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1
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:12,736
Hey.
What's your name?
2
00:00:12,776 --> 00:00:15,076
Hi. High five?
3
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:16,816
Want to high-five me?
4
00:00:16,852 --> 00:00:18,400
Do you want to give me
a high five?
5
00:00:18,427 --> 00:00:20,157
Hey. What you doing?
6
00:00:20,194 --> 00:00:22,161
Oh, just bonding.
7
00:00:22,199 --> 00:00:23,766
Yeah.
8
00:00:23,804 --> 00:00:25,971
I feel like babies love me.
9
00:00:26,008 --> 00:00:28,176
- I can see that.
- Mm-hmm.
10
00:00:28,214 --> 00:00:30,848
Hey. Hi.
11
00:00:30,875 --> 00:00:32,296
Hi.
12
00:00:32,322 --> 00:00:34,758
See?
We're, like, connected.
13
00:00:34,796 --> 00:00:37,065
Sometimes my womb is all like,
"hey, girl,"
14
00:00:37,102 --> 00:00:38,503
and then my mind's like,
"shh."
15
00:00:38,529 --> 00:00:41,875
But right now, I feel like,
"yeah, maybe."
16
00:00:46,466 --> 00:00:49,636
? You, yeah, you,
you're really cool. ?
17
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:51,307
? You can be anything
you wanna be. ?
18
00:00:51,345 --> 00:00:54,146
? Time to fly,
I'm talking to you. ?
19
00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:55,852
? No hablo espa�ol. ?
20
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,124
? Let's see you move forward,
stand your ground. ?
21
00:00:58,161 --> 00:01:00,162
? Hang in there
while you're doing it ?
22
00:01:00,199 --> 00:01:02,834
? and sail away into the sunset,
baby. ?
23
00:01:02,873 --> 00:01:05,775
? Dream your dreams
into the sky. ?
24
00:01:05,813 --> 00:01:08,414
? Oh, yeah, you really got it,
yeah, now you really got it. ?
25
00:01:08,452 --> 00:01:10,054
? Yeah, hey,
you really got it, yeah. ?
26
00:01:10,090 --> 00:01:11,824
? Don't stop being cool. ?
27
00:01:13,165 --> 00:01:15,331
Okay.
28
00:01:15,368 --> 00:01:17,870
This one is from Janice.
29
00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:20,713
Okay.
30
00:01:23,622 --> 00:01:25,590
Ah!
31
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:28,996
Baby's first cologne!
32
00:01:29,036 --> 00:01:31,070
- Oh!
- Yeah. I know.
33
00:01:31,108 --> 00:01:32,775
Oh!
34
00:01:32,812 --> 00:01:35,279
Did you write that down?
It's from Janice.
35
00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:37,885
Yay!
36
00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:41,492
You guys,
I cannot wait to get pregnant.
37
00:01:41,531 --> 00:01:44,200
Wait.
You're not pregnant?
38
00:01:44,239 --> 00:01:47,407
No, that's why this is called
a sprinkle and not a shower.
39
00:01:47,446 --> 00:01:50,883
So, then why are we here?
40
00:01:50,922 --> 00:01:53,290
Well,
we're celebrating the fact
41
00:01:53,328 --> 00:01:56,397
that I am officially
trying to have a baby.
42
00:01:56,435 --> 00:01:59,904
Plus, I just feel like
when I actually am pregnant,
43
00:01:59,943 --> 00:02:02,512
I'm not gonna have time
for parties.
44
00:02:02,550 --> 00:02:04,484
- She'll be so busy.
- Yeah.
45
00:02:04,522 --> 00:02:06,323
- Enough. Next.
- Oh, sorry.
46
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,827
Yay!
47
00:02:07,863 --> 00:02:10,699
This is the grossest thing
I've ever been to,
48
00:02:10,737 --> 00:02:13,104
and I've been to
Kissimmee St. Cloud.
49
00:02:13,143 --> 00:02:15,777
You can't throw a baby shower
for trying to have a baby.
50
00:02:15,816 --> 00:02:19,752
Why not?
They put you on TV for trying to be funny.
51
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:21,158
Eat your cupcake.
52
00:02:21,194 --> 00:02:22,829
Also, publicly opening presents
53
00:02:22,866 --> 00:02:25,501
should be outlawed
for anyone over the age of 8.
54
00:02:25,539 --> 00:02:28,475
I'm 8.
No one ever got me any presents.
55
00:02:28,513 --> 00:02:30,647
I'm your present, okay?
56
00:02:30,685 --> 00:02:33,387
This is Timmy.
He's my Make-A-Wish kid.
57
00:02:33,425 --> 00:02:35,985
What... was his wish?
58
00:02:36,013 --> 00:02:38,966
Well, I wanted a boat,
but I didn't get it.
59
00:02:39,006 --> 00:02:42,308
So then I wanted to spend the day
with one of my favorite comedians,
60
00:02:42,346 --> 00:02:44,214
but no one funny was available.
61
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:47,086
So now,
here I am at some lame baby shower
62
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,826
with some chick comedian
I've never heard of.
63
00:02:49,864 --> 00:02:51,165
Thanks, God.
64
00:02:51,201 --> 00:02:52,501
Timmy, there is no God.
65
00:02:52,538 --> 00:02:54,639
You of all people
should know that.
66
00:02:56,148 --> 00:02:57,948
So, you guys just, like,
hate pregnant women, right?
67
00:02:57,984 --> 00:03:00,052
No, we just...
68
00:03:00,089 --> 00:03:02,623
Yeah, we just...
69
00:03:15,827 --> 00:03:18,129
? Pregnant women are smug. ?
70
00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:19,867
? Everyone knows it. ?
71
00:03:19,903 --> 00:03:21,937
? Nobody says it
because they're pregnant. ?
72
00:03:23,312 --> 00:03:26,114
? F'ing son of a gun. ?
73
00:03:26,153 --> 00:03:28,421
? You think you're so deep now,
you give me the creeps now ?
74
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:31,093
? that you're pregnant. ?
75
00:03:31,132 --> 00:03:33,733
? I can't count
all the ways how ?
76
00:03:35,175 --> 00:03:37,876
? you speak in clich�s now. ?
77
00:03:37,915 --> 00:03:39,681
So, do you want
a boy or a girl?
78
00:03:39,717 --> 00:03:42,019
Oh, it doesn't matter
as long it's healthy.
79
00:03:42,058 --> 00:03:43,925
Really? Because I don't feel like
those two things are related at all.
80
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:45,396
It's not like one or the other.
81
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:48,234
No, no, no, no.
As long as it's healthy. Hmm.
82
00:03:48,273 --> 00:03:50,541
? Bitch, I don't really care. ?
83
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:52,612
? I was being polite now, ?
84
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,717
? since you have no life now
that you're pregnant. ?
85
00:03:55,558 --> 00:03:58,092
? You say
you're walking on air. ?
86
00:03:58,129 --> 00:04:00,130
? You think
that you're glowing. ?
87
00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:03,570
? But you had been hoing,
and now you're pregnant. ?
88
00:04:03,609 --> 00:04:06,978
? You're just giving birth now. ?
89
00:04:07,586 --> 00:04:11,622
? You're not mother earth now. ?
90
00:04:11,662 --> 00:04:14,264
So, is it a boy or a girl?
91
00:04:14,302 --> 00:04:16,337
Oh, we know,
but we're not telling.
92
00:04:16,374 --> 00:04:17,607
What are you gonna name it?
93
00:04:17,644 --> 00:04:19,011
Oh, we know,
but we're not telling.
94
00:04:19,047 --> 00:04:20,280
Who's the father?
95
00:04:20,316 --> 00:04:23,218
Oh, we know,
but we're not telling.
96
00:04:23,257 --> 00:04:28,728
? Pregnant women are smug. ?
97
00:04:28,771 --> 00:04:30,437
? Everyone knows it. ?
98
00:04:30,475 --> 00:04:33,844
? Nobody says it
because they're pregnant. ?
99
00:04:35,353 --> 00:04:39,489
? F'ing son of a gun. ?
100
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:41,497
? You think you're so deep now. ?
101
00:04:41,534 --> 00:04:48,074
? You give me the creeps now,
now that you're pregnant. ?
102
00:04:49,621 --> 00:04:51,789
This is Kate's.
103
00:04:51,827 --> 00:04:54,628
Oh, it's big.
104
00:04:54,666 --> 00:04:58,569
I guess it's...
Some sort of puppet?
105
00:04:58,610 --> 00:05:02,479
It's a Sockley puppet.
From Pumpernickel Place.
106
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,754
He's the best puppet to have,
'cause you can never tell
107
00:05:04,791 --> 00:05:07,059
what kind of expression
he's gonna make on his face.
108
00:05:07,096 --> 00:05:09,865
Here, let me show you.
Like, can I see him for a sec?
109
00:05:09,904 --> 00:05:11,204
Yeah.
110
00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:13,008
Um, so,
when I play with my Sockley,
111
00:05:13,044 --> 00:05:15,079
I'm usually like,
"oh, hey, Karen.
112
00:05:15,116 --> 00:05:17,284
"How expensive was your house?
113
00:05:17,321 --> 00:05:19,455
"What a lovely sprinkle
you have,
114
00:05:19,494 --> 00:05:21,495
"and I wonder
when you're gonna have a baby.
115
00:05:21,532 --> 00:05:26,703
I'm just so nervous.
I'm nervous. Ohh."
116
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:29,313
I get it. Yeah, okay. I get it.
That's great.
117
00:05:29,351 --> 00:05:30,885
Cool.
118
00:05:30,922 --> 00:05:32,823
Neat. It's neat.
119
00:05:32,860 --> 00:05:34,560
No. It's okay.
120
00:05:34,597 --> 00:05:35,898
Next!
121
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:38,636
This is Riki's, right?
122
00:05:38,674 --> 00:05:41,242
Aww.
123
00:05:44,539 --> 00:05:48,426
Oh, wow.
Look, everybody.
124
00:05:48,455 --> 00:05:51,567
Riki gave me a dress
that will fit a 2-year-old!
125
00:05:51,606 --> 00:05:54,074
I'm gonna have to put it
in storage for two years.
126
00:05:54,111 --> 00:05:55,544
Just kidding.
I mean, I will,
127
00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:58,416
but thank you
for the really sweet gift.
128
00:05:58,455 --> 00:06:00,022
Oh, I'm sorry.
129
00:06:00,058 --> 00:06:02,927
Was that not the right size
for your imaginary non-baby?
130
00:06:02,965 --> 00:06:06,602
Ohh, no. It's...
It's very sweet, you know.
131
00:06:06,642 --> 00:06:08,410
You guys tried hard.
132
00:06:08,446 --> 00:06:10,947
You're just not...
You know, you're not mommy types.
133
00:06:10,985 --> 00:06:14,321
And I think that it's great
that we live in a time
134
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,695
when not every woman
has to have a baby.
135
00:06:17,735 --> 00:06:19,569
Well, I...
I totally want kids.
136
00:06:19,606 --> 00:06:22,008
Human kids?
137
00:06:22,046 --> 00:06:24,613
- Yeah.
- Ooh.
138
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,153
Well, how old are you?
139
00:06:26,189 --> 00:06:27,423
34.
140
00:06:27,459 --> 00:06:29,493
Oh, yeah.
So, we'll see.
141
00:06:29,530 --> 00:06:31,999
- We'll see what happens. Next!
- Okay.
142
00:06:32,037 --> 00:06:34,105
Next.
143
00:06:34,142 --> 00:06:36,344
You're a what?
144
00:06:36,381 --> 00:06:39,449
I'm a cosmic energy-based
body work life coach,
145
00:06:39,489 --> 00:06:42,190
and I normally don't give
diagnoses to non-patients,
146
00:06:42,228 --> 00:06:43,596
but I'm the kind of person
147
00:06:43,632 --> 00:06:45,299
that when I see
that somebody's in trouble,
148
00:06:45,335 --> 00:06:47,136
I just sort of jump in there
and I have to help.
149
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,407
It's, like, who I am.
150
00:06:48,443 --> 00:06:49,944
Help with what?
151
00:06:49,981 --> 00:06:52,281
I think you have
Peter Pan syndrome.
152
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,587
Oh, cool.
153
00:06:53,623 --> 00:06:56,189
No. Not cool.
154
00:06:56,228 --> 00:06:59,531
It's when someone is unwilling
or unable to grow up.
155
00:06:59,570 --> 00:07:01,905
I don't have that.
156
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,243
Ohh.
157
00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:04,880
See, I'm only telling you this
158
00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:07,618
because a lot of people with
Peter Pan syndrome die early.
159
00:07:07,657 --> 00:07:09,424
JFK had it.
160
00:07:09,461 --> 00:07:11,429
I'm pretty sure
that's not what killed him.
161
00:07:11,466 --> 00:07:13,801
You know,
there are a lot of different theories,
162
00:07:13,838 --> 00:07:16,606
but however you slice it,
he ends up dead.
163
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,012
I just think
that if you get help,
164
00:07:19,051 --> 00:07:21,886
you still have the chance to live a normal,
productive life.
165
00:07:21,924 --> 00:07:23,925
Here's my card.
166
00:07:23,963 --> 00:07:25,197
It's organic.
167
00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:26,567
- Oh, thanks.
- You're welcome.
168
00:07:26,603 --> 00:07:28,170
Ooh. Hey.
Oh, thank God.
169
00:07:28,207 --> 00:07:30,374
I almost tinkled
in my pajama jeans.
170
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:35,954
I do not have
Peter freaking Pan syndrome.
171
00:07:35,992 --> 00:07:38,093
I mean,
you don't think I have it, do you?
172
00:07:38,131 --> 00:07:39,865
Well, kind of, yeah.
173
00:07:39,901 --> 00:07:42,302
- I mean, I don't care that you play with dolls.
- Puppets.
174
00:07:42,341 --> 00:07:43,808
But I do think
it's a little weird
175
00:07:43,845 --> 00:07:46,013
that you've, like,
never had a relationship.
176
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:48,018
- Thanks.
- No, I didn't mean it, like, mean.
177
00:07:48,055 --> 00:07:50,623
I mean, like,
I think maybe the Peter Pan stuff's
178
00:07:50,662 --> 00:07:52,029
holding you back a little.
179
00:07:52,065 --> 00:07:53,598
No, I don't have
Peter Pan syndrome.
180
00:07:53,635 --> 00:07:55,168
I just haven't met
my soul mate yet.
181
00:07:55,205 --> 00:07:57,273
And when I do,
I hope it's like Sandra Bullock
182
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,745
- in While You Were Sleeping.
- You work in a toll booth and he's in a coma
183
00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:01,449
- and you have sex with his brother?
- No, no, no.
184
00:08:01,487 --> 00:08:04,455
Just the romantic part.
And then we'll have babies.
185
00:08:04,494 --> 00:08:06,628
- I want babies.
- Yeah. Me too.
186
00:08:06,666 --> 00:08:10,402
What do we do?
Do we get our eggs frozen?
187
00:08:10,442 --> 00:08:13,277
- Ew, no. I want real babies.
- I want real babies, too.
188
00:08:13,316 --> 00:08:15,282
Like,
I don't want frozen babies,
189
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,755
but what if we don't have them?
190
00:08:17,793 --> 00:08:20,228
Ah, I just want to
meet my Peter Gallagher,
191
00:08:20,265 --> 00:08:23,534
who leads me to my Bill Pullman,
and then we'll go to Italy.
192
00:08:23,573 --> 00:08:25,274
Wait, doesn't she work
in a toll booth?
193
00:08:25,311 --> 00:08:26,678
How can they afford
to go to Italy?
194
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,282
Riki, it's a movie.
195
00:08:28,318 --> 00:08:30,019
Everybody,
come back to the living room!
196
00:08:30,057 --> 00:08:32,391
It's time for
"smell the chocolate"!
197
00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:35,030
You know, you can make
all the right decisions in life,
198
00:08:35,069 --> 00:08:37,236
and you still end up
smelling the chocolate.
199
00:08:37,274 --> 00:08:40,743
I love that you think we made
all the right decisions.
200
00:08:43,634 --> 00:08:45,888
Incoming.
201
00:08:45,912 --> 00:08:47,445
Ah.
202
00:08:49,019 --> 00:08:50,519
Hmm.
203
00:08:50,556 --> 00:08:53,025
- Hi.
- Hi.
204
00:08:53,062 --> 00:08:54,329
How's it looking down there?
205
00:08:54,365 --> 00:08:55,900
- It's pretty standard...
- Hmm.
206
00:08:55,937 --> 00:08:57,404
...despite the viscosity.
207
00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,075
So, we got the results
of your blood tests back.
208
00:09:00,114 --> 00:09:04,517
And now, of the four tests,
you have one smiley face,
209
00:09:04,557 --> 00:09:07,659
one neutral face,
and two sad faces.
210
00:09:07,699 --> 00:09:09,999
What do the sad faces mean?
211
00:09:10,037 --> 00:09:11,571
Your inhibin "b" is low.
212
00:09:11,608 --> 00:09:13,710
To have any chance
of conception,
213
00:09:13,747 --> 00:09:16,382
you need to start the treatment
immediately.
214
00:09:16,420 --> 00:09:20,271
- Like, right now?
- Hmm.
215
00:09:20,299 --> 00:09:22,063
Well, can I still travel?
216
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,901
I... I'm in a band, and...
217
00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:27,303
well, you can take your
injections with you on the road.
218
00:09:27,332 --> 00:09:29,163
You should do it.
219
00:09:29,189 --> 00:09:31,051
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
220
00:09:32,392 --> 00:09:34,293
Okay. Yeah.
Let's do it.
221
00:09:34,330 --> 00:09:36,698
- Perfect.
- We'll start today.
222
00:09:36,735 --> 00:09:39,037
I must warn you, though,
you will be injecting yourself
223
00:09:39,075 --> 00:09:41,176
with extremely high doses
of hormones.
224
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,715
It can make some people
very emotional
225
00:09:43,753 --> 00:09:48,878
and/or have increased arousal
or feelings of sexual desire.
226
00:09:48,909 --> 00:09:51,128
Are there any side effects?
227
00:09:54,403 --> 00:09:56,679
Okay, so this is meditropin,
228
00:09:56,717 --> 00:09:59,119
and you're gonna take 10ccs
of hydrochloride
229
00:09:59,157 --> 00:10:01,191
and mix it with this,
along with three vials of powder.
230
00:10:01,228 --> 00:10:02,929
Okay.
231
00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:05,969
- And that's gonna total 300 milligrams.
- Got it.
232
00:10:06,007 --> 00:10:07,441
And you're gonna
put the needle on,
233
00:10:07,477 --> 00:10:08,810
and then you're gonna
inject it into your leg.
234
00:10:08,847 --> 00:10:10,614
Ew, ew, needles! Oh!
235
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:12,251
Can we please be adults
about this?
236
00:10:12,288 --> 00:10:14,523
Yeah.
237
00:10:14,561 --> 00:10:18,693
- Yeah.
- Okay.
238
00:10:18,723 --> 00:10:20,097
- Ready?
- Uh-huh.
239
00:10:20,122 --> 00:10:22,242
Okay.
240
00:10:22,279 --> 00:10:23,847
I'm sure I'll get used to it.
241
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:27,494
- You'll never get used to it.
- Oh.
242
00:10:27,524 --> 00:10:28,927
Okay, so the next step
is the follitropin.
243
00:10:28,963 --> 00:10:30,930
You just take it off like a pen,
right?
244
00:10:30,967 --> 00:10:32,435
And then you just jam it
into your thigh like this.
245
00:10:32,471 --> 00:10:34,177
- Okay.
- God!
246
00:10:35,450 --> 00:10:38,380
Okay, so it'll be $3,500
for the meds
247
00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:41,055
and $9,000 for the procedure.
248
00:10:41,093 --> 00:10:43,397
Okay, um...
249
00:10:43,423 --> 00:10:45,899
For the surgery,
do they put me under?
250
00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:47,672
Yeah, but with propofol.
251
00:10:47,708 --> 00:10:50,049
The Michael Jackson drug?
252
00:10:50,077 --> 00:10:51,720
That's not gonna happen to you.
253
00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,619
Michael Jackson
had Peter Pan syndrome.
254
00:10:53,656 --> 00:10:55,057
I googled it.
255
00:10:55,093 --> 00:10:57,628
Is that your partner?
256
00:10:57,666 --> 00:10:59,934
Yeah. But not like that.
We don't have sex.
257
00:10:59,972 --> 00:11:02,473
Well, you know,
there are good years and bad years, right?
258
00:11:02,511 --> 00:11:04,646
Brendan!
Do not play with the medical fetus display.
259
00:11:04,683 --> 00:11:06,651
That is not a toy.
260
00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,792
My son can be
a little immature.
261
00:11:10,831 --> 00:11:12,265
Ready?
262
00:11:12,301 --> 00:11:14,454
See you.
263
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,920
You know, maybe I will go get it
checked out at the therapist.
264
00:11:17,950 --> 00:11:19,383
Couldn't hurt.
265
00:11:21,190 --> 00:11:23,258
Release the pain into my hands.
266
00:11:23,295 --> 00:11:25,829
- I think I did.
- Yeah, you did.
267
00:11:25,868 --> 00:11:28,470
You know what the root
of all pain is, Kate?
268
00:11:28,508 --> 00:11:31,043
Uh, global warming?
269
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:33,683
Mmm. No. It's fear.
270
00:11:33,721 --> 00:11:34,921
What are you afraid of, Kate?
271
00:11:34,956 --> 00:11:37,357
Why are you so scared
to grow up?
272
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:39,764
Ah. Well,
being a grownup is hard.
273
00:11:39,803 --> 00:11:42,270
Hard in what way?
Release the pain into my hand.
274
00:11:42,308 --> 00:11:45,310
Well, like, all my passwords have to
have more than eight characters
275
00:11:45,349 --> 00:11:47,450
and capital letters now.
276
00:11:47,487 --> 00:11:49,555
I don't think a ton of people
are trying to
277
00:11:49,593 --> 00:11:51,828
break into my account
just to pay my gas bill.
278
00:11:51,865 --> 00:11:53,598
- Mm-hmm.
- You should be able to have easier passwords.
279
00:11:53,635 --> 00:11:56,370
Well, you know,
passwords are there for your protection.
280
00:11:56,408 --> 00:11:58,210
So is asbestos.
281
00:11:58,247 --> 00:12:00,314
You know what?
Don't tense up your sphincter.
282
00:12:00,352 --> 00:12:01,953
Oh, sorry.
283
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:04,224
You know what I want you to do
before our next session?
284
00:12:04,261 --> 00:12:06,996
I want you
to keep a fear journal.
285
00:12:07,034 --> 00:12:10,336
Any time you think of a reason
that you're scared to grow up,
286
00:12:10,376 --> 00:12:13,178
I want you to write it down.
287
00:12:13,217 --> 00:12:16,685
It's a prescription,
so, official.
288
00:12:16,724 --> 00:12:18,292
I'm in the bathtub.
289
00:12:21,269 --> 00:12:23,270
Hey. How was it?
290
00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,175
It was good.
291
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,645
I released a lot of pain,
292
00:12:26,682 --> 00:12:28,249
and now I'm gonna make
a fear journal.
293
00:12:28,287 --> 00:12:30,621
Oh. I have an extra one
if you need it.
294
00:12:30,658 --> 00:12:32,793
No, I'm just gonna make mine
on my iPad.
295
00:12:32,831 --> 00:12:34,164
What are you watching?
296
00:12:34,201 --> 00:12:37,036
- Fattie and the Stud.
- Oh.
297
00:12:37,074 --> 00:12:39,208
Is that the one
where the dad's super together
298
00:12:39,246 --> 00:12:41,347
and the mom's, like,
this idiot who's always in trouble?
299
00:12:41,384 --> 00:12:42,584
Yeah. Typical.
300
00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:45,422
'90s sitcoms look so weird.
301
00:12:45,461 --> 00:12:47,362
I know.
It's like Canadian TV,
302
00:12:47,399 --> 00:12:49,200
where it looks really crappy
and you can't figure out why.
303
00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:50,837
I thought it was Thursday.
304
00:12:58,192 --> 00:12:59,492
Seriously, we have to...
305
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:01,263
Is this the hormones talking?
306
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:02,600
No!
307
00:13:02,636 --> 00:13:06,709
The world is just really hard!
308
00:13:06,738 --> 00:13:09,114
No, okay.
This is definitely the hormones.
309
00:13:09,151 --> 00:13:11,085
I'm fine. You must think I'm terrible.
310
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,324
Are you gonna be okay
for our show?
311
00:13:13,362 --> 00:13:16,932
Oh, my God.
I just realized I have to do my injections.
312
00:13:16,971 --> 00:13:20,707
Okay.
How many milligrams does it say?
313
00:13:20,747 --> 00:13:23,080
300.
314
00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:24,469
Be really careful.
315
00:13:24,495 --> 00:13:25,722
I trust you.
316
00:13:25,759 --> 00:13:27,059
- Okay.
- Okay.
317
00:13:30,868 --> 00:13:33,072
- Oh! Ow!
- Oh, my God! What happened?!
318
00:13:33,110 --> 00:13:35,111
- I had my eyes closed!
- You had your eyes closed?
319
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,216
You can't give me a shot
with your eyes closed!
320
00:13:37,253 --> 00:13:39,021
- I'm scared of needles!
- Kate!
321
00:13:39,057 --> 00:13:41,092
Come on. Do it again.
322
00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:44,602
- Eyes open.
- Okay.
323
00:13:45,944 --> 00:13:48,642
Okay.
324
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:52,419
Okay, just do it.
Just do it.
325
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,591
Push it in there.
Just jam it in there.
326
00:13:54,629 --> 00:13:56,830
- I don't want to hurt you.
- It's gonna hurt anyway. Just push it in.
327
00:13:56,867 --> 00:13:58,468
Just... Ow. Ooh!
328
00:13:58,506 --> 00:14:00,306
- Kate, put the medicine in!
- Okay!
329
00:14:00,343 --> 00:14:01,776
- Just jam it in! Jam it in there!
- Ah!
330
00:14:01,813 --> 00:14:03,714
- Okay!
- Push it harder! Push it harder!
331
00:14:10,829 --> 00:14:12,555
_
332
00:14:12,569 --> 00:14:15,551
_
333
00:14:35,921 --> 00:14:37,434
- Hey.
- Hey.
334
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:39,338
Where you going?
335
00:14:39,364 --> 00:14:41,959
Gonna go give my puppets
to Vivian's Make-A-Wish kid.
336
00:14:41,986 --> 00:14:43,296
Really?
337
00:14:43,332 --> 00:14:44,833
But, Kate,
I feel like you really love those puppets.
338
00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:46,980
Didn't you make them all
from scratch?
339
00:14:47,007 --> 00:14:49,003
Well, yeah, except for Sockley.
340
00:14:49,029 --> 00:14:50,848
It only took me 14 years.
341
00:14:50,884 --> 00:14:52,592
Kate, are you sure
you want to do that?
342
00:14:52,619 --> 00:14:54,298
Mr. Hotdog
is like family to you.
343
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,554
And that kid Timmy's
kind of an asshole.
344
00:14:56,593 --> 00:14:58,960
Are you allowed to call a kid
in a wheelchair an asshole?
345
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:01,833
Probably not to his face.
346
00:15:01,872 --> 00:15:04,073
Look, I've got to deal with
this Peter Pan syndrome.
347
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:05,712
I don't know
where else to start.
348
00:15:05,748 --> 00:15:07,585
I don't want to
end up like JFK.
349
00:15:07,611 --> 00:15:09,748
Mm-hmm.
350
00:15:09,773 --> 00:15:12,208
God,
this song turns me on so much.
351
00:15:12,246 --> 00:15:16,483
I just want to, like,
make out with someone so badly, you know?
352
00:15:16,523 --> 00:15:19,424
This is
a Garfunkel & Oates song.
353
00:15:19,462 --> 00:15:21,363
I know. Weird, right?
354
00:15:21,401 --> 00:15:22,902
Yep.
355
00:15:24,843 --> 00:15:27,411
- Bye.
- Bye.
356
00:15:27,449 --> 00:15:28,717
- Have fun with Timmy.
- Good luck.
357
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:29,986
Thank you.
358
00:15:30,023 --> 00:15:31,223
God!
359
00:15:31,259 --> 00:15:33,873
Here you go.
360
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,566
Wow.
361
00:15:35,603 --> 00:15:37,103
When I woke up this morning,
362
00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:39,529
my first thought was,
"I might die."
363
00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:43,953
My second thought was,
"I need a box of old puppets."
364
00:15:43,993 --> 00:15:46,028
Are you being sarcastic?
365
00:15:46,065 --> 00:15:47,098
No!
366
00:15:51,203 --> 00:15:53,111
_
367
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:59,327
- You okay?
- Oh, yeah.
368
00:15:59,365 --> 00:16:00,966
I'm just reading a puppet blog.
369
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:04,670
I miss Sockley
and Mr. Hotdog
370
00:16:04,710 --> 00:16:07,779
and Professor Cornelius
and Rosie Rosington and Dave.
371
00:16:07,817 --> 00:16:09,952
I'm sorry.
372
00:16:09,990 --> 00:16:11,423
You need help?
373
00:16:11,459 --> 00:16:12,927
No, I think I got it this time.
374
00:16:12,964 --> 00:16:14,464
Okay.
375
00:16:15,971 --> 00:16:17,972
Holy crap!
What a piece of dirt!
376
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,643
- What?
- "Make-A-Wish kid
377
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:22,282
sells handcrafted puppets
for $10,000 at art fair."
378
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,221
What? Let me see.
379
00:16:24,258 --> 00:16:27,693
- Oh, is that Mr. Hotdog?
- It's everybody!
380
00:16:27,733 --> 00:16:29,567
I should have never
given my puppets to Timmy!
381
00:16:29,604 --> 00:16:31,338
No.
No, this is my fault.
382
00:16:31,375 --> 00:16:33,544
I should never have encouraged
you to work on yourself.
383
00:16:33,581 --> 00:16:35,114
No, no, no.
I want to. I really do.
384
00:16:35,151 --> 00:16:37,419
I just... Not by giving away my puppets,
you know?
385
00:16:37,458 --> 00:16:40,750
I miss them.
386
00:16:40,777 --> 00:16:43,067
I miss them, too.
387
00:16:43,095 --> 00:16:44,705
Especially Dave.
388
00:16:44,741 --> 00:16:46,408
Okay, you know what?
Don't cry, okay?
389
00:16:46,446 --> 00:16:47,813
Tell you what.
390
00:16:47,850 --> 00:16:49,683
You can play a game on my iPad,
okay?
391
00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:51,887
Just, uh,
help the alligator get a shower.
392
00:16:51,925 --> 00:16:53,726
And I'm gonna go
get us a snack.
393
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:56,031
- Okay.
- All right.
394
00:16:56,069 --> 00:16:57,669
This is really cute.
395
00:17:02,051 --> 00:17:05,520
Kate! Uh, I'm Becky.
I'm one of your student liaisons.
396
00:17:05,559 --> 00:17:06,893
Oh!
It's nice to meet you.
397
00:17:06,929 --> 00:17:08,696
We are so excited to have you.
Well, I am.
398
00:17:08,733 --> 00:17:10,634
No one else knew who you were,
399
00:17:10,671 --> 00:17:13,239
but I insisted that we book you,
'cause I'm such a huge fan.
400
00:17:13,277 --> 00:17:15,378
Oh, thanks.
How's the crowd?
401
00:17:15,416 --> 00:17:18,051
It's small but enthusiastic.
402
00:17:18,089 --> 00:17:20,791
And most people are here to see us,
the Piggling Ganthers.
403
00:17:20,829 --> 00:17:22,864
Uh, we're the student
improv troupe.
404
00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:25,670
Our mascot's the panthers,
so it's like giggling panthers
405
00:17:25,708 --> 00:17:28,376
but inverted, so it's funny.
406
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:29,782
Oh, we were actually wondering
407
00:17:29,818 --> 00:17:32,052
if you wouldn't mind
being in a scene with us?
408
00:17:32,091 --> 00:17:35,159
You know, guest improvisers.
It could be our big finale.
409
00:17:35,198 --> 00:17:37,365
You know,
I'm not really good at saying no
410
00:17:37,403 --> 00:17:39,204
when I don't want to
do something.
411
00:17:39,241 --> 00:17:41,742
That's usually Riki's job.
So, um, yeah, totally.
412
00:17:44,554 --> 00:17:46,021
What's wrong?
413
00:17:46,057 --> 00:17:47,891
I'm reading your poems.
414
00:17:47,929 --> 00:17:49,563
That's my fear journal.
415
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,667
Oh, well,
your fear journal's right.
416
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,672
Growing up sucks.
417
00:17:53,709 --> 00:17:55,611
Everything sucks.
418
00:17:55,648 --> 00:17:58,282
Kate,
I don't want to eat quiche!
419
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,221
No one is gonna make you
eat quiche.
420
00:18:00,259 --> 00:18:02,727
"When you are a grownup,
you have to eat rhubarb,
421
00:18:02,765 --> 00:18:05,066
tilapia, and quiche."
422
00:18:05,104 --> 00:18:07,605
I know. I wrote it.
But it's... It's not real.
423
00:18:07,644 --> 00:18:09,779
It's just a fear journal.
424
00:18:09,816 --> 00:18:11,316
Will you touch my face?
425
00:18:11,352 --> 00:18:14,188
O-o-okay.
426
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:15,994
Oh, thank you.
427
00:18:16,031 --> 00:18:17,731
- Is that okay?
- Yeah, that feels so good.
428
00:18:17,767 --> 00:18:19,234
Yeah? Okay.
429
00:18:19,271 --> 00:18:20,806
You want to sit down?
430
00:18:20,842 --> 00:18:22,275
Yeah.
431
00:18:22,312 --> 00:18:24,180
Okay. Here.
432
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:29,489
Look,
growing up is not that bad, okay?
433
00:18:29,530 --> 00:18:33,266
Like, you know,
we get to play music for a living,
434
00:18:33,305 --> 00:18:36,808
and... And we get to have sex
whenever we want.
435
00:18:36,848 --> 00:18:39,014
Kids don't get to do that...
Hopefully.
436
00:18:39,053 --> 00:18:41,221
I do like having sex.
437
00:18:41,258 --> 00:18:43,860
Kate, I really,
really want to have sex.
438
00:18:43,898 --> 00:18:46,399
I know.
You talk about it all the time.
439
00:18:48,743 --> 00:18:51,011
Are you shooting crack cocaine?
440
00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:53,250
No, I'm trying to be a mom.
441
00:18:53,287 --> 00:18:56,890
Okay, well, showtime.
442
00:18:56,930 --> 00:18:58,297
Oh, okay.
443
00:18:58,333 --> 00:18:59,700
Okay, so for our last scene,
444
00:18:59,736 --> 00:19:01,504
let's get a suggestion
from the audience.
445
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,075
- Dildo!
- Your mom's ass!
446
00:19:03,112 --> 00:19:04,378
Let me finish!
447
00:19:04,415 --> 00:19:06,715
Let's get a suggestion
of a profession.
448
00:19:06,752 --> 00:19:08,187
- Whore!
- Proctologist!
449
00:19:08,223 --> 00:19:11,725
Okay, I heard bank robber.
450
00:19:11,764 --> 00:19:13,565
Okay.
451
00:19:13,602 --> 00:19:16,604
Hey, how do we get away
from the cops?
452
00:19:16,644 --> 00:19:19,512
Oh, I've been shot! Oh!
453
00:19:21,857 --> 00:19:22,857
Um...
454
00:19:22,893 --> 00:19:24,160
Oh.
455
00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:25,429
Where's our getaway driver?
456
00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:27,300
- She got shot.
- Ooh.
457
00:19:27,337 --> 00:19:28,870
I guess it's just you and me,
then.
458
00:19:28,907 --> 00:19:32,309
Yeah. Just you and me.
459
00:19:32,349 --> 00:19:34,984
Just you and me.
460
00:19:35,022 --> 00:19:37,524
God, nothing turns me on more
461
00:19:37,561 --> 00:19:39,161
than a good
old-fashioned robbery.
462
00:19:39,199 --> 00:19:40,533
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
463
00:19:40,569 --> 00:19:43,872
Yeah, the...
The catsuits
464
00:19:43,911 --> 00:19:48,647
and the...
and the bags of money and gunfire.
465
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,524
They really do it for me.
466
00:19:51,562 --> 00:19:53,630
You do it for me.
467
00:19:53,667 --> 00:19:55,701
- I do?
- Yeah.
468
00:19:55,739 --> 00:19:58,207
Yeah, yeah.
You really...
469
00:20:06,766 --> 00:20:10,034
Freeze!
Stop kissing or I'll shoot!
470
00:20:10,074 --> 00:20:12,175
Bang-bang!
You're dead!
471
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,913
You died, guys. Stop it.
472
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,885
Stop it. Stop it!
473
00:20:15,921 --> 00:20:17,388
Oh.
474
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:18,626
And scene!
475
00:20:18,661 --> 00:20:20,729
Wasn't that great, everybody?
476
00:20:22,337 --> 00:20:24,405
Okay, so who's ready
for some parody songs?
477
00:20:24,442 --> 00:20:27,678
Let's, uh, welcome the hilarious
YouTube joke band,
478
00:20:27,718 --> 00:20:29,585
Garfunkel & Oates.
479
00:20:32,267 --> 00:20:33,360
- Hey, everybody.
- Hi, guys.
480
00:20:33,397 --> 00:20:34,797
- Thanks for coming.
- How's it going?
481
00:20:36,195 --> 00:20:39,406
So, who here is pregnant?
482
00:20:41,250 --> 00:20:43,284
Nobody?
483
00:20:43,321 --> 00:20:45,456
Seriously?
484
00:20:45,493 --> 00:20:47,361
Why?
485
00:20:47,398 --> 00:20:49,600
What are you waiting for?
486
00:20:49,637 --> 00:20:52,806
Why aren't you pregnant?
Think you're too young?
487
00:20:52,845 --> 00:20:54,646
What do you think's gonna happen
to you before you get pregnant?
488
00:20:54,683 --> 00:20:56,383
Like, lots... Lots...
Lots of great stuff?
489
00:20:56,420 --> 00:20:58,588
You're gonna have your career
first and your whole life,
490
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,759
and you're gonna travel,
you're gonna go to India.
491
00:21:00,797 --> 00:21:02,231
I don't know.
Like, all these things
492
00:21:02,267 --> 00:21:04,268
and then you just have
unlimited time.
493
00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,607
Well, what nobody tells you
is that your body
494
00:21:06,645 --> 00:21:09,114
is just, like,
rotting from the inside, you know.
495
00:21:09,151 --> 00:21:11,452
You're at your peak right now.
You have this small window,
496
00:21:11,491 --> 00:21:13,858
and then your whole life
just gets awful!
497
00:21:13,895 --> 00:21:15,196
That's what nobody tells you.
498
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:17,033
Everyone says
you have to go to school
499
00:21:17,070 --> 00:21:18,938
and get a job
and be a professional,
500
00:21:18,975 --> 00:21:20,442
and that's not real, okay?
501
00:21:20,478 --> 00:21:22,579
You can be a professional
any time you want.
502
00:21:22,617 --> 00:21:24,118
I was in the dressing room
503
00:21:24,154 --> 00:21:26,221
shooting myself with
fertility drugs just now.
504
00:21:26,259 --> 00:21:27,760
And I know that sounds really
glamorous and everything,
505
00:21:27,797 --> 00:21:29,330
but it's not.
506
00:21:29,367 --> 00:21:32,870
It's really weird,
and it makes you crazy, okay?
507
00:21:32,909 --> 00:21:34,877
It makes you, like...
508
00:21:34,914 --> 00:21:37,749
I can't really explain it,
but, like, off, you know?
509
00:21:37,788 --> 00:21:39,521
It just, like, makes you like "ugh!"
All the time.
510
00:21:39,559 --> 00:21:41,726
I see you.
511
00:21:41,763 --> 00:21:43,297
I see you looking at me,
and I know what you're thinking.
512
00:21:43,333 --> 00:21:45,134
You're thinking,
"that won't happen to me.
513
00:21:45,172 --> 00:21:47,773
That's just...
That's just her and her."
514
00:21:47,812 --> 00:21:50,613
It's you, okay?
It will happen to you.
515
00:21:50,651 --> 00:21:52,452
So drop out!
516
00:21:52,489 --> 00:21:55,759
'Cause you have all the time
in the world to work and learn.
517
00:21:55,798 --> 00:21:58,066
Two, three, four.
518
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:03,261
I'm gonna tell everyone
what you did.
519
00:22:03,288 --> 00:22:06,805
And they'll say,
"how dare you try to take credit
520
00:22:06,834 --> 00:22:08,636
"for this poor
little child's art,
521
00:22:08,663 --> 00:22:12,124
"art that will live on
long after he passes away.
522
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,665
You're a monster. Monster!"
523
00:22:14,702 --> 00:22:17,035
And you can have Sockley back
if you want.
524
00:22:17,057 --> 00:22:18,457
He's in the trash.
525
00:22:18,493 --> 00:22:20,594
- I can't believe this.
- Believe it.
526
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:23,734
I just bought a boat,
and that really was my wish.
527
00:22:23,773 --> 00:22:25,174
You should feel good.
528
00:22:25,211 --> 00:22:27,778
I told you this kid
was an asshole.
529
00:22:29,341 --> 00:22:32,056
Wait. What's going on with
your Peter Pan syndrome?
530
00:22:32,094 --> 00:22:34,862
What's going on with your eggs?
531
00:22:34,900 --> 00:22:37,101
Cliffhanger.
532
00:22:37,117 --> 00:22:38,421
_
533
00:22:38,471 --> 00:22:43,021
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