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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:36,166 --> 00:00:38,834 Previously on The Affair: 2 00:00:38,917 --> 00:00:41,250 [Noah] She seemed like the loneliest girl in the world. 3 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,291 [Alison] You know, some days, I-I'm proud 4 00:00:43,375 --> 00:00:45,000 of the life that I've built. 5 00:00:45,083 --> 00:00:46,875 And then, sometimes, it just feels 6 00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:48,792 like a giant charade, and this is all a joke 7 00:00:48,875 --> 00:00:50,458 I've been playing on myself, 8 00:00:50,542 --> 00:00:53,583 this life that I am trying to live. 9 00:00:53,667 --> 00:00:55,291 Go home to your fucking wife. 10 00:00:55,375 --> 00:00:57,041 [grunting and groaning] 11 00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:03,375 [James] They found her body. 12 00:01:03,458 --> 00:01:06,125 She drowned herself. 13 00:01:06,208 --> 00:01:07,667 [Noah] I saw her, and she was pretty beat up. 14 00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:09,083 -She had... her head was... -[Jeffries] Lacerations. 15 00:01:09,166 --> 00:01:10,875 Right, all consistent with striking 16 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:12,333 -against these rocks. -[Cole] What about Ben? 17 00:01:12,417 --> 00:01:14,583 [Jeffries] He has an alibi. It checks out. 18 00:01:14,667 --> 00:01:16,041 -[Cole] What did you say to her? -[Ben] I don't know 19 00:01:16,125 --> 00:01:17,166 what the fuck you're asking. 20 00:01:17,250 --> 00:01:18,583 I'm asking you what you said 21 00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:20,166 that made her want to kill herself. 22 00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:22,166 Why don't you take a look in the fucking mirror! 23 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,000 -Why didn't you do something?! -Stop it! 24 00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:25,875 You had her in your hands, 25 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:28,291 and you let her go. Why? 26 00:01:28,375 --> 00:01:30,208 [Helen] I took a pregnancy test this morning. 27 00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,667 You're entering menopause, Helen. 28 00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:34,583 Don't you think I'm too young to be in menopause? 29 00:01:34,667 --> 00:01:36,166 Don't you think I'm too young to die? 30 00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:37,583 Where you going? 31 00:01:37,667 --> 00:01:38,583 To my women's moon circle. 32 00:01:38,667 --> 00:01:39,792 I invited you. 33 00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:41,083 I just had this intuition 34 00:01:41,166 --> 00:01:42,667 that you really needed some guidance. 35 00:01:42,750 --> 00:01:45,083 I fucked a married man. 36 00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:48,208 I really like his wife, so... it was a stupid thing to do. 37 00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:50,875 I wish I had your life. 38 00:01:50,959 --> 00:01:52,250 I mean, you have a whole world 39 00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:55,291 that literally couldn't live without you. 40 00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:57,500 I'm feeling like Vik isn't listening to me. 41 00:01:57,583 --> 00:02:00,166 I'm feeling like I want him to get treatment. 42 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,667 What he needs you for, the one thing 43 00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:03,208 you can give him that no one else 44 00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:05,500 in the world can, is your love. 45 00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:06,709 Helen. 46 00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:07,917 I don't want you to die. 47 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,000 I don't want to die, either. 48 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,458 ♪ I was screaming into the canyon ♪ 49 00:02:23,542 --> 00:02:26,542 ♪ At the moment of my death ♪ 50 00:02:26,625 --> 00:02:30,083 ♪ The echo I created ♪ 51 00:02:30,166 --> 00:02:33,750 ♪ Outlasted my last breath ♪ 52 00:02:33,834 --> 00:02:36,834 ♪ My voice it made an avalanche ♪ 53 00:02:36,917 --> 00:02:40,166 ♪ And buried a man I never knew ♪ 54 00:02:40,250 --> 00:02:43,375 ♪ And when he died, his widowed bride ♪ 55 00:02:43,458 --> 00:02:45,959 ♪ Met your daddy and they made you ♪ 56 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,000 ♪ I have only one thing to do ♪ 57 00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:50,125 ♪ And that's be the wave that I am, and then ♪ 58 00:02:50,208 --> 00:02:52,750 ♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪ 59 00:02:52,834 --> 00:02:54,709 ♪ I have only one thing to do ♪ 60 00:02:54,792 --> 00:02:57,125 ♪ And that's be the wave that I am, and then ♪ 61 00:02:57,208 --> 00:02:59,166 ♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪ 62 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,375 ♪ I have only one thing to do ♪ 63 00:03:01,458 --> 00:03:03,625 ♪ And that's be the wave that I am, and then ♪ 64 00:03:03,709 --> 00:03:07,125 ♪ Sink back into the ocean, sink back into the ocean ♪ 65 00:03:07,208 --> 00:03:08,625 ♪ Sink back into the o... ♪ 66 00:03:08,709 --> 00:03:10,041 ♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪ 67 00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:12,041 ♪ Sink back into the o... ♪ 68 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,583 ♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪ 69 00:03:13,667 --> 00:03:15,625 ♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪ 70 00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:32,500 [a cappella group vocalizing intro to "What Sarah Said"] 71 00:03:40,834 --> 00:03:44,166 ♪ And it came to me then ♪ 72 00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:47,166 ♪ That every plan ♪ 73 00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:49,917 ♪ Is a tiny prayer ♪ 74 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,166 ♪ To Father Time ♪ 75 00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:56,875 ♪ As I stared at my shoes ♪ 76 00:03:56,959 --> 00:04:00,000 ♪ In the ICU ♪ 77 00:04:00,083 --> 00:04:02,750 ♪ That reeked of piss ♪ 78 00:04:02,834 --> 00:04:05,625 ♪ And 409 ♪ 79 00:04:05,709 --> 00:04:08,875 ♪ And I rationed my breaths ♪ 80 00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:12,583 ♪ As I said to myself ♪ 81 00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:15,667 ♪ That I'd already taken too much today... ♪ 82 00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:17,583 Hey, Cole, uh... 83 00:04:17,667 --> 00:04:19,083 do me a favor, man. 84 00:04:19,166 --> 00:04:21,667 When-when you get this, give me a call. 85 00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:24,417 I'd really like to help with the arrangements. 86 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:27,500 ♪ Took you a little farther ♪ 87 00:04:27,583 --> 00:04:30,417 ♪ Away from me ♪ 88 00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:37,875 Hey, man. 89 00:04:37,959 --> 00:04:39,375 You look great. 90 00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:41,583 -Surprised? -[Noah chuckles] 91 00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:43,000 -You ready? -Yeah. 92 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,542 Let's do this. 93 00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:47,208 -[indistinct chatter] -[Ariel] Okay! 94 00:04:47,291 --> 00:04:48,834 Good morning, good morning. 95 00:04:48,917 --> 00:04:50,417 [chatter quiets] 96 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:51,750 So... [clears throat] 97 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:54,125 in a move designed 98 00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:57,417 to keep you all on the very tips of your toes, 99 00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:59,500 I read your stories from last week 100 00:04:59,583 --> 00:05:02,417 in an uncharacteristically timely fashion. 101 00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:06,542 Some were very, very good, 102 00:05:06,625 --> 00:05:08,458 while others... well, all I can say is 103 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,542 I hope the rest of your classes are going well. 104 00:05:10,625 --> 00:05:12,709 -[light laughter] -But before we commence, 105 00:05:12,792 --> 00:05:14,291 let me call your attention 106 00:05:14,375 --> 00:05:16,917 to our special guest. 107 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,125 This gentlemen here is... 108 00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:20,625 Noah fucking Solloway. 109 00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:21,959 [laughter] 110 00:05:22,041 --> 00:05:24,667 [Ariel] Noah fucking Solloway, indeed. 111 00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:27,083 The man wholly responsible for the fact that I smoked 112 00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:28,959 Parliament Lights for nearly two decades 113 00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:32,417 because in college he made it look so tragically cool. 114 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,458 Mr. Solloway, can I just fanboy out for a second? 115 00:05:35,542 --> 00:05:38,250 I mean, you're the reason why I became a writer. 116 00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:40,583 I'm happy to hear it. 117 00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:43,500 -I love the way you write women. -You do? 118 00:05:43,583 --> 00:05:45,917 Alana's my favorite, like, contemporary character. 119 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,041 When she gives that speech at the end of Descent 120 00:05:48,125 --> 00:05:51,667 about feeling like a figment of other people's imagination... 121 00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:52,667 how'd you know that? 122 00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:54,083 Yeah, seriously. 123 00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:57,667 Uh, well, to be honest, writing character 124 00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:59,542 is all about listening to people. 125 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,250 And, uh, the place I really learned to listen 126 00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:03,834 was in a seminar like this one 127 00:06:03,917 --> 00:06:05,458 a million years ago, 128 00:06:05,542 --> 00:06:07,250 with Ariel sitting next to me. 129 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:08,750 [chuckles] 130 00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:11,917 Noah has with him today a prospective student. 131 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,834 Uh, guys, this is Antony. 132 00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,333 Anton. 133 00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:18,291 Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. 134 00:06:18,375 --> 00:06:19,750 No, it's fine. 135 00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:21,542 You can call me Antony if you want. 136 00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:22,959 [laughter] 137 00:06:23,041 --> 00:06:25,500 [Ariel] Anton is visiting from L.A. 138 00:06:25,583 --> 00:06:27,125 Where else you looking, bro? 139 00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:28,500 Um, just here, actually. 140 00:06:28,583 --> 00:06:30,458 Couple state colleges in California. 141 00:06:30,542 --> 00:06:32,375 I'm from Chicago, South Side. 142 00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:33,834 We should talk after class. 143 00:06:33,917 --> 00:06:35,625 We shall, man. That'd be cool. 144 00:06:35,709 --> 00:06:37,709 [female student] Before he entirely turns you off, 145 00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:39,125 this place isn't so bad. 146 00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:40,291 It's pretty woke. 147 00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:41,959 -[laughter] -My God, Gabby. 148 00:06:42,041 --> 00:06:43,959 What? 149 00:06:44,041 --> 00:06:46,333 We have a residential college named for a segregationist. 150 00:06:46,417 --> 00:06:47,625 And the School of Public Policy. 151 00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:49,333 Yeah, but we fought like hell 152 00:06:49,417 --> 00:06:51,041 -to get his name removed. -We didn't win. 153 00:06:51,125 --> 00:06:53,458 -We got the mural taken down. -Oh, the mural. What a win. 154 00:06:53,542 --> 00:06:54,959 Oh, hey. I didn't see you at the protest, Zac. 155 00:06:55,041 --> 00:06:56,542 I had rehearsal. 156 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,542 -[laughter] -It's cool, guys. 157 00:06:58,625 --> 00:07:00,625 I actually really like it here. 158 00:07:01,917 --> 00:07:05,041 Okay, so then let's get going. 159 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,458 May our pens be our swords. 160 00:07:07,542 --> 00:07:10,917 Today's prompt is a quote from Whitman. 161 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,625 This one's for you. 162 00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:18,166 "Do I contradict myself? 163 00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:19,917 Very well, then. 164 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,834 I contradict myself. 165 00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:24,625 I am large. 166 00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:27,083 I contain multitudes." 167 00:07:27,166 --> 00:07:29,458 Write a character sketch 168 00:07:29,542 --> 00:07:31,750 of a person who has a contradiction. 169 00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:33,000 A paradox. 170 00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:34,750 Show, don't tell. 171 00:07:34,834 --> 00:07:37,208 You have 15 minutes. 172 00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:40,625 Uh, can I borrow a couple 173 00:07:40,709 --> 00:07:42,083 -pieces of paper? -Mm-hmm. 174 00:07:42,166 --> 00:07:43,834 -[paper tearing] -[Anton] Thank you. 175 00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:48,667 How you holding up? 176 00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:54,291 How's Joanie? 177 00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:58,333 Yeah. 178 00:07:58,417 --> 00:08:00,667 I don't know what you tell her, either. 179 00:08:02,709 --> 00:08:03,834 Me? 180 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,041 Yeah. Sure. 181 00:08:06,125 --> 00:08:08,000 No, I'd love to. 182 00:08:08,083 --> 00:08:09,625 I don't know. I'll think about it. 183 00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:11,875 Maybe something from a book she loved. 184 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,583 Yeah. 185 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:16,041 Okay, is there anything else you need? 186 00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:18,083 I'll be there tomorrow morning. 187 00:08:18,166 --> 00:08:19,875 Uh, he's great. He's, uh... 188 00:08:19,959 --> 00:08:21,333 I think he likes it here. 189 00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:23,125 [chuckles] Yeah. 190 00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:25,542 Will do. You, too. 191 00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:31,166 Oh. 192 00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:32,667 -Hey, stranger. -Hey. 193 00:08:35,375 --> 00:08:37,417 Damn, Hoffman. Leaves of Grass. 194 00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:39,000 Diving deep. 195 00:08:41,417 --> 00:08:43,542 Thank you for this. 196 00:08:43,625 --> 00:08:44,875 Stop. Are you kidding? 197 00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,917 I was thrilled to hear from you. 198 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,375 What's it been, 20 years? 199 00:08:48,458 --> 00:08:50,083 No. Can't be. 200 00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:52,125 I was at your last book party. 201 00:08:52,208 --> 00:08:53,625 -You were? -Yeah. 202 00:08:53,709 --> 00:08:55,375 Brooklyn Heights? 203 00:08:55,458 --> 00:08:57,792 The one about the sisters, Siamese twins? 204 00:08:57,875 --> 00:08:58,917 That was three books ago. 205 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,500 What? 206 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,625 God, you were always so prolific. 207 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,458 You say it as if it's a bad thing. 208 00:09:04,542 --> 00:09:05,750 It's not a bad thing. 209 00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:07,417 It's just emasculating. 210 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,333 Uh, if I remember correctly, 211 00:09:09,417 --> 00:09:11,750 you're hard to emasculate. 212 00:09:14,417 --> 00:09:15,834 So, this is nice. 213 00:09:15,917 --> 00:09:18,125 What you're doing for this kid. 214 00:09:18,208 --> 00:09:21,417 Yeah, well, he's, you know... he's... he's very talented. 215 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,500 He just needs a... a way in. 216 00:09:23,583 --> 00:09:24,875 -He's your student? -Mm-hmm. 217 00:09:24,959 --> 00:09:26,291 Where? 218 00:09:26,375 --> 00:09:28,667 At a charter school in South L.A. 219 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,417 I didn't realize you moved to California. 220 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,667 When did that happen? 221 00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:35,542 Well, Helen's boyfriend got a fancy job in L.A., so I-- 222 00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:37,792 Wait. What? 223 00:09:37,875 --> 00:09:40,000 You guys split? 224 00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:41,917 -Yeah. You didn't know? -When? 225 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,041 Years ago. I mean, well, it was in the news. 226 00:09:45,125 --> 00:09:46,667 You don't read the paper? 227 00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:48,333 Not if I can help it. 228 00:09:48,417 --> 00:09:49,291 I read novels mostly. 229 00:09:49,375 --> 00:09:51,125 Memoir, if pressed. 230 00:09:51,208 --> 00:09:53,083 You haven't changed at all. 231 00:09:53,166 --> 00:09:55,792 Wow. 232 00:09:55,875 --> 00:09:58,166 Noah and Helen. 233 00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:00,166 Requiescat in pace. 234 00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:02,750 Yeah. Thanks. 235 00:10:02,834 --> 00:10:04,792 I thought you guys were gonna last forever. 236 00:10:04,875 --> 00:10:06,625 You were campus celebrities. 237 00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:10,000 Yeah, well... 238 00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:11,542 plans change. 239 00:10:11,625 --> 00:10:13,083 They really do. 240 00:10:13,166 --> 00:10:14,792 So, what happened? 241 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,375 Was it her dad? 242 00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:18,291 You remember him? 243 00:10:18,375 --> 00:10:21,208 I remember that she thought she kind of thought 244 00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:22,709 she was slumming it with you 245 00:10:22,792 --> 00:10:25,125 and you thought you found your golden goose. 246 00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,583 Damn, Ariel. 247 00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,000 You really were paying attention. 248 00:10:29,834 --> 00:10:31,667 Well, I had a crush. 249 00:10:33,709 --> 00:10:37,041 I spent most of college waiting for an opening, 250 00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:39,375 but... it never came. 251 00:10:39,458 --> 00:10:41,500 [chuckles] 252 00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:46,417 I'd say you dodged a bullet. 253 00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:47,667 [chuckles] 254 00:10:47,750 --> 00:10:49,208 Yeah. 255 00:10:49,291 --> 00:10:52,041 Looking back, I could have predicted that. 256 00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:54,625 I think you had the world a little bit too much 257 00:10:54,709 --> 00:10:56,166 at your fingertips, didn't you? 258 00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,500 Yeah, I was a... 259 00:10:57,583 --> 00:10:59,166 I was an asshole for a long time, but... 260 00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:00,583 What about you? 261 00:11:00,667 --> 00:11:02,750 I mean, chair of the English department. 262 00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:04,291 Multiple best sellers. 263 00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:06,166 Things worked out pretty well. 264 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,667 I had a cancer scare last year. 265 00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:11,792 I'm fine-- they cut it out-- but... 266 00:11:11,875 --> 00:11:14,500 I am feeling pretty lucky these days. 267 00:11:14,583 --> 00:11:16,667 I have this new boyfriend. 268 00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:18,458 He's a composer, Brazilian. 269 00:11:18,542 --> 00:11:19,583 Hot. 270 00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:21,417 Yeah, right? [chuckles] 271 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,583 Kids? 272 00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,208 No. 273 00:11:25,291 --> 00:11:27,208 Never had time. 274 00:11:27,291 --> 00:11:28,792 Biggest regret. 275 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:31,500 You? 276 00:11:31,583 --> 00:11:34,125 Yeah. I've got four of them. 277 00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:35,250 What? 278 00:11:35,333 --> 00:11:37,333 Jesus, Helen, nice work. 279 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:43,417 Yeah, I don't see too much of them, but I try. 280 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,709 Did you ever remarry? 281 00:11:49,375 --> 00:11:51,291 Yeah, I did. 282 00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:53,333 Oh? 283 00:11:53,417 --> 00:11:54,709 Tell me about her. 284 00:11:54,792 --> 00:11:56,500 Well, she's, uh... 285 00:11:58,625 --> 00:12:00,917 She's dead. 286 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,166 She died. 287 00:12:02,250 --> 00:12:04,500 Just a few days ago. 288 00:12:04,583 --> 00:12:06,583 Noah... 289 00:12:08,625 --> 00:12:11,000 Wh-What are you even doing here? 290 00:12:13,208 --> 00:12:16,166 Uh... what do you mean? 291 00:12:16,250 --> 00:12:19,125 Uh... are you okay? 292 00:12:19,208 --> 00:12:21,125 Yeah, I'm fine. I'm... 293 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:24,250 I mean, I'm sad, obviously, but, uh... 294 00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:28,000 -I'm fine. -[cell phone alarm ringing] 295 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,542 Shall we? 296 00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:39,000 Okay, guys, that's time. 297 00:12:39,083 --> 00:12:39,917 So... 298 00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:42,917 Who wants to start us off? 299 00:12:47,458 --> 00:12:49,542 Anton, how about you? 300 00:12:51,458 --> 00:12:52,959 You don't have to. 301 00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:56,458 Hey, I'll read. 302 00:12:57,959 --> 00:12:59,917 Yeah. [clears throat] 303 00:13:06,291 --> 00:13:07,250 Okay. 304 00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:09,583 Here goes. 305 00:13:09,667 --> 00:13:11,542 [takes deep breath] 306 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:13,583 "You can tell he used to be 307 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,750 kind of cool when he was younger. 308 00:13:15,834 --> 00:13:18,166 Something about the way he wears his jeans. 309 00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:20,041 Or maybe it's the way he carries himself 310 00:13:20,125 --> 00:13:22,041 with a certain swagger. 311 00:13:22,125 --> 00:13:23,834 Most of the teachers, 312 00:13:23,917 --> 00:13:25,709 they were there because they had to be. 313 00:13:25,792 --> 00:13:27,291 And we knew that. 314 00:13:27,375 --> 00:13:28,917 But not him. 315 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,917 He was a big-time author. 316 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,875 He was there because he wanted to be. 317 00:13:33,959 --> 00:13:36,709 Because he cared so much about us. 318 00:13:36,792 --> 00:13:40,166 Because he was a good man. 319 00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:42,750 He'd wave George Orwell around like they were peers 320 00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:44,583 and weep over Eliot. 321 00:13:44,667 --> 00:13:47,125 I had never seen anybody cry 322 00:13:47,208 --> 00:13:48,959 over a poem before. 323 00:13:49,041 --> 00:13:51,375 I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. 324 00:13:51,458 --> 00:13:54,000 So smart, so worldly. 325 00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:57,208 Wanted to have that kind of grace 326 00:13:57,291 --> 00:13:59,000 resting on my shoulders. 327 00:13:59,083 --> 00:14:00,875 To move through the world 328 00:14:00,959 --> 00:14:02,709 like it was a woman who belonged to me. 329 00:14:02,792 --> 00:14:05,583 We took a trip together. 330 00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:08,959 He didn't have to do it, but he offered. 331 00:14:09,041 --> 00:14:11,375 Because he believes in me. 332 00:14:11,458 --> 00:14:13,542 He believes in my future. 333 00:14:14,834 --> 00:14:16,208 Also, he's fucking my mother. 334 00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:21,166 But that doesn't matter, because he cares. 335 00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:23,041 Look how he parts the seas 336 00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:25,792 for a boy like me to walk right into Canaan. 337 00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:28,250 He's got kids of his own, you know. 338 00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,500 He never really talks about them. 339 00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:32,166 Makes you kind of wonder why. 340 00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:33,875 Nothing affects him. 341 00:14:33,959 --> 00:14:37,542 Everything seems to roll right off of his back. 342 00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:40,083 Everything is hard for me. 343 00:14:42,291 --> 00:14:44,250 I put on a good act, but on the inside, 344 00:14:44,333 --> 00:14:47,083 I'm checking every gesture, every facial expression. 345 00:14:47,166 --> 00:14:49,667 I stand in front of the mirror at night, 346 00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:52,834 and I practice how to smile. 347 00:14:52,917 --> 00:14:55,250 Not too much; just the right amount. 348 00:14:57,333 --> 00:14:58,834 Do you have to be white 349 00:14:58,917 --> 00:15:00,417 to move through the world like that, 350 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,875 with that kind of confidence, 351 00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:03,875 or is it something else? 352 00:15:03,959 --> 00:15:06,083 Some kind of sociopathy, maybe. 353 00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:10,542 Is there really a difference?" 354 00:15:12,583 --> 00:15:14,333 That's all I have. 355 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,709 [applause] 356 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,125 [cell phone buzzing] 357 00:15:30,291 --> 00:15:32,125 [buzzing stops] 358 00:15:33,834 --> 00:15:35,041 [Anton] Yo. 359 00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:38,041 Mr. Solloway. 360 00:15:39,542 --> 00:15:40,750 You okay? 361 00:15:40,834 --> 00:15:42,542 No, I'm not okay, Anton. 362 00:15:42,625 --> 00:15:44,000 What the fuck was that? 363 00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:45,500 What? In class? 364 00:15:45,583 --> 00:15:47,166 Yes, in class. 365 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,208 I'm busting my ass for you. I've driven across 366 00:15:49,291 --> 00:15:50,750 the entire fucking country to bring you here, 367 00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:52,500 and all this time, that's what you think of me? 368 00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:53,834 I thought you'd be proud. 369 00:15:53,917 --> 00:15:55,458 Are you insane? 370 00:15:55,542 --> 00:15:57,041 I did well in there. 371 00:15:57,125 --> 00:15:58,500 I kicked ass, actually. 372 00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,458 I'm definitely getting back in. 373 00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:01,875 -And that's all you care about? -Look, I wrote that piece 374 00:16:01,959 --> 00:16:03,959 because I knew that's what they wanted. 375 00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:05,792 And they ate that shit up. 376 00:16:05,875 --> 00:16:07,125 -What are you talking about? -I mean, they started the class 377 00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:09,291 talking about fucking segregation. 378 00:16:09,375 --> 00:16:11,125 Okay, I heard that, and I was like, "Okay. 379 00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:12,959 I understand the role y'all want me to play." 380 00:16:13,041 --> 00:16:14,667 Jesus Christ. 381 00:16:14,750 --> 00:16:17,041 When in Rome, right? 382 00:16:17,125 --> 00:16:18,875 You can't take people's lives, Anton. 383 00:16:18,959 --> 00:16:21,750 You can't fucking use people to get what you want. 384 00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:24,542 That's... that-that is fucking sociopathic behavior. 385 00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:27,166 I thought that was called being a writer. 386 00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:28,709 Well, you don't understand the first thing 387 00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:29,583 about being a writer. 388 00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:32,333 Really? 389 00:16:32,417 --> 00:16:34,542 So, Descent, Alana, 390 00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:36,000 that wasn't about your dead wife? 391 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,125 Fuck you. 392 00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:39,542 Noah, what are you even doing here? 393 00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:40,917 I'm trying to help you. 394 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,333 That's what I'm fucking doing here. 395 00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:44,417 Okay, but your wife, she just died. 396 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,041 Shouldn't you be there? 397 00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:50,667 You shouldn't be here, okay? 398 00:16:50,750 --> 00:16:53,583 This is... it's weird. 399 00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,792 Wow, that's a hell of a way to say thank you. 400 00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:57,709 [a cappella group vocalizing] 401 00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:04,458 Look, it's late. We better get to the airport. 402 00:17:04,542 --> 00:17:05,625 Actually thought I'd stick around for a couple hours, 403 00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:07,250 check out the campus some more. 404 00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:08,959 Yeah, well, I promised your mother I'd put you 405 00:17:09,041 --> 00:17:11,166 -back on a plane, so let's go. -Hey, look. See this? 406 00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:13,291 It's called an iPhone. 407 00:17:13,375 --> 00:17:15,250 Okay, it has maps and a clock and this thing 408 00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:16,667 called the Internet. 409 00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:19,041 And I can call a cab whenever I want. 410 00:17:20,709 --> 00:17:23,208 I'm 19 years old. I'll be fine. 411 00:17:26,041 --> 00:17:27,417 You sure? 412 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,166 Sure. 413 00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:30,667 You should take care of yourself. 414 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,333 It's been a long week. 415 00:17:32,417 --> 00:17:33,792 Yeah. 416 00:17:33,875 --> 00:17:36,166 I need to buy a fucking suit. 417 00:17:36,250 --> 00:17:37,417 There's got to be a Brooks Brothers 418 00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:38,792 around here somewhere. 419 00:17:38,875 --> 00:17:39,875 This place is like a fucking mall. 420 00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:49,542 So, you gonna go? 421 00:17:51,417 --> 00:17:53,500 I might. 422 00:17:57,667 --> 00:17:59,000 Hey, Noah. 423 00:17:59,083 --> 00:18:00,458 ♪ quiet, atmospheric music ♪ 424 00:18:00,542 --> 00:18:02,333 Thank you. 425 00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:04,291 Don't mention it. 426 00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:06,250 Seriously. 427 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:07,792 I had fun. 428 00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,125 Sorry about Alison. 429 00:18:15,709 --> 00:18:17,291 Yeah. Me, too. 430 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,208 Me, too. 431 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,250 ♪ ♪ ♪ 432 00:18:33,709 --> 00:18:35,792 [quiet chatter, laughter] 433 00:18:58,083 --> 00:19:00,250 -[knocking at door] -[Luisa] Cole? 434 00:19:00,333 --> 00:19:01,750 You okay? 435 00:19:03,166 --> 00:19:04,625 Baby, we don't want to be late. 436 00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:07,959 [sighs] 437 00:19:09,834 --> 00:19:12,542 [indistinct program playing over TV] 438 00:19:12,625 --> 00:19:14,792 [Luisa] Hey, Cole. 439 00:19:14,875 --> 00:19:17,959 Can you help me with this, please? 440 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,166 Thank you. 441 00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:28,291 Um, I put the candles in the trunk. 442 00:19:29,583 --> 00:19:31,875 The votives Athena asked for? 443 00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:35,792 [TV stops playing] 444 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,583 I was watching that. 445 00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:39,625 We should get you dressed. 446 00:19:39,709 --> 00:19:41,041 [sighs] 447 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:50,291 Want me to unpack these for you? 448 00:19:50,375 --> 00:19:52,458 No, I'll take care of it later. 449 00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:56,000 But you've been back two days. 450 00:19:58,375 --> 00:20:01,208 Exactly. It's only been two days. 451 00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:08,500 But you're planning to unpack, right? 452 00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:10,375 I mean, eventually? 453 00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:12,583 [takes deep breath] 454 00:20:16,709 --> 00:20:18,709 Look, Cole, I... 455 00:20:18,792 --> 00:20:22,000 don't want to have a big conversation right now, but... 456 00:20:22,083 --> 00:20:23,875 I need to know your plans, 457 00:20:23,959 --> 00:20:25,208 what to tell Joanie. 458 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:27,417 I have no idea what to tell Joanie. 459 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,000 That her mother just killed herself? 460 00:20:29,083 --> 00:20:30,208 Should I start with that? 461 00:20:39,208 --> 00:20:41,417 I just need a second, please. 462 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,959 Please, I just need to get dressed, 463 00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,667 and I need to bury Alison, 464 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:51,250 and then we can talk for as long as you like. 465 00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:53,792 We can talk all night if you want. 466 00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:56,041 Okay? 467 00:20:56,125 --> 00:20:58,959 Yeah. Yeah. 468 00:21:03,709 --> 00:21:05,417 [sighs] 469 00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:09,208 ♪ This land is your land ♪ 470 00:21:09,291 --> 00:21:11,458 ♪ This land is my land ♪ 471 00:21:11,542 --> 00:21:14,208 -♪ From California ♪ -[turn signal ticking] 472 00:21:14,291 --> 00:21:15,291 [Joanie] ♪ To the New York island ♪ 473 00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:16,458 Wait, baby, where are you going? 474 00:21:17,709 --> 00:21:19,208 To the church. 475 00:21:19,291 --> 00:21:21,291 No, Athena moved the service to the beach. 476 00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:24,750 Why didn't you tell me? 477 00:21:24,834 --> 00:21:26,709 I did. 478 00:21:26,792 --> 00:21:28,083 [sighs] 479 00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:31,291 [tires squeal, horn honks] 480 00:21:34,792 --> 00:21:36,333 [horn honking] 481 00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:48,458 ♪ This land is your land ♪ 482 00:21:48,542 --> 00:21:51,542 ♪ This land is my land ♪ 483 00:21:51,625 --> 00:21:54,208 [Joanie joins in] ♪ From California ♪ 484 00:21:54,291 --> 00:21:56,375 ♪ To the New York island ♪ 485 00:21:56,458 --> 00:22:01,083 ♪ From the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream waters ♪ 486 00:22:01,166 --> 00:22:02,917 ♪ quiet, atmospheric music ♪ 487 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,000 ♪ ♪ ♪ 488 00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:15,875 [quiet, indistinct chatter] 489 00:22:21,041 --> 00:22:22,208 Nice turnout, huh? 490 00:22:28,709 --> 00:22:31,458 It's a fucking clown car. 491 00:22:49,250 --> 00:22:50,959 [Athena] ...traditional mourning color in China. 492 00:22:51,041 --> 00:22:53,250 You know, purity, which I think is more important than-- 493 00:22:53,333 --> 00:22:54,792 What the fuck, Athena? 494 00:22:54,875 --> 00:22:56,041 [sighs] 495 00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:58,834 [both sigh] 496 00:22:58,917 --> 00:23:00,166 [softly] Cole. 497 00:23:00,250 --> 00:23:02,959 Thank you for being here, Cole. 498 00:23:03,041 --> 00:23:05,166 Where else would I be? 499 00:23:06,792 --> 00:23:08,792 Alison's at peace now. 500 00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:09,917 Don't you think? 501 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:10,750 What is that? 502 00:23:12,417 --> 00:23:14,291 That's our Alison. 503 00:23:14,375 --> 00:23:16,792 I told you I wanted to bury her. 504 00:23:16,875 --> 00:23:19,542 I understand that's what you wanted, Cole, 505 00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:21,834 but this is what she would have wanted. 506 00:23:21,917 --> 00:23:23,500 A beaching ceremony. 507 00:23:23,583 --> 00:23:25,375 After the service, 508 00:23:25,458 --> 00:23:27,709 everyone will get a little bit of Alison's ashes 509 00:23:27,792 --> 00:23:30,917 to bury in the sand, and then we meditate, 510 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,333 we sing, we celebrate, 511 00:23:34,417 --> 00:23:37,333 as we wait for the tide to rise 512 00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:40,208 and wash her back into the sea. 513 00:23:40,291 --> 00:23:42,458 [sobbing] 514 00:23:42,542 --> 00:23:45,208 Doesn't that sound like something Alison would have loved? 515 00:23:45,291 --> 00:23:47,333 She would have hated this. 516 00:23:47,417 --> 00:23:49,875 Alison hated the ocean. 517 00:23:49,959 --> 00:23:52,000 And we agreed that she was going to be buried 518 00:23:52,083 --> 00:23:53,583 in my family's plot next to Gabriel. 519 00:23:53,667 --> 00:23:55,667 But, Cole, sweetheart, why would we bury her 520 00:23:55,750 --> 00:23:57,750 with your family? She's my daughter. 521 00:23:57,834 --> 00:23:59,458 She's my wife. 522 00:24:08,166 --> 00:24:09,750 I'm sorry for your loss. 523 00:24:09,834 --> 00:24:12,542 My darling, I'm sorry for your loss. 524 00:24:14,291 --> 00:24:16,083 Okay, we should get started. 525 00:24:16,166 --> 00:24:17,709 Let's get started, everyone. 526 00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,667 ♪ quiet, ambient music ♪ 527 00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:24,500 ♪ ♪ ♪ 528 00:24:27,333 --> 00:24:29,667 Thank you all for coming. 529 00:24:30,750 --> 00:24:32,417 Oh, my darlings. 530 00:24:32,500 --> 00:24:36,000 I haven't prepared a eulogy. 531 00:24:37,166 --> 00:24:39,291 I don't, um, believe 532 00:24:39,375 --> 00:24:42,500 that memorials should be dictatorships with one voice. 533 00:24:42,583 --> 00:24:46,000 How can I speak to the Alison you knew 534 00:24:46,083 --> 00:24:47,792 when she was with you? 535 00:24:47,875 --> 00:24:49,542 To you? 536 00:24:49,625 --> 00:24:51,208 You all deserve 537 00:24:51,291 --> 00:24:53,667 a chance to say good-bye in your own way. 538 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,291 And so... [sighs] 539 00:24:57,375 --> 00:25:02,083 before we, um, distribute ashes for the beaching ceremony, 540 00:25:02,166 --> 00:25:03,709 we'll pass her around 541 00:25:03,792 --> 00:25:05,875 and hold her one last time. 542 00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:08,208 And when she comes to you... 543 00:25:10,667 --> 00:25:12,875 ...you hold her close to your heart and say good-bye. 544 00:25:12,959 --> 00:25:15,792 I'll begin. 545 00:25:15,875 --> 00:25:17,542 If I can. [chuckles] 546 00:25:28,917 --> 00:25:30,500 Oh, my baby. 547 00:25:30,583 --> 00:25:32,625 I remember... [sniffs] 548 00:25:32,709 --> 00:25:36,375 God, one time when you were little, 549 00:25:36,458 --> 00:25:39,041 you brought home a... a lizard tail. 550 00:25:39,125 --> 00:25:40,542 Just the tail. 551 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:43,291 You learned about regeneration 552 00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:45,125 in school, and you were sure 553 00:25:45,208 --> 00:25:48,875 that life could work backwards. 554 00:25:48,959 --> 00:25:52,333 That this tail could regenerate the beast. 555 00:25:57,041 --> 00:26:01,750 Oh, I wish I could regenerate you now, my girl. 556 00:26:04,542 --> 00:26:07,083 But... 557 00:26:07,166 --> 00:26:08,667 I know that's selfish. 558 00:26:08,750 --> 00:26:12,125 That... that would stop my pain. 559 00:26:12,208 --> 00:26:16,542 You, my darling, 560 00:26:16,625 --> 00:26:21,542 who had so much pain in your short life, 561 00:26:21,625 --> 00:26:24,750 you're finally at peace. 562 00:26:35,208 --> 00:26:37,583 Oh, Jesus, this is difficult. 563 00:26:45,709 --> 00:26:47,417 Alison, you were magic. 564 00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:49,625 You were light. You... 565 00:26:52,417 --> 00:26:54,000 You made me believe that anything 566 00:26:54,083 --> 00:26:56,083 and everything is possible. 567 00:26:57,583 --> 00:26:59,291 You were wild. 568 00:27:01,375 --> 00:27:03,583 You were brave. You... 569 00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:08,583 You took nothing for granted. 570 00:27:08,667 --> 00:27:10,500 [sniffs] 571 00:27:10,583 --> 00:27:13,750 And you made me see the world with new eyes. 572 00:27:13,834 --> 00:27:15,291 With wonder. 573 00:27:16,625 --> 00:27:19,583 Where does that spirit go now? 574 00:27:19,667 --> 00:27:21,667 I don't understand. 575 00:27:26,333 --> 00:27:29,417 How could you of all people be gone? 576 00:27:31,834 --> 00:27:34,417 You were, uh... 577 00:27:34,500 --> 00:27:38,125 You were so empathetic, 578 00:27:38,208 --> 00:27:41,208 so concerned with the suffering of others, 579 00:27:41,291 --> 00:27:43,458 including me. 580 00:27:43,542 --> 00:27:45,250 ♪ atmospheric music ♪ 581 00:27:45,333 --> 00:27:47,000 ♪ ♪ ♪ 582 00:28:08,750 --> 00:28:11,500 ♪ ♪ ♪ 583 00:28:15,333 --> 00:28:17,041 [woman] Cole. 584 00:28:39,959 --> 00:28:41,625 [quiet sigh] 585 00:28:41,709 --> 00:28:43,583 ♪ hypnotic, atmospheric music ♪ 586 00:28:43,667 --> 00:28:45,709 ♪ ♪ ♪ 587 00:29:03,542 --> 00:29:05,583 [panting] 588 00:29:13,458 --> 00:29:15,875 [grunting, panting] 589 00:29:20,041 --> 00:29:21,625 [coughs] 590 00:29:31,959 --> 00:29:34,375 [footsteps approaching] 591 00:29:35,583 --> 00:29:38,375 So, what's the plan here? 592 00:29:38,458 --> 00:29:40,208 There is no plan. 593 00:29:43,834 --> 00:29:46,750 [sighs] Funerals bring out the worst in people. 594 00:29:51,208 --> 00:29:53,125 Alison's gone, Cole. 595 00:29:54,875 --> 00:29:57,000 It doesn't matter where she's buried. 596 00:29:57,083 --> 00:30:00,583 So, why not just let Athena have her moment 597 00:30:00,667 --> 00:30:03,250 as chief mourner so we can all go home 598 00:30:03,333 --> 00:30:05,667 to a more private grief? 599 00:30:07,583 --> 00:30:09,250 No. 600 00:30:11,041 --> 00:30:12,625 You're not the only one who loved her. 601 00:30:12,709 --> 00:30:15,000 Don't I know it. 602 00:30:19,291 --> 00:30:20,291 Look, Cole... 603 00:30:24,792 --> 00:30:26,291 I know you're in pain. 604 00:30:28,166 --> 00:30:29,834 And you may not want to hear this right now, 605 00:30:29,917 --> 00:30:31,375 but so are the rest of us. 606 00:30:31,458 --> 00:30:33,500 We're all reeling. 607 00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:36,875 And that ceremony, it... 608 00:30:38,667 --> 00:30:40,291 It meant a great deal to Athena, 609 00:30:40,375 --> 00:30:42,667 who is her mother. 610 00:30:42,750 --> 00:30:44,959 You know... [sighs] 611 00:30:45,041 --> 00:30:47,625 if she was still my wife, 612 00:30:47,709 --> 00:30:50,375 I would have got to choose what happened to the body, 613 00:30:50,458 --> 00:30:52,000 and nobody would've questioned it. 614 00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:01,500 I'm sorry. 615 00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:05,208 Why'd you do it? 616 00:31:05,291 --> 00:31:06,834 Why her? 617 00:31:11,667 --> 00:31:13,875 I was unhappy. 618 00:31:15,667 --> 00:31:17,917 Did she make you happy? 619 00:31:26,417 --> 00:31:29,000 She made me happy. 620 00:31:29,083 --> 00:31:31,250 ♪ quiet, atmospheric music ♪ 621 00:31:31,333 --> 00:31:33,083 ♪ ♪ ♪ 622 00:31:46,417 --> 00:31:48,417 [sighs] 623 00:31:54,125 --> 00:31:56,041 [breathing heavily] 624 00:32:02,375 --> 00:32:04,959 How many times you think we've had sex? 625 00:32:06,542 --> 00:32:09,291 I have no fucking idea. 626 00:32:11,625 --> 00:32:13,542 Ten thousand? 627 00:32:16,417 --> 00:32:17,792 Yeah. 628 00:32:19,125 --> 00:32:20,750 Yeah, maybe. 629 00:32:23,166 --> 00:32:25,125 ♪ ♪ ♪ 630 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,166 -What about you? -[shushes] 631 00:32:49,375 --> 00:32:51,333 Just hold my hand. 632 00:33:00,166 --> 00:33:01,500 [gasps] 633 00:33:01,583 --> 00:33:04,125 [Cherry] Oh. Did I scare you? 634 00:33:05,667 --> 00:33:07,250 [groans] No. 635 00:33:08,375 --> 00:33:10,333 No. 636 00:33:10,417 --> 00:33:12,166 [sighs] 637 00:33:13,417 --> 00:33:15,125 [grunts] 638 00:33:15,208 --> 00:33:17,959 Athena sent you? 639 00:33:18,041 --> 00:33:19,625 She must really be getting desperate. 640 00:33:19,709 --> 00:33:21,000 Athena didn't send me. 641 00:33:21,083 --> 00:33:22,792 I brought you something to eat. 642 00:33:22,875 --> 00:33:24,834 And I thought you might be a little cold. 643 00:33:24,917 --> 00:33:26,166 Yeah. 644 00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:29,041 [takes deep breath] 645 00:33:30,750 --> 00:33:33,417 Chicken salad from the memorial. 646 00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:34,875 I'm not hungry. 647 00:33:34,959 --> 00:33:37,208 I know, but you have to eat something. 648 00:33:39,417 --> 00:33:41,166 [sighs] 649 00:33:47,250 --> 00:33:49,542 How are you feeling? 650 00:33:53,125 --> 00:33:55,542 I feel terrible. 651 00:33:55,625 --> 00:33:58,000 I know, honey. 652 00:33:59,291 --> 00:34:01,500 It takes time. 653 00:34:02,583 --> 00:34:04,208 How did you do it? 654 00:34:06,125 --> 00:34:08,375 When Dad died, how did you move on? 655 00:34:08,458 --> 00:34:09,917 Did I? 656 00:34:11,709 --> 00:34:13,792 I'm glad you think so. 657 00:34:13,875 --> 00:34:15,959 I always hoped for you and your brothers 658 00:34:16,041 --> 00:34:17,834 that I was strong 659 00:34:17,917 --> 00:34:20,375 and that you felt safe. 660 00:34:20,458 --> 00:34:22,834 Because inside-- phew. 661 00:34:25,250 --> 00:34:28,291 After he killed himself, I broke five watch bands 662 00:34:28,375 --> 00:34:30,250 in the span of two weeks. 663 00:34:32,875 --> 00:34:35,542 I was always pulling at them. 664 00:34:37,041 --> 00:34:38,709 Yanking at my wrists, 665 00:34:38,792 --> 00:34:42,083 trying to figure out what to do with all my anger. 666 00:34:44,709 --> 00:34:47,125 It takes time. 667 00:34:48,959 --> 00:34:50,750 I was coming back for her. 668 00:34:52,709 --> 00:34:54,750 [takes deep breath] 669 00:34:58,125 --> 00:35:00,250 I drove across the entire country 670 00:35:00,333 --> 00:35:02,959 to come and get her, but I was too late. 671 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,917 I am always too late. 672 00:35:14,125 --> 00:35:15,792 Oh, baby. 673 00:35:15,875 --> 00:35:17,542 It isn't your fault. 674 00:35:17,625 --> 00:35:20,417 None of this was. 675 00:35:20,500 --> 00:35:23,750 I don't understand what I'm supposed to do with this. 676 00:35:23,834 --> 00:35:25,834 [takes deep breath] 677 00:35:25,917 --> 00:35:27,792 I don't think I can carry it. 678 00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:29,959 -You can. -What if I can't? 679 00:35:30,041 --> 00:35:32,834 -I know you can. -But what if I can't? 680 00:35:32,917 --> 00:35:34,500 Dad couldn't. 681 00:35:36,917 --> 00:35:39,208 And I get it now. 682 00:35:39,291 --> 00:35:42,083 Oh, I mean, to just go to sleep, 683 00:35:42,166 --> 00:35:46,250 to... to never wake up in pain again. 684 00:35:46,333 --> 00:35:47,875 I know. Here's the thing. 685 00:35:47,959 --> 00:35:50,291 You're not like your dad. 686 00:35:50,375 --> 00:35:53,166 You're not a Lockhart. You're a McGinty. 687 00:35:53,250 --> 00:35:55,291 You're like me. 688 00:35:55,375 --> 00:35:58,125 You're a survivor. You're a fighter. 689 00:35:58,208 --> 00:36:01,125 You told me I am exactly like Dad. 690 00:36:01,208 --> 00:36:03,083 Well, if I did, then I was wrong. 691 00:36:03,166 --> 00:36:05,375 -No, but-- -Sweetie, there are people 692 00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:07,041 in the world like your father. 693 00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:08,208 Like Alison. 694 00:36:08,291 --> 00:36:11,500 Magical, special people. 695 00:36:11,583 --> 00:36:14,291 And we love them for their sensitive souls, 696 00:36:14,375 --> 00:36:17,041 and we love them for burning so brightly. 697 00:36:18,709 --> 00:36:23,000 But I think I always knew your father was... 698 00:36:23,083 --> 00:36:24,625 ephemeral, 699 00:36:24,709 --> 00:36:26,333 even before he... 700 00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:28,709 I mean, that's why I sent him to California. 701 00:36:28,792 --> 00:36:32,000 That's why I let him have Nan. 702 00:36:33,333 --> 00:36:34,917 'Cause I-I knew somehow, deep inside, 703 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,542 I couldn't keep him forever. 704 00:36:37,625 --> 00:36:41,333 He wasn't solid, like you and me. 705 00:36:43,083 --> 00:36:45,041 He was made of too much air. 706 00:36:46,166 --> 00:36:48,166 So you knew about Nan. 707 00:36:51,375 --> 00:36:54,333 Then you sent me out there to... find her? 708 00:36:55,959 --> 00:36:57,750 -Why? -I don't know, Cole. 709 00:36:57,834 --> 00:37:02,208 I think I wanted you to see that life is... 710 00:37:02,291 --> 00:37:05,250 God, I... it's messy, honey. 711 00:37:05,333 --> 00:37:09,500 And you've had more mess, more tragedy in your life 712 00:37:09,583 --> 00:37:11,333 than most people. 713 00:37:12,458 --> 00:37:14,834 And your answer, like mine, 714 00:37:14,917 --> 00:37:16,625 is to try and take control, 715 00:37:16,709 --> 00:37:18,709 and sometimes you just can't. 716 00:37:20,291 --> 00:37:22,375 And I want to tell you that the worst of it 717 00:37:22,458 --> 00:37:24,333 is just behind you and that it's... 718 00:37:24,417 --> 00:37:26,875 it's all gonna get better from here on out. 719 00:37:26,959 --> 00:37:28,875 And I hope it does. 720 00:37:29,917 --> 00:37:32,417 Baby, it might not, and... 721 00:37:33,917 --> 00:37:35,667 All I've ever wanted, 722 00:37:35,750 --> 00:37:38,333 all that I wish for you, 723 00:37:38,417 --> 00:37:41,792 is for you to know you're strong 724 00:37:41,875 --> 00:37:44,375 and you can survive. 725 00:37:44,458 --> 00:37:47,083 So you can be the shelter for Joanie 726 00:37:47,166 --> 00:37:49,542 the way I tried to shelter you. 727 00:37:51,375 --> 00:37:54,125 [Cole takes deep breath] 728 00:38:00,875 --> 00:38:03,625 Oh, not everyone gets to grow old, Cole, 729 00:38:03,709 --> 00:38:05,542 but if I had to bet... 730 00:38:07,542 --> 00:38:09,625 I would say that you will. 731 00:38:14,417 --> 00:38:15,959 And the sooner that you understand that 732 00:38:16,041 --> 00:38:19,500 as the great, radical gift it is, 733 00:38:19,583 --> 00:38:24,083 the sooner that you start to think of what you have 734 00:38:24,166 --> 00:38:26,166 instead of what you've lost... 735 00:38:28,333 --> 00:38:31,458 ...the happier you and your little girl are gonna be. 736 00:38:31,542 --> 00:38:33,458 ♪ droning, atmospheric music ♪ 737 00:38:33,542 --> 00:38:35,500 ♪ ♪ ♪ 738 00:39:01,750 --> 00:39:03,709 Is Joanie asleep? 739 00:39:05,750 --> 00:39:07,959 Yep. 740 00:39:11,333 --> 00:39:12,542 Thank you. 741 00:39:13,917 --> 00:39:16,208 I love her. 742 00:39:17,417 --> 00:39:19,125 I know you do. 743 00:39:25,208 --> 00:39:27,875 Whatever happened to those hardship papers? 744 00:39:27,959 --> 00:39:29,250 I think we should get 'em filed. 745 00:39:29,333 --> 00:39:31,375 [sighs] 746 00:39:31,458 --> 00:39:33,375 It's too late. 747 00:39:34,375 --> 00:39:36,542 No, we're done. 748 00:39:39,041 --> 00:39:40,291 Luisa, I'm sorry. 749 00:39:40,375 --> 00:39:42,542 Cole, just listen to me for once. 750 00:39:42,625 --> 00:39:44,583 We're done. 751 00:39:48,458 --> 00:39:50,458 I know we're done. 752 00:39:50,542 --> 00:39:53,750 And I'm sorry for everything that I said. 753 00:39:53,834 --> 00:39:56,291 And I'm sorry for the things that I've done. 754 00:39:56,375 --> 00:39:59,583 You deserve better than that. 755 00:39:59,667 --> 00:40:02,542 We don't have to split up. 756 00:40:02,625 --> 00:40:04,375 We can stay married. 757 00:40:04,458 --> 00:40:07,125 At least on paper. 758 00:40:07,208 --> 00:40:10,250 And we'll make you Joanie's legal guardian, 759 00:40:10,333 --> 00:40:12,917 and we'll finally get you your citizenship. 760 00:40:15,834 --> 00:40:18,875 [takes deep breath] 761 00:40:18,959 --> 00:40:20,125 [chuckles] 762 00:40:22,583 --> 00:40:25,250 What are we gonna tell Joanie? 763 00:40:27,917 --> 00:40:29,875 Right now I think I... 764 00:40:31,625 --> 00:40:34,458 I'd just like to take her on a little trip. 765 00:40:34,542 --> 00:40:35,959 [takes deep breath] 766 00:40:36,041 --> 00:40:40,542 Just the two of us, to... 767 00:40:40,625 --> 00:40:43,458 get away from here for a little while. 768 00:40:46,542 --> 00:40:48,166 When she gets back, she's gonna need 769 00:40:48,250 --> 00:40:49,917 all the love she can get. 770 00:40:51,291 --> 00:40:53,291 And she needs you, Luisa. 771 00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:02,458 [speaking Spanish] 772 00:41:05,125 --> 00:41:07,083 What does that mean? 773 00:41:08,750 --> 00:41:10,500 [sighs] 774 00:41:13,125 --> 00:41:16,667 You know what? I think we should... 775 00:41:16,750 --> 00:41:19,250 we should go to bed tonight, and, uh... 776 00:41:20,500 --> 00:41:22,750 I'll help Joanie pack tomorrow. 777 00:41:25,583 --> 00:41:27,667 [sighs] 778 00:41:32,417 --> 00:41:34,291 [Joanie] When we get to our vacation, 779 00:41:34,375 --> 00:41:36,291 will Mommy be there? 780 00:41:37,709 --> 00:41:40,375 Nope. Just gonna be you and me, kiddo. 781 00:41:40,458 --> 00:41:43,166 Where is Mommy? 782 00:41:45,250 --> 00:41:48,041 Some people think that when you die 783 00:41:48,125 --> 00:41:49,709 your soul goes up to Heaven. 784 00:41:49,792 --> 00:41:51,875 And some people think 785 00:41:51,959 --> 00:41:54,083 that you get to come back as a different person 786 00:41:54,166 --> 00:41:55,709 or even an animal. 787 00:41:55,792 --> 00:41:58,333 But what about you? 788 00:41:58,417 --> 00:42:00,041 Where do you think Mommy is? 789 00:42:01,959 --> 00:42:04,250 [sighs] 790 00:42:04,333 --> 00:42:06,542 I wish I knew, kiddo. 791 00:42:09,333 --> 00:42:12,917 But I do know that she will always be here. 792 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:14,750 And whenever you miss her, 793 00:42:14,834 --> 00:42:16,917 all we have to do is think about her 794 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:18,333 and remember her, and that way, 795 00:42:18,417 --> 00:42:20,125 she will always be with us. 796 00:42:32,458 --> 00:42:35,542 ♪ As I went walking ♪ 797 00:42:35,625 --> 00:42:38,500 ♪ That ribbon of highway ♪ 798 00:42:38,583 --> 00:42:41,333 -[Joanie humming along] -♪ I saw above me ♪ 799 00:42:41,417 --> 00:42:43,959 ♪ That endless skyway ♪ 800 00:42:44,041 --> 00:42:47,166 ♪ I saw below me ♪ 801 00:42:47,250 --> 00:42:50,834 ♪ That golden valley ♪ 802 00:42:50,917 --> 00:42:55,083 ♪ This land was made for you and me ♪ 803 00:42:55,166 --> 00:42:57,417 [Joanie continues humming] 804 00:43:03,208 --> 00:43:05,917 [continues humming] 805 00:43:10,417 --> 00:43:12,625 ♪ quiet, ambient music ♪ 806 00:43:12,709 --> 00:43:14,625 ♪ ♪ ♪ 807 00:43:14,709 --> 00:43:16,709 [birds chirping and squawking] 808 00:43:32,917 --> 00:43:35,041 [medical monitor beeping] 809 00:43:38,834 --> 00:43:40,125 [Vik grunts] 810 00:43:52,125 --> 00:43:54,000 I'll send in Dr. Woo. 811 00:43:54,083 --> 00:43:55,667 [Vik] Thank you. 812 00:43:57,250 --> 00:43:58,834 [door opens] 813 00:44:00,250 --> 00:44:01,375 [door closes] 814 00:44:01,458 --> 00:44:03,375 [sighs] 815 00:44:03,458 --> 00:44:06,083 ♪ quiet, atmospheric music ♪ 816 00:44:06,166 --> 00:44:07,917 ♪ ♪ ♪ 817 00:44:14,750 --> 00:44:16,000 Helen. 818 00:44:16,083 --> 00:44:17,750 Hmm? 819 00:44:17,834 --> 00:44:18,917 You're hurting me. 820 00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:20,583 Oh. 821 00:44:20,667 --> 00:44:22,166 Sorry. 822 00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:31,709 This place is kind of a mess, huh? 823 00:44:35,792 --> 00:44:37,875 How do you feel? 824 00:44:39,125 --> 00:44:41,250 I'm cold. 825 00:44:41,333 --> 00:44:43,041 [mutters quietly] 826 00:44:47,750 --> 00:44:49,458 I got you. 827 00:44:54,625 --> 00:44:56,041 -How's that? -Thank you. 828 00:44:56,125 --> 00:44:57,542 Mm-hmm. 829 00:44:59,083 --> 00:45:00,709 I love you. 830 00:45:07,875 --> 00:45:09,709 [door opens] 831 00:45:10,959 --> 00:45:12,500 Hey. 832 00:45:12,583 --> 00:45:14,125 Good news, Vik. 833 00:45:14,208 --> 00:45:16,125 -The cholecystitis has subsided. -[Vik] Oh. 834 00:45:16,208 --> 00:45:18,458 Morning, Doc. 835 00:45:18,542 --> 00:45:20,000 Helen, can you, uh...? 836 00:45:20,083 --> 00:45:21,750 Yeah. 837 00:45:21,834 --> 00:45:24,667 [Dr. Woo] The ultrasound of your right 838 00:45:24,750 --> 00:45:26,458 confirms what the lab results indicate. 839 00:45:26,542 --> 00:45:28,542 Your leukocyte count and your bilirubin levels 840 00:45:28,625 --> 00:45:30,542 have come significantly down. 841 00:45:30,625 --> 00:45:32,417 Your amylase and your lipase levels 842 00:45:32,500 --> 00:45:33,542 have normalized, too. 843 00:45:33,625 --> 00:45:35,542 Oh. Wow. 844 00:45:35,625 --> 00:45:36,667 What does that mean? 845 00:45:36,750 --> 00:45:38,333 Well, it means he got lucky. 846 00:45:38,417 --> 00:45:40,375 We caught the cholecystitis quickly. 847 00:45:41,375 --> 00:45:43,083 So I can go home. 848 00:45:43,166 --> 00:45:45,625 I want to keep you here for another day or two, 849 00:45:45,709 --> 00:45:47,792 but if you're not febrile in 24 hours, 850 00:45:47,875 --> 00:45:49,583 I'll send you home on Friday. 851 00:45:51,166 --> 00:45:52,834 Thanks, Doc. 852 00:45:52,917 --> 00:45:55,625 [Dr. Woo] Uh, but listen. 853 00:45:55,709 --> 00:45:58,709 Now that this current crisis is averted, 854 00:45:58,792 --> 00:46:01,583 I want to talk to you again about treatment. 855 00:46:01,667 --> 00:46:04,208 If you continue to go untreated, 856 00:46:04,291 --> 00:46:06,208 I guarantee you 857 00:46:06,291 --> 00:46:08,625 you will be back here with something much worse. 858 00:46:09,875 --> 00:46:12,083 Thrombophlebitis. 859 00:46:12,166 --> 00:46:14,083 Perforated stomach lining. 860 00:46:14,166 --> 00:46:16,208 S-Something that you just cannot bounce back from. 861 00:46:16,291 --> 00:46:17,625 You're metastatic. 862 00:46:17,709 --> 00:46:18,792 I know that. 863 00:46:18,875 --> 00:46:20,917 Right, so you would also know 864 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,208 that we typically like to treat metastatic patients 865 00:46:23,291 --> 00:46:24,417 very aggressively. 866 00:46:24,500 --> 00:46:27,583 I'm past surgery, Kristina. 867 00:46:27,667 --> 00:46:29,709 That's not an option for me. 868 00:46:29,792 --> 00:46:32,083 Chemo could shrink this tumor. 869 00:46:32,166 --> 00:46:34,709 And how much time would that actually buy me? 870 00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:36,375 Conservatively, six to nine months. 871 00:46:36,458 --> 00:46:37,959 And here's the thing. 872 00:46:38,041 --> 00:46:42,291 Treatment will improve your quality of life. 873 00:46:43,375 --> 00:46:45,250 Look, Vik. 874 00:46:46,625 --> 00:46:49,542 I have seen this before. 875 00:46:49,625 --> 00:46:51,250 There's a reason they say 876 00:46:51,333 --> 00:46:53,667 that doctors make the worst patients. 877 00:46:54,792 --> 00:46:56,709 We all have God complexes. 878 00:46:56,792 --> 00:46:58,166 And when we get sick, 879 00:46:58,250 --> 00:46:59,959 we're fucking pissed. 880 00:47:00,041 --> 00:47:01,959 I understand that. 881 00:47:03,500 --> 00:47:04,959 But you know what? 882 00:47:05,041 --> 00:47:06,417 You obviously have someone in your life 883 00:47:06,500 --> 00:47:08,875 that loves you very much, 884 00:47:08,959 --> 00:47:10,667 and they want you to stick around, 885 00:47:10,750 --> 00:47:12,750 so forgive me for what I'm about to say, 886 00:47:12,834 --> 00:47:14,000 but I've known you for, what, 887 00:47:14,083 --> 00:47:15,375 almost 20 years? 888 00:47:15,458 --> 00:47:17,959 You're being an asshole. 889 00:47:21,834 --> 00:47:24,959 This is exactly why we broke up, Kristina. 890 00:47:25,041 --> 00:47:27,041 You've got a potty mouth. 891 00:47:30,917 --> 00:47:32,875 [Dr. Woo] Why don't you two talk it over? 892 00:47:32,959 --> 00:47:34,625 It was nice to see you again, Helen. 893 00:47:34,709 --> 00:47:36,959 Nice to see you, Kristina. 894 00:47:38,083 --> 00:47:39,959 [door opens] 895 00:47:41,875 --> 00:47:43,458 -[sighs] -[door closes] 896 00:47:43,542 --> 00:47:45,500 Why did you two break up? 897 00:47:47,625 --> 00:47:49,417 She matched in L.A. 898 00:47:49,500 --> 00:47:51,208 I matched in New York. 899 00:47:52,458 --> 00:47:54,083 We were 26. 900 00:47:54,166 --> 00:47:55,959 We thought we had all the time in the world. 901 00:47:59,750 --> 00:48:02,041 She was wonderful, though. 902 00:48:03,375 --> 00:48:04,917 She still is. 903 00:48:07,875 --> 00:48:11,834 I mean, I think she had to... 904 00:48:11,917 --> 00:48:13,875 go out of her way to treat you. 905 00:48:13,959 --> 00:48:16,041 She had to move a lot of stuff around. 906 00:48:16,125 --> 00:48:17,875 Yeah. 907 00:48:23,625 --> 00:48:25,917 So, do you want to talk about, uh... all that? 908 00:48:29,458 --> 00:48:31,583 Can we do it later? 909 00:48:31,667 --> 00:48:33,041 When I come home? 910 00:48:33,125 --> 00:48:34,542 Sure. 911 00:48:35,792 --> 00:48:37,542 That's fine. No problem. 912 00:48:37,625 --> 00:48:39,500 Your parents are on their way over anyway. 913 00:48:39,583 --> 00:48:41,792 I was gonna run home and just, um, 914 00:48:41,875 --> 00:48:43,333 take a shower, change my clothes. 915 00:48:43,417 --> 00:48:44,709 Yeah, you should. 916 00:48:44,792 --> 00:48:46,750 -I'll be fine. -Okay. 917 00:48:49,166 --> 00:48:51,291 -Helen. -Yeah. 918 00:48:55,583 --> 00:48:57,917 I hate putting you through this. 919 00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:01,750 I never wanted to be a burden on anyone. 920 00:49:01,834 --> 00:49:03,709 Stop. 921 00:49:06,041 --> 00:49:07,959 [knocking at window] 922 00:49:18,542 --> 00:49:20,083 -Hi. -Hi. How is he? 923 00:49:20,166 --> 00:49:21,917 He's better. Uh, he's better. 924 00:49:22,041 --> 00:49:24,667 Apparently, the infection in his gallbladder's, um... 925 00:49:24,750 --> 00:49:26,583 receding? Is that the word? 926 00:49:26,667 --> 00:49:28,709 His gallbladder? I-I thought this was cancer 927 00:49:28,792 --> 00:49:30,083 -of the pancreas. -It is. 928 00:49:30,166 --> 00:49:31,917 But apparently, the tumor in the pancreas 929 00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:33,500 is putting pressure on the gallbladder, 930 00:49:33,583 --> 00:49:36,333 and there's been some kind of bi... bile buildup. 931 00:49:36,417 --> 00:49:39,583 I don't really understand, but you could ask, um, 932 00:49:39,667 --> 00:49:41,667 his doctor when she gets here, Kristina Woo. 933 00:49:41,750 --> 00:49:43,000 I think you know her. 934 00:49:43,083 --> 00:49:44,291 What? 935 00:49:44,375 --> 00:49:46,709 Kristina is here to take care of him? 936 00:49:46,792 --> 00:49:49,125 -Who? -Kristina, Abdul. 937 00:49:49,208 --> 00:49:51,083 Little Kristina from Stanford. 938 00:49:51,166 --> 00:49:52,709 Oh, his girlfriend? 939 00:49:52,792 --> 00:49:54,542 Well, ex-girlfriend, but yeah. 940 00:49:54,625 --> 00:49:56,000 [Abdul] Oh, praise Heaven. 941 00:49:56,083 --> 00:49:58,291 Well, I've also been taking care of him, 942 00:49:58,375 --> 00:49:59,917 -you know-- -Kristina will help him. 943 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,166 Yes, she will get him the medicine he needs. 944 00:50:02,250 --> 00:50:04,417 [Abdul] She got a perfect score on her medical boards. 945 00:50:04,500 --> 00:50:06,917 Absolutely perfect. Not one mistake. 946 00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,792 Well, it was perfect. 947 00:50:09,875 --> 00:50:12,166 Okay. Well, I have to go home 'cause I still have 948 00:50:12,250 --> 00:50:15,291 some vomit on me from when... Never mind. 949 00:50:15,375 --> 00:50:17,166 I'm just gonna... I'll see you this evening. 950 00:50:17,250 --> 00:50:19,542 You should go and take care of yourself, Helen. 951 00:50:19,625 --> 00:50:21,375 You look tired. 952 00:50:29,417 --> 00:50:32,125 Surprise! 953 00:50:32,208 --> 00:50:34,208 Whitney. Whitney. 954 00:50:34,291 --> 00:50:36,250 -Hi! -Hi. 955 00:50:36,333 --> 00:50:37,834 Hey there, Colin. 956 00:50:39,291 --> 00:50:40,583 What are you doing here? 957 00:50:40,667 --> 00:50:42,959 We came to surprise you. 958 00:50:43,041 --> 00:50:45,291 Oh, that's nice. What about school? 959 00:50:45,375 --> 00:50:46,667 It's Thanksgiving. 960 00:50:49,583 --> 00:50:50,834 Is it? 961 00:50:51,917 --> 00:50:53,417 Oh, God. Yeah, of course. 962 00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:54,583 It's November. 963 00:50:56,083 --> 00:50:58,208 -Right. -So, where is everybody? 964 00:50:58,291 --> 00:51:01,417 Um, your brother and sister are with your dad, 965 00:51:01,500 --> 00:51:03,625 and, uh, Martin went to the Cape with Mariah. 966 00:51:03,709 --> 00:51:05,625 No, he didn't. 967 00:51:05,709 --> 00:51:07,250 They broke up. 968 00:51:07,333 --> 00:51:08,792 -They did? -Mm-hmm. 969 00:51:08,875 --> 00:51:09,834 -When? -Last week. 970 00:51:09,917 --> 00:51:11,166 He's coming, too. 971 00:51:11,250 --> 00:51:13,000 He'll be here in a few days. 972 00:51:13,083 --> 00:51:14,792 Hey, I'm so happy that we get 973 00:51:14,875 --> 00:51:16,583 to spend Thanksgiving together, all four of us again. 974 00:51:16,667 --> 00:51:18,250 And I was thinking, 975 00:51:18,333 --> 00:51:20,667 what if we invited Dad this year? 976 00:51:20,750 --> 00:51:23,083 Do you think Vik would mind? 977 00:51:25,875 --> 00:51:28,709 Mom, are you okay? 978 00:51:28,792 --> 00:51:30,875 I'm just really happy to have you home. That's all. 979 00:51:30,959 --> 00:51:32,417 Oh, my God. 980 00:51:32,500 --> 00:51:33,959 Mom, come on. Don't cry. 981 00:51:34,041 --> 00:51:35,667 I told Colin you are a total ball-buster 982 00:51:35,750 --> 00:51:37,667 and that's why I'm so fucked up. 983 00:51:37,750 --> 00:51:39,667 Now he's gonna think I'm lying. 984 00:51:39,750 --> 00:51:41,417 It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Solloway. 985 00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:42,917 [sighs] 986 00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,417 It's nice to see you, Colin. 987 00:51:44,500 --> 00:51:46,000 [clears throat] Are you guys hungry? 988 00:51:46,083 --> 00:51:48,125 Do you want something to eat? 989 00:51:48,208 --> 00:51:49,500 I'll make you an omelet or something. 990 00:51:49,583 --> 00:51:50,792 Mom, we're vegans. 991 00:51:50,875 --> 00:51:52,333 Fuck. Right. 992 00:51:52,417 --> 00:51:53,500 I keep forgetting. 993 00:51:53,583 --> 00:51:54,959 So, what does that mean? 994 00:51:55,041 --> 00:51:56,917 I have to pick up almond milk or...? 995 00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,125 Yeah, don't worry. We'll make our own. 996 00:52:00,834 --> 00:52:02,750 You'll make your own almond milk? 997 00:52:02,834 --> 00:52:03,834 Totally. We stopped at Whole Foods 998 00:52:03,917 --> 00:52:05,291 and got some stuff already. 999 00:52:07,041 --> 00:52:09,125 Well, that's one less thing to worry about. 1000 00:52:09,208 --> 00:52:11,250 Uh, you guys, the place is yours. 1001 00:52:11,333 --> 00:52:12,750 Colin, there's a really nice pool there 1002 00:52:12,834 --> 00:52:14,125 if you want to take a swim. 1003 00:52:14,208 --> 00:52:15,750 This place is sick, Mrs. Solloway. 1004 00:52:15,834 --> 00:52:17,792 Thanks. I like it, too. 1005 00:52:19,125 --> 00:52:20,917 So, uh, is it just us tonight? 1006 00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:22,667 Are Trevor and Stacey coming? 1007 00:52:22,750 --> 00:52:25,625 I was thinking of making saag paneer for Vik. 1008 00:52:25,709 --> 00:52:27,208 I'm taking this Indian cooking course, 1009 00:52:27,291 --> 00:52:28,875 and I'm kind of good. 1010 00:52:28,959 --> 00:52:30,500 No, she's really good. 1011 00:52:30,583 --> 00:52:32,125 Yeah, I am. 1012 00:52:32,208 --> 00:52:34,291 Hashtag "humble brag." I'm really good. 1013 00:52:36,208 --> 00:52:37,834 Actually, Vik's not gonna be here tonight. 1014 00:52:37,917 --> 00:52:39,750 He's in the hospital. 1015 00:52:39,834 --> 00:52:41,458 Come on, tell him to beg off early. 1016 00:52:41,542 --> 00:52:42,959 I'm only here for a couple days. 1017 00:52:43,041 --> 00:52:44,917 Tell him, like, punt the surgery. 1018 00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:46,583 Is Vik a surgeon? 1019 00:52:46,667 --> 00:52:48,291 You didn't tell me that. 1020 00:52:48,375 --> 00:52:50,375 Yeah, he is. He's, like, a super-surgeon. 1021 00:52:50,458 --> 00:52:53,417 Whit, actually, he's not at the hospital. 1022 00:52:53,500 --> 00:52:55,542 He's in the hospital. 1023 00:52:55,625 --> 00:52:57,125 Uh, he's sick. 1024 00:52:57,208 --> 00:52:58,959 What? What do you mean? 1025 00:52:59,041 --> 00:53:00,375 I'm sorry. 1026 00:53:00,458 --> 00:53:02,333 I should have told you. I meant to tell you. 1027 00:53:02,417 --> 00:53:03,375 You should have told me what? 1028 00:53:05,667 --> 00:53:07,375 Vik has cancer. 1029 00:53:09,583 --> 00:53:10,709 What? 1030 00:53:11,792 --> 00:53:13,625 It's stage four. 1031 00:53:18,667 --> 00:53:23,291 S-So... is he... 1032 00:53:23,375 --> 00:53:24,458 is he gonna...? 1033 00:53:24,542 --> 00:53:25,750 Yeah. 1034 00:53:25,834 --> 00:53:27,083 No. 1035 00:53:27,166 --> 00:53:28,208 -Yeah. -No. 1036 00:53:28,291 --> 00:53:29,750 Look, I'm sorry. 1037 00:53:29,834 --> 00:53:31,917 I really didn't want you to find out this way. 1038 00:53:32,041 --> 00:53:33,625 I-I-I wanted to call you a while ago, 1039 00:53:33,709 --> 00:53:36,041 but you just seemed so happy, and I didn't want to ruin that. 1040 00:53:36,125 --> 00:53:37,583 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1041 00:53:37,667 --> 00:53:39,542 -With me? -This is why Trevor and Stacey 1042 00:53:39,625 --> 00:53:40,959 have been such zombies 1043 00:53:41,041 --> 00:53:42,750 when I've talked to them on the phone. 1044 00:53:42,834 --> 00:53:45,458 God, Helen, you are so fucking irresponsible. 1045 00:53:45,542 --> 00:53:47,959 -Whitney. -Just once, 1046 00:53:48,041 --> 00:53:49,625 one time, I'd like to come home 1047 00:53:49,709 --> 00:53:51,583 to some fucking normalcy for a change. 1048 00:53:51,667 --> 00:53:52,709 I have my shit together. 1049 00:53:52,792 --> 00:53:54,166 Why can't you? 1050 00:53:54,250 --> 00:53:56,834 Can you please... 1051 00:53:56,917 --> 00:53:59,417 this time... 1052 00:53:59,500 --> 00:54:00,667 just not? 1053 00:54:00,750 --> 00:54:02,750 Not what? 1054 00:54:02,834 --> 00:54:04,709 Be a bitch. 1055 00:54:04,792 --> 00:54:06,125 I'm really sorry that this 1056 00:54:06,208 --> 00:54:08,166 isn't the reality that you thought 1057 00:54:08,250 --> 00:54:09,959 you were walking into at this particular moment, 1058 00:54:10,041 --> 00:54:12,000 but that's... this is what's going on. 1059 00:54:12,083 --> 00:54:14,083 This is what is going on. 1060 00:54:14,166 --> 00:54:15,250 Did you just call me a bitch? 1061 00:54:15,333 --> 00:54:16,500 -[sliding door opens] -[Sierra] Hello. 1062 00:54:16,583 --> 00:54:18,500 -Oh... -[Sierra] Anyone home? 1063 00:54:18,583 --> 00:54:19,834 Hi, Sierra. 1064 00:54:19,917 --> 00:54:21,333 -Hi. -How are you? 1065 00:54:21,417 --> 00:54:24,166 I'm good. Um, oh, my God. 1066 00:54:24,250 --> 00:54:25,834 Is this your daughter? 1067 00:54:25,917 --> 00:54:28,166 Um, yes, this is my daughter and her boyfriend, 1068 00:54:28,250 --> 00:54:30,542 and this is my friend, Sierra. 1069 00:54:30,625 --> 00:54:32,333 -Hey. -[Sierra] Hi. 1070 00:54:32,417 --> 00:54:35,083 Oh, my God. It's so great to finally meet you. 1071 00:54:35,166 --> 00:54:37,041 Mom, can we not do this right now? 1072 00:54:37,125 --> 00:54:39,333 -Do what? -Meet someone. 1073 00:54:39,417 --> 00:54:41,375 I-I need to talk to you. 1074 00:54:41,458 --> 00:54:43,291 Is this a bad time? I can come back. 1075 00:54:43,375 --> 00:54:44,917 Why don't you just give me a moment with my friend, 1076 00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:46,208 and you guys can go fuck 1077 00:54:46,291 --> 00:54:47,625 in the spare guest room or something. 1078 00:54:47,709 --> 00:54:50,500 [scoffs] God, this is so fucking typical, Helen. 1079 00:54:50,583 --> 00:54:52,458 Can you please stop calling me Helen? 1080 00:54:52,542 --> 00:54:54,458 You never change, do you? 1081 00:54:57,583 --> 00:55:00,291 Sorry about that, Mrs. Solloway. 1082 00:55:00,375 --> 00:55:02,083 She's, um... 1083 00:55:02,166 --> 00:55:04,291 just started a new birth control, 1084 00:55:04,375 --> 00:55:08,291 and it's making her, you know, kind of mad. 1085 00:55:08,375 --> 00:55:10,166 It's fine, Colin. I'm used to it. 1086 00:55:11,959 --> 00:55:14,417 Wow. She is a force. 1087 00:55:14,500 --> 00:55:16,166 Yeah. That she is. 1088 00:55:17,834 --> 00:55:20,125 I brought this for you. 1089 00:55:20,208 --> 00:55:22,667 It's called a white butterfly. 1090 00:55:22,750 --> 00:55:24,709 What's the occasion? 1091 00:55:24,792 --> 00:55:26,208 No occasion. 1092 00:55:26,291 --> 00:55:27,417 I've just been thinking about 1093 00:55:27,500 --> 00:55:29,500 how blessed I am to have you in my life. 1094 00:55:29,583 --> 00:55:31,625 [clears throat] 1095 00:55:31,709 --> 00:55:33,041 Are you okay? You look tired. 1096 00:55:33,125 --> 00:55:34,750 No, I'm fine. 1097 00:55:37,667 --> 00:55:39,917 I, um... 1098 00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:41,792 I-I can't stop thinking about 1099 00:55:41,875 --> 00:55:43,375 what happened between us in the desert. 1100 00:55:43,458 --> 00:55:44,750 Yeah. 1101 00:55:44,834 --> 00:55:46,625 -Um... -Have you been avoiding me? 1102 00:55:46,709 --> 00:55:48,000 No. 1103 00:55:48,083 --> 00:55:49,959 No, no, that's not it at all. 1104 00:55:51,125 --> 00:55:52,709 Okay. 1105 00:55:52,792 --> 00:55:55,500 Um, good, because I-I have something to tell you. 1106 00:55:55,583 --> 00:55:57,917 Yeah, can it wait? 1107 00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:01,166 Uh, no, not... not really. 1108 00:56:01,250 --> 00:56:04,125 It's just that, uh, Vik is in the hospital. 1109 00:56:04,208 --> 00:56:05,959 Wh-Why? 1110 00:56:06,041 --> 00:56:08,083 Because he has cancer and he's not treating it, 1111 00:56:08,166 --> 00:56:09,709 so the tumor won't stop growing, 1112 00:56:09,792 --> 00:56:11,709 and now it's pressing against his gallbladder, 1113 00:56:11,792 --> 00:56:14,500 which, of course, is infected because why can't anything 1114 00:56:14,583 --> 00:56:17,709 ever be just okay for one fucking minute? 1115 00:56:20,291 --> 00:56:21,917 Helen, I'm... I'm so sorry. 1116 00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:23,417 [cell phone ringing] 1117 00:56:25,875 --> 00:56:27,166 It's his mom. 1118 00:56:27,250 --> 00:56:28,625 [clears throat] 1119 00:56:28,709 --> 00:56:29,917 Hello, Priya. 1120 00:56:31,792 --> 00:56:34,125 What? I don't... No, you're gonna have to slow down. 1121 00:56:34,208 --> 00:56:35,917 I don't understand what you're saying. 1122 00:56:38,083 --> 00:56:40,125 Septic? 1123 00:56:40,208 --> 00:56:42,667 Are you sure? 1124 00:56:42,750 --> 00:56:44,333 Okay. Yes, all right, I'm on my way. 1125 00:56:44,417 --> 00:56:45,583 Yes, no, I'm leaving now. 1126 00:56:45,667 --> 00:56:47,083 Now. 1127 00:56:47,166 --> 00:56:48,333 Is everything okay? 1128 00:56:48,417 --> 00:56:49,750 Uh, no. 1129 00:56:52,500 --> 00:56:53,959 I have to go. 1130 00:56:54,041 --> 00:56:55,917 Well, let me drive you. 1131 00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:57,208 No, I'm okay. 1132 00:56:57,291 --> 00:56:59,166 Helen... 1133 00:56:59,250 --> 00:57:00,792 please let me help you. 1134 00:57:00,875 --> 00:57:02,625 I-I want to help you. 1135 00:57:06,250 --> 00:57:08,500 Sierra, you know what happened in the desert, 1136 00:57:08,583 --> 00:57:10,125 that was a one-time thing with us, right? 1137 00:57:10,208 --> 00:57:11,417 I'm with Vik. 1138 00:57:11,500 --> 00:57:12,875 -I-I can't just be-- -Yes. 1139 00:57:12,959 --> 00:57:14,709 I know. 1140 00:57:16,625 --> 00:57:18,291 Where are your keys? 1141 00:57:21,041 --> 00:57:22,250 I'm driving. 1142 00:57:24,667 --> 00:57:26,625 [indistinct chatter] 1143 00:57:36,792 --> 00:57:38,792 ♪ tense, atmospheric music ♪ 1144 00:57:38,875 --> 00:57:40,917 ♪ ♪ ♪ 1145 00:57:46,917 --> 00:57:49,208 Hi. Can I help you? 1146 00:57:49,291 --> 00:57:50,875 Uh, there's already two visitors, so you can't 1147 00:57:50,959 --> 00:57:53,041 -go in right now. -What's going on in there? 1148 00:57:53,125 --> 00:57:54,792 -I'm sorry, who are you? -I'm-- 1149 00:57:54,875 --> 00:57:55,792 And where are your visitor passes? 1150 00:57:55,875 --> 00:57:57,041 Mine is right... 1151 00:57:57,125 --> 00:57:58,291 Fuck, mine, it must have slipped off. 1152 00:57:58,375 --> 00:57:59,291 [nurse] You both need passes. 1153 00:57:59,375 --> 00:58:00,291 I need to go in there. 1154 00:58:00,375 --> 00:58:01,500 His mother just called me. 1155 00:58:01,583 --> 00:58:02,792 I'm sorry, but if you're not 1156 00:58:02,875 --> 00:58:04,083 immediate family, you cannot go in. 1157 00:58:04,166 --> 00:58:05,917 -I am. I'm his wife. -Great. 1158 00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:07,625 So then go to the front desk, 1159 00:58:07,709 --> 00:58:09,917 where your name is surely on the list, and get a pass. 1160 00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,417 Maybe I can go to the desk and get passes for both of us, 1161 00:58:12,500 --> 00:58:13,625 and then she can go in right now. 1162 00:58:13,709 --> 00:58:15,041 -Who are you? -I'm her friend. 1163 00:58:15,125 --> 00:58:16,500 [nurse] You're not related to him? 1164 00:58:16,583 --> 00:58:18,417 -No, not exactly. -Then you need to go. 1165 00:58:18,500 --> 00:58:19,875 Yeah, maybe you should just go, okay? 1166 00:58:19,959 --> 00:58:21,834 Okay, but I... I would just like... 1167 00:58:24,333 --> 00:58:26,500 -[retching] -[nurse] Are you sick? 1168 00:58:26,583 --> 00:58:28,875 This guy's already septic. Are you trying to kill him? 1169 00:58:28,959 --> 00:58:32,291 I was here an hour ago, and he was fine. What happened? 1170 00:58:32,375 --> 00:58:34,083 His immune system is hanging on by a thread. 1171 00:58:34,166 --> 00:58:35,625 If you have the slightest cold-- 1172 00:58:35,709 --> 00:58:37,125 -I'm not sick. -Well, you shouldn't even 1173 00:58:37,208 --> 00:58:38,458 be in this hallway. If you both don't leave, 1174 00:58:38,542 --> 00:58:39,709 I'm gonna have to call security. 1175 00:58:39,792 --> 00:58:41,041 I'm not sick. I'm pregnant. 1176 00:58:44,125 --> 00:58:45,709 You're pregnant? 1177 00:58:45,792 --> 00:58:48,709 Yes, that's what I was trying to tell you. 1178 00:58:51,417 --> 00:58:53,625 Why are you trying to tell me? 1179 00:59:07,709 --> 00:59:09,583 I'm so sorry. 1180 00:59:10,959 --> 00:59:12,583 What? 1181 00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:15,041 It was an accident. 1182 00:59:15,125 --> 00:59:17,291 It was one time, 1183 00:59:17,375 --> 00:59:19,000 and it didn't mean anything. 1184 00:59:19,083 --> 00:59:21,000 I don't, like, love him or anything. 1185 00:59:21,083 --> 00:59:23,959 I mean, if there's anyone I love, it's-it's you. 1186 00:59:24,041 --> 00:59:25,542 -Is this some kind of joke? -I know this is a shock. 1187 00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:26,667 Is that why you bought me that fucking orchid? 1188 00:59:26,750 --> 00:59:28,166 It was a shock to me, too. 1189 00:59:28,250 --> 00:59:30,083 And I know that this is such bad timing, 1190 00:59:30,166 --> 00:59:32,542 but, Helen, I-I... I want to keep it. 1191 00:59:32,625 --> 00:59:34,333 I want to be a mother. 1192 00:59:34,417 --> 00:59:36,083 Everything you said to me in the desert, 1193 00:59:36,166 --> 00:59:37,583 it resonated so deeply with me. 1194 00:59:37,667 --> 00:59:39,250 And it's like you said to me what I've 1195 00:59:39,333 --> 00:59:41,083 been waiting to hear my whole life, and I... 1196 00:59:41,166 --> 00:59:44,083 ♪ tense, atmospheric music ♪ 1197 00:59:44,166 --> 00:59:46,208 ♪ ♪ ♪ 1198 01:00:06,250 --> 01:00:08,375 [footsteps approaching] 1199 01:00:18,166 --> 01:00:19,625 [groaning] Oh, God. 1200 01:00:20,959 --> 01:00:22,417 You sound so old. 1201 01:00:22,500 --> 01:00:24,625 You didn't used to groan when you sat down. 1202 01:00:24,709 --> 01:00:26,417 Why are we sitting down here? 1203 01:00:26,500 --> 01:00:28,458 There's a perfectly good bench over there. 1204 01:00:28,542 --> 01:00:30,750 I wanted to be low to the ground. 1205 01:00:33,458 --> 01:00:34,875 Do you want one? 1206 01:00:34,959 --> 01:00:36,041 Got one for you. 1207 01:00:36,125 --> 01:00:37,667 No, thanks. 1208 01:00:38,709 --> 01:00:39,667 What happened? 1209 01:00:39,750 --> 01:00:41,500 Where are the kids? 1210 01:00:41,583 --> 01:00:43,625 I dropped them at your place. 1211 01:00:43,709 --> 01:00:45,083 With Whitney and the new boyfriend. 1212 01:00:45,166 --> 01:00:47,208 Oh, yeah. He seems nice enough. 1213 01:00:47,291 --> 01:00:49,250 Yeah, he's okay. 1214 01:00:49,333 --> 01:00:51,000 She's exactly the same. 1215 01:00:51,083 --> 01:00:52,667 Yeah. 1216 01:00:53,709 --> 01:00:55,291 What did we do wrong there? 1217 01:00:55,375 --> 01:00:57,667 Helen, she's a kid. 1218 01:01:00,750 --> 01:01:03,500 We were already married by the time we were her age. 1219 01:01:03,583 --> 01:01:05,667 Yeah, well, we were kids, too. 1220 01:01:08,291 --> 01:01:09,834 Vik okay? 1221 01:01:12,125 --> 01:01:13,667 No. 1222 01:01:15,417 --> 01:01:17,709 Vik is going to die. 1223 01:01:19,125 --> 01:01:20,625 I'm so sorry. 1224 01:01:20,709 --> 01:01:22,417 Yep. 1225 01:01:22,500 --> 01:01:23,875 Me, too. 1226 01:01:26,417 --> 01:01:28,667 I'm really, really sorry. 1227 01:01:32,667 --> 01:01:34,208 [sighs] 1228 01:01:34,291 --> 01:01:36,208 Did you ever meet our neighbor, Sierra? 1229 01:01:36,291 --> 01:01:37,917 Don't think so, no. 1230 01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,083 -Well, she's pregnant. -That's nice for her. 1231 01:01:40,166 --> 01:01:41,041 With Vik's baby. 1232 01:01:43,917 --> 01:01:44,959 What? 1233 01:01:47,875 --> 01:01:49,250 Oh, God. 1234 01:01:49,333 --> 01:01:50,959 Helen. 1235 01:01:51,041 --> 01:01:53,917 Look, Vik's not in his right mind now, you know? 1236 01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:55,208 Look, it's already... I don't care. 1237 01:01:55,291 --> 01:01:56,458 I really don't care. 1238 01:01:56,542 --> 01:01:57,917 Look, I fucked her, too. 1239 01:01:59,583 --> 01:02:01,166 Really? 1240 01:02:05,500 --> 01:02:07,333 What, and I missed it? 1241 01:02:07,417 --> 01:02:09,083 [laughs] 1242 01:02:12,709 --> 01:02:13,917 Eh. 1243 01:02:15,291 --> 01:02:17,375 I just can't go back up there. 1244 01:02:17,458 --> 01:02:19,583 I can't face him like this. 1245 01:02:19,667 --> 01:02:21,083 Well, you're pissed with him, right? 1246 01:02:21,166 --> 01:02:23,208 No, that's not why I can't face him. 1247 01:02:28,875 --> 01:02:30,875 I don't know if I love him. 1248 01:02:32,750 --> 01:02:34,375 I mean, the way I'm supposed to. 1249 01:02:34,458 --> 01:02:35,709 You know... 1250 01:02:35,792 --> 01:02:37,583 I love him enough. 1251 01:02:39,417 --> 01:02:41,125 What does that mean? 1252 01:02:44,917 --> 01:02:47,041 Not the way I loved you. 1253 01:02:53,792 --> 01:02:55,792 Helen, we were... 1254 01:02:57,375 --> 01:02:58,792 We were young. 1255 01:03:00,917 --> 01:03:03,583 We hadn't fucked up yet. 1256 01:03:03,667 --> 01:03:06,917 It's just so much easier to feel deeply for someone 1257 01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:09,291 when there's no... 1258 01:03:09,375 --> 01:03:11,208 defenses or... 1259 01:03:11,291 --> 01:03:13,125 Baggage? 1260 01:03:14,333 --> 01:03:16,083 Well, yeah. 1261 01:03:20,709 --> 01:03:23,458 [sighs] God, poor Alison. 1262 01:03:28,500 --> 01:03:30,291 How was her funeral? 1263 01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:33,834 Ah, it was awful. 1264 01:03:35,458 --> 01:03:37,333 Right. 1265 01:03:37,417 --> 01:03:40,792 No, they, uh... her mother had her cremated, 1266 01:03:40,875 --> 01:03:42,375 so the ceremony was on the beach, 1267 01:03:42,458 --> 01:03:45,834 and Cole grabbed the urn and ran away with it. 1268 01:03:45,917 --> 01:03:47,250 Are you fucking kidding me? 1269 01:03:47,333 --> 01:03:48,500 No. 1270 01:03:48,583 --> 01:03:50,625 Oh, my God. 1271 01:03:50,709 --> 01:03:52,792 Everybody's so fucking crazy. 1272 01:03:52,875 --> 01:03:54,291 Yeah. 1273 01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:58,667 [sighs] 1274 01:04:01,250 --> 01:04:02,875 I miss her, you know. I... 1275 01:04:06,083 --> 01:04:08,959 Can't stop thinking about how much I... 1276 01:04:09,041 --> 01:04:11,458 failed her and... 1277 01:04:11,542 --> 01:04:13,458 [sighs] 1278 01:04:13,542 --> 01:04:15,500 ...how badly I fucked up. 1279 01:04:19,875 --> 01:04:21,959 [sighs] 1280 01:04:22,041 --> 01:04:24,208 [taking deep breaths] 1281 01:04:27,583 --> 01:04:30,083 You know, what happened to her wasn't your fault. 1282 01:04:30,166 --> 01:04:31,417 [scoffs] You think? 1283 01:04:31,500 --> 01:04:33,041 No, I'm sure. 1284 01:04:39,333 --> 01:04:41,709 [grunts] 1285 01:04:41,792 --> 01:04:44,166 [sniffs] How's Vik holding up? 1286 01:04:45,709 --> 01:04:47,375 He's not good. 1287 01:04:47,458 --> 01:04:48,917 I mean, it's like... 1288 01:04:50,750 --> 01:04:52,959 It's like the light has gone out of his eyes. 1289 01:04:53,041 --> 01:04:55,959 Like somebody just drew curtains. 1290 01:04:56,041 --> 01:04:57,667 I've never seen anything like it. 1291 01:04:57,750 --> 01:04:59,375 Why doesn't he get any treatment? 1292 01:04:59,458 --> 01:05:00,917 I don't know. I... 1293 01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:02,500 You know, he doesn't think it'll work. 1294 01:05:02,583 --> 01:05:03,875 The doctors say it might work. 1295 01:05:03,959 --> 01:05:05,000 Maybe I should have tried harder. 1296 01:05:05,083 --> 01:05:06,333 I don't know. I don't know. 1297 01:05:06,417 --> 01:05:08,166 I just... I don't... I don't know. 1298 01:05:12,208 --> 01:05:14,125 Can I tell you something awful? 1299 01:05:14,208 --> 01:05:16,083 What? 1300 01:05:19,458 --> 01:05:22,333 I used Vik... 1301 01:05:22,417 --> 01:05:24,583 to get over you. 1302 01:05:32,291 --> 01:05:34,500 I mean, I was so afraid to be alone, 1303 01:05:34,583 --> 01:05:35,959 and he just breezed into my life, 1304 01:05:36,041 --> 01:05:37,667 and it was so easy. 1305 01:05:37,750 --> 01:05:39,667 He didn't ask anything of me. 1306 01:05:39,750 --> 01:05:41,375 He took care of himself. 1307 01:05:41,458 --> 01:05:42,834 He helped me with the kids. 1308 01:05:42,917 --> 01:05:44,875 Everything was so much easier, 1309 01:05:44,959 --> 01:05:47,166 and I did not want to let go of that, 1310 01:05:47,250 --> 01:05:52,125 and now I feel like I wasted the last years of his life, 1311 01:05:52,208 --> 01:05:54,125 because he could have met someone who loved him, 1312 01:05:54,208 --> 01:05:55,709 who really loved him, 1313 01:05:55,792 --> 01:05:58,000 who could have brought her whole self to him, 1314 01:05:58,083 --> 01:05:59,917 not some kind of fucking broken-- 1315 01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:01,500 Stop, okay? Seriously, stop. 1316 01:06:01,583 --> 01:06:04,041 That's enough. 1317 01:06:04,125 --> 01:06:06,750 You are a lot of things, Helen. You are... 1318 01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:10,709 ...neurotic and-and overbearing, 1319 01:06:10,792 --> 01:06:12,291 and you're snobby, 1320 01:06:12,375 --> 01:06:14,625 and you're judgmental and-and superior, but-- 1321 01:06:14,709 --> 01:06:15,709 Are you gonna stop? 1322 01:06:15,792 --> 01:06:19,083 But you... you are not broken. 1323 01:06:19,166 --> 01:06:22,667 I don't know anyone who's tougher than you. 1324 01:06:26,458 --> 01:06:28,667 That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me. 1325 01:06:28,750 --> 01:06:30,625 Yeah, well, I mean it. 1326 01:06:30,709 --> 01:06:32,500 And I know you love Vik. 1327 01:06:32,583 --> 01:06:36,291 I-I've been watching you both for however many years. 1328 01:06:36,375 --> 01:06:38,709 You love each other. 1329 01:06:38,792 --> 01:06:40,542 Maybe it's not the same as it was with us, 1330 01:06:40,625 --> 01:06:42,041 but who gives a fuck? 1331 01:06:42,125 --> 01:06:43,709 Where is it written that love 1332 01:06:43,792 --> 01:06:45,709 should be exactly the same every time? 1333 01:06:47,917 --> 01:06:49,834 And now he's dying, 1334 01:06:49,917 --> 01:06:52,917 and there's nothing you can do about it. 1335 01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,000 And I know that that is terrifying. 1336 01:06:56,709 --> 01:06:59,625 I know that's the worst feeling in the whole world. 1337 01:07:02,625 --> 01:07:04,458 But I gotta say, I... 1338 01:07:04,542 --> 01:07:07,333 if there's one person I would want to be with 1339 01:07:07,417 --> 01:07:10,166 when I die, 1340 01:07:10,250 --> 01:07:13,166 if there's one person who would make me feel, 1341 01:07:13,250 --> 01:07:17,792 no matter what, that I was safe and... 1342 01:07:17,875 --> 01:07:21,166 that I was loved, 1343 01:07:21,250 --> 01:07:22,667 it'd be you. 1344 01:07:31,083 --> 01:07:32,750 Okay, that really is the nicest thing 1345 01:07:32,834 --> 01:07:34,458 you've ever said to me. 1346 01:07:34,542 --> 01:07:36,583 Helen. 1347 01:07:36,667 --> 01:07:39,166 We are so fucking lucky to be alive. 1348 01:07:41,333 --> 01:07:45,000 I-I think about this all the time these days. 1349 01:07:45,083 --> 01:07:47,917 We are just so fucking lucky to be alive. 1350 01:08:00,250 --> 01:08:02,875 [medical monitor beeping quietly] 1351 01:08:18,792 --> 01:08:20,375 [sighs] 1352 01:08:31,250 --> 01:08:33,834 That was scary. 1353 01:08:33,917 --> 01:08:35,750 Yeah, it was. 1354 01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:44,542 I didn't realize how painful it would get. 1355 01:09:01,000 --> 01:09:03,500 I have to say something to you. 1356 01:09:10,417 --> 01:09:12,333 I'm so sorry. 1357 01:09:14,709 --> 01:09:17,000 For what? 1358 01:09:19,667 --> 01:09:21,750 I should have listened to you. 1359 01:09:25,125 --> 01:09:27,875 I should have gotten treatment. 1360 01:09:27,959 --> 01:09:30,000 I'm sorry. 1361 01:09:31,792 --> 01:09:33,500 I'm so sorry. 1362 01:09:33,583 --> 01:09:35,500 Stop. 1363 01:09:35,583 --> 01:09:37,375 We... 1364 01:09:38,583 --> 01:09:41,041 We did the best we could. 1365 01:09:48,667 --> 01:09:50,333 I've seen death. 1366 01:09:53,208 --> 01:09:55,375 I always knew it was coming. I... 1367 01:09:57,792 --> 01:10:00,208 I thought I knew what it was. 1368 01:10:03,208 --> 01:10:06,542 But when it finally happens to you, you... 1369 01:10:06,625 --> 01:10:08,083 you're not ready. 1370 01:10:08,166 --> 01:10:10,291 You're not dead. You're still here. 1371 01:10:11,875 --> 01:10:14,083 I'm by myself now. 1372 01:10:17,417 --> 01:10:19,166 I'm on the other side. 1373 01:10:19,250 --> 01:10:20,959 Don't say that. 1374 01:10:21,041 --> 01:10:22,917 You're alive. 1375 01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:24,917 And I miss you. 1376 01:10:27,750 --> 01:10:30,250 I just... 1377 01:10:30,333 --> 01:10:32,875 I just want to be back, where you are. 1378 01:10:34,083 --> 01:10:35,417 With you. 1379 01:10:36,667 --> 01:10:38,083 And the kids. 1380 01:10:40,417 --> 01:10:42,250 I don't want to do this. 1381 01:10:47,875 --> 01:10:50,083 I don't want to go. 1382 01:10:51,458 --> 01:10:53,417 I want... more days. 1383 01:10:53,500 --> 01:10:55,291 I want more life. 1384 01:11:09,959 --> 01:11:11,625 I love you. 1385 01:11:15,208 --> 01:11:16,792 I love you. 1386 01:11:20,458 --> 01:11:22,250 I love you. 1387 01:11:25,834 --> 01:11:27,458 I love you. 1388 01:11:54,500 --> 01:11:56,458 Tell him now. 1389 01:11:56,542 --> 01:11:59,000 What? 1390 01:11:59,083 --> 01:12:01,291 He's awake. Tell him. 1391 01:12:01,375 --> 01:12:04,291 ♪ "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie ♪ 1392 01:12:04,375 --> 01:12:06,333 ♪ ♪ ♪ 1393 01:12:10,166 --> 01:12:11,792 [clears throat] 1394 01:12:35,125 --> 01:12:37,166 ♪ ♪ ♪ 1395 01:12:39,166 --> 01:12:42,125 ♪ And it came to me then ♪ 1396 01:12:42,208 --> 01:12:44,625 ♪ That every plan ♪ 1397 01:12:44,709 --> 01:12:46,875 ♪ Is a tiny prayer ♪ 1398 01:12:46,959 --> 01:12:49,959 ♪ To Father Time ♪ 1399 01:12:50,041 --> 01:12:52,500 ♪ As I stared at my shoes ♪ 1400 01:12:52,583 --> 01:12:55,333 ♪ In the ICU ♪ 1401 01:12:55,417 --> 01:12:57,917 ♪ That reeked of piss ♪ 1402 01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:00,709 ♪ And 409 ♪ 1403 01:13:00,792 --> 01:13:03,375 ♪ And I rationed my breaths ♪ 1404 01:13:03,458 --> 01:13:06,041 ♪ As I said to myself ♪ 1405 01:13:06,125 --> 01:13:10,834 ♪ That I'd already taken too much today ♪ 1406 01:13:10,917 --> 01:13:13,542 ♪ As each descending peak ♪ 1407 01:13:13,625 --> 01:13:16,750 ♪ On the LCD ♪ 1408 01:13:16,834 --> 01:13:20,875 ♪ Took you a little farther away from me ♪ 1409 01:13:21,959 --> 01:13:25,500 ♪ Away from me ♪ 1410 01:13:25,583 --> 01:13:27,583 ♪ ♪ ♪ 1411 01:13:43,625 --> 01:13:46,208 ♪ 'Cause there's no comfort ♪ 1412 01:13:46,291 --> 01:13:51,291 ♪ In the waiting room ♪ 1413 01:13:54,000 --> 01:13:57,417 ♪ Just nervous paces ♪ 1414 01:13:57,500 --> 01:14:02,542 ♪ Bracing for bad news ♪ 1415 01:14:04,625 --> 01:14:07,959 ♪ And then the nurse comes round ♪ 1416 01:14:08,041 --> 01:14:12,458 ♪ And everyone lifts their head ♪ 1417 01:14:15,333 --> 01:14:18,000 ♪ But I'm thinking of ♪ 1418 01:14:18,083 --> 01:14:20,583 ♪ What Sarah said ♪ 1419 01:14:24,291 --> 01:14:26,959 ♪ That love is watching ♪ 1420 01:14:27,041 --> 01:14:29,583 ♪ Someone die ♪ 1421 01:14:29,667 --> 01:14:31,667 ♪ ♪ ♪ 1422 01:14:40,500 --> 01:14:45,250 ♪ So who's gonna watch you die? ♪ 1423 01:14:50,500 --> 01:14:53,917 ♪ So who's gonna watch you die? ♪ 1424 01:15:01,667 --> 01:15:06,709 ♪ So who's gonna watch you die? ♪ 90161