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1
00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:06,089
Don't worry, Princess!
We're coming!
2
00:00:10,226 --> 00:00:12,228
- Iolaus, you all right?
- Yeah.
3
00:00:12,228 --> 00:00:16,116
- I got a couple of moves
I can show him.
- I want blood.
4
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:17,734
Ooh.
5
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:25,074
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6
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,405
[ Gagging ]
7
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,295
Wow.
What did you do to him?
8
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:49,299
I don't know,
but it was really good.
9
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,545
- He's dead.
- Then he died of fright,
'cause I didn't touch him.
10
00:01:02,545 --> 00:01:05,014
[ Rumbling ]
11
00:01:08,084 --> 00:01:11,821
Ares, did you do this?
12
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:16,826
Me, kill one of my
most devoted disciples?
13
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:19,212
I had serious plans
for Gravus.
14
00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:23,600
And now, his murderer is gonna
join him in the Underworld!
15
00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:27,420
[ Shouting ]
16
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:36,696
[ Shouting ]
17
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,276
What is happening?
18
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:52,745
Well, Hercules
is fighting Ares.
19
00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:55,748
Over me?
No, over me.
20
00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:59,219
You see, that's why
I can see him and you can't.
21
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,900
You see, what happened--
Look out!
22
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,710
Uh-oh.
23
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,982
[ Shouting ]
24
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:56,926
I thought you said
this was over!
What is it?
25
00:03:01,714 --> 00:03:04,717
I think I was
better off before
you two rescued me.
26
00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:06,719
Good-bye.
27
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:22,619
Stop! Wait!
28
00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:30,443
There he is!
Get him! Get him!
29
00:03:32,195 --> 00:03:35,832
Hercules!
Hercules!
30
00:03:45,341 --> 00:03:49,729
[ Laughing ]
Did you lose
your little buddy?
31
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,015
Well, I found someone
to take his place.
32
00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,517
[ Laughing ]
33
00:03:58,288 --> 00:04:03,076
Wait! Would ya--
Come on! Wait!
What are ya--
34
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,078
What is this?
Come on!
35
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:09,983
[ Shouting ]
36
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,921
Is that you?
37
00:04:21,911 --> 00:04:24,414
Hercules?
38
00:04:24,414 --> 00:04:26,416
Uh, nice disguise.
39
00:04:26,416 --> 00:04:28,418
It almost allowed you
to escape from me.
40
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:31,337
Huh?
Too bad it didn't work.
41
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:40,613
Yeah.
42
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,716
[ Man Narrating ]
This is the story
of a time long ago,
43
00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:45,918
a time of myth and legend,
44
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:48,955
when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,
45
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,624
and they plagued mankind
with suffering.
46
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,961
Only one man dared
to challenge their power--
47
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,747
Hercules.
48
00:04:57,747 --> 00:05:01,634
Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,
49
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:04,203
a strength surpassed
only by the power of his heart.
50
00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:07,840
He journeyed the earth,
battling the minions
of his wicked stepmother, Hera,
51
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,943
the all-powerful
queen of the gods.
52
00:05:10,943 --> 00:05:12,929
But wherever
there was evil,
53
00:05:12,929 --> 00:05:16,115
wherever an innocent
would suffer,
54
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:18,584
there would be... Hercules.
55
00:05:18,584 --> 00:05:20,620
- [ Screeching ]
- [ Roaring ]
56
00:05:35,551 --> 00:05:36,519
Hail!
57
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:44,260
[ Whimpering ]
58
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,131
Ares, let him go.
59
00:05:48,131 --> 00:05:50,633
[ Laughing ]
He's all yours, brother.
60
00:05:50,633 --> 00:05:53,419
[ Screaming ]
61
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:56,305
Take it easy. Take it easy.
You're all right.
Oh, thanks.
62
00:05:56,305 --> 00:05:59,092
It's like somebody had me by
the scruff of the neck,
63
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,095
and then I turn around,
there's nobody there!
64
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:05,214
You! Hey!
Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute.
65
00:06:05,214 --> 00:06:07,116
Uh, uh--
66
00:06:07,116 --> 00:06:10,370
you hear the one
about the two Egyptians
and the drunken mummy?
67
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:13,139
What?
No jokes today.
68
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:16,459
Okay. Gimme some room.
Gimme some room.
[ Whooping ]
69
00:06:20,329 --> 00:06:22,382
[ Groaning ]
70
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,051
[ Manic Chuckling ]
Hah!
71
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,453
Look, I don't know
who you are
or what you're doing,
72
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:29,455
but we have to talk.
73
00:06:29,455 --> 00:06:34,177
- Where did you come from?
- Uh, I got my start at the
Comedy Cave in Hellespont.
74
00:06:34,177 --> 00:06:36,996
I know, it's a dive,
but, uh, you gotta start
somewhere, right?
75
00:06:38,881 --> 00:06:41,134
He starts to mime,
he's a dead man.
76
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,388
Ares--
77
00:07:05,975 --> 00:07:08,027
Hey! You guys
in the clown suits!
78
00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,582
Let me out of here!
I wanna talk to Hercules!
79
00:07:12,582 --> 00:07:15,985
Quiet! When the sovereign
wants to see you,
he'll call your numeral.
80
00:07:15,985 --> 00:07:18,871
What is this place?
What's happening?
81
00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:22,708
I am not a numeral!
I'm a free man!
82
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,595
[ Imitating Chicken Clucking ]
83
00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:30,600
Ares, do you have any idea
what's going on here?
84
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,603
I hate to admit it,
but I'm as much
in the dark as you are.
85
00:07:33,603 --> 00:07:37,106
[ Whooping, Laughing ]
86
00:07:37,106 --> 00:07:39,108
Annoying, isn't he?
Oh, yeah.
87
00:07:39,609 --> 00:07:42,728
Yoo-hoo!
88
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:46,566
Geronimo!
89
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:49,685
Woo-hoo!
90
00:07:49,685 --> 00:07:53,489
You gotta hand it to sis.
She really knows how
to make an entrance.
91
00:07:54,991 --> 00:07:57,994
[ Exhales Forcefully ]
Now, that's a rush and a half!
92
00:07:59,495 --> 00:08:03,399
I was hoping
it'd cheer me up,
but no such luck.
93
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:06,035
There's a big problem.
Zeus is dying.
94
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:13,226
Hey, knuckleheads.
Want to hear a good one?
[ Laughing ]
95
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,228
That's right.
Yeah. Come closer.
96
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:18,731
This is really gonna
knock you out.
[ Laughing ]
97
00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:24,937
And the tooth
shall set me free.
98
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:28,307
Zeus is dying,
the lightning bolts,
99
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:30,309
and this gateway
opening up.
100
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:32,195
That's no coincidence.
101
00:08:32,195 --> 00:08:35,031
He barely had
the strength to break it up
between you two.
102
00:08:35,031 --> 00:08:38,434
You go tell Zeus,
if I'm gonna help him,
he's gotta help me find Iolaus.
103
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:42,889
I'll go too. I wanna get
to the bottom of this.
104
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:44,891
If something where--
105
00:08:46,392 --> 00:08:48,794
[ Gasping ]
106
00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:53,900
he came from
is killing the old man,
107
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:58,271
I might be next.
108
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:01,591
Herc, I know things
have never been exactly
copacetic between you two,
109
00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:05,528
but maybe you oughta think
about paying him a visit.
110
00:09:05,528 --> 00:09:10,483
Well, we have had our problems,
but I always thought there'd be
time to work things out.
111
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:13,970
Tell Zeus that
I'll do what I can.
112
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,132
- [ Screams ]
- Hi.
113
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:29,552
Oh, please, please,
make it fast and painless!
114
00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:33,489
I mean, I know I got
a little pain coming,
but please, make it fast!
115
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:35,491
Come on, come on.
Get up, get up.
116
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:38,394
Don't you understand?
This is not
where you came from.
117
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,314
I'm not who you think I am.
118
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:45,318
Oh, I get it! I should
be happy because I've
escaped from that monster!
119
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,220
What monster?
Who were you running from?
120
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,591
You.
Me?
121
00:09:53,075 --> 00:09:55,578
[ Cries Out ]
Oh, you!
122
00:09:55,578 --> 00:09:57,580
Just the guy
I was looking for!
123
00:09:57,580 --> 00:09:59,582
Hercules,
what is going on?
124
00:10:00,082 --> 00:10:01,584
You, uh, said
that name before.
125
00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:04,587
[ Chuckles ]
Hercules.
126
00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:06,589
My mother
called me that.
127
00:10:06,589 --> 00:10:09,091
You see, this is good!
Go with this!
128
00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:12,094
Think of Alcmene.
Alcmene?
129
00:10:12,094 --> 00:10:14,096
She abandoned me!
130
00:10:14,597 --> 00:10:16,599
[ Shouting ]
131
00:10:21,604 --> 00:10:23,606
Okay. Uh, you know,
something tells me...
132
00:10:24,106 --> 00:10:25,608
you're not the guy
I was looking for.
133
00:10:26,108 --> 00:10:28,611
Oh, my goodness.
Where has the day gone?
I better be going.
134
00:10:28,611 --> 00:10:31,113
Yaah!
Getting cold feet,
are we?
135
00:10:31,113 --> 00:10:35,618
Uh--
Well, think how I must feel
on my wedding day!
136
00:10:36,118 --> 00:10:38,120
Ah, I'm lucky to have you
as a best man!
137
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,122
Come on!
[ Coughing ]
138
00:10:40,122 --> 00:10:44,627
Oh, come on. Me, a tyrant?
You're joking, right?
139
00:10:45,127 --> 00:10:49,131
No, no. You're-You're
a heartless psycho that'd kill
at the drop of a mood swing!
140
00:10:49,131 --> 00:10:52,618
Really?
Mmm. Look!
Need I say more?
141
00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:56,038
Oh, uh, nobody killed him.
He just... keeled over.
142
00:10:56,038 --> 00:10:59,959
You're just in time
for the unveiling
of my newest exhibition.
143
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:03,913
That's sick.
Inspired, isn't it?
144
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:08,801
The leader of the rebels who
are plotting against me, gutted
and stuffed for all to see.
145
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:12,772
- Wait a minute.
- I know this guy!
146
00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:17,276
You do?
Yeah. Only,
the last time I saw him,
147
00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:20,780
the sovereign had him--
148
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,282
Did this happen
before you came
through the gateway?
149
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:27,286
Mmm.
Then that explains
how Gravus died.
150
00:11:27,286 --> 00:11:30,289
There must be one of everybody
on both worlds,
151
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:32,291
and when one dies--
152
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:36,245
The other one dies
at the same time.
153
00:11:36,746 --> 00:11:38,564
That has to be it.
154
00:11:38,564 --> 00:11:42,551
Ah, we could stay here
and admire this all day.
155
00:11:43,052 --> 00:11:46,055
But we've got
a wedding to get to.
Let's go.
156
00:11:46,055 --> 00:11:48,541
But I keep telling you,
I switched places
with your Iolaus.
157
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,544
I'm not the guy
that's supposed to be here.
You always make me laugh.
158
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:55,047
There'll be a place for you
in Olympus after I'm hitched
to the queen of the gods.
159
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,550
You're marrying Hera?
160
00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,052
The Goddess of Music?
Don't be ridiculous.
161
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:03,055
You know very well
I'm marrying Aphrodite.
162
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:07,059
Aphrodite's queen.
Okay. But wait!
163
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,996
But doesn't that mean
Aphrodite's married already?
164
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,499
I mean, Zeus is still
king of the gods, isn't he?
165
00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:16,001
Of course, Zeus is king!
166
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:19,004
Why are you asking
these idiotic questions?
167
00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:22,007
Start acting like yourself
and start amusing me,
or I swear--
168
00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:25,528
Sovereign!
The queen wishes an audience.
169
00:12:25,528 --> 00:12:27,530
[ Exhales ]
Aah!
170
00:12:27,530 --> 00:12:30,966
Very well!
Show her in.
171
00:12:30,966 --> 00:12:35,354
She could just pop in,
but she likes
to make an entrance.
172
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:38,340
Great.
Aphrodite's my buddy.
173
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,342
She'll help me get out
of this nuthouse.
174
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,730
Aphrodite?
175
00:12:44,730 --> 00:12:46,732
You're all covered up!
176
00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:49,235
Ooh!
Watch your mouth.
177
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:55,074
That's my blushing bride.
178
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:59,261
He has a point.
It wouldn't kill you
to let it all hang out.
179
00:12:59,261 --> 00:13:02,131
Please, no.
It's not ladylike.
180
00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:05,918
Aphrodite's shy.
Wow.
181
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:09,355
My dear,
it gets so empty...
182
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,858
with you gone to Olympus.
183
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,344
How is Father?
184
00:13:15,344 --> 00:13:18,347
I'm afraid you know
all too well!
Zeus is dying.
185
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:22,218
- [ Gasps ]
- Zeus is dying?
186
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,220
Unbelievable.
I've come to ask...
187
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:27,156
that you call off
this farce of a wedding
before it's too late.
188
00:13:27,156 --> 00:13:31,093
You mean, too late
for your precious Zeus.
189
00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:33,596
Have you forgotten
our pact?
190
00:13:33,596 --> 00:13:39,051
Marry me, and I'll provide
the cure for the poison...
191
00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:41,053
that's killing him.
192
00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:46,375
Then I'll get to work
slaughtering every last
puny mortal who opposes me...
193
00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:48,878
and leave the
world to my worshippers,
194
00:13:48,878 --> 00:13:51,363
while we...
195
00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:54,850
reign as King and Queen
of Olympus...
196
00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:56,852
for eternity.
197
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,539
You're a goddess!
Why don't you stand up to him?
198
00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:03,959
[ Gasps ]
Because she knows better!
199
00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:06,462
As should you.
200
00:14:06,462 --> 00:14:10,916
I may be a cur,
but I'm the cur
with the cure.
201
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:14,403
I like that.
[ Groans ]
202
00:14:14,403 --> 00:14:16,405
Now, go.
203
00:14:16,906 --> 00:14:18,791
You have a wedding
to prepare for.
204
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,944
And then we're off to Olympus
to launch my plan.
205
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,446
I have waited
long enough.
206
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:27,366
And by the way,
207
00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:30,803
I'm looking forward
to the honeymoon.
208
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,125
You are insane!
Oh, thank you.
209
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:41,080
Imagine, a bastard like me
reigning supreme
as king of the gods.
210
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:49,455
It's not gonna be
as long as you think.
211
00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,531
[ Screaming ]
212
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,821
You're not gonna punish me,
are you?
213
00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:07,823
You wish.
214
00:15:08,807 --> 00:15:11,810
Xena?
You're with him?
215
00:15:14,964 --> 00:15:18,267
When I want a eunuch,
I'll ask for you.
216
00:15:21,303 --> 00:15:24,807
I see you brought
a new love toy.
217
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:29,295
Oh, Sov, you're so--
218
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:31,297
you're so good
when you're bad.
219
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:44,093
Ow! Oh, I could play
like this all day.
220
00:15:44,093 --> 00:15:48,080
Unfortunately,
I gotta get married.
221
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,082
Oh, that's all right.
222
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:53,585
We'll have plenty of time
to play after the honeymoon.
223
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:55,988
Whoo!
[ Giggling ]
224
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:02,244
Don't ever let her
change you.
225
00:16:02,244 --> 00:16:06,382
If she has her way,
you'll be wearing
a maid's outfit and a collar.
226
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,500
[ Chuckling ]
Sounds more like your style,
227
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,503
not Aphrodite's.
228
00:16:25,034 --> 00:16:27,953
Their foreplay's
gonna get me killed!
229
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,325
Okay. Enough for now.
230
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,327
[ Purring ]
Ah!
231
00:16:39,314 --> 00:16:41,316
[ Chuckling ]
232
00:16:42,317 --> 00:16:44,319
Oh, I almost forgot.
233
00:16:44,319 --> 00:16:48,223
I need a token of
my undying love to present
Aphrodite at the wedding.
234
00:16:48,223 --> 00:16:51,610
Not that one.
It's my favorite.
235
00:16:53,112 --> 00:16:55,114
This will do.
Here!
236
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:57,616
Sit on it
till the wedding!
237
00:16:57,616 --> 00:17:01,120
You're not gonna
forget me when you're
married to her, are you?
238
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,122
[ Chuckles ]
Don't worry.
239
00:17:03,122 --> 00:17:06,108
You'll be riding my coattails
straight into Olympus,
240
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,327
like you planned
all along, right?
241
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,080
Little old me?
[ Chuckling ]
242
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:15,384
Ahh! She's quite
a doll, isn't she?
243
00:17:15,384 --> 00:17:18,387
There's a world
of scheming going on
behind those baby blues.
244
00:17:18,387 --> 00:17:22,641
If you mean, where would your
plan be without my secret stash
of hind blood, then--
245
00:17:24,810 --> 00:17:27,212
I guess you do
kinda need me.
246
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:30,666
Oh, but-- Wait!
Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight!
247
00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:33,102
Go make yourself useful!
248
00:17:33,102 --> 00:17:35,604
Throw me a...
bachelor party
or something.
249
00:17:37,106 --> 00:17:40,109
Whoa, baby.
250
00:17:40,109 --> 00:17:42,094
[ Shrieks ]
251
00:17:42,094 --> 00:17:45,597
[ Chuckles ]
You are gonna scream now.
252
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,991
Hey. Not so fast.
253
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,495
Ares.
Ares, this is, uh,
254
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:02,498
a new look for you.
255
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:05,484
What did you expect?
I am the God of Love.
256
00:18:15,110 --> 00:18:17,112
That's better.
257
00:18:17,613 --> 00:18:19,615
Now it's a love thing.
258
00:18:22,117 --> 00:18:24,119
I got a favor to ask.
259
00:18:31,326 --> 00:18:34,830
Poor sis is being bullied
into marrying the sovereign.
260
00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:38,333
All of Olympus is helpless
as long as Xena keeps him
supplied with hind's blood.
261
00:18:38,333 --> 00:18:43,338
Now, if you could keep
close tabs, maybe find out
where she's hiding it--
262
00:18:43,839 --> 00:18:45,808
Look, I'll do what I can.
263
00:18:45,808 --> 00:18:48,944
But you have to understand,
I'm not the Iolaus
you think I am.
264
00:18:49,444 --> 00:18:51,313
We switched places.
I'm from another world.
265
00:18:51,313 --> 00:18:55,050
And you know? It'd really help
if you stood up to the sovereign
yourself sometime.
266
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:58,020
Oh, it is times like this...
267
00:18:58,020 --> 00:19:03,025
I regret the fact...
that I'm a lover,
not a fighter.
268
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,012
Okay.
269
00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:12,017
Look, if the Hercules here is
the same as the Hercules back
there, then he can't be all bad.
270
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:17,022
I'll just have to appeal
to that part of him
that's hidden deep inside.
271
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:19,892
I'll be forever grateful.
272
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,860
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
273
00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:25,364
Who's the God of War
around here?
Shh!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
274
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,366
Don't even think about him.
275
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:32,588
The last thing we need
around here is that
maniac Cupid showing up.
276
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:35,390
[ Shudders ]
277
00:19:35,390 --> 00:19:38,393
Cupid, God of War.
278
00:19:38,894 --> 00:19:40,779
Weird.
279
00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:44,683
Then I was looking behind me,
and I could see these horses,
and they were catching up,
280
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:48,937
and then I felt like someone
grabbed me by the neck,
and then I was here.
281
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:55,244
- Well?
- He's worse.
282
00:19:55,244 --> 00:19:58,197
I tried feeding him
ambrosia broth.
He could barely keep it down.
283
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:02,784
Ares, you and I
are gonna have to give
Zeus a good, swift kick.
284
00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:05,771
- Meaning?
- Talking to Ares, huh?
285
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:08,156
Saying a little prayer
to the God of Love?
286
00:20:08,156 --> 00:20:11,376
Me, the God of Love?
[ Chuckling ]
287
00:20:15,397 --> 00:20:18,634
Hi, there.
Name's Aphrodite,
288
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:23,222
and the, uh, walking
bad attitude is Ares.
289
00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:26,942
Ares! Ugh.
290
00:20:26,942 --> 00:20:29,344
What's with
the basic black?
291
00:20:29,344 --> 00:20:32,130
Last time I saw you,
you were convening
the summer of love.
292
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:34,733
[ Zapping ]
[ Groaning ]
293
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:38,170
- Insolent toad!
-[ Hercules ]
That's enough, Ares.
294
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:41,890
You want a fight,
I'm your man.
295
00:20:41,890 --> 00:20:45,644
[ Groaning ]
You wanna
have at it again?
296
00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:47,913
Why?
What are you up to?
297
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:50,882
Well, a little divine
intervention.
298
00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:55,270
Like getting Zeus to throw
another lightning fit
and reopen the gateway.
299
00:20:55,270 --> 00:20:57,256
Yep.
300
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,758
Ordinarily, I'd jump
at a chance like this,
301
00:21:00,158 --> 00:21:03,745
but, uh, the prospect
of Zeus dying...
302
00:21:03,745 --> 00:21:06,248
is not something
I'd considered.
303
00:21:06,248 --> 00:21:09,835
Maybe it's time for
the old man to step aside
for some new blood, huh?
304
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:13,689
- And I wonder
who that would be.
- Who better?
305
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,691
Ares, he's your father.
306
00:21:17,559 --> 00:21:19,511
He always liked you two
better than me!
307
00:21:21,997 --> 00:21:25,050
I'm outta here.
308
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,873
Ares, the God of Love.
309
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:36,378
Weird.
310
00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:46,371
Where's my food taster?
311
00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:50,375
Um, Sovereign?
I'd really like
to have a word.
312
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:52,878
Later. I have to make
an announcement first.
313
00:21:52,878 --> 00:21:54,880
[ Groaning ]
314
00:21:59,384 --> 00:22:02,371
Today is my wedding day.
To celebrate,
315
00:22:02,371 --> 00:22:05,857
I've decided to reduce
the prison population
by clearing a few cells.
316
00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:09,328
- Praise you, Sovereign.
- You're setting them free!
317
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:11,330
Way to go!
This is good.
318
00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:15,334
Who said anything
about "free"?
319
00:22:16,768 --> 00:22:18,270
Move along!
Let's go! Move along!
320
00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:20,772
Come on!
Release the executioner.
321
00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:46,598
[ Woman ]
Stand back!
[ Man ] Give him room!
322
00:22:50,052 --> 00:22:53,839
Wait!
You can't do this!
323
00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:57,592
There's gotta be a better
way to get your kicks.
Today, of all days.
324
00:22:57,592 --> 00:23:00,846
You... are supposed
to amuse me.
325
00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:03,215
You haven't been doing
a very good job.
326
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:06,351
Ah. Well, hey.
Give me half a chance.
327
00:23:06,351 --> 00:23:09,354
I'm a million laughs!
You ain't seen nothin' yet!
328
00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:12,758
Oh, very well.
Make me laugh,
329
00:23:12,758 --> 00:23:15,694
and I'll spare
their miserable lives.
330
00:23:17,696 --> 00:23:19,631
[ Chuckles, Cries Out ]
331
00:23:22,033 --> 00:23:25,504
dd The sovereign is his name
His game is fear and pain dd
332
00:23:25,504 --> 00:23:28,874
dd He'll watch 'em die
Won't even cry
He really is insane dd
333
00:23:30,375 --> 00:23:32,377
[ Groans ]
334
00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:35,347
Pitiful, pitiful.
335
00:23:38,133 --> 00:23:40,819
He's really very funny!
336
00:23:41,319 --> 00:23:43,188
[ Ares ]
Oh, come on, Sovereign,
give it up!
337
00:23:43,188 --> 00:23:46,491
The poor guy's pouring
his heart out here.
338
00:23:46,491 --> 00:23:48,743
I've seen funnier.
339
00:23:48,743 --> 00:23:50,462
[ Maniacal Laughing ]
340
00:23:50,962 --> 00:23:55,467
This really ain't magic.
They call me Herc's sidekick.
341
00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:58,386
dd If this don't work
I'll be a wreck, and dd
342
00:23:58,386 --> 00:24:01,306
- And we'll all lose our necks?
- Hey, that's great!
343
00:24:07,245 --> 00:24:12,734
Amazing. Shecansmile
without cracking that
frigid little face.
344
00:24:12,734 --> 00:24:16,588
- One of these days, I'd like
to crack something of yours.
- Ooh.
345
00:24:16,588 --> 00:24:19,808
dd His girlfriend Xena's crass
A heartless witch, no class dd
346
00:24:20,225 --> 00:24:23,111
dd If Zeus were well, he'd cast
spell and knock her on her ddd
[ Screaming ]
347
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:29,301
Oh, boy. Tough crowd.
Tough crowd.
348
00:24:29,301 --> 00:24:32,204
Enough!
349
00:24:32,204 --> 00:24:34,539
You have failed.
350
00:24:37,325 --> 00:24:41,379
Let their deaths be
on your head.
351
00:24:41,379 --> 00:24:43,381
[ People Gasping ]
352
00:24:43,381 --> 00:24:47,052
Stop! Please!
Think about it.
353
00:24:47,052 --> 00:24:51,890
The Hercules I know,
he's not a monster.
He's a hero.
354
00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:56,661
Come on.
Listen to your heart.
355
00:24:59,047 --> 00:25:01,550
[ Chuckling ]
356
00:25:05,854 --> 00:25:09,858
My-My heart.
Now,thatis funny.
357
00:25:09,858 --> 00:25:13,995
-[ People Chuckling ]
- You did it.
You really did it.
358
00:25:15,864 --> 00:25:18,149
What is this?
You promised me an execution.
359
00:25:18,617 --> 00:25:21,570
I did, didn't I?
360
00:25:22,537 --> 00:25:24,523
[ Gasps ]
361
00:25:32,714 --> 00:25:35,100
You said you'd spare them!
362
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:37,536
[ Together ]
Oops.
363
00:25:42,490 --> 00:25:45,427
You... could use
an attitude adjustment.
364
00:25:45,427 --> 00:25:47,729
Lock him up.
365
00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:51,283
No! Come on, Herc!
You can't do this to me!
366
00:26:02,127 --> 00:26:04,863
Go ahead.
Make him laugh.
367
00:26:06,631 --> 00:26:09,134
You?
What are you doing--
368
00:26:12,637 --> 00:26:16,091
Shut up, scum.
369
00:26:16,591 --> 00:26:19,594
Joxer. You pack a heck
of a punch in this world.
370
00:26:20,045 --> 00:26:21,997
Yeah, get him
and rip his face off.
371
00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:25,383
I'm gonna enjoy
tearing the sovereign's
bootlicker apart...
372
00:26:25,383 --> 00:26:28,353
limb by limb.
373
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:32,490
When you're ready to apologize
to the sovereign, give a yell.
374
00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:36,144
Till then,
enjoy your new friends.
375
00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:43,034
Yeah, they're gone.
All clear.
376
00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:47,389
Sorry, Iolaus.
I had to make it look real.
377
00:26:47,389 --> 00:26:51,176
Oh, right. Yeah.
That was very good.
378
00:26:51,176 --> 00:26:54,729
If they thought
you were with us,
you'd be dead now.
379
00:26:56,231 --> 00:26:58,733
You know, uh,
380
00:26:58,733 --> 00:27:01,236
when Gravus got killed
and you ran away?
381
00:27:01,236 --> 00:27:04,222
We were afraid
you'd never come back again.
382
00:27:04,723 --> 00:27:08,226
You're the rebels the sovereign
was talking about.
[ Man ] That's right.
383
00:27:14,649 --> 00:27:18,036
Here. You can use this.
384
00:27:18,036 --> 00:27:21,456
What for?
To cut the cake?
385
00:27:21,456 --> 00:27:24,392
Quit joking. If you're
gonna assassinate the sovereign,
386
00:27:24,392 --> 00:27:26,294
you better start
taking this seriously.
387
00:27:26,795 --> 00:27:28,296
Me?
An assassin?
388
00:27:28,797 --> 00:27:30,799
Forget it!
It all depends on you.
389
00:27:30,799 --> 00:27:33,735
You're the only he trusts.
You're the only one
he can get close enough to.
390
00:27:33,735 --> 00:27:36,738
Now, look. He's gonna be
at his most vulnerable
when he says his wedding vows.
391
00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:39,708
And that's gonna be
your best and last chance.
392
00:27:39,708 --> 00:27:42,210
Joxer, there's gotta be
another way.
393
00:27:42,210 --> 00:27:44,713
I mean, you're talking about
killing a man in cold blood.
394
00:27:44,713 --> 00:27:46,648
It's not a man.
It's the sovereign.
395
00:27:46,648 --> 00:27:49,517
It's the most bloodthirsty
monster in this world
or on Olympus.
396
00:27:49,517 --> 00:27:53,238
Iolaus,
you're our only hope.
397
00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:58,410
It's gotta be done.
398
00:27:58,410 --> 00:28:02,414
Maybe if I got a second chance,
I could be more like
your friend.
399
00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:04,916
More man than mouse.
400
00:28:06,918 --> 00:28:11,923
Whatever destiny you were fated
for, it looks like Iolaus
has stepped into your shoes.
401
00:28:11,923 --> 00:28:14,926
The shoes
of an assassin.
402
00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:19,431
Oh, I'm such
a spineless coward.
403
00:28:19,431 --> 00:28:23,685
I ran away
from the only brave thing
anybody's ever asked me to do.
404
00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:28,473
He's killing Zeus!
405
00:28:28,473 --> 00:28:30,842
And then after that,
it'll be the rest
of the world--
406
00:28:30,842 --> 00:28:34,646
all except his followers,
who go together to make
his great master race.
407
00:28:37,098 --> 00:28:39,100
Oh, it just hit me.
408
00:28:39,100 --> 00:28:43,471
When the sovereign killed
Gravus, he died here,
which means--
409
00:28:43,471 --> 00:28:46,808
If the sovereign is killed,
I may die at the same time.
Yeah, I know.
410
00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:49,310
I've thought of that already.
411
00:28:49,310 --> 00:28:51,696
Come on.
412
00:28:51,696 --> 00:28:55,567
Zeus isn't the only one
who needs a good, swift kick.
413
00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:57,502
[ Grunts ]
414
00:29:05,176 --> 00:29:07,178
Herc, is this the time
for a temper tantrum?
415
00:29:07,178 --> 00:29:10,632
It is if it gets
Ares' attention.
416
00:29:10,632 --> 00:29:12,634
Ares, you fake!
You're a coward!
417
00:29:12,634 --> 00:29:16,020
Yeah! Yeah!
Come on, Ares!
Get down here!
418
00:29:16,020 --> 00:29:18,690
[ Hercules ]
I'm calling you out, Ares!
419
00:29:18,690 --> 00:29:20,425
[ Iolaus ]
Yeah! Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
420
00:29:20,925 --> 00:29:24,929
Ares, this whole
basic black thing is like,
so five minutes ago.
421
00:29:26,931 --> 00:29:29,400
[ Squeals ]
422
00:29:34,272 --> 00:29:37,275
[ Exhales ]
Well,
423
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:39,277
have you
made up your mind?
424
00:29:40,278 --> 00:29:43,281
This won't mean
anything to you,
425
00:29:43,281 --> 00:29:46,284
but where I come from,
your sovereign is--
426
00:29:46,284 --> 00:29:48,286
is the best man I know.
427
00:29:48,286 --> 00:29:50,789
And don't tell me the stakes.
I know what they are--
428
00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:54,292
genocide, the end
of the world as we know it--
429
00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:56,161
both our worlds.
430
00:29:56,161 --> 00:29:58,663
And it's not as if
I haven't taken a life before.
431
00:29:58,663 --> 00:30:03,168
It's just, it's always been
in self-defense. Never in--
432
00:30:03,168 --> 00:30:05,170
Never in cold blood.
433
00:30:05,670 --> 00:30:07,672
[ Exhales ]
434
00:30:07,672 --> 00:30:10,675
Whatever we've become,
it's what the sovereign made us.
435
00:30:10,675 --> 00:30:14,095
But if we've become
as cold-blooded as him,
436
00:30:15,597 --> 00:30:17,999
then so be it.
437
00:30:17,999 --> 00:30:20,485
Yeah, it's really simple,
isn't it?
438
00:30:20,485 --> 00:30:23,988
Yeah.
In order to
save the world,
439
00:30:24,489 --> 00:30:26,491
I've got to kill
my best friend...
440
00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:28,493
and all the future good
he would have done.
441
00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:35,416
In your heart,
you know it's the only way.
442
00:30:37,418 --> 00:30:41,422
What would Hercules say
if he was here?
443
00:30:41,422 --> 00:30:44,425
He'd tell me to--
444
00:30:44,425 --> 00:30:46,928
to do what's best
for the greater good.
445
00:30:49,430 --> 00:30:51,933
Okay. I'll do it.
446
00:30:59,924 --> 00:31:01,926
Guards!
447
00:31:04,429 --> 00:31:07,432
I'm ready to apologize.
448
00:31:07,432 --> 00:31:09,434
Take me
to the sovereign.
449
00:31:13,638 --> 00:31:15,640
[ Grunting ]
450
00:31:20,845 --> 00:31:23,231
All right!
That's enough!
451
00:31:24,599 --> 00:31:27,418
Ah! I'm just
gettin' started!
452
00:31:28,419 --> 00:31:31,272
He's really mad!
Look!
453
00:31:31,272 --> 00:31:33,758
He's got smoke coming
out of his ears.
454
00:31:33,758 --> 00:31:37,161
Ares, don't wig out on us.
455
00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:44,836
That's it, pretty boy!
Let's step outside!
456
00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:07,342
Glad you could
make it.
457
00:32:07,342 --> 00:32:10,345
I'd hate to
disappoint you.
Mmm.
458
00:32:10,345 --> 00:32:13,815
dddd [ "Here Comes The Bride"
In Minor Key ]
459
00:32:17,251 --> 00:32:19,504
[ Xena ]
You look lovely
in virginal black.
460
00:32:21,723 --> 00:32:25,159
About old Zeus--
is it true that he
throws those thunderbolts...
461
00:32:25,159 --> 00:32:28,162
'cause they're
the only thing about him
big and stiff?
462
00:32:29,163 --> 00:32:31,532
Well, is it?
463
00:32:37,455 --> 00:32:41,659
It is my sad duty
to join this man
and this woman...
464
00:32:41,659 --> 00:32:43,628
in unholy matrimony.
465
00:32:44,145 --> 00:32:46,147
If anyone present
objects to this union,
466
00:32:46,564 --> 00:32:49,801
speak now or forever
hold your peace.
467
00:32:49,801 --> 00:32:52,286
Please, someone.
Speak.
468
00:32:52,286 --> 00:32:54,572
[ Clearing Throat ]
469
00:32:56,074 --> 00:32:58,409
[ Men Growling ]
470
00:32:59,827 --> 00:33:02,030
Nope. Nobody objects.
471
00:33:04,048 --> 00:33:07,335
- Get on with it.
- Do you have the necklace?
472
00:33:08,803 --> 00:33:11,706
- You're on, fool.
- Oh.
473
00:33:11,706 --> 00:33:14,625
- [ Grunts ]
- [ Screaming ]
474
00:33:31,025 --> 00:33:33,478
Thank you.
475
00:33:43,654 --> 00:33:45,656
My bride.
476
00:33:47,492 --> 00:33:50,978
We are going
to rule supreme,
477
00:33:50,978 --> 00:33:52,463
you and I,
478
00:33:52,930 --> 00:33:54,932
[ Blowing Loudly ]
with all Olympus
at our feet,
479
00:33:54,932 --> 00:33:57,935
all mankind
at our mercy.
It's so beautiful.
480
00:33:59,437 --> 00:34:01,889
I now regretfully
pronounce you...
481
00:34:01,889 --> 00:34:05,159
king and queen.
482
00:34:05,643 --> 00:34:09,130
Ugh!
Oh, go ahead.
Fight me.
483
00:34:09,130 --> 00:34:11,132
I'll enjoy it.
484
00:34:12,517 --> 00:34:14,519
Forgive me, Hercules.
485
00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:19,006
I didn't think you had it
in you, old friend.
486
00:34:19,507 --> 00:34:21,526
- [ Knuckles Cracking ]
- [ Yelling ]
487
00:34:43,931 --> 00:34:46,184
Fun's over.
488
00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:00,965
[ Both Yelling ]
489
00:35:08,823 --> 00:35:11,609
Thanks!
It worked!
490
00:35:14,112 --> 00:35:16,364
I helped him?
491
00:35:26,691 --> 00:35:29,560
I'm sorry.
Did that hurt?
492
00:35:30,962 --> 00:35:33,848
No, but that did.
[ Yelling ]
493
00:35:35,633 --> 00:35:38,102
Get up there!
That crowd's
in an ugly mood!
494
00:35:38,102 --> 00:35:40,104
Yes, sir!
Hurry!
495
00:35:40,104 --> 00:35:44,041
- What's happening?
- Somebody was foolish enough
to try and kill the sovereign.
496
00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:46,978
Now he's paying the price.
497
00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:49,914
It's a diversion.
Look, make me a deal,
498
00:35:49,914 --> 00:35:52,817
and I'll--
I'll finger the real assassin.
499
00:35:54,702 --> 00:35:57,705
If you know something,
you'll spill it,
500
00:35:57,705 --> 00:36:00,658
or I'll--
Okay, okay.
It's, um-- It's--
501
00:36:04,312 --> 00:36:06,314
Let's go!
Come on!
502
00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:14,055
Aah!
503
00:36:14,055 --> 00:36:16,958
I am very
disappointed in you.
504
00:36:16,958 --> 00:36:18,960
Hey.
505
00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:46,037
Aah! Get off of me,
you witch!
506
00:37:10,011 --> 00:37:12,013
Get out of here!
507
00:37:33,985 --> 00:37:36,354
I noticed before--
you're awfully fond
of that pendant.
508
00:37:36,354 --> 00:37:39,190
Well, a girl's nothing
without her baubles.
509
00:37:39,190 --> 00:37:42,310
The Xena I know is
a lot smarter than that.
My guess-- you are too!
510
00:37:44,645 --> 00:37:47,648
Gimme, gimme.
Yeah. Like I thought.
511
00:37:48,065 --> 00:37:50,451
This is the hind's blood
you're using
to poison Zeus with.
512
00:37:50,451 --> 00:37:53,871
He's got the hind's blood!
Get him!
513
00:37:57,558 --> 00:37:59,510
Quick! They've lost
their secret weapon!
514
00:37:59,510 --> 00:38:01,912
Show them your stuff!
515
00:38:01,912 --> 00:38:03,914
With pleasure.
516
00:38:12,506 --> 00:38:14,809
I'll get you,
little goddess!
517
00:38:16,060 --> 00:38:17,762
Eat cake, baby!
518
00:38:23,701 --> 00:38:26,203
Why, I oughta--
[ Screeching ]
519
00:38:28,155 --> 00:38:31,926
Empty calories
are no calories!
520
00:38:54,715 --> 00:38:56,584
Release the executioner!
521
00:38:56,584 --> 00:38:58,753
Yeah!
522
00:39:14,118 --> 00:39:16,020
Chill out.
523
00:39:23,994 --> 00:39:27,998
Where's that Trojan elephant
that stopped me?
524
00:39:37,341 --> 00:39:39,160
Good-bye.
525
00:39:43,814 --> 00:39:45,833
Hercules did it.
I gotta go.
526
00:39:46,333 --> 00:39:47,835
We'll take it
from here.
527
00:39:48,285 --> 00:39:50,304
Go with the gods.
528
00:40:10,558 --> 00:40:14,061
Guys, I think
we should talk.
529
00:40:23,387 --> 00:40:26,457
Guess I had more skills
than I thought.
530
00:40:28,242 --> 00:40:30,528
[ Whimpering ]
I don't know...
531
00:40:31,028 --> 00:40:33,030
if I can be a hero
when I get back!
532
00:40:33,030 --> 00:40:35,950
But I'm gonna try!
That's all
any of us can do!
533
00:40:36,450 --> 00:40:39,453
Good luck, my friend!
Thanks!
534
00:40:48,929 --> 00:40:50,931
No!
535
00:40:52,933 --> 00:40:54,435
Ha-ha!
536
00:40:58,606 --> 00:41:00,608
Run, Iolaus!
537
00:41:04,161 --> 00:41:06,947
[ Whimpering ]
538
00:41:18,759 --> 00:41:21,128
No.
539
00:41:23,948 --> 00:41:28,152
No-o-o!
540
00:41:38,045 --> 00:41:42,049
Hercules,
you have no idea
how close it was.
541
00:41:42,049 --> 00:41:44,552
He has a pendant
full of hind blood.
542
00:41:44,552 --> 00:41:47,054
Hind blood?
543
00:41:47,054 --> 00:41:50,558
Well, hopefully he's trapped
between both worlds now.
544
00:41:50,558 --> 00:41:52,910
Guess we better go
see how Dad's doing.
545
00:41:52,910 --> 00:41:55,312
Good to have you back,
curly.
546
00:41:55,312 --> 00:41:59,316
[ Scoffs ]
How I hate happy endings.
547
00:42:03,971 --> 00:42:05,973
You know,
548
00:42:05,973 --> 00:42:07,975
I almost did
a terrible thing
over there.
549
00:42:07,975 --> 00:42:09,977
You did what you had
to do, Iolaus.
550
00:42:09,977 --> 00:42:12,980
I'm just glad
it didn't work out
like you planned.
551
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:16,984
So, do you think
I look better with a beard
or without a beard?
552
00:42:18,485 --> 00:42:20,771
Ah.
553
00:42:21,305 --> 00:42:27,710
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