All language subtitles for Young.Sheldon.S04E08

Previously on Young Sheldon...
LINKLETTER: Hello, Mrs. Cooper.

I just wanted to let you know,

with Dr. Sturgis away,

I'll be available
should Sheldon need anything.

Now, I'm not
terribly experienced

around children.

If he needs to use the restroom,

I don't have to go in with him,
do I?

I don't need you to babysit me.

I'm perfectly self-reliant.

Then it's good
I kept the receipt

for this bottle of bubbles
shaped like a bear.

Welcome to the world
of philosophy.

I'm going
to teach you

that you don't even know
what you think you know.

Oh, boy.

I'm not going to school. Why not?

Because I don't know
what's real.

Nothing matters.

George?!

All right,

what's the problem here?

I don't know what's real.

That's a fun thing to think
about on the way to school.

Get up and get dressed.

Maybe I'm already dressed.

Maybe I'm wearing
a zoot suit and spats.

That's a shoe covering that's
short for "spatterdasher."

Or is it?

There's no way to know.

HERE'S WHAT I KNOW: I don't have
time for this nonsense.

What is time?

What is sense?

What is "is"?

Sheldon, I mean it.

I remember
when things meant things.

All right, I'm gonna count
to three. One...

Believing in numbers...
That takes me back.

Two... To be or not to be.

Shakespeare was onto something.

It's your last chance.

Have you ever wondered
if you're the tongue

of a multidimensional being
trying to taste something

you can never even understand?

I have.

I talked to him.

Where is your mother?

She had to leave for work.

I have to work, too.

You also get to take me
to school.

What am I supposed to do
about your brother?

Call me old-fashioned,

but I say spank him.

Your mom won't let me.

♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain

♪ I bet I could be your hero

♪ I am a mighty little man

♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪

Okay, I'm here.

What's up?

Sheldon won't get out of bed,
and I'm gonna be late for work.

He's gonna be late for school.

So you want me
to get him up anddrive him?

Yeah.

I like it better

when I just come eat your food
and leave.

Hey, Moon Pie.

What's going on here?

That's an excellent question.

Too bad there's no answer.

Well, you need
to get out of bed.

I don't need to do anything.

Okay, I'm gonna count to three.

Dad already counted to three.

Oh.

Did he try the Texas thing?

No.

In that case,

look at you,

lyin' there.

When a Texan gets
knocked off a horse,

he gets right back on.

That is the second most
important thing

about bein' a Texan,

right after thinkin' you're
better than everybody else.

Maybe the horse
gets back on the Texan.

Who's to say?

I don't know what that means.

That's because
you can't know anything.

If you need
to stare at the ceiling

and contemplate
the futility of existence,

Missy's bed is available.

Amazing.

What is?

I've been using this same pen
for seven months,

and it's still going.

That's your bar for amazing?

Yeah.

Sad.

It's the same pen.

[PHONE RINGS]It is too early in the morning
for you.

Hello.

Yeah. I'll be down in a bit.

Where ya headed?

Principal's office.

Ooh, you're in trouble...

You're a child.

[LAUGHS] I'd rather be a
child than in trouble.

Shelly,

Dr. Sturgis is
on the line for you.

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't,

but very well.

Hello? Hi, Sheldon.

I hear you're going through
some sort of existential crisis.

I suppose so.

I just don't know if we can tell
what's real or not.

And if nothing's real,
I don't know

what to think
or if I'm even thinking at all.

I went through
something similar once.

Really? What happened?

I was trekking
through the Amazon,

and I saw two frogs,

one hallucinogenic

and the other not.

[CHUCKLES]
I tried to lick the normal one,

and, by mistake,

I licked the hallucinogenic one.

It really rocked my world.

Why would you lick
either of them?

I'm not sure.
Probably low blood sugar.

But the point is,

I also lost track of reality.

How did you handle it?

I saw a jaguar,

and I realized I didn't care
if it was real or not.

I just hauled my tushy out
of there.

I appreciate the call.

I'm giving you back
to my meemaw now.

Bye!

[QUIETLY]:
Hey, John,

any luck?

Not unless you have access
to a jaguar.

I don't think I do.

Really, any jungle cat will do.

Hey, Tom.

George.

Sheldon's not here anymore.

Thought it'd be a while
before I got called back

into the principal's office.[EXHALES]

How's he doing?
I miss that kid.

He took a philosophy class
and won't get out of bed

'cause he doesn't know
what's real anymore.

Anyway, uh,

we need to talk about Georgie.

Should've seen that coming.

What's wrong? Well,

he's been cutting classes.

Already?

Semester's barely started.

He's a go-getter.

Mm.

I'll talk to him.Thanks.

How's the team looking
this year, George?

[GRUNTS]We just had
one difficult conversation, Tom.

Let's not have another.

Smart. ADULT SHELDON:
While my meemaw

wasn't able to acquire
a jungle cat,

the idea of tormenting a child
did tickle her Texan fancy.

[SINGSONGY]: Sheldon.

[CHICKEN CLUCKING]

I have someone else
who wants to talk to you.

What are you doing
with that filthy thing?

Why do you care?

If nothing is real,

then neither is the chicken.

[CLUCKING]

Oh. Good.

We're standing now.
That's progress.

Get her out of here.

Well, I would, but...

[CHUCKLES]
apparently,

I can't know
what "here" is.

So maybe I could just...

set her on your bed.

Okay! Okay.

I'll get dressed.

Make it snappy.

This still doesn't solve
my existential crisis.

Say what? You
want to hold her?

[GASPS]
No.

Less talk.

More pants.

♪ Tiny bubbles...

What's your first class?

Solid-State Physics
at 11:30.

We'll make it just in time.

Although, does... And before you say.

"Does time even
exist?" it does.

So stop wasting mine.

♪ So here's to
the golden moon... ♪

What's this philosophy teacher's
name?

Professor Ericson. Why?

I might pop in and say hello.

Be careful.

She may make you question
your most deeply held values.

I'm a stubborn old crank.

I'll do just fine.

I'm a stubborn young crank,
and it didn't help me.

♪ Make me feel happy...

You wanted to see me?

Sit down.

Is this gonna take long?
I need to get to class.

From what I hear,
you don't care about that.

Now, sit.

What the hell
you doin'?

I cut a class. Who cares?

It was more than
one, and I care.

You start flunking out, you're
gonna get kicked off the team.

Fine.

Now you don't care
about football?

Not really.

I don't know
what's going on with you,

but you better get your head out
of your ass.

Football's a waste of time.

I have a job I could be at.

You made a commitment to the
team and you're gonna honor it.

[EXHALES]

We done?

Just get back to class.

And I better see you
at practice.

Well, I don't know if I can
find it with my head up my ass.

LINKLETTER:
So,

according to de Broglie,
lambda equals "h"

divided by "m" times what?

Sheldon.

Is it velocity?

Yes. Now...

Or is it a velociraptor?

I'm sorry?

Perhaps lambda
equals "h" divided

by "m" times a velociraptor.

Or a velveteen
rabbit.

Ooh, or Velveeta.

That's the cheese
my mom puts on broccoli

when she's being fancy.

Is this
from your philosophy class

or perhaps that Ren & Stumpy
I've heard about?

Philosophy.

Mr. Cooper,
do you really believe

that de Broglie's equation
contains Velveeta cheese?

I don't know. Maybe hewas just
trying to be fancy.

Hello.

Can I help you?

Hi. I'm Connie Tucker.

I'm Sheldon Cooper's
grandmother.

Oh. Nice to meet you.

He is a remarkable young man.

Yes, he is. He's also
a very impressionable young man.

Kind of like a lump of clay
with a bow tie.

All I did was teach him
about epistemology.

Whatever it is
you're teaching him,

it has made him
question everything.

That's the goal.

Lady, I had to threaten him
with a chicken

so he'd put his pants on.

I don't know
what's gotten into that kid.

He's allowed to not
want to play football.

Can you for once in your life
take my side, Wayne?

Not my fault you're never right.

So you think it's okay
he just quits?

He doesn't get
that much playing time.

Well, in my family,
we don't quit.

Oh, I don't know. You quit
my book club pretty quick.

I'm talking about football!

Why is it so important
to you that he play?

Are you sure you're a coach?

Team sports provides confidence,
leadership, discipline.

So does holding down a job,

which he seems to shine at.

Let's just eat in silence.

Fine.

I still think you should have
read The Color Purple.

We were bawling.

Although tasty, a brick
of cheese is not a number.

Why are we still
talking about this?

Maybe we're not talking at all.

Okay, that's enough for today.

Not your best lecture.

It's fairly normal
for first-time

philosophy students
to have their worldviews shaken.

Do they snap out of it?

Well, you hope.

Professor Ericson,
I insist...

Hello, Connie.
What a pleasant surprise.

Hey.

I'm sorry you're about to see me

speak harshly to my colleague.

Have at it. Professor Ericson,

I insist that you speak
to this young man

and explain to him
that reality is real,

and it's possible
to know things as fact.

The class is called
"Introduction to Philosophy."

That's what I did.

Well, un-introduce him.

Yes, he's at this school
'cause of his brilliant

scientific mind,
and he spent my last class

talking about
processed cheese.

Sheldon, is that true?

Nothing's true.

You see what you've done?
You broke him.

Hey.

How come you didn't want
to get out of bed this morning?

If I can't know what's real,
what's the point?

You have the right words.

You're just saying them wrong.

It's not, "What's the point?"

It's, "What's the point?"

I don't understand.

Asking these questions
is exciting.

It's what gets me out of bed.

That's interesting.

Richard Feynman did say

the greatest joy in life
is the pleasure of

finding things out.

Feynman...
He's the physics guy, right?

[QUIETLY]: Yes. And your
perfume is beguiling.

It's all making sense to me now.

Thank you.

I am happy to help.

Dr. Linkletter,
I'm dropping your class

and switching my major
to philosophy.

Uh, what?

It's funny. This morning,
I couldn't get out of bed,

and now I stand before a whole
new exciting field of study.

Well, maybe instead
of making this big switch,

you could study both.

You could be
physics-philosophy guy.

You sound like
a logical positivist.

That's a branch of philosophy
that maintains

the best way to philosophize
is through science.

Well, there you go.
Do that.

It may be too early
to specialize.

I've only been a philosopher
for 15 minutes.

Did you notice Dr. Linkletter
didn't look too thrilled

about you leaving science?

He never looks thrilled
about anything.

I think that's
just his face.

That's the face.

[DOOR OPENS, CHIMES]

Why the hell weren't
you at practice?

Can't talk right now.
I'm working.

Well, you're gonna
talk about it.

What do you want from me?

I don't want to play football.
I want to work.

You have your whole life
to hold down a job.

Hey,

I like my job.

It's not my problem
you hate yours.

Do whatever you want.

ADULT SHELDON:
To figure out

which school of philosophy
suited me best,

I decided to sample each one.

The same way I determined
my favorite flavor of oatmeal...

Plain.

[TV PLAYS QUIETLY]

What are you doing?

I'm practicing the
philosophy of cynicism...

The ancient Greek view

that the rules of society
should be ignored.

If you're gonna break rules,
you can do better than that.

How?

[SHOUTS]

ADULT SHELDON:
Renaissance humanism is

finding meaning
in the human form through art.

Can I move? No.

But my butt itches.

Scratch it on your own time.

ADULT SHELDON:
Nihilists believe

that there's no point
to anything,

because it all ends
in nothingness.

Mind if I put on MTV?

Doesn't matter.
We're all gonna die anyway.

Deep thought, dingus.

ADULT SHELDON:
Traditionalism is the philosophy

that the best way of life
is a return to the past.

What are you doing?

Making my own butter,
like in olden times.

That's stupid.

ADULT SHELDON:
My arms are still sore.

Altruism is the belief
that we should live

only by bringing happiness
to others.

These are for you.

Thanks.

What the hell?!

ADULT SHELDON:
Egoism is the belief

that we should live only by
bringing happiness to ourselves.

Mmm. These are pretty good.

ADULT SHELDON:
Transcendentalists were

philosophers who believed
that our deepest connection

is with nature.

Eh.

I'm beautiful.

GEORGE SR.:
And then Georgie accuses me

of hating my job.

Is this where
I thought I'd end up? No.

Is this where
you thought you'd end up?

I thought I'd be working
at my father's funeral home

sewing people's eyes shut.

My life turned out great.

Well, good for you.

[LAUGHS]

The worst part is,
I think Georgie's right.

You're not happy at work?

I can see if my
dad's hiring.

How are your sewing skills?

It's not work.

[SIGHS]

Honestly, I don't know
if I'm happy anywhere.

Ugh. When I asked y'all
to hang for a drink,

I didn't know you were
gonna be such a bummer.

[LAUGHS]

Geez Louise.

♪ Amarillo is where I'll be.

[KNOCKING]

Dr. Linkletter? Sheldon.

Good to see you.

Come on in.
I don't suppose

you're here to discuss physics,
are you?

As a matter of fact, I am.

Excellent.

I'm here to drop your class.

I just need you to sign this.

[EXHALES]
Have a seat.

Sheldon,

I don't know
if you thought this through,

but you're here
on a physics scholarship,

and switching to philosophy
may not be well-received.

Ordinarily, I'd be concerned,

but I'm currently
embracing hedonism.

Sheldon,

I've been made
responsible for you,

and so far,
it's not going very well.

You were admitted
to this university

for your scientific acumen.

And changing majors could have
serious repercussions.

Son,

please try to understand.

If you abandon physics
for philosophy,

[FADING]: You're gonna be
missing out on the opportunity

to be part of something
great. Possibly...

♪ Tiny bubbles...

ADULT SHELDON:
As Dr. Linkletter prattled on,

I couldn't help but notice

the beauty
of that ephemeral bubble.

I wondered if perhaps
we're all just bubbles,

being buffeted through life
on a stream of currents

beyond our understanding.
♪ Tiny bubbles...

Look at it. The local minimization achieves

a global maximization,
and it's nearly perfect.

I wondered if this was the key

to the smoothness of matter
in the universe.

The cosmic web of stars and
galaxies could hold it together

like the web
of polymers in soap!

This could be
a whole new area of research.

Changing majors

would be a huge mistake,
but if this is what

you really want, here you go.

Sheldon? What?

Here you go.
Good luck with philosophy.

Oh, I'm back on science now.
I have work to do.

♪ Got a feeling that I'm gonna
love you till the end of time. ♪

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