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1
00:00:00,206 --> 00:00:04,554
- ? Just between you and me ?
- (woman talking inaudibly)
2
00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:07,157
- ? Baby, I know ?
- Hey.
3
00:00:08,212 --> 00:00:10,393
You know, you could just try
talking to her if you want.
4
00:00:10,991 --> 00:00:12,495
Unless you're just
trying to stare at her
5
00:00:12,530 --> 00:00:15,698
until she, I don't know, caves under
the weight of your creepy glare.
6
00:00:15,733 --> 00:00:18,101
- Not staring at her. I wasn't...
- Not staring at her?
7
00:00:18,135 --> 00:00:19,898
- I wasn't staring. I was just...
- What are you doing?
8
00:00:19,899 --> 00:00:20,899
There's something on her...
9
00:00:20,938 --> 00:00:23,406
I don't care, man.
What are we doing this weekend?
10
00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:25,408
I don't... Well, I mean...
11
00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:28,011
Wrong answer, because we, you and I,
12
00:00:28,045 --> 00:00:30,113
are going to Charlottetown to see...
13
00:00:30,147 --> 00:00:33,750
- Laverne!
- What the hell is Laverne?!
14
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,718
Laverne the Incredibilist!
The greatest hypnotist
15
00:00:35,753 --> 00:00:37,654
in the history of the Maritimes?
Remember,
16
00:00:37,688 --> 00:00:41,691
- ? You seldom forget Laverne ?
- "Seldom"?
17
00:00:41,725 --> 00:00:43,660
Yeah, wasn't the most confident slogan.
18
00:00:43,694 --> 00:00:46,563
Mark, I don't want to go to Charlottetown
and see some weird hypnotist
19
00:00:46,597 --> 00:00:48,598
make people think they're
chickens or whatever.
20
00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:50,700
He doesn't make people think
they're chickens, Andy.
21
00:00:50,734 --> 00:00:53,203
He makes them think they
crapped their pants.
22
00:00:53,237 --> 00:00:56,439
- Is that it? That's the only thing he does?
- He doesn't need to do anything else.
23
00:00:57,378 --> 00:01:01,077
- I'm gonna take a hard pass on that. I'm...
- You are insane, man.
24
00:01:01,111 --> 00:01:04,247
We will make a whole day of this.
Do you hear what I'm saying?
25
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,416
- Yeah...
- Get to Charlottetown, we go eat COWS ice cream,
26
00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:08,585
best in the Maritimes,
then we go to Charlottetown's
27
00:01:08,619 --> 00:01:11,688
Empire State Building,
now eight stories high!
28
00:01:11,722 --> 00:01:13,823
And then if there's time before Laverne,
we go watch
29
00:01:13,858 --> 00:01:15,458
Confederation Times. You heard of this?
30
00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,093
- No.
- It's a live show
31
00:01:17,127 --> 00:01:19,762
where the original fathers
of Confederation duke it out
32
00:01:19,797 --> 00:01:21,898
with old-timey weapons
while you and I eat
33
00:01:21,932 --> 00:01:23,933
big ol' turkey legs.
34
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:26,569
OK, fellas... Whoa,
35
00:01:26,604 --> 00:01:29,439
- is that Laverne?
- Oh yeah, yeah! You know him?
36
00:01:29,473 --> 00:01:32,809
AAAH! He is like my favourite
hypnotist of all time.
37
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:35,144
- You like multiple hypnotists?!
- I always wanted to see him,
38
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:38,047
but he never came to Cavendish.
39
00:01:38,082 --> 00:01:41,150
Well, we are going to see him
in Charlottetown this weekend.
40
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:42,952
- If you want to join us...
- Mark...
41
00:01:42,987 --> 00:01:45,388
- (mumbling): Shush, shut up!
- Oh! Oh! Well,
42
00:01:45,422 --> 00:01:48,825
Jacob's with his dad this weekend. But I
was gonna build a little hunting blind,
43
00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:50,193
see if I can't finally
take down that squirrel
44
00:01:50,227 --> 00:01:52,095
that's been ransacking my bird feeder.
45
00:01:52,129 --> 00:01:54,831
- I'm gonna take his eyes when I get him.
- What? Why his eyes?
46
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,533
Then again,
this does sound more fun, so I'm in.
47
00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:58,401
Great news!
48
00:01:58,435 --> 00:02:01,604
- Great! Great.
- (theme music)
49
00:02:01,639 --> 00:02:04,474
? Di-da di-da di-da
di-da di-da di-da ?
50
00:02:07,767 --> 00:02:09,879
Mark, can we just not do this?
I'm not going.
51
00:02:09,914 --> 00:02:11,981
Come on, Andy, we are going to see
52
00:02:12,016 --> 00:02:14,284
the best hypnotist
in the history of the Maritimes,
53
00:02:14,318 --> 00:02:16,486
and you're gonna have a
whole day to spend time
54
00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,521
- getting to know Molly.
- I already know Molly doesn't
55
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,291
like me, I don't want to be
any more humiliated, so no.
56
00:02:21,325 --> 00:02:23,626
Hey, where's
this negativity coming from?
57
00:02:23,661 --> 00:02:25,461
Me! That's who I am.
58
00:02:25,496 --> 00:02:28,031
Well, not today, it's not, OK?
Today, you're New Andy,
59
00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:30,533
Confident Andy, Good Andy,
the kind of Andy
60
00:02:30,568 --> 00:02:32,669
with all those special
talents I know about
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00:02:32,703 --> 00:02:34,704
that any woman would love.
62
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:37,073
Talents that include writing...
63
00:02:40,177 --> 00:02:42,645
You're trying to think of a second
compliment for me, aren't you?
64
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,814
Wrong. I'm actually
rethinking the first one
65
00:02:44,848 --> 00:02:47,350
because I said you could write,
but then I was like,
66
00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:50,486
"Can he write?" Never actually
seen any evidence of that.
67
00:02:50,521 --> 00:02:53,122
- That's great. Thank you so much, Mark.
- Anyway.
68
00:02:53,157 --> 00:02:55,858
Why are you bringing so much stuff?
Charlottetown is like
69
00:02:55,893 --> 00:02:58,061
30 minutes away.
This is supposed to be like a day trip.
70
00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,929
Hey, it's a road trip, Andy.
71
00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:01,998
And besides, you'll be thanking me
when you get hungry
72
00:03:02,032 --> 00:03:04,534
at minute 10, and I just so
happen to have a cooler full of
73
00:03:04,568 --> 00:03:06,469
deviled eggs.
74
00:03:06,503 --> 00:03:08,404
Haha! Oh, one sec.
75
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:10,406
- Where are you going?
- I gotta go get my passport
76
00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:13,509
- and my travel pillow.
- It's 30 minutes away!
77
00:03:13,544 --> 00:03:16,980
( Goin' Up the Country
song by Canned Heat )
78
00:03:18,849 --> 00:03:22,606
Oh, my gosh, guys,
I cannot tell you how exciting this is.
79
00:03:22,641 --> 00:03:24,253
Anyone want an egg? Molly, nice egg?
80
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:27,023
Molly? Everything OK, Molly?
81
00:03:27,057 --> 00:03:29,626
Yeah!
Yeah, I guess I'm just a little nervous.
82
00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:32,729
Never been to the big city before.
83
00:03:32,763 --> 00:03:35,431
Oh, uh... technically,
I-I-I went to Moncton
84
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,734
with my uncle, but we didn't
make it out of the bus station.
85
00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:39,569
- What happened?
- He died.
86
00:03:40,479 --> 00:03:41,604
Got hit by a couple of buses.
87
00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,073
- Sorry, "a couple of buses"?
- First bus knocked him
88
00:03:44,108 --> 00:03:46,542
into the second bus.
Third bus finished him off.
89
00:03:46,577 --> 00:03:49,512
So three buses, OK. Well, if that's
what you're worried about, Molly...
90
00:03:49,546 --> 00:03:51,948
That is not all that I am worried about.
91
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,950
What else are you worried about?
92
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:56,953
The muggings, the murders,
the roving gangs!
93
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,621
There's no roving gangs in Charlottetown
94
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:01,124
because Charlottetown is not
"the big city," alright?
95
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:03,292
It's got an entire population of...
96
00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,061
- What's the population, Andy?
- 36000.
97
00:04:05,095 --> 00:04:08,097
36000, Molly! That's it, 36000 people!
98
00:04:08,132 --> 00:04:11,668
Christ! Imagine the sound
of all those mouths chewing
99
00:04:11,702 --> 00:04:13,936
- and swallowing at the same time.
- Yeah, imagining
100
00:04:13,971 --> 00:04:16,072
one mouth doing that
would be horrifying,
101
00:04:16,106 --> 00:04:18,808
so instead let's imagine
all the fun we're gonna have
102
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:23,479
and then stop imagining that
because... we are here.
103
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,481
? Good friend ?
104
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:30,086
? It's been a long time ?
105
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,690
? Since I've seen you ?
106
00:04:33,724 --> 00:04:35,925
? Oooh ooh ooooh ?
107
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,997
- _
- ? These days ?
108
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:44,767
? We know nothin' ?
109
00:04:44,802 --> 00:04:48,137
? Just a memory ?
110
00:04:48,172 --> 00:04:50,973
? Of youthful days ?
111
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,678
? Ooooh ?
112
00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:59,015
? Oooh oooh oooh oooooh ?
113
00:05:01,051 --> 00:05:03,586
? Oooh ooooooh ?
114
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,655
? Oooh ooh oooh oooh ?
115
00:05:07,191 --> 00:05:09,125
? Ooh ooh ooh ooh ?
116
00:05:09,159 --> 00:05:11,728
Crazy! When John A. McDonald
smoked Joseph Howe
117
00:05:11,762 --> 00:05:13,730
with that mace, I was like, "What?!"
118
00:05:13,764 --> 00:05:16,332
Ohhh! And then, when Thomas D'Arcy McGee
119
00:05:16,366 --> 00:05:18,968
cut off Ambrose Shea's
arm with that broadsword,
120
00:05:19,002 --> 00:05:21,003
I thought my head was gonna explode.
121
00:05:21,038 --> 00:05:23,172
Hell yeah, you guys.
Well, if you thought that was good,
122
00:05:23,207 --> 00:05:26,709
just wait until we take in
the hypnotic stylings
123
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,711
of Eastern Canada's favourite
124
00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:30,980
- aging hypnotist.
- I honestly can't wait.
125
00:05:31,014 --> 00:05:33,216
- Aaah!
- Hahaha!
126
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,685
- Um, what's wrong?
- Oh, nothing. Just thought
127
00:05:35,719 --> 00:05:38,054
that the Playhouse was
supposed to be around here,
128
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:42,959
but can't seem to get
a signal anymore, so...
129
00:05:42,993 --> 00:05:44,961
Are you sure this is the right area?
130
00:05:44,995 --> 00:05:47,497
- It seems a bit rough.
- Nah,
131
00:05:48,033 --> 00:05:49,832
I think we're probably close.
Let's keep going.
132
00:05:49,867 --> 00:05:53,336
Let's just keep... keep going.
133
00:05:53,370 --> 00:05:56,339
- (dog barking)
- (disquieting music)
134
00:05:56,373 --> 00:05:59,909
Alright, we definitely have to turn around,
this is not the way to the Playhouse.
135
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,978
Relax, we still got plenty of time
'til the show.
136
00:06:02,012 --> 00:06:03,980
Besides,
we did turn around 10 minutes ago.
137
00:06:04,014 --> 00:06:06,249
- What?!
- Yeah, OK, we're quite lost.
138
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,217
I don't know what you want me to say.
But it's gonna be fine.
139
00:06:08,252 --> 00:06:10,706
- It's not fine!
- What is fine about this?
140
00:06:10,707 --> 00:06:12,287
It's going to be fine.
141
00:06:12,322 --> 00:06:13,856
- I'm sorry, it's going to be fine.
- It will be fine.
142
00:06:13,891 --> 00:06:16,759
- Where are we? Where are we, Mark?
- I don't know that!
143
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,995
Dear God, this is exactly
what I knew would happen.
144
00:06:19,029 --> 00:06:22,098
Now I'm gonna get kidnapped by a
drug dealer and forced to steal cars.
145
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,433
I don't even know what you're
referencing anymore, Molly.
146
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:27,236
- Come on, Mark!
- Oh, you get that?!
147
00:06:27,271 --> 00:06:29,272
- Yes. City Fears! City Fears!- City Fears, Mark.
148
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:32,008
- City Fears?!
- Don't be dumb! Don't be dumb, Mark!
149
00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:34,710
"Don't be dumb"? You say
that I'm being dumb?! "Shayyshhh!
150
00:06:34,745 --> 00:06:36,546
Shayyyshhh!"
151
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:39,148
- Both of you, "shaysh!"
- "Shaysh"?
152
00:06:39,183 --> 00:06:42,685
Now you leave this to me,
and I will find a way to...
153
00:06:43,410 --> 00:06:45,388
There we go. Look at that. Look at that.
154
00:06:45,422 --> 00:06:47,256
- What?
- Ask and ye shall receive.
155
00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:48,901
- A fellow man.
- No.
156
00:06:48,993 --> 00:06:51,460
A man who I'm going
to ask for directions.
157
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:54,230
- Mark... Mark, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't.
- Oh no!
158
00:06:54,264 --> 00:06:57,033
I'm pretty sure he's not a drug dealer
who's gonna force me to steal cars,
159
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:59,302
if that's what you're afraid of.
Leave it to me.
160
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:02,038
- (spooky music)
- Uh, excuse me, sir.
161
00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:04,040
I was hoping you could
give me some directions.
162
00:07:04,074 --> 00:07:06,309
(breath rattling)
163
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,811
- Oh, dear God!
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
164
00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:10,646
That's the face of a demon.
That's a demon, man,
165
00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:14,116
and he's reaching for something.
Let's go! Pick it up! Let's go!
166
00:07:14,117 --> 00:07:15,117
Let's go, Molly!
167
00:07:19,835 --> 00:07:22,245
OK, OK, OK. Just-just-just calm down.
168
00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,147
Just calm down and
forget all about that guy
169
00:07:24,181 --> 00:07:26,216
- and the way that he sounded.
- You still hear his breathing?
170
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:28,084
- I'm gonna forget it.
- Yeah, yeah, we're all gonna
171
00:07:28,118 --> 00:07:30,086
be hearing that breathing
for a long time.
172
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,288
But that's fine because he's not there,
and we're in here,
173
00:07:32,323 --> 00:07:35,692
so we're good. We're more
174
00:07:35,726 --> 00:07:37,427
- or less good.
- (indistinct blues song playing)
175
00:07:37,461 --> 00:07:41,097
Alright, come on, come on.
176
00:07:41,748 --> 00:07:43,166
Hi, everyone!
177
00:07:43,821 --> 00:07:45,602
Nice place.
178
00:07:46,575 --> 00:07:47,774
Hi there.
179
00:07:47,809 --> 00:07:49,105
Got a quick question for you.
180
00:07:49,139 --> 00:07:52,075
Order first, then ask questions.
181
00:07:52,109 --> 00:07:54,477
Makes sense.
OK, you guys know what you want?
182
00:07:54,512 --> 00:07:56,913
- What's your house red?
- What?!
183
00:07:56,947 --> 00:07:59,476
Jesus, Andy!
We'll just get three beers, please.
184
00:07:59,511 --> 00:08:02,385
So now that we have ordered,
here's my little query...
185
00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:03,786
How the hell do we get
out of Charlottetown?
186
00:08:03,821 --> 00:08:06,189
Not what I was gonna ask.
We're going to the Playhouse;
187
00:08:06,223 --> 00:08:08,591
- do you know how to get to the Playhouse?
- The Playhouse, eh?
188
00:08:09,883 --> 00:08:11,828
You wouldn't happen to be seeing...
189
00:08:11,862 --> 00:08:13,830
Laverne, would you?
190
00:08:15,186 --> 00:08:16,165
Yes.
191
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:19,093
I knew it! Yes!
192
00:08:19,128 --> 00:08:20,770
He is terrific, isn't he?
193
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:22,605
The way that he makes people think
194
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,475
that they crapped their pants? Mwah!
195
00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:27,962
- Yeah, we like him a lot.
- Big fans.
196
00:08:27,997 --> 00:08:29,879
The Playhouse is real close.
197
00:08:29,914 --> 00:08:32,315
I've got a map, I'll show it to you.
198
00:08:32,349 --> 00:08:34,984
OK, sounds great. Mmm! Mmm!
199
00:08:36,854 --> 00:08:39,702
- Mark, don't leave us here.
- What's the problem?
200
00:08:39,737 --> 00:08:42,825
I'm gonna be right over there. Just talk
to Molly. Don't be a coward, come on.
201
00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:46,829
(indistinct blues song playing)
202
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:52,535
Ooh. (nervous laugh)
203
00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:54,671
Scary place, huh?
204
00:08:57,460 --> 00:08:59,842
- So, we're here.
- OK.
205
00:08:59,877 --> 00:09:02,679
And the Playhouse is there.
Pretty close!
206
00:09:02,713 --> 00:09:05,348
So we must have taken the
wrong turn going up there.
207
00:09:05,382 --> 00:09:07,584
And what's this area
we're in right now called?
208
00:09:07,618 --> 00:09:10,553
- Old Charlottetown.
- Old Charlottetown.
209
00:09:10,588 --> 00:09:12,889
It's mostly pretty nice people
around here, except for the gangs.
210
00:09:12,923 --> 00:09:16,507
Oh, there are gangs? There are
gangs around... gangs around here?
211
00:09:16,542 --> 00:09:17,994
Oh yeah. Swarms of 'em.
212
00:09:18,028 --> 00:09:20,997
- "Swarms."
- And all with their own esthetic theme.
213
00:09:21,031 --> 00:09:23,066
Trashies, Dirtrags,
214
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,468
Scarlet Letters. Technically,
215
00:09:25,502 --> 00:09:29,339
they all have their own turf,
but they tend to rove.
216
00:09:29,373 --> 00:09:31,341
?
217
00:09:31,375 --> 00:09:34,344
Roving gangs, great.
OK, well, I am gonna keep
218
00:09:34,378 --> 00:09:36,946
that information from
those two over there 'cause
219
00:09:36,981 --> 00:09:39,515
- they might freak out.
- Ah, don't be afraid.
220
00:09:39,550 --> 00:09:42,518
They won't hurt you unless
you cross 'em or they feel like it.
221
00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:46,623
(rock music playing in the background)
222
00:09:51,295 --> 00:09:53,730
Hey, do you know what I was
thinking of the other day?
223
00:09:53,764 --> 00:09:55,832
Mrs. Finley. Remember her?
224
00:09:56,818 --> 00:09:58,301
- No.
- Our third-grade teacher,
225
00:09:58,335 --> 00:10:00,403
remember her?
She always used to say, uh,
226
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,405
"Pencils down." Remember that?
227
00:10:02,439 --> 00:10:04,874
Every teacher says that.
228
00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:07,043
Yeah, but she would
kind of like emphasize
229
00:10:07,077 --> 00:10:09,646
the "down" part. "Pencils down!"
230
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,315
No. No, I don't remember.
231
00:10:13,816 --> 00:10:15,418
Maybe it was the "pencils"
part that she hit.
232
00:10:15,452 --> 00:10:17,253
It's hard to... I can't do it like her,
233
00:10:17,287 --> 00:10:20,023
but it was pretty... pretty weird.
234
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:24,527
- Anyway, she's probably dead now.
- Hey, guys!
235
00:10:24,561 --> 00:10:26,562
So I just spoke with, as it turns out,
236
00:10:26,597 --> 00:10:28,998
very weird bartender,
and she said that the Playhouse
237
00:10:29,033 --> 00:10:31,791
is like five minutes away, so let's go.
Let's go now.
238
00:10:31,826 --> 00:10:33,436
Actually, we're probably gonna
finish our drinks because...
239
00:10:33,470 --> 00:10:35,672
- No, we gotta move now.
- I'm working things out with Molly.
240
00:10:35,706 --> 00:10:37,607
That's great,
but we should get going for reasons
241
00:10:37,641 --> 00:10:39,742
- that I'm gonna explain later.
- Pardon me, gentlemen.
242
00:10:39,777 --> 00:10:42,245
Oh! OK, well, hmmm...
that's one of them.
243
00:10:42,279 --> 00:10:44,914
Don't let us interrupt the good times.
244
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:48,451
- A roving gang.
- Yes, it turns out there are roving gangs. I am so sorry.
245
00:10:48,485 --> 00:10:50,979
Looks like you guys are having fun,
eh, Nitro?
246
00:10:51,014 --> 00:10:52,321
Oh yeah, Doyt.
247
00:10:52,946 --> 00:10:55,491
Looks like everyone's
blowing off some steam.
248
00:10:55,526 --> 00:10:59,095
Yeah. Uh, well, the three of us were
actually just on our way out, so...
249
00:10:59,129 --> 00:11:00,997
Oh yeah?
Yeah, you got plans with friends?
250
00:11:01,031 --> 00:11:03,933
That's nice. You're gonna go
goof around, have a laugh?
251
00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,768
- Something like that.
- Yes, sort of.
252
00:11:05,803 --> 00:11:07,603
Well, that's nice. I like that.
253
00:11:07,638 --> 00:11:09,939
- Love to laugh.
- Hmm!
254
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:12,475
Nitro, tell 'em a joke.
255
00:11:12,509 --> 00:11:15,144
Just so happens I have a
joke here in my pocket.
256
00:11:18,215 --> 00:11:21,017
- (Bleep) you!
- OK.
257
00:11:21,051 --> 00:11:23,453
I got a joke too. Knock, knock.
258
00:11:23,487 --> 00:11:25,922
- Who's there?
- Boom.
259
00:11:25,956 --> 00:11:27,790
(gang member laughing)
260
00:11:27,825 --> 00:11:30,126
It's the middle finger again.
Boom, it's gone.
261
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,061
OK.
262
00:11:32,096 --> 00:11:35,844
Obviously, it's very clear
that we all love jokes.
263
00:11:35,879 --> 00:11:38,935
Except for when those jokes
264
00:11:38,969 --> 00:11:42,338
happen to be at the expense...
265
00:11:42,372 --> 00:11:45,808
of my good friend Douglas.
(clicking his tongue)
266
00:11:45,843 --> 00:11:48,311
Oh, hell...
267
00:11:48,345 --> 00:11:50,680
- (dramatic music)
- You see,
268
00:11:50,714 --> 00:11:53,382
Douglas has a condition. He's asthmatic,
269
00:11:53,417 --> 00:11:55,384
and he's also got some
throat things that makes it
270
00:11:55,419 --> 00:11:58,554
very noisy when he breathes.
It's no biggie,
271
00:11:58,589 --> 00:12:01,424
but he's just very
self-conscious about it.
272
00:12:01,458 --> 00:12:03,893
Which is why it pained me to learn
273
00:12:03,927 --> 00:12:06,829
that some out-of-towners
were making little comments.
274
00:12:07,595 --> 00:12:10,233
Douglas, are these
the people that mocked you?
275
00:12:12,136 --> 00:12:15,171
- (inhaler spraying)
- Yeah.
276
00:12:15,205 --> 00:12:17,039
It's just his voice.
277
00:12:17,074 --> 00:12:19,709
That's how he talks. Listen, Douglas,
278
00:12:19,743 --> 00:12:23,880
we are so, so sorry
for any hurt we caused you.
279
00:12:24,665 --> 00:12:26,315
- Maybe we could buy you a drink...
- A drink?!
280
00:12:26,350 --> 00:12:28,885
You think you can come
into our territory,
281
00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:30,887
Vesties territory,
282
00:12:30,921 --> 00:12:34,123
and buy your way out
of this with a drink?
283
00:12:34,158 --> 00:12:36,058
You want me to waste these guys, Doyt?
284
00:12:36,093 --> 00:12:38,661
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Doyt, please,
285
00:12:38,695 --> 00:12:41,257
the three of us are actually quite nice
if you just get to know us.
286
00:12:41,292 --> 00:12:43,800
- What did you just call me?
- I called you Doyt. Is Doyt...
287
00:12:43,834 --> 00:12:47,136
- Is your name not Doyt?
- My name is Dirt.
288
00:12:48,605 --> 00:12:50,540
Are you making fun
289
00:12:50,574 --> 00:12:53,276
of my friend Nitro's
speech impediment now?
290
00:12:54,745 --> 00:12:56,045
Nooo. No.
291
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:58,114
- Mark is not.
- Oh, boy,
292
00:12:58,148 --> 00:13:01,584
you really like making fun of
other people's problems, don't you?
293
00:13:01,618 --> 00:13:05,411
That is not true at all. That's two
coincidences in quick succession.
294
00:13:05,446 --> 00:13:06,923
Maybe I can give you a little condition
295
00:13:06,957 --> 00:13:11,894
that we can all laugh at.
A little knife-itis.
296
00:13:11,929 --> 00:13:14,288
- (gang laughing)
- (Mark): Wait. Wait.
297
00:13:14,323 --> 00:13:16,232
- (Andy): Whoa! Whoa!
- (Mark): Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
298
00:13:16,266 --> 00:13:20,102
Let him go now!
Nobody hurts my friends in my bar!
299
00:13:20,137 --> 00:13:22,438
Oh, my God!
She's lifting him by his goddamn neck!
300
00:13:22,472 --> 00:13:25,341
Let's go, guys! Thank you, scary lady!
301
00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:30,313
Standing up for your friends,
that something I can respect.
302
00:13:30,347 --> 00:13:33,816
Alright, gang... let's get 'em outside!
303
00:13:33,851 --> 00:13:36,627
She doesn't have jurisdiction
over the streets.
304
00:13:36,662 --> 00:13:38,765
- Let's go, whoo!
- Let's go!
305
00:13:44,442 --> 00:13:46,076
- (dramatic music)
- Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
306
00:13:48,446 --> 00:13:50,414
OK. OK. Slow down for a second.
I feel like I'm gonna...
307
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,349
- Did we lose 'em?
- (man): Hello?
308
00:13:52,383 --> 00:13:54,952
- No.
- OK, over here.
309
00:13:54,986 --> 00:13:57,020
Over here. Over here.
310
00:13:57,055 --> 00:13:59,256
(man): Hey! I can see you over there!
311
00:14:00,825 --> 00:14:04,561
Oh, I'm a police officer by the way.
312
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:06,763
Sir, you are a real lifesaver.
313
00:14:06,798 --> 00:14:08,765
I mean, I knew we were gonna be OK,
but you are
314
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,435
- concrete evidence of that.
- Oh, no sweat.
315
00:14:11,469 --> 00:14:14,471
You know, I'm mostly here just to stop
people from breaking into parked cars.
316
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:17,941
So I had my eye on you.
But, well, then you guys looked
317
00:14:17,976 --> 00:14:20,711
like you needed some help,
so I thought, you know, help you.
318
00:14:20,745 --> 00:14:22,479
Yeah, we were tracking all that, thanks.
319
00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,581
- So where are you all headed?
- Back to the tourist zone
320
00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:26,950
- and then as far away from the town as possible.
- Or, or...
321
00:14:26,985 --> 00:14:29,920
how far are we from the Playhouse, sir?
322
00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:32,656
Mark, if we don't head back
to the tourist zone right now,
323
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:35,959
- I will murder you myself.
- Molly, you might want to think
324
00:14:35,994 --> 00:14:38,295
twice about threatening me in
front of an officer of the law.
325
00:14:38,329 --> 00:14:40,464
Oh, I don't mind, I'm pretty easygoing.
326
00:14:40,498 --> 00:14:42,399
But, you know,
if you're looking for the Playhouse,
327
00:14:42,433 --> 00:14:44,401
I have some great news for you.
You're already there.
328
00:14:45,422 --> 00:14:46,303
What? What do you mean?
329
00:14:46,337 --> 00:14:48,472
This is the Playhouse's parking garage.
330
00:14:48,506 --> 00:14:50,440
Look, there's an elevator
right over there.
331
00:14:50,475 --> 00:14:51,683
It takes you up to the foyer.
332
00:14:51,743 --> 00:14:54,945
Oh, my goodness! Would you look at that!
333
00:14:54,979 --> 00:14:56,880
I told you this city was alright.
334
00:14:56,914 --> 00:14:58,782
- (elevator doors opening)
- Ohhh...
335
00:14:58,816 --> 00:15:01,818
- Hello again.
- OK, never mind.
336
00:15:01,853 --> 00:15:03,820
The city is garbage.
Get in the car! Get in the car!
337
00:15:03,855 --> 00:15:06,223
- (Andy): OK!
- Oh no! You three pissed off
338
00:15:06,257 --> 00:15:08,291
- the Vesties?!
- Yes, we did! So get in the car
339
00:15:08,326 --> 00:15:10,994
- right now, please!
- Oh no. The Vesties run this area.
340
00:15:11,029 --> 00:15:12,896
I'm sorry, but you're on your own.
341
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:15,098
What the hell are you talking about?!
Get in the car!
342
00:15:15,133 --> 00:15:16,731
Please don't judge the entire
Charlottetown police service
343
00:15:16,835 --> 00:15:19,436
based on my actions. I'm a coward!
344
00:15:19,470 --> 00:15:23,874
Destroy the car! Do what you
want to them! Just let me live!
345
00:15:23,908 --> 00:15:26,209
That is a very bad police officer.
346
00:15:28,079 --> 00:15:30,847
OK. Um, what... what do we do here?
347
00:15:30,882 --> 00:15:32,849
- Do we... do we run?
- We're surrounded,
348
00:15:32,884 --> 00:15:35,452
- we can't run.
- I'm done running.
349
00:15:35,486 --> 00:15:37,054
What do you mean, you're done running?
350
00:15:37,088 --> 00:15:39,056
We hunters have a saying,
351
00:15:39,090 --> 00:15:41,191
"Hunt or be hunted."
352
00:15:41,225 --> 00:15:44,361
I'm not gonna let this
big city hunt me anymore.
353
00:15:44,395 --> 00:15:46,363
It's time to hunt back.
354
00:15:46,397 --> 00:15:48,465
"It's time to hunt back"?
355
00:15:48,499 --> 00:15:50,987
Maybe we should talk to them.
This is probably a talking situation.
356
00:15:51,022 --> 00:15:55,972
Guys like that only understand
one language... violence.
357
00:15:57,542 --> 00:16:00,377
- Fortunately...
- (drum music)
358
00:16:00,411 --> 00:16:03,613
...I'm bilingual.
359
00:16:03,648 --> 00:16:05,916
- Holy smokes!
- That was awesome!
360
00:16:05,950 --> 00:16:07,884
Yeah, that was really well put.
361
00:16:07,919 --> 00:16:10,754
(rock music)
362
00:16:10,788 --> 00:16:13,857
Remember us? Dirt, Nitro,
363
00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:16,560
bunch of other gang members
who have minor defects
364
00:16:16,594 --> 00:16:18,562
I'm sure you'd love to point out.
365
00:16:18,596 --> 00:16:20,764
- (grunting and screaming)
- (indistinct rock song)
366
00:16:20,798 --> 00:16:23,100
- (Andy): My gosh!
- OK.
367
00:16:23,134 --> 00:16:25,368
OK, that's...
that's how she's gonna do it.
368
00:16:25,403 --> 00:16:28,171
She's just gonna beat the
(Bleep) out of everyone.
369
00:16:28,206 --> 00:16:29,539
(grunting)
370
00:16:31,275 --> 00:16:33,910
- We should probably get out there.
- Yeah, yeah.
371
00:16:33,945 --> 00:16:35,912
It's just...
I feel like she's got training.
372
00:16:35,947 --> 00:16:37,848
Absolutely. Yeah, she does.
373
00:16:37,882 --> 00:16:39,749
- She's demonstrating that.
- We don't.
374
00:16:39,784 --> 00:16:42,052
- We, a hundred percent, do not.
- Definitely do not.
375
00:16:42,086 --> 00:16:44,121
OK, big guy's coming in! The big boy!
376
00:16:44,155 --> 00:16:47,390
We're clearly saying she
has got a handle on this.
377
00:16:47,425 --> 00:16:49,960
For her, she's like,
"They're not even bothering to
378
00:16:49,994 --> 00:16:52,462
leave the car, that's how much
confidence they have in me."
379
00:16:52,497 --> 00:16:54,284
- Yeah.
- "And that makes me feel good,
380
00:16:54,285 --> 00:16:55,685
and that makes me fight better."
381
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:57,901
- (grunting)
- (rock music)
382
00:16:59,370 --> 00:17:01,271
For some reason,
they're attacking her one at a time,
383
00:17:01,305 --> 00:17:02,823
and she seems to be able to handle that.
384
00:17:02,907 --> 00:17:06,743
Yeah. It's honorable of them, I guess.
385
00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:08,879
Or they just...
they just don't have strategy.
386
00:17:08,913 --> 00:17:10,914
It's their weakness at the top.
387
00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:14,551
- Did I say, "One at a time"? Everybody at once!
- Come on!
388
00:17:14,585 --> 00:17:16,620
I could do it,
but I have the neck thing.
389
00:17:16,654 --> 00:17:18,121
- Let's go!
- Come on!
390
00:17:18,156 --> 00:17:20,423
- Oh, they got her.
- Oh, they got her.
391
00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:22,792
- They did get her.
- Oh! Ugh!
392
00:17:24,328 --> 00:17:26,930
Well, that was pretty good,
but I'm afraid that you are...
393
00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:29,466
GODDAMN IT! OUCH!
394
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:33,937
Oh, my God! Do you have her yet?!
Get her out of here! Hold her
395
00:17:33,971 --> 00:17:35,705
- by her fists!
- (indistinct chattering)
396
00:17:35,740 --> 00:17:37,674
Jeez!
397
00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:40,277
Alright, fellas, you can come out now.
398
00:17:40,311 --> 00:17:42,679
Here they come for us. That's good.
399
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:45,148
Should we try and fight them?
No. Don't know why I said that.
400
00:17:45,183 --> 00:17:47,484
Yes, why did you even say that?
That's insane.
401
00:17:47,518 --> 00:17:49,386
- We're coming, we're coming.
- We're coming, OK.
402
00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:51,288
We're good, we're good, we're good.
Or you can grab us.
403
00:17:51,322 --> 00:17:54,691
You guys were so brave in there.
You were brave.
404
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,593
You two were brave. Just equal.
405
00:17:56,627 --> 00:17:58,929
Everybody, so brave.
406
00:17:58,963 --> 00:18:01,364
Haha! But I'm sorry
407
00:18:01,399 --> 00:18:03,366
because this ends right now.
408
00:18:03,401 --> 00:18:06,369
Wait! Dirt, let her go.
409
00:18:06,404 --> 00:18:08,138
Andy, what the hell are you doing?
410
00:18:08,172 --> 00:18:10,173
You're right, Mark, I'm a coward,
411
00:18:10,208 --> 00:18:12,175
but like Molly said, "I'm done running."
412
00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:14,211
It's time to do what's right.
413
00:18:14,245 --> 00:18:16,880
Molly, I love you.
414
00:18:16,914 --> 00:18:19,082
- Oh, my God!
- Or I really like you.
415
00:18:19,116 --> 00:18:21,218
Or I would like to get to know you.
416
00:18:21,252 --> 00:18:22,593
We're probably gonna die tonight;
417
00:18:22,621 --> 00:18:25,822
before we do,
I wanna show you how I feel.
418
00:18:25,856 --> 00:18:28,458
So, Dirt...
419
00:18:29,894 --> 00:18:33,396
...let's do this man to man.
Throw down your knife
420
00:18:33,431 --> 00:18:35,498
and put up your fists,
421
00:18:35,533 --> 00:18:39,803
so I can suck your ass
in front of your friends.
422
00:18:44,075 --> 00:18:48,979
I'm sorry, did you just say
you were gonna suck my ass?
423
00:18:49,647 --> 00:18:51,982
What? No. What? When?
424
00:18:52,016 --> 00:18:55,552
You just said you were gonna suck
my ass in front of my friends.
425
00:18:55,586 --> 00:18:57,220
No, I didn't, I didn't. I said kick.
426
00:18:57,255 --> 00:19:00,123
You definitely just said suck.
"I'm gonna suck your ass
427
00:19:00,157 --> 00:19:02,092
- in front of your friends."
- (Vesties laughing)
428
00:19:02,126 --> 00:19:04,794
- Who heard that?
- That's what I heard.
429
00:19:04,829 --> 00:19:06,429
- Did I... did I say that?
- Yeah.
430
00:19:06,464 --> 00:19:08,798
You misspoke. You misspoke,
431
00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:10,834
- and you're a loser.
- (unknown man): Enough!
432
00:19:13,771 --> 00:19:15,405
Laverne!
433
00:19:15,439 --> 00:19:18,208
You will leave these three alone.
434
00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:21,344
You will return to the place
from whence you came
435
00:19:21,379 --> 00:19:23,813
and bother strangers no more.
436
00:19:23,848 --> 00:19:26,049
From this day forward,
437
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:30,253
compassion, not violence,
shall guide you.
438
00:19:30,288 --> 00:19:32,722
(finger snapping)
439
00:19:32,757 --> 00:19:35,058
Well, I don't know what that was, but...
440
00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:39,562
you're Laverne, the Incredibilist,
right? Are you not him? You're him.
441
00:19:39,597 --> 00:19:41,765
Oh, my God! One time, I saw you
442
00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:43,967
hypnotize these two strangers
into thinking they crapped
443
00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:46,136
each other's pants. (guffawing)
444
00:19:46,170 --> 00:19:49,072
- Thank you. I like that bit a lot.
- I may be out of line
445
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,141
in asking this, Mr. Laverne, but, ahem,
446
00:19:51,175 --> 00:19:53,143
I would very much like your autograph.
447
00:19:53,177 --> 00:19:56,079
- Of course. Do you have a pen?
- Ooh, um...
448
00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:58,515
Uh-oh! Yes, it appears...
449
00:20:00,685 --> 00:20:02,319
- ...you do.
- (laughing)
450
00:20:02,353 --> 00:20:03,953
Whaa...
451
00:20:03,988 --> 00:20:07,424
There you go. One for you.
452
00:20:07,458 --> 00:20:10,627
And one for you!
453
00:20:10,661 --> 00:20:13,163
- Thank you, Laverne.
- Always happy to meet the fans.
454
00:20:13,197 --> 00:20:16,733
- I feel like a little kid again, I really do. Thank you!
- Bye, Laverne!
455
00:20:16,767 --> 00:20:19,769
- (Vesties laughing)
- Now, may I
456
00:20:19,804 --> 00:20:23,373
interest you three in a performance
that audiences seldom forget?
457
00:20:25,209 --> 00:20:27,310
Oh! Oh! And then when Andy was on stage,
458
00:20:27,345 --> 00:20:29,746
and he kept saying, "I made a stinky."
459
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:32,515
- I thought I was gonna die.
- (Mark and Molly laughing)
460
00:20:32,550 --> 00:20:35,852
- That was amazing!
- You know, it is not funny
461
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:37,854
to make people do things
against their will.
462
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,289
And you know what?
If I see Laverne again...
463
00:20:39,323 --> 00:20:42,025
What? You'll threaten to suck his ass?
464
00:20:42,059 --> 00:20:44,561
Oh, my God!
I forgot that was tonight too.
465
00:20:44,595 --> 00:20:46,863
- (both laughing)
- "Put up your fists or
466
00:20:46,897 --> 00:20:48,865
I'll suck your ass in
front of your friends!"
467
00:20:48,899 --> 00:20:51,368
- It's right! That's right!
- OK, new rule:
468
00:20:51,402 --> 00:20:53,570
- no talking 'til we get home.
- (Molly and Mark laughing)
469
00:20:53,604 --> 00:20:57,440
Oh, my God!
Oh, you have had quite a night, Andy.
470
00:20:57,475 --> 00:21:00,477
Hey, Molly, remember
when Andy said he loved you?
471
00:21:00,511 --> 00:21:02,645
Yeah. What do you love about me, Andy?
472
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,581
You barely know me.
473
00:21:04,615 --> 00:21:06,916
? You can make your life
a misery if you try ?
474
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:32,985
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
475
00:21:33,035 --> 00:21:37,585
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