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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 OpenSubtitles.org require your login in mx player for uploading subtitles, please login now 2 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,804 Do you remember the first time your husband saw you naked? 3 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,210 Do you remember what it felt like? 4 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,085 Do you remember what he felt like? 5 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:14,891 Holy motherfuckin' fuck! Oh, my God! 6 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,008 Holy fuck! Oh, my God! 7 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,002 Wow! 8 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,129 Again? Fuck, yeah. 9 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,889 Now, this might be a little harder. 10 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,611 Do you remember the second time your husband saw you naked? 11 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,525 Annie, you coming? 12 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,529 We're gonna be late. Wake up, sleepyhead! 13 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,250 Annie! Shit. 14 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:43,330 Hey, guys. I, uh, totally overslept. 15 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,281 - Um, okay. Well, you can meet us. - Okay. That sounds... 16 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:52,644 I saw your butt. Just standin' there. 17 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:53,881 Did you? 18 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,883 I never seen your butt before. 19 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,530 I had no choice. 20 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,248 We accidentally left the door open. 21 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,643 I mean, can you even imagine a world 22 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,722 where you accidentally leave the door open? 23 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:17,890 I love fucking you. 24 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,849 I fucking love you. 25 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,411 For Jay and I, 26 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,720 the next few months were a blur 27 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:31,249 of constant naked, sweaty, ugly, amazing sex. 28 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:36,287 Okay. I got it. 29 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:37,925 On, God! 30 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:39,885 I'll probably be pretty hungry after this. 31 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,320 It's been a while since I've eaten. 32 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,805 I can make you a sandwich. 33 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:44,644 We could probably make a burrito out of shit we have here. 34 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:45,721 Okay- 35 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,810 Oh, no! 36 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,008 Holy Mary, mother of... 37 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:56,287 And let's face it. 38 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,800 The erections. 39 00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,882 Oh, God. Do you remember the erections? 40 00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,962 Erections everywhere. 41 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:04,408 If the Wind blew. 42 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,601 If he ate certain foods. 43 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,767 If he watched any movie. 44 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,682 If he got sleepy. 45 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,971 If he woke up. 46 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,201 Good morning. 47 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,725 Sometimes, I swear his erection 48 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,041 knew I was in the area before Jay did. 49 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,121 Annie? 50 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,280 Everywhere we went, everything we did, 51 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,761 was another opportunity to have sex. 52 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,208 Do you think we should be doing this right here? 53 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,800 Baby, honestly, I don't think anyone 54 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,291 can tell what's happening. 55 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,964 It's not that it was just sex. 56 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:46,610 But we knew that there was always 57 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,489 more sex just around the corner. 58 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,442 Then, it happened. 59 00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:56,366 Dad. 60 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:57,487 Mom. 61 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,322 Jay and I have some big news. 62 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,520 We're in love. We're pregnant and we're getting married. 63 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:05,571 Come again? Honey, wait. What? 64 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:07,367 Are you sure? 65 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:08,601 Yeah. I took the test three times. 66 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:09,680 No, honey. No, I mean, 67 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,370 are you sure that now is the right time? 68 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,168 You're both very, very young 69 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,129 and who knows what the future holds? 70 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,130 Uh, Greg? 71 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,046 Oh. Jay. 72 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:21,845 Yeah. Where are you from again? 73 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,290 Mr. and Mrs. Grovner, uh, 74 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,044 I know that we just met. 75 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,761 But when I first met Annie, 76 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,285 I knew that she was the one. 77 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,761 And so I think, once you get to know me, 78 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,841 you're gonna feel 79 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,203 a lot better about this moment than you do right now 80 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,610 because I really love your daughter. 81 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:43,727 I love you. 82 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,324 Oh, boy. 83 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,330 Well, goodbye, sex. 84 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,726 Dad! Walt. 85 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,609 What? What? 86 00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,640 They're not right, are they? 87 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,563 No, of course not. 88 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,085 I don't think. 89 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,401 We're not too young? 90 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,323 Oh, we're young. You know? 91 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,562 But we definitely know each other. 92 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,726 Greg, right? 93 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,405 Yes, I'm Greg. 94 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,600 Look, here's what I think. 95 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:14,721 They're right. 96 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,167 We don't know what the future holds. 97 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:21,089 But I also think that whatever the world throws at us, 98 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,923 let's deal with it, right? 99 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,041 Yeah. You know? 100 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,804 But what about the sex part? 101 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,008 Are you still gonna wanna have sex with me 102 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,128 even when I am big and fat and pregnant, 103 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,009 and then later when I'm somebody's mother? 104 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,206 Yeah! 105 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:35,645 Yeah. Really? 106 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:36,846 Babe, my dick can see the future. 107 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,280 That's why we call it Nostracockus. 108 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,369 What about you? Are you gonna wanna have sex with me? 109 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,960 Yes, I'm gonna wanna have sex with you. 110 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,001 Yeah? Yes! 111 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,040 Do you know why I'm gonna wanna have sex with you? 112 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,761 My butt? Because of your butt, babe. 113 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,762 We promised ourselves nothing would change. 114 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,285 That we wouldn't let it. 115 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,204 And even though it was awkward sometimes, 116 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,770 we made it work. 117 00:05:58,840 --> 00:05:59,966 If you could just turn a little bit more 118 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,161 Yep. To the right. 119 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,730 I think we're good. 120 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,567 That's... I'm maxed out. My stomach's in the way. 121 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,846 You know what? I'm gonna grab boob. 122 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,046 Yeah, just be careful. They're really sensitive. 123 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,281 And not in a good way. 124 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:10,407 Got it. Very gently grabbin' boob. 125 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,480 Okay, gently. 126 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,046 And here comes the penis. 127 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,327 That's gonna be the name of my album. 128 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,210 We were determined. And often, successful. 129 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,806 Then came the event. 130 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,121 Motherfucker! 131 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,487 You're doing an amazing job, babe. You're doing great! 132 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,686 Tell her she's doing great! 133 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,160 He's crowning, if you'd like to see. 134 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:30,486 Yeah. 135 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:35,320 Wow! 136 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:41,089 That is one incredibly versatile hole. 137 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,850 You're tellin' me. 138 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,651 From that moment on, everything was completely different. 139 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:47,921 No two ways about it. 140 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:51,001 Oh, I'll be back. 141 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,650 Not that we didn't try. 142 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:56,046 Got it. 143 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,963 And if one made it difficult, 144 00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,929 two made it almost impossible. 145 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,806 Honey, 146 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,526 let's try to have sex next weekend 147 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,729 when my mom comes over for lunch, okay? 148 00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,366 I'm gonna do you like a fucking... 149 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,364 Now, do you remember the last time 150 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,169 your husband saw you naked? 151 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,765 - Jay. - Yeah. 152 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:22,160 I need a little help here. 153 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,611 I may be late for my thing if I don't get in here 154 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,680 and take a shower right away. Can we switch places? 155 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,044 You know, don't even think about it. 156 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:37,648 The big question is, how the hell do you get it back? 157 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,603 All right, guys! Let's get goin'! 158 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,762 Clive, if you wanna wear your uniform, you gotta get changed, bud. 159 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,808 Uh, one minute. This is really important. 160 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,120 What are you workin' on? 161 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,770 It's my video yearbook presentation 162 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,330 for graduation on Monday. 163 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,084 That is super impressive, man. 164 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,961 Where'd you learn how to do that? It's really easy, Dad. 165 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,040 Hey, save it as something 166 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,570 other than "Video 1" for me, will ya? 167 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,529 It's fine. It's Video 1. 168 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,284 Hey, Clive. I asked you to do something, right? 169 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:10,640 Don't condescend to me. 170 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,800 It's time to go to school. I'll meet you in the car. 171 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:15,766 Nell, are you ready? 172 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:17,321 Later. 173 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:19,001 All right, gang! Let's go! 174 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,127 Wait, honey. Hold on! 175 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,761 I'm going! 176 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,365 I'm going, too! 177 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,484 Mommy packed me two kinds of sandwiches. Jelly and peanut butter. 178 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:28,244 Oh, yes, honey. Wow. 179 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,681 Bye, honey. Good luck with your game. 180 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,808 Good luck at work! Thanks, baby. 181 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,245 Clive, buckle up your sister, will ya? 182 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,203 Honey, did you pack all of her stuff? Yeah, yeah, of course. 183 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,725 Don't forget to stop by and grab... 184 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:40,485 Light bulbs. I am on top of it. Hey. 185 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,126 It's gonna go great. 186 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,531 God, is this actually happening? 187 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,443 Am I gonna sell the blog for money? Like, real money? 188 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,561 Is that possible? 189 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,040 It would be amazing. For everything. 190 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,809 Dad, I can't be late again! 191 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,882 - Yes! I'll be right there, guys! - Let's go! 192 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:54,803 Yes, Clive! I heard... 193 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,451 Is it just me or is the big one becoming kind of a dick? 194 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:00,171 Don't say that. Seriously, babe. 195 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,368 No, I'm just sayin' he's acting like a dick. 196 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,566 Don't say that. 197 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,564 Hey, we should have sex sometime soon. 198 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,569 Oh, I would love that. Yeah, me, too. 199 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:08,800 Maybe Thursday. 200 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,842 Fantastic. 'Cause it feels like it's been a long time. 201 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,126 - It has, right? - Yeah. 202 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,961 The last time was when we got those towels from Bed Bath & Beyond. 203 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,809 Oh, that's right. That was a while ago. Yeah, the linen sale. 204 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,480 Look, we can't talk about this right now, 205 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,726 because we both have someplace to be. 206 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,200 Not the right time. Gotta get goin'. 207 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:22,890 It's just been so hard to find the moment with the kids. 208 00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,769 At the end of the day, we're just both so exhausted. 209 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,240 You know? Oh, just tell me about it. 210 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:27,770 Maybe one of these nights, we'll have sex 211 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,365 instead of watching Project Runway. 212 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,005 We'll TiVo Project Runway. 213 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,605 That's probably why they invented TiVo. 214 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,011 So people could have sex. 215 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,120 Daddy? I still don't get it. 216 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,931 Why do we keep having all of these days? 217 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,321 And then, going to bed at night? 218 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,085 And then, having all of these days? 219 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,322 And then, going to bed at night? 220 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,844 Well, uh, that's sort of what life is. 221 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,969 When will it end? 222 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:56,281 It won't. 223 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,606 Well, it'll end when we die. 224 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:58,806 Don't do that, buddy. Okay? 225 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,368 Won't I get bored of doing this stuff 226 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,920 again and again and again? 227 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,121 No. 228 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:06,690 But you and Mommy are bored. 229 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,202 Well, that's what happens with marriage. 230 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,281 Who are you? 231 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,291 Dad, Nell's doing it again. 232 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,728 Hey. Nell, get your finger out of your butt. 233 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,203 Is anyone gonna clean her finger? 234 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,290 Hey! Stop! No! 235 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:27,600 - Nell! - No. stop. 236 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:28,847 Do you mind if I join you? 237 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:29,921 I don't mind! 238 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,729 No! Stop. Stop! 239 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,567 As you know, Piper Brothers is the world's number one 240 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,404 toy and child product brand 241 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,970 in the zero-to-four age range 242 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,644 for over 50 years. 243 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,961 We're looking to bring Piper Brothers into the future. 244 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,769 And a big part of that is developing 245 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,604 the Piper Brothers online community 246 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,081 in a way that's befitting of the Piper Brothers name. 247 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:49,571 But also in a way that says, 248 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,520 "This is not your grandfather's Piper Brothers." 249 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,082 But in order for us to do that, we need content. 250 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,242 Hey, everybody! Annie! 251 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:57,646 Hi. Hank Rosenbaum. 252 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,762 Such a pleasure. Thank you so much. 253 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,683 I've heard so much about you. 254 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,171 Please, sit down. Thank you. 255 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,004 Can I get you anything? Coffee? Finger sandwich? 256 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,804 Sliced pineapple? 257 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,282 No, no. I'm fine with just water. Thanks. 258 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,491 Oh, well, I just wanna stick my head in and say hi 259 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,562 and to tell you that I'm a big fan of what you do. 260 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,688 Thanks. That's really nice to hear. 261 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,091 We think you have brand potential. 262 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,565 The model Piper Brothers mother. 263 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,840 We really believe in you. 264 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,365 And I always say that belief 265 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:23,680 is the only metric that matters. 266 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,205 We didn't bring you here to wow you with incredible numbers 267 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,044 because numbers are really just 268 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,600 an algorithm for passion and values. 269 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,648 It's like I was telling my wife, Schlomit, 270 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:37,247 I think I found the voice of Piper Brothers' values. 271 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,408 Yeesh! 272 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:41,881 Thanks! 273 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,166 Are you sure we can't get you 274 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,890 a finger sandwich or a slice of pineapple? 275 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:48,800 I'm okay. 276 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,804 There are certain content guidelines we'd like to discuss. 277 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,804 Oh, how do you mean? Little things. 278 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,484 "Do you remember the first time 279 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:57,085 "your husband saw you naked?" 280 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,207 Right, um... 281 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,005 "The erections? Do you remember the erections?" 282 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,571 No, I remember that part. 283 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:03,801 "Erections everywhere." 284 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,570 That's an unusual post for me. 285 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,563 It's a great post. I enjoyed it. 286 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,608 But what we're looking for from you 287 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,803 is your authentic, wholesome voice. 288 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,211 It's the kind of content that Piper Brothers 289 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:15,486 mothers are so hungry for. 290 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,722 Look, I love being a mother. 291 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,524 And I love writing about it. 292 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,368 Well, we will make you a meaningful proposal. 293 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,771 And we're very excited. 294 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:26,326 Should we have some pineapple? 295 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,687 We can have someone get you some pineapple. 296 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,207 Band's coming to the Los Angeles area tomorrow. 297 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,965 Meantime, here's the new single. It's called Spank Me. 298 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,128 I swear to you, man. 299 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,964 I think I am in love with this girl. 300 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,605 Max, that's big news. Yeah. 301 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,091 It's, like, we... 302 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,889 I don't know. We just connect. 303 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,530 Like, we have these really long, like, 304 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,444 super intense conversations. You know? 305 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,683 About religion, and snowboarding. 306 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,247 And then, like, out of nowhere, 307 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,721 she'll just text me her boobs. 308 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,360 She just texted you a picture of her boobs out of the blue? 309 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,324 Oh, buddy. Good for you. 310 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,608 Enjoy this time. Thank you, dude. 311 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:06,846 That's amazing. Yeah. 312 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,763 I once sent Annie a picture of my dick. 313 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,411 She was at a PTA meeting. It was horrible. 314 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,000 Did you go full dick? 315 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,166 Yeah. I... 316 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,361 Oh. 317 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,000 For a man, I feel like it's dick or... 318 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,485 That's kind of your only option. 319 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,641 Yeah, I avoid my dick. 320 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,449 I usually just do, like, 321 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,885 you know, the sexier parts of me. 322 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,843 Um, like, part bag, part leg. 323 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:26,967 You know? 324 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,849 I'll go undercarriage. So... 325 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,166 I'll have my friend, Doug, come over 326 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:31,571 and we'll just knock it out real fast. 327 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,484 Your friend comes over and takes a picture of your balls? 328 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,085 Yeah. Yeah. You know Doug, right? 329 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,690 Your neighbor? Yeah. 330 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,489 He's actually a really good photographer. 331 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:40,607 He works from home. 332 00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:41,681 - And, so... - Hey, guys. 333 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,250 Hey, Rosie. Hello, Rosie. 334 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,407 New iPads are here. 335 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,767 Ah, thank you. I have been waiting for these. 336 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:47,921 How many of those things do you have? 337 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:49,001 Two at a time. 338 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,003 One for new music. One for back catalogue. 339 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,731 I have this complicated syncing system, but it works out. 340 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:56,400 Well, what do you do with the old ones? I just give 'em as gifts. 341 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,048 Hey, babe. How'd it go? They wanna buy it! 342 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,566 That's amazing! What did they say? Did they make an offer? 343 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:04,687 They're going to. 344 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,001 They said it would be "meaningful." Whatever that means. 345 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,208 I think that means a lot of money. 346 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:10,725 - Right? - I know! 347 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,086 Well, we have to celebrate. 348 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:13,840 Slow down. They haven't made the offer yet. 349 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,048 They're going to. And that's reason to celebrate. 350 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,849 I can get Sam to cover me tonight. What do you wanna do? 351 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,042 I don't know. Should we take the kids somewhere fun? 352 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,800 Like pizza and roller skating or something? 353 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,811 Totally! I can't wait. 354 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,450 I'll see you in a couple hours. 355 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,762 Okay, hon. Love you. 356 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,122 - Hello? - Hey, Mom. 357 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,486 What's wrong, honey? 358 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,404 Nothing's wrong. 359 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,324 What are you doing tonight? 360 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:52,040 All right, 361 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,481 who's ready for some roller skating? 362 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,560 Annie? 363 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,482 Clive? Nelly? 364 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,925 Annie, you here? 365 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,084 All right. 366 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,165 Hello. 367 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:17,961 Hey- 368 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:19,167 Hey, babe. Hi. 369 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,480 Where are the kids? 370 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,851 They're at my mom's. 371 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,763 Oh, they are? I thought that we were gonna go down to the... 372 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,161 Whoa, holy shit! Wow! 373 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,682 Hi. 374 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:30,241 Wow. Look at you. 375 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,443 Too much? No, it's great. 376 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:33,686 I was thinking... 377 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,002 Yeah! Yes! 378 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:37,970 The kids, um, how long are they... 379 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,127 They're sleepin' over. 380 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,201 Yes! 381 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,604 'Cause I was thinking that... Whoa. 382 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,209 Maybe we could celebrate, just the two of us. 383 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,681 I get it. 384 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:50,484 That's a great idea. 385 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,961 This is, like, the best idea you've ever had. 386 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,724 You look amazing. 387 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,803 Do you own these underwear? Mm-hmm. 388 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,450 'Cause I've never seen those before. 389 00:15:58,560 --> 00:15:59,560 Come on. 390 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:03,002 This is so exciting. I'm so excited right now. 391 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:09,481 And now you're on the bed. 392 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,722 This is great. I love where this is headed. 393 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,849 Your narrating, it's so hot. 394 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,570 She said, encouragingly. 395 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:18,730 Get over here and take these roller skates off of me. 396 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,161 I love it when you talk that way about your roller skates. 397 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:25,881 Double knot. 398 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,920 Okay- 399 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,240 Here, maybe... 400 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,645 No, no, no, I got it. Okay. 401 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,442 Ooh. 402 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,848 Okay, that should do it. 403 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,528 And a-one... Uh-huh. 404 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,964 Ow! 405 00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,246 Fuck! Ow. Ow! 406 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,971 That got a lot less hot real quick, didn't it? 407 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,281 Mmm. 408 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,811 Mm-hmm? Mm-hmm. 409 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,088 Mm-hmm. Should we continue? 410 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,400 Yes. Mm. 411 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,041 Mm! Oop... 412 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,724 Babe. That was like... Toothy. 413 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,848 Okay, just relax. Do I not seem relaxed? 414 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,445 No, I mean both of us. What I'm talking about. 415 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,721 Oh. We'll both relax. We'll just relax. 416 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:34,926 If we both relaxed, it'd be good. 417 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,331 Just... 418 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,330 Sorry. I'm sorry. 419 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,408 What is happening with us right now? I don't know. 420 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,891 I just got in my head a little bit. 421 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,729 It was just weird for a second. I'm sorry. Okay, it's fine. 422 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,325 Here's what we're gonna do. 423 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:00,765 All right. Here we go. 424 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,490 Let's do this thing. It's on. 425 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:07,841 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 426 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:09,921 Oh. 427 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,843 What? We have hit boob. 428 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,162 We've got a man on second base. 429 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,523 It's a baseball term but it also means touching your boob. 430 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,762 I know what it means. Why don't we go to third. 431 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,521 Whoa. 432 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,207 What? Hmm? 433 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:30,681 What? 434 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,690 Too much in my own head. 435 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,880 I think I've been dreaming 436 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,086 about this moment for so long Mm-hmm. 437 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,362 When we could, like, drop everything Yeah. 438 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,006 And just properly schtup. Right, right. 439 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,162 Instead of when you're like, half conscious 440 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,685 and can't resist, you know? 441 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,125 You think I wanna resist? 442 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,123 Of course I know that you wanna have sex. 443 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,283 Sometimes I just wonder if you wanna have sex that much. 444 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,045 I do. I do wanna have sex that much. 445 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,884 But sometimes I just feel like 446 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,962 you know, you're tired or you're stressed out. 447 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:58,041 And maybe... Me? 448 00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,121 I don't know, I wonder sometimes 449 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:00,810 if you're still, you know, attracted to me. 450 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,167 Are you kidding? You're a fuckin' sexpot. 451 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,486 You think I'm a sexpot? 452 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,721 Instant boner. 453 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,165 That's what I always say about you. 454 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,166 My wife, instant boner-giver. 455 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,329 Tell me more about this boner of yours. 456 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,562 He's a good guy. 457 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,642 Proud. Strong. Ooh. 458 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:19,807 Great sense of humor. 459 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,170 Let's go fuck on the kitchen floor. 460 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,600 There he is. 461 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,761 You comin'? 462 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,009 I'm so glad that I mopped yesterday. 463 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,206 Yeah, totally. 464 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,762 Honey? Babe, babe, honey. 465 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,640 Do you wanna go somewhere else? 466 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,967 Oh, my God, thank God you said something. 467 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,570 My knees hurt, like, really bad. Oh, God. 468 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:55,721 They really hurt. 469 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,365 I know. My tailbone is killing me 470 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,726 and I can see my to-do list. 471 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,290 Should we try the couch? Yeah. 472 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,200 - Sex on the couch, of course, yeah. - Let's go. 473 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,241 Let's go. 474 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,089 It'll just be a minute. Okay. 475 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:19,124 Oh . 476 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,165 No. No? 477 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,127 Do you have allergies? 478 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,248 Yeah, all week. I've had allergies all week. 479 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,806 It's 'cause of the pressure change. Oh, is that what it is? 480 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,401 Mmm. 481 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,688 This used to totally work, remember? Totally work. 482 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:53,881 This was like my move. 483 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,530 You loved this. 484 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,770 Shit, man! 485 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,330 What is happening? It's okay. 486 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,765 Is it possible that we have somehow 487 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:06,966 forgotten how to have sex? 488 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,207 Do not say that. Because we used to be great at this. 489 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,611 Yeah, we were. We were. 490 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,330 I was like Shaquille O'Neal in the sack. 491 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,526 I had that kind of game. 492 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,648 What? Shaquille O'Neal's a weird comparison. 493 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,843 I'm just trying to say that I was a dominant player. Yeah, I know. 494 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,962 I would've gone with Derek Fisher for you. Derek Fisher? 495 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,969 What? He's a great player. Okay. 496 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:25,889 I feel like we're tryin' to say the same thing. Okay. 497 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,042 You were like LeBron James. Oh, thanks, honey. 498 00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:31,408 We were like Derek Fisher and LeBron James having sex. 499 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:33,846 I'm saying we were world-class. 500 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,684 And now, what is happening? 501 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,050 I don't know. I mean, we're older. 502 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:42,481 We're parents. 503 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:43,925 Yeah, but we're not dead! 504 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,288 I still think about sex all the time. 505 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,880 I know. I use your computer. 506 00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,083 Oh, the porn. Yeah. 507 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,562 You and I used to watch porn together all the time. 508 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,404 I still watch porn every once in a while. 509 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,806 You do? Yeah. 510 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,480 But the quality of writing has really gone downhill. 511 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,246 I like it best when it feels like they're really in love. 512 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,448 Yeah, I feel like we're getting different things out of porn. 513 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:05,520 Maybe. 514 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,961 I just watch it for the naked women having sex. 515 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,121 And the porn guys 516 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,645 don't get in the way or anything? 517 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,685 Don't even see 'em. 518 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,728 They're completely invisible to me. 519 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,090 Should we watch some porn? 520 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:18,766 Eh. 521 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,484 Just feels kind of depressing. 522 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:22,607 Yeah. 523 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,684 Do we have any of that tequila left? 524 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,010 That's a good idea. That's a really good idea. JAY: Right. 525 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,366 Okay, here's what we're gonna do. 526 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,647 We are gonna drink some tequila. Whoo! 527 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:33,767 We're gonna pull ourselves 528 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,171 out of this sad little moment 529 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:36,685 that we're having and after that... 530 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,446 We're gonna be Derek Fisher and LeBron fucking James. 531 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:41,885 That's exactly what we're gonna do. 532 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,325 I'm gonna call my mom and make sure 533 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,970 the kids went to sleep okay. 534 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,562 ♪ Karma-karma-karma-karma karma chameleon 535 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,201 ♪ She come and goes 536 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,243 ♪ She come and go-o-o-oes 537 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,370 ♪ Karma Chameleon gonna...♪ 538 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,601 Hey- 539 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:58,801 Hey- 540 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,964 Oh, yeah. I just got that today. 541 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:02,405 I'm super excited about it. 542 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,562 It's got a higher-resolution display, 543 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:05,721 which means more pixels, 544 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,764 and they upgraded the camera. 545 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,963 What? I just had this idea. 546 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,969 Oh, all right. Let's hear it. 547 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,325 Let's make a porn. 548 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,321 Excuse me? 549 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,008 Let's video ourselves having sex. 550 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,401 Absolutely. Yeah, totally. Really? 551 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,564 Yeah. The more I think about it, yes, that's a great idea. 552 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,284 I think it's kind of hot, right? 553 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:37,681 Babe, I think that is a great idea. 554 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,841 Here, cheers. 555 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,251 Look at us. Annie and Jay. 556 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:41,446 Send the kids off to Grandma's house, 557 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:43,204 make a little porn. 558 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:44,770 Mazel tov. To porn. 559 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,921 Chug it. 560 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,001 I mean, drink to that. 561 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:55,006 Oh, yeah. 562 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,407 We don't even have to watch it if we don't want to. 563 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,130 Or we could. Either way. 564 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,045 Okay, honey, 565 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:03,406 what's our storyline? 566 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:04,527 Story? Yeah. 567 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:05,766 I'm not sure the story's that important. Yeah. 568 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:06,961 Oh, come on. 569 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,365 I have another idea. 570 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,764 Well, I would like to hear that idea. 571 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:12,966 Because you're clearly in the zone. 572 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,087 This is it. 573 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,889 This is what we're gonna do. 574 00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:17,291 The Joy of Sex. 575 00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:18,361 We still have that. 576 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,090 Every position, right now. 577 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,242 Oh, I like that. I like that a lot. 578 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,321 Every single one? 579 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,726 Yep. We're not gonna skip one. 580 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,130 Even, uh... Yeah. Even that. 581 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,929 Yes! But also... 582 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,244 Totally. It's in the book. 583 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,402 Yay! And we'll video the whole thing. 584 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,562 You're a genius. No, I married a genius. 585 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,565 I need another drink. 586 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:38,880 I need to be drunker. 587 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,565 Okay- 588 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,085 - Here I go. - Get here. Okay. 589 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:44,920 Action. 590 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,481 Hello. Hi. 591 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:56,042 And welcome to Annie and Jay's, 592 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:57,844 A Night With Annie and Jay. 593 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,161 I'm Jay and this is my lovely wife, Annie. 594 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,240 And tonight, 595 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,931 we intend to demonstrate every position 596 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:05,840 in The Joy of Sex. 597 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,923 Are you speaking to our students, honey? 598 00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,088 Why, yes, l am, Annie. 599 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:14,210 And this is our dojo. 600 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,600 Our sex dojo. 601 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,170 Our sex dojo. That's right. 602 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:18,924 Annie, the book, please. 603 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,770 Here you go, Professor. 604 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,126 Thank you, Annie. 605 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:24,167 Well. 606 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,529 Wow. Wow. Okay. 607 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,125 Look at that bush. 608 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:29,201 Well, look at his bush. 609 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:30,566 I'm talking about his bush. 610 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,244 Is that still his bush? 611 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:36,009 I can't tell where her bush ends and his begins. 612 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,242 People were furrier in the '70s. 613 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,121 Oh. 614 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,127 "Matrimonial." Mm-hmm. That's right. Wow. Hmm. 615 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:45,645 Matrimonial. 616 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,201 Can we start with something other than missionary? 617 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,648 Absolutely. We can loop back around to missionary. 618 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,524 Right. It's not goin' anywhere. 619 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,001 Okay, close your eyes, my dear. 620 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,482 Say "stop" when I... Stop! 621 00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:01,641 "Flanquette." 622 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,484 Flanquette! Oh. 623 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,609 That is what I'm talkin' about. 624 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:06,801 I feel good about this one. Me, too. 625 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:07,927 Okay. So you see what's happening? 626 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,240 That's my leg. Yeah, okay. 627 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:11,209 But that's your leg. Okay. 628 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,281 So, it's like... 629 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:13,360 Yep. All right. 630 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,090 Let's do this. Let's do it. Let's do it. 631 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:21,801 What? 632 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,607 - Come here. Come here. - Okay, here we go. 633 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:26,925 Hi. Hi. 634 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,605 Okay, ready? Okay. Yeah. 635 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:32,681 Go. Go. 636 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:41,764 You're amazing at that. 637 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:42,841 Really? 638 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,445 Oh, my gosh. Still? 639 00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:45,726 Are you kidding me? 640 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,848 You were like a machine. 641 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,202 Like a battering ram. 642 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:51,681 Thank you. 643 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,204 Honey? Yeah? 644 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:56,647 Erase that video, okay? 645 00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:58,480 Yeah. 646 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,807 I don't want the kids to ever, ever, ever, ever, ever... 647 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,450 No, I'll erase it. No worries. 648 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,045 You don't forget, okay? 649 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:05,565 I won't forget. 650 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,162 I love fucking you. 651 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,889 I fucking love you. 652 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,564 No! No, not my own son! 653 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:31,841 Whoops! 654 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,004 So as long as we get them both down 655 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,844 for thew second naps by 2:00 - ish, 656 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:47,843 then the nighttime is a little better. 657 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,969 Yeah, if we don't get them down by 2:00-ish we're totally fucked. 658 00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,242 Wow. "Totally fucked." That's nice. 659 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,731 This is just an expression. 660 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,006 How else would you describe this? 661 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,206 I would describe this as... 662 00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:58,810 Super fucked? ...a gift of life. You're welcome. 663 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,484 You guys are bouncing the shit out of those babies. 664 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,005 You're bouncing 'em hard. 665 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,286 Oh, you guys are doing great. 666 00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:04,850 It's getting a lot easier, though. 667 00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:06,843 Oh, we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. 668 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,611 Yeah. You guys should have seen us a month ago. 669 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,205 I don't even know who I was then. 670 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,203 Oh, my God. These are the salad days. 671 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,124 Yeah, it sounds really intense, but you got it! 672 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,611 So, are you guys thinking of having more? 673 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:18,806 No. 674 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,010 Isn't it crazy that the boys 675 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:24,209 are graduating fourth grade? Isn't that crazy? 676 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,124 And Howard is graduating fifth grade. When did that happen? 677 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,726 Since when did kids graduate from fourth and fifth grade? 678 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,007 It used to be school just ended. 679 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,730 There wasn't a ceremony for everything. 680 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,040 Just... Ignore him. 681 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,565 - I will. - Yeah. 682 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,165 I love your blog, by the way. 683 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:39,730 Oh, thank you. 684 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,723 Hey, do you think Piper Brothers is gonna go for it? 685 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,802 Fingers crossed. Yes. 686 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:45,564 Hey. good people. 687 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:46,640 Hi, honey. Hi. 688 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:47,727 Hello, you. Hi. 689 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,125 You're really wet. Look at you. 690 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:53,840 Yeah. I should go put on some dry clothes. 691 00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,168 Oh, um, I'm gonna, uh, come with you 692 00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,322 'cause we gotta talk about that... About, uh... 693 00:28:58,560 --> 00:28:59,721 The thing. Yes, the thing. 694 00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,842 Totally. We have to talk about a thing. 695 00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:03,007 Thank you. 696 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,208 Jesus. Kill me. 697 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,682 Hey. Hello, pal. 698 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,411 Gentlemen. Hey, Howie. 699 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:11,681 It's Howard. 700 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,250 Just Howard. 701 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:16,001 Sorry. 702 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:17,920 You know what? I just gave up a Super Soaker. 703 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,411 Why don't you get in there, bud? 704 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:20,681 Oh! Hmm. 705 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:22,091 Maybe I will. Yeah. 706 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:23,486 I do enjoy Super Soakers. 707 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:24,846 Yeah! 708 00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:27,921 You can see the difference in personalities already. 709 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,002 This one loves watermelon. 710 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:31,969 This one's kind of an asshole. 711 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,288 I think everyone had fun, right? 712 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,010 Oh, totally. It was great. 713 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,206 What about Punit and Kia? 714 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,401 Whoa! 715 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,011 Kinda hate each other, right? 716 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,122 Sure seemed like it, yeah. 717 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,006 "Enjoyed your video"? 718 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,248 Where's the pizza cutter? 719 00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:19,291 Babe, do you see the pizza cutter out there anywhere? 720 00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:21,401 Um... 721 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:23,041 Yes? 722 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:25,081 Jay. 723 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,243 Jay, the pizza cutter? 724 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,765 It's yours. 725 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,325 I have so many of them. Enjoy. 726 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:40,881 Wow. 727 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,164 Fuck me. 728 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,640 Honey, are there any more plates outside? 729 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:49,727 Just a second. 730 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:01,280 Hello! 731 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:02,566 Hi! 732 00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:07,091 Hello! 733 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:10,521 Hello! 734 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:11,965 Honey... Fuck! 735 00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,881 That sweater nice, girl. 736 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:18,726 Thanks. 737 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,081 I... 738 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:23,725 Was it... Did I... 739 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:26,326 Could... 740 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,363 What the hell is going on? 741 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:37,286 Um... 742 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:39,161 It's, uh... 743 00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:43,241 When... 744 00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,004 You know the cloud? 745 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:54,840 So what you're saying 746 00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,042 is that instead of erasing the video like you said that you would, 747 00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,770 you actually ended up sending it 748 00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:00,842 to everyone that you ever given 749 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:02,763 one of those fucking iPads to? 750 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,002 That is not at all what happened. No? 751 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,606 Well, technically, yes! It's exactly what happened. 752 00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,763 But it was so accidental, it doesn't even qualify as... 753 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:14,281 Thank you. 754 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:15,361 Hank Rosenbaum! 755 00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:17,204 What? The Piper Brothers guy! 756 00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,766 You gave him one? Yes! I told you I needed one for work. 757 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,444 I put my entire presentation on it. 758 00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:22,601 You did? 759 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,162 I'm supposed to be the model Piper Brothers mother! 760 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,004 Maybe he hasn't seen it yet. 761 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,527 As a matter of fact, Annie, I'm willing to bet that none of these people 762 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,728 have even noticed that the video is on there yet. 763 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:33,920 Except for this text, but... 764 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:37,446 What text? 765 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,449 I received a text. 766 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:40,561 From who? 767 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:41,721 It's unclear. 768 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,047 I'm not sure how to hurt you right now, Jay. 769 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:51,201 I know. 770 00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:52,680 But let's take a deep breath. Shit! 771 00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:54,041 Come sit down next to me. 772 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:55,804 Come sit down. Come here. 773 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:56,961 Let's look at 774 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,327 what's actually happened. Okay. 775 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:00,720 We made a video 776 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,360 of ourselves having sex 777 00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:04,806 for about three hours, 778 00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:06,331 and it was amazing, right? 779 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:07,811 Yeah, no, it was great. Okay. 780 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,491 And then you asked me to erase it and I forgot. 781 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,848 You forgot? I forgot. 782 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:14,490 And now our video 783 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,723 has been synced to several devices. 784 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:21,051 All of which, though, are basically in the possession of friends. 785 00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:22,844 Oh, God. And acquaintances. 786 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,081 And the mailman. 787 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:25,767 Oh, God! 788 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:27,285 Who sent you that text, Jay? 789 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:28,481 I don't know. I don't know, Annie. 790 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:29,846 Did you call the number? 791 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,890 That is actually a really good idea. 792 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,769 Oh, my God. 793 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,049 Your call has been forwarded... 794 00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:41,765 Voice mail! Okay, oh. 795 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:44,763 Hi, this is Jay Hargrove. 796 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,486 Could you give me a call back 797 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,528 at your earliest convenience, please? 798 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,366 I believe you have the number. Bye. 799 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:54,847 That's it? 800 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,410 What the hell else was I supposed to say to the guy? 801 00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:58,209 "Who the fuck is this?" 802 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,521 I wouldn't call back if someone left that on my machine. 803 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,644 Okay, we have to get these iPads back right now. 804 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:06,761 Hello? 805 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:08,569 Hi, Mom! Hi, honey. 806 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,722 Is there any chance that you might be able 807 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,565 to come and, um, watch the kids for us, uh, like, right away? 808 00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:14,721 Right now? 809 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,484 We really need you to, like, right away 810 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:17,971 if you could come over. 811 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,530 Why, I suppose. 812 00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,688 - Thanks, Mom. That's so great. - Thanks. Annie. 813 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:22,841 Hold on a second. What? 814 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,524 It might be worth asking your mom, 815 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:26,805 um, to bring her iPad. 816 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,484 Are you kidding me? 817 00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:31,004 And could you bring your iPad, too? 818 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,129 My iPad? Yeah. 819 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,611 Okay. Great, okay. 820 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:36,484 What are you not gonna forget? The iPad. 821 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,961 So say goodbye, hang up and then come right away. 822 00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:40,401 Okay. All right. 823 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,608 Can you hang up? Okay, honey. 824 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:44,606 Okay, hang up now, Mom. 825 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,091 Okay, say goodbye. 826 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:47,241 Okay, hang up. 827 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,322 Bye. Okay, bye! 828 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:51,081 Who else has these things? 829 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:52,161 Let's think about it. 830 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:54,840 Robby, the mailman... 831 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,762 Every time you say "mailman," Jay, 832 00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,241 I'm just gonna hit you. 833 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:00,446 You see, it was Christmas... 834 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:01,567 I don't give a shit. 835 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:05,486 Mailman, Robby, Hank, my mother, and who else? 836 00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:08,687 Oh, my God! 837 00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:09,761 Clive? 838 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:11,683 May I see that for a second, honey? Why? 839 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,762 Just for a second. I was using that! 840 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:14,961 What the hell? 841 00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:16,121 I can't take any chances. 842 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,645 Okay, kid! Come on, Jay! 843 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,126 Grandma's here for some mysterious reason! 844 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:22,804 Oh, my gosh! Is that the iPad 845 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,530 I gave you? I love that iPad. 846 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,563 Can I borrow it? Why is Grandma here? 847 00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:28,961 Yay! Grandma! 848 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,485 Okay. Grandma's gonna watch you guys 849 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:31,925 while Mommy and Daddy go out. 850 00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:33,411 You guys can order Chinese food. 851 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,130 I hate Chinese food. Okay. Then order a pizza. 852 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:36,770 Once again, enjoy this iPad. 853 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,330 I had to make sure it was working. Enjoy that. 854 00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,846 Let's go! Thank you. What about my iPad? 855 00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,046 Thank you. 856 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:50,448 Man. The construction on these things is just unbelievable. 857 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,124 Jay! Come on, Jay, let's go! 858 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:53,565 Let's go to Robby and Tess' house first! Let's go! 859 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,085 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Sorry! Got it! 860 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,164 So I'm just trying to understand 861 00:36:00,240 --> 00:36:02,004 why it is that you don't erase these things 862 00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:03,809 before you give them to people. 863 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,041 I have amazing playlists 864 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,610 and people want them. That's the gift. 865 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,200 The gift is the playlist, not the iPad. 866 00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:11,687 When I update my music library, it syncs to their iPads. 867 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,491 I use an app called Frankensync to sync the playlists. 868 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,403 I upgraded to this new app, 869 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,005 Bride of Frankensync, 870 00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,289 and now, apparently, it syncs all of my shit 871 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,166 to everywhere 'cause it's a very powerful app! 872 00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:27,449 How do you forget to erase your sex tape? 873 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,204 It kept slipping my mind 874 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,362 and then, the next thing I knew, it went up! 875 00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,010 It went up to the cloud! 876 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:34,525 And you can't get it down from the cloud? 877 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:35,761 Nobody understands the cloud! 878 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:37,731 It's a fucking mystery! 879 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,201 Look, all that's happened here is there's been a very 880 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:42,884 minor syncing mishap. 881 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,200 This is not minor! 882 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,726 And I wish that you would just admit that you fucked up 883 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,451 instead of trying to convince me that this isn't a big deal 884 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:51,164 'cause it is a big deal. 885 00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:52,571 You know what, Annie? 886 00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,005 I'm on there, too. 887 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,082 Oh, who gives a shit? Nobody cares about you. 888 00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:57,889 Nobody wants to watch you having sex. 889 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,201 You said it yourself. Nobody cares about the guy! 890 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,000 It's the woman that has to live with it forever. 891 00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,201 Who is it? "Guess who?" Smiley face. 892 00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:07,486 Who the fuck is this? Fuck! 893 00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:11,371 It's gotta be Tess. It's gotta be Tess. 894 00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:12,891 You think? Yeah! 895 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,288 With the whole "XOXO smiley face" thing? Yeah. It's Tess. 896 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,084 Right, is that really a Tess thing, 897 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,164 or is that more of like a, uh, very, very common thing? 898 00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:22,890 No, it's a Tess thing. 899 00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:24,849 She must just be joking around. 900 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:28,049 Except her number is in my phone so it would say, "Tess." 901 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:30,487 Well, maybe she got a new phone. 902 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:31,931 She probably saw what it was 903 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,923 and stopped watching it immediately 904 00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,162 because she has so much respect for our privacy. 905 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:37,845 This makes perfect sense. 906 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:39,770 Right. Okay. 907 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,763 Okay, great. It's Tess. 908 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:43,285 I'd buy it. Yeah. 909 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,442 She picks up the iPad, sees there's a sex tape on there, 910 00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,330 pushes play, it's us, immediately stopped it, 911 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,129 'cause she respects us. Yes. 912 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:51,964 Then she went out and got a new phone and a new phone number. 913 00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:53,081 Yeah. 914 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:54,525 So do you think that means Robby has seen it, too? 915 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,762 Well, if he's seen it, you're gonna have to get a new best friend. 916 00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:59,047 We're just gonna cut Robby and Tess out of our lives? 917 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,647 Yeah, that's right. And if the mailman has seen it, we're movin'. 918 00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,206 Wait. What if it's not Tess? 919 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:13,964 Okay, look. We're just gonna feel this out, 920 00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:15,201 and if it doesn't seem like it's her, 921 00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:17,163 we just don't say anything at all. Okay? Of course. 922 00:38:17,240 --> 00:38:19,561 No, no. They do not need to know about this. Okay? 923 00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,125 Babe, it's gonna be pretty easy 924 00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:23,168 to tell if they've seen it or not. 925 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:31,881 Hey! 926 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,246 Hey. Hey! 927 00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:34,721 What's going on? 928 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:37,446 What's going on with you? 929 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,731 Nothing. Nothing. Just hanging out. 930 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,005 It's our anniversary, actually, 931 00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,242 so Marta took Howard to a movie 932 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:46,526 and we're just, uh, 933 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,410 hanging out, watching some... 934 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,642 Hey! What are you guys doing here? 935 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:54,085 Hey- Hey. 936 00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:56,811 We're so sorry to drop by like this 937 00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:58,325 on your anniversary and all. 938 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,091 Yeah, why didn't you guys mention it was your anniversary? 939 00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,489 Uh, cause it's our 12th anniversary? Yeah. 940 00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:08,121 Like, who cares, right? So... 941 00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:09,401 You guys wanna come in? 942 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:15,881 Or not. 943 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:18,686 What were you guys watching? 944 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:23,690 Um... 945 00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,361 This is really embarrassing. Yeah. 946 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,124 Just tell us what you guys were watching. 947 00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,160 Yeah. It's not a big deal. What were you watching? 948 00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:34,805 Okay, all right, all right. 949 00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:36,644 We're watching the first season of Breaking Bad. 950 00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:38,370 It's really embarrassing 951 00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:39,561 how far behind we are. 952 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,051 That's a great show. Yeah. 953 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:42,531 You guys really are far behind. 954 00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,801 That's all right. Don't tell us what happens! 955 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:45,007 Hey, while we're here, 956 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:46,764 remember that iPad I gave you? 957 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,047 Yeah. Yeah. 958 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:50,131 I need that back. 959 00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:51,886 Oh, uh... 960 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:54,044 Okay. Oh, was that why you... 961 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:55,400 Is that why you came here 962 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:57,482 to our house, to get your iPad back? 963 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:00,400 Well... Um... 964 00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,084 I have some stuff on it that I need. 965 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:05,844 What? Dirty pictures or something? 966 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:08,244 You guys make a sex tape? 967 00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:10,485 Did you guys watch it? 968 00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,125 I was kidding. 969 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,323 What the fuck? 970 00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:21,367 And then Jay received this text that said, 971 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,848 "Loved your video. Thanks for sharing. XOXO." 972 00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:26,888 And you thought that was from me? 973 00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:28,200 Well, it sounded like you. 974 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:30,920 I don't think if I'd seen your sex tape, I would have done "XOXO." 975 00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:33,004 I was hoping it was you... 976 00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:34,491 Because if it wasn't me, then who is it? 977 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:35,846 No, I get it. I get it. 978 00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,844 Um... Could we back up for just a second? 979 00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:41,890 So you taped yourself having sex for three hours? 980 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,161 Yes. 981 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:45,645 Why did you do that? 982 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:47,565 Never mind. 983 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,127 Who has sex for three hours? We did. 984 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,044 That's the length of the movie Lincoln. You did the full Lincoln. 985 00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:55,571 Well, guys, I'm sorry, you know, 986 00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:57,523 but I'm not the one who sent that text. 987 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,327 God, this isn't happening. Oh... 988 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,641 Oh, okay, uh, who else has these things? 989 00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:05,007 You guys, the mailman... 990 00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:07,486 Hank Rosenbaum. 991 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,483 Piper Brothers guy? Yes! 992 00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:10,925 Oh, the guy that wants to buy your blog? 993 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,843 And who's very concerned about my image. 994 00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:13,921 Okay, I'm an idiot! 995 00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:15,525 No! Come on! You messed up. 996 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:16,601 No. 997 00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,000 He is. Let him have that. 998 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,361 I would have killed you. 999 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,329 Oh, I mean, if you had thought about it for a second, 1000 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,846 you'd know to just password-protect your shit. 1001 00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,007 I would have killed you in your sleep. 1002 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:26,366 Or just fucking delete it. 1003 00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,010 Oh, my God. Wait! 1004 00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:29,161 Wait a minute! What? 1005 00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:30,969 My sister is his florist! 1006 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,247 Oh, my God, do you think she knows where he lives? 1007 00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:35,368 Yeah, I think she's been to his house. She's his florist! 1008 00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:36,441 Hold on. What's the plan here? 1009 00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:37,806 We're just gonna show up at this guy's house? 1010 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,689 Yeah! And we're coming with you! 1011 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,250 Oh, my God. It'll be a fun night! We have a sitter! 1012 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,010 I'll call Rochelle. Yeah! 1013 00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,402 Hey, my sister thought the every position thing was a great idea! 1014 00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,369 You told your sister? What is up? 1015 00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:52,880 Big supporter of you. Well, I thought she'd be thrilled. 1016 00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:53,921 Hey- 1017 00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:55,521 iPad. 1018 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:57,284 Yeah, yeah. Boy, what a mess. 1019 00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:58,930 No. Can I have it? 1020 00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:00,721 Huh? 1021 00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,523 The iPad. Yeah. 1022 00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:05,526 You came over here to get it. 1023 00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,364 I need the iPad, please. 1024 00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:08,720 What if I can't get it right now? 1025 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,000 Just give me the iPad. 1026 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,208 What if I just erase the video myself? Dude. 1027 00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,480 Okay. You're gonna have to give me all that music again. 1028 00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,927 Dude! Oh, fine! Jeez! 1029 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,124 Did you just pull this out of your pants? 1030 00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:25,881 Yeah. 1031 00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:27,371 I feel like a second ago, 1032 00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,687 you said you couldn't remember where it was. 1033 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:31,486 I forgot. 1034 00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:34,160 Fair enough. 1035 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,604 It's an easy mistake to make. Okay. 1036 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:43,291 So, what are we gonna do? 1037 00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:44,885 Yeah. What's the plan, gang? 1038 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,883 Should we pretend we have a flat, 1039 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:48,764 and none of us had our cell phones? 1040 00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,286 We knock. You're like, "Hank! What a surprise!" 1041 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,328 Yes. And then l jump in and I say, 1042 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:55,289 "Hi. I'm your florist's sister, Tess." 1043 00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:56,850 Feel like this is just 1044 00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:58,888 a super weird way to spend your anniversary. 1045 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,406 For a 12th anniversary, I think it's pretty solid. ANNIE: You know what? 1046 00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,528 You guys stay in the car. It's our mess. 1047 00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:05,210 We can go clean it up. Right, babe? 1048 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,169 I think we'd really like to be part of the plan. 1049 00:43:07,240 --> 00:43:08,571 Let us participate. 1050 00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:09,926 Guys, we're gonna be in and out up there. 1051 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:11,286 We're gonna knock on the door. 1052 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,289 Yes, it'll be a little awkward at first. 1053 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,164 But I really think it'll be fine. 1054 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,890 Okay, so this is what we're gonna do. 1055 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,406 I'll distract him, you say you have to go to the bathroom, 1056 00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,165 and then you search the house for the iPad. Good? Okay, let's go. 1057 00:43:25,240 --> 00:43:27,368 Annie. Annie, can you hold on one second? 1058 00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:28,601 Get up here. That house is huge. 1059 00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:30,364 We'll tell him you have diarrhea. 1060 00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:32,165 First of all, that's embarrassing. 1061 00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:34,641 And second of all, who tells someone that they have diarrhea? 1062 00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:35,960 Food poisoning. 1063 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,327 Okay. How about I distract him and you have the food poisoning? 1064 00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:39,447 Uh, no. l am not gonna have food poisoning. 1065 00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:40,965 You're gonna have food poisoning. 1066 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:42,644 The person who forgets to erase 1067 00:43:42,720 --> 00:43:44,131 the sex tape has food poisoning. 1068 00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:45,565 It's in the book. 1069 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,608 Annie! Oh... 1070 00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,166 Well, I'll be! 1071 00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:53,651 Hank? Hey! 1072 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,563 What a surprise. This is so crazy. 1073 00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:56,766 You live here? 1074 00:43:56,840 --> 00:43:59,605 I'm sorry. I'm lost. You two know each other? 1075 00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,728 This is Hank, honey. Remember I was telling you about Hank? 1076 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,006 Hank Rosenbaum? 1077 00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:04,206 Hank Rosenbaum! 1078 00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:05,406 This is my husband, Jay. 1079 00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,642 Jay. The famous Jay. 1080 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:09,802 In the flesh. It's a pleasure to meet you. 1081 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:11,086 - Likewise. - Wow! 1082 00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,686 What a crazy coincidence, honey. Right? Wow. 1083 00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,569 We were just randomly in the neighborhood. 1084 00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,325 We've been knocking on doors trying to, uh, 1085 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,164 collect money for a charity. 1086 00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:21,321 What charity? 1087 00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,244 Uh, it's for, um... Charity for... For kids. 1088 00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:27,005 Yeah, for kids that have, um, 1089 00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:28,320 oversized... 1090 00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:29,527 Kidneys. Kidneys. 1091 00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:30,887 They got these 1092 00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:33,050 enormous kidneys. 1093 00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:34,207 It's so sad. 1094 00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:36,163 You have to see it. So we're just trying to help them out. 1095 00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:38,049 "Hey, Dad. Da. 1096 00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,088 "What is this bulge in me back, Da?" 1097 00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:43,721 "That's your kidney, son. Get on with it." 1098 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,564 They're, uh, British orphans. 1099 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,484 Yeah, so we're just out to try to raise some money for it. 1100 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:52,241 Anyhow, would you possibly want to contribute? 1101 00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,045 Yes. Please. Come in. I will get my checkbook. 1102 00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,600 Thanks. That's just so generous of you. 1103 00:44:58,720 --> 00:45:01,485 Hey, do you think that Jay could use your bathroom? 1104 00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:03,967 Because he has diarrhea. Oh. 1105 00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,567 Food poisoning. He has the shits, as they say. 1106 00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,966 Oh, sure, it's right down the hall. Go crazy. 1107 00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:11,121 Thank you. 1108 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,401 Mmm. 1109 00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:14,921 Oh, well, come on in and make yourself comfortable. 1110 00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,081 Oh, thank you. 1111 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,207 Wow! It's a really lovely house. 1112 00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:25,850 Oh, thank you. Put on some music. 1113 00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:27,888 Sure. Wow! 1114 00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,128 Shit! Fuck! 1115 00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:32,640 What the fuck? 1116 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:37,963 Would you like something to drink? 1117 00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:40,321 What? 1118 00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:44,201 I'm sorry. Let me turn this down so we can talk. 1119 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,803 Can I get you something to drink? 1120 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:49,920 Sure. 1121 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:51,445 Schlomit and the kids are away, 1122 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,847 so I'm just spreading my wings. 1123 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,923 Drinking some scotch. 1124 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:57,001 Ah. 1125 00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:58,844 Fifty years old. Yeah. 1126 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,690 The good stuff. 1127 00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:06,922 Here's to our bright future together. 1128 00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:09,011 Whatever it may hold. 1129 00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:21,166 Wow. That's a really, uh, interesting painting. 1130 00:46:21,240 --> 00:46:22,446 Do you like it? 1131 00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:23,646 Yeah. 1132 00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:25,650 I had it commissioned. 1133 00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,921 It's a moment from the movie The Lion King. 1134 00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,004 Except it's me in place of Rafiki. 1135 00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,128 So, that's me 1136 00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,361 presenting Simba to all of the creatures 1137 00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,086 from the Pride Lands to behold. 1138 00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:44,003 It's beautiful. 1139 00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:45,491 Thank you. 1140 00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:47,246 You know what? 1141 00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,240 I'm gonna put on something a little more festive. 1142 00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:09,247 Hi. 1143 00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:11,809 Hey, hey, little guy. 1144 00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:17,487 Stay. 1145 00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:19,201 Stay! 1146 00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:25,646 Sit! 1147 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:27,521 You seem, 1148 00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:30,126 I don't know, nervous. 1149 00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,488 It's just a little awkward showing up at your house 1150 00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:34,528 and asking you for a donation, is all. 1151 00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:36,324 I'm glad you're here. 1152 00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:38,642 I could use the company. 1153 00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,000 Wow! 1154 00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:44,086 I know. 1155 00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,488 No, no, no! Please! No! No! 1156 00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,085 No! Stay! 1157 00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:03,161 Heel! 1158 00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:06,365 I was hoping that we would get a chance 1159 00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:07,566 to get to know each other. 1160 00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,564 Mmm. Me, too. What a wonderful coincidence. 1161 00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:12,210 There's no such thing as coincidence. 1162 00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:13,645 That's what Schlomit always says. 1163 00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:16,285 Oh, is this your family? 1164 00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,488 Yeah. That's all of us at Aspen. 1165 00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:20,406 There's Schlo and, uh, 1166 00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:22,369 my son, Benyamin, and Sarah. 1167 00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:23,487 They're very sweet. 1168 00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:29,291 No! No! 1169 00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:30,441 Help! 1170 00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:31,921 Hank! 1171 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,082 No! Not my face! Not my face! 1172 00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:35,161 Help! 1173 00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,485 I didn't wanna do that. 1174 00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:53,560 Fuck with me, you're gonna get hit by a book. 1175 00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:55,682 That's what's gonna happen. 1176 00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,608 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 1177 00:49:07,720 --> 00:49:09,404 You know, it's funny. 1178 00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:12,962 When the family's away you find yourself thinking about things 1179 00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:15,691 that you don't think about all the time. 1180 00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:16,966 I bet. 1181 00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:19,088 You think about who you were, 1182 00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:20,207 and who you've become. 1183 00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:21,606 Mmm. 1184 00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:23,925 Would you like to do some cocaine? 1185 00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:26,121 I'm sorry? 1186 00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:28,528 I'm just doin' some blow while the family's away. 1187 00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:29,647 Would you like a bump? 1188 00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,609 No, I don't think that's really, um... 1189 00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:36,201 I see. 1190 00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:38,803 I mean, not that I have a problem with... 1191 00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:40,530 I mean, I do have a... 1192 00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:44,325 Is this some sort... It's a test? 1193 00:49:46,240 --> 00:49:48,163 Oh, okay, I see what's happening here. 1194 00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:51,403 You're thinking about all that talk about Piper Brothers values. 1195 00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:53,164 But if you think situationally, 1196 00:49:53,240 --> 00:49:55,481 friendship is a Piper Brothers value. 1197 00:49:55,560 --> 00:49:56,721 One of the big ones. 1198 00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:58,724 And that's all that's happening here. 1199 00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:01,451 We're just hanging around, getting to know one other, 1200 00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:02,925 and doin' some rails. 1201 00:50:03,720 --> 00:50:04,767 Uh-huh. 1202 00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,526 But if that's not your thing... 1203 00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:10,811 Well, uh... 1204 00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,288 Okay. Right. 1205 00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:14,960 Better make sure that Jay's not lost. 1206 00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,446 No, no, no! He's fine. Let's do cocaine! 1207 00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:19,127 Super! 1208 00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:36,281 Oh, shit! 1209 00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:41,526 Are you okay? 1210 00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:47,207 Wow! 1211 00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:49,130 Wow! 1212 00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:52,762 See? That's what I'm saying. We get older and we forget. 1213 00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:55,730 People, they stop doing the things that they love. 1214 00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:57,962 And for some people, it could be surfing. 1215 00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:00,042 For some people, it could be traveling. 1216 00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:01,924 For me, it's gettin' high 1217 00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,650 and listen' to freakin' Slayer. 1218 00:51:03,720 --> 00:51:06,929 That just, like, blows my mind 1219 00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:08,610 that that's what it is for you. 1220 00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:10,523 But that's your point. That's my point. 1221 00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:12,523 'Cause it's so small-minded of me 1222 00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:14,204 to assume anything. Right? 1223 00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:15,805 Because I don't know you. You don't know me. 1224 00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:17,769 I don't know you. Yeah. You know the idea of me. 1225 00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,683 The CEO that controls your future. 1226 00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:21,000 But that's not me. No. 1227 00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,651 And it's like you, I'm sure there are things about you that nobody knows. 1228 00:51:23,720 --> 00:51:25,165 Fuck yeah, there are. 1229 00:51:25,240 --> 00:51:26,924 Can I show you something? Yeah! 1230 00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:28,961 Whoa. 1231 00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:31,247 Piper Brothers, 75 years. 1232 00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:32,765 But very few people know about that. 1233 00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:33,841 Whoa! 1234 00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,240 And there's more. 1235 00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:39,047 Eazy-E! 1236 00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:42,365 I miss him every day. 1237 00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,124 That's so touching. Did you know him? 1238 00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,727 Annie, it's like... It's just... Lotta parts up in me. 1239 00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:52,686 Wake up! 1240 00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,001 Wake up, you fuckin' cocksucker! 1241 00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:13,081 Sm, how do you perform CPR on a dog? 1242 00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:16,647 I found four places named "Starbucks." 1243 00:52:24,240 --> 00:52:26,402 What the fuck is happening? 1244 00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:41,600 And then you become a mother, right? 1245 00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:42,721 And it becomes about the kids. 1246 00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:44,689 Which is great, because you want it to be about the kids. 1247 00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:46,160 But then you need time for yourself. 1248 00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:47,326 That's why I started writing. 1249 00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:50,449 But it's, like, writing about Jay and the kids, 1250 00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:51,607 and then it becomes a job. 1251 00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:53,284 But I love my job. I love my job. 1252 00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:55,761 But I need to work out. I need to work out. 1253 00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:56,841 It's not even for me. 1254 00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:58,365 It's, like, for everybody else. 1255 00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,125 Because l'll go bat-shit crazy. Like, crazy, crazy, crazy. 1256 00:53:01,240 --> 00:53:03,720 I ran track. I ran track in college. 1257 00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:05,564 But, you know, it's just so hard 1258 00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:06,971 to find the time. I know. 1259 00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:08,451 To do anything, right? It is. 1260 00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,522 If you don't do that, then you just sort of lose yourself. 1261 00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:11,886 Do you want another line? 1262 00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:14,128 No, I'm still enjoying the first line quite a bit, thanks. 1263 00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:15,531 You are so easy to talk to. 1264 00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:18,484 I feel like you get me. 1265 00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:21,245 Oh, God, I feel like we get each other. Yeah. 1266 00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:23,120 Where's your husband? 1267 00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:28,330 I don't know! Where is that fucker? 1268 00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:37,330 What was that? Was that the doorbell? 1269 00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:38,646 There's a lot of action here tonight. 1270 00:53:38,800 --> 00:53:40,006 Yeah, there is. 1271 00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:44,405 Hey! Okay. 1272 00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:46,721 Can I help you? 1273 00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:50,248 Hi! I'm the mayor, Robby Thompson. 1274 00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:52,163 Pleasure to meet you. What's happening? 1275 00:53:52,240 --> 00:53:54,083 The mayor? Oh, not of this area. 1276 00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,481 I'm mayor of a different area. 1277 00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:58,449 Of Thousand Oaks. 1278 00:53:58,520 --> 00:54:01,046 He is the Mayor of Thousand Oaks 1279 00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:05,045 and I am his First Lady of Thousand Oaks. 1280 00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:06,321 - Okay. - That's right. 1281 00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:09,489 And we are out, just talkin' to people, 1282 00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,491 um, spreadin' the word about Thousand Oaks. 1283 00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:14,007 What word? 1284 00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:17,849 Uh... uh... Whew... 1285 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:19,601 Great town. 1286 00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:22,365 It's a wonderful city to raise a family. 1287 00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:24,488 They have the winningest, uh, 1288 00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:26,085 Little League baseball record in the country. 1289 00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,931 Nobody gives a shit about Thousand Oaks. 1290 00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,604 I'm sorry, Your Honor. 1291 00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:32,967 "Your Honor." Please. "Your Honor's" my dad's name. 1292 00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,560 "Mr. Mayor" will be just fine. 1293 00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:45,121 Hello. 1294 00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:50,087 No! 1295 00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:52,129 Sit! 1296 00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:54,561 Fetch! 1297 00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:57,161 Fetch! 1298 00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:10,320 Anyway, we're out talkin' to people 1299 00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:11,646 about Thousand Oaks 1300 00:55:11,720 --> 00:55:14,326 and we're collecting donations 1301 00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:16,767 for the Big Brother charity program. 1302 00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,080 Charity program. Of Thousand Oaks. 1303 00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:19,161 Of Thousand Oaks. 1304 00:55:19,240 --> 00:55:20,969 What is it with this new trend 1305 00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:22,565 of late-night charitable solicitations? 1306 00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:23,760 I don't know. I have no idea. 1307 00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:25,365 Uh, we definitely 1308 00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:26,601 accept money. Eh... 1309 00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:29,081 But what we really need 1310 00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:31,288 are used iPads. 1311 00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:33,286 That's a really good idea. 1312 00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:34,691 It's a great idea. 1313 00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:36,125 It is? I mean, really inspired. 1314 00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:39,329 Yeah. I'm sure they could really use that. 1315 00:55:39,440 --> 00:55:40,601 Well, I have one. 1316 00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:41,681 Oh! No. 1317 00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:43,920 Yeah. I have one right here. 1318 00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:50,971 You actually gave me this. 1319 00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:52,644 I haven't had a chance to look at it yet. 1320 00:55:52,720 --> 00:55:54,802 Oh, I don't need it. Just give it to 'em. 1321 00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:56,041 Do you mind if I just give... 1322 00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:57,201 God, no. Give it to 'em. I don't care. 1323 00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:58,320 It seems like a good cause. 1324 00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:00,169 Thank you. Thank you. This worked out great. 1325 00:56:00,240 --> 00:56:01,241 Nice to meet you! Have a good night! 1326 00:56:01,320 --> 00:56:02,924 Good night! Remember Thousand Oaks! 1327 00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,843 Hi, I'm the mayor. iPad! 1328 00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:07,366 There he is! 1329 00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,483 Ariel! Hakuna matata! 1330 00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:13,167 Go play. 1331 00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:17,803 Jay. What the hell happened to you? 1332 00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:26,488 I had an epileptic fit. 1333 00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:28,645 In your bathroom. 1334 00:56:28,720 --> 00:56:29,846 But your dog saved me. 1335 00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,849 Because, in addition to diarrhea, 1336 00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:39,810 I'm also an epileptic. 1337 00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:43,124 Oh, my God. Are you okay? 1338 00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:46,329 We gotta go. It is time for us to leave. 1339 00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,368 This is when we should get the hell out. 1340 00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:50,966 Now. Just now is when we should leave. 1341 00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:53,168 'Cause, you know, this is... Yeah. 1342 00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:55,600 I did a little cocaine. What? 1343 00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:56,681 What? 1344 00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:58,091 Just one line. Just one line. 1345 00:56:58,160 --> 00:56:59,366 One what? A bump. 1346 00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:01,251 What? She did a line. So? 1347 00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:02,526 Honey, let's just... Okay. 1348 00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:04,329 Thank you so much for your hospitality. 1349 00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:05,521 You've been so amazing. 1350 00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:06,761 This is your cocaine straw. 1351 00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:08,251 No, no, no. Please. Keep it. 1352 00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:10,400 Thank you. 1353 00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:27,081 Okey-dokey. 1354 00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:28,969 Thank you so much for helping 1355 00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:30,121 with our charity, 1356 00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:33,727 but Annie and I need to get movin' on those kidneys. 1357 00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:35,484 Oh, I completely forgot. 1358 00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:36,891 I need to go get my checkbook. 1359 00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:38,610 Thank you so much. 1360 00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:41,081 What? 1361 00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:43,403 "Just one line"? 1362 00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:45,284 Who are you? What was I supposed to do? 1363 00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,488 Cocaine? That's the answer to that question? 1364 00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,404 He offered and I didn't wanna seem judgmental. 1365 00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:51,686 It was peer pressure. 1366 00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:54,051 I was distracting him. 1367 00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:56,327 With cocaine? What is this? Fuckin' Scarface? 1368 00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:57,686 Are you giving me shit? 1369 00:57:57,800 --> 00:57:59,848 Is that what's happening right now? Yeah! 1370 00:57:59,960 --> 00:58:02,167 Mm-mm. No, I don't think so. Annie. 1371 00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:05,289 Annie. How is it that I get mauled by an attack dog, 1372 00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:06,964 I barely escape with my life, 1373 00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:09,850 you're in the living room doing blow with your boss, 1374 00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:11,843 and somehow, you're mad at me? 1375 00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:13,649 What did I do? Oh, What did you do? 1376 00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:16,971 You didn't erase the fucking video, Jay! 1377 00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:18,644 I told you, Annie. I forgot. 1378 00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:21,451 "I forgot." "I forgot." I've heard you say that. "I forgot!" 1379 00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:22,766 Okay, fine! I didn't forget! 1380 00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,531 I made a conscious decision to keep the tape. 1381 00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:28,489 And I was gonna keep it forever! 1382 00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:30,449 Because I had on video 1383 00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:32,727 what was one of the greatest nights of my life. 1384 00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:34,643 And so I wanted to keep it. 1385 00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:36,245 For myself. 1386 00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:39,888 And for my own personal reference use. 1387 00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:41,325 Yeah, you wanted it. 1388 00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:43,209 But I specifically didn't want you to keep it 1389 00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:44,850 because I didn't want it to get out and guess what? 1390 00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:46,968 It did! It did immediately. 1391 00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:48,724 That part was a mistake. 1392 00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:50,290 I wanted to save it for myself 1393 00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:52,010 and then the fuckin' app... 1394 00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:53,206 Stop talking about the app, 1395 00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:54,930 'cause this is just typical of you. 1396 00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,731 You do whatever the hell you wanna do all the time, 1397 00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:01,202 and I do everything. I do everything. 1398 00:59:01,280 --> 00:59:04,250 I hold this shit down, is what I do. 1399 00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:05,606 Clearly, you should not do cocaine. 1400 00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:07,170 Maybe I should do more cocaine. 1401 00:59:07,240 --> 00:59:09,811 Because I've never done it before and I kinda like it. 1402 00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:11,120 I'm fairly certain the answer 1403 00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:12,611 is not for you to do more cocaine. 1404 00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:15,331 This sex tape. This night. 1405 00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:16,686 This is the kind of thing 1406 00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:18,649 that reveals a lot about a person. 1407 00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:21,921 Oh, really? 1408 00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:23,126 Reveals a whole lot about a person. 1409 00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:24,326 You know what? Just shut up. 1410 00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:25,447 I tried not to say it! 1411 00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,126 This kind of thing, a crisis, 1412 00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:30,441 reveals who someone really is deep down. 1413 00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:33,205 And you, you can't think about anyone else but you. 1414 00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:35,687 Okay, that is... Jay does what Jay wants to do. 1415 00:59:35,800 --> 00:59:37,609 You have to go to a concert 1416 00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:39,091 three nights in a row. 1417 00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:40,161 For work? 1418 00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:42,481 But that's my job, Annie. We're a team. 1419 00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:44,642 And part of what I do on that team is I work. 1420 00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,560 That's what makes me a good teammate, isn't it? 1421 00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:48,887 I don't just wanna be a teammate! 1422 00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:53,249 Why did we stop having sex? 1423 00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:54,881 What? 1424 00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:57,480 Annie, it's not like we just stopped. 1425 00:59:57,520 --> 00:59:58,681 No, you know what I mean. 1426 00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:00,842 It's just, like, why did... 1427 01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:04,402 When did we stop needing to be close? 1428 01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:06,131 When did I become so annoying? 1429 01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:07,281 I don't know! 1430 01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:11,843 I think the coke is wearing off. 1431 01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:14,082 That's a bummer, man. I was having a blast. Really? 1432 01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:17,650 We really gotta find out who's been sending 1433 01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:19,563 these fucking texts. 1434 01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:24,731 Are they... 1435 01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:27,889 They're having sex in our car. 1436 01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:30,370 It appears that way. 1437 01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:41,610 Sorry, guys. Yeah, sorry. 1438 01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:42,727 I'm not even gonna ask if you guys... 1439 01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:43,961 Yes, we watched the video. 1440 01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:45,280 You said you weren't gonna say anything. 1441 01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:47,249 I know we weren't gonna say anything, but I can't lie to Jay. 1442 01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:48,407 And besides, we just 1443 01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:50,881 skimmed it because we didn't have time. 1444 01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:52,445 Oh, my God! 1445 01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,411 Annie, there is nothing to be ashamed of. 1446 01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:56,766 He's right. There's not. 1447 01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:58,882 At first, yes, I thought there was. 1448 01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:01,008 But now, I've seen it. And there's not. 1449 01:01:01,080 --> 01:01:02,923 No, it's the most natural thing in the world. 1450 01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:05,249 I think this might be... 1451 01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:07,482 No, it definitely is 1452 01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:09,602 the most embarrassing moment of my life. 1453 01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:12,001 Oh, no, no, no. You should not feel embarrassed. 1454 01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:14,606 If anything, you should feel proud. 1455 01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:15,886 Yeah, your body's insane. 1456 01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:17,001 Oh, my God. Okay. 1457 01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:18,366 Truly, I admire you for it. 1458 01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,329 I can't believe that you let him watch it! 1459 01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:21,686 I'm sorry. 1460 01:01:21,760 --> 01:01:24,445 He wanted to watch it. I wanted to watch it. Just a little peek. 1461 01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:27,890 But then, we got very involved with it. 1462 01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:28,961 We got really wrapped up in it. 1463 01:01:29,080 --> 01:01:30,081 Oh, my God! 1464 01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:32,089 Oh, great dick, by the way. 1465 01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:35,006 Yeah. Thank you. 1466 01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:37,168 Honestly, the whole thing was a big turn-on. 1467 01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:39,282 Oh, my God. We noticed. Yes. 1468 01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:41,682 Guys, could I have the iPad back, please? 1469 01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:48,361 Really? I mean we... Dude! 1470 01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:50,124 Okay, fine! 1471 01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:53,006 There you go. You're obsessed with that thing. 1472 01:01:57,480 --> 01:01:58,720 Wait. 1473 01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:02,361 We shall never speak of this night again. 1474 01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:03,567 Absolutely. 1475 01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:04,801 Of course. 1476 01:02:07,000 --> 01:02:08,809 I need a bathroom and an aspirin. 1477 01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:10,086 Yeah, yeah. Oh, of course. 1478 01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:11,241 Come on in. Please. 1479 01:02:13,840 --> 01:02:15,001 Dad. Mom. Hey, pal. 1480 01:02:15,080 --> 01:02:16,127 Hey, sweetie. Hi, Marta. 1481 01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:18,608 Howard is study. I was. In my room. 1482 01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:20,170 Annie, Jay. 1483 01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:21,605 What a surprise, you guys. 1484 01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:23,284 We were just out, uh... 1485 01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:26,001 gettin' a drink. 1486 01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:28,450 Celebrate the ol' anniversary. 1487 01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:29,931 Here. I'll get you an aspirin. 1488 01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,286 Okay. I'm gonna use the bathroom. 1489 01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:32,925 Want a shirt? 1490 01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:35,320 Yeah. That'd be great. Thanks, bud. I'll get you a shirt. 1491 01:02:35,680 --> 01:02:37,364 Get outta my way! 1492 01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:42,521 So, here we are. 1493 01:02:44,160 --> 01:02:46,083 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1494 01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:48,368 Did you receive my text message? 1495 01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:54,886 What? 1496 01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,847 Yeah. You know, you really should be more careful, Jay. 1497 01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:02,041 Wait, are you... 1498 01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:04,043 No. 'Cause you're just too... 1499 01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:05,246 Is this a... 1500 01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:09,724 Stop babbling already, Jay. 1501 01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:11,802 I think we both know that I already own your ass. 1502 01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:14,727 You own my ass? 1503 01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:16,086 What, do I have to spell it out for you? 1504 01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:18,003 I have your sex tape. 1505 01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:19,800 You're fucked. 1506 01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:25,485 I got news for you. What? 1507 01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:26,561 I got the iPad back. 1508 01:03:27,240 --> 01:03:28,730 You got the iPad back? Yeah. 1509 01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:31,565 That's fantastic, man. Good effort. Look at me. 1510 01:03:32,040 --> 01:03:33,485 Do I look like a kid who knows how to make 1511 01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:35,961 a simple copy of an MP4 or do I not? 1512 01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:40,450 Yeah, you do. And look at you. 1513 01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:42,090 Runnin' around trying to collect up 1514 01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:44,481 all your iPads before time runs out. 1515 01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,403 Why didn't you just remote wipe them? 1516 01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,406 You can do that? 1517 01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:52,761 Fuck! 1518 01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:54,321 Fuck me! 1519 01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:56,810 I almost murdered a dog. 1520 01:03:58,680 --> 01:03:59,681 Yeah. 1521 01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:01,689 But I already uploaded your sorry-ass video 1522 01:04:01,760 --> 01:04:02,966 to a site called YouPorn. 1523 01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:04,765 Should be up by tomorrow morning. 1524 01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:06,888 And sadly, the only one that can take the video down 1525 01:04:06,960 --> 01:04:08,610 is the original poster and that's me. 1526 01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:10,649 Okay, this is a... 1527 01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:13,569 I got it. This is a joke, right? 1528 01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:14,841 You're joking. 1529 01:04:15,440 --> 01:04:17,329 You didn't put... 1530 01:04:19,280 --> 01:04:20,486 What do you want? Hmm. 1531 01:04:20,680 --> 01:04:22,011 You want an Xbox? 1532 01:04:22,280 --> 01:04:24,282 You can get me an Xbox? Do you want an Xbox? 1533 01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:26,284 Like, the new Xbox? Yeah. 1534 01:04:26,560 --> 01:04:27,686 What do I look like to you, Jay? 1535 01:04:27,800 --> 01:04:29,211 A fucking idiot? No! 1536 01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:31,891 I want $25,000 in cash. 1537 01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:34,645 $25,000? 1538 01:04:34,760 --> 01:04:38,765 Howard. First of all, I don't have $25,000 just sittin' around. 1539 01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:41,241 And besides, what are you gonna do with $25,000? 1540 01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:42,685 I'm gonna buy a horse. 1541 01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:44,763 Yeah, I'm gonna buy a motherfucking horse 1542 01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:46,285 to keep my bitches happy- 1543 01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:50,122 I think it's time for me to have a little talk with your parents. 1544 01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:51,321 Try. Go ahead. 1545 01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:52,760 I'll lie. 1546 01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:54,444 They're gonna believe me. Not you. 1547 01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:55,961 Oh... 1548 01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:57,724 And don't you dare tell Annie about this. 1549 01:04:58,400 --> 01:04:59,731 I'm gonna tell Annie. 1550 01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:01,401 Okay- 1551 01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:03,323 But before you do, just think about 1552 01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:04,925 these three words for me, all right? 1553 01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:06,684 School. Email. Blast. 1554 01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:11,881 Man! I need some ice cream. Who's in? 1555 01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:15,240 Deal with it, Jay. 1556 01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:16,805 You're fucked! 1557 01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,048 I got just so much pressure inside me. 1558 01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:20,761 Good talk, pal. Seriously. 1559 01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:22,001 Honey. 1560 01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:23,764 Let's go home and keep calling 1561 01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:25,729 that number until someone answers. 1562 01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:27,689 I just wanna know who's sending these texts. 1563 01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:28,881 Uh-Oh. 1564 01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:30,885 Uh-oh. Wanna do the thing? 1565 01:05:30,960 --> 01:05:32,405 Wanna do the four-flavor thing? 1566 01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:34,482 Yeah, let's do that thing. Yeah. 1567 01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:38,926 Robby, there's no easy way for me to say this, 1568 01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:41,321 but your kid is trying to blackmail me 1569 01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:42,845 for $25,000! 1570 01:05:43,360 --> 01:05:45,567 Jay, can you hear yourself right now? 1571 01:05:45,720 --> 01:05:48,724 I mean, look. You've had a stressful day, right? 1572 01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:51,286 Howard's just a kid. He's not your problem. 1573 01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:53,289 When you wake up, you'll realize that. 1574 01:05:53,360 --> 01:05:55,010 Would you just go check his computer, huh? 1575 01:05:55,280 --> 01:05:56,327 Check his phone! 1576 01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:57,721 For me? Jay. 1577 01:05:58,440 --> 01:05:59,800 I'm not gonna look at his computer. 1578 01:05:59,920 --> 01:06:01,365 Because there's nothing on there. 1579 01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:03,404 He told me and I trust him. 1580 01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:04,880 This is Howard we're talking about. 1581 01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:07,326 I gotta go. Okay. 1582 01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:09,249 Get some rest, all right? I'll see you at school tomorrow. 1583 01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:11,522 Oh, shit. Right, graduation. 1584 01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:12,965 I forgot. Oh, and, hey. 1585 01:06:13,080 --> 01:06:16,846 I just wanted to say one more time, man. Great tape. 1586 01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:19,520 I mean, I had no idea that Annie was so flexible. 1587 01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:21,250 Robby. Robby. Yeah? 1588 01:06:21,320 --> 01:06:23,766 Maybe we should just stop talking about this now. 1589 01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:25,281 Yeah, yeah! Fair enough. 1590 01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:27,931 Another time. Yeah. Or, you know, never. 1591 01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:29,926 Another time. 1592 01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:32,444 Mom, thank you so much 1593 01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:34,409 for coming by on such short notice. 1594 01:06:34,560 --> 01:06:36,483 Oh, of course, honey. Of course. 1595 01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:37,841 Oh. Thank you. 1596 01:06:37,920 --> 01:06:39,968 Annie. ls everything all right? 1597 01:06:41,240 --> 01:06:43,163 Yeah, yeah. It's fine. 1598 01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:45,926 And you and Jay? You're okay? 1599 01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:47,685 Yeah, I think so. 1600 01:06:47,960 --> 01:06:49,880 You sure you don't wanna tell me what's goin' on? 1601 01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:51,081 Yes, I'm sure. 1602 01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:52,844 Maybe some other time. 1603 01:06:53,480 --> 01:06:54,481 Never 1604 01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:58,084 There's some things that I really wanna share with you, 1605 01:06:58,200 --> 01:06:59,247 and then, there's some things. 1606 01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:01,129 That you should die just never knowing 1607 01:07:02,280 --> 01:07:03,611 Okay, sounds good. Okay. 1608 01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:15,131 What are you doing? Jesus Christ! 1609 01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:17,851 Hi. You can't keep doing that to me. 1610 01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:21,841 What are you doing, Jay? 1611 01:07:23,360 --> 01:07:24,964 I have really good news. 1612 01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:26,361 Great news. 1613 01:07:26,800 --> 01:07:29,929 I remote wiped the mailman's iPad. 1614 01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:32,844 I erased his iPad from my computer. 1615 01:07:32,920 --> 01:07:34,490 You can do that? Yes, you can. 1616 01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:36,041 We did it. 1617 01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:37,884 So, yeah. 1618 01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:40,480 In a way it would've been nice to have that information earlier. 1619 01:07:40,560 --> 01:07:43,006 In another, more important way, 1620 01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:46,529 it's great news that we have 1621 01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:48,807 remote wiped the mailman's iPad. 1622 01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:50,041 Yeah, it's good news. 1623 01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:53,721 What's the bad news? 1624 01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:56,087 What? 1625 01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:58,003 $25,000? 1626 01:07:58,200 --> 01:08:00,362 Where we gonna get... We don't have $25,000! 1627 01:08:00,680 --> 01:08:02,842 We're not giving it to Howard! We're not. It's insane. 1628 01:08:03,160 --> 01:08:05,686 We're gonna let this little freak show 1629 01:08:05,840 --> 01:08:06,966 just post it up on the Internet 1630 01:08:07,040 --> 01:08:08,690 for the entire world to see? 1631 01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:11,526 People that we know? People we don't know? 1632 01:08:11,600 --> 01:08:12,960 God, my gynecologist is gonna be so 1633 01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:14,490 Okay. Disappointed in me. 1634 01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:16,927 The deli guy's gonna see what we did with the salami! 1635 01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:18,480 Babe, can I say something that's gonna 1636 01:08:18,520 --> 01:08:20,124 sound kinda crazy, but just go with me? 1637 01:08:20,240 --> 01:08:21,844 All right? I've been watching a bunch of 1638 01:08:21,920 --> 01:08:23,001 these videos online, 1639 01:08:23,160 --> 01:08:25,242 and you cannot really tell 1640 01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:27,561 who these people are. Mostly. 1641 01:08:27,640 --> 01:08:28,880 And I'm sure that they all have 1642 01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,128 somebody that they don't want seeing their videos, 1643 01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:32,440 but they make them anyway. 1644 01:08:32,520 --> 01:08:34,204 Like this one video I saw, 1645 01:08:34,440 --> 01:08:35,771 "Corn-fed Cowgirl Gets Milked." 1646 01:08:35,880 --> 01:08:37,723 There is no way that she wanted her boss seeing that 1647 01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:41,640 because what happened there seemed very personal. 1648 01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:43,406 Your point is? My point is, 1649 01:08:43,480 --> 01:08:46,802 if our video went up there, God forbid, 1650 01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:49,087 does anybody even know that it's us? 1651 01:08:49,160 --> 01:08:50,969 And if they did, 1652 01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:53,802 does it really matter that much? 1653 01:08:55,400 --> 01:08:57,050 I mean, it might. 1654 01:08:57,400 --> 01:08:59,482 The coke-bender Hank Rosenbaum might not care. 1655 01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:01,688 But the CEO of Piper Brothers Hank Rosenbaum, 1656 01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:02,966 he might. 1657 01:09:03,040 --> 01:09:04,087 Honey. 1658 01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:13,004 Hank Rosenbaum has an 11-inch 1659 01:09:13,080 --> 01:09:15,208 double-sided dildo in his nightstand. 1660 01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:18,730 Is it made by Piper Brothers? 1661 01:09:20,160 --> 01:09:21,446 Look, my point is, 1662 01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:25,650 maybe everybody has an 11-inch dildo in their nightstand. 1663 01:09:26,960 --> 01:09:29,122 That's a beautiful metaphor, honey. Thank you. 1664 01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:30,805 I thought of it just then. 1665 01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:34,202 Maybe we don't care so much 1666 01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:36,089 about what other people think. 1667 01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:38,967 I have an idea. 1668 01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:41,448 What? We haven't even seen this video yet. 1669 01:09:41,600 --> 01:09:42,931 There's no chance I'm watchin' it. 1670 01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:44,684 You don't have to. I'll watch it. 1671 01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:46,250 And at least, then, we'll know 1672 01:09:46,320 --> 01:09:48,243 what we're actually dealing with. 1673 01:10:01,480 --> 01:10:02,641 Here we go. 1674 01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:47,764 We gotta get this thing off the fucking Internet! 1675 01:10:47,840 --> 01:10:48,921 Why? What? 1676 01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:50,240 I saw it! That's us. 1677 01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:51,845 That's definitely us. Very clearly. 1678 01:10:51,960 --> 01:10:54,042 That camera's fuckin' amazing. Oh, my God! 1679 01:10:54,120 --> 01:10:55,201 Remember that thing I told you about porn? 1680 01:10:55,280 --> 01:10:56,964 About how you see right past the guy? 1681 01:10:57,040 --> 01:10:58,565 Well, I saw him and it's me 1682 01:10:58,640 --> 01:10:59,926 and it's fucking horrible! 1683 01:11:00,000 --> 01:11:02,048 It's like the worst picture of yourself ever. 1684 01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:03,804 Except you're fucking for hours. 1685 01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:04,922 What about me? 1686 01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:06,081 You? You're a fucking sexpot 1687 01:11:06,160 --> 01:11:08,208 I've told you this. Total wank material. 1688 01:11:08,280 --> 01:11:09,645 And now you're gonna be in the fucking cloud! 1689 01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:10,846 Oh, my God. We have to do something. 1690 01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:12,604 We need 25 grand to pay off Howard. 1691 01:11:12,680 --> 01:11:14,409 Hell no! Fuck Howard! I have another idea. 1692 01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:16,250 Okay. You said it was on YouPorn, right? 1693 01:11:16,520 --> 01:11:17,760 We're gonna be on it. Jesus Christ. 1694 01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:19,080 I know, honey. We're not. Relax, okay? 1695 01:11:19,160 --> 01:11:20,366 The Internet is not a free-floating thing. 1696 01:11:20,440 --> 01:11:22,647 It's on a server somewhere. 1697 01:11:22,720 --> 01:11:24,563 It's not like it's an actual cloud. 1698 01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:27,287 You knew that, right? 1699 01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:29,041 Yeah. 1700 01:11:30,000 --> 01:11:31,729 Look, we find a business address. 1701 01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:33,405 It's probably in the Valley somewhere. 1702 01:11:33,480 --> 01:11:34,970 Most porn companies are. 1703 01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:37,280 We're like 20 minutes from the porn capital of the world. 1704 01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,044 Well, then what do we do? 1705 01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:40,645 I don't know. I mean, 1706 01:11:40,720 --> 01:11:43,371 it's probably just a few guys with computers. 1707 01:11:43,720 --> 01:11:44,721 We'll beg 'em 1708 01:11:44,800 --> 01:11:46,006 or bribe 'em or something. 1709 01:11:46,400 --> 01:11:47,731 That's a great idea. 1710 01:11:48,240 --> 01:11:49,446 What do we do with the kids? 1711 01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:51,045 We can't call my mom again. 1712 01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:13,085 Up here, make a right. 1713 01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:18,846 I think this is it. 1714 01:12:21,920 --> 01:12:23,251 Hello? Open up! 1715 01:12:23,640 --> 01:12:25,881 Hello! Is anyone there? 1716 01:12:26,040 --> 01:12:28,611 This is the last time I'm gonna ask. Is anyone home? 1717 01:12:28,880 --> 01:12:30,609 Hey! Hey, bud! 1718 01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:32,967 Hey! How's it goin', man? 1719 01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:34,764 We're just having a little adventure. 1720 01:12:34,920 --> 01:12:36,001 What's the adventure? 1721 01:12:36,120 --> 01:12:38,327 It's kind of, like, what? Like, a scavenger hunt. 1722 01:12:38,480 --> 01:12:40,323 You know what it is? It's a game. 1723 01:12:40,560 --> 01:12:42,289 Uh-huh. And it is called, 1724 01:12:43,440 --> 01:12:44,965 Breaking and Entering. What? 1725 01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:55,011 Okay, great. 1726 01:12:57,640 --> 01:12:58,801 Shh. 1727 01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:16,566 Hello? 1728 01:13:16,640 --> 01:13:17,971 Hello? 1729 01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:19,969 What are we looking for? 1730 01:13:20,160 --> 01:13:21,400 That's a good question. 1731 01:13:21,480 --> 01:13:23,130 Yeah, we're not exactly sure. 1732 01:13:23,280 --> 01:13:26,045 "Central Data Core." 1733 01:13:26,800 --> 01:13:28,200 - This is it. - Let's do it. 1734 01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:37,520 I think I might've underestimated 1735 01:13:37,640 --> 01:13:39,005 the size of YouPorn. 1736 01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:42,642 Yeah, it's a bit bigger 1737 01:13:42,720 --> 01:13:43,960 than you would think. 1738 01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:55,366 Jay! My God, what have we done? 1739 01:13:55,520 --> 01:13:57,841 We're gonna go to jail, Jay! 1740 01:13:58,000 --> 01:13:59,760 We should get outta here. Yeah. We should go! 1741 01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:06,166 May I help you? 1742 01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:09,402 Okay. You guys stay here. Okay? 1743 01:14:09,560 --> 01:14:10,561 Okay- 1744 01:14:11,080 --> 01:14:13,560 May I ask what the fuck is goin' on here? 1745 01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,726 May I ask if you're the proprietor 1746 01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:19,087 of this institution? 1747 01:14:19,240 --> 01:14:20,685 "Institution?" 1748 01:14:20,760 --> 01:14:22,364 Yeah. I'm that motherfucker. 1749 01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:25,731 And you've just made a very serious mistake. 1750 01:14:25,880 --> 01:14:28,201 Where are you from, huh? You from Hustler? 1751 01:14:28,720 --> 01:14:30,131 Um... Huh? 1752 01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:31,447 No. 1753 01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:33,488 Which crew you runnin' with? Xtube? 1754 01:14:33,680 --> 01:14:35,170 Is that it? No? RedTube? 1755 01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:37,570 Bangbros? No. 1756 01:14:37,720 --> 01:14:39,245 BangBus? No. 1757 01:14:39,400 --> 01:14:40,401 BigBoobAlert? 1758 01:14:41,840 --> 01:14:43,365 You with BigBoobAlert? Nope. 1759 01:14:43,520 --> 01:14:45,409 Where you from, then? You tell me right now. 1760 01:14:45,560 --> 01:14:46,686 Wait, no, don't tell me. 1761 01:14:46,840 --> 01:14:48,126 - MassageCreep? - No. 1762 01:14:48,280 --> 01:14:49,725 We're not from MassageCreep. No, no. 1763 01:14:49,920 --> 01:14:50,921 KungPaoPussy? 1764 01:14:51,080 --> 01:14:52,127 No. No. 1765 01:14:52,280 --> 01:14:53,725 You from BeaverBong? Tugjobs? 1766 01:14:53,920 --> 01:14:55,410 TrannySurprise? Nutflix? 1767 01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:57,403 - No, ma'am. - RealityKings? 1768 01:14:57,560 --> 01:14:59,562 NaughtyAmerica? Euro-Angels? AsianAngels? 1769 01:14:59,760 --> 01:15:01,728 SeducedByACougar? FuckStarTV? 1770 01:15:02,080 --> 01:15:03,366 Huh? Those cunts? Not us. 1771 01:15:03,560 --> 01:15:05,085 SubmitYourBitch? No, sir. 1772 01:15:05,240 --> 01:15:06,366 Wankspider? No. 1773 01:15:06,560 --> 01:15:07,607 MonkeyCum? 1774 01:15:07,760 --> 01:15:10,081 Honey, what's that one that Larry runs? AThousandCumShots? 1775 01:15:10,240 --> 01:15:11,446 MonstersOfCock? No. 1776 01:15:11,600 --> 01:15:13,090 You with LadyBonersHD? 1777 01:15:13,240 --> 01:15:14,287 ButtholeSandwich.com? 1778 01:15:14,440 --> 01:15:16,602 Sir, we are in no way affiliated with ButtholeSandwich. 1779 01:15:16,760 --> 01:15:18,000 You one of them assholes 1780 01:15:18,080 --> 01:15:19,286 from BigTittyCreamPie.com? 1781 01:15:19,840 --> 01:15:20,841 - No. - No. 1782 01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:22,445 Not Playboy. 1783 01:15:22,720 --> 01:15:24,131 Did Hugh send you? 1784 01:15:24,240 --> 01:15:26,049 Listen, sir. If you could just give me one minute to explain. 1785 01:15:26,120 --> 01:15:27,326 I know... See, this is the thing. 1786 01:15:27,400 --> 01:15:29,323 You've put me in a position 1787 01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:31,767 where my only options are to beat your ass, 1788 01:15:31,880 --> 01:15:33,166 or call the goddamn cops. 1789 01:15:33,560 --> 01:15:35,847 Okay, sir, I see where you're coming from... 1790 01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:38,207 Actually, I think we should beat their ass and call the goddamn cops. 1791 01:15:38,280 --> 01:15:40,487 I was thinkin' the same shit. 1792 01:15:44,920 --> 01:15:47,127 Look, if you want to kick my ass, fine. 1793 01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:49,965 And if you want to call the cops, so be it. 1794 01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:52,487 But there is a reason that we did this, and it's because 1795 01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:57,130 sometimes people do some really crazy shit to protect their families. 1796 01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:58,651 And that's what happened. 1797 01:15:58,800 --> 01:16:00,370 We did some crazy shit. 1798 01:16:00,640 --> 01:16:01,801 We're really sorry. 1799 01:16:01,960 --> 01:16:03,166 We're really sorry. We're honestly... 1800 01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:04,321 It was for our family. 1801 01:16:04,400 --> 01:16:05,561 You motherfuckers. 1802 01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:06,880 You made a sex tape 1803 01:16:06,960 --> 01:16:09,241 and now you're tryin' to get it off my server. 1804 01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:14,521 Daddy, can I pet the doggies? 1805 01:16:15,520 --> 01:16:17,522 No, we can't pet these doggies. 1806 01:16:17,680 --> 01:16:18,966 What are your freakin' names? 1807 01:16:19,600 --> 01:16:21,364 I'm Jay. Annie. 1808 01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:23,850 Annie and Jay? Yes, ma'am. 1809 01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:27,209 You the Annie that writes 1810 01:16:27,280 --> 01:16:28,327 "Who's Yo Mommy?" 1811 01:16:28,440 --> 01:16:29,521 Yeah. 1812 01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:32,285 - I love your blog. - You do? 1813 01:16:32,400 --> 01:16:34,289 I read it all the time. Oh, that's so great. 1814 01:16:34,400 --> 01:16:36,084 I mean, the way you write about 1815 01:16:36,160 --> 01:16:37,286 motherhood and parenting. 1816 01:16:37,400 --> 01:16:38,640 Your marriage. 1817 01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:41,087 Oh, thank you. How old are yours? 1818 01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:43,408 Oh, one's 18 months and one's 52 months. 1819 01:16:44,360 --> 01:16:45,360 Aw. 1820 01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:46,640 Baby, it's Annie and Jay. 1821 01:16:46,720 --> 01:16:48,324 Yeah, well, I'm afraid Annie and Jay 1822 01:16:48,400 --> 01:16:50,721 are in deep motherfuckin' shit. Shh. 1823 01:16:51,520 --> 01:16:53,329 Baby. 1824 01:16:59,640 --> 01:17:01,529 All you had to do was email me 1825 01:17:01,600 --> 01:17:03,329 and I would've taken it down. 1826 01:17:03,520 --> 01:17:05,090 Do you have any idea how many people 1827 01:17:05,160 --> 01:17:06,650 are makin' sex tapes out there? 1828 01:17:06,720 --> 01:17:09,530 We get about 1,000 new ones every day. 1829 01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:10,965 I don't need to be puttin' up sex tapes 1830 01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,644 from people who don't want their sex tapes up there. 1831 01:17:12,720 --> 01:17:14,643 There's no shortage of sex tapes. 1832 01:17:14,720 --> 01:17:17,087 Okay? You didn't have to break my fuckin' door! 1833 01:17:17,200 --> 01:17:18,725 We're just incredibly sorry, sir, 1834 01:17:18,800 --> 01:17:20,211 and we will pay for all the damages. 1835 01:17:20,400 --> 01:17:21,731 Oh, yes, you will. Today. 1836 01:17:22,680 --> 01:17:24,170 And you will be incredibly grateful 1837 01:17:24,240 --> 01:17:25,765 that I feel sorry for your asses 1838 01:17:25,840 --> 01:17:27,410 and that my wife likes your blog. 1839 01:17:27,560 --> 01:17:29,881 No, we are very, very grateful. 1840 01:17:29,960 --> 01:17:31,291 Super grateful. Thank you. 1841 01:17:31,440 --> 01:17:32,521 It is great of you. 1842 01:17:32,600 --> 01:17:35,126 Internet porn gets a bad rap in some circles, 1843 01:17:35,200 --> 01:17:36,531 but it's not deserved. 1844 01:17:36,600 --> 01:17:40,161 I'm always tellin' people this. YouPorn is a community. 1845 01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:42,607 A safe, supportive place where people can go 1846 01:17:42,800 --> 01:17:45,883 to display videos of themselves ass-fucking each other. 1847 01:17:46,240 --> 01:17:48,208 That's really nice. 1848 01:17:48,320 --> 01:17:49,321 It's wonderful. 1849 01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:51,210 I think so. 1850 01:17:51,760 --> 01:17:52,921 But let me ask you something. 1851 01:17:53,080 --> 01:17:54,969 Why'd you make the video in the first place 1852 01:17:55,040 --> 01:17:56,804 if you didn't want anyone to see it? 1853 01:17:57,040 --> 01:17:58,530 I mean, I know why you did it. 1854 01:17:58,600 --> 01:17:59,726 But what about you? 1855 01:18:00,920 --> 01:18:03,127 It was my idea, actually. 1856 01:18:03,760 --> 01:18:06,206 I just guess it was something different, you know. 1857 01:18:06,280 --> 01:18:07,441 Something new. 1858 01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:10,126 Yeah, that's what I thought. "Something new." 1859 01:18:10,480 --> 01:18:13,643 Let me tell you somethin'. I've see a lot of fuckin' sex tapes. 1860 01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:15,046 It's not something people do 1861 01:18:15,120 --> 01:18:16,929 when everything's goin' great. 1862 01:18:17,440 --> 01:18:19,204 It's what you do when you've lost track 1863 01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:21,282 of why you're fuckin' in the first place. 1864 01:18:25,840 --> 01:18:27,080 It's a quick fix. 1865 01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:28,765 But it doesn't solve anything. 1866 01:18:28,920 --> 01:18:31,321 And a lot of times it just hides bigger problems. 1867 01:18:31,480 --> 01:18:33,608 Look at Paris Hilton and Ricky Salomon. 1868 01:18:33,760 --> 01:18:35,330 Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. 1869 01:18:35,520 --> 01:18:37,488 Pamela Anderson and Bret Michaels. 1870 01:18:37,640 --> 01:18:39,483 Vince Neil and Janine Lindemulder. 1871 01:18:39,640 --> 01:18:41,642 Janine Lindemulder and me. 1872 01:18:42,080 --> 01:18:45,129 All of these relationships had bigger problems. 1873 01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:47,721 They all forgot why they were fuckin' 1874 01:18:47,800 --> 01:18:49,370 in the first place. 1875 01:18:56,640 --> 01:18:58,688 Anyway, 1876 01:18:58,760 --> 01:19:02,162 that'll be roughly $15,000. How would you like to pay? 1877 01:19:05,120 --> 01:19:06,485 I think that went pretty well. 1878 01:19:06,640 --> 01:19:08,449 I know. He was so nice. 1879 01:19:11,000 --> 01:19:12,490 Oh, my God. What time is it? 1880 01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:14,921 We have to be at school for graduation at 9:00. 1881 01:19:15,080 --> 01:19:16,320 We have to get ready, you guys. 1882 01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:17,681 I gotta gel my hair. 1883 01:19:17,840 --> 01:19:19,649 Come on! Come on, come on, come on! 1884 01:19:22,440 --> 01:19:25,569 ♪ I don't wanna be so complicated 1885 01:19:25,640 --> 01:19:27,642 Go, go, go! We got this! 1886 01:19:30,680 --> 01:19:33,206 ♪ Down in a new river 1887 01:19:33,280 --> 01:19:36,363 Okay, babes. Eat up, eat up, eat up. 1888 01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:40,209 Through the thing and magically, barn! 1889 01:19:40,280 --> 01:19:41,361 Let's see it. 1890 01:19:42,280 --> 01:19:43,281 Pretty good. 1891 01:19:45,160 --> 01:19:46,366 Hairbrush! 1892 01:19:46,520 --> 01:19:48,124 ♪ A simple new life ♪ 1893 01:19:48,200 --> 01:19:49,201 Okay, let's go. 1894 01:19:49,720 --> 01:19:51,210 But I gotta get this on. 1895 01:19:54,200 --> 01:19:56,328 Put it on in the car. Go, go! 1896 01:20:00,560 --> 01:20:01,561 Whoa! 1897 01:20:02,040 --> 01:20:03,201 I gotta go backstage. 1898 01:20:03,400 --> 01:20:04,481 Go. Go graduate, pal. 1899 01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:06,369 - We love ya. - Bye. 1900 01:20:14,480 --> 01:20:16,084 Mommy, I'm gonna go find my class, okay? 1901 01:20:16,160 --> 01:20:17,161 Okay, honey. 1902 01:20:17,320 --> 01:20:19,368 All right. We'll catch ya after. See ya. Bye! 1903 01:20:24,160 --> 01:20:25,286 Hey, there we go. 1904 01:20:25,360 --> 01:20:26,521 Okay. Oh, great. Perfect. 1905 01:20:29,160 --> 01:20:30,321 Sorry. 1906 01:20:36,080 --> 01:20:37,525 We made it. Yeah. 1907 01:20:38,080 --> 01:20:39,320 We got 'em all back. 1908 01:20:41,000 --> 01:20:43,321 I mean, we may have to steal Howard's computer later. 1909 01:20:43,520 --> 01:20:44,885 But how hard can that be? 1910 01:20:49,040 --> 01:20:50,246 Hi. 1911 01:20:50,840 --> 01:20:52,444 I don't think I'm ever gonna be able 1912 01:20:52,520 --> 01:20:54,045 to look at Robby the same way again. 1913 01:20:54,840 --> 01:20:56,569 I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual, 1914 01:20:56,640 --> 01:20:57,800 if that helps at all. 1915 01:21:05,200 --> 01:21:06,565 I love you. 1916 01:21:08,960 --> 01:21:10,121 I love you, too. 1917 01:21:10,280 --> 01:21:11,520 No. I mean it. 1918 01:21:11,720 --> 01:21:12,721 Like, not in the way 1919 01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:14,450 that we say it to each other all the time. 1920 01:21:15,080 --> 01:21:16,286 I mean, I really love you. 1921 01:21:17,920 --> 01:21:19,570 And I'm also really sorry about the video, 1922 01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:21,130 if I hadn't said that already. 1923 01:21:21,560 --> 01:21:22,800 Thank you. 1924 01:21:23,280 --> 01:21:24,486 You hadn't. 1925 01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:26,291 In a way, though, I'm also 1926 01:21:26,400 --> 01:21:27,640 really glad that it happened. 1927 01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:28,881 'Cause I was thinkin' about 1928 01:21:28,960 --> 01:21:29,961 what you said at Hank's. 1929 01:21:30,120 --> 01:21:32,441 You said that a thing like this, 1930 01:21:33,120 --> 01:21:34,645 like "the video incident," 1931 01:21:34,800 --> 01:21:36,882 reveals a lot about a person. 1932 01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:38,326 And you're right. 1933 01:21:39,160 --> 01:21:41,322 And you know what it revealed about you? 1934 01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:43,609 You are generous. 1935 01:21:43,760 --> 01:21:45,000 You're kind. 1936 01:21:45,400 --> 01:21:46,811 You're imaginative. 1937 01:21:46,920 --> 01:21:48,360 You always remember what's important. 1938 01:21:48,480 --> 01:21:50,130 You're ready for anything. 1939 01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:52,282 You're a bit of a lightweight when it comes to cocaine. 1940 01:21:52,440 --> 01:21:55,125 But I think that is a great quality. 1941 01:21:56,760 --> 01:21:59,161 I just think that you're really amazing. 1942 01:22:01,840 --> 01:22:03,763 That's why I'm fuckin' you in the first place. 1943 01:22:04,320 --> 01:22:05,446 Oh... 1944 01:22:08,000 --> 01:22:09,809 You know what this revealed about you? 1945 01:22:10,760 --> 01:22:13,366 It revealed that you would do anything 1946 01:22:13,920 --> 01:22:15,922 to get those iPads back for me. 1947 01:22:16,320 --> 01:22:18,800 And there is no one I would rather be with 1948 01:22:18,960 --> 01:22:20,530 when the shit hits the fan. 1949 01:22:23,000 --> 01:22:24,161 God, I lucked out. 1950 01:22:26,040 --> 01:22:27,326 I lucked out. 1951 01:22:27,680 --> 01:22:30,160 I fucking love you. 1952 01:22:35,840 --> 01:22:37,285 Excuse me. Public place. 1953 01:22:37,720 --> 01:22:39,131 Oh, hi, Mom. Excuse me. Hi. 1954 01:22:39,280 --> 01:22:40,645 Good morning, everyone. 1955 01:22:40,800 --> 01:22:43,041 Let's all settle in and find a seat. 1956 01:22:43,200 --> 01:22:45,806 My name is Principal Rodriguez and I would like 1957 01:22:45,880 --> 01:22:47,291 to welcome everyone 1958 01:22:47,480 --> 01:22:50,290 to our fourth-grade graduation ceremony. 1959 01:22:50,480 --> 01:22:52,130 First up, I'd like to introduce 1960 01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:54,680 our video yearbook maestro, 1961 01:22:54,840 --> 01:22:56,365 Clive Hargrove. Yeah! 1962 01:22:59,480 --> 01:23:00,970 Whoo! 1963 01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:04,483 This is a video I made 1964 01:23:04,560 --> 01:23:06,722 showing the amazing year we had. 1965 01:23:06,880 --> 01:23:10,248 Taking pictures and videos is really important 1966 01:23:10,640 --> 01:23:12,563 Because it reminds us 1967 01:23:12,640 --> 01:23:14,085 what's really important 1968 01:23:14,400 --> 01:23:15,890 Aw... 1969 01:23:16,560 --> 01:23:18,767 and all the amazing times we had. 1970 01:23:18,920 --> 01:23:22,606 So now I present to you our fourth-grade video yearbook. 1971 01:23:30,400 --> 01:23:32,721 You erased the video off of our computer, right? 1972 01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:36,331 Right, Jay? 1973 01:23:36,400 --> 01:23:38,209 Is it Video 1 or Movie 1? 1974 01:23:38,280 --> 01:23:39,725 Video 1, I think. 1975 01:23:40,080 --> 01:23:41,889 I love you. Call 911. Okay. 1976 01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:44,847 It's Video 1. No, wait, it's Movie 1. 1977 01:23:45,040 --> 01:23:46,610 No! It's not Movie 1. 1978 01:23:46,680 --> 01:23:47,966 Wait, is it the most recent one? 1979 01:23:48,120 --> 01:23:49,760 Yeah, No! the most recent one. 1980 01:23:49,960 --> 01:23:52,122 What's Frankensync? Hurry, honey, hurry. 1981 01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:07,807 It's okay. it was the right thing to do. He's fine. 1982 01:24:07,960 --> 01:24:09,769 Shit. Are you okay? 1983 01:24:10,640 --> 01:24:12,404 I'm not okay, man. 1984 01:24:12,480 --> 01:24:13,970 Okay. Uh, uh... 1985 01:24:14,040 --> 01:24:15,724 Why doesn't Tess bring you to the hospital 1986 01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:17,564 and I'll just make sure your computer's okay. 1987 01:24:18,560 --> 01:24:19,925 Dude! That's insane. 1988 01:24:20,560 --> 01:24:22,403 You take him to the hospital. 1989 01:24:22,480 --> 01:24:23,970 I will make sure the computer's okay. 1990 01:24:24,480 --> 01:24:26,084 No, wait, I feel like I'm being... 1991 01:24:26,160 --> 01:24:27,446 Careful, careful, careful. 1992 01:24:29,480 --> 01:24:30,720 - Hey, guys. - Hmm? 1993 01:24:30,800 --> 01:24:32,768 Let's just take a minute and acknowledge 1994 01:24:32,880 --> 01:24:34,769 that we have a lot to celebrate. 1995 01:24:34,960 --> 01:24:37,327 Your mom gettin' an offer on her blog. 1996 01:24:37,480 --> 01:24:40,086 I'll get it. So why did you jump off the balcony? 1997 01:24:40,400 --> 01:24:43,085 I told you, sweetie. I tripped. 1998 01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:44,480 That's why it's very important 1999 01:24:44,600 --> 01:24:46,921 to always use the railings, 2000 01:24:47,800 --> 01:24:50,167 and to label your videos properly. 2001 01:24:50,320 --> 01:24:52,280 Can I go get some ice cream with Howard and Marta? 2002 01:24:53,000 --> 01:24:54,047 Um... 2003 01:24:55,280 --> 01:24:56,930 No. Why not? 2004 01:24:57,840 --> 01:24:59,444 Because it's family night. 2005 01:24:59,640 --> 01:25:02,610 And after this I think we should all go get some donuts. 2006 01:25:02,920 --> 01:25:04,968 And maybe laser tag. 2007 01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:06,525 - Awesome. - Are you sure? 2008 01:25:06,680 --> 01:25:08,648 You can barely move over there. 2009 01:25:08,720 --> 01:25:09,801 She's right. 2010 01:25:10,200 --> 01:25:11,440 I'm sure. 2011 01:25:17,640 --> 01:25:19,404 Howard. Jay. 2012 01:25:19,480 --> 01:25:22,051 We told you, Clive is busy tonight. 2013 01:25:22,440 --> 01:25:23,805 A moment, please. 2014 01:25:32,160 --> 01:25:34,128 So? I see what you're up to, asshole. 2015 01:25:34,280 --> 01:25:36,203 I have no idea what you're talkin' about, Howard. 2016 01:25:36,480 --> 01:25:37,845 Withholding Clive. 2017 01:25:38,560 --> 01:25:40,722 Looks like I might have some moves of my own. 2018 01:25:40,880 --> 01:25:42,166 Might wanna watch your back. 2019 01:25:42,720 --> 01:25:43,960 Are you threatening me, Jay? 2020 01:25:44,320 --> 01:25:46,482 I ain't payin' you shit, motherfucker. 2021 01:25:46,640 --> 01:25:47,971 Have you seen what I'm capable of? 2022 01:25:48,080 --> 01:25:49,969 I jumped off a fuckin' balcony. 2023 01:25:50,080 --> 01:25:51,320 You do not want to cross me. 2024 01:25:51,400 --> 01:25:54,483 I don't care anymore. And that makes me fuckin' dangerous. 2025 01:25:56,080 --> 01:25:57,411 Yeah, boy. 2026 01:25:59,920 --> 01:26:02,446 This is the last copy 2027 01:26:02,520 --> 01:26:04,249 of your stupid tape. All right? 2028 01:26:04,400 --> 01:26:06,004 I deleted all of the other copies. 2029 01:26:06,320 --> 01:26:07,401 Why should I believe you? 2030 01:26:08,040 --> 01:26:09,166 Doin' it for Clive. 2031 01:26:09,480 --> 01:26:10,845 To protect him. 2032 01:26:11,080 --> 01:26:12,411 Can't have this shit out there, 2033 01:26:12,520 --> 01:26:14,170 so I'm makin' a sacrifice. 2034 01:26:15,760 --> 01:26:17,285 Plus, he's kinda my only friend 2035 01:26:17,400 --> 01:26:18,845 and I really wanna hang out with him. 2036 01:26:21,440 --> 01:26:23,363 I can respect that decision. 2037 01:26:23,880 --> 01:26:25,006 Believe me, Jay. 2038 01:26:25,080 --> 01:26:26,411 This is harder to give back to you 2039 01:26:26,480 --> 01:26:27,845 than you could ever imagine. 2040 01:26:27,920 --> 01:26:29,365 Yeah. It's a good move, though. 2041 01:26:32,880 --> 01:26:34,120 Let go of the fuckin' thing. 2042 01:26:39,600 --> 01:26:40,601 I'll be by tomorrow. 2043 01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:44,281 I'll see ya then, you fuckin' weirdo. 2044 01:26:47,080 --> 01:26:48,889 That's it? Yep. 2045 01:26:49,600 --> 01:26:51,125 That's the last copy. 2046 01:26:51,960 --> 01:26:53,007 Okay? 2047 01:26:55,480 --> 01:26:56,481 Hmm? 2048 01:26:58,280 --> 01:26:59,566 Wait! 2049 01:27:01,880 --> 01:27:03,803 Just this once? Just this once. 2050 01:27:03,960 --> 01:27:05,405 And we don't even have to watch the whole thing. 2051 01:27:05,480 --> 01:27:07,721 We can just skip around a little bit. Okay? Mm-hmm. 2052 01:27:07,800 --> 01:27:09,211 Hello. 2053 01:27:09,280 --> 01:27:10,281 Hi. 2054 01:27:10,360 --> 01:27:11,646 And welcome... 2055 01:27:13,160 --> 01:27:15,288 I'm glad that we didn't go fucking roller skating. 2056 01:27:32,160 --> 01:27:34,322 Put your leg between my butt cheeks. 2057 01:27:34,480 --> 01:27:36,767 And then you lick my armpit. 2058 01:27:36,920 --> 01:27:38,922 Really? Mm-hmm. That's what it says. 2059 01:27:39,080 --> 01:27:40,081 All right. 2060 01:27:40,240 --> 01:27:41,685 Armpit it is. 2061 01:27:48,200 --> 01:27:49,361 How is it? 2062 01:27:49,920 --> 01:27:51,001 It's fine. 2063 01:27:51,200 --> 01:27:52,565 I'm gonna be so impressed. 2064 01:27:52,640 --> 01:27:53,687 Okay, here I go. 2065 01:27:57,000 --> 01:27:59,207 One, two, three. 2066 01:28:01,000 --> 01:28:02,889 Okay. Good? 2067 01:28:03,040 --> 01:28:05,042 All right. Get in there. Should I come in? 2068 01:28:06,520 --> 01:28:07,646 Oh, wow. Yeah. 2069 01:28:07,840 --> 01:28:09,126 Okay? Yeah. 2070 01:28:14,360 --> 01:28:16,761 - Yeah, totally, come on. - Yeah? Okay. 2071 01:28:16,880 --> 01:28:18,120 Yeah. Of course, honey. 2072 01:28:18,200 --> 01:28:19,565 Oh, my God. This is so cute. 2073 01:28:25,120 --> 01:28:27,043 Thank you for doing this. This is my dream. 2074 01:28:27,200 --> 01:28:28,804 Always wanted to do this. 2075 01:28:30,200 --> 01:28:32,400 - You got such a great outfit, honey. - Thanks. 2076 01:28:33,400 --> 01:28:37,803 ♪ Take me out to the ball game 2077 01:28:38,000 --> 01:28:41,561 ♪ Take me out to the park 2078 01:28:42,240 --> 01:28:44,163 ♪ Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks 2079 01:28:44,320 --> 01:28:49,645 ♪ I don't care if I ever get back 2080 01:28:50,760 --> 01:28:55,243 ♪ One, a-two, a-three strikes you're out 2081 01:28:55,400 --> 01:29:02,363 ♪ At the old ball game ♪ 2082 01:29:03,840 --> 01:29:05,080 You ready? 2083 01:29:06,000 --> 01:29:08,207 Yeah. Totally. 2084 01:29:09,360 --> 01:29:10,521 On! 2085 01:29:12,080 --> 01:29:13,570 My balls! My balls! 2086 01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:15,320 No, don't touch me, don't touch me! Please! 2087 01:29:17,280 --> 01:29:19,123 Do it! 2088 01:29:19,600 --> 01:29:21,090 Ow! Fuck! 2089 01:29:21,240 --> 01:29:23,049 Oh, my God! I kneed you in the vagina! 2090 01:29:25,040 --> 01:29:27,281 Honey, I ran track in college! I can do this! 2091 01:29:28,600 --> 01:29:30,568 On! Oh...! Oh...! 2092 01:29:31,800 --> 01:29:33,086 You stuck the landing! 2093 01:29:39,640 --> 01:29:42,928 ♪ Oh, they don't know what love is... 2094 01:29:43,920 --> 01:29:46,321 Yee-haw! Wow! 2095 01:29:49,840 --> 01:29:52,889 ♪ They don't know what love is... 2096 01:29:55,480 --> 01:30:00,202 ♪ But l-l-l-l-l-l... 2097 01:30:00,600 --> 01:30:04,047 ♪ I know what love is 2098 01:30:07,120 --> 01:30:08,645 ♪ Come on, baby 2099 01:30:10,320 --> 01:30:14,291 ♪ Let's show, show them how to do it 2100 01:30:15,920 --> 01:30:17,081 ♪ Do it 2101 01:30:17,560 --> 01:30:19,961 ♪ Do it, do it, do it, baby ♪ 2102 01:30:23,880 --> 01:30:26,201 ♪ Oh, oh... 2103 01:30:26,600 --> 01:30:29,001 ♪ Oh, oh... 2104 01:30:29,400 --> 01:30:31,687 ♪ Oh, oh... 2105 01:30:31,840 --> 01:30:34,446 ♪ Yesterday just another day 2106 01:30:34,680 --> 01:30:37,160 ♪ Just like any other day 2107 01:30:37,320 --> 01:30:39,926 ♪ For we going to change this mind 2108 01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:43,447 ♪ Keep around like we've got mountains of time 2109 01:30:43,520 --> 01:30:45,443 ♪ Won't you come and sit down? 2110 01:30:45,520 --> 01:30:48,126 ♪ Yes, right here on the ground 2111 01:30:48,280 --> 01:30:50,965 ♪ Tell me the story of how we met 2112 01:30:51,040 --> 01:30:53,884 ♪ Not that I never let you forget 2113 01:30:54,040 --> 01:30:56,520 ♪ I wanna be yours I wanna be ours 2114 01:30:56,600 --> 01:30:59,570 ♪ I wanna do the stuff in the back of your car 2115 01:30:59,680 --> 01:31:02,047 ♪ I wanna be good I wanna be cruel 2116 01:31:02,120 --> 01:31:05,203 ♪ I wanna be the girl that you wanted in high school 2117 01:31:05,280 --> 01:31:07,806 ♪ I wanna be a model I wanna be clever 2118 01:31:07,880 --> 01:31:10,724 ♪ I wanna feel this way forever 2119 01:31:10,800 --> 01:31:13,371 ♪ I wanna be the one I wanna be the one 2120 01:31:13,440 --> 01:31:17,047 ♪ I wanna be the one that makes you come undone 2121 01:31:17,280 --> 01:31:18,611 ♪ Oh... 2122 01:31:19,040 --> 01:31:21,441 ♪ Oh, oh... 2123 01:31:21,720 --> 01:31:23,961 ♪ Oh, oh... 2124 01:31:24,560 --> 01:31:26,847 ♪ Oh, oh... 2125 01:31:27,320 --> 01:31:30,005 ♪ You can make me feel like a girl 2126 01:31:30,080 --> 01:31:32,321 ♪ Just shout out the rest of the world 2127 01:31:32,480 --> 01:31:35,131 ♪ Lay your head on my heart 2128 01:31:35,240 --> 01:31:38,289 ♪ Or you can just pull my body apart 2129 01:31:38,360 --> 01:31:40,681 ♪ Yesterday, just another day 2130 01:31:40,760 --> 01:31:43,366 ♪ Just like any other day 2131 01:31:43,480 --> 01:31:46,245 ♪ I think we just changed this mind 2132 01:31:46,920 --> 01:31:49,161 ♪ We've got tiles of times 2133 01:31:49,360 --> 01:31:51,761 ♪ I wanna be yours I wanna be ours 2134 01:31:51,840 --> 01:31:54,810 ♪ I wanna do the stuff in the back of your car 2135 01:31:54,880 --> 01:31:57,451 ♪ I wanna be good I wanna be cruel 2136 01:31:57,520 --> 01:32:00,330 ♪ I wanna be the girl that you wanted in high school 2137 01:32:00,440 --> 01:32:03,011 ♪ I wanna be a model I wanna be clever 2138 01:32:03,120 --> 01:32:05,771 ♪ I wanna feel this way forever 2139 01:32:05,840 --> 01:32:08,286 ♪ I wanna be the one I wanna be the one 2140 01:32:08,360 --> 01:32:12,684 ♪ I wanna be the one that makes you come undone 2141 01:32:12,760 --> 01:32:13,761 ♪ Oh, oh... 2142 01:32:14,200 --> 01:32:16,441 ♪ Oh, oh... 2143 01:32:16,920 --> 01:32:19,400 ♪ Oh, oh... 2144 01:32:19,800 --> 01:32:22,007 ♪ Oh, oh... 2145 01:32:44,480 --> 01:32:46,926 ♪ I wanna be yours I wanna be ours 2146 01:32:47,040 --> 01:32:49,850 ♪ I wanna do the stuff in the back of your car 2147 01:32:49,960 --> 01:32:52,566 ♪ I wanna be good I wanna be cruel 2148 01:32:52,640 --> 01:32:55,484 ♪ I wanna be the girl that you wanted in high school 2149 01:32:55,560 --> 01:32:58,166 ♪ I wanna be a model I wanna be clever 2150 01:32:58,280 --> 01:33:00,760 ♪ I wanna feel this way forever 2151 01:33:00,920 --> 01:33:03,400 ♪ I wanna be the one I wanna be the one 2152 01:33:03,480 --> 01:33:07,565 ♪ I wanna be the one that makes you come undone 2153 01:33:07,680 --> 01:33:08,886 ♪ Oh, oh... 2154 01:33:09,360 --> 01:33:11,601 ♪ Oh, oh... 2155 01:33:12,080 --> 01:33:14,526 ♪ Oh, oh... 2156 01:33:14,880 --> 01:33:17,326 ♪ Oh, oh... ♪ 2157 01:33:28,680 --> 01:33:33,242 ♪ You look so much better now that you have found her 2158 01:33:33,520 --> 01:33:37,206 ♪ So much better with your arms around her 2159 01:33:37,360 --> 01:33:41,126 ♪ In a world that's all your own 2160 01:33:41,360 --> 01:33:45,206 ♪ Never spend another night alone 2161 01:33:45,360 --> 01:33:53,051 ♪ You look so much better 2162 01:33:53,280 --> 01:33:57,171 ♪ You look so much better... 2163 01:34:04,880 --> 01:34:09,568 ♪ You look so much better now that you have found her 2164 01:34:09,760 --> 01:34:13,401 ♪ So much better with your arms around her 2165 01:34:13,560 --> 01:34:17,360 ♪ In a world that's all your own 2166 01:34:17,560 --> 01:34:21,246 ♪ Never spend another night... 2167 01:34:23,000 --> 01:34:25,571 ♪ Alone... ♪ 2167 01:34:26,305 --> 01:34:32,871 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/e2h6 Help other users to choose the best subtitles153575