Original subtitles

- Previously on "The Real

- Previously on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

- Erika, Denise. - I'm Erika.

- I'm a hugger. - Oh, I like that!

- Denise and I go back so many different lifetimes.

- How long were you and Charlie married?

- Ugh! 4 1/2 years.

A lot's happened since then. [laughs]

- We got this adorable little puppy

from Vanderpump Dogs.

She was not the right fit for the family.

- The person that she re-homed the dog to

ended up dropping it off at a shelter.

- She could have just come to you and said,

"I can't do this."

- You unfollowed her? - Yes.

- [laughs]

- But there's potential for me re-following you.

- Imagine losing him just after you've lost your brother.

- People say taking your life is selfish,

but my brother didn't mean to do this.

It was a cry for help.

[crying] I do feel depressed.

[upbeat music]

- In the game of life, it's Rinna take all.

♪ ♪

- Most people talk about their fantasies.

I'm living mine.

♪ ♪

- In business and in life, I wear many hats...

and hairstyles.

- Oh, you can stab me in the back,

but whilst you're there, kiss my ass.

- I'm not afraid of hard work,

but I'll never do your dirty work.

- My problem with gossip?

I'm so much juicier in real life.

- Taste may be subjective,

but the truth is undeniable.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hello, Hanky and Panky.

- Oh, just let yourself in, why don't you?

Did you get past the security guards?

'Cause they're terribly... - You are so vicious.

- I told them not to let you in.

- Why can't you have a guard dog like everybody else?

- I have swans. I have dogs, I have...

- I know. They're actually scarier than any guard dog.

- Okay. - Oh, look.

He's got his feathers all puffed up to--

[swan cries] No, you ----er. Oh, my God.

- Do not call my swan a ----er.

- Do you like my glasses?

- You look like John Lennon.

- I stole them from Portia.

[both laugh] Literally.

- Did you really? - Yeah.

- We need to get some fixin', baby.

- I like lasers. They have no downtime.

- If you do that down there, nobody will know.

- You have an obsession with my vagina.

[both laugh]

I love Lisa.

I think right now,

she's going through a hard time,

but Lisa and I can laugh anywhere we go.

- I'm sorry, but if you have four children,

it must have had a little wear and tear.

- I honestly-- if I had a dime

for every time you said that, I'd be a ----ing billionaire.

♪ ♪

We're gonna be looking like different people

when we come out of here later.

- Hopefully. - Hello.

Welcome to Epione.

- Hello. Hi. - How are you guys?

Right this way. - You seem right at home here.

- You don't look like this if you're not here really often.

Me first!

- We live in a town where nobody ages.

So you've got to try the newest, latest, and greatest treatments.

- We'll baste her and cook her for 20 minutes, and then--

- I love feeling like a turkey.

- Can you actually, like, maybe stop moving?

- I'll show you the probe.

- That goes in the vagina?

- God, no!

I could never put that in mine.

[laughter]

- Well, that tells us a lot about Ken.

- Hello. Hi, darling. - Hello!

My favorite surgeon on the planet.

- Nice to see you. - How are you?

- How's everything? - Not bad.

How are you guys doing?

- I want to rejuvenate my neck.

- So what we can do is to just basically put

a little bit of filler in the areas that are--

- Oh, yeah.

- Do you want to have laughing gas to do this?

both: Oh, yes.

- Yes. - Yes.

Do you have any to go? [laughs]

- Could we take it to Pump with us?

- Just to pump it up in there.

Take a deep breath and hold it.

Hold it for ten seconds.

[clock ticking]

- Oh, I love that.

- You look like you enjoy that a lot, actually.

- Oh, it's so good.

Okay.

It's like drinking a whole bottle of wine

without a hangover, right, doctor?

Oh, it's so good.

Kyle, just try it. Just have some.

Make all that stress go away.

Just have a-- [giggling]

Just have a little too.

Are you videoing me? - No.

- That is not funny. - [laughs]

- Listen, do I look beautiful?

- Almost.

[both laughing] - Beautiful.

- Do you want to laugh like that

with a needle going in your neck?

- It's okay. I'm good with a moving object.

- [laughing]

- You can't slide

with a needle in your neck. - Oh, my God.

Kyle and I love to have a laugh together,

and with everything

that I've been thinking and dealing with lately,

just to have a brief respite and have fun together

is something that's very important to me.

- You are all done.

You have a brand-new neck.

- What are you gonna do now?

- I don't know.

- You've got, like, an eye patch.

- Do you have a hair clip?

I could just put this on, like, here.

- You could actually put a little bit of a...

- I'm too scared. - Scotch tape here.

- Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, Scotch tape.

That's more my speed these days.

♪ ♪

- Hi. - Hi.

- I'm meeting a couple of girlfriends here.

My name is Erika.

- Okay. Follow me right this way.

Can I get you a beverage started?

- Yes, can I have an Arnold Palmer, please?

- Of course. - Thank you.

♪ ♪

Oh, yay, yum. Thank you very much.

- I'll be back with some water as well.

♪ ♪

- Ah! - Oh, yeah!

Oh, (BLEEP), yeah. - Hello!

- Oh, my God. - Look at you!

Oh, my God, you look so great.

♪ ♪

- Well, well, hello. - [shrieks]

- She's giving us, like, '80s glam.

- Wow. Mwah!

Between you and me, we're like '80s, '90s, '50s.

- '80s glam! I love it.

- [kisses] - I love it.

- It's nice to see you guys. - You are just--

Oh, you're looking so gorgeous. - Yeah.

- Can I get you ladies any beverages started?

- Let's try the burgundy.

- Why don't I do a glass of Chardonnay?

- You know what? I want a beer.

Just whatever is in a bottle, please.

- [gasps] Love that! - It's a hot summer day though.

- Exactly. - It's a hot summer day.

- I drank beer as a young girl.

- I certainly did.

That's all there was to drink

at the keggers at my parties. - Hello.

- High school was all about the kegs...

- It's all we had. - And the keg handstands.

[gasps] I think I've done--

- Keg handstand.

I'm sure I have, for sure. - Oh, my God.

I remember being 16 years old,

in high school, going to these outdoor parties,

and I think I gagged

and probably, like, vomited the beer...

[laughs]

One point or another.

both: Cheers. - I love your beer bottle!

- I know. - It's so good.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- All right, girls. So what's been happening?

- Okay, we had a very big robbery.

- [gasps] No.

- All of my handbags, all of my jewelry.

Every single thing.

- Wow, babe.

- I think maybe a Rottweiler or a Doberman is next for you.

Or a... - A Dutch shepherd.

- A Dutch shepherd.

- We had this beautiful little dog.

I mean, that's a whole other story.

After everything that's happened

with the Lucy situation...

After Lucy had bit the kids a few times...

- Oh. - PK was just--

- Like, "Maybe we should find Lucy another place."

- Yes, exactly.

I think it's safe to say that the Kemsleys

are gonna put having a dog on the back burner.

I--honestly, I can't even bring myself to talk about--

You know when you can only take so much?

- Yes. - Yes, we do.

both: Yes, we do.

- I could use a getaway.

I could use--I could use a girls' trip getaway.

- Even Lake Tahoe, even--

- Tahoe's beautiful. - Something that's different.

- There are some beautiful places in Tahoe.

I think we have a house in Tahoe.

[laughter]

I have a few houses I don't go to.

- Erika, you kill me. - Who says that?

"I think we have a place in Tahoe."

- "I think I have a place in Palm Desert."

- I have two. - You have two!

- I have two, and one of them, I'm a neighbor to Kyle.

- That's right! - Oh, how funny.

- You know that, right? I've never been in it.

Listen, this house is enough

with the broken pool tiles.

I think we had, like, a leak.

When I designed this pool, I chose these tiles.

They are falling apart, my dear.

I just brought you out here to extort you for some money

to fix this place up; I'm not gonna lie.

- No, but see, it was the usual. - Yeah.

You know, so I'm good just worrying about this place.

I'll get around to the others someday.

- You know what?

My sister just came back from the Bahamas.

- Oh, my God, I love the Bahamas!

- I love the Bahamas.

- My sister just came from this new place.

She went there for her husband's 40th birthday.

- Oh, that's fun. - It's called Baha Mar.

And she said it was exquisite.

- Really? - Ooh.

- Exquisite. - So it's new.

- It's new.

I think a trip is a great way

to get everyone together, let us connect.

Anyone that's had their issues

will have a safe space to be able to duke it out

and find a way forward.

I'll organize everything. - Okay.

- Let me get some ideas.

- That is great. Let's do it.

- And then I'll come back.

And then we'll think about it. We'll make a plan.

- That wound be fun! - I'm excited.

[laidback music]

♪ ♪

- Are you hungry-mungry?

Do you have water? Good.

All right, baby, I have burgers and steak.

- I'll do--I'll do steak.

- And then I was going to make some potatoes too.

Sami, do you want a veggie burger?

- Um, yes, please.

- Sami! How was school?

- It was okay.

I'm pretty sure I failed my English test.

- What do you mean, you failed your English test?

Do you want me to get you a tutor

so that you can try and get caught up?

Do you think it would help?

- Yeah.

- With my past, you know, doing "Wild Things"

and being provocative,

being on lists of sexiest whatever,

it's not something that, obviously,

I thought of back then,

like, "Oh, one day when I have kids..."

You don't know any Spanish?

- I mean, I know "hola."

- I even know that.

I have two teenage daughters, Sami and Lola.

And their father is Charlie Sheen.

Their father and their mother were both nuts,

so maybe they have a shot at being somewhat normal.

Louise-y.

I know, I'm gonna take you to get your nails done.

And then I have a daughter Eloise.

She's seven, and I adopted her, when she was born,

as a single mom.

There was a rumor at one point

that Eloise was Charlie's child with a hooker.

And that's false. [laughs]

Did you have a good day? - I did.

- Good. It's nice having you come home from work.

- You just put, like, dirty...

- It's dirty-- what, the dirty celery water?

- I just want--yeah, I just-- - Sorry.

I just recently moved to Malibu.

Aaron has moved in with us.

I love the house.

It's about just under 4,000 square feet.

It's got four bedrooms.

This is very simple, beachy, clean, Zen,

and I really feel like this is a fresh start

for me, for Aaron, for our family.

- I'm just gonna start the grill, baby.

- The first time that I saw Aaron,

I thought he was hot as balls.

We've been together for a little over a year.

I really feel like he's my soul mate.

He's such a good man.

- Careful, Eloise. It's very hot.

- I met him because I started going to his clinic,

where he does a lot of frequency work

and balancing the body.

- There you go.

- [laughs] People are gonna be like,

"Well, what the (BLEEP) is the"--

But you have to, like, I think, video something

for people--'cause I didn't understand it,

but it is so fascinating, and it's crazy.

What about the potatoes?

- Um, I'm gonna start that right now.

- With my ex-husband, Charlie Sheen,

if I put the toilet paper on wrong,

it was like I burnt the ----ing house down.

- Cheers?

There you go.

- So I'm grateful for my relationship with Aaron.

A lot.

Sami? - What?

- When is homecoming?

- I haven't gotten asked yet, if that's what you're wondering.

- You know what you're gonna tell a boy if he asks you?

- I'm gonna say yes.

- No, you're not.

- Mom, it's a big deal getting asked to homecoming.

- You can't date until you're 16 years old.

- You guys are so freaking strict.

- I know.

My mom and dad were strict with me.

I couldn't date until I was 16.

So maybe I'm actually doing a disservice,

because I then went the opposite way.

- Now I want a boyfriend,

because you told me I can't have one.

- All right, well, let's see what Dad says.

- Should I call him? - Yeah.

[phone line trilling]

- Hey, you there? - Yeah, I have a question.

- Yeah, what's going on?

- If a guy asks me to go to the homecoming dance with him,

am I allowed to say yes?

- Oh, I'll trust your judgment

if you think it's the right person to go with.

- Thank you.

Okay, love you. - I love you too, sweetie.

- Okay, bye. - All right, buh-bye.

- All right, well, whatever.

- No. - [laughs]

- You're mad. - I'm not mad.

- Yeah, I proved you wrong. - I disagree.

- Okay.

- Coming up...

- I get a call from my manager,

and he's like, "Listen, you need to lose weight,

or they're not gonna hire you." - Oh, God.

[upbeat music]

- Am I gonna get a glass of wine?

- I'm gonna pour you one right now.

Do you like white, my dear?

- Just a little, honey. That's good.

Thank you. Tell me what's going on.

- I had a lot of aggravation today.

- Why, honey? - You know, I'm just tired.

I've been on that tour for three, four weeks.

- I know.

- Took flights every night,

as you know. - I know.

- And it takes its toll on you.

- Well, I just feel like we both have had

these really trying, long weeks.

- Is it, like, completely rude

for your husband to be clocking your ass or not?

- If it's not my husband, who else should it be?

You know, I saw Rinna and Erika the other night for dinner.

It was really nice to catch up,

and I had said, "Wouldn't it be nice

"for us girls to take another trip,

bring the group back together?"

- You're not gonna ask all the girls, are you?

I mean, you're not gonna ask Teddi.

- Actually, I was thinking of asking Teddi.

With everything that's happened between us,

I just kind of feel like I'd like to give it a chance.

After Kyle's pool party, Teddi and I definitely

took a small, little, tiny baby step.

Why don't you invite Jagger to your birthday?

- We could take a page.

We could learn something from our kids.

- We'll just follow along with these two.

- And I'm really hoping

she doesn't interfere in my business

and she doesn't try and make a mountain out of a molehill

about the dog situation.

- It got heated at the center.

- What was said?

- Well, John Blizzard spoke to Teddi.

- We had some differences.

- If somebody says 4:00, it's 4:00.

- You really think I believed it was 4:00

and I'm lying and saying 4:30?

- I don't know.

- They've been trivial. Let's put them behind us.

You are psycho.

- Well, honey, I think that's super cool of you.

May as well ask the rest.

- Well, I had mentioned--

- You're going to ask LVP, obviously.

- [scoffs] Obviously. - Duh.

Yeah, so you'll ask her.

Just go there. Clean slate. Move forward.

- I'd like to move forward. - Give her a call.

- Lisa knows me.

I hope, in her heart, she fully believes

that we had the best of intentions with Lucy.

- Should have brought the dog back to Vanderpump.

- That's it. Thank you.

That's it. That makes it go away.

Let's forget it now, shall we? - Let's move on.

- And I really do want to move forward.

I think I'm going to call now.

- Go do it. No time like the present.

- Okay.

- All right, my love. Go phone 'em.

- Wish me luck. - You don't need luck.

You'll calling people to invite them

to the most incredible place.

- I know. - They're very lucky.

♪ ♪

- Hello. - Hello!

- I've missed you at Soul.

- I need Soul. I miss it.

- I've never even done this trail.

- You haven't? - Never.

- This is our trail.

If you ever want to see Harry Hamlin,

this is where you'll find him.

- Well, I'm trying to get ready for--

I'm going to do a half marathon.

- And then you'll do a whole one.

[snake rattling] - Oh, my God.

- Oh, it's a ----ing huge rattler!

That is a huge one.

We love to see snakes.

I mean, they're better here than at my house,

but that is a big one.

Harry does not like to kill the rattlesnakes.

- I found this guy outside.

This is the rattlesnake that was--

- Harry, it could jump out!

- [shrieks]

- Like, whose husband does that?

So what about you? What's been happening?

- All work stuff's good.

The business has grown so much.

A year ago, it was me and my 40 clients

and my assistant.

Now it's just a whole different lifestyle.

- Now, did you just do an acting job?

- I did. - What is it?

- Oh, my gosh, so I-- I was at first gonna say no.

I don't even know if I'm a decent actor,

and I still don't know, even after doing it.

- I don't know if I'm a decent actor, to this day.

I don't know.

- I don't think that this role in this movie

is going to lead

to some illustrious acting career for me.

- Action. - What do you have in here?

A body?

- Can you please hustle?

- I'm trying, sweetie.

It's just this thing is kind of heavy.

I did it to have some fun

and to see if I could even do it.

- So you wanted to be an actor.

- I wanted to be an actor.

Well, I thought I wanted to.

I had these, like, big dreams.

When I first moved out here,

I put on, like, a lot of weight

between when I met my agent and manager

to when I started auditioning.

And I got sent out on a bunch of auditions

for pilot season, and a day later,

I get a call from my manager, and he's like, "Listen.

"You need to lose weight,

or they're not gonna hire you."

- Oh, God. Oh, no.

- They said it's--

- That's pretty detrimental.

- "I didn't realize,

but it's contingent on you losing weight."

- Oh, my God, Teddi, that says a lot right there.

- And I was like, "I'm never doing this again."

It just took such a negative turn

of like, "This is me. Take me or leave me."

And then I developed a whole problem

where food was my best friend...

- Sure. - And all I cared about.

- We all have issues

with our bodies.

- Tuna tartare on a wonton crisp?

- Beautiful. She doesn't eat, though.

- Oh.

- Shut--you know what?

I'm gonna ----ing-- - [gasps]

- I'm gonna smack you in the face pretty soon.

Don't say that ever again.

And in this business,

you have to look a certain way.

That's the truth.

How long did that go on?

- I mean, it went on for years.

It doesn't define who I am,

but it defines why I do what I do.

- Totally.

- Now not only do I need to do this for me;

I have 500 women that I need to practice what I preach on,

because the second that you're not practicing what you preach,

you're a complete fraud.

- If you don't hear this depth of it,

you don't really understand.

I totally understand it.

- And that's why I post my workouts every day,

and that's what holds me accountable.

- We had, like, a therapy session.

- [laughs] I know. How much do I owe you?

[laughs]

- Coming up...

- My whole life feels like it changes

every time one of them leaves.

- It does change. - I know.

- But the nice thing about it is,

you've already done it twice.

- Doesn't make it easier.

[lively music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

- All right. Yeah, let's do it.

Let's call David. Done.

Hey, honey. - Hi.

- How are ya? - Good.

Hi, Jane.

- What's going on?

- It's quiet in here, huh?

- Yeah, it's Tuesday. It's caravan day.

Everybody's out working.

If anybody's here, they're not working.

- Does that mean Farrah won't be here?

- Farah will-- should not be here.

I think she has an open house.

- Oh, I should go see her at her open house.

Where is it?

- Uh, I think she's holding Chantilly open.

- You know I love to look at open houses anyway.

- I know, and there's some great properties

on the market right now.

It's pretty cool.

- Your neck is killing you.

- My neck is killing me.

- Your neck and my eye.

- But, honey, it's getting better, I promise you.

- You think that. - Yeah.

- Lookit right now.

When I blink, it blinks slow.

- [laughs]

- It's not funny.

My one eye is bigger than the other.

It's, like, tickling on the side.

- That means is probably going through--

- How can I walk around like this?

- No, it doesn't look that bad right now.

It looks better than yesterday.

- I'm a hypochondriac.

There, I said it!

I know what this whole eye is about.

It's 'cause Sophia's leaving.

- You're missing Sophia already?

- I just don't want to do this right now.

I'm trying to make my eye go--

I need my eye not to be swollen,

so I'm just pulling it together here.

- But the nice thing about it is,

you've already done it twice, and look what happens.

Farah right back here.

Alexia right back here.

- As a mom, I always feel complete

when I have all of my kids and my husband together.

That's when I feel 100% Kyle.

Hi, girls. I brought you some salads.

Will you help me with this?

- Thank you.

- Each one that leaves is difficult.

I love you so much, honey.

You're gonna have so much fun here.

Okay?

Okay, I love you.

And with Sophia, now she's going to college.

Every time I look at her, I think,

"I can't believe she's leaving me.

I can't believe she's leaving me."

- What do we want to do as a family

over the next week, before Sophia leaves?

Should we make a point to, like, try to have more dinners?

- We'll have a party at the house every Friday.

- Yes! - I love that plan.

- Me too. - Boo-yah!

- It was my dream to be a mom and to have a lot of kids.

That's why, one day, when they do all move out,

it's going to be really, really, really hard.

- Last night, I was laying down with Portia,

and I was so excited that she was laying with us

that I was like--I decided to sleep in an awkward position

just so I could be cuddling and snuggling with her.

- I know.

- And I know that that's not lasting very long.

- Don't say that to me right now.

- [chuckles]

- I mean, when Portia leaves...

Are you kidding me with this?

- I need that.

- Oh, my God.

God help us.

- They go. They come back.

Everything works out perfectly.

So it's not like it's your first time.

You got two more little babies.

- Doesn't make it easier.

My whole life feels like it changes

every time one of them leaves.

- It does change, but, honey,

one of these days, one of them's going to get married.

Another one of these days, you're gonna be a grandmother

with amazing grandkids.

- My nest is not gonna be empty.

But I'm preparing myself by just...

I'm lying. I'm not preparing myself.

I don't know how to prepare for Sophia leaving.

You know, each experience has been different.

And there's a dog.

But I have all those dogs, so it's easier. [laughs]

I love you, honey.

- I love you too, honey.

Thanks for stopping by.

- Thanks for talking to me about it.

[kisses] I love you. - Feel better.

You're gonna be fine. I promise. Don't worry about it.

- Okay. - Do not worry.

- I love you. - Better now. I love you.

♪ ♪

- Who wants a cookie?

Sit, girl. Sit!

Down. Good job. Here.

Oh, wait, wait.

Whose is this? Is this yours?

No, chew it. Let her chew it.

Okay, you guys be good.

I'll be back in a minute.

No funny business, no fighting.

Oh, hello.

- Lady's tired.

- Are you sleepy?

Hi, Lady.

Hi, mommy.

- She's biting my boob.

- She's gonna try to get your nipple.

Don't do it. Amelia, don't.

She wants to nurse.

[laughs] Oh, God!

Where are you coming from?

- My nails.

It's so sad.

There was this mom and daughter

who just, like, really looked like they were suffering.

- Skinny? Really thin?

- It's, like, sad for me to see a skinny person

and have to identify that with an eating disorder.

You know what I mean?

- A year ago,

we found out that something was going on with Amelia.

I could see it.

My response to it at first was,

you know, "You got to eat."

And of course it scared the sh-- out of me.

I know it scared the sh-- out of Harry.

I know it scared the sh-- out of Delilah.

- No matter how many deaths anorexia causes,

no matter how much blindness, how much hair loss,

all I cared about was the skinniness.

It's hard, and I don't want what happened to me

to happen to other people.

- I know.

- I could have died.

- It's a very scary thing

when your child is suffering.

You feel totally helpless.

- Literally, every single one of my friends

and I'm sure every single one of your friends,

they think about how many calories

they're consuming in a day, how many--

When they sit down for a meal... - We all do, of course.

- They look at the bread basket, and they think, "Holy sh--."

Like, you know what I mean?

- Amelia started watching food shows,

and I thought, "That is the weirdest ----ing thing ever.

Why would you want to see people eat?"

- Wait, wait, this is her trying--

- She doesn't eat all the pizza, does she?

- Oh, yeah.

- Wow.

- You know, it's like

I'm sure a lot of people will say,

"Well, you know, your kids are ----ed up

because you had anorexia."

And I've never had anorexia.

- I hope people in the entertainment industry

can stop putting up this facade of being perfect,

'cause we all have so much--

- It's really tough.

- Probably we're all way worse than everyone else

that have normal jobs.

- Oh, we are. We're way worse.

Am I and have I been aware of my weight

and what I look like?

Of course.

That's part of my job.

But this is-- this is who I am.

I had a conversation with Teddi,

and she opened up to me about her own struggle.

She came to Hollywood, and her agent said to her,

"They want you to lose"-- I want to say ten pounds.

- Oh, sh--.

- She stopped acting

and basically gained 200 pounds,

because it triggered her the other way.

- The opposite way. - The opposite way.

To watch my young girls go into that business

and to see some brutalities in that business

that I've now seen,

I don't want that to be the only thing

that my girls focus on.

I think Harry and I have shown them

that there's more out there.

- I don't know; there's so much I need to say about anorexia,

because, like, I get so many girls commenting

on my Instagram, like, "Help me,"

like, "I can't believe you got out of it,"

like, "How did you do this?"

But, like, I'm not out of it,

and I'm never gonna be out of it.

- She came out to the world.

I was shocked. I was beyond proud.

She's shown something that most people

would never admit to, never show--

a vulnerability that is so fragile.

You have done an amazing job at working through it

and being strong and sharing it.

- You were there for me through it.

- I'm proud of you.

- Coming up...

- Sometimes Dorit calls it wrong,

as we know and we've seen.

So sometimes it's hard to defend her,

if you know what I'm saying.

I've tried my best; that's for sure.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, I love this teamwork.

Whoo! This is exercise.

- Mommy, you my robot!

So you only listen to what I say.

- Yes...sir.

- I would like peanut butter.

- Here...you...are...Jagger.

♪ ♪

- You've rear-ended

many, many, many people.

- And none of those were my fault.

- If you rear-end someone, it's your fault.

- Not always.

- Of course it is, because you're going too fast.

You're going too close to the car,

just like the example right now and the car in front of us.

If you end up in bed with someone late at night

and you're rear-ending them, it's your fault.

♪ ♪

- I'm so tired today.

- Hello. - What's up, gorge?

- Nothing. I'm going to meet Alexia for lunch.

- I know that you told me that I can go to the Bahamas,

but I'm feeling guilty, 'cause I want to be with you.

- I think you should go.

I'm gonna be spending time with my friends.

Like, we're also gonna be together in D.C.

when you drop me off.

- Sophia, don't leave!

♪ ♪

- You guys, I need the wine opened

and the champagne opened.

But it's got to be cold. It's not cold.

♪ ♪

- Thank you.

[doorbell rings] - Ah!

- Hi. - Hi, welcome.

Come on in. - Hi.

- This is Chris. This is Teddi.

- Oh, my gosh. Hi, nice to meet you.

- We're doing a sexy-time thing here today.

- Well, I'm glad I came in my sexiest of outfits.

[laughter]

- Excuse me. I hear the door.

- Oh, this is cool!

- Hi! - Hello.

- How are you?

- Oh, this looks so nice!

- Harry's away. The kids are away.

I mean, I can only post so many bikini shots on Instagram

to get attention, so I figure

I might as well have the ladies over.

[laughs]

- Hi. Oh, I let myself in.

- Hi! - You're, like, miniscule.

- Hi. - That's fab.

- Oh. I love that jacket.

- Thank you. - Fabulous!

Hi. Come on in.

- Rocking the animal prints. I love it.

- You look great. - Thank you.

- We're just waiting on Dorit.

- Is Kyle coming too?

- Kyle's not coming.

Kyle has a tequila tasting with Mo.

- And Lisa Vanderpump?

- No, I think something's wrong with Jiggy.

Something's wrong with Jiggy. - Aw.

- I know.

♪ ♪

- Hi. - Hey, Lisa, how's it going?

- It's okay.

Where is he, the man in question?

- Right down there on 44.

- Oh, he's waiting for me.

Don't pretend to be working

when you're sitting there drinking rosé.

Hi. - I am drinking rosé.

Mwah.

- I'm not gonna go

to Lisa Rinna's pastry-tasting thing.

I've just been emotionally depleted lately,

and I couldn't put on a brave facade.

I couldn't do that.

Um, I'm starving.

Hey, darling, can I have the--

you know, the new avocado mango...

- We have a beet and avocado tartar.

- Yeah, that. - Okay.

- And get him half a crispy chicken sandwich.

- Okay, we'll do that too. [laughs]

Thank you.

- Tom Tom seems to be doing well, thank goodness.

- Well, it was a lot of work,

especially those last two weeks.

- Ooh, I know.

What do you think

about me going

to the Bahamas?

I know it's terrible timing.

I mean, I know--

- Yeah, but I think it's a must that you go.

- A must that I go?

- I think you should go, definitely.

- I feel that I'm so emotional lately

the last few weeks,

and I'm--I just haven't been myself, you know?

- I think it'd be good for you.

- I've never been to the Bahamas.

- Exactly.

- What do you think, Puffy?

You want me to go away or not?

If I go, maybe I will come back

to Beverly Hills with a kind of renewed vigor

and a fresh outlook.

The trouble is, I don't want to leave Jiggy as well,

because he's so precarious.

Will you, like, keep Jiggy with you all the time?

- Of course.

He's not well, but he's a strong little bugger.

- Jiggy actually needs a pacemaker.

That's what we've been told.

- He has something called sick sinus syndrome,

where the electrical wiring of his heart

has just aged a little quicker than he has.

So he has an overall slow heart rate.

- What's the chance of him not surviving the operation?

- Less than 20%.

- How many have you lost?

- Zero.

- And to leave Jiggy and Ken

and my new baby, the restaurant,

is a bit of a challenge.

It's just like suddenly being away.

But then again, I could do with a break, dear God.

- You've got Kyle there.

You always have fun with her.

Dorit. - I love Dorit.

But sometimes Dorit calls it wrong,

as we know and we've seen.

So sometimes it's hard to defend her,

if you know what I'm saying.

I've tried my best; that's for sure.

It's just been kind of exasperating,

really, the way Dorit handled the whole dog thing,

and it ended up in a kill shelter.

It was easy; she just needed to give the dog back to us.

But you know what?

I love her anyway, and that's the way Dorit rolls.

Maybe you're right. Maybe it would do me good.

Oh, okay, good. Thank you.

All right, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna take the plunge and start having fun again.

- Here's to fun.

- You're not having any fun when I'm gone.

Trust me. You're going to work.

- [laughs]

- Coming up...

- My visuals of you and Aaron having sex

are, like, right up there with my favorite porn.

[laughter] That's real--

- Hi, sweetie.

How are you?

- Thank you for having me. - Come on in.

- Hey. - Hi!

- How are you? - That's Chris...

- Hi, Chris. - Our fabulous chef.

- Very nice to meet you.

- Gloves on. - Okay.

- So in the center of the table,

we have salted caramel, almond marshmallow,

vanilla shortbread, vanilla meringue.

You can fill your heart with whatever you'd like.

- Oh, I like that.

- Could be for your kids or your husband, but--

So I thought it would be cute

if we write, like, a little love note.

So we'll put that on top

of all your little pastries we put inside.

- So we're writing a note to whomever we want?

- Yeah, I'm writing to David about our new life together.

- Aw! - Let's fill these up.

- Are these two caramels different?

- Nope, they're the same.

- I think mine's full.

- Okay, so then you can put your note right on top.

- Wait, we put the note on top of the candy?

- On top of the candy. - Oh!

- That way, that's the first thing,

so they'll see the note and be like....

- Aw. - Love notes.

- This is really a good idea. - I love this idea.

- I'm loving this. - I'm glad you like it.

- This is the tricky part.

We'll melt... - Oh!

I mean, really, how hard is this gonna be?

We're gonna take two pieces of chocolate

and put them together, and, like,

make it nice around the edges.

Who's gonna (BLEEP) up besides me?

- And then freeze spray.

- Oh, how cool.

- I don't know about the back,

but the top of my sh-- is flawless.

[laughter]

- So this is the fun part,

'cause you're just gonna pour it all over.

- Oh! [people cheering]

- I wouldn't really refer to this

as baking or pastry,

because there's no ----ing dough.

I don't know how it's even called

a pastry class, I'm sorry.

- Ooh, that looks cool.

You could dip your whole body in that in a bathtub.

- [laughs] - Kind of like "Goldfinger."

- Yes. - That's what you're gonna do.

You Bond lady.

- Oh, cool!

- This is so chic.

- Love that. - Very chic.

- So this was all, like, the hard work, right?

- Oh, yeah, that was very hard.

- So we got to go to the next room for the love.

- Ooh. - Oh, my gosh.

- This is so nice. - Wow, how pretty!

- This is a love den.

- Are these edible flowers? - Yup.

Each petal is hand painted, set in a mold,

and then we place it each individual one.

- Wow, it's so beautiful.

- I haven't eaten anything but candy today.

- That's a good day-- candy and champagne.

- Yeah, right? - Sugar, sugar, sugar.

I eat dessert every day of my life,

because it's one of the things that really brings me pleasure.

- This is the small piece. - Oh, my God.

Well, no one's here to see me, so it's okay.

- Enjoy.

- That's just my life,

and I'm not ----ing making any excuses for it.

Mmm.

Superb.

- I don't want to eat this. It's so pretty.

- I would love to take mine home, if I can.

- You can.

- I promise you you're not gonna blow up.

And so what if you do? You get it off.

Eat the ----ing cake.

- Lisa? - Yes?

- I am gonna have to top this in the Bahamas.

- Okay, Dorit. Do it!

- I mean, goodness.

I left you a voicemail.

I haven't heard from you.

- I know. I was trying to get through the specifics.

- You have to come. - Yes, I'm coming.

- And you, I know that you-- - I'm good.

- Yes, you're good?

- No, Aaron can take care of the kids, and--

- She's a good time.

- Okay, I have a question for you.

How did you meet Aaron?

- So I met him at his center

doing DNA repair and anti-aging and that sort of thing.

And then one time, we had sex in one of his rooms.

- That was the treatment.

- And we've been inseparable ever since.

- That is so great!

My visuals of you and Aaron having sex

are, like, right up there with my favorite porn.

[laughter] That's real ----ing good.

Real ----ing good.

- We like to have a good time. - I can tell.

- I am actually very flattered

that Erika thinks of Aaron and I having sex.

It's definitely a turn-on.

He's technically still married. - Okay.

- They've been split for over two years, but it's--

- I've been going through the same thing.

- So once it's final, we're getting married.

- Harry was married to her for 11 months,

and, what, Aaron was six?

- The same person? - Yes.

- Wait, wait, wait. I didn't know this!

Whoo! - Hold on.

- I did not know that!

- Denise's boyfriend

was married to Nicollette Sheridan.

He's still married to Nicollette.

And Harry was married to her for a hot minute.

So there's that.

So yeah, we have some intertwining...

stuff going on, don't we?

Okay, Harry was married to her 30 years ago.

The story is, she went to a Michael Bolton concert

at the Hollywood Bowl.

- No way. - Swear to God.

- And left him, and that was it? - Yes.

- Is that really true?

- (BLEEP), yes!

Harry was in Canada.

I thank Michael Bolton to this day.

Are you kidding me? Let's cheers Michael Bolton!

- Yeah, Michael Bolton! - Thank you, Michael Bolton,

because I would not have these beautiful children.

- That's right.

- I mean, I really never got that urge

when I saw Michael Bolton

with that ponytail and the music video.

But I guess a life of a rock star.

- How did you meet Edwin?

- I was with a bunch of girlfriends,

sitting at dinner,

and there was a club next door.

And as I'm walking in, he was leaving,

and he turned around and followed me back in.

We pretty much consummated the relationship night one.

- That's good. - Whoo!

- When I met him, he had the ponytail.

Now it's creep-- - Yeah, it's creeping back in.

- If you're not sexually attracted to him,

he needs to cut that ----ing thing off.

- I'm sexually attracted to him.

- Okay, so how many times a week is it?

- Two. I'm very scheduled.

- Of course you are!

- It's not like-- - "Sex on Thursday at 5:45."

- Do you put it in a calendar? - You do?

- It's not in a calendar unless it's, like, a big night.

- Aaron and I have sex every day.

So--when--unless, of course, I'm out of town.

And even then, we'll do it on Facetime.

- What if you did it, like, five times in a week?

- Well, then that was a really good week for us.

- Okay. [laughter]

- Unbelievable.

[upbeat music]

- Phoenix, I need to pack. I need your help.

I gotta go to the Bahamas.

I need to look relaxed. I'm going in the sunshine.

- I help you.

- You help me?

- All Mommy's stuff.

- Just gently place it in there.

Thank you.

- Here.

- Oh, Mommy's got a lot to teach you, baby girl.

♪ ♪

- Let's see, what else?

♪ ♪

T-shirt.

Um, um, um, um, um.

That one.

- Okay, I think this is the one.

- Thank you so much.

- Oh, you finish packing.

- Well, I'm getting there.

I need a little break.

- Can you see what the temperature is

in the Bahamas?

Don't hate me.

- Mid-80s, humid.

Fabulous for your hair.

- Will you send me your itinerary

just so I know when you're not available on text?

- Yes.

That could be nighttime, right?

- Yeah, and you have comfy clothes too

if you guys just hang out?

- Oh, yeah, they're a big comfy clothes group.

- Okay, we pulled out lots of options.

- Are you living in my closet again?

- We do! - Yes, she's major.

- Lounge wear. - Super cute.

- It says, "I am tigers but tropical."

- Right. - Let's talk about swimsuits.

- Well, definitely that, because these are--

- This is my California girl.

- These are life. - These are gonna be great.

- That is a moment.

- I'd better stop eating now.

[soft music]

♪ ♪

- You want to take that one and I'll take this one?

- That would be great.

♪ ♪

Good-bye. I love you.

Oh, my God, I love you.

I got to leave you.

I love you.

[door bangs]

♪ ♪

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

- Thank you so much.

- Thank you.

- Hi, ladies. - Oh, hey.

- Look at you. - You look adorable.

- Mwah! Let's do this.

- Hi, Denise. - Hi, Dorit. Nice to see you.

- I want this trip to be

luxurious, glamorous, and fun.

Are you looking forward?

- Yeah, thank you so much.

- Oh, my goodness.

- Whoo-hoo! - Hi!

- Private plane, brand-new resort,

first class all the way.

- Go on, Dorit.

- Welcome aboard. - Thank you.

[gasps] It's so nice!

- Wow! Treats!

Who doesn't want to hop on a private jet?

It's just easier,

and it's so fabulous.

- Sit wherever you'd like.

- Head back here? - Yeah.

- Oh!

Not a lot of people get the chance

to experience a private jet.

- How are you gonna get there? - Let's see.

I'll jump on my plane, and I'll meet you guys there.

- Jump on your plane.

- You know, one day, you're on a Gulfstream.

The next day, you could be in coach.

It's not about how you get there.

It's that you ----ing got there, honey.

- Dorit, you got something right for once.

- Whoo-hoo! - [laughs]

- Is this our vacation? I'm good with right now.

♪ ♪

- I'm hungry. I'm eating like a wolf.

- Chardonnay?

- Why does this plane sound like this?

- The 7X has this fluke of the sound with the brakes.

- Right.

- I love the word "fluke" when flying.

[laughs]

- I'm really excited.

I just want to tell you about

a few different things that I've organized.

Firstly, we'll take a little trip

to a private island tomorrow.

- Nice. - There's lunch.

You can have a massage on the beach if you want.

Everybody has a beautiful room.

There are two suites.

Lisa, I would love for you to stay with me.

- Stay with you? - Yes.

I'd like for you to stay with me, and there's--

- Share a room? - Share a room, baby.

It's a big enough room where we'll have our own space.

- I'm not sharing a room with anybody.

- I'm starting to rethink sharing my beautiful suite

with you, Lisa.

- Well, I'm always available.

Nobody ----ing asked me

if I wanted to be in the chairman's suite.

- Whoever else wants to bunk...

- We'll stay together. - Okay, good.

- Kyle, isn't there a three-bedroom suite?

- Why would you leave Dorit?

- She's got a terrible snoring problem.

Yeah, and gas problem as well.

- Oh, stop.

- What the (BLEEP)?

Are you kidding me?

- [laughs] - Wow.

- Wow, she's back. Cheers.

- It's all fun and games, and then one jab goes too far.

♪ ♪

- Next time on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"...

- Oh, my God. - This is a sexy place to stay.

- It's gorgeous. - Gorgeous!

- Children, Mummy wants to dry you off for lunch.

Come on. - Stop ruining my vacation.

- Let's move on, can we?

- Don't make me out to be a bad guy,

'cause I will defend myself down to the ----ing bone.

- If you cross Lisa Vanderpump, it's over. You know that.

- I had no idea Teddi would be gossiping.

- I never told a soul. - Hold on a second.

- No, let me finish.

[dramatic music]

- To learn more about the housewives, go to bravotv.com.