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1
00:00:02,967 --> 00:00:05,297
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:12,197
* P-R-E-T-E-N-D
T-I-M-E *
3
00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:14,673
* P-R-E-T-E-N-D
T-I-M-E! *
4
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:16,970
- ( cheering )
- WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY?
5
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,400
WELCOME TO SEASON TWO
OF "PRETEND TIME."
6
00:00:20,433 --> 00:00:22,833
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
7
00:00:24,367 --> 00:00:25,997
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
8
00:00:26,033 --> 00:00:27,773
LOOK AT BEARDO.
9
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,930
BEARDO WROTE THE THEME SONG
FOR "PRETEND TIME."
10
00:00:30,967 --> 00:00:33,027
HE'S GOT THE BEST SHIRT EVER.
IT JUST SAYS "ALL METHED UP."
11
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,467
- AND NOWHERE TO GO.
- ( all laugh )
12
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:39,200
SO I WAS READING
A MAGAZINE RECENTLY--
IT'S A TRUE STORY--
13
00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:41,133
AND THEY HAD--
14
00:00:41,167 --> 00:00:44,297
THEY HAD AN AD
FOR JACK DANIELS,
THE LIQUOR.
15
00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:46,333
THIS WAS THEIR CAMPAIGN
IN THE MAGAZINE
16
00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:48,327
FOR JACK DANIELS.
THIS IS REAL.
17
00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:51,327
THEIR AD WAS--
IT SAID "JACK DANIELS.
18
00:00:51,367 --> 00:00:54,897
DRINK RESPONSIBLY."
19
00:00:54,933 --> 00:00:56,873
WHICH JUST MADE ME LAUGH,
BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN
20
00:00:56,900 --> 00:01:00,470
CLOSE TO RESPONSIBLE
WHENEVER I'VE DRANK
JACK DANIELS.
21
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:03,070
LIKE NEVER! I'VE NEVER
EVEN BEEN CLOSE.
22
00:01:03,067 --> 00:01:04,727
AND THAT'S THEIR CAMPAIGN.
IT'S LIKE--
23
00:01:04,767 --> 00:01:07,467
THAT'S FALSE ADVERTISING
FOR THAT PRODUCT.
24
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,070
THAT AD SHOULD BE LIKE
"JACK DANIELS.
25
00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:13,330
- --. GOOD LUCK."
- ( laughing )
26
00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:16,667
"JACK DANIELS.
YOUR DOG'S AS GOOD AS RAPED."
27
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,600
THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE.
28
00:01:18,633 --> 00:01:21,273
THAT WOULD
PREPARE PEOPLE MENTALLY
29
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:23,870
FOR THEIR
JACK DANIELS BENDER.
30
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:26,170
YEAH, I GO TO A LOT OF BARS.
I LIKE DIVE BARS.
31
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,630
- ( people cheer )
- Nick: YEAH.
32
00:01:28,667 --> 00:01:31,697
YOU GUYS ARE
RAGING ALCOHOLICS
IF THAT WAS--
33
00:01:31,733 --> 00:01:34,373
IF THAT WAS THE REACTION
FOR DIVE BARS.
34
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,900
THIS IS WHAT
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
35
00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:37,433
I'M NOT TRYING
TO BE GROSS.
36
00:01:37,467 --> 00:01:40,067
THIS JUST REALLY
CONFUSES ME AS A GUY.
37
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:43,267
I DON'T UNDERSTAND URINALS.
38
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:46,100
LIKE WHEN YOU GO--
GIRLS, YOU DON'T GET
TO SEE THIS.
39
00:01:46,133 --> 00:01:48,103
THANK GOD.
WHEN YOU GO UP TO
A GUYS' URINAL,
40
00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:51,233
THERE'S -- HAIR
ALL OVER IT.
41
00:01:51,267 --> 00:01:53,467
IT'S SO BAFFLING TO ME.
42
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,900
LIKE SOME KIND
OF PUBIC FAIRY
43
00:01:55,933 --> 00:01:57,373
CAME BY
AND WAS JUST LIKE
44
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,270
"DOODLE-EE! PUBES."
45
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:01,270
AND THEN JUST FLOATS AWAY.
46
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:03,930
I'VE NEVER--
HOW DOES IT JUST SHED?
47
00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:05,497
LIKE, GUYS ARE
JUST SHEDDING--
48
00:02:05,533 --> 00:02:07,833
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED
TO PULL ONE PUBIC HAIR OUT?
49
00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:10,967
IT'S LIKE
THE MOST PAINFUL THING
ON THE PLANET.
50
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:13,967
TRY IT AT HOME
RIGHT NOW IF YOU'RE
WATCHING AT HOME.
51
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:17,097
IT'S AWFUL, BUT SOMEHOW GUYS
JUST WALK INTO BARS LIKE,
52
00:02:17,133 --> 00:02:18,803
"ALL RIGHT.
I'M DONE PEEING,
53
00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:21,233
I'M JUST GONNA RIP
SOME PUBES OFF."
( screaming )
54
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:26,730
DID A WEREWOLF TAKE
A -- IN THIS URINAL?
55
00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:28,397
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
56
00:02:28,433 --> 00:02:31,073
WHAT GOES ON
AT NIGHT AT DIVE BARS?
57
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:33,570
IT'S NOT COOL.
58
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,470
ANYWAY,
ENJOY THIS NEXT SKETCH.
59
00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,330
IT WAS WRITTEN
BY MY GRANDMOTHER.
60
00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:40,797
MY NAME'S NICK
AND I'M JUST YOUR AVERAGE GUY.
61
00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,933
I'M FROM GREENWOOD, INDIANA.
62
00:02:42,967 --> 00:02:46,497
I LIKE TO HANG OUT
WITH MY FRIENDS, SHOOT HOOPS,
63
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,373
WALK UP TO PEOPLE I KNOW
AND BE LIKE, "WHAT'S UP, BRO?"
64
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,630
THIS IS MY HOUSE.
THIS IS MY DOG CHAUNCY
65
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:53,197
AND THIS IS
MY GIRL, DENISE.
66
00:02:53,233 --> 00:02:55,203
I HAVE
A PRETTY NORMAL LIFE,
67
00:02:55,233 --> 00:02:57,073
BUT THAT'S ALL
ABOUT TO CHANGE
68
00:02:57,067 --> 00:03:01,197
BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER KATLYN
IS 16 MONTHS AND PREGNANT.
69
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,400
WHEN WE FIRST FOUND OUT
KATLYN WAS PREGNANT,
70
00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:07,433
IT WAS LIKE "WHOA!"
AND YEAH,
71
00:03:07,467 --> 00:03:09,667
IT'S DEFINITELY CAUSED SOME
STRESS BETWEEN DENISE AND ME.
72
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,470
- HONEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK.
73
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,230
I-I-- I CANNOT
BELIEVE THIS!
74
00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:17,067
HOW COULD SHE DO THIS
TO US AFTER EVERYTHING
THAT WE TOLD HER?
75
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:21,700
- I DON'T--
- * DON'T BE SAD,
BE GLAD, BE HAPPY... *
76
00:03:21,733 --> 00:03:25,573
WE DID OUR BEST.
JUST NEED TO MAKE
SMALLER CONDOMS.
77
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:31,430
DENISE IS RIGHT.
WE THOUGHT WE'D RAISED
KATLYN BETTER THAN THIS.
78
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:36,500
I FOR ONE BLAME CODY.
HE'S THE DEADBEAT DAD.
79
00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:39,603
I'M A GUY AND I KNOW
WHAT GUYS ARE LIKE
AT THAT AGE.
80
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,870
* DON'T BE SAD,
BE HAPPY FOR ME *
81
00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:50,227
* DON'T BE SAD,
BE GLAD... *
82
00:03:50,267 --> 00:03:54,167
- ( crying ) MOMMY.
- * BE HAPPY FOR ME
83
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,930
* I'LL BE HOME
COME SUNDOWN... *
84
00:03:55,967 --> 00:03:58,867
CODY DID WHAT
SO MANY BAD FATHERS DO--
85
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:01,670
- HE LEFT, LEFT WHEN
IT WAS IMPORTANT.
- Denise: YUP.
86
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,330
- I GOT A KICK.
- IS IT KICKING?
87
00:04:04,367 --> 00:04:07,067
YOU'RE GONNA GO THROUGH
A LOT OF STUFF, SWEETHEART.
88
00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:09,727
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE--
YOU GOT YOUR BABY PHASE
OUT OF THE WAY.
89
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:12,127
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
THE LESBO PHASE AROUND
FIVE OR SIX.
90
00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:15,067
YEAH, IT'S A LOT
OF LIFE YOU'RE LIVING
A LITTLE TOO SOON.
91
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,530
- IT'S LA--
- A LITTLE TOO SOON.
92
00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:18,767
THANK YOU.
93
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,370
IS THAT TEQUILA?
94
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,200
WE THOUGHT A BABY SHOWER
WOULD BE A NICE WAY
95
00:04:22,233 --> 00:04:24,873
FOR KATLYN TO SEE
HOW MANY FRIENDS SHE HAS
WHO LOVE HER
96
00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:27,900
- AND GET CODY OUT OF HER HEAD.
- Denise: SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.
97
00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:32,073
AW. MEGAN GAVE YOU
A BREAST PUMP. WANT TO
DO THAT LATER, KATLYN?
98
00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:34,667
- YAY! LOOK.
- Nick: I THINK WE'LL
GET THROUGH THIS.
99
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:36,670
AS LONG AS THERE'S
NO MORE DRAMA.
100
00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:41,273
- DO YOU THINK SHE'S READY?
- WERE WE READY?
101
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,600
YOU'RE RIGHT.
SHE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
102
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:46,873
( ringtone chimes )
103
00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:56,467
* DON'T BE SAD,
BE HAPPY FOR ME... *
104
00:04:58,067 --> 00:04:59,867
( vocalizing )
105
00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:02,673
AH!
106
00:05:06,267 --> 00:05:09,667
CONGRATULATIONS, CODY.
YOUR BABY'S HAVING A BABY.
107
00:05:19,067 --> 00:05:21,167
Announcer:
PREVIOUSLY ON
"WHEELCHAIR CAT,"
108
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,370
AFTER EDNA QUIST
LEFT HER ENTIRE ESTATE
109
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,630
TO HER CAT, MR. STITCHES,
110
00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:28,297
HER SON EDMOND
SOUGHT REVENGE.
111
00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:31,073
- ( snorts )
- HIS FAILED MURDER ATTEMPT
112
00:05:31,067 --> 00:05:34,367
- LEFT MR. STITCHES PARALYZED.
- ( Stitches screeches )
113
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,730
AND THE HOSPITAL BILL ATE UP
ALL THE INHERITANCE,
114
00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:39,467
FORCING HIM TO BECOME...
115
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:43,700
* I WANNA DO
WHATEVER I WANNA DO *
116
00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:48,473
* 'CAUSE IT FEELS GOOD
TO BE BAD *
117
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:51,930
* I CAN'T REFUSE A LITTLE
BREAKING THE RULES *
118
00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:56,797
* 'CAUSE I ALWAYS WANT
WHAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE *
119
00:05:56,833 --> 00:06:00,373
* DANCE ALL NIGHT
ON THE WILD SIDE *
120
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:05,070
- * IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BAD
- * BAD BAD BAD.
121
00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:07,067
( rock music playing )
122
00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:10,897
WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING FOR, BABY?
123
00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:13,633
Computerized voice:
I WANT TO LITTER
YOUR BOX.
124
00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:16,797
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- DON'T PLAY DUMB, P.F. CHANG.
125
00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:19,333
I WANT TO PURR
INTO YOUR DOWNSTAIRS FUR.
126
00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:21,667
- NOW THAT SOUNDS MORE LIKE IT.
- GET SOME MORE GIRLS.
127
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:24,370
I WANT TO MAKE
A HERPES PYRAMID.
128
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,070
- THEY'RE ALL BUSY, SUGAR.
- REALLY? I WILL CHANGE THAT.
129
00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:29,067
( computer speaking )
130
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,370
( whirring )
131
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,230
GRAB THE CASH,
YOU MOLESTED PIGS.
132
00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:38,703
I LIKE TO LICK IT
BEFORE I STICK IT.
133
00:06:38,733 --> 00:06:41,873
LET ME TAKE SOME --
ON YOUR FAKE TITS.
134
00:06:43,167 --> 00:06:44,767
MR. STITCHES!
135
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,300
I WOULD LIKE TO SNORT
CATNIP OFF YOUR FAT NIPS.
136
00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:50,833
- GET HIM OUT OF HERE, MIKE.
- HEY, BITCH, HIDE ME
IN YOUR VAGINA.
137
00:06:50,867 --> 00:06:54,597
- LET'S GO, PUSSY.
- AND WHEN YOU WERE THROWN OUT,
138
00:06:54,633 --> 00:06:56,873
- THAT'S WHEN YOU SNAPPED?
- I DIDN'T SNAP.
139
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,130
I TOLD YOU
I WENT HOME AND...
140
00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:02,673
- MEOW.
- RIGHT.
141
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:05,970
WELL, LET'S TAKE A LOOK
AT THIS SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE
FROM ONE HOUR LATER.
142
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:09,527
I'm so high on coke.
Just call me Yack Sniffleson.
143
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:13,667
THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME.
YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HIS FACE.
144
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:17,370
WELL, YOU CAN SEE THE TAIL,
THE FUR AND THE WHEELCHAIR.
145
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,200
YOU'RE NOT JUDGE JUDY,
146
00:07:19,233 --> 00:07:21,203
SO TASTE THE SMELL
FROM MY BOOTY.
147
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:25,433
- ( farts )
- ORDER! PLEASE DON'T
SPRAY IN THE COURTROOM.
148
00:07:25,467 --> 00:07:27,427
BACK TO THE VIDEO, PLEASE.
149
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,100
- Say hello
to my little friend.
- ( whirrs )
150
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,470
What? What? St--
151
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:43,600
AND RIGHT THERE--
RIGHT THERE IS WHERE
YOU SHOT HIM VIOLENTLY.
152
00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,633
I CAN'T USE A GUN.
I HAVE PAWS.
153
00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,827
I SAY "MEOW" AND USE
A SCRATCHING POST.
154
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,627
- MEOW.
- OKAY, THE CAT EXCUSE
IS GETTING OLD.
155
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:53,067
MEMBERS OF THE JURY,
WATCH THIS VIDEO
156
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,070
AND AS WE PUSH IN--
157
00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:57,897
RIGHT THERE--
SOME COCAINE.
158
00:07:57,933 --> 00:08:00,503
I DON'T DO COCAINE.
I JUST LIKE THE WAY IT SMELLS.
159
00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:03,273
HEY-O, WHO GOTS
THE YA-YO?
160
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:05,930
UNBELIEVABLE.
MEMBERS OF THE JURY,
161
00:08:05,967 --> 00:08:09,927
THIS IS THE EASIEST CASE
I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
162
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,127
YOU'VE SEEN THE VIDEO
OF THIS COLD-BLOODED KILLER.
163
00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:14,827
CATS DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES,
THEY HAVE ONE.
164
00:08:14,867 --> 00:08:16,327
END HIS TODAY.
165
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,230
COME ON, JURORS.
STOP BEING GAY.
166
00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:21,067
STOP BEING GAY.
167
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,330
Computerized voice:
KILLING SOMEONE
IN COLD BLOOD--
168
00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:24,867
THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR.
169
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:31,400
...PLAYING IN A YARD,
CHASING MY TAIL,
170
00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:33,933
BUT THAT ENDED
IN A COLD-BLOODED
MURDER ATTEMPT.
171
00:08:33,967 --> 00:08:37,527
WAS THE KILLER
EVER CAUGHT? NO.
AM I BITTER?
172
00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:42,667
...REMEMBERING HOW FUN
IT WAS TO PLAY IN THE SUN
173
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,870
WHILE RAISING MY SON.
174
00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:48,767
( meows )
175
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,870
HIS PENIS DOESN'T WORK.
HE CAN'T MAKE A KITTEN.
176
00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:57,273
I FIND THE DEFENDANT
NOT GUILTY.
177
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:59,170
- ( people murmuring )
- ARE YOU JOKING?!
178
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,930
- COME ON!
- Computerized voice:
DROP TO YOUR KNEES
179
00:09:01,967 --> 00:09:03,867
AND PUT ON
MY -- LIPSTICK.
180
00:09:06,267 --> 00:09:08,467
Announcer:
ABS-- EVERY GUY WANTS 'EM,
181
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,070
BUT THE MOTIVATION IS HARD.
182
00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:11,967
AND YOU WANT TO HAVE
SERIOUS DEFINITION
183
00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:13,697
BUT ALSO HAVE IT
BE ENJOYABLE.
184
00:09:13,733 --> 00:09:15,103
SOUND IMPOSSIBLE?
185
00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:16,903
REMEMBER WHEN
YOU HIT PUBERTY,
186
00:09:16,933 --> 00:09:18,833
YOUR HORMONES RAGED
187
00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:22,267
AND ALL YOU WANTED TO DO WAS
TRY AND SUCK YOUR OWN --?
188
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:25,170
BUT THEN YOU GOT OLDER,
TRIED TO GET LAID
189
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,630
AND FORGOT ABOUT TRYING
TO SUCK YOUR OWN --?
190
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:31,497
WELL, WE'VE DECIDED TO BRING
THAT MOTIVATION BACK WITH...
191
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,870
ALL YOU NEED IS
THIS RUBBER STRAP.
192
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:37,830
AND IT HELPS YOU TO RECOIL
193
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:40,327
AND THEN MAKE
A THRUSTING MOTION
TOWARDS YOUR --.
194
00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:42,327
KEEP WORKING
THOSE ABS, GARY.
195
00:09:42,367 --> 00:09:43,927
YOU KNOW WHAT'S
AT THE FINISH LINE, BABY.
196
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:45,297
I SURE DO, MAN.
197
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:47,433
MY OWN --,
MY OWN MOUTH
198
00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:50,097
AND SOME SWEET ABS.
( laughs )
199
00:09:50,133 --> 00:09:53,403
AS YOU CAN SEE,
THE BLOWING MOTION USES MUSCLES
200
00:09:53,433 --> 00:09:55,403
THAT WE NEVER THOUGHT
TO EXIST.
201
00:09:55,433 --> 00:09:57,273
I MEAN
LOOK AT HOW RIPPED YOU GET.
202
00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:00,000
AND THE FINAL GOAL IS
YOUR BEST FRIEND--
203
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:00,070
AND THE FINAL GOAL IS
YOUR BEST FRIEND--
YOUR OWN PENIS.
WHAT CAN BE BETTER?
204
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,597
YOUR OWN PENIS.
WHAT CAN BE BETTER?
205
00:10:02,633 --> 00:10:05,903
I'VE BEEN ABLE
TO SUCK MY OWN JUNK
SINCE I WAS EIGHT.
206
00:10:05,933 --> 00:10:08,333
- WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
- A GOOD QUESTION, BROTHER.
207
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:10,227
CHECK OUT THE T-BAG STRAP.
208
00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:12,667
THIS PUSHES YOUR BODY
PAST THE --
209
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,700
AND STRAIGHT
TO THOSE FARAWAY BALLS.
210
00:10:14,733 --> 00:10:16,603
TRY SLAM DUNKING
THOSE IN YOUR MOUTH
211
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:18,603
AND WE'RE TALKING
AMAZING ABS.
212
00:10:18,633 --> 00:10:20,633
- WORD?
- WE EVEN HAVE
ANOTHER LEVEL--
213
00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,727
THE FART SNORTER.
GET STRAIGHT TO THE HOLE...
214
00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:25,367
( inhales deeply )
AND SMELL THOSE FARTS.
215
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,300
I'LL STICK
WITH THE BALLS.
216
00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:30,373
I HEAR YA.
FART SNORTING IS ADVANCED.
217
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,770
( muffled )
I'M DOING IT!
218
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:35,200
- I'M SUCKING MY OWN --!
- SCORE!
219
00:10:35,233 --> 00:10:38,133
- ENJOY THOSE BEACH-READY ABS.
- I WANNA SNORT FARTS!
220
00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:41,167
YOU'RE GETTING TALKY, GARY!
I'M THE FART SNORTER!
221
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,970
Announcer:
"SUCK YOUR OWN -- ABS"
222
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,270
COMES WITH OPTIONAL T-BAG BELT
AND FART-SNORTER CORD.
223
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:52,530
GET SERIOUS ABOUT YOUR BODY
WHILE ALSO ENJOYING IT.
224
00:10:52,567 --> 00:10:54,127
( rapid footsteps )
225
00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,097
AH! OH!
226
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:58,173
DUDE, THERE'S ZOMBIES
EVERYWHERE, MAN.
I'M SO SCARED.
227
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,400
- I DON'T WANT TO BE A ZOMBIE.
- AS LONG AS THEY
DON'T BITE YOU,
228
00:11:00,433 --> 00:11:02,833
- YOU WON'T TURN
INTO A ZOMBIE, ALL RIGHT?
- ( screams, curses )
229
00:11:03,867 --> 00:11:05,667
( screams )
230
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:08,173
HERE, TAKE THIS.
231
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,070
COVER ME. I'M GONNA
SEAL THAT DOOR.
232
00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:12,667
- RIGHT.
- ( growling )
233
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:17,070
- LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT!
- DON'T WORRY, MAN!
SHOOT HER!
234
00:11:19,933 --> 00:11:21,873
I CAN'T, MAN.
THAT'S MY BUDDY'S WIFE.
235
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:25,230
WHAT? NO, THIS IS NOT
YOUR BUDDY'S WIFE ANYMORE.
236
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:28,697
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
THIS IS NOT YOUR
BUDDY'S WIFE!
237
00:11:28,733 --> 00:11:31,803
OKAY, COOL, MAN.
WELL, IF IT'S NOT
MY BUDDY'S WIFE ANYMORE,
238
00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:34,073
THEN I JUST WANNA
HAVE SEX WITH HER.
SORRY.
239
00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:37,527
WHAT? NO, SHE CAN BITE YOU.
YOU'LL TURN INTO A ZOMBIE, MAN.
240
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:40,097
RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT.
SORRY. OKAY, WELL,
JUST HOLD HER DOWN
241
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,133
- AND I'LL HAVE SEX
WITH HER FROM BEHIND.
- NO, DUDE, THAT'S CRAZY!
242
00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:45,367
- COME ON, MAN!
- YOU WANTED ME
TO SHOOT HER IN THE FACE!
243
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,970
- I WAS GONNA PUT HER OUT
OF HER MISERY, NICK.
- OKAY, MARK,
244
00:11:48,067 --> 00:11:49,967
WHAT IF HAVING SEX
WITH HER IS THE ONLY THING
245
00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:51,867
THAT TURNS HER
BACK INTO A HUMAN
AND I SAVE THE WORLD?
246
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:54,370
- YOU'RE NOT A SCIENTIST.
- NO, I'M NOT A SCIENTIST,
247
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,430
- BUT I DON'T THINK
THAT'LL WORK, DUDE.
- WELL, YOU DIDN'T THINK
248
00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:59,197
THAT ALIENS WOULD REACT
TO THE BACTERIA IN "WAR OF
THE WORLDS" WITH TOM CRUISE.
249
00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:02,573
- I'M NOT GONNA
LET YOU DO THIS, ALL RIGHT?
- OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T, MAN,
250
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,530
'CAUSE YOU'RE GOOD-LOOKING
AND YOU GET LAID ALL THE TIME.
251
00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:06,067
SO YOU DON'T CARE
ABOUT US PEOPLE.
252
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,397
I DO ALL RIGHT
WITH THE LADIES. SO WHAT?
253
00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:09,633
( sarcastically )
OH, DO YOU REALLY? YEAH, MAN!
254
00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:12,427
WELL, I DON'T!
I HAVEN'T HAD A GIRLFRIEND
IN A LONG TIME.
255
00:12:12,467 --> 00:12:14,567
THIS IS ONE
OF THE ONLY GIRLS I LOVED.
256
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,430
IF SHE HADN'T MARRIED JERRY,
I WOULD'VE PROPOSED TO HER.
257
00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:19,427
WHOA. THAT'S DEEP, MAN.
258
00:12:19,467 --> 00:12:21,697
- SORRY.
- ( cries ) YEAH, MAN.
259
00:12:21,733 --> 00:12:24,703
- SO CAN I HAVE SEX
WITH HER OR WHAT?
- NO, DUDE! JESUS.
260
00:12:24,733 --> 00:12:27,403
- ( crunches )
- ( screaming )
261
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,970
( curses )
SHE BIT ME, MAN!
262
00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:37,527
HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE
BEFORE I'M A ZOMBIE?
263
00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:38,867
CAN I STILL HAVE SEX WITH HER?
DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME?
264
00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:41,070
ACTUALLY, YES.
265
00:12:41,067 --> 00:12:43,367
SHE CAN SUCK
YOUR ZOMBIE --
266
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,930
WHILE I SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE
AS YOU'RE HAVING AN ORGASM.
267
00:12:45,967 --> 00:12:48,497
YES! THAT'S HILARIOUS, DUDE.
268
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:51,073
OH MY-- I CAN FEEL
MY -- CHANGING.
269
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:52,727
IT'S GOING
INTO ZOMBIE -- MODE.
270
00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:54,867
DOES MY PUBIC HAIR
CHANGE TOO? DO YOU THINK?
271
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,070
I HOPE SO, DUDE.
I WANNA SEE SOME
ZOMBIE PUBES.
272
00:12:57,100 --> 00:13:00,700
IN LAST WEEK'S CLASS
WE LEARNED ABOUT A BABY
THAT WAS FOUND IN A TOILET
273
00:13:00,733 --> 00:13:02,933
IN A BATHROOM OUTSIDE
OF A HOT TOPIC.
274
00:13:02,967 --> 00:13:06,597
NOW THE TEENAGE MOM WAS
ONE OF OUR STUDENTS-- DIJON.
275
00:13:06,633 --> 00:13:09,073
THAT'S ME.
THAT'S MY NAME.
276
00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:10,827
SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T KNOW
SHE WAS PREGNANT.
277
00:13:10,867 --> 00:13:13,627
SHE SAID SHE THOUGHT
THE BABY WAS A DOOKIE.
278
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:17,397
- ( snickering )
- Teacher: OKAY, NOW COME ON.
THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF.
279
00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:19,703
NOW FOR HER SENIOR PROJECT,
280
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,473
DIJON HAS MADE
AN EDUCATIONAL FILM
281
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,570
ABOUT HER EXPERIENCE
WITH TEEN PREGNANCY.
282
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,230
- DIJON.
- BACK AT YOU.
283
00:13:26,267 --> 00:13:27,967
I MADE A VIDEO
284
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:30,497
TO HELP PEOPLE TO DEAL
WITH THE SITUATION
285
00:13:30,533 --> 00:13:33,073
IF YOU DO HAVE A BIG MEAL,
286
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:35,567
YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM
AND A BABY COMES OUT.
287
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,800
ANYWAY, THIS IS MY VIDEO
288
00:13:38,833 --> 00:13:40,533
AND IF IT BLOWS UP
AND IT'S FAMOUS,
289
00:13:40,567 --> 00:13:44,427
I'M GONNA QUIT SCHOOL
AND BUY A GUN.
290
00:13:44,467 --> 00:13:46,467
( hip-hop music playing )
291
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:52,270
* DID A BABY
OR A POOPY DROP OUT
BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS? *
292
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:54,970
* DO IT LOOK LIKE A SNICKERS
OR DO IT GOT DADDY'S EYES? *
293
00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:57,197
* WHICH HO DROPPED
A BOMB IN THE BOWL? *
294
00:13:57,233 --> 00:14:00,633
* IF IT CAME
FROM THE BOOTY-O
IT'S A DOODY, YO *
295
00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:06,067
* BABY NOT FROM BOOTY,
BABY NOT FROM BOOTY... *
296
00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:07,827
( vocalizing )
297
00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:14,103
( continues singing )
298
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:19,500
* KEEP A LOOK OUT
AFTER YOU MAKE A STINKY *
299
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:22,433
* WHY'S THAT BABY
IN THE TOILET? WHY'S THAT
POOPY GOT A PINKY? *
300
00:14:22,467 --> 00:14:24,897
* IN CASE YOU'RE CONFUSED
IF IT'S A PERSON OR A POO *
301
00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:27,633
* REMEMBER THIS,
DIARRHEA DON'T WAVE
BACK AT YOU *
302
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:32,867
* BABY NOT FROM BOOTY,
BABY NOT FROM BOOTY *
303
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,970
* NOW YOU GOT TO GO ON MAURY
TO TEST THE D.N.A. *
304
00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:38,567
* OF THE TOILET-WATER
DAUGHTER THAT DROPPED
OUT OF YOUR VAJAY *
305
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,170
* IF THERE'S CORN IN IT,
NO ONE WAS BORN IN IT *
306
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,070
* TOO $HORT,
GET YOUR SWEEP ON *
307
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:46,767
* IF THERE'S CORN IN IT,
NO ONE WAS BORN IN IT *
308
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,700
* A DUMP COME OUT
YOUR RUMP *
309
00:14:48,733 --> 00:14:51,833
* A DUMP
COME OUT YOUR RUMP... *
310
00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:54,767
THESE ARE
THE FANCY MUSTARDS, Y'ALL.
311
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,700
* A DUMP COME OUT
YOUR RUMP *
312
00:14:57,733 --> 00:15:00,903
* LET'S GET MUSTARDED
UP IN HERE, WHAT? *
313
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:05,933
* BABY NOT FROM BOOTY,
BABY NOT FROM BOOTY *
314
00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:08,727
* BUT IF YOU LAID IT
FROM YOUR BOOTY, THEN YOU
ONLY MADE A DOODY *
315
00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:11,797
* IT CAME FROM BEHIND
LIKE RUDY, RUDY *
316
00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:16,673
* RUDY, RUDY,
RUDY, RUDY *
317
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,630
* IF THERE'S CORN IN IT,
NO ONE WAS BORN IN IT *
318
00:15:19,667 --> 00:15:22,097
* A DUMP COME OUT
YOUR RUMP, Y'ALL *
319
00:15:22,133 --> 00:15:23,903
* THERE'S A SMELLY
IN YOUR BELLY *
320
00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:27,797
* SMELLY IN YOUR BELLY,
GET IT OUT, FIND A FELLY *
321
00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:29,873
* A DUMP COME OUT
YOUR RUMP. *
322
00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:32,800
- ( music stops )
- Teacher: OKAY.
323
00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:35,973
- THAT'S WAS
VERY CREATIVE, DIJON.
- Dijon: THANK YOU.
324
00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:37,827
BACK AT YOU.
325
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,970
- ( alarm ringing )
- Dijon: CAN I GET THAT BACK?
326
00:15:46,733 --> 00:15:48,903
- ( cheering )
- Nick: WHOO!
327
00:15:52,467 --> 00:15:55,867
I KNOW. I DON'T DO AS MUCH
CHARITY AS I WOULD LIKE.
328
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:58,370
I-- I DON'T DO ENOUGH.
329
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,430
BECAUSE IT'S A LITTLE--
IT'S A LITTLE TOO ACTIVE.
330
00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:05,467
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S ALWAYS MARATHONS,
331
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,900
RUNNING AND WALKS.
332
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:10,073
IT'S LIKE
"LET'S RELAX.
333
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:13,467
CAN'T WE TAKE A NAP
FOR AIDS?"
334
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,430
TAKE AN AIDS NAP.
I WOULD DO THAT EVERY DAY.
335
00:16:16,467 --> 00:16:18,627
I WOULD RAISE BILLIONS
OF DOLLARS
336
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:21,067
GETTING MY AIDS NAPS
SPONSORED.
337
00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,070
CAN'T WE DO
JAGER BOMBS FOR HAITI?
338
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:25,970
- ( people cheer )
- LET'S JUST MEET
PEOPLE HALFWAY.
339
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:28,067
THERE'D BE
SO MUCH MONEY.
340
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:29,897
BEER PONG FOR JAPAN.
341
00:16:29,933 --> 00:16:32,203
EVERYBODY WOULD GO.
342
00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:36,073
BILLIONS THEY'RE WASTING
ON THESE MARATHONS.
343
00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:38,597
I SAW AN AD
FOR BURGER KING--
AND THIS IS TRUE.
344
00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:40,973
THEY HAD CHICKEN TENDERS,
345
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,527
AND THERE WERE FOUR
OF THEM FOR A DOLLAR.
346
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:47,897
FOUR PIECES OF CHICKEN
FOR A -- DOLLAR?
347
00:16:47,933 --> 00:16:51,873
THAT'S NOT CHICKEN.
THAT'S 25¢ A PIECE FOR THOSE.
348
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:54,570
A GUMBALL IS 25¢.
349
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,800
THAT'S NOT
THE RIGHT PRICE
FOR CHICKEN.
350
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,803
DAMN IT!
351
00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:03,103
I'M SO FAKE ANGRY
AT THAT JOKE.
352
00:17:03,133 --> 00:17:05,833
I-- I LIKE SLEEPING.
353
00:17:05,867 --> 00:17:08,297
- I LOVE SLEEPING. YEAH.
- ( people cheer )
354
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:10,533
THAT'S ANOTHER GREAT ONE.
355
00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:13,367
I'M A BIG--
NOT AN EARLY PERSON--
356
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,630
NOT A FAN--
357
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,867
NOT A FAN OF PEOPLE
WHO WAKE UP EARLY
358
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:18,630
LIKE THOSE COCKY FRIENDS.
359
00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:20,497
I ALWAYS HAD
THOSE FRIENDS, LIKE,
360
00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:23,073
"YEAH, I WAS UP
AT 7:00 ON A SATURDAY."
361
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:26,927
I'M LIKE "I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
7:00 A.M. EXISTED.
362
00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:29,827
I THOUGHT THERE WAS
ONLY A NIGHTTIME ONE."
363
00:17:29,867 --> 00:17:31,597
"YEAH, I WAS UP AT 7:00."
364
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,173
I ALWAYS SLEEP IN
TILL NOON.
365
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,130
THEY ALWAYS GUILT TRIP ME.
366
00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:37,897
THEY'RE LIKE
"OH, YOU SLEPT TILL NOON?"
367
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,197
"OKAY."
"WELL, WHILE YOU
WERE SLEEPING,
368
00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:44,073
I'VE ALREADY BEEN
TO THE STORE.
369
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,070
I'VE ALREADY DONE THAT
WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING."
370
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,897
I'M LIKE "WELL, I WAS SLEEPING,
SO I WAS DREAMING.
371
00:17:50,933 --> 00:17:53,673
SO I WAS DOING
WHATEVER THE -- I WANTED.
372
00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:57,697
SO YOU WERE AT THE STORE.
I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL
373
00:17:57,733 --> 00:17:59,503
RIDING AROUND
ON A UNICORN
374
00:17:59,533 --> 00:18:01,333
WHILE AN AVATAR
SUCKED MY --.
375
00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:04,127
YEAH, DID YOU DO THAT
AT THE STORE?
376
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:06,367
NO, I DON'T THINK YOU DID,
OKAY, EARLY ASSHOLE?"
377
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,830
Announcer:
ARE YOU TIRED
OF FOLLOWING THE LAWS
378
00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:10,397
OF YOUR CITY,
STATE OR COUNTRY?
379
00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:12,333
TRY INTERNATIONAL WATERS.
380
00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:14,197
WE COLLECT WATER
FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
381
00:18:14,233 --> 00:18:16,373
HUNDREDS
OF MILES OFFSHORE,
382
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,670
TO BRING
INTERNATIONAL WATERS TO YOU.
383
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,530
SIMPLY FILL UP
YOUR BATHTUB
384
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,567
AND YOU CAN BREAK
ANY LAW WITH IMPUNITY.
385
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,270
YOU'RE IN
INTERNATIONAL WATERS.
386
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,070
ILLEGAL GAMBLING, DRUGS,
387
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,670
PROSTITUTION,
388
00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,503
OPERATING A FOOD CART
WITHOUT A PERMIT,
389
00:18:32,533 --> 00:18:34,573
REAL ESTATE FRAUD,
390
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,700
UNLICENSED PRIZE FIGHTING,
391
00:18:36,733 --> 00:18:38,873
THREATENING
A PUBLIC EMPLOYEE,
392
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,700
JURY NULLIFICATION,
393
00:18:41,733 --> 00:18:44,303
- ILLEGAL HORSE RACING...
- COME ON, #8.
394
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,633
DAMN IT!
395
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,227
Announcer:
WE HAVE NOT CONSULTED A LAWYER,
396
00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:49,827
BUT WE'RE PRETTY SURE
THIS WOULD WORK.
397
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:51,797
ORDER NOW.
398
00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:53,833
INTERNATIONAL WATERS.
399
00:19:00,233 --> 00:19:02,733
- Boy: You suck! Get owned!
- ( guns firing )
400
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,197
Yeah, bitch!
Your mom's a hooker.
401
00:19:05,233 --> 00:19:07,133
- Pussy.
- DUDE, SHUT UP.
402
00:19:07,167 --> 00:19:09,197
Telling me
to shut up, homie?
How about I kill you?
403
00:19:09,233 --> 00:19:12,433
Me and my boys are
gonna gang-bang you so hard
you're gonna die.
404
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,827
Announcer:
HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN HIGH,
WANTED TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES
405
00:19:14,867 --> 00:19:17,697
AND SOME KID
STARTS TRASH TALKING
AND RUINS YOUR BUZZ?
406
00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:20,833
- EVERY NIGHT.
- Announcer: WELL,
THAT'S ABOUT TO CHANGE!
407
00:19:20,867 --> 00:19:23,397
- Boy: Every night
you suck a --.
- Announcer: NEW FROM XBOX,
408
00:19:23,433 --> 00:19:25,403
THE SMACK TRANSPORTER.
409
00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:28,073
THE SMACK TRANSPORTER MONITORS
LEVELS OF -- TALKING.
410
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,700
JUST PLUG IN THE BOX
TO YOUR XBOX AND TURN
THE METER ON,
411
00:19:30,733 --> 00:19:33,533
THEN START GAMING
AND WAIT FOR SOME
LITTLE PIECE OF --.
412
00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:35,897
Boy:
What's up, ho?
You wanna get worked?
413
00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:37,733
That's right,
you ain't talking
414
00:19:37,767 --> 00:19:39,427
'cause you got 40 --
in your mouth, slut.
415
00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:41,627
I'ma shoot you for real.
Bloods 4 lyfe!
416
00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:43,397
Announcer:
WHEN THE METER HITS
THE BOILING POINT,
417
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:46,073
THE BOX WILL SEND YOU
TO THAT -- TALKER'S HOME.
418
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:47,897
You're not
gonna win, --tard.
419
00:19:47,933 --> 00:19:51,273
I'LL CUT OFF YOUR
DAD'S HEAD AND MAKE
YOUR DAD'S HEAD SUCK MY --.
420
00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:54,797
- JUST WHAT I THOUGHT.
- OH --.
421
00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:57,773
WHAT'S UP, HOMEY?
YO, YOU GOT A DOPE
HOOD RIGHT HERE.
422
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,600
WHERE ARE YOUR BLOODS?
423
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,873
ARE THEY IN YOUR VOLCANO
FOR SCIENCE CLASS?
424
00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,700
OR MAYBE THEY'RE UNDER
YOUR STOP SIGN PILLOW.
425
00:20:03,733 --> 00:20:05,003
IS THAT WHERE
YOUR BLOODS ARE?
426
00:20:05,033 --> 00:20:06,873
WHERE'S YOUR GAT?
IS IT UNDER YOUR SOCCER BALL?
427
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,600
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU SAY
THAT -- TO MY FACE?
428
00:20:08,633 --> 00:20:10,573
SAY ANY OF THAT --
TO MY FACE.
429
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,030
SAY IT TO MY FACE.
YOU GOT YOUR LITTLE
HEADSET ON.
430
00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:14,727
"HEY, MAN,
I'M KING OF THE WORLD."
431
00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:17,097
YOU'RE A --
LITTLE PIECE OF --.
I'M HIGH AS --.
432
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,833
I'M SO HIGH RIGHT NOW
AND I LOVE THIS!
433
00:20:19,867 --> 00:20:22,367
- BOBBY, I HEARD VOICES.
I BROUGHT LEMONADE.
- HI, DAD, SUCK MY --!
434
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,670
IS YOUR MOM HERE?
DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
435
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:27,100
I'LL FIGHT
AND -- BOTH OF THEM.
YEAH, THAT CAN HAPPEN.
436
00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:29,673
THERE YOU GO.
437
00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,400
DADDY'S LEMONADE ALL OVER
DADDY'S DUMB MONKEY.
438
00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:34,003
Announcer:
IT EXPIRES AFTER ONE MINUTE
439
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,603
- AND YOU ARE
BACK HOME SAFE.
- PEACE!
440
00:20:35,633 --> 00:20:37,273
JUST ENOUGH TIME
TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS
441
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,730
AND SHOW THAT STUPID KID
A LESSON.
442
00:20:38,767 --> 00:20:39,997
THE SMACK TRANSPORTER--
443
00:20:40,033 --> 00:20:42,973
OWN IT AND REALLY START
OWNING PWNING OWNING!
444
00:20:44,267 --> 00:20:46,497
LOOK AT BEARDO'S HAIR.
445
00:20:46,533 --> 00:20:49,603
BEARDO'S HAIR LOOKS
LIKE A '70s VAGINA,
446
00:20:49,633 --> 00:20:51,603
AND HIS FACE
IS A '70s PENIS.
447
00:20:52,733 --> 00:20:55,433
THANK YOU
FOR WATCHING THE SHOW.
448
00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:57,297
YOU'RE AWESOME.
THANK YOU.
449
00:20:57,333 --> 00:21:00,403
( theme music playing )
450
00:21:03,567 --> 00:21:05,067
Man:
TERRIFIC.
451
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,933
OF -- CODY DIDN'T SHOW UP.
452
00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:10,527
THAT OTHER BABY SHOWER,
HE BROUGHT COCAINE.
453
00:21:10,567 --> 00:21:12,597
- HE DID?
- YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.
454
00:21:12,633 --> 00:21:15,803
- HE IS LIKE YOU.
- YEAH.
455
00:21:17,133 --> 00:21:20,403
- I HAD A BIGGER --.
- ( laughs )
35911
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