All language subtitles for The.Path.S03E08.The.Door.1080p.HULU.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-NTb

Previously on "The Path"...

‐ The only experience I've had
is with one other

super‐closeted guy
at the church.

‐ Is it Arnie Phillips?

‐ Tonight I want to introduce
the Guardian

who will tend this corner
of the world, Felicia Pickard.

‐ You should've left him
in the ground.

‐ I need you to find
your way back.

‐ You have to tell Eddie
the truth about Steve.

‐ Vera has found some old
diaries of Steve's,

and she thinks you wrote
"The Ladder," or part of it.

‐ She claims Steve stole
the religion from her,

but that's not what
made us cut her off.

It was when she hurt her child.

The poor girl is probably
scarred for life.

‐ I don't need
a secular liaison.

‐ Are you firing me?
‐ I guess I am.

‐ He loves me. The answer
is to find more JPs,

make them my followers,
and then take them with me.

‐ We have grown tenfold
in the last eight months.

Expanded into other countries.

Our message has spread digitally

all over the world.

And all that sounds great.

And it is!

It's an opportunity to do more,

to make a bigger impact.

But growth can be a distraction.

It can distract you from the
growth that really matters.

The growth within.

You see, that is what
I'm afraid is happening

here with us right now.

All of us.

So this is what I want you to
share with everyone, okay?

Our new decree:

Refinement.

At the beginning of next week,

each and every one of us,
all of us,

are going to extract something
harmful from our lives,

and lay it before the light.

I'm not talking about giving
up gin in favor of vodka.

I'm asking you to dig deep.

What is in your life that
just doesn't need to be?

That should not be?

It could be a thing,
a habit, a relationship.

Look, you are all here
because you are the ones

that everyone here

looks up to, okay?

So I need you
to get the word out.

Lead by example.

Okay? Dig deep.

Because I am telling you
if we do this,

The Light will shine so bright

that not a soul can deny it.

And all of those who are lost

will find their way back home.

Thank you all.

‐ You definitely
made your point.

‐ In a good way, or‐‐
‐ No, in the best way possible.

They weren't just listening
to you, they heard you.

‐ Yeah, well, you know, I'm
convinced that we need this.

‐ Well, message received.

Seriously.

Bold action will recalibrate,
unify our membership.

‐ It felt good, it feels right.

They'll get the message out
to the membership.

‐ Yeah, they will. We will.

I couldn't help notice, um...

Sarah wasn't‐‐wasn't there.

‐ Yeah, um... Sarah.

She is on her own personal
journey right now.

I don't know why or where, or
if it's even personal, but...

You know, I just don't have
time to think about it.

You know? About her.

Look she‐‐.

"The Yellow Birch Inn,"
this is all she left me

in case of emergency
with the kids.

‐ Look... if there's
anything you need‐‐

‐ It'll work itself out
one way or another,

but thank you though.

Hey, what are you
guys doing tonight?

If you're free, you want to
come to my house,

have a family dinner with us?

‐ Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great.

‐ Great. 7:00? ‐ Yeah.

‐ All right.

Hey.

‐ I'll be out of here
in just a moment.

Just had a few things
of mine to collect.

‐ Look, I'm not trying
to rush you, I just...

I just never got
a chance to apologize.

And I wish things could've
gone down differently.

‐ Don't be silly, it's, um‐‐

it's just the business.

It's not meant to be nice.

‐ You are incredible
at what you do.

‐ I really don't need
a bunch of smoke blown‐‐

‐ I mean‐‐I mean this.

You are a visionary.

You've helped us grow.

You took us to that
next level, and, Vera,

I'm incredibly
grateful for that.

I've just come to realize
that your outlook,

your entire secular approach
is just not a match for us,

for Meyerism.

‐ Yeah, I um...

I think you're right about that.

More than you know.

My God, you have to see this.

This is amazing.

‐ If it's another video,
I don't‐‐.

No, it's an e‐mail from JP,

and he says that he owes us
a great debt of gratitude

for your wisdom and insight.

‐ That's very kind of him.

‐ Yeah, and he says that
we should be receiving soon

a token of his esteem.

What do you think it is?

‐ Whatever it is, we need
to be discreet about it.

Eddie's showing me a lot
of trust these days,

and cultivating my own patrons
could threaten that‐‐

‐ I don't know
about Eddie's trust.

‐ He invited us to this dinner.

It's symbolic, I know‐‐
‐ Yeah, dinner at the Lane's.

We've finally arrived.

Maybe they're just looking
to fill some chairs.

Vera's gone.
Sarah wasn't around today.

Did you notice that?

"Yellow Birch Inn." .

It's where Sarah is with, well‐‐

whoever she is with.

He pretended it
didn't bother him, but...

‐ "A bucolic bed and
breakfast in the Amish country

"well‐regarded by bird lovers

and those looking
for a romantic escape."

So this guy that we're driving

to Pennsylvania to find now‐‐
SARAH: John Kordjak.

Yeah, him.

You saw his name in one of
Lilith's journals? That's all?

‐ I know how it sounds.
‐ I don't think you do.

‐ You think I'm on
a wild goose chase.

‐ No, I'm not. I don't.
I'm with you.

I just need a little guidance,

like a GPS to the inside
of your brain.

‐ I saw his name on the diaries

that Steve and Lilith
were working on together.

And it just spoke to me, so‐‐
‐ The name? It spoke?

‐ See, now it doesn't sound
like you're with me.

‐ I am. I am, I swear.

‐ It resonated, and somehow I
feel like he's got the answers

that I'm looking for,
so I looked him up.

And he works at a hospital
nearby, so‐‐

‐ I'll never be right.

‐ What? I'm breathing.
I needed to breathe.

I'm here, aren't I?

Can I get some credit for that?

‐ Yes, I'm glad you're here.
Thank you.

‐ I'm really glad you asked me.

I wasn't sure I'd hear from you.

I mean a trip to France
with your ex?

That's not the greatest sign.

‐ That was work, all right?
That's all.

‐ Thank you.

‐ Come back.

Push forward.

Come back, breathing in.

Push forward.

Now turn to center,
keeping your knees bent.

Turn all the way.

Turn, turn, turn.
‐ There's John.

‐ And push forward.

Come back.

Push forward.

‐ How did you find me?

‐ Well, you didn't make it
that difficult.

You're living under
your name you had

before you joined the Movement.

‐ I wasn't trying to hide,

just return to myself.

The individual I lost
when I joined the many.

‐ There's someone I want
to learn more about.

Someone from the early days
of the Movement.

Her name is Lilith.

A patient of Steve's.
You know her.

Anything that you can
tell me about her

would be very helpful.

‐ These kids...

They're the poor people of
our big, prosperous country.

We ship them off to fight our
wars, and they end up here.

Broken.

Forgotten.

I came here to be
of service to them.

And every day that I'm here,
caring for them,

being with them,

I know I'm doing good.

Sarah, so much of
my life was wasted

worshipping someone who turned
out to be nothing but a man

as mortal and as flawed
as any of us.

‐ You really think
it was all a waste?

‐ Don't ask me to go back
to those days, Sarah.

It's too painful!

I'm not just here
trying to help them,

I'm trying to heal myself.

I don't want to open up
any old wounds.

I'm sorry. I can't help you.

‐ I don't know if you heard,
but my father passed.

‐ I am so sorry to hear that.

Hank was one of the good ones.

May his memory be
for a blessing.

And give my regards to your mom.

‐ I'm staying nearby.

The Yellow Birch Inn,
if you change your mind.

‐ Remy?

Hi.

Sorry, it's just, um...

Didn't know where else to...

I mean, four years of marriage,
you never once missed.

Vinyasa Flow with Bianca.

‐ What can I do for you, Vera?

‐ It's about my mother.

‐ Of course it is.

You can buy me a juice.

She burned you?

‐ The scar on my back.

‐ You said you got that
from a car accident

before you could remember.

‐ That's what she told me.

I know you always thought we
had an unhealthy relationship.

‐ But there's a big difference
between unhealthy

and my mother being genuinely‐‐
‐ Crazy.

How long has it been
since you talked to her?

‐ It's not about how long.

‐ So it's only been what?
A week? A few days?

This is what you do, Vera.

This is why we never
really had a marriage.

You vow to cut her
out of your life,

and that lasts maybe
a month before‐‐

‐ Remy.

‐ I can't be a part of
the codependent addiction

you two have to each other.

It took me a long time
to get over you.

Yeah, I'm seeing someone.

‐ That's great.
‐ It is. She's great.

We're not living together
or anything, but it's great.

You know, it's easy.

‐ So what?

It's an Internet date
or something?

‐ That doesn't make
it any less real.

You have to meet somehow.

‐ That's‐‐Okay.
Yes, that's true.

That's true, the city
has so many people,

you know, to find someone,

anyone you can genuinely
connect with, that's‐‐

that feels like a miracle.

‐ So what about you?
Do you have someone?

‐ I thought maybe, but
apparently he doesn't feel

the same way about me.

‐ Well, he sounds like an idiot.

And blessings
to our beloved Hank,

whom death has temporarily
separated from us.

And for Sarah, as she embarks
on a personal journey.

Please illuminate her path.

‐ We pray before
and after meals now?

‐ We pray whenever
we need to pray.

‐ I'll wrap it up.

‐ No, go ahead, Gabby.
‐ No, she's right.

The last thing Hank would want
is for us to postpone pie time.

‐ I'm actually gonna head
back into the city tonight.

Really? Already?

‐ Yeah, um...

The people at the center are
having trouble figuring out

what they're going to
sacrifice for Refinement,

so I said I'd help them out.

‐ That's very kind of you.

But don't you think it's best

if they come to those
decisions on their own?

Yeah, I know, but some of
them haven't done this before.

So I said I'd guide them a bit.

I did too. ‐ What?

‐ I said I'd help some
people out too.

‐ Well, you kids are so giving.

‐ It's true.

‐ Okay, well, drive safe.

Have a good talk.

‐ Sure. ‐ Pie time!

‐ Yeah!

‐ Pie is the one thing
you cannot make me

give up for Refinement,
Eddie, okay?

‐ How often are
you gonna come up

with these new decrees,
by the way?

Russel, not now. I'm tired.

‐ Every month? Every week?

‐ Russel.

‐ The decrees help us.
‐ It's true.

The Movement needed a reset,
and this is how we're doing it.

‐ And Sarah?

Is this how she's doing that?
How she's resetting?

Running around like she doesn't
have a daughter to raise?

I don't know what you've heard,
but the Novices are talking.

The rumor is she disagrees with
the way you're running things.

‐ You know what?

Why don't you focus
on your own work, Russel?

As far as I can tell,
you have plenty of it.

‐ Eddie, would
you like some pie?

I know Cal does.

‐ That would be great, Mary.
Thank you.

‐ Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.

My dad was like
all over me tonight.

I feel like he can, like,
sense something, you know?

I had to make up
this crazy story

about helping some girl
out with her Bible study.

‐ Well, hopefully you're
a better liar than Hawk.

‐ I was not lying. ‐ Please.

Even Grandma saw
right through you.

Like a wet T‐shirt.

‐ That's a terrible reference.

I was just creatively
reinterpreting

the whole Refinement thing.

If my mom can take
a personal journey‐‐

‐ Hey, you don't have
to convince me, okay?

This is heaven! ‐ Thanks, guys‐‐

‐ I found it,
and I never want to leave.

But I do have to pee.

‐ Whoa, slow down, girl!

We don't do lines outside
the bathrooms here.

We do lines inside
the bathrooms.

Right?

‐ You into this?

‐ I'm open.

It's an experience.

‐ Yeah, that it is.

I'm just happy we don't have
to be up closer, though.

‐ And what is your name, sir?

Won't tell me? Okay.

You know, you are just my type!

Closeted!

‐ Is that‐‐
‐ Yeah, yeah, that's Arnie.

Wait, here's the move. We just‐‐

‐ Yeah, what does that mean?

‐ You know what it means,
just...

play it cool.

‐ Aww.

‐ Hello there, young men!

Enjoying a little
cultural scenery?

‐ You know,
when you're in the city,

why not take in
the more colorful sights?

‐ Well, pray for them.
‐ Yeah, don't pray for me.

‐ Excuse me?

‐ We're here for
the same reason you are.

It's just that we're together.

‐ I'm kidding. Believe me.

‐ Um... I'm...

so sorry.

I just wasn't gonna stand here

and pretend like I didn't
know how he treated you.

‐ No, I appreciated it,
like a lot.

It's very heroic of you.

‐ Russel is a ticking bomb.

‐ It's hard to blame him.

Russel's been passed over,
cheated on.

‐ Well, now I know
why Eddie invited us.

He didn't want to be alone
with all that dysfunction.

‐ I choose to think
he's interested

in getting closer to us
as a family.

‐ Excuse me, Mr. Roberts?

‐ "A token of my esteem.
Yours in Light, Jean‐Paul."

What am I signing for? ‐.

‐ My God.

‐ We deserve this,
don't you think?

‐ I do.

I'm not sure that anyone else
would see it in the same way.

‐ I mean, it's payment.
‐ I know.

I'm not sure that anyone else
would see it in the same‐‐

‐ And by anyone else,
you mean Eddie.

‐ Yeah, especially during
this time of Refinement.

It's not exactly on message.

‐ Eddie could've won over JP,

but he was too distracted
by his issues with Sarah.

You had the foresight
to see what he needed,

and you were rewarded for it.

Our plan is working, okay?
We're building our clients,

making connections,
and this car is a sign.

‐ Well, I just wish
he'd send a sign

that was a little less visible.

Eddie would punish us.

‐ Not if he doesn't find out.

I mean, there must be a garage
somewhere out of the way.

We can store it.

This is something for us, okay?

Think about how much
we do for him.

In fact, let's find out
if Sarah is really

having a personal journey
for him.

‐ Good afternoon,
Yellow Birch Inn.

This is Liz.
How can I help you today?

‐ Hi, Liz. My name is Nicole,
and I was wondering

if you could help me
on a secret mission.

My sister Sarah Lane is staying
with you at the Inn, I believe.

‐ I'm really not
supposed to disclose

the names of our guests.

‐ Yeah, it's just that her
and her fiancé,

they just got engaged,

and I wanted to send
them a secret gift.

Will you let me know if they
checked in already?

‐ Well, I shouldn't,
but yes, they have.

‐ Thank you so much.
And remember, not a word!

‐ Does feel good, doesn't it?

‐ I was doing some research,

and it turns out that
there are some

really interesting
restaurants in the area.

One of them even grows
its own produce.

It's about an hour from here.
‐ Sorry?

‐ I was talking about lunch,
you know?

Leaving this place for
sustenance of some kind.

You've got to be hungry by now.
‐ Not really.

I'm gonna stay here, if you
don't mind. You go.

‐ You're just gonna sit there
and wait? For how long?

‐ However long it takes.

‐ Look, I gotta say
that I'm feeling‐‐

‐ What?

‐ Used.

You didn't want to spend
some time together,

you just wanted a chaperone
for this wild goose chase.

‐ No, I told you the reason
why I wanted to come here.

‐ He didn't talk to you.
He said nothing.

And you're just sitting
here waiting!

‐ Because he was shocked
to see me. He will come.

‐ How do you know?
‐ Because I know.

‐ Well, there it is. ‐ What?

‐ Right there. Classic,
incurable, terminal‐‐

‐ What?

‐ Blind faith.

‐ What? Are you just packing up?

Just‐‐

‐ You know, I got into this
thing‐‐whatever this is‐‐

because I believed
that you were ready

to leave this belief.

And I have been so patient,
Sarah,

in letting you go
through every step.

‐ Don't do this.
‐ You're never gonna leave.

Especially not now.

Not after your father's death.

It's created a vacuum of loss

for them to fill
with their narratives.

You're just going to replace
one blind faith with another.

‐ You just think you have it
all figured out,

but you don't leave any room
for the possibility of‐‐

I don't know‐‐something
surprising or mysterious,

or maybe not having it make
complete sense!

‐ No, there's a million things
in the world

that don't make any sense,
that are mysterious.

But you...

You're just going deeper,
and deeper, and deeper, and...

And I won't get
sucked in, Sarah.

‐ I'm sorry.

I have to pursue this.

‐ Excuse me?

I was knocking there
for a minute.

‐ Sorry, I was in pretty deep.

‐ I certainly do apologize for
barging in on you like this,

disturbing you
in the act of prayer.

‐ That's right.

‐ I was told this is where
I'd find Eddie Lane.

The man in charge around here.

‐ Yeah.

That's ‐‐that's me.

‐ I didn't expect to see you
sitting on the floor.

‐ Yeah, it helps me
connect with the Earth.

The center of everything.

‐ How interesting.

In my faith,
we aim for the heavens.

What's above us, not below.

But to each his own.

Reverend William Matthews
of the Porter Mountain Church.

Folks there call
me Pastor Billy.

You're welcome to do the same.

‐ Nice to meet you.

Is there something
I can help you with?

‐ I certainly hope so.

I'm here to talk to you
about my son, Caleb,

and your son, Hawk.

‐ Okay. What about him?

‐ I see I'm going to have
to be the bearer of bad news.

‐ Did they do something?
‐ In a manner of speaking.

It's been brought
to my attention

that their friendship
is inappropriate.

Now it is my hope that
you and I, as men of God,

can come together
and put a stop to it.

‐ I'm sorry, I'm not following.

How is their friendship
inappropriate?

‐ I don't want you
to think I'm like

those crazy folks in Westboro,
shouting death to homosexuals.

‐ Wait, did you just say‐‐

‐ At our church,
we love the sinner.

But we cannot condone the sin.

‐ Wait, wait.

Are you saying that our sons
are gay together?

Look, Hawk isn't gay, okay?
He would've told me.

‐ I understand.

It's not easy to accept.
Terrible.

Take your time,
and when you're ready,

we can discuss what to do.

‐ No, this isn't terrible,
it's just‐‐.

Listen, if your son and my son

are in a romantic something‐‐
I'm not saying that they are.

But I wouldn't
do a thing about it

other than accept him
completely.

I'm not gonna love him
one bit less.

‐ You think I don't love my son?

You think that's what this is?

That I don't love him?

I love him so much
that I will not spend

an eternity separated from him.

Not because some hippy boy
lured him into a sex trap.

‐ Hey, I don't know who you
think that we are,

but to be honest, I don't care.

You can think whatever
the hell you want about us.

But I cannot change who your
son is, and neither can you.

So whatever you came
here to ask‐‐

‐ You don't worry about who
he is. I'll take care of that.

Why don't you focus on your own?

You don't even know
what he's doing.

‐ Should we wait
for Vera to begin?

‐ I don't believe she'll
be coming tonight.

‐ Is everything okay?

‐ Everything's fine.

‐ Your pulse is racing.

You should sit.

‐ I haven't heard from her
since she got back from France.

She won't return my calls.

‐ Well, did you do
something to upset her?

‐ It's my fault?
‐ Of course not.

‐ I want you to call her.

‐ What do you want me to say?

‐ The truth about my illness.

Maybe she'll listen
if it comes from you.

‐ I thought you didn't
want to upset her.

‐ I didn't.

But it's time.

Let's go inside and begin.

I just spoke with Vera.

Unfortunately, she won't be
able to join us today.

But she asked me
to relay fantastic news.

France was a rousing success.

Felicia Pickard has been named
Guardian of the Third Corner.

‐ It's everything you predicted.

‐ It's not long now, is it?
The cleansing of the Earth?

We're gonna be free of what
this world has become.

‐ Yes.

Yes.

‐ Hey. ‐ Hey.

‐ I'm sorry, I'm just trying
to not break the yoke.

‐ You're making breakfast?

‐ I always made breakfast.
‐ You never made breakfast.

‐ Right. I knew it was one
or the other.

You feel guilty.

Is it because I have
a girlfriend?

‐ No, no, no.

No.

‐ It's because of the other guy.

The one you actually want
to be making breakfast for.

‐ Well, it's not just him.

He's part of this whole
community and I was‐‐

I was actually happy
there sometimes.

Can you imagine that?

‐ Not‐‐not really.

I've heard of such things, but‐‐.

Is that your mother?

Is it your mother?

‐ I don't recognize the number.
‐ It's your mother.

Go ahead, answer it.

You're gonna run back
to her eventually.

I'm sorry,
I didn't mean it to be‐‐.

Listen, I'm gonna hop
in the shower.

It would really help me

if you wouldn't be here
when I get out.

‐ Vera, it's Dr. Costa.

I need to talk to you
about your mother's health.

‐ Thank you so much
for doing this with me.

I thought we owed it
to your grandfather

to finish what he started.

Anything new in your life
lately going on?

‐ Not really, no.

‐ No?

‐ What?

‐ Nothing you want to talk
to me about, or‐‐

‐ No.

‐ Because you know, I was
visited by Reverend Matthews.

‐ What?

‐ Caleb's father.

‐ I don't understand, what‐‐

‐ I'm not mad at you, okay?

I just want to talk
to you about this.

‐ What did he say? What did he‐‐

‐ Kid, I am on your side
100%, okay?

You need to know that.

‐ Just tell me what he told you!

‐ He said that you and his son
were in a relationship.

A romantic relationship.

Hey, bud. Just talk to me.
It's fine.

‐ This is not how I wanted
you to find out.

Literally, the last
possible way.

‐ Okay, look, it's done,
all right?

Just tell me what's going on.

‐ Nothing, okay?
Nothing's going on.

I'm not different.
I don't feel any different.

I just met someone and they
happen to be a guy!

‐ Okay, look, I just‐‐
I wish you would've come to me.

You must've been struggling‐‐

‐ Yeah, I wasn't really
struggling, actually.

‐ Hawk, it kills me
that you didn't feel like

you could talk to me about this.

‐ As my leader?

As the Guardian of the Light,
or as my Dad?

‐ Hey, I'm your father
first and foremost,

but I cannot support you unless
I know what is going on.

Look, I'm not going to judge
you or love you any less.

But you gotta talk to me.

‐ All right, where's Mom?

Who's she with?
What is she doing?

And why is everyone pretending
like it's completely normal

when it is in fact
super fucked up?

‐ I wish I knew.

Okay?

I really don't, Hawk.

‐ So why did you ask me
to help you finish

my dead grandfather's tree house

when all you wanted to do was
grill me about my private life?

‐ I wanted to spend some time
with you man to man.

‐ Yeah, well, here's
my Reflection, all right?

My relationship with Caleb

is my business.

We're given only as much
pain as we can bear.

‐ We're given only as much pain
as we can bear.

‐ Why are we here?

‐ 'Cause I'm asking
people to Reflect

and Refine
when I haven't myself.

‐Why not?
What's holding you back?

‐ My fear.

‐ What are you afraid of?

‐ Losing them.

‐ Who? Who are you losing?

People.

My followers.

I'm losing them.

The Light. My son.

‐ Your son. Good.

‐ My boy.

‐ Why are you losing him?

‐ He doesn't trust me anymore.

‐ Fear. We know the symptoms.

Now let's find the Transgress,
the distraction.

‐

Vera!

‐ Vera? ‐ Vera.

‐ Vera's a beautiful
distraction.

Secular, skilled in the ways
of the world.

Is she really the thing?

Say it, Eddie! I want to get
out of here as much as you!

Maybe not as much.

You can only be free
if you say it.

Who is it you're holding onto?

‐ Sarah!

‐ Sarah.

‐ Sarah. Sarah.

‐ Sarah.

‐ Yes!

‐ Sarah is at
the Yellow Birch Inn

having a romantic
getaway with a man.

A lover.

So what's the real burden,
Eddie?

What can you bear no more?

‐ That I can get hundreds,

thousands of people to believe,

but not her.

‐ Anyone joining you
this morning?

‐ No. I thought maybe but, um‐‐.

Time to go, thank you.

‐ I shouldn't have come.
I should've stayed away.

‐ Please, I'm glad you did.

Do you want to get
a cup of coffee inside?

‐ I can't stay, but I didn't
want to let you go

without at least talking
to you about the past,

about the questions
you were asking.

I haven't heard Lilith's
name in years.

I thought I'd never
hear it again.

But it makes sense that you
would bring her back

into my consciousness.

She was a gifted woman too.

Full of light and inspiration.

She made great contributions
in her early days.

‐ I've read her writings.
I can see that.

‐ But she was also
touched by madness.

Broken by trauma
and pain that Steve‐‐

‐ That Steve couldn't heal?

‐ That he fed on.

Used.

Assimilated into
his system of belief.

And then he sent her away.

Denied her credit,
denied her very existence.

‐ All of you knew about it,
everyone from the early days.

You, my mother, my father.

My God, how could you
knowingly treat her that way?

‐ There's no excuse.

But when you're enveloped in
faith, you rationalize things.

Little things at first,
for the greater good.

The bigger things
and bigger until...

one day the clouds part,

and you don't even
recognize yourself.

‐ Is this how
all religion ends up?

Preaching love, and truth,
and peace, and...

You're sitting on buried
secrets and lies.

‐ Maybe.

Maybe that's the cost of faith.

‐ Is Lilith alive?
Can I contact her?

‐ She's alive.

But if you contact her, she
might tell you things, Sarah,

that make it impossible
for you to go back.

‐ I've already given up
so much already.

That's a chance
I'm willing to take.

You have contact with her.
Do you know where she is?

‐ No, I haven't been in contact
with her over the years,

but I've been aware of her.

She's a veterinarian.

On Riverside and 72nd Street.

I know.

She took to healing animals.

It's an impulse I understand.

‐ Did you remember
the canola oil?

‐ Was it on the list?

‐ No, but I told you.

‐ If it's not on the list,
it doesn't happen.

Stop making me feel
like a failure.

‐ Hey, we're on
the same team here.

Is this about Eddie?

‐ This was gonna be the year
that things got better.

Had some responsibility.

Respect.

‐ You know what this
is really about?

Sarah.

Ever since she decided
to go on walkabout,

it's like Eddie
makes us all suffer.

‐ Sarah sneezes,
we all get a cold.

‐ Now this Refinement decree?

What are we supposed to give up?

I mean, look at us. What's left?

‐ What are you giving up?
‐ Nothing.

Dad comes back from France
ranting and raving

about how everyone's
not working hard enough.

Mom's off who knows where?
They're enough as it is.

‐ You still haven't
heard from him?

I'm really sorry, Hawk.

‐ Thanks.

‐ And even though
we're divorced,

I still relied on him.

I looked to him
for my own self‐worth.

And from this day forward,

I am never speaking
to that bastard again!

‐ All I ever cared about
until right now

was likes on Instagram.

‐ But no more.

No more mustard,
no more cigarettes.

My body is my body.

‐ Wow. I am so proud
of all of you.

Your commitment to finding
a deeper connection

to your faith is‐‐

it warms my heart.

You know, as a leader, I can
sometimes lose my own way.

I can sometimes lose focus
of what is at the core

of this for me.

And what that is is all of you.

This beautiful community.

‐ I have something to sacrifice.

A gift that I'm ashamed to admit

I thought might make me happy.

Turns out...

Turns out it was nothing but
one gigantic distraction.

‐ Yeah. ‐ All right.

‐ Whoo. ‐ Nice.

‐ I, um‐‐

I thought about keeping it.

‐ Go, Gaby!

‐ Yeah, Grandma!

‐ All right!

‐ Whoo! ‐ Yeah!

‐ It's okay.

You did well.

Thank you for inspiring me.

‐ Dr. Costa said
your tumor was spreading.

‐ I'm taking the medicine.

I'll have the surgery.

It's nothing.

We have more important
matters to discuss.

‐ What's more important?

‐ Why haven't you called?

What happened after France?

Did Eddie...

He rejected you.

It hurts, but it's for the best.

‐ Just like Remy. ‐ What?

‐ You said the same
when Remy left me,

when he'd had enough
of this, of us,

you said it was for the best.

‐ Okay, but what does this
have to do with Remy?

‐ He was my husband.

‐ He was a detour.
He wasn't your destiny.

‐ I wanted a family.

A life apart from us!

I wanted children.
I still want that!

‐ And you'll have that.

After The Fire,
you will meet someone.

You will raise your children
in a better world.

‐ Are you even sick?

‐ Of course I am.

‐ I asked you many times
about your illness,

and you kept telling me
that you were fine.

So were you lying then,
or are you lying now?

‐ If I ever softened the truth,
it was only to protect you.

‐ And the scar on my back?

Yeah, the one
you burned into me.

Was that to protect me too?

‐ I was ill.

Those people, they made me ill.

‐ I shouldn't have come...

It's never your fault, is it?

‐ I carry the shame of what
I did to you every day.

But I'm glad you know because
we can talk about this now.

Like we always do, you and me.

Always.

‐ Good‐bye, Mom.

‐ Mom.

‐ It's so late!

‐ Yeah, I told her
she could stay up

as long as she went to bed
as soon as you got home.

‐ I missed you.
‐ I missed you too, pumpkin.

So much.

I'll see you in
the morning, okay?

‐ Good night, honey.

‐ Thank you for being here.
I know that it was‐‐

‐ Look, Sarah, don't, okay?

No apologies or excuses‐‐
‐ I wasn't apologizing.

I was trying to explain
why I had to leave.

‐ All right, well,
no more explaining.

There's nothing more to explain.

Look, I just want to‐‐
I just want to say something,

so just let me get it out,
let me say it.

‐ Okay.

‐ Look, people have been
joining the Movement

by the hundreds.

Thousands.

Following me.

They're putting their trust,
their faith,

their lives in my hands.

And I can‐‐

I can't focus on what
I'm supposed to be doing,

because all I'm doing
is thinking about you.

‐ Eddie‐ No.

You questioning.

One foot in, one foot out.

‐ I'm sorry.

‐ No, I don't want
your apologies.

I want you to leave us.

Just make it official.

What you've been doing
for months now

slowly, slowly
just drifting away,

just rip it off now.

Just leave the Movement.

‐ No, I won't leave my family.

Ever.

‐ I am not asking
you to do that.

‐ What if I'm not ready?
I have questions, I do,

but this is my life.

‐ Then do it for me.

Please.

I have Reflected,

and what I've found,

what is holding me back
from my Refinement...

is you.

Okay.

You're right.

I shouldn't peddle
something I think is broken.

Not anymore.

‐ I want to become a Meyerist.

‐ You found me.