All language subtitles for Cavendish s01e02 The Annes.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,108 --> 00:00:03,765 Some would say when it comes to the potato, 2 00:00:03,799 --> 00:00:06,768 beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 3 00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:08,837 Oh, that's good. 4 00:00:08,871 --> 00:00:10,605 - I'm gonna write that down. - Hey, man! Hey, hey, 5 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:13,008 hey, hey, hey! Check this out. What the hell do you think 6 00:00:13,042 --> 00:00:15,310 - that's supposed to be? - I don't know. Read the description. 7 00:00:15,344 --> 00:00:17,712 I did. It just says "rare ancient bird". 8 00:00:18,475 --> 00:00:20,815 Have you seen this over here? Look at this! 9 00:00:22,214 --> 00:00:24,019 - (panting) - Mark, can you 10 00:00:24,053 --> 00:00:26,021 please stop talking? I'm trying to write down ideas 11 00:00:26,055 --> 00:00:28,690 - for this article that I'm pitching. - Oh no, man! Don't do that. 12 00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,692 No, that's so boring. Let's go have fun! 13 00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:32,694 It's not boring! It's about the cultural significance 14 00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:35,063 - of the PEI potato. - That's not boring? 15 00:00:35,097 --> 00:00:38,500 Which title do you like better? You Say Potato, I Say Identity? 16 00:00:38,534 --> 00:00:40,201 - Oh... - Or... or... 17 00:00:40,236 --> 00:00:42,704 One Potato, Two Potatoes, Three Potatoes... Us? 18 00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,906 Neither of those. 19 00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:47,308 Those are both terrible, terrible titles! 20 00:00:47,343 --> 00:00:49,544 - Bad titles! - OK... uh... 21 00:00:49,578 --> 00:00:53,181 - Bryn, which one do you like? - My middle name is potato. 22 00:00:54,116 --> 00:00:56,184 - What? - What? What did you say? 23 00:00:57,077 --> 00:00:58,720 My middle name is potato. 24 00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:01,423 - No, it's not. - It's definitely not potato. 25 00:01:02,122 --> 00:01:04,192 Gotcha. 26 00:01:04,226 --> 00:01:06,361 - No, you didn't. - You... You didn't get us. 27 00:01:06,395 --> 00:01:08,363 - We said it's not. - My middle name is actually... 28 00:01:08,397 --> 00:01:11,199 - Big Tony. - Is this the first time 29 00:01:11,233 --> 00:01:14,035 - you've ever tried a prank? - Gotcha. 30 00:01:14,070 --> 00:01:17,672 - You didn't get us, Bryn! - That's what I thought she... 31 00:01:17,707 --> 00:01:19,541 - Yeah. We're not gotten. - You gotta work on pranks. 32 00:01:19,575 --> 00:01:22,544 - OK. - OK. Come on, let's go have fun, man! 33 00:01:22,578 --> 00:01:24,579 - It's such a nice day! - Mark, I can't go. 34 00:01:24,613 --> 00:01:27,982 - I have to work. Alright? Some of us have to earn a living. - I earn a living, Andy. 35 00:01:28,017 --> 00:01:30,051 - How do you earn a living? - I pick up odd jobs here and there. 36 00:01:30,086 --> 00:01:32,220 For instance, I recently drew a cover 37 00:01:32,254 --> 00:01:34,222 for my buddy Dave's young adult fantasy novel. 38 00:01:34,256 --> 00:01:36,224 You know, like, that genre, like Twilight, 39 00:01:36,258 --> 00:01:38,226 how it's about teen werewolves and teen vampires 40 00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:41,196 kinda rubbing and porking, and f... and sucking on each other? 41 00:01:41,230 --> 00:01:43,031 I don't think that's what it's about. 42 00:01:43,065 --> 00:01:44,966 That's what it's about. Bryn, is that what it's about? 43 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,968 - That's what it's about. - That's what it's about. 44 00:01:47,002 --> 00:01:48,870 So, anyway, Dave's novel is like that, except it's 45 00:01:48,904 --> 00:01:50,772 about teen swamp things. It's called Swamp Academy. 46 00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:52,674 - Hmm. Yeah. - And there's the cover I drew. 47 00:01:53,338 --> 00:01:55,577 - Oh, my God, Mark... that is actual porn! - I know! 48 00:01:55,611 --> 00:01:57,212 I kept waiting for them to give me notes but they just 49 00:01:57,246 --> 00:01:59,214 - signed off on the whole thing! - Don't zoom in. Don't... 50 00:01:59,248 --> 00:02:00,982 - Don't zoom! Oh, my God... - Look at that guy in the back. 51 00:02:01,016 --> 00:02:02,984 - That's... that's the neighbour. - There's so many fluids! Wow! 52 00:02:03,018 --> 00:02:04,986 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, yeah, Bryn, you wanna see that? 53 00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:06,855 Oh, actually, I'm gonna... 54 00:02:06,889 --> 00:02:10,592 Alright. That's her phone now. That's OK. That's her phone. 55 00:02:10,626 --> 00:02:13,561 (musical theme) 56 00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,199 I-I just don't understand why everything 57 00:02:18,234 --> 00:02:20,201 works out for you and nothing works out for me. 58 00:02:20,236 --> 00:02:22,203 You want to know why that is? It's because I open myself up 59 00:02:22,238 --> 00:02:25,206 to the universe and I say "yes". We are taught to say "no". 60 00:02:25,241 --> 00:02:28,209 I'm serious. Don't do drugs. Don't talk to strangers. 61 00:02:28,244 --> 00:02:30,879 Stranger Danger. You know what I call Stranger Danger? 62 00:02:30,913 --> 00:02:33,882 - Stranger Opportunity. - Those Stranger Danger videos 63 00:02:33,916 --> 00:02:35,284 are meant to keep kids from getting kidnapped. 64 00:02:35,338 --> 00:02:37,306 Yeah, well, I say let yourself be kidnapped! 65 00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:39,812 See the world! Hey! Here's something we can do. 66 00:02:39,847 --> 00:02:41,310 You wanna go swim with the lobsters? 67 00:02:41,344 --> 00:02:43,312 I don't think that's what lobster tours means. 68 00:02:43,346 --> 00:02:45,314 But who knows what it means? That's a mystery. 69 00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:47,316 Mark, no. I just want to go to the hospital, 70 00:02:47,350 --> 00:02:49,318 give Dad his clothes and finish my article. 71 00:02:49,352 --> 00:02:51,320 Ouh! I've got a great idea. I'm writing it 72 00:02:51,354 --> 00:02:53,322 from the perspective of the potato. So it's... 73 00:02:53,356 --> 00:02:55,257 - No. No! - You... you said to say yes! 74 00:02:55,291 --> 00:02:58,594 Not to your own crappy ideas, Andy. To the universe! 75 00:02:58,628 --> 00:03:00,596 - (Andy sighs) - To swimming with the lobsters 76 00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:03,131 or zip-lining or... Two Anne of Green Gables 77 00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:05,567 - walking right at us. - Oh, my God. 78 00:03:06,295 --> 00:03:07,970 Is this... Can we escape from this or are we kinda 79 00:03:08,004 --> 00:03:09,571 - locked in? - Yeah, we're locked in. 80 00:03:11,110 --> 00:03:12,949 - Hello, gentlemen. - Hi. 81 00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:15,476 - You're new here. - I'm sorry? 82 00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:17,335 I'm Beverley Clinch, the artistic director 83 00:03:17,369 --> 00:03:19,637 of the Cavendish Theatre Company. 84 00:03:19,672 --> 00:03:22,373 And these... these are my Annes. 85 00:03:22,408 --> 00:03:24,309 Your Annes, yes. Your Annes. 86 00:03:24,343 --> 00:03:26,074 Well... Two of them, at least. 87 00:03:26,179 --> 00:03:30,632 This titan of the stage played Anne from 1965 to 1980. 88 00:03:30,667 --> 00:03:33,952 And... Linda over here is our current Anne. 89 00:03:33,986 --> 00:03:36,154 You direct the local Anne Of Green Gables play? 90 00:03:36,188 --> 00:03:38,823 Indeed. My Annes and I have been watching you 91 00:03:38,857 --> 00:03:41,693 ever since you arrived in town. In fact... 92 00:03:41,727 --> 00:03:44,829 many of us are watching you still. 93 00:03:44,863 --> 00:03:48,232 (eerie music) 94 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,180 - Oh, my goodness! - Woah, woah, woah! 95 00:03:53,206 --> 00:03:56,507 Oh! Yeah. Alright. 96 00:03:56,542 --> 00:03:58,910 Simply put, Cavendish is the home 97 00:03:58,944 --> 00:04:01,146 of Anne Of Green Gables and it is... 98 00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:04,916 my job every year to put on a theatrical experience 99 00:04:04,950 --> 00:04:08,787 that honors that heritage. And I am currently casting 100 00:04:08,821 --> 00:04:11,289 peripheral roles for the play. 101 00:04:11,323 --> 00:04:13,491 You, sir... 102 00:04:13,526 --> 00:04:16,661 are Gilbert Blythe. 103 00:04:16,695 --> 00:04:18,797 Me? 104 00:04:18,831 --> 00:04:21,332 Gilbert... Blythe? 105 00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:24,402 Anne's love interest! You've got that handsome face, 106 00:04:24,436 --> 00:04:27,605 that lean build, that popularity with women 107 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,707 that... I mean, I assume you have. 108 00:04:29,742 --> 00:04:31,910 - More or less, yeah! - Yes. 109 00:04:31,944 --> 00:04:35,113 And you... You are... 110 00:04:36,146 --> 00:04:38,049 Creepy Ted. 111 00:04:40,187 --> 00:04:41,052 I'm sorry, Creepy Ted? 112 00:04:41,086 --> 00:04:43,121 He's a lesser-known character in the books, 113 00:04:43,155 --> 00:04:46,457 a terrible old man whose only job is to make sure 114 00:04:46,492 --> 00:04:48,976 that horses are excited, you know, before breeding. 115 00:04:49,011 --> 00:04:50,495 He's a total creep, 116 00:04:50,529 --> 00:04:52,831 but he does have the opportunity to change 117 00:04:52,865 --> 00:04:55,400 at the end of the play. He, of course, you know, 118 00:04:55,434 --> 00:04:57,402 rejects that opportunity, somehow becoming more creepy 119 00:04:57,436 --> 00:05:00,071 than he was to begin with and ultimately dying 120 00:05:00,105 --> 00:05:04,042 at the noble hands of Gilbert Blythe while an aroused Clydesdale looks on. 121 00:05:04,076 --> 00:05:06,744 We will take it. We're in! Say no more. 122 00:05:06,779 --> 00:05:08,880 - No! What? No, no, no! - Sounds like a wonderful play. 123 00:05:08,914 --> 00:05:10,882 - I can't wait for the climax. - Hold on. Yeah, hold on. 124 00:05:10,916 --> 00:05:12,884 Yeah, hold on. We're not... We're not going to take it. 125 00:05:12,918 --> 00:05:15,081 Um, for one thing, I have a writer's deadline. 126 00:05:15,116 --> 00:05:16,588 - Self-imposed, but still... - Self-imposed. 127 00:05:16,622 --> 00:05:19,757 Yeah. And secondly, you haven't seen us act. 128 00:05:19,792 --> 00:05:22,260 Ha! Ha! Acting, um... 129 00:05:22,294 --> 00:05:25,396 - Acting comes from in here. - Oh, wow. That's... 130 00:05:25,431 --> 00:05:28,099 I... Yeah, I feel it. I feel it. Oh, yeah, you were... 131 00:05:28,133 --> 00:05:30,335 - That really hurt. - Well, I've seen 132 00:05:30,369 --> 00:05:32,470 all I need to see from you two. 133 00:05:32,504 --> 00:05:34,973 The smug, handsome affability of a young Gilbert 134 00:05:35,007 --> 00:05:38,309 and the... creepiness of Creepy Ted. 135 00:05:39,938 --> 00:05:42,947 Think on my offer, gentlemen. Rehearsals... 136 00:05:42,982 --> 00:05:45,183 begin tomorrow. OK. 137 00:05:45,217 --> 00:05:47,852 Annes... (clicks tongue) 138 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:56,394 (Andy): No! 139 00:05:56,428 --> 00:05:59,097 - No. - Why not, man? This is exactly 140 00:05:59,131 --> 00:06:00,965 what I meant about saying "yes" to the universe! 141 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,701 Yeah, it's easy to say "yes" to the universe when it gives you a juicy role 142 00:06:03,736 --> 00:06:05,937 like Gilbert Blythe. Which is insane, by the way! 143 00:06:05,971 --> 00:06:07,939 - You are nothing like Gilbert. - How could you say that to me? 144 00:06:07,973 --> 00:06:10,775 You don't even know what I'm talking about! You haven't read the books! 145 00:06:10,809 --> 00:06:12,710 I don't need to read the books. Gilbert never read books. 146 00:06:12,745 --> 00:06:14,712 You don't know that. You didn't read the books! 147 00:06:14,747 --> 00:06:16,547 That's a good point. Hey, do you think dad wanted 148 00:06:16,582 --> 00:06:18,549 - clean underwear as well? - I don't know. 149 00:06:18,584 --> 00:06:21,719 - Rollie? Wake up! - OK. I'm gonna hit him with the paddles. 150 00:06:21,754 --> 00:06:24,088 - Give me some space here! - Oh! Oh no... 151 00:06:24,123 --> 00:06:26,157 - Alright. Clear! - (repeating): What's going on? 152 00:06:26,191 --> 00:06:28,944 - Oh, my goodness! Dad! - OK. Your father had another cardiac event... 153 00:06:29,029 --> 00:06:32,030 Come on, Rollie! Oh, my gosh! Rollie! 154 00:06:32,064 --> 00:06:34,799 - Is he OK? - (droning beep) 155 00:06:34,833 --> 00:06:36,968 Um... I'm sorry, everybody... 156 00:06:37,002 --> 00:06:40,138 - He's gone. - (Ruth): No! 157 00:06:40,172 --> 00:06:42,473 - What? - (Ruth crying) 158 00:06:42,508 --> 00:06:44,475 - He was fine this morning! - (beep stops) 159 00:06:44,510 --> 00:06:48,880 Yes, well, medical situations can change very quickly. 160 00:06:48,914 --> 00:06:52,050 (laughing) 161 00:06:52,084 --> 00:06:54,652 My God! That was a prank? 162 00:06:54,687 --> 00:06:58,489 - What? - That was incredible! 163 00:06:58,524 --> 00:07:00,992 - What?! - Oh, God! Oh, wow! 164 00:07:01,026 --> 00:07:03,161 Your faces! Your faces! 165 00:07:03,195 --> 00:07:05,596 Bryn should take notes on how to do pranks 166 00:07:05,631 --> 00:07:07,699 from you guys. That was top notch! 167 00:07:07,733 --> 00:07:09,255 How was my acting? I really thought 168 00:07:09,302 --> 00:07:12,103 I was gonna give it away, but I... That was so much fun! 169 00:07:12,137 --> 00:07:14,372 - That was incredible. - You were a triumph, Ruth. 170 00:07:14,406 --> 00:07:16,607 Oh, my goodness. We could talk about your acting all day, 171 00:07:16,642 --> 00:07:19,043 but actually, somebody actually really need this, so... 172 00:07:19,078 --> 00:07:21,479 - Oh boy... See you, Dr Green! - (laughing): Cheers, doc! 173 00:07:21,513 --> 00:07:24,449 - You know, this hospital is refreshingly chill. - Yeah! 174 00:07:24,483 --> 00:07:26,517 So, how are you two boys settling in? 175 00:07:26,552 --> 00:07:28,786 Oh, great! Andy and I just got offered roles 176 00:07:28,821 --> 00:07:30,788 in the upcoming Anne of Green Gables play. 177 00:07:30,823 --> 00:07:33,284 - Oh! - That's wonderful! 178 00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:34,926 Let me guess... 179 00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,462 - Gilbert? - Yes! That's right. 180 00:07:37,496 --> 00:07:40,231 Of course! Well, with your handsome face 181 00:07:40,265 --> 00:07:42,934 and your lean build and your popularity with the women, 182 00:07:42,968 --> 00:07:45,636 - which I assume you have. - More or less! 183 00:07:45,671 --> 00:07:48,973 And you... are... Creepy Ted! 184 00:07:49,008 --> 00:07:51,042 How on Earth did you know that? 185 00:07:51,076 --> 00:07:54,512 Oh, that's great! That's a terrific role. Who's playing the horse? 186 00:07:54,546 --> 00:07:56,147 I don't know and I'm not doing it. 187 00:07:56,181 --> 00:07:58,416 - Why not? - Because I don't want 188 00:07:58,450 --> 00:08:00,418 to be a creep in the background while this guy does 189 00:08:00,452 --> 00:08:02,420 a character he knows nothing about! 190 00:08:02,454 --> 00:08:04,989 (British accent): Look out, Anne! Here come the gables! 191 00:08:05,024 --> 00:08:07,392 - Wonderful! - That's quite a good accent. 192 00:08:07,426 --> 00:08:10,595 - Gilbert isn't British. - What does that have to do 193 00:08:10,629 --> 00:08:13,931 with anything? You are going to be in a play 194 00:08:13,966 --> 00:08:17,568 without even auditioning for it. That's fate! 195 00:08:17,603 --> 00:08:20,238 That's the... that's the universe giving you a gift. 196 00:08:20,272 --> 00:08:21,621 That is exactly what I said, Ruth. 197 00:08:21,674 --> 00:08:24,409 Yeah. The universe doesn't give gifts. OK? So... 198 00:08:24,443 --> 00:08:26,611 Woah! The universe doesn't give gifts? 199 00:08:26,645 --> 00:08:30,248 Andy, it is the universe! Hello? 200 00:08:30,282 --> 00:08:32,617 - Hello! - You know, if nothing else, 201 00:08:32,651 --> 00:08:34,752 the experience might make a neat article. 202 00:08:34,787 --> 00:08:37,622 That is a good point. Andy, that's a good point. 203 00:08:38,979 --> 00:08:40,458 Yeah, it is a good point. 204 00:08:40,492 --> 00:08:42,627 - That's the spirit! - He's coming around! 205 00:08:42,661 --> 00:08:44,662 - Alright! - Great to hear! And you know, 206 00:08:44,696 --> 00:08:46,964 after my little performance, I sort of think 207 00:08:46,999 --> 00:08:49,967 that I could be an actor! Could you see me in movies? 208 00:08:50,002 --> 00:08:52,336 - Uh... - Oh, uh... 209 00:08:52,371 --> 00:08:54,972 "You're out of order! You're out of order! 210 00:08:55,007 --> 00:08:57,308 This whole courtroom's out of order!" 211 00:08:57,342 --> 00:08:58,573 - Yeah! - Not bad. 212 00:08:58,574 --> 00:09:00,580 She's a natural. A natural. 213 00:09:00,612 --> 00:09:04,715 Um... "I'm Bond. James Bond. Nice to meet ya." 214 00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:07,118 - That's nice. - That's pretty good. 215 00:09:07,152 --> 00:09:09,320 "Did you f... my wife? 216 00:09:09,354 --> 00:09:11,989 Did you f... my wife? Tell me if you did!" 217 00:09:12,024 --> 00:09:14,625 - Raging Bull. I like it. - Yeah! "I'm gonna beat the s... out of you!" 218 00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:16,489 - That's enough, Ruth. - OK. Yeah. 219 00:09:16,496 --> 00:09:19,397 Oh, if that's enough... OK, Rollie. 220 00:09:23,135 --> 00:09:25,303 - Where the hell are we? - I know, right? 221 00:09:25,337 --> 00:09:27,438 Yeah, I think this is gonna be a lot of fun, man. 222 00:09:27,473 --> 00:09:30,374 - We're gonna have a good time. - Yeah, well, if this gets weird at any moment, 223 00:09:30,409 --> 00:09:32,910 - we are out of here, alright? - Of course, yeah. Say no more. 224 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,281 (ominous music) 225 00:09:40,719 --> 00:09:43,621 Well, looks OK to me. Hi, guys! 226 00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:46,580 - (sighs) - A lot of you, uh? 227 00:09:49,961 --> 00:09:51,836 So I hear you're our new Gilbert. 228 00:09:51,870 --> 00:09:53,938 - That's very exciting. - Oh, yeah. 229 00:09:53,972 --> 00:09:56,841 - Are you the new Anne? - Oh! Ha! Ha! Goodness, no. 230 00:09:56,875 --> 00:09:59,176 It's been almost 10 years since I last played her. 231 00:09:59,211 --> 00:10:01,512 Oh. Well, you haven't aged a day. Or maybe you have, 232 00:10:01,546 --> 00:10:03,347 but you looked like a little kid back then. 233 00:10:03,382 --> 00:10:05,383 (giggling) 234 00:10:08,387 --> 00:10:10,521 - (laughing) - You like that one, uh? Yeah. 235 00:10:10,555 --> 00:10:13,190 - Pretty good one. Yeah. - So, this is the house. 236 00:10:13,225 --> 00:10:15,993 And you two will be rooming with Travis, 237 00:10:16,027 --> 00:10:19,130 who we've cast as Matthew Cuthbert. 238 00:10:19,164 --> 00:10:22,333 Ah yes, Matthew Cuthbert. From the books. 239 00:10:22,367 --> 00:10:24,502 I'm sorry, is this an overnight thing? 240 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,904 Because we didn't pack any bags. 241 00:10:26,938 --> 00:10:30,841 Don't worry. All will be provided. 242 00:10:33,712 --> 00:10:35,880 Sort of a haunting way to say that. 243 00:10:35,914 --> 00:10:38,015 - Yeah, it is. - (giggling) 244 00:10:38,049 --> 00:10:40,117 (whispering): Mark... 245 00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:45,389 (ominous music) 246 00:10:47,392 --> 00:10:50,194 - No service. That's great. - Stop worrying, man! 247 00:10:50,228 --> 00:10:52,129 Sure, we're in the middle of nowhere 248 00:10:52,164 --> 00:10:54,131 and all the ladies are dressed the same 249 00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:56,133 like a very on the nose horror movie, but... 250 00:10:56,168 --> 00:10:58,469 those ladies are pretty nice. Did you meet Grace? 251 00:10:58,503 --> 00:11:00,571 - Which one's Grace? - She was the Anne 252 00:11:00,605 --> 00:11:03,741 in her 40s with the really focused stare. 253 00:11:03,775 --> 00:11:06,610 I never saw her blink. You should find out if she's single. 254 00:11:06,645 --> 00:11:08,612 I'm not here to pick up, Mark! I'm here because you 255 00:11:08,647 --> 00:11:11,148 convinced me this is some sort of cosmic good idea or whatever. 256 00:11:11,183 --> 00:11:13,784 But you could still pick up while you're here. You know? 257 00:11:13,819 --> 00:11:16,921 I bet if you sleep with one Anne, all the other Annes know. A bit. 258 00:11:16,955 --> 00:11:19,323 I bet that's true. I bet they're all a bit, like... 259 00:11:19,357 --> 00:11:21,358 - Ouh! That was good. - Look, Mark, 260 00:11:21,393 --> 00:11:23,427 you promised me we could leave if it got weird. 261 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,497 - It's weird. - It's not weird! 262 00:11:26,531 --> 00:11:28,999 Man, it's good! You just need to get acclimated. 263 00:11:29,034 --> 00:11:31,202 Trust me, this is gonna be a really fun time. 264 00:11:31,236 --> 00:11:34,939 - Right, Travis? - We're all gonna die here. 265 00:11:34,973 --> 00:11:36,941 - For f... 's sake! Thank you! - Come on, Travis! 266 00:11:36,975 --> 00:11:38,909 - Thank you, Travis! Thank you! - No, not "thank you"! 267 00:11:38,944 --> 00:11:41,679 No! Travis is an idiot. I gave him too much credit. 268 00:11:41,713 --> 00:11:42,812 Travis, why do you say that? 269 00:11:42,813 --> 00:11:44,813 - I had a dream. - Oh, jeez! 270 00:11:44,883 --> 00:11:46,517 - Let him finish! - I had a dream 271 00:11:46,551 --> 00:11:49,854 where all these women were torturing me. 272 00:11:49,888 --> 00:11:52,957 They wanted what only I, as a man, could give them: 273 00:11:53,982 --> 00:11:55,646 my seed. 274 00:11:56,795 --> 00:12:00,297 I begged them to stop, but they wouldn't. 275 00:12:00,332 --> 00:12:02,533 And then, they took my member in their hands... 276 00:12:02,567 --> 00:12:04,435 - Yeah, OK, enough. Enough! - And then, they... 277 00:12:04,469 --> 00:12:06,437 - they began to take... - No. Travis, no more. Let's... 278 00:12:06,471 --> 00:12:08,439 - let's clam that up, OK? - Yeah, no, I think... I think 279 00:12:08,473 --> 00:12:10,484 I'm with Mark on that one. That sounds more like a sex dream 280 00:12:10,509 --> 00:12:12,810 - than a premonition, Travis. - It was a little of both. 281 00:12:12,844 --> 00:12:15,279 - Cool. - OK... 282 00:12:15,313 --> 00:12:17,581 not that I wanna hear anything more from you, but... 283 00:12:17,616 --> 00:12:20,317 If you had that dream and you're convinced it's real, 284 00:12:20,352 --> 00:12:22,386 why would you still come here? 285 00:12:23,383 --> 00:12:26,223 I really want to be an actor. 286 00:12:27,319 --> 00:12:28,158 Holy hell! 287 00:12:28,193 --> 00:12:30,194 That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard in my life. 288 00:12:30,228 --> 00:12:32,062 Why isn't he Creepy Ted? 289 00:12:34,266 --> 00:12:36,333 (insects chirping) 290 00:12:36,368 --> 00:12:38,736 (Andy): Idea for an article. "Isolation." 291 00:12:38,770 --> 00:12:42,006 "Boredom." We are currently in an old... 292 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:45,175 I want to say... Georgian house. 293 00:12:45,210 --> 00:12:47,177 It is the middle of nowhere. 294 00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:51,181 My feelings so far: 295 00:12:51,216 --> 00:12:53,117 nervousness... 296 00:12:53,151 --> 00:12:56,453 and a penetrating dread... 297 00:12:57,102 --> 00:13:00,724 plus some hunger that was staved off because Mark thought to bring peaches. 298 00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:07,298 (whispering): My sisters and I want your seed. 299 00:13:07,332 --> 00:13:09,466 (moaning) 300 00:13:09,501 --> 00:13:11,802 (soft chuckle) Oh, my God! 301 00:13:11,836 --> 00:13:13,804 Oh, Andy! Look! 302 00:13:13,838 --> 00:13:15,940 Look what's happening to the crotch of his pants. 303 00:13:15,974 --> 00:13:17,292 I know what you want me to look at, Mark, 304 00:13:17,309 --> 00:13:20,411 - and I am not looking. - (knocking) 305 00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:23,981 Gentlemen, it's time. 306 00:13:25,031 --> 00:13:26,850 Oh no! 307 00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:32,489 Please, gentlemen, come join us in the circle. 308 00:13:33,274 --> 00:13:34,791 Anne... Hello, Anne. 309 00:13:35,695 --> 00:13:37,428 Hi. Hello, everyone. 310 00:13:37,462 --> 00:13:40,998 - Nice to see you all again. - Here in the presence 311 00:13:41,032 --> 00:13:44,935 of Vivian, the oldest living Anne, 312 00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:48,839 and in the name of Lucy Maud Montgomery, 313 00:13:48,873 --> 00:13:51,008 the "Creator", 314 00:13:51,042 --> 00:13:53,010 from whose pen sprung a world, 315 00:13:54,037 --> 00:13:55,946 we move into this new year 316 00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:59,783 with a ritual that we do every year: 317 00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:04,655 the twisting of the tongues. 318 00:14:07,206 --> 00:14:12,162 - Unique New York. - (all): Unique New York. 319 00:14:12,197 --> 00:14:14,965 P-E-I, pizza pie. 320 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,101 (all): P-E-I, pizza pie. 321 00:14:17,135 --> 00:14:19,803 And Anne had a plan 322 00:14:19,838 --> 00:14:22,640 to flummox the man! 323 00:14:22,674 --> 00:14:24,975 (all): Anne had a plan 324 00:14:25,010 --> 00:14:27,311 to flummox the man! 325 00:14:27,345 --> 00:14:31,382 - Inhale, Anne! - (all inhaling) 326 00:14:31,416 --> 00:14:36,320 (vocalizing): A-a-a-a-anne. 327 00:14:36,354 --> 00:14:40,624 (all): A-a-a-a-a-anne. 328 00:14:40,659 --> 00:14:45,129 Anne, be honest. Do you ever think about leaving Green Gables? 329 00:14:45,163 --> 00:14:47,498 Oh, I don't know, Gilbert. 330 00:14:47,532 --> 00:14:49,800 I maybe had a thought like that once. But then, 331 00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:51,935 I looked around at all the green, 332 00:14:52,706 --> 00:14:54,338 all the gables 333 00:14:55,014 --> 00:14:57,041 and I remembered. 334 00:14:57,075 --> 00:15:00,344 This is home. 335 00:15:02,964 --> 00:15:05,338 Andy! Andy! 336 00:15:12,991 --> 00:15:14,825 Why don't you two kiss so I can watch? 337 00:15:14,859 --> 00:15:18,462 - (gasps) - Get out of here, Creepy Ted! 338 00:15:18,496 --> 00:15:20,831 Can't you see we don't want you? 339 00:15:20,865 --> 00:15:22,866 Why don't you make me, Gilbert? 340 00:15:23,997 --> 00:15:26,070 - Mayhaps I shall! - Hey! 341 00:15:26,104 --> 00:15:27,738 No, no, this is good. Use the fear, use the fear. 342 00:15:27,772 --> 00:15:30,107 Clearly, Gilbert is a stronger man than you but you, 343 00:15:30,141 --> 00:15:33,243 you're a proud old creep, aren't you? Aren't you, Ted? 344 00:15:33,278 --> 00:15:35,312 That's right, you proud old creep! 345 00:15:35,346 --> 00:15:37,681 - Fight me, you old bastard! - It's not in the script. 346 00:15:37,716 --> 00:15:39,550 Forget the script! Use the moment! 347 00:15:39,584 --> 00:15:42,653 Come at me, Creepy Ted, you old bastard! Poor, old bastard! 348 00:15:42,687 --> 00:15:44,822 OK! Alright! Uh... Screw you, Gilbert! 349 00:15:44,856 --> 00:15:46,924 Anne deserves better than you! 350 00:15:46,958 --> 00:15:49,893 Better than me? Like who, Creepy Ted? Like you? 351 00:15:49,928 --> 00:15:52,262 - Yes! Yes, like me! - With your receding hairline 352 00:15:52,297 --> 00:15:55,101 and your litany of magazine rejection letters? 353 00:15:55,167 --> 00:15:58,068 - Hey! - Oh, he doesn't like that! 354 00:15:58,103 --> 00:16:00,170 Creepy Ted doesn't like it! 355 00:16:00,205 --> 00:16:02,106 No, Creepy Ted doesn't like that! 356 00:16:02,140 --> 00:16:04,875 Well, come at me, Creepy Ted! Show me what you got! 357 00:16:04,909 --> 00:16:08,779 - Motherf...! - Oh, yeah! Yeah! 358 00:16:08,813 --> 00:16:10,948 (screaming) 359 00:16:10,982 --> 00:16:13,450 Get off of me! (muffled speech) 360 00:16:13,485 --> 00:16:15,452 Get off of me! 361 00:16:15,487 --> 00:16:17,287 - (angry shout) - (gasps) 362 00:16:19,173 --> 00:16:20,057 How was that? 363 00:16:20,091 --> 00:16:22,493 That felt really good. 364 00:16:25,531 --> 00:16:26,563 What's this? 365 00:16:26,598 --> 00:16:29,466 Oh, sorry. I'm just using it to take some notes. 366 00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:32,803 Notes. You are... 367 00:16:34,255 --> 00:16:37,141 - You're a spy? - What? No! I'm a writer. 368 00:16:37,175 --> 00:16:39,243 What rival theatre company are you writing for? 369 00:16:39,277 --> 00:16:43,680 The Eastern Front? Charlottetown Players? 370 00:16:43,715 --> 00:16:46,083 Uh... It's just for a magazine article or... 371 00:16:46,117 --> 00:16:48,018 - LIAR! - Woah! Woah! Woah! OK! 372 00:16:48,052 --> 00:16:51,088 OK! OK! Ladies, I feel like there's been some sort 373 00:16:51,122 --> 00:16:53,590 of a misunderstanding here. Andy's not a spy 374 00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:56,260 or anything interesting like that. He's just a very boring writer 375 00:16:56,294 --> 00:16:58,762 who documents the history of potatoes, for instance. 376 00:16:58,797 --> 00:17:00,931 And I'm also writing a semi-autobiographical novel. 377 00:17:00,965 --> 00:17:02,933 Like I said, very boring. 378 00:17:02,967 --> 00:17:05,102 - Holy moly! - It's my member you want. 379 00:17:05,136 --> 00:17:07,137 - My member! - OK, Travis, 380 00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:09,206 I feel like you're misreading this situation, pal. 381 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,542 - (shrieking) - Maybe not! Maybe not! OK! 382 00:17:11,576 --> 00:17:13,777 I think Travis wanted that to happen! 383 00:17:13,812 --> 00:17:15,779 - Oh! Jesus... - OK! Let's go! Go, go! 384 00:17:15,814 --> 00:17:17,948 - Go, go, go! - Come one! Come on! 385 00:17:17,982 --> 00:17:20,284 - Lock the door! - OK! OK! 386 00:17:20,318 --> 00:17:22,452 - (murmuring) - (shushing) 387 00:17:22,487 --> 00:17:24,454 Do you think they heard us come down? 388 00:17:24,489 --> 00:17:26,790 - I don't think so. - This is it. This is how I die. 389 00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:28,792 Yeah. Alone in a backwoods farmhouse murdered 390 00:17:28,827 --> 00:17:30,994 - by a bunch of Anne Shirleys. - Who the hell is Shirley? 391 00:17:31,029 --> 00:17:33,497 That's Anne's last name. You still haven't read the book? 392 00:17:33,531 --> 00:17:35,499 - When would I have read the book? - I don't know! 393 00:17:35,533 --> 00:17:38,153 - Browse a Wikipedia article! - (shushing) 394 00:17:38,188 --> 00:17:40,604 It's gonna be fine. They don't know where we are. 395 00:17:40,638 --> 00:17:43,640 Let's just wait till they go to bed and then sneak out the back. 396 00:17:43,675 --> 00:17:47,316 - (banging) - OK. They might know where we are. 397 00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:53,986 Uh... Give yourself over to the universe! 398 00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:56,789 What happens when your life is a toilet and the universe takes a big old dump? 399 00:17:56,823 --> 00:17:59,491 Oh, that's good. You should write that one down, actually. 400 00:17:59,526 --> 00:18:01,627 Travis was right, Mark. We are going to die here. 401 00:18:01,661 --> 00:18:03,662 No, Andy, Travis was wrong 402 00:18:03,697 --> 00:18:06,165 in every respect. And I'm not dying tonight. 403 00:18:07,181 --> 00:18:08,968 I can promise you that. 404 00:18:09,571 --> 00:18:11,303 - Storm doors! - Are there storm doors? 405 00:18:11,338 --> 00:18:14,273 - There are storm doors. - Oh, thank God! I was not ready to use this. Let's go! 406 00:18:14,307 --> 00:18:16,775 - (grunting) - Oh, God... 407 00:18:16,810 --> 00:18:18,877 - Aaaah! - Oh! OK... 408 00:18:18,912 --> 00:18:20,811 - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! - (repeating): What? 409 00:18:21,131 --> 00:18:23,716 The car keys are in the house! Yes, the car keys are in the house! 410 00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:25,617 - I got this. - What are you doing? 411 00:18:25,652 --> 00:18:27,419 (grunting) 412 00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:31,023 What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! 413 00:18:31,057 --> 00:18:32,435 I'm gonna break it so we can get in and we can drive away! 414 00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:35,916 I can't drive the car, OK? I don't have the car keys! 415 00:18:35,951 --> 00:18:37,329 Oh, you need them for the ignition. 416 00:18:37,364 --> 00:18:40,153 - Yes, I need them for the ignition, Mark! - OK, I'm sorry, I forgot about that part. 417 00:18:40,188 --> 00:18:42,434 - Woah! Just hotwire it! Hotwire the car! - Hotwire it? 418 00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:44,737 - I don't know how to hotwire a car! Touch the what? The wires? - Touch the... Touch the... 419 00:18:44,771 --> 00:18:46,772 - The wires together. Touch the wires together! - The wires? 420 00:18:46,806 --> 00:18:48,440 Like they do in the movies? Like carjackers do in movies? 421 00:18:48,475 --> 00:18:50,476 - Yeah, yeah! - That's a movie, Mark! 422 00:18:50,510 --> 00:18:52,083 OK, well, I don't know what's movie and what's real! 423 00:18:52,146 --> 00:18:53,746 Oh, my God! Why didn't you think before you go around 424 00:18:53,847 --> 00:18:56,648 - smashing things with the heel of a sword?! - You say that like that's 425 00:18:56,683 --> 00:18:59,051 - a thing I do. I did that once. - Oh, my... 426 00:18:59,085 --> 00:19:03,288 - Gentlemen! - Should... sh-sh-should we run? 427 00:19:03,915 --> 00:19:07,393 Uh... No. 428 00:19:07,427 --> 00:19:09,495 - Don't worry, pal. - What? 429 00:19:09,529 --> 00:19:11,530 - I got this. - What are you doing? 430 00:19:11,564 --> 00:19:15,501 Annes, it's time for you to meet your... 431 00:19:15,535 --> 00:19:18,670 Oh, crap, it's decorative! It's a decorative sword, Andy! 432 00:19:18,705 --> 00:19:21,573 - OK... Hi! Here's the thing... - Andrew... 433 00:19:21,608 --> 00:19:24,043 You've broken a sacred trust here tonight. 434 00:19:24,077 --> 00:19:28,347 We invited you into the fold and you repaid us with deceit. 435 00:19:28,381 --> 00:19:30,682 This is your final warning: 436 00:19:31,427 --> 00:19:33,352 either tell us who you're working for 437 00:19:33,386 --> 00:19:35,421 or we will be forced... 438 00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,826 ...to fire you from the play. 439 00:19:42,836 --> 00:19:45,230 - Is that it? - Was that all that's gonna happen? 440 00:19:45,265 --> 00:19:47,866 - Creepy Ted! - (terrified moans) 441 00:19:47,901 --> 00:19:49,835 Creepy Ted! 442 00:19:49,869 --> 00:19:52,271 - (all exclaiming) - Vivian! 443 00:19:52,305 --> 00:19:57,743 I will not kiss in front of you, you creepy horse-tugger! 444 00:19:57,777 --> 00:20:00,248 I was standing there, like, what the hell is going on? 445 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,582 And Andy starts screaming: "I'm not Creepy Ted!" 446 00:20:03,616 --> 00:20:07,753 (laughing) "I'm not Creepy Ted!" 447 00:20:07,787 --> 00:20:10,556 "Please, I'm not Creepy Ted!" 448 00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:14,626 - That is so adorable! - I'm gonna piss my pants! 449 00:20:14,661 --> 00:20:16,628 I'm telling you, it's really good to laugh again. 450 00:20:16,663 --> 00:20:20,032 Shut up, Dr. Green. This is why I don't open myself up 451 00:20:20,066 --> 00:20:22,234 to the universe! Because nothing means anything! 452 00:20:22,268 --> 00:20:24,203 Travis opened himself up to the universe 453 00:20:24,237 --> 00:20:26,572 - and he got trampled to death! - Well, medically speaking, 454 00:20:26,606 --> 00:20:29,108 that's nearly to death. How are you doing, partner? 455 00:20:29,142 --> 00:20:32,711 Better. And at least, it took a whole pack of them to take me down. 456 00:20:32,745 --> 00:20:35,581 (laughing) 457 00:20:35,615 --> 00:20:37,749 Hell yeah, Travis! That's my man! 458 00:20:37,784 --> 00:20:39,918 - You like Travis, now? - I'm coming around to him. 459 00:20:39,953 --> 00:20:41,920 Oh... Anyway, it looks like everything worked out 460 00:20:41,955 --> 00:20:44,089 in the end. You guys will have to excuse me, though. 461 00:20:44,124 --> 00:20:46,091 I have to inform a family that a loved one 462 00:20:46,126 --> 00:20:50,229 didn't make it, so... Excuse me. 463 00:20:50,263 --> 00:20:52,865 Hey! You guys wanna see some photos of that old lady taking out Andy? 464 00:20:52,899 --> 00:20:54,800 - Yeah! - You got photos? 465 00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,735 - Ow! - (laughing) 466 00:20:56,769 --> 00:20:59,538 - That... that's it! Oh, woah! - Come on, man! 467 00:20:59,572 --> 00:21:01,540 That's... That's his phone anyway. 468 00:21:01,574 --> 00:21:05,010 Bryn's got mine. (sighs) 469 00:21:05,044 --> 00:21:08,380 ? You can make your life a misery if you try ? 470 00:21:35,331 --> 00:21:37,399 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 471 00:21:37,449 --> 00:21:41,999 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38193

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