Original subtitles

Okay, campers.

A friendly reminder to gently take your packages.

This is a mail call, not a feeding frenzy.

I'm looking at you, Piranha cabin.

"Dangerous chemicals, do not ingest."

[GASPS] I wonder if this is the corn dogs I ordered.

That would be mine. Thank you.

Should I have been wearing gloves too?

Absolutely. But it's too late now.

Okay, next up, we have something for Finn.

Ooh, do you think it's the snowmobile

I asked my grandparents for?

Sure, buddy.

Ooh, it's for me! It's from my college! It's my diploma.

You guys know your names. Figure it out.

Oh, no.

According to this, I didn't finish all my classes this spring,

and I'm one science credit short of graduating.

Good thing Moose Rump has a junior college.

You can take a summer course.

That's a great idea, Destiny.

I forgot all about the Moose Rump community college

and brake pad emporium.

Their motto is, come for the screechin', stay for the teachin'.

Hey, this is from that talent manager

I sent my reel to.

Are you finally going to get someone to represent you?

Probably not.

This is a bill for the two minutes of his life

he said I wasted.

Oh, idea.

I'm going to be your manager.

I can help get you gigs.

That would be amazing!

By the way, a gig is an acting job, right?

I've never had one.

Aw! But, Parker,

won't managing get in the way of annoying me,

and, what else do you do here?

Just imagine how many kids would come here to take theater classes

taught by a celebrity,

or whatever is a realistic goal for Noah.

Well, I guess it could be good for the camp.

Great! I'm gonna make you a star, kid.

Quick question. How attached are you to the name Noah?

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka

Guys!

Hey Finn,what's up?

Remember how my Mom and Dave got married?

Well, they sent me this letter saying I'm getting a baby sister,

which is even better than a snowmobile!

That's awesome! Congratulations!

Yeah! And they also sent me this weird black and white photo of an alien.

What a day.

Finn, that's a sonogram.

Whatever it is, I hope it comes in peace.

Finn, this is so exciting.

You know, it'sa huge responsibilitybeing an older brother.

No kidding. I've gotta protect her from this alien.

No, what she means is it's an older brother's job

to teach their younger siblings things.

Although my brothersnever taught me anything.

Except, how to claima piece of pizzaby sitting on it.

-Don't judge. -It works for us.

Teach her things?

I mean, I'm great with babies.

But what if she wants to learn how to do something besides

an armpit fart?

-Don't worry. -We'll help youfind something

to teach yourlittle sister.

Really?

Thanks, guys.

And once you figure that out, my next mission

is finding this sonogram before it destroys Earth.

Hello, fellow lover of knowledge.

-I'm Lou. -I'm Debra.

[SNIFFING]

Any reason why you're giving me the old barn yard greeting?

Sorry, but you smellbetter than the people I normally work with.

I'm on the wrestling team,and poor hygiene can be your fiercest weapon.

Well, that andthe weapons you hide in your unitard.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

Matteo? What are you doing here?

I'm teaching this class.

Wait, really? [GASPS]

I know him.

I know him.

Oh, man, this class is going to be a cinch.

Our teacher's gonna need to take a break

every 15 minutesfor naps and diaper changing.

On the contrary, consider me the iron fist of science.

There will be no partial credit,

no late assignments

and absolutely no grading on a curve.

[GROANS]

Whoa! Good thing I have an in

with the teacher.

Uh, no, you don't.

Oh, right! I don't.

Do you have something in your eye?

Class, this is whywe always wear safety goggles in the lab.

[SIGHS IN EXASPERATION]

There you are.

I think someone is about to be blown away.

Oh, no! I told the kids no parasailing

till the tow rope is fixed!

No!

I meant you!

I just got you an acting job.

You are goingto be starring in a local commercial

for an all-natural, granola bar company.

That's amazing!

Did they like my reel?

I bet it was my performance on the news

as "man who walked behind other man that was on the news."

Yeah, no.

But, they were open to bribery,

so I told him they could shoot at the camp for free.

And you got the gig.

They want to start shooting tomorrow.

This is so cool.

I hear a lot of great actors get their start in local oat-based commercials.

That's right.

Here we come, Hollywood of the extreme Upper Northeast.

Do you really thinkI could learn enough about braiding hair

to teach my sister?

Absolutely. Then she won't have to teach herself, like I did.

Every time I asked my parents, all they would do is put me in a rainbow wig.

[SOFTLY] Clown families.

[SIGHS] Anyway, are you ready to try braiding my hair?

Ready. Where do I put the glue?

Put down the glue!

You do nothing until I say so.

First, take a section of hair and divide it into three parts.

There's math involved, too?

Women have it so hard.

Next, take the right strand of hair and put it over the middle one.

Then take the left and put it over the middle one and just keep going.

This wouldbe so much easier with glue.

No glue! Never glue!

Okay. Done.

Yay! Let me see.

You raided yourhand into my hair, didn't you?

I was hoping you wouldn't notice.

-Matteo? -I'm Professor Silva.

Whatever.

There must be some mistake.

You gave us homework on valence bonds,

atomic orbitals and electron pair repulsion theory,

all due tomorrow.

Mmm, there's no mistake.

Scientists don't make mistakes.

That's more of a mathematician thing.

Can we please have more time for the homework?

I know I've got my hands full with running a camp,

a town and a thriving online store

where I edit people's pets into old timey paintings.

Okay, that last one is a thing I do just for me.

Oh!

I think you all just need to apply yourself a little more.

Now, if you'd like to discuss things further,

you can visit me during my office hours.

I'm in room number broom closet.

Okay, Finn.

One thing I've always wished

my brothers would have taught me

was how to ride a bike.

So how'd you learn?

Trial and error. Lots of errors.

Only one trial, but not guilty. So, yay.

Anyway, let's pretend that I'm your little sister,

and you teach me how to do it.

Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

First, you, um,

grab at that tire and, uh,

make sure it feels nice.

You've never ridden a bike, have you?

What gave me away?

You're supposed to kick it, not grab it, aren't you?

Come on, Finn! Stupid!

I'm doing it!

Next up, you graduate to one that, you know, moves.

And after that, you can teach your sister.

But until then,that's a pretty safe way to learn.

Whee, this is easy.

Look how fast I imagine I'm going.

Finn, careful!

Wow. Really?

It takes a pretty special person to be able

to crash a stationary bike.

Thank you.

Okay, A few final chore assignments.

Peter, if you could wipe down the tables.

Meg, if you could refill the napkin dispensers.

And Matteo, if you could pull the boats out of the water,

clean them, put them back, muck out the barn

and spread the manure around as fertilizer,

that would be great.

Okay, everyone, make it a Kikiwaka day.

But, come on! I can't do all those chores, Lou.

I have lesson plans to write up for tomorrow.

Also, calling it manure doesn't make it not poop!

Oh? I think you can do it all

if you just apply yourself.

You can't be serious, Lou.

Ah! That is Camp Director Hockhauser to you.

Oh, and you're gonna want to wear safety goggles out there.

Manure... [INHALES SHARPLY]

...splatters something fierce.

I can't believeI'm about to be in my first commercial.

That's right. You're gonna be a shining star

for people who eat breakfast in traffic.

Greetings, fellow citizens of Mother Earth.

Greetings...

...guy who's looking for his hacky-sack?

That's the director and owner of the granola bar company.

Humble citizen of Mother Earth reporting for duty, sir.

My name is Bodhi, and I am thrilled to have you

as the face of my new product.

We call this "Granola And More".

Now, all you have to do is say, "Granola And More."

Then take a bite.

Then say, "Wow, more please."

I won't let you down.

By the time this airs, people will be calling these gra-Noah bars.

I'll stop now.

Okay, places.

And...

Action.

Granola And More.

Wow. [COUGHS]

What is in this thing?

Cut!

Okay, so that was what we in the management game call very bad.

Is there a problem?

Sorry, but I thinkone of the ingredients is expired.

Nonsense. Everything in that bar is fresh.

The oats, the nuts, the liquefied fish eyes, the raisin.

Wait. What was that?

-Raisins? -They're just dried grapes, man.

Did you say liquefied fish eyes?

Oh, that's the "And More".

See, fish have a lot of healthy amino acids.

We would have used whole eyeballs,

but people really hate the way they pop.

Pop?

Just think of it as all of nature's treats

molded into a bar that finishes with a delightful trout spritzer.

Okay, let's take it from the top!

I can't do this.

Just power through.

You know what they say?

You can't make it to the big time without a little fish slime.

Do they?

And action.

Granola And More.

Wow... [COUGHS]

It's definitely worse now that I know its eyes.

Hey, Finn.

If you guys are here to teach me something else,

you should just forget it.

I'm destined to be a terrible older brother.

Finn, we're not giving up.

There has to be something you already know how to do

that you can teach your sister.

Preferably, outsideof the armpit farting arena.

Well, there is something.

But you guys have to promise not to tell anyone.

This is a passion of mine that I've been teaching myself in my free time.

Oh, I think I know where this is going.

I honestly thought it was gonna be rollerblading.

Finn, how did you get into...

What are we seeing here?

Well, you guys might not know this,

but, I'm not great with words.

BOTH: No!

One day, I was frustrated. I didn't know how to express myself.

And then I saw a ribbon in the trash can.

Instant connection.

I picked this beauty up, and it felt like I could say

anything I wanted with a flick of the wrist.

Please don't do that.

You know what?

You guys telling me how great I am at this...

-We never said that. -We definitely didn't.

...has given me the confidence to show you my signature move.

Brace yourselves.

Oh, we're pretty braced.

[GROANS] Ow!

I stink at this, too.

I'm worse at ribbon dancing than I am at worms.

Words! Dang it!

Finn, it's okay.

No. My sister is going to have a terrible older brother

who can't help her with anything.

I give up.

Can someone please open this door so I can storm out?

Thank you.

Greetings, everyone.

First announcement.

I'm moving up your midterm to next class.

[STUDENTS GROAN]

Um, Professor Silva,

isn't it a bit early in the semester for a mid-term?

True. But I neededto get it out of the way to make room for some

manure shoveling duties.

Not to be critical,

but, uh, "doody duties" was right there.

I knew it was a missed opportunity as soon as I said it!

Man, how am I ever gonna pass this class and get my degree?

Hey, can you keep a secret?

I'm so over havinga professor who still needs a baby sitter.

So I'm planning toembarrass him with a prank next class

to teach him a lesson.

You in?

What exactly are you...

Lou!

There's a lot of cross-talk back there.

Do you have somethingyou want to share with the class?

Uh...

No, Professor Silva.

I was just asking who does the front half of her hair.

Matteo, I need to talk to you.

Why? Do you need me to shovel some more

bovine boom boom?

No.

Yes, but no.

Debra's planningon pranking you in front of the whole class tomorrow.

Really?

Why?

Well, if the doodleof you in the bathroom is to be believed,

it's because you're a bit of a...

Professor Jerkface Von Snootypants.

Matteo, why are you being so hard on all of us?

Because I thought it was the only way I could get respect.

My whole life, no matter what I have achieved in science,

adults have never taken me seriously because I'm just a kid.

I'm sorry.

That must be tough.

But you don't needto be a Professor Jerkface to get respect.

No matter howgood the artwork is that comes out of it.

Okay, fine. I did the doodle.

So you mean I don't have to be the iron fist of science?

Just be youand let your knowledge speak for itself.

I'm an adult, and I learn from you every single day.

-Really? -Yeah.

Because of you, I can measure my inseam,

identify a blue jayand measure the inseam of a blue jay.

They do look cute in tiny pants.

Thanks, Lou.

Matteo, I have to ask.

Have you been putting tiny pants on birds?

Because that would explain some things I've seen.

Okay.

Action!

Granola And More.

[COUGHS] Nope! No, no, no. Mmm-mmm!

[BEEP] Granola And More.

I can feel it looking at me.

Granola And More.

It's great.

Just take my word for it.

Cut!

You can't tell because I'm so centered,

but I am barely containing my rage!

So sorry about this.

Can I have a quick moment with my client?

Fine. I'll just go harness my chi with a quick yoga sesh.

We are this close to losing this job right now.

Can't you just pretend to like it?

[SCOFFS] I can't pretend.

I'm an actor.

I wouldn't be asking you if it wasn't possible.

Here. I'll prove it.

Granola And More.

Wow!

More, please!

See? Easy!

How did you do that?

You know what they say. It's just mind over fish eye juice.

Who is saying these things, man?

Noah, I know you can do this.

Wow. No one's ever fought this hard for me.

You really are a good manager.

And the thing that makes me a good manager

is I have a really great client.

You're talented.

-I believe in you. -You do?

Bodhi, I'm ready to go.

Fine!

I had almost found my center,

but I guess our chakras

are on Noah's time.

Forgive me, tummy, for what I'm about to do to you.

Uh-oh! He's resorted to folding laundry.

It's worse than we thought.

And are those tiny, bird sized pants?

Because thatwould explain some things I've seen.

Finn, do you want to talk?

No, it's hopeless.

If I can't teach my sister anything, how am I going to be a good big brother?

Finn? Finn, you are already a great big brother.

Look at everything you've tried to do for her.

You care so much about her.

And she's not even here yet.

Yeah, and you're gonna teach her

something way more valuable than anything we have tried.

Really? What's that?

How to be an amazing person.

You're kind, caring and one of the best friends I've ever had.

Its way more important for you to teach her those qualities

than it is to teach her how to braid her hair.

Please, leave her hair alone.

I guess you're right.

Thank you, guys.

I don't even know what to say.

But the ribbon does.

This one's for you.

[LIVELY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

I really wish it had been rollerblading.

Class, I want to sincerely apologize for how tough

I've been on you guys.

I bet that's the firsttime the word tough has ever been used

to describe the puny professor over there.

Easy. Matteo's tough.

Tough on stains.

And I'm going to modify my lesson plan

so that you can pass this course and actually learn something.

So, that'll include pushing back the mid-term.

[ALL CHEERING]

Thank you.

I'll put a basket onmy table for any apples you wish to leave.

Okay, everyone, let's prepare for today's experiment.

Well, I guess since Matteo's gone from Professor Jerkface

to Professor Reasonable Face,

you're gonna call off the prank, huh?

Guess again.

I finish what I start.

-Except for my haircut. -I meant to get it short all the way around.

So if we combine these two household chemicals,

we can create what is called an exothermic reaction.

I put chlorosyl andhydrophosphate in that beaker.

He's aboutto be covered in foam.

He's gonna look like such a goober.

Oh, well, I guess I can't stop it.

Here we go.

Oh, yeah.

[STUDENTS GASP] STUDENT 1: Oh, wow!

Hey, what happened to my prank?

He was supposedto get a face full of foam.

And then I'd yell, "Face!"

And it would have been so appropriate!

Oh, if you would actually pay attention in class,

you would know that you don't put chlorosyl

and hydrophosphate in there to make that reaction,

but chlorosyl and hypophosphate, like this.

[GRUNTS] If I could see you,

you'd so be in a figure-four leg lock right now!

[GRUNTS]

Wow, Lou. You not only avenged me

but demonstrateda textbook knowledge of chemical reactions.

You really are a good science student.

Well, I have a great science teacher, and, uh,

does avenging him maybe count for a little extra credit?

Aw, Lou. No.

Very fair.

Well, come on, Mr. Celebrity.

Show us your commercial.

Okay, but afterwards, no autographs.

It dilutes my brain.

And so it begins.

[JINGLE PLAYING]

Granola And More.

Wow! More, please.

-Congrats! -Great.

I share a toilet with that guy.

Thanks, guys. And I owe it all to my manager.

Parker, this guy ate fish eyes for me.

Yeah, right.

Excuse me?

Well, funny story.

Um, when I showed you how to do the commercial,

I was eating a Scooter Bar,

not a Granola And More.

Those things smell like a fisherman's sock.

Wait. So you tricked me?

Or, I managed you?

Parker!

You are the best!

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