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Coming up, we spend the day
with Britain's hottest couple.
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00:00:04,090 --> 00:00:06,030
He's the record-breaking racing driver,
3
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:09,136
she's the pop star princess
turned reality TV star.
4
00:00:09,147 --> 00:00:11,076
Together, they're the Barrons.
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00:00:11,088 --> 00:00:12,535
It's been a tumultuous year
6
00:00:12,540 --> 00:00:14,658
- for empress of the red carpet Roxy...
- Piss off!
7
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:17,219
... but she seems to be back
on track after a stint in rehab,
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00:00:17,242 --> 00:00:20,496
a new tell-all book and a
turn on Celebrities Go Dancing.
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00:00:20,530 --> 00:00:22,889
She and British basketball
star Kadell James
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00:00:22,906 --> 00:00:25,679
sashayed into the foxtrot final and won.
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00:00:25,708 --> 00:00:27,900
Earlier this year a very pregnant Roxy
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00:00:27,929 --> 00:00:31,929
renewed her vows with hubby Darren
at a stunning ceremony at home.
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00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:35,236
We here at VIP Access can't
wait to meet baby Barron.
14
00:00:36,642 --> 00:00:39,495
You bastard!
15
00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,280
You're doing amazing, babe.
16
00:00:43,186 --> 00:00:45,321
Don't you touch me!
17
00:00:45,550 --> 00:00:47,181
- Ooh!
- Is this normal?
18
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,804
Perfectly. Come on, Roxy, nearly there.
19
00:00:49,902 --> 00:00:51,623
Keep going, babe!
20
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,478
You're doing great!
21
00:00:53,506 --> 00:00:55,802
- Babe, I was doing a video.
- Shut up!
22
00:00:56,370 --> 00:00:58,195
One more push.
23
00:00:59,313 --> 00:01:03,154
I hate you!
24
00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,452
What is it?
25
00:01:21,579 --> 00:01:25,470
It's a boy. I know it's
a boy, I can feel it!
26
00:01:25,912 --> 00:01:27,588
Can we see him?
27
00:01:39,676 --> 00:01:44,676
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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00:01:45,623 --> 00:01:49,543
_
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00:02:47,614 --> 00:02:51,982
_
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00:02:58,187 --> 00:03:01,229
Mr Cole was satisfied with
his media training, then?
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00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,760
I remember the first
millionaire that I dated.
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00:03:06,008 --> 00:03:09,268
My boss at the time took me aside
and gave me two pieces of advice:
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00:03:09,433 --> 00:03:11,835
if you find a millionaire, get married.
34
00:03:11,867 --> 00:03:14,577
If you find a billionaire, get pregnant.
35
00:03:15,293 --> 00:03:19,330
Saying that, she ended up in Belize
with the head of a Velcro company
36
00:03:19,614 --> 00:03:22,245
and had a mental breakdown
by the time she was 50,
37
00:03:22,741 --> 00:03:25,377
so I'm not sure she's the best
person to be getting advice off.
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00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,576
Isn't that the plot of The Bell Jar?
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00:03:27,631 --> 00:03:29,059
You want my advice?
40
00:03:29,518 --> 00:03:33,392
Be wary of men whose dicks
or pockets are too big.
41
00:03:34,087 --> 00:03:36,849
It makes their entitlement untenable.
42
00:03:37,687 --> 00:03:39,945
When the first petal
drops, I want them gone.
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00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,634
Hello, Caroline.
44
00:03:54,487 --> 00:03:56,648
- Where are you taking that?
- Hi, Belle.
45
00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:58,960
It's me! I'm back!
46
00:04:00,376 --> 00:04:02,589
It's Melody? I used to work here
47
00:04:02,753 --> 00:04:06,439
for, like, two months, and then
I left, and now I'm back again.
48
00:04:07,032 --> 00:04:09,080
- Good for you.
- Melody?
49
00:04:11,503 --> 00:04:13,669
- What are you doing here?
- I'm back!
50
00:04:13,694 --> 00:04:16,839
- Wow.
- Yeah. I'm gonna be Eve's new assistant.
51
00:04:16,859 --> 00:04:18,276
OK.
52
00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,561
Great. Good luck with that.
53
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,132
You moving in, or...
54
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:26,794
- The suitcase?
- Oh, no, I'm moving house today.
55
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:28,195
- Where are you going?
- Tottenham.
56
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,099
Right. Football!
57
00:04:32,162 --> 00:04:34,074
- Cool.
- I'm Belle.
58
00:04:34,213 --> 00:04:36,825
Yeah, I know? I'm Craig.
59
00:04:37,951 --> 00:04:40,007
I've worked here for two years.
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00:04:41,105 --> 00:04:42,394
He's in IT.
61
00:04:43,702 --> 00:04:44,828
Ah...
62
00:04:45,406 --> 00:04:46,981
All right, bitch!
63
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:50,871
Hi.
64
00:04:51,551 --> 00:04:54,088
Um, sorry. This is Steph.
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00:04:54,118 --> 00:04:56,312
Steph, this is Melody.
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00:04:56,669 --> 00:04:58,209
- Oh, you're Melody?
- Yeah.
67
00:04:58,229 --> 00:05:01,160
You're so different to how
I pictured you. Hey, Belle.
68
00:05:03,982 --> 00:05:06,191
Well, it was lovely to meet you all,
69
00:05:06,503 --> 00:05:08,962
but I should really get
back to my desk, so...
70
00:05:11,765 --> 00:05:13,774
I think she has face blindness.
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00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:16,408
- You moving in?
- That's what I said.
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00:05:16,433 --> 00:05:18,182
I was just saying,
I'm just moving house.
73
00:05:18,197 --> 00:05:20,575
- Oh, you've got a small house.
- This is not my house.
74
00:05:20,605 --> 00:05:22,134
This is just my clothes.
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00:05:22,436 --> 00:05:24,885
Yeah, I've got like a
whole bunch of other stuff.
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00:05:24,956 --> 00:05:27,907
God knows how I'm gonna get
that across London on the Tube.
77
00:05:28,167 --> 00:05:30,868
- Might just have to dump half of it.
- Why don't you give her a lift?
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00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,171
- No.
- Seriously. He's got an old Volvo Estate.
79
00:05:34,217 --> 00:05:36,754
It's hilarious. It makes you feel
like a beleaguered single mother,
80
00:05:36,769 --> 00:05:38,390
but it's got shitloads of space.
81
00:05:38,426 --> 00:05:41,939
- No, honestly, it's fine.
- Really, it is massive.
82
00:05:41,990 --> 00:05:43,749
- I'd be happy to help.
- Really?
83
00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:46,480
Go on, let him. It gets him
out of my hair for the evening.
84
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,484
Anyway, I'd better get on.
85
00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:51,905
Some intern's trying to use an
ethernet cable on her AirPrint printer.
86
00:05:51,941 --> 00:05:53,194
- Classic.
- Right?
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00:05:54,283 --> 00:05:55,510
OK. Bye.
88
00:05:59,319 --> 00:06:02,725
- Right, well, I should probably...
- Yeah, no, I should too.
89
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,873
- Wow, those are beautiful.
- Ah, perfect.
90
00:06:15,448 --> 00:06:17,136
Deal with them, will you?
91
00:06:17,765 --> 00:06:21,154
- Are these from the millionaire?
- Billionaire, actually, and yes.
92
00:06:21,328 --> 00:06:23,082
Worried I might have given
him the wrong impression.
93
00:06:23,118 --> 00:06:25,409
I think you gave him a pretty
good impression, if you ask me.
94
00:06:25,439 --> 00:06:26,799
That's the problem. He
wants to see me again.
95
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:31,132
- And that's bad because...
- Because I'm not interested in anything like that.
96
00:06:31,164 --> 00:06:33,750
I just want a bit of fun. Dicks
for hire, one-date wonders.
97
00:06:33,776 --> 00:06:35,729
I'm off boys. All they
do is cause problems.
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00:06:36,128 --> 00:06:37,550
Speak of the devil.
99
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:39,999
Hi, Robyn.
100
00:06:40,782 --> 00:06:42,761
Did those flowers just say hello?
101
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:45,925
- Melody?
- Hi.
102
00:06:45,930 --> 00:06:47,745
- What are you doing here?
- I hired her.
103
00:06:48,405 --> 00:06:50,685
- Right.
- She's my new assistant.
104
00:06:51,166 --> 00:06:53,564
- Does Caroline...
- Caroline knows, yeah. She's over the moon.
105
00:06:53,594 --> 00:06:54,770
I thought you said Robyn...
106
00:06:54,785 --> 00:06:57,219
- Come on, Frodo, my flowers are dying. Spit-spot.
- Yep.
107
00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:01,330
When did that happen?
108
00:07:01,366 --> 00:07:03,707
The other day. Bumped
into her in a coffee shop.
109
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,446
Caroline had mentioned
she's going to be looking
110
00:07:05,461 --> 00:07:08,268
for a new junior agent, so we need
to be looking at people to bring on.
111
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,001
And were you gonna tell me, or did you
112
00:07:10,006 --> 00:07:12,312
just wanna leave it to be a
really weird, awkward surprise?
113
00:07:12,343 --> 00:07:13,458
Did I not?
114
00:07:13,888 --> 00:07:15,222
Must have slipped my mind.
115
00:07:15,498 --> 00:07:16,705
Not a problem, is it?
116
00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:19,605
It's nice to have someone you
can trust in the office, you know.
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00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:26,824
_
118
00:07:35,899 --> 00:07:37,360
So who are the flowers from?
119
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,588
- Client.
- Not Gabriel Cole, right?
120
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,609
- Why?
- It's just...
121
00:07:43,468 --> 00:07:46,510
he definitely dealt with my
friend Melissa back in New York.
122
00:07:46,618 --> 00:07:49,138
I texted her. And why
would he lie about it?
123
00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,726
Don't worry, my love, my eyes are open.
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00:07:51,761 --> 00:07:54,665
I won't be telling my mother
to buy a new hat any time soon.
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00:07:55,811 --> 00:07:58,760
Ladies, Roxy Barron has had her baby.
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00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,746
- Cute. What is it?
- It's black.
127
00:08:01,359 --> 00:08:03,763
- Ah.
- Well, bi-racial, to be precise,
128
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,038
but whatever it is, it is not Barron.
129
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,772
They're currently
holed up at the hospital
130
00:08:07,792 --> 00:08:10,150
with a hungry media outside
waiting for a photograph.
131
00:08:10,262 --> 00:08:13,371
Go over there and fix
it, will you? Both of you.
132
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:36,423
This is exciting... the
gang back together again.
133
00:08:40,984 --> 00:08:43,085
- I can't believe you lied to me.
- I didn't lie to you.
134
00:08:43,101 --> 00:08:45,471
- You promised you didn't sleep with him!
- No, I never promised!
135
00:08:45,477 --> 00:08:47,399
- Roxy!
- It only happened once!
136
00:08:47,435 --> 00:08:49,071
Once? You promise?
137
00:08:49,082 --> 00:08:50,662
Why do you keep making
me promise all the time?
138
00:08:50,703 --> 00:08:52,763
- Christ.
- What difference does it make anyway?
139
00:08:52,789 --> 00:08:55,377
Once, twice, 100 times, once
it's been in, it's been in.
140
00:08:55,397 --> 00:08:58,818
- 100 times?
- It was a figment of speech, Darren.
141
00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:00,756
He's, like, 12 years old.
142
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,397
He's 23, actually.
143
00:09:03,573 --> 00:09:05,388
- Do you love him?
- Don't be so soppy, Darren.
144
00:09:05,403 --> 00:09:06,911
It's just a shag, isn't it?
145
00:09:10,118 --> 00:09:12,036
Daz, don't, please.
146
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:15,114
You know I always wanted
to try it with a black man.
147
00:09:15,129 --> 00:09:18,525
- We talked about it.
- I thought that were just sex talk.
148
00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:20,744
It was. Doesn't mean it ain't real.
149
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,173
What, so you'd be OK if you
found out I had a threesome
150
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,898
- with a pair of twins, would you?
- No, Darren,
151
00:09:25,909 --> 00:09:28,036
because they'd be sisters
and you know that's weird.
152
00:09:28,057 --> 00:09:30,209
Guys, hi. Ah, good to see you.
153
00:09:31,032 --> 00:09:32,479
Congratulations.
154
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:35,005
- He's beautiful.
- Thank you.
155
00:09:35,388 --> 00:09:36,784
We're very happy.
156
00:09:37,168 --> 00:09:40,128
Look, I know we've all had a bit
of a surprise, but how about we just
157
00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:42,225
sit down and figure out
where we go from here?
158
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,355
Where else is there to
go from here? It's over.
159
00:09:45,462 --> 00:09:48,515
- Don't be so dramatic.
- My baby's not my baby.
160
00:09:48,545 --> 00:09:51,148
- It can still be your baby.
- It's black.
161
00:09:51,179 --> 00:09:53,393
- Don't be racist.
- How is that racist?
162
00:09:53,444 --> 00:09:55,908
OK, time out. I know
everyone's emotions are high,
163
00:09:55,934 --> 00:09:58,082
but we've got about 30
journalists camped out front
164
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,393
looking for a photo, not to
mention we've already sold
165
00:10:00,403 --> 00:10:02,566
the christening pics to
OK! for a lot of money.
166
00:10:02,592 --> 00:10:04,101
- So...
- Pay for your new Defender, Darren.
167
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,901
You said get a family car.
168
00:10:06,096 --> 00:10:08,647
I wouldn't have even bought it
if I knew it were dirty money.
169
00:10:08,662 --> 00:10:10,442
- It is what it is, babe.
- OK, why don't we...
170
00:10:10,468 --> 00:10:12,820
Is there someone we can point to
in the family history, perhaps?
171
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,207
- Say it skipped a generation.
- I don't think that's...
172
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,375
It's a suggestion, Robyn.
We're not tied to anything.
173
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:20,034
- We're just throwing around ideas.
- OK, sure.
174
00:10:21,092 --> 00:10:24,053
My grandma's second husband
was from Saint Lucia.
175
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,188
Yeah.
176
00:10:27,817 --> 00:10:31,196
- That's not gonna work.
- Look, everyone makes mistakes, right?
177
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:34,969
I mean, come on,
Darren, let's be honest -
178
00:10:35,107 --> 00:10:37,397
we've all slept with someone
we weren't supposed to, right?
179
00:10:37,996 --> 00:10:39,760
Maybe you've made a
mistake in your time.
180
00:10:39,847 --> 00:10:42,434
- Golf bitch.
- I never had sex with Sandy.
181
00:10:42,884 --> 00:10:45,809
She got me handicap down to
nine. Don't call her a bitch.
182
00:10:45,814 --> 00:10:48,360
Blow jobs are sex, Darren.
183
00:10:48,462 --> 00:10:52,737
Surely the thing that matters
the most is whether you're sorry
184
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,634
or not, right?
185
00:11:01,313 --> 00:11:03,378
But what are we gonna tell everyone?
186
00:11:03,567 --> 00:11:06,094
It's pretty obvious the baby's not mine.
187
00:11:09,852 --> 00:11:12,655
- We'll say that you had fertility issues.
- You what?
188
00:11:12,813 --> 00:11:15,940
- You want me to say I'm impotent?
- Infertile. Big difference.
189
00:11:15,984 --> 00:11:18,241
- Don't do it, Daz.
- You stay out of it, Tel.
190
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,147
- Don't you shout at him!
- Leave off, Sharon.
191
00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:22,407
Well, she's the one who's been
off getting her clocks cleaned.
192
00:11:22,437 --> 00:11:24,221
Oh, come on, Shaz, as
if your boy's an angel.
193
00:11:24,262 --> 00:11:26,017
We all know he was off
shagging that golf bird.
194
00:11:26,027 --> 00:11:28,711
- I never had sex with her!
- Blow jobs count.
195
00:11:28,716 --> 00:11:30,036
- Bollocks.
- Oi!
196
00:11:30,062 --> 00:11:33,145
Look, all we say is that you
were having trouble conceiving
197
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,758
- and that you decided to use a sperm donor.
- It's very common.
198
00:11:35,784 --> 00:11:38,689
- Very modern.
- Why should he be the one saying his bits
199
00:11:38,704 --> 00:11:41,352
don't work when it was her
going off and getting mucky
200
00:11:41,357 --> 00:11:44,118
- with that other fella?
- Well, we can hardly say mine don't work, can we?
201
00:11:44,129 --> 00:11:47,996
- I just had a bloody baby.
- Marriage is about compromise, Terry.
202
00:11:48,277 --> 00:11:51,360
Roxy's had to make her
fair share of compromises.
203
00:11:51,390 --> 00:11:53,911
Yeah, like the time I wanted
to start that ceramics brand
204
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,059
and you said it was a
bad idea, so we didn't.
205
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,833
That's because you know
nothing about ceramics.
206
00:11:57,848 --> 00:12:00,154
I wasn't gonna make them,
Darren, I was gonna design them.
207
00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:01,555
It was a mental idea.
208
00:12:01,570 --> 00:12:03,386
Dinner plates with
pictures of dinners on them
209
00:12:03,401 --> 00:12:05,471
is not a mental idea, Darren.
It's fun and it's quirky
210
00:12:05,476 --> 00:12:07,128
and I maintain it would be successful.
211
00:12:07,153 --> 00:12:09,781
- I could see it as a sort of stocking filler.
- Thank you, Dad.
212
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,560
Guys, re the baby.
213
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:14,143
Look, I'm not being funny,
but think about how progressive
214
00:12:14,179 --> 00:12:15,825
you're going to look
with a bi-racial baby.
215
00:12:15,851 --> 00:12:17,510
I mean, why do you think
that Brad and Ange adopted
216
00:12:17,526 --> 00:12:19,376
all those beautiful little brown kids?
217
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,539
Focus on what really matters.
218
00:12:21,621 --> 00:12:25,160
- The brand.
- Don't see the infertility thing as a negative.
219
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,666
You're being a modern man, being
open about the issues you face.
220
00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:31,054
It's like when Pele advertised
erectile dysfunction.
221
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:36,289
True, he did. Oh, wonderful
footballer, such feet.
222
00:12:37,204 --> 00:12:40,257
You'll be the perfect picture of
the modern, progressive family.
223
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,570
- Breaking boundaries. Blurring lines.
- Also,
224
00:12:45,687 --> 00:12:49,031
getting in the race game could
really help you crack America.
225
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,668
Can't believe we got them
to go along with that.
226
00:13:10,409 --> 00:13:12,520
Well, you have a talent
in deceit, my dear.
227
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,116
What do those things
actually taste like?
228
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,360
The dying fart of a Gummy Bear.
229
00:13:30,437 --> 00:13:32,579
So, are we gonna talk about
the elephant in the room?
230
00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:34,711
The elephant that fucked
my boyfriend, you mean?
231
00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:39,103
Can Tom be the elephant in this idiom?
232
00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:47,969
I am so sorry.
233
00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:52,360
Apologies are strange
things, aren't they?
234
00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:55,255
Just expressions of shame.
235
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,315
"I did a thing, didn't go well,
236
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,660
can we pretend it
didn't happen, please?"
237
00:14:05,472 --> 00:14:06,996
Why did you do it?
238
00:14:08,923 --> 00:14:11,142
Would it help if I
could give you an answer?
239
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,083
You know, I can't
figure out what's worse:
240
00:14:14,994 --> 00:14:21,033
fucking up my shit through
selfish, vindictive greediness,
241
00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:24,474
or just fucking it up
through sheer apathy.
242
00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:27,659
I hate myself.
243
00:14:30,712 --> 00:14:32,189
I know you do.
244
00:14:32,992 --> 00:14:34,424
Sometimes I do too.
245
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,820
I'm getting reporters asking questions.
246
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,924
Oh, I will be just a minute.
247
00:14:47,441 --> 00:14:50,341
- Ruth?
- What do people wear in offices?
248
00:14:50,893 --> 00:14:53,527
- What?
- The women in your office, what do they wear?
249
00:14:53,547 --> 00:14:54,790
Do they wear, like, pant suits?
250
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:58,134
It's not the '80s. Women
wear whatever they want.
251
00:14:58,385 --> 00:15:00,174
- Why?
- No reason.
252
00:15:00,276 --> 00:15:03,855
- Is everything OK?
- Yeah, it's fine. Are you in tonight?
253
00:15:04,627 --> 00:15:07,803
I'm gonna be back a
bit later. Work stuff.
254
00:15:09,219 --> 00:15:11,147
Look, I'm in the middle of
something. I've gotta go.
255
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,553
OK, bye.
256
00:15:16,137 --> 00:15:17,763
OK, here's what we have so far.
257
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,980
"I'm delighted to announce
the arrival of our son, Taron."
258
00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:23,925
- Taron Rooney.
- I don't want him named after a footballer.
259
00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:25,858
Well, I'm sorry, Roxy, but you
should have thought about that
260
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,514
before you had an affair
with a basketball player.
261
00:15:27,525 --> 00:15:29,222
I'm never gonna hear
the end of this, am I?
262
00:15:29,237 --> 00:15:30,909
Come on, Rox, listen to your mother.
263
00:15:30,985 --> 00:15:33,640
- Compromise.
- Isn't Rooney the one that slept with a granny?
264
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,997
He's England's leading goalscorer
265
00:15:36,099 --> 00:15:38,063
and the Premier League's
second leading goalscorer,
266
00:15:38,073 --> 00:15:39,531
behind Alan Shearer.
267
00:15:40,052 --> 00:15:41,781
So unless you wanna call our kid Alan?
268
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,145
Taron Rooney Barron.
269
00:15:46,107 --> 00:15:49,472
"I would also like to take this
opportunity to share with the world
270
00:15:49,477 --> 00:15:52,652
that our son was conceived
using donor insemination
271
00:15:52,709 --> 00:15:54,759
and that we hope our
story may inspire others
272
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,917
who have experienced
similar difficulties."
273
00:15:56,952 --> 00:15:58,864
Aw, that's nice.
274
00:15:59,309 --> 00:16:01,400
- Roxy's doing well.
- Can you say 'Mummy'?
275
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,974
"Mummy is doing well." It's
cute when people say that.
276
00:16:04,276 --> 00:16:05,978
"Mummy is doing well,
277
00:16:06,035 --> 00:16:07,967
and I can't wait to get
to know the little fella."
278
00:16:07,977 --> 00:16:10,717
- Can I say "Daddy can't wait"?
- Might be confusing, babe.
279
00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:14,384
All right, Darren, I'm gonna
have this printed off for you.
280
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,517
Rox, Eve is gonna get
you in hair and makeup.
281
00:16:16,547 --> 00:16:18,634
- I'll get the beers in.
- I'll come with you.
282
00:16:18,788 --> 00:16:21,615
'Ere, couldn't hold him
for a sec, could you?
283
00:16:21,636 --> 00:16:23,027
Oh...
284
00:16:39,892 --> 00:16:41,467
You need to take this.
285
00:16:52,297 --> 00:16:53,994
There's a newborn baby.
286
00:16:55,006 --> 00:16:56,305
Cool.
287
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:09,601
I'm delighted to announce the arrival
of our son Taron Rooney Barron.
288
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,068
I would also like to take
this opportunity to share
289
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:15,979
with the world that our son was
conceived using donor insemination,
290
00:17:16,062 --> 00:17:18,400
and we hope that our
story may inspire others
291
00:17:18,411 --> 00:17:20,359
who have experienced
similar difficulties.
292
00:17:21,075 --> 00:17:22,245
Mummy's doing well,
293
00:17:22,266 --> 00:17:24,603
and I can't wait to get
to know the little fella.
294
00:17:26,582 --> 00:17:29,440
Thank you all for respecting
our privacy at this time.
295
00:17:29,851 --> 00:17:32,344
We look forward to sharing
our new baby with the world,
296
00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:34,287
and we're so in love with him.
297
00:17:34,798 --> 00:17:36,818
- Kadell.
- ... my wife Roxy
298
00:17:36,844 --> 00:17:38,353
- Isn't that...
- ... has been so strong
299
00:17:38,404 --> 00:17:41,536
during what has been a difficult
pregnancy, and a long and...
300
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,127
Look at this.
301
00:17:43,753 --> 00:17:46,214
... arduous journey to get here.
302
00:17:46,725 --> 00:17:51,110
It hasn't been easy, but with the
safe arrival of our son we can...
303
00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:00,095
Have you worked as a PA before?
304
00:18:00,185 --> 00:18:02,217
I was married for five years.
305
00:18:04,091 --> 00:18:06,232
Um, no, I haven't officially,
306
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:09,721
but I'm incredibly organised, some
people might say pathologically so.
307
00:18:10,412 --> 00:18:13,837
I worked at a restaurant
in New York for a while and
308
00:18:13,894 --> 00:18:17,052
the girls kept taking each other's
shifts, so I organised a system
309
00:18:17,064 --> 00:18:18,668
- in the restaurant where it just...
- Ruth?
310
00:18:18,676 --> 00:18:21,222
- Yes.
- OK, you seem like a nice lady,
311
00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:23,805
but I'm going to be totally honest.
312
00:18:24,347 --> 00:18:26,121
You don't have a lot of experience.
313
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:28,504
- OK.
- I'm looking for someone who I
314
00:18:28,514 --> 00:18:30,447
can trust to keep on top of things.
315
00:18:30,958 --> 00:18:33,218
My diary management
alone is pretty hectic.
316
00:18:33,668 --> 00:18:35,187
We're not a small company.
317
00:18:35,805 --> 00:18:37,335
OK.
318
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:40,950
Can I be honest, too, Mr Thornton?
319
00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:42,269
Please... Ross.
320
00:18:42,729 --> 00:18:43,920
Ross.
321
00:18:44,110 --> 00:18:45,664
OK, Ross,
322
00:18:45,909 --> 00:18:48,184
I have extensive experience
managing a five-year-old
323
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,112
who is like catnip for headlice,
324
00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:53,646
an eight-month-old who
I think is nocturnal,
325
00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:57,532
a 43-year-old who still does
not know where the bin bags are.
326
00:18:57,675 --> 00:19:00,349
I have a sister who is a
self-destructive, narcissistic,
327
00:19:00,364 --> 00:19:02,895
sex and drugs addict,
and I have two guinea pigs
328
00:19:02,946 --> 00:19:06,116
who I swear nobody but me has
seen in the last two years.
329
00:19:06,418 --> 00:19:08,264
And yet they live.
330
00:19:08,904 --> 00:19:14,318
I cook, I clean, I suck snot out
of their nostrils - the children's -
331
00:19:14,599 --> 00:19:16,343
I organise everything.
332
00:19:16,475 --> 00:19:20,934
I pay the bills, I do the grocery
shopping, I do the homework,
333
00:19:21,011 --> 00:19:25,924
I do the tax returns, I yell at
Alexa because she is a misogynist.
334
00:19:25,996 --> 00:19:28,015
I organise their
dentist and their doctor
335
00:19:28,031 --> 00:19:29,370
and their optician appointments.
336
00:19:29,437 --> 00:19:32,122
I keep an unnecessarily
complicated calendar of
337
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,617
activities and plans and play dates.
338
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,082
I send over 300 birthday cards
339
00:19:37,102 --> 00:19:40,037
and Christmas cards and
thank you cards every year,
340
00:19:40,057 --> 00:19:42,077
and I make sure that they
are personally signed,
341
00:19:42,128 --> 00:19:45,385
because the art of
penmanship has been lost.
342
00:19:45,732 --> 00:19:50,385
I am trying to tell you that I
organise the crap out of life,
343
00:19:50,426 --> 00:19:53,724
and so I think, with all due, Ross,
344
00:19:53,924 --> 00:19:56,220
I can make sure that
you've got your staples
345
00:19:56,235 --> 00:19:58,618
and you get to your
squash appointment on time.
346
00:20:05,900 --> 00:20:08,241
You don't half like calling
me to some weird places.
347
00:20:08,277 --> 00:20:10,087
Well, I have a weird life.
348
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,845
Thanks. You're my hero.
349
00:20:14,162 --> 00:20:15,676
Going through 'em pretty quick, mind.
350
00:20:15,727 --> 00:20:18,023
Like you said: tolerance.
351
00:20:18,324 --> 00:20:20,671
Sometimes slowing down
works good as speeding up.
352
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,553
Look, I'm not trying to do myself
out of a job or anything, but...
353
00:20:24,589 --> 00:20:26,840
- Mike, I'm good.
- You're the boss.
354
00:20:28,173 --> 00:20:30,868
Oh, fuck, I meant to go
to the ATM this morning
355
00:20:30,884 --> 00:20:32,791
and then this all kicked off.
356
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,344
- You know I don't do credit, Rob.
- I know.
357
00:20:39,095 --> 00:20:40,384
I know, I'm sorry.
358
00:20:40,471 --> 00:20:42,454
Look, I'll pay you back
next time, with interest.
359
00:20:42,756 --> 00:20:44,270
Pretty, pretty please?
360
00:20:44,423 --> 00:20:45,988
It won't happen again.
361
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:49,654
Once.
362
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,522
Don't go making a habit
of it, pardon the pun.
363
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,917
- Course.
- Oh, before I forget,
364
00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,120
I cut this out of the newspaper for you.
365
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,000
It's an article about
hyper-dimensional computing theory,
366
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,479
how it might lead to AI
with reflexes and memories.
367
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,161
You know, 'cause we was talking about
368
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,440
whether robots are gonna
end up killing us all or not.
369
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,834
- I just wish they'd hurry up and get on with it.
- Where is she?
370
00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:13,442
Oh, come on, come on, come
on, don't play with me.
371
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:14,853
Oh, fuck! I have to go.
372
00:21:14,868 --> 00:21:16,310
- What level is she on?
- Kadell.
373
00:21:16,326 --> 00:21:19,036
- What are you doing here?
- That's my baby.
374
00:21:19,056 --> 00:21:21,741
Shh! Kadell!
375
00:21:21,843 --> 00:21:24,702
- That's my kid, Robyn, you know it is.
- They are married.
376
00:21:24,723 --> 00:21:26,927
Oh, don't give me that BS.
You're the one that kept fucking
377
00:21:26,937 --> 00:21:29,456
sneaking me in for her. I know
you don't give a shit about that,
378
00:21:29,457 --> 00:21:31,136
- and neither does Roxy.
- You're right.
379
00:21:31,146 --> 00:21:33,134
The sanctity of marriage
means about as much to me
380
00:21:33,149 --> 00:21:35,993
as a titanium tampon, but you know
what does mean something to me?
381
00:21:36,013 --> 00:21:37,292
My work.
382
00:21:37,328 --> 00:21:39,599
And you marching in there
shouting your mouth off
383
00:21:39,604 --> 00:21:42,037
is bad for my fucking business, OK?
384
00:21:43,009 --> 00:21:44,440
I'm a daddy.
385
00:21:49,022 --> 00:21:50,294
I'm a daddy.
386
00:21:53,966 --> 00:21:57,207
OK. Really?
387
00:22:09,074 --> 00:22:11,830
Guys, this is Kadell.
388
00:22:14,173 --> 00:22:16,382
What the hell is he doing here?
389
00:22:16,408 --> 00:22:18,515
- That's my baby, blud.
- He's a Barron.
390
00:22:18,530 --> 00:22:21,183
- Bullshit.
- Don't fucking swear in front of my wife.
391
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,865
- Dad.
- All right, calm down.
392
00:22:22,891 --> 00:22:24,814
Kadell has every right to
be here, because genetically
393
00:22:24,824 --> 00:22:26,230
the child is his.
394
00:22:26,910 --> 00:22:28,541
The child is his, right, Rox?
395
00:22:28,602 --> 00:22:32,068
Yes. What sort of slag
do you think I am? Rude.
396
00:22:32,104 --> 00:22:36,220
Fact is, we are where we are, and
we need to deal with it, like adults.
397
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,099
- You said you loved me.
- You what?
398
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,600
- Rox?
- No.
399
00:22:40,894 --> 00:22:45,082
I said I loved having sex with
you, Kadell. That's different.
400
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,340
Bloody Nora.
401
00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:48,593
Babe, I thought we
had something special.
402
00:22:48,707 --> 00:22:51,076
- No, babe, I...
- OK, time out.
403
00:22:51,521 --> 00:22:53,730
Ladies... huddle.
404
00:22:53,966 --> 00:22:56,491
Outside. Right now, please. Outside.
405
00:23:05,363 --> 00:23:06,523
OK, so what's the play?
406
00:23:06,559 --> 00:23:09,147
Anyone with an ounce of wit will
know that that is Kadell's baby,
407
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:10,339
so we need to run with it.
408
00:23:10,364 --> 00:23:12,149
What's the outcome that
we're looking for here?
409
00:23:12,179 --> 00:23:14,787
Well, professionally, Darren and
Roxy play much better as a couple.
410
00:23:14,792 --> 00:23:16,909
The living definition of more
than the sum of their parts.
411
00:23:16,919 --> 00:23:18,315
We don't officially rep Kadell yet,
412
00:23:18,336 --> 00:23:20,453
but after this his profile's
gonna go through the roof.
413
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:22,028
So we lock him down?
414
00:23:22,258 --> 00:23:24,314
Keep it in the family.
Rinse his 15 minutes.
415
00:23:24,329 --> 00:23:26,456
- Whilst protecting brand Barron.
- OK.
416
00:23:26,477 --> 00:23:28,312
So how do we get them all to play ball?
417
00:23:28,322 --> 00:23:30,000
How do we ever get anyone to play ball?
418
00:23:30,097 --> 00:23:32,086
- Give them what they want.
- Right.
419
00:23:32,485 --> 00:23:34,489
So what do they want?
420
00:23:36,508 --> 00:23:41,902
Bradley, baby, it's always such a
pleasure to see your lovely face.
421
00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:44,224
- Have you lost weight?
- Keto.
422
00:23:44,337 --> 00:23:46,449
I just eat meat and cheese all day
423
00:23:46,454 --> 00:23:48,345
and it's sliding off
me like a chemo patient.
424
00:23:48,375 --> 00:23:50,513
Hey, good job, man. Yes.
425
00:23:50,645 --> 00:23:51,873
What can I do you for?
426
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:55,160
Well, I hear that Nike
are looking for new blood.
427
00:23:55,395 --> 00:23:57,890
I have the perfect boy
for you. Kadell James.
428
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:02,078
Never heard of him. Rising
star of British basketball.
429
00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:03,894
Top point scorer at the Olympics.
430
00:24:03,925 --> 00:24:05,991
A real rags to riches story.
431
00:24:06,042 --> 00:24:07,755
Caroline, I'm gonna stop you there.
432
00:24:07,771 --> 00:24:11,202
No-one gives an orphan's
fart for British basketball.
433
00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:12,572
Hey, gimme some.
434
00:24:13,288 --> 00:24:15,482
There must be something you can swing.
435
00:24:15,543 --> 00:24:17,737
I really could do with a favour here.
436
00:24:17,977 --> 00:24:22,236
Angel, you know I would if
I could, you know I would,
437
00:24:22,287 --> 00:24:24,721
but they've already earmarked
Donovan Mitchell for that sector.
438
00:24:24,757 --> 00:24:26,500
The ink is practically dry.
439
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,980
I understand, of course.
440
00:24:29,358 --> 00:24:30,734
Thank you for trying.
441
00:24:30,785 --> 00:24:34,680
- Oh, one last thing.
- Shoot.
442
00:24:35,345 --> 00:24:38,649
Remember that video of you in Vegas,
443
00:24:38,762 --> 00:24:42,275
in the centre of a circle jerk
of transgender prostitutes?
444
00:24:43,221 --> 00:24:45,931
Ha-ha-ha, that's funny.
445
00:24:45,962 --> 00:24:48,232
That's funny. She's good,
you're good at making jokes.
446
00:24:48,370 --> 00:24:50,452
I was just thinking
about it the other day,
447
00:24:50,472 --> 00:24:53,566
how I stopped it from getting
to your wife and your boss and
448
00:24:53,970 --> 00:24:56,910
being published on the
homepage of the Mail online.
449
00:24:57,999 --> 00:25:01,307
I cannot deny nor
confirm that statement.
450
00:25:02,580 --> 00:25:05,244
- I'll make some calls.
- You are a dear.
451
00:25:10,352 --> 00:25:14,331
OK. Look, Kadell, I know
that you're feeling emotional,
452
00:25:14,479 --> 00:25:16,607
but you're 23 years old.
453
00:25:16,637 --> 00:25:18,243
You've got a great career ahead of you.
454
00:25:18,279 --> 00:25:20,416
You don't wanna be a
full-time dad right now.
455
00:25:20,446 --> 00:25:22,302
And let's get real here.
Everyone's gonna know
456
00:25:22,333 --> 00:25:24,312
that kid belongs to
you, so I'm asking you
457
00:25:24,353 --> 00:25:27,267
to tell the press that, after
getting to know Darren and Roxy
458
00:25:27,293 --> 00:25:29,691
during your time working
together on Celebs Go Dancing,
459
00:25:29,701 --> 00:25:32,565
you formed a very special
bond, and as a result
460
00:25:32,595 --> 00:25:35,440
they asked you to be a sperm donor
to help them conceive their child.
461
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,392
Think of it like a backdoor assist.
462
00:25:37,418 --> 00:25:38,967
Why would I do that?
463
00:25:38,987 --> 00:25:40,644
How does being one
of the faces of Nike's
464
00:25:40,654 --> 00:25:42,198
new inheritance campaign sound?
465
00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:44,550
- Full sponsorship.
- Huge visibility.
466
00:25:44,566 --> 00:25:46,927
And more trainers than you
could wear in a lifetime.
467
00:25:46,953 --> 00:25:49,156
And of course you'd get to see
Taron any time you're around.
468
00:25:49,182 --> 00:25:50,982
Buy him awesome presents
for his birthday.
469
00:25:50,992 --> 00:25:52,622
And maybe every now and then
470
00:25:52,653 --> 00:25:56,800
you and Roxy can play a little
game of Mr Wobbly hides his helmet.
471
00:25:56,963 --> 00:25:59,218
Hang on, what do I get out of this?
472
00:25:59,249 --> 00:26:01,279
You get to go back to golf lessons.
473
00:26:02,475 --> 00:26:03,717
Twice a week?
474
00:26:04,551 --> 00:26:05,982
Sandy says you won't see the difference
475
00:26:05,983 --> 00:26:07,394
unless it's at least twice a week.
476
00:26:07,450 --> 00:26:09,597
This is all a bit... European.
477
00:26:09,633 --> 00:26:12,516
We went on a cruise with
a couple of swingers once.
478
00:26:12,619 --> 00:26:14,280
- Who?
- Paddy and Margaret.
479
00:26:14,300 --> 00:26:15,977
Paddy and Margaret were swingers?
480
00:26:16,003 --> 00:26:18,299
- Yeah.
- Look, I don't wanna piss on anyone's parade,
481
00:26:18,310 --> 00:26:19,967
but you two have been
married for five years
482
00:26:19,992 --> 00:26:22,866
and I've already covered up at
least three affairs for both of you,
483
00:26:23,163 --> 00:26:25,930
but I really do believe that
you actually love each other.
484
00:26:25,986 --> 00:26:27,704
So if you're gonna screw other people,
485
00:26:27,914 --> 00:26:30,321
why not just be honest about
it and get on with your lives?
486
00:26:30,444 --> 00:26:33,752
Polyamory is actually
super on-trend right now.
487
00:26:33,783 --> 00:26:35,833
You get to have your cake and fuck it.
488
00:26:48,283 --> 00:26:50,247
Well done today. You did great.
489
00:26:52,210 --> 00:26:54,505
Robyn? Um...
490
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:58,084
look, I just wanted to say that I am...
491
00:26:59,383 --> 00:27:01,070
really happy to be back again,
492
00:27:02,102 --> 00:27:04,194
and I appreciate what you
were trying to do for me.
493
00:27:05,303 --> 00:27:07,747
So, no hard feelings.
494
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,520
- Ready?
- Yeah. Yeah, just coming.
495
00:27:25,048 --> 00:27:26,535
- I'll take your...
- No, no, that's fine. I'll get it.
496
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,016
- Sure?
- Yeah, it's fine.
497
00:27:28,381 --> 00:27:30,968
_
498
00:27:39,704 --> 00:27:41,920
Thank you so much for doing this for me.
499
00:27:44,938 --> 00:27:46,150
This is great.
500
00:27:51,030 --> 00:27:53,308
- I'll help you bring it up.
- No. No, no, don't be silly.
501
00:27:53,323 --> 00:27:54,677
I'll be fine.
502
00:27:55,935 --> 00:27:57,127
Come on.
503
00:28:07,972 --> 00:28:10,072
So, Steph seems nice.
504
00:28:10,504 --> 00:28:13,786
- Oh, yeah. She's great.
- She's gorgeous.
505
00:28:13,806 --> 00:28:16,040
Well done. How long's
that been going for?
506
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:17,717
Not that long. Couple of weeks.
507
00:28:18,396 --> 00:28:20,456
But we've known each
other for ages, so...
508
00:28:21,003 --> 00:28:22,348
Well, that's nice.
509
00:28:22,931 --> 00:28:24,813
Are you... seeing anyone?
510
00:28:24,879 --> 00:28:26,832
Oh, I mean, there's a couple of people,
511
00:28:26,862 --> 00:28:29,109
but I'm just keeping it cazh, you know.
512
00:28:29,870 --> 00:28:31,828
Just playing the field a bit, you know.
513
00:28:33,725 --> 00:28:34,856
Blimey.
514
00:28:35,135 --> 00:28:37,534
You'll be fit by the time
you've lived here for a bit.
515
00:28:38,103 --> 00:28:40,026
Not that you're not fit
now. No, I don't mean...
516
00:28:40,056 --> 00:28:43,394
I mean, fit like strong
fit, not fit ... fit.
517
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:46,168
Oh, oh, god. Oh.
518
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,536
- What?
- Oh, holy mothering Sunday.
519
00:28:49,541 --> 00:28:51,356
- What's wrong?
- Ooh, my back.
520
00:28:51,650 --> 00:28:53,106
Old Judo injury.
521
00:28:53,846 --> 00:28:56,164
Ah. Just need to stay
like this for a bit.
522
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,493
- Do you want me to rub it?
- Don't rub it.
523
00:29:02,723 --> 00:29:05,767
Oh, God. Oh, it hurts when I laugh!
524
00:29:06,731 --> 00:29:09,607
Ah! Were you seriously gonna
try and do this on the Tube?
525
00:29:09,638 --> 00:29:12,210
I don't know. My parents
were gonna come down.
526
00:29:12,230 --> 00:29:14,701
- From Scotland?
- Yeah, they were gonna drive.
527
00:29:15,457 --> 00:29:18,175
My dad didn't really feel up to it.
528
00:29:18,739 --> 00:29:21,229
He doesn't really like
travelling much nowadays.
529
00:29:22,752 --> 00:29:24,922
Lung cancer is a dick, isn't it?
530
00:29:25,830 --> 00:29:27,286
Yeah.
531
00:29:27,322 --> 00:29:29,833
- I'm sorry.
- No, it's fine. He's OK now.
532
00:29:29,878 --> 00:29:31,436
They got it all out, apparently.
533
00:29:32,196 --> 00:29:34,896
It's just... hard, isn't it?
534
00:29:40,288 --> 00:29:42,713
Oh, son of a bank robber.
535
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,279
OK, I'm good.
536
00:29:45,295 --> 00:29:46,436
- Yeah?
- I'm good.
537
00:29:46,447 --> 00:29:47,841
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
538
00:29:55,303 --> 00:29:57,794
I did not know that you did Judo.
539
00:29:57,824 --> 00:29:59,757
Yeah. Blue belt.
540
00:30:00,204 --> 00:30:02,578
It's pointless, though.
No kicking or punching.
541
00:30:02,598 --> 00:30:04,561
It was just like 2.5
years of wearing pyjamas
542
00:30:04,571 --> 00:30:06,342
and learning how to trip people up.
543
00:30:06,656 --> 00:30:10,486
I spent four years trying
to learn the treble recorder.
544
00:30:10,653 --> 00:30:12,840
I could have learnt
Mandarin in that time.
545
00:30:13,231 --> 00:30:16,737
I don't think that I'm
ever gonna fully forgive
546
00:30:16,752 --> 00:30:19,040
- my parents for that one.
- Yeah.
547
00:30:22,114 --> 00:30:24,315
_
548
00:31:21,657 --> 00:31:24,112
Oh, you gotta be kidding me...
549
00:31:28,575 --> 00:31:30,183
That's a nice touch.
550
00:31:32,319 --> 00:31:33,678
Of course.
551
00:31:37,954 --> 00:31:39,456
Of course.
552
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:21,561
How're you feeling?
553
00:32:22,221 --> 00:32:25,548
It's fine. Just a little stiff,
that's all. Be totally fine.
554
00:32:26,223 --> 00:32:28,130
Thank you so much for helping me.
555
00:32:28,272 --> 00:32:30,884
I literally do not know what
I would have done without you.
556
00:32:31,118 --> 00:32:33,005
Don't be silly. It's totally fine.
557
00:32:33,811 --> 00:32:35,516
What's the point in
having a Volvo Estate if...
558
00:32:36,135 --> 00:32:37,996
actually, I'll just
leave that sentence there.
559
00:32:38,113 --> 00:32:39,665
Do you want to stay for a drink?
560
00:32:39,726 --> 00:32:41,598
I think I've got a bottle of limoncello
561
00:32:41,614 --> 00:32:44,129
that my aunt brought back
from Italy that we could open.
562
00:32:45,316 --> 00:32:46,539
I'd better not.
563
00:32:46,711 --> 00:32:48,512
- Driving.
- No.
564
00:32:48,994 --> 00:32:51,164
Well, I guess I'll see
you at work, probably.
565
00:32:51,185 --> 00:32:52,565
Probably.
566
00:32:57,201 --> 00:32:58,520
See you.
567
00:33:30,892 --> 00:33:32,503
How did you know I was here?
568
00:33:33,340 --> 00:33:34,982
Melody.
569
00:33:36,168 --> 00:33:38,356
- God, that girl's good.
- I know, right?
570
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,235
- Don't ever tell her that.
- No.
571
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,519
- Wanna go get trashed?
- I already called an Uber.
572
00:33:44,525 --> 00:33:46,325
Victor is on his way.
573
00:33:47,454 --> 00:33:48,932
Thanks, though.
574
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:52,600
- Oi! Abortion is murder.
- Really?
575
00:33:52,806 --> 00:33:54,734
Come on, let's just go. Come on.
576
00:33:55,742 --> 00:33:58,590
No, no. Do you know
what? No. No, not OK.
577
00:33:58,647 --> 00:34:01,463
This has literally
nothing to do with you.
578
00:34:01,501 --> 00:34:05,122
- All life is sacred.
- Oh, grow up.
579
00:34:05,188 --> 00:34:06,640
If you really thought
all life was sacred,
580
00:34:06,660 --> 00:34:08,096
you wouldn't be wearing leather shoes,
581
00:34:08,146 --> 00:34:10,500
if you can call those
orthopaedic monstrosities shoes.
582
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:12,879
There are refugees drowning in boats,
583
00:34:13,132 --> 00:34:14,451
families being carpet-bombed,
584
00:34:14,471 --> 00:34:17,262
tiny babies without enough
water or basic vaccines.
585
00:34:17,277 --> 00:34:19,621
If you really care so much about life
586
00:34:19,813 --> 00:34:21,051
then do something about that
587
00:34:21,076 --> 00:34:23,582
instead of sitting around here
on your arse playing Candy Crush
588
00:34:23,592 --> 00:34:25,560
and shouting at women
you've never met before.
589
00:34:25,651 --> 00:34:27,990
Those are actual lives.
This was a foetus,
590
00:34:28,016 --> 00:34:30,832
and unless you want to take
it and stick it up your arse,
591
00:34:30,857 --> 00:34:32,861
and carry it around for nine months,
592
00:34:32,871 --> 00:34:36,091
until it finally tears its
way through your genitals -
593
00:34:36,122 --> 00:34:38,303
and trust me, it will tear -
594
00:34:38,450 --> 00:34:40,154
then you don't get a say in the matter.
595
00:34:40,189 --> 00:34:41,711
It's the easy way out.
596
00:34:41,752 --> 00:34:46,095
You've clearly never had an
abortion. Trust me, I've had two.
597
00:34:46,389 --> 00:34:48,662
And no, that doesn't make me a slut.
598
00:34:48,890 --> 00:34:51,588
It makes me a woman in the 21st century,
599
00:34:51,690 --> 00:34:54,886
who as a teenager was stealthed
by a guy four years my senior,
600
00:34:54,911 --> 00:34:57,225
and who was stupid enough
to have sex with another man
601
00:34:57,245 --> 00:34:58,625
who refused to wear a condom
602
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:00,781
because it made his willy feel funny.
603
00:35:01,086 --> 00:35:02,612
So deal with it.
604
00:35:02,968 --> 00:35:04,130
Get a life,
605
00:35:05,018 --> 00:35:07,300
and mind your own fucking business.
606
00:35:12,516 --> 00:35:14,119
Abortion is murder.
607
00:35:23,087 --> 00:35:24,538
Merciful tit whistles.
608
00:35:24,548 --> 00:35:26,166
- What?
- Nothing.
609
00:35:26,425 --> 00:35:28,069
My little brother's just got engaged.
610
00:35:28,561 --> 00:35:30,508
Gives my mother a whole
new excuse to tell me
611
00:35:30,529 --> 00:35:32,390
what a dried-up old
spinster I'm going to be,
612
00:35:32,456 --> 00:35:35,317
with moths coming out of my foof
and only cats to love me, then
613
00:35:35,332 --> 00:35:36,864
eat me when I die.
614
00:35:38,685 --> 00:35:42,170
"She said yes." Doesn't it make
you want to become a bomb maker?
615
00:35:43,129 --> 00:35:44,407
'Like'.
616
00:35:46,523 --> 00:35:47,816
Thank you.
617
00:35:48,161 --> 00:35:51,712
- Are you sure you're...
- I'm good. Thanks.
618
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:03,728
Hey there.
619
00:36:03,759 --> 00:36:05,225
I'm new to these parts and I was hoping
620
00:36:05,240 --> 00:36:07,081
you might be able to
give me some directions.
621
00:36:07,528 --> 00:36:08,674
What are you doing here?
622
00:36:08,715 --> 00:36:09,887
I was just in the neighbourhood.
623
00:36:09,892 --> 00:36:11,566
I thought you might want
to grab a bite to eat.
624
00:36:11,601 --> 00:36:12,849
How did you find me?
625
00:36:13,361 --> 00:36:15,604
I'm a tech entrepreneur
who made his first billion
626
00:36:15,609 --> 00:36:17,942
designing GPS systems for smart drones.
627
00:36:18,247 --> 00:36:21,950
- Ain't my first rodeo.
- That is the creepiest thing I have ever heard.
628
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:26,946
- Absolutely not.
- I already made us a reservation.
629
00:36:26,967 --> 00:36:28,554
Well, that was awfully
presumptuous of you, wasn't it?
630
00:36:28,569 --> 00:36:30,750
I guarantee you that's the best
offer you're gonna get all day.
631
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,348
Look, Poundland Tony Stark,
632
00:36:32,363 --> 00:36:33,575
if you think I'm
getting on that with you,
633
00:36:33,580 --> 00:36:34,605
you've got another thing coming.
634
00:36:34,620 --> 00:36:36,325
- What's Poundland? Is it good?
- Eugh.
635
00:36:37,259 --> 00:36:39,277
- Come on, it's hella fancy.
- How fancy?
636
00:36:39,303 --> 00:36:40,718
Schmancy fancy.
637
00:36:40,992 --> 00:36:44,172
It's the sort of place that
marinates endangered sea urchin
638
00:36:44,198 --> 00:36:46,698
in a bath of dill foam
for 1,000 days fancy.
639
00:36:46,942 --> 00:36:49,214
I had to give the maitre d' a
hand job just to get us a table.
640
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:50,899
You gave the maitre d' a hand job?
641
00:36:51,330 --> 00:36:54,469
- Pour moi ?
- It's also the best sushi outside of Sukiyabashi Jiro.
642
00:36:55,053 --> 00:36:56,800
That's a sushi restaurant in Tokyo.
643
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,282
- Ah, just ruined it.
- Ah! Wait, please.
644
00:37:01,134 --> 00:37:03,655
I don't get to meet a lot
of people I actually like.
645
00:37:03,984 --> 00:37:07,080
You're smart, you're attractive,
you're an asset to my work.
646
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,570
That's the most romantic
thing anyone's ever said to me.
647
00:37:10,097 --> 00:37:11,477
I'm sorry.
648
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:16,677
Only because you gave a man a hand job.
649
00:37:17,330 --> 00:37:18,948
I cannot believe you ride a motorbike.
650
00:37:18,959 --> 00:37:21,120
Could you be any more of a cliché?
651
00:37:21,155 --> 00:37:24,163
Why don't you just pay a sky writer
to draw a picture of your dick?
652
00:37:24,965 --> 00:37:27,237
That's not a bad idea.
I know a few good pilots.
653
00:38:04,222 --> 00:38:07,027
... the racing driver has been
applauded for speaking so openly
654
00:38:07,053 --> 00:38:10,168
about his fertility woes and
paying tribute to sperm donor
655
00:38:10,183 --> 00:38:12,440
and family friend Kadell James.
656
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:17,604
- Here.
- You don't have to take care of me.
657
00:38:17,629 --> 00:38:19,242
- It's just cramps.
- Robyn,
658
00:38:19,298 --> 00:38:21,581
you look like the ghost
of a Victorian prostitute.
659
00:38:21,591 --> 00:38:22,794
Take the water bottle.
660
00:38:23,392 --> 00:38:24,736
Thank you.
661
00:38:25,974 --> 00:38:28,140
- What's that?
- It's for Kelly's school.
662
00:38:28,967 --> 00:38:30,900
Are they learning drug trafficking?
663
00:38:31,524 --> 00:38:32,904
That's very funny. No.
664
00:38:32,970 --> 00:38:34,593
She has to dress like a pop star,
665
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,379
but I'm not gonna send
my five-year-old to school
666
00:38:36,389 --> 00:38:39,757
looking like Miley Cyrus,
so I decided to get creative.
667
00:38:39,858 --> 00:38:42,769
Paprika, garam masala, turmeric.
668
00:38:43,170 --> 00:38:45,276
She's a Spice Girl. Get it?
669
00:38:45,544 --> 00:38:47,649
Are you actually trying
to get her bullied?
670
00:38:48,182 --> 00:38:50,251
- What?
- She's gonna look like
671
00:38:50,262 --> 00:38:52,270
Oscar the Grouch's homeless child bride.
672
00:38:52,357 --> 00:38:54,061
I thought it was cute.
673
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,019
Oh, how'd the interview go?
674
00:38:56,055 --> 00:38:57,663
Did you end up wearing your prom dress?
675
00:38:57,708 --> 00:38:58,809
I got it.
676
00:38:58,845 --> 00:39:01,093
You are looking at
the personal assistant
677
00:39:01,113 --> 00:39:03,741
to Ross at Smolten Luxury Wood Burners,
678
00:39:03,777 --> 00:39:06,320
so you are not the only
working girl in this family.
679
00:39:06,658 --> 00:39:08,160
I knew you were gonna get it.
680
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:10,640
But you might not want to
use the term 'working girl'.
681
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,448
Well, you will not be laughing
when you're getting a 7.5% discount
682
00:39:14,449 --> 00:39:17,640
- on a luxury wood-burner.
- No, I will not.
683
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:22,432
So, what's Ross like? Is he cute?
684
00:39:22,940 --> 00:39:26,121
Robyn, that is exactly the
kind of unprofessional question
685
00:39:26,142 --> 00:39:28,394
we are trying to eradicate
in a post-MeToo world.
686
00:39:28,419 --> 00:39:29,809
You're right, you're right.
687
00:39:30,793 --> 00:39:33,340
- So is he cute?
- I don't know.
688
00:39:34,568 --> 00:39:36,572
Kind of. He's not, like,
689
00:39:37,130 --> 00:39:40,425
"Oops I dropped my pen and while
I'm down there" cute. He's sort of...
690
00:39:41,948 --> 00:39:45,083
I don't know, "I want
him to come outside and
691
00:39:45,128 --> 00:39:47,320
watch me ride a bicycle" cute.
692
00:39:48,997 --> 00:39:51,274
Do you ever imagine what
your life would have been like
693
00:39:51,279 --> 00:39:54,319
- if you hadn't had Kelly?
- Constantly. Doing it right now.
694
00:39:54,364 --> 00:39:55,993
It's my mental screensaver.
695
00:39:57,008 --> 00:39:59,001
Do you think that
anyone can be a mother,
696
00:39:59,478 --> 00:40:00,899
or that some people, like...
697
00:40:01,832 --> 00:40:04,150
Mom, are just not built for it?
698
00:40:04,186 --> 00:40:07,838
No, Mom could have been, if
she tried, but she chose not to.
699
00:40:08,188 --> 00:40:11,440
She literally threw herself off
of a bridge in order to avoid it.
700
00:40:12,773 --> 00:40:15,584
Do you have regrets, about choosing it?
701
00:40:18,368 --> 00:40:19,682
Honestly, no.
702
00:40:20,194 --> 00:40:21,949
Even when Kelly is lying on the pavement
703
00:40:21,954 --> 00:40:24,186
and she's screaming
until she can't breathe,
704
00:40:24,744 --> 00:40:27,402
and Teddy is sick, and he hasn't slept,
705
00:40:27,412 --> 00:40:31,607
and my hands smell like puke
and my hair smells like puke,
706
00:40:31,673 --> 00:40:34,480
I don't even have the energy
to bathe him properly, so I just
707
00:40:34,702 --> 00:40:37,517
stick him under the faucet
like I'm washing a potato.
708
00:40:38,761 --> 00:40:41,404
I know what it feels like not
to have a family, and it sucks.
709
00:40:42,378 --> 00:40:44,198
Think I needed them to tie myself to,
710
00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:45,897
or I would have just floated away.
711
00:40:47,195 --> 00:40:49,473
God, I never realised
how selfish that is.
712
00:40:51,756 --> 00:40:53,902
- Are you OK?
- Mm-hm.
713
00:40:55,875 --> 00:40:57,133
Do you know what?
714
00:40:58,198 --> 00:41:00,775
I like that I get to be a good mother
715
00:41:00,785 --> 00:41:03,241
and do the right thing,
so that they can just
716
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,857
go wild and not give a damn because
they know that I have their back.
717
00:41:08,166 --> 00:41:10,821
- I wish you were my mom.
- Oh, don't be silly.
718
00:41:11,744 --> 00:41:13,053
I am your mom.
719
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,724
- So, what about Mark?
- I don't know.
720
00:41:21,272 --> 00:41:23,240
I don't know what I feel. I...
721
00:41:23,910 --> 00:41:26,511
I'm not angry. I'm not
even shocked, honestly.
722
00:41:26,531 --> 00:41:30,300
I just feel kind of
normal and numb, just like
723
00:41:30,757 --> 00:41:32,487
I'm used to people leaving.
724
00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:34,921
I'm sorry.
725
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:37,138
Oh, I'm not talking about you.
726
00:41:37,483 --> 00:41:41,460
You drink all of my good coffee
and you ruined my marriage,
727
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:42,911
but you never left.
728
00:41:47,888 --> 00:41:51,038
I'll just replace it with bacon
and she can go as Lady Gaga.
729
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:12,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
58226
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