All language subtitles for Not Going Out s10e00 Christmas Special.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,999 --> 00:00:04,998 We're not going out 2 00:00:04,999 --> 00:00:06,998 Not staying in 3 00:00:06,999 --> 00:00:09,998 Just hanging around With my head in a spin 4 00:00:09,999 --> 00:00:12,666 But there is no need to scream and shout 5 00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:15,998 We're not going out 6 00:00:15,999 --> 00:00:18,801 ? We are not going out. ? 7 00:00:21,667 --> 00:00:22,998 OK. That's great. 8 00:00:22,999 --> 00:00:24,999 Thank you. Bye. 9 00:00:27,934 --> 00:00:28,998 Hang on, I'll just check. 10 00:00:28,999 --> 00:00:30,998 I've got Father Christmas on the phone. 11 00:00:30,999 --> 00:00:32,998 He wants to know which list I should put you on. 12 00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:34,999 Nice? Naughty? Barnardo's? 13 00:00:36,325 --> 00:00:40,324 You promised to get an inflatable Santa for the front garden. 14 00:00:40,423 --> 00:00:42,998 And you didn't. 15 00:00:42,999 --> 00:00:45,998 Well, Daddy tried his best, but the shops were sold out. 16 00:00:45,999 --> 00:00:48,998 Well, fear not, family, because I've just been on the phone 17 00:00:48,999 --> 00:00:51,745 to Toys R Here. They had one inflatable Santa left in stock 18 00:00:51,746 --> 00:00:53,731 and I've just bought it! 19 00:00:53,732 --> 00:00:55,732 KIDS: Hooray! Aw, well done. 20 00:00:55,733 --> 00:00:58,216 You stay with the kids, I'll go and collect it. 21 00:00:58,217 --> 00:00:59,281 Thanks, Mummy! 22 00:00:59,282 --> 00:01:01,281 Oh, hang on. 23 00:01:01,282 --> 00:01:04,281 I promised those little beautiful faces that I would get them 24 00:01:04,282 --> 00:01:07,281 an inflatable Santa, and that is what I will do. 25 00:01:07,282 --> 00:01:09,281 I've got loads of last-minute Christmas cards to deliver. 26 00:01:09,282 --> 00:01:11,281 Well, I can do that. 27 00:01:11,282 --> 00:01:14,281 It'll mean talking to some of the mums from the playground. 28 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:16,415 All right, we'll both go. 29 00:01:16,416 --> 00:01:19,281 Ask your mum and dad to look after the kids for an hour. 30 00:01:19,282 --> 00:01:21,083 They'll be free. How do you know? 31 00:01:21,084 --> 00:01:23,281 Trust me, anyone who writes "Buy Soft Mints" on a calendar 32 00:01:23,282 --> 00:01:25,282 hasn't got a lot on. 33 00:01:31,416 --> 00:01:33,282 KNOCKING 34 00:01:35,283 --> 00:01:37,281 What do you think? 35 00:01:37,282 --> 00:01:40,282 Amazing. I wouldn't have recognised you, Geoffrey. 36 00:01:41,282 --> 00:01:44,415 Gap having their end-of-season sale, are they? 37 00:01:44,416 --> 00:01:46,281 I meant what I said on the phone, Lucy. 38 00:01:46,282 --> 00:01:48,949 One hour, absolute tops. 39 00:01:48,950 --> 00:01:51,281 The golf club Christmas Eve fancy dress lunch 40 00:01:51,282 --> 00:01:54,282 is the biggest social event of the year and I don't want to be late. 41 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:58,281 Can you guess who Grandad is supposed to be? 42 00:01:58,282 --> 00:02:01,216 Have you ever seen the film A Christmas Carol? 43 00:02:01,217 --> 00:02:03,281 Oh, you're thingy! 44 00:02:03,282 --> 00:02:05,682 Bob what's-his-name. 45 00:02:05,683 --> 00:02:07,282 Marley! 46 00:02:09,282 --> 00:02:13,282 That's right, Lee. I'm the noted Dickensian character, Bob Marley. 47 00:02:14,282 --> 00:02:16,281 It's Cratchit. 48 00:02:16,282 --> 00:02:19,216 Oh, don't be hard on yourself, Geoffrey. You've done your best. 49 00:02:19,217 --> 00:02:21,281 One hour. Max. 50 00:02:21,282 --> 00:02:24,281 You should be wearing those trousers lower down on your bum, Geoffrey. 51 00:02:24,282 --> 00:02:25,550 Get with it. 52 00:02:34,550 --> 00:02:36,282 Did you get it? 53 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:41,281 One inflatable Santa. 54 00:02:41,282 --> 00:02:44,281 Last one in the shop. Think of their little faces when they see it. 55 00:02:44,282 --> 00:02:45,282 I'm thinking of your little face 56 00:02:45,283 --> 00:02:48,216 after you've spent three hours blowing it up. 57 00:02:48,217 --> 00:02:49,282 You go red blowing on your cocoa. 58 00:02:49,283 --> 00:02:53,281 Santa inflates himself, actually. Ugh. There's an image. 59 00:02:53,282 --> 00:02:56,281 If I could do that, it would be Christmas every day. 60 00:02:56,282 --> 00:02:58,281 Did you manage to deliver all your cards? Just about. 61 00:02:58,282 --> 00:03:00,549 Leaving it a bit late this year, weren't you? 62 00:03:00,550 --> 00:03:04,216 Yeah, imagine leaving things so last-minute, hey? 63 00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:06,415 It's not really my thing. 64 00:03:06,416 --> 00:03:08,281 Well, maybe it's not for you. 65 00:03:08,282 --> 00:03:10,281 Maybe I'm having an affair with another woman. 66 00:03:10,282 --> 00:03:12,084 Well, you won't be after you give her that. 67 00:03:14,950 --> 00:03:16,084 I like this one. 68 00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:20,682 Maybe I should look away for a few minutes? 69 00:03:20,683 --> 00:03:22,282 If you like. 70 00:03:26,282 --> 00:03:29,281 Can I borrow your credit card? Where's yours? 71 00:03:29,282 --> 00:03:31,549 Sorry, I left my phone and wallet at home. 72 00:03:31,550 --> 00:03:33,281 Didn't you need ID to collect Santa? 73 00:03:33,282 --> 00:03:36,281 No, luckily, the shop just needed my name, first line of address 74 00:03:36,282 --> 00:03:37,816 and a heavy dose of swearing. 75 00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,281 Am I supposed to wrap it for you too? 76 00:03:39,282 --> 00:03:42,281 There's no point me wrapping it. You know what it is. 77 00:03:42,282 --> 00:03:45,281 Where's the bag gone? What? 78 00:03:45,282 --> 00:03:47,950 I just put my stuff in your shopping bag and it's gone. 79 00:03:49,282 --> 00:03:51,950 My purse and phone! Santa! 80 00:03:54,282 --> 00:03:58,281 Stop! Stop! Thief! 81 00:03:58,282 --> 00:03:59,950 Not him! Him! 82 00:04:02,282 --> 00:04:04,550 ALARM BLEEPS 83 00:04:11,282 --> 00:04:13,281 Come on! 84 00:04:13,282 --> 00:04:15,281 Where are you going? We're going after them! 85 00:04:15,282 --> 00:04:16,416 We're not Starsky and Hutch! 86 00:04:19,282 --> 00:04:22,282 OK, I'm wrong. Get in! 87 00:04:27,217 --> 00:04:29,281 We can't get out of the car park, the ticket's in my purse! 88 00:04:29,282 --> 00:04:32,281 Do you think I'm going to let a plastic barrier stop me 89 00:04:32,282 --> 00:04:34,282 from getting my children their Santa Claus back? 90 00:04:35,950 --> 00:04:38,217 TYRES SCREECH 91 00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:42,282 Hello? 92 00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:44,281 I'm so sorry to trouble you, but we appear to have 93 00:04:44,282 --> 00:04:47,281 misplaced our ticket. Would you be ever so kind and let us out, please? 94 00:04:47,282 --> 00:04:49,282 You tell 'em, Starsky. 95 00:04:53,282 --> 00:04:56,281 This is stupid. We can just cancel my credit cards and phone 96 00:04:56,282 --> 00:04:58,281 and buy another Santa! Everywhere's sold out. 97 00:04:58,282 --> 00:05:00,282 It'd be easier staying up all night with a net 98 00:05:00,283 --> 00:05:02,281 and catching the real one. 99 00:05:02,282 --> 00:05:04,682 All right, we'll find a phone box, call the police and tell them 100 00:05:04,683 --> 00:05:07,281 their registration number. CE88 YKH. 101 00:05:07,282 --> 00:05:10,281 I'll easily remember that. No chance. CE - Christmas Eve. 102 00:05:10,282 --> 00:05:11,282 We don't need the police. 103 00:05:11,283 --> 00:05:14,281 88 - the number of times I told you to sort out that bloody 104 00:05:14,282 --> 00:05:16,816 inflatable Santa. Nobody steals Father Christmas on my watch. 105 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,216 YKH - "You knobhead!" 106 00:05:19,217 --> 00:05:20,281 By the time the police are involved, 107 00:05:20,282 --> 00:05:22,281 that Santa will be halfway across Europe 108 00:05:22,282 --> 00:05:25,083 with its serial number changed. What do you think they'll do with it? 109 00:05:25,084 --> 00:05:27,549 Sell it as a cut-and-shut with the bottom half of the Easter Bunny? 110 00:05:27,550 --> 00:05:30,281 And even if we do catch up with them, then what? 111 00:05:30,282 --> 00:05:32,281 They might attack us. 112 00:05:32,282 --> 00:05:35,282 They'll soon back off when they see who they're dealing with. 113 00:05:35,283 --> 00:05:37,282 I'm talking about you. 114 00:05:44,683 --> 00:05:48,282 Where the hell are they? I said an hour, max. 115 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:52,282 The Golf Club will be serving the starters, you know. 116 00:05:52,283 --> 00:05:54,281 Have you tried phoning Lucy? 117 00:05:54,282 --> 00:05:56,282 Well, of course I have. No answer. 118 00:05:56,283 --> 00:05:59,281 What about Lee? Yes. 119 00:05:59,282 --> 00:06:01,282 The stupid idiot's left his phone here. 120 00:06:02,817 --> 00:06:05,281 Any more questions? Yes. 121 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,281 Why are you dressed as the Cat in the Hat? 122 00:06:08,282 --> 00:06:09,282 It's obviously genetic. 123 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:19,415 Where the hell are we? I don't know. 124 00:06:19,416 --> 00:06:21,816 We're certainly not in Kansas any more. 125 00:06:21,817 --> 00:06:23,281 That was Dorothy's line. 126 00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:25,816 Shouldn't you be the scarecrow? You know, the one who didn't have... 127 00:06:25,817 --> 00:06:27,282 I got it. 128 00:06:29,282 --> 00:06:30,816 They're pulling in. 129 00:06:30,817 --> 00:06:32,281 Do you think they live here? 130 00:06:32,282 --> 00:06:36,415 Of course they don't live here. They're not voles. 131 00:06:36,416 --> 00:06:38,282 So why are they stopping? 132 00:06:44,084 --> 00:06:47,816 Christmas Eve 88, you knobhead! Christmas Eve 88, you knobhead! 133 00:06:47,817 --> 00:06:49,283 Christmas Eve 88, you... All right! 134 00:07:00,282 --> 00:07:03,415 I think he went behind that bush over there. Be careful, Lee. 135 00:07:03,416 --> 00:07:06,281 Don't worry, I'm not scared. 136 00:07:06,282 --> 00:07:08,281 Boo! Agh! 137 00:07:08,282 --> 00:07:10,549 You following me? 138 00:07:10,550 --> 00:07:12,281 No. 139 00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:14,281 We always come here on Christmas Eve. 140 00:07:14,282 --> 00:07:15,282 It's where we met. 141 00:07:17,282 --> 00:07:19,282 We were dogging. 142 00:07:20,683 --> 00:07:23,281 I know you're following me. That's why I led you here 143 00:07:23,282 --> 00:07:26,281 instead of to my place. Didn't want you knowing where I lived, did I? 144 00:07:26,282 --> 00:07:29,281 Look, we don't want any trouble. Oh, don't worry. No trouble. 145 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,281 I've seen the error of my ways. 146 00:07:31,282 --> 00:07:32,282 So how about this? 147 00:07:32,283 --> 00:07:34,281 I give you your stuff back 148 00:07:34,282 --> 00:07:37,282 and we agree to forget about the whole thing? 149 00:07:40,282 --> 00:07:42,282 You had me at boo. 150 00:07:48,282 --> 00:07:49,415 Where's my purse and phone? 151 00:07:49,416 --> 00:07:51,281 Oh, my mate's still got them in his car. 152 00:07:51,282 --> 00:07:53,282 I thought you'd seen the error of your ways? 153 00:07:53,283 --> 00:07:56,281 The error of my ways was not getting away before you saw me. 154 00:07:56,282 --> 00:07:59,282 I'm still a thief. I've just got no use for that. 155 00:08:01,282 --> 00:08:04,549 Don't worry, Lee, we've got his mate's reg number. 156 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:06,281 Yes, we have. 157 00:08:06,282 --> 00:08:08,682 CE88 YDH. 158 00:08:08,683 --> 00:08:12,217 YKH. It's knobhead, not dickhead. 159 00:08:13,282 --> 00:08:15,281 Ah! Oh, no, they won't trace that back to us. 160 00:08:15,282 --> 00:08:17,281 No, it's stolen. 161 00:08:17,282 --> 00:08:21,281 Yeah, that's what we do, you see - steal cars. 162 00:08:21,282 --> 00:08:23,281 It's amazing how easy it is, actually. 163 00:08:23,282 --> 00:08:26,282 Especially when people leave the keys in the ignition. 164 00:08:43,283 --> 00:08:46,281 At least I got Santa back for the kids. 165 00:08:46,282 --> 00:08:48,281 And how do you propose we're going to get it to them 166 00:08:48,282 --> 00:08:53,083 with no phone, no credit card, no money and no car? 167 00:08:53,084 --> 00:08:55,281 There's a phone box! 168 00:08:55,282 --> 00:08:57,282 Well, I hope Superman's in there. 169 00:09:03,683 --> 00:09:05,282 Urgh! 170 00:09:07,282 --> 00:09:08,282 Oh, God. 171 00:09:08,283 --> 00:09:10,949 You're not blaming me for that as well, are you? 172 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,281 Take your jacket off and carefully put it on the ground. 173 00:09:13,282 --> 00:09:15,281 Yeah, well, I'd like to be a gentleman, 174 00:09:15,282 --> 00:09:17,281 but I'd need to be Pavarotti to cover that up. 175 00:09:17,282 --> 00:09:19,281 BULL BELLOWS AND SNORTS 176 00:09:19,282 --> 00:09:21,281 A cow. So? 177 00:09:21,282 --> 00:09:23,281 A cow with horns. 178 00:09:23,282 --> 00:09:26,083 Do you know what a cow with horns is called? 179 00:09:26,084 --> 00:09:27,281 A horny cow? 180 00:09:27,282 --> 00:09:29,282 A bull. BULL MOOS 181 00:09:29,283 --> 00:09:31,281 Oh. 182 00:09:31,282 --> 00:09:35,084 They charge at red things. Take it off! 183 00:09:46,217 --> 00:09:47,416 He's still staring at me. 184 00:09:51,282 --> 00:09:55,217 Did I miss something? Is it International Bull Provocation Day? 185 00:09:57,282 --> 00:09:58,282 Just act natural. 186 00:09:58,283 --> 00:10:00,682 Like we're going for a walk in the middle of nowhere. 187 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,282 What do you mean, "like"? 188 00:10:03,283 --> 00:10:05,281 THEY SCREAM 189 00:10:05,282 --> 00:10:07,282 BULL BELLOWS 190 00:10:13,282 --> 00:10:14,950 SCREAMING CONTINUES 191 00:10:24,282 --> 00:10:27,282 Well, there was definitely no sixpence in that Christmas pudding. 192 00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:34,281 Still no answer. 193 00:10:34,282 --> 00:10:38,083 Where the hell have they got to? KNOCKING 194 00:10:38,084 --> 00:10:39,282 At last! 195 00:10:43,282 --> 00:10:45,282 Why are you dressed as Willy Wonka? 196 00:10:46,282 --> 00:10:50,282 I'm Bob Cratchit! We're supposed to be at a fancy dress lunch. 197 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,281 Fairy Godmother, Wendy? 198 00:10:52,282 --> 00:10:55,282 How did you guess? Want to make a wish, Frank? OK. 199 00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:00,282 No, it's not come true. You're still wearing it. 200 00:11:02,282 --> 00:11:03,549 Good God. 201 00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:06,281 I've just popped a present round for the kids for tomorrow. 202 00:11:06,282 --> 00:11:08,816 See you later. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 203 00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:11,281 No. Don't be silly, Frank. 204 00:11:11,282 --> 00:11:13,281 It's Christmas. 205 00:11:13,282 --> 00:11:15,281 Take a seat. 206 00:11:15,282 --> 00:11:17,282 I think there's a good James Bond film on. 207 00:11:19,282 --> 00:11:20,282 Have a mince pie, Frank. 208 00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:22,282 At least one of your five-a-day there. 209 00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,281 Come on, Wendy, we're leaving. 210 00:11:25,282 --> 00:11:27,281 We just might catch the dessert at this rate. 211 00:11:27,282 --> 00:11:29,281 We can't leave the children with Frank. 212 00:11:29,282 --> 00:11:32,281 Why the hell not? Yes, why the hell not? 213 00:11:32,282 --> 00:11:34,281 Because that wasn't the arrangement. 214 00:11:34,282 --> 00:11:37,281 Lucy asked us to watch the kids, and that's what we're going to do. 215 00:11:37,282 --> 00:11:38,282 Now, sit down! 216 00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:41,281 No point in you hanging around too, Frank. 217 00:11:41,282 --> 00:11:42,282 No, no. 218 00:11:42,283 --> 00:11:44,281 I like a bit of Bond. 219 00:11:44,282 --> 00:11:47,281 Plus I might have a Christmas game of Subbuteo with the kids 220 00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:48,282 after that. 221 00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:51,282 Why not? You're only little, you could play up front. 222 00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:00,281 Yeah, that's our car registration number, 223 00:12:00,282 --> 00:12:05,281 and the stolen one they were driving was CE88 YKH. 224 00:12:05,282 --> 00:12:07,282 KH as in... 225 00:12:08,282 --> 00:12:10,282 ..Kilo, Hotel? 226 00:12:11,282 --> 00:12:14,281 What type of car were they driving? Er... 227 00:12:14,282 --> 00:12:16,282 It was big and blue. 228 00:12:17,282 --> 00:12:18,282 Big and blue? 229 00:12:18,283 --> 00:12:20,281 Well, what was it, then? 230 00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:21,282 It was... 231 00:12:23,282 --> 00:12:24,282 ..medium and turquoise. 232 00:12:24,283 --> 00:12:26,282 Medium and turquoise, apparently. 233 00:12:28,282 --> 00:12:30,816 AIR HISSES 234 00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:32,281 You bloody idiot! 235 00:12:32,282 --> 00:12:35,281 Not you, you've been very helpful! 236 00:12:35,282 --> 00:12:37,281 It's my husband, he's blown up Santa! 237 00:12:37,282 --> 00:12:40,282 Don't worry, not the real one. 238 00:12:47,282 --> 00:12:50,282 OK. Thank you so much. Bye. 239 00:12:55,282 --> 00:12:56,949 I don't know how to deflate it. 240 00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:59,281 Don't worry, Santa, he's like this with me. 241 00:12:59,282 --> 00:13:04,083 Just say you're not in the mood, he'll soon crawl off. 242 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:07,216 I need some change so I can phone home and get Dad to pick us up. 243 00:13:07,217 --> 00:13:08,281 I haven't got any. 244 00:13:08,282 --> 00:13:10,282 He's got it. 245 00:13:13,282 --> 00:13:14,282 Haven't you got any? 246 00:13:14,283 --> 00:13:16,415 I don't know if you're following this story, 247 00:13:16,416 --> 00:13:19,281 but my purse just got stolen. The thief? The car chase? 248 00:13:19,282 --> 00:13:21,281 Ring any Christmas bells? 249 00:13:21,282 --> 00:13:23,281 You'll just have to reverse the charges. 250 00:13:23,282 --> 00:13:24,549 OK. 251 00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,282 How do I do that? 252 00:13:30,282 --> 00:13:33,281 This is like watching old people trying to send an e-mail. 253 00:13:33,282 --> 00:13:35,281 I'll try dialling 100. 254 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,281 Hang on, what's our landline number? I don't know. 255 00:13:37,282 --> 00:13:40,282 I've just got it as "Home" on my mobile. Who are you? ET? 256 00:13:40,283 --> 00:13:43,281 Reverse the charges to my mobile. That's at home. OK. 257 00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:46,281 What's your mobile number? I don't know. I thought you'd know it. 258 00:13:46,282 --> 00:13:48,281 How can you not know your own mobile number? 259 00:13:48,282 --> 00:13:50,549 Well, I never need to ring it, do I? 260 00:13:50,550 --> 00:13:53,281 Come on, this is a phone box, not the Crystal Maze. 261 00:13:53,282 --> 00:13:56,216 We can do this. Between us, we must know at least one phone number 262 00:13:56,217 --> 00:13:57,282 of someone we know. 263 00:13:59,282 --> 00:14:01,281 01... 264 00:14:01,282 --> 00:14:02,282 ..811... 265 00:14:02,283 --> 00:14:04,282 ..8055. Who's that? 266 00:14:04,283 --> 00:14:08,415 Oh, no, that's Noel Edmonds Multicoloured Swap Shop. 267 00:14:08,416 --> 00:14:11,281 Hello, Noel. I'm phoning from the future. 268 00:14:11,282 --> 00:14:14,281 I'd like to swap an eight-foot inflatable Santa, please. 269 00:14:14,282 --> 00:14:16,281 What do I want in return? 270 00:14:16,282 --> 00:14:20,216 Oh, not much, just a shovel and a shotgun. 271 00:14:20,217 --> 00:14:22,549 Dial 999 again. I'm not phoning the emergency services 272 00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:26,281 for something like this. We'll just have to borrow someone's smartphone, 273 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:30,281 Google a local minicab firm and pay for it when we get home. 274 00:14:30,282 --> 00:14:32,281 Oh, right. And which one of this heaving throng of people 275 00:14:32,282 --> 00:14:34,282 shall we ask? 276 00:14:36,282 --> 00:14:37,282 Him! 277 00:14:39,282 --> 00:14:40,950 Stop! 278 00:14:41,950 --> 00:14:43,282 Stop! 279 00:14:45,282 --> 00:14:47,282 Stop! 280 00:14:49,416 --> 00:14:53,282 Stop! Please! You have to help me! 281 00:14:55,282 --> 00:14:58,281 LEE GROANS 282 00:14:58,282 --> 00:15:00,083 BULL BELLOWS 283 00:15:00,084 --> 00:15:01,281 Is this man bothering you? 284 00:15:01,282 --> 00:15:04,216 Massively, but that's not why I need your help. 285 00:15:04,217 --> 00:15:05,817 He's my husband. Oh, I'm sorry, yeah? 286 00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:09,415 That's all right. It happens quite a lot. 287 00:15:09,416 --> 00:15:11,281 I've clearly got one of those faces. 288 00:15:11,282 --> 00:15:13,949 May I borrow your phone? We need to call a cab. 289 00:15:13,950 --> 00:15:15,282 Of course. 290 00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:18,282 Oh, sorry, there is no signal out here. 291 00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:22,281 What about your CB? CB? 292 00:15:22,282 --> 00:15:24,281 Ten-four, good buddy? Rubber duck? 293 00:15:24,282 --> 00:15:28,281 Looks like we've got ourselves a blue light special, Mama Bear? 294 00:15:28,282 --> 00:15:31,415 Do you speak English? Yes. Do you? 295 00:15:31,416 --> 00:15:34,281 Well, this is great. Well done. 296 00:15:34,282 --> 00:15:36,281 It's not my fault he can't get a signal. 297 00:15:36,282 --> 00:15:38,281 No, but it's your fault for insisting we go 298 00:15:38,282 --> 00:15:40,281 to Toys R Here in the first place. 299 00:15:40,282 --> 00:15:43,281 It's your fault we made my parents babysit. And it's your fault we went 300 00:15:43,282 --> 00:15:45,281 on a vigilante mission to rescue 301 00:15:45,282 --> 00:15:49,283 an eight-foot inflatable bloody Santa! And it's your fault for... 302 00:15:51,416 --> 00:15:54,281 For what? I don't know. 303 00:15:54,282 --> 00:15:57,281 But if anything else happens, it's your fault. 304 00:15:57,282 --> 00:16:00,282 Did you say Toys R Here? This is my next stop. What? 305 00:16:00,283 --> 00:16:03,281 I have deliveries for the Boxing Day sales. 306 00:16:03,282 --> 00:16:05,281 But that's really near our house! 307 00:16:05,282 --> 00:16:07,216 And there's a taxi rank right outside! 308 00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,682 Then you must come on board. I will take you. 309 00:16:08,683 --> 00:16:10,282 Oh, this is great! 310 00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:15,816 Oh, er, sorry. No room for Santa, I'm afraid. 311 00:16:15,817 --> 00:16:18,216 No Santa, no me. 312 00:16:18,217 --> 00:16:19,415 Fine with me. 313 00:16:19,416 --> 00:16:22,281 Good luck hitching with that inflatable bag of wind. 314 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:23,416 And yes, I'm talking to Santa. 315 00:16:25,217 --> 00:16:27,282 It's OK, I put him in back. 316 00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:32,549 MUSIC: Merry Xmas Everybody by Slade 317 00:16:32,550 --> 00:16:36,549 So here it is, Merry Xmas 318 00:16:36,550 --> 00:16:40,282 Everybody's having fun 319 00:16:40,283 --> 00:16:44,281 Look to the future now 320 00:16:44,282 --> 00:16:47,281 ? It's only just begun. ? 321 00:16:47,282 --> 00:16:50,281 MUSIC: Fairytale of New York by The Pogues feat. Kirsty MacColl 322 00:16:50,282 --> 00:16:52,281 This is very good of you. 323 00:16:52,282 --> 00:16:55,281 I am going this way anyway. Not just the lift. 324 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:57,083 I mean humouring my husband. 325 00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,281 HE SCOFFS It is Christmas. 326 00:16:59,282 --> 00:17:01,816 It's good to make people happy, huh? 327 00:17:01,817 --> 00:17:04,281 He's got a DVD player back here and everything! 328 00:17:04,282 --> 00:17:07,281 Can I have a go of the horn? Of course. 329 00:17:07,282 --> 00:17:08,282 HORN BLARES 330 00:17:10,282 --> 00:17:12,216 This is the best day of my life! 331 00:17:12,217 --> 00:17:14,281 I don't suppose I could have a drive, could I? 332 00:17:14,282 --> 00:17:16,281 It is not allowed, I'm afraid. 333 00:17:16,282 --> 00:17:19,282 But you will have a Christmas drink with me. 334 00:17:21,282 --> 00:17:24,550 Some vodka and Red Bull, yes? 335 00:17:26,282 --> 00:17:29,415 HE LAUGHS It is just joke! 336 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,281 I scare you when I say vodka! 337 00:17:31,282 --> 00:17:34,281 You scared me when you said bull. 338 00:17:34,282 --> 00:17:36,683 There's coffee, of course. I'm all right, thanks. 339 00:17:38,282 --> 00:17:39,282 Why not? 340 00:17:41,282 --> 00:17:43,281 Merry Christmas. 341 00:17:43,282 --> 00:17:45,281 You not having any? 342 00:17:45,282 --> 00:17:46,282 Not for me. 343 00:17:46,283 --> 00:17:48,282 It keeps me awake while I'm driving. 344 00:17:50,282 --> 00:17:53,282 HE LAUGHS It is joke! 345 00:18:04,282 --> 00:18:06,816 Golf club will be on to the auction by now. 346 00:18:06,817 --> 00:18:09,282 I had my eye on Glynis's cheese hamper. 347 00:18:11,084 --> 00:18:13,281 Is it too soon to be worried about Lee and Lucy? 348 00:18:13,282 --> 00:18:15,083 Too soon? It's too late. 349 00:18:15,084 --> 00:18:17,682 They're married now and there's nothing we can do about it. 350 00:18:17,683 --> 00:18:20,281 I'm wondering if it might be time to call the police. 351 00:18:20,282 --> 00:18:22,281 The police won't do anything. 352 00:18:22,282 --> 00:18:25,281 They're too busy harassing innocent pensioners 353 00:18:25,282 --> 00:18:27,281 for urinating in fountains. 354 00:18:27,282 --> 00:18:29,217 For example. 355 00:18:30,282 --> 00:18:33,083 We don't know where Lee and Lucy are! We do. 356 00:18:33,084 --> 00:18:34,682 What? 357 00:18:34,683 --> 00:18:36,281 Dad's phone has got an app. 358 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,281 It shows where his and Mum's phones are. Where? 359 00:18:39,282 --> 00:18:41,282 Well, they started at the toy shop, 360 00:18:41,283 --> 00:18:45,281 then they went on a long drive, then they stopped here. 361 00:18:45,282 --> 00:18:47,281 That's when the signal stopped. 362 00:18:47,282 --> 00:18:49,549 They might have switched the phone off. 363 00:18:49,550 --> 00:18:53,281 Why would they stop at a lay-by off the A317? 364 00:18:53,282 --> 00:18:54,283 That's my boy! 365 00:18:55,283 --> 00:18:58,816 Oh, come on, there's only one reason a couple pull into a lay-by 366 00:18:58,817 --> 00:19:00,282 and switch their phone off. 367 00:19:00,283 --> 00:19:02,282 That's an awful thing to say, Frank. 368 00:19:02,283 --> 00:19:05,216 For all we know, they might be lying in a ditch. 369 00:19:05,217 --> 00:19:06,549 That's what I'm saying! 370 00:19:06,550 --> 00:19:09,282 I can't believe we can keep track of where they've been. 371 00:19:09,283 --> 00:19:12,281 They're great, these gizmos, aren't they? Yes. 372 00:19:12,282 --> 00:19:14,281 I imagine you've had something similar attached 373 00:19:14,282 --> 00:19:16,282 to your ankle in the past. 374 00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:31,282 We seem to have been driving a long time. 375 00:19:34,282 --> 00:19:37,282 You all right up there, Lee? You're very quiet. 376 00:19:38,282 --> 00:19:40,282 I think he go to sleep. 377 00:19:41,282 --> 00:19:43,282 Can I try your phone again? 378 00:19:45,282 --> 00:19:46,817 Still no signal. 379 00:19:49,282 --> 00:19:51,281 Lee? 380 00:19:51,282 --> 00:19:53,282 You going to wake up, Lee? 381 00:19:54,683 --> 00:19:56,550 Your husband, he is a heavy sleeper. 382 00:19:58,282 --> 00:20:00,282 Even with my special coffee. 383 00:20:03,683 --> 00:20:05,281 Don't worry. 384 00:20:05,282 --> 00:20:08,083 Soon you will be home. 385 00:20:08,084 --> 00:20:10,281 Me, I have no proper home. 386 00:20:10,282 --> 00:20:12,281 I like being on the road. 387 00:20:12,282 --> 00:20:13,949 You don't like being tied down? 388 00:20:13,950 --> 00:20:15,281 Exactly. 389 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,950 Other people, they are for tying down. 390 00:20:20,282 --> 00:20:23,282 PHONE RINGS 391 00:20:27,282 --> 00:20:29,281 I thought you said there was no signal. 392 00:20:29,282 --> 00:20:30,415 There is no signal. 393 00:20:30,416 --> 00:20:33,282 That is alarm, to tell me I should take break. 394 00:20:35,084 --> 00:20:36,281 So why aren't you taking a break? 395 00:20:36,282 --> 00:20:38,281 We are nearly there. 396 00:20:38,282 --> 00:20:42,281 Are you sure? I don't recognise this way. 397 00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:44,281 I know all the short cuts. 398 00:20:44,282 --> 00:20:45,282 Cut here. 399 00:20:45,283 --> 00:20:47,281 Cut there. 400 00:20:47,282 --> 00:20:49,283 Cut, cut, cut. 401 00:20:51,282 --> 00:20:53,281 Lee? 402 00:20:53,282 --> 00:20:54,283 Lee! 403 00:20:56,282 --> 00:20:58,281 What was in that coffee? Sorry? 404 00:20:58,282 --> 00:20:59,282 Stop the lorry! Why? 405 00:20:59,283 --> 00:21:01,281 We want to get out! I cannot let you out here! 406 00:21:01,282 --> 00:21:03,281 SCREAMING: Just let us out! 407 00:21:03,282 --> 00:21:05,282 THEY SCREAM 408 00:21:14,282 --> 00:21:17,281 That's not fair! When I asked for a drive, you said no! 409 00:21:17,282 --> 00:21:19,281 He's a lunatic! He's trying to kill us! 410 00:21:19,282 --> 00:21:21,281 I'm trying to kill YOU? 411 00:21:21,282 --> 00:21:23,950 TYRES SCREECH 412 00:21:26,282 --> 00:21:27,282 What's going on?! 413 00:21:27,283 --> 00:21:30,083 I'm taking you to Toys R Here, that is what's going on! 414 00:21:30,084 --> 00:21:32,281 No, he's not! This is nowhere near Walton. 415 00:21:32,282 --> 00:21:35,281 What is Walton? I am taking you to town of Burley! 416 00:21:35,282 --> 00:21:37,281 Where? 417 00:21:37,282 --> 00:21:39,282 We are very nearly there! 418 00:21:40,282 --> 00:21:43,283 Is it possible, Lucy, that there is more than one branch of Toys R Here? 419 00:21:45,217 --> 00:21:46,281 Rightio. 420 00:21:46,282 --> 00:21:49,282 As you were. Get out, you lunatic! 421 00:21:50,282 --> 00:21:52,282 Bit rude. Out! 422 00:21:55,817 --> 00:21:57,415 That's what I like about you. 423 00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:59,282 You always see the best in people. 424 00:22:02,282 --> 00:22:04,282 He's still got Santa! 425 00:22:05,817 --> 00:22:08,282 Stop! 426 00:22:14,217 --> 00:22:15,550 I'm having a bad day! 427 00:22:18,282 --> 00:22:20,816 Where are you going? Home. 428 00:22:20,817 --> 00:22:24,281 If we set off now, we might make it back for New Year's Eve. 429 00:22:24,282 --> 00:22:27,281 Wait! There's no way I'm going home empty-handed. 430 00:22:27,282 --> 00:22:30,281 Oh, let it go! No! 431 00:22:30,282 --> 00:22:32,281 Santa has gone! 432 00:22:32,282 --> 00:22:33,282 Ours has gone! 433 00:22:33,283 --> 00:22:35,682 But the shop might have others in stock! 434 00:22:35,683 --> 00:22:37,949 Oh, and which shop should we try first? 435 00:22:37,950 --> 00:22:41,216 Peter Rabbit's Countryside Emporium, or Jemima Puddleduck's 436 00:22:41,217 --> 00:22:43,415 24-Hour Emergency Inflatables? 437 00:22:43,416 --> 00:22:46,216 Toys R Here, Burley. 438 00:22:46,217 --> 00:22:48,281 You heard the driver, we're almost there. 439 00:22:48,282 --> 00:22:50,816 And assuming by some miracle you find it 440 00:22:50,817 --> 00:22:53,281 and that it's actually open, how are you going to pay for it? 441 00:22:53,282 --> 00:22:56,281 We will Google directory enquiries, find our landline number, 442 00:22:56,282 --> 00:22:59,281 get your parents to pay for it over the phone with my credit card, 443 00:22:59,282 --> 00:23:02,281 then find a taxi company and pay for it at the other end. 444 00:23:02,282 --> 00:23:03,415 Come on! 445 00:23:03,416 --> 00:23:05,282 Where the hell are you going now? 446 00:23:05,283 --> 00:23:07,281 By road, two miles. 447 00:23:07,282 --> 00:23:09,950 By foot, one mile. 448 00:23:11,282 --> 00:23:12,282 Great. 449 00:23:12,283 --> 00:23:14,682 Because I was just thinking this doesn't remind me 450 00:23:14,683 --> 00:23:18,083 enough of the Blair Witch Project yet. 451 00:23:18,084 --> 00:23:20,281 You're going to get us lost! No, I'm not. 452 00:23:20,282 --> 00:23:22,281 Just because you're northern, 453 00:23:22,282 --> 00:23:24,416 doesn't mean you have homing pigeon in your DNA. 454 00:23:29,282 --> 00:23:31,949 It's raining and I'm freezing. Can you hurry up? 455 00:23:31,950 --> 00:23:35,281 RUSTLING Sh! I heard a noise! 456 00:23:35,282 --> 00:23:36,282 In that tree. 457 00:23:36,283 --> 00:23:38,281 RUSTLING 458 00:23:38,282 --> 00:23:40,281 It's a squirrel. 459 00:23:40,282 --> 00:23:44,281 Oh. But go ahead and accuse it of trying to murder you anyway. 460 00:23:44,282 --> 00:23:46,281 Come on. 461 00:23:46,282 --> 00:23:47,282 I need the toilet. 462 00:23:49,282 --> 00:23:51,281 Well, what are you waiting for? 463 00:23:51,282 --> 00:23:53,281 A quiet and secluded spot with a bit of privacy? 464 00:23:53,282 --> 00:23:55,281 I'm not going on a public footpath! 465 00:23:55,282 --> 00:23:57,281 Well, who do you think is going to see you? 466 00:23:57,282 --> 00:23:59,281 Chris Packham and the team from Springwatch? 467 00:23:59,282 --> 00:24:01,282 I'm going behind a bush. 468 00:24:02,282 --> 00:24:05,281 Well, be careful of nettles. You're already in a bad mood. 469 00:24:05,282 --> 00:24:07,281 That might finish you off. 470 00:24:07,282 --> 00:24:09,281 SHE SCREAMS 471 00:24:09,282 --> 00:24:12,083 THUD Blimey. Sounds like you needed that. 472 00:24:12,084 --> 00:24:13,281 Are you all right? 473 00:24:13,282 --> 00:24:16,281 Yeah, but I've fallen down an embankment. 474 00:24:16,282 --> 00:24:19,281 I can't get back up! 475 00:24:19,282 --> 00:24:22,083 Oh, God! How hard can it be to go behind a bush for a quick...? 476 00:24:22,084 --> 00:24:24,281 LEE SCREAMS 477 00:24:24,282 --> 00:24:25,282 THUD 478 00:24:32,084 --> 00:24:34,682 Look, there's a signal from Mum's phone again. 479 00:24:34,683 --> 00:24:36,949 They're coming down the road now. Oh, thank God. 480 00:24:36,950 --> 00:24:39,281 I'm sure there's an innocent explanation. 481 00:24:39,282 --> 00:24:40,282 I don't care. 482 00:24:41,282 --> 00:24:43,281 Whatever it is, it was damned rude. 483 00:24:43,282 --> 00:24:46,281 I'm sure it was. HE CHUCKLES 484 00:24:46,282 --> 00:24:48,281 Making me miss the golf club lunch. 485 00:24:48,282 --> 00:24:50,281 I'll never forgive them for this. 486 00:24:50,282 --> 00:24:52,549 Is there even a part of you that's worried about them? 487 00:24:52,550 --> 00:24:54,281 Yes, my fist. It's going to really hurt 488 00:24:54,282 --> 00:24:56,281 after Lee comes through that door. Oh... 489 00:24:56,282 --> 00:24:57,282 KNOCKING 490 00:25:01,282 --> 00:25:04,281 Oh, God! Don't worry, madam, it's good news. 491 00:25:04,282 --> 00:25:07,083 We have recovered your phone and your purse. 492 00:25:07,084 --> 00:25:09,549 They were discovered in your abandoned vehicle. What? 493 00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:12,281 Yeah. You contacted us from a phone box to report them missing? 494 00:25:12,282 --> 00:25:13,817 No, I didn't. 495 00:25:15,084 --> 00:25:16,281 That must have been Lucy! 496 00:25:16,282 --> 00:25:18,282 Well, if their car and phone were stolen, 497 00:25:18,283 --> 00:25:21,281 that at least explains why we haven't heard from them. 498 00:25:21,282 --> 00:25:22,282 I suppose so. 499 00:25:22,283 --> 00:25:26,281 Or the other explanation is, they're lying, bleeding to death somewhere. 500 00:25:26,282 --> 00:25:28,416 Have you ever considered a job in victim support? 501 00:25:31,084 --> 00:25:34,281 Can I ask you a question, sir? Of course. 502 00:25:34,282 --> 00:25:37,084 Why are you dressed as Abraham Lincoln? 503 00:25:39,282 --> 00:25:42,816 Where the hell are we? I don't know, but can you move a bit faster? 504 00:25:42,817 --> 00:25:45,281 It's not my fault! I've lost a shoe! 505 00:25:45,282 --> 00:25:48,281 What? Back there, it got stuck in all this mud. 506 00:25:48,282 --> 00:25:50,281 Well, why didn't you pick it up? 507 00:25:50,282 --> 00:25:52,281 Because I like the challenge of hopping! 508 00:25:52,282 --> 00:25:54,950 Why do you think I didn't pick it up? It's pitch-black! 509 00:25:56,084 --> 00:26:00,682 Ow! I hate this! 20 years ago, nobody had a mobile phone. 510 00:26:00,683 --> 00:26:02,682 We go without one for a few hours 511 00:26:02,683 --> 00:26:05,281 and we're reduced to the status of hedgehogs. 512 00:26:05,282 --> 00:26:06,415 I wish we were hedgehogs, 513 00:26:06,416 --> 00:26:09,549 then we might be able to see in the dark to pick up shoes. 514 00:26:09,550 --> 00:26:11,281 Well, look on the bright side - 515 00:26:11,282 --> 00:26:15,282 at least you can't see which finger I'm holding up. 516 00:26:17,282 --> 00:26:20,282 Look! There - can you see the Plough? 517 00:26:21,282 --> 00:26:23,816 Yes. And? 518 00:26:23,817 --> 00:26:29,281 The two stars on the left point up, so you can identify the North Star. 519 00:26:29,282 --> 00:26:32,282 Oh, yes, I think I can see it! 520 00:26:33,282 --> 00:26:34,283 And how does that help us? 521 00:26:36,282 --> 00:26:39,282 It doesn't. I just thought you might be interested. 522 00:26:40,282 --> 00:26:42,281 I can't go on. 523 00:26:42,282 --> 00:26:44,282 I'm just going to die here. 524 00:26:47,282 --> 00:26:49,281 You're right. 525 00:26:49,282 --> 00:26:51,281 They'll probably find our bodies in a fortnight, 526 00:26:51,282 --> 00:26:53,282 our faces gnawed off by badgers. 527 00:26:55,217 --> 00:26:58,281 You were meant to tell me everything's going to be all right. 528 00:26:58,282 --> 00:26:59,282 Oh. 529 00:27:00,683 --> 00:27:02,282 Everything's going to... Too late. 530 00:27:05,282 --> 00:27:07,281 Hang on. What's that? 531 00:27:07,282 --> 00:27:10,281 Oh, thank God! What? 532 00:27:10,282 --> 00:27:12,281 It's a shopping trolley! 533 00:27:12,282 --> 00:27:14,281 Well, it had better be full of shoes 534 00:27:14,282 --> 00:27:16,281 and sat navs or I'm going to kill you! 535 00:27:16,282 --> 00:27:19,281 A shopping trolley means we are close to the shops. 536 00:27:19,282 --> 00:27:20,282 Come on! 537 00:27:28,282 --> 00:27:30,282 There it is! OWL HOOTS 538 00:27:31,817 --> 00:27:33,281 Is it open? 539 00:27:33,282 --> 00:27:36,281 Yeah, and there's a special offer on Stickle Bricks. 540 00:27:36,282 --> 00:27:39,281 How can I tell if it's open? The lights are on. 541 00:27:39,282 --> 00:27:42,282 Yeah, well, it doesn't mean there's anyone at home. 542 00:27:43,282 --> 00:27:45,281 Hurry up! 543 00:27:45,282 --> 00:27:48,216 This is as fast as I can go with a missing shoe! 544 00:27:48,217 --> 00:27:50,083 I'm not Mowgli! 545 00:27:50,084 --> 00:27:51,282 Ow! 546 00:27:53,416 --> 00:27:55,282 Whoa! Slow down! 547 00:27:55,283 --> 00:27:59,282 No! They might be about to shut! LUCY YELPS 548 00:28:04,282 --> 00:28:06,682 Who needs to drive a lorry when you can do this? 549 00:28:06,683 --> 00:28:10,282 LUCY SCREAMS CONTINUOUSLY 550 00:28:15,283 --> 00:28:18,949 Wait! Wait! 551 00:28:18,950 --> 00:28:21,281 Wait! Hold the door! 552 00:28:21,282 --> 00:28:23,216 Stop! 553 00:28:23,217 --> 00:28:25,281 Whoa! Wait, wait, wait! Stop, stop, stop! 554 00:28:25,282 --> 00:28:26,949 You've got to let us in! 555 00:28:26,950 --> 00:28:28,281 Sorry, we've just closed, guys. 556 00:28:28,282 --> 00:28:30,549 Wait! Please. 557 00:28:30,550 --> 00:28:32,281 We're not asking much. 558 00:28:32,282 --> 00:28:34,281 We just need you to open the shop again for five minutes. 559 00:28:34,282 --> 00:28:35,549 And let me borrow your phone 560 00:28:35,550 --> 00:28:37,281 so we can find the number of a taxi firm. 561 00:28:37,282 --> 00:28:39,415 And then we need to use it to find our landline number 562 00:28:39,416 --> 00:28:41,816 so we can pay for something over the phone. 563 00:28:41,817 --> 00:28:44,415 And you need to sell me a shoe. Just the one. 564 00:28:44,416 --> 00:28:47,281 All right, we are asking for quite a lot, but... 565 00:28:47,282 --> 00:28:49,281 Wait, just let me in! 566 00:28:49,282 --> 00:28:50,282 I can leave my wife parked out here! 567 00:28:50,283 --> 00:28:53,281 She's doesn't even have to take up a disabled bay! 568 00:28:53,282 --> 00:28:55,281 It's only a sore foot! 569 00:28:55,282 --> 00:28:57,282 Oh! 570 00:29:01,217 --> 00:29:03,549 Well, that's it, then. 571 00:29:03,550 --> 00:29:05,549 I've failed. 572 00:29:05,550 --> 00:29:07,281 I've let the kids down. 573 00:29:07,282 --> 00:29:09,281 I've let you down. 574 00:29:09,282 --> 00:29:11,282 I've ruined Christmas. 575 00:29:12,282 --> 00:29:13,282 Yeah. 576 00:29:14,683 --> 00:29:17,281 You're supposed to say everything's going to be all right. 577 00:29:17,282 --> 00:29:20,281 Well, there's one bit of good news. 578 00:29:20,282 --> 00:29:23,281 There was a pound coin left in that shopping trolley, 579 00:29:23,282 --> 00:29:25,282 so at least we can use a phone box. 580 00:29:30,817 --> 00:29:32,282 It's a euro. 581 00:29:36,282 --> 00:29:37,282 Oh, look. 582 00:29:41,282 --> 00:29:43,281 It's the lorry that picked us up! 583 00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:46,281 He said he was stopping for a break after his next delivery. 584 00:29:46,282 --> 00:29:48,282 We can get Santa back! 585 00:29:58,683 --> 00:30:01,083 He's asleep. I'll wake him up. 586 00:30:01,084 --> 00:30:03,282 Don't wake him up! He already hates us! 587 00:30:30,282 --> 00:30:32,281 What are you doing? 588 00:30:32,282 --> 00:30:34,281 I'm getting Santa back. 589 00:30:34,282 --> 00:30:36,083 Get out! 590 00:30:36,084 --> 00:30:40,282 No! That man has kidnapped Christmas, and I am the SAS! 591 00:30:44,950 --> 00:30:47,282 HE STRAINS 592 00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:53,281 Give me a hand. He's trapped. 593 00:30:53,282 --> 00:30:55,281 Oh, it's "he" now, is it? 594 00:30:55,282 --> 00:30:56,282 Hurry up! 595 00:31:05,282 --> 00:31:08,084 HE SNORES, PHONE RINGS 596 00:31:15,282 --> 00:31:18,281 THEY STRAIN 597 00:31:18,282 --> 00:31:19,682 Are you actually trying? 598 00:31:19,683 --> 00:31:22,281 I know it's Christmas, and I love you very much, 599 00:31:22,282 --> 00:31:24,282 but I will punch you in the face! 600 00:31:28,282 --> 00:31:30,282 Come on! 601 00:31:39,282 --> 00:31:41,550 ENGINE STARTS 602 00:31:43,550 --> 00:31:46,282 CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYS 603 00:31:50,550 --> 00:31:53,683 Let us out! Hello! We're in here! Hello! 604 00:31:57,282 --> 00:31:58,282 Stand back. 605 00:32:03,282 --> 00:32:05,282 HE GROANS 606 00:32:10,282 --> 00:32:13,281 It's all very well, that police officer telling us not to worry. 607 00:32:13,282 --> 00:32:16,281 It's not his daughter out there on her own. 608 00:32:16,282 --> 00:32:18,281 She's not on her own, she's with Lee. 609 00:32:18,282 --> 00:32:22,083 I'd rather she were on her own, to quote my speech from the wedding. 610 00:32:22,084 --> 00:32:24,281 So what do we do now? 611 00:32:24,282 --> 00:32:26,281 Well, Wendy and I have the bed. 612 00:32:26,282 --> 00:32:27,682 You have the sofa. 613 00:32:27,683 --> 00:32:29,415 That's disgusting! 614 00:32:29,416 --> 00:32:32,216 We don't even know if they're dead yet 615 00:32:32,217 --> 00:32:34,281 and you're dividing up the furniture? 616 00:32:34,282 --> 00:32:37,281 Don't be so stupid! Of course they're not bloody dead! 617 00:32:37,282 --> 00:32:39,682 I will not be called stupid in my own son's house 618 00:32:39,683 --> 00:32:41,282 by a man dressed as Noddy Holder! 619 00:32:43,282 --> 00:32:45,281 I'm Bob Cratchit! 620 00:32:45,282 --> 00:32:47,281 Will you both be quiet? 621 00:32:47,282 --> 00:32:49,816 I've only just managed to settle the children! 622 00:32:49,817 --> 00:32:52,281 They were asking a lot of very difficult questions. 623 00:32:52,282 --> 00:32:53,549 What did you tell them? 624 00:32:53,550 --> 00:32:57,083 I made up a story and told them that Mummy and Daddy were on an adventure 625 00:32:57,084 --> 00:33:00,682 with Father Christmas, making deliveries up and down the country. 626 00:33:00,683 --> 00:33:03,282 If only it were true. 627 00:33:06,282 --> 00:33:08,282 THUMPING 628 00:33:11,282 --> 00:33:12,282 Let us out! 629 00:33:14,282 --> 00:33:15,683 Forget it. He can't hear us. 630 00:33:17,282 --> 00:33:19,281 There must be some way of communicating with him. 631 00:33:19,282 --> 00:33:24,281 What have we got back here? Marker pen, rubber bands, wooden pallets. 632 00:33:24,282 --> 00:33:25,682 Perhaps we could rig something up, 633 00:33:25,683 --> 00:33:27,281 reach out of the side of the van somehow 634 00:33:27,282 --> 00:33:28,816 and write on the window of the cab. 635 00:33:28,817 --> 00:33:30,416 Sorry, have I just joined the A-Team? 636 00:33:32,282 --> 00:33:35,281 Well, we're just going to have to wait till he stops and lets us out. 637 00:33:35,282 --> 00:33:37,083 Well, how long's that going to be? 638 00:33:37,084 --> 00:33:38,550 It's probably Christmas Day by now. 639 00:33:40,217 --> 00:33:42,282 Merry Christmas. Shut up. 640 00:33:45,282 --> 00:33:47,282 Hang on. There's a hatch! 641 00:33:48,950 --> 00:33:50,816 There's no way we can get up there. 642 00:33:50,817 --> 00:33:55,083 Maybe not, but we could lift Santa up and stick his head through. 643 00:33:55,084 --> 00:33:57,281 Lucy, Santa's eyes are painted on. 644 00:33:57,282 --> 00:33:59,949 He won't be able to see anything. 645 00:33:59,950 --> 00:34:01,281 I know that. 646 00:34:01,282 --> 00:34:04,281 But maybe someone else will see it and call the police. 647 00:34:04,282 --> 00:34:06,281 HE SIGHS And what are they going to say? 648 00:34:06,282 --> 00:34:09,281 "It's Christmas Eve, and I've seen Santa Claus!" 649 00:34:09,282 --> 00:34:11,281 We're trying it! 650 00:34:11,282 --> 00:34:14,282 MUSIC: Driving Home For Christmas by Chris Rea 651 00:34:20,217 --> 00:34:23,415 Hold still! I'm trying! 652 00:34:23,416 --> 00:34:26,281 You're not making this very easy. 653 00:34:26,282 --> 00:34:28,281 Well, that would take all the fun out of it! 654 00:34:28,282 --> 00:34:30,816 I've always wanted to be the bottom section of a part-human, 655 00:34:30,817 --> 00:34:32,281 part-rubber totem pole! 656 00:34:32,282 --> 00:34:35,281 Just lift me up a bit, I'm almost there. 657 00:34:35,282 --> 00:34:39,281 Hang on, I'll just set my Inspector Gadget legs to levitate mode. 658 00:34:39,282 --> 00:34:42,282 Whoa! 659 00:34:47,282 --> 00:34:50,281 Are you OK? Yeah, you? 660 00:34:50,282 --> 00:34:54,281 Yeah, luckily that big heavy bolt was there to break my fall. 661 00:34:54,282 --> 00:34:56,281 There's another hatch! 662 00:34:56,282 --> 00:34:59,282 Oh, yeah, I'm fine, thanks, I'll live. 663 00:35:05,282 --> 00:35:09,083 Jump. We can't drop onto a road at 70 miles an hour! 664 00:35:09,084 --> 00:35:10,816 Look, we're hardly moving. 665 00:35:10,817 --> 00:35:12,281 We must be stuck in heavy traffic. 666 00:35:12,282 --> 00:35:15,281 Just do it! No chance! 667 00:35:15,282 --> 00:35:18,281 You'll have no choice if I go first. 668 00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,282 You reckon? I'm staying here. 669 00:35:28,282 --> 00:35:30,281 How about now? 670 00:35:30,282 --> 00:35:32,282 I hate you. 671 00:35:40,282 --> 00:35:42,282 Oh, God! 672 00:35:47,217 --> 00:35:49,282 HORN BLARES Lee! 673 00:35:53,282 --> 00:35:55,281 Thanks for that. 674 00:35:55,282 --> 00:35:57,281 It's been at least an hour since I broke a rib on a hard floor. 675 00:35:57,282 --> 00:35:59,282 I was starting to miss it. 676 00:36:00,282 --> 00:36:01,549 Where are we? 677 00:36:01,550 --> 00:36:03,282 I don't know. 678 00:36:13,282 --> 00:36:14,683 SHIP HORN BLOWS 679 00:36:17,282 --> 00:36:19,281 Oh, God! 680 00:36:19,282 --> 00:36:20,950 Now what? 681 00:36:22,282 --> 00:36:24,282 Well, he had to come in handy eventually. 682 00:36:31,282 --> 00:36:32,949 You what?! 683 00:36:32,950 --> 00:36:34,281 Well, he floats, doesn't he? 684 00:36:34,282 --> 00:36:35,283 I hate you! 685 00:36:37,084 --> 00:36:38,282 Again. 686 00:36:40,550 --> 00:36:42,550 THEY SCREAM 687 00:36:49,283 --> 00:36:52,549 Well, thank you. Thank you for keeping us updated. 688 00:36:52,550 --> 00:36:54,682 Yes. Goodbye. 689 00:36:54,683 --> 00:36:56,282 Well, still nothing from the police. 690 00:36:56,283 --> 00:37:00,281 They haven't been admitted to any hospitals as far as we can tell. 691 00:37:00,282 --> 00:37:03,083 So what are we going to tell those children when they wake up? 692 00:37:03,084 --> 00:37:08,281 KIDS: Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! 693 00:37:08,282 --> 00:37:10,281 Where's Mummy and Daddy? 694 00:37:10,282 --> 00:37:12,281 Have they got our inflatable Santa? 695 00:37:12,282 --> 00:37:15,281 We need to talk to you about something. 696 00:37:15,282 --> 00:37:17,216 The thing is... 697 00:37:17,217 --> 00:37:19,281 ..I don't quite know how to put this. 698 00:37:19,282 --> 00:37:22,281 You know in these horror films when people go missing? 699 00:37:22,282 --> 00:37:24,281 I'll do it. 700 00:37:24,282 --> 00:37:25,816 The thing is... 701 00:37:25,817 --> 00:37:27,281 ..Mummy and Daddy... 702 00:37:27,282 --> 00:37:30,281 What? DOOR OPENS 703 00:37:30,282 --> 00:37:32,282 Oh, thank God! 704 00:37:34,282 --> 00:37:36,281 Look what Daddy got you! 705 00:37:36,282 --> 00:37:39,282 We wanted the one with the blue scarf. 706 00:37:41,282 --> 00:37:45,281 Well, this is your lucky day. 707 00:37:45,282 --> 00:37:47,550 Because that is exactly what I got you! 708 00:37:49,282 --> 00:37:50,549 I brought it over last night. 709 00:37:50,550 --> 00:37:53,282 So it looks like you needn't have popped out after all. 710 00:37:54,683 --> 00:37:57,281 I hate Christmas. 711 00:37:57,282 --> 00:38:00,281 Dad, have you got 250 quid you can lend us 712 00:38:00,282 --> 00:38:03,281 to pay for the cab? 713 00:38:03,282 --> 00:38:06,281 That's quite ironic, given you're dressed as Scrooge. 714 00:38:06,282 --> 00:38:08,416 I'm Bob Cratchit! 715 00:38:12,282 --> 00:38:15,281 We're not going out 716 00:38:15,282 --> 00:38:17,281 Not staying in 717 00:38:17,282 --> 00:38:19,682 Just hanging around with my head in a spin 718 00:38:19,683 --> 00:38:22,682 But there is no need to scream and shout 719 00:38:22,683 --> 00:38:25,281 We're not going out 720 00:38:25,282 --> 00:38:28,282 ? We are not going out. ? 721 00:38:28,332 --> 00:38:32,882 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 53092

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