All language subtitles for Not Going Out s10e06 Whodunnit.eng

LUCY SCREAMS

It's OK!

I'm fine.

I was just worried you hadn't signed

the life insurance documents yet.

I was just sweeping up some bits.

I'm afraid your blue vase
has broken.

SHE SCREAMS EVEN LOUDER

We're not going out

Not staying in

Just hanging around
with my head in a spin

But there is no need to
scream and shout

We're not going out

? We are not going out. ?

KNOCK AT THE DOOR

Oh! Hello.

Perhaps you could explain
what this is all about.

What?

Why are we standing
at your front door?

Oh, dear. Is this like when Grandad
used to turn up at Blockbusters

in a nightie?

Lee sent us a text message
saying we had to come

round here immediately.

Did he?
Said it was extremely important.

We thought maybe you had
some happy news to announce.

What, pregnancy?

Or divorce.

Oh, sorry to disappoint you, Dad,
but it's neither.

Aw, so we won't be hearing
the patter of tiny feet?

Oh, I don't know.

What's going on?

I've had a message off Lee telling
me to get round here straight away.

Sounded urgent.

Well, they're not emptying out
their drinks cabinet, Frank.

You can stand down.

I thought he might want help
moving an old antique

that's blocking the doorway.

LUCY: Oh, don't tell me,

you got a text message
from Lee telling you to get

round here urgently?

Yes, but we can't stay long.

I'm supposed to be packing.

She's finally leaving you, Toby?

We're going... Hang on.

Let's enjoy that a little longer.

We're going to my sister's
first thing in the morning

so we really do need to make this
quick. Us, too.

I've got a bag of trophies here
for this evening's

golf club presentation.

Why didn't you leave them
in the car?

Because they might get stolen.

Worth a bob or two, are they?

On second thoughts, perhaps I should
have left them in the car.

Don't worry, this won't take long.

Good evening, one and all.

I suspect you're wondering why
I've gathered you here tonight.

Yes, we certainly are, Poirot.

Looks more like Hetty Wainthropp.

Somebody here has committed a murder

and until we find out who it was...

..nobody...

..is going home.

It was me.

Do you know what I'm on about?
No idea.

It's just my default position,
taking the blame for everything.

What the hell are you talking about,
Lee?

Somebody here has killed something.

Should I tell you what
that something is?

Yes, but can you say it really
dramatically

and fully milk the moment?

Oh, no, wait, you have.

The something in question

is the trust that my darling wife

has in me.

So nobody has actually been
murdered? 'Course not.

Well, I don't know.
The night is young.

I see.

So, you're still pretending it
wasn't you, then?

I'm not pretending. It wasn't me.

It was somebody in this room!

Yes.

You.

And if you go into the kitchen,

it'll be somebody in the kitchen.

What on Earth is this about?

We really do need to get going.

Perhaps you'd like to fill
everybody in, Lucy.

You know my blue and white vase?

The one that used to belong to Nan?

Ugly old thing.

Didn't hold water properly.

Don't!

I remember mother giving it to you.

Not much of a family heirloom.
A vase?!

Well, it's amazing what silly
little things people pass

on from generation to generation.

Some people have vases.

Some have alcoholism.

To be honest, it was hidden away
for years.

Yeah, a bit like alcoholism.

Recently I got it out again,
and when I came home today,

it was lying on the floor,
completely smashed.

Well, the similarities keep on
coming. Don't they, Frank?

Are you sure the children
didn't break it?

They were out of the house
all day with me.

It could only have been Lee.

I don't think it had much monetary
value but it had

lots of sentimental value.

It was my nan's.

I'm sorry about your vase, Lucy,
I really am,

but what the hell has this got to do
with any of us?

Please allow me to explain.

I came home from work today, five
minutes before Lucy, to find a vase

of flowers smashed on the floor.

Naturally, I went into the kitchen
to get a dustpan and brush to sweep

it up and that's when Lucy entered.

This is gripping stuff.

Let's hope Meryl Streep is available
for the Crimewatch reconstruction.

And that's when Lucy accused me of
breaking it.

She berated me and threatened me
with all kinds of punishment.

No, I didn't!

You said our usual Fruity Friday
was cancelled.

Fruity...?

If it means they're getting
five a day, I'm impressed.

But then, afterwards,
it got me thinking.

"Hang on, I've actually got proof
that it wasn't me!"

What proof?

If I had broken that vase
five minutes before you came in,

why wasn't the rug still wet?

In fact, given it's now only 6:15,

you'd expect it to be a little bit
damp now, right?

It's bone dry.

Oh, very clever, Lee.

Yes.

Like when a monkey completes
a two-piece jigsaw.

Which means somebody else must have
broken that vase earlier

in the day whilst I was at work.

And who are the only other people
that know where we hide the spare

key for the house?

You lot.

I can't believe we've been dragged
all the way over here

just because of a petty
domestic squabble.

Yes, we could have stayed at home
for one of those.

This is ridiculous!

I never liked that vase, anyway.

We're leaving.

Nobody leaves until I find out
who's sullied my good name

and besmirched my reputation.

Have you considered that perhaps
nobody broke it?

This table is very wobbly.

You need to put a folded beermat
under there.

Bravo, Frank.

Wetherspoon's answer to Bear Grylls.

Open that door. Yes.

This is ridiculous.

You could easily have smashed that
vase of lilies and then quickly

thrown the rug into
the tumble dryer.

How did you know they were lilies,
Mum?

You said they were lilies.

No, she didn't.

Oh, this is nonsense!
We've got to go,

we need to get to that golf club
function.

Well, nobody else is in a rush.

Are you? No, I haven't got
a function.

That's true on so many levels.

I must have seen the lilies
in the vase when we were all

round here for dinner the other day.

You remember.

Well, actually,
I was rather preoccupied

watching Frank get to grips
with the concept of cutlery.

But I only put the flowers
in the vase last night.

So, how did you know they were
lilies?

All right, yes, I admit it.

I came around here this morning.

I knew it!

Mum!

It's not that unusual!
I often pop round here

to do the odd errand or two,
you know that.

But why didn't you say something?

I don't tell you about
every little thing I do.

Mum, last week you rang me to say

they'd moved the tinfoil
in Waitrose!

I think we are waiting
for an explanation, Wendy.

They did it to make room
for the bin liners.

Hang on.

Is this what I think it's about?

Yes. Oh, for God's sake!

I told you to drop this!

What?

It started last weekend.

Geoffrey and I were at home watching
an episode of the Antiques Roadshow.

There was a person on there
with a vase.

A vase? A blue and white vase that
looked exactly

the same as Lucy's.

Well, how much was it worth?

�2,000.

Well, why didn't you tell me?

I wanted to! In fact, I picked up
the phone immediately to call you.

But I told her not to do it.

Why?

Because, as the expert said,

there are thousands of
similar-looking vases

in charity shops up and down
the country

that are all totally worthless.

Well, they certainly know what
they're talking about on that show.

Exactly! And Lucy's was almost
certainly one of the worthless ones.

Well, it is now, anyway.

If we'd told you, Lucy,
you'd have got all excited

and gone round to an antiques dealer
and then you'd have been made to

look a fool when he told you
it was only worth pennies.

And you agreed with him, Mum?

I could see your dad had a point.

I didn't want your hopes raised
for nothing.

But I couldn't shake the idea that
your vase just might be valuable.

And that's why,
without your dad knowing,

I came round here this morning.

And accidentally broke it.

I just borrowed it for half an hour
so I could take it to a dealer!

OK.

So, you borrowed it.

You took it off to
"We Buy Any Vase dot com".

The big question is...

..how much was it worth?

Absolutely nothing.
Geoffrey was right.

It was just a cheap replica
after all. I knew it.

No harm done, then.

Just an ugly, cheap vase.

That Nan gave me
and that someone has broken!

Well, it wasn't me!

Well, who was it?
The antiques dealer?

What kind of antiques dealer
smashes things?

A broker?

Too soon?

After I had it valued,
I came back here,

I refilled it with water, replaced
the lilies, put it back exactly

where I found it and left.

I didn't break anything.

I feel everyone's turned on me.

Don't worry, Wendy.

I believe you.

I don't want you to feel turned on
because of me.

Look, I didn't want to get involved
in a family dispute

but I don't think it's fair that
Wendy is the only one

having the finger pointed at her.

I drove past the house
this lunchtime...

..and I saw Frank coming out.

You couldn't have seen me!

Why not?

Because I made sure there wasn't
anyone watching.

All right.

I was here.

I wanted to find out if Wendy took
the vase to be valued or not.

Well, how did you know about that?

May as well tell the truth.

Frank and I are in this together.

What?!

When we were all round here
for dinner the other day,

I happened to mention to Frank
about the vase

I'd seen on the Antiques Roadshow.

LUCY: And still no-one thought to
say anything to me?

Anything else you've kept from me?

Oh, now you mentioned it,

you know when you asked was your
beef a little overcooked?

Was that beef?!

I told Frank that Geoffrey thought
it was pointless getting it valued.

But Frank agreed with me
that I should!

So, not only did you go behind
my back,

you went behind my back with him!

I'm sorry you should hear it
like this, Geoffrey, but...

..Wendy and I are lovers.

Lovers of antiques.

Someone sleeping with you, Dad,

it's the same thing.

Frank was very helpful, actually.

He recommended someone who deals
in antiques.

A friend of his.

Hang on.

You told my dad you thought
Lucy owned a valuable vase

and he suddenly recommended you go
and see one of his mates?

That's right.

Am I right in assuming this person
wasn't chief auctioneer

at Sotheby's?

But he seemed very knowledgeable.

What kind of shop did he have?

It wasn't a shop,

more a sort of lock-up garage.

But he must've had some valuable
pieces there or there'd have been

no need for all the dogs!

Can no-one else see
what's going on here? What?

Well, he's suggesting that Frank's
associate deliberately undervalued

the vase so that Frank could come
round here,

take it and then he and his friend
could split the profits.

I have never been so insulted
in my life.

Oh, stick around, Dad.

What happened?

Did your plan go wrong
when you accidently broke it?

Well...

..I can see you've all made
your minds up.

You've convicted me and thrown away
the keys.

Well, anyway, it looks like
the mystery has been solved.

No, it bloody hasn't!

We really need to get going.

Yes.

We're making an early start
for Woodcombe in the morning.

My sister hates us being late.

I'm sorry, Woodcombe?

Yes, in Somerset.
It's where Anna's sister lives.

That's a coincidence, Hannah.

That's the place where they filmed
the episode

of Antiques Roadshow we watched.

Oh.

Really?

I'm surprised your sister didn't
mention it to you.

Well, she probably didn't hear
about it.

It's a very big town.

Fiona Bruce said only 200 people
live there.

Did she?

Oh, I wouldn't know, I've never
watched the Antiques Roadshow.

If I want to see someone have a
heart attack when they find out

the value of some jewellery,
I just show Toby

what I bought at Tiffany's.

That's not what you said before.

You said you were very knowledgeable
on the Antiques Roadshow.

So you must've watched it.

Is there something you're not
telling us, Anna?

Who cares what TV programmes
Anna watches?

They need to get going!

Oh, whoa!

Either somebody's trod something
in the carpet

or something smells a bit off to me.

Well, shit, Sherlock.

Why are you suddenly in a rush to
get rid of them?

What's going on, Lucy?

Oh, just tell them, Anna.

Don't tell me you're about to whip
off your mask and it turns out

you're Fiona Bruce.

OK, but this is going to sound
a little odd. Keep talking.

I'm used to little and odd.

Aren't I, Dad?

Two months ago, my sister did tell
me the Antiques Roadshow was filming

in her village. Oh! It's a village
now, is it? Village, town,

what's the difference?

Ipswich Village never won
the FA Cup.

She wanted to go on the show but she
didn't have anything to get valued.

So she asked me if I had something

but I couldn't think of anything.

I'd have thought your house would
have been full of valuables.

It is, but we know
what they're worth.

What you need to get on that show is
something that might be valuable

but also might be worthless tat.

And that's when I thought of Lucy!

She mentioned, in passing,
that that vase

had been in the family for years.

And I thought, "Who knows?
Maybe it's worth something."

So, I asked if I could take it
and Lucy seemed very keen.

Why?

Well, I just remember Nan saying
once that she thought

it might be worth something.

But you said you only cared about
its sentimental value. I do.

That's why I didn't sell it.

Not even for �2,000.

I bet you thought about it, though,
didn't you?

Thinking about it is not the same as
actually doing something about it.

Our broken shed roof is proof of
that, Lee.

We could've done with that money.

What for?

Well, to start with,
we need a new vase.

And, if there's anything left,
a new shed.

Look, all this was months ago!

Doesn't get us any closer to finding
out who broke the damn thing!

Oh, yes, it does!

Because, if you're telling us that
vase on the Antiques Roadshow

was actually your vase,
it means it was worth �2,000!

Which means my original theory
just might be correct!

His mate DID undervalue it

and Dad DID come round this
afternoon to try and take it!

There's a word for evidence
like this.

Circum...

..cision.

I don't think that's the word
you're looking for.

Unless you're acting on a tip-off.

Maybe the Antiques Roadshow valued
it wrong.

I've seen that programme.

It's a lot of nonsense!
They just make it up!

No, they don't.

Don't be stupid.

Of course they do!

Everything you see on the
television's not real, you know.

I'll bet you're one of these people
who thinks that Coronation Street's

a documentary.

I didn't until I met you.

Oh, just admit it, Dad!

You wanted that vase for yourself,

you accidentally broke it,
and now you're lying.

Actually...

..Frank's telling the truth.

I can't let Frank be accused
of a crime he didn't commit.

Thank you, Geoffrey.

Not when there's such a wealth of
crimes that he probably did commit.

Frank's friend didn't undervalue
that vase, because I happen to know

for a fact that the vase Wendy took
to be valued is worth precisely

�8.99.

LUCY: Well, how do you know that?

Because that's how much
I paid for it yesterday

at the Hounslow branch...

..of Bargain Furnishings.

I think my brain's starting to
bleed.

There's a perfectly simple
explanation.

After watching the Antiques
Roadshow,

I was convinced that Lucy's vase
was also valuable.

But that's not what you said!

You said you thought
it was a worthless replica!

I lied. I didn't want you telling
Lucy because she might have been

tempted to sell hers. Although, at
the time, I obviously didn't realise

that the vase I was looking at
WAS hers! Why did you lie?!

Because I wanted it to stay
in the family!

I thought you didn't even like
the vase, Dad.

Well, it's one thing to dislike
something and another to want to see

it removed from the family
altogether.

But it's Lucy's decision whether she
wants to sell the vase, not yours.

I knew that would be your attitude

so I decided to play safe and bought

a substitute vase and then,
very early this morning,

before Wendy had even left
the house,

I came round here and exchanged
the original for the replica.

I don't know why we bother locking
this door. We should just get

a revolving one!

So, the vase I took to be valued

was a cheap copy.

Which means my mate didn't
undervalue it,

which means I've been vindicated

and, in case you're wondering, yes,

I WILL be suing!

You're right, Dad.

I'm sorry.

You didn't try and steal the vase.

He did!
And whilst you were round here,

I'm assuming you accidentally
smashed it.

Oh, try and keep up, Lee.

Of course I didn't break it,
otherwise Wendy would have nothing

to take to be valued.

Oh, yeah.

I think I need a pen and paper.

I didn't steal the original, either.

I just temporarily borrowed it.

How temporarily?
Well, what do you mean?

What I mean...

..did you come back in later
and swap them back?

Because, if you did,
somebody has broken a �2,000 vase!

But if you didn't...

I didn't come back.

The broken vase is the cheap
replica.

Yes! Shed!

Well?! What?

Where's our �2,000 vase?

Oh, it's "ours", now, is it?

It's in the bag.

I had intended to swap it back

in a couple of days after the dust

had settled but, when I got
Lee's text telling us to get

round here urgently, I thought maybe
you were both getting a bit

suspicious so, erm, I thought
I'd try and swap it back

this evening when no-one was
looking.

Tsk, this family.

When I heard that someone had broken
the damn thing,

I could hardly swap it back then,
could I?

I mean, what would you have said
if a broken vase of flowers

had suddenly reappeared?

Reincarnation.

This stuff kills at bridge club.

Can I have my vase back, then,
please, Dad?

How do I know you won't sell it?

Because I knew it was worth �2,000

and yet I still didn't sell it,
did I?

And what about Lee?

I don't think I'll be offered �2,000
for Lee.

I didn't quite catch that, Lucy?

Did you say, "Sorry, Lee,
for accusing you of

"breaking my nan's vase
that you clearly didn't break"?

Sorry.

Sue her!

Defecation of character.

And that's definitely the original
one?

Yes.

How do we know?

I can get my mate to have a look
at it, if you like?

Thanks, Frank,

but I think we can take
my dad's word for it.

So, all's well that ends well.

Now, can we all please go?

Er, not quite!

There's still one important piece of
the jigsaw missing, isn't there?

GEOFFREY: Oh, God.

Hercule's back.

We still haven't found out
who broke that vase.

Who cares?

It was just a cheap replica.

I care!

It's the reason I gathered you
all round here in the first place.

Don't worry, you'll all be free to
leave once we've revealed

who is the guilty party.

And it won't take long

because now I know exactly
who did it!

Who?

Well, at first,
I thought it was you, Wendy.

And then Dad.

And then Anna.

But I think we've safely ruled out
you three.

And then there's Geoffrey,

a man who swapped the vases
and claimed

he never returned.

But we only have his word for that,
don't we?

Did guilt get the better of him?

Did he in fact return later to
swap them back and, in the process,

accidentally break it?

Well, did I?

No, you did not.

Good. Well, I'm glad
we've established

that the man who didn't do it
didn't do it.

So, just who did lose their grip
on the family heirloom?

I'll be getting a grip
of your family heirlooms

if you don't get on with it.

Then there's my beautiful,
delightful, if somewhat accusatory,

wife.

A woman who places so much
sentimental value on that vase,

she couldn't bring herself to sell
it, not even for �2,000.

But perhaps she could bring herself

to sneak back in,
deliberately break it

and claim on the insurance.

But don't worry,
that's not what I think happened.

Hey, having said that,
that's not a bad... No. Right.

This is so stupid.

Come on, we're leaving.

And then finally there's Toby.

Nothing to do with you, this story,
is it, Toby?

Nothing to do with you whatsoever.

OR SO I THOUGHT!

And then I started noticing
a few clues.

What clues?

Like the small plaster on the back
of your hand like a man

who had recently broken something.

I cut myself shaving.

On your knuckles?

Was it a full moon?

And then there's the way you just
moved that fruit bowl for Lucy.

It told us so much, didn't it?

Almost like you knew exactly where
that vase should go.

And then there's the big one.

FRANK: Oh, for goodness' sake!

Not Geoffrey again?!

We've done him!

The way you were casually driving

past this house this afternoon.

Well, what's wrong with that?

We live in a cul-de-sac.

Where were you going exactly?

To the end.

And back again.

I put it to you, ladies and
gentlemen, that it was in fact

Toby who sneaked into the house
today and broke the vase.

OK, Miss Marple,

you've got me.

Stick with Poirot,
keep it masculine.

Let's split the difference

and go with Scooby-Doo.

You?

Broke the vase?

Yes.

By accident.

I told you that table was wobbly.

Yes, you did tell us that,
didn't you?

How could you know that unless
you were the culprit?

GEOFFREY: He's already admitted it,
Frank, try and keep up!

But there's one thing missing.

Toby lacks motivation.

I've been saying that for years.

It's a good point.

What were you doing in this house
in the first place?

Oh, look,
who cares why Toby was here?

As we all now know, the broken vase
was just a cheap replica.

So, why don't we all just get going?

It's too late, Lucy.

I think we've been rumbled.

This story's got more twists
than a Curly Wurly.

Oh, just tell them.

Someone I know is an antiques
collector.

Well, he saw Anna's sister
on the Antiques Roadshow.

He expressed interest in buying
the vase.

So I told Lucy about the interest,
although I knew she'd already turned

down �2,000 and probably didn't want
to sell. And I didn't!

Until two days ago.

What happened two days ago?

Toby's friend offered me �3,000.

Three grand for that piece of sh...

..entimentally important artefact?

What did you say?
What do you think I said?

I bit his hand off.

And were you going to tell me
about it?!

No! I couldn't risk Dad finding
the vase had left the family.

You'd sell your own grandmother's
vase for �3,000?

For �3,000

I'd sell my own grandmother.

What about the three grand?
Were you going to keep

that a secret from me, too? No.

I was going to say that a premium
bond had come up and treat us

all to a family holiday.

I wanted a shed!

I thought you were supposed to
be coming around tomorrow?!

I suddenly remembered
we were visiting Anna's sister

so I decided to pop round today
instead.

I'm sorry. I was going to tell you
but when I accidentally broke it

I just sort of panicked and ran.

When have I seen that before?

Who doesn't get nervous
at the altar?!

And were are you going to confess
at any point?

I think you'll find I did!

Right at the start of all this.

I said it was me!

Admittedly, I didn't follow through
with a proper confession.

But you all seemed to be having so
much fun.

But why didn't you tell me about
Lucy selling the vase, Toby?

Lucy asked me to keep it
confidential so I promised I would.

So? That's not the rule!

Husbands and wives are allowed to
break those sorts of promises.

I told you about Lee's sex noise!

Well, thank goodness I only broke
the cheap replica, eh?

Well done, Geoffrey. Yes.

When it finally comes down to it,
I suppose there's no harm done.

I've still got the original vase!

And tomorrow we get three grand!

And my mother's turning
in her grave.

And I'll put some flowers on her
grave tomorrow to say thank you.

Well, you won't have anywhere else
to put them.

Look, the point is,
everybody's happy.

And we finally know who broke
the blooming thing.

I declare this case...

..closed!

Wasn't me!

Yeah, not going out

Not staying in

Just hanging around

With my head in a spin

But there is no need to
scream and shout

We're not going out

? We are not going out. ?

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0