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(film reel whirring)
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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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00:00:07,106 --> 00:00:09,643
(relaxing music)
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:14,643
♪ What is sadness, boy ♪
6
00:00:18,578 --> 00:00:23,578
♪ But this broken wretch ♪
7
00:00:27,064 --> 00:00:32,064
♪ I'm suspended high above ♪
8
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:39,352
♪ Don't look down, my love ♪
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00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:49,840
(car engine roaring)
(upbeat music)
10
00:00:51,003 --> 00:00:53,920
(trolley rattling)
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00:01:03,676 --> 00:01:08,676
- [Immi Voiceover]
(sighing) So much guilt.
12
00:01:13,883 --> 00:01:17,382
Okay, relax, it's just a good looking guy
13
00:01:17,382 --> 00:01:19,718
who's maybe checking you out.
14
00:01:19,718 --> 00:01:21,528
Don't get ahead of yourself.
15
00:01:21,528 --> 00:01:22,906
This is only the exact way
16
00:01:22,906 --> 00:01:25,739
that every romantic comedy starts.
17
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,489
My soulmate.
18
00:01:32,489 --> 00:01:34,281
This is it, Immi the vegan,
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00:01:34,281 --> 00:01:35,927
the first day of the rest of your life
20
00:01:35,927 --> 00:01:37,923
with the man of your...
21
00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:38,756
Ew.
22
00:01:45,109 --> 00:01:47,359
- It's the shoes, isn't it?
23
00:01:51,159 --> 00:01:52,083
- Doesn't help.
24
00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:55,247
(upbeat music)
25
00:01:55,247 --> 00:01:57,111
- [News Reader] Shocking
video footage has emerged
26
00:01:57,111 --> 00:02:01,010
of a man in a vegan t-shirt
being accosted by a vegan woman
27
00:02:01,010 --> 00:02:02,684
late last night.
28
00:02:02,684 --> 00:02:06,760
Statistics show that presently
72% of vegans are women,
29
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,698
causing the worst vegan man drought
30
00:02:08,698 --> 00:02:11,798
in the history of New Zealand.
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00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,881
♪ What to say to you ♪
32
00:02:24,454 --> 00:02:28,573
♪ It's always sunny where you are from ♪
33
00:02:28,573 --> 00:02:32,293
♪ I know ♪
34
00:02:32,293 --> 00:02:35,358
♪ It's lonely, oh ♪
35
00:02:35,358 --> 00:02:37,738
- Ah, what is wrong with guys?
36
00:02:37,738 --> 00:02:42,091
♪ I'll take you away to that summer ♪
37
00:02:42,091 --> 00:02:44,711
(dramatic music)
38
00:02:44,711 --> 00:02:47,461
(Matt whistling)
39
00:02:48,573 --> 00:02:49,740
- Jane Austin.
40
00:02:52,059 --> 00:02:54,141
Why, I do declare.
41
00:02:54,141 --> 00:02:57,260
What are you doing in celestial mechanics?
42
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:02,093
You don't even a Dewey number. (laughing)
43
00:03:30,430 --> 00:03:31,847
Is someone there?
44
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:37,750
Matt, more returns, Matt, and before I go,
45
00:03:38,797 --> 00:03:40,258
I thought I ought to let you know
46
00:03:40,258 --> 00:03:43,889
that the job at the front
desk has become vacant.
47
00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:46,722
- I've always dreamed of
working on the front desk.
48
00:03:46,722 --> 00:03:48,992
I could give book recommendations
49
00:03:48,992 --> 00:03:50,115
and encourage people to read
50
00:03:50,115 --> 00:03:52,574
about the Red Army's desperate
battles on the Eastern Front
51
00:03:52,574 --> 00:03:53,568
of World War II.
52
00:03:53,568 --> 00:03:56,200
- The library frowns upon
making book recommendations,
53
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,167
especially regarding battles
on the Eastern Front.
54
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:00,834
You know that, Matt.
55
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:07,505
Still, I think you
should seriously consider
56
00:04:07,505 --> 00:04:09,338
applying for the role.
57
00:04:12,531 --> 00:04:13,505
- Yes.
58
00:04:13,505 --> 00:04:16,175
♪ Take you away to where the sun shines ♪
59
00:04:16,175 --> 00:04:18,157
♪ So bright, so bright ♪
60
00:04:18,157 --> 00:04:20,955
♪ You can stare at the stars at night ♪
61
00:04:20,955 --> 00:04:22,456
- "Hey, Immi the Vegan.
62
00:04:22,456 --> 00:04:23,960
"I'm a musician too.
63
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,985
"I play the viola.
64
00:04:25,985 --> 00:04:28,389
"Like you, I prefer to watch music live.
65
00:04:28,389 --> 00:04:29,222
"Don't you think the experience
66
00:04:29,222 --> 00:04:31,381
"is way more genuine that way?
67
00:04:31,381 --> 00:04:33,971
"I'd be interested in
meeting up if you are?"
68
00:04:33,971 --> 00:04:36,996
Question mark, smiley face.
69
00:04:36,996 --> 00:04:40,389
"BTW, I also have some
meat you'd like to eat."
70
00:04:40,389 --> 00:04:41,889
Aw.
71
00:04:41,889 --> 00:04:44,176
(door creaking)
72
00:04:44,176 --> 00:04:45,810
- Hey.
- Hi.
73
00:04:45,810 --> 00:04:46,997
- What you doing?
74
00:04:46,997 --> 00:04:48,706
- Having terrible luck with online dating.
75
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,706
- Great, aw.
76
00:04:51,317 --> 00:04:54,551
- Do you know how many dicks
I've seen since I signed up?
77
00:04:54,551 --> 00:04:55,384
128.
78
00:04:56,592 --> 00:04:58,718
128 dicks, Matt.
79
00:04:58,718 --> 00:05:01,551
- That's a lot, but online dating?
80
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:04,540
Why would you do that?
81
00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:06,315
- I don't know.
82
00:05:06,315 --> 00:05:07,898
To find a nice guy?
83
00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:13,080
Sure, I'm a strong, independent,
feminist, eco-friendly,
84
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:15,514
ultra-creative, vegan
warrior, but I'd also like--
85
00:05:15,514 --> 00:05:16,404
- Dicks?
86
00:05:16,404 --> 00:05:20,230
- Well, yeah, but don't have
to be so crass about it.
87
00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:24,006
- Yeah, but online dating's so 2015.
88
00:05:24,006 --> 00:05:26,809
Isn't meeting somebody in real
life and getting to know them
89
00:05:26,809 --> 00:05:28,857
as a friend first so much better?
90
00:05:28,857 --> 00:05:31,606
Then they can just consensually
show you their dick,
91
00:05:31,606 --> 00:05:36,406
not in a pic, in real life,
a solicited non-pic dick
92
00:05:36,406 --> 00:05:38,439
that you picked.
93
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:39,577
- I'm thinking of giving up on it anyway.
94
00:05:39,577 --> 00:05:40,793
- Dick?
95
00:05:40,793 --> 00:05:42,872
- No, Matt, online dating.
96
00:05:42,872 --> 00:05:44,729
- Oh, yeah, of course.
97
00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:46,503
I got you this.
98
00:05:46,503 --> 00:05:49,109
(paper rustling)
99
00:05:49,109 --> 00:05:51,251
They do an open mic once a week.
100
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,839
You should give it a go.
101
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:54,697
- Nah.
- Why not?
102
00:05:54,697 --> 00:05:56,087
Your songs are really powerful.
103
00:05:56,087 --> 00:05:58,228
- I don't know if I could get
up front of all those people.
104
00:05:58,228 --> 00:06:00,277
- Oh, you'd be surprised at
how few people actually come
105
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:03,256
to these things, and, hey,
I'm performing tonight
106
00:06:03,256 --> 00:06:05,430
at Club Slam, which is
end-of-year poetry event.
107
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:06,263
You should come.
108
00:06:06,263 --> 00:06:08,815
- [Announcer] And now our headlining act,
109
00:06:08,815 --> 00:06:13,398
whose songs are 100%
plant-based and cruelty free,
110
00:06:14,537 --> 00:06:18,375
Immi the--
- So you'll be there, right?
111
00:06:18,375 --> 00:06:20,540
- What?
- Tonight.
112
00:06:20,540 --> 00:06:24,734
It's only the biggest slam
poetry event of the year.
113
00:06:24,734 --> 00:06:27,651
- Yeah, sure, dick pics, dick pics.
114
00:06:31,233 --> 00:06:35,871
♪ I don't want your meat on my plate ♪
115
00:06:35,871 --> 00:06:38,078
♪ Or in my mouth ♪
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00:06:38,078 --> 00:06:41,089
♪ I just want to meet you ♪
117
00:06:41,089 --> 00:06:45,377
♪ At the park or at my house ♪
118
00:06:45,377 --> 00:06:47,315
♪ Just because you like Netflix ♪
119
00:06:47,315 --> 00:06:49,986
♪ And I like chick flicks ♪
120
00:06:49,986 --> 00:06:52,113
♪ Doesn't mean I want your dick pics ♪
121
00:06:52,113 --> 00:06:55,863
♪ Online dating really sucks ♪
122
00:07:00,339 --> 00:07:05,029
I feel like there was
somewhere I'm supposed to be.
123
00:07:05,029 --> 00:07:06,467
♪ Feeling more hopeful ♪
124
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,003
♪ I've had a wee sing ♪
125
00:07:08,003 --> 00:07:09,603
♪ I won't see their thing ♪
126
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:11,525
♪ When I hear the next ping ♪
127
00:07:11,525 --> 00:07:16,525
(laptop dinging)
(upbeat music)
128
00:07:17,394 --> 00:07:19,311
GreenBean, sounds sexy.
129
00:07:22,162 --> 00:07:23,662
GreenBean is sexy.
130
00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:32,357
♪ The world turns longer than it should ♪
131
00:07:35,333 --> 00:07:38,833
- Okay, please welcome to the stage, Matt.
132
00:07:39,782 --> 00:07:42,740
(crowd clapping)
133
00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:44,487
- Hello, everyone.
134
00:07:44,487 --> 00:07:47,404
This poem's called World War II II.
135
00:07:52,823 --> 00:07:56,240
The flame was alive, but only in my mind.
136
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:01,928
My love for her burned
like Dresden in '45.
137
00:08:03,081 --> 00:08:07,817
I launched a pincer movement
to encircle her heart,
138
00:08:07,817 --> 00:08:12,817
but my hopes froze like bones
on the steps of Stalingrad.
139
00:08:13,205 --> 00:08:16,505
To her, I'm Switzerland, a neutral friend
140
00:08:16,505 --> 00:08:20,857
till the bitter end,
except without any money,
141
00:08:20,857 --> 00:08:25,234
and woe is me, I'm not
even any good at poetry.
142
00:08:25,234 --> 00:08:30,234
- (clicking) Yeah, at
least you got that right.
143
00:08:34,677 --> 00:08:38,288
- Our love rose like Warsaw in '44.
144
00:08:38,288 --> 00:08:42,833
- I think I might rise and
leave, because this guy is awful.
145
00:08:42,833 --> 00:08:45,408
- Steady on, this is a safe place,
146
00:08:45,408 --> 00:08:48,510
where we encourage and support
our brothers and sisters
147
00:08:48,510 --> 00:08:50,689
of the spoken word.
148
00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:52,913
- Come on, mate, he's terrible.
149
00:08:52,913 --> 00:08:56,433
Does anyone want this
man to finish his poem?
150
00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:57,266
A friend?
151
00:08:57,266 --> 00:08:58,487
An acquaintance?
152
00:08:58,487 --> 00:09:01,300
A single person, who's come
here to watch him today?
153
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:02,467
Just one hand.
154
00:09:05,492 --> 00:09:06,742
- Sandwich guy?
155
00:09:10,949 --> 00:09:13,436
Where are you, Immi the Vegan?
156
00:09:13,436 --> 00:09:18,436
(audience clicking)
(dramatic music)
157
00:09:36,387 --> 00:09:37,623
- Thanks, Matt.
158
00:09:37,623 --> 00:09:40,727
Now, we do take audience
feedback very seriously
159
00:09:40,727 --> 00:09:42,648
here at Club Slamwich,
160
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,981
so hopefully he'll never be coming back.
161
00:09:48,067 --> 00:09:50,650
(solemn music)
162
00:09:57,250 --> 00:10:00,701
♪ Oh, Lord, I've seen ♪
163
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:04,004
♪ What brings me here ♪
164
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:08,421
♪ It's a mother to all along the way ♪
165
00:10:10,933 --> 00:10:11,850
- A tavern?
166
00:10:14,193 --> 00:10:16,466
♪ Will age with me ♪ (car door clicking) ♪
167
00:10:16,466 --> 00:10:17,299
Thanks.
168
00:10:18,591 --> 00:10:19,474
- Hi.
- Hi.
169
00:10:19,474 --> 00:10:21,356
- Hi, you must be Immi.
- Yes.
170
00:10:21,356 --> 00:10:23,849
- Nice to meet you. (kissing)
171
00:10:23,849 --> 00:10:25,516
My name's GreenBean.
172
00:10:27,413 --> 00:10:31,391
- Nice to meet you, GreenBean.
- It's nice to meet you.
173
00:10:31,391 --> 00:10:32,703
- Is this where you come often?
174
00:10:32,703 --> 00:10:34,547
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's great.
175
00:10:34,547 --> 00:10:39,547
♪ And the boys were waiting, gazing ♪
176
00:10:39,650 --> 00:10:42,227
♪ I don't want your sausage ♪
177
00:10:42,227 --> 00:10:43,711
♪ It'll cause a blockage ♪
178
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,841
♪ Call the toxicologist ♪
179
00:10:45,841 --> 00:10:48,208
♪ I just want you to meet with me ♪
180
00:10:48,208 --> 00:10:50,018
♪ Not for your meat, you see ♪
181
00:10:50,018 --> 00:10:52,639
♪ We'll have a cup of tea ♪
182
00:10:52,639 --> 00:10:54,332
♪ Just 'cause I'm free in the PM's ♪
183
00:10:54,332 --> 00:10:56,383
♪ And most weekends ♪
184
00:10:56,383 --> 00:10:58,595
♪ Doesn't mean you can sign to my DM's ♪
185
00:10:58,595 --> 00:11:02,345
♪ Online dating really sucks ♪
186
00:11:11,378 --> 00:11:13,961
(solemn music)
187
00:11:17,703 --> 00:11:20,370
(phone buzzing)
188
00:11:37,185 --> 00:11:39,714
- Not even any chips.
189
00:11:39,714 --> 00:11:41,892
I thought you said this
place had great vegan food.
190
00:11:41,892 --> 00:11:45,483
Oh, yeah, they have heaps
of vegetarian options.
191
00:11:45,483 --> 00:11:47,104
- It's not the same.
- Isn't it?
192
00:11:47,104 --> 00:11:49,104
- No.
- Sorry, excuse me.
193
00:11:50,045 --> 00:11:50,878
Hi.
194
00:11:54,129 --> 00:11:55,737
- Hi, sorry to be a hassle.
195
00:11:55,737 --> 00:11:59,645
Can any of these meals we made vegan?
196
00:11:59,645 --> 00:12:02,478
- I'll go and check with the chef.
197
00:12:04,692 --> 00:12:05,613
(cutlery banging)
198
00:12:05,613 --> 00:12:07,179
- [Chef] Aw, fuck you.
199
00:12:07,179 --> 00:12:08,941
No, fuck you, okay?
200
00:12:08,941 --> 00:12:10,860
Not another fucking vegan.
201
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:15,392
I have had it with these
fucking pie-minded, idealistic,
202
00:12:15,392 --> 00:12:18,989
hipster bullshit people destroying my art.
203
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,906
Absolutely fucking not.
204
00:12:28,429 --> 00:12:29,795
- Not a problem.
205
00:12:29,795 --> 00:12:31,708
We can do that for you.
206
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:33,598
- I really appreciate it.
207
00:12:33,598 --> 00:12:36,170
- Can I also grab the lamb curry please?
208
00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:37,451
Just hold the vegetables.
209
00:12:37,451 --> 00:12:39,083
- Excellent choice.
210
00:12:39,083 --> 00:12:42,158
The lamb curry's particularly
tender this evening.
211
00:12:42,158 --> 00:12:42,991
- Oh.
212
00:12:43,845 --> 00:12:46,622
- I thought you'd at least be vegetarian?
213
00:12:46,622 --> 00:12:47,518
- Sorry?
214
00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:49,755
- Your profile name, GreenBean31?
215
00:12:49,755 --> 00:12:51,002
- Yeah, nah, I just chose that name
216
00:12:51,002 --> 00:12:54,552
'cause I hate vegetables,
especially green beans.
217
00:12:54,552 --> 00:12:57,240
- One lamb curry and one special meal.
218
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:01,734
Don't worry, it'll
definitely be gluten-free.
219
00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:02,567
- Vegan?
220
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:12,317
(relaxing music)
221
00:13:13,257 --> 00:13:14,142
(plate banging)
222
00:13:14,142 --> 00:13:16,725
Of course, a salad.
- Thank you.
223
00:13:22,518 --> 00:13:25,268
(dramatic music)
224
00:13:31,664 --> 00:13:34,497
(whimsical music)
225
00:13:40,211 --> 00:13:41,832
Looks healthy.
226
00:13:41,832 --> 00:13:42,665
- [Immi Voiceover] Yeah, it's healthy
227
00:13:42,665 --> 00:13:44,998
'cause it's a fucking salad.
228
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:52,110
- How would you like your steaks, sir?
229
00:13:52,110 --> 00:13:54,263
Rare, bloody as hell, still moving?
230
00:13:54,263 --> 00:13:55,680
- Ssh.
- But, sir,
231
00:13:56,688 --> 00:14:00,840
you ordered the rib eye?
- Give me the number 46.
232
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,211
(relaxing music)
233
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:06,878
(menu rustling)
234
00:14:22,468 --> 00:14:24,371
- Are you sure you don't want some?
235
00:14:24,371 --> 00:14:29,371
I'm pretty sure there's no
meat in a sundae. (laughing)
236
00:14:29,794 --> 00:14:34,544
- Number 46, sir, whole fried
chicken stuffed with bacon.
237
00:14:36,878 --> 00:14:39,628
(plate smashing)
238
00:14:41,645 --> 00:14:44,145
Sir, you dropped your chicken.
239
00:14:48,045 --> 00:14:51,295
- Hey, is that a Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo poster?
240
00:14:56,998 --> 00:14:58,826
They've got a gig coming up.
241
00:14:58,826 --> 00:15:00,308
- [GreenBean] So you
like your Yo Yo Yo Yo?
242
00:15:00,308 --> 00:15:01,459
- I do.
- Nice.
243
00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:04,376
- Yeah.
- They're good, I like that.
244
00:15:08,004 --> 00:15:08,837
Excuse me.
245
00:15:16,222 --> 00:15:17,692
♪ Man peeing ♪
246
00:15:17,692 --> 00:15:20,114
♪ Men peeing ♪ ♪ It's out of frame ♪
247
00:15:20,114 --> 00:15:22,355
♪ But you know what you aren't seeing ♪
248
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,159
♪ Man being ♪
249
00:15:24,159 --> 00:15:27,076
♪ And having dicks ♪
250
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:32,874
- Here on a date?
- Yeah, I am.
251
00:15:32,874 --> 00:15:34,261
You?
- No, no,
252
00:15:34,261 --> 00:15:37,243
I prefer dining alone,
eating whatever I want
253
00:15:37,243 --> 00:15:38,227
whenever I want.
254
00:15:38,227 --> 00:15:40,723
Some people are such fussy eaters.
255
00:15:40,723 --> 00:15:41,556
- It's funny.
256
00:15:41,556 --> 00:15:44,045
My date's actually a vegan.
257
00:15:44,045 --> 00:15:47,703
- They are the worst.
- I know, right?
258
00:15:47,703 --> 00:15:49,647
- So many rules.
- Yeah, no meats.
259
00:15:49,647 --> 00:15:53,897
- No meat, fish, eggs,
dairy, leather, wool, honey.
260
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:58,236
- Yeah, it's crazy.
- I mean, sure,
261
00:15:58,236 --> 00:16:00,571
the environmental evidence alone suggests
262
00:16:00,571 --> 00:16:02,653
we should be significantly reducing,
263
00:16:02,653 --> 00:16:06,028
if not completely cutting out our meat,
264
00:16:06,028 --> 00:16:08,383
but who cares about the environment?
265
00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:10,269
Fuck the planet.
- Fuck the planet, yeah.
266
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,331
- Fuck it, and you know what they say?
267
00:16:12,331 --> 00:16:15,748
Once you go vegan, you never go un-vegan.
268
00:16:17,289 --> 00:16:18,872
It's like a tattoo.
269
00:16:19,755 --> 00:16:23,755
I'd run if I was you.
- Seriously considering it.
270
00:16:25,993 --> 00:16:28,873
But on the other hand, she's
hot, and I have some meat
271
00:16:28,873 --> 00:16:30,815
she might like to eat, yeah.
272
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:35,101
All right, good chat. (laughing)
273
00:16:35,101 --> 00:16:39,184
- Yes, it did look like
quite a substantial meal.
274
00:16:47,184 --> 00:16:50,160
- I had a really good time tonight.
275
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,134
- Thanks.
276
00:16:51,134 --> 00:16:53,884
(relaxing music)
277
00:17:02,941 --> 00:17:04,441
- Shall we?
- What?
278
00:17:10,637 --> 00:17:11,637
Meat breath.
279
00:17:26,253 --> 00:17:28,836
(solemn music)
280
00:17:34,624 --> 00:17:37,291
(door knocking)
281
00:17:41,315 --> 00:17:43,683
- Hey, I was just out for a walk
282
00:17:43,683 --> 00:17:45,994
and I saw your light was on.
283
00:17:45,994 --> 00:17:49,363
I thought I'd swing by.
- It's midnight, Matt.
284
00:17:49,363 --> 00:17:50,383
- Yeah, can I come in?
285
00:17:50,383 --> 00:17:52,768
'Cause it's quite cold.
286
00:17:52,768 --> 00:17:54,367
- You were right about online dating.
287
00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:56,608
I just had the worst date ever.
288
00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:57,441
- Oh, no.
289
00:17:58,784 --> 00:18:00,798
- I just don't know if I can date--
290
00:18:00,798 --> 00:18:02,240
- A meat-eater.
291
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:05,952
- Yeah, plus he couldn't
even get my name right.
292
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:09,472
He called me Immi, and obviously it's...
293
00:18:09,472 --> 00:18:13,359
- [Both] Immi the Vegan, the whole thing.
294
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,526
- Thank you, I'm glad you came around.
295
00:18:23,024 --> 00:18:27,534
- Would've been nice to have
seen you at my poetry event.
296
00:18:27,534 --> 00:18:28,867
- You know what?
297
00:18:29,902 --> 00:18:33,264
I should have a vegan
potluck to attract vegan men,
298
00:18:33,264 --> 00:18:34,347
a honey trap.
299
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,448
No.
300
00:18:38,078 --> 00:18:39,728
An agave syrup trap.
301
00:18:39,728 --> 00:18:42,645
(depressing music)
302
00:18:46,384 --> 00:18:48,152
♪ Eating out ♪
303
00:18:48,152 --> 00:18:49,672
♪ Eating out ♪
304
00:18:49,672 --> 00:18:52,727
♪ Eating out as a vegan ♪
305
00:18:52,727 --> 00:18:56,058
♪ Clam chowder, frankfurters,
pork, beef bangers ♪
306
00:18:56,058 --> 00:18:56,891
♪ No thanks ♪
307
00:18:56,891 --> 00:18:59,212
♪ Uh-uh, no thanks ♪
308
00:18:59,212 --> 00:19:00,748
♪ But my appetite is big ♪
309
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,203
♪ I'll eat all night if I think ♪
310
00:19:02,203 --> 00:19:07,101
♪ That it's right ♪
311
00:19:07,101 --> 00:19:11,156
♪ Come on, me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me, me, me ♪
312
00:19:11,156 --> 00:19:14,982
♪ Me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me, me, me ♪
313
00:19:14,982 --> 00:19:18,649
♪ Me, me, me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me, me, me, ♪
314
00:19:18,649 --> 00:19:21,482
(emotional music)
315
00:19:40,742 --> 00:19:43,283
- Have you ever tried
making your own tofu?
316
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:47,300
- No, I haven't tried making my own tofu.
317
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:48,930
Vegans.
318
00:19:48,930 --> 00:19:51,057
(door knocking)
319
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,890
- A man.
- A vegan man.
320
00:19:57,971 --> 00:19:59,363
- Hi.
- This is turning
321
00:19:59,363 --> 00:20:00,788
into a real clam fest.
322
00:20:00,788 --> 00:20:04,291
What's the vegan
equivalent of a clam fest?
323
00:20:04,291 --> 00:20:07,380
(plate banging)
324
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,492
Are you sure it's vegan?
325
00:20:08,492 --> 00:20:11,101
It looks a little realistic.
326
00:20:11,101 --> 00:20:12,877
- I brought a list of the ingredients.
327
00:20:12,877 --> 00:20:16,701
- Oh, hang on, I brought my vegan scanner.
328
00:20:16,701 --> 00:20:19,534
(machine beeping)
329
00:20:24,061 --> 00:20:25,478
- [Machine] Safe.
330
00:20:26,655 --> 00:20:29,298
- 'Cause I already had a bite.
331
00:20:29,298 --> 00:20:32,626
- Hey, hey.
- Oh my God, it's a vegan man.
332
00:20:32,626 --> 00:20:34,459
- [Machine] He's cool.
333
00:20:35,665 --> 00:20:36,816
- Did you make that?
334
00:20:36,816 --> 00:20:39,041
- Yeah, I've started baking.
335
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:40,079
It's my first attempt.
336
00:20:40,079 --> 00:20:42,496
Dig in, ladies, don't be shy.
337
00:20:48,089 --> 00:20:50,922
(machine beeping)
338
00:20:58,140 --> 00:21:01,807
- [Machine] Warning, only 99.98% vegan.
339
00:21:03,849 --> 00:21:05,172
- Did that scanner just talk?
340
00:21:05,172 --> 00:21:06,265
- Yes.
- You brought something
341
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,509
that's not vegan.
- Yes it is, I made it myself.
342
00:21:09,509 --> 00:21:10,662
- What's in it, scanner?
343
00:21:10,662 --> 00:21:11,712
- [Machine] Cochineal.
344
00:21:11,712 --> 00:21:14,379
(woman gasping)
345
00:21:15,810 --> 00:21:16,643
- Cochi-what?
346
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:19,005
- The red coloring made from beetles.
347
00:21:19,005 --> 00:21:21,566
What vegan doesn't know that?
348
00:21:21,566 --> 00:21:23,047
- Actually, Matt's not vegan.
349
00:21:23,047 --> 00:21:25,728
(woman gasping)
350
00:21:25,728 --> 00:21:27,145
- [Machine] Gasp.
351
00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:30,508
- Well, I'm ve-curious.
352
00:21:33,346 --> 00:21:35,929
It's just beetles.
- Oh my God.
353
00:21:37,570 --> 00:21:39,234
- [Machine] You are pure evil.
354
00:21:39,234 --> 00:21:41,996
You have spilled the blood
of the innocent beetle.
355
00:21:41,996 --> 00:21:43,079
You must pay.
356
00:21:43,999 --> 00:21:47,263
Vegans and non-vegans cannot co-exist.
357
00:21:47,263 --> 00:21:49,093
The great war is coming.
358
00:21:49,093 --> 00:21:50,607
- That's it.
- If you strike me down,
359
00:21:50,607 --> 00:21:54,866
I will become more powerful
than you could possibly imagine.
360
00:21:54,866 --> 00:21:58,303
♪ What did a beetle ever do to you ♪
361
00:21:58,303 --> 00:22:01,482
♪ Why do you hate it so much ♪
362
00:22:01,482 --> 00:22:02,415
- [Vegan Woman] Oh, yeah,
363
00:22:02,415 --> 00:22:03,909
I've washed my hands about 10 times.
364
00:22:03,909 --> 00:22:06,293
- [Vegan Woman] I know, can
still smell it, beetles.
365
00:22:06,293 --> 00:22:09,477
- Oh, good God, those poor beetles.
366
00:22:09,477 --> 00:22:10,980
- I know.
367
00:22:10,980 --> 00:22:14,563
- I think this would
be a great opportunity
368
00:22:15,672 --> 00:22:17,801
for you to practice
singing in front of people.
369
00:22:17,801 --> 00:22:19,776
- I'm not at all prepared.
- Yes, you are.
370
00:22:19,776 --> 00:22:21,761
I've heard you sing.
371
00:22:21,761 --> 00:22:23,506
- Nah.
- If you can't do this
372
00:22:23,506 --> 00:22:25,316
in front of a few close friends,
373
00:22:25,316 --> 00:22:27,505
how are you ever going to
become the self-made singer,
374
00:22:27,505 --> 00:22:29,064
songwriter, social media superstar
375
00:22:29,064 --> 00:22:32,661
that we both know you're destined to be.
376
00:22:32,661 --> 00:22:36,898
- Okay, I'll play a couple
of songs in the background
377
00:22:36,898 --> 00:22:38,049
but don't make a big deal out of this.
378
00:22:38,049 --> 00:22:39,699
- Quiet, everyone.
- Matt.
379
00:22:39,699 --> 00:22:40,942
- It's okay, it's okay.
380
00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:43,221
Will you shut the fuck up please?
381
00:22:43,221 --> 00:22:47,304
Immi the Vegan's about to
play some of her songs.
382
00:22:54,452 --> 00:22:55,285
- Ah.
383
00:22:57,603 --> 00:23:00,353
(relaxing music)
384
00:23:22,631 --> 00:23:24,740
- Oh, hey, everyone, is
this the vegan potluck?
385
00:23:24,740 --> 00:23:26,386
- Hi, yes it is.
386
00:23:26,386 --> 00:23:27,969
I'm Immi the Vegan.
387
00:23:27,969 --> 00:23:30,636
- Hi, Sean, Sean the Also Vegan.
388
00:23:31,553 --> 00:23:33,742
- You are?
- You are?
389
00:23:33,742 --> 00:23:35,214
- Yeah, I am.
390
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:36,354
- Well, that's great,
391
00:23:36,354 --> 00:23:39,009
but Immi the Vegan was just
about to play a song actually,
392
00:23:39,009 --> 00:23:42,401
so maybe you could take a seat.
393
00:23:42,401 --> 00:23:43,982
- I am so, so sorry.
394
00:23:43,982 --> 00:23:45,489
I didn't mean to interrupt anything.
395
00:23:45,489 --> 00:23:46,580
- No, it's fine.
396
00:23:46,580 --> 00:23:48,018
I was feeling nervous anyway.
397
00:23:48,018 --> 00:23:49,455
- Maybe I could play with ya?
398
00:23:49,455 --> 00:23:52,351
- I don't think that's a great idea.
399
00:23:52,351 --> 00:23:54,098
- I don't know many songs.
400
00:23:54,098 --> 00:23:55,251
- Just play one of your own.
401
00:23:55,251 --> 00:23:57,084
I'll follow your lead.
402
00:23:58,293 --> 00:23:59,126
- Okay.
403
00:24:01,285 --> 00:24:04,118
(energetic music)
404
00:24:09,071 --> 00:24:13,062
♪ A vegan man, a vegan man ♪
405
00:24:13,062 --> 00:24:16,885
♪ All I want is a vegan man ♪
406
00:24:16,885 --> 00:24:21,109
♪ A vegan man, a vegan man ♪
407
00:24:21,109 --> 00:24:25,426
♪ All I want is a vegan man ♪
408
00:24:25,426 --> 00:24:27,462
♪ He knows I'm not that into meat ♪
409
00:24:27,462 --> 00:24:29,379
♪ His cucumber looks just as sweet ♪
410
00:24:29,379 --> 00:24:33,157
♪ A vegan man, a vegan man ♪
411
00:24:33,157 --> 00:24:35,493
♪ When he's cooking,
he turns up the heat ♪
412
00:24:35,493 --> 00:24:37,319
♪ He knows the ingredients
that I can eat ♪
413
00:24:37,319 --> 00:24:41,545
♪ A vegan man, a vegan man ♪
414
00:24:41,545 --> 00:24:46,545
♪ Maybe I'll meet him
at the falafel shop ♪
415
00:24:47,116 --> 00:24:49,264
♪ No kebabs ♪
416
00:24:49,264 --> 00:24:52,866
♪ Maybe I'll meet him buying tofu ♪
417
00:24:52,866 --> 00:24:53,699
- That clicking.
418
00:24:53,699 --> 00:24:55,151
♪ A stranger to me ♪
419
00:24:55,151 --> 00:25:00,126
♪ Not a friend I'd usually go to ♪
420
00:25:00,126 --> 00:25:01,807
♪ Only a man who's anti-meat ♪
421
00:25:01,807 --> 00:25:04,281
♪ Will sample these delicious treats ♪
422
00:25:04,281 --> 00:25:05,549
- No exceptions.
423
00:25:05,549 --> 00:25:10,549
♪ A vegan man, a vegan man ♪
424
00:25:10,673 --> 00:25:13,115
♪ (indistinct) ♪
425
00:25:13,115 --> 00:25:18,115
♪ Different to the one
mentioned in that song ♪
426
00:25:18,326 --> 00:25:20,027
- Sorry, I thought we were doing a...
427
00:25:20,027 --> 00:25:21,110
Never mind.
428
00:25:21,110 --> 00:25:23,046
- You're amazing.
- You are.
429
00:25:23,046 --> 00:25:24,440
- No, you are.
430
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,167
- Well, I've always said that you were.
431
00:25:26,167 --> 00:25:28,291
- You might've heard of my band actually.
432
00:25:28,291 --> 00:25:31,791
I'm the lead guitarist for Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo.
433
00:25:33,768 --> 00:25:35,268
- That is so cool.
434
00:25:37,741 --> 00:25:39,239
- All right, listen up, everybody.
435
00:25:39,239 --> 00:25:41,428
I've got an announcement to make.
436
00:25:41,428 --> 00:25:46,407
I've thought long and hard
and I've come to a decision.
437
00:25:46,407 --> 00:25:48,084
I'm going full vegan.
438
00:25:48,084 --> 00:25:50,834
(women cheering)
439
00:25:52,152 --> 00:25:53,069
- Oh, Matt.
440
00:25:54,381 --> 00:25:56,964
(upbeat music)
441
00:26:01,132 --> 00:26:03,965
(energetic music)
442
00:26:06,215 --> 00:26:08,649
♪ Old McDonald had a farm ♪
443
00:26:08,649 --> 00:26:10,731
♪ Ee i ee i o ♪
444
00:26:10,731 --> 00:26:15,731
♪ And on that farm, he had a cabbage ♪
445
00:26:17,256 --> 00:26:19,399
♪ Ee i ee i o ♪
446
00:26:19,399 --> 00:26:20,715
♪ With a munch, munch here ♪
447
00:26:20,715 --> 00:26:22,025
♪ And a crunch, crunch there ♪
448
00:26:22,025 --> 00:26:24,640
♪ Coleslaw, sauerkraut,
chop suey, (indistinct) ♪
449
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,956
♪ Old McDonald had a farm ♪
450
00:26:26,956 --> 00:26:29,456
♪ Ee i ee i o ♪
451
00:26:31,220 --> 00:26:33,163
What, it's a song.
452
00:26:33,163 --> 00:26:36,124
(relaxing music)
453
00:26:36,124 --> 00:26:41,124
♪ What is sadness, boy ♪
454
00:26:45,220 --> 00:26:50,220
♪ But this broken wretch ♪
455
00:26:53,573 --> 00:26:58,573
♪ I'm suspended high above ♪
456
00:27:02,324 --> 00:27:05,907
♪ Don't look down, my love ♪
457
00:27:16,607 --> 00:27:17,984
♪ We've gone back in time ♪
458
00:27:17,984 --> 00:27:19,359
♪ Don't be confused ♪
459
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:20,612
♪ We did it on purpose ♪
460
00:27:20,612 --> 00:27:22,564
♪ We can choose what we show you ♪
461
00:27:22,564 --> 00:27:25,509
♪ In episode one, we
showed where Matt works ♪
462
00:27:25,509 --> 00:27:28,266
♪ This is the day after that ♪
463
00:27:28,266 --> 00:27:30,099
- Matt.
- Hi, Prudence.
464
00:27:32,106 --> 00:27:33,268
Here's my CV.
465
00:27:33,268 --> 00:27:37,058
You can call my referee if you'd
like but it'll just be you.
466
00:27:37,058 --> 00:27:38,916
- Thank you, Matt.
467
00:27:38,916 --> 00:27:41,460
The CV was merely a formality
but we're all looking forward
468
00:27:41,460 --> 00:27:42,886
to having you move upstairs.
469
00:27:42,886 --> 00:27:45,113
- Can I practice now?
- Absolutely not.
470
00:27:45,113 --> 00:27:46,280
- Okay.
- Sean.
471
00:27:47,792 --> 00:27:49,371
Matt, this is Sean.
472
00:27:49,371 --> 00:27:51,996
He is going to be replacing
you in the basement.
473
00:27:51,996 --> 00:27:53,393
- Lovely to meet you, Matthew.
474
00:27:53,393 --> 00:27:55,054
- Don't I know you from somewhere?
475
00:27:55,054 --> 00:27:56,861
- No, I don't think so.
476
00:27:56,861 --> 00:27:58,155
- Matt will show you what to do.
477
00:27:58,155 --> 00:28:00,905
He is a very experienced shelver.
478
00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:06,783
Matt?
479
00:28:07,902 --> 00:28:10,594
Don't you have some work
to be getting on with?
480
00:28:10,594 --> 00:28:14,427
- Oh, yes, sorry, Prudence,
yes, sorry, sorry.
481
00:28:17,121 --> 00:28:21,905
- (laughing) Look, I know
the front desk position's
482
00:28:21,905 --> 00:28:24,460
been filled already, but just in case,
483
00:28:24,460 --> 00:28:25,723
here's a copy of my CV
484
00:28:25,723 --> 00:28:30,390
and I've left a little something
on top for you as well.
485
00:28:31,392 --> 00:28:32,225
- Thank you.
486
00:28:32,225 --> 00:28:34,975
(dramatic music)
487
00:28:58,682 --> 00:29:01,682
(creature clicking)
488
00:29:05,189 --> 00:29:08,389
(door creaking)
489
00:29:08,389 --> 00:29:09,622
- Hey.
490
00:29:09,622 --> 00:29:12,018
♪ Speedy, speedy, speedy,
speedy, speedy, speedy, speedy ♪
491
00:29:12,018 --> 00:29:13,755
♪ Speedy, speedy, speedy,
speedy, speedy, speedy, speedy ♪
492
00:29:13,755 --> 00:29:14,588
♪ Speedy ♪
493
00:29:14,588 --> 00:29:16,597
- I should have a vegan
potluck to attract vegan men.
494
00:29:16,597 --> 00:29:19,180
(upbeat music)
495
00:29:39,812 --> 00:29:42,295
- Excellent choice, sir,
496
00:29:42,295 --> 00:29:45,699
but have you considered "Blood Red Snow"?
497
00:29:45,699 --> 00:29:48,250
A harrowing firsthand account of a sniper
498
00:29:48,250 --> 00:29:50,084
on the Eastern Front of World War II.
499
00:29:50,084 --> 00:29:50,917
- Matt.
500
00:29:54,726 --> 00:29:56,684
- Sorry, Prudence.
501
00:29:56,684 --> 00:29:59,351
I came up here to give you this.
502
00:30:02,782 --> 00:30:05,598
- That was very unnecessary, Matt.
503
00:30:05,598 --> 00:30:09,024
- Well, I just know how
much you love muffins.
504
00:30:09,024 --> 00:30:10,846
- Cupcakes, Matt.
505
00:30:10,846 --> 00:30:12,179
I like cupcakes.
506
00:30:13,614 --> 00:30:15,596
- I thought it was the same.
507
00:30:15,596 --> 00:30:20,142
- Sean, how is everything
going in the basement?
508
00:30:20,142 --> 00:30:21,645
- Great, thank you,
509
00:30:21,645 --> 00:30:25,456
but can you believe that Matt
here accidentally ordered
510
00:30:25,456 --> 00:30:27,743
an entire shelf from
ascending to descending,
511
00:30:27,743 --> 00:30:29,343
instead of descending to ascending?
512
00:30:29,343 --> 00:30:32,211
it's made a mockery of the
entire Dewey Decimal System.
513
00:30:32,211 --> 00:30:35,211
(both men laughing)
514
00:30:38,556 --> 00:30:41,546
- That was a test for the training.
515
00:30:41,546 --> 00:30:43,071
Well done, Sean.
516
00:30:43,071 --> 00:30:44,977
- Well, anyway, I'd better get back to it.
517
00:30:44,977 --> 00:30:48,694
Lots of things to fix down
there, and I almost forgot,
518
00:30:48,694 --> 00:30:50,527
but these are for you.
519
00:30:54,134 --> 00:30:55,051
- Cupcakes.
520
00:30:56,566 --> 00:30:58,626
They're my favorite.
521
00:30:58,626 --> 00:31:01,709
- Fantastic, anyway, I've gotta dash.
522
00:31:04,515 --> 00:31:07,765
- I really thought this would come off.
523
00:31:10,066 --> 00:31:12,242
Hey, hey.
- It's a vegan man.
524
00:31:12,242 --> 00:31:13,731
- Actually, Matt's not vegan.
525
00:31:13,731 --> 00:31:14,735
(woman gasping)
526
00:31:14,735 --> 00:31:15,568
- [Machine] Gasp.
527
00:31:15,568 --> 00:31:17,493
♪ Speedy, speedy, speedy,
speedy, speedy, speedy, speedy ♪
528
00:31:17,493 --> 00:31:18,690
♪ Speedy, speedy ♪
529
00:31:18,690 --> 00:31:21,124
- All right, listen up, everybody.
530
00:31:21,124 --> 00:31:22,818
I'm going full vegan.
531
00:31:22,818 --> 00:31:27,592
(woman cheering) ♪ It's a
good day to get out of bed ♪
532
00:31:27,592 --> 00:31:29,440
♪ It's a good day to put on your socks ♪
533
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:33,262
♪ And get on your shoes ♪
534
00:31:33,262 --> 00:31:35,809
♪ It's a good time to be
alive ♪ ♪ The sun is shining ♪
535
00:31:35,809 --> 00:31:40,043
♪ It's heating up the world
and it's warming up you too ♪
536
00:31:40,043 --> 00:31:42,775
♪ You have everything
you need right here ♪
537
00:31:42,775 --> 00:31:43,628
♪ Right now ♪
538
00:31:43,628 --> 00:31:47,257
♪ You have everything you need
right there in your fridge ♪
539
00:31:47,257 --> 00:31:51,067
♪ You have apples and carrots,
capsicum and coconuts ♪
540
00:31:51,067 --> 00:31:54,464
♪ You have blueberries and
broad beans, tofu and broccoli ♪
541
00:31:54,464 --> 00:31:55,827
Are you veganing at me?
542
00:31:55,827 --> 00:31:58,294
Are you veganing at me?
543
00:31:58,294 --> 00:31:59,592
♪ You have those packets of rice ♪
544
00:31:59,592 --> 00:32:01,419
♪ You just heat up in the microwave ♪
545
00:32:01,419 --> 00:32:05,140
Well, who the hell else
are you veganing at?
546
00:32:05,140 --> 00:32:08,807
(Matt imitates gun banging)
547
00:32:10,405 --> 00:32:12,822
- Hot dogs, get your hot dog.
548
00:32:14,727 --> 00:32:16,583
Hot dogs here.
549
00:32:16,583 --> 00:32:18,439
What about you, sir?
550
00:32:18,439 --> 00:32:22,468
You look like you could
do with a nice, tasty,
551
00:32:22,468 --> 00:32:24,468
meaty hot dog?
552
00:32:24,468 --> 00:32:26,823
We've got all kinds of hot dogs.
553
00:32:26,823 --> 00:32:28,359
We've got chicken hot dogs.
554
00:32:28,359 --> 00:32:29,235
We've got pork hot dogs.
555
00:32:29,235 --> 00:32:31,485
We've got venison hot dogs.
556
00:32:33,184 --> 00:32:35,824
First one's on the house.
557
00:32:35,824 --> 00:32:38,982
Fundraising to save the animals.
558
00:32:38,982 --> 00:32:41,732
(dramatic music)
559
00:33:16,856 --> 00:33:17,689
- Matt?
560
00:33:24,614 --> 00:33:25,652
You know what today is right?
561
00:33:25,652 --> 00:33:26,688
- Eggs.
562
00:33:26,688 --> 00:33:27,521
What?
563
00:33:27,521 --> 00:33:29,049
- It's your one month vegan anniversary.
564
00:33:29,049 --> 00:33:29,882
It's amazing.
565
00:33:29,882 --> 00:33:31,112
I'll throw you a party.
566
00:33:31,112 --> 00:33:34,415
- Oh, you don't need to do
that. How about just dinner?
567
00:33:34,415 --> 00:33:36,125
Just you and me, like a date?
568
00:33:36,125 --> 00:33:38,239
- Have it at my house, it'll be great.
569
00:33:38,239 --> 00:33:41,520
We'll have vegan chicken
nuggets, vegan fish fingers,
570
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,708
burgers with vegan beef patties.
571
00:33:43,708 --> 00:33:45,791
- Sounds good, excuse me.
572
00:33:48,853 --> 00:33:51,436
(Matt panting)
573
00:33:53,771 --> 00:33:56,044
"When the temptation is strong,
574
00:33:56,044 --> 00:33:58,410
"focus on the thought of tofu."
575
00:33:58,410 --> 00:34:01,993
Tofu, boiled tofu,
mashed tofu, fried tofu.
576
00:34:03,628 --> 00:34:04,858
Why isn't this working?
577
00:34:04,858 --> 00:34:06,775
Why isn't this working?
578
00:34:08,715 --> 00:34:10,585
It's not what it looks like.
579
00:34:10,585 --> 00:34:11,585
I'm a vegan.
580
00:34:13,579 --> 00:34:17,246
Hello, my name's Matt,
and I'm a meat-eater.
581
00:34:18,183 --> 00:34:20,016
- [Group] Hello, Matt.
582
00:34:21,243 --> 00:34:25,884
- I've been off the animal
products for 30 days now,
583
00:34:25,884 --> 00:34:29,256
but to be honest, it's
not going that well.
584
00:34:29,256 --> 00:34:31,964
Every day is a struggle.
585
00:34:31,964 --> 00:34:34,797
I find my mind drifting back to...
586
00:34:35,943 --> 00:34:38,276
- It's okay, Matt, carry on.
587
00:34:41,496 --> 00:34:45,224
- I do everything it says
in "Managing Your Meat."
588
00:34:45,224 --> 00:34:46,641
I visualize tofu.
589
00:34:47,821 --> 00:34:52,648
I think of the harm that I've
caused all the cows and sheep.
590
00:34:52,648 --> 00:34:57,231
When I feel like KFC, I call
my sponsor, but it's hard.
591
00:34:58,089 --> 00:34:59,590
(emotional music)
592
00:34:59,590 --> 00:35:01,632
It's really hard.
593
00:35:01,632 --> 00:35:04,817
- Thanks for sharing, take a seat.
594
00:35:04,817 --> 00:35:05,758
- I'm sorry, Matt,
595
00:35:05,758 --> 00:35:09,823
but we have given the
job to somebody else.
596
00:35:09,823 --> 00:35:11,265
- What?
597
00:35:11,265 --> 00:35:15,199
- There was just somebody
better suited for the position,
598
00:35:15,199 --> 00:35:18,616
someone with customer service experience.
599
00:35:20,044 --> 00:35:22,794
(dramatic music)
600
00:35:24,942 --> 00:35:26,494
- And I know it's against the rules
601
00:35:26,494 --> 00:35:29,726
but I have a really great
World War II book to recommend,
602
00:35:29,726 --> 00:35:32,859
really dives into the nitty
gritty of the Eastern Front,
603
00:35:32,859 --> 00:35:33,692
but don't tell anyone.
604
00:35:33,692 --> 00:35:35,442
It can be our secret.
605
00:35:41,561 --> 00:35:44,144
(solemn music)
606
00:36:01,773 --> 00:36:04,273
(Matt crying)
607
00:36:14,218 --> 00:36:18,005
(creature clicking)
608
00:36:18,005 --> 00:36:20,922
(mysterious music)
609
00:36:22,037 --> 00:36:24,278
- You're not real.
610
00:36:24,278 --> 00:36:26,424
You're just a manifestation
of my insecurities
611
00:36:26,424 --> 00:36:28,003
about vegan expectation
612
00:36:28,003 --> 00:36:29,769
and the crippling anxiety brought about
613
00:36:29,769 --> 00:36:34,436
by being clicked off stage
during my poetry performance.
614
00:36:40,816 --> 00:36:43,483
No. (screaming)
615
00:37:10,033 --> 00:37:14,870
♪ Matt, Matty Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt ♪
616
00:37:14,870 --> 00:37:16,965
♪ I worked in the library ♪
617
00:37:16,965 --> 00:37:18,885
♪ It seemed weirdly unrelated ♪
618
00:37:18,885 --> 00:37:20,868
♪ Then I fought the monster ♪
619
00:37:20,868 --> 00:37:23,503
♪ It was living in the basement ♪
620
00:37:23,503 --> 00:37:25,330
♪ Muffins and cupcakes ♪
621
00:37:25,330 --> 00:37:27,428
♪ You can see my frustration ♪
622
00:37:27,428 --> 00:37:29,139
♪ I lost my dream job ♪
623
00:37:29,139 --> 00:37:32,056
♪ I spent the day ♪
624
00:37:33,263 --> 00:37:35,680
I just realized I can't sing.
625
00:37:43,860 --> 00:37:46,360
(eerie music)
626
00:38:02,508 --> 00:38:04,194
(door creaking)
627
00:38:04,194 --> 00:38:06,777
(upbeat music)
628
00:38:13,010 --> 00:38:13,843
- Matt.
629
00:38:15,192 --> 00:38:18,123
- [Group] Happy veganniversary.
630
00:38:18,123 --> 00:38:20,539
(group cheering)
631
00:38:20,539 --> 00:38:22,956
- Okay, all right, yay, okay.
632
00:38:24,490 --> 00:38:29,082
- I thought you weren't going
to make it to your own party.
633
00:38:29,082 --> 00:38:33,249
- Here I am, wouldn't miss
it for the world, okay.
634
00:38:34,168 --> 00:38:35,918
- Okay, go celebrate.
635
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:40,233
(emotional music)
636
00:38:58,918 --> 00:39:01,835
(group chattering)
637
00:39:06,423 --> 00:39:09,256
(fruit crunching)
638
00:39:13,779 --> 00:39:16,196
- Sean?
- Matthew, guess what?
639
00:39:17,235 --> 00:39:19,202
- What?
- Immi the Vegan
640
00:39:19,202 --> 00:39:22,262
is going to be opening for
the next Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo gig.
641
00:39:22,262 --> 00:39:24,246
- What?
- She's opening for us
642
00:39:24,246 --> 00:39:26,021
and I'm going to help her rehearse.
643
00:39:26,021 --> 00:39:31,021
I've got some great exercises
to help warm up her throat.
644
00:39:31,023 --> 00:39:33,690
(Matt laughing)
645
00:39:37,162 --> 00:39:39,912
(group laughing)
646
00:39:53,507 --> 00:39:56,036
♪ It's such a sad meal ♪
647
00:39:56,036 --> 00:39:57,252
♪ Deep in your bowl ♪
648
00:39:57,252 --> 00:39:59,620
♪ A kind of pale grew ♪
649
00:39:59,620 --> 00:40:00,973
♪ Barely nothing at all ♪
650
00:40:00,973 --> 00:40:03,143
♪ Within your bowl ♪
651
00:40:03,143 --> 00:40:07,817
♪ I'll place lentils within your bowl ♪
652
00:40:07,817 --> 00:40:08,953
(group laughing)
653
00:40:08,953 --> 00:40:11,771
♪ It's such a bad taste ♪
654
00:40:11,771 --> 00:40:13,720
♪ Caught in your teeth ♪
655
00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:15,469
♪ Swallow it down ♪
656
00:40:15,469 --> 00:40:16,880
♪ Pretending it's beef ♪
657
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,765
♪ Within your mouth ♪
658
00:40:18,765 --> 00:40:23,765
♪ I'll place lentils within your mouth ♪
659
00:40:24,671 --> 00:40:26,736
♪ And as the taste improves ♪
660
00:40:26,736 --> 00:40:29,008
♪ It tastes less like goo ♪
661
00:40:29,008 --> 00:40:30,666
♪ Every thought is gone ♪
662
00:40:30,666 --> 00:40:35,273
♪ Of the meals you like to eat ♪
663
00:40:35,273 --> 00:40:39,058
♪ And I'll be there for you ♪
664
00:40:39,058 --> 00:40:44,058
♪ There's no more meat around ♪
665
00:40:46,671 --> 00:40:51,671
♪ There's no more meat around ♪
666
00:40:54,752 --> 00:40:58,585
♪ There's no more meat around ♪
667
00:41:04,110 --> 00:41:06,693
(Matt panting)
668
00:41:10,659 --> 00:41:13,909
- [Sean] (indistinct).
669
00:41:15,462 --> 00:41:17,545
Sean, what are you doing?
670
00:41:19,765 --> 00:41:23,598
You're sharing your
celery with another woman.
671
00:41:25,205 --> 00:41:27,872
(Sean clicking)
672
00:41:30,662 --> 00:41:32,412
- You're the clicker.
673
00:41:33,842 --> 00:41:35,384
You're the clicker?
674
00:41:35,384 --> 00:41:36,564
- That's right, Matthew.
675
00:41:36,564 --> 00:41:40,465
I am, and if you tell Inni
the Vegan about any of this,
676
00:41:40,465 --> 00:41:42,897
I'll make sure you lose
your precious shelving job.
677
00:41:42,897 --> 00:41:46,703
- (gasping) You're a bad vegan.
678
00:41:46,703 --> 00:41:51,703
- Well, at least I'm a real
vegan, Matthew. (clicking)
679
00:41:57,310 --> 00:41:59,893
(door banging)
680
00:42:17,387 --> 00:42:18,220
(door knocking)
681
00:42:18,220 --> 00:42:20,303
- Matt, are you in there?
682
00:42:25,117 --> 00:42:29,058
What's that smell?
- Nothing, just shitting.
683
00:42:29,058 --> 00:42:31,191
(energetic music)
684
00:42:31,191 --> 00:42:34,314
(air freshener spraying)
685
00:42:34,314 --> 00:42:36,252
- Are you okay?
686
00:42:36,252 --> 00:42:39,085
(toilet flushing)
687
00:42:47,217 --> 00:42:49,384
Matt, where are you going?
688
00:42:51,009 --> 00:42:53,842
(emotional music)
689
00:42:59,551 --> 00:43:01,551
Hey, why'd you run away?
690
00:43:03,583 --> 00:43:06,980
Wow, you chose a really cinematic spot.
691
00:43:06,980 --> 00:43:09,830
- I just come here when
I'm sad, Immi the Vegan.
692
00:43:09,830 --> 00:43:12,372
I don't think in terms
of production value.
693
00:43:12,372 --> 00:43:14,127
- Why are you sad?
694
00:43:14,127 --> 00:43:17,651
- Because you chose Sean over
me, that arrogant, slimy fuck.
695
00:43:17,651 --> 00:43:20,068
- Over you, what do you mean?
696
00:43:21,729 --> 00:43:24,673
- I just saw him sharing
celery with another woman.
697
00:43:24,673 --> 00:43:26,068
- Sean would never share celery.
698
00:43:26,068 --> 00:43:27,136
That's an awful thing to say.
699
00:43:27,136 --> 00:43:28,945
- He's also the one who's
been ironically clicking me
700
00:43:28,945 --> 00:43:31,028
off stage at slam poetry.
701
00:43:32,128 --> 00:43:34,705
- Are you angry because he
got the promotion over you?
702
00:43:34,705 --> 00:43:37,200
- Muffins and cupcakes are
basically the same thing.
703
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:38,784
There's pretty much no difference.
704
00:43:38,784 --> 00:43:42,618
- Actually, there is
quite a big difference.
705
00:43:42,618 --> 00:43:44,704
Is that a meat kebab?
706
00:43:44,704 --> 00:43:46,650
- Yes, it's a meat kebab.
707
00:43:46,650 --> 00:43:47,855
I've been eating meat.
708
00:43:47,855 --> 00:43:50,258
Meat is yum, yum, yum,
yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
709
00:43:50,258 --> 00:43:51,520
it's not a crime.
710
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,020
Ah, what the fuck?
711
00:43:53,886 --> 00:43:55,996
- I just threw this huge party for you.
712
00:43:55,996 --> 00:43:57,452
Now you've ruined everything.
713
00:43:57,452 --> 00:43:59,991
- Yeah, that kebab cost seven bucks.
714
00:43:59,991 --> 00:44:03,324
- I'll pay you back when I'm less angry.
715
00:44:06,348 --> 00:44:09,795
♪ Matt, you ate a meat kebab ♪
716
00:44:09,795 --> 00:44:13,131
♪ Ruining the best
friendship I've ever had ♪
717
00:44:13,131 --> 00:44:15,638
♪ I thought we were in this together ♪
718
00:44:15,638 --> 00:44:19,222
♪ Throwing up the vegan sign forever ♪
719
00:44:19,222 --> 00:44:20,839
Maybe we could've had...
720
00:44:20,839 --> 00:44:23,306
♪ Something more ♪
721
00:44:23,306 --> 00:44:26,382
♪ Something, something more ♪
722
00:44:26,382 --> 00:44:29,664
♪ I've been such a stupid fool ♪
723
00:44:29,664 --> 00:44:32,879
♪ She's just not that into me ♪
724
00:44:32,879 --> 00:44:37,879
♪ She didn't even notice
my severe head injury ♪
725
00:44:38,420 --> 00:44:40,707
- Ouch, and I just wanted...
726
00:44:40,707 --> 00:44:43,041
♪ Something more ♪
727
00:44:43,041 --> 00:44:45,043
♪ Something, something more ♪
728
00:44:45,043 --> 00:44:46,929
♪ So what, I'm not vegan ♪
729
00:44:46,929 --> 00:44:48,528
♪ You're not vegan ♪
730
00:44:48,528 --> 00:44:50,225
♪ So we see things differently ♪
731
00:44:50,225 --> 00:44:51,767
♪ But we are what we eat ♪
732
00:44:51,767 --> 00:44:53,069
♪ Does this mean it's not meant to be ♪
733
00:44:53,069 --> 00:44:54,867
♪ I don't know what I'm feeling ♪
734
00:44:54,867 --> 00:44:56,957
♪ Can't you just accept me for me ♪
735
00:44:56,957 --> 00:44:59,516
♪ Did you lie about the celery ♪
736
00:44:59,516 --> 00:45:01,811
- Maybe we could have had...
737
00:45:01,811 --> 00:45:04,243
♪ Something more ♪
738
00:45:04,243 --> 00:45:07,910
♪ Something, something more ♪
739
00:45:14,591 --> 00:45:17,235
♪ When you throw your friends a party ♪
740
00:45:17,235 --> 00:45:19,795
♪ And they show up really late ♪
741
00:45:19,795 --> 00:45:22,287
♪ And they see the food you made them ♪
742
00:45:22,287 --> 00:45:24,861
♪ And they chuck up on their plate ♪
743
00:45:24,861 --> 00:45:29,658
♪ 'Cause they don't like your vegan food ♪
744
00:45:29,658 --> 00:45:34,511
♪ No, they don't like your vegan food ♪
745
00:45:34,511 --> 00:45:38,850
♪ They don't know that
they're being rude ♪
746
00:45:38,850 --> 00:45:40,405
♪ When they tell you they
personally can't stand ♪
747
00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:41,631
♪ What's (indistinct) ♪
748
00:45:41,631 --> 00:45:43,090
♪ But settle for hiding
in your cat's litter box ♪
749
00:45:43,090 --> 00:45:45,923
♪ Your vegan food ♪
750
00:45:55,379 --> 00:45:56,962
Hey, Sean, it's me.
751
00:45:58,495 --> 00:45:59,328
Hey, where are you?
752
00:45:59,328 --> 00:46:01,340
I thought that we were going
to be rehearsing today.
753
00:46:01,340 --> 00:46:03,087
I'm kind of nervous.
754
00:46:03,087 --> 00:46:05,203
Anyway, please call me.
755
00:46:05,203 --> 00:46:07,924
(upbeat music)
756
00:46:07,924 --> 00:46:09,591
It's Immi the Vegan.
757
00:46:13,929 --> 00:46:16,363
Scanner, should I be worried?
758
00:46:16,363 --> 00:46:19,987
- [Machine] He's vegan,
therefore entirely trustworthy.
759
00:46:19,987 --> 00:46:21,987
- That's what I thought.
760
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:24,943
- [Machine] Danger.
761
00:46:26,608 --> 00:46:27,441
- Oh, no.
762
00:46:29,468 --> 00:46:32,217
♪ Facing your monster ♪
763
00:46:32,217 --> 00:46:35,920
♪ Or your MEA sponsor ♪
764
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,749
♪ It's only hallucination ♪
765
00:46:38,749 --> 00:46:41,885
♪ Unless you give into temptation ♪
766
00:46:41,885 --> 00:46:44,607
♪ Unless you give into temptation ♪
767
00:46:44,607 --> 00:46:48,774
♪ Unless you give into temptation ♪
768
00:46:52,061 --> 00:46:55,144
- Okay, Matt, pull yourself together.
769
00:46:56,272 --> 00:47:00,591
Only eight hours in this dimly
lit, poorly ventilated room
770
00:47:00,591 --> 00:47:03,178
with a vicious monster.
771
00:47:03,178 --> 00:47:04,605
Nobody likes their job.
772
00:47:04,605 --> 00:47:07,232
(creature clicking)
773
00:47:07,232 --> 00:47:10,065
Sean, what are you doing down here
774
00:47:11,023 --> 00:47:12,864
and who's on the front desk?
775
00:47:12,864 --> 00:47:15,614
(dramatic music)
776
00:47:16,893 --> 00:47:18,030
It's the monster.
777
00:47:18,030 --> 00:47:19,280
Sean, look out.
778
00:47:31,284 --> 00:47:33,951
(books banging)
779
00:47:42,744 --> 00:47:44,324
There's a monster in the basement
780
00:47:44,324 --> 00:47:45,866
and Sean's been feeding it.
781
00:47:45,866 --> 00:47:46,699
- Yes?
782
00:47:48,962 --> 00:47:51,795
- You knew about this?
- Of course.
783
00:47:56,629 --> 00:47:58,242
- I quit.
784
00:47:58,242 --> 00:48:01,557
♪ I still love you ♪
785
00:48:01,557 --> 00:48:06,094
♪ Always love you ♪
786
00:48:06,094 --> 00:48:10,344
♪ Though you don't know how I feel ♪
787
00:48:12,059 --> 00:48:14,059
- Matt.
- Immi the Vegan.
788
00:48:15,583 --> 00:48:18,378
- How are you?
- I just quit my job.
789
00:48:18,378 --> 00:48:19,211
- How come?
790
00:48:19,211 --> 00:48:22,074
- There was a monster
living in the basement.
791
00:48:22,074 --> 00:48:24,698
How's the music going?
- I've got that gig tonight,
792
00:48:24,698 --> 00:48:29,615
you know, with Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo,
but I just broke my ukulele.
793
00:48:31,753 --> 00:48:33,402
I'm not feeling very confident.
794
00:48:33,402 --> 00:48:36,138
- You'll be great, you always are.
795
00:48:36,138 --> 00:48:40,190
♪ Impossible, impossible,
impossible, impossible ♪
796
00:48:40,190 --> 00:48:42,320
♪ For us ♪
797
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:45,903
- Hey, Matt, it was
really nice to see you.
798
00:48:47,453 --> 00:48:50,495
♪ I still love you ♪
799
00:48:50,495 --> 00:48:55,296
♪ Always love you ♪
800
00:48:55,296 --> 00:48:59,089
♪ Though I've got to wonder why ♪
801
00:48:59,089 --> 00:49:01,377
- I had a set back earlier
today after I saw someone
802
00:49:01,377 --> 00:49:03,455
who's a real trigger for me.
803
00:49:03,455 --> 00:49:05,455
I binged on jelly beans.
804
00:49:07,905 --> 00:49:12,905
♪ And I've tried to stop, I've tried ♪
805
00:49:15,184 --> 00:49:20,184
♪ Is it really toxic masculinity ♪
806
00:49:23,707 --> 00:49:27,216
♪ Just seems so impossible,
impossible, impossible ♪
807
00:49:27,216 --> 00:49:32,033
♪ Impossible that you ♪
808
00:49:32,033 --> 00:49:37,033
♪ That you'd just not be into me ♪
809
00:49:41,298 --> 00:49:46,298
♪ Into me ♪
810
00:49:47,410 --> 00:49:50,160
♪ Be into me, oh ♪
811
00:49:52,818 --> 00:49:53,651
- Sean.
812
00:49:55,858 --> 00:49:57,294
- I'll see you later, okay?
813
00:49:57,294 --> 00:49:58,127
See you later.
814
00:49:58,127 --> 00:50:00,214
- I've been looking all over for you.
815
00:50:00,214 --> 00:50:01,413
I thought we were rehearsing today?
816
00:50:01,413 --> 00:50:03,013
Didn't you get my messages?
817
00:50:03,013 --> 00:50:05,540
- No, my phone was off.
818
00:50:05,540 --> 00:50:06,957
- Oh, who's that?
819
00:50:09,764 --> 00:50:11,412
- That?
820
00:50:11,412 --> 00:50:13,251
No one, no one at all.
821
00:50:13,251 --> 00:50:17,168
Anyway, I am going to go
inside to get a drink.
822
00:50:20,032 --> 00:50:20,865
- Celery.
823
00:50:22,130 --> 00:50:24,899
What's this?
- It's just a snack.
824
00:50:24,899 --> 00:50:28,227
- There's lipstick on it.
- What is this?
825
00:50:28,227 --> 00:50:29,831
The celery inquisition?
826
00:50:29,831 --> 00:50:31,732
- You've been sharing your
celery with another woman,
827
00:50:31,732 --> 00:50:32,732
haven't you?
828
00:50:33,921 --> 00:50:36,563
- You're starting to
become a real drag, Immi.
829
00:50:36,563 --> 00:50:37,873
You know what?
830
00:50:37,873 --> 00:50:40,029
I don't think we've got room
for you on the bill tonight
831
00:50:40,029 --> 00:50:41,105
after all.
832
00:50:41,105 --> 00:50:43,408
Why don't you just go home?
833
00:50:43,408 --> 00:50:46,289
- But I've been practicing for weeks.
834
00:50:46,289 --> 00:50:49,206
- And you didn't even get any good.
835
00:50:51,827 --> 00:50:54,410
(upbeat music)
836
00:50:58,686 --> 00:51:00,826
♪ Celery ♪
837
00:51:00,826 --> 00:51:05,826
♪ Chewing on you works off calories ♪
838
00:51:06,249 --> 00:51:08,311
♪ And can't you see ♪
839
00:51:08,311 --> 00:51:13,311
♪ That (indistinct) an allegory ♪
840
00:51:15,642 --> 00:51:16,642
- Thank you.
841
00:51:19,460 --> 00:51:22,635
- (sighing) Matt.
842
00:51:22,635 --> 00:51:25,771
- What's wrong?
- I'm not playing.
843
00:51:25,771 --> 00:51:27,760
- Oh, no, it's okay, I've
got you a new ukulele.
844
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:28,593
See?
845
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:34,620
- That's really sweet but
obviously I already got one.
846
00:51:35,543 --> 00:51:38,423
- I already threw away the receipt.
847
00:51:38,423 --> 00:51:40,966
- Sean doesn't want me to play.
848
00:51:40,966 --> 00:51:42,633
He says I'm no good.
849
00:51:45,384 --> 00:51:48,616
- I'd like to check in my ukulele please.
850
00:51:48,616 --> 00:51:51,449
(energetic music)
851
00:51:58,487 --> 00:52:02,058
♪ My sad, sad song ♪
852
00:52:02,058 --> 00:52:06,103
♪ I'm a fool, I knew it all along ♪
853
00:52:06,103 --> 00:52:09,751
♪ For a moment, I thought that I could ♪
854
00:52:09,751 --> 00:52:13,528
♪ But I didn't even get any good ♪
855
00:52:13,528 --> 00:52:16,028
(Immi crying)
856
00:52:35,006 --> 00:52:38,006
(audience cheering)
857
00:52:45,515 --> 00:52:46,352
- Sorry, everyone,
858
00:52:46,352 --> 00:52:49,632
but the opening act
tonight has pulled out.
859
00:52:49,632 --> 00:52:51,550
(audience booing)
860
00:52:51,550 --> 00:52:54,512
Yeah, yeah, very unprofessional, I know,
861
00:52:54,512 --> 00:52:57,106
but I can assure you that
they will not be opening
862
00:52:57,106 --> 00:52:59,189
for Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo again.
863
00:53:00,190 --> 00:53:05,190
- [Audience] Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo,
Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo, Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo.
864
00:53:06,241 --> 00:53:09,662
- So naturally there's been
a slight change of plans,
865
00:53:09,662 --> 00:53:13,162
but I can assure you everything is still--
866
00:53:14,912 --> 00:53:18,672
- No, no, no, no, no,
Sean has been misinformed.
867
00:53:18,672 --> 00:53:21,291
The opening act is here and ready to rock.
868
00:53:21,291 --> 00:53:24,124
(audience booing)
869
00:53:27,097 --> 00:53:29,359
- [Audience] Fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight,
870
00:53:29,359 --> 00:53:32,216
fight, fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight
871
00:53:32,216 --> 00:53:34,961
fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight,
872
00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:36,044
fight, fight.
873
00:53:37,057 --> 00:53:37,954
- My eye.
874
00:53:37,954 --> 00:53:42,482
What have you done to me? (screaming)
875
00:53:42,482 --> 00:53:44,300
- You can do it, Immi the Vegan.
876
00:53:44,300 --> 00:53:45,717
Visit me in jail.
877
00:53:47,235 --> 00:53:48,068
Visit me.
878
00:53:55,057 --> 00:53:58,307
(microphone squealing)
879
00:54:00,886 --> 00:54:04,433
- Hi, everyone, I'm Immi the Vegan.
880
00:54:04,433 --> 00:54:07,266
(audience booing)
881
00:54:10,656 --> 00:54:12,739
I'm here to play my song.
882
00:54:13,666 --> 00:54:16,416
It's called "Vegan Love Forever".
883
00:54:22,995 --> 00:54:27,361
♪ On Monday, I searched for love ♪
884
00:54:27,361 --> 00:54:31,679
♪ In a shop, down a supermarket aisle ♪
885
00:54:31,679 --> 00:54:35,648
♪ On Tuesday, I was in a rush ♪
886
00:54:35,648 --> 00:54:37,875
♪ Wednesday, I gave up ♪
887
00:54:37,875 --> 00:54:40,000
♪ Thursday, I had tonsillitis ♪
888
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:45,000
♪ All those stories tell you
that true love is there to find ♪
889
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:52,466
♪ I just wanna happy ending ♪
890
00:54:52,466 --> 00:54:56,580
♪ Vegan love forever ♪
891
00:54:56,580 --> 00:55:00,721
♪ Friday, I met a guy ♪
892
00:55:00,721 --> 00:55:02,581
♪ Who plays guitar ♪
893
00:55:02,581 --> 00:55:04,895
♪ His dancing makes me smile ♪
894
00:55:04,895 --> 00:55:08,273
♪ Saturday, he didn't call ♪
895
00:55:08,273 --> 00:55:11,191
♪ And that's not all ♪
896
00:55:11,191 --> 00:55:13,350
♪ Turns out he has reptile blood ♪
897
00:55:13,350 --> 00:55:15,054
♪ All those stories ♪
898
00:55:15,054 --> 00:55:17,305
- No, don't, don't, don't, don't touch it.
899
00:55:17,305 --> 00:55:21,461
♪ True love is there to find ♪
900
00:55:21,461 --> 00:55:25,767
♪ I just wanna happy fucking ending ♪
901
00:55:25,767 --> 00:55:30,767
♪ With what, who, how, ever ♪
902
00:55:30,846 --> 00:55:34,443
♪ It's Sunday ♪
903
00:55:34,443 --> 00:55:37,017
♪ It's Sunday with you ♪
904
00:55:37,017 --> 00:55:40,362
♪ Oh, it's Sunday ♪
905
00:55:40,362 --> 00:55:41,979
♪ It's Sunday ♪
906
00:55:41,979 --> 00:55:44,441
♪ It's Sunday ♪
907
00:55:44,441 --> 00:55:49,441
♪ I didn't see you before
but then you were there ♪
908
00:55:49,908 --> 00:55:52,908
(audience clapping)
909
00:56:01,718 --> 00:56:03,166
- I guess you guys aren't
ready for that yet,
910
00:56:03,166 --> 00:56:06,333
but your vegan kids are gonna love it.
911
00:56:12,544 --> 00:56:15,294
(relaxing music)
912
00:56:22,990 --> 00:56:25,657
(door knocking)
913
00:56:28,187 --> 00:56:29,803
- Hi.
- Hey.
914
00:56:29,803 --> 00:56:31,725
- Just wanted to check
you were out of jail.
915
00:56:31,725 --> 00:56:34,642
- No, my court hearing's on Monday.
916
00:56:38,159 --> 00:56:40,300
I hope Sean regains vision in that eye,
917
00:56:40,300 --> 00:56:44,967
'cause that looked a lot more
serious than I'd intended.
918
00:56:45,886 --> 00:56:47,997
- I'm sorry, Matt.
919
00:56:47,997 --> 00:56:50,895
- It's okay.
- No, it's not.
920
00:56:50,895 --> 00:56:52,495
I meant to call you and I didn't.
921
00:56:52,495 --> 00:56:55,271
I came on really strong
about that vegan stuff.
922
00:56:55,271 --> 00:56:57,498
I was just super excited,
923
00:56:57,498 --> 00:57:00,050
and you were totally right about Sean.
924
00:57:00,050 --> 00:57:02,283
I took you for granted.
925
00:57:02,283 --> 00:57:04,545
You've always been there for me.
926
00:57:04,545 --> 00:57:06,128
Are you okay?
- Yup.
927
00:57:07,472 --> 00:57:11,807
- I realize now that veganism
hasn't come that easy to you,
928
00:57:11,807 --> 00:57:13,394
but I really appreciate the effort.
929
00:57:13,394 --> 00:57:15,279
- Well, I've ditched dairy though
930
00:57:15,279 --> 00:57:17,132
and I'm still going to my Meat
Eaters Anonymous meetings,
931
00:57:17,132 --> 00:57:20,188
so that's got to give me
some brownie points, right?
932
00:57:20,188 --> 00:57:21,771
Are brownies vegan?
933
00:57:25,308 --> 00:57:26,891
What are you doing?
934
00:57:28,316 --> 00:57:29,149
- What?
935
00:57:30,566 --> 00:57:33,533
I thought that's where
the moment was leading to,
936
00:57:33,533 --> 00:57:35,949
the classic rom-com scenario?
937
00:57:35,949 --> 00:57:39,371
- No, you put me through
hell and now you think
938
00:57:39,371 --> 00:57:41,948
because you make one kind
of half-assed apology
939
00:57:41,948 --> 00:57:45,448
right towards the end, that
that makes everything okay?
940
00:57:45,448 --> 00:57:48,531
I think I need to be alone right now.
941
00:57:49,662 --> 00:57:51,902
(door banging)
942
00:57:51,902 --> 00:57:54,735
(emotional music)
943
00:58:10,782 --> 00:58:13,918
♪ Oh, what's happening here ♪
944
00:58:13,918 --> 00:58:16,828
♪ You were so desperate,
but now you're cavalier ♪
945
00:58:16,828 --> 00:58:19,981
♪ These are mixed
messages you're sending ♪
946
00:58:19,981 --> 00:58:23,275
♪ It's such an unsatisfying ending ♪
947
00:58:23,275 --> 00:58:26,620
♪ I just have to walk away ♪
948
00:58:26,620 --> 00:58:29,645
♪ I've had a shitter of a day ♪
949
00:58:29,645 --> 00:58:33,835
♪ And I'm not just some
actor in your play ♪
950
00:58:33,835 --> 00:58:35,598
♪ That just ain't it ♪
951
00:58:35,598 --> 00:58:40,176
♪ Chief, let's kill that motif ♪
952
00:58:40,176 --> 00:58:43,022
♪ Right now, the storyline is pending ♪
953
00:58:43,022 --> 00:58:48,022
♪ We'll cut to a Marvel-style
post credit ending ♪
954
00:58:52,859 --> 00:58:57,678
- Now, we all hoped he was
never coming back, but, well,
955
00:58:57,678 --> 00:58:59,095
here he is, Matt.
956
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:03,320
(audience clapping)
957
00:59:08,384 --> 00:59:10,166
This poem's called Immi the Vegan,
958
00:59:10,166 --> 00:59:12,499
dedicated to Immi the Vegan.
959
00:59:14,352 --> 00:59:18,624
The story so far is of a story just begun.
960
00:59:18,624 --> 00:59:23,111
There was a battle inside
me, but now it has been won,
961
00:59:23,111 --> 00:59:25,174
and I wonder what will happen now,
962
00:59:25,174 --> 00:59:28,118
trekking forward into unknown territory.
963
00:59:28,118 --> 00:59:31,868
A truce, a treaty, or
perhaps something more,
964
00:59:33,620 --> 00:59:35,554
something more.
965
00:59:35,554 --> 00:59:38,221
(Sean clicking)
966
00:59:39,988 --> 00:59:41,962
(audience clicking)
967
00:59:41,962 --> 00:59:43,228
- What are you all doing?
968
00:59:43,228 --> 00:59:44,811
God, stop clicking.
969
00:59:47,183 --> 00:59:48,126
How's this even a thing?
970
00:59:48,126 --> 00:59:50,044
It doesn't even make sense.
971
00:59:50,044 --> 00:59:54,028
Stop being such dicks and
let him finish his poem.
972
00:59:54,028 --> 00:59:58,361
It's about me, after all,
the whole story, about me,
973
01:00:01,678 --> 01:00:05,516
even the parts in the library,
which I never visited.
974
01:00:05,516 --> 01:00:08,190
I hear there was a monster.
975
01:00:08,190 --> 01:00:10,349
It's probably in the poem.
976
01:00:10,349 --> 01:00:11,536
It's about me.
977
01:00:11,536 --> 01:00:14,286
(relaxing music)
978
01:00:33,753 --> 01:00:35,358
What are you still doing here?
979
01:00:35,358 --> 01:00:36,191
It's over.
980
01:00:38,635 --> 01:00:39,802
Close the app.
981
01:00:40,781 --> 01:00:43,644
We already had a post
credit scene, remember?
982
01:00:43,644 --> 01:00:46,282
I looked at the camera, I smiled.
983
01:00:46,282 --> 01:00:47,699
That was the end.
984
01:00:49,267 --> 01:00:51,756
Oh, would you like some more?
985
01:00:51,756 --> 01:00:54,879
I do have some pretty
good stories about tofu.
986
01:00:54,879 --> 01:00:56,907
Come on, I'll tell you all about it.
987
01:00:56,907 --> 01:00:59,657
Come on, come on, tofu, come on.
70352
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