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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:04,840 Today is going to be a better day. 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,560 Good! 4 across - "for all time". 3 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,680 And it's eight letters. 4 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,200 - Infinite. - Eternal! 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,520 Does "eternal" have eight letters? 6 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,360 Yes, because it has a double T. 7 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:24,920 OK. 8 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,480 So Romania is off, but, Michael, 9 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,720 Northampton is a go situation. 10 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:35,120 The gateway to the west - Northampton. 11 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:39,400 Nothing will stop me getting to Northampton. 12 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,040 Oh-h-h, do you know, I'm so happy for you. 13 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,200 - Thank you. - And proud. 14 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:45,840 Thank you very much. 15 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:50,120 6 across - "Sword of..." Du-du-du-du-du-du-du-du... 16 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,480 Omens. 17 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:52,600 It's eight letters. 18 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,880 Sword of Damocles. 19 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,400 Da-may-cles! 20 00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:57,440 Yep. 21 00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:58,520 Yes! 22 00:00:58,560 --> 00:00:59,960 We should have a system by now. 23 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,520 - Like what? - I don't know. 24 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,920 I could do cross, you could do down. 25 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:08,680 Is that a joke? 26 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,240 You'll be the cross one, and I'll be the down one? 27 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,240 Ah-ha-ha! 28 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,600 Yeah, I-I came up with it last night. 29 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,360 You're a funny old fish, aren't you, 30 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,280 cos you're not an intentionally funny person? 31 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,240 - Is that correct? - Well, yeah. 32 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,920 Well, I tell jokes! 33 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:32,760 No, you don't. You...you stumble and topple headlong into funny things 34 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,560 completely accidentally, occasionally. 35 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,560 Oh, do I? You make me sound like a wounded gazelle. 36 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:38,800 No, it's endearing. 37 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,160 (SIGHS) 38 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,440 5 down. 39 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:46,360 - Mm-hm? - "Number of circles of hell." 40 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,240 DAVID: This is a fucking bleak crossword! 41 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,400 - MICHAEL: Four. - DAVID: Nine. 42 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,840 No, it's four. 43 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,560 There are nine circles in hell. 44 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,320 It's four letters! 45 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,720 Nine. 46 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,800 - Nine! - Nine. 47 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,600 Ah! 48 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,360 DAVID: I think I prefer a wordsearch. 49 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,640 - MICHAEL: A word jumble. - DAVID: Sure! Call it what though wilt. 50 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,960 - MICHAEL: I enjoy a Zoom quiz. - DAVID: No, you didn't? 51 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,080 All right. I enjoy hosting a Zoom quiz. 52 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,600 - When all the questions are about you. - Yes, well... 53 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,400 An embarrassment of pretension. 54 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:23,080 What would be my superpower? 55 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:25,800 Michael Sheen's superpower would be...flight! 56 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,720 - No. - Uh...invisibility. 57 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,040 Um, fuck no! 58 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,560 I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. Of course it wouldn't be. 59 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,080 I'm actually offended! 60 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,240 What... I don't know. 61 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,520 Funny, stretchy arms? 62 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:37,920 Uh, no. 63 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:42,320 My superpower would be that when anyone looks at me... 64 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,000 - Yeah? - ...at will, 65 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,720 I would be able to make myself look like you. 66 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,800 Well, that would be a superpower. 67 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:52,120 You're not the only person who wishes for that, clearly. 68 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,880 I mean, you could describe it as human repellent. 69 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:57,120 - What's the next clue? - Oh, shit. 70 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,920 7 across. Oh, my God! 71 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:03,560 "Lead actor in Staged." 72 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,960 Fuck off?! 73 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,440 - Yes. - You are kidding? 74 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:07,560 Yes. 75 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:11,960 How many letters? 76 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,520 Twelve. 77 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,640 Yeah! (CHUCKLES) 78 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,160 - What? - No! 79 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,120 MARY: So talk to me about the auditions. 80 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:30,680 You know, the ones where I asked you clearly to behave 81 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,760 for the sake of your careers. Your careers. 82 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,280 - Absolutely. - Yeah. 83 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:38,120 So, did you or did you not use 84 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:41,680 these sessions with A-list Hollywood talent 85 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,880 as an impromptu therapy thing? 86 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:49,000 Uh, well, um, David was feeling vulnerable, 87 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,760 a bit tender. Weren't you? 88 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:54,720 Well, some of the improvisations got a wee bit personal. 89 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:55,960 Did you cry? 90 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:56,960 No! 91 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,040 Did you? 92 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,240 I cry - that's a perfectly healthy response. 93 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,720 You realise you're a laughing stock, yeah? 94 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,400 You know this, right? 95 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,160 That the sessions were screen tests 96 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,000 and they were filmed? 97 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,560 And those films have now been shared 98 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,040 and shared and watched. 99 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:19,640 How widely? 100 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,120 Globally. Exponentially. 101 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,840 So, does that mean now our profile is bigger in America? 102 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,160 (IRISH ACCENT) No, Michael. 103 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,880 America still doesn't like you. 104 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,760 Can we just have one more chance? 105 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,440 We can be professional, Mary, we really can. 106 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:39,040 Yeah. 107 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,520 I think you're cursed. 108 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:42,600 Cursed? 109 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,080 Have you ever met a wizard? 110 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,320 No... 111 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,720 Are you sure? 112 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,440 Because... (LAUGHS) ...I think 113 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:54,000 the wizard must have fucked you in the ass! 114 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,640 (BEEPING) 115 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,320 I'm pretty sure I would have remembered that. 116 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,360 - Well, not if you were enchanted. - (BEEPING) 117 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:02,760 Hey, guys! 118 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,960 - Hi. - Hi. How was that? 119 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:05,800 Lovely. 120 00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,560 Oh, she was so excited to speak with you guys. 121 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,120 Seemed so, yeah. 122 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,000 Tom, um... 123 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:16,880 Do you think you could get her to give us another chance? 124 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:17,960 A chance of what? 125 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,320 Of reading with the actors? 126 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,360 No need. It's done. It's already cast. 127 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,880 - What? - What?! 128 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,240 Really? 129 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,040 What, they've cast? Finished? 130 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,080 - DAVID AND MICHAEL: Us? - No, I shouldn't have said anything. 131 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,840 Pretend I didn't say anything. Pretend I didn't say anything. 132 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,120 Who...who is it? 133 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,520 - I can't say, Michael, I cannot say. - Oh, come on! 134 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,920 - No, I can't. - Tom, please. Please! 135 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,840 We just want to know who it is. We just want to know who it is. 136 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,040 It's still embargoed. It's still embargoed. Mary would kill me. 137 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,280 With the trophy that she found, she would absolutely kill me. 138 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,720 (PLEADING) Tom... 139 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,960 - Oh, David, don't do that. - What? 140 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,480 Don't first-name me. 141 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,520 Do you remember the last time you first-named me? 142 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:52,840 Do you remember this? (CHUCKLES) 143 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,480 When did you go to Disneyland with Tom, David? 144 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,000 Unbelievable! 145 00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,440 (SIGHS HAPPILY) 146 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,800 So, can you help us out? 147 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,200 OK, this is what's happening, this is what's happening. 148 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,560 In the books right now, 149 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:09,000 there is a call with Simon and the other actors about a rewrite. 150 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,240 Then, after that, there's going to be a whole big announcement, 151 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:12,280 then you'll find out... 152 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,520 So why don't you let us join the call? 153 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,560 - Yes! - No, no. 154 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:21,440 Come on. It would make David so happy... 155 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:22,840 - It would. - ...if you could do that. 156 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,560 David, would it really make you happy? 157 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:25,960 I'd love it. 158 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,920 Yeah. Look, look, look! Look at David's face. 159 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,960 - How can you refuse that face, Tom? - Come on... 160 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,360 Aw, look at him. Look at him. 161 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,240 Look at his... Michael, it's insane! Look at that face! 162 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:36,800 Just say you sent us the link accidentally, like your finger slipped. 163 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,120 - Not your fault. - I can't. I can't. 164 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,320 - But look how he's saying it, Michael. - Come on... 165 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:43,880 - We'll be so well behaved. - Oh, absolutely. 166 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:47,000 And then when David comes over to LA next... 167 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,080 Yeah. 168 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,840 ...you know, if you get us on that call, 169 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,840 I'm sure David would love to spend time with you 170 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,840 and hang out, go for dinner, take in a show. 171 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:57,240 Michael, you said hang out? 172 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,400 Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you tell us... If... Mmm. 173 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,320 (MOUTHS) 174 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,880 Hey-hey-hey-hey. 175 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,280 Mwah-mwah-mwah! 176 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:06,960 - That would be great. - Yeah. 177 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:08,120 That would be great. 178 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,800 If you can get us on that call, Tom... 179 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,280 Yes, David, did you hear what Michael said? 180 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,480 Whoa, fuck, yeah. I know exactly where we can get food. 181 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,680 I know exactly where to get dinner. 182 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,400 I've already planned the courses and everything, 183 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,000 and I know exactly what we'll be drinking at the time. 184 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,480 I'm into that. I think this is amazing. 185 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,160 David's always talking about how much he'd like to meet up with you 186 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,840 - and just hang out. - That's me! 187 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,880 Michael, that's me but vice versa! 188 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,080 - I'm talking about him all the time. - Well, let's make that happen. 189 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,440 Let's make that happen as soon as we've done this. 190 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,760 And then I could maybe, you know... I'll be over soon, 191 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,040 and we could hang out as well. 192 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:35,200 So much traffic, though, right, Michael? 193 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:37,720 So much traffic here. 194 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,360 We just want to know who it is. 195 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,760 And we can eat anything we want, we can talk about anything we want? 196 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,480 You can choose, of course. 197 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,320 Listen, you know the city, you can show me round. 198 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,600 Yeah? 199 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,400 - I'm going to throw up. - You OK? 200 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,000 Take your time. 201 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,040 (MOUTHS) 202 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,800 - Are you OK? - Yeah. I'm fine. 203 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,040 We've been with this project 204 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,560 - from the start. - You have. 205 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,080 - We deserve... - It's not even that big of a deal. 206 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,360 Nobody's even going to know we're there. 207 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,520 What do you say? 208 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,480 - What do I say? - Yeah. 209 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,960 (VOMITS) 210 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:26,120 This suddenly feels really strange. 211 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,480 Mm-hm. So strange. 212 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:32,440 Yeah. I've just never played myself before, so... 213 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,280 Are you going to do it like you? 214 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:35,480 Are you going to do it like David? 215 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,320 No. (LAUGHS) No! 216 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,480 I'm going to do it like me...I think. 217 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,280 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. Me too. - Like me? 218 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:43,440 No, like me. 219 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,880 Why don't I do it like you, and you do it like me? 220 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:48,280 Yeah, that'd be fun. 221 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,360 OK. 222 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,840 And then I could do it like a smoky angel. 223 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,840 I'll pretend to be a drunk giraffe. 224 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:56,200 (BOTH CHORTLE) 225 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:57,800 Fuck you! 226 00:08:57,840 --> 00:08:59,840 No, I just mean you're statuesque 227 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:03,760 but you're sort of a little bit elastic, you know? 228 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,560 I can put my fist in my mouth, so... 229 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:07,760 ...I'll give you that. 230 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,960 - (PAPERS RUSTLE) - So, do you know either of them? 231 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,680 I used to know David. 232 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,640 And what about, um, Simon? 233 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,520 Do you know Simon? 234 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:20,760 Allegedly. 235 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,800 What does that mean? 236 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:24,800 Oh, no! 237 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:29,320 No. No, no, I just have no memory of him whatsoever. 238 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,600 Uh-huh. 239 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:36,160 He sent me an email that said, "Long time, no see." 240 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,720 Oh, God, I hate that phrase. 241 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,720 - It makes me so nervous. - Well, did you challenge? 242 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:46,600 No, I just replied, "You too! Can't wait to catch up," blah-blah-blah. 243 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,040 I asked around. Apparently, he's quite forgettable. 244 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,840 Don't tell him I said he was forgettable. 245 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,040 - I won't. - Or that I forgot him. 246 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,240 Hmm! 247 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:57,720 - Don't. - Of course! 248 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,160 Can you really fit your fist into your mouth? 249 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,160 - Hi. - Oh! 250 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,480 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 251 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:14,920 - Hi! - Hi! 252 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,600 - Hello! - Hello there. Hello. 253 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,040 - Hi, uh, Cate! - Simon? 254 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,840 - Lovely to meet you. - Hi. 255 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,440 - Phoebe! - Yay! 256 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:22,680 Yay! 257 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,320 Long time, no see! 258 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,520 - Long time, no see! - You've worked with Phoebe before? 259 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,720 Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we go back a way. 260 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:31,720 When was that? 261 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,800 Sorry, Phoebs just hasn't had a chance to...to...to tell me. 262 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,720 When...was that? 263 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,840 - Oh, well, Phoebe, you... - (PHOEBE CHUCKLES) 264 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,480 Um, did I not...? 265 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,360 You tell it! You tell it this time! 266 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,160 I was just talking to Cate about it. 267 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,560 Um, I can't remember the name of the, um... 268 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,080 The play. 269 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:50,160 The play! 270 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,760 - Yeah. Like A Fishbone. - Like A Fishbone! 271 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:53,840 At the Royal Court. 272 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,240 At the Bush. 273 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,880 Yeah, a couple of years ago. 274 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,760 Yeah. Well, 2010. 275 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,760 Couple of years ago, yeah. 276 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:05,040 Yeah. Happy... Happy times. And it's lovely to be in both your orbits, 277 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,160 to sort of read a little bit of this. It's a sort of scene 278 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,160 from series one of the UK version. 279 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,120 - We sort of tinkered with it... - We Adrian Lestered it - love it! 280 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,240 There you go! God, thank you. 281 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,480 I'm just going to go and grab a notebook quickly. 282 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,640 OK. Really nice to see you. 283 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,920 So lovely to see you! 284 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,760 (WHISPERS) Fuck you. 285 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,560 That was not funny. 286 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,000 That was not... 287 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,760 - (GROWLS) - Jesus! 288 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,160 (GROWLS) 289 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,840 (GROWLING FADES) 290 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:37,800 Michael? 291 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,320 Phoebe? 292 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,360 Hello! 293 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,120 Fuck me, it's Cate Blanchett. 294 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,520 Hi! 295 00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:44,640 What are you doing here? 296 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,040 What are you doing here? 297 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,640 Um, Simon? 298 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:54,440 Um, we...we just weren't aware that Michael was actually going to be here. 299 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,840 I was unaware Michael was going to be here. 300 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,880 We were actually specifically told that he wouldn't be here. 301 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,960 I'm sorry. We are just supposed to be observing, but... 302 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,480 What do you mean by "we"? 303 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,800 What are you doing here? 304 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,440 Uh, we're reading for the show. 305 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,720 - Which show? - Your show. 306 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:13,960 - My show? - Our show. 307 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,480 What did you mean by "we"? 308 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,960 We're reading... We're reading for Simon. 309 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,760 Sorry, have you worked with Simon before? 310 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,920 - Phoebe has! - Um...2012. 311 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,800 - '10. - '10. David's not coming, is he? 312 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:26,960 - Hello! - Jesus. 313 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,400 Sorry I'm late. 314 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,080 Phoebe? 315 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,640 David. 316 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:34,960 Long time, no see. 317 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,600 - Yeah, long time, no see. - What are you doing here? 318 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,040 - What are you doing here? - Stop repeating each other. 319 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,160 Sorry, I won't be in the same room as him. 320 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,440 Well, technically, we're not in the same room. 321 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,240 (SCOTTISH ACCENT) Oh! Technically, we're not in the same room. 322 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,000 (SNEERING) Technically, we're not in the same room! 323 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,760 We're not in the same room, are we? Thank God we're not in the same room. 324 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,200 Simon... Simon, sorry. 325 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,360 Could you remind me again, what are they doing here? 326 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,200 Er, we're the new Michael and David. 327 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,520 - TOM: David? - Uh, no. 328 00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:10,320 Who are you? Who are you? 329 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,680 Who are you? 330 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:12,800 Who am I? I'm Tom. 331 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:13,840 Who the fuck is Tom? 332 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,600 Uh, David's best friend, Tom. 333 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,360 He's probably talked about me if you're around him, like, ever. 334 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,800 OK, your silence is insane. Can you please get him for me? 335 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,440 Uh, um, n-no. 336 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:27,880 Who are you? 337 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:30,600 Who are you? Are you his personal assistant? His masseuse? 338 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,440 His Dungeons & Dragons person? 339 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,480 Do you clean his Daleks? 340 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:35,720 Are you, like, his patissier? 341 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,720 Do you make his pastries? Tell me what you're doing there. 342 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,120 Well, yeah, all those...all those things, 343 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,520 and also his wife. 344 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:46,120 Georgia! So you've made love with him. 345 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,280 (GEORGIA GASPS) 346 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,560 OK, sorry, can you...can you tell me where he is? 347 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,120 Yeah, he's just on a call. 348 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,000 Shit... 349 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:56,960 What? 350 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,360 (TOM ROARS) 351 00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,360 What? 352 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,920 (ROARS) 353 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,440 - Fuck! We're... Fuck! - What? 354 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,480 What do you mean? Is it with Phoebe and Cate? 355 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,200 - Georgia, is he with Phoebe and Cate? - Who are Phoebe and Cate? 356 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,280 I'm going to be sick. 357 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,160 Mary's on her way over here right now... 358 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,200 ...with the Golden Globe. 359 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,200 Oh, congratulations! 360 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,280 - She's going to beat me to death with it. - Oh. 361 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,000 Did you know that Phoebe hates David? 362 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,520 Phoebe? 363 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,240 Yeah! Cos I had no idea. 364 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:23,480 Nobody told me. 365 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,680 Phoebe, as in Waller-Bridge? 366 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,280 Yeah, the monologue woman. The monologue woman. 367 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,000 Yeah, you're fucked. 368 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,800 (TOM SIGHS) 369 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,160 Mi-Michael? 370 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,440 Who...who let you in to this? 371 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,800 Uh, Tom did. 372 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,200 - Who's Tom? - Mary's assistant, Tom. 373 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:50,840 Well, he shouldn't have done that. 374 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,720 OK... I'm sorry. I thought... I thought you liked each other. 375 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,320 (SCOFFS) Not any more. 376 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:57,720 Oh, let it go, Phoebe. 377 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,320 Uh, David, why don't you tell them? 378 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,320 - No. - We worked on Broadchurch together. 379 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,160 - Second series. - Why does that matter? 380 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,160 Oh, it matters. 381 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,880 Shall we just read instead? Let's read the scene. 382 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,400 Um, sorry, Cate. 383 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,280 Can I...? I'm just going to get this out the way. 384 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,760 I am a huge fan. 385 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,640 Oh, my God! 386 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:14,960 Thank you! 387 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:18,280 I mean, you're Michael Sheen, for God's sake. 388 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,040 - Oh! You're Cate Blanchett. - Cate Blanchett is a big fan. 389 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,800 - MICHAEL: Oh! - CATE: No, no, seriously. 390 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:26,040 I don't know, you have this way of just losing yourself in your roles. It's... 391 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,680 Well, excuse me, didn't someone play Bob Dylan? 392 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:30,760 Can we...can we read? 393 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,320 No, I'd like David to tell the story first. 394 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:33,560 I don't think anyone wants to hear the story. 395 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,840 Simon wants to hear it, don't you? 396 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,240 I...suppose so. 397 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,240 I remember that. I remember that from the Donmar. 398 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:41,480 Uh, the Bush. 399 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,080 - Like A Goldfish! - Fishbone. 400 00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,520 Yeah, exactly. 401 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,120 I remember that you like a good story. 402 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,680 Uh, yeah. There are other, more memorable things about me. 403 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,720 So we were filming Broadchurch on location. 404 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,280 There were long days, 405 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,120 and it happened that, occasionally, 406 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,720 I would need the bathroom. 407 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,240 So when I did need to go, 408 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,280 early on, David would find a way 409 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,160 of making his phone omit a sound. 410 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,280 A sound? 411 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,440 Like a text alert. 412 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,480 A text alert? 413 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,840 - It's like a ping. - Ping? 414 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:14,440 Well, he was...methodical. 415 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,960 I'd go, and his phone would ping. 416 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,240 I didn't notice at first. 417 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:20,520 Weeks passed. 418 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,160 Cause and effect swapped places - 419 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,080 his phone would ping... 420 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,840 It just... It became Pavlovian. 421 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,600 - This...this can't be real. - It is real. 422 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:32,640 I heard it and I had to go - immediately and involuntarily. 423 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:33,760 It was a joke. 424 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,000 I was written out of scenes. 425 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,200 It was a joke. 426 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:39,520 Whole scenes because I had to go to the toilet. 427 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,800 - That's not what happened! - That is what happened. 428 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,360 I thought it would be funny. 429 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:44,400 Well, it's not! 430 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,200 All right! How much comedy have you done? 431 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,400 She is funny. 432 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,520 Have you seen Notes On A Scandal? 433 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:50,720 Yeah, have you? 434 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,760 You ruined my career. 435 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,680 I stopped being cast, roles dried up. 436 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,160 I was "difficult to work with". 437 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,400 No-one wanted to hire me 438 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,840 because they called me 439 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,400 the Loo Recluse. 440 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,640 What about Fleabag? 441 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,960 I had to fucking create Fleabag. 442 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,080 - I inspired you. - Can we read, please? Can we read? 443 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,080 I had to carve my way back in. 444 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,480 - Please, can we read? - Look, I'm sorry. 445 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,080 I've got to be somewhere. I've got to be on another call. 446 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,000 No. Come on. 447 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,480 - I'm sorry. - Please! 448 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:16,960 I really have to get on another call. 449 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,360 Seriously, why have we not met before? 450 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:20,760 I don't know. 451 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,680 - We've got to do something about that. - Yeah. 452 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,720 Hang on. If you two are playing us, who's playing our other halves? 453 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,080 Who's playing Georgia? 454 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,440 You mean George? 455 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,680 George? Is that a joke? 456 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:32,480 You wouldn't know a joke if it came on your face. 457 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,760 Uh, sorry, who are...who are you 458 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:38,040 talking to about the partners, uh, Simon? 459 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,680 Oh, well, unconfirmed, 460 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:41,160 but fingers crossed. 461 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,880 Um, Martin Freeman. 462 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,000 - Oh! - No, no, no! 463 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:46,960 Fuck you! No, not Martin Freeman! 464 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,480 - Not again. - He's lovely! 465 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,200 No, he is a fucking thief. 466 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,640 I... 467 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,760 OK, look, I was going to be Bilbo Baggins. 468 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,520 You were supposed to be in The Hobbit? 469 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,000 Yes, it was mine. 470 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,240 The role was mine, 471 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,120 I'd accepted it, and then he stole it from me. 472 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,280 Oh, no, no, no, no, he's a sweetheart. 473 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:10,480 No, he's a monster. 474 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,800 - Can we read, please? - Is that when you were recast? 475 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,640 - Yep. - I thought it was me! 476 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,040 Sorry, when would you ever replace me? 477 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,960 You do look like a Hobbit. 478 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,120 Peter Jackson, he did ask me about you. 479 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:25,360 When? 480 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,600 - I mean, it was a long time ago. - And what did you say? 481 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,720 Well, I was honest and said I'd never heard of you. 482 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:35,600 Oh. Well, did he ask you about Martin? 483 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,520 Well, yes. I just... 484 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,920 ...said I thought he was all right in Frost/Nixon. 485 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,720 That was... That was me! 486 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:45,760 That was you? 487 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,080 That was me! 488 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,280 Yeah, that was him. Yeah. 489 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,760 Oh, you ruined my career! 490 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,480 Back off, hairy legs! 491 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,920 I didn't know that was you. 492 00:18:55,960 --> 00:19:00,080 - I lose myself in my roles. - Well... 493 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:01,920 Do it less! 494 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,360 Do it less? 495 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,240 Yes, lose yourself less. 496 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,080 Lose myself less! 497 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,320 Please, can we read? Please! 498 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,040 - Please! - Fine, fine, fine. 499 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,680 - Please! Can we...? - (THUDDING) 500 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:12,920 Can we read? Can we just read? 501 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,880 Can we read it? Can we just read it once? 502 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,480 Just please read it! 503 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:20,400 Fine. 504 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:21,640 Yeah, great. 505 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,800 Thank you. 506 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:25,880 (PHONE BEEPS) 507 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,000 Oh! 508 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,280 (WHISPERS) Fuck you. 509 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:37,560 Yes. Yes, the seventh letter of "lead actor in Staged" 510 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,280 is the last letter of 4 across. 511 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,760 And 4 across is...? 512 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,480 "For all time." 513 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:49,200 Right. It's infinite. 514 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,800 Last letter is E. 515 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:54,920 D-A-V-I-D-T-E-N-N-A-N-T. It's David Tennant. 516 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,920 Or what about "immortal"? 517 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,720 Last letter is L. 518 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:03,120 M-I-C-H-A-E-L-S-H-E-E-N. 519 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,400 Uh, any other cross words? 520 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:08,280 Um, 2 across. 521 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,640 "Animated animal" - 522 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:11,960 it's three letters, 523 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:17,400 and it shares a first letter with either you or me. 524 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,880 - Dog. - Man. 525 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,320 - Man? - Dog? 526 00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,240 Yeah, there's loads of animated dogs! 527 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,600 Snoopy. 528 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,600 Deputy Dawg. 529 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,760 Um...Droopy. 530 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,680 - It's ant. - Ant? 531 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:39,480 Yes, animated animal, three letters, Ant, from the movie Antz. 532 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,040 Oh, right. 533 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,600 And it is "immortal". 534 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:44,680 That doesn't fit with either of us. 535 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,640 Because it's Adrian Lester. 536 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,440 Aw... 537 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,920 Aw, that's disappointing. 538 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,720 He's only in one episode. 539 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,120 And he was shit! 540 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,200 Yeah. He was shit. 541 00:22:02,250 --> 00:22:06,800 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38020

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