All language subtitles for Nick Swardsons Pretend Time s02e01_English

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,967 --> 00:00:05,297 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:12,197 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E * 3 00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:14,673 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E! * 4 00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:16,970 - ( cheering ) - WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY? 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,400 WELCOME TO SEASON TWO OF "PRETEND TIME." 6 00:00:20,433 --> 00:00:22,833 I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 7 00:00:24,367 --> 00:00:25,997 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 8 00:00:26,033 --> 00:00:27,773 LOOK AT BEARDO. 9 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,930 BEARDO WROTE THE THEME SONG FOR "PRETEND TIME." 10 00:00:30,967 --> 00:00:33,027 HE'S GOT THE BEST SHIRT EVER. IT JUST SAYS "ALL METHED UP." 11 00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,467 - AND NOWHERE TO GO. - ( all laugh ) 12 00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:39,200 SO I WAS READING A MAGAZINE RECENTLY-- IT'S A TRUE STORY-- 13 00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:41,133 AND THEY HAD-- 14 00:00:41,167 --> 00:00:44,297 THEY HAD AN AD FOR JACK DANIELS, THE LIQUOR. 15 00:00:44,333 --> 00:00:46,333 THIS WAS THEIR CAMPAIGN IN THE MAGAZINE 16 00:00:46,367 --> 00:00:48,327 FOR JACK DANIELS. THIS IS REAL. 17 00:00:48,367 --> 00:00:51,327 THEIR AD WAS-- IT SAID "JACK DANIELS. 18 00:00:51,367 --> 00:00:54,897 DRINK RESPONSIBLY." 19 00:00:54,933 --> 00:00:56,873 WHICH JUST MADE ME LAUGH, BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN 20 00:00:56,900 --> 00:01:00,470 CLOSE TO RESPONSIBLE WHENEVER I'VE DRANK JACK DANIELS. 21 00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:03,070 LIKE NEVER! I'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN CLOSE. 22 00:01:03,067 --> 00:01:04,727 AND THAT'S THEIR CAMPAIGN. IT'S LIKE-- 23 00:01:04,767 --> 00:01:07,467 THAT'S FALSE ADVERTISING FOR THAT PRODUCT. 24 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,070 THAT AD SHOULD BE LIKE "JACK DANIELS. 25 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:13,330 - --. GOOD LUCK." - ( laughing ) 26 00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:16,667 "JACK DANIELS. YOUR DOG'S AS GOOD AS RAPED." 27 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,600 THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE. 28 00:01:18,633 --> 00:01:21,273 THAT WOULD PREPARE PEOPLE MENTALLY 29 00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:23,870 FOR THEIR JACK DANIELS BENDER. 30 00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:26,170 YEAH, I GO TO A LOT OF BARS. I LIKE DIVE BARS. 31 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,630 - ( people cheer ) - Nick: YEAH. 32 00:01:28,667 --> 00:01:31,697 YOU GUYS ARE RAGING ALCOHOLICS IF THAT WAS-- 33 00:01:31,733 --> 00:01:34,373 IF THAT WAS THE REACTION FOR DIVE BARS. 34 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,900 THIS IS WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 35 00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:37,433 I'M NOT TRYING TO BE GROSS. 36 00:01:37,467 --> 00:01:40,067 THIS JUST REALLY CONFUSES ME AS A GUY. 37 00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:43,267 I DON'T UNDERSTAND URINALS. 38 00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:46,100 LIKE WHEN YOU GO-- GIRLS, YOU DON'T GET TO SEE THIS. 39 00:01:46,133 --> 00:01:48,103 THANK GOD. WHEN YOU GO UP TO A GUYS' URINAL, 40 00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:51,233 THERE'S -- HAIR ALL OVER IT. 41 00:01:51,267 --> 00:01:53,467 IT'S SO BAFFLING TO ME. 42 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:55,900 LIKE SOME KIND OF PUBIC FAIRY 43 00:01:55,933 --> 00:01:57,373 CAME BY AND WAS JUST LIKE 44 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,270 "DOODLE-EE! PUBES." 45 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:01,270 AND THEN JUST FLOATS AWAY. 46 00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:03,930 I'VE NEVER-- HOW DOES IT JUST SHED? 47 00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:05,497 LIKE, GUYS ARE JUST SHEDDING-- 48 00:02:05,533 --> 00:02:07,833 HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO PULL ONE PUBIC HAIR OUT? 49 00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:10,967 IT'S LIKE THE MOST PAINFUL THING ON THE PLANET. 50 00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:13,967 TRY IT AT HOME RIGHT NOW IF YOU'RE WATCHING AT HOME. 51 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:17,097 IT'S AWFUL, BUT SOMEHOW GUYS JUST WALK INTO BARS LIKE, 52 00:02:17,133 --> 00:02:18,803 "ALL RIGHT. I'M DONE PEEING, 53 00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:21,233 I'M JUST GONNA RIP SOME PUBES OFF." ( screaming ) 54 00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:26,730 DID A WEREWOLF TAKE A -- IN THIS URINAL? 55 00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:28,397 WHAT IS HAPPENING? 56 00:02:28,433 --> 00:02:31,073 WHAT GOES ON AT NIGHT AT DIVE BARS? 57 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:33,570 IT'S NOT COOL. 58 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,470 ANYWAY, ENJOY THIS NEXT SKETCH. 59 00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,330 IT WAS WRITTEN BY MY GRANDMOTHER. 60 00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:40,797 MY NAME'S NICK AND I'M JUST YOUR AVERAGE GUY. 61 00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,933 I'M FROM GREENWOOD, INDIANA. 62 00:02:42,967 --> 00:02:46,497 I LIKE TO HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS, SHOOT HOOPS, 63 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,373 WALK UP TO PEOPLE I KNOW AND BE LIKE, "WHAT'S UP, BRO?" 64 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,630 THIS IS MY HOUSE. THIS IS MY DOG CHAUNCY 65 00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:53,197 AND THIS IS MY GIRL, DENISE. 66 00:02:53,233 --> 00:02:55,203 I HAVE A PRETTY NORMAL LIFE, 67 00:02:55,233 --> 00:02:57,073 BUT THAT'S ALL ABOUT TO CHANGE 68 00:02:57,067 --> 00:03:01,197 BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER KATLYN IS 16 MONTHS AND PREGNANT. 69 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,400 WHEN WE FIRST FOUND OUT KATLYN WAS PREGNANT, 70 00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:07,433 IT WAS LIKE "WHOA!" AND YEAH, 71 00:03:07,467 --> 00:03:09,667 IT'S DEFINITELY CAUSED SOME STRESS BETWEEN DENISE AND ME. 72 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:11,470 - HONEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK. 73 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,230 I-I-- I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! 74 00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:17,067 HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO US AFTER EVERYTHING THAT WE TOLD HER? 75 00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:21,700 - I DON'T-- - * DON'T BE SAD, BE GLAD, BE HAPPY... * 76 00:03:21,733 --> 00:03:25,573 WE DID OUR BEST. JUST NEED TO MAKE SMALLER CONDOMS. 77 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:31,430 DENISE IS RIGHT. WE THOUGHT WE'D RAISED KATLYN BETTER THAN THIS. 78 00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:36,500 I FOR ONE BLAME CODY. HE'S THE DEADBEAT DAD. 79 00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:39,603 I'M A GUY AND I KNOW WHAT GUYS ARE LIKE AT THAT AGE. 80 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,870 * DON'T BE SAD, BE HAPPY FOR ME * 81 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:50,227 * DON'T BE SAD, BE GLAD... * 82 00:03:50,267 --> 00:03:54,167 - ( crying ) MOMMY. - * BE HAPPY FOR ME 83 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,930 * I'LL BE HOME COME SUNDOWN... * 84 00:03:55,967 --> 00:03:58,867 CODY DID WHAT SO MANY BAD FATHERS DO-- 85 00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:01,670 - HE LEFT, LEFT WHEN IT WAS IMPORTANT. - Denise: YUP. 86 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,330 - I GOT A KICK. - IS IT KICKING? 87 00:04:04,367 --> 00:04:07,067 YOU'RE GONNA GO THROUGH A LOT OF STUFF, SWEETHEART. 88 00:04:07,067 --> 00:04:09,727 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE-- YOU GOT YOUR BABY PHASE OUT OF THE WAY. 89 00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:12,127 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE THE LESBO PHASE AROUND FIVE OR SIX. 90 00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:15,067 YEAH, IT'S A LOT OF LIFE YOU'RE LIVING A LITTLE TOO SOON. 91 00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,530 - IT'S LA-- - A LITTLE TOO SOON. 92 00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:18,767 THANK YOU. 93 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,370 IS THAT TEQUILA? 94 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,200 WE THOUGHT A BABY SHOWER WOULD BE A NICE WAY 95 00:04:22,233 --> 00:04:24,873 FOR KATLYN TO SEE HOW MANY FRIENDS SHE HAS WHO LOVE HER 96 00:04:24,900 --> 00:04:27,900 - AND GET CODY OUT OF HER HEAD. - Denise: SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. 97 00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:32,073 AW. MEGAN GAVE YOU A BREAST PUMP. WANT TO DO THAT LATER, KATLYN? 98 00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:34,667 - YAY! LOOK. - Nick: I THINK WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS. 99 00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:36,670 AS LONG AS THERE'S NO MORE DRAMA. 100 00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:41,273 - DO YOU THINK SHE'S READY? - WERE WE READY? 101 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,600 YOU'RE RIGHT. SHE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. 102 00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:46,873 ( ringtone chimes ) 103 00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:56,467 * DON'T BE SAD, BE HAPPY FOR ME... * 104 00:04:58,067 --> 00:04:59,867 ( vocalizing ) 105 00:05:01,433 --> 00:05:02,673 AH! 106 00:05:06,267 --> 00:05:09,667 CONGRATULATIONS, CODY. YOUR BABY'S HAVING A BABY. 107 00:05:19,067 --> 00:05:21,167 Announcer: PREVIOUSLY ON "WHEELCHAIR CAT," 108 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,370 AFTER EDNA QUIST LEFT HER ENTIRE ESTATE 109 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,630 TO HER CAT, MR. STITCHES, 110 00:05:25,667 --> 00:05:28,297 HER SON EDMOND SOUGHT REVENGE. 111 00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:31,073 - ( snorts ) - HIS FAILED MURDER ATTEMPT 112 00:05:31,067 --> 00:05:34,367 - LEFT MR. STITCHES PARALYZED. - ( Stitches screeches ) 113 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,730 AND THE HOSPITAL BILL ATE UP ALL THE INHERITANCE, 114 00:05:37,767 --> 00:05:39,467 FORCING HIM TO BECOME... 115 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:43,700 * I WANNA DO WHATEVER I WANNA DO * 116 00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:48,473 * 'CAUSE IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BAD * 117 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:51,930 * I CAN'T REFUSE A LITTLE BREAKING THE RULES * 118 00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:56,797 * 'CAUSE I ALWAYS WANT WHAT I SHOULDN'T HAVE * 119 00:05:56,833 --> 00:06:00,373 * DANCE ALL NIGHT ON THE WILD SIDE * 120 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:05,070 - * IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BAD - * BAD BAD BAD. 121 00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:07,067 ( rock music playing ) 122 00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:10,897 WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR, BABY? 123 00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:13,633 Computerized voice: I WANT TO LITTER YOUR BOX. 124 00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:16,797 - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - DON'T PLAY DUMB, P.F. CHANG. 125 00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:19,333 I WANT TO PURR INTO YOUR DOWNSTAIRS FUR. 126 00:06:19,367 --> 00:06:21,667 - NOW THAT SOUNDS MORE LIKE IT. - GET SOME MORE GIRLS. 127 00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:24,370 I WANT TO MAKE A HERPES PYRAMID. 128 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,070 - THEY'RE ALL BUSY, SUGAR. - REALLY? I WILL CHANGE THAT. 129 00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:29,067 ( computer speaking ) 130 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,370 ( whirring ) 131 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,230 GRAB THE CASH, YOU MOLESTED PIGS. 132 00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:38,703 I LIKE TO LICK IT BEFORE I STICK IT. 133 00:06:38,733 --> 00:06:41,873 LET ME TAKE SOME -- ON YOUR FAKE TITS. 134 00:06:43,167 --> 00:06:44,767 MR. STITCHES! 135 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,300 I WOULD LIKE TO SNORT CATNIP OFF YOUR FAT NIPS. 136 00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:50,833 - GET HIM OUT OF HERE, MIKE. - HEY, BITCH, HIDE ME IN YOUR VAGINA. 137 00:06:50,867 --> 00:06:54,597 - LET'S GO, PUSSY. - AND WHEN YOU WERE THROWN OUT, 138 00:06:54,633 --> 00:06:56,873 - THAT'S WHEN YOU SNAPPED? - I DIDN'T SNAP. 139 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,130 I TOLD YOU I WENT HOME AND... 140 00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:02,673 - MEOW. - RIGHT. 141 00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:05,970 WELL, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE FROM ONE HOUR LATER. 142 00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:09,527 I'm so high on coke. Just call me Yack Sniffleson. 143 00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:13,667 THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME. YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HIS FACE. 144 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:17,370 WELL, YOU CAN SEE THE TAIL, THE FUR AND THE WHEELCHAIR. 145 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,200 YOU'RE NOT JUDGE JUDY, 146 00:07:19,233 --> 00:07:21,203 SO TASTE THE SMELL FROM MY BOOTY. 147 00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:25,433 - ( farts ) - ORDER! PLEASE DON'T SPRAY IN THE COURTROOM. 148 00:07:25,467 --> 00:07:27,427 BACK TO THE VIDEO, PLEASE. 149 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,100 - Say hello to my little friend. - ( whirrs ) 150 00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,470 What? What? St-- 151 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:43,600 AND RIGHT THERE-- RIGHT THERE IS WHERE YOU SHOT HIM VIOLENTLY. 152 00:07:43,633 --> 00:07:45,633 I CAN'T USE A GUN. I HAVE PAWS. 153 00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,827 I SAY "MEOW" AND USE A SCRATCHING POST. 154 00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,627 - MEOW. - OKAY, THE CAT EXCUSE IS GETTING OLD. 155 00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:53,067 MEMBERS OF THE JURY, WATCH THIS VIDEO 156 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,070 AND AS WE PUSH IN-- 157 00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:57,897 RIGHT THERE-- SOME COCAINE. 158 00:07:57,933 --> 00:08:00,503 I DON'T DO COCAINE. I JUST LIKE THE WAY IT SMELLS. 159 00:08:00,533 --> 00:08:03,273 HEY-O, WHO GOTS THE YA-YO? 160 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:05,930 UNBELIEVABLE. MEMBERS OF THE JURY, 161 00:08:05,967 --> 00:08:09,927 THIS IS THE EASIEST CASE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. 162 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,127 YOU'VE SEEN THE VIDEO OF THIS COLD-BLOODED KILLER. 163 00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:14,827 CATS DON'T HAVE NINE LIVES, THEY HAVE ONE. 164 00:08:14,867 --> 00:08:16,327 END HIS TODAY. 165 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,230 COME ON, JURORS. STOP BEING GAY. 166 00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:21,067 STOP BEING GAY. 167 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,330 Computerized voice: KILLING SOMEONE IN COLD BLOOD-- 168 00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:24,867 THAT SOUNDS FAMILIAR. 169 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:31,400 ...PLAYING IN A YARD, CHASING MY TAIL, 170 00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:33,933 BUT THAT ENDED IN A COLD-BLOODED MURDER ATTEMPT. 171 00:08:33,967 --> 00:08:37,527 WAS THE KILLER EVER CAUGHT? NO. AM I BITTER? 172 00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:42,667 ...REMEMBERING HOW FUN IT WAS TO PLAY IN THE SUN 173 00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,870 WHILE RAISING MY SON. 174 00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:48,767 ( meows ) 175 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,870 HIS PENIS DOESN'T WORK. HE CAN'T MAKE A KITTEN. 176 00:08:54,533 --> 00:08:57,273 I FIND THE DEFENDANT NOT GUILTY. 177 00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:59,170 - ( people murmuring ) - ARE YOU JOKING?! 178 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,930 - COME ON! - Computerized voice: DROP TO YOUR KNEES 179 00:09:01,967 --> 00:09:03,867 AND PUT ON MY -- LIPSTICK. 180 00:09:06,267 --> 00:09:08,467 Announcer: ABS-- EVERY GUY WANTS 'EM, 181 00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:10,070 BUT THE MOTIVATION IS HARD. 182 00:09:10,067 --> 00:09:11,967 AND YOU WANT TO HAVE SERIOUS DEFINITION 183 00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:13,697 BUT ALSO HAVE IT BE ENJOYABLE. 184 00:09:13,733 --> 00:09:15,103 SOUND IMPOSSIBLE? 185 00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:16,903 REMEMBER WHEN YOU HIT PUBERTY, 186 00:09:16,933 --> 00:09:18,833 YOUR HORMONES RAGED 187 00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:22,267 AND ALL YOU WANTED TO DO WAS TRY AND SUCK YOUR OWN --? 188 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:25,170 BUT THEN YOU GOT OLDER, TRIED TO GET LAID 189 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,630 AND FORGOT ABOUT TRYING TO SUCK YOUR OWN --? 190 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:31,497 WELL, WE'VE DECIDED TO BRING THAT MOTIVATION BACK WITH... 191 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,870 ALL YOU NEED IS THIS RUBBER STRAP. 192 00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:37,830 AND IT HELPS YOU TO RECOIL 193 00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:40,327 AND THEN MAKE A THRUSTING MOTION TOWARDS YOUR --. 194 00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:42,327 KEEP WORKING THOSE ABS, GARY. 195 00:09:42,367 --> 00:09:43,927 YOU KNOW WHAT'S AT THE FINISH LINE, BABY. 196 00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:45,297 I SURE DO, MAN. 197 00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:47,433 MY OWN --, MY OWN MOUTH 198 00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:50,097 AND SOME SWEET ABS. ( laughs ) 199 00:09:50,133 --> 00:09:53,403 AS YOU CAN SEE, THE BLOWING MOTION USES MUSCLES 200 00:09:53,433 --> 00:09:55,403 THAT WE NEVER THOUGHT TO EXIST. 201 00:09:55,433 --> 00:09:57,273 I MEAN LOOK AT HOW RIPPED YOU GET. 202 00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:00,000 AND THE FINAL GOAL IS YOUR BEST FRIEND-- 203 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:00,070 AND THE FINAL GOAL IS YOUR BEST FRIEND-- YOUR OWN PENIS. WHAT CAN BE BETTER? 204 00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,597 YOUR OWN PENIS. WHAT CAN BE BETTER? 205 00:10:02,633 --> 00:10:05,903 I'VE BEEN ABLE TO SUCK MY OWN JUNK SINCE I WAS EIGHT. 206 00:10:05,933 --> 00:10:08,333 - WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? - A GOOD QUESTION, BROTHER. 207 00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:10,227 CHECK OUT THE T-BAG STRAP. 208 00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:12,667 THIS PUSHES YOUR BODY PAST THE -- 209 00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,700 AND STRAIGHT TO THOSE FARAWAY BALLS. 210 00:10:14,733 --> 00:10:16,603 TRY SLAM DUNKING THOSE IN YOUR MOUTH 211 00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:18,603 AND WE'RE TALKING AMAZING ABS. 212 00:10:18,633 --> 00:10:20,633 - WORD? - WE EVEN HAVE ANOTHER LEVEL-- 213 00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,727 THE FART SNORTER. GET STRAIGHT TO THE HOLE... 214 00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:25,367 ( inhales deeply ) AND SMELL THOSE FARTS. 215 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,300 I'LL STICK WITH THE BALLS. 216 00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:30,373 I HEAR YA. FART SNORTING IS ADVANCED. 217 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,770 ( muffled ) I'M DOING IT! 218 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:35,200 - I'M SUCKING MY OWN --! - SCORE! 219 00:10:35,233 --> 00:10:38,133 - ENJOY THOSE BEACH-READY ABS. - I WANNA SNORT FARTS! 220 00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:41,167 YOU'RE GETTING TALKY, GARY! I'M THE FART SNORTER! 221 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,970 Announcer: "SUCK YOUR OWN -- ABS" 222 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,270 COMES WITH OPTIONAL T-BAG BELT AND FART-SNORTER CORD. 223 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:52,530 GET SERIOUS ABOUT YOUR BODY WHILE ALSO ENJOYING IT. 224 00:10:52,567 --> 00:10:54,127 ( rapid footsteps ) 225 00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,097 AH! OH! 226 00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:58,173 DUDE, THERE'S ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE, MAN. I'M SO SCARED. 227 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,400 - I DON'T WANT TO BE A ZOMBIE. - AS LONG AS THEY DON'T BITE YOU, 228 00:11:00,433 --> 00:11:02,833 - YOU WON'T TURN INTO A ZOMBIE, ALL RIGHT? - ( screams, curses ) 229 00:11:03,867 --> 00:11:05,667 ( screams ) 230 00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:08,173 HERE, TAKE THIS. 231 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,070 COVER ME. I'M GONNA SEAL THAT DOOR. 232 00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:12,667 - RIGHT. - ( growling ) 233 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:17,070 - LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT! - DON'T WORRY, MAN! SHOOT HER! 234 00:11:19,933 --> 00:11:21,873 I CAN'T, MAN. THAT'S MY BUDDY'S WIFE. 235 00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:25,230 WHAT? NO, THIS IS NOT YOUR BUDDY'S WIFE ANYMORE. 236 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:28,697 YOU UNDERSTAND ME? THIS IS NOT YOUR BUDDY'S WIFE! 237 00:11:28,733 --> 00:11:31,803 OKAY, COOL, MAN. WELL, IF IT'S NOT MY BUDDY'S WIFE ANYMORE, 238 00:11:31,833 --> 00:11:34,073 THEN I JUST WANNA HAVE SEX WITH HER. SORRY. 239 00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:37,527 WHAT? NO, SHE CAN BITE YOU. YOU'LL TURN INTO A ZOMBIE, MAN. 240 00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:40,097 RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT. SORRY. OKAY, WELL, JUST HOLD HER DOWN 241 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,133 - AND I'LL HAVE SEX WITH HER FROM BEHIND. - NO, DUDE, THAT'S CRAZY! 242 00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:45,367 - COME ON, MAN! - YOU WANTED ME TO SHOOT HER IN THE FACE! 243 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,970 - I WAS GONNA PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY, NICK. - OKAY, MARK, 244 00:11:48,067 --> 00:11:49,967 WHAT IF HAVING SEX WITH HER IS THE ONLY THING 245 00:11:50,067 --> 00:11:51,867 THAT TURNS HER BACK INTO A HUMAN AND I SAVE THE WORLD? 246 00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:54,370 - YOU'RE NOT A SCIENTIST. - NO, I'M NOT A SCIENTIST, 247 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,430 - BUT I DON'T THINK THAT'LL WORK, DUDE. - WELL, YOU DIDN'T THINK 248 00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:59,197 THAT ALIENS WOULD REACT TO THE BACTERIA IN "WAR OF THE WORLDS" WITH TOM CRUISE. 249 00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:02,573 - I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU DO THIS, ALL RIGHT? - OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T, MAN, 250 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,530 'CAUSE YOU'RE GOOD-LOOKING AND YOU GET LAID ALL THE TIME. 251 00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:06,067 SO YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT US PEOPLE. 252 00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,397 I DO ALL RIGHT WITH THE LADIES. SO WHAT? 253 00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:09,633 ( sarcastically ) OH, DO YOU REALLY? YEAH, MAN! 254 00:12:09,667 --> 00:12:12,427 WELL, I DON'T! I HAVEN'T HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN A LONG TIME. 255 00:12:12,467 --> 00:12:14,567 THIS IS ONE OF THE ONLY GIRLS I LOVED. 256 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,430 IF SHE HADN'T MARRIED JERRY, I WOULD'VE PROPOSED TO HER. 257 00:12:17,467 --> 00:12:19,427 WHOA. THAT'S DEEP, MAN. 258 00:12:19,467 --> 00:12:21,697 - SORRY. - ( cries ) YEAH, MAN. 259 00:12:21,733 --> 00:12:24,703 - SO CAN I HAVE SEX WITH HER OR WHAT? - NO, DUDE! JESUS. 260 00:12:24,733 --> 00:12:27,403 - ( crunches ) - ( screaming ) 261 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,970 ( curses ) SHE BIT ME, MAN! 262 00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:37,527 HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE BEFORE I'M A ZOMBIE? 263 00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:38,867 CAN I STILL HAVE SEX WITH HER? DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME? 264 00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:41,070 ACTUALLY, YES. 265 00:12:41,067 --> 00:12:43,367 SHE CAN SUCK YOUR ZOMBIE -- 266 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,930 WHILE I SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE AS YOU'RE HAVING AN ORGASM. 267 00:12:45,967 --> 00:12:48,497 YES! THAT'S HILARIOUS, DUDE. 268 00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:51,073 OH MY-- I CAN FEEL MY -- CHANGING. 269 00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:52,727 IT'S GOING INTO ZOMBIE -- MODE. 270 00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:54,867 DOES MY PUBIC HAIR CHANGE TOO? DO YOU THINK? 271 00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,070 I HOPE SO, DUDE. I WANNA SEE SOME ZOMBIE PUBES. 272 00:12:57,100 --> 00:13:00,700 IN LAST WEEK'S CLASS WE LEARNED ABOUT A BABY THAT WAS FOUND IN A TOILET 273 00:13:00,733 --> 00:13:02,933 IN A BATHROOM OUTSIDE OF A HOT TOPIC. 274 00:13:02,967 --> 00:13:06,597 NOW THE TEENAGE MOM WAS ONE OF OUR STUDENTS-- DIJON. 275 00:13:06,633 --> 00:13:09,073 THAT'S ME. THAT'S MY NAME. 276 00:13:09,067 --> 00:13:10,827 SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT. 277 00:13:10,867 --> 00:13:13,627 SHE SAID SHE THOUGHT THE BABY WAS A DOOKIE. 278 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:17,397 - ( snickering ) - Teacher: OKAY, NOW COME ON. THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF. 279 00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:19,703 NOW FOR HER SENIOR PROJECT, 280 00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:21,473 DIJON HAS MADE AN EDUCATIONAL FILM 281 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:23,570 ABOUT HER EXPERIENCE WITH TEEN PREGNANCY. 282 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,230 - DIJON. - BACK AT YOU. 283 00:13:26,267 --> 00:13:27,967 I MADE A VIDEO 284 00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:30,497 TO HELP PEOPLE TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION 285 00:13:30,533 --> 00:13:33,073 IF YOU DO HAVE A BIG MEAL, 286 00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:35,567 YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM AND A BABY COMES OUT. 287 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,800 ANYWAY, THIS IS MY VIDEO 288 00:13:38,833 --> 00:13:40,533 AND IF IT BLOWS UP AND IT'S FAMOUS, 289 00:13:40,567 --> 00:13:44,427 I'M GONNA QUIT SCHOOL AND BUY A GUN. 290 00:13:44,467 --> 00:13:46,467 ( hip-hop music playing ) 291 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:52,270 * DID A BABY OR A POOPY DROP OUT BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS? * 292 00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:54,970 * DO IT LOOK LIKE A SNICKERS OR DO IT GOT DADDY'S EYES? * 293 00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:57,197 * WHICH HO DROPPED A BOMB IN THE BOWL? * 294 00:13:57,233 --> 00:14:00,633 * IF IT CAME FROM THE BOOTY-O IT'S A DOODY, YO * 295 00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:06,067 * BABY NOT FROM BOOTY, BABY NOT FROM BOOTY... * 296 00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:07,827 ( vocalizing ) 297 00:14:11,533 --> 00:14:14,103 ( continues singing ) 298 00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:19,500 * KEEP A LOOK OUT AFTER YOU MAKE A STINKY * 299 00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:22,433 * WHY'S THAT BABY IN THE TOILET? WHY'S THAT POOPY GOT A PINKY? * 300 00:14:22,467 --> 00:14:24,897 * IN CASE YOU'RE CONFUSED IF IT'S A PERSON OR A POO * 301 00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:27,633 * REMEMBER THIS, DIARRHEA DON'T WAVE BACK AT YOU * 302 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:32,867 * BABY NOT FROM BOOTY, BABY NOT FROM BOOTY * 303 00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,970 * NOW YOU GOT TO GO ON MAURY TO TEST THE D.N.A. * 304 00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:38,567 * OF THE TOILET-WATER DAUGHTER THAT DROPPED OUT OF YOUR VAJAY * 305 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,170 * IF THERE'S CORN IN IT, NO ONE WAS BORN IN IT * 306 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,070 * TOO $HORT, GET YOUR SWEEP ON * 307 00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:46,767 * IF THERE'S CORN IN IT, NO ONE WAS BORN IN IT * 308 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:48,700 * A DUMP COME OUT YOUR RUMP * 309 00:14:48,733 --> 00:14:51,833 * A DUMP COME OUT YOUR RUMP... * 310 00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:54,767 THESE ARE THE FANCY MUSTARDS, Y'ALL. 311 00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,700 * A DUMP COME OUT YOUR RUMP * 312 00:14:57,733 --> 00:15:00,903 * LET'S GET MUSTARDED UP IN HERE, WHAT? * 313 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:05,933 * BABY NOT FROM BOOTY, BABY NOT FROM BOOTY * 314 00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:08,727 * BUT IF YOU LAID IT FROM YOUR BOOTY, THEN YOU ONLY MADE A DOODY * 315 00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:11,797 * IT CAME FROM BEHIND LIKE RUDY, RUDY * 316 00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:16,673 * RUDY, RUDY, RUDY, RUDY * 317 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,630 * IF THERE'S CORN IN IT, NO ONE WAS BORN IN IT * 318 00:15:19,667 --> 00:15:22,097 * A DUMP COME OUT YOUR RUMP, Y'ALL * 319 00:15:22,133 --> 00:15:23,903 * THERE'S A SMELLY IN YOUR BELLY * 320 00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:27,797 * SMELLY IN YOUR BELLY, GET IT OUT, FIND A FELLY * 321 00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:29,873 * A DUMP COME OUT YOUR RUMP. * 322 00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:32,800 - ( music stops ) - Teacher: OKAY. 323 00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:35,973 - THAT'S WAS VERY CREATIVE, DIJON. - Dijon: THANK YOU. 324 00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:37,827 BACK AT YOU. 325 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,970 - ( alarm ringing ) - Dijon: CAN I GET THAT BACK? 326 00:15:46,733 --> 00:15:48,903 - ( cheering ) - Nick: WHOO! 327 00:15:52,467 --> 00:15:55,867 I KNOW. I DON'T DO AS MUCH CHARITY AS I WOULD LIKE. 328 00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:58,370 I-- I DON'T DO ENOUGH. 329 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,430 BECAUSE IT'S A LITTLE-- IT'S A LITTLE TOO ACTIVE. 330 00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:05,467 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT'S ALWAYS MARATHONS, 331 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,900 RUNNING AND WALKS. 332 00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:10,073 IT'S LIKE "LET'S RELAX. 333 00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:13,467 CAN'T WE TAKE A NAP FOR AIDS?" 334 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,430 TAKE AN AIDS NAP. I WOULD DO THAT EVERY DAY. 335 00:16:16,467 --> 00:16:18,627 I WOULD RAISE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS 336 00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:21,067 GETTING MY AIDS NAPS SPONSORED. 337 00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:23,070 CAN'T WE DO JAGER BOMBS FOR HAITI? 338 00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:25,970 - ( people cheer ) - LET'S JUST MEET PEOPLE HALFWAY. 339 00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:28,067 THERE'D BE SO MUCH MONEY. 340 00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:29,897 BEER PONG FOR JAPAN. 341 00:16:29,933 --> 00:16:32,203 EVERYBODY WOULD GO. 342 00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:36,073 BILLIONS THEY'RE WASTING ON THESE MARATHONS. 343 00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:38,597 I SAW AN AD FOR BURGER KING-- AND THIS IS TRUE. 344 00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:40,973 THEY HAD CHICKEN TENDERS, 345 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,527 AND THERE WERE FOUR OF THEM FOR A DOLLAR. 346 00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:47,897 FOUR PIECES OF CHICKEN FOR A -- DOLLAR? 347 00:16:47,933 --> 00:16:51,873 THAT'S NOT CHICKEN. THAT'S 25¢ A PIECE FOR THOSE. 348 00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:54,570 A GUMBALL IS 25¢. 349 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,800 THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT PRICE FOR CHICKEN. 350 00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,803 DAMN IT! 351 00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:03,103 I'M SO FAKE ANGRY AT THAT JOKE. 352 00:17:03,133 --> 00:17:05,833 I-- I LIKE SLEEPING. 353 00:17:05,867 --> 00:17:08,297 - I LOVE SLEEPING. YEAH. - ( people cheer ) 354 00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:10,533 THAT'S ANOTHER GREAT ONE. 355 00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:13,367 I'M A BIG-- NOT AN EARLY PERSON-- 356 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,630 NOT A FAN-- 357 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,867 NOT A FAN OF PEOPLE WHO WAKE UP EARLY 358 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:18,630 LIKE THOSE COCKY FRIENDS. 359 00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:20,497 I ALWAYS HAD THOSE FRIENDS, LIKE, 360 00:17:20,533 --> 00:17:23,073 "YEAH, I WAS UP AT 7:00 ON A SATURDAY." 361 00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:26,927 I'M LIKE "I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW 7:00 A.M. EXISTED. 362 00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:29,827 I THOUGHT THERE WAS ONLY A NIGHTTIME ONE." 363 00:17:29,867 --> 00:17:31,597 "YEAH, I WAS UP AT 7:00." 364 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,173 I ALWAYS SLEEP IN TILL NOON. 365 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,130 THEY ALWAYS GUILT TRIP ME. 366 00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:37,897 THEY'RE LIKE "OH, YOU SLEPT TILL NOON?" 367 00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,197 "OKAY." "WELL, WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING, 368 00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:44,073 I'VE ALREADY BEEN TO THE STORE. 369 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,070 I'VE ALREADY DONE THAT WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING." 370 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,897 I'M LIKE "WELL, I WAS SLEEPING, SO I WAS DREAMING. 371 00:17:50,933 --> 00:17:53,673 SO I WAS DOING WHATEVER THE -- I WANTED. 372 00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:57,697 SO YOU WERE AT THE STORE. I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL 373 00:17:57,733 --> 00:17:59,503 RIDING AROUND ON A UNICORN 374 00:17:59,533 --> 00:18:01,333 WHILE AN AVATAR SUCKED MY --. 375 00:18:01,367 --> 00:18:04,127 YEAH, DID YOU DO THAT AT THE STORE? 376 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:06,367 NO, I DON'T THINK YOU DID, OKAY, EARLY ASSHOLE?" 377 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,830 Announcer: ARE YOU TIRED OF FOLLOWING THE LAWS 378 00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:10,397 OF YOUR CITY, STATE OR COUNTRY? 379 00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:12,333 TRY INTERNATIONAL WATERS. 380 00:18:12,367 --> 00:18:14,197 WE COLLECT WATER FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, 381 00:18:14,233 --> 00:18:16,373 HUNDREDS OF MILES OFFSHORE, 382 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,670 TO BRING INTERNATIONAL WATERS TO YOU. 383 00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,530 SIMPLY FILL UP YOUR BATHTUB 384 00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:22,567 AND YOU CAN BREAK ANY LAW WITH IMPUNITY. 385 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,270 YOU'RE IN INTERNATIONAL WATERS. 386 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,070 ILLEGAL GAMBLING, DRUGS, 387 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,670 PROSTITUTION, 388 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,503 OPERATING A FOOD CART WITHOUT A PERMIT, 389 00:18:32,533 --> 00:18:34,573 REAL ESTATE FRAUD, 390 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,700 UNLICENSED PRIZE FIGHTING, 391 00:18:36,733 --> 00:18:38,873 THREATENING A PUBLIC EMPLOYEE, 392 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,700 JURY NULLIFICATION, 393 00:18:41,733 --> 00:18:44,303 - ILLEGAL HORSE RACING... - COME ON, #8. 394 00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:46,633 DAMN IT! 395 00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,227 Announcer: WE HAVE NOT CONSULTED A LAWYER, 396 00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:49,827 BUT WE'RE PRETTY SURE THIS WOULD WORK. 397 00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:51,797 ORDER NOW. 398 00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:53,833 INTERNATIONAL WATERS. 399 00:19:00,233 --> 00:19:02,733 - Boy: You suck! Get owned! - ( guns firing ) 400 00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,197 Yeah, bitch! Your mom's a hooker. 401 00:19:05,233 --> 00:19:07,133 - Pussy. - DUDE, SHUT UP. 402 00:19:07,167 --> 00:19:09,197 Telling me to shut up, homie? How about I kill you? 403 00:19:09,233 --> 00:19:12,433 Me and my boys are gonna gang-bang you so hard you're gonna die. 404 00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,827 Announcer: HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN HIGH, WANTED TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES 405 00:19:14,867 --> 00:19:17,697 AND SOME KID STARTS TRASH TALKING AND RUINS YOUR BUZZ? 406 00:19:17,733 --> 00:19:20,833 - EVERY NIGHT. - Announcer: WELL, THAT'S ABOUT TO CHANGE! 407 00:19:20,867 --> 00:19:23,397 - Boy: Every night you suck a --. - Announcer: NEW FROM XBOX, 408 00:19:23,433 --> 00:19:25,403 THE SMACK TRANSPORTER. 409 00:19:25,433 --> 00:19:28,073 THE SMACK TRANSPORTER MONITORS LEVELS OF -- TALKING. 410 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,700 JUST PLUG IN THE BOX TO YOUR XBOX AND TURN THE METER ON, 411 00:19:30,733 --> 00:19:33,533 THEN START GAMING AND WAIT FOR SOME LITTLE PIECE OF --. 412 00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:35,897 Boy: What's up, ho? You wanna get worked? 413 00:19:35,933 --> 00:19:37,733 That's right, you ain't talking 414 00:19:37,767 --> 00:19:39,427 'cause you got 40 -- in your mouth, slut. 415 00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:41,627 I'ma shoot you for real. Bloods 4 lyfe! 416 00:19:41,667 --> 00:19:43,397 Announcer: WHEN THE METER HITS THE BOILING POINT, 417 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:46,073 THE BOX WILL SEND YOU TO THAT -- TALKER'S HOME. 418 00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:47,897 You're not gonna win, --tard. 419 00:19:47,933 --> 00:19:51,273 I'LL CUT OFF YOUR DAD'S HEAD AND MAKE YOUR DAD'S HEAD SUCK MY --. 420 00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:54,797 - JUST WHAT I THOUGHT. - OH --. 421 00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:57,773 WHAT'S UP, HOMEY? YO, YOU GOT A DOPE HOOD RIGHT HERE. 422 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,600 WHERE ARE YOUR BLOODS? 423 00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:01,873 ARE THEY IN YOUR VOLCANO FOR SCIENCE CLASS? 424 00:20:01,900 --> 00:20:03,700 OR MAYBE THEY'RE UNDER YOUR STOP SIGN PILLOW. 425 00:20:03,733 --> 00:20:05,003 IS THAT WHERE YOUR BLOODS ARE? 426 00:20:05,033 --> 00:20:06,873 WHERE'S YOUR GAT? IS IT UNDER YOUR SOCCER BALL? 427 00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,600 YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU SAY THAT -- TO MY FACE? 428 00:20:08,633 --> 00:20:10,573 SAY ANY OF THAT -- TO MY FACE. 429 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,030 SAY IT TO MY FACE. YOU GOT YOUR LITTLE HEADSET ON. 430 00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:14,727 "HEY, MAN, I'M KING OF THE WORLD." 431 00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:17,097 YOU'RE A -- LITTLE PIECE OF --. I'M HIGH AS --. 432 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,833 I'M SO HIGH RIGHT NOW AND I LOVE THIS! 433 00:20:19,867 --> 00:20:22,367 - BOBBY, I HEARD VOICES. I BROUGHT LEMONADE. - HI, DAD, SUCK MY --! 434 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,670 IS YOUR MOM HERE? DO YOU HAVE A SISTER? 435 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:27,100 I'LL FIGHT AND -- BOTH OF THEM. YEAH, THAT CAN HAPPEN. 436 00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:29,673 THERE YOU GO. 437 00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,400 DADDY'S LEMONADE ALL OVER DADDY'S DUMB MONKEY. 438 00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:34,003 Announcer: IT EXPIRES AFTER ONE MINUTE 439 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,603 - AND YOU ARE BACK HOME SAFE. - PEACE! 440 00:20:35,633 --> 00:20:37,273 JUST ENOUGH TIME TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS 441 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,730 AND SHOW THAT STUPID KID A LESSON. 442 00:20:38,767 --> 00:20:39,997 THE SMACK TRANSPORTER-- 443 00:20:40,033 --> 00:20:42,973 OWN IT AND REALLY START OWNING PWNING OWNING! 444 00:20:44,267 --> 00:20:46,497 LOOK AT BEARDO'S HAIR. 445 00:20:46,533 --> 00:20:49,603 BEARDO'S HAIR LOOKS LIKE A '70s VAGINA, 446 00:20:49,633 --> 00:20:51,603 AND HIS FACE IS A '70s PENIS. 447 00:20:52,733 --> 00:20:55,433 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING THE SHOW. 448 00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:57,297 YOU'RE AWESOME. THANK YOU. 449 00:20:57,333 --> 00:21:00,403 ( theme music playing ) 450 00:21:03,567 --> 00:21:05,067 Man: TERRIFIC. 451 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,933 OF -- CODY DIDN'T SHOW UP. 452 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:10,527 THAT OTHER BABY SHOWER, HE BROUGHT COCAINE. 453 00:21:10,567 --> 00:21:12,597 - HE DID? - YEAH, THAT'S TRUE. 454 00:21:12,633 --> 00:21:15,803 - HE IS LIKE YOU. - YEAH. 455 00:21:17,133 --> 00:21:20,403 - I HAD A BIGGER --. - ( laughs ) 35911

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