I'm so damn proud of you.

Thank you, Toby, for everything.

Um, tell me once more how pretty I am.

Bo Derek couldn't carry your compact.

That's what I think,

but some people find her attractive.

Say it to me one more time.

That you're pretty?

No. What you promised me coming home in the car.

I will be a good girl

forever and ever.

Thank you.

You skinny bastard.

I am so happy with you.

Uh-huh.

Is that why you didn't visit me once in 12 weeks?

Oh, I can't go to hospitals. You know that.

If I ever get hit by a car, I'll tell them,

"Take me to a drugstore, never a hospital."

How much do I owe you for the groceries?

Oh, we got 'em free.

I had an affair with the delivery boy.

Really? Next time, I'll open the door.

Have you worked at all since I saw you last?

Uh-huh. August, at Bloomingdale's.

I sold embroidered toilet-seat covers.

On my mother's life.

They want me back Christmas.

Well, put in a good word for me.

What kills me is I'm such a good actor.

You are a great actor.

Then why am I so nervous about this audition?

Who's producing it?

A 19-year-old putz with $300,000

and a drama degree from Oklahoma A&M.

First day he walked into the theater,

he fell off the stage and broke two ribs.

Jesus. What are we doing in this business?

Oh, God, I wanna be a star so bad.

I don't mean a little star.

I wanna be a big star

with three agents and a business manager

and a press agent.

And then I would fire all of them,

and I would hire new ones because I am such a big star.

And I would make everybody pay for the 22 years

I have poured into this business.

I wouldn't do benefits.

I wouldn't give money to charity.

I would become

one of the great shitheels of all time.

Isn't that a wonderful dream, Georgia?

Would I still be your friend?

Oh, 11 years is enough.

I have picked you up from floors,

I have carried you up stairs, I have fed you,

washed you, and for what?

You're skinny and sober.

Take care of yourself now.

No other messages?

No!

I was just asking.

He didn't call.

I haven't heard from him. I haven't seen him.

I don't know where he is, all right?

You're a lousy liar.

I am a wonderful liar.

I'm only lousy when I lie to you.

I saw him last week at Joe Allen.

He looked very pale, drawn, tired. Needed a shave.

The hell he did.

He looked gorgeous. Big deal.

The man can't write his name. I've gotta go.

Was he alone?

He was sitting at a big table. I don't know who was with who.

She was that pretty, huh?

What am I, a police reporter?

She was a female Caucasian. That is the best I can do.

I've gotta pick up that script. I will call you this afternoon.

Hey. Do you know how much I love you?

Why don't we smarten up and marry each other?

Because you're an alcoholic, and I'm gay.

We'd have trouble getting our kids

into a good school.

I will call you the minute I lose the job.

Hey, don't say that.

You are going to be a great shitheel.

Right! You're right! I'm gonna be a great shitheel!

Hello?

Oh, my God.

I am sitting here this very second

looking at your face.

About 10 minutes ago.

Toby and Jimmy were just here.

I do? Ha-ha. Well, I feel wonderful.

I wanna see you, too.

Today? No, I can't, babe.

I haven't even unpacked my eyelashes.

Mom, you gotta come.

It's our last dress rehearsal. The director is the pits.

The man teaches algebra.

What's he know about musicals? I really need your help.

Please, no guilt.

The doctor said I'm supposed to be pampered.

Ahh. What time does it start?

All right. I'll try.

I mean, I'm not promising.

I may not be able to stay for the whole thing.

I do, too.

I've missed you like hell.

Bye.

Oh, God.

♪ A great slugger We haven't got ♪

♪ A great pitcher We haven't got ♪

♪ A great ballclub We haven't got ♪

♪ What do we got? ♪

We got heart.

Yeah.

♪ You gotta have heart ♪

♪ All you really need Is heart ♪

♪ When the odds are sayin' You'll never win ♪

♪ That's when The friendships start ♪

♪ You gotta have hope ♪

♪ Mustn't sit around And mope ♪

♪ Nothing's half as bad As it may appear ♪

♪ Wait till next year And hope ♪

♪ When your luck Is battin' zero ♪

♪ Get your chin Up off the floor ♪

♪ Mister, you could be a hero ♪

♪ You can open any door ♪

♪ There's nothing to it But to do it ♪

♪ You gotta have heart ♪

♪ Miles and miles And miles of heart ♪

♪ Oh, it's fine to be A genius, of course ♪

♪ But keep that old horse Before the cart ♪

♪ So what the heck's The use of cryin'? ♪

Polly!

I don't know.

Oh!

I don't believe what you look like.

You look gorgeous.

What are you doing behind a tree?

Hiding. I'm dressed like Raggedy Ann.

Did you just get here? You saw the rehearsal?

Yep.

I'm gonna kill myself.

You were wonderful.

The orchestra was five beats behind.

They played it like a funeral.

There's Heidi. Heidi, come here!

No, Polly. Please, no auditions.

No, I wanna show you off.

Hello, Mrs. Hines. I heard you were here.

Hello, Heidi. How are you?

My parents got divorced.

My father's living in California with some girl.

My mother's in analysis again. I'm fine.

You look terrific. I'll call you tonight, Polly.

Bye, Mrs. Hines.

She talks like the 7:00 news.

Where do you want to go?

I just wanna sit with you and have a drink.

A Diet Pepsi. Don't look at me like that.

Polly. Jason, my mom.

Hi.Will you stop?

Is everything all right at home?

Oh, yeah. Fine. They went to Paris,

and Dad brought me back a bottle of perfume.

I think he's got the message that puberty is over.

And how's Lucretia?

Who?Your stepmother.

Felicia.

You do that on purpose, don't you?

Does she still make that clicking noise with her teeth

when she eats?

No. She had it fixed.

It's okay. You can make fun. I understand.

Listen, you know me.

Take a cheap shot when you can get it.

I'm just jealous

because she gets to see you more than me.

She doesn't have to.

What do you mean?

I mean, I talked it over with Dad and he says it's okay.

I wanna move in with you.

You what?

I wanna move in with you.

Oh, God. Come on.

This is not the kind of conversation

to have in traffic.

It's my last year of high school,

and after that, I'm off to college.

That's another four years without you.

I thought it would be nice

if we could spend some time together

before we both became the same age.

Look, uh, let me rest a minute.

I'm dealing with all this

on nothing but a low-calorie drink.

Dad spoke to your doctor.When?

On the weekend. He says you're in terrific shape

and thinks you're strong enough to handle anything.

And no one tells me about these things.

Was the CIA in on it, too?

I was the one who brought it up,

and I don't even know if you want me or not.

I have always wanted you.

I know you got a lot to deal with, but so do I.

Six years of weekends and holidays together

doesn't make up for the six years

I didn't have with you,

and I think we both got shortchanged somewhere.

Boy, you sure know how to put a kick

into a routine afternoon, don't you?

You mean... he says it's all right?

Your father is willing to give you up?

No, he's not gonna give me up,

but he's willing to lend me to you for one year,

like a book.

Why?

'Cause he loves me.

'Cause he thinks you deserve it.

And because I asked him to.

Does he say yes to everything you ask?

Pretty much.

Some father.

He spoils you rotten.

So what do you think? When do I move in?

I haven't moved in yet. Polly, don't crowd me.

I'm not crowding you. I'm pushing you.

Will you please walk straight?

People will think I have a backward daughter.

That's why I need a mother-- to straighten me out.

Oh...

When do I have to make up my mind?

Right this minute. Why?

Because we're having fish for dinner,

and I don't wanna go home.

Polly, I have to think about this.

So you can think. Take all the time you want,

and then you can tell me at the bus stop.

Oh, I should've had a son.

Boys are much nicer to their mothers.

Can you cook?

Not good enough to eat, but I can get things started.

What can you do?

I can ride a horse.

Terrific.

When we're starving to death, you can ride for help.

Mom. You're getting on the bus,

and you're not giving me an answer.

I think it's wrong.

I don't think I'm ready for you yet.

I think it's a mistake, but if we're gonna make it,

let's start Friday night.

So what do you think?

It's gorgeous.

You'll make Architectural Digest next month.

Do you know the last time I did any house painting?

I was carrying Polly. Do you think I'm pregnant again?

Don't look at me.

I wish we had two more days.

We could've painted another coat.

Are you crazy? After this job, I wouldn't paint my toenails.

Took me all night to get the roller out of my hand.

Come on. We have to finish Polly's room.

I hope you know where the money's coming from,

because your expenses are just starting.

Did you ever see a teenager eat?

Like an army of red ants in Africa.

I'll work. I'll get a job.

I'll do radio in the Philippines.

Don't worry about it.

You promised you would take some time off.

No acting for six months. That's what you told me.

What do you need the pressure for?

I see what happens to you when you get up for a part.

There are other things I can do besides act.

No, there aren't. You do Chekhov when you go to the supermarket.

Jimmy, I am getting my daughter back.

I would do anything for her, including walking the streets.

If I don't get a job soon, we can work the same corner.

As long as she's moving in here,

why doesn't her father take me into his place?

I've always wanted to live on Park Avenue.

Buzz downstairs. Let her in. Towels. I forgot towels.

Jimmy, would you get that?

If I worked this much in the theater,

I'd be a big name today.

Hello.

Yes. Who's this?

Hello, David.

It's Jimmy.

Uh, I'm not sure.

Could you hold it a second?

What should I tell him?

What does he want?

How should I know?

I'll tell him to call back later.

You've got a new daughter waiting in the hallway.

Let her in. I'll take it in the bedroom.

Oh, Christ.

She'll be right there.

Can I help you?

Jimmy, I didn't know you'd be here.

Well, I knew Cinderella was coming,

and somebody had to re-do the pumpkin.

Wipe your glass slippers on the rug, please.

I can't believe this. Who did it?

It was nothing. We dipped two cats in a can of paint

and let 'em chase each other around the walls.

Give me a hug. Oh!

Hello?

No, it's okay. Just Jimmy and Polly.

How are you?

Yes, I got back the other day.

In terrific shape, they tell me.

If I can take this phone call,

I can't be doing too badly, right?

To what do I owe this unexpected honor?

Well, mostly, I just want to say hello

and see how you were.

I don't know, just felt like calling you.

Every eight months like clockwork, right?

You sound good.

I heard you lost a lot of weight.

Among other things.

I'd love to see you.

Really?

Yeah. I, uh,

had something I wanted to talk to you about,

and I'd rather not do it on the phone,

if that's possible.

You don't wanna borrow money, do you?

I took my daughter in as a boarder.

That's how broke I am.

Can you spare just a few minutes?

I mean, uh, tonight? Uh, tomorrow for lunch?

I mean, anytime you say.

I don't think so, David.

It's important, Georgia. I wouldn't call if it weren't.

I'm sure.

What, 10 minutes of your time too much to ask?

No. It's not too much to ask. It's too much to give.

It was nice talking to you, David.

Thanks for thinking of me. Goodbye.

Whew.

Okay, where is she? Where is my roommate?

Why didn't we think of this a long time ago?

I did.

So do you like my apartment?

It's gorgeous, but I don't think I brought the right clothes.

You see. She likes it.

We only painted one coat.

In three days, the old apartment comes through again.

Jimmy, help her with her bags.

She's not my roommate. You get the hernia.

Oh, I got it.

Well, I'll leave the Bronte sisters alone.

It's getting late, and I want to wander around Central Park.

You all right?Perfect.

Handled everything like a grown-up.

What did he want?

Didn't ask because I wasn't interested.

The hell you weren't.

You just watch yourself, you hear me?

You've got Polly now.

You don't need dead romances.

He just called to say hello, for chrissake.

You think he's gonna ask to come back.

You think he's gonna say that he's sorry he walked out

and that he can't live a day without you. I know you.

You have a movie-magazine mentality.

Who re-did my room?

She hates it. I can tell.

It's a little Brady Bunch, but I can work with it.

The room is wonderful. Get rid of the kid.

God, in his infinite wisdom,

has given you the opportunity to start life all over again.

Do me a favor-- have your phone taken out.

I'm going, Polly.

If you hear of a job, call me.

Go. Go be a mother.

I know it's only been four minutes,

but I think we're getting along beautifully.

You noticed that, too, huh?

So what did your father say when you left?

He said, "Goodbye, Polly."

Don't kid me. I know him.

He's probably filming us from across the street.

He didn't say a word. We're on our own now.

Oh, he did say he might want to have lunch in a few weeks.

Why?

'Cause he wants to see us together.

He's entitled to that, isn't he?

He wants to check up on me,

see if I can cut my meat myself.

Would you quit worrying? You got the job, you know.

Yeah, well. Listen, when you're through,

Put on your nightgown and meet me in the kitchen.

I already had dinner.

This is junk-food night.

I've been waiting for this for six years.

This wasn't a great idea, was it?

I think the second bowl of popcorn was a bad move.

Mm.

So what else is new?

David Lowe called me tonight.

First time in eight months.

He said he didn't have a dime, right?

In the year and a half he lived here,

you never once told me how you felt about him.

I liked him.

Why?

Because you liked him.

That's not the smartest way to judge people.

What did you think about me?

What do you mean?

Did you like me?

Of course I liked you. You're my mother.

You're sure hung up on labels, aren't you?

Did you like me when I drank too much?

No.

How'd you feel when I showed up for your 14th birthday party

and practically fell into your cake?

I wanted to kill you.

Then why didn't you ever say it?

Because I figured you were in enough trouble

without having your daughter come down on you.

That is exactly what I used to do with my father.

You mean your father drank, too?

He was once almost the Mayor of Joplin, Missouri,

but on election day, he got plastered

and smashed his car into a voting booth.

When he was that way, which was a lot,

I wanted to scream at him, but I was afraid to,

because I thought he would stop loving me.

But if you saw what happened to him,

then why did you drink?

Because I didn't want my friends

not to like me, either.

I mean, everyone did it at school.

I started at 14 and a half.

By the time I was 16, my father was dead,

we'd moved to the worst neighborhood in Joplin,

and I had developed an unquenchable thirst.

Didn't you ever try to stop?

Why?

I never thought I had a problem.

The night of my senior prom,

I ran off to New York with a boy from my class.

You never told me that before.

You were never 17 before.

Whose decision was it that I live with Dad?

It was something that we, uh, both agreed on.

Why?

Well, it was just gonna be temporary

until I could get my life in order.

It was your decision, wasn't it?

I was petrified that I might treat you badly.

Scared to death that you'd grow up and hate me.

What you didn't see, you wouldn't know.

If I tell you the truth,

will you promise not to hold it against me?

I would never do that.

I never forgave you

for not putting up a fight for me.

I'm sorry, baby.

I just wasn't strong enough.

But I don't want to be that way anymore.

I just pray to God

that taking care of you and taking care of me

is something that I can handle now.

You handle you, and I'll handle me.

How did I get so lucky?

Some people get all the breaks.

David, did I wake you?

Who's this?

Georgia. Don't tell me my voice has changed.

No. Just surprised me. You okay?

I'm sorry if I seemed a little hostile

when you called.

I think it was just your timing that was off.

Yeah, well, it always needed work.

You said you wanted to talk to me.

I do.

But that's all you're gonna tell me?

I wouldn't know how to say it on the phone.

Well, if it's suspense you're creating,

you're doing a terrific job.

I need a few days. How about Monday?

I'm going to California Sunday morning.

I'll be gone a week.

Uh, I suppose it can keep, if it has to.

Well, not when you say it like that.

All right.

Joe Allen's, tomorrow around 5:00?

I look forward to seeing you.

Thought you should know

friends of the family advised me against this.

So did my friends.

See ya, kid.

♪ Never thought We'd have so much fun ♪

♪ Playing with a machine gun ♪

♪ Machine gun ♪

♪ Machine gun ♪

♪ Load it up for tomorrow ♪

She goes back today.

♪ Never had so much fun ♪

♪ Ah ♪

Any chance of turning that down to loud?

♪ Never better-- ♪

Sorry. I get nervous when I cook.

What are you making?

Blueberry pancakes.

For everyone in New York?

The first batch was overcooked.

We can use 'em as Frisbees.

I thought normal people

slept late on Saturdays.

I got an 8:00 tennis date with Dad.

You just got here last night. When do I get to see you?

Take up tennis. We'll play doubles with Felicia.

What fun. Father and daughter against all his wives.

You wanna go to lunch and do some shopping?

I can't. I got to be at school at 2:00.

We're doing a preview for the third-graders.

Really sorry.

It's okay. When you get married, invite me to the wedding.

I've got to go. I'm late. Bye.

This batch looks better. Not so bouncy.

Oh, good. I get to clean up the kitchen.

No, just leave it. I'll do it tonight.

By tonight, you'll need hand grenades

to clean this room.

Now you know why Dad let me go.

Is it okay if Heidi spends the night tonight?

Sure. Tell her to bring her laundry.

My God. Who's the new ingénue?

Hello, Paul.

You look 14.

If you do Peter Pannext year,

I want to be in the chorus.

He's at the end of the bar.

Thanks.

Georgia, you look great.

Thanks.

You look dynamite. Good to see you again.

She looks marvelous.

Haven't heard buzzing like that since Chorus Lineopened.

Hello, David.

You look incredible.

I forgot you had a figure like that.

I got help. These are Polly's clothes.

I'll have a table for you in five minutes, David.

Hello, Kyle.

I saw you come in. I couldn't believe it.

You're gonna have to give us a new picture for our wall.

I'll have another scotch.

Club soda.

I wrote you while you were away. I assume you got it.

It didn't require an answer.

That's why I didn't write one.

Look, do you have to rush away? Can you stay for dinner?

No. Polly is due back at 6:00.

I'm domesticated now.

Are you, uh, working?

Yeah. Finished a play last week.

Well, I haven't heard you say that in a long time.

Do you like it?

Can't be objective.

But people that I respect like it.

Well, here's to finishing things.

And starting new ones.

You didn't touch your salad.

I just wanted something to play with.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm nervous.

Actually, I'm the one who's nervous.

We've discussed everything

except what I wanted to talk about.

I'm a half-hour late now. Another five minutes won't hurt.

Well, uh, when, uh...

when we split up...

when I left...

um, I decided to go back into analysis.

I wanted to find out what went wrong with us

and why, after two halfway promising plays,

I couldn't put an intelligible sentence on paper

for over a year.

Did you find out?

Well, you know analysis.

Your mother takes up the first two years.

Go on.

Well, the doctor said, "Let's try an experiment.

Put everything on paper."

Everything that happened between us,

everything we said to each other,

every thought that came to my mind,

uh, every feeling I had

in the year and a half we spent together.

The movie rights must be worth a fortune.

No.

But I think it makes a damn good play.

I don't believe it.

I put it down, Georgia, word for word.

You'd be surprised

what an interesting character you are.

Please don't tell me you're going to ask me to read that.

Worse. I'm gonna ask you to consider playing it on a stage.

I'm sorry. Some things just strike me as funny.

I have a producer wants to go into rehearsal in a few weeks,

George de Vane wants to direct,

and there's nobody to play this part but you.

Look, I told them there wasn't a chance in hell you'd say yes,

but at least I would ask you.

This is us, eh? Xeroxed and all.

I took some liberties. It's not exactly us.

Maybe just what we represent.

What do we represent, David?

Look, just read it while I'm away.

I'll call you when I get back.

What's in California

that you have to rush off in the morning?

I have a girl out there. Haven't seen her in a month.

She works for NBC News. She's on special assignment.

Is the play filled with

as many complications as this conversation?

Thank you very much, sir.

In the first place,

I'm not ready to go back to work yet.

In the second place,

I'm not all that anxious

to go public with our personal life,

and I sure as hell am not anxious to recreate that

overweight, miserable excuse for a human being

that I pray to God

I left back in Farmingdale, Long Island.

I have Polly with me now.

We're starting a brand-new life up there on 90th street,

and there isn't a damn thing in the world

that I would do to jeopardize that relationship.

How dare you get me down here

thinking it was me you wanted to see?

Me that you were so anxious and worried about.

I would really tell you what I think of you now,

but I promised Polly I wouldn't swear anymore.

Oh, the hell with it. I think you're a son of a bitch.

You want to write a play about your personal life,

go get your little lady from NBC and put her up on the stage.

I'm sorry I am making a scene.

As you can see, I'm still rehabilitating.

All that aside, I'd love you to read the play.

Heh heh heh.

Oh, Jesus.

You haven't lost your touch, David.

You're goddamned irresistible.

Heidi has nasal drip, and I can't sleep.

Can I talk to you?

Sure, babe.

What you reading?

New play.

"Only When I Laugh."

Is it a comedy?

People with twisted minds might think so.

What's your problem?

There's this boy I been seeing.

Mm.

John Steuben. He goes to Collegiate.

He's very nice,

only he's started getting serious.

I mean, really serious.

Hmm. So far, it's interesting.

But there's another boy-- Adam Kasabian.

Extremely major.

I love complications.

But Heidi also likes Adam.

Adam doesn't like Heidi.

Adam likes Polly.

But Polly doesn't want Heidi not to like her.

So how does Polly get to keep Heidi and Adam

without totally offending John Steuben?

Sounds as complex as this script.

Really?

"A New Play by...

David Lowe"?

I know.

What's it about?

Oh, it's about this

big, fat, sloppy, foul-mouthed drunken woman

and an attractive sensitive writer.

I don't believe it. He actually had the nerve to send you that?

Worse. This idiot went down and got it.

Is it really terrible?

I was hoping. Unfortunately, it is very good.

What does "only when I laugh" mean?

Old joke. A man has a spear sticking through his chest,

and his friend asks, "Does it hurt?"

and he says,

"Only when I laugh."

And you're the one with the spear, right?

You got it.

So why'd he give it to you?

Wants me to do the lead.

It means playing myself, actually. Huh.

But you're not gonna do it, are you?

You think I shouldn't?

Not if he makes you out to be a fat, sloppy drunk.

He doesn't. She has her moments.

Does this mean you-you'd be working with him?

Well, sure. He'd be around rehearsals.

I know what you're thinking, but there's no problem.

He has a new girl. I have a new girl.

Besides, it's business. And it's one hell of a part.

Well, if I were you,

I'd think about it real carefully.

Hey, what are you gonna do about Adam Kasabian?

Think about it real carefully.

Are you worried?

Only when I laugh.

Hello?

Hi, Bob. Thanks for returning my call.

No. uh, just checking in, like you said.

I'm fine.

You do a terrific job up there at Wuthering Heights.

I, uh--

ahem--

I was wondering if you, uh,

felt it was too soon for me to go back to work.

Yeah. A new play.

How do I feel?

If I knew, I wouldn't be calling you.

I'm scared as hell is how I feel,

but...

I think I really want to do it. A lot.

You've got 30 seconds to try and talk me out of it.

Hey, wait for me.

Polly, he's coming.

Okay, who's gonna ask him?

What do you mean, who's going to ask?

It's your mother you're trying to fix up, aren't you?

I'm not trying to fix her up. I just want to introduce them.

Sounds like a fix-up to me. Here he is.

Mr. Tarloff.

Mr. Tarloff?Hi, Polly.

Hi. Are you in a hurry?Yeah, kind of. What is it?

Well, my mom, she's rehearsing for a play,

and she can't make Parents' Day.Oh, okay.

She would like to talk to you about how I'm doing.

You tell her you're doing fine.

Well, she wouldn't believe me if I told her.

It's better coming from you.It really is.

Tell her to call me.

Couldn't you have coffee with her after school?

She really is concerned about my work.

She really is.Well, all right, all right.

Uh, Tuesday, 5:00, the coffee shop on the corner.

Okay. Okay.

Thanks. Thank you.

I really appreciate it.It means a lot to us.

She'll be there. Don't worry.

Hey.

Uh, Mr. Tarloff?

Yes. Hello, Mrs. Hines. Nice to meet you.

Thank you. Please, sit down.

I'm, uh... I'm sorry I'm late.

I just, uh, got off of rehearsal.

Yes, Polly told me.

I'm a great admirer of your work.

Oh. Thank you.

I'm hoping you're an admirer of Polly's work as well.

Well, I wouldn't put it in quite the same category,

but she's an excellent student.

One of the lucky ones who doesn't have to work hard at it.

Coffee? Uh, please.

Miss, another coffee here, please.

Well, then what seems to be the problem?

Problem? There's no problem.

I'm extremely happy with her work. She knows that.

Well, why did you ask to see me?

I didn't. She said you asked to see me.

Polly said that?

Yes. Polly and Heidi Stanton.

I thought that was a little peculiar.

I see.

Mr. Tarloff, are you married?

I was.

Divorced about three years ago. Why?

I think we are the unwitting victims

of a pair of teenage matchmakers.

Well, well. Heh heh.

Well, it's that kind of school.

We encourage outside activities.

Oh, God.

Polly won't be coming back to school, of course.

I intend to kill her.

You are grounded, you hear me,

and I don't mean for just a week or two.

I mean, until you're 36, 37 years of age.

How could you do that to me?

Your own mother.

I would never do that to you.

We were humiliated, the both of us.

The man teaches English

and suddenly forgot how to speak the language.

That was a lousy thing to do, Polly.

But... did you like him?

What do you mean, did I like him?

I am working. I am doing a play.

I haven't got time for things like that.

No dinner for you tonight. Do you hear me? No dinner.

I already ate.

Then no breakfast.

I tried.

How does it feel?

It's okay. Nothing special.

Coming in?

Yeah. In about two or three hours.

I have a play that has not gotten past page 32

in over six months.Well, what is-- Line?

What is it you want me to do?

What is it you want me to do?

I don't know if what I'm writing is worth the price of the paper,

but please show me

the same compassion and consideration

when I'm sitting at my desk as you do when I get into bed.

Sorry. I didn't realize I was so demanding.

Ah, Jesus, all I have to do is look at you

with anything less than indifference,

and you're ready to jump in the sack with your shoes on.

Well, forgive me.

Frigidity is not one of my major hang-ups.

Go ahead, work, Lou.

Why don't you write Cat on a Hot Tin Roof?

I always liked that play.

Don't, Evy. Don't go for the bar.

Don't get too drunk to hear what I'm trying to say.

Not tonight.

I didn't get the impression you were gonna say much of anything.

All right. You want me to make it?

Dubonnet? Vodka?

Double Jack Daniels on the rocks? You name it.

You're the one who's keeping me,

so you might as well get your goddamn money's worth.

Name it. Name it, for chrissake!

Well, well, well, well, well. Listen to the prolific writer.

First time I heard 10 lines in a row out of you

in six months.

Why the hell don't you write yourself an exit scene?

I mean it.

Pack up your little overnight bag and get out!

Get out, damn you!

I don't need you!

I don't need--

What is it, Georgia?

It's hard, that's all.

I know. That's why it's so good.

Why don't we take five?

You all right?

Sorry.

Sorry? I sit out there, I'm mesmerized by you.

It's so real, so truthful.

Doesn't feel like it's a play I'm watching.

I don't think I can get through this, David.

I said I would accept any decision you make.

Thanks. As long as I know there's a door open

I can always run through.

Let's take it as far as we can.

Look, I want you to know...

I think you're incredible

in every way.

Sorry, darling.

It's almost 1:30.

I know. I had a costume fitting.

Are we gonna wait for Jimmy?

I have to be at the dermatologist in 45 minutes.

Why is it I'm always the one who's early?

A little testy, are we?

Woke up on the wrong side of Kevin?

I didn't know there was a right side to Kevin.

I'm having the crabs marinara.

Ha ha. What's wrong?

Nothing. Heh.

Maybe it's the dozen Valium I had last night.

I feel like a bomb is about to explode in my life

and I don't know where to hide.

What's happening?

I found a long, gray hair on Kevin's jacket last night.

If it's another woman's, I'll kill him.

If it's mine, I'll kill myself.

Toby, trust me. You are a work of art.

If you were up for auction, you'd go for a million six.

I heard you were out with David last night.

It was in today's Post.

I didn't go out with him.

I had a sandwich after rehearsal.

I'm doing the man's play.

It said, "Chummy at Charlie's."

Just how chummy were you at Charlie's?

Nothing is going on, Toby.

I'm in bed two hours before Polly.

So am I.

We have a lot in common, haven't we?

Maybe not.You know there's just--

Order the best dish in the house, girls.

The Italian actor is paying.

Ahh, you got a job.

Not a job, skinny.

A part! A role.

A major character in a major production.

Oh.

Unfortunately, it's in a minor theater

in an undiscovered part of New York,

but it's the first step on the ladder to shitheel.

Sorry. Uh, a bottle of your best red

and a Shirley Temple for Little Miss Marker here.

Oh, I am so happy for you.

What's wrong with this one?

Price of gold just went down $2.00, right?

She's having a bad day.

I'm not having a bad day.

I'm delighted that everybody is so happy.

As a matter of fact,

you're all invited to a party Friday night.

My apartment, very dressy.

Terrific. What's the occasion?

What do you mean, "what's the occasion"?

You know the occasion. It's my birthday.

My 40th birthday.

So could we just drop the subject

and order our fucking lunches, please?

Those blue earrings would be fabulous on you.

Come on, Polly. Let's see how much they are.

Wait a minute, Mom.What's the matter?

I think those two boys have been following us.

What do you mean, us? They're 12 years old.

No, they're not. They're in college.

One of 'em goes to Rutgers. I know his cousin.

They're gorgeous, aren't they?

Yes. Very cute. Why don't you go over and say hello?

No. No. Just stand here. They'll come over.

One of 'em is looking at you.

Polly. I don't want to be picked up on Madison Avenue

by a Rutgers's boy. Now come on.

What?

What'd I tell you?

They're gonna make their move any minute.

If they come over, I'm gonna tell them you're my sister.

You tell them that,

you'll get a face full of alfalfa sprouts.

If I tell 'em you're my mother,

they're gonna get shy, and they're gonna walk away.

Just do me this one favor.

They're never gonna believe I'm your sister.

Yes, they will. You look great.

Just let me handle this, Mom.

I'm warning you, I'm not going to any proms.

Oh, my feet.

You see any open tables, Gary?

Gee, no.

Uh, okay if we share this table?

Sure.

Excuse me,

but do you know where MacDougal Street is?

Um, MacDougal Street?

We're not that familiar with New York.

We're supposed to go to this party tonight on MacDougal,

but we don't know where it is.

It's downtown in the West Village.

Oh, the West Village. Right. Thanks a lot.

You into health foods?

No, I'm not into them. I just eat them.

You're Holly Jamison's cousin, aren't you?

That's right. How'd you know?

'Cause I saw you at her birthday party last year,

but you didn't stay long.

I just dropped in to say hello.

I'm Don Holcroft.

This is my friend-- Gary Chambliss.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Polly Hines, and this is my sister--Carol.

Hello, Carol.

Hello.

Uh, you live in New York?

Well, our parents live in Paris,

but we go to school here.

Columbia. Studying journalism.

I'm a freshman.

I'm a senior.

Yeah, I thought you were the older one.

I took off a few years to travel.

Great. We're down at Rutgers. Pre-law.

Oh, pre-law.

That's a good thing to get into.

Yeah.

Listen, this party tonight is kind of loose, you know?

If you guys would like to drop by,

I'm sure my friend would be glad to have you.

Well, I don't know. What do you think, Carol?

Carol?

Me?

Oh, uh, I can't.

I have that paper to get out tonight.

Oh, yes.

Carol's doing her thesis

on the dehumanization of existentialism.

She's a real brain.

Is that right?

No.

I just fiddle around with it.

Listen, Polly, we have to go.

Why?

Because Dad is calling from overseas at 6:00.

If you guys will excuse us.

We're gonna be in town over the weekend.

Is there any place we can get in touch with you?

Yeah--We don't have a phone.

Uh, they're tearing our dorm down.

We're-We're trying to find another one.

It was awfully nice meeting you.

Bye. Did you say goodbye, Carol?

I said it. I said it.

Can we please go?

Will you move?

I could go to jail for this.

Oh, God, that is so funny.

I just wish I was sitting at the next table.

And then this Gary guy says, "Are you into health foods?"

and Mom says, "No, I'm not into them. I just eat them."

You mean Carol said that.Yeah, Carol.

Oh, you want to hear the scary part,

the really scary part?

We're driving home in the cab together,

and I'm sitting there saying to myself,

"Damn it, I should have gone to the party on MacDougal Street."

I don't see what's so wrong with that?

In Manhattan, Woody Allen was 42,

and Mariel Hemmingway was 17.

It doesn't work when he's 17 and she's 42.

What about the dresses?

I am dying to see the new dresses.

Wait till you see the dresses. The Supremes.

Polly, go get the dresses.

Oh, let's do our number first. He's got to see our number.

You think? What number?

Well, we're doing a number for Toby's party.

It needs a lot of work.

No, I need a lot of work. She's perfect.

Imagine a darkened room,

a pin spot, a hushed audience.

I'm hushed. I'm hushed.

And an introduction.

Ladies and gentlemen, Hines and Hines.

Ready?

♪ And I guess I'll have to change my plan ♪

♪ I should have realized There'd be another man ♪

♪ I overlooked that point Completely ♪

♪ Until the big affair began ♪

♪ Before I knew where I was at ♪

♪ I found myself up on the shelf And that was that ♪

♪ I tried to reach the moon But when I got there ♪

♪ All that I could get Was the air ♪

♪ My feet are back Upon the ground ♪

♪ I've lost the one man I found ♪

♪ I guess I'll have to Change my plan ♪

Don't stop.

Hello.

♪ Overlooked that point Completely ♪

Hello, David. Could you call back in about five minutes?

She's busy right now.

No, no, no, no, no. I want to talk to him.

I'll take it in the other room.

Hold on, David. She's coming.

David.

Oh, I'm so glad you called.

We had the most incredible day.

How are you?

Did you have a nice day off?

Did you?

Did you miss me?

Listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday.

I think it is a wonderful idea.

Yeah.

Hi, Ed.

Hi. What are you doing here?

Why? Was I fired?

You're not on call till 1:00.

I love show business. What can I say?

Have you seen David?

Yeah, he's out front.Thanks.

I'm trying to get away from work, that's one thing.

Typewriter's over there.

David.

David, are you out there?

Yeah. Be right there.

You're an hour early.

Equity will have us up on charges

for overworking you.

I had to pick up a gift for Toby's birthday,

so while I was at it, you got lucky, too.

Here.

I hope you're into 1942 Mickey Mouse watches.

There's, uh, an inscription on the back.

I don't want you to read it now. I hate waiting up for reviews.

Is this for opening night? It's still six weeks away.

No, no, no.

Opening night, you get the minute hands on the watch.

This is just for... I don't know what it's for.

I'm just one of those impulsive buyers.

Thank you. I'm very touched, really.

You can tell me at Toby's party if you liked the inscription.

Oh, God. I forgot about her party.

Oh, you have to come.

She invited the whole cast.

Polly and I are gonna sing our golden hits.

Thing is, this friend of mine is in from California.

She just got in last night. She's only here for three days.

Of course. I understand.

She's in the back. Could I bring her down?

She'd like very much to meet you.

Certainly.

Denise. Again, thank you for this.

Denise Summers, Georgia Hines.

Hello.

Very pleased to meet you.

David says it's going enormously well.

Everyone seems so relaxed.

That's because no one's seen it yet.

You're our first audience.

Oh? Well, I don't want to be the cause of tension.

I have to be getting back to the studio, anyway.

I'll see you for lunch, David.Okay.

It's on 54th and Park. Goodbye, Miss Hines.

I know it's gonna be wonderful.

You'll be here for opening night?

Oh, I'll be here.

It's David I'm worried about keeping in the theater. Goodbye.

I'll walk you out front. I'll be right back.

Hi, Georgia.

Yeah, if you hold on, I'll get her for you.

Here she comes.Georgia, it's for you.

Take a message.

She's busy right now. Uh, can I take a message?

Oh, just a minute.

It's Jimmy Perino. He says it's an emergency.

Okay.

What's wrong?

Oh, I just got a call from Toby. The party is off tonight.

Could you just hold it a second, please?

I'm on the phone. Party is off tonight.

Kevin didn't come home last night.

He called her this morning. He wants out of the marriage.

Oh, Christ.

What happened?

Oh, she won't talk about it. You know her.

As if nothing happened. The woman is fantastic.

She's even keeping her 5:00 appointment at Elizabeth Arden.

She shouldn't be left alone tonight.

Uh, I'll ask to get off an hour early.

Call her and tell her we're both coming over.

Well, I'll do the best I can. It is panic down here.

The putz producer just fired the scenery.

I swear to God,

he pointed to the scenery and said, "You're out."

How's it going with you?

Perfect. One big happy family.

I'll talk to you later.

Anything wrong?

Listen, tell everybody that the party is off.

I'm gonna be in my dressing room.

I don't want to be disturbed.

Georgia in her dressing room?

Yes, but she asked not to be disturbed.

Georgia? It's David.

Can I come in a minute?

Are you all right?

George told me he said hello to you

and you walked right by him.

Sorry.

You seem upset.

Would you rather I left you alone?

Please.

Of course.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have brought Denise in.

And I didn't know you'd be in this early.

She was only gonna stay a few minutes.

Denise?

It was stupid of me.

You have every right to be angry.

You think that I'm upset

because you brought your cute little girlfriend down here?

Jesus, and I thought actors had all the ego.

Listen, no offense, she is a lovely girl,

but right now, I have much more important things on my mind.

My best friend in the entire world

just had her husband walk right out on her

after 12 years of marriage, and it bothers me.

Really bothers me.

When somebody I love is in pain,

I haven't got time for other people's problems.

Just leave me alone.

I don't want a Coke. I don't want coffee.

I don't want anything. Do you understand?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

Taxi!

Taxi!

Taxi!

Yes, uh, can I speak to Dr. Komack, please?

It's Georgia Hines.

No, I want Dr. Komack.

Um, tell him it's an emergency.

Ah. Bob.

Where is he?

Don't tell me it's immaterial. I need him.

I need him now.

Later this evening, I may be tap dancing

on the goddamn Brooklyn Bridge.

Don't you hear what I'm saying?

I am about 20 feet away from a double vodka martini,

and I don't want to hear that I have just spent 12 weeks

and every cent I've got

to hold myself together until later this evening.

I don't know you.

I don't want to talk to you.

Never mind.

I'm fine. I really am.

I would much rather work this out myself

than be bored to death

with a speech on the perils of drinking.

You have been a terrific help, sweetheart.

Keep up the good work.

When you're finished with these,

there's another $800 worth in the freezer.

Save them. I may have to live off them this winter.

So, what's it gonna be?

Separation? Divorce? What?

Yes, there's gonna be an actual divorce.

He is, at the very moment we are speaking,

with his brother, the lawyer, getting advice and sympathy

from his understanding sister-in-law.

A woman who knows a great deal about sympathy,

because of the two huge warts on the side of her nose.

You mean suddenly, without any warning,

the man tells you he wants out?

Oh, nothing in life happens without warning.

It falls apart day by day, bit by bit,

like your face in the mirror.

Has he got somebody else?

Competition I could handle.

Rejection's a ballbreaker.

You know what I say? Screw him.

If more women said "Screw him,"

there'd be a lot more funny women around today.

It's for you.

I don't drink.

Did you know in 1960,

I was voted the prettiest girl at the University of Michigan?

I wasn't there, but I believe you.

An All-American halfback

was willing to give up a trip to the Rose Bowl

for one night of my favors.

I received, on the average, 15 sexual proposals a week,

at least three from the faculty.

Sounds like a good school.

When I was 16,

Universal Studios offered me a seven-year contract,

and they didn't even care if I could act,

which I couldn't.

At Michigan, I majored in beautiful.

Come on, drink up.

When I was 17,

a married psychiatrist in Beverly Hills

drove his car into a tree

because I wouldn't answer his phone calls.

You can read all of this in my diaries.

I still have them.I know, angel. I know.

I've had some of the most influential men in the world

in love with me, desirous of me,

desperate for me

more than any other woman I've ever met in my entire life.

If that son of a bitch can turn to me after 12 years

and say he's no longer interested,

well, he can get out.

I don't care. I don't need him. I--

It's all right, baby. Let it out. Let it all out.

I don't need him! I don't!

Jesus.

Jimmy.

I don't want him to see me like this.

I'm gonna fix my face. I'll be back in a minute.

Forgot my gift. I left it at home.

Coming up in the elevator with two old ladies,

I suddenly yell out, "Oh, shit."

I need a drink. Where is she?

In the bedroom.

Well, I hope you got a lot of songs prepared,

because I am in no shape to entertain anybody.

I can't catch my breath. Look at my hand shaking.

I am rushing up here to comfort my best friend,

and I'm the one that should be sedated.

They fired me.

The little son of a bitch

fires me three nights before the opening.

Oh, Christ.

He didn't even have the decency to take me aside.

He tells it to me in front of the entire cast.

I said to him, "Look, you're not happy,

"I'll do it any way you want.

"Faster, slower, louder.

"I'll wear a dress.

I'm an actor. Let me act."

Hello, sweetheart.

Hello, darling.

My God, you look radiant.

She dresses up for depression.

You didn't have to come. I knew you were working.

Working?

You know we never miss birthdays.

The Three Comrades.

Hedy Lamarr, Margaret Sullivan, and Beulah Bondi.

He was fired three days before opening.

Oh, God, no.

My name was in the Sunday Timesad.

I've got 18 relatives from Paterson, New Jersey,

coming to the opening.

Six of them already sent me telegrams.

My Aunt Rosario sent me a candy gram.

I already ate the lousy candy.

They gave my part to the understudy.

He's not even a full-time actor. He's a Puerto Rican cab driver.

He can hardly speak English.

My 12-year-old niece has never seen me on the stage.

She's gonna walk in the theater

and think she's got a Puerto Rican uncle.

We need more champagne. I'll get it.

I was thinking I wouldn't tell anyone.

Opening night, I'll show up at the theater,

I'll walk out on the stage.

The two of us will play the same part.

One in Spanish, one in English.

The critics'll love it.

Listen, are there gonna be a lot of stars there?

'Cause I don't know what to say to stars.

They're not stars. They're just people.

Well, how long are we gonna stay?

Would you quit worrying?

We're gonna have a terrific time.

No, not if there are a lot of big stars there.

Oh, Toby, who am I kidding?

Twenty-two years an actor,

and I'm still waiting to be discovered.

The oldest goddamn newcomer in show business.

Hey, listen. I don't want to hear

any more teardrops falling around here.

You want to hear crying, I can make you both look foolish.

Georgia, you've seen me on the stage.

You know I can be good. Was I good?

Tell me. I really have to know.

The best. There is none better.

You ring a doorbell, the house comes down.

Remember Mr. Roberts, at Bucks County?

Toby, remember Born Yesterday at Westport?

I never heard laughs like that in my life.

Did you, Georgia? The truth. Did you?

I never heard laughs like that in my life.

In my life, I never heard laughs like that.

Oh, my God,

Mother Courage.

Rhinoceros.

The Balcony. Detective Story.

Oh, Jesus, remember Detective Story?

The second hood. I-I was incredible.

You were brilliant.

When did you see me in Detective Story?

I did that in Columbus, Ohio.

Well, you were so brilliant, I didn't have to see it.

I played the Dauphin in St. Joan

at the Cleveland Auditorium

three years before that putz producer was born.

Bet your ass.

Oh, my God, what am I doing?

What?

I am sitting here drinking with you.

Are you crazy, Georgia? Are you out of your mind?

Give me that glass!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, I am not drinking.

I'm not drinking, I'm sipping.

You have already sipped the entire glass.

Give it to me.

You think I'm gonna stand here and watch the two of you

have a nervous breakdown on nothing but ginger ale?

I need a little help, too, you know.

Oh, for Chrissakes,

you see me sitting there drinking with her,

say something!

Georgia, please, don't do this.

All right. All right, all right, all right.

Don't be mad at me.

Everybody is mad at me today.

Show me a little tenderness,

and I'll show you a terrific person.

You promised me in the car.

You swore to me you would never touch another drink.

That was in the car. I am not drinking in the car.

Am I drinking in a car?

Goddamn you. Stop it, Georgia.

Doorbell.

Am I the only one who hears doorbells?

Oh, what's the matter?

Mad at me?

How can I be mad at you?

You loved me in Detective Story.

You didn't even see it.

It's Polly.

Oh, Jesus.

I forgot to tell her the party was off.

Ah, what the hell. Let her in.

It's all in the family.

Oh, wow. You look good. Happy birthday.

Thank you.

This is Adam Kasabian.

Hello. How do you do?

Oh, look how gorgeous my daughter looks.

I mean, if you're gonna have a daughter,

you may as well have them gorgeous.

Well, come here and give me a big kiss. Mm.

Oh, who is the cute fellow?

This is Adam Kasabian. This is my mother.

How do you do, ma'am?I've done better...

but it's gonna pick up around here.

You have a very sweet face.

Hasn't he got a sweet face?

Come here. I want you to meet everybody.

This is Toby Landau, celebrating the big 4-0,

our hostess and my very best friend

in the whole wide world.

How do you do, ma'am?Hello, again.

And this is Jimmy Perino,

my other very best friend in the whole wide world.

Hello.

Jimmy, get the kids a drink.

I am so glad you're here.

I was afraid I was gonna be--Is she all right?

It's my fault. I upset her.

What? What are you two whispering about?

I'm not whispering. I said you were upset about me.

Isn't she incredible?

The woman's husband dumps on her,

and she's worried if I'm upset.

Of course I'm upset, darling. Screw the bastard, right?

Sorry, Adam. That's the way we talk.

It's just family.

Ooh, can I have a teeny,

teeny, teeny, teeny...Georgia, please.

drop of wine, somebody?

Mother, can I talk to you?

Oh, my daughter is worried about me.

Do you know what it is

to have your daughter worried about you?

Toby, you don't know.

Jimmy, you don't know.

Adam, do you know?

Look who I'm asking.

I'm asking Adam.

Polly, why don't you and Adam run along?

We'll take care of her.

It is the single-greatest pleasure in the world.

And I don't deserve it. The truth, Polly, I don't.

You grew up,

you saw the bus driver more than you saw me.

Polly, I have this big ice-cream birthday cake in the freezer.

Why don't you and Adam help me?

I feel like having some of my birthday cake.

Wait a minute. I haven't seen her all day.

Let Jimmy help you. He's not working anyway, right?

Adam, would you fill this for me, darling?

You've had enough, Georgia.

What do you mean, enough?

What is this, odd-and-even rationing?

I'm odd, okay? So today is my day.

Just half a glass, Adam, please.

Mother, please stop.

Am I embarrassing you, baby?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you.

Oh, Adam, forgive me. I think I'm embarrassing Polly.

So beautiful, my daughter.

Toby, you want to talk about young, gorgeous skin,

you should take a look at this kid's body sometime.

That is gorgeous.

Now I am getting embarrassed.

Come on, Polly, let's get that cake.

I'll tell you when to get the cake.

What is the rush with the goddamn cake?

What did you do, rent it?

What kind of a host are you, anyway?

I can't get a lousy sip of wine? Come on. Ahh.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

Oh, Toby, I'm so sorry.

I've ruined it. Get some Kleenex, Polly.

It's all right. It'll dry.

Oh, Jesus, darling, I'm sorry.

Listen, I will pay for it, I swear.

You can have my mink coat. I bought it at the thrift shop.

I don't care about the dress, Georgia.

You don't? Well, hell, listen, I'll buy it from you.

What do you want for it? It's not worth much.

it's got a big goddamn wine stain on it.

I think Adam and I are gonna be going.

No, no, no, wait a minute. We're gonna have a cake.

Aren't we gonna have a cake? Aw, don't go yet, pussycat.

I never get to see you. You just got here.

Go on, Polly. It's all right.

Don't tell my daughter what to do.

I am her mother, not you.

She's not going anywhere until we've done our song.

Come on, baby face, let's liven up this party.

Come on, everybody, find a seat. Showtime.

Mother, please don't do this.

What do you mean, don't do our number?

I rehearsed it more than I rehearsed the play I'm in,

for Chrissakes.

Come on, everybody, find a seat.

Looks like we have standing room only.

Toby, darling, this is for you because we love you.

♪ I guess I'll have to change-- ♪

What do you say, Pol? Mom doesn't do solos.

♪ I guess I'll have to change my plans ♪

♪ La-da-da-dee ♪

What are the words?

♪ I guess I'll have to change my plans ♪

♪ La-da-da-da ♪

♪ A big affair began ♪

♪ I should have Thought of it-- ♪

Mother? Well, help me.

♪ It started ♪

Can you please come into the bedroom

because I want to talk to you?

Oh, excuse me.

Just a little rehearsal.

Oh.

Mm.

What's the matter?

Are you mad at me, babe?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean any harm, I swear.

You see, Jimmy lost his job, Kevin's left.

I was just trying to cheer everybody up.

I'm not mad at you, Mother.

Well, are you ashamed

because your mother had two little glasses of wine?

I didn't even have the whole two glasses.

I spilled half a glass on Toby, anyway.

I'm not ashamed, either.

Well, Polly, then what are you?

I'm sorry for you.

I'm sorry for Jimmy, and I'm sorry for Toby.

I'm sorry for anybody who's ever tried to do something for you

because you don't give a damn about them.

You don't give a damn about me, and worst of all,

you don't give a damn about yourself.

You watch the way you talk to me, do you understand me?

Go on. Get drunk. Jimmy'll take care of you.

He'll get you home all right.

Everybody always takes care of Georgia.

Stop it, Polly. Stop it.

Then make me. Do something about it.

You're a mother. Why don't you act like one?

All right, we'll talk about this at home.

No. Let's talk about it now.

Let's talk about all the years I didn't get from you.

Where were you, Mother?

And don't tell me your problems because I don't care about them.

That's all I've heard since I was four years old.

Every time I got sick, I used to pray that I would die

just so you'd break down at my funeral

and beg me to forgive you.

Well, I don't want your forgiveness,

and I'm not gonna die just to get something from you

because I don't think you're worth dying over.

You asked me the other night how I really felt about you.

I was so angry at you

for never being around when I really needed someone.

Well, you're around now, aren't you?

And it sure as hell is a disappointment

to find out I was better off when you weren't around!

Polly, I--No, drink all you want.

I don't give a damn!

Heh.

I think...

I fucked up.

Didn't I?

Give me your hand.

Jimmy, give me your hand.

I'm cold.

What'd you get?

Martinis, like you asked me.

Do you know how to make '‘em?

Comes already mixed.

Where do you want to go?

I don't know. Let's just walk.

There's no such thing as annulment in Argentina.

Then I'll get it, anyway. I will! I'll get an annulment.

I will, I will, I will!

I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!

I'll get it!

Oh, Johnny, please let me go.

Please let me go.

I can't stand it anymore.

I don't want anything.

Don't go.

If you could live your life over

as anyone in the whole world,

who would you want to be?

Audrey Hepburn.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

I've always wanted to have a neck

like Audrey Hepburn.

I have a neck like an elderly German shepherd.

My second choice--

Laurence Olivier in his prime.

Mm.

Third choice--

anybody else but me.

Don't say that. That depresses me.

Oh, look who's talking.

The queen of depression.

In high school, I wanted to be Susan Hayward.

Mm.

Second choice--Eleonora Duse.

Third choice--

anybody but my mother.

Come on. Time to go to bed.

So soon? Can't I stay up for The Ed Sullivan Show?

No Ed Sullivan Show. You've got school tomorrow.

Then let me sleep on the sofa.

I love sleeping on sofas.

Beds are too big when you're alone.

All right.

I'll stay until Polly comes home.

No. She's gonna wanna fool around with Adam.

Give the kid a break. Go on home.

You sure? Mm-hmm.

I didn't mean what I said tonight.

You know I love you.

I know.

Good night, angel.

Good night, Audrey.

You're gonna get sick if you drink it that fast.

I can't feel anything yet.

You will.

How long does it take?

I can only tell with beer.

Adam...

I'm sorry about my mother.

She gets that way sometimes.

It's okay.

Just keep looking at me.

Tell me if you notice something different.

Cigarettes. Did you leave me any cigarettes?

Putz didn't leave me any cigarettes.

I feel it.

Oh, boy, do I feel it.

Listen, I think you've had enough.

We ought to start home.

I think so, too.

Just let me sit here a minute until everything stops turning.

Hey, come on.

Don't do this to me.

Hey. Hey. Hey, lady. Lady...

what's the trouble?

You see cigarettes? That's the trouble.

How much money did you put in?

Twelve dollars, like it said.

Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. I'll take care of it.

You want a pack of cigarettes these days,

you gotta bring a lawyer with you.

Uh, let me have a...

vodka on the rocks.

No, thanks.

What are you smoking?

Anything.

Marlboro.

Are you okay?

Why? Don't I look okay?

Yeah, you look fine.

Then I'm okay, right?

Sure.

Hit me again.

You can light it if you want.

Who's winning?

Garcia.

Which one is he?

In the dark trunks.

I like the other kid.

No way.

"No way," he says.

For how much money?

For drinks.

Now you're talking. What's my kid's name?

Walker.

Come on, Walker.

It's a big night for mama.

Tell you one thing. It takes a lot quicker with martinis

than it does with beer.

Sorry about your handkerchief.

Turn around. I don't- I don't think I'm through yet.

Get up! Get up!

That's it. Come on, hit him.

Hit him. Wait a minute. What is he doing?

Don't stop it. What is he stopping it for?

Carlos Garcia.

Oh, shit.

Well, that's the kind of luck

I've been having with men lately.

You live around here?

No. Nebraska.

My husband's a cop.

We're here for the police convention.

See you around.

You bet.

You say this thing has never been used.

Yeah.Nah, it's real good stuff.

Look at the clothes...

Hey, baby.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, Nebraska's that way.

Oh, it's you. Listen, I'm in a hurry.

I brought your cigarettes. You left them.

That's okay. You keep '‘em.

I'm trying to cut down, anyway. Good night.

Hey, listen, which house do you live in?

Now listen, I can get home alone on my own.

Hey.Ah-ah-ah.

Come on, take your hands off me.Don't be so nervous.

Hey.Five minutes ago--

You got the wrong idea.

I know. Come on, listen, I'm not feeling well.

Hey, stop it. You're hurting me.

I don't wanna hurt you. Aah!

No, no, no!

I just want you to be a little friendlier, that's--

What do you mean she's not home?

You left her alone?

Well, where was Polly?

Listen, someone's at my door.

Well, you keep ringing her, that's what you do.

And stop crying. It's not going to solve anything.

All right, I'm coming.

Oh, my God.

God.

Toby.

All right, sweetheart.

I didn't know where else to go.

Of course, baby. You did the right thing.

Oh, Polly can't see me like this.

I don't want her to see me like this, please.

What happened?

We have to make up a story. I don't want to lose her, Toby.

I lost her once. I don't wanna lose her again.

God, Georgia, that eye looks very bad.

I'm gonna call my doctor.

No, no, no. No doctors. No police.

I don't want it in the newspapers. Please.

Were you raped?

No, thank God.

But you went out, didn't you?

Jimmy told me you went out. Why'd you go out, Georgia?

Please don't lecture me, Toby.

I have to have a drink. I'm asking you as a friend.

If you're not gonna give it to me, I'm gonna take it.

Christ! Georgia, you swore to me. You promised.

All right, I'm not strong enough. I'm sorry.

Jimmy's been ringing every five minutes.

Hello? Polly.

Mm.

Uh, where are you?

No, she's here with me.

Uh, she's, um--

Yes, she's all-- Uh, she's all right.

Uh, I-- Yes, I swear.

Hold on a minute. She wants to talk to you.

What am I gonna say?

You'll think of something.

Hi, hon.

No, I'm fine. I swear.

Well, I couldn't sleep,

so I thought I would take a little walk,

and I just kept on walking,

and before I knew it, I was at Toby's place.

I know, uh,

I should've left a note. I just wasn't thinking clearly.

Polly, I have a lot to apologize for.

I do. I just need some time to think about it.

Would you mind terribly

if I spent the night at Toby's house?

She always gives me such terrific advice, you know?

Thank you so much.

Um, the other thing is, I was wondering...

would it be possible

to get out of the lunch with your father tomorrow?

Yes, I know I promised,

but, well, tonight was kind of a bummer, you know,

and I really wanna look my best.

Well, you could call and ask him.

Why would he get suspicious?

He's only gonna get suspicious if you tell him something,

you know what I mean?

Do the best you can.

And, Polly...

please don't stay mad at me all night

because I love you so much.

I know you do.

Good night.

I need air.

What are you going to say to her in the morning

when you walk in with your face looking like that?

It isn't morning yet.

Maybe the world'll blow up tonight

and I'll be off the hook.

Ah.

Well, you got to admit...

last few weeks, I had it going pretty good.

Sometimes I think when you've got everything going too good,

it scares the hell out of you.

You never think you deserve anything. Oh.

When you take your bow in the theater,

you barely look at the audience.

You nod your head twice,

and then you run off as fast as you can. Why?

They applaud trained seals with beach balls on their noses.

I did my job. I just wanna go home.

Is that what you think, Georgia? You're a trained seal?

That's the truth of it.

Just an evening's entertainment for the folks.

If that's what you think, I really feel sorry for you.

Do you really?

Don't patronize me. You're always patronizing me.

At least I try to make things work.

I at least make the effort,

but one thing I'm not is self-destructive.

Oh, come on, Toby. We're the same, you and I.

We both manage to screw everything up.

The only difference is

is that you dress better doing it.

And the truth of it is

that I have never had a lasting relationship

with anyone who wasn't as weak and as helpless as I am.

Don't talk to me that way.

I deserve better than that from you.

You wanna treat yourself like dirt,

you do that better than anybody I know

and don't tell me I'm you're friend

because I'm as weak as you.

I'm your friend 'cause I love you,

and I am in awe of you.

I am so jealous of your gifts and your commitments

'cause I never had any of my own to give.

I don't know what kind of sickness it is

that makes you wanna destroy

everything that's beautiful in your life,

but I'll be damned

if I'm gonna stand around and hold your hand

and fill your glass while you do it.

You want a quick finish, use the terrace.

Otherwise, do me a favor, Georgia--

stop being such an astronomical

pain in the ass.

I didn't say it was a multiple-choice question.

Oh.

Morning, Miss Hines.

Hello, Charley.

What did you do to yourself, honey?

Oh, little car accident. My head hit the windshield.

I didn't hear you come in.

I didn't wanna wake you.

I hope you're hungry.

I'm feeling very, uh, domestic this morning.

I'm starved. What are you making?

Oh, no, no. It's a surprise. Go-Go sit down.

Are you okay?

Certainly.

When did you ever see me get up at 7:30 in the morning

to fix breakfast?

Then why won't you look at me?

Well, that's the surprise.

It's not as bad as it looks.

Oh, my God. What happened?

Well, I have about three or four perfectly reasonable stories.

Did it happen at Toby's? Did you fall or something?

Sit down and eat your breakfast first.

Will you talk to me?

You're always so worried about what I'm gonna think,

you never bother telling me anything.

I know less about you living with you

than I did when I was still at home.

I was beaten up.

By a guy who thought I was trying to pick him up in a bar.

For all I know, maybe I was.

Somebody once told me

you never get anything in this life

unless you ask for it.

You mean this was a request?

What have you got ordered for tomorrow?

I'm sorry, Polly. I'm not ready for you yet.

I need time by myself.

Time to stand on my own two feet

instead of having you worrying to death about me.

You should be out somewhere having a swell time

with-with that sweet boy Adam.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

When would you like me to leave?

I'm trying to be honest with you, Pol.

Bullshit.

Well, I knew if you hung around long enough,

you'd pick up the lingo.

That's not all I picked up.

I got very heavy into martinis last night.

Yeah, I almost got totally plastered,

but I threw it up before the big moment.

But I got the general idea of the feeling.

And do you know what the best part of it was?

I stopped worrying about you.

All I cared about was me.

And I thought to myself, "Hey, this is terrific.

"“If this is what it's like,

"not feeling anything for anybody,

no wonder Mom's so crazy about it."

What do you want from me, Pol?

Tell me. I'll try-I'll try and do it.

I want you to give me up again.

I don't make the decisions.

Yes, you do.

You make the decisions

on how you're gonna live your life.

Just don't make the wrong one again.

Then call off the lunch with your father.

Make it next month.

Just give me a little time.

You just had 12 weeks.

And you look practically the same way you did

when you left here.

You want me to walk into Tavern on the Green

at 1:00 today looking like Rocky?

You father may not be quick, but he's not blind.

I called him, and he doesn't want to postpone it.

One week. One week, Polly, please.

Next Saturday.

I'll walk in there looking like Snow White.

Why don't you trust him?

He'll be fair with you, Mom, I swear.

Fair? Oh.

Yeah. He told me once,

"I don't expect you to be perfect.

I just expect you to do your best."

If he thinks this is my best, Pol,

I wouldn't trust either one of us.

So-So you slipped.

You had one lousy night.

So did I. So does he sometimes.

Come on, Mom.

You've had auditions before, and you always get the part.

Polly, please.

No, come on. No.

Come on, just trust me. I have an idea.

Why? What?

You don't have to look that bad.

We could put some powder on it or something, like Toby does.

God, she wears 23 layers. It's not just the eye, Polly.

I've got a hangover and the shakes.

The minute I start spilling water on the man's lap,

he's gonna notice something.

All right, we're gonna try some powder here.

Who sent this monster to torment me?

Oh, this is gonna be great.Easy.

No, this is going to be good. He's not gonna notice anything.

We couldn't get away with this on Halloween.

It's not gonna work.

Just give me a minute. Be patient.

Trust me, it's covering up. Looks good.

Looks real good.

Now, I'm not done,

but tell me what that looks like.

It looks like I was punched in the face,

and we tried to cover it up with powder.

But I'm not done yet. We could put some makeup on it.

Don't, Polly. Please, don't.

Don't try to make me into something I can't be.

God forbid someone did something to help you.

I think I've got everything.

If not, I can get it next time I visit you.

Dad will be driving in from the country.

If he should call,

can you tell him to meet me at the restaurant at 1:00?

What should I tell him about why I'm moving out, Mom?

The truth is always nice.

Sure.

Wait a minute. I've got a pair of pants

and a blouse of yours in the closet.

Well, why don't you just leave it there?

Kind of gives us something to aim for.

This is really dumb, you know?

You're telling me.

I'm not letting up on you.

I'm gonna keep after you forever.

I mean, I'm gonna move back here one day,

even if I'm 83 years old.

Better call first.

You never know what I'm doing.

See you next weekend?

Sure.

Polly.

When I grow up...

I wanna be just like you.

Where is she? Is she at home? Is she all right?

Goodbye, Jimmy.

Where are you going? Polly? Wait a minute.

Georgia?

Georgia.

Oh, well, that's just terrific.

That's beautiful.

What division are you in, middleweight or lightweight?

There's an entire Sara Lee coffee cake in there for you.

Put it on your eye. It's cheaper than steak.

You trying to commit suicide, Georgia, one feature at a time?

She still loves me, Jimmy.

No matter what I seem to do,

the kid... still comes up loving me.

Of course she does. We all do.

Why? Just... tell me why?

'Cause you're special.

Crazy, lunatic,

disgusting but special.

No.

And special people deserve to be loved.

Sit down. I wanna get that swelling down.

Who decided she wasn't gonna stay anymore?

Me. You think I was wrong?

I always think you're wrong.

This eye is making me very nervous.

I think you ought to see a doctor.

I already had medical attention.

A dog licked me while I was on the ground.

Oh, God, you are terrible.

Wait till I tell Toby.

I'll call her in a few minutes.

Oh, maybe we can all have lunch together.

The whole world could go to hell

as long as the three of us can have lunch together.

I even reserved a nice little table in heaven.

Italian, of course.

Oh, thank God the three of us have each other to lean on.