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1
00:00:13,491 --> 00:00:14,666
Whew!
2
00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:16,668
Nine! That's a new record!
3
00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:19,019
Wow, Dave.
You just ran nine miles?
4
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:21,978
No, I got nine people
to wave back at me.
5
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,328
Well, let's just make it
an even ten.
6
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:25,851
Bye!
7
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:27,679
Oh, no.
8
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:31,683
Don't look now, but here comes
your least favorite neighbor.
9
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:33,120
[chuckling]:
What are you talking about?
10
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:34,556
I just waved goodbye to him.
11
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,386
Calvin, it's Walter.
12
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:41,171
CALVIN:
Oh, goodness.
13
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:44,044
Wonder what's got his
adult diaper in a bunch today.
14
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:46,133
Hey, Walter.
15
00:00:46,176 --> 00:00:48,570
Dave. Jackass.
16
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,399
What do you want?
17
00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:53,879
Don't you have
an obituary to be in?
18
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:57,883
I actually came over
to give you some bad news.
19
00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,102
I'm moving.
20
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,061
[chuckles]
Are you kidding?
21
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,411
That's not bad news.
That's great news.
22
00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:06,936
In fact, if I didn't hate you
so much, I would hug you.
23
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:08,894
You didn't let me finish.
24
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:11,201
I'm selling my house
to the Cartelli Group.
25
00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:12,724
What?
26
00:01:12,768 --> 00:01:15,249
Uh, who's the
Cartelli Group?
27
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:16,989
They're big developers.
28
00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:18,991
They've moved into neighborhoods
all around here,
29
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:21,951
knocking down the original homes
and replacing them
30
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,692
with big, ugly monstrosities.
31
00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:25,520
That's right. And finally,
32
00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:28,131
we'll have a home around here
that matches your face.
33
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:30,307
Okay, Walter, you
take that back!
34
00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:31,917
Calvin has a
beautiful face!
35
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,919
Okay, Dave, you're not helping.
36
00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:35,182
Although you're not wrong.
37
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,315
And here's the best part.
38
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:39,969
You're in for a year
of loud trucks
39
00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:42,928
and construction workers
taking pee breaks on your lawn.
40
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:45,366
And I might even show 'em
where I like to do it.
41
00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:48,847
Come on, Walter.
You can't do this.
42
00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:51,415
Oh, yes, I can. I'm signing
those papers next week.
43
00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:53,722
I'm gonna get
a whole lot of money,
44
00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:55,202
and you're gonna get
a whole lot of this.
45
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:59,031
[imitates truck]:
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,
46
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:01,512
beep, beep...Can't believe this guy.
47
00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:03,035
He's got some nerve.
48
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:04,994
And amazing balance.
49
00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:07,039
He just backed up
all the way to his front porch.
50
00:02:08,389 --> 00:02:10,130
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
51
00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:11,566
♪ Welcome to the hood.
52
00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:18,312
We got a problem.
53
00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:19,878
What's the matter, baby?
54
00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:23,317
Walter's selling his
house to a developer.
55
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,189
They're gonna tear it down
and build a giant eyesore.
56
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,148
What? Are you serious?
57
00:02:28,191 --> 00:02:29,758
Yeah.
58
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:32,282
You know, I've been praying
for Walter to move for years,
59
00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:34,023
but I always meant to heaven.
60
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:39,202
See, man, this is happening
all over the place.
61
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,596
The developers come in, start
buying up all the houses
62
00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:43,119
and take over
the neighborhood.
Mm.
63
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,990
It's classic
gentrification.
64
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:47,471
Yup, and then the prices
go through the roof,
65
00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:51,127
the landlords raise the rent,
and good people are forced out.
66
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:54,043
I can't believe Walter would
do this to the community.
67
00:02:54,086 --> 00:02:55,349
Mm.
You know what?
68
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,002
I'm gonna drink
a gallon of iced tea
69
00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:59,091
and go over there
and water his lawn.
70
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,660
Calvin, I've told you
a thousand times--
71
00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:04,184
use your words,
not your pee.
72
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:08,884
Uh, yeah, some of
this is on you, Pop.
73
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:11,495
Maybe if you didn't
antagonize him so much...Mm-hmm.
74
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:13,367
...he wouldn't have
decided to move.
75
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,369
Who would move out
the neighborhood
76
00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:16,761
just because
I'm mean to 'em?
77
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:19,155
Uh, present.
78
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,594
Okay, if that's the case,
79
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:27,250
maybe... there's a way
I could change his mind.
80
00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:28,643
What do you mean?
81
00:03:28,686 --> 00:03:32,081
I mean, maybe
he wouldn't move
82
00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:37,129
if I tried being
a kinder, friendlier neighbor
83
00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:39,610
to that old, wrinkly bastard.
84
00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:42,134
I don't know, Calvin.
85
00:03:42,178 --> 00:03:43,788
Don't you think
it's a little too late for that?
86
00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:45,529
Uh, yeah, Pop.
87
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,270
Maybe you should've
tried being nice to him
88
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:50,447
back when he was a young,
less wrinkly bastard.
89
00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:54,364
Look, I'm not saying
it's gonna be easy,
90
00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:57,149
but if anyone can do it,
it's me.
91
00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:58,673
After all,
92
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:03,112
no one can resist
the Calvin Butler charm.
93
00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:05,288
[laughs]
What Calvin Butler charm?
94
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,377
Boy, shut up.
Wasn't nobody talking to you.
95
00:04:17,213 --> 00:04:18,170
Calvin?
96
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:20,782
There he is.
97
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:25,265
My main man, Walter--
the Denzel of Pasadena.
98
00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:28,833
Why in the hell
are you raking my yard?
99
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:30,879
Yeah, look, man, I know
100
00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:33,229
I haven't always been
the best neighbor,
101
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,406
but I got to thinking
I'm gonna turn over a new leaf
102
00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:39,279
and figured
I'd rake a few of yours.
103
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:41,977
Oh. And I found this $20 bill
on your lawn.
104
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:43,848
I figured you must have
dropped it.
105
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:48,288
You know, I don't know
what you're up to, but...
106
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,898
I did drop that 20.
107
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:52,117
Now, what's this
really about?
108
00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:54,337
If you need a kidney,
it ain't happening.
109
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,513
No, I don't need a kidney.
110
00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:58,472
Although any man would be lucky
111
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,952
to have one of your organs
inside of 'em.
112
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:07,959
Calvin, I ain't up for
all this Fruity Pebbles stuff.
113
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:11,441
Oh. Oh, no, man. You know,
I just got to thinking.
114
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:14,314
We wasted so much time fighting,
when instead
115
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:16,359
we should've been
getting to know each other.
116
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:19,797
All right. Well, I'm Walter.
117
00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:22,583
I got a screw in my knee
and a damn fool on my lawn.
118
00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:25,629
You see? I didn't even know
about your knee.
119
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:29,851
You know what? Why don't you
come over tonight for dinner,
120
00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:31,896
and we just let
bygones be bygones?
No.
121
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,855
No, no, I-I don't
know about that.Ah, come on, man.
122
00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:35,509
What can I do to convince you?
123
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,902
Well, I did lose
another 20 around here.
124
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:44,039
You sure it wasn't
a ten and two fives?
125
00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:46,084
That'll do.
126
00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,875
Okay, dinner's almost ready,
127
00:05:53,918 --> 00:05:55,833
and I'm wearing
a low-cut blouse.
128
00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:58,880
I've done my part.[laughs]
129
00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:02,536
All right, now, remember, no
matter how miserable Walter is,
130
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,233
we got to be nice to him.
131
00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,627
But if he starts to choke
on a piece of carrot,
132
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:09,804
let nature take its course.
133
00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:12,589
I don't get why
this is such a bad thing.
134
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,374
If he sells his house
for a lot of money,
135
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:16,071
don't all of
our property values go up?
136
00:06:16,114 --> 00:06:19,074
Sure, but some things
are more important than money.
137
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,903
Like the people and the culture
of this neighborhood.
138
00:06:21,946 --> 00:06:23,426
Which is why
I'm never leaving it.
139
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,820
And that means neither am I.
140
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:27,430
Neighbors for life, bro.
141
00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,085
Aw, what the hell.
142
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,435
Let the fake
friendliness begin.
143
00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:34,045
[knock on door]
144
00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:36,047
Okay, now, that's him.
145
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:39,224
Now, remember, we're smiling,
we're laughing,
146
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:42,793
and most important,
we're not giving the Heimlich.
147
00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:48,190
Hey, Walter! Come on in!
148
00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:49,583
Hey, Walter!Hi!
149
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,585
Uh, evening,
everybody.
150
00:06:51,628 --> 00:06:53,021
I'm glad to see
151
00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:55,110
you're not take-off-your-shoes
kind of people.
152
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:58,156
I don't want to be eating while
staring at your nasty feet.
153
00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:02,683
[Calvin laughs]
154
00:07:02,726 --> 00:07:04,859
Well, it's gonna be hard
to keep our shoes on
155
00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:07,557
with you knocking our socks off
with those jokes.
156
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:09,429
[laughs]
157
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:11,300
Well, let's get
this party started.
158
00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:14,172
Uh, Tina, lean forward
and pour the man a drink.
159
00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:21,005
So, Walter, why don't you tell
Dave and Gemma here
160
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:22,572
how we first met.
161
00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:24,052
Who the hell is Gemma?
162
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:30,232
That would be me.
163
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:33,191
The one who took you to the ER
when you broke your ankle.
164
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:35,411
Oh, yeah.
You're a terrible driver,
165
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,674
and your taste in music sucks.
166
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:40,590
[laughs] This guy's hilarious.
167
00:07:40,634 --> 00:07:42,070
Watch out, Steve Harvey.
168
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:44,855
We got the next host
of Family Feud.
169
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,687
W-Walter, how did
you guys meet?
170
00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:53,908
Well, it was the first Halloween
after they moved in,
171
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:56,345
and Calvin brought the boys by
for trick-or-treating.
172
00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:59,304
And I gave 'em each
a ketchup packet,
173
00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:01,306
and I turned
the sprinklers on 'em.
174
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,616
And what's crazy is we were
having hot dogs the next day.
175
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,662
It's like Walter knew
we'd need ketchup.
176
00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,622
[laughs softly]
177
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:15,799
So, can I get anybody anything
from the kitchen?
178
00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:18,193
Well, I'll tell you
what I could use-- some salt.
179
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:19,847
This food is bland as hell.
180
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,503
Excuse me?
181
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:25,505
[laughs] There he goes again.
182
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:27,811
Just Walter being Walter.
183
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:30,161
Well, Tina about
to be Tina.Whoa, whoa, whoa.
184
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:32,947
Be cool. Stay cool.
185
00:08:32,990 --> 00:08:35,645
Just keep loading up his plate
with choking carrots.
186
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:38,996
Well, you know what?
I don't know about you guys,
187
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,868
but I'm having a blast.
188
00:08:40,911 --> 00:08:42,565
You know, too bad
that you're moving.
189
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:45,046
Otherwise, we could
make this a regular thing.
190
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,004
That'd be nice, but not as nice
191
00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,267
as a big pile of money
from that developer.
192
00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:51,792
What's for dessert?
193
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:54,534
How about some
upside-down-your-head cake?
194
00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:57,885
Come on, Walter.
195
00:08:57,928 --> 00:08:59,843
You can't sell to those guys.
196
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:01,845
They don't care about
the people around here.
197
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:03,760
Neither do I. You think
I'd give out ketchup packets
198
00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,414
to people I like?
199
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,112
[sighs] Come on, man.
200
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,853
You know, there's got to be
something I can do.
201
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:10,811
Like what?
202
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:11,899
I don't know.
203
00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:13,117
Uh...
204
00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,945
Maybe...
205
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:16,773
we could find you another buyer.
206
00:09:16,817 --> 00:09:18,949
What?Yeah. I mean, like,
207
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:21,691
you said you're not signing the
papers till next week, right?
208
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:25,565
That gives us a couple of days
to spruce up the place
209
00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:27,044
and find someone who cares
about this neighborhood
210
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:28,176
as much as we do.
211
00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:30,526
Calvin, we can have
an open house.
212
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,267
I love open houses.
213
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:35,792
Walter, I'm what's known as
a world-class lookie-loo.
214
00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:43,147
Well, why should I do that?
215
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,932
I already have a buyer.
216
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,934
Because...
217
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,762
I'm gonna get you more money.
218
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:51,678
Well, I like the sound of that.
219
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:53,331
But you're also gonna
have to put me up
220
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,072
in a hotel while you do it.
221
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:56,639
Seriously? A hotel?Yeah.
222
00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:58,989
And not one where you open
the door and you're outside.
223
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,338
I want a hallway.
224
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,776
That's it.
225
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:05,082
Fine. You know what?
You got a deal.
226
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:08,390
Good. Now pass me
some more of those carrots.
227
00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,219
Go ahead, Tina.
228
00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:13,221
I mean, if it's God's will,
it's God's will.
229
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:23,971
Oh, my God. I can't believe
how much junk Walter has.
230
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,450
Ugh. I know.
231
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:29,280
It's like 20 yard sales
threw up in his living room.
232
00:10:29,324 --> 00:10:31,674
Well, on the bright side,
233
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:34,198
Nixon resigned.
234
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,638
Okay, so maybe this place
isn't exactly move-in ready,
235
00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:41,118
but it's got good bones.
236
00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:44,644
Yeah, if by "bones,"
you mean a skeleton.
237
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,211
Yeah, Calvin,
this is a disaster.
238
00:10:47,255 --> 00:10:49,692
There's no way we can
sell this place in two days.
239
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,695
Come on, guys. This place is
oozing with character.
240
00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:55,306
I mean, check out
the tiled fireplace.
241
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:57,700
Got the arched
doorways.
242
00:10:57,744 --> 00:11:00,224
And I bet if I pull up
243
00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:03,706
this old, moldy carpet,
I'll find the original...
244
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:06,187
older, moldier carpet.
245
00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:11,540
This house hasn't been updated
in years.
246
00:11:11,583 --> 00:11:14,151
I know. Look at this
velvet wolf painting.
247
00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:17,981
It's so dusty, I think
this woman used to be White.
248
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:20,331
You know what?
I can fix that right now.Oh.
249
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:22,507
I'll just take it down.
250
00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:24,031
[grunts softly]
251
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,034
Uh, Calvin, don't look in there.
252
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:30,124
I think that's where
the skeleton may be.
253
00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:36,913
Uh-uh-uh, I'm sorry, babe,
but there's no way
254
00:11:36,957 --> 00:11:38,959
we have enough time
to fix this place up.
255
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:41,439
Unless, of course, you're
talking about Time Magazine,
256
00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:45,008
in which case...
we have all of them.
257
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:47,837
Come on, it's not as bad
as you guys think.
258
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:50,753
We'll get Malcolm and Marty
to help us put this stuff away,
259
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:54,714
then we'll slap on some paint,
replace the furniture with ours.
260
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:57,368
This place will look great
in no time.
261
00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:58,543
DAVE: Whoa![Tina shouts]
262
00:11:58,587 --> 00:12:00,371
Whoa!
263
00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:03,418
Boom! It's where
the flat-screen goes.
264
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:07,291
♪
265
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:24,308
♪ We can never lose,
let's work together ♪
266
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:27,398
♪ We can be the proof,
let's do it together ♪
267
00:12:27,442 --> 00:12:30,053
♪ We're moving,
cleaning up the mess ♪
268
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,795
♪ We're moving, let's get
down to business ♪
269
00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,579
♪ We're moving,
cleaning up the mess ♪
270
00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:36,973
♪ We're moving, let's get
down to business ♪
271
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:46,722
Hey, good job, bro.
272
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,071
Oh, thanks, man.
I appreciate it.
273
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:56,166
♪
274
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,436
♪ Okay.
275
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,873
[song ends]
276
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:11,181
You know, I got to say,
277
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,357
we really did a fabulous job
on this place.
278
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:15,838
I know.
This place is gorgeous.
279
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,188
Yeah, as long as no one touches
the wet paint,
280
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:21,975
opens a closet door, or flushes
the toilet, we're gold.
281
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,412
Okay.
282
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,066
Open house starts in an hour.
283
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:28,155
I posted some pics
to my lookie-loo message board,
284
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:30,157
and, guys,
let me tell you something.
285
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:32,463
People are looking to loo.
286
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,596
Oh, I almost forgot.
287
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:36,511
I was gonna put some
cookies in the oven.
288
00:13:36,554 --> 00:13:38,730
Oh, great idea. That'll make it
feel nice and homey.
289
00:13:38,774 --> 00:13:41,908
Oh, actually, I was just gonna
try to warm this place up.
290
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:44,649
When I tried to turn on the
heater, the doorbell rang.
291
00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:46,434
[chuckles]
292
00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:49,002
Okay, Calvin,
what do you say?
293
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,568
You ready to sell this bad boy?
294
00:13:50,612 --> 00:13:52,048
You're damn straight.
295
00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:54,137
All we got to do now
is open the door
296
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,922
and let the house sell itself.
297
00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:06,846
I don't know about you, but...
I don't miss it.
298
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:13,896
You know, and the best
thing about this place is
299
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,072
that you can
move in tomorrow.
300
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:18,161
And, uh, you didn't
hear it from me,
301
00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:21,643
but I heard Denzel
used to live here.
302
00:14:22,687 --> 00:14:25,212
Okay, cool.
Is that a closet?
303
00:14:25,255 --> 00:14:27,301
Is-is what a closet?
304
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:29,477
That door behind you.
305
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,608
Oh.
306
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,784
Uh, as a matter of fact, it is.
307
00:14:32,828 --> 00:14:36,353
But unfortunately, someone's
taking a tour of it right now.
308
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:42,272
And, uh, with the
kitchen right here,
309
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,926
you could be
making dinner
310
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,797
while still keeping an eye
on your kids.
311
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:47,669
We actually don't
have any children.
312
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:49,801
Oh. Well, after I show you
the bedroom,
313
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:51,891
you're gonna want to get busy
making some. Come on.
314
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:57,722
Malcolm, this thing
weighs a ton.
315
00:14:57,766 --> 00:14:59,376
How much longer do
we have to hold it?
316
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,161
Oh, not too much
longer, man.
317
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:02,989
Just a couple of hours.
318
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:04,642
Well, how long has it been?
319
00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:06,906
Three and a half minutes.
320
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:12,824
Oh, sweet baby Jesus,
this is how it's gonna end.
321
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:20,136
Wow, Helen, would you
look at this place?
322
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,834
I know, Derek.
323
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:25,663
This house is a dream come true!
324
00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:27,665
We better put an
offer in quick.
325
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:31,669
If we don't, we're gonna regret
it for the rest of our lives.
326
00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:33,758
Mother! Father!
327
00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:35,108
Please don't let
328
00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:38,024
this extraordinary opportunity
slip away!
329
00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:40,417
Okay, Oliver Twist,
reel it in.
330
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:45,727
Malcolm, I can't
keep this up much longer.
331
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:48,121
Don't you give up.
You can do it.
332
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,558
Okay. Ow!
333
00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,821
Oh, that's it. That's it.
I'm going down.
334
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:55,345
Oh, come on, Marty.
It's just a bottle of water.
335
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:58,131
Yeah, but it still has
the cap on it.
336
00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,697
[both groaning]
337
00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:01,264
Oh!
338
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:06,356
Well, there you go.
339
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,184
One less thing to dust.
340
00:16:08,228 --> 00:16:10,230
Oh! Oh!
341
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:13,537
[alarm beeping]Oh, no!
342
00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:15,365
I forgot about
the cookies!
343
00:16:15,409 --> 00:16:17,889
Oh! Oh! Oh!Whoa, whoa.
344
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:20,849
Hey, guys,
get your offers in quick.
345
00:16:20,892 --> 00:16:24,070
Everybody knows a fire truck
always bring a crowd!
346
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:28,030
[coughing]
347
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:30,206
Man, we were
so close.
348
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:31,860
It was our fault.
349
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:34,036
Our acting was
way over the top.
350
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,733
What are you talking about?
351
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:37,170
We were totally believable.
352
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:40,521
It was Grover
who crapped the bed.
353
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:43,045
Well, at least you didn't almost
set the house on fire.
354
00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:45,395
Yeah, or drop the mantel.CALVIN:
Come on, guys.
355
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:47,484
This wasn't any
one person's fault.
356
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,443
You blew it as a group.
357
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:56,406
Whoa! You guys did
a lot of work around here.
358
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,408
Whoa. Hold on,
hold on, hold on.
359
00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:01,846
Ah, yeah.
All my carpets are still here.
360
00:17:03,587 --> 00:17:05,763
So did you get any offers?
361
00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,852
No, but we were really close.
362
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:09,680
We just need
a little bit more time.
363
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:10,812
He's right.
364
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:12,118
In fact, this one couple,
365
00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:14,033
Derek and Helen,
seemed really into it.
366
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:16,905
Their son was
a little too into it.
367
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,168
I'm sorry, Calvin,
but a deal is a deal.
368
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:21,170
I gave you two days,
and you couldn't deliver.
369
00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:23,129
I'm signing
those papers tomorrow.
370
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,086
[sighs]
371
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:25,087
CALVIN:
Come on, Walter.
372
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,610
You can't do this, man.
373
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:28,264
This community is special.
374
00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:30,658
It has history. It has a soul.
375
00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,486
Families have lived here
for generations.
376
00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:34,270
Doesn't that matter to you?
377
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:37,273
Oh, I'll tell you what matters--
my bank account matters.
378
00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:39,536
And my wolf painting.
379
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:43,845
It's the only thing
I asked for in the divorce.
380
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:47,849
Oh, come on, Walter.
My pops is right, man.
381
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:50,678
This house deserves to be
lived in, not knocked down.
382
00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:53,159
Yeah, man.
Look how nice this place is.
383
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,639
Any family would love
to live here.
384
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:58,120
Hell, I would love to live here.
385
00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:59,861
Wait a minute.
386
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:01,645
So you're saying you would
live here if you could?
387
00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:02,820
Absolutely.
388
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:07,825
In that case, I think
I have a way we can solve this.
389
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:11,002
Let me buy the house.
390
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:12,134
Wait. What?
391
00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:13,309
Well, uh, hold on. Calvin.
392
00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:14,484
Uh, I know
it's only one house down,
393
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:17,661
but if you move,
it'll break my heart.
394
00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:22,013
Look, Tina, look, I know
this is a lot of money,
395
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:24,277
but if Marty moves in,
396
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,844
his rent could cover
some of the cost.
397
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:29,238
And I could move in, too.
398
00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:31,240
That would double the rent.
399
00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:33,851
Ooh, actually, I don't know
if I'm looking for a roommate.
400
00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:36,463
[laughs] Okay, but I
know a lot of girls,
401
00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:37,855
and those girls
have friends.
402
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:41,032
Oh, and just like that,
I got a roommate, Dad.
403
00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:42,556
Think about it, Tina.
404
00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:44,775
This will be good
for the neighborhood,
405
00:18:44,819 --> 00:18:48,605
and it will help our boys
learn to be homeowners.
406
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:52,000
Plus, we're finally getting
Malcolm out the house.
407
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:55,308
And if you ask me, that's God
speaking through real estate.
408
00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:01,488
Oh, what the hell.
Let's buy a house.
Yeah!
409
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,925
[cheering]No, no, no. Hold on.
Hold on, all of you!
410
00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:05,970
I haven't agreed to a thing yet.
411
00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:08,756
Oh, God.Come on, Walter.
412
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,975
Now, I know we haven't
always gotten along,
413
00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:13,239
but do the right thing.
414
00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:18,200
Well, I do like the idea
of you having two mortgages.
415
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,028
Plus, you'll be
renting to family,
416
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:21,856
and that always goes bad.
417
00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:25,294
So... congratulations.
418
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:26,600
I'm screwing you again.
419
00:19:30,343 --> 00:19:33,998
Well, Calvin, I don't know
about the neighborhood,
420
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:36,827
but because of you,
the property value of my heart
421
00:19:36,871 --> 00:19:38,699
just went through the roof.GEMMA:
Oh.
422
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:41,658
Neighbors for life, bro.
423
00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:43,486
Oh, well, what the hell.
424
00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:45,488
Let the fake friendliness
continue.
425
00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:56,151
Well, truck's all loaded.
This is it. Bye, Dave.
426
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,327
Bye, jackass.
427
00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:01,722
Well, I'm glad to see you go.
428
00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:05,247
Although it may not be a hearse,
I guess a moving truck will do.
429
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,903
So, Walter, you never told
us where you were moving.
430
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:12,689
To a singles retirement
community in Palm Springs.
431
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,735
Seventy percent female.
432
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:17,346
Oh. Please.
433
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,087
Like you got some game
with the ladies.
434
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:20,610
Oh, I don't need game.
435
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:23,396
I got two good hips
and all my teeth.
436
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:27,008
It's like fishing with dynamite.
437
00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:30,881
Well, you take care
of yourself, Walter.
438
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:32,405
Yeah, good luck.
439
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,711
Hope you die of a heart attack
while having sex.
440
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,235
Me, too.
441
00:20:40,761 --> 00:20:42,719
Well, you got
to give the guy credit.
442
00:20:42,763 --> 00:20:44,678
After all those years
of fighting,
443
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:46,419
he did the right thing.
444
00:20:46,462 --> 00:20:48,072
Yeah, he sure did.
445
00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:50,379
You know, not to get
ahead of ourselves,
446
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:52,381
but what do you think
about us being neighbors
447
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,253
at a retirement
community?
448
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:56,385
I'll tell you what I think.
449
00:20:56,429 --> 00:20:59,040
[imitating truck]:
Beep, beep, beep,
450
00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:01,129
beep, beep, beep.
451
00:21:04,828 --> 00:21:12,662
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
452
00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:16,710
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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