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1
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,777
( rock music playing )
2
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:18,589
* P-R-E-T-E-N-D
T-I-M-E *
3
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:21,059
* P-R-E-T-E-N-D
T-I-M-E. *
4
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:23,359
( buzzer sounds )
5
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:27,331
- Man: COME ON, HE'S OPEN
IN THE SLOT! - Woman: SHOOT!
6
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,431
- YES!
- AHHH!
7
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:32,303
NICE! HE HIT HIM
RIGHT IN THE PIE HOLE!
8
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,433
TOTALLY!
9
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,438
AH, SUZY?
10
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:39,440
WE'VE BEEN GOING OUT NOW
FOR LIKE TWO YEARS, RIGHT?
11
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:41,183
YEAH.
12
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:44,809
I JUST WANT TO SAY I HAVEN'T
FELT THIS WAY ABOUT ANYBODY...
13
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,475
EVER.
14
00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:49,924
NICK, THAT IS SO SWEET.
15
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:54,590
AND I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS
A REALLY LONG TIME.
16
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:58,292
AND THERE'S SOMETHING
VERY IMPORTANT
17
00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,486
I WANT TO ASK YOU.
18
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:03,328
OH MY GOD.
19
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:06,234
SERIOUSLY, WILL YOU--
20
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,037
AHHH! ( bleep )
21
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:10,136
OH MY GOD!
NICK, ARE YOU OKAY?
22
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:14,011
AHH! OOH!
I THINK SO.
23
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:17,151
NICK, ARE YOU SURE?
I THINK WE SHOULD JUST GO GET THIS CHECKED OUT.
24
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:21,145
NO, LET'S STAY.
I CAME HERE TO DO SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL, ALL RIGHT?
25
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,719
I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
26
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,450
BABY, YOU ARE THE LOVE
OF MY LIFE.
27
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,556
AND I WANT TO SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE--
28
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:31,358
OH NO! MY ( bleep ) EYE!
29
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:34,662
USHER!
CAN WE GET AN USHER?
30
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,525
WHOA! NO, I'M GOOD, MAN.
31
00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,874
I SEE A TOWER OR SOMETHING.
IT'LL BE A BLACK EYE.
32
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,369
I'M OKAY.
33
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,571
NICK, LOOK AT YOU.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
34
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:48,683
NO! NOT UNTIL I FINISH WHAT
I CAME HERE TO DO.
35
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:53,249
SUZY, WILL YOU MARRY ME?
36
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,081
I THINK YOU'RE A GREAT GUY.
37
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,923
AHHH! OWWW!
38
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,191
WHY DO THESE PUCKS
KEEP HITTING US?
39
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:04,559
OWW!
40
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,763
BABY? BABY, YOU OKAY?
41
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,595
I THINK MY ( bleep ) NOSE
IS BROKEN.
42
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,201
OKAY, WE'LL TAKE YOU
TO THE MEDIC, OKAY?
43
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:16,244
NO. NO, I WANT TO
TALK ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.
44
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,640
ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE GOING TO
ACCEPT MY PROPOSAL, RIGHT?
45
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,342
NO! I THINK THAT
WE NEED A BREAK.
46
00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:23,535
I JUST WANT TO SEE
OTHER PEOPLE.
47
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:26,347
OWW!
48
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,420
( sobbing )
49
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,849
WHY?
50
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,954
PLEASE, SOMEBODY HELP ME.
51
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,957
WHY ARE NONE OF YOU HIT?
52
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,589
Announcer:
Pucker up! It's time for the Kiss Cam!
53
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,927
( pop song playing )
54
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,537
OH.
55
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:52,239
Hey, you two lovers,
how about a lip lock?
56
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,506
( muttering )
57
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,694
( drum beating )
58
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,119
* THIS IS AN EMERGENCY...
59
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:14,334
HEY, EVERYBODY, I'D LIKE TO
DEDICATE TONIGHT'S EPISODE
60
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,132
TO MY CAT FITZGERALD.
61
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,773
HE WAS THE FIRST JOKE
I EVER WROTE--
62
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,269
IT WAS ABOUT FITZGERALD
FOR MY STANDUP ACT.
63
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:23,769
AND I WANT TO DEDICATE
THIS EPISODE TO HIM.
64
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:26,614
HE MEANS A LOT TO ME
'CAUSE HE PASSED AWAY RECENTLY.
65
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,740
HE O.D.'d ON HEROIN.
66
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,714
Announcer:
WHICH CAR GETS OVER 72mpg
67
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,277
WITHOUT USING GAS?
68
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:38,386
THE 2010 TOYOTA "PEEUS,"
69
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,959
THE CAR THAT RUNS ON
YOUR OWN RENEWABLE FUEL.
70
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,159
AND THE PEEUS
IS COST EFFICIENT AND ECO-FRIENDLY
71
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,802
AS IT GETS 70mpg
ON THE HIGHWAY
72
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:51,328
- AND 56 IN THE CITY.
- ( horn honks )
73
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:54,365
AND THE PEEUS IS
PERFECT FOR MOM'S TRIP TO THE GROCERY STORE.
74
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:57,972
SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT
NEVER FELT SO GOOD.
75
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:01,475
I HOPE EVERYONE REMEMBERED NOT
TO GO BEFORE WE LEFT THE HOUSE.
76
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:04,109
AND WITH YOUR FAMILY IN
THE CAR, YOU CAN RELAX
77
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,314
KNOWING THAT THE PEEUS GOT
THE HIGHEST SAFETY RATINGS
78
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,324
OF ANY URINE-POWERED VEHICLE.
79
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:11,116
AND IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR
THE FIRST ENERGY-EFFICIENT 4x4
80
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,851
BUILT FOR MAXIMUM TOUGHNESS,
81
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:15,616
LOOK NO FURTHER THAN
THE 2010 STEAMER.
82
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:17,926
THE 2010 TOYOTA PEEUS.
83
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,331
Man's voice:
WHEN EDNA QUIST,
84
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,967
HEIRESS TO THE QUIST EMPIRE,
DIED,
85
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:33,612
SHE LEFT HER ENTIRE ESTATE
TO HER CAT, MR. STITCHES.
86
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:35,881
HER SON EDMOND,
87
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,909
DISTRAUGHT FROM BEING
LEFT OUT OF THE WILL,
88
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:42,776
DECIDED TO TAKE ACTIONS
INTO HIS OWN HANDS.
89
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,424
( snorting )
90
00:04:48,456 --> 00:04:51,356
( tires squeal )
91
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,159
( meowing )
92
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:56,163
POLICE LISTED IT AS
AN UNSOLVED HIT AND RUN.
93
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:57,726
( machine beeping )
94
00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:00,025
DOCTORS WERE ABLE
TO SAVE MR. STITCHES,
95
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,797
BUT THE ACCIDENT LEFT HIM
PARALYZED BELOW THE WAIST.
96
00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:09,382
THE HOSPITAL BILL
ATE UP ALL OF HIS $10 MILLION INHERITANCE,
97
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:14,147
FORCING MR. STITCHES
TO BECOME "WHEELCHAIR CAT."
98
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,981
* IS THIS MY LIFE?
99
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:19,746
* ARE THESE MY WORDS
OR IS THERE SOMEONE *
100
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,917
* TALKING THROUGH ME?
101
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,685
* IS THIS MY LIFE?
102
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,464
* ARE THESE MY DREAMS
103
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:30,233
* OR SCENES FROM SOMEONE
ELSE'S MOVIE? *
104
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:34,133
* SHOULDN'T TAKE FOR GRANTED
THAT YOU GET A SECOND CHANCE *
105
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:37,137
* AT ALL.
106
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,843
( hip hop playing )
107
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,975
Computerized voice:
BOTTLE SERVICE.
108
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,511
RIGHT AWAY, SIR.
109
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,246
UM, WE REALLY CAN'T
AFFORD THAT.
110
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,450
YOU PUT THAT CHECK FROM
DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS
111
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,524
IN MY ACCOUNT, RIGHT?
WE'LL BE FINE.
112
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,824
OH, NO, HERE COMES EDMOND.
113
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,526
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT TOOL.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.
114
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,660
EXCUSE ME.
GET OUT OF MY WAY, PLEASE.
115
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,325
YEAH, FASTER. THANKS.
116
00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:06,131
- HELLO, EDMOND.
- HEY, MR. STITCHES.
117
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,736
HOW'S REHAB?
118
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,938
I WENT BECAUSE
I GOT RUN OVER.
119
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,140
IT'S DIFFERENT THAN
THE REHAB YOU GO TO,
120
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,642
ROBERT DOWNEY SYNDROME.
121
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:15,914
WHAT-EV.
122
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,713
I SEE YOU'RE
ENJOYING MY MONEY.
123
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,676
IT WAS YOUR MOTHER'S MONEY.
124
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,054
AND YOU DON'T SEEM
TO BE HURTING.
125
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:27,523
I'M NOT.
I MARRIED KIMBERLY SNAPPLE OF THE BEVERAGE FAMILY.
126
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,815
IT'S PRETTY GREAT. I JUST
DRINK A LOT OF FREE SNAPPLE
127
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,657
AND I GET TO NAME
MY OWN FLAVOR.
128
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,532
WHERE IS KIMBERLY?
129
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:36,661
- SWEETIE, SHOULD I JOIN YOU?
- NO!
130
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:41,067
CONGRATS, EDMOND.
SHE LOOKS LIKE E.T. WITH H.I.V.
131
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:45,041
YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS,
YOU STUPID ( bleep ) PUSSY?
132
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,472
SECURITY.
133
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,277
KITTY WANT TO GET HURT?
134
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,838
'CAUSE KITTY GONNA GET HURT!
KITTY GONNA GET HURT!
135
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:53,548
- KITTY GONNA GET HURT!
- ( glass breaks )
136
00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:55,621
LOOK WHAT FELL
OUT OF HIS POCKET.
137
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,279
GIVE IT TO ME.
138
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,817
I'LL TAKE IT TO
THE BATHROOM AND, UH...
139
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:02,893
ERR... FLUSH IT
DOWN THE TOILET.
140
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,233
COME ON, YOU'RE
GOING TO SNORT IT.
141
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:08,498
YOU EVEN TYPED IN "UH, ERR"
WHILE YOU WERE THINKING OF AN EXCUSE.
142
00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,596
GIVE ME THE BAG, WOMAN,
OR I WILL CUT YOU.
143
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,502
OKAY.
144
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:16,901
POWDERED DOUGHNUTS
MAKE ME GO NUTS.
145
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:20,267
FOLLOW THE FLOUR SNOW "O"s.
146
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,937
Announcer:
NEXT WEEK ON "WHEELCHAIR CAT"...
147
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,776
I WISH I HAD A ROOFIE
AND SOME CATNIP.
148
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,424
HE'S FAKING IT, I TELL YOU!
HE'S FAKING IT.
149
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,377
HE'S NOT REALLY PARALYZED.
150
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:33,788
WHY WOULD I FAKE THIS,
RETARDO MONTALBAN?
151
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,561
HE'S NOT CRIPPLED, MAN.
LOOK AT HIM!
152
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,529
- ( meows )
- CHARLATAN!
153
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:41,025
- * IS THIS MY LIFE...
- HE'S NOT FAKING IT!
154
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,231
OH MY GOD!
HE HURT THE CAT!
155
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,303
* SOMEONE TALKING
THROUGH ME? *
156
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:49,102
* IS THIS MY LIFE?
157
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:57,277
Man:
LIVE SEX DONKEY SHOW!
158
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,550
LIVE SEX DONKEY SHOW.
159
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,550
LIVE SEX DONKEY SHOW!
160
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:04,219
BUENOS DíAS, EVERYONE.
BEFORE WE START THE SEMINAR,
161
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,621
AS YOU MAY KNOW HERE AT
THE DONKEY SHOW OFFICE,
162
00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:09,624
WE'RE TRYING TO BE MORE GREEN.
SO, POR FAVOR,
163
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:12,357
PUT YOUR PAPER IN
THE BLUE RECYCLING BIN
164
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:15,162
AND THE BOTTLES IN
THE GREEN ONE. ¿COMPRENDE?
165
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:18,125
NOW THE REASON WE HAVE
GATHERED HERE--
166
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,565
SORRY I'M LATE.
167
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,670
- ( speaks, indistinct )
- Sí, SEÑOR.
168
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:25,713
ANYWAYS, THE REASON WE ARE
HAVING THIS MEETING TODAY
169
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,579
IS BECAUSE THE DIRECTOR
OF HUMAN RESOURCES
170
00:08:28,576 --> 00:08:30,936
HAS COME DOWN FROM
CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS
171
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:33,608
TO TALK TO US ABOUT
PROPER WORKPLACE ETIQUETTE.
172
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:38,347
ALL RIGHT? SO BIG WARM
BIENVENIDOS FOR MR. PHIL SANDERSON.
173
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:43,157
ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU, MANUEL.
174
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,860
EVERYBODY, GRACIAS OF COURSE.
175
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:49,863
UH, LOOK, NOT GONNA
SUGARCOAT ANYTHING.
176
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,867
OKAY, WE'VE RECEIVED
SEVERAL COMPLAINTS
177
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:56,470
BACK AT THE HOME OFFICES
ABOUT SEXUAL HARASSMENT.
178
00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:59,613
WE TAKE THAT STUFF VERY
SERIOUSLY BACK AT CORPORATE.
179
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,937
- AND THAT'S KIND OF
WHY I'M HERE. - ( crowd cheering )
180
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,075
ALL RIGHT? TO KIND OF
HELP YOU UNDERSTAND
181
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,611
THE PROPER PROTOCOL
AND ETIQUETTE
182
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,747
HERE AT THE OFFICES OF
THE LIVE DONKEY SEX SHOW.
183
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:11,893
NOW FIRST OFF,
184
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:15,619
THERE WAS A VERY
INAPPROPRIATE EMAIL
185
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:17,523
GOING AROUND THE OFFICE.
186
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:21,855
AND THE SUBJECT MATTER WAS,
"WHAT DOES P.M.S. STAND FOR?"
187
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,825
THEN WHEN YOU
CLICKED ON IT,
188
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:27,644
IT SAID,
"PASS MY SWEATPANTS,"
189
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:30,895
WITH A VERY OFFENSIVE
AND DEROGATORY PICTURE
190
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:34,138
OF A WOMAN GOING
THROUGH HER MENSTRUATION.
191
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:37,014
LOOK, THAT EMAIL IS
VERY INAPPROPRIATE
192
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,814
- AND VERY DISRESPECTFUL
TO THE WOMEN-- -( donkey squeals )
193
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,547
--THE WOMEN THAT
ARE WORKING HERE.
194
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,519
HUMOR IN THE OFFICE
IS GOOD FOR MORALE.
195
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,690
WE CAN'T TELL ANY JOKES?
196
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,119
- UH, NO, OF COURSE YOU CAN--
- ( donkey squeals )
197
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,215
--AS LONG AS THEY'RE TASTEFUL.
198
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,287
- ( phone beeps )
- HOLD ON. I'M GETTING A TEXT MESSAGE.
199
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,956
OKAY, PACO, I'M GONNA
WRITE YOU UP FOR THAT ONE.
200
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,896
HEY, IT WASN'T ME.
IT WAS THE DONKEY.
201
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,372
- ( men laughing )
- CAN'T TEXT.
202
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:04,601
GUYS, COME ON.
LET'S MOVE ON
203
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:06,508
TO OFFICE DATING.
204
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:09,409
- ( crowd cheering )
- THAT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.
205
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,952
SEÑOR, WHAT IF THE LADY
IS FINISHED WITH THE DONKEY
206
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,580
AND SHE'S WALKING BACK
TO HER LOCKER?
207
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,815
IS IT OKAY TO ASK HER
OUT ON A DATE THEN?
208
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:21,191
GOOD QUESTION, HECTOR, AND
THE ANSWER IS NO-- NO, IT'S NOT.
209
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:23,391
I KNOW WHEN YOU SEE
A WOMAN OUT THERE
210
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:25,533
FELLATING A LARGE MAMMAL,
AND YOU THINK
211
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,898
IT IS APPROPRIATE TO APPROACH
HER AT THE WATER COOLER
212
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:30,028
AND ASK HER FOR
A CERVEZA,
213
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,303
BUT IT'S VERY DISRESPECTFUL.
I'M SORRY.
214
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,972
CAN WE ASK THE DONKEY
OUT FOR A CERVEZA?
215
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,872
UH, PACO, YOU'RE REALLY
PUSHING IT TODAY.
216
00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:39,665
WHAT IF THE DONKEY
ASKS US OUT?
217
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:42,137
FELLAS, THIS IS
A SERIOUS MATTER.
218
00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:45,675
CAN I USE THE DONKEY AS
A TRANSPORTATION TO GET HOME?
219
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:49,383
I ACTUALLY SEE NO PROBLEM
WITH USING THE DONKEY AS TRANSPORTATION.
220
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,916
EVEN IF I'M NOT
WEARING PANTS?
221
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,492
AY!
222
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,260
OKAY, THIS MEETING'S DONE.
223
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:57,388
ALL RIGHT, LAUGH ALL YOU WANT,
YOU GUYS. YUCK IT UP.
224
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,564
OKAY? YOU'RE ALL COMEDIANS.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
225
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,632
IF SOMEONE SUES US
AND THEY SHUT US DOWN, WE'RE ALL OUT OF A JOB.
226
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:04,730
ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S A REALITY.
227
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:08,072
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
228
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:12,111
I AM FILLING IN FOR
THE 2:00 A.M. SHOW.
229
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:14,739
I LOST MY WALLET.
230
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:18,245
SO IF ANYBODY
WANTS TO COME BY,
231
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,978
SHOW THEIR SUPPORT,
232
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,783
UH, I COULD USE IT.
233
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:24,216
YOU KNOW?
234
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:28,461
( laughs )
DEAR GOD.
235
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,288
( crowd cheering )
236
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:33,333
COME ON, GUYS.
HE'S ( bleep ) THE BIG ONE.
237
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,269
( Mexican Hat Dance playing )
238
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,120
( dings )
239
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,394
WELL...
240
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:07,434
MR. JENSON, I GOT
YOUR SON'S TEST RESULTS BACK.
241
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,160
OKAY.
242
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:12,166
HE HAS ACUTE
CHROMOSOME SYNDROME.
243
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,939
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
244
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,838
THIS IS NEVER EASY.
245
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,240
HE HAS THREE MONTHS
TO LIVE.
246
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,450
I'M VERY SORRY.
247
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,421
TYLER?
248
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:41,425
LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT TO
MAKE YOU A BUCKET LIST--
249
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,961
- HUH, BUDDY?
- Doctor: THAT'S IT.
250
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,267
- A BUCKET LIST.
- YES, A BUCKET LIST.
251
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:47,669
DADDY.
252
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,040
A LIST OF THINGS TO DO
BEFORE YOU DIE.
253
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,910
( doctor laughs )
254
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,309
OH GOD, RON,
I'M SO SORRY.
255
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,841
I KNOW.
256
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,953
AND THERE'S NO CURE
FOR CHROMOSOME SYNDROME?
257
00:12:57,978 --> 00:12:59,978
NO.
258
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:03,483
WELL, IF THERE'S ANYTHING
I CAN DO...
259
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,116
ACTUALLY THERE IS.
260
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:08,963
TYLER MADE A--
A BUCKET LIST.
261
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,859
HE DID?
262
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:14,658
THAT'S SWEET.
WHAT'S ON HIS LIST?
263
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:17,164
HE WANTS ME TO ( bleep )
YOUR WIFE.
264
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,967
WHAT?
265
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,640
HE WANTS ME TO ( bleep )
YOUR WIFE.
266
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:24,399
NO, MAN.
267
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:29,307
WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG
WITH YOU? NO.
268
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:30,582
HEY, MAN.
269
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,177
HONEY?
270
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:48,261
* LET'S GO
271
00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:50,755
* ONE FOOT IN FRONT
OF THE OTHER *
272
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:54,897
* I DON'T REALLY WANT TO
BE OBLIVIOUS *
273
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:58,242
* OBLIVIOUS
274
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:02,911
* WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS
WITH THE SILVER LINING? *
275
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,750
* HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY?
276
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:10,578
* OH, WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS
WITH THE SILVER LINING? *
277
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,917
* HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY?
278
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:16,721
* OBLIVIOUS
279
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:19,786
* OBLIVIOUS
280
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:22,526
* HEY NOW, MY SISTERS
AND MY BROTHERS *
281
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:27,072
* DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO BE OBLIVIOUS? *
282
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,670
* OBLIVIOUS
283
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:34,773
* WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS
WITH THE SILVER LINING? *
284
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:38,107
* HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY?
285
00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:43,145
* OH, WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS
WITH THE SILVER LINING? *
286
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:46,493
- * HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY?
- ( man screaming )
287
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,410
HEY, ROBOT, I THOUGHT YOU
SAID TOM BRADY
288
00:14:55,435 --> 00:14:57,375
WAS GONNA GET SACKED IN
THE THIRD QUARTER.
289
00:14:57,371 --> 00:15:01,601
NO, I SAID I WANT A TOM BRADY
SACK IN MY TURD CUTTER.
290
00:15:01,641 --> 00:15:03,171
Whoa!
291
00:15:03,209 --> 00:15:05,779
Yeah, those are two
completely different things.
292
00:15:05,812 --> 00:15:08,082
Hey, Dildo, you want to win
your money back at darts?
293
00:15:08,114 --> 00:15:11,484
HUH. GAY PANIC HUMOR.
SEEN IT BEFORE. NOT MY SPEED.
294
00:15:11,518 --> 00:15:12,818
( beeping )
295
00:15:12,852 --> 00:15:14,652
UH-OH, GOTTA GET
TO THE BAR.
296
00:15:14,688 --> 00:15:16,458
I.D.s, PLEASE.
297
00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:18,500
BABY BIRD SHOTS, $2.
298
00:15:18,525 --> 00:15:20,495
NEXT UP?
299
00:15:22,529 --> 00:15:25,169
( "Flower Duet" playing )
300
00:15:28,568 --> 00:15:30,238
IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
301
00:15:30,269 --> 00:15:33,009
UH, UMM, UH...
302
00:15:33,039 --> 00:15:36,049
IT'S FUNNY YOU SAY THAT,
'CAUSE I DON'T THINK THIS I.D. IS LEGIT.
303
00:15:36,075 --> 00:15:39,445
IT SAYS HERE ON YOUR LICENSE
THAT YOUR EYES ARE BLUE.
304
00:15:39,479 --> 00:15:41,419
BUT THEY'RE NOT BLUE.
305
00:15:41,415 --> 00:15:42,985
WHAT ARE THEY?
306
00:15:43,016 --> 00:15:46,286
THEY'RE CARIBBEAN SEA
307
00:15:46,319 --> 00:15:48,989
WITH A FULL MOON SHINING DOWN
308
00:15:49,022 --> 00:15:52,422
UNDER A SMURF'S DELICATE BALLS.
309
00:15:52,459 --> 00:15:55,229
SO BLUE. GREAT.
THANKS.
310
00:15:55,261 --> 00:15:58,631
WAIT A SECOND. IT SAYS
HERE THAT YOUR HAIR IS BROWN,
311
00:15:58,665 --> 00:16:01,065
BUT AGAIN,
CLEARLY NOT BROWN.
312
00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:03,270
WHAT IS IT THEN?
313
00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:05,672
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S AN AUTUMN MORNING
314
00:16:05,705 --> 00:16:08,075
AT DENZEL WASHINGTON'S HOUSE.
315
00:16:08,107 --> 00:16:12,347
HE'S WALKED OUT OF THE SHOWER
AND INTO A CARAMEL FIRE HOSE.
316
00:16:12,446 --> 00:16:14,846
YEP, BROWN.
I JUST WANT A BEER, BRO.
317
00:16:14,881 --> 00:16:17,241
HEY, WAIT, I'M LOOKING--
ONE MORE THING-- AT YOUR SIGNATURE.
318
00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:19,283
IT LOOKS FAKE. WOULD YOU
MIND SIGNING MY BREAST?
319
00:16:19,318 --> 00:16:21,358
- NO.
- IS THAT YOUR CURRENT ADDRESS?
320
00:16:21,455 --> 00:16:24,325
NO, ACTUALLY,
I DON'T LIVE THERE.
321
00:16:24,357 --> 00:16:27,327
UM, THAT ADDRESS IS NOW
A ROBOT VAGINA FACTORY.
322
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:28,870
WHAT?
323
00:16:28,895 --> 00:16:31,665
JESUS CHRIST. GROSS.
324
00:16:31,698 --> 00:16:34,268
IT SAYS HERE YOU'RE
AN ORGAN DONOR.
325
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:38,110
YES, BUT I'M NOT DONATING
MY BALLS ON YOUR CHIN
326
00:16:38,137 --> 00:16:40,507
OR MY ROD IN YOUR OVEN
OR MY...
327
00:16:40,540 --> 00:16:41,750
BRAIN?
328
00:16:41,775 --> 00:16:44,915
I WAS THINKING
YOUR BRAIN.
329
00:16:44,944 --> 00:16:48,314
I CAN TELL THAT YOU'RE VERY WISE
AND YOU HAVE A LOT TO SAY.
330
00:16:48,347 --> 00:16:51,587
UNDERNEATH YOUR INSECURITY
IS A SOUL
331
00:16:51,618 --> 00:16:55,488
DEEPER THAN THE GRAND CANYON
MADE OUT OF DREAMS AND WHISPERS.
332
00:16:55,489 --> 00:16:58,799
WOW. THAT WAS REALLY
SWEET OF YOU.
333
00:16:58,825 --> 00:17:02,765
BUT YOU COULD ALSO DONATE
YOUR ASS CHEEK AS A PILLOW.
334
00:17:02,796 --> 00:17:05,796
- OKAY, I MIGHT DO THAT.
- WHAT? ARE YOU ( bleep ) SERIOUS?
335
00:17:05,832 --> 00:17:08,262
I'M JUST ( bleep ) WITH YOU.
STOP IT.
336
00:17:08,301 --> 00:17:12,301
OH, PHEW. I'M JUST
SAYING THAT I HAVE A BED THAT WOULD FIT YOUR ASS.
337
00:17:12,338 --> 00:17:15,608
THAT'S FINE.
PLEASE CALL ME.
338
00:17:15,642 --> 00:17:18,272
OH, HEY, GIRL,
YOU CAN GO.
339
00:17:18,311 --> 00:17:20,311
DRINK AND DRIVE IF YOU WANT.
340
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,955
Announcer:
SHE SANG ABOUT HER POKER FACE.
341
00:17:24,984 --> 00:17:27,014
SHE'S TOLD US TO JUST DANCE
342
00:17:27,053 --> 00:17:29,623
AND SHARED WITH US
HER BAD ROMANCE.
343
00:17:29,656 --> 00:17:32,526
BUT WHERE DOES IT ALL START
AND WHO DOES IT START WITH?
344
00:17:32,526 --> 00:17:34,626
ON THIS EPISODE OF
"FAMOUS SIBLINGS,"
345
00:17:34,661 --> 00:17:38,191
WE TALK TO LADY GAGA'S BROTHER,
OFFICER GARRY GAGA.
346
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:40,061
- AHH.
- HEY, GAGA.
347
00:17:40,099 --> 00:17:42,139
HOW YOU DOIN', RICHIE?
348
00:17:42,168 --> 00:17:46,078
I'M GARRY GAGA,
OLDER BROTHER OF POP SINGER, POP STAR LADY GAGA.
349
00:17:46,105 --> 00:17:50,545
UH, YOU KNOW, WE HAD
A PRETTY NORMAL CHILDHOOD GROWIN' UP IN JERSEY.
350
00:17:50,577 --> 00:17:53,617
YOU KNOW, MY LIFE'S
PRETTY MUCH THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF LADY GAGA'S.
351
00:17:53,647 --> 00:17:55,547
SHE'S THE QUEEN OF POP
352
00:17:55,549 --> 00:17:57,559
AND I'M--
I'M A MEAN OLD COP.
353
00:17:57,551 --> 00:17:58,911
HOW YOU DOIN' TODAY, MA'AM?
354
00:17:58,952 --> 00:18:02,152
I GOT YOU GOING 42
IN A SCHOOL ZONE.
355
00:18:02,188 --> 00:18:05,158
STOP SELLING THE ECSTASY,
RICKY!
356
00:18:05,191 --> 00:18:08,561
ANYWAY, THIS IS THE HAT
I GOT ON TODAY.
357
00:18:08,595 --> 00:18:11,165
YOU KNOW, WHAT CAN I SAY?
HEY, I'M A GAGA.
358
00:18:11,197 --> 00:18:13,667
THE GUYS ON THE FORCE
ARE USED TO IT. THEY RESPECT IT.
359
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,810
THEY KNOW I'M A GAGA
AND THAT IT'S PART OF ME.
360
00:18:15,835 --> 00:18:17,705
HEY, COME HERE!
MOTHER-- ( bleep )
361
00:18:17,737 --> 00:18:19,677
GOD DAMN IT!
362
00:18:19,706 --> 00:18:21,236
( bleep )
363
00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:22,944
STAY DOWN!
364
00:18:26,345 --> 00:18:29,345
YOU BROKE MY ( bleep ) SWAN!
365
00:18:29,382 --> 00:18:31,112
THIS IS MY FAVORITE HAT!
366
00:18:31,150 --> 00:18:32,720
( bleep )
367
00:18:32,752 --> 00:18:35,282
I NEED BACKUP OVER HERE
OFF MAIN STREET.
368
00:18:35,321 --> 00:18:37,851
THIS GUY BROKE MY SWAN.
369
00:18:37,891 --> 00:18:40,591
YOU GOTTA GET OVER HERE, MAN.
I'M GONNA ( bleep ) KILL THIS GUY.
370
00:18:40,627 --> 00:18:42,697
Garry:
I WORK WITH A GOOD GROUP OF GUYS.
371
00:18:44,030 --> 00:18:45,640
YEAH, FOR SURE.
372
00:18:45,665 --> 00:18:48,205
- I NEED HELP WITH MY CROWN.
- OH, YEAH, FOR SURE.
373
00:18:48,234 --> 00:18:50,604
YOU KNOW, I DO ALL MY OWN
HAIR AND MAKEUP.
374
00:18:50,604 --> 00:18:52,204
AND I MADE THIS.
375
00:18:52,238 --> 00:18:54,608
THIS IS AN ORIGINAL GARRY
RIGHT HERE ON MY HEAD.
376
00:18:54,641 --> 00:18:56,841
HOW ABOUT THAT?
I SENT A PICTURE OF IT TO LADY.
377
00:18:56,876 --> 00:18:59,046
SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, GARRY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
378
00:18:59,078 --> 00:19:02,788
YOU MAKE ME LOOK BAD."
BUT NO, SERIOUSLY.
379
00:19:02,816 --> 00:19:05,716
DID HE HIT YOU?
380
00:19:05,752 --> 00:19:08,352
IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME,
IS IT?
381
00:19:08,387 --> 00:19:10,987
LOOK AT ME. HEY.
382
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:13,394
WE'LL GET THIS SCUMBAG,
OKAY?
383
00:19:13,426 --> 00:19:16,026
YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
384
00:19:16,062 --> 00:19:18,392
ALL RIGHT.
WATCH THE HAT.
385
00:19:18,431 --> 00:19:21,191
GARRY GAGA OVER HERE
IN JERSEY FIGHTING CRIME.
386
00:19:21,234 --> 00:19:23,864
IF YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF
A PARKING TICKET, LET ME KNOW.
387
00:19:23,903 --> 00:19:27,333
OR IF YOU NEED
A CLUB REMIX OF "PAPARAZZI,"
388
00:19:27,373 --> 00:19:29,343
LET ME KNOW
ABOUT THAT TOO.
389
00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:31,845
BUT NO, SERIOUSLY,
GO SEE LADY ON TOUR.
390
00:19:31,878 --> 00:19:34,278
SHE'S A FRICKIN' TORNADO
UP THERE. I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT.
391
00:19:34,313 --> 00:19:36,883
I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING
LIKE THAT. IT'S INSANE.
392
00:19:36,916 --> 00:19:39,656
HERE'S MY MICROPHONE RIGHT HERE.
HERE'S MY POKER FACE.
393
00:19:39,653 --> 00:19:41,753
YOU WANT TO DANCE TO THAT?
I DON'T THINK YOU DO.
394
00:19:41,788 --> 00:19:44,428
* LET'S GO
395
00:19:44,457 --> 00:19:47,357
* PUT ONE FOOT
IN FRONT OF THE OTHER *
396
00:19:47,393 --> 00:19:51,863
* I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO BE OBLIVIOUS *
397
00:19:51,898 --> 00:19:55,338
* OBLIVIOUS
398
00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:59,308
* WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS
WITH THE SILVER LINING? *
399
00:19:59,338 --> 00:20:02,778
* HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY?
400
00:20:02,809 --> 00:20:07,789
* OH, WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS
WITH THE SILVER LINING? *
401
00:20:07,814 --> 00:20:10,744
* HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY?
402
00:20:10,784 --> 00:20:12,954
* OBLIVIOUS
403
00:20:12,986 --> 00:20:16,726
* OBLIVIOUS
404
00:20:16,756 --> 00:20:19,826
* HEY NOW, MY SISTERS
AND MY BROTHERS *
405
00:20:19,859 --> 00:20:24,029
* DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO BE OBLIVIOUS? *
406
00:20:24,063 --> 00:20:27,193
* OBLIVIOUS
407
00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:31,703
* WHERE ARE ALL THE CLOUDS
WITH THE SILVER LINING? *
408
00:20:31,738 --> 00:20:34,638
* HAVE THEY BLOWN AWAY?
409
00:20:42,181 --> 00:20:44,381
HEY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
410
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:47,187
COULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME?
I RAN OUT OF GAS.
411
00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:49,030
OH, YEAH YEAH YEAH.
OF COURSE.
412
00:20:49,055 --> 00:20:50,325
THANKS.
413
00:20:53,259 --> 00:20:56,299
IT'S GOOD TIMING.
I'VE HAD, LIKE, 12 BEERS TODAY.
414
00:20:56,329 --> 00:20:58,369
AHH.
415
00:21:00,399 --> 00:21:03,069
- ALL RIGHT, DRIVE SAFE.
- OKAY. YOU TOO.
416
00:21:05,004 --> 00:21:07,904
* P-R-E-T-E-N-D
T-I-M-E. *
417
00:21:11,010 --> 00:21:15,950
WE JUST GOT A CHECK
FOR $100,000 FOR DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS.
418
00:21:15,982 --> 00:21:19,882
GOOD WORK, SHELLY.
JUST PUT THAT CHECK IN MY PERSONAL ACCOUNT.
419
00:21:19,919 --> 00:21:22,029
OH, BUT I DON'T THINK THAT...
420
00:21:22,055 --> 00:21:25,755
IT'S JUST TO COVER SOME CHECKS
UNTIL I GET PAID ON FRIDAY.
421
00:21:25,759 --> 00:21:27,769
BUT THAT MONEY IS
TO HELP CHARITY.
422
00:21:27,761 --> 00:21:29,891
DON'T BE A PAIN.
MAKE IT RAIN.
423
00:21:29,929 --> 00:21:32,769
OKAY. DON'T FORGET TONIGHT
IS THE GRAND OPENING
424
00:21:32,766 --> 00:21:35,636
- OF THE NEW CLUB RAZZMATAZZ.
- DO WE HAVE TO GO?
425
00:21:35,668 --> 00:21:38,008
WELL, YOU ALREADY R.S.V.P.'d,
WHEELCHAIR CAT.
426
00:21:38,037 --> 00:21:40,377
I WILL CURB YOUR TEETH OUT!
427
00:21:40,427 --> 00:21:44,977
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