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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,454 --> 00:00:04,621 - Francis Ponge once said, "Man is the future of man." 2 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 3 00:00:05,498 --> 00:00:08,928 Truth is, evolution is a clever little bitch. 4 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 5 00:00:08,928 --> 00:00:11,511 (mellow music) 6 00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:31,389 Let's steal a page from Milton 7 00:00:31,389 --> 00:00:33,806 and start this story in hell. 8 00:00:48,323 --> 00:00:50,490 (beeping) 9 00:00:51,759 --> 00:00:52,592 Fuck. 10 00:00:52,592 --> 00:00:57,095 - WTF Lizardman, are you breaking my machine? 11 00:00:57,095 --> 00:00:59,214 - It's LeSeurdmin, Mr. Crowder, and no, 12 00:00:59,214 --> 00:01:01,546 I'm just trying to fix it, again. 13 00:01:01,546 --> 00:01:04,097 - Let's see what your numbers are like today. 14 00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:06,432 - Well I'm-- - Looking kind of low. 15 00:01:06,432 --> 00:01:07,932 - [Peter] I'll hit my 50, Mister-- 16 00:01:07,932 --> 00:01:09,646 - 50 is the bare minimum. 17 00:01:09,646 --> 00:01:11,517 Someone with your experience should really 18 00:01:11,517 --> 00:01:15,972 be more proficient, catch my Tokyo drift, Lizardman. 19 00:01:15,972 --> 00:01:17,429 - Well everyday this damn thing-- 20 00:01:17,429 --> 00:01:19,369 - Just get your numbers up. 21 00:01:19,369 --> 00:01:22,446 I'm not going to keep saying this to you. 22 00:01:22,446 --> 00:01:26,809 And clean up your language, no one likes a dirty mouth. 23 00:01:26,809 --> 00:01:27,642 - Asshole. 24 00:01:31,771 --> 00:01:34,284 - Some copier issues there, Pete? 25 00:01:34,284 --> 00:01:35,404 - Hey Joanne. 26 00:01:35,404 --> 00:01:38,606 - I remember when we had that model upstairs. 27 00:01:38,606 --> 00:01:41,224 It was nothing but trouble. 28 00:01:41,224 --> 00:01:44,123 Legal, standard, executive, size. 29 00:01:44,123 --> 00:01:47,173 It used to clog on any seven. 30 00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:48,267 - Is that so? 31 00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:51,587 - [Joanne] Mm-hm, in fact, Sally, Erica and I used 32 00:01:51,587 --> 00:01:53,835 to call it the crappier. 33 00:01:53,835 --> 00:01:54,955 - Oh yeah? 34 00:01:54,955 --> 00:01:57,109 - I'm going to the crappier, girls. 35 00:01:57,109 --> 00:01:59,347 Anybody need any crappies? 36 00:01:59,347 --> 00:02:01,225 Careful when the crappies come out, 37 00:02:01,225 --> 00:02:03,094 they can be a bit warm. 38 00:02:03,094 --> 00:02:05,892 (laughing) 39 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,334 I don't miss it. 40 00:02:07,334 --> 00:02:10,214 - Well I'm a little bit busy right now, so if you could-- 41 00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,395 - Oh, you know what I found works is? 42 00:02:12,395 --> 00:02:14,882 If you twist lever D more than-- 43 00:02:14,882 --> 00:02:17,465 (gentle music) 44 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,524 - Hello Peter, hot enough for ya? 45 00:02:24,660 --> 00:02:26,803 (gun firing) 46 00:02:26,803 --> 00:02:30,053 - Hey there, are we having fun yet? 47 00:02:30,053 --> 00:02:32,322 (groaning) 48 00:02:32,322 --> 00:02:35,538 - Peter, just another day in paradise, huh? 49 00:02:35,538 --> 00:02:39,363 - You've made my day. (weapon firing) 50 00:02:39,363 --> 00:02:41,538 - No, don't eat that marshmallow. 51 00:02:41,538 --> 00:02:43,509 Todd just cleaned the kitchen-- 52 00:02:43,509 --> 00:02:48,048 (mumbles) (laughing) 53 00:02:48,048 --> 00:02:49,571 - Where have you been? 54 00:02:49,571 --> 00:02:51,681 You're three minutes late. 55 00:02:51,681 --> 00:02:53,978 Let's see what the big guy thinks of this. 56 00:02:53,978 --> 00:02:56,101 (booming) 57 00:02:56,101 --> 00:02:58,224 - Um, he doesn't mind. 58 00:02:58,224 --> 00:02:59,619 - Who do you think you-- 59 00:02:59,619 --> 00:03:01,869 (groaning) 60 00:03:02,756 --> 00:03:04,589 - Merry Monday morning, Peter. 61 00:03:04,589 --> 00:03:07,547 Somebody's a Grumpy Gus today, aren't they? 62 00:03:07,547 --> 00:03:10,427 (grunting) 63 00:03:10,427 --> 00:03:12,594 You know what I find works best is, 64 00:03:12,594 --> 00:03:14,916 if you smash the orbital bone first, 65 00:03:14,916 --> 00:03:17,913 that causes the most amount of swelling. 66 00:03:17,913 --> 00:03:19,918 (grunting) 67 00:03:19,918 --> 00:03:22,085 (mumbles) 68 00:03:23,753 --> 00:03:26,003 (thumping) 69 00:03:27,232 --> 00:03:29,014 (groaning) 70 00:03:29,014 --> 00:03:31,962 - Look at you, man, you're no better than the monkey. 71 00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,858 Come on, let's grab a drink after work. 72 00:03:33,858 --> 00:03:35,635 - I can't. - Can't? 73 00:03:35,635 --> 00:03:38,267 You look frazzled as shit, my friend. 74 00:03:38,267 --> 00:03:39,934 It seems like you need one. 75 00:03:39,934 --> 00:03:41,702 - No, I'm supposed to have dinner 76 00:03:41,702 --> 00:03:43,327 with Nicole's parents tonight. 77 00:03:43,327 --> 00:03:45,550 - I never thought I'd see the day 78 00:03:45,550 --> 00:03:49,163 when Peter B. Lizardman turns down a free beer. 79 00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:52,001 - LeSeurdmin, dick and I should really-- 80 00:03:52,001 --> 00:03:54,012 (beeping) 81 00:03:54,012 --> 00:03:56,429 (rock music) 82 00:03:59,712 --> 00:04:01,416 - So someone asks to borrow your pen, 83 00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:03,367 which you've already got loaded right in here. 84 00:04:03,367 --> 00:04:06,098 Normally you'd have to dig all around your drawer 85 00:04:06,098 --> 00:04:09,521 to find one, but instead of having to rastle that hassle, 86 00:04:09,521 --> 00:04:12,346 digging through Post-its and paperclips and tacks. 87 00:04:12,346 --> 00:04:13,575 Yeowch! 88 00:04:13,575 --> 00:04:15,910 - The worst, I need help now. 89 00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:17,741 - Well worry no more. 90 00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:21,236 Short, medium or far, it'll get to where you are. 91 00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:23,403 (beeping) 92 00:04:24,795 --> 00:04:28,215 - And it pierces even the thickest of moose skulls. 93 00:04:28,215 --> 00:04:29,511 - What the hell? 94 00:04:29,511 --> 00:04:30,910 It worked last night. 95 00:04:30,910 --> 00:04:34,483 - I must say, I'm quite interested in your product, sir. 96 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:37,716 Now what's it like when set on far? 97 00:04:37,716 --> 00:04:40,167 - Yeah, yeah, go on, yuck it up. 98 00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:42,473 But sooner or later, I'll hit it big 99 00:04:42,473 --> 00:04:45,558 and Vernon Becker will be on the cover of Forbes. 100 00:04:45,558 --> 00:04:48,043 - All right, time for dinner with Nicole 101 00:04:48,043 --> 00:04:49,710 and the blue bloods. 102 00:04:51,186 --> 00:04:52,525 - You Lizardman? 103 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,128 - I'm LeSeurdmin. 104 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,642 - You drink? - I drink. 105 00:04:55,642 --> 00:04:57,510 - You never lose? - That's right. 106 00:04:57,510 --> 00:04:59,812 - That's wrong. - Says who? 107 00:04:59,812 --> 00:05:01,479 - Says George Lucas. 108 00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:04,926 - Well as much as I'd like to, Mister? 109 00:05:04,926 --> 00:05:06,001 - Hodge. 110 00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:07,785 - As much as I'd like to, Hodge, 111 00:05:07,785 --> 00:05:08,918 I've got somewhere to be. 112 00:05:08,918 --> 00:05:10,897 Tell George we'll have to rain check it. 113 00:05:10,897 --> 00:05:13,647 - 200 bucks and a box of tampons. 114 00:05:16,554 --> 00:05:18,971 For your big, womanly vagina. 115 00:05:21,122 --> 00:05:24,205 (gentle piano music) 116 00:05:29,441 --> 00:05:31,230 - Pete, where the hell are you? 117 00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:32,538 You're an hour late. 118 00:05:32,538 --> 00:05:35,557 - Nicky, I'm just packing things up here. 119 00:05:35,557 --> 00:05:37,136 About to head out the door. 120 00:05:37,136 --> 00:05:38,817 - Is that music I hear in the background? 121 00:05:38,817 --> 00:05:40,169 Are you at the bar? 122 00:05:40,169 --> 00:05:43,609 - No, no, the sales team is rehearsing 123 00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:45,762 for the company talent show. 124 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,306 - Hey Petey, this big boy's about to go. 125 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,706 - [Nicole] Is that Becker? 126 00:05:49,706 --> 00:05:50,539 What's he saying? 127 00:05:50,539 --> 00:05:52,669 - Just that I need to finish something quickly. 128 00:05:52,669 --> 00:05:54,417 I'll see you soon. 129 00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:55,820 All right, kid, wake up. 130 00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:57,237 Two carpet bombs. 131 00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:00,588 In retrospect, a quintuple shot of Jack 132 00:06:00,588 --> 00:06:03,844 was a bad idea but hindsight's 20/20. 133 00:06:03,844 --> 00:06:05,725 Usually it's like water to me. 134 00:06:05,725 --> 00:06:07,715 But that night, Jack stopped my brain 135 00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:09,703 with a pair of golf cleats. 136 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:12,536 (easygoing music) 137 00:06:13,937 --> 00:06:16,331 How I got to dinner, I don't quite know. 138 00:06:16,331 --> 00:06:19,201 But from what I can recall, I wasted no time 139 00:06:19,201 --> 00:06:21,992 destroying the one good thing I had in my life. 140 00:06:21,992 --> 00:06:24,449 I remember being upset about something. 141 00:06:24,449 --> 00:06:26,932 No jalapeno poppers, are you shitting me? 142 00:06:26,932 --> 00:06:28,796 No jalapeno pop, how could you not have 143 00:06:28,796 --> 00:06:30,771 any jalapeno poppers at your place? 144 00:06:30,771 --> 00:06:31,936 Where's the chef? 145 00:06:31,936 --> 00:06:33,710 I wanna tell him he's an asshole. 146 00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:37,345 After that, it's just flashes of consciousness. 147 00:06:37,345 --> 00:06:40,178 (easygoing music) 148 00:06:46,627 --> 00:06:50,794 The morning after, that's when things really spiraled. 149 00:06:54,428 --> 00:06:57,095 (truck beeping) 150 00:07:00,026 --> 00:07:01,276 Hello hangover. 151 00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:04,972 Well this is a new one. 152 00:07:08,810 --> 00:07:10,018 Nicole, what is this? 153 00:07:10,018 --> 00:07:11,831 - Pete, I was hoping not to have to-- 154 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:13,991 - You degenerate gutter snipe. 155 00:07:13,991 --> 00:07:16,039 I ought to barks your ears. 156 00:07:16,039 --> 00:07:17,622 - Daddy, no, let me-- 157 00:07:17,622 --> 00:07:21,072 - Someone needs to teach this boarish fiend some civility. 158 00:07:21,072 --> 00:07:23,007 - You're gonna box my ears? 159 00:07:23,007 --> 00:07:25,640 - Oh, a wisenheimer, eh? 160 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:28,822 A little ham and mustard ought to soothe that sass. 161 00:07:28,822 --> 00:07:31,240 - Daddy-- (grunting) 162 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:32,983 - Time for a thumpin'. 163 00:07:32,983 --> 00:07:34,464 Nicole, alert the press. 164 00:07:34,464 --> 00:07:36,521 This will be a newsworthy beating. 165 00:07:36,521 --> 00:07:37,647 - Daddy. 166 00:07:37,647 --> 00:07:39,684 - I'll rumple you like cheap calico. 167 00:07:39,684 --> 00:07:40,934 - Dad, stop it! 168 00:07:42,179 --> 00:07:45,815 - Just say the word, honey and it's curtains for you. 169 00:07:45,815 --> 00:07:47,742 - Just wait in the car. 170 00:07:47,742 --> 00:07:49,263 - Box my ears? 171 00:07:49,263 --> 00:07:51,982 Your dad knows I'm not a scant from the '20s right? 172 00:07:51,982 --> 00:07:53,713 - Pete, shut up. 173 00:07:53,713 --> 00:07:55,255 - On come on, monkey butt-- 174 00:07:55,255 --> 00:07:57,221 - Don't even try it. 175 00:07:57,221 --> 00:07:59,075 - Hey is that my flat screen TV? 176 00:07:59,075 --> 00:08:02,030 - No, that's my flat screen TV. 177 00:08:02,030 --> 00:08:04,654 - My Pizza Pizzazzler, I need that. 178 00:08:04,654 --> 00:08:07,040 You know to guide my ordinary pizzas 179 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,786 down the runway of taste. 180 00:08:08,786 --> 00:08:10,358 - Do you even remember how much 181 00:08:10,358 --> 00:08:11,901 you embarrassed me last night? 182 00:08:11,901 --> 00:08:12,954 - I-- - No you don't! 183 00:08:12,954 --> 00:08:17,309 Because you are an unhappy, self centered ass. 184 00:08:17,309 --> 00:08:19,951 Maybe the writing isn't as good as you think. 185 00:08:19,951 --> 00:08:23,372 - Well we can't all find happiness as a receptionist. 186 00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:26,088 - At least I moved on, you asshole. 187 00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:28,332 - Moved on, oh, so who are you fucking now? 188 00:08:28,332 --> 00:08:30,328 Is it Brandon from the library? 189 00:08:30,328 --> 00:08:32,626 - I can't believe you would even think that. 190 00:08:32,626 --> 00:08:34,632 I can't do this anymore, good bye. 191 00:08:34,632 --> 00:08:36,773 - Nicole, wait, come on, I didn't mean-- 192 00:08:36,773 --> 00:08:39,403 - You need to adapt to the real world, Pete, 193 00:08:39,403 --> 00:08:42,616 or you'll always be miserable. 194 00:08:42,616 --> 00:08:45,105 - Nicole, Nicole, come on. 195 00:08:45,105 --> 00:08:46,763 - [Father] (scoffs) Animal. 196 00:08:46,763 --> 00:08:48,093 - Nicole! 197 00:08:48,093 --> 00:08:50,123 All right, fine, go! 198 00:08:50,123 --> 00:08:52,069 You were holding me back anyway. 199 00:08:52,069 --> 00:08:53,454 - Everything all right, Peter? 200 00:08:53,454 --> 00:08:55,272 - Yeah, couldn't be better, Randall. 201 00:08:55,272 --> 00:08:56,696 - Glad to hear it. 202 00:08:56,696 --> 00:08:58,384 (groaning) 203 00:08:58,384 --> 00:09:00,144 - I need a drink. 204 00:09:00,144 --> 00:09:02,856 (mysterious music) 205 00:09:02,856 --> 00:09:04,856 Well hello, Mr. Lucases. 206 00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:07,667 She took everything all right. 207 00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:10,183 Not much left but just some crappy furniture, 208 00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:13,433 some dust and an old Halloween costume. 209 00:09:14,269 --> 00:09:15,352 Ah, nut sack. 210 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,117 - [Bartender] You want another one? 211 00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:20,602 - Yeah. - Sure thing. 212 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,327 - No wait, let's make a night of it. 213 00:09:22,327 --> 00:09:24,325 Give me something rare. 214 00:09:24,325 --> 00:09:27,071 - English, Irish, German? 215 00:09:27,071 --> 00:09:29,033 - No, something real exotic. 216 00:09:29,033 --> 00:09:31,990 - [Bartender] Moldavian, Uzbekistanian-- 217 00:09:31,990 --> 00:09:34,456 - Look, just give me the strangest shit you got. 218 00:09:34,456 --> 00:09:36,956 - Well I have something but... 219 00:09:38,062 --> 00:09:38,979 - But what? 220 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:44,456 (mysterious music) 221 00:09:47,141 --> 00:09:50,974 - This is Reptiale, beer with a venomous kick. 222 00:09:52,506 --> 00:09:55,707 The Natives make a whole line of this crazy shit, man. 223 00:09:55,707 --> 00:09:59,482 This has got actual gila monster venom in it. 224 00:09:59,482 --> 00:10:01,423 Crazy Indians, man. 225 00:10:01,423 --> 00:10:04,134 Hey and look, you're already dressed the part. 226 00:10:04,134 --> 00:10:06,938 - Must be Providence, how much? 227 00:10:06,938 --> 00:10:10,370 - Well that's the thing, it's not yet approved 228 00:10:10,370 --> 00:10:14,537 by the FDA, so we bartered with those Indian nut balls 229 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,255 on a free market sort of thing. 230 00:10:18,255 --> 00:10:19,838 - Uh-huh, how much? 231 00:10:20,856 --> 00:10:21,689 - Eh, 14. 232 00:10:22,950 --> 00:10:23,953 - Dollars? 233 00:10:23,953 --> 00:10:26,090 - Look, I'm not even sure I'm comfortable 234 00:10:26,090 --> 00:10:27,658 selling this stuff. 235 00:10:27,658 --> 00:10:30,599 I mean the caps are made out of clay for Christ sake. 236 00:10:30,599 --> 00:10:32,266 - Wait, give me two. 237 00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:36,234 And keep that box handy, my man. 238 00:10:37,861 --> 00:10:40,491 - Supposedly it's best served at room temperate. 239 00:10:40,491 --> 00:10:42,581 They say it's got more bite that way, 240 00:10:42,581 --> 00:10:44,892 but you know, there's rumors about that stuff 241 00:10:44,892 --> 00:10:47,328 being tough on your vocal, whoa, whoa! 242 00:10:47,328 --> 00:10:51,495 Slow down, sonny, that's about 16% alcohol in there. 243 00:10:53,307 --> 00:10:55,990 (contemplative music) 244 00:10:55,990 --> 00:10:58,989 (burping) 245 00:10:58,989 --> 00:11:01,684 All right, but don't say I didn't warn ya. 246 00:11:01,684 --> 00:11:02,638 - [Announcer] The Tigers nodded up here 247 00:11:02,638 --> 00:11:05,248 in the seventh and quite a hum dinger, zero zero. 248 00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:07,393 These two are locked in quite a battle now. 249 00:11:07,393 --> 00:11:08,880 - [Announcer] Spot on Craig. 250 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,931 This is a classic case of pitcher and batter. 251 00:11:11,931 --> 00:11:14,476 Are giving each other the business. 252 00:11:14,476 --> 00:11:15,744 What athletes. 253 00:11:15,744 --> 00:11:18,199 - [Announcer] And Smiths has his pitch. 254 00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:20,892 - [Announcer] Oh my goodness, he changes his mind 255 00:11:20,892 --> 00:11:22,287 on the pitch. 256 00:11:22,287 --> 00:11:23,987 Pull out your note pads students 257 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,580 because Freud is working a psych job. 258 00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:29,516 What athletes, what athletes. - What's this crap? 259 00:11:29,516 --> 00:11:31,340 - What, not a Tigers fan? 260 00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,358 - I'm not a fan of boring shit. 261 00:11:33,358 --> 00:11:35,122 Turn the hockey match on. 262 00:11:35,122 --> 00:11:36,963 - Hockey? Oh! 263 00:11:36,963 --> 00:11:38,902 Now that's boring. 264 00:11:38,902 --> 00:11:41,779 - What, you gotta be tough as nails to play hockey. 265 00:11:41,779 --> 00:11:45,108 That's a real sport, now come on, change the channel. 266 00:11:45,108 --> 00:11:46,191 - Okay, okay. 267 00:11:47,037 --> 00:11:48,771 - Did you see Karen last night? 268 00:11:48,771 --> 00:11:50,854 She was smokin' hot, bro. 269 00:11:50,854 --> 00:11:53,249 - Yes, I did, she is quite beautiful. 270 00:11:53,249 --> 00:11:54,623 Want something to drink? 271 00:11:54,623 --> 00:11:55,845 - Beer me. 272 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,693 Hey buddy, want one? 273 00:11:57,693 --> 00:12:00,092 (groaning) 274 00:12:00,092 --> 00:12:02,135 - Nimbo like jellybean. 275 00:12:02,135 --> 00:12:03,600 - Did you just give him one? 276 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:04,620 - Yeah, why? 277 00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:06,467 - Nimbo, no, no, no, no, don't eat that! 278 00:12:06,467 --> 00:12:07,300 - Uh oh! 279 00:12:08,204 --> 00:12:10,371 (booming) 280 00:12:12,576 --> 00:12:13,729 - Jellybean. 281 00:12:13,729 --> 00:12:14,896 - Nimbo sorry. 282 00:12:16,661 --> 00:12:18,911 (laughing) 283 00:12:21,764 --> 00:12:24,297 - Oop, he ate the jellybean. 284 00:12:24,297 --> 00:12:26,056 (laughing) 285 00:12:26,056 --> 00:12:27,693 - What the hell is that? 286 00:12:27,693 --> 00:12:31,235 - Wha, you've never seen How I Met Your Nimbo? 287 00:12:31,235 --> 00:12:33,030 - What the fuck is a Nimbo? 288 00:12:33,030 --> 00:12:34,659 (laughs) 289 00:12:34,659 --> 00:12:37,018 - You are in for a treat, my friend. 290 00:12:37,018 --> 00:12:39,344 You find out a little more each week. 291 00:12:39,344 --> 00:12:42,835 Nimbo is a space refugee who's docked in the US 292 00:12:42,835 --> 00:12:44,835 to escape the Bazikians. 293 00:12:45,672 --> 00:12:48,187 Nimbo's got a gamblin' problem, see, 294 00:12:48,187 --> 00:12:49,648 and he owes them money. 295 00:12:49,648 --> 00:12:53,148 So he lands in the back of Todd Pazinsky's lawn 296 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,544 and he takes him in. 297 00:12:54,544 --> 00:12:57,600 Todd is a real neat freak though. 298 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:01,687 Oh spoiler alert, you'll find that out in week two. 299 00:13:01,687 --> 00:13:05,597 So every time Nimbo sneezes like he did just there, 300 00:13:05,597 --> 00:13:08,438 Todd gets so upset because he shoots out 301 00:13:08,438 --> 00:13:10,105 a bunch of Nim dust. 302 00:13:12,739 --> 00:13:14,879 - And this is enjoyable for you? 303 00:13:14,879 --> 00:13:17,475 - Yeah, I think it's pretty clever. 304 00:13:17,475 --> 00:13:19,972 The writers are former Columbia students. 305 00:13:19,972 --> 00:13:22,809 - That's what's become of Columbia University? 306 00:13:22,809 --> 00:13:25,334 - Well Columbia, Chicago. 307 00:13:25,334 --> 00:13:28,614 - You morons are just supporting a declining culture. 308 00:13:28,614 --> 00:13:30,293 - [Bartender] It's just good fun. 309 00:13:30,293 --> 00:13:33,369 - No, I'm telling you right now, if you like that show, 310 00:13:33,369 --> 00:13:35,305 or any insipid show like it, 311 00:13:35,305 --> 00:13:36,888 then you are a fucking moron. 312 00:13:36,888 --> 00:13:40,033 - All right, buddy, I think you've had enough. 313 00:13:40,033 --> 00:13:41,515 - The hell I have! 314 00:13:41,515 --> 00:13:43,568 I paid for this and I'm gonna finish it. 315 00:13:43,568 --> 00:13:44,928 You can't boot me out just 316 00:13:44,928 --> 00:13:47,303 because I learned you're a dumbass. 317 00:13:47,303 --> 00:13:48,874 Oh beat it, Burt Reynolds. 318 00:13:48,874 --> 00:13:50,009 (groaning) 319 00:13:50,009 --> 00:13:51,807 - Oh I wouldn't mess with Keith. 320 00:13:51,807 --> 00:13:53,851 He played D1 football. 321 00:13:53,851 --> 00:13:55,558 (coughing) 322 00:13:55,558 --> 00:13:58,212 - And I played hockey. 323 00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:00,622 - You son of a (grunts). 324 00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:03,039 (rock music) 325 00:14:05,834 --> 00:14:07,417 I'm gonna kill you. 326 00:14:09,309 --> 00:14:12,123 - Quality beer in a quality bottle. 327 00:14:12,123 --> 00:14:13,694 I'll give you 100 for the box. 328 00:14:13,694 --> 00:14:14,777 - Yeah, okay. 329 00:14:17,784 --> 00:14:20,451 (bird chirping) 330 00:14:22,898 --> 00:14:25,837 - I don't know how to adapt. 331 00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:30,012 You take my clothes, well I'll wear my finest suit ever. 332 00:14:30,012 --> 00:14:32,921 I never change, I'm trying a brand new beer tonight 333 00:14:32,921 --> 00:14:34,088 and I love it. 334 00:14:34,928 --> 00:14:36,469 Who needs you? 335 00:14:36,469 --> 00:14:39,033 I can do whatever I want. 336 00:14:39,033 --> 00:14:41,123 (coughing) 337 00:14:41,123 --> 00:14:44,212 You see, Nicole, not even the elements can stop me. 338 00:14:44,212 --> 00:14:47,825 If water can't hurt me, then you can't hurt me. 339 00:14:47,825 --> 00:14:50,075 I'm invincible, invincible! 340 00:14:54,501 --> 00:14:57,236 (frog croaking) 341 00:14:57,236 --> 00:15:00,736 You don't know how good you got it, buddy. 342 00:15:01,802 --> 00:15:05,583 No seriously man, I wish I was just a lizard. 343 00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:10,270 I wouldn't have to deal with all this human bullshit. 344 00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:11,103 Fuck it. 345 00:15:13,993 --> 00:15:16,243 (croaking) 346 00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:21,538 Like a reverie, caught in a dream, 347 00:15:21,538 --> 00:15:24,038 buried in a Stygian nightmare. 348 00:15:25,053 --> 00:15:28,796 An ephemeral moment fluttering away. 349 00:15:28,796 --> 00:15:30,463 Humanity dissipated. 350 00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:34,320 My throat, so dry. 351 00:15:36,142 --> 00:15:37,392 Head, so dizzy. 352 00:15:39,110 --> 00:15:42,355 This suit, it's stuck to my skin. 353 00:15:42,355 --> 00:15:43,438 God, damn it! 354 00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:47,329 I didn't know it right then but I had just woken up 355 00:15:47,329 --> 00:15:49,829 on the shore of a new reality. 356 00:15:54,084 --> 00:15:56,417 (squeaking) 357 00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:13,814 - I still don't understand why we're stallin' all this. 358 00:16:13,814 --> 00:16:16,449 Just let me go out there and take care of it right away. 359 00:16:16,449 --> 00:16:18,296 - [Man] Relax, my boy. 360 00:16:18,296 --> 00:16:19,965 - How can we relax right now? 361 00:16:19,965 --> 00:16:21,684 I should be out there handling this, 362 00:16:21,684 --> 00:16:23,257 not sittin' around with my damn thumb 363 00:16:23,257 --> 00:16:24,759 in my fucking asshole. 364 00:16:24,759 --> 00:16:27,313 - [Man] Now's not the time to be impetuous. 365 00:16:27,313 --> 00:16:28,648 (groaning) 366 00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:30,224 Calm down, Ra. 367 00:16:30,224 --> 00:16:31,982 (groaning) 368 00:16:31,982 --> 00:16:33,305 I said calm down! 369 00:16:33,305 --> 00:16:35,253 Where's your yum yum juice? 370 00:16:35,253 --> 00:16:39,154 Videlia, Videlia, are you even listening? 371 00:16:39,154 --> 00:16:40,224 - Yeah. 372 00:16:40,224 --> 00:16:43,178 - [Man] Get over here and give me Ra his yum yum juice. 373 00:16:43,178 --> 00:16:45,243 (laughing) 374 00:16:45,243 --> 00:16:46,996 Yes, that's better. 375 00:16:46,996 --> 00:16:48,907 Respect the pouch. 376 00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:51,640 Videlia, your hat please. 377 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,012 - [Chives] Stakes are just as high 378 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,240 for us too you know. 379 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,349 - [Man] The stakes, you don't think I know about stakes? 380 00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,358 - I think he's just trying to say that-- 381 00:16:59,358 --> 00:17:01,829 - I know what he's trying to say, Videlia 382 00:17:01,829 --> 00:17:03,928 and I'm telling you no, we don't know enough 383 00:17:03,928 --> 00:17:06,109 about him yet and we won't go into this 384 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,987 without a proper recipe. 385 00:17:07,987 --> 00:17:09,770 We need to approach this carefully. 386 00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:12,556 You will work together and you will not engage him 387 00:17:12,556 --> 00:17:15,522 until I tell you to, understood? 388 00:17:15,522 --> 00:17:17,339 - Yes, sir. - Yeah. 389 00:17:17,339 --> 00:17:18,371 (grunting) 390 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,452 - [Man] Superb, and be careful. 391 00:17:20,452 --> 00:17:23,452 We don't know dangerous this man is. 392 00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,375 (groaning) 393 00:17:34,234 --> 00:17:37,567 - I felt different, weaker yet stronger. 394 00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:43,328 (ominous music) 395 00:17:50,442 --> 00:17:53,525 Blackout Pete, always planning ahead. 396 00:18:18,776 --> 00:18:19,943 What the hell. 397 00:18:27,311 --> 00:18:29,561 (gurgling) 398 00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:34,031 My stomach rejected everything. 399 00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:35,610 Everything except. 400 00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:37,777 (gagging) 401 00:18:42,935 --> 00:18:43,768 No. 402 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:48,250 Shit. 403 00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:50,917 (flies buzzing) 404 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:58,118 (rhythmic music) 405 00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:23,053 Maybe I didn't wanna question it, 406 00:19:23,053 --> 00:19:25,017 maybe I didn't wanna believe it. 407 00:19:25,017 --> 00:19:27,517 All I knew was, I needed more. 408 00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:34,067 - Thanks a lot, have a good one. 409 00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:37,309 So my nephew Gino won his fight last night. 410 00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:38,642 Fifth round DKO. 411 00:19:39,702 --> 00:19:43,693 - (sniffs) Hey that Gino's a good kid, good for him. 412 00:19:43,693 --> 00:19:46,169 - He sure is, that fightin' spirit comes 413 00:19:46,169 --> 00:19:48,738 from my side of the family, you know. 414 00:19:48,738 --> 00:19:50,032 (clears throat) 415 00:19:50,032 --> 00:19:52,151 - You have any Reptiale? 416 00:19:52,151 --> 00:19:54,318 - Yeah, in the back there. 417 00:19:57,692 --> 00:19:59,425 We Biglianos are tough. 418 00:19:59,425 --> 00:20:02,370 We don't get bossed around by no one. 419 00:20:02,370 --> 00:20:05,100 - (sniffs) Sure, sure, Bigliano and tough, 420 00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:06,890 the words are synonyms. 421 00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:08,431 - Hey buddy, how can I help you? 422 00:20:08,431 --> 00:20:11,929 - Yeah, let's see, how about you give me every penny 423 00:20:11,929 --> 00:20:14,525 you got before I dye your hair with your brains. 424 00:20:14,525 --> 00:20:17,065 - Oh my goodness. - Man pipe down 425 00:20:17,065 --> 00:20:18,313 and don't move bitch. 426 00:20:18,313 --> 00:20:20,190 You too sniffles. 427 00:20:20,190 --> 00:20:22,153 Uh-uh, little man, keep playing that game 428 00:20:22,153 --> 00:20:25,498 by the window and I grab everything real copacetic. 429 00:20:25,498 --> 00:20:26,331 - What? 430 00:20:26,331 --> 00:20:28,922 - Now let's start packing my, oh hey Lizardman, 431 00:20:28,922 --> 00:20:30,661 what you up to, dog? 432 00:20:30,661 --> 00:20:33,233 - LeSeurdmin, and I'm buying this. 433 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,229 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta get your sip on, 434 00:20:35,229 --> 00:20:36,864 I understand, hell yeah, all right. 435 00:20:36,864 --> 00:20:38,734 Now if you don't mind, please, 436 00:20:38,734 --> 00:20:41,280 if you could give me your money, Lizardman. 437 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:43,438 - I need this, just rob from this guy 438 00:20:43,438 --> 00:20:44,523 and leave me alone. 439 00:20:44,523 --> 00:20:47,694 - Yeah, just make him die and leave all of us alone. 440 00:20:47,694 --> 00:20:49,641 - Yeah, you don't need me if you just shoot him 441 00:20:49,641 --> 00:20:51,305 and steal his money. 442 00:20:51,305 --> 00:20:53,004 - Hey what the H? 443 00:20:53,004 --> 00:20:54,776 - Hey, you play that game. 444 00:20:54,776 --> 00:20:58,341 You shut your mouth and you give me that shit. 445 00:20:58,341 --> 00:21:01,721 Step aside or I'll blast your dumb ass. 446 00:21:01,721 --> 00:21:04,186 Good reptile, now hurry up. 447 00:21:04,186 --> 00:21:05,790 I ain't got all day. 448 00:21:05,790 --> 00:21:08,629 (cash rustling) 449 00:21:08,629 --> 00:21:10,620 - There, that's all of it. - Man what? 450 00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:11,924 You think I'm a dummy? 451 00:21:11,924 --> 00:21:14,134 Man, give me that shit behind the picture. 452 00:21:14,134 --> 00:21:16,970 (mumbles) 453 00:21:16,970 --> 00:21:19,137 (beeping) 454 00:21:20,376 --> 00:21:22,413 - Come on, man, hurry it up. 455 00:21:22,413 --> 00:21:23,675 - Let's see. 456 00:21:23,675 --> 00:21:25,008 - Shh, shh, shh. 457 00:21:25,975 --> 00:21:27,679 - [Robber] Let's go, let's go, let's go. 458 00:21:27,679 --> 00:21:29,254 - [Shopkeeper] I can't remember the password. 459 00:21:29,254 --> 00:21:31,151 - [Robber] Well you've got about five seconds to remember. 460 00:21:31,151 --> 00:21:32,982 - Shh, shh, shh. - Shut that baby up. 461 00:21:32,982 --> 00:21:34,511 - I am trying. (beeping) 462 00:21:34,511 --> 00:21:37,038 You yelling at me in such a manner 463 00:21:37,038 --> 00:21:39,082 does not help one little bit. 464 00:21:39,082 --> 00:21:40,575 - [Robber] You keep talking back like that 465 00:21:40,575 --> 00:21:42,205 and I'll show you the quick way to quiet it. 466 00:21:42,205 --> 00:21:45,983 Man, put some god damn Vaporub on your chest already. 467 00:21:45,983 --> 00:21:47,716 - Could you keep it down? 468 00:21:47,716 --> 00:21:49,201 - Man what'd you say? 469 00:21:49,201 --> 00:21:51,349 - Please, stop yelling. 470 00:21:51,349 --> 00:21:54,598 - Shut up, Iguana Boy, I can talk at any damn volume I want. 471 00:21:54,598 --> 00:21:56,280 Let's go, you greasy dago. 472 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,984 - [Shopkeeper] I barely ever open this thing. 473 00:21:57,984 --> 00:21:59,815 Maria must've changed the code. 474 00:21:59,815 --> 00:22:01,633 - I'mma pistol whip the shit out of you. 475 00:22:01,633 --> 00:22:03,394 I'mma take that pistol and turn it around 476 00:22:03,394 --> 00:22:06,220 and then I'll shove that around in your nose. 477 00:22:06,220 --> 00:22:07,053 That's right, I'll move it around 478 00:22:07,053 --> 00:22:08,004 until your nose splits open. 479 00:22:08,004 --> 00:22:11,421 (group speaking at once) 480 00:22:15,788 --> 00:22:18,205 - [Eerie Voice] Go on, do it. 481 00:22:23,195 --> 00:22:24,848 - What is the hold up, man? 482 00:22:24,848 --> 00:22:27,074 Get that thing open or I'll put you all on the ground. 483 00:22:27,074 --> 00:22:29,324 - Hey dickhead, say cheese. 484 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,533 (screaming) 485 00:22:33,859 --> 00:22:36,109 (groaning) 486 00:22:40,579 --> 00:22:42,912 I asked you to keep it down. 487 00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:54,332 (sniffles) 488 00:22:54,332 --> 00:22:55,728 - Dude. 489 00:22:55,728 --> 00:22:56,895 That was tits. 490 00:22:59,053 --> 00:23:00,970 It was so cold blooded. 491 00:23:01,898 --> 00:23:02,731 - What? 492 00:23:02,731 --> 00:23:05,646 - You just ruined that man's face in cold blood. 493 00:23:05,646 --> 00:23:08,313 (ominous music) 494 00:23:09,652 --> 00:23:13,068 - Hey buddy, you gotta pay for that beer, you know. 495 00:23:13,068 --> 00:23:14,818 Hey, hey, buddy, hey! 496 00:23:17,156 --> 00:23:18,489 That dirty mooc. 497 00:23:23,835 --> 00:23:26,274 Hey officer, officer. 498 00:23:26,274 --> 00:23:28,994 That nut in that costume stole from me. 499 00:23:28,994 --> 00:23:31,911 - Oy, man lizard, stop right there! 500 00:23:33,197 --> 00:23:34,030 - Shit. 501 00:23:34,030 --> 00:23:36,530 (tense music) 502 00:23:44,457 --> 00:23:45,457 - Slow down. 503 00:23:51,061 --> 00:23:52,311 Just slow down. 504 00:23:57,856 --> 00:23:59,596 (tires squealing) 505 00:23:59,596 --> 00:24:00,548 God damn it. 506 00:24:00,548 --> 00:24:02,500 - Oh my god, officer, I am so sorry. 507 00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:03,381 I didn't even-- 508 00:24:03,381 --> 00:24:06,746 - Shut your giggy, you scrot and learn how to drive. 509 00:24:06,746 --> 00:24:09,746 (breathing heavily) 510 00:24:11,008 --> 00:24:11,841 - Hey! 511 00:24:16,918 --> 00:24:18,765 - [Peter Oh my god. 512 00:24:18,765 --> 00:24:19,848 Jesus Christ. 513 00:24:24,695 --> 00:24:25,528 Okay. 514 00:24:25,528 --> 00:24:28,528 (breathing heavily) 515 00:24:30,288 --> 00:24:32,773 - There, that's better. 516 00:24:32,773 --> 00:24:33,690 Oh come on! 517 00:24:45,591 --> 00:24:47,424 - All right, let's go. 518 00:24:52,159 --> 00:24:52,992 Oy! - Shit. 519 00:24:54,914 --> 00:24:56,414 - Get out of here. 520 00:24:57,969 --> 00:24:59,802 - [Officer] Slow down! 521 00:25:01,177 --> 00:25:02,719 (phone ringing) 522 00:25:02,719 --> 00:25:03,911 - He's headed home. 523 00:25:03,911 --> 00:25:05,411 - [Man] Delicious. 524 00:25:06,777 --> 00:25:11,027 - (laughs) Run, lizard, run. 525 00:25:11,027 --> 00:25:14,154 (muffled radio speaking) 526 00:25:14,154 --> 00:25:16,333 - Well Mickey, here we go again. 527 00:25:16,333 --> 00:25:18,847 - Jane Doe, 25 years old, 528 00:25:18,847 --> 00:25:20,870 found here by the maid this morning. 529 00:25:20,870 --> 00:25:23,445 ME places time and death around midnight. 530 00:25:23,445 --> 00:25:25,569 Official cause is de-sanguination. 531 00:25:25,569 --> 00:25:27,612 But both her orbital bones are broke 532 00:25:27,612 --> 00:25:29,379 and the jaw's caved in. 533 00:25:29,379 --> 00:25:31,596 It only gets worse under the sheets. 534 00:25:31,596 --> 00:25:33,801 (mumbles) meat grease on the sheets too. 535 00:25:33,801 --> 00:25:35,736 This sick freak had himself a burger 536 00:25:35,736 --> 00:25:37,277 while he brutalized her. 537 00:25:37,277 --> 00:25:40,187 - Same old, same old, eh, fingerprints? 538 00:25:40,187 --> 00:25:41,889 - None, he probably wears gloves 539 00:25:41,889 --> 00:25:44,040 and her fingers are cut off so no chance 540 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,483 of skin under her nails if there was a struggle. 541 00:25:46,483 --> 00:25:48,216 - Well we couldn't hope for things 542 00:25:48,216 --> 00:25:50,461 to be too easy now, could we? 543 00:25:50,461 --> 00:25:53,378 (mysterious music) 544 00:25:55,776 --> 00:25:57,687 He certainly enjoyed himself, didn't he? 545 00:25:57,687 --> 00:26:00,888 This guy has got a lot of pent up anger, Mickey. 546 00:26:00,888 --> 00:26:03,390 - I swear, Burt, if I could just get my hands 547 00:26:03,390 --> 00:26:04,465 on this scum bag. 548 00:26:04,465 --> 00:26:07,158 - Calm down, Mickey, we'll get him. 549 00:26:07,158 --> 00:26:08,073 - How? 550 00:26:08,073 --> 00:26:11,024 This sick freak leaves us nothing to go on. 551 00:26:11,024 --> 00:26:12,943 What the hell is that? 552 00:26:12,943 --> 00:26:15,276 - [Burt] Something to go on. 553 00:26:18,496 --> 00:26:20,663 (gagging) 554 00:26:26,428 --> 00:26:28,974 - [Teen] It was so cold blooded. 555 00:26:28,974 --> 00:26:31,224 Cold blooded, cold blooded. 556 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,886 (laughing manically) 557 00:26:35,886 --> 00:26:37,969 - What are you afraid of? 558 00:26:40,801 --> 00:26:43,593 (phone ringing) 559 00:26:43,593 --> 00:26:46,254 - Come on, come on, just pick up. 560 00:26:46,254 --> 00:26:47,754 Pick up the phone. 561 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,015 Underneath the oak tree where they shared 562 00:26:54,015 --> 00:26:56,660 their first kiss, he could see a glimmer 563 00:26:56,660 --> 00:26:58,839 fighting through her opaque eyes. 564 00:26:58,839 --> 00:27:01,501 To him, it was a glimmer of hope 565 00:27:01,501 --> 00:27:04,011 and though the world they knew was ending, 566 00:27:04,011 --> 00:27:07,247 their lives were just beginning. 567 00:27:07,247 --> 00:27:09,674 - Wow, this is really good, Pete. 568 00:27:09,674 --> 00:27:11,247 - Yeah, I know. 569 00:27:11,247 --> 00:27:13,938 - And what's the genre called again? 570 00:27:13,938 --> 00:27:15,679 - It's a zom rom-com. 571 00:27:15,679 --> 00:27:17,160 Pretty much a form I created. 572 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,763 - I like that he stays with her even though 573 00:27:18,763 --> 00:27:19,973 she's a zombie. 574 00:27:19,973 --> 00:27:22,301 It shows how powerful love can be. 575 00:27:22,301 --> 00:27:25,847 - Monkey butt, you've gotta look a little deeper than that. 576 00:27:25,847 --> 00:27:28,087 I mean sure the story is great, 577 00:27:28,087 --> 00:27:29,482 but that's just the hook. 578 00:27:29,482 --> 00:27:31,305 Obstentially it's about love, 579 00:27:31,305 --> 00:27:33,960 but it's really about the deteriorating moral values 580 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,926 of our isolated, fractious American society. 581 00:27:36,926 --> 00:27:39,539 A society that's become so greedy and careless 582 00:27:39,539 --> 00:27:41,406 it would turn a blind eye to its suffering people 583 00:27:41,406 --> 00:27:43,831 just to claw its way towards more wealth. 584 00:27:43,831 --> 00:27:46,282 But it's also about testing a man's word 585 00:27:46,282 --> 00:27:49,066 and resolve, till death do us part. 586 00:27:49,066 --> 00:27:51,501 I mean can a man really live up to that claim? 587 00:27:51,501 --> 00:27:54,256 It's a psychoanalytical look at the make up 588 00:27:54,256 --> 00:27:56,232 and conviction of a man. 589 00:27:56,232 --> 00:27:57,732 - You're so smart, Pete. 590 00:27:57,732 --> 00:27:59,972 You're gonna be rich and famous some day. 591 00:27:59,972 --> 00:28:01,759 You'll have anything you want. 592 00:28:01,759 --> 00:28:05,209 - Hey we're going to be rich and famous one day. 593 00:28:05,209 --> 00:28:08,871 As far as I'm concerned, I already have everything I want. 594 00:28:08,871 --> 00:28:11,503 - Oh Pete, I wanna tell you something, 595 00:28:11,503 --> 00:28:13,870 but I'm afraid you won't say it back. 596 00:28:13,870 --> 00:28:15,325 - What is it, (speaks foreign language). 597 00:28:15,325 --> 00:28:19,207 - Well, I looks like you just missed me, 598 00:28:19,207 --> 00:28:21,317 it's Nicole, leave me a message and I'll get back 599 00:28:21,317 --> 00:28:22,676 to you as soon as I can. 600 00:28:22,676 --> 00:28:24,138 (beeping) 601 00:28:24,138 --> 00:28:26,652 - Oh hey Nicole, it's Pete. 602 00:28:26,652 --> 00:28:30,613 I was just wondering if you wanted to grab lunch today. 603 00:28:30,613 --> 00:28:33,767 I really, really miss you, Nicole 604 00:28:33,767 --> 00:28:35,455 and I really need you. 605 00:28:35,455 --> 00:28:38,276 Something's happened and I'm a bit freaked out. 606 00:28:38,276 --> 00:28:40,095 I screwed up and I'm sorry. 607 00:28:40,095 --> 00:28:41,940 Please meet me for lunch. 608 00:28:41,940 --> 00:28:43,523 I just wanna talk okay? 609 00:28:43,523 --> 00:28:46,925 (knocking on door) 610 00:28:46,925 --> 00:28:48,490 Yeah? 611 00:28:48,490 --> 00:28:49,544 What the hell? 612 00:28:49,544 --> 00:28:53,246 (gun clicking) (gun firing) 613 00:28:53,246 --> 00:28:55,456 Who the hell? Hot Doug? 614 00:28:55,456 --> 00:28:57,976 - Mm-hm, the pleasure is all yours. 615 00:28:57,976 --> 00:29:01,199 God what a shithole, did you inherit this place 616 00:29:01,199 --> 00:29:03,373 from a blind uncle or something? 617 00:29:03,373 --> 00:29:05,210 - Fuck you, I'm gonna-- 618 00:29:05,210 --> 00:29:07,836 - Honey I'm pretty and I'm fast, 619 00:29:07,836 --> 00:29:10,169 now put your tish in a kush. 620 00:29:12,366 --> 00:29:14,626 Good boy, now is it safe to sit on this 621 00:29:14,626 --> 00:29:18,437 or should I bring in a bag of trash from outside? 622 00:29:18,437 --> 00:29:20,292 Why does it smell like you fired diarrhea 623 00:29:20,292 --> 00:29:22,729 into that silly little romper suit. 624 00:29:22,729 --> 00:29:24,010 - Who are you? 625 00:29:24,010 --> 00:29:26,523 - And I thought you could read, Mr. Lizardman. 626 00:29:26,523 --> 00:29:29,812 - LeSeurdmin, and I meant what the hell do you want? 627 00:29:29,812 --> 00:29:32,851 - Skinny girl, white raspberry cosmo and a back rub. 628 00:29:32,851 --> 00:29:34,932 Though I'm sure you don't have the first 629 00:29:34,932 --> 00:29:38,144 and I definitely wouldn't accept the second from you. 630 00:29:38,144 --> 00:29:40,650 Let's settle on you being quiet for a moment. 631 00:29:40,650 --> 00:29:42,205 - You can't be serious. 632 00:29:42,205 --> 00:29:44,472 - Hey Pete, what happened to the door? 633 00:29:44,472 --> 00:29:46,712 You're crazy, is everything all right? 634 00:29:46,712 --> 00:29:48,766 - Randall, you should get out of here. 635 00:29:48,766 --> 00:29:49,683 - Who's he? 636 00:29:51,751 --> 00:29:52,729 (weapon firing) 637 00:29:52,729 --> 00:29:54,521 Sugar plums. 638 00:29:54,521 --> 00:29:56,250 - What the hell, he didn't even do-- 639 00:29:56,250 --> 00:29:59,255 - I am a professional, Mr. LeSeurdmin. 640 00:29:59,255 --> 00:30:01,838 I assure you I am very serious. 641 00:30:02,951 --> 00:30:05,170 Now hush, it's me. 642 00:30:05,170 --> 00:30:06,624 You're gonna owe me double. 643 00:30:06,624 --> 00:30:09,449 This place is filthier than a Walmart in India. 644 00:30:09,449 --> 00:30:12,806 Mm-hm, mm-hm, but I will not be paying 645 00:30:12,806 --> 00:30:14,494 for the dry cleaning. 646 00:30:14,494 --> 00:30:15,801 I don't know who you are, sweetie, 647 00:30:15,801 --> 00:30:17,803 or what you've done but my employer 648 00:30:17,803 --> 00:30:20,195 is awfully excited to meet you. 649 00:30:20,195 --> 00:30:21,563 - Your employer? 650 00:30:21,563 --> 00:30:23,191 - [Doug] I don't do this for free. 651 00:30:23,191 --> 00:30:26,422 - Okay, then what is it that you want with me? 652 00:30:26,422 --> 00:30:28,661 - I could care less about you personally. 653 00:30:28,661 --> 00:30:30,990 I'm just here to oh! 654 00:30:30,990 --> 00:30:32,463 What is this? 655 00:30:32,463 --> 00:30:34,380 Bite Me, a zom rom-com? 656 00:30:35,509 --> 00:30:37,221 - Zombie romance comedy. 657 00:30:37,221 --> 00:30:40,186 - Oh my god, I am working on a dom rom-com. 658 00:30:40,186 --> 00:30:41,365 - Hey put it back. 659 00:30:41,365 --> 00:30:43,478 - Oh don't be so self conscious. 660 00:30:43,478 --> 00:30:47,576 And though your need for flesh is critical for living, 661 00:30:47,576 --> 00:30:51,576 my need for your heart is essential for feeling. 662 00:30:53,765 --> 00:30:55,848 Wow, this is really good. 663 00:30:56,761 --> 00:30:57,940 - You think so? 664 00:30:57,940 --> 00:30:59,937 - God no, what do I look like? 665 00:30:59,937 --> 00:31:02,444 A 13 year old girl with braces and acne? 666 00:31:02,444 --> 00:31:04,292 - It's easier to be a critic, asshole. 667 00:31:04,292 --> 00:31:07,087 - Fun too, seriously even my cousin Seth 668 00:31:07,087 --> 00:31:09,786 who's like the biggest queer I've ever known 669 00:31:09,786 --> 00:31:11,796 would read this and call you gay. 670 00:31:11,796 --> 00:31:14,231 - It's not for everyone. - It's for no one. 671 00:31:14,231 --> 00:31:16,777 - You made your point now shut your fucking mouth. 672 00:31:16,777 --> 00:31:19,407 - Or what, you'll read me more of your story? 673 00:31:19,407 --> 00:31:20,980 - Or I'll knock your teeth in. 674 00:31:20,980 --> 00:31:22,958 - Well sweetie, here's your chance. 675 00:31:22,958 --> 00:31:24,791 My employer wished one thing 676 00:31:24,791 --> 00:31:26,370 before I brought you in. 677 00:31:26,370 --> 00:31:28,485 That you be tenderized. 678 00:31:28,485 --> 00:31:30,637 As with all life, you have a choice. 679 00:31:30,637 --> 00:31:33,123 You could fight back or just take it. 680 00:31:33,123 --> 00:31:35,029 I suggest the latter. 681 00:31:35,029 --> 00:31:35,862 - Noted. 682 00:31:37,966 --> 00:31:40,965 - Girl please you're just gonna embarrass yourself. 683 00:31:40,965 --> 00:31:43,215 (grunting) 684 00:31:45,019 --> 00:31:46,631 - [Peter] In the animal kingdom, some creatures 685 00:31:46,631 --> 00:31:49,711 have instinctive self defense mechanisms. 686 00:31:49,711 --> 00:31:52,572 Malaysia ant will combust and splatter poison 687 00:31:52,572 --> 00:31:54,226 on its enemies. 688 00:31:54,226 --> 00:31:56,666 (chuckling) 689 00:31:56,666 --> 00:31:59,249 (drum rolling) 690 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,203 The hairy frog breaks its own bones 691 00:32:04,203 --> 00:32:06,326 to reveal sharp internal claws. 692 00:32:06,326 --> 00:32:10,026 - Baby, I'm talking about a whole lily pad 693 00:32:10,026 --> 00:32:11,597 all to ourselves. 694 00:32:11,597 --> 00:32:13,531 - Hey there, pretty lady, what's your name? 695 00:32:13,531 --> 00:32:16,135 - Hey dog, can't you see she's taken? 696 00:32:16,135 --> 00:32:17,331 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 697 00:32:17,331 --> 00:32:18,726 We're cool, man, I'm sorry. 698 00:32:18,726 --> 00:32:21,861 - Get out of here before I start slicing up your legs. 699 00:32:21,861 --> 00:32:24,378 - [Peter] The horned lizard pressurizes its sinuses 700 00:32:24,378 --> 00:32:26,795 to shoot blood from its eyes. 701 00:32:31,987 --> 00:32:33,553 As for Lizardman. 702 00:32:33,553 --> 00:32:35,803 (coughing) 703 00:32:36,657 --> 00:32:38,443 (laughing) 704 00:32:38,443 --> 00:32:40,536 - Honey I have clawed your optimism. 705 00:32:40,536 --> 00:32:43,119 What is it you find so amusing? 706 00:32:44,575 --> 00:32:48,188 Oh my eyes, you fucking dick hole. 707 00:32:48,188 --> 00:32:50,438 (grunting) 708 00:32:53,693 --> 00:32:57,193 - Oh shit. (weapon firing) 709 00:32:58,984 --> 00:33:02,287 A lizard's greatest strength is his ability to adapt. 710 00:33:02,287 --> 00:33:04,104 If he doesn't learn that, 711 00:33:04,104 --> 00:33:06,285 he'll perish right there on the spot. 712 00:33:06,285 --> 00:33:10,980 - Shit, what a little bitch. (shouting) 713 00:33:10,980 --> 00:33:13,230 (grunting) 714 00:33:16,336 --> 00:33:19,003 (weapon firing) 715 00:33:28,611 --> 00:33:30,861 - More coffee? - Yes please. 716 00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:34,053 Thanks. 717 00:33:36,567 --> 00:33:38,878 You're late. - Yeah. 718 00:33:38,878 --> 00:33:41,048 - Okay what the hell is this? 719 00:33:41,048 --> 00:33:42,180 - I can explain. 720 00:33:42,180 --> 00:33:44,841 - You always can, this is clearly a waste of time. 721 00:33:44,841 --> 00:33:46,924 - Nicole, wait I'm sorry. 722 00:33:49,716 --> 00:33:51,376 I'm sorry for last night. 723 00:33:51,376 --> 00:33:52,798 I was-- - Drunk. 724 00:33:52,798 --> 00:33:55,549 - Right but I want you to know it won't happen again. 725 00:33:55,549 --> 00:33:57,441 - Don't you see the pattern here? 726 00:33:57,441 --> 00:33:59,667 You must mess up, I get mad. 727 00:33:59,667 --> 00:34:02,036 You apologize and I forgive you. 728 00:34:02,036 --> 00:34:03,882 Only for it to all happen again. 729 00:34:03,882 --> 00:34:05,883 - I mean it Nicole, I've hit rock bottom 730 00:34:05,883 --> 00:34:07,417 and it really opened my eyes. 731 00:34:07,417 --> 00:34:08,902 - [Nicole] I've heard that before. 732 00:34:08,902 --> 00:34:10,168 - What? When? 733 00:34:10,168 --> 00:34:12,766 - The time you had a stroke from your homemade gin 734 00:34:12,766 --> 00:34:16,624 or when you let my nephew play unsupervised with fireworks? 735 00:34:16,624 --> 00:34:19,878 - One, that was a baby stroke, baby. 736 00:34:19,878 --> 00:34:22,530 And two, I bought your sister a new cat. 737 00:34:22,530 --> 00:34:24,216 - You're never gonna change, are you? 738 00:34:24,216 --> 00:34:25,440 - But I have changed. 739 00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:27,971 - Oh-we, how does sap like you get a piece 740 00:34:27,971 --> 00:34:29,571 of fine is that. 741 00:34:29,571 --> 00:34:32,285 The thangs I could do to you, honey. 742 00:34:32,285 --> 00:34:35,573 - I'm sure she'd love to know what total confusion 743 00:34:35,573 --> 00:34:38,059 and unfulfillment feel like paired together. 744 00:34:38,059 --> 00:34:40,543 - Fuck you, maybe if you thought out that ice box 745 00:34:40,543 --> 00:34:43,021 of yours, you wouldn't be such a bitch all the time. 746 00:34:43,021 --> 00:34:45,136 - And maybe you should think about our objective 747 00:34:45,136 --> 00:34:47,098 and not your little chubby. 748 00:34:47,098 --> 00:34:49,339 - And you should think about puttin' your hat on. 749 00:34:49,339 --> 00:34:51,040 - You're kidding right? 750 00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,727 Why do you even wear yours? 751 00:34:52,727 --> 00:34:55,854 - Because he told us to and we owe him. 752 00:34:55,854 --> 00:34:58,880 - Owe him, I don't owe that asshole anything. 753 00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,056 - Hey watch your mouth. - Or what? 754 00:35:01,056 --> 00:35:03,429 - Or I'll-- - Dispatch, this is Humphreys. 755 00:35:03,429 --> 00:35:05,083 I'm at Peter Lizardman's house 756 00:35:05,083 --> 00:35:08,852 on a noise disturbance and gees, I got two bodies here. 757 00:35:08,852 --> 00:35:09,912 - Shit. 758 00:35:09,912 --> 00:35:12,279 - The one downstairs got a pair of clean shots 759 00:35:12,279 --> 00:35:14,605 to the head, as for the one upstairs, 760 00:35:14,605 --> 00:35:17,782 well we're gonna need a mop and some chisels. 761 00:35:17,782 --> 00:35:20,145 And put me through to Detective Sugar. 762 00:35:20,145 --> 00:35:22,314 I got something here that might interest them. 763 00:35:22,314 --> 00:35:24,666 - That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. 764 00:35:24,666 --> 00:35:26,898 It didn't bond to your skin. 765 00:35:26,898 --> 00:35:28,293 It shrank in the sun. 766 00:35:28,293 --> 00:35:30,810 - Then why can't I stop drinking Reptiale. 767 00:35:30,810 --> 00:35:32,568 - Because my body can't - Because you're an alcoholic 768 00:35:32,568 --> 00:35:35,096 - produce its own venom yet. 769 00:35:35,096 --> 00:35:37,885 You don't know how it feels, the transformation. 770 00:35:37,885 --> 00:35:39,813 My body feels weak without the venom. 771 00:35:39,813 --> 00:35:42,510 - Okay even if you are becoming a lizard, 772 00:35:42,510 --> 00:35:44,539 how would that fix things for us? 773 00:35:44,539 --> 00:35:47,071 I mean you would still be drinking your venom 774 00:35:47,071 --> 00:35:50,161 which conveniently still has alcohol in it. 775 00:35:50,161 --> 00:35:51,952 And then there's no guarantee that you wouldn't 776 00:35:51,952 --> 00:35:53,130 embarrass me again. 777 00:35:53,130 --> 00:35:55,065 Not to mention the fact that I would be 778 00:35:55,065 --> 00:35:57,612 with a man who is part lizard. 779 00:35:57,612 --> 00:35:59,868 A man who would be drawing looks from everyone, 780 00:35:59,868 --> 00:36:01,599 every time we went out. 781 00:36:01,599 --> 00:36:04,505 This wouldn't make things easier for us at all, Pete. 782 00:36:04,505 --> 00:36:05,845 Can't you see how this would 783 00:36:05,845 --> 00:36:08,885 and you're not even listening to me. 784 00:36:08,885 --> 00:36:10,805 You're unbelievable, you know that? 785 00:36:10,805 --> 00:36:12,286 I am leaving. 786 00:36:12,286 --> 00:36:13,978 - Nicole, wait, you can't leave me. 787 00:36:13,978 --> 00:36:16,706 - Ow, you're hurting my arm, let me go. 788 00:36:16,706 --> 00:36:18,984 - Sir, maybe you should leave. 789 00:36:18,984 --> 00:36:22,033 - And maybe you should stop blowing guys with herpes. 790 00:36:22,033 --> 00:36:23,753 (gasping) 791 00:36:23,753 --> 00:36:25,437 - You're a real jerk. 792 00:36:25,437 --> 00:36:28,461 - Nicole, in case my larynx goes full lizard, 793 00:36:28,461 --> 00:36:29,917 I want you to know something. 794 00:36:29,917 --> 00:36:32,711 I didn't think I could be more miserable in my life. 795 00:36:32,711 --> 00:36:34,317 Without you I am. 796 00:36:34,317 --> 00:36:36,032 Please don't leave me. 797 00:36:36,032 --> 00:36:39,199 You're the only good thing in my life. 798 00:36:41,367 --> 00:36:42,784 - Good bye, Pete. 799 00:36:45,759 --> 00:36:47,371 - Damn it, Nicole, don't. 800 00:36:47,371 --> 00:36:50,030 - Oh, well if it ain't the jammy bastard 801 00:36:50,030 --> 00:36:52,959 that got away, you're coming with me, you nuff. 802 00:36:52,959 --> 00:36:54,385 - Get your hands off me. 803 00:36:54,385 --> 00:36:57,468 (speaking gibberish) 804 00:37:00,054 --> 00:37:02,381 (groaning) 805 00:37:02,381 --> 00:37:03,656 - Look at it this way. 806 00:37:03,656 --> 00:37:06,227 You're the first person I ever tased. 807 00:37:06,227 --> 00:37:10,727 - Enjoy jail, sweetie. (groaning) 808 00:37:10,727 --> 00:37:12,893 (phone ringing) 809 00:37:12,893 --> 00:37:14,149 - [Man] Yes? 810 00:37:14,149 --> 00:37:15,703 - [Chives] Hey, your boy got pinched. 811 00:37:15,703 --> 00:37:19,538 - [Man] Well we can't let that spoil things now, can we? 812 00:37:19,538 --> 00:37:22,295 I need you and Videlia to come home right now. 813 00:37:22,295 --> 00:37:24,025 I have a plan. 814 00:37:24,025 --> 00:37:25,383 - We're on our way. 815 00:37:25,383 --> 00:37:28,259 You should also know that Romeo here has a Juliet. 816 00:37:28,259 --> 00:37:29,917 - [Man] Well done, Chives. 817 00:37:29,917 --> 00:37:33,500 That's quite a tasty nugget of information. 818 00:37:35,069 --> 00:37:36,986 - The day has continue. 819 00:37:45,429 --> 00:37:48,092 - [Burt] Peter Benjamin Lizardman? 820 00:37:48,092 --> 00:37:50,303 - LeSeurdmin. - My apologies. 821 00:37:50,303 --> 00:37:52,326 I never was good with foreign languages. 822 00:37:52,326 --> 00:37:55,844 My name is Burt Sugar and this is my partner Mickey Mordin. 823 00:37:55,844 --> 00:37:57,637 - Don't I get a phone call or something? 824 00:37:57,637 --> 00:37:58,738 (shouting) 825 00:37:58,738 --> 00:38:00,535 - You shut your mouth, scumbag! 826 00:38:00,535 --> 00:38:03,142 You get a phone call when I say you get one. 827 00:38:03,142 --> 00:38:04,465 - What's his problem? 828 00:38:04,465 --> 00:38:08,467 - Oh yeah, you think I got problems, you sack of pubes? 829 00:38:08,467 --> 00:38:10,455 - Easy now, Mickey. 830 00:38:10,455 --> 00:38:12,369 - If this is about the convenience store thing, 831 00:38:12,369 --> 00:38:13,679 I can pay for that. 832 00:38:13,679 --> 00:38:16,100 - Oh well, case solved then, huh. 833 00:38:16,100 --> 00:38:19,214 You hear them, Burt, this crusty anal vision 834 00:38:19,214 --> 00:38:21,226 thinks he can just throw some money at the problem 835 00:38:21,226 --> 00:38:22,650 and make it all go away. 836 00:38:22,650 --> 00:38:24,890 Guess we can just pack it in then, huh? 837 00:38:24,890 --> 00:38:26,884 - I've got a lot going on right now 838 00:38:26,884 --> 00:38:28,760 and I didn't mean to steal that beer. 839 00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,403 This seems a little excessive. 840 00:38:30,403 --> 00:38:31,633 - Excessive? 841 00:38:31,633 --> 00:38:33,975 - Peter, perhaps you don't realize the severity 842 00:38:33,975 --> 00:38:35,217 of your situation. 843 00:38:35,217 --> 00:38:37,714 We, (sniffs). 844 00:38:37,714 --> 00:38:39,029 Do you smell that? 845 00:38:39,029 --> 00:38:40,059 - Smell what? 846 00:38:40,059 --> 00:38:41,457 (sniffs) 847 00:38:41,457 --> 00:38:42,754 - Bullshit. 848 00:38:42,754 --> 00:38:44,356 - [Burt] No, I mean something really-- 849 00:38:44,356 --> 00:38:46,087 - I know just what you mean. 850 00:38:46,087 --> 00:38:48,196 Listen, you cum filled turd. 851 00:38:48,196 --> 00:38:50,387 We're not interested in stolen beer 852 00:38:50,387 --> 00:38:52,196 that two-bit thug you maimed. 853 00:38:52,196 --> 00:38:54,268 We found two corpses at your house 854 00:38:54,268 --> 00:38:56,609 and another prostitute at a hotel. 855 00:38:56,609 --> 00:38:57,909 - Prostitute? 856 00:38:57,909 --> 00:39:00,635 - We found several prostitutes over the last 10 months. 857 00:39:00,635 --> 00:39:04,567 Most recently and most brutally beaten this morning. 858 00:39:04,567 --> 00:39:07,445 Face is pounded in, often burned and covered 859 00:39:07,445 --> 00:39:09,558 in condiments and raped. 860 00:39:09,558 --> 00:39:11,404 Sometimes post-mortem. 861 00:39:11,404 --> 00:39:12,903 - You think I did this? 862 00:39:12,903 --> 00:39:14,743 - We know you did, dirtball. 863 00:39:14,743 --> 00:39:17,679 You're probably getting hard right now thinking about it. 864 00:39:17,679 --> 00:39:20,401 How you lured these women in with your filthy money 865 00:39:20,401 --> 00:39:23,390 and subjected them to some sleazy role play sex, 866 00:39:23,390 --> 00:39:25,884 but you couldn't get off like that, could you? 867 00:39:25,884 --> 00:39:29,089 So you freaked, then right when they were about to leave 868 00:39:29,089 --> 00:39:31,661 Lake Flaccid, you socked them in the jaw 869 00:39:31,661 --> 00:39:34,497 and you take your time covering them in a coat 870 00:39:34,497 --> 00:39:37,622 of tangy mesquite with thick homemade chutney. 871 00:39:37,622 --> 00:39:40,233 Then you caved in their faces, and just as they 872 00:39:40,233 --> 00:39:42,703 gasped their last blood bubbled breath, 873 00:39:42,703 --> 00:39:45,303 realizing their own futile mortality 874 00:39:45,303 --> 00:39:47,585 in that one hopelessly bleak moment, 875 00:39:47,585 --> 00:39:50,058 that's when you achieve. 876 00:39:50,058 --> 00:39:50,891 Isn't it? 877 00:39:50,891 --> 00:39:53,508 You salty splotch of anal mucus. 878 00:39:53,508 --> 00:39:56,459 - What, no, this is all just a big misunderstanding. 879 00:39:56,459 --> 00:39:58,278 I'm not a violent person like that. 880 00:39:58,278 --> 00:40:02,445 - He says it, and yet his pants remain not on fire. 881 00:40:03,511 --> 00:40:05,761 (laughing) 882 00:40:07,296 --> 00:40:11,626 Not a violent person (laughs). 883 00:40:11,626 --> 00:40:14,284 How you make me chortle. 884 00:40:14,284 --> 00:40:16,412 What a great liar you can be. 885 00:40:16,412 --> 00:40:18,760 You almost even fooled me. 886 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:22,093 But then again, you'd only be fooling yourself. 887 00:40:22,093 --> 00:40:26,260 And we both know you can only do that for so long, I've. 888 00:40:28,153 --> 00:40:29,843 Unbelievable. 889 00:40:29,843 --> 00:40:32,898 You know we only get so much time to spend together 890 00:40:32,898 --> 00:40:35,630 and this chowder head gets in the way. 891 00:40:35,630 --> 00:40:38,184 - I suppose these pictures are a bit gruesome. 892 00:40:38,184 --> 00:40:40,235 I guess so many years in the force 893 00:40:40,235 --> 00:40:43,448 has kind of desensitized me to these types of things. 894 00:40:43,448 --> 00:40:46,249 Still, this is a very serious situation here 895 00:40:46,249 --> 00:40:48,240 and you have a lot of explaining to do. 896 00:40:48,240 --> 00:40:50,244 - Well I'd love to stay and chat, 897 00:40:50,244 --> 00:40:54,209 but you've got more pressing concerns. 898 00:40:54,209 --> 00:40:55,542 - Hey trash bag! 899 00:40:56,603 --> 00:40:57,959 Are you listening? 900 00:40:57,959 --> 00:40:59,872 - I wanna believe you, Peter, I do, 901 00:40:59,872 --> 00:41:02,321 but we can't help you if you don't help us. 902 00:41:02,321 --> 00:41:04,265 By the way, do you need more flies? 903 00:41:04,265 --> 00:41:06,011 Are you good on the flies? 904 00:41:06,011 --> 00:41:07,583 - [Peter] Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. 905 00:41:07,583 --> 00:41:10,523 - So then, where were you last night? 906 00:41:10,523 --> 00:41:12,003 - Last night. 907 00:41:12,003 --> 00:41:14,794 - What, can't think of a good lie, you hot bag 908 00:41:14,794 --> 00:41:16,760 of McDonald's diarrhea. 909 00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,244 - I was pretty drunk. 910 00:41:18,244 --> 00:41:20,758 - Oh isn't that convenient. 911 00:41:20,758 --> 00:41:23,422 Maybe this will jog your memory. 912 00:41:23,422 --> 00:41:25,543 - [Burt] We found this next to her body. 913 00:41:25,543 --> 00:41:28,236 - Then we found a few more bottles of that ram shackle 914 00:41:28,236 --> 00:41:30,418 of a shit hole you call a house. 915 00:41:30,418 --> 00:41:31,938 - No fingerprints of course, 916 00:41:31,938 --> 00:41:35,344 but if your swab test matches any residue around the rim, 917 00:41:35,344 --> 00:41:38,374 you're gonna be in some pretty thick honey. 918 00:41:38,374 --> 00:41:39,207 - I, I-- 919 00:41:40,132 --> 00:41:41,646 - [Quivels] Don't say another word. 920 00:41:41,646 --> 00:41:43,465 - Quivels, what are you doing here? 921 00:41:43,465 --> 00:41:45,315 - Representing my client. 922 00:41:45,315 --> 00:41:46,148 - Client? 923 00:41:46,148 --> 00:41:48,047 - None of what he said is perfectly admissible 924 00:41:48,047 --> 00:41:49,540 with you two pestering him. 925 00:41:49,540 --> 00:41:51,430 It's all conceivably said under draft 926 00:41:51,430 --> 00:41:53,206 and if I find out you denied him counsel-- 927 00:41:53,206 --> 00:41:56,178 - Easy Quivels, we're just having a little talk. 928 00:41:56,178 --> 00:41:59,146 - Right, well if you two will excuse us. 929 00:41:59,146 --> 00:42:01,358 I'd like a little privacy with my client 930 00:42:01,358 --> 00:42:04,500 and please do make the mistake of leaving this camera on. 931 00:42:04,500 --> 00:42:06,602 - Think about what I said, Peter. 932 00:42:06,602 --> 00:42:09,138 We can only help you if you help us. 933 00:42:09,138 --> 00:42:10,805 In case you need it. 934 00:42:12,529 --> 00:42:14,640 Something doesn't add up, Mickey. 935 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:17,214 - Yeah, like how does a dirty queef like that 936 00:42:17,214 --> 00:42:19,097 get the best lawyer in the city? 937 00:42:19,097 --> 00:42:21,414 - Not sure, it's a mountain of evidence against 938 00:42:21,414 --> 00:42:23,499 the guy but something doesn't fit. 939 00:42:23,499 --> 00:42:25,614 Then again, he didn't even blink when I showed him 940 00:42:25,614 --> 00:42:27,735 those pictures, he had no human reaction 941 00:42:27,735 --> 00:42:29,495 of sympathy or disgust. 942 00:42:29,495 --> 00:42:32,912 - Oh, that punk chaffs my balls so raw. 943 00:42:32,912 --> 00:42:35,076 I want him to go down hard for what he's done. 944 00:42:35,076 --> 00:42:36,090 God! 945 00:42:36,090 --> 00:42:38,993 - Settle down, Mick, we'll figure this out. 946 00:42:38,993 --> 00:42:40,605 - You dirty perverts. 947 00:42:40,605 --> 00:42:45,042 You all think you're above the law, don't ya, don't ya? 948 00:42:45,042 --> 00:42:48,928 - Come on, Mick, he's not going anywhere any time soon. 949 00:42:48,928 --> 00:42:51,110 - Brian Barnaby Quivels, Mr. LeSeurdmin 950 00:42:51,110 --> 00:42:52,783 and I'll be straight to the point. 951 00:42:52,783 --> 00:42:54,225 These charges are flimsy at best 952 00:42:54,225 --> 00:42:56,063 and I guarantee you none of them will stick 953 00:42:56,063 --> 00:42:57,956 if you take my aid. 954 00:42:57,956 --> 00:42:59,082 - What do you care? 955 00:42:59,082 --> 00:43:00,479 I've got no money to pay you. 956 00:43:00,479 --> 00:43:02,836 - It's not about money for me, Mr. LeSeurdmin, 957 00:43:02,836 --> 00:43:04,378 I have plenty frankly. 958 00:43:04,378 --> 00:43:06,581 I was walking by the diner today when they arrested you 959 00:43:06,581 --> 00:43:08,516 and I wanted to help pro bono. 960 00:43:08,516 --> 00:43:10,462 I enjoy helping the underdog. 961 00:43:10,462 --> 00:43:12,036 - Thanks I guess. 962 00:43:12,036 --> 00:43:13,941 - Good, I'll take that as consent. 963 00:43:13,941 --> 00:43:15,608 Now first thing's first. 964 00:43:15,608 --> 00:43:17,033 Is there anyone you'd like to call? 965 00:43:17,033 --> 00:43:19,299 I know how this precinct works and they may not give you 966 00:43:19,299 --> 00:43:21,083 your phone call for quite some time. 967 00:43:21,083 --> 00:43:23,019 - No. - Are you sure? 968 00:43:23,019 --> 00:43:27,210 Not even that female friend of yours at the diner? 969 00:43:27,210 --> 00:43:29,828 - Yeah, you can let her know what's going on. 970 00:43:29,828 --> 00:43:31,939 But I don't want her to see me here. 971 00:43:31,939 --> 00:43:34,701 Just tell her I'm sorry for everything really. 972 00:43:34,701 --> 00:43:36,548 - Excellent, Mr. LeSeurdmin. 973 00:43:36,548 --> 00:43:37,910 I'm going to give her a quick call 974 00:43:37,910 --> 00:43:39,577 and get a full report of these ridiculous 975 00:43:39,577 --> 00:43:41,237 charges against you. 976 00:43:41,237 --> 00:43:43,299 Stick with me, my friend and you'll be out of here 977 00:43:43,299 --> 00:43:46,054 in no time and don't say a word to them without me. 978 00:43:46,054 --> 00:43:47,595 I'll see you later. 979 00:43:47,595 --> 00:43:49,845 - Hey thanks, thanks a lot. 980 00:43:50,955 --> 00:43:52,049 - You're welcome. 981 00:43:52,049 --> 00:43:54,966 (mysterious music) 982 00:44:05,896 --> 00:44:08,396 (tense music) 983 00:44:13,431 --> 00:44:14,309 - What the hell? 984 00:44:14,309 --> 00:44:16,000 - Hey, get your ass over here. 985 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:17,538 - [Peter] You, who are you? 986 00:44:17,538 --> 00:44:20,138 - Never mind that, I'm here to get you out. 987 00:44:20,138 --> 00:44:21,554 - What's going on out there? 988 00:44:21,554 --> 00:44:22,525 - Distraction. 989 00:44:22,525 --> 00:44:25,192 (intense music) 990 00:44:31,710 --> 00:44:35,119 All right, get in this corner and plug your assholes. 991 00:44:35,119 --> 00:44:37,638 (beeping) 992 00:44:37,638 --> 00:44:39,805 (booming) 993 00:44:41,894 --> 00:44:43,311 Come on, dumbass. 994 00:44:44,381 --> 00:44:46,852 - I don't know who you are but thanks. 995 00:44:46,852 --> 00:44:47,890 - Keep your mouth shut 996 00:44:47,890 --> 00:44:51,723 or I'll wear your ass like a boot, boy, hands. 997 00:44:53,117 --> 00:44:55,482 All good on this end, how about y'all? 998 00:44:55,482 --> 00:44:58,149 (intense music) 999 00:45:00,091 --> 00:45:01,322 - All good. 1000 00:45:01,322 --> 00:45:03,874 - All right, Grillmaster's anxious to see this prick. 1001 00:45:03,874 --> 00:45:05,436 Hurry up and meet me around back. 1002 00:45:05,436 --> 00:45:07,616 Alarm system be back up in a few minutes. 1003 00:45:07,616 --> 00:45:09,775 - Hey what's going on here? 1004 00:45:09,775 --> 00:45:11,890 - Officer, thank god, just in time. 1005 00:45:11,890 --> 00:45:13,490 I caught this guy trying to escape, 1006 00:45:13,490 --> 00:45:15,250 so I made a citizen's arrest. 1007 00:45:15,250 --> 00:45:16,462 - Drop the knife. 1008 00:45:16,462 --> 00:45:17,853 - Oh right, sorry. 1009 00:45:17,853 --> 00:45:19,283 I just wanna thank y'all 1010 00:45:19,283 --> 00:45:20,721 for all the hard work you guys do 1011 00:45:20,721 --> 00:45:22,568 keeping this city safe and all. 1012 00:45:22,568 --> 00:45:24,563 - Oh well, yeah, well thank you. 1013 00:45:24,563 --> 00:45:25,896 - No, thank you. 1014 00:45:26,865 --> 00:45:28,778 (groaning) 1015 00:45:28,778 --> 00:45:31,353 Dumbass, next time learn to mind your own business 1016 00:45:31,353 --> 00:45:33,270 and you won't get hurt. 1017 00:45:34,161 --> 00:45:35,370 Hey what the? 1018 00:45:35,370 --> 00:45:37,072 - Where is he? 1019 00:45:37,072 --> 00:45:38,700 - Mother fuck. 1020 00:45:38,700 --> 00:45:40,067 - [Man] What? 1021 00:45:40,067 --> 00:45:43,182 I should saute you for your incompetence. 1022 00:45:43,182 --> 00:45:44,947 - [Chives] I'm sorry, this cop showed up and-- 1023 00:45:44,947 --> 00:45:48,633 - It's fine, I'm sorry to get so salty with you. 1024 00:45:48,633 --> 00:45:51,804 I have a little something that will bring him to us anywhos. 1025 00:45:51,804 --> 00:45:55,291 Get back to the estate and I'll filet you in. 1026 00:45:55,291 --> 00:45:57,916 (laughing) (woman mumbling) 1027 00:45:57,916 --> 00:46:00,143 Hush, my sweet little brisket. 1028 00:46:00,143 --> 00:46:03,544 It won't be long now, the tension is so thick. 1029 00:46:03,544 --> 00:46:05,754 I can't must hardly wait. 1030 00:46:05,754 --> 00:46:08,004 (laughing) 1031 00:46:09,211 --> 00:46:10,608 Yes. 1032 00:46:10,608 --> 00:46:11,658 Ah, fuck. 1033 00:46:11,658 --> 00:46:13,478 (knocking on door) 1034 00:46:13,478 --> 00:46:17,467 - [Vernon] Okay, okay, all right, hold up a minute. 1035 00:46:17,467 --> 00:46:18,764 - You asshole. 1036 00:46:18,764 --> 00:46:19,709 - [Vernon] Petey? 1037 00:46:19,709 --> 00:46:21,063 - This is all your fault. 1038 00:46:21,063 --> 00:46:22,880 - Why are you dressed like a salamander? 1039 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:24,548 - You just had to make me go out 1040 00:46:24,548 --> 00:46:26,219 and a have a drink, didn't you? 1041 00:46:26,219 --> 00:46:29,792 - (sniffs) Ah, Petey, you smell like straight up asshole. 1042 00:46:29,792 --> 00:46:32,396 - I've had the cops, gay assassins, 1043 00:46:32,396 --> 00:46:35,371 a kid in an onion suit, and some mystery man 1044 00:46:35,371 --> 00:46:36,699 hunting my ass down. 1045 00:46:36,699 --> 00:46:37,790 (cat growls) 1046 00:46:37,790 --> 00:46:39,079 Hey get the fuck away. 1047 00:46:39,079 --> 00:46:40,460 - Come on man, no need for that. 1048 00:46:40,460 --> 00:46:42,633 You know da Vinci gets (mumbles) he doesn't mean it. 1049 00:46:42,633 --> 00:46:45,050 - This is all your god damn fault. 1050 00:46:45,050 --> 00:46:46,781 - What the hell's wrong with your voice, Petey? 1051 00:46:46,781 --> 00:46:48,264 I could barely understand you. 1052 00:46:48,264 --> 00:46:51,158 Just calm down and tell me what the hell's going on. 1053 00:46:51,158 --> 00:46:52,969 (mysterious music) 1054 00:46:52,969 --> 00:46:55,797 Whoa, you're not joking around, are you, Petey? 1055 00:46:55,797 --> 00:46:57,616 - No and if it wasn't for you, 1056 00:46:57,616 --> 00:47:00,032 I wouldn't be in this god damn predicament. 1057 00:47:00,032 --> 00:47:01,574 - Me? - You. 1058 00:47:01,574 --> 00:47:02,547 - [Vernon] How's that? 1059 00:47:02,547 --> 00:47:03,995 - Because none of this would've happened 1060 00:47:03,995 --> 00:47:06,166 if you didn't make me get a drink that night. 1061 00:47:06,166 --> 00:47:07,688 - Make you get a drink? 1062 00:47:07,688 --> 00:47:10,807 Man, I think all that alcohol's finally snapped your brain. 1063 00:47:10,807 --> 00:47:12,436 I didn't make you do shit. 1064 00:47:12,436 --> 00:47:14,525 You just needed an excuse to go out 1065 00:47:14,525 --> 00:47:15,860 and I gave you one. 1066 00:47:15,860 --> 00:47:17,219 - You're my best friend, Becker, 1067 00:47:17,219 --> 00:47:18,797 and you fucked me over. 1068 00:47:18,797 --> 00:47:20,055 I hope you're happy with yourself. 1069 00:47:20,055 --> 00:47:21,683 (clunking) Watch out. 1070 00:47:21,683 --> 00:47:24,600 (mysterious music) 1071 00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,552 - What was that about? 1072 00:47:27,552 --> 00:47:30,552 (crickets chirping) 1073 00:47:35,221 --> 00:47:37,429 I wanna be mad, but that kid is rocking 1074 00:47:37,429 --> 00:47:40,120 the shit out of that scooter. 1075 00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:41,576 Pete? 1076 00:47:41,576 --> 00:47:42,683 Pete? 1077 00:47:42,683 --> 00:47:44,380 - He's got her. - What? 1078 00:47:44,380 --> 00:47:47,007 - He's got her, Becker, he's got Nicole. 1079 00:47:47,007 --> 00:47:48,252 - Who does? 1080 00:47:48,252 --> 00:47:50,375 - He knows who I am, he knows about Nicole 1081 00:47:50,375 --> 00:47:51,732 and he knew where you lived. 1082 00:47:51,732 --> 00:47:53,088 - Pete, who? 1083 00:47:53,088 --> 00:47:55,300 - The Grillmaster. 1084 00:47:55,300 --> 00:47:56,696 - George Foreman? 1085 00:47:56,696 --> 00:47:59,356 - If I don't show up alone to this address by midnight, 1086 00:47:59,356 --> 00:48:00,722 he's gonna kill her. 1087 00:48:00,722 --> 00:48:03,327 - Oh shit, I'm sorry, man. 1088 00:48:03,327 --> 00:48:05,888 Is there anything I can do to help? 1089 00:48:05,888 --> 00:48:08,138 (laughing) 1090 00:48:09,261 --> 00:48:12,068 - You needn't do it alone, my glum chum. 1091 00:48:12,068 --> 00:48:14,398 What say we team up on this one? 1092 00:48:14,398 --> 00:48:18,481 All that rage and anger, all that disappointment, 1093 00:48:19,703 --> 00:48:21,808 let's let it out. 1094 00:48:21,808 --> 00:48:25,785 (laughs) It'll be ever so much fun. 1095 00:48:25,785 --> 00:48:30,149 - If I let it out, I don't think I'll be able to go back. 1096 00:48:30,149 --> 00:48:32,941 - Yeah, that's true, wait, what? 1097 00:48:32,941 --> 00:48:35,855 - You speak as if it's a bad thing. 1098 00:48:35,855 --> 00:48:38,884 You've done things your bottled up way for 31 years 1099 00:48:38,884 --> 00:48:40,846 and look how your life is. 1100 00:48:40,846 --> 00:48:42,544 - I am not a disappointment. 1101 00:48:42,544 --> 00:48:44,631 - Petey, who are you talking to? 1102 00:48:44,631 --> 00:48:46,957 - Call it a test drive. 1103 00:48:46,957 --> 00:48:48,723 If you don't like what I'm offering, 1104 00:48:48,723 --> 00:48:52,890 you can always give it back but I guarantee you'll like it. 1105 00:48:54,288 --> 00:48:55,644 - But what can I do? 1106 00:48:55,644 --> 00:48:56,977 - You can adapt. 1107 00:48:58,316 --> 00:49:00,731 - You need to adapt to the real world, Pete, 1108 00:49:00,731 --> 00:49:02,737 or you'll always be miserable. 1109 00:49:02,737 --> 00:49:04,404 Adapt, adapt, adapt. 1110 00:49:06,550 --> 00:49:08,788 - [Lizard] It felt good, didn't it? 1111 00:49:08,788 --> 00:49:12,267 The convenience store, when you finally embraced 1112 00:49:12,267 --> 00:49:13,767 your violent side. 1113 00:49:14,724 --> 00:49:15,657 - Yes. 1114 00:49:15,657 --> 00:49:17,109 - So why stop now? 1115 00:49:17,109 --> 00:49:20,559 Why shouldn't you feel good sometimes? 1116 00:49:20,559 --> 00:49:22,726 Do what you want for once! 1117 00:49:24,384 --> 00:49:25,529 - You're right. 1118 00:49:25,529 --> 00:49:29,939 - Of course I am, now do what needs to be done, Peter. 1119 00:49:29,939 --> 00:49:31,106 Just say okay. 1120 00:49:34,128 --> 00:49:35,536 - Okay. 1121 00:49:35,536 --> 00:49:37,849 - I can't hear you. 1122 00:49:37,849 --> 00:49:39,000 - Okay! 1123 00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:39,833 - Yes! 1124 00:49:41,154 --> 00:49:42,987 Now let's get to work. 1125 00:49:44,048 --> 00:49:45,147 - Pete, are you-- 1126 00:49:45,147 --> 00:49:47,773 - Becker, give me some moths and some Reptiale. 1127 00:49:47,773 --> 00:49:49,400 - Good choice. 1128 00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:51,110 - I think you've had enough to drink. 1129 00:49:51,110 --> 00:49:52,778 - You wanna help? - Yeah. 1130 00:49:52,778 --> 00:49:55,859 - Then do it. - Oh look at you. 1131 00:49:55,859 --> 00:49:58,128 Charles in charge. 1132 00:49:58,128 --> 00:50:01,795 - One more thing, I need to use your garage. 1133 00:50:04,993 --> 00:50:07,076 Time for some adaptation. 1134 00:50:08,208 --> 00:50:12,107 ♫ Something wrong with this life you live 1135 00:50:12,107 --> 00:50:16,589 ♫ It always takes but never gives 1136 00:50:16,589 --> 00:50:20,891 ♫ It's no secret you know life is rough 1137 00:50:20,891 --> 00:50:25,342 ♫ When does a man say enough is enough 1138 00:50:25,342 --> 00:50:29,577 ♫ Become the Lizardman for all to see 1139 00:50:29,577 --> 00:50:34,027 ♫ The Lizardman you were born to be 1140 00:50:34,027 --> 00:50:35,935 ♫ Your enemies (screaming) 1141 00:50:35,935 --> 00:50:38,653 ♫ They stand at the gate 1142 00:50:38,653 --> 00:50:42,725 ♫ A burning fury, a cauldron of hate 1143 00:50:42,725 --> 00:50:47,178 ♫ Destiny waits, the time is here 1144 00:50:47,178 --> 00:50:51,345 ♫ So now you must embrace the fear 1145 00:50:54,557 --> 00:50:56,795 ♫ Embrace that fear 1146 00:50:56,795 --> 00:50:58,962 ♫ Come on 1147 00:51:00,851 --> 00:51:04,574 ♫ Lizardman shed your human trail 1148 00:51:04,574 --> 00:51:08,830 ♫ Lizardman step out of the crowd 1149 00:51:08,830 --> 00:51:13,313 ♫ Become the Lizardman for all to see 1150 00:51:13,313 --> 00:51:17,658 ♫ Lizardman you were born to be 1151 00:51:17,658 --> 00:51:19,885 ♫ You're a Lizardman 1152 00:51:19,885 --> 00:51:22,096 ♫ You're a Lizardman 1153 00:51:22,096 --> 00:51:26,428 ♫ You're a man but also a lizard 1154 00:51:26,428 --> 00:51:28,443 ♫ That's right you're a Lizardman 1155 00:51:28,443 --> 00:51:30,504 ♫ You're a Lizardman 1156 00:51:30,504 --> 00:51:33,587 ♫ You're a Lizardman 1157 00:51:40,466 --> 00:51:42,170 - Thank you all for answering my call 1158 00:51:42,170 --> 00:51:43,713 for immediate over time. 1159 00:51:43,713 --> 00:51:46,585 I assure you, help me and you will be well paid 1160 00:51:46,585 --> 00:51:47,910 for your efforts. 1161 00:51:47,910 --> 00:51:52,272 If we all work together I am sure we can... 1162 00:51:52,272 --> 00:51:55,189 You, you understand English, right? 1163 00:51:56,291 --> 00:51:57,286 (speaks foreign language) 1164 00:51:57,286 --> 00:51:58,678 - Translate to them. 1165 00:51:58,678 --> 00:52:00,735 There will be a man dressed in a lizard suit 1166 00:52:00,735 --> 00:52:04,652 coming here to do damage to me and my property. 1167 00:52:08,268 --> 00:52:10,694 - Your job is to help guard my property from him 1168 00:52:10,694 --> 00:52:13,194 and I will pay you handsomely. 1169 00:52:23,547 --> 00:52:25,788 - But you mustn't kill him, understand? 1170 00:52:25,788 --> 00:52:28,884 You show him mercy, I will not. 1171 00:52:28,884 --> 00:52:30,134 That is my job. 1172 00:52:36,955 --> 00:52:38,810 - Right, I got a question about this bloke. 1173 00:52:38,810 --> 00:52:40,568 - No, no questions. 1174 00:52:40,568 --> 00:52:42,295 The less you know the better. 1175 00:52:42,295 --> 00:52:45,895 Just do this job and you will be paid, understand? 1176 00:52:45,895 --> 00:52:48,103 - Bugger me, all right. 1177 00:52:48,103 --> 00:52:51,712 (speaks foreign language) 1178 00:52:51,712 --> 00:52:54,684 - It's getting late, Pete, you should probably get going. 1179 00:52:54,684 --> 00:52:55,934 - Yeah, thanks. 1180 00:52:58,441 --> 00:53:02,065 These are the last words of Peter Benjamin LeSeurdmin. 1181 00:53:02,065 --> 00:53:05,108 Number one, show don't tell. 1182 00:53:05,108 --> 00:53:07,721 My writing professor repeated ad nauseum. 1183 00:53:07,721 --> 00:53:10,599 Don't tell your audience how your character feels, 1184 00:53:10,599 --> 00:53:11,878 show them. 1185 00:53:11,878 --> 00:53:14,193 I've told people for too long I'm a writer, 1186 00:53:14,193 --> 00:53:17,655 but the truth is I've only shown him that I'm an asshole. 1187 00:53:17,655 --> 00:53:19,748 Do me a favor and hold on to this. 1188 00:53:19,748 --> 00:53:21,467 Just in case. 1189 00:53:21,467 --> 00:53:24,198 I've let my own misery affect those that I care about 1190 00:53:24,198 --> 00:53:25,949 and that is unacceptable. 1191 00:53:25,949 --> 00:53:27,471 - Pete, I'm sorry about-- 1192 00:53:27,471 --> 00:53:30,003 - No, this is my fault, not yours. 1193 00:53:30,003 --> 00:53:31,721 I've sorry I've even tried to blame you. 1194 00:53:31,721 --> 00:53:34,278 Good bye, Becker, I hope you make it on the cover 1195 00:53:34,278 --> 00:53:35,674 of Forbes one day. 1196 00:53:35,674 --> 00:53:38,070 Number two, it's time I shared my misery 1197 00:53:38,070 --> 00:53:39,613 with those who deserve it. 1198 00:53:39,613 --> 00:53:42,031 The assholes who threaten innocent lives, 1199 00:53:42,031 --> 00:53:45,850 only the cold blooded can deal with the soulless scum. 1200 00:53:45,850 --> 00:53:48,615 Peter LeSeurdmin is dead. 1201 00:53:48,615 --> 00:53:50,115 Call me Lizardman. 1202 00:53:55,650 --> 00:53:57,611 Master owns a million dollar home. 1203 00:53:57,611 --> 00:53:59,599 He's too cheap to hire real guards. 1204 00:53:59,599 --> 00:54:03,049 - Here lizard, lizard, lizard, lizard. 1205 00:54:03,049 --> 00:54:04,216 Oh big lizard. 1206 00:54:05,465 --> 00:54:08,548 - Lucky me. (gagging) 1207 00:54:09,427 --> 00:54:10,932 Fucking Scotch tape. 1208 00:54:10,932 --> 00:54:13,849 (mysterious music) 1209 00:54:28,115 --> 00:54:32,282 (shouting) (tense music) 1210 00:54:40,602 --> 00:54:41,927 - [Peter] I'll be honest. 1211 00:54:41,927 --> 00:54:44,677 I was surprised that shit worked. 1212 00:54:46,931 --> 00:54:48,098 - Bingo wingo. 1213 00:54:49,051 --> 00:54:51,381 Just follow the blood and you'll always find 1214 00:54:51,381 --> 00:54:52,631 the nasty cunt. 1215 00:54:53,667 --> 00:54:55,500 Ease the wheels, mate. 1216 00:54:58,313 --> 00:55:00,612 Now toss that here. 1217 00:55:00,612 --> 00:55:02,314 So what's in the satchel huh? 1218 00:55:02,314 --> 00:55:04,130 More goo-gas and gem cracks. 1219 00:55:04,130 --> 00:55:07,520 - Sorry I don't let cats out of bags. 1220 00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:11,841 - Ha ha, snicker away you gomeless pickey. 1221 00:55:11,841 --> 00:55:14,262 (cat growling) (screaming) 1222 00:55:14,262 --> 00:55:15,679 My eyes, my eyes! 1223 00:55:16,756 --> 00:55:20,510 Ah no, I got LASIK last year it's a no deductible! 1224 00:55:20,510 --> 00:55:21,677 Ah, my cornea! 1225 00:55:23,624 --> 00:55:24,707 Ah bugger me. 1226 00:55:28,162 --> 00:55:29,329 - Nimbo sorry. 1227 00:55:31,483 --> 00:55:32,519 (clapping) 1228 00:55:32,519 --> 00:55:35,003 - Well done, Mr. LeSeurdmin. 1229 00:55:35,003 --> 00:55:37,390 Quite a rare performance. 1230 00:55:37,390 --> 00:55:38,786 - Grillmaster. 1231 00:55:38,786 --> 00:55:40,927 - Welcome to my estate. 1232 00:55:40,927 --> 00:55:41,930 - Where's Nicole? 1233 00:55:41,930 --> 00:55:43,953 - Not much for chit chat, are you? 1234 00:55:43,953 --> 00:55:46,861 - No, but I am for hit splat if you don't tell me 1235 00:55:46,861 --> 00:55:48,352 where she is right now. 1236 00:55:48,352 --> 00:55:49,622 (laughs) 1237 00:55:49,622 --> 00:55:52,037 - Well you're quite churlish for someone 1238 00:55:52,037 --> 00:55:53,800 who stands no chance. 1239 00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:55,920 - Oh yeah, says who? 1240 00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:56,753 - Sesame. 1241 00:56:01,666 --> 00:56:03,062 (dance music) 1242 00:56:03,062 --> 00:56:04,976 Only a few living people know how to weaponize 1243 00:56:04,976 --> 00:56:06,234 the sesame seed. 1244 00:56:06,234 --> 00:56:08,808 And even less know how to vaccinate it. 1245 00:56:08,808 --> 00:56:10,451 (groaning) 1246 00:56:10,451 --> 00:56:14,118 I wouldn't fight it, it only makes it worse. 1247 00:56:15,388 --> 00:56:16,805 - What the? - Yes! 1248 00:56:17,763 --> 00:56:21,930 Things are really starting to pork now, aren't they? 1249 00:56:24,873 --> 00:56:26,873 - Sleep well, Lizardman. 1250 00:56:28,046 --> 00:56:30,296 (groaning) 1251 00:56:36,103 --> 00:56:38,167 (rustling) 1252 00:56:38,167 --> 00:56:40,643 - Here okay, sit him up, quickly now. 1253 00:56:40,643 --> 00:56:41,893 Give him trust. 1254 00:56:43,187 --> 00:56:46,095 You certainly are made of a tough meat, aren't you? 1255 00:56:46,095 --> 00:56:49,095 Hurry up, my munions, he's stirring. 1256 00:56:51,144 --> 00:56:54,114 Wakey, wakey, Mr. LeSeurdmin. 1257 00:56:54,114 --> 00:56:56,627 Your legs are only temporarily paralyzed. 1258 00:56:56,627 --> 00:56:58,897 A side effect of the sesame. 1259 00:56:58,897 --> 00:57:00,108 - Where's Nicole? 1260 00:57:00,108 --> 00:57:02,983 - Oh she's a bit tied up at the moment. 1261 00:57:02,983 --> 00:57:06,650 - Just tell me where she is, you piece of... 1262 00:57:08,524 --> 00:57:12,760 - So my big black vagina has caught your eye. 1263 00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:14,911 I picked it up in Hanoi off the set 1264 00:57:14,911 --> 00:57:16,590 of a 'Nam rom com. 1265 00:57:16,590 --> 00:57:19,334 The ancient Mundurukus believe that all life's problems 1266 00:57:19,334 --> 00:57:22,205 and solutions stem from the womb. 1267 00:57:22,205 --> 00:57:24,932 Once reaching puberty, a young man would be given 1268 00:57:24,932 --> 00:57:27,289 a small statue of a vagina and as long 1269 00:57:27,289 --> 00:57:29,114 as it remained in good condition, 1270 00:57:29,114 --> 00:57:32,743 it was believed that so too would his potency and virility. 1271 00:57:32,743 --> 00:57:35,944 Made of 100% Brazilian onyx. 1272 00:57:35,944 --> 00:57:38,206 Crafted by a master artist and descended 1273 00:57:38,206 --> 00:57:40,219 from Munduruku blood. 1274 00:57:40,219 --> 00:57:41,105 - Wait, what? 1275 00:57:41,105 --> 00:57:43,357 - The pubic hairs I import from Nigeria. 1276 00:57:43,357 --> 00:57:45,114 Three times a week they receive vigorous 1277 00:57:45,114 --> 00:57:46,726 Vidal Sassoon conditioning. 1278 00:57:46,726 --> 00:57:48,661 To preserve the luster you see. 1279 00:57:48,661 --> 00:57:51,480 Naturally the hair must be replaced every few months 1280 00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:53,758 after it loses its sheen. 1281 00:57:53,758 --> 00:57:57,252 Breathtaking, isn't it, Mr. LeSeurdmin? 1282 00:57:57,252 --> 00:57:59,923 - I really don't give a shit. 1283 00:57:59,923 --> 00:58:03,725 - Of course you don't, you hold nothing sacred, do you? 1284 00:58:03,725 --> 00:58:04,986 - What's that supposed to mean? 1285 00:58:04,986 --> 00:58:07,374 - You ruin beauty with reckless abandon. 1286 00:58:07,374 --> 00:58:09,731 - I'll ruin your god damn face just the same. 1287 00:58:09,731 --> 00:58:11,650 (laughing) 1288 00:58:11,650 --> 00:58:13,425 - Griddle me this. 1289 00:58:13,425 --> 00:58:15,244 How do you plan to do that? 1290 00:58:15,244 --> 00:58:18,850 When I'm the one who holds all the ingredients. 1291 00:58:18,850 --> 00:58:20,433 Munions, chop chop. 1292 00:58:22,818 --> 00:58:25,716 Let's see what's on the menu, shall we? 1293 00:58:25,716 --> 00:58:27,173 Chives. 1294 00:58:27,173 --> 00:58:28,871 (Nicole mumbling) 1295 00:58:28,871 --> 00:58:30,110 - Nicole! 1296 00:58:30,110 --> 00:58:32,110 - She looks scrumptious. 1297 00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:35,650 - You fat fuck, what did she ever do to you? 1298 00:58:35,650 --> 00:58:37,380 - Her? Nothing. 1299 00:58:37,380 --> 00:58:39,372 You on the other bun. 1300 00:58:39,372 --> 00:58:41,367 - Me, I don't even know you. 1301 00:58:41,367 --> 00:58:42,997 - Oh don't you? 1302 00:58:42,997 --> 00:58:44,164 How about now? 1303 00:58:46,517 --> 00:58:47,494 No? 1304 00:58:47,494 --> 00:58:49,429 How about now. 1305 00:58:49,429 --> 00:58:50,471 - Quivels. 1306 00:58:50,471 --> 00:58:52,098 - That's right, Mr. LeSeurdmin. 1307 00:58:52,098 --> 00:58:53,931 Bryan Barnaby Quivels. 1308 00:58:55,591 --> 00:58:57,091 - B-B-Q. 1309 00:58:58,469 --> 00:59:01,098 - Now you're cooking with charcoal, Mr. LeSeurdmin. 1310 00:59:01,098 --> 00:59:02,828 - What did I ever do to you? 1311 00:59:02,828 --> 00:59:05,550 - You really don't remember yesterday, do you? 1312 00:59:05,550 --> 00:59:07,880 It was a beautiful summer day. 1313 00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:10,307 Birds chirping, and charcoal burning. 1314 00:59:10,307 --> 00:59:13,608 The first annual Quivels barbecue extravaganza 1315 00:59:13,608 --> 00:59:15,444 with major VIPs. 1316 00:59:15,444 --> 00:59:18,069 Senator Armstrong, Police Chief Mahoney, 1317 00:59:18,069 --> 00:59:20,562 and the Dean of Harvard Law School to name a few. 1318 00:59:20,562 --> 00:59:22,712 I was to be the toast of the town, 1319 00:59:22,712 --> 00:59:24,896 with them enjoying my grill brilliance. 1320 00:59:24,896 --> 00:59:26,584 My grilliance. 1321 00:59:26,584 --> 00:59:29,303 And then, you showed up. 1322 00:59:29,303 --> 00:59:31,587 A drunken maniac with only destruction 1323 00:59:31,587 --> 00:59:33,393 and debauchery on his mind. 1324 00:59:33,393 --> 00:59:36,279 You sullied my cinnamon kiss salmon steaks. 1325 00:59:36,279 --> 00:59:39,327 Defaced my double delight deer tenderloins, 1326 00:59:39,327 --> 00:59:42,029 then marred my minced mushroom mussels 1327 00:59:42,029 --> 00:59:43,734 mixed in mango mustard chutney 1328 00:59:43,734 --> 00:59:46,926 and just as quick as you came, you left 1329 00:59:46,926 --> 00:59:49,479 my barbecue in ruins. 1330 00:59:49,479 --> 00:59:52,635 My guests had to eat side dishes and fruit. 1331 00:59:52,635 --> 00:59:55,659 You embarrassed me in front of my well respected peers 1332 00:59:55,659 --> 00:59:57,814 and besmirched my good name. 1333 00:59:57,814 --> 00:59:59,761 - So you abduct an innocent woman? 1334 00:59:59,761 --> 01:00:03,508 - Here, take a bite of my honey glazed ostrich burger. 1335 01:00:03,508 --> 01:00:04,621 - No. - Yes. 1336 01:00:04,621 --> 01:00:06,352 - I can't. - You must. 1337 01:00:06,352 --> 01:00:08,376 - I resist. - I insist. 1338 01:00:08,376 --> 01:00:10,192 - I'm telling you, I can't. 1339 01:00:10,192 --> 01:00:13,464 - That is not an option, Mr. LeSeurdmin. 1340 01:00:13,464 --> 01:00:16,724 You will taste my ostrich burger and you will love it. 1341 01:00:16,724 --> 01:00:19,049 - Eating that will make me throw up. 1342 01:00:19,049 --> 01:00:20,737 (ominous music) 1343 01:00:20,737 --> 01:00:21,737 - Very well. 1344 01:00:23,158 --> 01:00:24,897 - Look I know I screwed up, and I'm sorry 1345 01:00:24,897 --> 01:00:28,227 my mistake ruined your party, but your beef is with me, 1346 01:00:28,227 --> 01:00:30,270 not with-- - Silence. 1347 01:00:30,270 --> 01:00:32,795 Don't you dare make a meat based comment. 1348 01:00:32,795 --> 01:00:34,407 Munions, chop chop. 1349 01:00:34,407 --> 01:00:36,907 (tense music) 1350 01:00:41,913 --> 01:00:44,064 Perhaps it was rude of me to offer the main course 1351 01:00:44,064 --> 01:00:45,636 without an appetizer. 1352 01:00:45,636 --> 01:00:49,361 Meet Videlia, who should be wearing her hat. 1353 01:00:49,361 --> 01:00:51,790 I found her in a dumpster in China when she was 1354 01:00:51,790 --> 01:00:53,341 just three months old. 1355 01:00:53,341 --> 01:00:56,366 She never knew her parents but she is very familiar 1356 01:00:56,366 --> 01:00:59,117 with wushu and many other martial arts. 1357 01:00:59,117 --> 01:01:01,593 (grunting) 1358 01:01:01,593 --> 01:01:02,865 - Oh Jesus. 1359 01:01:02,865 --> 01:01:06,083 - This is Ra, he came to me at three years old 1360 01:01:06,083 --> 01:01:08,598 when his deadbeat parents were sent to jail. 1361 01:01:08,598 --> 01:01:11,771 Studies show that just one hit of crystal meth 1362 01:01:11,771 --> 01:01:14,080 is enough to critically affect a fetus. 1363 01:01:14,080 --> 01:01:18,032 How did nine months in a constant fog of it feel, Ra? 1364 01:01:18,032 --> 01:01:19,221 (mutters) 1365 01:01:19,221 --> 01:01:21,890 Precisely and of course, Chives. 1366 01:01:21,890 --> 01:01:24,151 Fending for himself in the tough streets of Detroit 1367 01:01:24,151 --> 01:01:27,408 since he was six, he's no stranger to a tussle. 1368 01:01:27,408 --> 01:01:29,913 When he was 12, he tried to pickpocket me. 1369 01:01:29,913 --> 01:01:32,782 I promised them all a better life than what they had 1370 01:01:32,782 --> 01:01:34,994 and that includes a quality college, 1371 01:01:34,994 --> 01:01:38,442 but after your little stunt, Mr. LeSeurdmin, 1372 01:01:38,442 --> 01:01:41,076 I'd be lucky to get them into Columbia. 1373 01:01:41,076 --> 01:01:42,018 - What's wrong with-- 1374 01:01:42,018 --> 01:01:44,663 - Columbia College in Chicago. 1375 01:01:44,663 --> 01:01:45,496 - Oh. 1376 01:01:45,496 --> 01:01:48,717 - Videlia, Chives, as you wish. 1377 01:01:48,717 --> 01:01:51,217 (tense music) 1378 01:01:53,472 --> 01:01:55,170 - No. - No what? 1379 01:01:55,170 --> 01:01:57,100 - I'm not gonna fight your children. 1380 01:01:57,100 --> 01:01:58,267 - That's fine. 1381 01:01:59,721 --> 01:02:01,187 - Damn it, stop it. 1382 01:02:01,187 --> 01:02:03,621 Shit, I don't wanna fight you two. 1383 01:02:03,621 --> 01:02:04,743 It wouldn't be fair. 1384 01:02:04,743 --> 01:02:06,097 - Oh please. 1385 01:02:06,097 --> 01:02:09,438 (groaning) (coughing) 1386 01:02:09,438 --> 01:02:11,188 - Okay then, fuck it. 1387 01:02:12,387 --> 01:02:13,716 Keep that wrist locked. 1388 01:02:13,716 --> 01:02:16,383 (intense music) 1389 01:02:21,550 --> 01:02:23,490 I've been in enough drunken pool hall fights 1390 01:02:23,490 --> 01:02:25,240 to block that, honey. 1391 01:02:37,923 --> 01:02:39,619 (coughing) 1392 01:02:39,619 --> 01:02:43,786 - [Videlia] You're pathetic, what does she even see in you? 1393 01:02:46,031 --> 01:02:48,698 - Ra, give your siblings a hand. 1394 01:03:01,311 --> 01:03:03,144 Oh now you've done it. 1395 01:03:05,948 --> 01:03:08,794 (shouting) 1396 01:03:08,794 --> 01:03:11,211 (rock music) 1397 01:03:13,946 --> 01:03:15,765 Videlia, don't let him kill him. 1398 01:03:15,765 --> 01:03:18,297 - Hey, hey, hey, big dummy, here you go. 1399 01:03:18,297 --> 01:03:22,130 That's right, calm your big retard brain down. 1400 01:03:22,992 --> 01:03:26,809 - Yes, Ra, yum yum for your tum tum. 1401 01:03:26,809 --> 01:03:29,176 Had enough, Mr. LeSeurdmin? 1402 01:03:29,176 --> 01:03:30,667 (coughing) 1403 01:03:30,667 --> 01:03:32,651 - Fuck you. - I see. 1404 01:03:32,651 --> 01:03:35,009 (coughing) 1405 01:03:35,009 --> 01:03:37,306 The worst part of this is that when you die, 1406 01:03:37,306 --> 01:03:38,949 not one person will care. 1407 01:03:38,949 --> 01:03:40,885 (car revving) 1408 01:03:40,885 --> 01:03:41,718 Huh? 1409 01:03:47,371 --> 01:03:49,394 Videlia, Chives, watch out. 1410 01:03:49,394 --> 01:03:50,227 - Oh shit. 1411 01:03:55,991 --> 01:03:56,824 - Videlia! 1412 01:03:59,771 --> 01:04:02,271 (funky music) 1413 01:04:05,757 --> 01:04:07,807 - [Vernon] Get up, man. 1414 01:04:07,807 --> 01:04:09,148 - Becker? - Yep. 1415 01:04:09,148 --> 01:04:11,321 - You came. - Of course. 1416 01:04:11,321 --> 01:04:12,827 - What the hell? 1417 01:04:12,827 --> 01:04:15,341 - Hey man, we don't all have animal costumes 1418 01:04:15,341 --> 01:04:16,455 in our closet. 1419 01:04:16,455 --> 01:04:17,668 - Are you drunk? 1420 01:04:17,668 --> 01:04:21,245 - I may have had a few of these delicious babies. 1421 01:04:21,245 --> 01:04:22,972 I wouldn't have hit that statue 1422 01:04:22,972 --> 01:04:24,478 if I wasn't a little bit buzzed. 1423 01:04:24,478 --> 01:04:26,168 - That was no statue. 1424 01:04:26,168 --> 01:04:28,290 - Sculpture, whatever. 1425 01:04:28,290 --> 01:04:31,113 You wanna get to Petey, you gotta get through me. 1426 01:04:31,113 --> 01:04:33,746 - And who the hell are you? 1427 01:04:33,746 --> 01:04:36,246 (funky music) 1428 01:04:40,516 --> 01:04:42,349 - The Midnight Hammer. 1429 01:04:43,394 --> 01:04:45,946 - Dually noted. (gun fires) 1430 01:04:45,946 --> 01:04:47,041 - [Vernon] Hammer down. 1431 01:04:47,041 --> 01:04:50,037 - Chives, search him and turn this bullshit off. 1432 01:04:50,037 --> 01:04:52,611 - You son of a bitch, that's my best friend. 1433 01:04:52,611 --> 01:04:56,611 - Yes and now he knows that he can't touch this. 1434 01:04:59,695 --> 01:05:01,670 - This is all he had on him. 1435 01:05:01,670 --> 01:05:06,242 - Well Mr. LeSeurdmin, despite his courageous efforts, 1436 01:05:06,242 --> 01:05:07,986 your friend has failed. 1437 01:05:07,986 --> 01:05:10,443 Especially now that I hold his secret weapon. 1438 01:05:10,443 --> 01:05:12,653 A mighty pen holder. 1439 01:05:12,653 --> 01:05:14,903 (laughing) 1440 01:05:18,616 --> 01:05:20,783 - Oh wait, that's not all. 1441 01:05:23,432 --> 01:05:24,913 - No! 1442 01:05:24,913 --> 01:05:27,676 - So that's what it's like to set on far. 1443 01:05:27,676 --> 01:05:29,926 (groaning) 1444 01:05:32,133 --> 01:05:33,300 - Father? - Ra? 1445 01:05:34,317 --> 01:05:37,158 You can talk. - Yes, Father. 1446 01:05:37,158 --> 01:05:38,408 I can talk now. 1447 01:05:39,612 --> 01:05:43,529 I can gab, I can mallucidate, I can express 1448 01:05:43,529 --> 01:05:47,036 and expatiate, I think this serendipitously placed 1449 01:05:47,036 --> 01:05:50,131 ballpoint pen has endowed me with cognitive abilities 1450 01:05:50,131 --> 01:05:54,228 tantamount nay exceeding that of the average homosapien. 1451 01:05:54,228 --> 01:05:56,811 I am no longer a prisoner caged 1452 01:05:58,084 --> 01:06:00,334 in my own incongruous mind. 1453 01:06:01,671 --> 01:06:04,495 - My boy, I'm so happy for you. 1454 01:06:04,495 --> 01:06:06,849 Now what's the first thing you wish to do. 1455 01:06:06,849 --> 01:06:09,827 - I wish to assist you in eliminating 1456 01:06:09,827 --> 01:06:11,765 these scutterless dregs. 1457 01:06:11,765 --> 01:06:13,187 (laughs) 1458 01:06:13,187 --> 01:06:15,181 - Then so you shall, my boy. 1459 01:06:15,181 --> 01:06:18,424 - Way to go, now he's super strong and super smart. 1460 01:06:18,424 --> 01:06:21,511 - It's the Pen Caddy 2.0, Petey. 1461 01:06:21,511 --> 01:06:23,065 (beeping) 1462 01:06:23,065 --> 01:06:23,898 - Oh! 1463 01:06:25,590 --> 01:06:29,757 Even a taste of sweet (mumbles) was worth it. 1464 01:06:33,028 --> 01:06:34,316 - No! 1465 01:06:34,316 --> 01:06:36,105 - Now if you'll excuse me, 1466 01:06:36,105 --> 01:06:39,732 this gun shot has made me quite sleepy. 1467 01:06:39,732 --> 01:06:42,551 - Damn it, Chives, check on Videlia. 1468 01:06:42,551 --> 01:06:45,272 So you wish to turn up the heat? 1469 01:06:45,272 --> 01:06:48,880 Fine, stay right there and we'll see how hot you like it. 1470 01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:51,541 Since you destroyed the most beautiful thing in my life, 1471 01:06:51,541 --> 01:06:53,889 I will repay the flavor. 1472 01:06:53,889 --> 01:06:54,841 How is she? 1473 01:06:54,841 --> 01:06:56,027 - We should call an ambulance. 1474 01:06:56,027 --> 01:06:57,592 - Nonsense, hold this. 1475 01:06:57,592 --> 01:06:59,141 - Hey, she might die if we don't-- 1476 01:06:59,141 --> 01:07:02,886 - We all die someday, Chives, now take it. 1477 01:07:02,886 --> 01:07:04,803 Make sure he sees this. 1478 01:07:05,873 --> 01:07:07,977 - Yo, what are you doing? 1479 01:07:07,977 --> 01:07:09,565 Just do as I say. 1480 01:07:09,565 --> 01:07:13,349 Get a good look at her like this, Mr. LeSeurdmin. 1481 01:07:13,349 --> 01:07:16,982 This is the last time she'll ever be beautiful. 1482 01:07:16,982 --> 01:07:19,341 (slurping) 1483 01:07:19,341 --> 01:07:21,758 A bit salty but we'll manage. 1484 01:07:22,691 --> 01:07:23,936 - What are you doing? 1485 01:07:23,936 --> 01:07:24,769 - Step back. 1486 01:07:24,769 --> 01:07:27,001 Grillmaster, I thought you said she won't get hurt. 1487 01:07:27,001 --> 01:07:29,150 - Plans have changed, Chives. 1488 01:07:29,150 --> 01:07:32,049 One beautiful thing for another. 1489 01:07:32,049 --> 01:07:33,882 That's fair, isn't it? 1490 01:07:35,961 --> 01:07:38,794 Time for some flavoring injecting. 1491 01:07:44,098 --> 01:07:47,876 - Get your hands off her, you fat fuck. 1492 01:07:47,876 --> 01:07:49,584 - Shh, shh, shh, sh.. 1493 01:07:49,584 --> 01:07:52,089 Hush now, I know, I know. 1494 01:07:52,089 --> 01:07:55,451 The marination is the worst part. 1495 01:07:55,451 --> 01:07:57,935 - Oh shit, it's you. 1496 01:07:57,935 --> 01:07:59,055 It's you they want. 1497 01:07:59,055 --> 01:08:01,806 - Keep him quiet, he'll ruin the process. 1498 01:08:01,806 --> 01:08:04,176 - You're the sick fuck that tried to frame me. 1499 01:08:04,176 --> 01:08:06,021 - Grillmaster, what's he talking about? 1500 01:08:06,021 --> 01:08:07,562 - Chives, don't listen to him. 1501 01:08:07,562 --> 01:08:09,222 - You're the rapist murderer. 1502 01:08:09,222 --> 01:08:11,040 The one that brutalized those women. 1503 01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:12,918 All because of your sick fetish. 1504 01:08:12,918 --> 01:08:14,822 - Yo, is that true, Grillmaster, are you-- 1505 01:08:14,822 --> 01:08:17,034 - Well what's the point in mastering the law 1506 01:08:17,034 --> 01:08:20,306 if you don't manipulate it from time to time? 1507 01:08:20,306 --> 01:08:22,242 Especially when you leave behind 1508 01:08:22,242 --> 01:08:24,786 such explicit evidence for me. 1509 01:08:24,786 --> 01:08:27,055 I am a respected lawyer. 1510 01:08:27,055 --> 01:08:30,663 I donate to churches, hospitals and orphanages. 1511 01:08:30,663 --> 01:08:33,607 If the price for that is a few worthless hookers' lives, 1512 01:08:33,607 --> 01:08:34,440 so be it. 1513 01:08:35,847 --> 01:08:38,501 You are a nobody, you think anyone 1514 01:08:38,501 --> 01:08:41,104 will take your word over mine? 1515 01:08:41,104 --> 01:08:43,796 The chief of police has my back. 1516 01:08:43,796 --> 01:08:46,379 His hands are as dirty as mine. 1517 01:08:49,352 --> 01:08:51,496 - Chives, you need to stop him. 1518 01:08:51,496 --> 01:08:53,066 You know this is wrong. 1519 01:08:53,066 --> 01:08:56,007 - Listen not to this twisted lizard logic. 1520 01:08:56,007 --> 01:08:58,608 Remember what he did to me, to us. 1521 01:08:58,608 --> 01:09:00,462 - What did she do to you? 1522 01:09:00,462 --> 01:09:01,782 Nothing. - Well-- 1523 01:09:01,782 --> 01:09:05,240 - I'm your father, Chives, I know what is best. 1524 01:09:05,240 --> 01:09:06,670 - No, he doesn't. 1525 01:09:06,670 --> 01:09:08,571 - I gave you food. - He's a murderer. 1526 01:09:08,571 --> 01:09:10,263 - Shelter. - And a rapist. 1527 01:09:10,263 --> 01:09:11,527 - And love. 1528 01:09:11,527 --> 01:09:13,281 - If you really want a better life, 1529 01:09:13,281 --> 01:09:14,594 you'll stop him right now. 1530 01:09:14,594 --> 01:09:17,952 - Don't be so cheesily fooled, Chives. 1531 01:09:17,952 --> 01:09:19,496 This needs to be done. 1532 01:09:19,496 --> 01:09:20,920 - Please you have to. 1533 01:09:20,920 --> 01:09:22,420 - All right, stop. 1534 01:09:23,787 --> 01:09:25,544 You ain't gonna rape that girl. 1535 01:09:25,544 --> 01:09:26,875 That shit ain't cool. 1536 01:09:26,875 --> 01:09:28,726 - Chives, what is this? 1537 01:09:28,726 --> 01:09:30,672 - Hey I didn't sign up for this shit. 1538 01:09:30,672 --> 01:09:32,686 This prick deserves whatever's coming his way 1539 01:09:32,686 --> 01:09:35,099 but that lady ain't do a damn thing wrong. 1540 01:09:35,099 --> 01:09:39,363 - But my barbecue, my beautiful, beautiful barbecue. 1541 01:09:39,363 --> 01:09:42,144 He deserves to watch me ruin something he loves. 1542 01:09:42,144 --> 01:09:44,357 - Grillmaster, you better than this, man. 1543 01:09:44,357 --> 01:09:46,447 - Turn the other way if you must. 1544 01:09:46,447 --> 01:09:49,280 For this is flame broiled justice. 1545 01:09:50,795 --> 01:09:51,973 (gun cocking) 1546 01:09:51,973 --> 01:09:54,037 - I ain't gonna ask you again. 1547 01:09:54,037 --> 01:09:56,537 - So the munion sheds a layer. 1548 01:09:58,218 --> 01:10:01,825 (sighs) You're right, Chives. 1549 01:10:01,825 --> 01:10:04,310 I almost did something truly horrible. 1550 01:10:04,310 --> 01:10:06,362 I don't know what I was thinking. 1551 01:10:06,362 --> 01:10:09,172 Come here and give me a hug, son. 1552 01:10:09,172 --> 01:10:11,450 - I thought you lost it for a minute there, Dad. 1553 01:10:11,450 --> 01:10:12,870 Good to have you back. 1554 01:10:12,870 --> 01:10:15,202 - It's all right now, I'm back. 1555 01:10:15,202 --> 01:10:16,952 Just give me the gun. 1556 01:10:19,069 --> 01:10:21,472 I lost my head for a moment, son. 1557 01:10:21,472 --> 01:10:25,389 But never forget, I will always love barbecues. 1558 01:10:28,216 --> 01:10:30,633 (gun firing) 1559 01:10:35,100 --> 01:10:36,814 - [Chives] Dad... 1560 01:10:36,814 --> 01:10:38,477 (groaning) 1561 01:10:38,477 --> 01:10:40,124 - Oh what a pity. 1562 01:10:40,124 --> 01:10:42,571 Now I have to go out and buy more munions. 1563 01:10:42,571 --> 01:10:44,768 - You insane son of a bitch. 1564 01:10:44,768 --> 01:10:46,935 - Now what to do with you? 1565 01:10:48,165 --> 01:10:51,825 - This is between you and me, not you, me and a gun. 1566 01:10:51,825 --> 01:10:52,908 - Good point. 1567 01:10:55,314 --> 01:10:58,069 Let the main course begin. 1568 01:10:58,069 --> 01:11:00,736 (intense music) 1569 01:11:01,769 --> 01:11:05,019 (electricity sizzling) 1570 01:11:07,022 --> 01:11:08,431 (groaning) 1571 01:11:08,431 --> 01:11:12,577 It's a little something Videlia whipped up for me. 1572 01:11:12,577 --> 01:11:14,160 Shocking, isn't it? 1573 01:11:15,172 --> 01:11:17,422 (groaning) 1574 01:11:18,565 --> 01:11:20,232 - My powers fail me. 1575 01:11:21,627 --> 01:11:24,684 - You actually think you have powers? 1576 01:11:24,684 --> 01:11:28,184 What a skewered sense of reality you have. 1577 01:11:30,372 --> 01:11:33,397 Don't hope for sloppy seconds. 1578 01:11:33,397 --> 01:11:34,897 I never leave any. 1579 01:11:39,389 --> 01:11:42,506 - I'm sorry, Nicole, I'm so sorry. 1580 01:11:42,506 --> 01:11:46,109 - Psst, hey Pete. - Becker, you're alive. 1581 01:11:46,109 --> 01:11:48,142 - Yeah, the bullet barely hit me. 1582 01:11:48,142 --> 01:11:49,863 I'm just real drunk. 1583 01:11:49,863 --> 01:11:51,681 I can't hold my liquor like you, Petey. 1584 01:11:51,681 --> 01:11:55,014 Look I'm sorry for this, for everything. 1585 01:11:56,620 --> 01:11:58,076 - It's not your fault. 1586 01:11:58,076 --> 01:12:00,798 Everything that's happened is because of me, not you. 1587 01:12:00,798 --> 01:12:04,245 - I know but I still feel bad though. 1588 01:12:04,245 --> 01:12:07,478 How about I get you a beer and we'll call it even. 1589 01:12:07,478 --> 01:12:09,061 - Now's not a good time for-- 1590 01:12:09,061 --> 01:12:11,201 (bottle rattling) 1591 01:12:11,201 --> 01:12:13,186 - Never thought I'd see the day 1592 01:12:13,186 --> 01:12:17,401 when Peter B. Lizardman turned down a free beer. 1593 01:12:17,401 --> 01:12:19,651 (laughing) 1594 01:12:20,492 --> 01:12:23,366 - Don't get soft on me now, cream puff. 1595 01:12:23,366 --> 01:12:25,033 Let's have some fun. 1596 01:12:26,096 --> 01:12:28,596 (tense music) 1597 01:13:03,039 --> 01:13:04,372 - Hey, fat fuck. 1598 01:13:05,825 --> 01:13:07,075 One more round. 1599 01:13:08,253 --> 01:13:10,545 - Don't you ever learn? 1600 01:13:10,545 --> 01:13:11,712 - No, I adapt. 1601 01:13:13,185 --> 01:13:17,268 - Mm-hm, time for your last meal, Mr. LeSeurdmin. 1602 01:13:18,611 --> 01:13:20,611 - The name is Lizardman. 1603 01:13:22,450 --> 01:13:24,950 (tense music) 1604 01:13:36,130 --> 01:13:37,049 (groaning) 1605 01:13:37,049 --> 01:13:40,056 Stupid, fat, fuck, fucking fat piece of shit, 1606 01:13:40,056 --> 01:13:43,923 fuck you, motherfucking fat fuck, fuck, fuck. 1607 01:13:43,923 --> 01:13:45,091 - Wait, wait, wait. 1608 01:13:45,091 --> 01:13:49,160 If you kill me now, she'll still die from the poison. 1609 01:13:49,160 --> 01:13:50,327 - What poison? 1610 01:13:53,203 --> 01:13:54,036 - Fool! 1611 01:13:55,040 --> 01:13:56,915 You're the poison. 1612 01:13:56,915 --> 01:13:59,520 Or are you too stupid to see? 1613 01:13:59,520 --> 01:14:02,901 Anyone that gets close to you only seems to get hurt. 1614 01:14:02,901 --> 01:14:05,688 You are a toxic to those around you 1615 01:14:05,688 --> 01:14:10,595 and now I leave you with one last thought before you die. 1616 01:14:10,595 --> 01:14:13,117 I am going to ravage your girlfriend 1617 01:14:13,117 --> 01:14:17,796 over and over and I will pin it all on your black friend. 1618 01:14:17,796 --> 01:14:20,129 Time for your just desserts. 1619 01:14:21,763 --> 01:14:22,826 - [Peter] To save its life, 1620 01:14:22,826 --> 01:14:26,159 the lizard must sometimes lose its tail. 1621 01:14:27,016 --> 01:14:28,512 (groaning) 1622 01:14:28,512 --> 01:14:33,206 Oh, Lizardman is known to use this to his advantage. 1623 01:14:33,206 --> 01:14:34,039 (groans) 1624 01:14:34,039 --> 01:14:35,278 - What is this? 1625 01:14:35,278 --> 01:14:37,794 - Because the tail is where the Lizardman stores 1626 01:14:37,794 --> 01:14:42,380 the rancid bloody diarrhea from his awful diet. 1627 01:14:42,380 --> 01:14:44,547 - Uh oh, it's hammer time. 1628 01:14:45,447 --> 01:14:47,687 - Is this diarrhea? 1629 01:14:47,687 --> 01:14:49,187 - Lizard diarrhea. 1630 01:14:53,978 --> 01:14:54,811 - Quit it. 1631 01:14:56,321 --> 01:15:00,018 It smells worse than Hamburger Helper. 1632 01:15:00,018 --> 01:15:01,271 Disgusting. 1633 01:15:01,271 --> 01:15:03,521 (groaning) 1634 01:15:06,746 --> 01:15:08,996 (shouting) 1635 01:15:11,197 --> 01:15:14,136 Cheeseburgers, pickles, fries, onions, 1636 01:15:14,136 --> 01:15:17,525 mustard, lettuce, tomatoes, relish. 1637 01:15:17,525 --> 01:15:19,192 - Any last requests? 1638 01:15:20,886 --> 01:15:22,886 - Try my ostrich burger. 1639 01:15:24,555 --> 01:15:26,138 - I bid you fondue. 1640 01:15:27,335 --> 01:15:29,585 (shouting) 1641 01:15:31,189 --> 01:15:33,919 - Oh Pete, oh Pete, thank you. 1642 01:15:33,919 --> 01:15:35,200 Are you okay/ 1643 01:15:35,200 --> 01:15:37,162 - Yeah, I'll be fine, you? 1644 01:15:37,162 --> 01:15:38,981 - Yes, oh thank god for you Pete. 1645 01:15:38,981 --> 01:15:40,612 I love you so much. 1646 01:15:40,612 --> 01:15:41,945 I was so scared. 1647 01:15:44,043 --> 01:15:45,222 Pete, what's wrong? 1648 01:15:45,222 --> 01:15:46,589 Why won't you kiss me back? 1649 01:15:46,589 --> 01:15:48,552 - I'm sorry, but I can't. 1650 01:15:48,552 --> 01:15:50,074 - Don't you still love me? 1651 01:15:50,074 --> 01:15:51,850 - Yes, of course. - So? 1652 01:15:51,850 --> 01:15:55,789 - It's just that, you were right, hell he's right, 1653 01:15:55,789 --> 01:15:58,118 I've spent so long being unhappy 1654 01:15:58,118 --> 01:15:59,782 that I don't know any other way to be. 1655 01:15:59,782 --> 01:16:02,225 I am a poison to you and I won't put you 1656 01:16:02,225 --> 01:16:03,365 through that again. 1657 01:16:03,365 --> 01:16:04,253 - But Pete, I-- 1658 01:16:04,253 --> 01:16:06,712 - I'll always love you, Nicole, that will never change, 1659 01:16:06,712 --> 01:16:08,495 but we can't be together. 1660 01:16:08,495 --> 01:16:10,491 I'm more lizard now than man. 1661 01:16:10,491 --> 01:16:12,370 I've been cold blooded for awhile. 1662 01:16:12,370 --> 01:16:14,128 I'm just now realizing it. 1663 01:16:14,128 --> 01:16:16,216 I don't belong with civilization. 1664 01:16:16,216 --> 01:16:19,058 Now I know my calling is to bring my melancholy 1665 01:16:19,058 --> 01:16:20,787 onto those that deserve it. 1666 01:16:20,787 --> 01:16:24,020 That may sound crazy but I hope you can understand. 1667 01:16:24,020 --> 01:16:27,073 - Strangely enough, I think I do. 1668 01:16:27,073 --> 01:16:29,331 Besides you smell like shit. 1669 01:16:29,331 --> 01:16:31,914 (gentle music) 1670 01:16:34,017 --> 01:16:38,152 - Yeah, let's get Becker and get the hell out of here. 1671 01:16:38,152 --> 01:16:41,575 The world is filled with scum, dirt bags and assholes. 1672 01:16:41,575 --> 01:16:44,627 They rape, murder, strangle what could be 1673 01:16:44,627 --> 01:16:46,473 a beautiful world. 1674 01:16:46,473 --> 01:16:48,890 I know this because I'm one of them. 1675 01:16:48,890 --> 01:16:51,142 - And the girl? - Barely. 1676 01:16:51,142 --> 01:16:52,840 But they expect her to pull through. 1677 01:16:52,840 --> 01:16:54,502 Hopefully she'll want to talk about whatever 1678 01:16:54,502 --> 01:16:56,014 the hell went down here. 1679 01:16:56,014 --> 01:16:58,344 - [Officer] Detective Sugar, this was left for you. 1680 01:16:58,344 --> 01:17:01,033 - [Peter] But if i can't add any beauty to this world, 1681 01:17:01,033 --> 01:17:04,119 you can be damn sure I'll eliminate some of the ugliness. 1682 01:17:04,119 --> 01:17:05,761 - [Burt] She may not have to. 1683 01:17:05,761 --> 01:17:08,425 - [Mickey] That perverted monkey scrotum. 1684 01:17:08,425 --> 01:17:11,568 - [Peter] There will be no due process or fair trials, 1685 01:17:11,568 --> 01:17:14,446 no slap on the wrist fees or warnings. 1686 01:17:14,446 --> 01:17:16,124 If you bring misery to others, 1687 01:17:16,124 --> 01:17:19,958 I bring my misery to you, it's that simple. 1688 01:17:19,958 --> 01:17:22,458 - [Woman] Help, somebody help! 1689 01:17:23,435 --> 01:17:24,685 - [Peter] Nope. 1690 01:17:26,970 --> 01:17:29,172 He who makes a beast of himself gets rid 1691 01:17:29,172 --> 01:17:31,422 of the pain of being a man. 1692 01:17:34,391 --> 01:17:36,120 - That sounds more like you, Pete. 1693 01:17:36,120 --> 01:17:38,112 Looks like you found your voice. 1694 01:17:38,112 --> 01:17:40,612 (dance music) 1695 01:18:16,765 --> 01:18:18,801 (burping) 1696 01:18:18,801 --> 01:18:20,281 - Slow night. 1697 01:18:20,281 --> 01:18:23,427 - [Roofcop] That just means you're not looking hard enough. 1698 01:18:23,427 --> 01:18:25,634 - Some nights trouble comes to me dressed 1699 01:18:25,634 --> 01:18:27,976 in a fruity little trench coat. 1700 01:18:27,976 --> 01:18:29,059 Come on then. 1701 01:18:31,291 --> 01:18:33,982 - If I wanted you dead, you'd already be a stain 1702 01:18:33,982 --> 01:18:35,149 on my rooftop. 1703 01:18:36,940 --> 01:18:38,314 - Then what do you want? 1704 01:18:38,314 --> 01:18:40,708 - Your help, I'm putting together a team 1705 01:18:40,708 --> 01:18:43,609 and I need your utter disdain for human trash. 1706 01:18:43,609 --> 01:18:45,428 - And why should I trust you? 1707 01:18:45,428 --> 01:18:46,940 - Why should I trust you? 1708 01:18:46,940 --> 01:18:48,745 - Fuck you. - Fuck you. 1709 01:18:48,745 --> 01:18:51,245 (tense music) 1710 01:18:56,833 --> 01:18:58,140 - All right, I trust you. 1711 01:18:58,140 --> 01:19:01,793 - Mahoney, Police Chief Lawrence Mahoney 1712 01:19:01,793 --> 01:19:04,033 and he's as dirty as they come. 1713 01:19:04,033 --> 01:19:06,710 He's behind a huge heroine ring in the city. 1714 01:19:06,710 --> 01:19:09,184 It's laying our city's youth to waste. 1715 01:19:09,184 --> 01:19:10,551 - What do you suggest? 1716 01:19:10,551 --> 01:19:11,718 - War, you in? 1717 01:19:13,342 --> 01:19:15,120 - You had me at fuck you. 1718 01:19:15,120 --> 01:19:17,635 - Good, the name's Roofcop. 1719 01:19:17,635 --> 01:19:19,089 - [Peter] What do we need to get started? 1720 01:19:19,089 --> 01:19:21,998 - Two things, first you'll need a little help. 1721 01:19:21,998 --> 01:19:23,630 - I know just the man. 1722 01:19:23,630 --> 01:19:25,926 - This thing won't be a simple waltz. 1723 01:19:25,926 --> 01:19:27,657 - He knows how to dance. 1724 01:19:27,657 --> 01:19:29,503 - Good, get in touch with him. 1725 01:19:29,503 --> 01:19:31,585 - Hey wait, what's the second thing? 1726 01:19:31,585 --> 01:19:36,076 - [Roofcop] Body bags, a whole fucking lot of body bags. 1727 01:19:36,076 --> 01:19:38,659 (gentle music) 115624

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