All language subtitles for Hercules 416 - Porkules

[ Sighs ]

Well--

Redecorating?

Still upset
about Strife, huh?

[ Grunts ]

He was a geek
with the I.Qof a sponge.

Take my word for it.
He's better off dead.

Still, he was fun
to kick around.

I think
I may have found a way
to cheer you up.

Oh, let me guess.

You hatched a plan
to rid the world
of my overrated half-brother.

So what else is new?

All right,
enough's enough.

Snap out of it.
You're starting to become
a real drag.

Why, Discord, I'd forgotten
what a temper you have.

I know we haven't been
the best offriendslately,

so why don't you
let me make it up to you?

Oh. What did you
have in mind?

Why spoil the fun?

Let me just say that
by the end of the day,

you'll be so tickled...

you'll want me to be
your second-in-command.

Strife's body's
not even cold yet.

You have no shame!

And Ilikeyour style.

Baby, there's a whole lot
more of me to like,
if you know where to look.

Oh, you know I do.

Go. Impress me.

So the bear sits down.

The tavern keeper says,
"We don't get
too many bears in here."

And the bear says,
"Well, at these prices
I'm not surprised!"

[ Laughing ]

Okay, I guess that one
was kinda funny.

You know, um,

usually when people
say something's funny,
they, like, laugh.

I'm sorry.

Well, at least
Jason'll find it a hoot.
He's got a sense of humor.

I've got a sense of humor.
I just exercise it wisely.

[ Sarcastic Chuckle ]

I can't believe Jason
and Alcmene are celebrating
their second anniversary.

Boy, time flies.

That's not
the only thing.
Huh?

Whoo-hoo!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!
Whoo!

What's up, Herc?

You are.

Oh, Iolaus, meet Hermes,
the Messenger of the Gods.

- Hi.
- Right!

You guys are
my last gig of the day.
It's a good thing too.

My feet are killing me.

Well, so, do you have
a message for me?

Of course I got
a message for ya.

Uh, it says here someone
swiped Artemis's bow
from her temple.

She's all tied up at Olympus
and wants you to help her out.

- Somebody stole Artemis's bow?
- What did I just say?
Didn't I just say that?

Well, Hercules,
looks like we're gonna be late
arriving at your mother's.

Well, shouldn't
take too long.

I think I have
a pretty good idea
who we're looking for.

Autolycus. Last time
I saw that two-bit hustler,
he almost got me killed.

I'm sure he'll be glad
to see you too.

I gotta bail. I'm cruising
over to the Palladium later,
check out the mud wrestling.

Gets real dirty,
if you know what I mean.
Later, dudes.

Whoo-hoo!

Let me guess.

He and Aphrodite are,
like, real tight, man.

Well, like, uh,
totally, dude.
[ Laughing ]

Two for you.

For you.

That's the last of it.

You three,
take the king's gold
to his vault.

You. Stand guard.

Yes, sir,
you can count on me...

to take
as much as I can carry
while you're gone.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Gasps ]
Hercules.

And...
whatever your name is.

- What a pleasant surprise.
- Wish I could say the same,
Autolycus.

Isn't stealing the king's gold
a little beneath you?

How good of you to notice.

You see, I figure
every so often a fella just
has to go back to basics.

Besides, the king, he's rich.
What about the needs
of the people?

Oh, come on!
You don't care
about the people.

Of course I do.
I happen to be one of them.

Well, as much as I've enjoyed
this little reunion,
I haven't enjoyed it that much.

Good day.

[ Whimpering ]

Where's Artemis's bow?
Ah, my fame
spreads like wildfire.

- No, like a bad rash.
- Fellas, admit it--
you're impressed.

How many mortals
can steal from a god
and get away with it?

You didn't get away with it.
We're here to take it back.
Oh. Right.

Well, I'd love
to help you out,
I really would,

but the problem is, uh,
I sold it.

[ Groans ]

You sold it?
To whom?

Now, if I told you I would be
violating the sanctity of
the thief/client relationship.

[ Hercules ] You're not
gonna fast-talk your way
out of this one.

[ Autolycus ]
Oh, all right.
I'll tell you.

[ Groans ]
Oh, that hurts. Oww.

[ Groaning Continues ]

[ Yelling ]

[ Squealing ]

[ Giggles ]
The other white meat.

[ Pig Snorting ]

[ Together ]
Hercules?

[ Squeals, Snorts ]

[ Man Narrating ]
This is the story
of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,

and they plagued mankind
with suffering.

Only one man dared
to challenge their power--

Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed
only by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth,
battling the minions
of his wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful
queen of the gods.

But wherever
there was evil,

wherever an innocent
would suffer,

there would be... Hercules.

- [ Screeching ]
- [ Roaring ]

Hail!

[ Squealing ]

Hercules!
Has he ever
done this
before?

I can't
believe this!

You! This is
your fault!

Me? I didn't want this
to happen.

I didn't turn him into a pig.
Well, whoever
had the bow did.

I hope it was worth it.
Hey, I didn't just do it for
the money.

That's big of you.

When you are
the single most gifted thief
that ever lived,

you've gotta find new ways
to challenge yourself.

Stealing from a god
seemed like a good start.
You need your head read!

Now, listen,
who has the bow?

I didn't catch her name.

Black hair, black leather,
sorta sexy in "tie me down
and hurt me" kind of way.

Discord.

You sold Artemis's bow
to Discord!

How was I supposed to know
who she was?
Can you believe this guy?

[ Squealing, Snorting ]

Yeah, uh-- You know,
we're gonna have to find a way
to get that bow back.

Come on... Herc.

Let's go, men.

Huh?

[ Cackling ]

Am I good,
or am I bad?

Oh, the worst!

You've outdone yourself
this time.

I have, haven't I?

I suppose my brother...

is gonna have to change his name
to, um...

Porkules?

[ Continues Cackling ]

Oh, admit it.

You've missed me.

Oh, let's not
get ahead of ourselves.

This is almost as good
as killing Hercules.

Almost.

Unfortunately,
pig or no pig,

Zeus's decree still protects
the little... oinker.

True. We may not be able
to kill Hercules.

But it's gonna be
a whole lot easier
for someone else to.

And I think I know
just the man for the job.

[ Snorting ]

Say, uh,
where are we going?

Where there's Discord,
there's Ares. We gotta get to
his temple and get the bow.

It's the only thing that can
turn Hercules back into himself.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Ares, as in
God of War Ares?
Yeah.

[ Laughs ]
Well, give him my regards.

Tell him I really
loved what he did with
that whole Troy thing.

Now, wait a minute.
Hercules has done
an awful lot for you.

You owe him.

Listen,
you and I both know...

if the big guy could talk,
he would tell us not to
stick our necks out for him.

Besides, he loves being a pig.
Just look at the little guy.

[ Grunting ]

- This is all just a joke
to you, isn't it?
- You little--

Well, let me tell you
something, buddy-- Hercules
is the best friend I ever had.

And you're right--
he wouldn't want us to
risk our necks to save him.

Which is exactly why
we're going to.

He'd do the same for me.

Even for you.

Much as I hate to admit it,
you've got a point.
Right. Come on.

Just one more thing,
buddy boy.

You touch me again,
and I'll--

What?

I'll... be
just as upset then
as I am now.

[ Blade Scraping ]

Discord, my black rose.
Where have you been?

Don't start getting
possessive on me, Colchis.

You're lucky I'm consorting
with a mortal at all.

"Consort"?

Interesting choice of words
for what we've done together.

Don't flatter yourself,
lover.

I've been around
since time began.

You couldn't even begin
to count the notches
on my bedpost.

What can I say?
I love a woman
with experience.

I want you to do something
for me.

I hope it involves
candle wax.

You say
the sweetest things.

But no,
it involves a pig.

I'll try anything
once.
No, you moron.

I'm talking about
a very special pig.

A pig I want you to kill.

Discord, I'm the best
hunter in the world.
Why would I want to kill a pig?

Because this pig...

is Hercules.

[ Hercules Squeals ]

It's okay, Herc.
[ Grunts Quietly ]

Yeah, I know.

Hey, I'll give you
ten dinar for that pig.

Uh, no, thanks.
He's kind of
a family friend.

Make it 15, and I'll
throw in the pants.
[ Squeals ]

Don't get your tail
in a curl, Hercules.
I was joking.

You'd sell your own mother
if the price was right.

Stop looking down your nose
at me. I've had it up to
my mustache with your insults.

Truth hurts,
doesn't it?
Yeah, so does my fist.

Oh, yeah?
Uh-huh.

Hand over the pig,
or suffer Discord's wrath.

Now, I suppose
this is my fault too.

No, it's my fault
for bothering to argue
with a chiseler like you.

Surrender!

A wise move.

Now throw down your weapons
and say you're sorry.

Pass me the pig.
What?

- I'll get him out of here.
- I wouldn't trust you
with my lunch order.

[ Squealing ]
No! No, Herc!
Wait!

- [ Autolycus ]
Hercules!
- The hounds!

Oh, way to fumble
the pigskin, pal.

Don't start with me!
Why?
What are you gonna do?

- Get them!
- Whoa!

[ Shouting, Grunting ]

[ Squealing ]

[ Barking ]

[ Blows Landing ]

[ Whimpering, Whining ]

[ Snorting ]

[ Continues Squealing ]

- Get in there!
- [ Yelling, Grunting Continue ]

Aaah!

- Capture them!
-[ Henchmen Shouting ]

Come on!
Whoa! Whoa!

Gangway!

Come on!
Down here!
[ Women Gasping ]

[ Shouting Continues ]

[ Autolycus ]
Thank you!

Thank you!
Thank you!

[ Both Laughing ]

Thanks!

Well, ain't you
a well-dressed little morsel.

And I just felt like
some pork chops tonight.
[ Laughing ]

[ Squealing ]

Where is he?
Herc? Where'd he go?

[ Squealing ]

- Hercules!
- [ Growling ]

This time
there's no escape!

- Hyah!
- [ Groans ]

Ha ha-- Oh!

[ Grunting, Shouting ]

[ Laughing ]

Hyah!
[ Groans ]

[ Panting ]

That's right,
spread the word.
I'm a loveranda fighter.

- [ Growls ]
- Come on. We gotta
get that wagon!

[ Grunts ]

Hyah! Hyah!

[ Female Voice ]
Hi there. Nice day for a ride,
don't you think?

[ Hercules' Voice ]
Huh?

I'm Katherine.
It's nice to have
some company.

- Uh, are you talking to me?
- Who else
would I be talking to?

No offense,
but you're a pig.

Well, have you seen
your reflection
in the river lately?

I hate to break it to you,
but you're a pig too.

Good point.

- So, you got a name or what?
- I'm Hercules.

[ Laughs ]
Yeah! Sure.
And I'm Aphrodite.

I guess I don't blame you
for not believing me,
but I'm telling you the truth.

Okay, I'll play along.

If you're really
the son of Zeus,
show me how strong you are.

I can't. The truth is,
I'm having a little trouble
getting used to this body.

[ Giggles ]
I'm not.

[ Mutters ]
Oh, boy.

Slow down, will ya?
We can't afford
to slow down!

We gotta get Hercules
before those killers do.

If you had trusted me
back there,

Hercules would be
safe and sound.

Or maybe you'd have
sold him off
to the highest bidder.

You got me all wrong, curly.
I may be a thief, but there are
some things even I won't do.

Like what?

Like...

I won't drink
red wine with fish.

I won't eat
the horse I rode in on.

And I would never,
never sell out a friend,

which, of course,
does not apply to you.

Yeah, well, thanks
for clearing that up.

Oh, boy.
There's gotta be
over a dozen tracks here.

[ Sighs ]
Got a lot of ground
to cover.

Aw, hold your camels,
Cleopatra.
My feet are killing me.

Wait a minute.
That's it! Feet!

If we had Hermes' sandals,
we could cover
this entire province in no time!

Oh, sure, and he'll be more
than happy to give them to us.

Have you lost
a wagon wheel?

Wait a second. Aren't you
the King of Thieves?

Oh, not up to
the challenge, huh?

Oh, I see how you are,
Mr. Morals.

Stealing is okay
as long as it suits you, huh?

Listen,
we don't have a choice.

Besides,
we can return the sandals
after we're done.

All right.

I'll help you
steal those sandals.
But we do it my way,capisce?

Yeah. Sure.

Now, come on!
I know where
we can find Hermes!

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Come on,
get the lead out!

Yeah, yeah.
[ Sighs ]

Hyah! Giddap!
Come on!

[ Katherine ]
I knew there was more
to life than the farm,

but I didn't realize
the world was so big.

How'd you get here,
anyway?

See, my folks
are what you call
traditional.

They still treat me
like a baby,
so I ran away.

Your parents are probably
worried about you, Katherine.
The world's a dangerous place.

Yeah, well,
thanks, Hercules, but I
can take care of myself.

Well, Colchis,
your little outing today
was a complete success...

if you were looking
to embarrass yourself.

It's not my fault, Discord.
I've never seen ham
run so fast.

If you don't find that pig
your name's mud.

I love it
when you talk dirty.

Let me put it to you
another way.

No pork, no party.

Why didn't you say so
in the first place?

I'll find him.

So, this is where
you spend your nights.

Classy.

I can see why
you've been so secretive,

playing house
with that pathetic excuse
for a warrior.

There's nothing wrong
with a little diversion
from time to time.

Besides, you've been
such a party pooper lately,

and you know
how I hate to sleep alone.

Make no mistake, Discord.

If your little taxidermist
fails again, I'll make sure
he sleeps six feet underground.

Stay out of this, Ares.

If Colchis fails me,
I'll deal with him
in my own way.

If I didn't know you better,

I'd say you actually care
for that knuckle-dragger.

And if I didn't
know you better,

I'd say you were jealous.

[ Audience Shouting ]
[ Women Screaming ]

[ Man #1 ]
Dirty mama!
She's gonna compete!

[ Man #2 ]
I give her
six-to-one odds!

Ten dinars
on 39!

I'm in for 20.
All right!
[ Laughing ]

This thing itches.

You said he knows
what you look like.

Just keep your yap shut
and let me do the talking.
Okay.

- [ Screaming,
Grunting Continue ]
- [ Continues Laughing ]

You, sir.
Uh, me?

If I'm not mistaken,
and I never am,
you're a god, aren't you?

Yeah.

Doesn't mean
you don't get tired.
Am I right?

Let me ask you something.
Are you overworked? Underpaid?
[ Grunting Affirmatively ]

And altogether
unappreciated?
[ Scoffs ]

[ Laughs ] Well, brother,
we got the cure
for what ails you.

You have?
We certainly do.

Why, our fine line
of skin care products...

will leave you feeling fresh
as the day Zeus made you.

We start out
with sandalwood oil...

and a brisk massage
to loosen up
those aching muscles.

But I don't-- Aaah!

Kids,
don't try this at home.

[ Yelling, Grunting ]

We follow that with
a very rare mud...

brought in from the banks
of the River... Legasus.

Opens the pores,
prolongs elasticity
and curls the chest hair.

- Haven't I seen you some--
- Nope!

And last,
but not least,

our own
special concoction--

reticulated
rhubarb oil.

[ Sniffing ]
Smuggled across the sea
by seven vestal virgins.

Where they hid the rhubarb
I can only imagine.

No way!
Oh, yes, my friend.
Big way.

Now, you just lie there
and let our goodies
work their magic, eh?

And you're not satisfied
with the results, you come
and see us for a full refund.

If you can find us.
Quick, let's am-scray.

Pig Latin.
How appropriate.

Rhubarb, huh?
[ Chuckling ]

[ Squealing ]

[ Laughing ]

I got a bad feeling
about this place.

I promise I won't
let anything happen to you.

The pig's right!
We gotta find a way
out of here!

Relax, Woolus.

Three meals a day,
warm place to sleep.
Could be worse.

Uh-uh. No. 'Member Cluckus,
that rooster who thought
he owned the place?

They took him away.
We never heard from him again.

What you talkin' 'bout,
Woolus?

Why on earth would anyone
want to hurt us?

For food.

I'm sorry to tell you this,
but we're in a slaughterhouse.

The man who brought us here
is a butcher.

What do you know?

You're just a common pig.

[ Squawks ] Maybe so, daddy-o,
but he's a pig with a point.

Truth of it is,
I've seen animals like you
come and go for years.

I'm sorry, folks.
There's nothing you can do.

So, tell me,

what was it like
watching the King of Thieves
in action?

From what I saw,
I'm surprised you're not
in prison already.

In case
you haven't noticed,

I swindled two gods
in one day.

Now, [ Chuckles ]
I hate to toot my own horn,
but, uh, toot-toot.

For your information,
I used to be a thief,

and you are nothing special.

Well, then it all
makes perfect sense.

You're jealous.
Of you? Ha!

Hey, denial ain't just
a river in Egypt, curly.

You look at me
and see everything
you wish you were,

everything
you could have been
today.

Now, listen, you--
I was ten times
the thief you are!

"Was" being
the operative word.
Now look at you.

You're nothing but
a water boy to a half-god--
no, to a pig!

Well, that's because I know
that making a living out of
other people's hard work...

is nothing different
than being a, a--

Parasite?
Parasite! Yeah!

Say, how's the weather
up there on your high horse?

Oh--

You should tell me.

Well, it's a little windy,
actually. I-- Ooh!

Ohh!

Ooh! Iolaus, I--
Oh. Hah!

Hoo! Ohh!

[ Chuckling ]

Look, Ma, no hands!
Ohh!

How about that?
I could get used
to this god thing.

Hey! Ohh!
Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

Oooh! Ohh-ho-ho!

- Ooh! Ooh! Whoa!
- [ Laughing ]

Eeesh!

Whoa-ho-ho!
Ohh!

Stop this crazy thing!

Whoa!
[ Yelling ]

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Yaaah!

[ Squawking, Clucking,
Squealing ]
Shut up, all of ya!

And this little pig...

went "Wee-wee-wee-wee-wee!"
all the way to
the chopping block!

[ Laughing ]

[ Hercules Squealing ]

Okay, little guy,
this is gonna be
fast and painless.

[ Chuckling ]

[ Yelling ]

Oooh! Ho-ho-ho!
Ohh! Ooh!

[ Iolaus ]
Hey, Autolycus!
Come on, fly straight!

[ Panting ]

[ Autolycus Continues
Shouting ]
Wait!

Okay, think, Herc.

Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

Whoa! Whoa!
Ohh-ho-ho!

[ Both Grunting ]

Good timing.

Excuse me.
Out of the way.
Comin' through.

[ Baaing, Squealing ]

- Did you miss me?
- You reallyareHercules!

- Time to get out of here.
Follow me.
- Right behind you.

[ Panting ]
[ Cow Moos ]

We're free!
We're free!
Whoo-hoo!

Now's our chance!
Quickly, everyone!

[ Panting, Gasping ]

I gotta tell you--
this whole flying thing
is for the birds.

You all right?

What do you care?

Just because
I don't like you...

doesn't mean to say
I want you dead
or anything.

Iolaus, that's almost
a nice thing to say.

Well, don't let it
go to your head.

Where's Hercules?

Huh.

[ Snorting ]

[ Katherine ]
You--

You came back to save us,
even though you could've
been killed.

I promised I wouldn't let
anything happen to you, and--

You were right.
The world's a dangerous place.

I didn't know people
could be so cruel.

Yes, they can,
but they're not all bad.

If you're really one of them,
I guess that's true.

I owe you one.

[ Squawks ]
You said it!

Hallelujah!
Free at last!

- Thanks, Hercules.
- You're welcome.

[ Iolaus ]
Hercules! Hey!
Come on!

[ Snorting, Squealing ]

Thank the gods
you're okay.

Pig says,
"It's good to see you too."

Wait a minute.
Are you saying
you understand him?

Of course I can.
[ Squawks ]

That's the problem with humans.
You never take the time
to listen to us animals.

It's not bad enough
I have to listen to you
lecture me all day.

Now I gotta take it
from birdbrain here.

Now, now,
let's not forget,

I can jump off this here branch
and decorate your head faster
than you can say "Sasquatch."

- Sasquatch!
- Would you two stop it?

Discord's men
are still on the prowl.
We gotta get someplace safe.

[ Snorting ]

Pig says, "We'll be
safe at Alcmene's."
[ Squawks ]

Good thinking, Herc.
Come on. Let's go there.

Oh, do you mind coming with us?
We could do with a translator.

Yeah! I got
nothing better to do.

Uh, by the way,
you got any crackers?

You'd better not
mess up my shoulder, pal.

[ Snorting ]

Jason, I'm worried.

Hercules
was supposed to be here
before lunch.

Oh, he'll be along
soon enough.

If we had a dinar for every time
Hercules was late because
he stopped to help somebody,

we'd be rich by now.

Hope she's not
roasting pork.

- Alcmene!
- There. What did I tell you?

[ Alcmene ]
Iolaus, where
have you been?

And why is that pig
dressed like Hercules?

[ Snorts ]

Well--
Allow me to explain.

You see, who's to say
one lifestyle
is better than another?

Why, just the other day
I ran into a gnome--
little fella--

Will you shut up?

Alcmene, Hercules is--

- Going to be late.
- No. No.

- Um, he's--
- He's not coming, is he?

There's no easy way
to say this.

Alcmene, this pig...

is... Hercules.

- [ Snorts ]
- [ Laughs ]

Oh, Iolaus, is this
one of your practical jokes?

[ Sighs ]

I'm afraid not.

[ Snorting ]

Hercules?

Ohh.
[ Hercules Squeals ]

Oh, that was smooth.

Two pigs. Two men.
Yeah?

One walking
with a heavier gait.
Hmm.

He has something
on his shoulder--
a bird of some kind.

[ Henchmen Murmuring
With Amazement ]
And look!

The sideways shuffle
of the pig on the left
indicates...

she can't keep her eyes
off the pig on the right.
[ Henchmen Gasping ]

Hercules!
[ Exclaiming, Chuckling ]

Shouldn't be far now.

[ Horse Whinnies ]

Sweetheart?
Are you all right?

Oh, Jason,
I had the worst dream.

Hercules was
turned into a pig.

I'm afraid
that was no dream.

[ Snorting ]

[ Gasps ]

But... how?

Well...

it's a long story,
Alcmene.

Let's just say
that Ares and Discord
are up to their old tricks.

Hercules,
come here, sweetheart.

It doesn't matter.

I still love you.
I always will.

That goes for me too,
buddy.

[ Squealing, Snorting ]

By the way,
who's your friend?

[ Squawks ] That's Katherine.
Your son rescued us
from a butcher, ma'am.

I told you he was
helping someone.

So, you got yourself
a new girlfriend, huh?
You deviled ham, you.

[ Whispers ]
Oh, please.

Any friend of Hercules
is welcome in our home.

[ Squeals ]

She seems very sweet, son.

Light 'em up, men.

Be ready!
Yeah!

Little pig, little pig,

let me in,
or I'll huff and I'll puff
and I'll...

burn your house down!

[ Henchmen Shouting ]
[ Squeals ]

- What are we going to do?
- [ Snorts ]

We're gonna fight.
That's what we're gonna do.

Yeah, we're gonna--
We're gonna do what?

- Stay close to me, Katherine.
- My turn to help you, Hercules.

No, Katherine! Wait!

[ Squealing ]
[ Shouting Continues ]

- There he is! Grab him!
- Yeah! Yeah!

There he is!
Yeah!
Alley oop!

Too easy.

Discord will be pleased.

To the temple!
[ Shouting Continues ]

Oh, those morons.
They got the wrong pig.

[ Snorting ]

Yeah.

But if I know my pal,
we're about to embark
on a rescue mission.

- [ Squealing ]
- Not to mention,
we still need that bow.

[ Chuckling ]
Oh, well, well, well.

What?
What did I do now?

Well, for a moment there,
it sounded like
you cared.

Yeah, well,
don't let it
go to your head.

So, what are we
waiting for?

- [ Squealing ]
- [ Squawking ]

Uh-huh. Right on!
[ Squawks ]

- [ Continues Snorting ]
-The sandals? Ah!

Okay, then.
Listen up, everybody.
Here's the plan.

[ Squawks ]

[ Snorting, Squealing ]

All right.
Let's see the sausage.

I thought
you'd never ask.

Cool it, Colchis.
I'm talking
about the pig.

Of course.

Well,
my little love muffin,

are you ready to rumba?

You idiot!
This isn't Hercules!

What?
That pig's a girl!

Oh, Discord,

I'm afraid your...
boy toy...

has embarrassed us
long enough.

No. Please. Give me
one more chance.

Hey! You're fired.

[ Screaming ]

Oh, boys!

[ Both Grunting ]
Excuse me.

I'm lost.

Can you help me?

- [ Grunts ]
- [ Yells ]

Ohh!
[ Screams ]

- Look out!
- [ Grunting, Yelling ]

That's what happens
when you mess withmyson.

Can you
take care of him?
My pleasure.

[ Groans ]

I wasn't done
with him yet!

Well, I was.
You had no right!

And you have no taste!
I've seen more imposing shrubs!
Oh, please.

Don't even get me started on
the skeezes that slink out of
your temple in the morning.

[ Ares ]
Well, the mortal the merrier,
that's what I always say.

It's disgusting!
Oh!

Sounds like jealousy
to me.
In your wildest--

[ Laughing Nervously ]

Don't let me interrupt.
I just dropped in
to repo the bow.

This particular brand,
you see, has been recalled,

and I wouldn't want
anyone to get hurt--
especially me.

[ Yells, Groans ]

[ Coughs ]
Oh, wow, that hurt.

[ Shouting, Grunting ]

Whoa! Aah!

[ Scoffs ]

[ Chuckles ]
Ohh! Let... me... have it!

[ Groans ]

I don't remember
inviting you to the barbecue,

but if you insist--

Whoa!
[ Groans ]

[ Squealing ]

[ Gasping ]

You want it?
You got it.

Oh! Oh! Oh!
Not the face! Not the face!

[ Squawks ]

- [ Continues Squawking ]
- Oh, little birdie! Ha!

[ Squawks ]
Way to go, Flavio.

[ Gasps, Screams ]

[ Clucking ]

- [ Laughing ]
- [ Laughing ]

What's the matter, Discord?
Chicken?

Unless you wanna be
the God of Gophers, you better
make like a tornado and blow.

I won't forget this.

You...are on my list.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey!

- Don't forget your chicken.
-[ Discord Clucks ]

Anytime, anywhere.

[ Both Laughing ]

[ Snorting ]

Hercules!

- Don't worry.
You're safe now.
- Thanks to you.

Katherine, what you did was
very brave, but you shouldn't
have risked your life for me.

I owed you one.

Well, now we're even.

After all
I've seen today,

I think I made a mistake
running away.

You know,
it's not too late
to go back.

Will you come with me?

It would be my pleasure
to take you home.

Hercules, when you're
back in your body,

would you do me
one last favor?

Anything.

Would you hold me
like your mother held you?

[ Snorting ]

- You ready, buddy?
- [ Continues Snorting ]

[ Screaming ]

Hercules!
Mother.

It's so good to have you back.
It's good to be back,
believe me.

Jason, look, I'm sorry I missed
your anniversary. I haven't
been feeling myself lately.

Having you back's
good enough for us.

I guess,
under different
circumstances,

we...

still would
hate each other.

Yeah, well, for once
I agree with you.

That's a start.

Well--

I'm glad to see you guys
getting along so well,

because I'd like
the two of you
to do me a favor.

Well, we took on three gods
and saved your curly tail.

I guess we can
help you outagain.
Name it.

First, I want you to
bring those sandals
back to Hermes...

before
you hurt somebody.

And I'll return
Artemis's bow myself
on the way.

Uh, on the way?

On the way
to take a friend home,

like I promised.

Oh, Mother, I'll--
I'll write.

[ Squawks ]

He's certifiable.
You know that.

Yeah, and I wouldn't
have him any other way.

[ Pig Squeals ]

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