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_
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D'oh!
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Where's your helmet?
4
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D'oh!
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_
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♪ This woman's gonna get
what she wants today ♪
7
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♪ Barney's gonna buy
a new sconce today ♪
8
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:50,818
♪ Gonna buy a broom to
play quidditch today ♪
9
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:55,323
♪ Waylon's gonna get some kitsch today ♪
10
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:06,300
♪ I'm gonna buy some figurines today ♪
11
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,670
♪ Some lovely pastoral scenes today ♪
12
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,673
♪ I've finally found the
rare girl with goat ♪
13
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:15,543
♪ I'll stash them all in my NPR tote ♪
14
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:17,010
♪ Today ♪
15
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:21,482
♪ The shoppers always haggle,
low price ♪
16
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:25,319
♪ And Flanders always gives in,
too nice ♪
17
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♪ Too nice, too nice ♪
18
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,925
♪ I'll sell these fuzzy dice ♪
19
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♪ Maude bought them as
a joke I did not get ♪
20
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♪ Today, today ♪
21
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♪ We'll sell our toys, we pray ♪
22
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♪ 'Cause playing is a
sin that we regret ♪
23
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Yay!
24
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,925
♪ Criterion Collection: Meryl Streep ♪
25
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,795
♪ A box of Easter candy, all Peeps ♪
26
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:10,298
♪ Today, today ♪
27
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:13,934
♪ I'll undersell eBay ♪
28
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:19,207
♪ We'll get some useless crap today! ♪
29
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,543
See, Marge? We skip one rehearsal,
30
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,077
and we're totally lost.
31
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,380
♪ Today! ♪
32
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,650
Wow, Mr. Flanders.
33
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You're selling your
used birthday candles?
34
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,821
Hmm, they relight themselves.
35
00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,257
I won't have voodoo in the house.
36
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:38,226
I'm one. I'm two.
37
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:41,161
I'm three. I'm dizzy.
38
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,898
Oh.
39
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:47,601
Do you really want to sell
these precious memories?
40
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,239
They're just earthly possessions, Marge.
41
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:54,975
All I need is God in my heart,
the good book in my hand, and...
42
00:02:55,687 --> 00:02:56,744
What are you heathens doing
43
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,746
to my Norman Rockwell
commemorative plates?!
44
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,916
We bought 'em, we smash 'em.
45
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,685
Take that, Freedom from Want.
46
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,523
Look at me! I'm Mr. Rogers.
47
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:12,626
Yeah. And I'm Meg Ryan
in When Harry Met Sally.
48
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,262
I'll have what he's having.
49
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,864
- We're having a ball!
- Of yarn.
50
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,872
Oh, all this humiliation for...
51
00:03:25,427 --> 00:03:26,840
$21?
52
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,943
Get out before I turn on the hose!
53
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:33,046
Thank you.
54
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,883
Okay, fine. I'm not selling
one more precious tchotchke
55
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:39,052
unless it's going to a decent,
respectful home.
56
00:03:44,698 --> 00:03:46,827
Damaged corner.
57
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,996
Excuse me, sir?
I understand how you feel.
58
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,632
Bart Simpson.
Longtime neighbor, first time reader.
59
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,567
May I buy these books?
60
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,469
There's no bad words in these
61
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:56,904
if that's what you're looking for.
62
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,539
I cut 'em all out.
63
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:00,741
Mm.
64
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,543
Thank you...
65
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,345
Adultery Ass.
66
00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:07,014
This is why I always carry a fan.
67
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,382
Don't worry, sir.
68
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,551
We're boys who have made
our share of mistakes,
69
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,521
but these books will
fire up our imaginations.
70
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,865
My greatest moment!
71
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:30,604
Oh, Bart.
72
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,373
I was filming the wrong way.
73
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,107
It's all me!
74
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:36,710
This angle makes my nose look big.
75
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,712
Oh!
76
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:42,550
Hmm.
77
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,687
Bart, that's clearly personal.
78
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,222
You have to give it
back to Mr. Flanders.
79
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:53,561
You don't have a single little
boy bone in your body, do you?
80
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:56,063
Hey! I did take karate.
81
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,400
Till I had an allergic
reaction to my gi.
82
00:05:01,473 --> 00:05:03,070
There's a bee in here!
83
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:09,910
"My Journal."
84
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,380
Wait a minute.
85
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:16,417
I've seen that red ink before,
especially the D's and F's.
86
00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:19,252
_
87
00:05:19,871 --> 00:05:21,073
_
88
00:05:21,074 --> 00:05:22,274
_
89
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,792
It's Mrs. Krabappel's diary!
90
00:05:26,007 --> 00:05:27,895
Parliament Lights 100.
91
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,963
That was her brand.
92
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:33,166
Remember:
if you can teach one kid one thing,
93
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,302
then today will be a success...
94
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:38,238
Oh. I forgot Flanders married Krabappel.
95
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,742
I do not need to see the dark
side of another marriage.
96
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,178
Let the oceans have it, Bart.
97
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,748
They're big enough to hide any sin.
98
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,017
You would think so, but no.
99
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,686
Why are corpses so buoyant?
100
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,622
'Cause I ain't dead yet!
101
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,258
The boss ain't gonna like this.
102
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,359
I'm the boss!
103
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,462
- Do you like it?
- No!
104
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,863
Shouldn't we stop those kids?
105
00:06:02,996 --> 00:06:04,598
We don't kill children.
106
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,600
We'll wait till they're 18.
107
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:09,369
This is your fault, Krabappel.
108
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:11,104
You taught me to read.
109
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,641
If you read this diary,
you'll regret it.
110
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,208
Maybe not today...
111
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:16,520
Okay, good enough.
112
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,216
What's it say?! What's it say?!
113
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,986
Does she write about how well
I cleaned the gerbil cage?!
114
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,321
If not, it might be a fake.
115
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,891
It's in there. And a lot more.
116
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,826
She says Chalmers hides his car keys
117
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,829
on the top of his sun visor.
118
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,505
I just became the most
powerful kid in school.
119
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,510
Slimmer!
120
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,679
Uh... What the...?
121
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:57,585
He's got a free yogurt at the car wash.
122
00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:59,653
Let's drop the car off at the car wash,
123
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,555
get the yogurt, and never come back.
124
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,924
The perfect crime!
125
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,530
There they are! Go get 'em!
126
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,765
Yeah, don't worry.
We'll get your car, but, uh,
127
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:15,002
all I can think of now is
we should do that, Lou.
128
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:18,038
Go for a drive just because.
129
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,109
Ugh!
130
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,950
Finally, thanks to Mrs. K,
131
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:33,453
I'll know what goes on
in the teachers' lounge.
132
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,223
- No, this is not a sales call.
- _
133
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:39,693
It's an opportunity to improve
your life with gutter guards.
134
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,362
Ma'am, are you sure your
family will be taken care of
135
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:43,931
in case of a sinkhole?
136
00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:47,300
And with this cruise package,
you're guaranteed a deck chair
137
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,069
for one full hour a day.
138
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,772
So can I...? Hello? Hello?
139
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,373
So, working your night school jobs
140
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,975
during school hours, eh?
141
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,646
Oh, you are still there.
You're just very quiet.
142
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,280
I'll wait as long as it takes.
143
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,616
_
144
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:06,286
Reading someone else's
diary in a church?
145
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:09,256
That's the worst thing
you can do in a church!
146
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,058
No, not really.
147
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,228
Oh, my God. I'm in this.
148
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:16,830
What did she say?
149
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,836
"I had a wonderful time
150
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,505
"with my spikey-haired
after-school buddy.
151
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:29,409
"Sometimes I have to be tough on
him so his behavior gets better,
152
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,344
"but he's smart as a whip.
153
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:33,080
"When he grows up,
154
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:36,149
I bet there's no door he
won't be able to open."
155
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,618
What does that mean?
156
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,853
She's saying you have potential.
157
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,321
Oh, my God.
158
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,490
I thought she hated me after
I glued her to her chair.
159
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,525
And yet she says I have potential.
160
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,662
I have a future. The sky's the limit!
161
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:59,472
I got rid of the squeak
in your chair, sir.
162
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,474
Good man.
163
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,311
When do I get paid?
It's been three weeks.
164
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:08,148
Wow. Presidential chair tester.
165
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,883
Can't do better than that.
166
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:11,619
This changes everything.
167
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,320
All this time I was showing my butt,
168
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,722
I was actually showing promise.
169
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,790
I'm gonna live up to that potential.
170
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:20,127
♪ I used to march down the windy,
windy sidewalks ♪
171
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,062
♪ Slapping my leg with a riding crop ♪
172
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,131
♪ Thinking it made me
come off so tough ♪
173
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:27,635
♪ I didn't smile because a
smile always seemed rehearsed ♪
174
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,637
♪ I wasn't afraid of the bullies ♪
175
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,405
♪ And that just made
the bullies worse. ♪
176
00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,243
Pop art quiz!
177
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:40,313
Is that a "pop" art quiz,
or a "pop art" quiz?
178
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,050
It's a "shut up
and fill in the bubbles" quiz.
179
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:45,185
Okay, how am I gonna blow this off?
180
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,088
Maybe fill in all the
bubbles to make a skull.
181
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:50,891
Now, hold on, Bart. You have potential.
182
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,360
Why not really try and do it?
183
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,096
- You think?
- Yes.
184
00:09:58,098 --> 00:09:59,432
I know this one. It's "B."
185
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:02,035
And after "B,"
the next answer's usually "C."
186
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,371
And the next one I can get from Martin.
187
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,444
This cake is for Bart.
188
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,546
He got an "A" on his test.
189
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,614
Mm-hmm.
190
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:17,050
What's a matter?
Wondering how I cheated?
191
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,253
You know,
all my thoughts aren't about you.
192
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,890
How did he do it? I must find out.
193
00:10:23,609 --> 00:10:27,294
Oh, God. All my thoughts are about him.
194
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,929
Think pony. Think pony.
195
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,433
How'd you do it, Bart? How'd you do it?
196
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,903
We're just gonna be very
happy about this grade
197
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:38,271
and not ask questions.
198
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,373
How did he do it? How did he do it?
199
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,776
Do I have two high-achieving kids?
200
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,812
Oh, be realistic, Marge.
201
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,114
He must be hiding something.
202
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,790
Ah, he's clean.
203
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,491
And so is his room.
204
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,761
I see you couldn't
find out how he did it.
205
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,931
No offense, Mom,
but mind if I take a whack?
206
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,466
Help yourself.
207
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,668
How, Maggie? How?
208
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,939
Oh, the treehouse, right.
209
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,141
The answer's in the treehouse.
210
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,247
Ay Krabappel!
211
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,783
This is a new low, even for you.
212
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:25,085
- Thanks.
- Okay, spill it.
213
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,787
What dirt did you find?
214
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:30,090
I'm only on page 35, but it's so
clear she thought I was great.
215
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,691
She really liked me.
216
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,693
Even when I brought in a
dead bird from outside,
217
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:35,262
which I've actually forgotten.
218
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,596
What?
219
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,799
Poor, deluded Bart.
220
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:41,168
She was writing that about her cat.
221
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:43,603
She loved how much I love tuna.
222
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,206
I don't remember that either,
but it was meaningful to her.
223
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,607
Listen, Bart...
224
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,443
And she said I was too
adorable to be sterilized.
225
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,179
Oh, her words, not mine.
226
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,646
- Bart...
- She believed in me.
227
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,615
And now I believe in myself.
228
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:58,185
And I'll tell you something crazy:
I loved getting that "A."
229
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,520
Which means, you know what?
Suddenly, I get you.
230
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,522
You don't suck.
231
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,892
You not only don't suck,
you believe in my potential, too.
232
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,033
Don't you?
233
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,897
We're just two smart kids.
234
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,498
I... I... I...
235
00:12:12,541 --> 00:12:14,667
Okay. I believe in you, too.
236
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,338
And I have nothing more to say except...
237
00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:20,240
Nothing but...
238
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,843
Which is worse, to be cruel or to lie?
239
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,744
They're both great, just like us.
240
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,413
Two smart kids.
241
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,015
And you know what I'm gonna do now?
242
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:30,884
I'm gonna change someone
else's life for the better.
243
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,021
Willie?
244
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,422
I heard... can't say where...
245
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:37,157
that you're actually pretty lonely.
246
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,092
So I got you this little guy.
247
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:41,028
A Scotsman lonely?
248
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,429
Bannocks to that!
249
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:45,532
But I will take your wee coney...
250
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,600
for me evening stew!
251
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,873
Do you like your stew?
252
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:56,509
It's got lots of extra
carrots for a growing bunny.
253
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,778
And when you grow fat enough,
254
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,681
I'll stick you in a
bubbling pot of water...
255
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,117
for your Saturday bath.
256
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:05,552
Oh, I love you.
257
00:13:06,457 --> 00:13:08,889
This lie has made Bart a new man.
258
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:11,591
And it's giving me anxiety attacks.
259
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,395
Relax. Relax.
260
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,425
Ugh, so anxious.
261
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,700
- What's this?
- You've got bumpies!
262
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,470
Let me give you some lotion.
263
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:26,773
I'll be fine.
264
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:29,476
I just need a calming bath
and a good night's sleep.
265
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:39,586
Om... om...
266
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,588
Oh, my God!
267
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,324
I'm helping him live a
lie that may ruin him!
268
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:49,662
Hmm. Sometimes tension hives
are the result of inner stress.
269
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,999
Is anything bothering you, young lady?
270
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:54,101
Just the usual... global disasters,
271
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,569
artificial intelligence taking over,
272
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,239
the cold, dead eyes of Mike Pence.
273
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,442
Hmm. Well, I could refer you
to psychological counseling,
274
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,177
but why fix what you can numb?
275
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:07,180
So I'm gonna prescribe
some Sleepy and Dopey's
276
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,249
children's chewable Xanax.
277
00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:13,420
I don't want my daughter on meds.
278
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,088
You seem upset, Marge.
279
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,924
Talk to your doctor about Troxodone.
280
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,425
You are my doctor.
281
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,693
Well, well, well. Fancy that.
282
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,263
This is gonna turn your life
283
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,798
into an oasis of peaceful zombitude.
284
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,700
Side effects may include
bleeding out your ears,
285
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:29,269
Portuguese insolence, wandering eyebrow,
286
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,138
intense longing for death,
and seeing yourself
287
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,284
as others see you.
288
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:35,207
_
289
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,377
When the last student
finishes using the lice comb,
290
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:38,979
please pass it back up.
291
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,651
Now our major award of the day.
292
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,019
For me?
293
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:50,023
But my shelves are already
groaning with kudos.
294
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,624
- Not for you.
- Aw.
295
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,526
For the only student who's
shown dramatic improvement
296
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,662
in the history of this school:
Bart Simpson!
297
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,977
Let's hear it for him.
298
00:14:57,864 --> 00:15:00,533
I'll take names if I don't hear cheers.
299
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:03,803
Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart! Bart!
300
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:07,007
I just want to say thank you, Mrs. K.
301
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,242
You wrote the book on teaching.
302
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,579
And now, his sister, Lisa Simpson,
303
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,815
will lead us in a round of
"For He's A Jolly Good Fellow."
304
00:15:16,322 --> 00:15:17,417
What?
305
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,653
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
306
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:24,491
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow... ♪
307
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,027
To the laser tag water park!
308
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,434
Take the freeway! It's quicker!
309
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,771
♪ All of it's based on a lie ♪
310
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,773
♪ All of it's based on a lie ♪
311
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:43,110
♪ For he's a jolly big phony ♪
312
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,612
♪ And only I know why. ♪
313
00:15:47,006 --> 00:15:48,115
Assembly item number two:
314
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:50,683
- don't take drugs.
- I don't!
315
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,785
Our most successful assembly ever.
316
00:15:55,805 --> 00:15:59,026
Thanks to Mrs. K, I fear nothing.
Not even long division.
317
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:01,361
Hmm. What if there's a remainder?
318
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,630
Still a little scary.
319
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,099
You wanted to do well,
but you're not even studying.
320
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:08,135
You don't have to study
when you're on a roll.
321
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,869
You heard them cheering me.
322
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,205
Bart! Bart! Bart! Not Lisa!
323
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,141
I wish you hadn't had them do that.
324
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:15,708
You know what I'm gonna do now?
325
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,977
I'm gonna enter the spelling bee.
326
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,748
Um, really? Just like that?
327
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,650
How about a little reality check?
328
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,552
Spell "pneumatic."
329
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,986
No problem.
330
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,090
You're gonna start it with an "N,"
aren't you?
331
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,059
I'll know when the spotlight hits me.
332
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,760
Two smart kids.
333
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,829
Bart, spelling bees are very public.
334
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:40,333
So if, by some fluke, you don't do well,
335
00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:43,436
you'll be embarrassed in
front of the whole school.
336
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:47,340
Worse than the time you sat
on the peanut butter cup.
337
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:48,941
People knew what it was.
338
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,677
No, they didn't.
339
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:55,014
Let him learn his lesson.
Let him gain from it.
340
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:56,749
It's not up to you to save him.
341
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,353
The first contestant is
our most-improved student,
342
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:03,756
Bart Simpson,
and the word is "interlude."
343
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,526
Um, can you use it in a sentence?
344
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,661
I need an interlude with my brother!
345
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:11,198
I have to explain something.
346
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,100
Obsolescence... O-B...
347
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,302
You don't have to explain.
It's totally understandable.
348
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,105
You're just jealous.
I used to be a mixed-up kid like you.
349
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,507
You're just not reading
the right diaries.
350
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:21,974
Obsequious...
351
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,877
Bart, there's a page in the
diary you didn't read yet.
352
00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:27,046
I'm sorry.
353
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,448
I'm so sorry.
354
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,350
I just don't want you hurt.
355
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:34,721
"My special little guy
has the fluffiest tail"?
356
00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:37,056
Still think she's talking about you?
357
00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:39,126
Could be.
I played a reindeer in the school play.
358
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,394
Which was weird,
because it wasn't a Christmas play.
359
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:42,529
Keep reading.
360
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,397
"Purring when I pet him"?
361
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:45,898
"Scratching at the bell on his collar"?
362
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,635
"Always using his litter
box appropriately"?
363
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,070
Oh, it wasn't me who had potential.
364
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,573
It's a frickin' cat!
365
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,584
Oh. No bumps.
366
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,887
- I brought you dinner.
- Don't want it.
367
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:10,557
I'm just a loser kid,
and that's all I will ever be.
368
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,091
Oh, honey...
369
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,560
Mom, I'm gonna go over the edge
370
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,428
if you try to make me
feel better right now.
371
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:17,264
Hmm...
372
00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,336
So, I understand
373
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,938
you've been reading Edna's diary.
374
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:27,707
Yeah, I'm sorry.
375
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:30,277
I sure hope there's something
in the Bible about forgiveness.
376
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:32,179
Son, I'm not here to judge you.
377
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:34,214
Curiosity is one of the
devil's sharpest tools.
378
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,449
That's why I don't even
look down in the shower.
379
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:39,118
Eyes always up into
God's scalding water.
380
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,889
Okay, I'll get to the point.
I'm here to tell you
381
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,691
something that might
make you feel better.
382
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,293
Did you know Edna and I once
383
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,295
were thinking of leaving Springfield?
384
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:49,962
Oh, I feel so much better.
385
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:52,565
How does he do it? I don't know!
386
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,367
But the fact is we didn't move.
387
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,802
We had a family meeting.
388
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,637
It was Todd's turn at the gavel.
389
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,739
Order! Order!
390
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:02,975
Now, we can't leave Springfield
unless it's unanimous. Todd?
391
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,877
I vote "yes." I can finally get away
392
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,813
from that ladybug that scares me.
393
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:10,783
I'm tired of Mr. Simpson
peeing in our bird bath.
394
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:14,221
Well, that's one, two, three, and...
395
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:16,055
I have to stay here in Springfield,
396
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,124
because boys like Bart Simpson need me.
397
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:20,493
Sweet, misunderstood boys,
398
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,296
who just need someone to
recognize the basic goodness
399
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,064
that's trapped inside them
400
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,934
and is desperately trying to get out.
401
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,238
She was allergic to the cat, but, uh,
402
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,240
you were nothing to sneeze at, son.
403
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,608
Well, did that help?
404
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:36,943
Yeah!
405
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,678
Now let us give thanks.
406
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:41,013
If only people stopped
when they made their point.
407
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:42,415
But thanks.
408
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,451
And this belongs to you.
409
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,852
You might want to read it.
410
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:47,587
You come off pretty well.
411
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,189
No sirree, Bob.
Those are Edna's private thoughts,
412
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:52,525
and they're gonna stay private.
413
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,861
Did you fix Bart?
414
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,028
Yep.
415
00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:57,464
What's in your hand?
416
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,832
Uh, uh, nothing.
417
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,337
"Now that I've been with Ned a year,
418
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,439
he's made my life a living..."
419
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,376
I'll think of a penance.
420
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,812
"Dream come true."
421
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,515
Oh. Now I got to clean my specs.
422
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,049
Thanks, Edna.
423
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:25,858
♪ I found her diary underneath a tree ♪
424
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:30,397
♪ And started reading about me ♪
425
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:36,503
♪ The words she'd written
took me by surprise ♪
426
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:40,540
♪ You'd never read them in her eyes ♪
427
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:46,513
♪ All the sweet things they can find. ♪
428
00:21:26,574 --> 00:21:28,994
_
429
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,624
Shh!
430
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:37,029
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