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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:07,311 ** 2 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,811 YOU KNOW, A NEW WIDOWER MOVED IN TODAY. 3 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,383 THAT'S RIGHT. 4 00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:14,282 HE LIVES IN BUILDING D, APARTMENT 3-B. 5 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:17,415 HIS NAME IS MELVIN SHLANGA. 6 00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,151 HE SPEAKS FLUENT PUERTO RICAN. 7 00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:20,147 THAT'S SPANISH. 8 00:00:20,188 --> 00:00:22,588 HE'S MISSING THE LAST SEVEN INCHES OF HIS COLON, 9 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:26,063 AND HE ALWAYS KEEPS GRAPES IN HIS POCKET. 10 00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:28,634 SO, HE'S A REAL CATCH, AND HE'S BACK ON THE MARKET. 11 00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,362 OH, YOU'RE ON THE MARKET. 12 00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,368 (Gigi) BUT, LET ME TELL YA-- 13 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,429 I'VE GOT SOME PRETTY STIFF COMPETITION FOR HIM-- 14 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,267 THREE WOMEN IN PARTICULAR. 15 00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:37,843 ROSEMARY GUERRERO-- SHE'S A CUBAN JEW HUNTER 16 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,441 WITH FAKE BREASTS. 17 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:40,813 HER HUSBAND IS STILL ALIVE. 18 00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:43,381 SHE'S STILL MARRIED, BUT HE'S DEEP IN A COMA. 19 00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,451 THEN, OF COURSE, MY FRIEND MITZY. 20 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:46,609 YOU KNOW MITZY. 21 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,347 SHE SMOKES POT, WEARS A WIG, 22 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,522 AND SHE'S ABOUT 4'6" TALL. 23 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,321 IF HE LIKES PETITE WOMEN, I'M SCREWED. 24 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,324 THEN, THERE'S DEBBIE MAIZAR. 25 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,086 OH, THE CHARACTER ACTRESS? 26 00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,625 NO, THIS IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT DEBBIE MAIZAR. 27 00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:01,700 AND SHE'S A DEMOCRAT WITH AN iPHONE. 28 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,299 (Ricky) OH. (Gigi) SHE'S ALWAYS ON IT. 29 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:04,771 I NEVER KNOW IF SHE'S SPYING ON ME 30 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,298 OR TELLING THE NSA WHAT I'M UP TO. 31 00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,765 SO, I HAVE MY WORK CUT OUT FOR ME, 32 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,342 BUT I THINK I HAVE A LEG UP ON THE COMPETITION. 33 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:12,842 AND IT'S QUITE THE LEG. 34 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:14,683 (Gigi) IT'S A FINE LEG, ISN'T IT? 35 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:17,448 YOU'RE LIKE A HOBBIT IN HER GOLDEN YEARS. 36 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:20,478 WHAT'S THE QUICKEST WAY TO A MAN'S HEART? 37 00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,824 THROUGH HIS... 38 00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:23,419 BRAIN. STOMACH. 39 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,591 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING BRAIN? 40 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:25,648 YOU DON'T KNOW THE SAYING. 41 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,456 HUH. YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE. 42 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:28,788 NOW, I'M NO COOK. 43 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:30,492 YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT. 44 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,164 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING IN THE KITCHEN. 45 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:33,593 TRETCHIE FEINBERG'S EX-HUSBAND, 46 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,227 HE USED TO SAY THAT MY BRISKET 47 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,403 TASTED LIKE IT CAME FROM A BRIS, 48 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,531 WHICH, YOU KNOW, WASN'T FUNNY 49 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,396 'CAUSE HE WAS AN ACTUAL MOHEL. 50 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,604 WHAT'S A MOHEL? 51 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,765 THAT'S A JEW DOCTOR WHO CUTS YOUR DICK. 52 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:44,714 OH, RIGHT. 53 00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:46,538 YEAH. YEAH. 54 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:47,914 SO, GUESS WHAT I'M GONNA DO. 55 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,511 I'M GONNA HIRE A PRIVATE CHEF 56 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,684 TO COOK FOR ME FOR HIM. 57 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,383 MELVIN'LL NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. 58 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:55,515 YEAH, BUT THAT'S CHEATING. 59 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,289 YOU DON'T WANT YOUR FIRST INTERACTION WITH SOMEBODY 60 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,718 TO BE BASED ON A LIE. 61 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,222 YOU'RE RIGHT. THAT IS LYING, 62 00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,664 AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL A SOUL, ARE YOU? 63 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,460 ARE YOU, RICKY? NO, I WON'T. I-I WON'T. 64 00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:07,732 YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL A LIVING SOUL, ARE YOU? I WON'T SAY A WORD. 65 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,261 * LA LA LA LA LA 66 00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:10,927 * LA LA LA LA LA 67 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,404 * LA LA LA LA LA 68 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,403 * LA LA 69 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,195 * LA LA LA LA LA 70 00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:17,837 * LA LA LA LA LA 71 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,271 * LA LA LA LA LA 72 00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:21,277 * LA LA 73 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:28,219 ** 74 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,779 * LA LA LA LA LA 75 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,587 * LA LA LA LA LA 76 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:32,849 * LA LA LA LA LA 77 00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,886 * LA LA 78 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:37,362 ** 79 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:38,531 (Ricky) ALL RIGHT, EVEN THOUGH 80 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,729 I STILL THINK THIS IS CHEATING-- (Gigi) YEAH. 81 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,230 I HAVE PREPARED THREE CHEFS TO MEET WITH YOU. OH, GEE. 82 00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:43,703 EACH WITH A DIFFERENT BACKGROUND, 83 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:45,671 SO THEY'LL PREPARE THREE DIFFERENT DISHES. 84 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,599 OKAY. THAT'S PERFECT. OKAY, NOW, YOU HAVE TO-- 85 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:51,565 YEAH, AND WE'LL SEE WHICH ONE YOU THINK MELVIN LIKES BEST. YEAH. 86 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,635 JUST BE VERY COMPLIMENTARY AND NICE 87 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:54,984 ABOUT WHAT THEY PREPARE YOU, OKAY? 88 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,448 AND IT'S NOT CHEATING IF YOU WIN. 89 00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,548 YOU KNOW, A LOTTA WINNERS CHEAT. 90 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,350 IN FACT, ONLY WINNERS CHEAT. 91 00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,622 LOSERS PLAY BY THE RULES LIKE YOU. 92 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,921 YOU PLAY BY THE RULES TOO MUCH. 93 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,923 (sizzling) 94 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,756 HELLO, EVERYONE. HELLO. 95 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,561 HI. OH, MY CHEFS! 96 00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:15,363 WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO, IS WIN THE AFFECTIONS 97 00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:17,696 OF A NEW MAN. HIS NAME IS MELVIN, 98 00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:21,741 AND THE WAY TO HIS HEART IS THROUGH HIS? 99 00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:22,969 STOMACH. (Gigi) STOMACH. 100 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:25,613 AND THAT'S ALSO THE WAY TO HIS PENIS, 101 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,379 WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT. 102 00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:30,308 SO, I WANT YOU THREE TO COOK A DISH 103 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,254 THAT'S GONNA KNOCK HIS SOCKS OFF. 104 00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:35,651 AND THEN, I'M GONNA SAY THAT I MADE IT. 105 00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:36,653 (chuckles) 106 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:37,694 DO YOU GUYS MIND IF WE COME OVER 107 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,848 AND JUST START LOOKIN' AT SOME OF YOUR DISHES? 108 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:39,686 (man) SURE. (woman) YEAH, SURE, COME ON DOWN. 109 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,820 OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, I CAN COME CLOSE. 110 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,824 THANK YOU. WHAT ARE YOU MAKING FOR US TODAY, DARLING? 111 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:43,956 SO, WHAT WE HAVE OVER HERE IS A SKIRT STEAK. 112 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,091 OKAY. 113 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,155 (woman) AND I'M MAKING IT BRAZILIAN STYLE. 114 00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,403 I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE INTERNATIONAL FLARE. 115 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,698 OH. SOMETHING THAT'S EASY-- SOMETHING THAT'S DELICIOUS. 116 00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,600 SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA-- 117 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,002 SPICE IT UP A BIT. OH, YEAH. 118 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,473 I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MAKING. 119 00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:56,472 WHAT AM I MAKING? A BETTER HAT. 120 00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,508 I GOT SOME, UH, ORGANIC TOMATOES, 121 00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:00,810 CHERRY TOMATOES HERE FOR YOU. 122 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:01,941 OH, PERFECT. 123 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,035 TO TOSS WITH THE FRESH HOMEMADE PASTA 124 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,276 THAT I MADE THIS MORNING, VERY EARLY. 125 00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:06,183 BEAUTIFUL. 126 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,753 YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE READY TO KNOCK ME OUT. 127 00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:11,551 SOME MEN ARE VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT GOING BALD. 128 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,785 WITH A LEMON ZEST. MMM. 129 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:14,050 A TRUE SICILIAN DISH. 130 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,327 BOOM! AND I'M GONNA TOSS SOME FRESH, WILD ARUGULA IN THERE. 131 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,928 WHAT'D YOU SAY? WALA-RULA? 132 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,329 FRESH WILD ARUGULA-- WILD. 133 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,361 ARUGULA, OOH. ...IN HIS PANTS. 134 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,425 BUT, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING THAT'S GONNA BLOAT HIM. 135 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:24,534 OH, NO, NO, NOT AT ALL. 136 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,025 WHEN I GET BLOATED, I GET WET. 137 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,896 BUT, WHEN MEN GET BLOATED, THEY GET SOFT. 138 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,935 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YOU STILL GET WET? 139 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,440 I STILL GET WET. 140 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,472 MY HAROLD WENT BALD WHEN HE WAS 21. 141 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:34,507 I'M NOT REALLY GOING BALD. 142 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,182 OH, OKAY. (Wes) YEAH. 143 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,709 I'M MAKING A CAJUN FRIED CHICKEN. OKAY, WELL, THIS IS AWK-- THAT'S VERY EXCITING. 144 00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,376 YEAH. OH, I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN. 145 00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,424 IF YOU SPIT IN MY FOOD, 146 00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,080 I'M GONNA REPORT YOU. NO, I WILL NOT SPIT IN IT. 147 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,317 WILD ARUGULA. 148 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,823 DO YOU KNOW WHAT ARUGULA IS GOOD FOR? 149 00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:47,964 PARKINSON'S DISEASE. 150 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,618 (Roberto) PARKINSON'S. WHICH I DON'T HAVE, YET. 151 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:51,528 (Roberto) GREAT. 152 00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,359 BUT, I'M LIABLE TO GET PARKINSON'S DISEASE. 153 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,634 OH, YOU'RE IN GOOD SHAPE. YOU-- 154 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:55,902 NO, I HAVE A FEELING IT'S COMING. 155 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,669 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT CAJUN FOOD. WHAT'S THAT? 156 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,069 IT GIVES YOU BETTER-- YOU KNOW. 157 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,100 OH, MY GOODNESS. (Wes) YES. 158 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:04,674 LISTEN, WHATEVER YOU COOK, IT SHOULD BE WITH LOVE. 159 00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:05,865 OH. 160 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,676 AND A LITTLE BIT OF LUST. 161 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:08,808 EXTRA LOVE. 162 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,712 D-DON'T COME IN THE FOOD, WHATEVER YOU DO. 163 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,054 OH, NO, NO. 164 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,049 (Ricky) THANK YOU, ROBERTO. 165 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:13,910 IT'S, UH-- YOU'RE WELCOME. 166 00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:14,677 THANK YOU SO MUCH. ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU. 167 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,875 (Gigi) FROM A CULINARY STANDPOINT, 168 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,617 THIS IS GONNA BE A TOUGH CHOICE. 169 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,592 BUT, FROM A LIBIDO STANDPOINT, 170 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:24,992 THE ITALIAN HAS MY VAGINA'S BEST INTERESTS AT HEART. 171 00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:28,555 YOU KNOW, I THINK VAGINA IS AN ITALIAN WORD. 172 00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:32,366 IT SOUNDS ITALIAN-- A VAGINA. 173 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,800 ALL RIGHT, I'M STARVING. 174 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,404 WHERE'S MY FOOD? 175 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,406 AND I'M LOW BLOOD SUGAR, SO GET IT OVER HERE. 176 00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:38,808 (claps) CHOP-CHOP. 177 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,439 OH, MY GOODNESS, LOOK AT THIS. 178 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:41,584 IT'S IMPORTANT WHAT A DISH LOOKS LIKE. 179 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:42,709 BON APPETIT. 180 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:43,583 (speaking in foreign language) (Gigi) BON APPETIT. 181 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,781 OKAY, A LITTLE SEA BASS ON MY FORK. 182 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,522 (slurps) 183 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:51,721 ** 184 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:52,652 VERY NICE. VERY NICE. 185 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:53,386 VERY NICE. 186 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,761 (kissing sounds) MOLTO BENE. 187 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,629 MOLTO BENE. YOU DID GREAT. 188 00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,958 OKAY, LET'S TRY THIS ONE, NOW. 189 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:00,863 THERE IT IS. 190 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,904 MMM. LOOK AT THIS. 191 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,966 VERY, VERY GREAT. (woman) THANK YOU. 192 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:09,741 I LOVE IT. 193 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:10,970 LET'S TRY THE THIRD ONE. 194 00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,574 (Ricky) MM-HMM. 195 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:15,136 WHAT IS THIS? 196 00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,875 IT SMELLS LIKE MARIJUANA. 197 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,010 YOU TRYIN' TO GET ME STONED? 198 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,975 (Wes) MAYBE. (Gigi) YEAH, I KNOW. 199 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:23,953 ** 200 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,754 MMM. 201 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,516 THIS IS VERY GOOD. (Ricky) YEAH? 202 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,555 GIVE US A SECOND. 203 00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,134 OKAY, COME ON. 204 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,600 LET'S TALK. 205 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,028 SO, WHICH ONE'S YOUR FAVORITE? 206 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,603 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BREAK IT TO THEM, 207 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,071 BUT THEY ALL SUCK. YOU THINK? 208 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,539 THEY ALL TASTED LIKE CAT MEAT. 209 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,799 ALL THREE OF THOSE ARE GOURMET MEALS, OKAY? 210 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,807 WHICH ONE OF THESE DO YOU LIKE THE BEST? 211 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,169 FIRST, YOU HAVE ROBERTO. 212 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,537 THE FISH. 213 00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:50,876 HE'S ITALIAN, AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM. 214 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:51,981 ALTHOUGH, HE'S SICILIAN, 215 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,052 SO HE'S LIABLE TO PUT A HIT OUT ON ME. 216 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,621 SO, I'M A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT THAT. 217 00:06:56,650 --> 00:07:00,050 THEN, YOU HAVE, YOU KNOW, THE-THE-- 218 00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:05,487 THE WHAT? THE B-- THE B-- THE BLA-BLA-- 219 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,456 THE-THE BLA-BLA. 220 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:08,925 THE BLACK WOMAN? YEAH, THE BLACK. 221 00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,832 SHE SPIT IN THAT FOOD. 222 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,204 SHE DID NOT SPIT IN THAT DISH. SHE PHLEGMED IN IT. 223 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,133 SHE DIDN'T. SHE PHLEGMED IN IT. 224 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,267 I KNOW PHLEGM WHEN I TASTE IT 225 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:18,512 'CAUSE I'M CONSTANTLY SWALLOWING MY OWN PHLEGM ALL DAY. 226 00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:19,809 ALL RIGHT, WHAT ABOUT THE LAST DISH? 227 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,480 IT WAS THE FRIED CHICKEN ON THE-- 228 00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,579 ON THE-THE CAJUN RICE. 229 00:07:23,611 --> 00:07:24,881 THERE WAS ANOTHER DISH? 230 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,782 THE FRIED CHICKEN WITH THE CAJUN RICE? 231 00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:28,484 I F-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 232 00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:29,476 I THINK-- THERE WERE TWO DISHES. 233 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,217 NO, THERE WAS A THIRD ONE BY WES. 234 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,621 WHO'S WES? 235 00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,223 THE LAST CHEF WITH THE HAT ON. 236 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,794 OH, THAT DUMB HAT, AND HE CLAIMS NOT TO BE BALD. 237 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,064 THAT'S BULLSHIT. 238 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,091 YOU DON'T WEAR A HAT LIKE THAT 239 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,156 UNLESS YOU'RE GOIN' BALD. 240 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,034 SO, DO YOU KNOW WHICH ONE YOU WANNA PICK? 241 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,833 DO I HAVE TO PICK ONE? YEAH. 242 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:50,866 OH, THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY ASTONISHING-- ASTOUNDING. 243 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:53,014 YOU'VE DONE A GREAT JOB... 244 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,110 AT WASTING MY TIME. 245 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,082 I ASKED YOU TO COOK IT WITH LOVE, 246 00:07:57,110 --> 00:08:00,780 AND ALL I TASTE IS SPIT AND SPICE. 247 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,084 AND I KNOW YOU SPIT IN THE DISH. 248 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,915 I TOLD YA NOT TO. SO, GET OUT. 249 00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:07,092 * LA LA LA LA LA JUST LEAVE. 250 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,960 * LA LA LA LA LA BRING ME A GARBAGE PAIL. 251 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,119 * LA LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T EVEN STAND TO SMELL IT. 252 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:15,802 IT'S READY! 253 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,199 OH, IT IS? IT SMELLS WONDERFUL. 254 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,200 I CAN'T WAIT TO EAT IT AND CHEW IT. 255 00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,902 YOU-YOU ARE IN FOR SUCH A TREAT. 256 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,544 THIS IS THE CANADIAN NATIONAL DISH. 257 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,970 (Gigi) OH, LOOK AT THIS, WHAT YOU MADE ME! 258 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:24,874 IT'S POUTINE. 259 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:25,935 POO-- YOU MADE ME POO. 260 00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:26,943 NOW, GET-- 261 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:27,944 NO, IT'S-- (laughs) 262 00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:28,975 OKAY, LET ME TRY IT. 263 00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:29,879 IT'S A-- SO, IT'S POTATO. THIS LOOKS AMAZING. 264 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,880 YEAH, IT'S POTATO, GRAVY, AND CURD CHEESE. 265 00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,723 YEAH. OKAY. MM-HMM. 266 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,018 YOU SAID CURD CHEESE? 267 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:37,749 CURD CHEESE, YEAH. YEAH. MMM. MMM. 268 00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:38,945 YEAH. 269 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,616 SOMETIMES, YOU CAN USE, LIKE, UM, 270 00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,324 THEY USE GOAT CHEESE OR-- 271 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,455 YEAH. 272 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,760 JUST SOME, YOU KNOW, REGULAR CHEESE. YEAH, IT'S GOOD. 273 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:46,763 IT'S PRETTY GREAT. OH, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. 274 00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,304 IT'S-- SOME PEOPLE SAY IT'S HEAVY. I LOVE IT. 275 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:49,828 BUT, IT-IT PAIRS WELL WITH, LIKE, HOT DOGS, 276 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,003 OR HAMBURGERS, OR-- I LOVE IT. 277 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,001 LET ME, UM, JUST-- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 278 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,333 YEAH. NO, OF COURSE. 279 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,637 YEAH, IT'S WONDERFUL, THOUGH. I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKE IT. YEAH. 280 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,269 I LOVE IT. YEAH, IT'S REALLY GOOD. YOU REALLY, REALLY LIKE IT. 281 00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,344 (retching) 282 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:03,612 I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. 283 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:04,984 I'M SORRY. 284 00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,182 YOU DON'T LIKE MY POUTINE? 285 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,923 I DO-- WELL-- REEE! 286 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,950 * LA LA LA LA LA LA LA 287 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:18,859 I'VE DECIDED TO COOK FOR MELVIN MYSELF. 288 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,262 BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SOME SORT OF, UH, UH, UH, 289 00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:24,634 THREE-STAR MICHELIN RATED COOK. 290 00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:28,735 SO, I'VE HAD RICKY HIRE ME BOCA'S TOP COOKING INSTRUCTOR, 291 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:31,869 THE VERY BEST MONEY CAN BUY. 292 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:35,905 YOU KNOW, I HEAR MELVIN'S PENIS LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE 293 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:39,783 THE MICHELIN MAN, RIBBED FOR MY PLEASURE. 294 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:42,683 (chuckles) 295 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:43,816 HELLO. 296 00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,221 OH, ARIGATO GOJAIMASU. 297 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,692 (Gigi) WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 298 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,820 HE'S ALREADY SPEAK-- YOU SPEAK ENGLISH OR NO? 299 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,256 (laughs) UH, A LITTLE. 300 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,290 WHAT? DID YA GIVE ME A NON-SPEAK-- 301 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,234 YOU SPEAK A LITTLE BIT? I'M FROM CALI, SO YEAH. 302 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,900 OH, OKAY, VERY GOOD. HUH? 303 00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,358 HI-- RICKY. YOU SCARED ME. CHRIS-- PLEASURE. 304 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:57,726 NICE TO MEET YOU. YOU SCARED ME. DO ME A FAVOR. 305 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:58,795 ONLY SPEAK ENGLISH. 306 00:09:58,832 --> 00:09:59,872 (Chris) SI, SENORITA. 307 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,130 NO, NO, COME ON. COME ON. 308 00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,898 (Chris) YOU GOT IT. BECAUSE THE SOUND OF OTHER LANGUAGES 309 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,166 MAKES ME WANNA PUKE. 310 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:07,884 OKAY. OKAY, NOW, YOU'RE HERE TO TEACH ME? 311 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,138 (Chris) I'M HERE TO TEACH YOU. OKAY, GOOD. 312 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,376 I NEED A GOOD LESSON BECAUSE I'M HORNY, 313 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,951 AND I'M TRYIN' TO CATCH A MAN. 314 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,951 I'M TALKING SPECIFICALLY ABOUT A MAN NAMED MELVIN. 315 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:17,894 (Chris) MELVIN. 316 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,748 (Gigi) GET ME INSIDE HIS PANTS. OKAY. 317 00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:23,218 I'D LIKE TO GO INSIDE THERE WITH MY WHOLE HEAD 318 00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,026 AND TAKE A PEEK. 319 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,288 LOOK AROUND INSIDE HIS PANTS. 320 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,027 OH, THERE YOU ARE, MR. SIR. 321 00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,802 (kissing sound) KISS YA. 322 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:31,731 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 323 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,325 I'D LIKE TO KISS HIM ON THE SCHMEKIE. 324 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:34,126 OKAY. 325 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,897 I'M SURE YOU'VE HAD A FEW LADIES 326 00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,096 WHO KISSED YOUR SCHMEKIE. 327 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,107 UH, I'D RATHER NOT SAY. 328 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,669 YEAH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT. HE'S NEVER-- 329 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,038 HE'S NEVER HAD A LADY KISS HIS SCHMEKIE. 330 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:42,875 (Chris) OKAY. IT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE. 331 00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,880 NEVER HAD A LADY KISS HIS SCHMEKIE. 332 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,152 I'VE HAD MANY THINGS TOUCH AND KISS THINGS. 333 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,379 YOUR SCHMEKIE THEY HAVEN'T KISSED. 334 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:48,754 SO, I NOTICED WHAT YOU HAVE SET UP. 335 00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,922 THIS LOOKS LIKE IT-IT'LL BE SUSHI. 336 00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:53,351 UH, YEAH, I, UH-- SUSHI IS RAW. 337 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,916 IT'S RAW. YEP. OKAY. 338 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,685 YEP. I LIKE IT RAW. 339 00:10:56,724 --> 00:10:58,834 ALL RIGHT. WELL, LET'S GET STARTED. 340 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,889 LET'S GRAB SOME, UH, NORI, RIGHT HERE, 341 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:01,828 WHICH IS DRY SEAWEED. 342 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,802 NORI-- THIS HAS SEAWEED IN IT? 343 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,031 (Chris) THIS IS SEAWEED. 344 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,225 (Gigi) THIS IS SEAWEED? 345 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,696 (Chris) YES, IT'S EDIBLE. 346 00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:08,965 THIS SMELLS LIKE A MULTIVITAMIN. 347 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:09,902 IF YOU PUT IT ON YOUR FACE, 348 00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,937 IT ACTUALLY MAKES YOU LOOK YOUNGER, AS WELL. 349 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,242 TAKE A COUPLE OF EXTRA PIECES. 350 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,143 YES, PLEASE DO. 351 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,044 I'LL PUT IT ON MY FACE AND ON MY PUNDA. 352 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,276 REJUVENATE THE PUNDA. 353 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,910 UH, ALL RIGHT. SO, THE NEXT STEP-- 354 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,447 GRAB SOME RICE. (Gigi) OKAY. 355 00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:24,121 (Chris) JUST SPREAD IT OUT ON THE SEAWEED, 356 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:27,491 AND THEN JUST KINDA JUST SMEAR ALL ACROSS THE NORI. 357 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,920 YOU GUYS ARE LOOKING GREAT. 358 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,156 THAT'S PERFECT. YES. 359 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:30,960 FLATTEN IT OUT A LITTLE. 360 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,231 (Gigi) OKAY, FLATTEN IT OUT. 361 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:33,989 (Chris) UH-HUH. GENTLE. 362 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,257 (Gigi) YEAH. OH, IT CAME APART. 363 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,095 (Chris) UH, NO, IT'S O-- (Gigi) THIS IS A MESS ALREADY. 364 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,730 NO, NO, WE'RE-- YOU'RE DOING JUST FINE. 365 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:39,926 YOU'RE DOING JUST FINE. THIS IS TOO MUCH WORK FOR ME. 366 00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,767 MY FINGERS ARE VERY ARTHRITIC. 367 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:42,842 (Chris) ALL RIGHT. 368 00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,270 SO, NOW TAKE YOUR BAMBOO ROLLER. 369 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,774 LET'S FLIP THIS OVER. 370 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,006 RICE SIDE DOWN. 371 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,040 RICE SIDE DOWN AND A-BOOM. 372 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,036 (Chris) OH, THERE YA GO, PERFECT. 373 00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:51,037 (Gigi) ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 374 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,148 SO, WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS, 375 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,309 WE'RE GONNA TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF IMITATION CRAB MEAT. 376 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,847 (Gigi) OKAY. 377 00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:56,923 OKAY, GREAT. 378 00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:59,490 TAKE THAT. TERRIFIC. 379 00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,289 (Chris) PERFECT. EXCELLENT. (Gigi) NEXT. 380 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,261 TAKE A COUPLE PIECES OF CUCUMBER. 381 00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:06,130 (Gigi) I LOVE CUCUMBER. 382 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,299 OH, I LOVE CUCUMBER. YEAH, IT'S GOOD. 383 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:09,958 SO, NOW WE GOT THE CUCUMBER DOWN. 384 00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,827 LET'S JUST TAKE A COUPLE PIECES OF AVOCADO. 385 00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:16,035 OH, AVOCADO I DON'T LIKE, BUT I'LL PUT IT ON THIS FOOD. 386 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,399 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS. 387 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,037 THERE'S NO TENDERNESS IN WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 388 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,512 YOU MIND YOUR OWN DISH! 389 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,940 I AM MINDING MY OWN DISH, AND MY DISH, RIGHT NOW, 390 00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:24,476 WOULD WOO THE HECK OUTTA MELVIN. 391 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:27,511 I WOULD GET THAT GUY OVER YOU IN A HEARTBEAT. 392 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,777 YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT INTO A GUY LIKE THAT. 393 00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:30,677 OKAY. ANY GUY. 394 00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,317 WHAT? I'M NOT INTO ANY GUY LIKE THAT, 395 00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,352 AND HE'S NOT-- OOH, I CAUGHT YA. 396 00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,286 NO, YOU DIDN'T CATCH ME. YEAH, I CAUGHT YA. 397 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,562 (Ricky) NO. YOU HEARD THAT? 398 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,929 HE SAID HE'S NOT INTO A GUY LIKE THAT. 399 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,128 (Ricky) HE'S NOT MY TYPE. 400 00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,229 WHAT KINDA GUY ARE YA INTO? 401 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,230 I'M NOT. YEAH. 402 00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,361 THE WOMAN KIND OF GUY. YEAH, WOMAN KINDA GUY. 403 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:44,396 ALL RIGHT, WE'LL SEE. 404 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,471 SO, HOW DO WE ROLL THIS NOW? 405 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,268 ALL RIGHT, GUYS. 406 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,199 SO, LET'S TAKE THE CLOSER END TO YOU 407 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:49,865 AND THEN JUST ROLL IT. 408 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,973 (Gigi) ROLL IT. YEAH. 409 00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,505 AND JUST GIVE IT A NICE, GENTLE SQUEEZE. 410 00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,841 OKAY. YEAH? 411 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:57,977 (Gigi) MM-HMM. 412 00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,551 WOW! THAT LOOKS GREAT. (Chris) YEAH. 413 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,149 YEAH, LOOKS GOOD. WOW, WOW, WOW! 414 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:04,151 YOU'RE A NATURAL. OH. MINE IS GONNA BE BETTER. LOOK. 415 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,594 (Chris) OH, OKAY. 416 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,418 NOT BAD. 417 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,494 WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? 418 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,592 THIS IS TERRIBLE. 419 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,393 NO, NO, IT'S GOOD. THAT'S NOT A ROLL. 420 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,425 HE'S GONNA SEE THIS AND SAY, 421 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,530 "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" 422 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:15,701 NO, WE'RE GONNA COVER IT IN SOME FISH. 423 00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:17,968 IT'S OKAY. IT'S FINE. NO, THIS IS-- AYE-AYE-AYE-AYE! 424 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,828 OH, WH-- NO, NO, NO, NO. LOOK AT THIS. IT CAME OUT! 425 00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:21,227 THIS DISH IS GONNA RUIN ME! 426 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,968 AND HE'S GONNA GO FOR SOMEONE ELSE. 427 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:27,244 (speaking in foreign language, spits) 428 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:32,454 ** 429 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,309 JUST FOR THE RECORD, I WAS MAKING MINE WI-- 430 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,447 UH, WITH A WOMAN IN MIND, 431 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:40,323 A VERY BUSTY WOMAN, REALLY BUSTY. 432 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,893 * LA LA LA LA LA LA LA 433 00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:49,297 ** 434 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,029 I'M GONNA DIE ALONE, 435 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:55,544 AND IT'S 100% THE FAULT OF THIS HORRIBLE DISH. 436 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:58,008 MELVIN KILLED 14 KOREANS IN THE WAR. 437 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:01,008 HE OWNS THE PRECISION HAIR TRIMMER. 438 00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:04,111 HE'S NOT GONNA BE IMPRESSED BY SUSHI. 439 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:07,084 I NEED TO MAKE HIM SOMETHING THAT SAYS LOVE. 440 00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:12,294 SO, I'VE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE KOREAN, UH, BI-- 441 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,989 BI-BIM-- BA-BUM-BA. 442 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,362 BA-BUM-BA-BA. 443 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,359 WHATEVER IT'S CALLED. 444 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,530 BIM-BIM-YAP. 445 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,228 BA-BA-ZOOM. 446 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,460 BA-BA-BE-BEETLE. 447 00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:24,455 BE-BEMS-BE-BOM. 448 00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:30,567 ** 449 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,043 THESE ARE THE BEST. 450 00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,972 I CAN'T-- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU. 451 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,437 YOU'RE ALL THE WAY FROM CLEVELAND. ALL RIGHT. 452 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:36,535 WAIT A SECOND. 453 00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,606 OY, LOOK WHO'S HERE. OH, GREAT. 454 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:40,054 NO, THE WAY TO A MAN'S HEART IS-IS-IS-IS-IS THROUGH-- 455 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,580 IS THROUGH HIS STOMACH. IS THROUGH HIS STOMACH, YEAH. 456 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,354 YOU'RE GONNA MAKE HIM SICK WITH THAT. 457 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,723 WHAT DID YOU MAKE? 458 00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:47,651 I HAVE A PILLOW THAT-- THAT'S-THAT'S GONNA END UP IN A GARAGE SALE. 459 00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,657 THAT SHE GOT IN A GARAGE SALE. WHAT'S HE GONNA DO WITH THAT? 460 00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:50,459 (Gigi) YOU THINK HE WANTS A PILLOW? 461 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,660 YOU THINK HE NEEDS A PILLOW? 462 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:52,691 WHAT IS HE GONNA DO WITH THAT? 463 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,485 I NEEDLEPOINTED THIS. 464 00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,496 MY BRISKET IS BACK AT MY PLACE, 465 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:58,268 AND HE'S GOING TO GO TO HEAVEN WITH IT. 466 00:14:58,298 --> 00:14:59,268 YEAH, 20 YEARS AGO. 467 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,029 I DARE SAY THIS, BUT HE DOESN'T WANT THE BRISKET 468 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,298 THAT YOU'RE COOKING IN THE OVEN. 469 00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,465 OH. HE WANTS THE BRISKET, UH, 470 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,043 THAT YOU'RE COOKING DOWN THERE. 471 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,342 WAIT 'TIL YOU-- YOU'RE TERRIBLE. 472 00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:09,184 MELVIN? OH. 473 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:10,479 ROSEMARY GUERRERO-- 474 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,080 NOW, THIS IS A LITTLE DISH. 475 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:14,512 I DON'T COOK, NOT IN THE KITCHEN ANYWAY. 476 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:15,977 OH, BUT YOU'RE HOT. 477 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:16,876 (laughs) 478 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,216 NOW, I WANNA TELL YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING. 479 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,551 MY HUSBAND, SHELDON, UH, HE'S IN THE CHAIR. 480 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,417 HE'S ON THE DIAPER. 481 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,285 WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME OVER? 482 00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:26,333 I USUALLY PUT SHELDON DOWN AROUND 6:30. 483 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:29,129 COME AROUND, UH, 7:15. 484 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,502 I MAKE A GREAT SANGRIA. 485 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,430 (indistinct). 486 00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,374 OKAY. LISTEN TO A LITTLE MARILYN McCOO. 487 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,370 OY VEY. MOVE IT ALONG. 488 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,201 MOVE IT ALONG, LADY. 489 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,035 I LOVE MARILYN McCOO. WHO DOESN'T? 490 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,070 AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT, 491 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,165 I'VE GOT SOME GREAT GODFREY CAMBRIDGE RECORDS. 492 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,637 OH, MY GOODNESS. WE'LL LAUGH. 493 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,114 I'M TELLING YOU-- WE WILL LAUGH. AND LOVE. AND LIVE. 494 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:44,383 MELVIN, SHE BITES. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 495 00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,681 SHE BITES WHEN SHE GIVES FELLATIO. 496 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:46,752 GET OUT. SHE BITES. 497 00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,019 GET OUTTA HERE! BYE, ROSEMARY. 498 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,348 SHE BITES. SHE'S A BITER. 499 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,452 THIS IS A NEEDLEPOINT I MADE. 500 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,994 IT'S MY FAVORITE PILLOW, AND I WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT. 501 00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,992 I'D LOVE FOR YOU TO COME TO MY PLACE. 502 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,734 YOU BRING THE PILLOW, AND I HAVE THE BRISKET-- OH, PLEASE... 503 00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,759 AND I HAVE POTATO PANCAKES. AND FALL ASLEEP. 504 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,064 YEAH, HE'S GONNA BRING THE PILLOW AROUND WITH HIM. 505 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,156 THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS TO DO. 506 00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,167 WELL, I-- IS CARRY YOUR PILLOW ALL OVER THE PLACE. 507 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,369 WHICH FLOOR ARE YOU? 508 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,340 I'M ON THE SECOND FLOOR, IN THE BACK. 509 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,670 THEY PUT HER IN THE BACK BECAUSE SHE BOTHERS PEOPLE. 510 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:13,635 I'LL FIND YOU. 511 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:16,183 YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH HIM. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE. 512 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:17,279 WATCH THIS. 513 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,350 NO. 514 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,708 ** 515 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,606 (laughter) OH, GET OUTTA HERE. GEEZ. 516 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,378 YEAH, WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO WITH A PILLOW? 517 00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:24,516 I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE STUFF IT UP HER ASS. 518 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:28,121 I SWEAR, GIGI, IF YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR M.O. HERE-- 519 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:29,285 DID YOU SMELL THIS? 520 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,032 YES, I SMELLED THIS. OY, IT SMELLS LIKE A DOG FARTED. 521 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:33,459 THAT'S UMAMI. UMAMI? 522 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,393 UMAMI. THIS ONE IS TOO SHARP. 523 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,257 HE'S NOT GONNA LIKE IT. 524 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,655 HE IS GONNA EAT IT. OH, FOR GOD SAKES! 525 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,266 HOW DARE YOU CALL IT-- I'LL CALL YOU, OKAY? 526 00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:40,298 COME HERE, SWEETIE. I LOVE YOU. MUAH. 527 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,703 OKAY, I'LL SP-SPEAK TO YOU LATER. 528 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,044 ...ARE THE MOST INCREDIBLE COOKIES THAT I MADE. 529 00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:45,571 OH, I LOVE COOKIES. WHAT KIND ARE THESE? 530 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:46,665 BLUE DREAM. 531 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,506 BLUE DREAM? OOH. 532 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,041 WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA GET HIM HIGH? 533 00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:52,547 THIS IS REALLY GOOD. SHE'S A DRUG DEALER. 534 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,579 SHE DEALS DRUGS TO ALL THE, UH, GRANDCHILDREN 535 00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,554 OF ALL THE-- THEY'VE BEEN BAR MITZVAHED. 536 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:58,353 WELL, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. THEY'RE OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW. 537 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,145 THIS SHIT IS GOOD. 538 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,687 WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME, DOLL. 539 00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,261 AT THE END OF THE HALL? 540 00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:06,060 ON THE SECOND FLOOR. 541 00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:07,133 YEAH, GO. 542 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,700 YEAH, GO CHANGE OUT OF YOUR FROCK. 543 00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,258 IT'S NOT SAINT PATTY'S DAY. 544 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:11,557 (bleep) YOU! 545 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:14,228 MELVIN, MR. SHLANGA, WHAT ARE YOU-- 546 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:15,667 I AM. I AM. (laughs) LOOK AT YOU. 547 00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,572 YES, HOW ARE YOU? 548 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,773 IT'S A PLEASURE TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE. 549 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:23,476 I HEAR YOU'RE VERY SKILLED IN THE BEDROOM. 550 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,810 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? MY NAME IS GIGI. 551 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,775 CICI, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'. OH, YOU HAVE SUCH BIG HANDS. 552 00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,124 NO, GIGI. 553 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,379 OH, MY GOODNESS. 554 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,517 OH, LOOK AT WHAT I MADE. WHAT IS THAT? 555 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,151 IS THAT, UH-- 556 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:34,346 DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? IT'S-- 557 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,357 UH, WELL, I SERVED IN KOREA, 558 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,558 AND IT LOOK LIKE ONE OF THOSE KOREAN DISHES. 559 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,459 IT'S-- IT-IT'S KOREAN. 560 00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,590 IT'S BIBIMBAP! 561 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,386 BIBIMBAP. 562 00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:45,368 I DON'T LIKE BIP OR BOP. WHAT? 563 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,598 BUT, YOU ATE ALL THE-- LOOK AT THIS. 564 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,743 THIS, I MEAN, THIS IS DISG-- 565 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:51,468 (sniff) THIS SMELLS LIKE A FART TOOK A SHIT. 566 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:54,114 WELL, YEAH, BUT IT'S CHITLINS, SO-- 567 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,411 AND THE WHITE LADY MADE CHITLINS. 568 00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:56,442 WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA DO? 569 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,576 I'VE GOTTA EAT IT. 570 00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,310 BUT, THIS-- I DON'T LIKE WHATEVER THIS IS, THE BIP-- 571 00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:02,117 I SLAVED ALL NIGHT OVER THIS FOR YOU. 572 00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:05,319 DON'T EVER USE THE WORD "SLAVE" IN FRONT OF ME 573 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,552 AGAIN, PLEASE. 574 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,116 WELL, IT'S A-- IT'S A, YOU KNOW, 575 00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:09,315 IT'S A EXPRESSION. 576 00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:10,356 IT'S-- I DON'T MEAN IT. 577 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:13,390 I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU KNOW, MORE THAN LIKELY 578 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,226 YOU-YOU-YOU HAD, UH-- 579 00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:16,702 I WAS NEVER A SLAVE. YOU WERE NEVER A SLAVE? 580 00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:17,699 NO, I WAS NEVER A SLAVE. 581 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,130 LIS-LISTEN, IT'S OKAY IF YOU WERE NEVER A SLAVE. 582 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,397 LISTEN, WHAT'S YOUR NAME? J.J.? 583 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,604 GIGI. 584 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:23,565 (Melvin) YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME TO EAT SOMETHING 585 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,573 I DON'T LIKE. 586 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,874 MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY AND COOK SOMETHING ELSE 587 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,265 AND BRING ANOTHER DISH. 588 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:28,677 TAKE A BITE-- ONE BITE! 589 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,478 IF I DON'T LIKE IT, I DON'T LIKE IT. 590 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,480 YOU'RE REALLY STARTING TO PUSH ME. 591 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:33,512 NO, I'M-- YOU KNOW WHAT? 592 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:34,806 I'M NOT BRINGING ANOTHER DISH. 593 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:36,447 I WORKED VERY HARD ON THAT DISH! 594 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,893 LISTEN TO ME. I DON'T CARE. 595 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:44,418 ** 596 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,887 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU-- YOU KNOW WHAT? 597 00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,485 I HAVE A LOTTA MONEY. 598 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,797 I HAVE A LOT OF MONEY THAT YOU COULD'VE TAKEN. 599 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,329 I WOULD'VE GIVEN YOU. 600 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,334 YOU COULD'VE BEEN A GIGOLO. 601 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,265 YOU-YOU BLEW IT. HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE? 602 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,630 YOU BLEW IT. HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE? 603 00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,667 THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 604 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:57,903 (Melvin) WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY? 605 00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,307 (Gigi) BECAUSE I SLAVED OVER THIS! 606 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,409 DON'T USE "SLAVE!" 607 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,310 I'VE TOLD YOU THAT BEFORE! 608 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,612 WHY, YOU SON OF A BITCH. 609 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,453 MAY-MAY? EXCUSE ME. 610 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,778 PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY ANGRY, BUT DO GO AWAY. 611 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,384 I'M GONNA PUT A CURSE ON YOU. 612 00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,476 (speaking in foreign language) 613 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:12,948 WELL, UP YOUR GEE-GEE AND DOWN YOUR LEG. 614 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,645 WISH YOU WERE MY EASTER EGG. 615 00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:15,757 TAKE THIS WITH YOU. 616 00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:17,618 NO, YOU KEEP IT. IT SUCKS. 617 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,887 YEAH, IT SUCKS? YOU SUCK. 618 00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,425 AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 619 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,300 I WOULDA SUCKED YOU OFF. 620 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:27,329 I WOULDA SSSSUCKED YOU OFF. 621 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,567 I'LL STRANGLE YA. 622 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,301 * LA LA LA LA LA LA LA YOU FFFFFFT-- 623 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,636 UH, ALL RIGHT. Y-YEAH, CALL ME BACK. 624 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,475 KEEP ME ABREAST. 625 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:40,880 HO-LY SHIT. 626 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,353 MELVIN SHLANGA HAS BEEN RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL 627 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,723 WITH CHEST PAINS. 628 00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,351 HE'S IN OBSERVATION. 629 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:49,316 IT MUST'VE BEEN ALL THE FOOD HE ATE. 630 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,316 THEY TOOK HIM TO BOCA'S WORST HOSPITAL, TOO, 631 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:52,728 BOCA WEST. 632 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,459 YOU KNOW, A DOCTOR THERE GOT CAUGHT STEALING ORGANS. 633 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,395 SELLING THEM ON THE BLACK MARKET-- 634 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,870 UH, HEARTS, LIVERS, KIDNEYS. 635 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:02,439 HE EVEN STOLE SOMEONE'S EYES ONCE. 636 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,839 IT WAS A BIG THING. 637 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,711 HE NEARLY LOST HIS LICENSE. 638 00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:09,939 ** 639 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,576 * LA LA LA LA LA 640 00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,411 * LA LA LA LA LA 641 00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:16,576 * LA LA LA LA LA LA LA * 642 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,486 YOU KNOW, I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT MELVIN DIED. 643 00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,018 WE WERE JUST WITH HIM THE OTHER DAY. 644 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,992 HE WAS SO STRONG AND SO SPRY. 645 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,491 SO FULL OF LIFE, YOU KNOW? 646 00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:26,333 IT'S AMAZING HOW FAST LIFE HAPPENS. 647 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:27,929 UH, ANY WORD ON WHAT HE DIED OF? 648 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,930 YEAH, THEY'RE SAYIN' IT WAS A FOOD ALLERGY. 649 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,632 (gasps) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 650 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:34,304 A FOOD ALLERGY? 651 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,044 THAT-- WELL, HE DIDN'T EAT MY FOOD, 652 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,468 SO I'M IN THE CLEAR. 653 00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:38,874 YEAH, NO BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS. NO BLOOD-- 654 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:39,935 (laughs) THAT'S RIGHT. 655 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:40,872 YEAH, WELL-- I SHOULDN'T LAUGH. 656 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,337 YOU SHOULDN'T LAUGH. IT'S NOT FUNNY. NO. 657 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,805 NO-- ANYWAY, HOW DO I LOOK? 658 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,853 (sighs) TO BE HONEST-- YEAH. 659 00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,379 FAR TOO LOUD FOR A FUNERAL. 660 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,746 IT-IT'S W-WAY TOO VIBRANT. 661 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:51,883 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 662 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,418 I THINK I'M DOWNPLAYING IT HERE. 663 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,023 NO, YOU'RE, UH, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT 664 00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,624 DEATH AT A FUNERAL. RIGHT. 665 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:57,886 THAT'S WHY EVERYONE WEARS BLACK. 666 00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,034 YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, THAT'S SO CLICHE. 667 00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:02,629 NO, YOU NEED SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE CONSERVATIVE. 668 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:04,432 SOMETHING LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW? 669 00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:05,634 NO, NO, NO. 670 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:07,525 THIS IS-- THIS-THIS IS DRAB. 671 00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,637 GET IT AWAY FROM ME. IT'S NOT DRAB. 672 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:10,399 IT'S WAY MORE APPROPRIATE FOR A FUNERAL. 673 00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,737 IT'S DRAB. I DON'T WANNA WEAR THAT. 674 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,812 WELL, YOU'RE GONNA BE LOUDER THAN ANYONE THERE, 675 00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:16,741 NOT JUST WITH YOUR VOICE, BUT WITH YOUR OUTFIT. 676 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,346 YES, I KNOW. I'M LOOKING TO IMPRESS. 677 00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:20,649 WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS? 678 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:21,910 OH, I DIDN'T TELL YOU? 679 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:25,388 MELVIN HAS A TWIN BROTHER, ELVIN SHLANGA. 680 00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:28,358 HE'S GOT MORE MONEY, AND HE'S EVEN MORE BLACK. 48285

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