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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:13,652 --> 00:02:15,988 Fuck Wolverine. 2 00:02:17,114 --> 00:02:19,825 First, he rides my coattails with the R rating. 3 00:02:19,867 --> 00:02:23,913 Then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. 4 00:02:24,330 --> 00:02:26,040 What a dick. 5 00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:28,334 Well, guess what, Wolvie? 6 00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:30,711 I'm dying in this one, too. 7 00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:38,886 To understand why I took a cat-nap on 1,200 gallons of high-test fuel... 8 00:02:38,928 --> 00:02:42,640 I need to take you back to the dewy slopes of six weeks ago. 9 00:02:42,681 --> 00:02:45,392 I'd gone international, taking out mass murderers, 10 00:02:45,434 --> 00:02:47,770 gangsters, unspeakable monsters. 11 00:02:47,812 --> 00:02:50,689 People nobody would touch. Except me. 12 00:02:50,731 --> 00:02:53,484 I'm gonna touch them all over. 13 00:02:56,403 --> 00:02:59,573 Hey, it's Gail calling. Love the shiny suit. 14 00:02:59,615 --> 00:03:02,284 Really brings out the sex trafficker in your eyes. 15 00:03:02,326 --> 00:03:04,495 Whatever they're paying, I'll double it. 16 00:03:04,537 --> 00:03:07,665 I don't speak Cantonese, Mister... 17 00:03:08,707 --> 00:03:13,546 Well, I'm not even gonna attempt that. But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so... 18 00:03:13,587 --> 00:03:15,631 Where is the library? 19 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:18,008 Which literally translates to... 20 00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:21,303 I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker. 21 00:03:44,952 --> 00:03:47,496 I'll take a cranberry-grapefruit vodka. 22 00:03:47,538 --> 00:03:50,082 I know it's called a Sea Breeze. Don't make me say it. 23 00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:51,750 Hit it, Dolly. 24 00:04:09,143 --> 00:04:11,729 Taking the hands out of the guns of the criminals! 25 00:04:19,904 --> 00:04:21,155 Do not go in there! 26 00:04:31,540 --> 00:04:34,627 Oh, God! Oh, God, time out! Time out! 27 00:04:34,668 --> 00:04:38,255 Cut. Got bad guy blood, right in my open eye. 28 00:04:38,297 --> 00:04:40,466 That's so gross. 29 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:42,760 Fuck. 30 00:04:43,677 --> 00:04:45,554 Scoutmaster Kevin? 31 00:04:51,811 --> 00:04:53,437 Too exotic? 32 00:04:56,148 --> 00:05:00,319 My world tour brought me home to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. 33 00:05:00,361 --> 00:05:03,239 But we'll get to him in a moment. 'Cause I know what you're thinking. 34 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:06,283 "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." 35 00:05:06,325 --> 00:05:07,785 But that's where you'd be wrong. 36 00:05:07,827 --> 00:05:10,830 That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... 37 00:05:10,871 --> 00:05:15,167 and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. 38 00:05:15,209 --> 00:05:16,377 True story. 39 00:05:16,418 --> 00:05:20,214 And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. 40 00:05:20,256 --> 00:05:23,300 Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. 41 00:05:23,342 --> 00:05:26,637 Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. 42 00:05:26,679 --> 00:05:29,557 That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. 43 00:05:29,598 --> 00:05:32,935 Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? 44 00:05:32,977 --> 00:05:36,897 But this guy? He was one of the worst of 'em. 45 00:05:38,858 --> 00:05:41,902 Hurry up and open this fucking door, and let's kill this motherfucker! 46 00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:50,494 So gross. 47 00:05:50,953 --> 00:05:53,289 A panic room? Really? 48 00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:55,332 Can you come out? 49 00:05:56,083 --> 00:05:59,170 I really have to go. It's my anniversary. 50 00:06:04,884 --> 00:06:07,845 Over and over, I hear people say, "I just don't have enough confidence." 51 00:06:07,887 --> 00:06:09,930 Listen, confidence is not something you have. 52 00:06:09,972 --> 00:06:11,432 It's something you create. 53 00:06:11,474 --> 00:06:13,559 And you can create it at any moment in time. 54 00:06:13,601 --> 00:06:16,687 A sense of confidence is nothing but a sense of power within yourself... 55 00:06:16,729 --> 00:06:18,856 a sense of certainty that you can pull something off. 56 00:06:18,898 --> 00:06:21,442 Start the car! Start the fucking car! Dopinder! 57 00:06:21,484 --> 00:06:23,402 Start the fucking car! 58 00:06:31,035 --> 00:06:32,369 Oh, I shit my pants. 59 00:06:32,411 --> 00:06:34,705 Actually, that may have been me. 60 00:06:34,747 --> 00:06:36,040 Oh, mission accomplished? 61 00:06:36,081 --> 00:06:37,917 Well, in a George W. sort of way. 62 00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:39,877 Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever. 63 00:06:40,211 --> 00:06:41,462 You're living the dreams, DP. 64 00:06:41,504 --> 00:06:44,673 It has been quite the run, Dopinder, and who'da thought? 65 00:06:44,715 --> 00:06:46,884 Now I'm talked about in the same sentence as Jesus. 66 00:06:47,384 --> 00:06:50,554 Passion of the Christ, then me. At least domestically. 67 00:06:50,596 --> 00:06:53,390 We beat them overseas, where there's no such thing as religion. 68 00:06:53,933 --> 00:06:56,101 I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy. 69 00:06:56,143 --> 00:06:58,479 Taxiing is not as sexy as it looks. 70 00:06:58,521 --> 00:07:00,272 - I want to fill my... - Pockets? 71 00:07:00,314 --> 00:07:03,442 What's your poison? A little cokey cokey? 72 00:07:03,484 --> 00:07:06,570 Can't maintain an erection without buying shoes online? 73 00:07:06,612 --> 00:07:09,865 I've never experienced that last one. Talk to me, Goose. 74 00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:12,743 I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul. 75 00:07:12,785 --> 00:07:15,996 I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir. 76 00:07:16,038 --> 00:07:17,123 Dopinder... 77 00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:19,625 you never cease to surprise me. 78 00:07:21,127 --> 00:07:24,004 You know, the depth of your heart is extraordinary. 79 00:07:24,046 --> 00:07:28,092 We all need a sense of belonging. We all need a genuine sense of home. 80 00:07:28,134 --> 00:07:30,094 - A place in this world. - I want to become a contract killer. 81 00:07:30,136 --> 00:07:31,720 I'm sorry. What did you say? 82 00:07:31,762 --> 00:07:35,224 Remember when I kidnapped Bandhu and threatened him with great violence? 83 00:07:35,266 --> 00:07:36,684 You kind of killed him. 84 00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:38,686 And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire? 85 00:07:38,727 --> 00:07:39,854 Don't want to. 86 00:07:39,895 --> 00:07:44,108 When Tom Cruise fed 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst blood for the first time... 87 00:07:44,150 --> 00:07:48,904 and she looked up at his smooth, handsome face and said... 88 00:07:49,488 --> 00:07:51,282 "I want some more." 89 00:07:51,657 --> 00:07:55,202 Pool, picture me, a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst. 90 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,122 I'll never not picture that. 91 00:07:58,789 --> 00:08:01,959 But I can't wait to never speak of this, as soon as possible. 92 00:08:02,293 --> 00:08:03,335 We're here. 93 00:08:07,214 --> 00:08:08,340 You're my Tom Cruise! 94 00:08:08,382 --> 00:08:11,552 And you're my Kristen Dunst! Kristen? Kirsten? 95 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:17,933 Sorry I'm late. 96 00:08:18,267 --> 00:08:21,979 There was a bunch of handicapable children stuck in a tree... 97 00:08:22,021 --> 00:08:23,272 and I had to... 98 00:08:23,606 --> 00:08:26,358 You're right. I was fighting a caped badass. 99 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,819 But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too. 100 00:08:28,861 --> 00:08:29,862 No. 101 00:08:30,237 --> 00:08:31,238 Traffic? 102 00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:35,659 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 103 00:08:35,701 --> 00:08:36,702 Well, come here. 104 00:08:48,506 --> 00:08:50,257 I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. 105 00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,176 Don't you want your surprise? 106 00:08:52,218 --> 00:08:54,053 Do I look like a patient burn victim? 107 00:08:54,845 --> 00:08:56,096 I got one for you, too. 108 00:08:57,264 --> 00:08:58,766 Happy anniversary, baby. 109 00:08:58,808 --> 00:09:00,392 Open, open, open. 110 00:09:02,394 --> 00:09:03,729 Skee-Ball token. 111 00:09:04,188 --> 00:09:05,564 Our first date. 112 00:09:05,606 --> 00:09:06,982 Yup. 113 00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:09,902 That's genuine, high-grade lead. 114 00:09:12,780 --> 00:09:13,906 I'll keep it forever. 115 00:09:15,157 --> 00:09:16,575 Thank you, baby. 116 00:09:18,202 --> 00:09:19,912 - Open yours. - All right, all right. 117 00:09:23,499 --> 00:09:25,376 That's just the most beautiful thing that I've... 118 00:09:25,417 --> 00:09:26,877 I don't know what this is. 119 00:09:26,919 --> 00:09:28,337 My IUD. 120 00:09:28,712 --> 00:09:29,755 A bomb? 121 00:09:29,797 --> 00:09:32,591 No, dick for brains. My birth control device. 122 00:09:33,008 --> 00:09:34,135 What, you mean that your... 123 00:09:34,176 --> 00:09:35,970 Baby factory's open for business. 124 00:09:36,011 --> 00:09:37,096 Oh, my God! 125 00:09:38,097 --> 00:09:40,641 Oh, my God! I want a boy! 126 00:09:40,683 --> 00:09:43,477 Or a little girl! Definitely one or the other! 127 00:09:44,562 --> 00:09:46,605 And I want our kid to have only one name. 128 00:09:47,189 --> 00:09:49,692 Like Cher or Todd. 129 00:09:50,484 --> 00:09:52,153 You gotta pump a baby in me first, cowboy. 130 00:09:52,194 --> 00:09:53,320 Yes, I do. 131 00:09:53,362 --> 00:09:55,197 Let's watch some porn and show that bed who's boss. 132 00:09:55,239 --> 00:09:56,240 Let's do that. 133 00:09:57,366 --> 00:09:58,826 Papa... 134 00:09:59,493 --> 00:10:01,620 Can you hear me? 135 00:10:03,414 --> 00:10:05,875 Papa, can you see me? 136 00:10:05,916 --> 00:10:08,169 Does this song sound familiar to you? 137 00:10:10,463 --> 00:10:11,922 May. 138 00:10:12,673 --> 00:10:16,385 Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl. 139 00:10:19,054 --> 00:10:23,934 So weird. Family was always an F-word to me. 140 00:10:25,436 --> 00:10:28,647 My pile of shit father took off and bailed. 141 00:10:29,940 --> 00:10:31,942 I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models 142 00:10:31,984 --> 00:10:34,320 to draw off of for Todd. 143 00:10:35,029 --> 00:10:37,656 Hey. Look at me. 144 00:10:38,824 --> 00:10:40,993 You are not your father. 145 00:10:42,703 --> 00:10:44,038 Besides... 146 00:10:44,079 --> 00:10:48,918 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 147 00:10:49,919 --> 00:10:52,254 But here's the thing, isn't that how it always works? 148 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,509 Like in Star Wars, men are destined to become their father... 149 00:10:57,218 --> 00:11:00,304 and then have consensual sex with their sister? 150 00:11:00,346 --> 00:11:02,765 I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie. 151 00:11:03,724 --> 00:11:05,935 No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her. 152 00:11:05,976 --> 00:11:07,645 Baby, that's Empire. 153 00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:10,731 The point is, kids... 154 00:11:12,233 --> 00:11:14,860 they give us a chance to be better than we are. 155 00:11:15,694 --> 00:11:17,822 Better than we used to be. 156 00:11:18,405 --> 00:11:20,908 You're a lot smarter than I look. 157 00:11:21,826 --> 00:11:23,202 I'm gonna go make dessert. 158 00:11:23,661 --> 00:11:26,789 You get the strap-on. Let's make a super baby. 159 00:11:28,124 --> 00:11:30,459 Pretty sure it doesn't work that way, but we can try. 160 00:11:31,752 --> 00:11:34,922 What about Krystal? But with a "K"? 161 00:11:35,297 --> 00:11:36,882 It's too stripper-y. 162 00:11:37,133 --> 00:11:38,634 Kevin with a "K"! 163 00:11:38,676 --> 00:11:40,761 No, too stripper-y, too. 164 00:11:41,595 --> 00:11:42,930 Earl! 165 00:11:43,305 --> 00:11:47,476 He's gonna go straight to jail if we name him Earl. 166 00:11:47,935 --> 00:11:49,812 What about Bruce? 167 00:11:50,813 --> 00:11:51,981 No. 168 00:11:52,231 --> 00:11:53,274 Get down. 169 00:11:53,315 --> 00:11:54,316 What? 170 00:12:23,512 --> 00:12:25,264 Baby? Baby? 171 00:12:28,851 --> 00:12:29,935 I'm okay. 172 00:12:30,603 --> 00:12:33,105 Thank God I didn't have to use the cream cheese spreader. 173 00:13:07,848 --> 00:13:09,141 Please. 174 00:13:14,230 --> 00:13:16,065 Please. Please. 175 00:13:16,107 --> 00:13:19,276 Baby, I'm so sorry. 176 00:13:19,318 --> 00:13:23,155 No! 177 00:16:27,465 --> 00:16:30,176 Papa, can you hear me? 178 00:16:31,469 --> 00:16:34,722 Is it just me, or does Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen... 179 00:16:34,763 --> 00:16:38,100 sound suspiciously like Papa, Can You Hear Me? from Yentl? 180 00:16:39,351 --> 00:16:41,687 Papa, can you hear me? 181 00:16:43,481 --> 00:16:45,941 And nobody fucking realizes it. 182 00:16:45,983 --> 00:16:48,527 Go home. You've been here for three days, okay? 183 00:16:49,028 --> 00:16:51,280 You smell like somebody shit in a Civil War wound... 184 00:16:51,322 --> 00:16:52,907 after it had become gangrenous. 185 00:16:52,948 --> 00:16:55,159 They should've just amputated it. Why shit in it? 186 00:16:55,201 --> 00:16:56,368 Doesn't make any sense. 187 00:16:56,702 --> 00:16:58,120 I love Frozen. 188 00:16:58,454 --> 00:17:01,832 I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water. 189 00:17:01,874 --> 00:17:03,209 An ocean is water. 190 00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:07,922 More importantly, I liked her. I really liked her, you know? 191 00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:11,467 George Michael was right. I'm never gonna dance again. Fuck! 192 00:17:12,092 --> 00:17:13,093 He's dead, too. 193 00:17:14,470 --> 00:17:16,096 At least we still have Bowie. 194 00:17:16,472 --> 00:17:20,309 Yeah. We still have Bowie. 195 00:17:20,893 --> 00:17:21,894 I'm sorry. 196 00:17:22,311 --> 00:17:25,606 Shot after shot, it's not gonna change the fact that I think you're... 197 00:17:25,648 --> 00:17:27,108 Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now? 198 00:17:27,149 --> 00:17:29,902 You're making the face that you make when you urinate. 199 00:17:29,944 --> 00:17:31,529 - Is he pissing? - I'm on it! 200 00:17:31,821 --> 00:17:33,197 There you go, Dopinder. 201 00:17:33,239 --> 00:17:35,157 If you want to be a contract killer... 202 00:17:35,199 --> 00:17:37,743 you gotta handle a mop before you handle a gun. 203 00:17:37,785 --> 00:17:40,246 Although I don't quite understand how they are at all similar. 204 00:17:40,287 --> 00:17:42,581 Well, they both have handles. Now, leave me. 205 00:17:43,624 --> 00:17:45,292 Go home, Wade. 206 00:17:45,334 --> 00:17:47,711 I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a... 207 00:17:48,212 --> 00:17:50,548 Fuck! Okay, I'm fine. 208 00:17:50,589 --> 00:17:53,509 - I'm fine. - You know what "fine" stands for, Wade? 209 00:17:53,551 --> 00:17:56,887 Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional. 210 00:17:57,304 --> 00:17:58,556 According to the... 211 00:17:59,890 --> 00:18:01,058 - Kübler-Ross. - Yeah. 212 00:18:01,392 --> 00:18:03,310 According to the Kübler-Ross model... 213 00:18:03,352 --> 00:18:06,105 denial is just one of the five stages of grief. 214 00:18:06,147 --> 00:18:08,107 Jesus Christ, Buck! 215 00:18:08,524 --> 00:18:10,443 No more speaking lines for you. 216 00:18:46,562 --> 00:18:47,688 "I'm thinking it over!" 217 00:18:47,730 --> 00:18:49,398 Motherfuck! 218 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:50,441 Fuck! 219 00:18:53,402 --> 00:18:54,987 The hell you doin' here? 220 00:18:55,029 --> 00:18:56,447 Don't you know how to knock? 221 00:18:56,864 --> 00:18:58,866 I thought you saw me... 222 00:18:58,908 --> 00:19:00,367 with your ears. 223 00:19:00,409 --> 00:19:02,787 - You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the... - The wall? 224 00:19:02,828 --> 00:19:06,207 The refrigerator? I'm in so much pain. 225 00:19:08,959 --> 00:19:10,669 I heard the news, sweetie. 226 00:19:10,711 --> 00:19:12,463 I'm very sorry. I am. 227 00:19:12,838 --> 00:19:14,298 What am I gonna do, Al? 228 00:19:14,799 --> 00:19:16,509 Probably something terrible. 229 00:19:17,676 --> 00:19:19,053 Knowing you. 230 00:19:19,094 --> 00:19:20,638 It was my fault. 231 00:19:21,847 --> 00:19:23,724 I fucking did this. 232 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,479 And all I wanna do is grab her and see her and tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't. 233 00:19:30,356 --> 00:19:32,108 She's gone. 234 00:19:32,149 --> 00:19:35,069 Sweetheart, can you speak up? 235 00:19:35,778 --> 00:19:38,906 It's a little hard to hear you with that pity dick in your mouth. 236 00:19:38,948 --> 00:19:41,992 Now, look, sugar. You need to just keep living. 237 00:19:42,034 --> 00:19:43,160 Thank you... 238 00:19:43,202 --> 00:19:46,455 Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. 239 00:19:46,497 --> 00:19:47,998 Listen to the pain. 240 00:19:48,457 --> 00:19:51,377 It's both history teacher and fortune teller. 241 00:19:51,418 --> 00:19:54,296 Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. 242 00:19:55,089 --> 00:19:58,342 Sometimes, it's so bad, we feel like we're dying. 243 00:19:59,009 --> 00:20:01,720 But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we? 244 00:20:04,223 --> 00:20:05,432 Wade? 245 00:20:07,893 --> 00:20:09,603 - Wade? - I'm right here, Althea. 246 00:20:09,979 --> 00:20:13,983 And that is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. 247 00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:16,193 You're absolutely right. 248 00:20:20,114 --> 00:20:22,491 I'm about to do something terrible. 249 00:20:26,412 --> 00:20:28,747 There. All caught up. 250 00:20:28,789 --> 00:20:31,667 You can't really live until you've died a little. 251 00:20:31,709 --> 00:20:33,419 Let's test that theory, shall we? 252 00:20:46,015 --> 00:20:47,933 Baby factory's open for business. 253 00:20:52,021 --> 00:20:53,773 Your crazy matches my crazy. 254 00:20:54,231 --> 00:20:56,275 I will never, ever let our child be named Todd. 255 00:20:56,317 --> 00:20:57,943 Skee-Ball token. 256 00:20:59,779 --> 00:21:02,323 Happy International Women's Day. 257 00:21:03,199 --> 00:21:04,825 - Listen, I've been thinking a lot. - Really? 258 00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:07,661 - About why we're so good together. - I love you, Wade Wilson. 259 00:21:10,164 --> 00:21:11,582 Ness? 260 00:21:13,083 --> 00:21:14,168 Ness? 261 00:21:15,002 --> 00:21:16,003 Ness. 262 00:21:16,712 --> 00:21:19,298 Ness, there's something here. I can't get to you. 263 00:21:21,091 --> 00:21:23,177 Your heart's not in the right place. 264 00:21:23,677 --> 00:21:25,513 Wait, hold on. What? 265 00:21:26,347 --> 00:21:28,390 Your heart's not in the right place. 266 00:21:28,432 --> 00:21:30,893 Wait. What do you mean my heart's not in the right place? What does it... 267 00:21:50,996 --> 00:21:53,582 I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Wade. 268 00:21:53,624 --> 00:21:55,209 You're broken. 269 00:21:55,251 --> 00:21:58,587 Oh, God. I know that voice. 270 00:22:02,299 --> 00:22:03,968 "Heart's in the right place." 271 00:22:04,009 --> 00:22:05,553 "Heart's in the right..." What does that mean? 272 00:22:05,594 --> 00:22:07,388 You've been sleep for three days. 273 00:22:07,429 --> 00:22:09,181 I took the liberty of dressing you. 274 00:22:09,223 --> 00:22:10,599 No shit. 275 00:22:10,641 --> 00:22:12,560 Why can't I fucking die? 276 00:22:12,601 --> 00:22:14,145 Take your mask off, Wade. 277 00:22:14,186 --> 00:22:15,855 We must talk. 278 00:22:15,896 --> 00:22:17,523 You need fresh start. 279 00:22:18,190 --> 00:22:20,776 With training, you can be X-Man. 280 00:22:20,818 --> 00:22:24,280 You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. I'm not X-Man material. 281 00:22:24,321 --> 00:22:25,906 Understatement of the year. 282 00:22:26,365 --> 00:22:28,993 Wade, Yukio. Yukio, Wade. 283 00:22:29,785 --> 00:22:32,037 What in the fuck knuckles is this? 284 00:22:32,079 --> 00:22:33,831 She's my girlfriend, you intolerant shit. 285 00:22:34,623 --> 00:22:38,210 Pump the hate brakes, Fox & Friends. I'm just surprised anyone would date you. 286 00:22:38,252 --> 00:22:40,337 Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony. 287 00:22:41,088 --> 00:22:42,423 I like this guy. 288 00:22:42,965 --> 00:22:44,258 Give him a chance. 289 00:22:45,092 --> 00:22:46,093 It's great seeing you like this. 290 00:22:47,386 --> 00:22:48,387 Yeah. 291 00:22:48,846 --> 00:22:49,847 Bye, Wade! 292 00:22:50,222 --> 00:22:52,683 Now, some ground rules while under our roof. 293 00:22:52,725 --> 00:22:55,519 "Rule number one. No killing... 294 00:22:55,561 --> 00:22:59,023 "anyone ever, no matter how bad. 295 00:22:59,064 --> 00:23:01,692 "Rule two. Label everything in refrigerator." 296 00:23:01,734 --> 00:23:02,735 Wade? 297 00:23:03,611 --> 00:23:04,779 Wade? 298 00:23:04,820 --> 00:23:05,988 Wade! 299 00:23:06,030 --> 00:23:07,740 Don't try to chase me. 300 00:23:07,782 --> 00:23:09,992 I'm not ready to be touched again. 301 00:23:10,284 --> 00:23:12,411 All these elderly white men on the walls... 302 00:23:12,453 --> 00:23:14,205 Should have brought my rape whistle. 303 00:23:14,246 --> 00:23:15,498 Hi. 304 00:23:15,539 --> 00:23:17,708 Those were already damaged after they fell there! 305 00:23:18,417 --> 00:23:20,294 What am I supposed to do around here, anyway? 306 00:23:20,336 --> 00:23:22,546 Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? 307 00:23:22,588 --> 00:23:24,924 And how would I do that exactly? 308 00:23:25,549 --> 00:23:28,177 'Cause where the fuck is everyone? 309 00:23:28,219 --> 00:23:30,721 It's always just you and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever... 310 00:23:30,763 --> 00:23:31,764 Enough! 311 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:33,724 I said no touching! 312 00:23:35,476 --> 00:23:38,062 What the fuck? 313 00:23:38,854 --> 00:23:40,856 You'd think the studio would throw us a bone. 314 00:23:41,315 --> 00:23:43,651 They can't just dust off one of the famous X-Men? 315 00:23:43,692 --> 00:23:45,820 How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings? 316 00:23:45,861 --> 00:23:47,029 What do those do anyway? 317 00:23:47,071 --> 00:23:50,533 Carry him three feet off the ground to snatch up the nearest muffin crumb? 318 00:23:50,574 --> 00:23:52,743 No, no, no! 319 00:23:52,785 --> 00:23:55,704 I am not X-Man material at all. 320 00:23:55,746 --> 00:23:56,747 First off... 321 00:23:58,249 --> 00:24:00,334 I'm not even a virgin. Second and more... 322 00:24:02,503 --> 00:24:05,422 I should have left you in the self-pitying mess I found you in. 323 00:24:05,464 --> 00:24:08,467 But this is what friends do. They show up! 324 00:24:08,509 --> 00:24:10,177 Not when convenient or easy. 325 00:24:10,553 --> 00:24:13,931 When hard, and you always make it hard. 326 00:24:14,932 --> 00:24:17,476 You are unwell. 327 00:24:17,518 --> 00:24:19,645 I'm sticking my neck out bringing you here. 328 00:24:19,687 --> 00:24:23,023 Wait. One of the assholes who killed Vanessa got away. 329 00:24:26,068 --> 00:24:27,611 Jesus Christ! 330 00:24:28,070 --> 00:24:30,239 Wade, whoever they are... 331 00:24:30,281 --> 00:24:33,075 we track them down and bring them to justice. 332 00:24:33,492 --> 00:24:34,827 It was me. 333 00:24:37,913 --> 00:24:39,498 I'm the asshole who got away. 334 00:24:40,624 --> 00:24:43,252 I killed every last one of them, except me. 335 00:24:43,627 --> 00:24:45,337 Couldn't kill me. 336 00:24:48,632 --> 00:24:50,634 We were gonna start a family. 337 00:24:55,639 --> 00:24:57,641 We were gonna be a family. 338 00:24:58,184 --> 00:24:59,268 Wade... 339 00:24:59,310 --> 00:25:02,104 Vanessa is gone. She's not coming back. 340 00:25:03,689 --> 00:25:06,025 This may not be family you want... 341 00:25:06,066 --> 00:25:08,068 but it's family you need. 342 00:25:08,527 --> 00:25:11,405 You have a good heart. It belongs here where it can grow. 343 00:25:13,199 --> 00:25:14,200 What did you say? 344 00:25:16,243 --> 00:25:17,578 About my heart? 345 00:25:23,083 --> 00:25:25,085 I think I'm in the right place. 346 00:26:39,118 --> 00:26:40,119 Wade. 347 00:26:40,911 --> 00:26:41,912 Wade! 348 00:26:42,580 --> 00:26:45,458 Hey, I was just taking Cerebro for a spin here... 349 00:26:45,499 --> 00:26:47,084 looking deep into the future. 350 00:26:47,501 --> 00:26:48,544 This thing... 351 00:26:48,586 --> 00:26:50,463 - That's not how Cerebro works. - That's not how Cerebro works. 352 00:26:50,504 --> 00:26:52,047 Yes. Yes, it is. 353 00:26:52,506 --> 00:26:54,175 - We have mission. - We have mission. 354 00:26:54,216 --> 00:26:56,135 We do. You do. 355 00:26:56,177 --> 00:26:57,470 You guys be safe out there. 356 00:26:57,511 --> 00:27:00,264 - No, I want you to join. - No, you want me to join. 357 00:27:01,891 --> 00:27:03,142 I'm sorry, what? 358 00:27:03,184 --> 00:27:04,727 You are ready. 359 00:27:04,768 --> 00:27:06,437 That's a terrible idea, and it's gonna end badly. 360 00:27:06,479 --> 00:27:08,522 You wanna know how I know? I'll give you a hint. 361 00:27:08,564 --> 00:27:11,567 It's on my head and smells like Patrick Stewart. 362 00:27:11,859 --> 00:27:13,486 Be at the X-Jet in five. 363 00:27:16,697 --> 00:27:19,325 Irene Merryweather, WHIT News. 364 00:27:19,366 --> 00:27:21,285 Live here at a breaking news situation 365 00:27:21,327 --> 00:27:24,038 at the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation. 366 00:27:24,079 --> 00:27:27,374 A mutant boy is appearing to have some sort of an incident... 367 00:27:27,416 --> 00:27:29,168 - with police here behind me. - Get away from me! 368 00:27:29,210 --> 00:27:31,587 There are two police vehicles that are overturned. 369 00:27:31,629 --> 00:27:33,172 - There are open fires. - Fuck off! Stay back! 370 00:27:33,214 --> 00:27:35,132 - A scene of absolute chaos here. - Calm down. 371 00:27:35,174 --> 00:27:38,010 I'll burn you! You stay back! 372 00:27:38,719 --> 00:27:40,513 Get away from me! 373 00:27:40,554 --> 00:27:42,181 You wanna fucking die? 374 00:27:57,988 --> 00:28:01,200 And it appears as if the X-Men are arriving... 375 00:28:01,242 --> 00:28:02,243 Scatter! 376 00:28:02,827 --> 00:28:03,828 ...with what appears to be a trainee. 377 00:28:04,870 --> 00:28:07,873 Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I... 378 00:28:07,915 --> 00:28:09,041 We're the X-Men! 379 00:28:09,083 --> 00:28:11,168 A dated metaphor for racism in the '60s. 380 00:28:11,710 --> 00:28:13,587 So, respect. 381 00:28:14,130 --> 00:28:15,381 At ease, Officer. 382 00:28:16,966 --> 00:28:18,509 What are you doing? 383 00:28:18,968 --> 00:28:20,261 My job! 384 00:28:20,302 --> 00:28:23,222 You're the one who said I was ready, and I frankly disagreed with you. 385 00:28:23,264 --> 00:28:25,724 But here we are, trying to overcome our differences. 386 00:28:25,766 --> 00:28:28,185 Like Beyoncé says, "Please... 387 00:28:29,019 --> 00:28:30,771 - "Please, stop cheating on me." - Hey! 388 00:28:31,605 --> 00:28:32,982 This is the fifth incident. 389 00:28:33,023 --> 00:28:35,234 This kid needs to be in the Ice Box, not here. 390 00:28:35,276 --> 00:28:37,027 Russell belongs in our care. 391 00:28:37,069 --> 00:28:39,405 Not in prison. I assure you... 392 00:28:39,447 --> 00:28:41,073 - we have everything under control. - Stay back! I'll burn you! 393 00:28:41,115 --> 00:28:44,076 Not getting a real "under control" vibe here, Marty. 394 00:28:44,493 --> 00:28:46,537 - It is Glen, isn't it? - Daniel. 395 00:28:46,579 --> 00:28:48,956 I'll ask the questions. Let me talk to the kid. 396 00:28:48,998 --> 00:28:53,169 You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. 397 00:28:55,254 --> 00:28:56,380 You wanna die? 398 00:28:56,422 --> 00:28:58,632 This kid's adorable. I don't know why I packed the hollow points. 399 00:28:58,674 --> 00:29:00,134 I'll burn your balls off! 400 00:29:00,176 --> 00:29:02,678 First day. I'm so nervous! 401 00:29:03,554 --> 00:29:05,055 Did you just say "hollow points"? 402 00:29:05,306 --> 00:29:08,267 Yeah, probably should've brought a Super Soaker. 403 00:29:09,226 --> 00:29:10,227 Hi, there! 404 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,981 Stay back or Justin Bieber dies! 405 00:29:15,149 --> 00:29:17,610 Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber. 406 00:29:19,069 --> 00:29:20,613 Hold on! Wait, wait, wait! 407 00:29:20,654 --> 00:29:23,741 Okay, let's not do whatever that is. 408 00:29:23,783 --> 00:29:25,284 Okay? Let's just talk! 409 00:29:25,326 --> 00:29:26,577 It's Russell, right? 410 00:29:26,994 --> 00:29:28,829 - Firefist. - Firefist. 411 00:29:29,580 --> 00:29:31,540 That's a great name. Where does it burn? 412 00:29:31,582 --> 00:29:33,000 Just the fist, or all the way up to the elbow? 413 00:29:38,422 --> 00:29:40,299 Definitely all the way up to the elbow. 414 00:29:40,758 --> 00:29:42,718 Come quietly, or there will be trouble. 415 00:29:43,594 --> 00:29:45,930 - You stole that from Robocop! - That's from Robocop! 416 00:29:46,430 --> 00:29:50,142 Just stand down! You're embarrassing me. Look, Fire... 417 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,854 Oh, my God! I can't say it! I'm so sorry! 418 00:29:58,609 --> 00:30:02,238 Oh, shit! That fucking does it! 419 00:30:02,655 --> 00:30:05,658 Put your hands behind your knees and get down on your head! Now! 420 00:30:05,699 --> 00:30:07,910 Wade! What was first rule? 421 00:30:07,952 --> 00:30:09,912 Label everything in the refrigerator! 422 00:30:09,954 --> 00:30:12,623 - Do not escalate! - Rules are meant to be broken! 423 00:30:12,665 --> 00:30:15,543 That's the exact opposite of what they're meant for! 424 00:30:16,418 --> 00:30:17,878 Fuck! Fine! 425 00:30:18,420 --> 00:30:19,463 I'll start from the beginning. 426 00:30:20,089 --> 00:30:22,508 My name is Deadpool, and I'm an X-Man. 427 00:30:22,550 --> 00:30:24,468 - Trainee! - Shut it! 428 00:30:25,386 --> 00:30:27,680 Look, I get it. 429 00:30:28,848 --> 00:30:30,474 All right, you're scared. 430 00:30:31,016 --> 00:30:32,184 Alone. 431 00:30:32,226 --> 00:30:34,311 You got no family. I didn't have a family, either. 432 00:30:34,353 --> 00:30:37,857 You live in this dump. Guess what? I used to live in a shithole just like it. 433 00:30:38,774 --> 00:30:41,402 But you know something? To make matters worse... 434 00:30:41,444 --> 00:30:43,237 it's a confusing time in your life right now. 435 00:30:43,279 --> 00:30:46,907 Your body is going through some fiery changes. 436 00:30:46,949 --> 00:30:48,826 Too far? I went too far, didn't I? 437 00:30:56,125 --> 00:30:57,626 That was effervescent. 438 00:30:58,711 --> 00:31:00,004 Stay in school, kid. 439 00:31:00,463 --> 00:31:01,964 Or don't. I didn't. 440 00:31:02,465 --> 00:31:04,049 And I'm an X-Man. 441 00:31:04,091 --> 00:31:05,217 Trainee. 442 00:31:05,259 --> 00:31:06,510 Fuck it! 443 00:31:06,552 --> 00:31:08,304 Superhero landing coming up! 444 00:31:12,475 --> 00:31:13,476 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 445 00:31:14,018 --> 00:31:15,436 That is so not practical. 446 00:31:36,499 --> 00:31:38,709 I could get used to this X-Man shit. 447 00:31:38,751 --> 00:31:40,795 - Trainee! - Trainee! 448 00:31:40,836 --> 00:31:42,713 Get a power restraint on him. Now! 449 00:31:42,755 --> 00:31:45,841 Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya. 450 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,303 What's that do? 451 00:31:49,345 --> 00:31:52,223 Power-dampening collar. Shuts down all mutant abilities. 452 00:31:52,264 --> 00:31:54,975 You can't get it off. Unless you've got a grenade. 453 00:31:55,976 --> 00:31:58,145 Could've used one of those in the first act. 454 00:31:58,187 --> 00:31:59,438 Thank you! 455 00:32:01,190 --> 00:32:03,526 That was absolutely thrilling. 456 00:32:03,567 --> 00:32:05,694 True heroism in action. 457 00:32:05,736 --> 00:32:07,404 We are in your debt. 458 00:32:08,197 --> 00:32:09,907 We can take it from here. 459 00:32:09,949 --> 00:32:12,159 Take me to the Ice Box, please! 460 00:32:12,201 --> 00:32:13,494 Anywhere's better than here. 461 00:32:13,536 --> 00:32:16,288 Believe me, son, you do not wanna go to the Ice Box. 462 00:32:16,330 --> 00:32:18,332 Let's get you inside, young man. 463 00:32:18,374 --> 00:32:20,251 No, wait, wait. Wait. 464 00:32:20,292 --> 00:32:21,794 You guys stay there. 465 00:32:31,887 --> 00:32:33,514 Those guys hurt you? 466 00:32:34,932 --> 00:32:35,975 Who? 467 00:32:38,018 --> 00:32:40,729 Baldilocks? Jared Kushner? 468 00:32:42,189 --> 00:32:43,691 Both of 'em? 469 00:32:47,820 --> 00:32:49,113 Fuck it. 470 00:32:49,155 --> 00:32:50,656 Four or five moments! 471 00:32:50,698 --> 00:32:51,782 I'm sorry? 472 00:32:51,824 --> 00:32:55,035 Four or five moments! 473 00:32:56,287 --> 00:32:59,039 That's all it takes to be a hero. 474 00:33:00,082 --> 00:33:02,084 People think you wake up a hero... 475 00:33:02,418 --> 00:33:04,044 brush your teeth a hero... 476 00:33:04,628 --> 00:33:07,131 ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. 477 00:33:08,924 --> 00:33:12,678 But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments! 478 00:33:14,013 --> 00:33:15,764 A few moments... 479 00:33:15,806 --> 00:33:18,350 doing the ugly stuff no one else will do. 480 00:33:21,896 --> 00:33:23,022 No! 481 00:33:25,691 --> 00:33:27,026 Stand down! Hold your fire! 482 00:33:27,067 --> 00:33:29,320 - Wade, what did you do? - Colossus, no! 483 00:33:29,361 --> 00:33:30,654 That kid was abused! 484 00:33:30,696 --> 00:33:32,490 - You can tell. You can always tell! - We have rules! 485 00:33:32,531 --> 00:33:35,326 You are not judge, jury or executioner! 486 00:33:35,367 --> 00:33:38,329 Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right! 487 00:33:38,370 --> 00:33:40,080 And sometimes you gotta fight dirty! 488 00:33:40,122 --> 00:33:43,292 You let me down for the last time, Wade. 489 00:33:46,420 --> 00:33:48,714 Okay, get these guys in the pod. 490 00:33:48,756 --> 00:33:50,341 Take them to the Ice Box. 491 00:34:11,570 --> 00:34:12,571 Hey, baby! 492 00:34:13,656 --> 00:34:15,908 I wonder what gang I'll be in. 493 00:34:15,950 --> 00:34:17,409 Yeah! 494 00:34:17,451 --> 00:34:20,788 Is there, like, a Sorting Hat? Hi. 495 00:34:21,580 --> 00:34:22,581 Go! 496 00:34:25,793 --> 00:34:27,044 Hard left, douchebag. 497 00:34:31,507 --> 00:34:32,675 Please, after you. 498 00:34:33,801 --> 00:34:37,179 Another disgusting mutant off the streets. God bless America. 499 00:34:37,221 --> 00:34:38,472 Let's get a taco. 500 00:34:42,059 --> 00:34:44,645 Nighty-night, you annoying prick! 501 00:35:16,969 --> 00:35:20,264 I'mma tell you what the big lie is. 502 00:35:20,306 --> 00:35:21,640 Toilet paper. 503 00:35:21,891 --> 00:35:25,102 Toilet paper is a plenty fine appetizer. 504 00:35:25,144 --> 00:35:27,354 But, then... 505 00:35:27,396 --> 00:35:29,815 Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 506 00:35:29,857 --> 00:35:31,317 That's your main course. 507 00:35:31,358 --> 00:35:34,487 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 508 00:35:35,154 --> 00:35:38,073 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 509 00:35:38,115 --> 00:35:39,992 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 510 00:35:40,034 --> 00:35:42,953 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, if you can get you a hair dryer. 511 00:35:42,995 --> 00:35:45,331 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 512 00:35:49,043 --> 00:35:50,044 The fuck? 513 00:35:51,295 --> 00:35:52,338 Year? 514 00:35:53,339 --> 00:35:54,340 What? 515 00:35:55,549 --> 00:35:57,301 What year is it? 516 00:35:57,343 --> 00:35:59,345 What kind of dumbass question is that to ask? 517 00:36:18,697 --> 00:36:21,033 You're a long way from your superpowers. 518 00:36:21,075 --> 00:36:22,076 Yeah. 519 00:36:25,871 --> 00:36:26,997 Fuck! 520 00:36:27,039 --> 00:36:28,541 I wanted to be a superhero. 521 00:36:28,999 --> 00:36:31,001 Always wanted a real super suit. 522 00:36:31,585 --> 00:36:32,878 What happened? 523 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,755 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 524 00:36:35,464 --> 00:36:36,632 Never. 525 00:36:37,049 --> 00:36:38,843 The industry discriminates. 526 00:36:39,552 --> 00:36:41,220 Fuck superheroes. 527 00:36:41,804 --> 00:36:42,805 Fuck everyone. 528 00:36:43,305 --> 00:36:46,142 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 529 00:36:46,183 --> 00:36:48,477 burn the headmaster alive... 530 00:36:48,519 --> 00:36:51,147 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 531 00:36:51,647 --> 00:36:53,607 Who says prison isn't reformative? 532 00:36:53,983 --> 00:36:55,609 Fucker hates mutants. 533 00:36:56,735 --> 00:37:00,281 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand. 534 00:37:00,698 --> 00:37:02,116 Your abilities. 535 00:37:03,617 --> 00:37:05,536 I know how seductive they are. 536 00:37:08,122 --> 00:37:09,373 Now, please don't cry. 537 00:37:16,422 --> 00:37:20,092 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 538 00:37:20,843 --> 00:37:21,886 and we'll make him our... 539 00:37:25,806 --> 00:37:27,141 What was that? 540 00:37:27,183 --> 00:37:29,101 That is the biggest guy in here. 541 00:37:29,810 --> 00:37:31,896 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 542 00:37:31,937 --> 00:37:35,483 though no one's ever seen it, they keep a monster in the basement. 543 00:37:36,066 --> 00:37:39,403 Right next to a huge, steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 544 00:37:40,029 --> 00:37:41,030 Look. 545 00:37:42,031 --> 00:37:43,949 I can't protect you. 546 00:37:44,325 --> 00:37:48,662 With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 547 00:37:48,704 --> 00:37:51,582 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 548 00:37:52,208 --> 00:37:54,293 Now, if you'll excuse me... 549 00:37:54,335 --> 00:37:57,630 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 550 00:37:57,671 --> 00:38:00,049 I'll start by making us a shank. 551 00:38:00,090 --> 00:38:02,009 - Good listening. - I stole that guard's pen... 552 00:38:02,051 --> 00:38:05,179 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, if you know what I'm saying. 553 00:38:06,013 --> 00:38:07,723 Prison wallet? 554 00:38:08,682 --> 00:38:11,143 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 555 00:38:13,437 --> 00:38:16,023 I can hear you rummaging around in there. 556 00:38:20,778 --> 00:38:23,656 And to update you on the story reported earlier... 557 00:38:23,697 --> 00:38:25,032 after a lengthy standoff 558 00:38:25,074 --> 00:38:27,952 outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation... 559 00:38:27,993 --> 00:38:31,122 two mutants were arrested and transported to the Ice Box... 560 00:38:31,163 --> 00:38:32,540 Entering repair mode. 561 00:38:37,002 --> 00:38:40,422 ...several police cars were destroyed and the X-Men were called in to restore order. 562 00:39:01,652 --> 00:39:07,074 Cells seven and nine now off-limits for medical personnel. 563 00:39:07,116 --> 00:39:11,203 Cells seven and nine now off-limits for medical personnel. 564 00:39:16,667 --> 00:39:18,502 Don't do that. 565 00:39:19,211 --> 00:39:21,922 What? Why are you winking at me? 566 00:39:25,885 --> 00:39:27,303 I got your back. 567 00:39:27,344 --> 00:39:28,554 Oh, my God. 568 00:39:28,596 --> 00:39:30,097 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 569 00:39:30,139 --> 00:39:32,057 Just leave me alone, kid. 570 00:39:33,184 --> 00:39:34,268 Oh, great. 571 00:39:36,103 --> 00:39:38,647 Well, hello there, new fish. 572 00:39:38,689 --> 00:39:41,609 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 573 00:39:42,151 --> 00:39:44,028 I've done some light catalog work... 574 00:39:44,069 --> 00:39:46,447 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 575 00:39:46,489 --> 00:39:47,656 I was talking to him. 576 00:39:49,450 --> 00:39:52,453 Have we met? I can't place your mustache. 577 00:39:52,870 --> 00:39:55,539 - Black Tom Cassidy. - White Wade Wilson. 578 00:39:55,581 --> 00:39:58,709 What's your superpower? Cultural appropriation? 579 00:39:59,001 --> 00:40:01,504 You're supposed to be the toughest cunt in here. 580 00:40:01,545 --> 00:40:03,380 You don't look like much to me. 581 00:40:04,173 --> 00:40:06,550 First rule of the yard, fuckface... 582 00:40:06,592 --> 00:40:08,594 find the biggest guy and make him your... 583 00:40:12,681 --> 00:40:14,975 Second biggest guy. 584 00:40:15,017 --> 00:40:17,144 The last thing I need is more hepatitis. 585 00:40:17,728 --> 00:40:20,815 It's slippery, too. This table needs a wipe down! 586 00:40:20,856 --> 00:40:22,233 Can we get a wipe down on the table? 587 00:40:24,026 --> 00:40:25,653 Kid, I think you picked the wrong side. 588 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,739 No, I didn't! He's my friend! 589 00:40:28,781 --> 00:40:30,950 Zip it. We're not friends. 590 00:40:32,660 --> 00:40:33,744 You're about to get dick-slapped. 591 00:40:46,298 --> 00:40:48,134 I had so much fun! You were like... 592 00:40:48,175 --> 00:40:50,177 And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick." 593 00:40:50,219 --> 00:40:51,345 Just let me die in peace. 594 00:40:52,263 --> 00:40:53,764 We make a great team! 595 00:40:54,306 --> 00:40:55,891 Oh, God! We're not a team. 596 00:40:56,809 --> 00:41:01,021 Why'd you say that back there? We're friends, partners. 597 00:41:01,063 --> 00:41:03,607 We're not partners or friends. 598 00:41:05,025 --> 00:41:07,236 This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. 599 00:41:07,278 --> 00:41:09,447 It ends with me dying of cancer... 600 00:41:09,488 --> 00:41:12,950 and you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth. 601 00:41:14,702 --> 00:41:18,122 There's only one person in this world that I care about, and she's gone. 602 00:41:19,915 --> 00:41:21,917 You wanna survive? 603 00:41:23,127 --> 00:41:26,297 Stop trying to shank the biggest guys in here... 604 00:41:26,338 --> 00:41:28,382 and make friends with them. 605 00:41:29,675 --> 00:41:31,260 Make friends with someone. 606 00:41:32,219 --> 00:41:34,430 Anyone but me. 607 00:41:35,264 --> 00:41:37,600 Maybe even Black Tim. 608 00:41:38,517 --> 00:41:40,102 Black Evan, I don't know. 609 00:41:40,144 --> 00:41:42,646 All I remember is he was African-American. 610 00:42:28,109 --> 00:42:33,489 System malfunctioning. Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. 611 00:42:33,531 --> 00:42:35,991 Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there! 612 00:42:36,033 --> 00:42:39,245 Cells 1, 3, 7, 8. 613 00:42:40,830 --> 00:42:41,831 Searching. 614 00:42:43,415 --> 00:42:45,793 Cell 04 located. 615 00:42:47,128 --> 00:42:48,754 Door won't open! 616 00:42:49,296 --> 00:42:50,923 On your fucking knees! 617 00:43:27,877 --> 00:43:29,587 That was our cell. 618 00:43:31,714 --> 00:43:35,217 What did I do to piss off a grumpy old fucker with a Winter Soldier arm? 619 00:43:44,935 --> 00:43:46,437 Get away from me, kid! 620 00:43:53,903 --> 00:43:55,237 Listen to me! Go! 621 00:44:00,534 --> 00:44:02,036 Hello, Russell. 622 00:45:25,494 --> 00:45:26,829 Hello, superpowers. 623 00:45:44,972 --> 00:45:45,973 Who are you? 624 00:45:46,891 --> 00:45:48,100 I'm Batman. 625 00:46:06,202 --> 00:46:08,204 That's got some zip. 626 00:46:16,378 --> 00:46:19,548 Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me. 627 00:46:19,882 --> 00:46:20,925 Talk! 628 00:46:21,467 --> 00:46:24,845 What kind of spineless shit stick tries to kill a 14-year-old boy? 629 00:46:25,971 --> 00:46:27,181 You might wanna start talking! 630 00:46:27,223 --> 00:46:29,975 'Cause I got a long history of firing at times like this! 631 00:46:31,268 --> 00:46:32,770 The name's Cable. 632 00:46:33,312 --> 00:46:36,565 I'm from the future. Just walk away. 633 00:46:38,025 --> 00:46:39,485 So, you're from the future. 634 00:46:40,027 --> 00:46:41,987 I have three questions then. 635 00:46:42,029 --> 00:46:45,199 One, is dubstep still a thing? 636 00:46:45,658 --> 00:46:48,410 Two, which Sharknado are we on? 637 00:46:48,702 --> 00:46:51,497 And three, at what point do audiences say... 638 00:46:51,539 --> 00:46:52,832 "Enough with the robotic arms"? 639 00:47:36,292 --> 00:47:38,169 Dubstep's for pussies. 640 00:47:38,210 --> 00:47:39,420 You're so dark! 641 00:47:39,462 --> 00:47:41,672 Are you sure you're not from the DC universe? 642 00:47:42,548 --> 00:47:43,966 I love dubstep! 643 00:48:10,242 --> 00:48:11,702 Is that a fanny pack? 644 00:48:11,744 --> 00:48:14,622 I used to have one of those in 1990-never. 645 00:48:15,372 --> 00:48:17,500 Something to remember you by. 646 00:48:17,541 --> 00:48:21,295 Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere. 647 00:48:21,337 --> 00:48:23,714 Like the memory of your fucking fanny pack! 648 00:48:33,432 --> 00:48:35,267 Why are you protecting the kid? 649 00:48:36,852 --> 00:48:38,771 I don't give a fuck about him... 650 00:48:39,188 --> 00:48:41,607 and his Are You My Mother? complex! 651 00:48:43,943 --> 00:48:45,194 What's this one do? 652 00:48:59,375 --> 00:49:03,420 In every film, there's a moment when the hero hits rock bottom. 653 00:49:03,462 --> 00:49:06,757 In Cool Runnings, it was when John Candy's prized bobsled broke. 654 00:49:07,383 --> 00:49:10,136 In Human Centipede, it was when those people... 655 00:49:10,177 --> 00:49:11,762 signed on to be in that movie. 656 00:49:11,804 --> 00:49:13,347 But in this film, well... 657 00:49:14,056 --> 00:49:15,349 you're looking at it. 658 00:49:15,391 --> 00:49:17,143 On your fucking knees, mutant. 659 00:49:20,020 --> 00:49:21,021 Rock... 660 00:49:25,025 --> 00:49:26,527 meet bottom. 661 00:49:37,121 --> 00:49:38,330 I love you, Wade Wilson. 662 00:49:38,372 --> 00:49:39,623 Ness? 663 00:49:40,624 --> 00:49:42,084 Hey, Ness! 664 00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:44,712 Ness, can you let me in? 665 00:49:44,753 --> 00:49:46,922 Please! Please. 666 00:49:49,008 --> 00:49:50,092 Jesus. 667 00:49:53,053 --> 00:49:54,805 You're not giving me a lot of direction here. 668 00:49:54,847 --> 00:49:56,640 I'm at the end of my rope. 669 00:49:59,143 --> 00:50:01,520 Then I joined the X-Men. 670 00:50:01,562 --> 00:50:03,397 I went to prison. 671 00:50:07,485 --> 00:50:08,986 Is it the kid? 672 00:50:11,030 --> 00:50:13,949 Kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be. 673 00:50:15,367 --> 00:50:16,368 The kid! 674 00:50:30,007 --> 00:50:33,052 That's exactly what she meant. Your heart needs to be in the right place. 675 00:50:33,093 --> 00:50:34,887 I'm not gonna abandon this kid. 676 00:50:34,929 --> 00:50:37,640 He's never had anyone, ever. 677 00:50:37,681 --> 00:50:39,016 I need to be selfless. 678 00:50:39,058 --> 00:50:41,018 Yeah, but what does that mean? 679 00:50:41,060 --> 00:50:44,313 It means I'm gonna save Russell. 680 00:50:44,355 --> 00:50:45,898 Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa... 681 00:50:45,940 --> 00:50:49,026 but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. 682 00:50:49,068 --> 00:50:51,028 Yeah, but what I mean is, like, the word "selfless." 683 00:50:51,070 --> 00:50:52,613 I literally don't know what that means. 684 00:50:52,655 --> 00:50:53,823 Jesus Christ. 685 00:50:53,864 --> 00:50:56,617 Okay, look. According to my guy, okay... 686 00:50:56,659 --> 00:51:00,329 those muties are being transferred to a supermax, 80 miles away. 687 00:51:00,371 --> 00:51:02,206 Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way. 688 00:51:02,248 --> 00:51:06,460 Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? We're talking about an armored convoy... 689 00:51:06,502 --> 00:51:08,712 and a vicious super soldier from the future... 690 00:51:08,754 --> 00:51:11,549 that is looking to turn your skull into a fuckable ashtray. 691 00:51:11,590 --> 00:51:14,969 You know what we need to do? We need to build a fucking team. 692 00:51:15,010 --> 00:51:17,179 We need 'em tough, morally flexible... 693 00:51:17,221 --> 00:51:19,890 and young enough so they can carry this franchise 10 to 12 years. 694 00:51:19,932 --> 00:51:21,600 My body is an instrument of death. 695 00:51:22,810 --> 00:51:24,395 Not now, Dopinder. 696 00:51:24,437 --> 00:51:26,480 I could be of great use. 697 00:51:26,522 --> 00:51:28,107 What's your superpower? 698 00:51:29,692 --> 00:51:31,360 - Courage. - That's adorable. 699 00:51:31,402 --> 00:51:33,154 Do you have the courage to check and see... 700 00:51:33,195 --> 00:51:35,573 if there are enough sanitary napkins in the dispenser? 701 00:51:35,614 --> 00:51:36,657 Yes, sir. 702 00:51:36,699 --> 00:51:40,035 I'm sorry you had to see that, although I'm glad you heard it. 703 00:51:40,411 --> 00:51:42,329 All right, I'll put out a call for resumes. 704 00:51:42,371 --> 00:51:44,623 But we're not paying medical or dental. 705 00:51:44,665 --> 00:51:46,709 It's time to get back on LinkedIn. 706 00:52:24,789 --> 00:52:28,083 Transport will begin at 0800 hours... 707 00:52:28,375 --> 00:52:29,418 Oi. 708 00:52:29,460 --> 00:52:30,795 What the fuck do you want? 709 00:52:30,836 --> 00:52:32,755 That's my fucking pudding. 710 00:52:32,797 --> 00:52:34,089 - Fuck your pudding! - You like pudding? 711 00:52:55,945 --> 00:52:56,946 Hello? 712 00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:01,575 I know you're in there. 713 00:53:17,258 --> 00:53:19,552 Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. 714 00:53:20,845 --> 00:53:23,139 Lonely at the top, eh? 715 00:53:23,180 --> 00:53:25,141 They're moving us tomorrow. 716 00:53:27,601 --> 00:53:29,395 Maybe I can get you out of here. 717 00:53:30,604 --> 00:53:33,774 And we can make the whole world our bitch. 718 00:53:35,609 --> 00:53:37,361 We need a secret code. 719 00:53:40,281 --> 00:53:43,033 No, that's stupid, Russell. Idiot. 720 00:53:50,291 --> 00:53:53,836 We're a team. We're like thugs, we're like gangsters. 721 00:53:53,878 --> 00:53:57,381 I'm like Tupac, and you're like Ice Cube. 722 00:53:57,631 --> 00:53:59,884 Supposedly, she can rap, too. 723 00:53:59,925 --> 00:54:02,553 I like that. Terrific, these are all terrific. 724 00:54:02,595 --> 00:54:04,346 Meet Bedlam. 725 00:54:04,388 --> 00:54:06,682 Cool name! Superpowers? 726 00:54:06,724 --> 00:54:08,559 I can distort electrical fields. 727 00:54:09,435 --> 00:54:11,645 Including the one inside your brain... 728 00:54:11,687 --> 00:54:14,273 causing anxiety, confusion... 729 00:54:14,315 --> 00:54:15,441 pain. 730 00:54:16,484 --> 00:54:18,569 So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. 731 00:54:18,611 --> 00:54:19,779 We can use him. 732 00:54:21,530 --> 00:54:23,199 I'm Zeitgeist. 733 00:54:23,240 --> 00:54:24,533 Cool. I like it. 734 00:54:24,575 --> 00:54:28,245 So you have the power to put your finger on the pulse of society? 735 00:54:29,413 --> 00:54:30,456 No. 736 00:54:30,498 --> 00:54:32,333 No, I spit acidic vomit. 737 00:54:33,334 --> 00:54:34,668 - Do you want me to demonstrate? - No! 738 00:54:34,710 --> 00:54:35,961 - We'll take your word for it. - Thank you. Yeah. 739 00:54:36,003 --> 00:54:37,588 Listen, we've all eaten at Arby's, okay? 740 00:54:38,422 --> 00:54:41,050 And this is the Vanisher. 741 00:54:44,386 --> 00:54:45,387 But... 742 00:54:46,555 --> 00:54:47,973 Vanisher! 743 00:54:50,559 --> 00:54:52,228 - Nice! - Right? 744 00:54:53,521 --> 00:54:54,647 He's not here, is he? 745 00:54:54,688 --> 00:54:56,232 He may be running late. 746 00:54:57,691 --> 00:55:00,152 My name's Rusty, but I go by Shatterstar. 747 00:55:00,569 --> 00:55:01,904 That's good, yeah. 748 00:55:01,946 --> 00:55:03,989 - "Rusty" is terrible. - Toughie. 749 00:55:04,031 --> 00:55:06,867 - So, where are you from? - The planet Mojo World. 750 00:55:06,909 --> 00:55:08,953 - So you're an alien, I guess. - Bad name. 751 00:55:08,994 --> 00:55:10,663 How does that help us? 752 00:55:10,704 --> 00:55:13,624 I'm basically better than you at everything. 753 00:55:13,666 --> 00:55:15,376 Just once, I'm gonna find a planet of people 754 00:55:15,417 --> 00:55:17,002 that are worse than me at everything. 755 00:55:17,044 --> 00:55:19,255 A whole bunch of functional idiots. 756 00:55:19,296 --> 00:55:21,298 I'm gonna go there, and I'm gonna be their Superman. 757 00:55:21,340 --> 00:55:22,383 Isn't that Canada? 758 00:55:22,424 --> 00:55:24,844 You shut your goddamn trash mouth! 759 00:55:26,262 --> 00:55:27,763 - Meet... - Domino. 760 00:55:27,805 --> 00:55:30,057 - What's your shtick? - I'm lucky. 761 00:55:30,099 --> 00:55:31,976 If you're so lucky, then what are you doing here with us? 762 00:55:32,017 --> 00:55:33,227 I don't know yet. 763 00:55:33,269 --> 00:55:34,395 What's that supposed to mean? 764 00:55:34,437 --> 00:55:35,980 It means that I don't know yet. 765 00:55:36,021 --> 00:55:38,649 But there's a reason why I'm here, and I'll know when I know. 766 00:55:38,691 --> 00:55:40,192 Everything usually works out for me. 767 00:55:40,234 --> 00:55:42,069 Luck isn't a superpower. 768 00:55:42,111 --> 00:55:43,487 - Yes, it is. - No, it isn't. 769 00:55:43,529 --> 00:55:44,822 - Yes, it is. - No, ma'am. 770 00:55:44,864 --> 00:55:46,115 Mario No-pez. 771 00:55:46,157 --> 00:55:47,366 - Yeah. - Nacho cheese. 772 00:55:47,408 --> 00:55:49,201 - No, it definitely is. I really... - There's no way that it... 773 00:55:49,243 --> 00:55:51,454 - Sorry, I was interrupting you. - Sorry. No, I interrupted you. 774 00:55:51,495 --> 00:55:52,621 No, no, no. You can go first. 775 00:55:52,663 --> 00:55:54,206 I was just gonna say, "No, it isn't." 776 00:55:54,248 --> 00:55:56,917 I was gonna just bring it back to that yes, it is. 777 00:55:56,959 --> 00:55:58,502 Let's meet in the middle and say, "No, it isn't." 778 00:55:59,670 --> 00:56:01,797 - But it is. - Okay. 779 00:56:01,839 --> 00:56:03,466 - You're hired! - You're hired. 780 00:56:03,507 --> 00:56:04,800 Oh, lucky me. 781 00:56:04,842 --> 00:56:05,843 She's great. 782 00:56:07,261 --> 00:56:08,679 And last, but not least... 783 00:56:08,721 --> 00:56:09,847 Peter. 784 00:56:11,140 --> 00:56:13,100 Am I getting catfished here or...? 785 00:56:13,726 --> 00:56:16,771 - Any powers you wanna tell us about? - No. 786 00:56:17,313 --> 00:56:19,023 I don't have one. 787 00:56:19,064 --> 00:56:22,151 I just saw the ad and thought it looked fun. 788 00:56:23,194 --> 00:56:24,236 You're in. 789 00:56:24,278 --> 00:56:25,905 - Yeah. - Fuck! 790 00:56:28,199 --> 00:56:30,201 It's fulfilling work. 791 00:56:34,663 --> 00:56:35,956 Let's go! 792 00:56:49,470 --> 00:56:52,306 This is Convoy 17 departing the Ice Box. 793 00:56:52,348 --> 00:56:53,724 We are en route. 794 00:57:01,315 --> 00:57:03,692 Peacetime makes people soft. 795 00:57:05,277 --> 00:57:07,071 I was born into war. 796 00:57:08,614 --> 00:57:09,782 Bred into it. 797 00:57:10,908 --> 00:57:13,452 - Okay. - People think they understand pain. 798 00:57:14,745 --> 00:57:16,956 What's the most pain you've ever felt? 799 00:57:19,166 --> 00:57:21,252 - These restraints are pretty... - I've got a list. 800 00:57:22,670 --> 00:57:24,630 We're gonna work down it. 801 00:57:25,339 --> 00:57:26,340 Together. 802 00:57:27,508 --> 00:57:29,635 Number one, I'm gonna bend something. 803 00:57:30,594 --> 00:57:32,930 Something that was not meant to bend. 804 00:57:32,972 --> 00:57:35,266 I'm gonna stop you right there because I'm not gonna make it to two. 805 00:57:35,307 --> 00:57:36,684 I won't even make it to one. 806 00:57:36,725 --> 00:57:38,227 I don't do well with pain, you know. 807 00:57:38,269 --> 00:57:40,604 If I stub my toe, I'm done for the day. 808 00:57:41,021 --> 00:57:42,773 I cried when they canceled Felicity. 809 00:57:43,774 --> 00:57:46,610 When I get really scared, I get nervous erections. I have one right now. 810 00:57:46,652 --> 00:57:48,320 Don't look. It'll only make it worse. 811 00:57:48,362 --> 00:57:51,740 I don't want you to hurt me, and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. 812 00:57:52,700 --> 00:57:54,201 Except for where they are. 813 00:57:54,785 --> 00:57:57,455 Russell's in a convoy heading southbound on Gerry Duggan Parkway. 814 00:57:57,496 --> 00:57:59,123 The monster's with them. I wouldn't fuck with him. 815 00:57:59,165 --> 00:58:00,332 You all know the plan. 816 00:58:00,374 --> 00:58:04,253 Intercept the convoy, grab the boy. But not inappropriately! 817 00:58:04,295 --> 00:58:06,422 You know what, I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either. 818 00:58:06,464 --> 00:58:09,300 Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable. 819 00:58:09,341 --> 00:58:11,886 He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it. 820 00:58:11,927 --> 00:58:14,555 Watch out for this guy, Cable! 821 00:58:14,597 --> 00:58:17,850 He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics. 822 00:58:17,892 --> 00:58:20,478 And if we succeed, we all go home early. 823 00:58:20,519 --> 00:58:22,813 So if you go after them, Cable, I warn you... 824 00:58:23,898 --> 00:58:25,608 there's a wind advisory in effect. 825 00:58:36,744 --> 00:58:38,329 A little turbulent up here. 826 00:58:45,753 --> 00:58:47,630 I don't know much about this Cable fella... 827 00:58:47,671 --> 00:58:50,758 but I guarantee he hasn't killed as many people as melanoma has. 828 00:58:52,218 --> 00:58:53,219 We're getting close! 829 00:58:53,594 --> 00:58:55,262 As a former X-Man... 830 00:58:55,304 --> 00:58:57,306 - Trainee. - Thank you, Bedlam. 831 00:58:57,348 --> 00:59:01,268 I was always appalled by the blatant sexism in the group's name. 832 00:59:01,310 --> 00:59:02,853 X-Men! Men! 833 00:59:03,395 --> 00:59:06,398 The point is, our group will be forward thinking. 834 00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:07,858 Gender neutral. 835 00:59:07,900 --> 00:59:10,069 From now on, we'll be known as... 836 00:59:12,363 --> 00:59:13,864 X-Force. 837 00:59:13,906 --> 00:59:15,533 Isn't that a little derivative? 838 00:59:15,574 --> 00:59:17,993 I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter! 839 00:59:19,245 --> 00:59:20,704 That wasn't me. 840 00:59:27,753 --> 00:59:30,172 Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet... 841 00:59:30,214 --> 00:59:31,966 intercept the convoy, and grab the boy. 842 00:59:32,007 --> 00:59:33,175 Let's bring on the carnage, baby! 843 00:59:33,217 --> 00:59:34,927 Get me on the ground, watch me go! 844 00:59:34,969 --> 00:59:35,970 Yeah! 845 00:59:36,512 --> 00:59:37,930 I can't wait to kill! 846 00:59:37,972 --> 00:59:39,640 Hey! Hey! Hey! 847 00:59:40,766 --> 00:59:42,560 I just wanna say how proud I am of this team. 848 00:59:43,477 --> 00:59:46,355 You know, you guys look amazing! 849 00:59:46,397 --> 00:59:49,275 Vanisher, I have no doubt you look amazing too. 850 00:59:49,316 --> 00:59:51,902 This is the family that I've always dreamed of having and I... 851 00:59:52,945 --> 00:59:53,988 Shit. 852 00:59:55,614 --> 00:59:57,283 I just get a little choked up sometimes. 853 00:59:57,324 --> 01:00:00,619 I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous about the high winds? 854 01:00:00,661 --> 01:00:02,079 - Gary. - My name's Peter. 855 01:00:02,121 --> 01:00:03,956 I realize that you're new to this, but relax. 856 01:00:03,998 --> 01:00:05,416 You've been chosen by a higher power. 857 01:00:05,708 --> 01:00:08,002 - Did he just call himself God? - I think he did. 858 01:00:08,043 --> 01:00:09,712 - I'd like to go home. - And I'd like... 859 01:00:09,753 --> 01:00:14,133 the McRib to be available year round, but sometimes dreams don't come true. 860 01:00:14,175 --> 01:00:16,260 I spent 10 years in Special Forces. 861 01:00:16,302 --> 01:00:18,971 You think we didn't jump out of the plane because of a light breeze? 862 01:00:19,013 --> 01:00:21,098 You're in this shit now, Mustache! 863 01:00:21,807 --> 01:00:23,767 I'm only yelling to impress the other guys. 864 01:00:23,809 --> 01:00:26,187 I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear. 865 01:00:26,228 --> 01:00:28,397 Leonard, hit it! 866 01:00:37,072 --> 01:00:39,116 Go! Go! Go! 867 01:01:14,819 --> 01:01:16,195 Let's get some! 868 01:01:17,488 --> 01:01:18,739 Oh, yeah! 869 01:01:18,781 --> 01:01:21,617 Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command! 870 01:01:22,576 --> 01:01:24,078 Deploy! Hey now! 871 01:01:30,626 --> 01:01:32,545 Little off course here. 872 01:01:34,713 --> 01:01:37,216 Holy mommy fucking shit! 873 01:01:38,425 --> 01:01:39,760 There they are. 874 01:01:39,802 --> 01:01:42,263 Look at these gorgeous sons of bitches. 875 01:01:43,430 --> 01:01:45,349 Oh, yeah! That's right, Bedlam! 876 01:01:50,438 --> 01:01:54,150 No! Tripping motherfucking billies! 877 01:01:54,775 --> 01:01:57,611 Shatterstar. Okay, you got this. 878 01:01:58,529 --> 01:01:59,613 Left! 879 01:01:59,655 --> 01:02:01,031 Left! 880 01:02:01,073 --> 01:02:03,284 No, stage left, you idiot! 881 01:02:07,204 --> 01:02:09,874 Well, I guess we found something you're not better at. 882 01:02:11,750 --> 01:02:12,751 Vanisher. 883 01:02:13,461 --> 01:02:15,212 Maybe the wind can't blow what it can't see. 884 01:02:18,340 --> 01:02:19,341 Really? 885 01:02:19,842 --> 01:02:21,635 All right, we could do this with four. 886 01:02:22,219 --> 01:02:25,222 Sugarbear. You got this, buddy! 887 01:02:25,264 --> 01:02:27,391 That's the stuff! That's the X-Force spirit! 888 01:02:28,601 --> 01:02:30,770 Never underestimate a man with a mustache! 889 01:02:30,811 --> 01:02:32,271 Just ask anyone in Brooklyn. 890 01:02:33,189 --> 01:02:35,191 - We did it! - You're a goddamn superhero, you! 891 01:02:35,232 --> 01:02:36,275 X-Force! 892 01:02:36,859 --> 01:02:37,860 X-Force. 893 01:02:47,995 --> 01:02:49,038 Peter. 894 01:02:49,079 --> 01:02:51,290 - I got you, buddy! You're gonna be fine! - This is not good, man! 895 01:02:51,332 --> 01:02:53,876 You got this, big guy! Here we go, Peter! 896 01:02:53,918 --> 01:02:55,461 Look at me. We're X-Force, right? 897 01:02:55,503 --> 01:02:57,630 - Yeah, we're X-Force. - We're X-Force. 898 01:03:01,592 --> 01:03:03,636 Oh, my God! What the fuck? 899 01:03:03,677 --> 01:03:05,054 Fucking acidic vomit! 900 01:03:07,223 --> 01:03:10,226 Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up in my mask. 901 01:03:13,104 --> 01:03:15,523 Okay, I'm over the convoy. 902 01:03:15,564 --> 01:03:17,399 Where did the rest of the team land? 903 01:03:18,025 --> 01:03:19,693 Good news and bad news. 904 01:03:19,735 --> 01:03:22,947 Bad news is the whole team is dead. 905 01:03:22,988 --> 01:03:26,158 The good news is, I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar. 906 01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:29,453 He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul! 907 01:03:29,495 --> 01:03:32,039 - Peter! - Peter, I'm gonna miss him most. 908 01:03:32,081 --> 01:03:34,583 But there is a slight chance Vanisher could make it. 909 01:03:35,668 --> 01:03:37,294 Nope, no chance. He's dead. 910 01:03:37,336 --> 01:03:38,504 The whole team? 911 01:03:38,546 --> 01:03:40,548 Only the main ones. We're still good. 912 01:03:40,589 --> 01:03:41,757 Fuck, you are dumb. 913 01:03:41,799 --> 01:03:44,426 Even after all this time, I still can't talk about it. 914 01:03:44,468 --> 01:03:46,554 Who knew these winds would be so strong? 915 01:03:46,595 --> 01:03:49,223 Everyone! Everyone on the helicopter! 916 01:03:49,265 --> 01:03:50,766 And everyone not on the helicopter! 917 01:04:00,109 --> 01:04:01,986 They're headed into the tunnel. 918 01:04:02,987 --> 01:04:06,365 I'm that kid's only hope, so sit tight and wait for my word. 919 01:04:07,116 --> 01:04:09,368 Whatever. We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in. 920 01:04:10,161 --> 01:04:12,413 That's a negative, sole survivor. 921 01:04:12,455 --> 01:04:14,999 Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked! 922 01:04:15,040 --> 01:04:18,085 No, we most certainly are not fucked. 923 01:04:21,213 --> 01:04:23,883 Seriously, I don't get it! 924 01:04:23,924 --> 01:04:26,385 What, you shoot luck lasers out of your eyes? 925 01:04:28,554 --> 01:04:30,389 It's just it's hard to picture. 926 01:04:30,431 --> 01:04:32,558 And certainly not very cinematic. 927 01:04:35,227 --> 01:04:36,854 I mean, luck? 928 01:04:36,896 --> 01:04:40,858 What coked out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist... 929 01:04:40,900 --> 01:04:42,610 came up with that little chestnut? 930 01:04:42,651 --> 01:04:44,862 Probably a guy who can't draw feet! 931 01:04:55,956 --> 01:04:59,251 Once again, it all falls on my shoulders. 932 01:04:59,293 --> 01:05:01,420 It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. Wander the Earth... 933 01:05:01,462 --> 01:05:03,214 - I'm in. - I'm sorry, what did you say? 934 01:05:03,255 --> 01:05:06,217 - I'm in. - How in the fuck are you in already? 935 01:05:06,675 --> 01:05:07,927 Oh, shit. 936 01:05:08,511 --> 01:05:09,720 It's Cable. 12 o'clock. 937 01:05:09,762 --> 01:05:10,888 Okay. 938 01:05:10,930 --> 01:05:16,185 New plan. Use all of your imaginary powers to stop Cable from killing that kid. 939 01:05:16,227 --> 01:05:17,853 I'm coming up on your six. 940 01:05:26,112 --> 01:05:28,114 That gun is amazing! 941 01:05:37,289 --> 01:05:39,333 Hey! Asshole! 942 01:05:39,375 --> 01:05:41,001 Where is he? I can't see him. 943 01:05:41,043 --> 01:05:42,545 He's on top of you. 944 01:05:44,755 --> 01:05:46,173 He's going in through the back! 945 01:05:46,715 --> 01:05:47,925 Oh, God, he's inside! 946 01:05:47,967 --> 01:05:49,260 You hear yourself, right? 947 01:05:49,301 --> 01:05:50,803 Accidental double entendres! 948 01:05:50,845 --> 01:05:53,222 Russell! Russell Collins! 949 01:05:53,264 --> 01:05:55,182 Hands off that kid, John Connor! 950 01:06:00,563 --> 01:06:01,814 No, no, no! 951 01:06:05,526 --> 01:06:06,652 Shit! 952 01:06:28,591 --> 01:06:30,509 Two can play that game! 953 01:06:32,636 --> 01:06:34,472 Got it! No, I don't. 954 01:06:35,473 --> 01:06:36,515 Showtime, mama! 955 01:06:36,557 --> 01:06:38,184 Lady Luck, take the wheel. 956 01:07:15,930 --> 01:07:17,807 I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. 957 01:07:17,848 --> 01:07:19,892 I'm Domino, and doubtful. 958 01:07:36,450 --> 01:07:37,451 Hang in there, Doms! 959 01:07:38,828 --> 01:07:40,454 This is really hard. 960 01:07:52,716 --> 01:07:54,135 And give me back my Skee-Ball token. 961 01:07:57,680 --> 01:07:59,223 - You're doing great. - X-Force. 962 01:08:01,183 --> 01:08:03,185 I guess dubstep never dies. 963 01:08:15,406 --> 01:08:18,200 You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch! 964 01:08:20,995 --> 01:08:22,121 That's unfortunate. 965 01:08:25,249 --> 01:08:26,625 We got no brakes! 966 01:08:26,667 --> 01:08:27,918 Figure it out! 967 01:08:32,298 --> 01:08:33,841 There's nothing I can't kill. 968 01:08:37,470 --> 01:08:40,764 Somebody knows karate. 969 01:08:43,267 --> 01:08:44,852 Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy. 970 01:09:02,203 --> 01:09:03,204 Here we go. 971 01:09:04,288 --> 01:09:06,624 Domino, mind slowing us down? 972 01:09:06,665 --> 01:09:08,709 Here goes nothing. 973 01:09:39,657 --> 01:09:41,617 Knock, knock. 974 01:09:48,165 --> 01:09:49,166 That's my boy. 975 01:09:55,589 --> 01:09:56,757 Holy... 976 01:10:07,184 --> 01:10:08,811 I'll be first to admit... 977 01:10:08,853 --> 01:10:11,105 this did not go according to plan. 978 01:10:12,565 --> 01:10:16,068 I'll also be the first to admit that that plan was written in crayon. 979 01:10:16,110 --> 01:10:19,238 Looks like Russell found a new friend. Jelly. 980 01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:24,160 Turns out Domino's a bit of a badass, and maybe, possibly mildly lucky. 981 01:10:24,201 --> 01:10:27,455 But Cable? That guy's in a mood. 982 01:10:27,496 --> 01:10:30,374 A mood that is about to get significantly worse. 983 01:10:54,148 --> 01:10:56,317 Something is so terribly, terribly wrong. 984 01:11:02,782 --> 01:11:04,283 Oh, God, that hurt. 985 01:11:09,663 --> 01:11:10,748 Russell. 986 01:11:13,459 --> 01:11:14,543 Russell! 987 01:11:15,169 --> 01:11:17,254 Russ, where are ya? 988 01:11:20,883 --> 01:11:23,093 Russell. Russell, you're okay! 989 01:11:23,135 --> 01:11:26,305 Oh, thank God. Oh, my God! 990 01:11:26,597 --> 01:11:27,807 Juggernaut! 991 01:11:29,058 --> 01:11:31,101 I thought that was you! 992 01:11:31,143 --> 01:11:33,229 I should've worn my white pants. 993 01:11:33,979 --> 01:11:36,982 You probably get this a lot, but I am a huge fan. 994 01:11:37,858 --> 01:11:41,195 Uncanny X-Men 183. Thor 411. 995 01:11:41,237 --> 01:11:42,530 X-Men Unlimited 12. 996 01:11:42,571 --> 01:11:44,740 You know, it has always been a dream of mine... 997 01:11:44,782 --> 01:11:46,659 to see my face reflected in your helmet... 998 01:11:46,700 --> 01:11:48,786 as you charge at me with murderous intent. 999 01:11:48,828 --> 01:11:50,371 I don't mean right now. 1000 01:11:50,704 --> 01:11:52,748 I'm gonna rip you in half now. 1001 01:11:52,790 --> 01:11:55,000 That is such a Juggernaut thing to say. 1002 01:11:59,088 --> 01:12:03,134 Oh, my God! I can't feel my legs. 1003 01:12:03,175 --> 01:12:04,260 I can't feel... 1004 01:12:05,219 --> 01:12:06,720 Oh, no, they're right here. 1005 01:12:07,555 --> 01:12:09,348 Got 'em. God, Russell. 1006 01:12:09,390 --> 01:12:11,225 I have a mission. 1007 01:12:11,767 --> 01:12:12,893 To get my revenge. 1008 01:12:13,394 --> 01:12:15,688 I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. 1009 01:12:15,729 --> 01:12:17,940 You're not the revenge type. 1010 01:12:17,982 --> 01:12:19,150 Take it from a friend. 1011 01:12:19,567 --> 01:12:23,404 Friend? You were sick, and I protected you. 1012 01:12:23,446 --> 01:12:25,614 You said it yourself. 1013 01:12:25,656 --> 01:12:28,367 "I'm not your friend. Find someone stronger." 1014 01:12:28,409 --> 01:12:29,618 So I did. 1015 01:12:31,328 --> 01:12:33,497 Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. 1016 01:12:33,539 --> 01:12:37,001 But I can now. What do you want me to say? 1017 01:12:37,585 --> 01:12:41,338 "I care about you"? 'Cause goddamn it, I care about you, Russell. 1018 01:12:41,964 --> 01:12:44,091 What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? 1019 01:12:44,133 --> 01:12:47,303 Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs! 1020 01:12:47,845 --> 01:12:50,639 - Legs! - Still hurts to hear out loud! 1021 01:12:52,808 --> 01:12:55,770 What is that? That's not a real rope! 1022 01:12:55,811 --> 01:12:58,147 You get back here, young man! 1023 01:12:59,106 --> 01:13:00,232 Doms! 1024 01:13:00,608 --> 01:13:02,818 Doms, get me out of here, please. 1025 01:13:02,860 --> 01:13:05,780 Use my arms as backpack straps. 1026 01:13:07,990 --> 01:13:10,951 I think we may have found your cosmic reason for being here. 1027 01:13:11,368 --> 01:13:13,245 I'm pretty sure this isn't it. 1028 01:13:13,287 --> 01:13:14,538 X-Force. 1029 01:13:27,968 --> 01:13:29,887 No child is hopeless. 1030 01:13:29,929 --> 01:13:32,723 - Don't give up on the boy. - How could he just walk away? 1031 01:13:33,474 --> 01:13:35,726 It was the coldness in his eyes. 1032 01:13:36,227 --> 01:13:37,812 You should've heard it. 1033 01:13:39,730 --> 01:13:42,024 I guess family really is an F-word. 1034 01:13:43,484 --> 01:13:45,152 Rub my legs, Mama. 1035 01:13:45,194 --> 01:13:46,612 Why would I rub your legs? 1036 01:13:46,654 --> 01:13:49,240 Please, they hurt. I have growing pains. 1037 01:13:52,701 --> 01:13:53,911 What in the... 1038 01:13:54,411 --> 01:13:56,664 Why is your hand so tiny again? 1039 01:13:57,164 --> 01:13:58,541 That's not my hand. 1040 01:13:59,041 --> 01:14:00,876 Mary, mother of Joseph! 1041 01:14:01,460 --> 01:14:02,670 That was nice for me. 1042 01:14:03,420 --> 01:14:06,173 Wade! I heard what happened with the convoy and... 1043 01:14:10,678 --> 01:14:12,513 Why wouldn't you cover that up? 1044 01:14:13,013 --> 01:14:15,224 A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. 1045 01:14:15,266 --> 01:14:17,226 Yeah, but you do. Look at you. 1046 01:14:17,268 --> 01:14:20,813 You're just straight shirt-cocking it, toddler-style. 1047 01:14:20,855 --> 01:14:22,815 Oh, yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh. 1048 01:14:22,857 --> 01:14:24,859 The hell's happening? Describe it. 1049 01:14:24,900 --> 01:14:26,235 I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you. 1050 01:14:26,277 --> 01:14:27,820 - It's like... - Here we go. 1051 01:14:27,862 --> 01:14:30,698 It's like he was giving birth anally, but they quit halfway through. 1052 01:14:30,739 --> 01:14:33,159 They got the legs out, and they said, "You know what, I'm done." 1053 01:14:33,200 --> 01:14:34,243 Happy? 1054 01:14:34,285 --> 01:14:35,369 It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down. 1055 01:14:35,411 --> 01:14:38,330 But this time, you can see the Muppet's dick. 1056 01:14:38,372 --> 01:14:39,707 Grover's got a cock the size of a twig. 1057 01:14:39,748 --> 01:14:41,000 Mr. Weasel, I can no longer be double-parked. 1058 01:14:41,041 --> 01:14:42,626 I've had three tickets already. 1059 01:14:44,253 --> 01:14:46,714 No, no, no, DP, not again! 1060 01:14:47,047 --> 01:14:48,591 This has happened before? 1061 01:14:49,717 --> 01:14:52,553 Jesus! Either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me. 1062 01:14:52,595 --> 01:14:54,472 Why couldn't God take my hearing? 1063 01:14:57,224 --> 01:14:58,267 Wow! 1064 01:14:58,309 --> 01:14:59,977 Cool your pits. They're growing back. 1065 01:15:00,019 --> 01:15:01,604 I'm talking about your face. 1066 01:15:02,021 --> 01:15:03,939 I've never seen you without your mask before. 1067 01:15:03,981 --> 01:15:06,192 - Jesus Christ! - Looks like an avocado. 1068 01:15:06,233 --> 01:15:07,860 Your legs, though, they're cute. 1069 01:15:08,194 --> 01:15:09,987 You wanna borrow a pair of pants? 1070 01:15:11,572 --> 01:15:13,157 I'm glad everybody dropped by. 1071 01:15:13,199 --> 01:15:15,493 You must be wondering why I didn't call you here. 1072 01:15:15,951 --> 01:15:17,578 I'll tell you why I'm here. 1073 01:15:17,620 --> 01:15:20,039 "The Time Traveler's Wife's" husband... 1074 01:15:20,080 --> 01:15:22,625 beat me within an inch of my life. He was torturing me! 1075 01:15:22,666 --> 01:15:25,544 But all I told him was everything he wanted to know. 1076 01:15:25,586 --> 01:15:27,755 So, I'm here to help us gear up. 1077 01:15:28,506 --> 01:15:30,466 - So we can go after him without me. - No! 1078 01:15:30,883 --> 01:15:32,343 I'm doing this alone. 1079 01:15:32,384 --> 01:15:34,678 - The Juggernaut will kill you all. - Fair enough. 1080 01:15:34,720 --> 01:15:36,806 I just need a couple of hours to get some legs under me. 1081 01:15:36,847 --> 01:15:37,973 What will you do? 1082 01:15:38,015 --> 01:15:39,433 I don't care what the kid did to me. 1083 01:15:39,475 --> 01:15:42,186 I ain't letting Cable get to him, even if I have to teabag him to death. 1084 01:15:42,228 --> 01:15:44,188 It's really just a sip of tea at this point. 1085 01:15:44,230 --> 01:15:46,023 Zip it, black Black Widow! I'm flowing. 1086 01:15:46,065 --> 01:15:48,067 The first order of business is to get me in front of Cable... 1087 01:15:48,109 --> 01:15:50,069 so I can pull all the fucking blood out of his body... 1088 01:15:50,111 --> 01:15:52,404 and fashion his bones into holiday jewelry. 1089 01:15:52,446 --> 01:15:54,240 Then, I'm gonna take his skin... 1090 01:15:54,281 --> 01:15:57,368 and stretch it out over a homemade mating drum. 1091 01:15:58,953 --> 01:16:00,538 He's standing right behind you, isn't he? 1092 01:16:09,213 --> 01:16:10,965 What in the ass? 1093 01:16:11,257 --> 01:16:14,343 Is this apartment listed on Tinder? Grindr? 1094 01:16:14,635 --> 01:16:16,637 You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. 1095 01:16:18,264 --> 01:16:20,266 Is that really necessary? 1096 01:16:22,518 --> 01:16:25,312 No. It's his "Basic Instinct." 1097 01:16:25,354 --> 01:16:26,397 What can we help you with? 1098 01:16:27,106 --> 01:16:28,774 I'm here to proposition you. 1099 01:16:30,276 --> 01:16:32,570 Oh, boy! He's really teeing it up, isn't he? 1100 01:16:32,611 --> 01:16:34,655 Who gets to make the first joke? 1101 01:16:34,697 --> 01:16:35,990 I think we should all do it at the same time. 1102 01:16:36,031 --> 01:16:37,158 Good call. 1103 01:16:37,199 --> 01:16:38,742 For $45, you get sucky-suck. 1104 01:16:38,784 --> 01:16:41,162 - I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. - Fuck! 1105 01:16:41,203 --> 01:16:43,372 The Proposition has a wonderful Guy Pearce performance. 1106 01:16:43,414 --> 01:16:45,166 Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. 1107 01:16:45,499 --> 01:16:47,585 - Give us the line again. - I need your help! 1108 01:16:48,127 --> 01:16:50,463 Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... 1109 01:16:50,504 --> 01:16:53,132 but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! 1110 01:16:53,674 --> 01:16:56,051 I can't bring him down alone. 1111 01:16:56,093 --> 01:16:57,636 So here we are. 1112 01:16:58,971 --> 01:17:02,224 We're no longer accepting applications for X-Force, unfortunately. 1113 01:17:02,266 --> 01:17:03,726 Even if we were... 1114 01:17:03,767 --> 01:17:05,436 there's a wind advisory in effect until at least... 1115 01:17:05,478 --> 01:17:06,687 We don't have a lot of time. 1116 01:17:06,729 --> 01:17:08,522 Your friend's about to make his first kill. 1117 01:17:08,564 --> 01:17:10,065 No offense, but if you know so much... 1118 01:17:10,107 --> 01:17:12,443 why not travel back to when he was a baby, kill him then? 1119 01:17:13,110 --> 01:17:15,154 Or better yet, head back a little further, kill baby Hitler. 1120 01:17:15,196 --> 01:17:17,198 I use a device to slide through time. 1121 01:17:17,239 --> 01:17:19,909 The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. 1122 01:17:19,950 --> 01:17:23,746 I got two charges: one to get me here, one to get me home. 1123 01:17:25,039 --> 01:17:26,957 That's just lazy writing. 1124 01:17:26,999 --> 01:17:29,877 Your boy's gonna kill the headmaster of the orphanage tonight. 1125 01:17:29,919 --> 01:17:32,129 After that, he gets a real taste for it. 1126 01:17:32,171 --> 01:17:34,924 Like 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst, motherfucker! 1127 01:17:34,965 --> 01:17:36,884 So he keeps killing... 1128 01:17:36,926 --> 01:17:39,678 and killing, and killing, and killing. 1129 01:17:40,012 --> 01:17:43,224 Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. 1130 01:17:45,810 --> 01:17:47,186 My people. 1131 01:17:51,107 --> 01:17:52,274 Relax. 1132 01:17:52,316 --> 01:17:54,819 I'm retrieving something from my utility bag. 1133 01:17:54,860 --> 01:17:57,446 It's a goddamn fanny pack... 1134 01:17:57,488 --> 01:18:00,074 and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! 1135 01:18:00,116 --> 01:18:01,784 The difference is night and day. 1136 01:18:03,619 --> 01:18:05,746 You remind me of my wife. 1137 01:18:06,038 --> 01:18:07,039 I'm sorry. 1138 01:18:07,748 --> 01:18:09,917 - I said, "You remind me of my wife." - No, I'm sorry that you said that... 1139 01:18:09,959 --> 01:18:12,753 while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm. 1140 01:18:12,795 --> 01:18:13,963 She always struggled. 1141 01:18:15,089 --> 01:18:16,632 But she was funny... 1142 01:18:16,674 --> 01:18:19,093 and filtered her pain through the prism of humor. 1143 01:18:19,969 --> 01:18:22,179 Something I could never master. 1144 01:18:23,097 --> 01:18:25,307 It was my fault she died. 1145 01:18:26,934 --> 01:18:29,603 It was my job to stop people like him. 1146 01:18:30,646 --> 01:18:32,606 I came close a few times. 1147 01:18:36,819 --> 01:18:38,487 He wasn't too happy about that. 1148 01:18:40,197 --> 01:18:41,365 He was trying to hurt me... 1149 01:18:41,407 --> 01:18:43,367 and he knew exactly how to do it. 1150 01:18:47,413 --> 01:18:50,749 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand. 1151 01:18:53,878 --> 01:18:55,296 He came into my home... 1152 01:18:56,255 --> 01:18:59,133 and took the only thing that made it a home. 1153 01:19:03,345 --> 01:19:04,722 Sound familiar? 1154 01:19:05,764 --> 01:19:06,891 I'm sorry. 1155 01:19:07,433 --> 01:19:09,101 No, I'm really sorry. 1156 01:19:11,312 --> 01:19:13,481 But that isn't Russell. 1157 01:19:13,522 --> 01:19:15,483 - It doesn't have to be him. - If you knew what I knew... 1158 01:19:15,524 --> 01:19:17,485 Yeah, he's got anger issues... 1159 01:19:17,526 --> 01:19:19,069 maybe a small learning disability... 1160 01:19:19,111 --> 01:19:20,529 splash of diabetes... 1161 01:19:20,571 --> 01:19:23,616 - but nothing that can't be fixed. - If you could go back... 1162 01:19:23,657 --> 01:19:26,452 and stop the people that took your girl, would you? 1163 01:19:26,494 --> 01:19:28,245 Of course I fucking would! 1164 01:19:28,996 --> 01:19:30,790 But I wouldn't kill a kid. 1165 01:19:30,831 --> 01:19:33,667 I'm not asking you to kill a kid! I'll kill the kid. 1166 01:19:33,709 --> 01:19:37,213 I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. 1167 01:19:37,254 --> 01:19:39,590 Russell's gonna burn down that orphanage. 1168 01:19:39,632 --> 01:19:41,675 And I can imagine your dead girlfriend... 1169 01:19:41,717 --> 01:19:43,969 would want you to do the right thing, wouldn't she? 1170 01:19:44,970 --> 01:19:47,556 So, what's it gonna be, handsome? 1171 01:19:48,224 --> 01:19:49,934 Give me a chance to save him. 1172 01:19:49,975 --> 01:19:51,435 - What? - You said... 1173 01:19:51,477 --> 01:19:53,104 once he kills someone, he gets a taste for it. 1174 01:19:53,145 --> 01:19:55,523 If we can get to him before that happens... 1175 01:19:55,564 --> 01:19:59,110 promise you'll give me a chance to put him on a different path. 1176 01:19:59,151 --> 01:20:00,444 Define "chance." 1177 01:20:00,486 --> 01:20:02,988 I don't know. How long does it take to save someone's soul? That's not... 1178 01:20:03,030 --> 01:20:04,406 I'll give you 30 seconds. 1179 01:20:04,448 --> 01:20:06,408 - What? No! - Best I can do. 1180 01:20:06,450 --> 01:20:07,743 Take it or leave it. 1181 01:20:18,504 --> 01:20:19,755 He's doing it! 1182 01:20:19,797 --> 01:20:21,257 Look at the little fella. He's doing it. 1183 01:20:21,799 --> 01:20:23,342 There he goes. 1184 01:20:23,384 --> 01:20:24,927 Jesus Christ! 1185 01:20:24,969 --> 01:20:26,345 Just shirt-cocking it. 1186 01:20:28,389 --> 01:20:29,723 There you go, little fella. 1187 01:20:30,474 --> 01:20:31,809 Go on, you're doing it! 1188 01:20:32,226 --> 01:20:35,062 My beautiful, hairless, Twizzler-legged baby boy. 1189 01:20:37,356 --> 01:20:38,482 Christ! 1190 01:20:38,524 --> 01:20:40,192 That's disturbing. 1191 01:20:40,234 --> 01:20:41,569 30 seconds. 1192 01:20:46,949 --> 01:20:48,451 - Deal. - Deal. 1193 01:20:51,036 --> 01:20:53,622 I have no idea what's happening. 1194 01:20:53,664 --> 01:20:55,958 Probably for the best. 1195 01:20:57,001 --> 01:21:00,421 And that is why you never eat a raw starfish. 1196 01:21:00,463 --> 01:21:02,131 It's just common sense. 1197 01:21:02,756 --> 01:21:04,216 Where the hell are we going? 1198 01:21:04,258 --> 01:21:05,551 You said it yourself. 1199 01:21:05,593 --> 01:21:08,554 Nothing can stop the Juggernaut. We need backup. 1200 01:21:08,596 --> 01:21:11,348 I will bathe in the blood of your enemies. 1201 01:21:15,686 --> 01:21:17,313 Can you turn off the music? 1202 01:21:18,314 --> 01:21:20,441 You'll do no such thing. 1203 01:21:20,483 --> 01:21:22,359 Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? 1204 01:21:22,693 --> 01:21:23,861 What the hell are you...? 1205 01:21:23,903 --> 01:21:25,863 Once again, intolerance rears its ugly head. 1206 01:21:25,905 --> 01:21:27,615 I am so sorry. It gets better. 1207 01:21:27,656 --> 01:21:29,450 I'm not a fucking racist, moron! 1208 01:21:29,492 --> 01:21:31,702 Tell that to Black Tom. He was like a brother to me. 1209 01:21:32,578 --> 01:21:35,664 I'm with the old white guy on this one. And that's a twist. 1210 01:21:36,123 --> 01:21:39,502 So what exactly do you do in the future, anyway? Some kind of soldier? 1211 01:21:39,877 --> 01:21:41,712 Yeah, something like that. 1212 01:21:41,754 --> 01:21:43,964 I was a soldier. Special Forces. 1213 01:21:44,006 --> 01:21:46,592 I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. 1214 01:21:46,634 --> 01:21:48,719 50 years from now, you're very dead. 1215 01:21:48,761 --> 01:21:51,096 Your entire generation fucked this planet into a coma. 1216 01:21:51,138 --> 01:21:52,139 Boom! 1217 01:21:52,848 --> 01:21:54,099 Spoiler alert. 1218 01:21:55,559 --> 01:21:56,685 Planets. 1219 01:21:56,727 --> 01:21:58,229 Next time, Uber. 1220 01:21:58,270 --> 01:21:59,647 Here's a spoiler alert. 1221 01:22:00,815 --> 01:22:02,608 You're not a fucking hero. 1222 01:22:02,983 --> 01:22:06,529 You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy. 1223 01:22:06,904 --> 01:22:09,490 Well, I got news for you. My heart is in the right place. 1224 01:22:09,532 --> 01:22:11,075 Russell's not gonna kill anyone. 1225 01:22:11,117 --> 01:22:13,452 Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like. 1226 01:22:13,494 --> 01:22:17,164 Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like. 1227 01:22:17,206 --> 01:22:19,708 I'm a grower, not a shower. 1228 01:22:19,750 --> 01:22:21,043 I should've finished college. 1229 01:22:21,085 --> 01:22:22,294 Right here! 1230 01:22:40,438 --> 01:22:42,106 I made mistakes! 1231 01:22:42,481 --> 01:22:44,358 I wanna take them back! 1232 01:22:44,400 --> 01:22:47,361 You trusted me. I took that trust... 1233 01:22:47,403 --> 01:22:50,281 and turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. 1234 01:22:50,322 --> 01:22:53,033 The one in Minneapolis. You know the one. 1235 01:22:53,993 --> 01:22:55,119 Colossus! 1236 01:22:55,161 --> 01:22:57,496 I wouldn't ask for your help unless it was life or death! 1237 01:22:57,538 --> 01:22:59,582 That kid needs our help! 1238 01:22:59,623 --> 01:23:01,667 I know you're listening! 1239 01:23:01,709 --> 01:23:04,295 He's teamed up with the Juggernaut! The Juggernaut! 1240 01:23:04,336 --> 01:23:06,088 That's like my favorite Marvel character ever, 1241 01:23:06,130 --> 01:23:07,465 but you should never meet your heroes... 1242 01:23:07,506 --> 01:23:10,426 because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick! 1243 01:23:10,468 --> 01:23:12,970 And like a lot of dicks, he's as hard as a rock... 1244 01:23:13,012 --> 01:23:14,722 and causes nothing but problems! 1245 01:23:14,763 --> 01:23:16,390 - Hi, Wade! - Hi, Yukio! 1246 01:23:16,432 --> 01:23:18,350 - Please don't. - You guys make a super cute couple. 1247 01:23:18,392 --> 01:23:20,811 Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah! 1248 01:23:20,853 --> 01:23:24,982 Colossus! Look, I don't deserve your friendship or your help. 1249 01:23:25,024 --> 01:23:26,859 But this kid does. 1250 01:23:26,901 --> 01:23:29,612 And I'm not gonna bail on him like everyone else. 1251 01:23:31,363 --> 01:23:33,324 Oh, come on! 1252 01:23:37,536 --> 01:23:40,289 Any chance Pigeon Wings is available? 1253 01:23:40,664 --> 01:23:43,083 That's just fine! That's fine! 1254 01:23:43,125 --> 01:23:44,668 No! You know what? 1255 01:23:44,710 --> 01:23:47,546 Doing the right thing is sometimes messy... 1256 01:23:47,588 --> 01:23:50,549 and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! 1257 01:23:50,925 --> 01:23:54,220 So stay here in Château de Virgin... 1258 01:23:54,261 --> 01:23:56,388 while we go get our fuck on! 1259 01:23:59,391 --> 01:24:00,768 You're doing great. 1260 01:24:06,398 --> 01:24:09,693 So you wear that helmet because your brother tries to read your mind? 1261 01:24:09,735 --> 01:24:12,988 Yeah, but he's in a wheelchair, so even-steven. 1262 01:24:13,030 --> 01:24:15,491 Someone's coming. It's Russell, sir. 1263 01:24:15,533 --> 01:24:16,992 He's not alone. 1264 01:24:17,535 --> 01:24:19,245 Secure the children. 1265 01:24:23,791 --> 01:24:26,085 What do you say we go fuck some shit up? 1266 01:24:26,627 --> 01:24:30,464 "Let's fuck some shit up" is my legal middle name. 1267 01:24:33,801 --> 01:24:36,428 Watch my back. I've got the old man. 1268 01:24:36,470 --> 01:24:38,764 Amen, brother. 1269 01:24:44,562 --> 01:24:46,188 Time to make the chimichangas. 1270 01:24:46,230 --> 01:24:47,857 30 seconds. 1271 01:24:48,482 --> 01:24:50,609 I finally know why I'm here. 1272 01:24:51,026 --> 01:24:52,987 I was raised in this place. 1273 01:24:53,028 --> 01:24:55,281 Well, not raised. I was tortured. 1274 01:24:55,322 --> 01:24:58,200 Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. 1275 01:24:58,242 --> 01:24:59,577 - Shall we? - This is gonna be fun. 1276 01:24:59,618 --> 01:25:00,786 Yeah! 1277 01:25:00,828 --> 01:25:02,329 Hey! Been meaning to ask you... 1278 01:25:02,371 --> 01:25:05,374 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1279 01:25:06,083 --> 01:25:09,420 It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. 1280 01:25:11,755 --> 01:25:13,632 I have a gluten sensitivity. 1281 01:25:13,674 --> 01:25:15,176 So one glass of wine, I just... 1282 01:25:16,552 --> 01:25:17,553 Yeah. 1283 01:25:21,223 --> 01:25:24,185 Wish we could head back in time, and I could take all that back. 1284 01:25:24,226 --> 01:25:25,561 We should just cue the music. 1285 01:25:50,753 --> 01:25:53,464 Welcome home, Russell. We missed you. 1286 01:25:54,673 --> 01:25:55,800 Russell! 1287 01:25:55,841 --> 01:25:58,177 You don't need to do this! Let's talk! 1288 01:25:59,220 --> 01:26:00,471 Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? 1289 01:26:04,809 --> 01:26:05,893 That's why! 1290 01:26:05,935 --> 01:26:07,019 Told you this little fucker's too far gone. 1291 01:26:07,061 --> 01:26:09,647 Zip it, Thanos! We have a deal and you fuck... 1292 01:26:10,231 --> 01:26:11,232 Hey! 1293 01:26:11,774 --> 01:26:14,902 I'm gonna shove that cab driver right up your ass. 1294 01:26:16,028 --> 01:26:18,322 My body and my hands are so soft. 1295 01:26:18,364 --> 01:26:21,283 - You should probably head back to the car. - I think I'll head back to the car. 1296 01:26:22,409 --> 01:26:25,079 It works best when you pull the trigger. 1297 01:26:27,998 --> 01:26:29,291 That gun is amazing! 1298 01:26:30,626 --> 01:26:31,836 Say it! 1299 01:26:34,004 --> 01:26:37,007 You are an abomination! 1300 01:26:44,348 --> 01:26:47,643 Now, I'm gonna shove the red guy up the old guy. 1301 01:26:47,685 --> 01:26:50,104 I believe him! Every man for themselves! 1302 01:26:54,483 --> 01:26:55,568 Gotcha! 1303 01:26:56,360 --> 01:26:57,528 Beat it, midget! 1304 01:27:00,531 --> 01:27:03,242 Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! 1305 01:27:03,659 --> 01:27:04,743 Shit fuck! 1306 01:27:18,632 --> 01:27:20,217 Come here, beautiful. 1307 01:27:22,344 --> 01:27:23,429 Say it! 1308 01:28:22,947 --> 01:28:24,073 You came for me. 1309 01:28:24,115 --> 01:28:27,827 I'm not giving up on you, and you are not giving up on that boy. 1310 01:28:27,868 --> 01:28:29,829 Who says that rules aren't meant to be broken? 1311 01:28:29,870 --> 01:28:32,248 It's time to fight dirty. 1312 01:28:32,289 --> 01:28:33,749 Time to sweep the leg, Johnny. 1313 01:28:33,791 --> 01:28:36,502 Hey! Pick on someone your own size! 1314 01:28:36,544 --> 01:28:40,256 That's such a you thing to say! Go get him, tiger! 1315 01:28:40,673 --> 01:28:42,299 Big CGI fight coming up! 1316 01:29:05,614 --> 01:29:06,991 He's doing great. 1317 01:29:07,032 --> 01:29:08,242 Say it! 1318 01:29:12,413 --> 01:29:13,831 - Russell. - Bingo! 1319 01:29:25,843 --> 01:29:27,803 That's right! I'm fighting dirty! 1320 01:29:28,971 --> 01:29:30,848 - Oh, great! - There they are! Those freaks! 1321 01:29:30,890 --> 01:29:32,933 A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. 1322 01:29:33,434 --> 01:29:34,894 Can I have one of those guns? 1323 01:29:35,561 --> 01:29:37,354 - No. - That's fine. 1324 01:29:37,396 --> 01:29:39,356 Get off this property, mutant scum! 1325 01:29:39,398 --> 01:29:40,399 I'm just gonna use this brick. 1326 01:29:41,150 --> 01:29:42,151 Maximum effort. 1327 01:29:48,282 --> 01:29:50,034 Who says you can't go home again? 1328 01:30:07,176 --> 01:30:08,177 Yeah! 1329 01:30:10,387 --> 01:30:11,722 Say it. 1330 01:30:12,097 --> 01:30:15,142 Say what you said every time you tortured me! 1331 01:30:15,684 --> 01:30:16,811 Say it! 1332 01:30:16,852 --> 01:30:19,772 Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand! 1333 01:30:20,981 --> 01:30:22,608 Blessed are the wicked... 1334 01:30:23,150 --> 01:30:24,360 who are healed... 1335 01:30:24,860 --> 01:30:26,362 by my hand. 1336 01:30:44,421 --> 01:30:46,674 You commie motherfucker! 1337 01:31:13,200 --> 01:31:14,910 Oh, my God. Did you feel that, too? 1338 01:31:15,786 --> 01:31:17,997 Only best buddies execute pedophiles together. 1339 01:31:20,916 --> 01:31:23,252 You got 30 seconds, you jabbering butt plug! 1340 01:31:23,294 --> 01:31:24,503 Now we're getting it. 1341 01:31:29,216 --> 01:31:31,427 I need a bus to get you all out of here. 1342 01:31:36,765 --> 01:31:37,808 Orphans. 1343 01:31:38,976 --> 01:31:40,186 Oh, geez. 1344 01:31:41,604 --> 01:31:44,315 It's time to burn for what you've done! 1345 01:31:44,356 --> 01:31:46,859 A child should not be burdened with such power! 1346 01:31:55,659 --> 01:31:56,744 Russell! Wait! 1347 01:32:11,258 --> 01:32:13,385 Wait! He hasn't killed anyone yet! 1348 01:32:13,427 --> 01:32:15,429 - What more do you need to see? - Don't you fucking dare! 1349 01:32:15,471 --> 01:32:16,680 He's just a kid! 1350 01:32:16,722 --> 01:32:18,599 Tick, tock. Meter's running! 1351 01:32:31,278 --> 01:32:34,323 I'm gonna melt you down and make a cock ring. 1352 01:32:54,718 --> 01:32:57,346 - I told you! Leave me alone! - Come on! 1353 01:32:57,888 --> 01:32:59,014 Listen to me! 1354 01:33:22,830 --> 01:33:25,416 That's how we do it in Mother Russia. 1355 01:33:27,626 --> 01:33:30,171 They say millennials are the hardest to reach. 1356 01:33:31,547 --> 01:33:34,758 Oh, no. You're doing amazing. 1357 01:33:36,093 --> 01:33:38,596 Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta! 1358 01:33:39,013 --> 01:33:40,848 Go home, Wade! 1359 01:33:40,890 --> 01:33:42,725 You're ruining everything! 1360 01:33:48,063 --> 01:33:49,398 I'm getting good at this shit. 1361 01:33:49,440 --> 01:33:50,483 Go, go, go! 1362 01:33:53,986 --> 01:33:55,946 He dies tonight, Wade. 1363 01:33:55,988 --> 01:33:57,531 You can't stop me! 1364 01:33:58,491 --> 01:34:00,367 He even runs like a fucking pervert. 1365 01:34:00,409 --> 01:34:03,162 Like an online predator who lost his laptop. 1366 01:34:04,580 --> 01:34:06,081 There's one bullet left in that gun. 1367 01:34:06,123 --> 01:34:08,125 Wait, wait, wait! Please, just give me a second! 1368 01:34:08,167 --> 01:34:09,627 I got this. 1369 01:34:09,668 --> 01:34:11,921 - Russell! - Stay back! Go home, Wade! 1370 01:34:11,962 --> 01:34:14,089 Let's talk. It doesn't have to go this way! 1371 01:34:14,673 --> 01:34:15,966 That piece of shit... 1372 01:34:16,383 --> 01:34:18,135 he deserves to die for what he did to you. 1373 01:34:18,177 --> 01:34:21,555 He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others. 1374 01:34:22,431 --> 01:34:24,225 But if you kill him, he wins. 1375 01:34:24,266 --> 01:34:27,770 You become everything he says you are, but worse. 1376 01:34:28,187 --> 01:34:29,647 You're just a kid. 1377 01:34:30,231 --> 01:34:31,982 You don't wanna hurt anyone. 1378 01:34:32,024 --> 01:34:33,275 How do you know what I want? 1379 01:34:33,317 --> 01:34:34,944 Because I've been inside you. 1380 01:34:35,611 --> 01:34:36,904 That came out wrong. 1381 01:34:37,530 --> 01:34:39,240 I've been inside your shoes. 1382 01:34:39,281 --> 01:34:41,158 Which is also off-putting. 1383 01:34:41,200 --> 01:34:42,660 It's not a great analogy. 1384 01:34:42,701 --> 01:34:44,120 The point is... 1385 01:34:44,578 --> 01:34:46,288 there are people... 1386 01:34:46,330 --> 01:34:49,375 There are people in this fucking world... 1387 01:34:49,416 --> 01:34:52,128 besides him, who will treat you right. 1388 01:34:52,169 --> 01:34:54,797 It isn't too late. Don't do it. 1389 01:35:00,344 --> 01:35:02,721 I never should've left you there. 1390 01:35:04,473 --> 01:35:06,350 I never should've left you in that prison. 1391 01:35:13,441 --> 01:35:14,733 I can't trust you. 1392 01:35:16,444 --> 01:35:18,821 I can't trust anybody! 1393 01:35:28,038 --> 01:35:29,373 Wonderful kid. 1394 01:35:29,415 --> 01:35:31,083 You can't stop me, Wade! 1395 01:35:33,335 --> 01:35:35,588 I got one more idea. 1396 01:35:35,629 --> 01:35:38,549 It's just a really bad one, even for me. 1397 01:35:38,591 --> 01:35:39,800 Wade, what are you doing? 1398 01:35:39,842 --> 01:35:41,469 All right. This is for all the marbles, kid! 1399 01:35:42,261 --> 01:35:43,971 You're gonna kill someone today... 1400 01:35:44,388 --> 01:35:45,806 Blessed are the wicked... 1401 01:35:45,848 --> 01:35:47,766 ...then it's gotta be me. 1402 01:35:48,851 --> 01:35:50,770 ...who are healed by my hand! 1403 01:35:53,898 --> 01:35:56,317 Fuck this! 1404 01:36:57,044 --> 01:37:00,005 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1405 01:37:05,010 --> 01:37:06,512 That's not good. 1406 01:37:08,097 --> 01:37:09,515 No, sir. 1407 01:37:17,148 --> 01:37:20,067 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1408 01:37:20,484 --> 01:37:21,652 Yeah. 1409 01:37:21,694 --> 01:37:23,904 And it was the best thing I ever did. 1410 01:37:25,865 --> 01:37:27,992 I told you I care about you. 1411 01:37:28,033 --> 01:37:29,785 You're a good kid, Russell. 1412 01:37:31,412 --> 01:37:32,413 Hey. 1413 01:37:33,873 --> 01:37:35,207 The bear. 1414 01:37:35,249 --> 01:37:36,542 It worked. 1415 01:37:43,507 --> 01:37:45,134 Because of you. 1416 01:37:45,176 --> 01:37:47,470 No, Wade, because of you. 1417 01:37:48,345 --> 01:37:50,431 Stop, stop, stop! 1418 01:37:50,473 --> 01:37:51,640 Stop! 1419 01:37:52,808 --> 01:37:55,352 Just let it happen, okay? 1420 01:37:55,811 --> 01:37:58,731 I guess my heart was finally in the right place. 1421 01:37:59,565 --> 01:38:01,984 That riddle is so fucked up. 1422 01:38:06,781 --> 01:38:09,200 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 1423 01:38:09,241 --> 01:38:10,409 Don't be. Don't be. 1424 01:38:10,451 --> 01:38:12,203 I've been trying to make this happen for a while. 1425 01:38:12,870 --> 01:38:14,538 Please, just don't leave me. 1426 01:38:14,580 --> 01:38:16,207 I don't wanna die without an audience. 1427 01:38:16,248 --> 01:38:17,875 We are not going anywhere. 1428 01:38:17,917 --> 01:38:20,127 Oh, God, I hope the Academy is watching. 1429 01:38:20,169 --> 01:38:21,212 Just rest, okay? 1430 01:38:23,047 --> 01:38:24,131 Papa. 1431 01:38:26,342 --> 01:38:28,302 Papa, can you hear me? 1432 01:38:30,554 --> 01:38:36,560 Papa, can you find me in the night? 1433 01:38:57,832 --> 01:38:59,083 Before I go... 1434 01:38:59,625 --> 01:39:01,335 Sorry, I got a bit more in me. 1435 01:39:01,919 --> 01:39:03,170 Domino. 1436 01:39:03,212 --> 01:39:07,716 I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. 1437 01:39:10,302 --> 01:39:13,180 Turns out that I'm the lucky one. 1438 01:39:13,889 --> 01:39:14,890 Thank you. 1439 01:39:16,392 --> 01:39:19,311 Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. 1440 01:39:19,937 --> 01:39:22,022 It has been a pleasure. 1441 01:39:23,649 --> 01:39:26,360 - Hi, Yukio. - Hi, Wade! 1442 01:39:28,487 --> 01:39:29,488 And you... 1443 01:39:30,030 --> 01:39:31,157 Chrome Bone. 1444 01:39:32,074 --> 01:39:34,452 I haven't always been the best friend to you. 1445 01:39:35,035 --> 01:39:37,413 But you've always been that to me. 1446 01:39:37,455 --> 01:39:38,747 So thank you. 1447 01:39:40,916 --> 01:39:42,501 Say "fuck" for me. 1448 01:39:43,335 --> 01:39:46,297 Just once. Come on, we'll do it together. It's no big deal. 1449 01:39:46,338 --> 01:39:48,048 Here we go. One, two, three. 1450 01:39:49,425 --> 01:39:50,551 Fuck. 1451 01:39:50,593 --> 01:39:53,637 Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth. 1452 01:39:55,264 --> 01:39:57,099 And you, Cable. 1453 01:39:58,392 --> 01:40:02,062 You get back to your family. You tell 'em Wade says hi. 1454 01:40:02,938 --> 01:40:06,150 And promise me. Promise me one thing. 1455 01:40:06,609 --> 01:40:08,027 That you'll start judging people... 1456 01:40:08,068 --> 01:40:11,363 not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. 1457 01:40:12,114 --> 01:40:13,699 - Jesus. - R-Dog? 1458 01:40:14,909 --> 01:40:16,827 There you are. Hey! 1459 01:40:17,411 --> 01:40:19,163 You're a superhero now, bubba. 1460 01:40:20,664 --> 01:40:21,749 Look. 1461 01:40:22,041 --> 01:40:24,668 Family is not an F-word. 1462 01:40:25,419 --> 01:40:26,754 All right? 1463 01:40:26,796 --> 01:40:28,506 There's one out there for you. 1464 01:40:29,256 --> 01:40:30,966 Just keep looking, okay? 1465 01:40:34,470 --> 01:40:37,223 Guys, for a second there... 1466 01:40:38,057 --> 01:40:40,726 we made a pretty good team. 1467 01:40:55,241 --> 01:40:57,243 It's so hard to go. 1468 01:40:58,744 --> 01:41:01,122 I just love being around you guys so much. 1469 01:41:02,206 --> 01:41:03,457 So, so much. 1470 01:41:05,584 --> 01:41:07,753 No, I can feel it now. Here it comes, yeah. 1471 01:41:08,462 --> 01:41:12,341 I feel the soul exiting the husk. 1472 01:41:12,383 --> 01:41:13,384 Yeah. 1473 01:41:15,177 --> 01:41:17,012 Can you see it? 1474 01:41:17,721 --> 01:41:19,890 Do you see that beautiful bright light? 1475 01:41:21,350 --> 01:41:22,518 There it is. 1476 01:41:28,774 --> 01:41:32,027 That's the sun. Don't stare directly into that. 1477 01:41:32,069 --> 01:41:34,071 I just have a few final words. 1478 01:41:35,656 --> 01:41:37,032 Woodpecker. 1479 01:41:37,825 --> 01:41:39,160 Gingivitis. 1480 01:41:41,203 --> 01:41:42,580 Codswallop. 1481 01:41:46,917 --> 01:41:48,878 Do You Want to Build a Snowman? 1482 01:43:03,869 --> 01:43:05,162 Sorry I'm late. 1483 01:43:05,204 --> 01:43:08,207 There was a bunch of handicapable children who were stuck in a tree. 1484 01:43:08,249 --> 01:43:09,458 - No. - No. 1485 01:43:10,543 --> 01:43:13,212 - But I did have to help a kid. - Yeah. 1486 01:43:13,671 --> 01:43:15,589 - He's got a terrible name. - It's just awful. 1487 01:43:15,631 --> 01:43:16,632 I tried to tell him. 1488 01:43:18,968 --> 01:43:20,386 Is this heaven? 1489 01:43:21,262 --> 01:43:22,471 It is now. 1490 01:43:25,933 --> 01:43:27,810 I am so sorry. 1491 01:43:28,644 --> 01:43:29,979 It's okay. 1492 01:43:49,832 --> 01:43:51,709 I missed you so much. 1493 01:43:57,298 --> 01:43:58,966 What is it? What's wrong? 1494 01:44:00,885 --> 01:44:02,386 It's not time. 1495 01:44:03,012 --> 01:44:05,014 What do you mean it's not time? 1496 01:44:05,055 --> 01:44:06,682 I'm here, I made it. 1497 01:44:06,724 --> 01:44:08,434 - You can't stay. - No, no, no. 1498 01:44:08,476 --> 01:44:11,145 I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere without you. 1499 01:44:11,187 --> 01:44:12,188 It's okay. 1500 01:44:12,688 --> 01:44:15,524 There's a time for us. It's just not now. 1501 01:44:16,525 --> 01:44:18,986 - They need you. - Who? 1502 01:44:21,030 --> 01:44:22,323 Your F-word. 1503 01:44:23,574 --> 01:44:24,575 Why? 1504 01:44:24,950 --> 01:44:26,744 You'll find out. 1505 01:44:27,703 --> 01:44:29,622 It's all right. I'll be here. 1506 01:44:30,915 --> 01:44:32,166 I love you. 1507 01:44:34,668 --> 01:44:37,087 I know. I love you, too. 1508 01:44:37,838 --> 01:44:38,839 Now, go. 1509 01:44:40,132 --> 01:44:42,134 Go on. Go, get out of here. 1510 01:44:43,177 --> 01:44:44,178 Go. 1511 01:44:46,972 --> 01:44:47,973 Hey! 1512 01:44:50,976 --> 01:44:53,145 Kiss me like you miss me, Red. 1513 01:44:53,771 --> 01:44:54,897 Well, come here. 1514 01:45:14,333 --> 01:45:15,876 Don't fuck Elvis. 1515 01:45:15,918 --> 01:45:17,878 - Don't fuck Colossus. - What? 1516 01:45:27,346 --> 01:45:29,515 - Time to make the chimichangas. - 30 seconds. 1517 01:45:29,557 --> 01:45:30,808 Hey. Been meaning to ask you... 1518 01:45:30,850 --> 01:45:33,352 what's with the creepy, dirty hobo bear? 1519 01:45:33,394 --> 01:45:35,146 It's my daughter's teddy bear. 1520 01:45:35,604 --> 01:45:36,814 Her name's Hope. 1521 01:45:39,150 --> 01:45:41,068 What are you doing? 1522 01:45:41,110 --> 01:45:42,695 Somebody swiped right. 1523 01:45:55,499 --> 01:45:57,877 Tell me they got that in slow motion. 1524 01:46:01,213 --> 01:46:03,090 You sacrificed yourself for me. 1525 01:46:03,132 --> 01:46:04,633 It would seem I... 1526 01:46:09,138 --> 01:46:11,474 Genuine, high-grade lead. 1527 01:46:13,392 --> 01:46:16,437 You time-sliding son of a bitch! 1528 01:46:16,479 --> 01:46:18,063 You did this for me? 1529 01:46:19,940 --> 01:46:22,443 Wait. You can't go back. 1530 01:46:23,068 --> 01:46:26,155 You used the last of your fuel. What about your girl, your wife? 1531 01:46:26,197 --> 01:46:29,450 Now, my family's safe. And I didn't do it for you. 1532 01:46:30,910 --> 01:46:33,370 No, I'm gonna stick around for a while... 1533 01:46:33,412 --> 01:46:36,415 and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion. 1534 01:46:37,124 --> 01:46:40,002 No. You did it for me. 1535 01:46:40,753 --> 01:46:42,213 No, I didn't. 1536 01:46:42,254 --> 01:46:43,672 - You did. - I really didn't. 1537 01:46:43,714 --> 01:46:45,549 - Pretty sure you did. - No, I'm positive I didn't. 1538 01:46:45,591 --> 01:46:47,384 Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay? 1539 01:46:47,426 --> 01:46:50,137 Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me. 1540 01:46:50,179 --> 01:46:52,640 I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. 1541 01:46:53,057 --> 01:46:54,183 Say it again. 1542 01:46:54,225 --> 01:46:55,810 - He did it for me. - Jesus. 1543 01:46:55,851 --> 01:46:57,770 - We must get the collar off. - Forget it. It's no use. 1544 01:46:57,812 --> 01:46:59,605 These collars don't just come off. 1545 01:46:59,647 --> 01:47:00,648 Wade. 1546 01:47:01,190 --> 01:47:02,817 I have an idea. 1547 01:47:03,150 --> 01:47:05,277 No, no, no! Let's not do that. Please! 1548 01:47:05,319 --> 01:47:07,738 I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just... 1549 01:47:07,780 --> 01:47:10,908 Oh, God! They do say the pen is grosser than the sword. 1550 01:47:11,909 --> 01:47:13,285 We need the code. 1551 01:47:13,327 --> 01:47:15,246 Try seven? 1552 01:47:15,287 --> 01:47:16,872 Settle down, Captain Lucky. 1553 01:47:16,914 --> 01:47:18,374 It's not gonna be one number. 1554 01:47:18,415 --> 01:47:19,500 God, that's lazy writing. 1555 01:47:20,501 --> 01:47:21,836 I still got it. 1556 01:47:24,880 --> 01:47:26,841 Put that back in your prison wallet. 1557 01:47:28,551 --> 01:47:30,469 I don't know how to thank you. 1558 01:47:30,511 --> 01:47:32,012 But I do know how to hug you. 1559 01:47:32,471 --> 01:47:33,764 - No. - Yes. 1560 01:47:33,806 --> 01:47:35,266 Here we go. Bring it in. 1561 01:47:35,307 --> 01:47:36,433 Come on. 1562 01:47:36,475 --> 01:47:37,893 Pelvis to pelvis. 1563 01:47:37,935 --> 01:47:39,311 Let's go tip to tip. 1564 01:47:39,353 --> 01:47:41,856 There we go. The kids call this docking. 1565 01:47:43,607 --> 01:47:44,775 Is there a knife in my dick? 1566 01:47:44,817 --> 01:47:47,111 - There's a knife in your dick. - I'm just gonna back up now. 1567 01:47:47,153 --> 01:47:48,946 - Yeah, yeah. - No need to go full Yentl. 1568 01:47:48,988 --> 01:47:51,782 Gonna pretend like that never happened. 1569 01:47:51,824 --> 01:47:53,742 Let's go home, Russell. 1570 01:47:57,413 --> 01:48:01,792 All you dirty mutants are gonna rot in hell with the boy! 1571 01:48:01,834 --> 01:48:04,920 Your souls are beyond redemption! 1572 01:48:04,962 --> 01:48:06,255 Let's see your soul, perv! 1573 01:48:06,297 --> 01:48:09,133 No, no! No! No more! We're better than that! 1574 01:48:09,175 --> 01:48:10,384 We're better than him! 1575 01:48:10,426 --> 01:48:13,137 No more senseless violence! No more bloodshed! 1576 01:48:13,179 --> 01:48:14,763 We'll let karma take care of him. 1577 01:48:14,805 --> 01:48:17,808 The day of reckoning is here! 1578 01:48:27,151 --> 01:48:29,153 I'm gonna miss him. He seemed great. 1579 01:48:30,529 --> 01:48:32,156 Courage, motherfuckers! 1580 01:48:32,198 --> 01:48:33,491 And karma, motherfucker. 1581 01:48:33,532 --> 01:48:35,201 I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds. 1582 01:48:35,242 --> 01:48:37,244 I could barely keep a straight face. 1583 01:48:37,286 --> 01:48:39,121 I want some more. 1584 01:48:39,163 --> 01:48:40,873 I bet you do, Brown Panther. 1585 01:48:40,915 --> 01:48:43,918 We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. 1586 01:48:44,502 --> 01:48:46,754 Good call. You guys coming with us? 1587 01:48:46,796 --> 01:48:48,756 No, we'll get the kids back to the mansion. 1588 01:48:48,798 --> 01:48:50,090 Besides, we're X-Men. 1589 01:48:50,382 --> 01:48:53,052 No, you're X-People. 1590 01:48:53,093 --> 01:48:54,428 You're exhausting. 1591 01:48:54,470 --> 01:48:56,430 I see what you did there. Puns. 1592 01:48:56,972 --> 01:48:59,183 - Bye, Wade! - Bye, Yukio! 1593 01:49:01,811 --> 01:49:03,979 What do you get when you take eight feet of chrome... 1594 01:49:04,021 --> 01:49:05,189 one pinch of courage... 1595 01:49:05,231 --> 01:49:06,482 a cup of good luck... 1596 01:49:06,524 --> 01:49:08,067 a dab of racism... 1597 01:49:08,109 --> 01:49:09,318 a splash of diabetes... 1598 01:49:09,360 --> 01:49:11,695 and a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer? 1599 01:49:12,113 --> 01:49:14,281 Answer: a family. 1600 01:49:14,865 --> 01:49:17,993 See? I didn't lie what kind of film this was. 1601 01:49:18,035 --> 01:49:19,370 If there's anything you take away today... 1602 01:49:19,411 --> 01:49:22,581 other than the need to Google, "What the fuck is dubstep?"... 1603 01:49:22,623 --> 01:49:25,417 it's that we all need to belong to someone. 1604 01:51:22,451 --> 01:51:26,247 How something so small generates enough energy to reverse time is... 1605 01:51:26,288 --> 01:51:30,501 Just fix it, Eleven, or I'll take it to the Genius Bar. 1606 01:51:30,543 --> 01:51:31,752 Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out. 1607 01:51:31,794 --> 01:51:32,878 Never heard of him. 1608 01:51:32,920 --> 01:51:34,255 Why do you think I'm helping him? 1609 01:51:35,631 --> 01:51:39,927 The Lord works in mysterious ways, don't I? A good day. 1610 01:51:40,928 --> 01:51:41,929 Bye, Wade! 1611 01:51:42,429 --> 01:51:43,430 Bye, Yukio! 1612 01:51:44,765 --> 01:51:46,976 That was probably a bad idea. 1613 01:51:47,309 --> 01:51:48,435 What have we done? 1614 01:52:06,871 --> 01:52:08,873 I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader. 1615 01:52:19,049 --> 01:52:20,509 I'll be right back! 1616 01:52:22,470 --> 01:52:25,014 We're definitely naming our kid Cher! 1617 01:52:28,225 --> 01:52:29,602 Peter! 1618 01:52:29,643 --> 01:52:33,397 - X-Force! - Walk away! Just walk away! 1619 01:52:34,273 --> 01:52:37,234 - But we're X-Force! - Nope! We're not, there's no X-Force! 1620 01:52:37,276 --> 01:52:40,112 All right, well, this has been pretty scary! 1621 01:52:40,154 --> 01:52:42,907 Go home, Sugarbear. Go home. 1622 01:52:42,952 --> 01:52:46,118 Okay. Will you give Domino my email? 1623 01:52:55,377 --> 01:52:57,171 Wade, is that you? 1624 01:52:59,840 --> 01:53:02,218 I guess Stryker finally figured out how to shut you up. 1625 01:53:08,933 --> 01:53:14,105 Hey! It's me! Don't scratch! Just cleaning up the timelines! 1626 01:53:19,026 --> 01:53:20,319 Love you! 1627 01:53:22,780 --> 01:53:24,073 Welcome to the big leagues, kid. 1628 01:53:31,580 --> 01:53:33,415 You're welcome, Canada.118276