All language subtitles for Nick Swardsons Pretend Time s01e04_English

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:18,746 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E * 2 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:21,556 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E. 3 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,655 THIS DOESN'T LOOK RIGHT. I THINK WE'RE LOST. 4 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,664 WE SHOULD HAVE NEVER GONE OFF THE TRAIL. 5 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,626 ( howling ) 6 00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:34,674 - WE'RE GONNA DIE OUT HERE. - NO, WE'RE GONNA BE OKAY. 7 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:37,042 - I BROUGHT THIS. - A VIBRATOR? 8 00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:40,371 - THIS IS TURNING YOU ON? - IT'S NOT JUST A VIBRATOR. 9 00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,108 IT'S A SURVIBRATOR. 10 00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:43,643 Announcer: SURVIBRATOR, THE WORLD'S 11 00:00:43,677 --> 00:00:45,507 MOST COMPLETE SURVIVAL VIBRATOR. 12 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,216 IF YOU GET LOST IN THE WOODS, 13 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,178 YOU'LL HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED. 14 00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,347 IT'S A NAIL FILE, 15 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,215 A SUNDIAL, 16 00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,064 A GIANT BLACK FLASHLIGHT, 17 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,790 A FISHING POLE. 18 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:01,526 IT'S EVEN A TOOTHBRUSH. 19 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:05,132 AND PERHAPS MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE SURVIBRATOR CAN BE USED 20 00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:07,143 - TO FIGHT OFF DANGEROUS ANIMALS. - ( howling ) 21 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:14,409 THAT ALL SOUNDS GREAT, BUT CAN IT STOP ANTS 22 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,212 FROM CRAWLING IN MY ASS WHILE I'M ASLEEP? 23 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:17,554 Announcer: YES, IT CAN. 24 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,648 ( Survibrator buzzing ) 25 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,150 SURVIBRATOR! DON'T FORGET MOTHER'S DAY. 26 00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:25,151 ( rock music playing ) 27 00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:27,163 * THIS IS AN EMERGENCY... 28 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:29,288 HEY, EVERYBODY. MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THE SHOW 29 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:32,763 MAY BE THE FACT THAT GAY ROBOT IS BACK ON THE AIR. 30 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,263 WE'VE WORKED TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME 31 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:38,166 AND I HADN'T SEEN HIM FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS, SO IT WAS NICE TO SEE HIM. 32 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:40,366 I WAS LIKE, "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO THE LAST TWO YEARS?" 33 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:41,801 AND HE WAS LIKE, 34 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,305 ( Gay Robot's voice) "UM, BLOWING DUDES?" 35 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:47,068 AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, NO, THAT MAKES SENSE. 36 00:01:47,175 --> 00:01:48,675 THAT MAKES SENSE." 37 00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,311 ( sexy voice ) ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK. 38 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:55,776 SIMION SARAMANDI HERE, READING ONE MORE LOVE LETTER. 39 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:59,086 THIS ONE GOES OUT TO MARIA FROM CARLOS. 40 00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,617 HE SAYS, MARIA, YOUR EYES SPARKLE 41 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,485 LIKE DIAMONDS IN A SUNSET 42 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:06,194 AND THAT YOUR SMILE IS LIKE A WARM BLANKET 43 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,464 ON A COLD NIGHT. 44 00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:12,531 WOW, THAT SOUNDS REALLY SPECIAL, YOU GUYS. 45 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,736 I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST ON YOUR LOVE JOURNEY 46 00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:20,239 AND MAY IT BE FILLED WITH HAPPINESS. 47 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,584 AND WE'RE ABOUT TO GET INTO OUR LOVERS' FORECAST, 48 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,610 BUT REAL QUICK, WE GOT A TRAFFIC UPDATE. 49 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:28,875 THERE'S A PILE-UP ON THE 405 NEAR THE 101 INTERCHANGE. 50 00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:32,216 A SEMI HAS T-BONED SEVERAL DOZEN CARS, 51 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:35,560 LEAVING 25 DEAD AND MANY INJURED. 52 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:38,289 AMBULANCES ARE TRYING TO MAKE THEIR WAY THROUGH, 53 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,886 SO TRY TO FIND AN ALTERNATE ROUTE. 54 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:45,128 I SUGGEST MAYBE TAKING HIGHWAY 69, 55 00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,443 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 56 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,398 TRAFFIC GOING IN BOTH DIRECTIONS 57 00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:52,608 WITH TWO ERECTIONS. 58 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:56,780 DRIVE ON AND STAY HORNY IN THOSE CARS. 59 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:58,580 ALL RIGHT, HERE'S "CARELESS WHISPER." 60 00:02:58,612 --> 00:03:01,722 HEY, UH, WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU? 61 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:05,249 - WHAT? I READ IT. - YEAH, YOU READ IT LIKE A SEXY GUY. 62 00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:07,586 UM, THERE'S A LOT OF DEAD BODIES OUT THERE. 63 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:10,321 IT'S A PRETTY BAD MESS, SO COULD YOU TRY 64 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,388 AND READ IT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING, PLEASE? 65 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,756 LOOK, MAN, PEOPLE TUNE INTO MY SHOW BECAUSE THEY WANT MY VOICE 66 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,355 TO MAKE LOVE TO THEIR EAR VAGINAS. 67 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,767 WHAT? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? 68 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,669 HERE. IT'S ANOTHER UPDATE, OKAY? 69 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,601 NOW PLEASE, READ THAT WITH COMPASSION AND TRY AND BE PROFESSIONAL. 70 00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:26,337 - TRY. - THAT'S FOR YOU. 71 00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:29,184 GOD DAMN IT! 72 00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:31,447 - ( soft music playing ) - ALL RIGHT, GUYS, 73 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,309 WE'RE ABOUT TO GET TO OUR LOVERS' FORECAST, 74 00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:36,177 BUT ONE MORE TRAFFIC UPDATE. 75 00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:39,524 A HUGE THROBBING PACK OF RABID COYOTES 76 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,953 HAVE COME OUT OF THE HILLS 77 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,318 AND ARE ATTACKING PEOPLE IN THEIR CARS 78 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,527 AS WELL AS THE CARCASSES ON THE ROAD. 79 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,659 CARC-ASSES-- THAT SOUNDS HOT. 80 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:51,296 SO IF YOU'RE STUCK ON THE 405 BY THE WRECKAGE, 81 00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:54,639 STAY IN YOUR CAR AND AVOID BEING MAULED BY THOSE CRAZY COYOTES. 82 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,968 MAYBE CUDDLE UP WITH A LOVER AND SAY, "GET AWAY." 83 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:59,444 DEATH TOLL UP TO 30. SOUNDS HORNY. 84 00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,483 THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. 85 00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:04,309 WHAT? YOU SAID READ IT WITH MORE PASSION. 86 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:07,452 NO, I SAID "COM-PASSION. COMPASSION." 87 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,721 I LOVE COME AND PASSION. 88 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:17,933 - ( light orchestral music playing ) - WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST, MOM? 89 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:21,328 - I'VE GOT YOUR FAVORITE. - Kids: CREEPIOS! 90 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,472 YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING CREEPY? 91 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,400 Kids: SURE, MR. CREEPY. 92 00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:32,337 ( guffawing ) 93 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,549 WAIT! DON'T FLUSH. 94 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,549 MR. CREEPY, DON'T HANG OUT IN THE TOILET. 95 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,851 BUT I'M THE CREEPIEST. 96 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,423 ( laughing ) 97 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:49,364 HELLO, RACHEL. HA HA! 98 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:52,460 MR. CREEPY, BREAKFAST WAS FOUR HOURS AGO. 99 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,633 - BUT I'M STILL CREEPY. - I GUESS. 100 00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:56,833 WAIT. 101 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:59,634 RACHEL. RACHEL. 102 00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:01,637 YOU GUYS WANT CEREAL AS A SNACK? 103 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,669 Kids: YEAH, FRUITY BIRD. 104 00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:08,713 HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? 105 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:11,582 - FRUITY FOOO, FRUITY FOOO. - ( kids laughing ) 106 00:05:11,612 --> 00:05:14,582 ( panicked ) FRUITY FOOO, FRUITY FOOO, FRUITY FOOO! 107 00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:20,992 - FRUITY FOOO. FRUITY-- AHH! - ( spine snaps ) 108 00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:27,902 OH NO. MR. CREEPY... 109 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:32,930 - CREEPIOS IS THE BEST. - SHAME ON YOU, MR. CREEPY. 110 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,768 ( whispering ) I THOUGHT YOU LIKED MR. CREEPY. 111 00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,065 WELL, WE DO, BUT WE LIKE OTHER CEREALS TOO. 112 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:43,637 DON'T BE SO AGGRESSIVE. THAT'S TOO CREEPY. 113 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:47,777 I GUESS I'LL JUST STOP BEING CREEPY. 114 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,860 I MISS MR. CREEPY. 115 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,962 ME TOO. 116 00:06:02,430 --> 00:06:03,760 COME ON, KIDS. READY TO GO? 117 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:07,027 - YEAH. - I GUESS SO. 118 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,597 WAIT, GUYS. DON'T FORGET YOUR BOOKS! 119 00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:10,767 ( laughing ) 120 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:13,074 Both: MR. CREEPY! 121 00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,876 ( laughing ) 122 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:20,509 - HEY, I'M BACK. - Kids: YAY! 123 00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:23,878 HEY, DO YOU GUYS WANT SOME MORE CREEPIOS? 124 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:26,617 Kids: YEAH! YAY! 125 00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,494 - YAY. - YAY! 126 00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:31,492 THERE YA GO-- BREAKFAST. 127 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:35,355 YEAH, SO GOOD. 128 00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:37,633 ( kids cheering ) 129 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,309 DUDE, I LOVE HANGING OUT AT THE WATER COOLER 130 00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,954 AND TALKING ABOUT STUFF I'VE SEEN ON T.V. 131 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,380 ME TOO. 132 00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:56,022 HAVE YOU SEEN "THE AMAZING RACE"? 133 00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:57,589 YEAH, IT'S AWFUL. 134 00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:58,748 I THINK IT'S KIND OF GOOD. 135 00:06:58,786 --> 00:06:59,986 YOU WOULD. YOU'RE AWFUL. 136 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,555 WHOA! WHERE DID THAT GUY COME FROM? 137 00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:06,492 OH, HE SMELLS HORRIBLE. 138 00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:08,164 OH, HE CRAPPED HIS PANTS! 139 00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,155 AW, THAT IS NASTY. 140 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,697 WHAT YEAR IS THIS? 141 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,532 - 2010. - IT WORKED. 142 00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:16,637 THE TIME MACHINE WORKED. 143 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:17,840 TIME MACHINE? 144 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,141 WHAT ARE YOU, FROM THE FUTURE? 145 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,882 YES. I'M FROM THE YEAR 2041. 146 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,079 THE EARTH IS GONNA BE DESTROYED, 147 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,750 BUT YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO PREVENT IT. 148 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,678 NOW I'M SURE YOU HAVE MANY QUESTIONS FOR ME. 149 00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,124 YEAH, DOES EVERYONE IN THE FUTURE CRAP THEIR PANTS, MAN? 150 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,979 NO. 151 00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,718 - SO WE STILL HAVE BATHROOMS? - YEAH, WE DO. 152 00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,424 - OH GREAT. - COOL. 153 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,693 UH, ANOTHER QUESTION: SO THE FOOD IN THE FUTURE 154 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:40,725 IS, LIKE, BABY DIAPER TACOS 155 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,531 FILLED WITH, LIKE, GOAT BALLS OR WHAT? 156 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,063 YOU KNOW WHAT? IT SEEMS LIKE I'VE HAD 157 00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,797 AN ACCIDENT TRAVELING THROUGH TIME, 158 00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,773 SO I COULD WARN YOU ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD. 159 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,571 NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD WEAR A DIAPER. 160 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:52,543 OKAY, I THINK THIS IS A SIDE EFFECT FROM TIME TRAVEL, OKAY? 161 00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,143 CAN WE JUST PLEASE TRY TO GET PAST THE FACT THAT I CRAPPED MYSELF? 162 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,775 - I'LL TRY, BUT YOU REALLY SMELL. - UH, YEAH RIGHT. 163 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,711 LIKE YOU DIDN'T DO THAT AT THE HOLIDAY PARTY. 164 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:03,017 THIS GUY-- BOOZY IN THE MUDSLIDE JUNCTION. 165 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,120 ( blows raspberry ) JUST A MUD WATERFALL. 166 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,692 - YOU DID, MAN. - I WAS DRUNK, NICK. 167 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,190 I WAS DRUNK. YOU'RE NOT DRUNK. 168 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,192 - RIGHT? - NO, I'M NOT. 169 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,594 - HE'S SOBER. - SO WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE, GOOKY GUY? 170 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,097 ALL RIGHT, WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP 171 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,098 SO I CAN EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW TO SAVE THE PLANET? 172 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:18,930 HEY, MAN, DON'T BE RUDE. 173 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,796 YOU LANDED IN OUR OFFICE FROM THE FUTURE WITH YOUR PANTS SOILED 174 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,135 AND YOU RUINED THAT'S-WHAT-SHE-SAID THURSDAYS. 175 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,611 LOOK, I'M SORRY I YELLED, OKAY? 176 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,980 BUT CAN WE PLEASE GET PAST THE FACT THAT I CRAPPED MYSELF? 177 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:32,709 ALL RIGHT, FINE. WE'LL GET PAST IT. 178 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,576 HOW DO YOU SAVE THE EARTH, FUTURE GUY? 179 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:37,692 OKAY, GREAT. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. 180 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,748 NOW CONTACT THE LEADERS OF THE FREE WORLD-- 181 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,657 - "DON'T -- YOUR PANTS." - ( zaps ) 182 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,419 UH! OH... 183 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,686 OH GREAT, ANOTHER DOO-DOO BOY. 184 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,456 - WHAT YEAR IS IT? - 2010, STINKY. 185 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:49,795 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 186 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,730 HEY, WAIT. ( sniffs ) 187 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,065 THIS GUY DIDN'T CRAP HIS PANTS. 188 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,600 - IT'S FRESH. - HEY. 189 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,842 HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT, DOO-DOO BOY? 190 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,440 THEY MUST HAVE MADE ADJUSTMENTS TO THE NEW TIME MACHINES. 191 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,012 YEAH, THEY DID. THEY TOOK THE, UH, 192 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,781 DON'T-CRAP-YOUR-PANTS SWITCH AND THEY FLIPPED IT ON. 193 00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:05,251 DO NOT DO IT. 194 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:06,748 HE BURNED YOU, DOO-DOO BOY. 195 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,520 HEY, QUIT CALLING ME DOO-DOO BOY 196 00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,116 OR I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU HOW TO SAVE THE PLANET. 197 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,620 UH, WE DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE. 198 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:12,889 WE HAVE ANOTHER FRESH FUTURE GUY 199 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,250 THAT DOESN'T REEK OF THE POOPIES. 200 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:15,817 ( guys laugh ) 201 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,856 I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SAVING THE PLANET. 202 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,731 I JUST CAME BACK TO BET ON SPORTING EVENTS. 203 00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:24,001 - I'M GONNA GO WITH THIS GUY. - DUDE, HOOK IT UP, MAN. 204 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:26,901 - YEAH? YOU WANNA BE HOOKED UP, HUH? - YES, PLEASE. 205 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:30,144 - YOU WANT SOME FUTURE KNOWLEDGE, HUH? - YEAH, DUDE! 206 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,940 HEY, IN THE FUTURE ALL THE WORLD LEADERS 207 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,943 AND ALL THE COOL PEOPLE -- THEIR PANTS. 208 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,546 - THAT'S NOT TRUE. - ( imitates buzzer ) 209 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,176 - WRONG. - NICE TRY, MAN. 210 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,823 YOU MAKE US FUTURE GUYS LOOK BAD, MAN. 211 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:45,720 - RIGHT? - OKAY? 212 00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:47,053 BRENDA, YOU WANNA CHANGE HIM? 213 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,287 IN HINDSIGHT, IT WAS A MISTAKE 214 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,562 TO HAVE THE SPACE BURRITOS. 215 00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:53,059 I'M SORRY. 216 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,663 ( lisping ) SO WHAT DO YOU THINK, PROFESSOR? 217 00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:58,133 WELL, IT'S, UH-- YOU KNOW, IT'S CERTAINLY 218 00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,695 AN INTERESTING IDEA, GAY ROBOT, 219 00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,903 BUT I DON'T THINK YOU NEED PUBIC HAIR. 220 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,836 I SAW THEM IN A MOVIE AND THEY LOOKED COOL. 221 00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,312 ( chuckles ) 222 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:08,339 AH, PUBES. 223 00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,875 OH, I HAVE A NEW TUTORING ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU. 224 00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:12,911 - HE'S OVER AT ALPHA TAU KAPPA. - ( gasps ) 225 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,716 HIS NAME IS MARTY DONOVAN. 226 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,618 FORIZZEAL? I MET HIM EARLIER. 227 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,020 WE WERE WIZATCHING FAZOOTBALL. 228 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,851 GAY ROBOT, WHAT DID I TELL YOU 229 00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:21,657 ABOUT ADDING Zs TO WORDS? 230 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,089 I'M SORRY. BLAME SNOOP. HE STARTED IT. 231 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,964 - YEAH, WELL, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IT, OKAY? - OKAY. 232 00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:28,764 NOW LOOK, MARTY NEEDS HELP IN PHYSICS 233 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,726 AND I THOUGHT YOU'D BE A PERFECT TUTOR FOR HIM. 234 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,004 YEAH, HIS EYES ARE LIKE BROWN DIAMONDS. 235 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,603 EXCUSE ME? 236 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,004 I MEAN, HE SMELLS LIKE A LAVENDER SCROTUM. 237 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,207 JESUS, GAY ROBOT. 238 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,138 LOOK, I TOLD YOU 100 TIMES, 239 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,643 PLEASE DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH MY STUDENTS, OKAY? 240 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,536 I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. 241 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,807 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK YOU DID. 242 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:49,547 WHAT ABOUT THE TIME YOU ASKED BORIS FROM THE WRESTLING TEAM 243 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,652 IF HE WANTED TO WRESTLE HIS BALLS INTO YOUR MOUTH? 244 00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,585 UM, I DON'T REMEMBER THAT. 245 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,690 WELL, I DO AND SO DOES BORIS. 246 00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:57,863 WE CAN CALL HIM IF THAT'S GONNA REFRESH YOUR MEMORY. 247 00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,931 - NO. OKAY, ALL RIGHT, I REMEMBER. - I KNOW YOU DO. 248 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:03,330 LOOK, IT'S JUST I GET LONELY AND I WANT A BOYFRIEND. 249 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,133 I KNOW, GAY ROBOT. I-- I GET LONELY TOO SOMETIMES. 250 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,766 YOU DO? 251 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,801 YEAH. WHY DO YOU THINK I BUILT A ROBOT? 252 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:12,937 YEAH. PASS THE TISSUES, WE ALL GOT ISSUES. 253 00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,143 - ( both laugh ) - WELL, BE PATIENT, GAY ROBOT. 254 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,205 YOU'LL MEET A LUCKY FELLOW SOMEDAY, I PROMISE. 255 00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,914 OKAY, WORD UP: PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST. 256 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,321 ( rock music ends ) 257 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,921 ALL RIGHT, AND WE'RE BACK. 258 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:28,223 AND ENOUGH OF THIS BUMMER TRAFFIC STUFF. 259 00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,855 LET'S GO TO THE PHONE LINES. 260 00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,661 - WE GOT A CALLER. YOU'RE ON THE AIR. - ( button clicks ) 261 00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,931 Man: Yeah, hi, Simion. I took Highway 69. 262 00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:38,773 - There's a lot of other people out here too. - ( sirens blaring ) 263 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,666 - I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. - Uh, no. 264 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:44,138 It ends in a cliff and people are driving over the end 265 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:45,771 and they're-- they're falling. 266 00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:47,173 And now the people who've crashed 267 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,937 are being attacked by mountain lions. 268 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,236 - ( man screams ) - ALL RIGHT. 269 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,977 ARE YOU GOING HOME TO A LOVER TONIGHT? 270 00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,782 Uh, no, Simion. I'm really not in the mood. 271 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:56,884 I just saw a woman get dragged away by her scalp. 272 00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:59,047 OH COME ON, MAN. EVERYONE'S IN THE MOOD. 273 00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:01,346 - ( no audible dialogue ) - There's bodies everywhere! 274 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,988 - OH, ARE THEY NUDE? - ( lion roars ) 275 00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:07,034 Oh my-- it's a -- mountain lion! Get off me! 276 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:10,360 NO, I THINK YOU MEAN, "HEY, LION, WHY DON'T YOU MOUNT ME?" 277 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,797 - No, that's not what I mean! Ahh! - ( lion roars ) 278 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,944 - ( people screaming ) - Oh my God, the beasts have my wife! 279 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,440 OOH, YOU HEAR THAT, LADIES? 280 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,271 THAT'S A LOT OF GROWL, IT LOOKS LIKE. 281 00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:23,807 KAREN WANTS SOME MAKEUP SEX AND SHE IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. 282 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,981 - ( lion growls ) - SIGN UP FOR THAT, PEOPLE. 283 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,223 - THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. - ( woman screaming ) 284 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:31,078 KAREN, YOU'RE A FREAKY MOTHER--. 285 00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,818 She's gone! 286 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,820 Karen! She's gone! 287 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,922 - No-- - NOW THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR. 288 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,827 WE GOT A SONG GOING OUT TO KAREN. 289 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,689 "SHE'S GONE" BY HALL & OATES. 290 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,109 AND WE'RE BACK NOW WITH GREG HAMPTON. 291 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,411 AT 65 YEARS OLD, MR. HAMPTON NAVIGATED 292 00:12:56,443 --> 00:13:00,083 A RUNAWAY TRAIN TO SAFETY IN THE APPALACHIAN MOUNTAINS, 293 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,953 SAVING OVER 200 LIVES. 294 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:05,092 MR. HAMPTON, DID YOUR LIFE FLASH BEFORE YOUR EYES AT ALL? 295 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,248 I MEAN, THIS REALLY COULD'VE BEEN THE END. 296 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,957 DID YOU FREAK OUT? 297 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,489 Uh, not really. I focused on the task at hand. 298 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:12,994 There was no time to freak out. 299 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,056 But I was concerned about my wife. 300 00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:17,695 - I-- I thought of her for sure. - Well, of course. 301 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,870 AND SPEAKING OF THAT, WE HAVE YOUR WIFE HERE VIA SATELLITE. 302 00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:23,098 Mrs. Hampton, what went through your head 303 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,766 when you heard that Greg was trying to take control 304 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,313 of a runaway train? 305 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:31,010 Oh gosh. Uh, just pure terror. 306 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,784 I WAS IN BED 307 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,350 AND I ANSWERED THE PHONE AND I FROZE. 308 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,122 WERE YOU ALONE? 309 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,250 NO, I HAD A FEW PEOPLE OVER. 310 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,416 AND DID YOU TELL THEM THE SITUATION? 311 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:45,034 NO, BUT THEY COULD TELL THAT SOMETHING SERIOUS 312 00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,888 WAS GOING ON. 313 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:50,357 My swinger group quietly uncuffed each other 314 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:55,237 and untied their ball gags and gave me my privacy. 315 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,908 They could tell it was an intense time. 316 00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,735 I'm sorry, w-- what was that? 317 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,912 WHEN I SWITCHED OFF MY VIBRATOR, 318 00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:05,109 THAT'S WHEN EVERYONE KNEW THAT SOMETHING WAS REALLY WRONG. 319 00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:08,375 NO ONE INTERRUPTS AN ORGY BEFORE EVERYONE HAS REACHED THEIR CLIMAX. 320 00:14:08,415 --> 00:14:10,915 Yeah, it was the hardest phone call 321 00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:11,988 I've ever had to make. 322 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:13,919 My wife is so sensitive. 323 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:16,761 I knew she'd have trouble dealing with that news. 324 00:14:16,789 --> 00:14:19,989 And something horrific was about to happen. 325 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,057 I was in a frenzy. 326 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,495 I GOT UP TO GET MY ROBE AND I SLIPPED 327 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,501 ON A PUDDLE OF LUBE ON THE FLOOR 328 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:28,803 AND SMACKED MY HEAD ON THE FISTING ROBOT. 329 00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:32,105 - I WAS OUT COLD. - THE FISTING ROBOT? 330 00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,039 I heard the fall and I was really worried, 331 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,144 so I called the police and I made sure 332 00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:37,806 they got over there immediately. 333 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:39,054 Which they did in record time. 334 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:41,049 They got me up, back in bed. 335 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,951 And they could tell that I was upset, 336 00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,420 so they used the rest of the lube to massage my body. 337 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:48,122 Those men are the real heroes. 338 00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:51,155 OKAY, I'M-- I CAN'T BE HEARING THIS CORRECTLY. 339 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:53,091 MR. HAMPTON, YOU'RE OKAY WITH ALL OF THIS? 340 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:56,826 I MEAN, WELL, DEALING WITH A RUNAWAY TRAIN IS NEVER EASY. 341 00:14:56,863 --> 00:15:00,103 I-- I WASN'T REFERRING TO-- 342 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,403 LOOK, I WAS JUST GLAD THAT MY HUSBAND WAS OKAY. 343 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,305 - THAT'S THE MAIN THING. - RIGHT RIGHT, SURE SURE. 344 00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,308 WERE YOU ABLE TO SEE YOUR HUSBAND RIGHT AWAY? 345 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,440 June: NO, WHICH WAS HARD. 346 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:13,206 But luckily I had taken a violent amount of ecstasy 347 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,576 and the trannies had finished building our leather swing set. 348 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,486 Okay. Uh, well, thank you 349 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,118 for your time, Mrs. Hampton. 350 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:23,293 IT SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS A... REAL ORDEAL. 351 00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:24,993 IT WAS. 352 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:27,132 BUT IT ALL TURNED OUT OKAY. 353 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,860 I LOVE YOU, GREG. 354 00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:30,825 - I love you too, honey. - June: BYE. 355 00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,173 OH GREAT, THERE THEY ARE. 356 00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,999 Greg: Ah, fistbot. 357 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,141 I miss you, bud. 358 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,238 Salt of the earth, that woman. 359 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,110 - I-- I couldn't imagine losing her. - YEAH, SHE'S A KEEPER. 360 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,540 Greg: I can't wait to get on that leather swing set. 361 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,317 OKAY. 362 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:52,921 NOW HE JUST WOKE UP FROM HIS COMA, 363 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,550 SO HE MIGHT BE A LITTLE GROGGY. 364 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,617 - OKAY. - I'LL GIVE YOU TWO A MOMENT. 365 00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:57,886 - THANK YOU. - ALL RIGHT. 366 00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:00,334 HEY, BUDDY. HOW ARE YOU FEELING? 367 00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:05,299 ( Eastern European accent ) I FEEL VERY NICE. 368 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,102 ( heart monitor beeping ) 369 00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:09,104 WOW WOW WHEE WHOA. 370 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,413 HEY. 371 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,369 MY WIFE. 372 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,637 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. IT'S A MIRACLE. 373 00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:20,046 NICK, YOU POOR THING. 374 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,620 WE MAKE SEXY TIME IN YOUR VAJIN? 375 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,090 WHY IS HE DOING A BORAT VOICE? 376 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,189 I DON'T KNOW. 377 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:30,321 WAIT A MINUTE, THE-- THE LAST THING THAT HAPPENED 378 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,587 BEFORE THE ACCIDENT WAS THAT WE SAW "BORAT," 379 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,455 BUT THAT WAS, LIKE, FOUR YEARS AGO. 380 00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,564 THE NURSE'S VAJIN LOOK LIKE SLEEPY LIZARD. 381 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,067 MY COUSIN BILO, HE GET THIS. 382 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,500 SO HOW LONG WILL HE TALK LIKE THIS? 383 00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:45,065 I DON'T KNOW. 384 00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:46,372 PERHAPS I CAN HELP. 385 00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:48,106 I'VE SEEN THIS PHENOMENON BEFORE. 386 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,541 I'M DOCTOR PHELPS. 387 00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,536 HE HAS CHOCOLATE FACE! 388 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,478 YES, I DO, BORAT. 389 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,623 UH, CAN I SPEAK WITH YOU OVER HERE FOR A SECOND? 390 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,118 Woman over P.A.: Dr. Forrest, dial 118, please. 391 00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,991 THAT WAS THE LAST THING THAT WAS ON HIS MIND. 392 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:01,587 WHEN WE ALL SAW THE MOVIE "BORAT," 393 00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,421 WE HAD A CHANCE TO PLAY AROUND WITH THE PHRASES 394 00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:04,556 AND GET THEM OUT OF OUR SYSTEM. 395 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:05,561 NICK NEVER GOT THAT. 396 00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,432 OH, SAD. 397 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,330 I SEE YOU, GYPSY. 398 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,262 YES, GYPSY. 399 00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:13,268 DOES THIS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE OFTEN? 400 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,140 WELL, LET ME SHOW YOU OUR NEW WING. 401 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:19,337 Dr. Phelps: AS YOU'LL SEE, ALL THE PEOPLE HERE 402 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,142 ARE RECOVERING FROM COMAS THEY SLIPPED INTO 403 00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:24,244 IMMEDIATELY AFTER SEEING ICONIC HOLLYWOOD MOVIES. 404 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,007 ( British accent ) YEAH, BABY! 405 00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:27,583 DO I MAKE YOU HORNY? 406 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:29,624 OH, BEHAVE. 407 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,179 OH, HE'S DOING AUSTIN POWERS. 408 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,988 TINA, EAT YOUR FOOD. GOD. 409 00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:37,020 - THAT'S NAPOLEON DYNAMITE. - HE SAW A DOUBLE FEATURE. 410 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:41,155 "LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES," 411 00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,204 MAMA ALWAYS SAID. 412 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,570 FORREST GUMP? THAT WAS YEARS AGO. 413 00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:48,598 SO WE'LL MOVE NICK OUT HERE FOR A WHILE. 414 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,335 WE'LL GIVE HIM REGULAR SPEECH CLASSES 415 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,970 AND EASE HIM OUT OF THAT BORAT PERSONA. 416 00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,535 THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. 417 00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,145 - THE DOCTOR'S SENDING ME HOME. - CONGRATS, TIM. 418 00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:01,248 ( deep voice ) YOU STAY CLASSY, SAN DIEGO. 419 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:04,381 I MEAN, UH, TAKE CARE, GUYS. 420 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:07,347 EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY. 421 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,357 DO THEY HAVE, UM, LIKE ACTIVITIES? 422 00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:10,519 LIKE A REC ROOM? 423 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,287 SURE. THEY DO, UPSTAIRS. 424 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,155 - CAN THEY DO ARTS AND CRAFTS? - OF COURSE. 425 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,661 NICK. 426 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,555 I MAKE-A TOILET. 427 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,327 OH NO, NICK. 428 00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:20,696 YOU WILL NEVER GET THIS. 429 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,303 COME GET THIS, GYPSY! 430 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,336 NICK! NICK! 431 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,072 Man: I'M READY! 432 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,184 I'M READY! 433 00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,177 I'M READY! 434 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,076 Man #2: OH, BEHAVE! 435 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,185 I'M JUST SAYING I THINK I'M OWED. 436 00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,018 WHAT-- WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? 437 00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:45,585 I'VE BEEN WITH THE COMPANY FOR SIX YEARS. 438 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,595 BORING. GET BACK TO WORK. 439 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,429 Announcer: HOW MANY TIMES HAS THIS 440 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,774 HAPPENED TO YOU, WHITE PEOPLE? 441 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,399 YOU CAN'T SAY WHAT YOU MEAN 442 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,244 AND YOU CAN'T CONFRONT AUTHORITY. 443 00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,769 WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED... 444 00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:00,814 UH! A DEONTAY IN YO LIFE! 445 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,110 SIX -- YEARS! 446 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,710 YOU BEEN PIMPIN' THIS NERDY SWEET WHITE BOY FOR SIX YEARS. 447 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,215 YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE. 448 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,222 SEE, THAT'S THE THING ABOUT CERTAIN WHITE PEOPLE-- 449 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,852 THEY WORK HARD, BUT THEN THEY GET PUSHED AROUND. 450 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,587 THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG 451 00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:19,894 AND THEN THEY GET DISRESPECTED. 452 00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,786 THEY JUST DON'T HAVE IT IN THEM TO BE LIKE, 453 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,658 "WHAT? OH, HELL NO." 454 00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:27,227 OR "YOU BETTER BACK THE -- UP." 455 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:30,637 OR MY FAVORITE: "-- ALL Y'ALL!" 456 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,570 ME, ON THE OTHER HAND, 457 00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:35,136 THAT'S HOW I DO IT. 458 00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,912 DO YOU SEE THAT? 459 00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:39,513 THAT -- IS LEAKING LIKE A TIJUANA ASS--. 460 00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:41,876 NOW HE DONE TOLD YOU THREE MONTHS AGO 461 00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,384 TO FIX THE GODDAMN PIPES, YOU FAT MOTHER--. 462 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:47,317 NOW LOOK-- HIS UGLY CLOTHES ARE RUINED. 463 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,256 DEONTAY, SON! 464 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,861 OH, HE'S OUTTA HERE 'CAUSE Y'ALL SUCK. 465 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,463 YOU TREATED HIM LIKE --. 466 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,125 HE'S SMARTER THAN ALL Y'ALL COMBINED 467 00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,873 AND YOUR EYEBROWS NEED A TRIM. 468 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,439 AND LOOK AT YOU. HA HA, HEY, GIRL. 469 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,169 HE WANTED TO -- YOU. 470 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,108 HA HA. 471 00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,779 AND HE PROBABLY WANTED TO -- YOU TOO! 472 00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,108 SOMEBODY VALIDATE MY --! 473 00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:13,183 Announcer: THAT'S 1-555-DEONTAY. 474 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,582 CALL NOW, WHITE PEOPLE, 475 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,184 AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE. 476 00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,145 SAY THE THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED. 477 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,754 AND FOR A SMALL EXTRA FEE, HE'LL TRAIN YOUR PIT BULLS. 478 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:23,157 - STAY ON YOUR PROPERTY. - STAY ON YOURS, FOOL. 479 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,859 - LINE'S ON MY SIDE. - AIN'T NO LINE. 480 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,702 MAN, THIS FOOL DONE WENT AND HIRED HIM A RAY-RAY. 481 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:31,598 WHACK, 'CAUSE YOU STILL AIN'T DEONTAY, SON! 482 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:34,271 - Announcer: HIRE DEONTAY NOW. - UH! 483 00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,871 - ARE THOSE SKINNY JEANS FOR FAT PEOPLE? - Ray-Ray: MAYBE. 484 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:40,373 * P-R-E-T-E-N-D T-I-M-E. * 485 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:41,807 Man's voice: TERRIFIC. 36210

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.