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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:05,767 ( rock music playing ) 2 00:00:09,933 --> 00:00:12,703 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E * 3 00:00:12,733 --> 00:00:14,703 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E. 4 00:00:14,733 --> 00:00:17,903 - ( cheering ) - THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! 5 00:00:17,933 --> 00:00:21,873 - ( whooping ) - WLCOME TO THE SHOW. THANK YOU FOR TUNING IN. 6 00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:26,697 WE HAVE AN ALL NEW EPISODE OF "TWO AND A HALF MEN." 7 00:00:26,733 --> 00:00:29,873 WE'RE SHOWING IT ON MY SHOW FOR SOME REASON. 8 00:00:31,467 --> 00:00:35,227 CRYSTAL METH IS ASSOCIATED WITH REDNECK WHITE DUDES 9 00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:38,627 AND I THINK IT NEEDS TO MAKE THAT CROSSOVER TO HIP-HOP. 10 00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:40,797 THEY GOTTA GET ONBOARD WITH METH, BUT I THINK THEY NEED 11 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:43,033 TO BE EASED INTO IT FOR THE REAL RAPPERS, 12 00:00:43,067 --> 00:00:45,797 SO THEY HAVE-- THIS IS A NEW PRODUCT CALLED CRISTAL METH. 13 00:00:45,833 --> 00:00:47,473 ( all laugh ) 14 00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:49,700 AND IT'S A CRISTAL CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE 15 00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:51,603 BUT THERE'S METH IN IT, 16 00:00:51,633 --> 00:00:53,103 JUST SO THE GUYS ARE LIKE, "ALL RIGHT." 17 00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:54,973 JUST GOTTA EASE 'EM INTO THE METH. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 18 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,570 THROW IN CRISTAL, THEY'RE ONBOARD. 19 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,500 METH-- YOU JUST SLIP THAT IN. 20 00:00:58,533 --> 00:01:00,773 ANYWAY, ENJOY THIS NEXT SKETCH. 21 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,800 - IT WAS WRITTEN BY EVERYONE IN THIS AUDIENCE. - ( cheering ) 22 00:01:03,833 --> 00:01:06,433 WE ALL WROTE THIS NEXT SKETCH. 23 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,697 Reporter: A large group gathered in Mulberry Park today 24 00:01:08,733 --> 00:01:11,273 to protest the laws against marijuana. 25 00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:13,100 Meanwhile, across the street 26 00:01:13,133 --> 00:01:16,133 another group has organized a different sort of protest. 27 00:01:16,167 --> 00:01:19,367 - I caught up with them there to investigate the story. - Men: WE WANT METH! 28 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:22,130 METH GETS A BAD WRAP. WE'RE TRYING TO GET OUR VOICE. 29 00:01:22,167 --> 00:01:24,067 THAT'S WHAT WE WANNA TO DO HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 30 00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:27,227 IT'S LIKE MARIJUANA'S GOT A VOICE AND THEY'VE GOT HEMP. 31 00:01:27,267 --> 00:01:30,067 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? CRYSTAL METH GETS ASSOCIATED WITH DRUG ABUSE, 32 00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:32,600 BUT THAT'S GOT ALTERNATE USES TOO. YOU CAN MAKE CLOTHING. 33 00:01:32,633 --> 00:01:34,733 I'M-- I'M WEARING A METH T-SHIRT RIGHT NOW. 34 00:01:34,767 --> 00:01:37,797 LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THIS. I JUST BOUGHT IT AT THE STORE. 35 00:01:37,833 --> 00:01:41,473 THAT LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST METH WIPED ALL OVER YOUR BODY THERE. 36 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,400 NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S A T-SHIRT. BOUGHT IT. 37 00:01:43,433 --> 00:01:45,933 REALLY? YOUR T-SHIRT HAS NIPPLES. 38 00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:48,527 - DO YOU KNOW THAT? - YEAH, IT COMES WITH NIPPLES. 39 00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:50,867 Man: METH HELP YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY, HELP YOU LOSE YOUR BODY WEIGHT. 40 00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:53,800 LIKE, I'M A 40-YEAR-OLD MAN, BUT I GOT TONS OF ENERGY. 41 00:01:53,833 --> 00:01:57,073 I MEAN EVEN MORE ENERGY THAN BETTY AND SHE 19. 42 00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,730 - Reporter: SIR. - Jerry: YEAH? 43 00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:01,167 HOW DOES THIS ACTIVITY AFFECT YOUR DIET? 44 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,600 WE'RE ON A HUNGER STRIKE RIGHT NOW. 45 00:02:03,633 --> 00:02:05,573 WE'RE NOT-- WE'RE NOT BIG EATERS, ANYWAY, 46 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,400 BECAUSE WE THINK FOOD IS KIND OF POISON FOR YOUR BODY. 47 00:02:08,433 --> 00:02:09,833 - MMM. - AND IT'S-- A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW 48 00:02:09,867 --> 00:02:11,897 THAT DAIRY IS TOXIC FOR YOU. 49 00:02:11,933 --> 00:02:15,303 WE HAVE OVER 12 SIGNATURES, SO I'M PRETTY EXCITED. 50 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:18,173 I HAVE 500,000 SIGNATURES! WE'RE ON THE BALLOT, MAN! 51 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,170 IT'S DONE. DONE. 52 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:24,070 YOU JUST SIGNED YOUR OWN NAME 500,000 TIMES! 53 00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:26,197 I KNOW, MAN. I'VE BEEN UP FOR THREE DAYS. STAYED UP FOR THREE DAYS 54 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:27,733 AND I GOT ALL THE SIGNATURES, SO WE'RE GOOD. 55 00:02:27,767 --> 00:02:29,067 - WE WON! - Reporter: WOW. 56 00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:33,300 WE HAVE A CAMPAIGN-- "GET THE SPIDERS OFF YOUR BODY." 57 00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:35,133 WE'RE REAL ANTI-SPIDERS- ON-YOUR-BODY. 58 00:02:35,167 --> 00:02:37,527 A LOT OF PEOPLE AREN'T REALLY TALKING ABOUT THAT, 59 00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,097 HOW THERE'S SPIDERS ALL OVER YOUR BODY. 60 00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:41,173 PEOPLE THINK THAT METH IS, LIKE, THIS SCOURGE, 61 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,800 BUT ACTUALLY IT'S REALLY GOOD FOR SOCIETY. 62 00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:44,733 IT HELPS US GET RID OF ALL OUR COPPER WIRE. 63 00:02:44,767 --> 00:02:46,967 IT'S A GODSEND FOR PEOPLE WHOSE TEETH ARE TOO LONG 64 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:48,827 - AND DON'T HAVE ENOUGH GONORRHEA. - ( cars honking ) 65 00:02:48,867 --> 00:02:52,597 - THIS SEEMS LIKE A REALLY FUN AFFAIR. - OH, IT'S A BLAST, MAN. 66 00:02:52,633 --> 00:02:54,973 IT'S LIKE A ROYAL BALL. 67 00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:58,767 I FEEL LIKE MICKEY MOUSE! LEGALIZE METH! 68 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,300 - COME ON! - AND WHEN YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO CHANGE LEGISLATION, 69 00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:04,773 - WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A DAY JOB? - I AM A MODEL. 70 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,070 OUR FOUNDING FATHERS WERE ON METH, OKAY? 71 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:12,070 - THOMAS JEFFERSON..HE HAD A LAB IN HIS BACKYARD, RIGHT? - All: YEAH! 72 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,970 GEORGE WASHINGTON-- WHY DO YOU THINK HE HAD WOODEN TEETH? 73 00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:16,967 - I MEAN, COME ON, MAN! - YEAH! 74 00:03:17,067 --> 00:03:18,897 WE NEED LEGAL METH AND WE NEED IT NOW. 75 00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:22,403 - FOOD IS BAD. - GUYS, I CUT OFF THE GOVERNOR'S HEAD. 76 00:03:22,433 --> 00:03:26,173 - METH IS LEGAL! - HEY, MAN, THAT'S NOT THE GOVERNOR! 77 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,630 DUDE, THAT'S KYLE THE DEALER! 78 00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:31,867 - OH YEAH. - ( gasps ) 79 00:03:32,933 --> 00:03:34,233 THIS IS JIM CHANCE 80 00:03:34,267 --> 00:03:38,727 REPORTING FROM DOWNTOWN AT THE LEGALIZE METH RALLY. 81 00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:41,497 - Jerry: WE'RE GONNA LIVE FOREVER! - BACK TO YOU, LINDA. 82 00:03:41,533 --> 00:03:43,203 Jerry: OH, IT'S SO COOL. 83 00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,070 - HIGH. - HIGH. 84 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:50,497 - HELLO. - NO, I MEANT WE'RE HIGH. 85 00:03:50,533 --> 00:03:52,533 - SO HIGH. - ( rock music playing ) 86 00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:56,973 OKAY. CAN I HELP YOU WITH ANYTHING? 87 00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:59,667 - WITH WHAT? - FOOD. DO YOU WANT TO ORDER? 88 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:03,870 YES. I THOUGHT YOU MEANT HELP US SOLVE A MYSTERY OR SOMETHING. 89 00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:07,230 THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO. I WAS LIKE "IT'S SO LATE FOR A MYSTERY, 90 00:04:07,267 --> 00:04:08,897 BUT I GUESS I'LL DO IT." 91 00:04:08,933 --> 00:04:12,973 - CAN I GET SOME SUSHI? - NO, IT'S CHEESEBURGER WORLD. 92 00:04:13,067 --> 00:04:16,297 - WE HAVE CHEESEBURGERS. - YEAH, I KNOW, BUT IT ALSO SAYS "WORLD," 93 00:04:16,333 --> 00:04:18,633 SO I THOUGHT YOU HAD FOODS FROM AROUND THE WORLD 94 00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:22,367 LIKE SUSHI, WHICH IS A FAMOUS FOOD FROM CANADA. 95 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,100 IT'S CHEESEBURGER WORLD, A WORLD OF CHEESEBURGERS. 96 00:04:25,133 --> 00:04:28,173 - THAT'S IT. - OKAY! I GET IT! 97 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,900 - JESUS. BEEP. - DAD? 98 00:04:30,933 --> 00:04:33,573 NO, IT'S CINDY. WE'RE AT THE FOOD PLACE. 99 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,400 OH. CAN I GET A CHEESEBURGER WITH CHEESE? 100 00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:39,373 - YES. ANYTHING ELSE? - AND SKITTLES, 101 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,370 PEANUT BUTTER, COOL RANCH DORITOS 102 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,770 AND CHOCOLATE FROSTING. 103 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,830 THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD. MAKE THAT TWO OF THOSE. 104 00:04:47,867 --> 00:04:49,397 YEAH, AND CHEEZ WHIZ. 105 00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:52,603 ( whispering ) DO YOU GUYS SELL COKE OR NO? 106 00:04:52,633 --> 00:04:55,073 - JUST FORGET IT. - AND IF YOU HAVE SOME PRADA COLOGNE, 107 00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:57,497 SPRAY THAT ON IT TOO, BUT NOT TOO MUCH. 108 00:04:57,533 --> 00:05:00,933 I WANT MY TUMMY TO SMELL PRETTY BUT NOT OVERBEARING. 109 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:04,867 YOUR TUMMY ALWAYS SMELLS PRETTY. WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DOUBT YOURSELF? 110 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:07,700 ( crying ) BECAUSE SOMETIMES I JUST DO. 111 00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:11,303 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT YOU WERE MOLESTED EVERY CHRISTMAS EVE WHEN YOU WERE A KID. 112 00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:14,403 - DO YOU WANT FRENCH FRIES? - YEAH, I LOVE FRENCH GUYS. 113 00:05:14,433 --> 00:05:16,673 - I -- HALF OF PARIS. - DOMO ARIGATO. 114 00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,930 THAT'S FRENCH FOR... ( whispers ) YOU'RE FAT. 115 00:05:19,967 --> 00:05:23,927 - UH, FRIES, NOT GUYS. - YEAH, FINE. WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT. 116 00:05:23,967 --> 00:05:27,367 - TO GO? - NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO -- YOU! 117 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,370 WHAT THE --? GROSS! 118 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:31,970 - WHAT THE PROBLEMS HERE? - UM... 119 00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:34,397 YEAH, THIS GUY SAID HE WANTS US TO -- HIM. 120 00:05:34,433 --> 00:05:37,073 I SAID "TO GO" NOT --. 121 00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:41,200 - THEY'RE HAMMERED. - WE'RE NOT DRUNK. WE'RE HIGH. 122 00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:43,203 THIS WORLD OF CHEESEBURGERS SUCKS. 123 00:05:43,233 --> 00:05:45,603 IF YOU WANNA START YOUR OWN WORLD, 124 00:05:45,633 --> 00:05:47,473 YOU MIGHT NEED MORE FOOD THAN A CHEESEBURGER, 125 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:50,070 'CAUSE NOT ONLY ARE YOU GONNA GET FATTER, 126 00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:52,767 - YOU ALSO GONNA DIE OF A HEART "ATTENSE." - ( farts ) 127 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,230 - CINDY? - WHAT? 128 00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:57,927 WILL YOU CHANGE ME IN THE BABY STATION? 129 00:05:57,967 --> 00:06:01,527 YEAH, YOU'RE LIKE MY BABY, SO I'LL CHANGE YOU A MILLION TIMES. 130 00:06:01,567 --> 00:06:03,767 Girls: BYE. 131 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:05,670 - HONK. - HONK. 132 00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:09,200 - ( both laugh ) - Cindy: HONK. HONK. 133 00:06:12,233 --> 00:06:14,803 ( cooing ) 134 00:06:17,467 --> 00:06:20,897 HI THERE, LITTLE GUY. OH, THAT'S MY LITTLE GUY. 135 00:06:24,667 --> 00:06:27,127 YOU HAVE A VERY BEAUTIFUL BABY, MR. BRADLEY. 136 00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:29,967 THANKS. HE LOOKS REALLY RED. 137 00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:32,467 IS THAT NORMAL? IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE THAT COLOR? 138 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,430 YEAH YEAH, ALL NEWBORN BABIES LOOK LIKE THAT. 139 00:06:34,467 --> 00:06:36,297 - IS THIS YOUR FIRST CHILD? - YEAH. 140 00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:38,933 GOD, THIS LITTLE GUY JUST LOOKS SO FRAGILE. 141 00:06:38,967 --> 00:06:41,927 YEAH, BUT THESE GUYS ARE TOUGH, MAN. 142 00:06:41,967 --> 00:06:44,497 BUT AS A FIRST-TIME FATHER, YOU'RE GONNA WORRY A LOT 143 00:06:44,533 --> 00:06:46,473 AND THAT'S NORMAL, TOTALLY NORMAL, OKAY? 144 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,700 ANYWAY, I'M GOING ON BREAK. IF YOU NEED ME, JUST CALL. 145 00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:50,273 - OKAY, THANK YOU SO MUCH. - OF COURSE. 146 00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:53,100 - ( phone beeps ) - HEY, DAD. 147 00:06:53,133 --> 00:06:55,333 NO, I JUST WANTED TO-- 148 00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:57,597 LET ME CALL YOU RIGHT BACK, DAD. NURSE! 149 00:06:58,633 --> 00:07:00,073 THAT BABY'S GOT A GUN. 150 00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:01,470 - WHICH ONE? - THE ONE ON THE END. 151 00:07:04,367 --> 00:07:06,467 OH YEAH, THAT'S THE DICKERMAN BABY. HE OWNS A GUN. 152 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,070 YEAH, BUT A BABY SHOULDN'T HAVE A GUN EVER. 153 00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:12,097 EVER. I AGREE, BUT TELL THAT TO THE SECOND AMENDMENT. 154 00:07:12,133 --> 00:07:14,173 PLUS HE'S GOT HIS LITTLE GUN PERMIT RIGHT THERE. HE'S LEGITIMATE. 155 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,600 - OKAY? - ( breathes hard ) 156 00:07:16,633 --> 00:07:19,803 - ( door opens ) - NURSE! NURSE! 157 00:07:19,833 --> 00:07:21,073 ( cooing ) 158 00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:22,667 - WHAT? WHAT? - LOOK. LOOK. 159 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:27,570 - WHAT AM I LOOKING AT? - DO YOU SEE THE NINJAS? 160 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,630 - YEAH, THEY ADOPTED A BABY. - WHY ARE THEY ALLOWED TO GO IN THERE AND I'M NOT? 161 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,367 - 'CAUSE THEY HAVE MASKS. - YEAH, BUT THEY'RE FIGHTING. 162 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,670 YEHA, COUPLES FIGHT. YOU NEVER FIGHT WITH YOUR WIFE? 163 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:37,530 - YEAH. - YEAH, YOU DO. 164 00:07:37,567 --> 00:07:40,467 THEY'RE HAVING A NINJA COUPLE FIGHT WITH SWORDS. IT HAPPENS. 165 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,170 ( baby coos ) 166 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,230 OKAY, FIRST-TIME DAD? ( laughs ) RELAX. 167 00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:52,130 - HI. - HEY. OH, THERE'S MY LITTLE GIRL ON THE END. 168 00:07:53,167 --> 00:07:55,427 - HAVE A CIGAR. - HEY, THANKS. 169 00:07:55,467 --> 00:07:58,467 - YEAH, WHICH ONE'S YOURS? - MINE'S THE ONE NEXT TO THE BEAR. 170 00:07:58,500 --> 00:08:02,100 - ( bear panting ) - ( cooing ) 171 00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,933 - ( roars ) - OH MY GOD! NURSE! 172 00:08:04,967 --> 00:08:07,667 - WHAT?! - THERE'S A BEAR IN THERE WITH THE BABIES! 173 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:10,170 YEAH, HE'S FROM THE THIRD FLOOR. HE'S BEING TREATED FOR DEPRESSION. 174 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,270 SO YOU LET HIM IN THERE WITH THE BABIES?! 175 00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:14,500 - ( roars ) - YES, IT'S VERY THERAPEUTIC. 176 00:08:14,533 --> 00:08:16,433 HE'S ACTUALLY DOING VERY WELL BECAUSE OF THE THERAPY 177 00:08:16,467 --> 00:08:18,827 AND WE HAVEN'T HAD AN INCIDENT SINCE THE FIRST TIME. 178 00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:21,097 - ( roars ) - ( baby crying ) 179 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:22,873 LET ME GUESS-- FIRST-TIME DAD? 180 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,070 OH YEAH, RIGHT HERE. ( mimics siren ) 181 00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:27,097 ( laughs ) I REMEMBER MY FIRST BABY. 182 00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:28,803 DON'T WORRY. IT GETS BETTER. 183 00:08:28,833 --> 00:08:30,373 - ( bear growls ) - ( exhales deeply ) 184 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:35,630 - ( crying ) - NURSE! NURSE, SOME DIRTBAGS JUST ENTERED! 185 00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:38,197 YES, MR. BRADLEY. DUE TO CITY BUDGET CUTS, 186 00:08:38,233 --> 00:08:40,703 WE LET THE POLICE USE THIS WINDOW FOR CRIMINAL LINEUPS. 187 00:08:40,733 --> 00:08:42,533 Bradley: SO YOU LET CRIMINALS IN THERE WITH THE BABY? 188 00:08:42,567 --> 00:08:44,567 HEY, THEY'RE INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY, ALL RIGHT? 189 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,830 - YOU RECOGNIZE ANYONE IN THE LINEUP? - #3. 190 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,230 #3, COULD YOU STEP FORWARD BY THE BRADLEY BABY? 191 00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:55,327 OH GOD! OH GOD, THAT'S THE MAN THAT KIDNAPPED AND ATE MY BABY! 192 00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:57,527 - OH! EATS BABIES! OH! - OH MY GOD. 193 00:08:57,567 --> 00:08:59,867 EVERYONE CAN LEAVE EXCEPT #3. 194 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:02,100 - Nurse: LET HIM STAY, YEAH. - ( baby coos ) 195 00:09:02,133 --> 00:09:04,603 NO NO NO NO NO, DON'T LEAVE HIM IN THERE WITH MY BABY! 196 00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:07,503 - IT'S FINE. - IT'S OKAY. HE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 197 00:09:07,533 --> 00:09:09,533 YEAH, BUT THAT BABY'S GOT A GUN! 198 00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:14,527 - ( people screaming ) - ( bullets ricochet ) 199 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,430 - NICE GOING, BUTTHOLE. - ( door opens ) 200 00:09:17,467 --> 00:09:18,797 - YEAH. YEAH. - ( guns firing ) 201 00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:20,533 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BUY THE DICKERMAN BABY 202 00:09:20,567 --> 00:09:22,067 A NEW GUN NOW THANKS TO YOU. 203 00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,170 ( door opens ) 204 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,070 - ( phone beeps ) - HEY, DAD. SORRY. YEAH. 205 00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:32,567 NO, LOOK, EVERYTHING'S FINE. THEY'VE GOT A DOCTOR IN THERE AND HE'S CHECKING IN ON THEM. 206 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,600 NO NO. NO! HEY, PUT THOSE BABIES DOWN! 207 00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:36,773 YOU! WHY'D YOU LET HIM STEAL BABIES! 208 00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,930 - I THOUGHT HE WAS A DOCTOR. - NO, HE'S A MENTAL PATIENT FROM THE THIRD FLOOR! 209 00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:41,527 - DAMN IT! - YEAH, BUT I THOUGHT-- 210 00:09:41,567 --> 00:09:43,427 - ( babies crying ) - HEY, GET OUT OF HERE, MAN! 211 00:09:43,467 --> 00:09:46,597 - NINJAS, COME ON! - JESUS. 212 00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:51,070 ON AUGUST 5th, 2008, 213 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,730 MY WIFE WAS KILLED BY A DRUNK DRIVER. 214 00:09:53,767 --> 00:09:56,727 THE DRIVER OF THE OTHER CAR SURVIVED, 215 00:09:56,767 --> 00:09:58,967 AND I HAD TO LIVE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT 216 00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:02,927 THE WOMAN I LOVED MOST OF ALL WAS GONE FOREVER. 217 00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:04,767 AND THAT'S WHY I CREATED 218 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,800 THE STEVE HUNTINGTON ARTIFICIAL VAGINA. 219 00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:11,097 WHEN MY WIFE SUSAN DIED TRAGICALLY, 220 00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:13,333 I HAD NEVER FELT SO ALONE. 221 00:10:13,367 --> 00:10:17,427 THEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE STEVE HUNTINGTON POCKET --, 222 00:10:17,467 --> 00:10:20,927 AND IT WAS LIKE SHE HAD NEVER LEFT. 223 00:10:20,967 --> 00:10:24,667 EVERYTHING WAS EXACTLY THE SAME AS BEFORE SHE DIED, 224 00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:29,270 BUT SHE WAS JUST A BIT SMALLER. 225 00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:31,300 IN OCTOBER 2010, 226 00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:33,903 TWO MASKED MEN BROKE INTO OUR HOME, 227 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:35,633 TIED US DOWN 228 00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:38,027 AND SHOT MY WIFE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. 229 00:10:39,533 --> 00:10:43,303 LUCKILY I HAD MY STEVE HUNTINGTON ARTIFICIAL VAGINA. 230 00:10:43,333 --> 00:10:47,103 MY WIFE WAS ACTUALLY KILLED BY A STEVE HUNTINGTON'S ARTIFICIAL VAGINA. 231 00:10:47,133 --> 00:10:49,673 A LARGE STACK OF THEM FELL ON TOP OF HER. 232 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:52,230 LUCKILY I BROUGHT ONE HOME WITH ME. 233 00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:54,127 Steve: JULIE HAD A PERFECT SMILE, 234 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,067 A GREAT LAUGH-- 235 00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,470 BUT MOST OF ALL, SHE HAD A FANTASTIC VAGINA. 236 00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,630 I MADE THE REPLICA USING ONLY THE MOST DURABLE, 237 00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:04,197 SOFTEST, FINGERABLE MATERIALS. 238 00:11:04,233 --> 00:11:06,073 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT JULIE WOULD'VE WANTED. 239 00:11:06,067 --> 00:11:08,767 DO I STILL MISS JULIE? SURE, I GUESS. 240 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,870 - NOT REALLY. - ( tires screech ) 241 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:15,070 ( shouts ) NO! NO! 242 00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:17,367 ( crying ) YOU KILLED MY WIFE! 243 00:11:20,333 --> 00:11:22,473 YOU SON OF A BITCH. 244 00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:26,603 - ( squeaks ) - HONEY?! 245 00:11:26,633 --> 00:11:28,303 Announcer: DRUNK DRIVERS DESTROY THOUSANDS 246 00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:29,933 OF ARTIFICIAL VAGINAS EVERY YEAR. 247 00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:31,427 DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. 248 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,400 ( cheering, applauding ) 249 00:11:36,433 --> 00:11:40,603 HI. SO WE WRITE A LOT OF STUFF FOR THE SHOW. 250 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,133 AND A LOT OF STUFF DOESN'T MAKE IT 251 00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:46,467 FOR COST REASONS OR BECAUSE IT'S JUST SO DUMB... 252 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:49,700 - ( laughing ) - ...THAT THE NETWORK'S JUST LIKE "REALLY? 253 00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:52,703 HOW OLD ARE YOU GUYS?" BUT THIS WAS ONE-- 254 00:11:52,733 --> 00:11:54,633 THIS WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE ONES THAT DIDN'T MAKE IT. 255 00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:58,427 AND I HAD WRITTEN IT A LONG TIME AGO FOR SEASON ONE. 256 00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:02,067 IT STILL NEVER MADE IT. AND IT'S A PRODUCT FOR A DRINK. 257 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:06,330 AND YOU ALL-- YOU GUYS KNOW VITAMIN WATER, RIGHT? 258 00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:10,397 - Man: YEAH. - THIS, I THINK, IS A BETTER TAKE ON VITAMIN WATER. 259 00:12:10,433 --> 00:12:13,573 - IT'S VICODIN WATER. - ( laughing ) 260 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,697 I MEAN, YEAH, VITAMINS ARE GREAT, OKAY. 261 00:12:17,733 --> 00:12:22,603 BUT VICODIN MAKES YOU FEEL A LITTLE BIT BETTER. 262 00:12:23,733 --> 00:12:26,203 YOU COULD OF A LOT OF THINGS ON VICODIN 263 00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:28,773 AND NOT FEEL IT. 264 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,500 IT'S SO REPLENISHING. 265 00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:33,433 YEAH, I'VE HAD SOME VICODIN EXPERIENCE. 266 00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:36,427 I-- ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS. 267 00:12:36,467 --> 00:12:38,567 I GOT MY WISDOM TEETH OUT ONCE. ANYBODY EVER HAD THAT-- 268 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,170 - WISDOM TEETH? - People: YEAH. 269 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,070 BRUTAL, RIGHT? 270 00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:44,827 MY FRIEND IS SUCH AN IDIOT. 271 00:12:44,867 --> 00:12:46,597 SO I GOT MY WISDOM TEETH OUT-- I GET ALL FOUR-- 272 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,303 HAS ANYBODY EVER HAD ALL FOUR OUT? 273 00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:50,173 - Woman: YEAH. - YEAH, YOU HAVE. FROM JERSEY? 274 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,230 - Woman: YEAH. - YEAH, BUT THAT WAS IN A FIGHT, RIGHT? 275 00:12:52,267 --> 00:12:55,327 IT WAS-- IT WAS LIKE "YEAH, GET THE -- OUTTA HERE. 276 00:12:55,367 --> 00:12:58,497 EAGLES!" YOU'RE LIKE, "OW!" 277 00:13:00,967 --> 00:13:02,667 I-- NO, I GOT ALL FOUR OUT 278 00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:04,300 AND MY BUDDY'S SUCH A DRUG ADDICT. 279 00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:05,933 HE'S LIKE "OH, YOU GOT YOUR WISDOM TEETH OUT?" 280 00:13:05,967 --> 00:13:07,497 I'M LIKE "YEAH." HE GOES, "THEY GIVE YOU VICODIN?" 281 00:13:07,533 --> 00:13:09,573 I'M LIKE "YEAH, I HAVE 30." 282 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,500 HE'S LIKE "DON'T TAKE 'EM, DUDE." 283 00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:13,473 I'M LIKE "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" HE'S LIKE "DON'T TAKE 'EM. 284 00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,470 WE'RE GOING TO VEGAS IN A MONTH. JUST SAVE 'EM." 285 00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:20,600 I'M LIKE "WHAT?!" LIKE, I'M IN HORRIFYING PAIN. 286 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:25,073 FOUR WISDOM TEETH OUT IS LIKE FREDDY KRUEGER -- WENT APE-- IN YOUR MOUTH. 287 00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:27,267 IT'S JUST LIKE... ( mimics scream ) LIKE MURDER, LIKE BLOOD 288 00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:29,570 IT'S AWFUL. IT'S SO MUCH PAIN. 289 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,430 AND MY -- FRIEND'S LIKE "NO, JUST-- JUST TOUGH IT OUT." 290 00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:36,133 SO I TOUGHED IT OUT FOR A MONTH. 291 00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:39,127 IT WAS AWFUL. AND I SAVED 'EM FOR VEGAS. 292 00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:41,927 AND ME AND HIM SPLIT ALL 30 IN A WEEKEND. 293 00:13:41,967 --> 00:13:44,267 - YEAH! - YEAH, LET'S JUST SAY 294 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,630 I WENT TO -- AVATAR LAND 295 00:13:46,667 --> 00:13:49,067 BY THE TIME I WAS DONE WITH THAT. 296 00:13:49,067 --> 00:13:51,397 - Man: FINDING A DOCTOR IS TOUGH... - ( groaning ) 297 00:13:51,433 --> 00:13:54,433 ...ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A MONSTER. 298 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,867 BUT THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. 299 00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,370 I'M JASPER HILL, MONSTER DOCTOR. 300 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,900 WHEN OTHER DOCTORS SCREAM, I LISTEN. 301 00:14:01,933 --> 00:14:05,773 WOW, YOU ARE REALLY IN NEED OF A PROSTATE EXAM. 302 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,070 ALL RIGHT? YOU'RE ALMOST 3,000 YEARS OLD. 303 00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:10,267 YOU'VE GOTTA GET THAT CHECKED OUT EVERY 200 YEARS, OKAY? 304 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,500 I'M HERE FOR YOU. 305 00:14:12,533 --> 00:14:14,873 LOOK, HIS ORGANS MAY BE COVERED IN WORMS AND MAGGOTS, 306 00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:16,830 BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE NOT STILL ORGANS. 307 00:14:16,867 --> 00:14:18,597 YOU'RE LUCKY, ALL RIGHT? 308 00:14:18,633 --> 00:14:20,733 THAT STAKE CAME THREE INCHES FROM YOUR HEART. 309 00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:25,667 I GUESS I DRANK TOO MANY BLOODY MARYS LAST NIGHT. 310 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:28,670 ALL RIGHT, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU KEEP DRINKING BLOOD, 311 00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:30,670 - LOSE THE MARY. - ( both laughing ) 312 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:33,330 Jasper: I LIKE TO HAVE FUN AND MONSTERS APPRECIATE MY BEDSIDE MANNER. 313 00:14:33,367 --> 00:14:36,697 IF YOU'RE A MONSTER LOOKING TO GET INTO THE MEDICAL PROFESSION, 314 00:14:36,733 --> 00:14:38,273 WE OFFER INTERNSHIPS. 315 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,070 HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU 316 00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:42,527 YOU'VE GOTTA WEAR UNDERWEAR WHEN YOU RIDE YOUR BROOMSTICK? 317 00:14:42,567 --> 00:14:44,527 - THESE SPLINTERS ARE BAD. - ( monster groaning ) 318 00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:47,827 - COBWEBS! - BE PROFESSIONAL. 319 00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:51,697 NO, THAT DOESN'T GO THERE. WHAT ARE YOU DO-- 320 00:14:51,733 --> 00:14:54,133 Jasper: AND TELL IT TO YOU STRAIGHT WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGH. 321 00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:55,827 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS, 322 00:14:55,867 --> 00:14:58,627 BUT YOU'RE DEAD. 323 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,227 NO INSURANCE? NO PROBLEM. 324 00:15:02,267 --> 00:15:04,227 I ACCEPT AMULETS, ANCIENT TREASURES, 325 00:15:04,267 --> 00:15:05,927 GOLD TEETH FROM PEOPLE YOU ATE. 326 00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:09,627 BUT NO GHOST MONEY, ALL RIGHT? THAT DOES NOT WORK. 327 00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,467 SO CALL NOW, MONSTERS, 328 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,070 - 'CAUSE NO ILLNESS IS TOO DIFFICULT... - ( bangs ) 329 00:15:15,167 --> 00:15:17,827 DIARRHEA! 330 00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:22,603 - ...OR TOO SIMPLE. - ( groans ) 331 00:15:24,067 --> 00:15:25,627 - HEY, BLAZE. - ( reggae music playing ) 332 00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:27,827 YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU CUT YOUR HEAD OFF 333 00:15:27,867 --> 00:15:30,267 AND THEN YOU TAKE A BREATH RIGHT BEFORE YOU DO IT 334 00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,300 THAT YOU STAY CONSCIOUS FOR AWHILE? 335 00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:34,333 NOT BUYING IT, STONEY. 336 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:37,827 NO WAY A HEADLESS DUDE LASTS LONGER THAN 30 SECONDS. 337 00:15:37,867 --> 00:15:40,267 YEAH, IT DOES, MAN. I READ IT ON THE INTERNET. 338 00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:44,730 - PROVE IT. - FINE, MAN. YOU GOT ANYTHING SHARP? 339 00:15:44,767 --> 00:15:46,167 ( laughs ) YEAH. 340 00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:50,730 - OH SWEET. - SWEET. 341 00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:52,567 - ( laughing ) - OH MAN. 342 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,270 I CAN'T WAIT TILL AFTER FIVE MINUTES-- 343 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,300 YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE TO MY HEAD! 344 00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:57,973 HOLD YOUR BREATH, STONEY! 345 00:15:58,067 --> 00:15:59,667 - HEYO! - ( grunts ) 346 00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:01,770 ( grunting ) 347 00:16:04,067 --> 00:16:07,667 - ( laughing ) - HEY, MAN, YOU GOT THE TIMER? START IT. 348 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,700 - AND THEN FART IT ON YOUR DUMB FACE. - ( clicks ) 349 00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:13,873 - COUNTDOWN TO YOUR EPIC FAIL, STONEY! - ( ticking ) 350 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,330 I FEEL SUPER LIGHT. 351 00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:18,067 I FEEL LIKE MY HEAD'S GONNA BLOW AWAY. 352 00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:22,067 ( ticking continues ) 353 00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:28,903 YEAH, I TOLD YOU, BITCH. ( laughs ) 354 00:16:28,933 --> 00:16:31,533 - PSYCH! OWNED! - DAMN IT! 355 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:34,867 STONEY'S HEAD ALIVE LIKE A BOSS! 356 00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:37,900 ( laughs ) YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D BY A HEAD, MAN. 357 00:16:37,933 --> 00:16:39,673 NO BODY! 358 00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:41,700 ( timer ticks, dings ) 359 00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:47,733 - YOU WERE RIGHT. - UH, YEAH, TRY UBER RIGHT, MAN. 360 00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:50,297 YOU WERE DOMINATED 100%, MAN. 361 00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:53,073 YOU'RE SUCH A NOOB WHEN IT COMES TO HEADLESS --. 362 00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:55,227 I GET IT, I GET IT! LET'S BLAZE. 363 00:16:55,267 --> 00:16:57,797 - COME ON. - OH YEAH, TWIST MY ARM. 364 00:16:57,833 --> 00:17:00,103 PSYCH! I DON'T HAVE ONE. 365 00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:08,197 - ( snickers ) - ( coughs ) 366 00:17:08,233 --> 00:17:12,103 WHOA. I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS HIGH BEFORE, MAN. 367 00:17:12,133 --> 00:17:14,733 - ( laughs ) - IT'S CRAZY. 368 00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,497 HEY. HEY. WHOA! 369 00:17:17,533 --> 00:17:20,333 WHAT'S THAT, MAN?! MY BODY! 370 00:17:20,367 --> 00:17:22,397 OH NO, MAN! I'M -- UP! 371 00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:24,433 ( cries ) 372 00:17:24,467 --> 00:17:26,797 - PSYCH! - ( laughing ) 373 00:17:26,833 --> 00:17:28,503 I TOTALLY GOT YOU, DUDE. 374 00:17:28,533 --> 00:17:29,933 - YOU FLIPPED OUT. - YEAH. 375 00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:31,767 HEY, BODY, SUCK MY --. 376 00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:35,603 - ( Stoney laughing ) - * STONEY AND BLAZE... 377 00:17:35,633 --> 00:17:37,773 - YEAH! - * STONEY AND BLAZE... 378 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,600 - DUNK ME, MAN! BREAK MY NOSE. - * STONEY 379 00:17:39,633 --> 00:17:41,803 - * AND BLAZE... - HEY-O! 380 00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:44,403 * STONEY AND BLAZE... 381 00:17:44,433 --> 00:17:46,373 - BOOBS! - * STONEY AND BLAZE... 382 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,670 - BOOBIES! BOOBS. - ( screams ) 383 00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:53,370 - ( laughs ) - * STONEY AND BLAZE. 384 00:17:59,333 --> 00:18:01,903 ( softly ) MAN, I REALLY DON'T WANNA DO GARY'S EULOGY. 385 00:18:01,933 --> 00:18:03,803 ( softly ) WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU'RE HIS BEST FRIEND. 386 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,673 I KNOW, BUT HOW HE DIED. 387 00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:07,370 A TRAGIC CAR ACCIDENT. 388 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,070 YEAH, WHILE TAKING A PICTURE OF HIS --, 389 00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:12,327 THEN HE EMAILED IT TO EVERYONE BY MISTAKE. 390 00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:14,327 EVERYONE GOT THAT EMAIL. 391 00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:16,497 THIS COULD'VE EASILY HAPPENED TO ME. 392 00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:19,303 I MEAN, CHECK OUT THIS -- PIC WHILE I DROVE OVER HERE. 393 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:22,633 OH! DUDE, COME ON, MAN. LEARN FROM GARY. 394 00:18:22,667 --> 00:18:24,667 ( sighs ) 395 00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:27,830 WHAT CAN YOU SAY WHEN SOMEONE DIES? 396 00:18:28,867 --> 00:18:30,897 ESPECIALLY IN THIS CASE. 397 00:18:30,933 --> 00:18:32,773 NOT BECAUSE OF WHAT-- 398 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,700 NOT BECAUSE OF HOW THEY DIE, 399 00:18:34,733 --> 00:18:37,433 I'M SAYING THAT BECAUSE GARY WAS MY BEST FRIEND. 400 00:18:37,467 --> 00:18:41,767 HIS TWO FAVORITE PASTIMES WERE DRIVING AND PHOTOGRAPHY. 401 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:45,400 NOT AT THE SAME TIME. I MEAN HE DID IT AT THE SAME TIME, 402 00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,673 BUT NOT-- ALL RIGHT, SORRY. 403 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,730 GARY HAD A GREAT PENIS. 404 00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:54,067 AND I THINK THAT STEMS FROM HIS PARENTS, 405 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:58,070 SO I COMMEND YOU ON THAT, RAISING HIS PENIS. 406 00:18:58,067 --> 00:18:59,767 WHAT THE-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 407 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,070 ( groans, swears ) 408 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,530 THANKS, GARY, FOR THIS MOMENT 409 00:19:05,567 --> 00:19:08,127 THAT I HAVE TO DO. ( chuckles ) 410 00:19:08,167 --> 00:19:11,567 I'M JUST-- I'M NOT-- I'M JUST GONNA CUT TO THE CHASE. 411 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:15,070 THIS IS REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. WE ALL KNOW THAT GARY SENT US A PICTURE OF HIS --. 412 00:19:15,067 --> 00:19:18,627 OKAY, SO I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT GARY WOULD'VE LAUGHED AT THIS. 413 00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:20,467 HE WOULD'VE LAUGHED HARDER THAN ANYONE 414 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:24,470 AND I THINK IF YOU KNOW GARY, YOU'D KNOW THAT HE WOULD REALLY BE ENJOYING THIS. 415 00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:27,470 GARY WOULD WANT US TO LEARN FROM THIS, IF ANYTHING. 416 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,070 WE ALL TAKE PICTURES OF OUR -- WHILE WE DRIVE. 417 00:19:30,067 --> 00:19:32,527 SO A SHOW OF HANDS-- 418 00:19:32,567 --> 00:19:35,567 WHO'S TAKEN A PICTURE OF THEIR -- WHILE THEY'VE BEEN DRIVING? 419 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,930 NOBODY? JUST ME AND GARY? 420 00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:39,467 THAT'S REAL RESPECTFUL. 421 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:42,100 GARY'S DEAD AND YOU'RE GONNA LIE. RICKY? 422 00:19:42,133 --> 00:19:44,533 REALLY, NO PICTURE FROM YOU? 423 00:19:44,567 --> 00:19:47,097 YES. AND I'M SURPRISED YOU'RE ALIVE. 424 00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:49,133 VAGINA PICS? SARAH? 425 00:19:49,167 --> 00:19:50,867 YEAH, HOW WAS THAT D.U.I.-- 426 00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:53,070 OR VAGINA U.I.-- THAT YOU GOT? 427 00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:57,970 GRANDMA NELSON? VAGINA PICS WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING? 428 00:19:58,067 --> 00:19:59,297 NICE. 429 00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:01,833 WHEN WE DO TAKE THE PICTURES OF OUR GENITALS, 430 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,727 LET'S DO THEM IN A PARKING LOT 431 00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,397 OR AT A RED LIGHT LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE, 432 00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:10,433 NOT GOING 95 DOWN A ONE-WAY STREET, FULLY ERECT. 433 00:20:12,233 --> 00:20:14,503 IF YOU WANNA STICK AROUND, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE AN OPEN CASKET, 434 00:20:14,533 --> 00:20:18,133 SO YOU'RE MORE THAN WELCOME TO TAKE A PICTURE OF HIS DEAD --. 435 00:20:18,167 --> 00:20:21,597 - ( rock music playing ) - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TUNING IN. 436 00:20:21,633 --> 00:20:23,933 YOU'RE ALWAYS AWESOME. 437 00:20:23,967 --> 00:20:26,367 I THANK YOU FOR YOUR FILTHY MIND. 438 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,800 - THANK YOU, GUYS. - ( whooshes ) 439 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,670 Man: TERRIFIC. 440 00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:40,133 I FINALLY FOUND CLOSURE BY CONFRONTING THE MAN WHO KILLED MY WIFE. 441 00:20:40,167 --> 00:20:42,167 I CAN'T EXPRESS HOW DEEPLY SORRY I AM. 442 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,100 YOU DON'T NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO ME. 443 00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:45,673 YOU MEAN YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS? 444 00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:49,430 NO, YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO MY WIFE'S VAGINA. 35695