Original subtitles

My lord, in his fiscal budget, the financial secretary dares

to increase the revenue reserve.

To cut all expenses

Therefore I propose his promotion.

Thank you my lord.

Why are you eating my food?

I'm so sorry.

The rural district officer Tung's stupidity

leads to hardship throughout the region. Thus I propose

his early retirement with a piece of deserted land as remunerations.

You are so talkative!

Noted

Do you have any news?

Yes it's ready.

Huffy

It looks great.

It's none of your business. Do your job well or you'll be bitten well.

Lord there is more.

I dare to propose we have fun together.

You are interested. Come over.

Thank you.

Is great isn't it?

Fantastic

What do you think?

It's awesome.

It's over now.

Yes it's over now. We've had enough.

Any other matters my lord?

What matters?

I think.

You two it's over now. Leave straight away.

Thank you. I can't wait.

Lord

Tung thank you. Where did you get it?

From the West.

The West?

That's right. Pussy Cat

Here's you mandarin my queen

For half a year by now, I don't want anymore mandarin.

Banana is what I want.

We don't have a harvest of banana in the field.

There's no harvest here and there.

Where is my lord Tung?

What is it the matter?

What is the lord up to lately? It's been half year since his last visit

Say it straight away

The lord is very busy lately.

He has taken more than a dozen cases at a time

Some maids want to play a chess game with him

and their appointment has been half year till now

Ridiculous. I am the queen not like anyone of them

As you know, you need to wait

How dare you

My fault

I am telling you to go to the royal office

and make an appointment with the lord for me.

If you can't make it, you'd be beheaded

Beheaded again

Act now

Yes

It's been half a year. I'm starving

Have some mandarin first. It helps.

My Lord

Here I am. No hurry.

Hurry UP-

Turn around. I'm in a rush.

I don't care. Why every time you would be in a rush

What do you want? You know my tight schedule.

Yes I want it

This is the modern pace of life. Damn!

Now that there are two rockets already exploded. Needless to say.

My lady you are ridiculous

This is a complex knot and it's wasting my time.

Take you time.

It's not my fault.

I got plenty of time for this

You are out of your mind.

I have a few more appointments to make.

Don't be so rude. It hurts.

Sorry that I hurt you. Let me do it.

You are so not want to do it. I have no mood now.

Ouch

Are you alright?

My member is broken.

What? Doctor?

It's so hot and stuffy here.

Why don't we go back inside?

I can't stand

the air-con lately.

You health is all important

Since my member was hurt,

I've been feeling unwell.

The doctor must have do some tricky things on me.

How dare him.

Tomorrow I must

launch a clean-up operation.

Tung; Well noted

Who is it that Dr. Martin whom DOC

you mentioned before.

He is a renowned person

from the Chinese University

What does he do?

He solves member problems

Really?

It's true

That means I can be cured.

Pack some clothes and let's go.

Right

My Lord. Sorry. Mr. Yeung.

This is a nutritious bird which is good for the member.

I am your servant

Let me get you one.

Alright. Hurry.

Assassin.

Oh shit. Hit your member.

Protection.

Protect the lord. Are you alright?

Where have you been? There's an assassin trying to kill me.

I went hunt the bird.

What a Pity-

My member is hurting me.

Oh no.

Take a look.

Did you bring it out? It's gone.

No kidding.

Yes

It's gone. Let's get to Dr.

Martin ASAP.

Yes

Hold me

Watch out

Don't walk so fast. My member is hurting me.

TIII

Where the hell is Dr. Martin?

It's getting dark.

Have you got a torch?

No my lord

Any hotel nearby?

Let me check it out

Huffy

There's a lousy one named

Dragon & Phoenix

Then go

Go

Huffy

Slower

Who is the in charge here?

Here I am.

What can I help you?

We don't need you help. We are here to give you trouble

I am the VIP here with everyone calling me Superman

Oh the Superman where is the superwoman then'?

Let me tell you I am the Spiderman

Then you are mine tonight

Exactly

I charge you less based on your beauty.

Charge me? I don't have a penny.

Go now or I call the police.

Not being cooperative. Do your job brothers.

Who dares to touch my baby

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell are you?

People in the entire village call me Dragon

Don't you think being hairy can scare me off

That's what I'm thinking

Let's pick his hair off

Sweeties are you alright?

I'm fine. How dare they mess around here.

Good. Really good.

You are the famous Phoenix here.

No need to say more.

Right

May I know who is it here?

This is the lord.

Oh no the richest guy here in town.

Pleasure.

Do you want to stay or dine?

Both. Please prepare us a presidential suite

and an ordinary room.

Oh I see. Hey.

Yes how can I help?

Show them to their room.

Yes this way please

Brother

Yes

What are you doing?

He looks like someone

Who?

Someone we both know

Someone I know?

Yes the one who sells fish

Oh

Let me check it out.

This suite sucks.

Leave it.

This is your room.

Please rest and I go now.

Alright

Lord

Gee that chick is hot.

You are trying to get me into trouble.

I cannot do it.

My fault indeed.

Forget it. Get some water.

Yes

Hang on

What is it my lord

Need to ask you something

Go ahead

You think Phoenix great

She's gorgeous

You think I can have her?

Should not be a problem.

But cure your member first.

Shit, you setting me up again

my fault indeed.

Go get some water

Yes

Go

Brother

What is it?

What is the problem?

This is even worst

It hurts to see the people

pair up in the street.

You miss your old lover

Though sometimes rude, he's really good to me.

He's the only one.

He has gone eight years ago.

You should find another on. I tried to fix you up with a date.

You didn't like it.

Really don't know what you want.

I am specially loyal.

You think I am promiscuous

I'm the slave of loyalty

I know you brother.

But honestly your old lover is right for you indeed

Don't laugh at me.

What were you talking about?

What were I saying then?

How come we haven't hanged up the lantern yet.

Maybe that's why I feel strange today.

I go do it now.

I can't stand him.

Chan here you are

Ni

I'm sorry. Got a guest inside.

It's alright

Chan today it's my birthday.

Didn't you say you'd get me a diamond ring?

Yes I got the ring locked in the safe.

But I have lost the key

You are not keeping your promise.

Just a diamond. Got you an apartment.

Look this is the document.

Chan you are so cute.

I'm starving.

Tung where are you?

Not here whenever I need him

My way

You guys are having fun. What is it?

You don't know this?

NO

Go on you nuts

Alright but let me get some stuff first

Take more

This place is unique.

Iwin

We have a standard price here.

$80 to touch hand; $300 to touch the body

and $500 everything inclusive

You are our frequent guest.

All drinks are free.

This is the cheapest place in town.

Look

Why you so mad?

What? Who the hell are you?

Police

Police?

Sorry sir

Give me your money

Alright.

How much? $500?

You can have it all.

Lucky to have you here.

Fung is a powerful man here.

Not more powerful than me.

Let me take care of your place and more business to come

He is great. I like him.

What's wrong with your eyes.

Nothing wrong

Sorry he's a bit nuts.

It's time to do the cooking now.

Yes

Lord are you here?

What is it Tung?

Where have you been?

Where have you been? Having fun?

No way

No? Then where is Dr. Martin

He is on leave.

But don't you worry.

On my return, I got you some medication for you.

It's also inexpensive. Try it out

Really?

This is a super one. Three times a day, one pill at a time.

Take one

Effective five second after taken.

Count

Together

Five four three two one

How's it?

Nothing happens

Not working?

Take one more.

OK

Count

No

No

Did you read the instruction?

It says once a day three pills at a time.

Really?

Get one for me.

Let's count again.

Five four three two one. Got reaction.

Hot. I feel so hot.

Hot

No. Put the fire off. Hurry.

Huffy

All wet now. All over the pants.

Is it done?

Screw you. My pants is all wet now.

Dry it out.

Dry it? Let me blow it dry.

Hurry. Is that done?

Iron it

Harder

My guess was right. They are gay.

It's cool. I'm in half way. It's hard

Harder

What are you so into?

Brother you scare me off

I think you are so timid lately

What's wrong with you

You got me there.

Tell you something. Found out that they are gay,

perfect for me.

Don't say so without proof. They can sue you

Of course I have proof.

I saw them having fun together.

Unfortunately someone passed by or else I wouldn't leave.

Horny now.

Which one? Do say so.

Who else? It's Yeung upstairs

When I saw him at the first sight I think immediately that he looks like my old lover

Things between us haven't ended and I still have feelings for him.

I just don't believe it

I don't think he is gay

From my point of view,

My instinct must be right.

My instinct must be right.

I don't believe he's gay. Leave it alone.

Why you so nervous about?

You are crazy

How can you treat me like this? Not talking to you.

Alright. I don't like Yeung is gay

We have prepared something special for our guest.

Something special

Something you have not seen before. Wanna know who it is?

What?

Guess

I hate guessing. Tell me.

I hate guessing. Tell me.

If you wanna know,

go to the VIP room down the hall way

Can I go with Tung?

No. It's not right for him.

Sorry you are not invited

Please can I go with you?

Do be like this.

Back to the room and have fun on your Go own.

Alright then

Go now

Only my nose bleeds. Nothing down there.

Leave me.

My nose is bleeding. Enough

What is the matter? My dance is not good enough?

I repeat my nose is bleeding. Go away

Go away

Yeung

Go away

Only my nose bleeds. Nothing down there.

Damn me.

Phoenix

What are you annoyed?

You put me in such a humiliating position

by asking me to do table dance to Yeung.

He kicked me out of the room.

You are our PR manager.

This is nothing. Give you a raise next month.

Not too bad. We are a good team

I saw you were fabulous

Yeung's nose was bleeding because of your fabulous dance.

This means you are attractive.

That he didn't touch you shows his virtues.

You got me there. I feel positive towards him.

Don't ever dream of hitting on him. He is mine

What's the matter? Take a seat first

Dragon why are you weeping?

Weeping due to sadness

Don't keep everything to yourself

share with us.

Love sick

In love with Fa or Spring?

They are not my cup of tea

Nope? TunQ?

It's you

Let go me. Tung come rescue me

Why are you doing this on me

I'm gonna do more. Gonna hit you

It hurts

Why you hurt him so bad?

You cried for help. Thought he stole from you.

You're jealous

What?

Forget it. Help him first

Not that bad

It's broken

Get some medicated oil first

I'm not leaving

Go

No way

Here's the deal. I'll give you $500 tomorrow

but you needa go now

Deal

Go away

My lord did he take advantage of you?

I'm fine. Tung don't you keep too much sadness by yourself

I'm not sad but

But what

Just feeling lonely

You cold

A little. Get a coat first

My lord, I've put an alarm next to your bed.

Press it for emergency and I'll come over

No one serving me? Okay get a coat on

I go now. It's getting cold

Tung and Dragon

Sister gentle

'Minimum-u tannin-film

You now know the consequence.

That ass screwed things up.

If he were not there, I would have done it with Yeung

What should I do to get you thru this?

Oh I know now. That ass is also guy and afraid if I would take Yeung.

He did this out of spite.

Brother you can do things like this. Let me do it

You?

What?

Do you have a vehicle here?

What for?

You've been here for a while.

Let me entertain you. How about go up to the hill?

To the hill

That's right

Thank you

Something wrong?

Nothing just not feeling right

You're under exercised.

Working out is good for the body

I feel a little thirsty. Do you have iced tea?

Yes but not here. Got it back in the hotel

That means no. Where is Tung?

Mr. Tung you are really dashing

Back off.

How come? Look at you

I'm not for you

I I.“

TIII

He calls for me

He has Phoenix now. Wouldn't be lonely

Stop that

I really need you. Please don't go

Lord

He has Phoenix now

You wanna have fun? Let's do it together

You wanna have fun?

Where is Tung?

I feel so hot

Undress if you are that hot

Yeung I am naked now

You are really great.

Let me fan your heat off a little.

Phoenix you are so damn hot

I don't want the fan. I am on fire

Fire. Not today. I feel unwell

Only leg problems

Yes the legs

TIIQTIIQJII'

Tung where are you in this critical moment?

I am here

Where have you bee?

I was exercising

What? I feel bad

Again?

Rock'n'Ro||

Where is Fa?

She's got bitten by a snake. You are familiar with this place.

Why don't you go find her. We go first

TIII

Let's go now

Still can't make it?

This is ridiculous. I was so close to have him.

That ass screwed my good thing up.

It's your fault. What have you done?

He touched me here and there.

I melted.

Even the nun could not stand it.

Told you about that ass.

Let's think of other solution

No way. Yeung is all mine

Got any plan?

Heard he's fond of drinks.

He better try my baby

Are you kidding? Using our Elixir of Lust?

No need to say more

This stuff is really so cool?

Absolutely. It brings out all your ultimate desires underneath

What?

The original plan was I am to have him

Don't be like this. I'll get you a better one who chops wood

No way

You little slut. Was it cool?

Now you've tried. It's great isn't it?

I can tell you have strong urges.

You didn't come to me for a while. Another chick is serving you?

Come on.

We are having an affair. You belong to the lord.

The impact would be immense due to my social status.

Do you understand?

So what? He has numerous beauties waiting to serve him.

Not seeing me once for three years.

He is out of the palace now.

Heard the queen hasn't seen him for more than a week

Really?

How come I don't get the news

It's highly confidential. No one knows about it

I heard from Tung

Here comes the Duke

The boss is here

Boss

Alright. Good stuff

Thank you very much

Thanks so much boss

Boss? It's Duke

Thank you Duke

Alright. Alright. What are you practicing just now?

Dragon feet for the balls

Cool stuff indeed

Indeed

Congratulations!

Time to show it off

Thanks

What?

What is the mission?

Simply Mission Impossible -

The king is out of the palace. Find him out.

When you spot where he is, take him down.

Taking the lord down is death penalty

What are you afraid of? You are so timid.

The blame is not on us right? Boss?

Duke

Duke

He's right. You are not the one to be blamed.

I am the one to take all responsibility.

After the lord is down, the world is mine.

My laughter is too dramatic

When are we taking off?

Show me the money

A lot. Too much that I cannot tell you

That's right. Must be abundant

Thank you Duke

Why are you calling me so urgently?

Tell you a secret - after my researches

The Elixir of Lust finally comes into life

Great. Yeung faces trouble this time.

But we haven't done the clinical yet

So what?

This is easy. Actually I want you to try it out first

You use me to do the test

Please brother do you love me?

Of course

Do me a favor

Alright then. Where is it?

Here you go

It stinks

Take it

It stinks

Inhale and exhale

Inhale and exhale?

Come on. Can you feel anything?

Nothing

Strange! It can't be like this.

Oh I get it. It doesn't work on the gay

I'm reacting. It's extending

Great job. Spring, Fa come see this.

What is it?

Lord it's here

It stinks. Tung

Yes?

Any refresher?

You have finished using them all.

Even a cloth is good now

Why do you take so long?

Quiet. You know my problem

Need a hand?

What is happening? Tung have you seen things like this before?

What? Where?

Going crazy?

Going crazy?

Not my concern. Leave it

This thing is like crazy

Oh my god. This is cool

Tung look at this

Lord how come?

How do I know? It became like this since I sniffed this cloth

Good for you my lord. You have recovered. Let me try and see if it works

Try? Useless? What happened to your hair?

Sticky

Checked it out who has used this cloth before

No smell

Act now

Noted

My lord

I was in the toilet. What are you yelling about?

I have found what you asked me to

What is it that smell like that?

This is what you've asked me to checked it out

Yeh what did you bring me then? Stealing other's clothes

My nose is blocked. These are from Spring and Fa

You moron go get more

In“

Of course

Put them right here

No to the toilet

Ok

Huffy

What else do you need my lord?

Let me remind you.

Dragon's underpants

You get Dragon's underpants and I get Phoenix's.

Can I put it the other way round?

You get Dragon's underpants

and I get Phoenix's.

Are you against my words?

I dare not to

Then you should you now

Yes Dragon's underpants

This is his fate

Told you before.

No alcohol during office hours.

I am not drinking. This is my research

What research

You don't know about scientific research.

You only know things about cooking in the kitchen.

There was a little mistake previously.

This time I must have it absolute right

Hm”?

Brother

Me again?

Try this for me

No way. It almost killed me last time. Unless Yeung is here.

That guy again. Honestly

if you don't take it, I take it to Yeung directly

Better not.

You know this is dangerous. Let me do the job

That's right. Brother

inhale and exhale

Again?

Yes hurry.

How's that?

I can feel something.

Something working inside of me and down to there.

It's done

Better than last time.

Brother are you alright?

This is ridiculous for they two doing this together.

I cannot see anymore

Smoke

This feels good

This is much better than last time

This is hard

But this is much powerful

It tastes like cum

Who is it?

Unthinkable

I can't believe the power of your work.

Let's get patent for Elixir of Lust.

OK

Dizzy

Dizzy

The result is actually better than I expected.

Fortunately I've taken a shower

Or else it would not be good

Who else in the world possesses a body like mine.

If Yeung sees me, he would be horny.

I can't believe someone is having a bath here.

Never say or see things which are not right

Better not see.

No way. I am the lord and must see things clear.

Oh it's you

Oh it's you Phoenix

What are you up to?

Look at you body. It's a master's piece of work

If you are free, come join me bathing in the water

The clothes are here. Let me get one first

This is sexy. Let me sniff

Feeling high

Shit. Rock'n'ro||

Who is it?

Shit

It's him

Wait. She wants to say something.

This is a weird massage. How much do you charge?

I have no money

Who wants your money?

We are here to get information. Better be cooperative

Huffy

Why are you taking me here?

What information you want to have?

That's right. We didn't give her chances to speak

Did you see two men in suits

You are nuts. Nobody wears suits in this time.

That's right

Did you see a guy with moustache

I can tell you this

but you need to go on do me massage

Who? Who?

OE. OE

The secret word?

Here I am

As you said before to look at the marks.

Why are you doing this?

Like the old people said

ls your watch working?

I don't have a watch. You've been here for long?

You see. The incense gone off

You don't need to be here just to see me.

There're plenty of rooms back there

I don't wanna be seen.

And we can get some crabs here

The crabs.

This is not the reason you asked me come here.

You are very clever indeed.

Hope you don't mind what happened last time

Now that people think I'm a whore.

I have my dignity too.

Actually I'm very conservative

From head to toes,

you don't look like a whore

You are looking at me with lust.

Lusty but friendly

Actually ...

you can have my support to the deepest.

Do you mean what you say?

Don't be like this. I feel shy

I feel shy too

Let's do it

Great

Hey what's up

What do you think?

Are you nuts? We're here to take someone down not partying

ls your information right that the lord is partying here tonight

Yeh from the paper. How would I lie to you

What we suppose to do tonight?

Moron, it would be crowded tonight.

Do our usual trick

That means what?

That means to put drugs into the drink

So simple?

But where to put?

Use our spontaneity.

This trick comes from me thus I am getting 90% of the paid.

Bus}!

How is it today

All sold out

really?

Really

I'll reward you

Thank you

Lee

What are you do here?

Entertaining the guests

What?

Go to the kitchen and help. Moron

Your rooms are in there

Come have a drink later

Yes

All VIP rooms are occupied

If our parents were here, they'd be thrilled.

Do you have enough alcohol to serve?

Don't you worry. I've prepared

and there's something special

Oh the Elixir of Lust

Hello This is the richest guy in town,

Mr. Yeung. Mr. Ma.

Ma would you give way a little

Why should I?

Cuz you are not as rich as him

Money is everything?

Come over

Please be seated

How come such a smell of grass

This is the top brand.

You are so incapable

Tung show it off

Look at mine

Little with shame

Look at this

Size is not everything. You know what this is

What?

The best grass in town

To cook with chicken?

What do you know?

Please settle down.

Spring go get the Elixir of Lust for Yeung

Yes No need to

Tung get our wine

This is X0 from the West

The is the riches indeed

I've seen in the West but can't afford

How's that?

How do I know?

Not everyone can afford it

This is for the rich

What are you two doing here. Back off.

Get lost now

Yeung, can we have a little try on that

Good stuff man

Tung give a glass to each of them

One glass only. It's precious

Alright. Enough.

It's really great

Give me some

Yeung. It tastes wonderful. Can I have some more

Be my guest

Would you excuse me

Why are you leaving now? Try the wine out first

I really can't stay now. Will be back in a minute

Alright then. Hurry back

Yes

See you

Show me now

Got all

I'm not fond of chicks. I'm nervous Yeung.

Again. Oh you split it out.

You are wasting this good stuff.

Spring, this is amazing. Tung

COPY

Thanks so much

Did you have a blast?

Yes indeed

Yeung, I was asked to bring you this supreme wine

This is supreme?

We are having X0 from the West

Ill!

Shit again

I don't believe in bad luck

You are charging me

$3000? $100 at the most

Fuck you. It says on the price list.

Can't leave if you don't pay

Dragon, Phoenix is arguing at the cashier

Who dares.

Let me kick his ass.

Sorry for being rude.

Let me check it out. Excuse me.

Tung, Dragon is strange.

Check him out.

Yes

Go on

What is it? Why so mad?

They are not paying

How dare you! Wanna try this out?

Are you threatening me? You know who is my boss?

Who? Who?

Tiger

Frightening indeed

What is it? CID

Sir

What is the matter?

They are not paying

You morons

Pay now or I take you to the station

Keep the change. Can we go now?

Get out

Am I gorgeous?

Yes I appreciate it

Call me Sir

That's so impressive

Don't be like this. I'm not your cup of tea

Like you a lot

Please don't

I admire your honesty Please don't

Here victory on my side.

Get some grass

Sorry I lost this time

It's alright. It's no fun

if we are ever winning

Wine is out

Wine is here

We heard wine is out

Here it is specially for you.

What are you doing here? Listening to us?

We are KJB

Oh thought CIA

Almost

Would like some wine?

Yes please

What you two doing here?

The wine was out

that's right

What's ZHI?

The junior servant

The junior is not serving here. Go.

What they doing here?

They heard we were out of wine

Bring in the wine

This is our homemade Elixir of Lust. Try it out.

The aroma stays.

Good for the body.

Shall we all try it out?

No way this is specially for you

really?

Get some. So?

Not bad

True?

Bitter with a little weird taste

This is the uniqueness

I am high. Addicted.

Do you hear something?

Lord

Who are you two?

Not your business

We are not telling you

Not your concern

LOrd

You're the lord

That's right

You can't blame us. Someone sent us

Who sent you?

You are dying anyway. It's the Duke

It's him. Heard his evil plan.

Now I have proof

How come we got assassin?

Keep calm

You took that wine?

Yes the Elixir of Lust

How are you

Glad we're clever to leave early

Can never go back there

Never again

But we have a mission

Damn now what?

If the mission not finished,

Duke would kill us both

Either way ends with death. Better to fight

Let's go back

Great

The wine is great

Have your got patent for Elixir of Lust

Dragon said so couple days earlier

Better get it early.

If not the counterfeits would be everywhere

Do so tomorrow straight away

Here comes again?

Again?

Someone coming in from the window.

What do you want?

It's you again

Please kill us both.

We can't do the job.

Better you die. Let me kill you

Alright

You nuts

He refuses

Let's do it

The Ultimate Killer

They are like crouch

What brand is it?

Ultimate

Got patent yet??

Not yet

Why not

Let me protect you my lord

Where have you been?

My fault. Let me get you crouch

Phoenix, to reward you,

I name you the first lady and have all the rich and goodness with me.

Thanks my lord

Tung let's go

Back to palace

Celebration of the peace and prosperity