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♪ Save ♪
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00:00:09,198 --> 00:00:11,031
♪ The ♪
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00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:13,728
♪ Right ♪
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00:00:13,815 --> 00:00:16,506
It was the summer of 2019.
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00:00:16,594 --> 00:00:18,677
We conservatives
had been forced
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00:00:18,765 --> 00:00:20,478
to the margins of society.
7
00:00:20,565 --> 00:00:23,771
Why is Facebook censoring
conservative bloggers
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00:00:23,859 --> 00:00:25,311
such as
Diamond and Silk?
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00:00:25,399 --> 00:00:28,349
We barely controlled
three branches of government
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00:00:28,437 --> 00:00:30,052
and could only show our faces
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00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:32,682
at exclusive
luxury beach resorts.
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00:00:32,769 --> 00:00:34,771
Many by now have heard
that I was asked
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00:00:34,859 --> 00:00:36,133
to leave a restaurant
this weekend
14
00:00:36,220 --> 00:00:38,194
where I attempted
to have dinner with my family.
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00:00:38,336 --> 00:00:42,068
But one day, a humble,
powerless president
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00:00:42,156 --> 00:00:45,617
stood up and said, "No more."
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00:00:46,015 --> 00:00:48,099
Aah!
*OUR CARTOON PRESIDENT*
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00:00:48,187 --> 00:00:50,758
Climate change is a hoax!
Season 02 Episode 08
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00:00:50,883 --> 00:00:53,469
Episode Title :"Save the Right"
Sync corrections by srjanapala
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00:00:54,494 --> 00:00:58,021
This new legislation
will assure election integrity
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00:00:58,109 --> 00:01:01,305
by mandating that all of Atlanta
share one ballot
22
00:01:01,393 --> 00:01:03,578
and you can only vote if you
just left Clint Eastwood's
23
00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:05,852
latest "white resentment"
blockbuster.
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00:01:05,939 --> 00:01:08,892
And before you accuse me
of limiting minority access
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00:01:08,979 --> 00:01:11,029
to the polls,
listen to this cabinet member
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00:01:11,117 --> 00:01:13,031
I selected
for no particular reason.
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00:01:13,119 --> 00:01:14,119
I'm cool with it.
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00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:17,351
Oh-kay, Ben, as long
as you're cool with it.
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00:01:17,439 --> 00:01:21,192
And to my supporters, harass
anyone who opposes this bill!
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00:01:21,328 --> 00:01:24,172
Not that anyone will,
because Ben said it's fine.
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00:01:24,371 --> 00:01:26,624
I'm Rachel Maddow,
and it's not a manic episode
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00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,367
if it's been going on
for three years.
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00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:30,618
Tonight, we're talking
about the President's
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00:01:30,769 --> 00:01:33,423
new voting-rights bill
with Senator Elizabeth Warren.
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00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,564
This law will
disproportionately
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00:01:35,652 --> 00:01:37,935
affect Democrats
and minorities like me...
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00:01:38,023 --> 00:01:39,226
A-and when I said "me"
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00:01:39,314 --> 00:01:41,691
I was referring to
the Democrat part...
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00:01:41,779 --> 00:01:42,952
Oh, shit!
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00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:44,283
Dad, why are
all these people
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00:01:44,371 --> 00:01:46,931
treating you like a loser
inner-city kindergarten teacher?
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00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:48,947
Boys, you're old enough
to know
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00:01:49,035 --> 00:01:52,488
about the deep generational
wound America has yet to heal...
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00:01:52,665 --> 00:01:54,868
Bigotry against conservatives.
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00:01:54,956 --> 00:01:58,033
I first experienced it
in 2011.
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00:01:58,882 --> 00:02:01,416
I was just
trying to keep my head down
47
00:02:01,504 --> 00:02:03,087
and not ruffle feathers.
48
00:02:03,175 --> 00:02:04,878
Barack Obama
was born in Kenya,
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00:02:04,966 --> 00:02:06,931
Mohamed Atta
was his college roommate,
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00:02:07,019 --> 00:02:10,022
and I once talked Michelle
out of strangling a bald eagle.
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00:02:10,109 --> 00:02:12,931
But Obama just couldn't let me
live my life.
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00:02:13,019 --> 00:02:15,592
Uh, as you can see in my
long-form birth certificate,
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00:02:15,737 --> 00:02:17,030
I was born in America,
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00:02:17,118 --> 00:02:18,720
contrary to
Mr. Trump's assertion.
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00:02:18,808 --> 00:02:20,431
He was merciless.
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00:02:20,569 --> 00:02:22,022
He made me feel like I was not
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00:02:22,110 --> 00:02:24,023
a rightful citizen
of this country!
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00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:27,017
But conservatives contribute
so much to society.
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00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:30,768
Arts, sciences, education...
We gutted all that boring shit!
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00:02:30,856 --> 00:02:33,439
I just wish I showed courage
and fought back.
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00:02:33,527 --> 00:02:36,353
I've regretted it even more
than telling that waitress,
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00:02:36,441 --> 00:02:38,009
"We're all set
on breadsticks."
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00:02:38,167 --> 00:02:41,391
I'm worried. Should I finally
move to Wichita
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00:02:41,479 --> 00:02:44,017
and just open that
Halloween costume store?
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00:02:44,105 --> 00:02:45,767
Yes, yes, absolutely yes.
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00:02:45,855 --> 00:02:47,938
Your bags are in
an idling car outside.
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00:02:48,026 --> 00:02:49,229
As for the rest of us,
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00:02:49,317 --> 00:02:52,212
let's pray that tomorrow's
a better day.
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♪ Why ♪
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♪ We ♪
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♪ Fight ♪
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00:02:59,987 --> 00:03:03,119
Good morning, everyone,
from New York.
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00:03:03,207 --> 00:03:06,195
We're learning the news
along with you.
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00:03:06,283 --> 00:03:08,674
Twitter, Facebook,
and Instagram
75
00:03:08,762 --> 00:03:11,561
have handed down
a week-long suspension
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00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:13,166
to a dozen
conservatives.
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00:03:13,254 --> 00:03:14,627
- Aah!
- And for what?
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00:03:14,715 --> 00:03:17,538
Simply sending credible
death threats to Trump critics.
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00:03:17,626 --> 00:03:20,548
This is a worse violation
of rights than Jim Crow,
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00:03:20,636 --> 00:03:23,337
which I'm absolutely sure
I would have marched against.
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00:03:23,425 --> 00:03:25,173
One of the
suspended accounts
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00:03:25,269 --> 00:03:27,432
belonged to noted
conservative and pundit
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00:03:27,519 --> 00:03:30,759
who says he's not racist
but sure says "Detroit" a lot,
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00:03:30,847 --> 00:03:32,550
Ben Shapiro,
seen here.
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00:03:32,689 --> 00:03:34,222
Reparations make no sense
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00:03:34,309 --> 00:03:36,682
since Obama marked
the end of racism, full-stop.
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00:03:36,769 --> 00:03:38,972
Poor people are not entitled
to rich people's money,
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00:03:39,059 --> 00:03:40,222
which they inherited
fair and square.
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00:03:40,309 --> 00:03:43,572
Now, that's a weird, sexless
leader I want on my team.
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00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:46,073
Also suspended...
Donald Trump Jr.
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00:03:46,161 --> 00:03:48,486
What cruel god
would allow this?
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00:03:48,908 --> 00:03:50,806
I'm just a little kid!
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00:03:50,894 --> 00:03:52,937
It's only a matter of time
before they find out
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00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,494
that I also tweet.
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00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,009
The left is ferocious!
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00:03:58,097 --> 00:04:01,579
They won't stop until we show
an inkling of self-reflection.
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00:04:01,667 --> 00:04:02,642
Tell 'em, Ben.
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00:04:02,730 --> 00:04:04,448
We must lead conservatives
out of the shadows.
99
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,181
We can't even go
on a bus anymore
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00:04:06,269 --> 00:04:08,541
without staring at a Muslim guy
and missing our stop!
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00:04:08,629 --> 00:04:11,271
We must protect our right
to chant "MAGA"
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00:04:11,359 --> 00:04:13,619
on a cross-country flight
without harassment.
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00:04:13,707 --> 00:04:17,061
Everywhere I go,
people spit in my face
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00:04:17,149 --> 00:04:19,666
and handcuff my right wrist
to my left ankle,
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00:04:19,754 --> 00:04:22,947
and I'm pretty sure it's
because I'm a conservative!
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00:04:23,035 --> 00:04:25,509
I agree with Ben Shapiro,
Stephen Miller, and Ted Cruz.
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00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:26,953
Hold your horses.
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00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:29,931
Susan Collins is all
for taking a stand,
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00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:33,423
but not if it means
facing any consequences.
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00:04:33,511 --> 00:04:35,134
Gotta say,
I agree with Collins.
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00:04:35,222 --> 00:04:37,562
You can't agree
with both sides, Pompeo.
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00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:38,275
I agree.
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00:04:38,363 --> 00:04:40,416
But where will
the persecution end?
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00:04:40,504 --> 00:04:41,997
Today, it's our
Twitter accounts.
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00:04:42,085 --> 00:04:44,458
Tomorrow, it's our
Yahoo! accounts we only use
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00:04:44,546 --> 00:04:46,209
for politically incorrect
chain letters.
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00:04:46,297 --> 00:04:48,040
Will we ever laugh again?!
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00:04:48,128 --> 00:04:49,431
If you ever
need a chuckle,
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00:04:49,519 --> 00:04:51,762
you can always kick Pompeo
in the gonads.
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00:04:51,849 --> 00:04:53,102
That goes
for all of you.
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00:04:53,189 --> 00:04:54,501
Sorry to interject,
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00:04:54,589 --> 00:04:56,931
but aren't we the most
powerful people on the planet?
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00:04:57,042 --> 00:04:58,556
My name's on the money.
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00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:02,072
If we're so powerful,
how come we're so whiny?!
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00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,119
Mr. President, I support
everything you do,
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00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:07,109
including when you installed
a pinball machine
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00:05:07,197 --> 00:05:08,361
on John McCain's grave,
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00:05:08,449 --> 00:05:11,134
but how do we overthrow
an oppressive system
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00:05:11,222 --> 00:05:14,251
when our house
is divided?!
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00:05:18,124 --> 00:05:19,407
Shut up!
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00:05:19,495 --> 00:05:21,118
If there's one thing
we can agree on,
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00:05:21,206 --> 00:05:23,392
it's we must kick
Pompeo's gonads.
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00:05:23,519 --> 00:05:24,267
- Yeah!
- Yes!
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00:05:24,355 --> 00:05:26,158
Great! Now line up.
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00:05:27,562 --> 00:05:30,507
Just ask
Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi
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00:05:30,595 --> 00:05:32,064
to get my account
reinstated!
137
00:05:32,152 --> 00:05:35,775
They're basically tech lobbyists
who do politics as a fun hobby.
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00:05:35,863 --> 00:05:38,244
They won't listen to
a conservative like me.
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00:05:38,332 --> 00:05:39,971
They don't think of me
as a person,
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00:05:40,059 --> 00:05:41,852
especially after
I wore ripped shorts
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00:05:41,939 --> 00:05:43,472
and walked on all fours
to mess with them.
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00:05:43,559 --> 00:05:47,182
Dad, I consider myself an alpha
male with rhinoceros skin,
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00:05:47,269 --> 00:05:49,682
but right now this lil' dinosaur
needs some help.
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00:05:49,769 --> 00:05:51,392
I've never helped anyone,
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00:05:51,479 --> 00:05:54,399
and I'm not about to lose
my H-Card with you.
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00:05:56,298 --> 00:05:57,682
Why are you so upset?
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00:05:57,769 --> 00:06:00,783
Is it because you can't harass
Parkland kids while we bone?
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00:06:00,871 --> 00:06:03,324
When you're in your forties
and still growing up,
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00:06:03,412 --> 00:06:05,535
your dad is supposed
to be there for you.
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00:06:05,623 --> 00:06:07,101
Ah, you're getting
so emotional!
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00:06:07,189 --> 00:06:08,946
Are you about to ask me
to marry you in an opulent,
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00:06:09,034 --> 00:06:10,431
Cleopatra-themed wedding
this weekend
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00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:11,548
at the
Fontainebleau Miami?
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00:06:11,636 --> 00:06:13,049
Because I booked it,
just in case.
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00:06:13,137 --> 00:06:14,634
I am not emotional!
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00:06:14,722 --> 00:06:16,675
I'm just gonna be
a big strong man
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00:06:16,763 --> 00:06:19,676
and ask Chuck and Nancy
to fix this problem for me!
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00:06:19,764 --> 00:06:21,547
My crack is sober...
You know what to do.
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00:06:21,635 --> 00:06:24,173
One beer down the crack,
coming up.
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00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:26,470
The oppression of conservatives
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00:06:26,558 --> 00:06:28,244
is becoming
too much to bear.
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00:06:28,332 --> 00:06:30,103
Uh, no doy!
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00:06:30,198 --> 00:06:31,837
After my
confirmation hearing,
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00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:34,541
I couldn't show my face
at O'Shittery's Beer Dump
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00:06:34,629 --> 00:06:36,582
for three whole
Thirsty Thursdays!
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00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:39,253
If only there was a way to throw
a big enough tantrum
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00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:42,439
that this nation gives us
what we want just to shut us up.
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00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:44,780
Oh, but there is...
169
00:06:44,914 --> 00:06:47,681
What's this a photo of...
A bag of congealed oatmeal?
170
00:06:47,769 --> 00:06:49,455
It's me havin' a good cry!
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00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:52,595
Do the same until the tears
make such a huge puddle,
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00:06:52,683 --> 00:06:55,186
it won't be clear
if it's tears or pee.
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00:06:55,274 --> 00:06:56,727
Everyone will be
afraid to ask,
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00:06:56,815 --> 00:06:59,275
so they'll just take whiffs
to see if they can smell pee.
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00:06:59,399 --> 00:07:02,673
Once they're sure it's not pee,
they'll be so grateful,
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00:07:02,761 --> 00:07:05,095
you'll get exactly
what you want from them.
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00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:07,346
You're overselling it.
I'll do it!
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00:07:07,434 --> 00:07:10,626
This country will finally
become a safe space
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00:07:10,714 --> 00:07:14,189
for everyone who whines
about safe spaces.
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00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:25,819
The doctors say his gonads
have a long road ahead for them,
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00:07:25,907 --> 00:07:28,190
so let's hear some love
for Pompeo.
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00:07:28,307 --> 00:07:29,845
Keep it up, slugger!
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00:07:29,933 --> 00:07:31,908
Doctor said he's never
seen anything like it.
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00:07:31,996 --> 00:07:34,525
And a heads up
that Ben Shapiro and I
185
00:07:34,613 --> 00:07:37,064
are leading a movement for
equal rights for conservatives.
186
00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:39,101
- Whoa!
- You're moving too fast!
187
00:07:39,189 --> 00:07:40,947
Society's not ready
for this!
188
00:07:41,035 --> 00:07:43,271
For too long, conservatives
have been in the shadows,
189
00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:46,533
and it's time to show America
that we won't stand for it.
190
00:07:46,621 --> 00:07:49,330
Uh, we have all the money
and all the power.
191
00:07:49,479 --> 00:07:52,611
The only movement I'm for
is to save Pompeo's baby maker.
192
00:07:52,699 --> 00:07:54,580
The doctor said
that's not in the cards.
193
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:56,572
The stories
of oppression
194
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,061
you're about to hear
are harrowing.
195
00:07:58,149 --> 00:07:59,159
I hope you didn't
eat breakfast.
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00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,556
To be honest, once breakfast
is put in front of me,
197
00:08:01,644 --> 00:08:03,727
I kind of black out,
and next thing you know,
198
00:08:03,815 --> 00:08:05,648
I have to change my shirt.
199
00:08:05,899 --> 00:08:07,312
I was supposed to speak
200
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,182
at University
of California, Berkeley,
201
00:08:09,269 --> 00:08:11,472
about why white people
deserve reparations
202
00:08:11,559 --> 00:08:14,852
for all the times we had to
feel guilty about being white,
203
00:08:14,939 --> 00:08:16,892
and I was run off campus!
204
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,471
YouTube refused
to host my videos
205
00:08:20,559 --> 00:08:23,126
just because I said
all school shooting victims
206
00:08:23,214 --> 00:08:25,627
were portrayed by Oscar-winning
actress Brie Larson
207
00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:27,783
in the performance
of a lifetime!
208
00:08:27,892 --> 00:08:29,555
I just wanna hug him.
209
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,976
So, I'm sprintin' down
a dark freeway
210
00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:33,845
wearing only what God gave me,
211
00:08:33,933 --> 00:08:37,322
and a legion of bikers
is bearin' down on me so close
212
00:08:37,470 --> 00:08:40,431
that their side mirrors
are knockin' my funny bones.
213
00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:43,304
One of the angrier fellas
who had a toddler
214
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:46,142
smokin' a cigarette
balanced on his handlebars
215
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:49,158
must've put out a call
because, next thing I know,
216
00:08:49,246 --> 00:08:52,869
green glass bottles are
rainin' down from the overpass
217
00:08:52,957 --> 00:08:54,870
on every side,
and I'm thinking,
218
00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:57,531
"Does this road
ever go downhill?!"
219
00:08:57,619 --> 00:09:00,603
Wow! All for being
a conservative.
220
00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:02,811
Maybe, but more likely I'd say
221
00:09:02,899 --> 00:09:05,939
any one of the nine things
I did that night.
222
00:09:06,124 --> 00:09:08,101
There's a line around
the White House
223
00:09:08,189 --> 00:09:10,062
of conservatives
ready to complain.
224
00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:12,316
How did it get this bad?
225
00:09:12,404 --> 00:09:13,676
Somewhere along the way,
226
00:09:13,764 --> 00:09:16,307
it became okay to discriminate
based on the color
227
00:09:16,439 --> 00:09:18,777
you paint your face
at fraternity parties.
228
00:09:20,548 --> 00:09:22,754
Well,
would you look at this!
229
00:09:22,842 --> 00:09:25,385
Donald Trump Jr.
In my office.
230
00:09:25,492 --> 00:09:28,525
This must be some kind of trick,
so I got the twins ready...
231
00:09:28,613 --> 00:09:30,066
Julian and Joaquin.
232
00:09:30,154 --> 00:09:31,777
I'm not here to wrestle
for dominance.
233
00:09:31,865 --> 00:09:33,812
I'm here to ask for help
getting my Twitter back
234
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:36,143
before some kid thinks
he can protest climate change
235
00:09:36,231 --> 00:09:38,738
without his sexual orientation
being questioned.
236
00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:40,476
Sure. Why not?
237
00:09:40,564 --> 00:09:42,021
Wait. You're just
gonna help me?
238
00:09:42,109 --> 00:09:43,801
Whenever my dad
does me a favor,
239
00:09:43,889 --> 00:09:46,472
he increases the licensing fee
on my own last name.
240
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:47,879
Sometimes you tweet
a picture
241
00:09:47,967 --> 00:09:50,051
of Ocasio-Cortez
with devil horns...
242
00:09:50,139 --> 00:09:52,605
And we just
laugh and laugh...
243
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,426
Well, great seeing you.
244
00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:57,574
Tell your father we have
a budget resolution to cave on.
245
00:09:57,913 --> 00:10:00,348
Don, why aren't
you leaving?
246
00:10:00,436 --> 00:10:03,340
Sorry. It's just, you guys
not treating me like ass...
247
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:05,746
I'm not used to that kind
of parental warmth.
248
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:08,197
Hey, you guys wanna
get ice cream?! Yeah!
249
00:10:08,324 --> 00:10:10,363
Nancy, Chuck, come on!
250
00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:13,410
One of
the most effective tactics
251
00:10:13,498 --> 00:10:16,066
in any civil-rights movement
is the non-violent protest
252
00:10:16,154 --> 00:10:17,840
that shocks the nation
out of complacency.
253
00:10:17,928 --> 00:10:19,391
That's where
you come in, Stevie.
254
00:10:19,479 --> 00:10:21,369
We need you to step
onto a liberal campus
255
00:10:21,457 --> 00:10:22,432
and get your ass kicked.
256
00:10:22,519 --> 00:10:24,102
And for your efforts,
we offer you...
257
00:10:24,189 --> 00:10:25,949
Nothing necessary.
I live for this.
258
00:10:26,037 --> 00:10:27,356
Good, because that
was the offer.
259
00:10:27,444 --> 00:10:28,725
But what if my natural charm
260
00:10:28,813 --> 00:10:31,004
makes Antifa
refuse to attack me?
261
00:10:31,092 --> 00:10:32,473
Then just
make up a story.
262
00:10:32,561 --> 00:10:34,754
Keep it simple so no one
pokes holes in it.
263
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:37,135
So then the seven-foot
art-history major
264
00:10:37,223 --> 00:10:39,216
raised his battle axe
and roared,
265
00:10:39,304 --> 00:10:42,348
"Name thyself, conservative
who hath dared pass hither!"
266
00:10:42,436 --> 00:10:46,387
I replied, "Lo, I am an
innocent carpenter's apprentice
267
00:10:46,475 --> 00:10:49,691
here to spread the good news
of common-sense baby caging."
268
00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:51,431
A carpenter's apprentice?
269
00:10:51,519 --> 00:10:54,004
As the vape-smoking beast
chained me to the rack,
270
00:10:54,092 --> 00:10:56,293
his fellow Antifa
begged for my guts
271
00:10:56,381 --> 00:10:57,912
while big-bosomed maidens
272
00:10:58,019 --> 00:11:00,562
cried out for mercy
on the handsome stranger.
273
00:11:00,649 --> 00:11:02,102
Damn it. I'm starting
to get invested.
274
00:11:02,189 --> 00:11:03,683
How did you get out?
Did you use
275
00:11:03,771 --> 00:11:05,339
the sorcerer's gem stone
you found in the brook?
276
00:11:05,427 --> 00:11:07,084
A tale for another day!
277
00:11:07,172 --> 00:11:08,147
- Aww.
- The point is...
278
00:11:08,195 --> 00:11:09,253
If people bought it,
279
00:11:09,341 --> 00:11:11,472
there should be rioting
in the streets.
280
00:11:12,248 --> 00:11:13,560
Nope.
281
00:11:13,648 --> 00:11:16,412
Oh hoh!
Whoa!
282
00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:17,904
This thing is great!
283
00:11:17,992 --> 00:11:19,357
My dad never
let me ride one
284
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:22,068
because he could tell
I enjoyed it too much.
285
00:11:22,359 --> 00:11:24,951
Whoa!
What happened?!
286
00:11:25,039 --> 00:11:26,365
It's just out of time,
buddy.
287
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:29,236
You can do one more ride,
but then Nancy and I
288
00:11:29,324 --> 00:11:31,623
have to go back and run
the United States Congress.
289
00:11:31,711 --> 00:11:33,174
One and then one more?
290
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:35,295
- Fine.
- Yeeeaahhh!
291
00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:38,115
And watch me this time
and give me encouragement!
292
00:11:38,203 --> 00:11:39,602
- Are you watching?
- We're watching.
293
00:11:39,689 --> 00:11:41,006
- Look here!
- Oh, yeah!
294
00:11:41,094 --> 00:11:42,272
I think... I got air!
295
00:11:42,366 --> 00:11:43,776
- Sure. You got air.
- Oh, wow!
296
00:11:46,482 --> 00:11:48,142
Oh, my God.
He's sleeping.
297
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:50,123
Wake up, Don.
We're here.
298
00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:52,522
Whoa! Thanks for taking me
to Toy Story 4,
299
00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:55,352
and the gummy worms, and picture
next to the movie poster.
300
00:11:55,439 --> 00:11:58,062
Don't thank us.
You wouldn't stop crying
301
00:11:58,149 --> 00:12:01,341
and rolling on the ground
unless we did what you asked.
302
00:12:01,429 --> 00:12:04,219
Well, see you
again soon, champ.
303
00:12:05,352 --> 00:12:08,638
- Don. Everything alright?
- Yeah.
304
00:12:08,726 --> 00:12:10,632
Why aren't you getting out
and going to your home?
305
00:12:10,719 --> 00:12:12,561
- I love you guys.
- Oh, God.
306
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,435
He's imprinted on us
like a duck.
307
00:12:14,523 --> 00:12:16,396
We have to keep him,
don't we?
308
00:12:16,484 --> 00:12:19,216
I heard that! Quack-quack!
309
00:12:20,052 --> 00:12:22,562
Nothing's working.
We need to take a big swing.
310
00:12:22,649 --> 00:12:25,168
How about an executive order
declaring conservatives
311
00:12:25,256 --> 00:12:26,668
are a protected class?
Pffff.
312
00:12:26,756 --> 00:12:28,498
The president
will never go for it.
313
00:12:28,586 --> 00:12:30,271
- What?
- He's got too much on his plate...
314
00:12:30,359 --> 00:12:31,849
Immigrants flooding
over the border,
315
00:12:31,937 --> 00:12:35,348
economic bubble about to pop...
He doesn't care about us.
316
00:12:35,436 --> 00:12:38,232
- Sir, you must know...
- So let me get this straight...
317
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,052
You're just gonna waltz
into the White House,
318
00:12:41,189 --> 00:12:42,912
ask to see the President,
319
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,272
and then after you're ushered
into his office,
320
00:12:45,375 --> 00:12:48,143
he'll say, "Sure, Ben,
whatever you want!"
321
00:12:48,231 --> 00:12:49,664
You're a fucking idiot!
Are you...
322
00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:52,393
It's over!
It'll never work!
323
00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:55,401
So quit living
in your fantasy world!
324
00:12:56,352 --> 00:12:58,456
Sir, did you actually
forget you were president?
325
00:12:58,544 --> 00:12:59,970
I remembered
in the middle,
326
00:13:00,058 --> 00:13:01,848
but it was too late
to turn back.
327
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:09,917
This executive order
designates conservatives
328
00:13:10,005 --> 00:13:12,245
as a federally protected class,
329
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,813
affording them
such equality measures
330
00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:16,392
as special parking spots
331
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:20,233
and equal time for a right-wing
sketch comedy show.
332
00:13:20,359 --> 00:13:23,512
Hello, there's nothing
we can't have!
333
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:24,611
Shut up, nerd!
334
00:13:24,699 --> 00:13:27,432
Boys, let's head
to O'Shittery's!
335
00:13:27,519 --> 00:13:30,352
If anybody looks at us weird,
we burn the place down!
336
00:13:30,439 --> 00:13:32,142
This isn't even
your branch of government.
337
00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:34,812
You're in
the wrong branch!
338
00:13:34,899 --> 00:13:36,312
Okay, you win, psycho.
339
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:39,852
Welcome, all, to
the San Francisco Pride Parade.
340
00:13:39,939 --> 00:13:41,182
This is so much more fun
341
00:13:41,269 --> 00:13:43,522
than the "Dads For Family
Court Reform" Parade.
342
00:13:43,610 --> 00:13:44,971
And guess what.
343
00:13:45,059 --> 00:13:48,147
I just heard back from our
friends at Twitter headquarters.
344
00:13:48,235 --> 00:13:51,601
We got them to lift
your week-long suspension!
345
00:13:51,689 --> 00:13:55,312
And it only took seven days.
Celebratory selfie!
346
00:13:55,399 --> 00:13:57,642
Say, "I love you and
will always be there for you
347
00:13:57,729 --> 00:14:00,395
in a way that
no one ever haaaassss!"
348
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,141
Well, you're back
on Twitter,
349
00:14:02,229 --> 00:14:04,614
so I guess you don't
need us anymore.
350
00:14:04,729 --> 00:14:06,602
Wait, wait! Oh!
You haven't met Kimberly yet!
351
00:14:06,689 --> 00:14:09,762
You're gonna love her.
She has this hilarious story
352
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,522
about making fun
of a cameraman's gross birthmark
353
00:14:12,609 --> 00:14:14,812
and then it turned out
to be cancer.
354
00:14:14,899 --> 00:14:16,562
She can tell it better.
355
00:14:16,649 --> 00:14:18,182
Tune in to NBC
356
00:14:18,269 --> 00:14:19,762
on Sunday night
for the premiere of
357
00:14:19,849 --> 00:14:22,522
"Koch Industries Presents:
Sunday Night Live"
358
00:14:22,609 --> 00:14:25,682
with host Charlie Kirk
and musical guest Rand Paul,
359
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:28,529
featuring a digital short
on Planned Parenthood.
360
00:14:29,229 --> 00:14:31,439
I'm gonna be groggy
Monday morning.
361
00:14:37,269 --> 00:14:38,432
Hey. Good morning.
362
00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:45,435
First you go to the gay pride
parade with Chuck and Nancy
363
00:14:45,523 --> 00:14:46,964
and now we're having
dinner with them?
364
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:50,293
They're a little kooky, but
great if you get to know them.
365
00:14:50,381 --> 00:14:52,004
You got a flyaway hair
right over your...
366
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,261
- Is this her?
- Hello, Kimberly.
367
00:14:54,349 --> 00:14:56,382
You're even cuter
than Don said you were!
368
00:14:56,470 --> 00:14:59,181
Nancy, take the lamb
out of the oven! They're here!
369
00:14:59,269 --> 00:15:00,392
Ahh. What?!
370
00:15:00,479 --> 00:15:02,755
They're here!
Lamb! Now!
371
00:15:02,843 --> 00:15:04,982
So, then Steny Hoyer
says to Dick Durbin,
372
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,037
"Why are you wearing
flip-flops?"
373
00:15:07,125 --> 00:15:09,709
Ahh...
374
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,022
So, Don tells us you're
a conservative firebrand.
375
00:15:13,109 --> 00:15:14,432
Is that fun?
376
00:15:14,519 --> 00:15:16,892
It's the best.
I trigger so many liberals.
377
00:15:16,979 --> 00:15:20,472
Oh, but long-term, she wants
to be an archaeologist.
378
00:15:20,559 --> 00:15:22,005
What? I don't even know
what that is.
379
00:15:22,093 --> 00:15:23,404
I don't either.
Just go with it.
380
00:15:23,492 --> 00:15:26,724
It's fine. Let's just
talk about something else.
381
00:15:31,141 --> 00:15:32,184
Need some wine.
382
00:15:32,272 --> 00:15:33,310
Need some lamb in my...
383
00:15:33,398 --> 00:15:36,130
Ohh! Uh, did you see Don
at the gay pride parade?
384
00:15:36,218 --> 00:15:39,832
I did! Wow!
I haven't seen him that happy
385
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,443
since he blew that silverback's
head off at two yards.
386
00:15:42,531 --> 00:15:44,138
And did he tell you
that, next weekend,
387
00:15:44,226 --> 00:15:45,943
we're gonna go see
glaciers melting?
388
00:15:46,031 --> 00:15:47,314
Oh, the same weekend
389
00:15:47,402 --> 00:15:50,195
as my best friend Katelyn's
gender-reveal party
390
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,276
where they're gonna stuff
a grenade in the cake?
391
00:15:52,364 --> 00:15:54,709
We can just skip it
and go to the birth.
392
00:15:56,107 --> 00:15:58,530
I thought you were just getting
your Twitter account reinstated,
393
00:15:58,617 --> 00:16:00,310
not becoming Al Gore!
394
00:16:00,397 --> 00:16:02,190
My relationship
with Mom and D...
395
00:16:02,277 --> 00:16:04,150
Nancy and Chuck
isn't political!
396
00:16:04,237 --> 00:16:06,402
We're just developing
an emotional connection
397
00:16:06,490 --> 00:16:08,011
as we defend
the nurse's union
398
00:16:08,099 --> 00:16:11,128
and lock arms with the victims
of Standing Rock. Oh, shit!
399
00:16:11,216 --> 00:16:15,029
This is not the selfish brat
I courted to advance my career!
400
00:16:15,130 --> 00:16:16,400
I'm still
a selfish brat.
401
00:16:16,487 --> 00:16:19,019
Uh, I'll go steal a package
off someone's porch right now!
402
00:16:19,107 --> 00:16:21,332
As hot as that sounds,
I'm over it.
403
00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:22,707
Good luck getting
Chuck and Nancy
404
00:16:22,795 --> 00:16:24,763
to pour beer
down your crack.
405
00:16:32,317 --> 00:16:35,341
Why is everyone mad
at someone who isn't Pompeo?
406
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,912
I'll start. Earlier today,
I was minding my own business,
407
00:16:38,029 --> 00:16:39,849
and someone said,
"Good morning."
408
00:16:40,747 --> 00:16:44,149
I'm fine, but I just keep
thinking about what he meant.
409
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,871
"Good morning,
you sad, pathetic weakling
410
00:16:46,959 --> 00:16:49,176
who couldn't even get the
teachers to eat lunch with him.
411
00:16:49,263 --> 00:16:51,269
You speak really quickly
and confidently,
412
00:16:51,357 --> 00:16:55,324
but deep down you know
you're 100% full of shit!"
413
00:16:55,412 --> 00:16:56,879
Everyone thinks
that because we elected
414
00:16:56,966 --> 00:16:59,770
one conservative president,
we finally gained equality,
415
00:16:59,857 --> 00:17:01,277
and that damn
executive order
416
00:17:01,365 --> 00:17:03,433
just gave them even more cover
to hold us down!
417
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:06,644
We should've listened to
Susan Collins and done nothing.
418
00:17:06,732 --> 00:17:09,020
Sure, we were
only rich and powerful,
419
00:17:09,107 --> 00:17:10,770
but at least
we were happy.
420
00:17:10,857 --> 00:17:14,360
Wrong! We need a public
demonstration so big and bold
421
00:17:14,447 --> 00:17:16,520
that it shifts
the entire cultural paradigm.
422
00:17:16,607 --> 00:17:18,824
- I'm talking a million...
- Wow!
423
00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:20,347
- Man...
- That's me!
424
00:17:20,435 --> 00:17:22,097
- March!
- I'm out!
425
00:17:22,185 --> 00:17:25,230
So this cause isn't important
enough for you to walk?!
426
00:17:25,318 --> 00:17:26,746
I'm all for equal rights,
427
00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:28,927
but not if it makes
my hammies sore.
428
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:32,169
And to think
I believed in you...
429
00:17:32,590 --> 00:17:35,423
Would it make you feel better
if you kicked me in the gonads?
430
00:17:35,556 --> 00:17:36,888
Yeah.
431
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,613
I'd now like to introduce
432
00:17:39,701 --> 00:17:42,488
- Senate bill 2-9-4-3...
- Hey!
433
00:17:42,576 --> 00:17:44,170
Thanks a lot, Chuck!
434
00:17:44,293 --> 00:17:46,152
There's my boy!
Nancy and I thought
435
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,230
dinner with Kimberly
was a real home run.
436
00:17:48,318 --> 00:17:52,185
More like a loose bat into the
singing hot-dog guy's throat!
437
00:17:52,273 --> 00:17:54,232
Kimberly broke up with me!
438
00:17:54,677 --> 00:17:57,326
To be honest, Nancy and I
thought that girl was bad news.
439
00:17:57,414 --> 00:17:58,894
We found condoms
in her purse.
440
00:17:58,982 --> 00:18:02,253
Ugh! I'm sick of you
always trying to control me!
441
00:18:02,341 --> 00:18:05,185
I'm not gonna go to law school,
get married,
442
00:18:05,273 --> 00:18:07,167
and become
some uptight senator!
443
00:18:07,255 --> 00:18:09,066
Don, I've known you
for maybe eight days.
444
00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:11,270
Are we going to vote
on the bill?
445
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:13,644
I can't wait
to vote "present."
446
00:18:13,732 --> 00:18:16,027
Don't ever ask
Chuck and Nancy for help
447
00:18:16,115 --> 00:18:19,552
because you'll let them into
your heart and they'll break it!
448
00:18:19,755 --> 00:18:21,060
I cede my time!
449
00:18:21,147 --> 00:18:23,110
That's not how
this works, Don.
450
00:18:23,197 --> 00:18:25,270
- Fuck you!
- Present!
451
00:18:25,459 --> 00:18:28,105
What's your glitch,
Shapiro?
452
00:18:28,193 --> 00:18:30,910
In 2016, I wasn't sure
a nihilistic game-show host
453
00:18:30,998 --> 00:18:32,137
accused of
numerous sex crimes
454
00:18:32,224 --> 00:18:34,061
should be the leader
of the conservative movement.
455
00:18:34,148 --> 00:18:36,224
But then you were elected
president, and I realized,
456
00:18:36,312 --> 00:18:38,170
"Supporting him boosts
my website's traffic."
457
00:18:38,258 --> 00:18:40,671
But I was wrong. You don't
care about conservatism.
458
00:18:40,759 --> 00:18:42,382
You just care about you!
459
00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:45,053
Obviously, I don't care
about conservatism!
460
00:18:45,141 --> 00:18:48,214
I just asked someone which party
has the best racist jokes
461
00:18:48,302 --> 00:18:49,715
and said, "I'm that!"
462
00:18:49,803 --> 00:18:52,912
And guess what! I'm not
telling you any of them!
463
00:18:53,052 --> 00:18:54,341
Go to hell!
464
00:18:54,429 --> 00:18:57,927
Ever since I told that waitress
to stop bringing breadsticks,
465
00:18:58,015 --> 00:18:59,624
I've been living in it!
466
00:18:59,712 --> 00:19:01,630
What are you talking about?!
467
00:19:03,796 --> 00:19:06,670
Live from the
Charles Krauthammer Theater,
468
00:19:06,758 --> 00:19:08,721
it's "Sunday Night Live"!
469
00:19:08,842 --> 00:19:11,755
And here's your host,
Mike Pompeo!
470
00:19:11,843 --> 00:19:14,775
They asked Pompeo and not me?
471
00:19:15,341 --> 00:19:17,256
I'm here
to throw you in jail
472
00:19:17,344 --> 00:19:20,177
for calling someone
the wrong pronoun.
473
00:19:20,401 --> 00:19:23,318
This is only gonna
normalize Pompeo.
474
00:19:24,125 --> 00:19:27,414
So if you were, like, my dad,
what kind of stuff would we do?
475
00:19:27,502 --> 00:19:28,915
Of course.
Uh, we'd go to the movies!
476
00:19:29,002 --> 00:19:30,107
Ooh, that sounds fun.
477
00:19:30,195 --> 00:19:32,480
Yeah, there's this
little underground theater
478
00:19:32,568 --> 00:19:34,855
in a cement basement
on 11th Avenue,
479
00:19:34,943 --> 00:19:36,623
and the movies
they show there,
480
00:19:36,711 --> 00:19:38,670
there's so much blood
and depravity,
481
00:19:38,758 --> 00:19:40,292
I don't know how they
snuck them out of Dresden.
482
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,172
Any other
bonding activities?
483
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,793
Ever been on a police ride-along
when they turn off the cameras?
484
00:19:44,881 --> 00:19:47,253
Ha! You will walk away
with so many secrets.
485
00:19:47,341 --> 00:19:49,124
Yeah, I don't know
if this is gonna work.
486
00:19:49,212 --> 00:19:50,965
Look, if it changes your mind,
I'll take you to a ball game.
487
00:19:51,052 --> 00:19:53,152
I got this luxury box
at Yankee Stadium
488
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,964
that's entirely bricked off...
No one can see in or out.
489
00:19:56,052 --> 00:19:58,300
Got an over-caffeinated
12-year-old bartender...
490
00:19:58,388 --> 00:20:00,654
Yeah, I don't know
if this is gonna work.
491
00:20:02,171 --> 00:20:04,630
Thanks for watching
"Sunday Night Live."
492
00:20:04,718 --> 00:20:07,391
Thank you,
Tomi Lahren, Dinesh D'Souza,
493
00:20:07,479 --> 00:20:10,373
Jacob Wohl, Diamond, Silk...
494
00:20:10,461 --> 00:20:13,177
uh, Michael Flynn,
uh, Michael Flynn Jr...
495
00:20:13,265 --> 00:20:15,091
Yeah, that might be
Stephen Miller.
496
00:20:15,179 --> 00:20:17,607
Are all the nurses pretending
they're on lunch break?
497
00:20:17,695 --> 00:20:19,405
Yep, that's him.
Good night.
498
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:24,086
Oh, my God. Stevie.
What happened?
499
00:20:24,212 --> 00:20:26,165
Were you attacked
just for what you believe?
500
00:20:26,252 --> 00:20:29,623
Sort of. I was sitting in
a conservatives-only seat
501
00:20:29,711 --> 00:20:31,662
at the movie theater,
and someone told me
502
00:20:31,750 --> 00:20:33,380
to move my big head
a little.
503
00:20:33,468 --> 00:20:36,584
It hurt my feelings so bad,
I called 911.
504
00:20:37,966 --> 00:20:39,708
I'm not sure
how much longer I have
505
00:20:39,796 --> 00:20:42,079
because the doctor
refuses to examine me.
506
00:20:42,167 --> 00:20:44,170
Stevie, Stevie.
507
00:20:44,258 --> 00:20:46,581
You're gonna make it,
God damn it!
508
00:20:46,669 --> 00:20:48,964
If you can survive every
roommate you've ever had
509
00:20:49,052 --> 00:20:50,904
"accidentally"
leaving the stove on,
510
00:20:51,005 --> 00:20:52,705
you can survive this.
511
00:20:52,792 --> 00:20:55,318
I've got to go now,
Mr. Trump,
512
00:20:55,406 --> 00:20:59,193
but next time conservatives are
getting made fun of real bad,
513
00:20:59,281 --> 00:21:01,944
tell them my story.
514
00:21:02,301 --> 00:21:05,152
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- What kind of god would
515
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,404
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- let a man be made fun of?!
516
00:21:07,492 --> 00:21:09,504
- E-e-e-ee...
- It should be me lying there!
517
00:21:09,592 --> 00:21:11,545
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- It looks so comfortable!
518
00:21:11,632 --> 00:21:14,375
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- Why is this loser in my bed?!
519
00:21:14,463 --> 00:21:16,834
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- I want the bed!
520
00:21:20,568 --> 00:21:24,021
Shit! Why did I only
get $800 in quarters?
521
00:21:24,654 --> 00:21:26,636
Whoa! Uh, huh?
522
00:21:26,724 --> 00:21:28,107
Thanks, Kimberly.
You...
523
00:21:28,195 --> 00:21:30,108
I didn't see you
at Fontainebleau.
524
00:21:30,196 --> 00:21:31,560
Sorry about that.
525
00:21:31,648 --> 00:21:34,886
Hey, do you think maybe I was
working through some stuff
526
00:21:34,974 --> 00:21:37,035
when I had Chuck and Nancy
re-birth me
527
00:21:37,123 --> 00:21:39,125
using couch cushions
as the birth canal?
528
00:21:39,212 --> 00:21:42,144
Don, when you let people in
like Chuck and Nancy,
529
00:21:42,232 --> 00:21:43,837
you allow them
to change who you are.
530
00:21:43,925 --> 00:21:45,804
Next thing you know,
you're acting like a baby
531
00:21:45,892 --> 00:21:47,191
instead of
the tough strong man
532
00:21:47,279 --> 00:21:49,290
who made two koalas
play Russian Roulette.
533
00:21:49,378 --> 00:21:52,017
- Yeah, I miss that guy.
- Me too.
534
00:21:52,105 --> 00:21:54,280
And that guy
can let me in,
535
00:21:54,368 --> 00:21:56,142
and I'll never try
to change him,
536
00:21:56,230 --> 00:21:59,473
even if his every decision
is a transparent cry for help.
537
00:21:59,561 --> 00:22:02,644
Cool. Now let's pour
some beer in my crack.
538
00:22:02,732 --> 00:22:07,272
No, Don, let's pour some beer
in our cracks.
539
00:22:10,220 --> 00:22:11,298
How's he doing?
540
00:22:11,386 --> 00:22:14,064
It was a close call,
but he's gonna be okay.
541
00:22:14,180 --> 00:22:16,311
Well, I better go.
I got my Sunday Night Live
542
00:22:16,399 --> 00:22:18,352
audition in the morning,
and I still haven't nailed
543
00:22:18,439 --> 00:22:20,181
Michelle Obama's accent.
544
00:22:20,310 --> 00:22:22,803
Ben. We can't
let this happen again.
545
00:22:22,922 --> 00:22:24,415
Next time,
it could be someone
546
00:22:24,502 --> 00:22:27,125
who has more than
zero contacts in his phone.
547
00:22:27,212 --> 00:22:29,410
But you were right. It's over.
The liberals won.
548
00:22:29,498 --> 00:22:32,152
MSNBC is like
the Fox News of TV.
549
00:22:32,296 --> 00:22:34,459
I thought I heard something
about a march.
550
00:22:34,547 --> 00:22:36,790
You think that's something
the president would be into?
551
00:22:36,878 --> 00:22:38,881
- Did you forget again?
- I did.
552
00:22:39,013 --> 00:22:40,832
♪ Why ♪
553
00:22:41,033 --> 00:22:42,906
♪ We ♪
554
00:22:43,095 --> 00:22:45,128
♪ Fight ♪
555
00:22:45,246 --> 00:22:47,308
This is why we fight!
556
00:22:47,396 --> 00:22:49,144
♪ Save ♪
557
00:22:49,317 --> 00:22:51,574
♪ The right ♪
558
00:22:51,678 --> 00:22:53,712
We have got to
save the right!
559
00:22:55,891 --> 00:22:58,080
Tomorrow,
millions of conservatives
560
00:22:58,168 --> 00:22:59,295
are coming here to march,
561
00:22:59,382 --> 00:23:01,166
and I can't think of
one thing to tell them
562
00:23:01,254 --> 00:23:03,375
other than I forgot
to get Port-a-Potties.
563
00:23:03,462 --> 00:23:07,058
Just tell them that, some day,
we will achieve true equality
564
00:23:07,146 --> 00:23:09,658
and be able to wear
a Confederate flag unitard
565
00:23:09,746 --> 00:23:11,262
to SoulCycle.
566
00:23:11,752 --> 00:23:15,418
♪ What do we stand for? ♪
567
00:23:15,943 --> 00:23:18,832
♪ Why do we fight? ♪
568
00:23:20,704 --> 00:23:22,785
♪ To protect the lives ♪
569
00:23:22,873 --> 00:23:27,691
♪ Of rich men who are white ♪
570
00:23:27,935 --> 00:23:30,933
♪ So Rush Limbaugh ♪
571
00:23:31,722 --> 00:23:36,004
♪ Can sleep sound at night ♪
572
00:23:36,210 --> 00:23:40,533
♪ And we are never
held accountable ♪
573
00:23:40,792 --> 00:23:44,107
♪ For a joke we made in front
of a biracial co-worker ♪
574
00:23:44,195 --> 00:23:46,433
♪ This is why we fight ♪
575
00:23:46,635 --> 00:23:51,591
♪ For Proud Boys
and alt-rights ♪
576
00:23:52,618 --> 00:23:55,341
♪ For rich white men ♪
577
00:23:55,555 --> 00:23:59,122
♪ And rich white men's wives ♪
578
00:23:59,517 --> 00:24:01,208
I'm cool with this also.
579
00:24:01,466 --> 00:24:03,435
Conservatives
from all over the country
580
00:24:03,523 --> 00:24:04,794
have gathered in Washington
581
00:24:04,882 --> 00:24:06,708
to fight for the rights
of Republicans
582
00:24:06,796 --> 00:24:08,039
or, said another way,
583
00:24:08,109 --> 00:24:10,631
the President has hosted
a white-power rally.
584
00:24:10,719 --> 00:24:13,006
The Grand Wizard
is about to speak.
585
00:24:13,962 --> 00:24:15,842
♪ Why ♪
586
00:24:15,930 --> 00:24:19,498
♪ We fight ♪
587
00:24:21,882 --> 00:24:23,755
♪ Save ♪
588
00:24:23,951 --> 00:24:27,209
♪ The right ♪
589
00:24:29,805 --> 00:24:34,185
My fellow conservatives,
we have a dream,
590
00:24:34,365 --> 00:24:37,254
a dream that began
on a bridge in Selma
591
00:24:37,342 --> 00:24:39,505
though not the side people
typically think of...
592
00:24:39,593 --> 00:24:41,981
a dream that, one day,
593
00:24:42,141 --> 00:24:44,567
conservatives will be able
to go online
594
00:24:44,655 --> 00:24:48,738
without the fear of someone
teasing them a little bit!
595
00:24:49,114 --> 00:24:52,106
Wow.
What a fuckin' snowflake.
596
00:24:53,792 --> 00:24:55,917
Hey, you guys don't have
a permit for any of this.
597
00:24:56,005 --> 00:24:56,833
You gotta scram.
598
00:24:56,921 --> 00:24:59,473
Oh, why? Because
we're conservatives?
599
00:25:00,547 --> 00:25:02,479
No. Just, everyone
needs a permit.
600
00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:04,208
You don't get
special treatment.
601
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:17,704
Let us stay!
602
00:25:17,838 --> 00:25:20,434
It's not fair!
603
00:25:20,684 --> 00:25:22,624
We're allowed to be here!
604
00:25:22,712 --> 00:25:24,223
Mommy said so!
605
00:25:24,311 --> 00:25:26,974
You're a bad cop!
Bad cop!
606
00:25:27,132 --> 00:25:28,786
He is a bad cop!
607
00:25:28,881 --> 00:25:33,083
Let us stay, or I'm gonna cry,
and I'm gonna cry and cry!
608
00:25:33,481 --> 00:25:35,434
I hate you!
609
00:25:38,532 --> 00:25:40,473
Is that tears or piss?
610
00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:43,495
Ah.
It's just tears, thank God.
611
00:25:43,583 --> 00:25:44,973
Alright, stay.
Just wrap it up
612
00:25:45,061 --> 00:25:46,834
before the ceramics fair
sets up.
613
00:25:46,922 --> 00:25:48,528
- Yay!
- We did it!
614
00:25:48,616 --> 00:25:51,333
- Hooray!
- The right always wins!
615
00:25:53,142 --> 00:25:55,440
How are your hammies,
Mr. President?
616
00:25:55,528 --> 00:25:58,419
Pretty sore, but I'll just
take a month off work,
617
00:25:58,507 --> 00:26:00,510
wherever that is.
618
00:26:00,631 --> 00:26:02,414
You think
this changed anything?
619
00:26:02,502 --> 00:26:04,646
I'm about to find out.
620
00:26:04,978 --> 00:26:08,146
I'm on my way,
SoulCycle!
621
00:26:09,154 --> 00:26:11,213
Where'd you learn
to cry like that?
622
00:26:11,301 --> 00:26:14,035
Let's just say a couple
kooky cats taught me
623
00:26:14,123 --> 00:26:15,451
how to be vulnerable.
624
00:26:15,571 --> 00:26:19,490
Great news! Before I burnt
down O'Shittery's Beer Dump,
625
00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:21,651
I stole a bunch of kegs
from the loading dock.
626
00:26:21,745 --> 00:26:23,451
- Wanna go drink them?
- Uh,
627
00:26:23,539 --> 00:26:25,451
- Yeah, I think... w-we're alright, though.
- yeah, we're okay.
628
00:26:25,539 --> 00:26:27,175
You guys are huge dicks!
629
00:26:27,263 --> 00:26:31,491
I'm gonna start my own movement
against huge dicks!
630
00:26:31,759 --> 00:26:33,365
♪ Why ♪
631
00:26:33,792 --> 00:26:35,333
♪ We ♪
632
00:26:35,904 --> 00:26:38,263
♪ Fight ♪
633
00:26:39,779 --> 00:26:41,583
♪ Save ♪
634
00:26:41,882 --> 00:26:43,490
♪ The ♪
635
00:26:43,792 --> 00:26:46,404
♪ Right ♪
636
00:26:48,130 --> 00:26:51,349
♪ I used to feel like
I could walk the Earth ♪
637
00:26:51,468 --> 00:26:55,107
♪ Like a human God ♪
638
00:26:55,265 --> 00:26:58,261
♪ Now I still am a human God ♪
639
00:26:58,349 --> 00:27:01,208
♪ But I feel like I'm not ♪
640
00:27:19,712 --> 00:27:21,373
♪ Why ♪
641
00:27:21,644 --> 00:27:23,287
♪ We ♪
642
00:27:23,618 --> 00:27:25,348
♪ Fight ♪
643
00:27:25,436 --> 00:27:27,599
♪ Leave Meghan McCain alone ♪
644
00:27:27,733 --> 00:27:29,646
♪ Save ♪
645
00:27:29,734 --> 00:27:31,630
♪ The right ♪
646
00:27:31,725 --> 00:27:36,404
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ We gotta save the right ♪
647
00:27:36,492 --> 00:27:39,787
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
648
00:27:39,875 --> 00:27:42,313
♪ Ooh ♪
50360
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