All language subtitles for Not Going Out s07e06 Alcohol.eng

We're not going out

Not staying in

Just hanging around
With my head in a spin

But there is no need
to scream and shout

We're not going out

? We are not going out. ?

Dad.

Dad, wake up.

Last orders at the bar, please.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

It's like watching a caterpillar
giving birth to a weasel.

You need to get a new sofa.

You've got an annoying
lump in this one.

Dad, it's been over a week.

When are you going back to live
with your latest floozy?

I've told you,
I can't go back to hers. It's over.

She said some very hurtful things.

What words could be so hurtful that
it would prevent you from ever

walking through someone's front door
again? I'll tell you what she said.

Hang on, let me get a pen.

Listen, Lee, I've been
thinking about your dad all day.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

I spend many hours
thinking about your mum.

He can't stay here for ever you know.

We need to find a long-term
solution.

I tried that last night
but he woke up

while I was holding
the pillow over his face.

He seems to be getting
worse lately.

Getting in to fights,
telling lies, stealing things.

What do you think's causing it?

Well, you don't have to be a genius.
Why do you think I'm asking you?

It's because he's an idiot.
No. Try alcohol.

Well, I'd love to
but my dad's drank it all.

Exactly.
Lee, your dad's an alcoholic.

No, he isn't.

Of course he is. Lee you've said it
yourself many times.

No, I haven't.
I've said, "My dad likes a drink."

I've said, "My dad is
a drunken buffoon."

I've even gone as far as saying he's
an addled old pisshead.

Yeah, I remember you saying
all of those.

It was a hell of a speech to
celebrate his 70th.

We don't have alcoholics in my
family. We just have characters.

Colourful characters.

Your problem is, you don't get it
because you're English.

Oh, is that right, Mr Ling Po Chung?

My family on my dad's side are
Scottish. That's all it is.

Ah, well that's all right, then,
isn't it?

I mean after all, whoever
heard of an alcoholic Scotsman?

It's a cultural thing.
my grandad was a drinker.

He drank himself into the grave.
Well, there you go.

It wasn't his grave.

No, he was taking a short cut
through the cemetery on his way

home from the pub.

See, characters.

Why can't you just
admit your dad's an alcoholic?

Because he's not.

Lee, you need to face up to this
and do something about it.

Lucy, let it drop.
He's not an alcoholic.

End of story.

Did you order anything from Ocado?

Dad left early today.

Not surprising when you see what
I found in the flat this morning.

Bit harsh, she's got feelings.

Frank urinated on Lucy's yucca plant
last night when he was drunk.

Yes, Lee, that is what your
non-alcoholic father did.

Oh, right I see. So now he's
MY father, is he?

Hopefully, a man urinating wherever
he chooses is 100% proof.

Don't tell him that,
he'll try and drink it.

So, do you now accept
that your dad's an alcoholic?

Fine. If it means we can chuck him
out the flat.

We can't just chuck him out, Lee.

Your dad's going to drink
himself to death.

We need to help him.
Daisy's has a good idea.

I'll get the bunting.

We're going to stage
an intervention.

I'm sorry to be rude, Daisy,
but where do you fit in to all this?

Because I've got experience.

We did one to get my cousin
off cannabis and it worked.

Admittedly he now spends a lot more
time on the crack pipe.

But I've learned from that
intervention

and I won't make the same
mistake again. What mistake?

Well, this time I won't say,

"If you promise to stop smoking
cannabis I'll buy you a crack pipe."

Now, it's very important that
your dad is sober when we do this.

Good luck with that.
You'll have to catch him early.

How early?

I'd say any time before about 1960.
So what is an intervention?

It's where you sit the person down
and confront them

with all the things they've
done wrong.

Oh, I thought
that was called a landlady.

Hi, Frank. Come and sit down? Why?

Because we need to talk to you.

Is it about that tenner
I took from the fruit bowl? No.

Is it about Lee's clean
underwear going missing?

No. Sit down and I'll tell you
what it's about.

No, let him keep guessing,
I'm learning a lot here.

What's in the bag?
Lucy sent me out to get milk.

Why's it clanking? Did you take your
own pail down to the dairy?

They didn't have semi-skimmed,
so I got four cans of Stella.

Look, Frank, I'll get
straight to the point.

We know you've always liked a drink,

but lately we think it's
taking over your life.

It's costing you so much, in many
ways, and we want to help you.

Do you? Yeah, we do.

Well, that means a lot.
Because I do need help.

20 quid should do it.

A bit of beer money till
I get through to giro day.

Right, I think you might have
misunderstood

where we're coming from.

Look, Frank, there's no easy
way to say this.

Yes, there is. A very easy way.
Dad, you're an alkie.

An absolute first class drunken,
addled, wino.

You're right.
This does feel pretty good.

You're also a dishonest,
lying, thieving bastard.

Can we do this every week?

Can I just stop you there,
actually, Lee,

because this isn't about
making accusations.

We talk about how Frank's
behaviour makes us feel.

So, "I feel betrayed, or "I feel
intimidated", that sort of thing.

OK. Dad, I feel like you're a
dishonest, lying, thieving bastard.

That's much better. Well done.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you
all, but you're wasting your time.

I am not an alcoholic.

Aw. That's a shame.
We were so sure you were.

I'm afraid we don't agree, Frank.
And neither does my yucca plant.

Oh that. It helps them to grow.

If that was true, the number
of times you've wet yourself,

you'd be eight foot four.

Lee, perhaps you should tell
your dad how his drinking has

affected you over the years.

Maybe start with your childhood.

OK, one of my earliest
memories is of you downing

a can of lager in one at a party.

I remember that.
Was it me 30th?

Yeah. Your 30th can.

So, whose birthday was it?
It was mine. My fifth birthday. Oh.

At least your father was
there for you.

He wasn't at a single
one of my birthday parties.

Were you, Frank?

Why would he be?
Oh, but it's OK when you say it.

Well, I'd like to thank you
all for your concern

but I think it's a load of bollocks.

Can I have a drink now? No, Frank.
We all want you to get well.

But if you insist on
killing yourself,

we won't be a part of that.

I'm afraid if you won't seek help,
then you'll have to leave the flat.

Lee?

Surely my own son's not going to
turn his back on me?

With some people, you have to be
cruel to be kind.

With others people,
you have to be cruel just

because it sort of feels good.

Look, the point is
if you do seek help,

then you're welcome to stay
here for as long as you want.

Hang on. I never agreed to that.

So what do you say, Frank? What do
you mean, seek help exactly?

Well, I've found a place that does
group sessions for people

with drink problems.
I've told them to expect you.

If I said, "No",
would you really throw me out?

I afraid we'd have to.

It's for your own good.

Where would I go? Don't worry,
you can come and stay with me

if you like, Frank,
I've got bags of room.

Daisy, it's supposed to be a threat.
Oh, yeah.

Well, you can come and stay with me
if you like, Frank.

But if you say, "Yes",
I'll kick your head in.

I'm not sure about this.

Come on, Dad, the sooner you do
this, the sooner you can fail

and we can chuck you out
on the street.

Thanks for the support.
Oh, come off it.

You're only here
because of the threat of eviction.

You don't think you'll change
any more than I do.

Maybe there's another side
to me you've never seen.

A more caring and sensitive person
who's trying to get out.

Bloody hell,
look at the tits on that.

Hi, I'm Karen. You must be Frank.
Nice to meet you, love.

And well done. The very fact that
you've come here today

is half the battle won. Oh, good.

So if I turn round now
and go all the way back home,

does that mean I'm fully cured?

I want to show you it's possible to
get through life without

relying on alcohol.
You say that now.

Wait till you've spent ten
minutes with him.

Frank's been gone seven hours.
Do you think everything's all right?

He'll be in the pub. You don't have
much faith in your dad, do you?

You never know,
he might have seen the light.

Well, as long as he
walks towards it.

I drank alcohol once.

Once?

All right! No need to judge,
I'm only human.

I haven't drunk since, though,
it put me off for life.

Why what happened?
Well, I completely blacked up.

You mean blacked out?
No, I mean blacked up.

I had a sudden drunken urge to see
what it would be like

to be Al Jolson.

They found me urinating in a skip,
singing Mammy.

Evening all.

Sorry I'm late, you know what
it's like when you start listening

to birds in the trees and feel the
soft breeze caressing your cheek.

See, what did I tell you?
Pissed as a fart.

You're right there, Son.
I am drunk. I'm drunk on life.

I'm drunk on joy.
I'm drunk on hope and possibility.

Is that it? Usually white
spirits is on the list.

What happened?

They sat me down and told me to list
what I drank in a typical week.

Mmm. I wondered why it took you
seven hours.

We chatted a bit
and then she told me straight.

Unless I sort myself out, I'll be
dead within a year.

Well, don't keep us in suspense,
which one have you gone for?

I've decided to stop drinking.

Oh, yes! The intervention worked!

Oh, Frank, I'd walk a million
miles for one of your smiles.

Oh, Frank, that's so great.

He's saying all this just so he can
carry on dossing in the flat.

You're wrong, son.

In fact, if you must know,
I don't want to stay here anymore.

I'm going. I've been
a burden for too long.

Karen has found me
a room at the sober house.

Just while I sort myself out.

Well, there's no need to go
straightaway, Frank.

At least stay until tomorrow.

No I'd rather get on with it,
thanks, love. So what's the rush?

I didn't want to say this,
but since you're pushing me.

I've been advised by the group to
get myself away from

other problem drinkers.

And who are these other
problem drinkers? Who do you think?

I don't know. Because I certainly
haven't got a drinking problem.

Ooh! That's one of the signs
though, isn't it, Frank, denial?

Well spotted, love. I don't drink
anywhere near as much as you.

True, because I don't drink.
It's been half a day!

Half a day, half a year.
Makes no difference.

Course it does.

I can hold my breath for 20
seconds, doesn't mean I'm a fish.

No, but you drink like one.
Everyone in the group agrees.

Sorry? A bunch of alcoholics think
I drink too much?

Defensive attitude, another sign.

How many units a week do you drink?
I don't know. Six?

Six!? What are they,
industrial storage units?

Alcoholics drink first thing
in the morning.

I never drink in the morning.

Only because you don't get up
until noon.

Listen, if there's a problem
drinker in this flat, it's you.

I drink sociably, in the pub.
You're a solitary drinker, at home.

That's worse. Turning on your
friends. Another sign.

What are you talking about?
I have a glass of wine with a meal.

I've never met Emil, but
clearly he's an alcoholic as well.

Alcoholics hide
drink around the house.

You hid that bottle of champagne
last week. I was hiding it from you!

Because I knew if you found it,
you'd drink it.

Which you did. I was celebrating.
Celebrating what?

Finding a bottle of champagne.

You see, Daisy,
this is the kind of conflict

and negativity I need to avoid.

Look, this is a silly argument,
you two.

Can't we just agree,
you're both alcoholics.

There's nothing wrong with
the amount I drink. Me neither.

Well, if you're both
so sure you haven't got a problem,

you won't mind taking the test,
will you? What test?

There's no way I'm peeing in a cup.

I did this test with Karen
earlier today.

This is what first
opened my eyes to the problem.

Right, here we go.

Are You An Alcoholic?

No. Next question.

That wasn't a question, Lee, that's
the title of the questionnaire.

Daisy, do you want to score?

No! You don't
catch me out that easily.

I mean, do the test scores.
It's a point for every yes answer.

Ready? Yes.
One point to Lee.

First question. Have you ever lost
time from work due to drinking?

The odd time. It's a no from me.

That's because you don't work!

They might as well ask, have you ever
fallen off a camel due to drinking?

Well, Lee, have you?

Next question. Are you worried
about your alcohol consumption?

That's a yes for both, otherwise
we wouldn't be doing

this in the first place.
Hang on. It was your idea to do it.

You're the one that's worried. True.
And that's the next question.

Have others expressed
concern about your drinking?

Another point for both of you.

OK. Have you ever done something you
regret whilst drunk? No.

Lucy? Not that I remember.
That's two yes's for Lucy.

Why?

Next question. Have you had
memory loss due to drinking?

Keep going, guys,
you're doing really well!

Next. Do you lie to
others about your alcohol intake?

No. That's a yes. No, it's not!
This is bollocks, this.

You can stick that
questionnaire up your arse.

Next. Do you become aggressive
when asked about your drinking?

Point to Lee. Well, there you are.

If you answered yes to three or
more of these questions,

you may have a problem
with your drinking.

Ah, there you go.
May have a problem.

May. I haven't. Neither have I.
OK. Fine.

I personally think you could
benefit from coming to

one of our sessions,
but it's not for me to judge.

Only you can say
if you've got a problem.

Have they got a problem? Yes.

I can't believe we're doing this?
We're not alcoholics.

Look, there's no harm in going to
one of these sessions,

you know, for a laugh. A laugh?

You've got a strange idea of fun
if you want to sit round in a circle

with a load of winos telling stories
about how they're banned

from Homebase for drinking
paint thinner.

Exactly,
and that's why we should go.

To prove we're
not as bad as this lot.

I mean if you want to feel young,

you hang around in
an old people's home.

If you want to feel healthy,
you hang round a hospital.

I suppose. If you want to feel
mature and grown-up,

you hang round
children's playgrounds.

Actually, I'll change that one.
If you want to feel intelligent...

I chat to you for a while.

OK, everyone, let's make a start.

As you can see, we have two new
people joining us today.

Maybe you could
introduce yourselves.

Hello, I'm Lee
and I'm not an alcoholic.

I know I'm supposed to say, "Hello,
I'm Lee and I am an alcoholic",

but the fact is,
I'm not an alcoholic.

Because, trust me,
if I was an alcoholic,

I'd be the kind of person
that would happily

stand in front of other alcoholics
and say, "I am an alcoholic."

But the fact is, I can't say it,
because I'm not an alcoholic.

Hi, I'm Lucy. Yeah,
that was probably a better opener.

It's fine, Lee. There are no rules
here about what you should

or shouldn't say when you first
arrive. It's just an ice-breaker.

What do you use the ice for?
Vodka on the rocks?

Right, so there are some
rules about what I can say then?

Perhaps you could start by telling
us why you're here today, Lee.

OK. If I'm going to be totally
honest, we've come here today

because we want to prove to
ourselves that in comparison

to serious drinkers,
we haven't really got a problem.

What are you laughing at? Have you
just got the vodka on the rocks gag?

They're not laughing at you, Lee,
they're laughing at themselves.

Because that's what everyone
thinks at first.

Shall I tell you who the
serious drinkers are, Lee?

Rabbits?

There's no such thing. There's
drinkers and there's non drinkers.

Full stop.

What?

You do quotation marks,
I'll do the full stop.

Obviously, some people drink
more than others.

Some people drink a couple
of glasses of wine with dinner,

some drink a bottle of whisky
before breakfast.

But both are reliant upon it.

It's just a question of degrees.

Exactly, drinkers at home.
All the same.

But a few swift halves down the pub,
I'd say is normal.

Pints.

Whatever, three halves, a pint,
it's the same thing.

Maths isn't his strong point.

I still think
I drink to a normal degree.

I mean be honest,
when you lot were drinking,

how much were you knocking back?

A bottle of whisky a day?
Two bottles?

Dougal. Well, I haven't had
a drink for over 30 years.

Oh, my God,
you stopped before I even started!

But when I was drinking, it was anything
up to two bottles of vodka a day.

There you go.

And I remember the exact moment
I needed to stop, as well.

It was after I woke up
in a Debenhams car park with no

memory at all of how I got there.

See. That has never happened to me.

I'd also lost relationships
due to alcohol.

Nah. Not I. This is making me
feel much better, thank you.

The point is, like you, Lee,

it all started with a few
pints down the pub.

Halves. Pints.

Before I knew it,
it had got out of hand.

That's the difference.
Ours hasn't got out of hand, has it?

Maybe not yet.

Even if it doesn't, it still
doesn't mean you can't quit.

There are many people in this group
that didn't drink to the

extent of Dougal. Florence?

What time's Zebedee getting here?

I just used to drink half a bottle of
wine every night in front of the telly.

See, Lucy,
not everyone finishes them off.

That cork does go back in
if you really try hard.

My doctor warned me
just one glass of wine a day

raises your risk for
all sorts of illnesses.

But I ignored him and soon half
a bottle became a whole bottle.

Most nights.

Then I got diagnosed with mouth
cancer, which they

say was very likely a direct
result of the alcohol.

Luckily, I got over my illness
because they caught it early,

but others aren't as lucky.

And that's just the cancers
we're talking about.

We haven't even touched on the other
problems alcohol can cause,

like divorce, homelessness,
poverty and domestic violence.

Well, you're right, Lucy.
This is a right laugh, isn't it?

Those people were terrifying.
Why?

Some of those people were exactly
the same as me and you.

That's what was
terrifying about them.

Lee, we need to change
our drinking habits.

OK. What
if we cut back by exactly half?

Really?
You stop drinking, I'll carry on.

No. We both stop.
What, completely?

For a while at least. You know, just
to prove we can do it.

All right. For a while. Right.

Right, that's proved we can do it.
Fancy a drink?

Come on, Lee! We can do this!
It's going to be amazing!

What time is it?

When are you going to stop asking me
that question?

Oh, I don't know. Perhaps
when you tell me what time it is!

It's quarter past five.

That's earlier than when we stopped.
Time's going backwards.

Lee, even when we drank,
you never had one this early.

So why can't I stop
thinking about it? I'm obsessed.

You're not obsessed. You're not
obsessed with polar bears.

But if I say, "Don't think about
polar bears",

what can you not help thinking about?
Lager.

I'll tell you what we need to do.

We've quit booze, but we need to
replace it with something.

Crystal meth?

We need to find new interests.

If you make me buy an Airfix kit,

I swear to God, I will stick that
glue straight up my nose.

It's happy hour again

I think I might be happy
if I wasn't out with them

And they're happy
It's a lovely place to be

Happy that the fire is real
The barman is a she

Where the haircuts smile

And the meaning of style

Is a night out with the boss

Where you win or you lose

And it's them who choose

And if you don't win you've lost

What a good place to be

Don't believe it

They speak a different language

It's happy hour again

Don't believe it

Happy hour again

No-oh-oh

It's another night out
with the boss

Following in footsteps
overgrown with moss

And they tell me that
women grow on trees

And if you catch them right
they'll land upon their knees

Where they open all their wallets

And they close all their minds

And they love to buy
you all a drink

And then we ask all the questions

And you take all your clothes off

Go back to the kitchen sink

What a good place to be

Don't believe it

Cos they speak
a different language

And it's happy hour again

Don't believe it
Oh, no

Cos it's never really
happened to me

It's happy hour again

Oh, no

What a good place to be

Don't believe it

Cos they speak
a different language

And it's never really
happened to me

Don't believe it
Oh, no

Cos it's happy hour again

Don't believe her

Don't believe her

It's happy hour again

It's happy hour again
and again and again

Happy hour again
and again and again

? Happy hour again. ?

I'll tell you what, it's simple
this not drinking malarkey.

It's been the easiest seven days,
12 hours,

23 minutes
and 37 seconds of me life.

Seriously, though,
how are you finding it?

To be honest,
I'm really enjoying it.

Me too. It was hard at first,
but now I love it.

I'm sleeping better,
I've got more energy. I feel great.

You see?

Being tee-total like me
isn't as bad as it sounds, is it?

Especially when there are
so many non-alcoholic things you can

have like fruit juices, smoothies,
Malibu, herbal tea.

Malibu? Yes.

You do know Malibu's alcoholic,
don't you, Daisy? Is it?

Oh. I suppose in that case, I'm not
technically tee-total after all.

In fact, come to think of it, I
might have quite a serious problem.

I always thought that Daisy had
a quirky outlook on life.

Turns out she's been pissed
all along.

Oh, hi, Karen. Hi.

I just called by to say well done
for all the positive changes

you've been making. Frank's been
telling me all about it.

Cheers. Sorry,
is it still all right to say cheers?

And it's great news about your dad.

In fact, he's made such good
progress at the house, I think

he's ready to move on.

Hello, son. I'm ready to come home.

What?

Now that you and Lucy are not
drinking, this is a safe

environment for Frank.

Exactly like you promised.
Come here, son!

Right. There's just one small thing.
What's that?

I've had a relapse.

Ugh. I hate whisky. Sorry
about throwing up in your Yucca.

Still, it worked
and we got rid of my dad.

It's quiet here without him.
Maybe we should get a dog.

I don't think that would
replace him.

It'd stop him coming back.

Where do you think he's gone?

Back to the sober house, I guess.
Probably for the best.

It's better that he's
surrounded by his own types.

Actually, I'll check
the zoo as well.

So you're going to start
drinking again?

Well, maybe the odd one,
just to be sociable. Sociable?

Since when did
going down on all fours

and puking in a pot plant
become sociable?

You've never been to
a christening up north.

What about your dad?
Do you think he'll stick with it?

Well, even if he just cuts back,
I mean it's a start.

What about you?
Well, I might have the odd one.

You know, just so you're
not drinking on your own.

But things like having a glass
of wine in the bath every

night is going to stop. Me too.

You never have a bath.

You mean, no more
cans of Special Brew

when you're having an all over
flannel wash on a Thursday?

Fancy a drink?

OK, but let's have
a non-alcoholic one, yeah?

Of course. I'll go
and get the Malibu.

We're not going out

Not staying in

Just hanging around
with my head in a spin

But there is no need
to scream and shout

We're not going out

? We are not going out. ?

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