All language subtitles for nu of nooitscrubs.s08e15.My Soul on Fire Part 2.eng

J.D.: The second we got to the Abacos
for the Janitor's wedding,

Dr. Kelso, well...
He set up shop at the bar.

That's the best Bahama Mama
I've ever had.

I'll be the judge of that.
Hi, Bob Kelso. Excuse me.

Mercy.

If you would be so kind
as to store this for me,

we can get this party started.
One Bahama Mama, please.

You can have this back
when mine comes.

J.D.: Things weren't going that well
for the rest of us.

Jordan wasn't happy with Dr. Cox
for pretending he had work to do.

Elliot was mad at me for never saying
"I love you" in a romantic enough way.

And Carla was so busy being a mom...

Hush, little baby,
don't say a word

Momma's gonna buy you
a mockingbird

J.D.: She left Turk alone at sea.

Hey. What's up?

Ma'am?

Lady?

What's up, Blaquaman?

I think I just saw a mermaid.

Maybe you just spooked it.

Oh, cute. Look, an eel.

- I'm naked.
- All right, that's you.

I was supposed to meet Carla out here
for a little surf n' Turk.

Took off my swim trunks,
those bad boys just floated away.

Elliot's mad at me
because I didn't say "I love you" right.

You know what?
That eel's looking at me funny.

I'm gonna switch over here.

Yeah, he's got a mind of his own.

Plus, I needed to say
how much I loved her

and I needed to be
looking right into her eyes.

Well, what's the difference?
Look at me and say it.

I love you.

Well, that's about right.

And you're naked. Perfect.

Either one of you two idiots
seen my computer?

Maybe the mermaid took it.

He's not great in the heat.

I did see a mermaid.

J.D.: Plus, the Janitor wanted to kill me

for forcing him
to have a wedding ceremony.

If I'm gonna have a ceremony.
I just need a little help.

Go sunscreen up again

and call an emergency meeting
of the Brain Trust. Island style.

Where's Todd?

Last time I saw him, he was
stuffing seaweed into his bathing suit.

Sure. Where's Doug?

Oh, no. I forgot to give him his invite.

He's getting married
and he didn't invite any of us?

Oh, come on!

And why are you carrying around
your invitations?

Just stupid. You look stupid.

Book Doug into the next Dealing with
Rejection seminar in my garage.

- Eighty bucks.
- Eighty bucks? Can I take that class?

No room for you, Ted.

Oh, man.

See, that's not dealing with rejection.

I could work wonders with you,
my friend.

One hundred bucks.

Hundred bucks? Sweet.

I can't do this all on my own

No, I know

I'm no Superman

I'm no Superman

Salad tastes like sunscreen.

That's because
you put sunscreen on it.

Oh, man. I put ranch on my face.

All right, welcome to the second
international meeting of the Brain Trust.

I'll begin this as I began the meeting
six years ago in Guatemala.

I'm getting married tomorrow,
and I need help.

Ted, you're in charge
of location and music.

Todd, you are in charge
of locating a justice of the peace

and finding a sea turtle to serve
as a ring-bearer. Any questions?

Yeah.

Who's this dude?

That is Ira.

As per our bylaws, the Brain Trust
must always have a fourth.

Plus, he can speak to dolphins.
Or so he says.

Drink.

Drink.

- Ah. The man's a born leader.
- Drink.

- You know what? Let's, uh...
- Drink, damn it.

J.D.: Time to smooth things over
with Elliot.

Seagull! Hey, baby.

Check out this awesome place
Turk and I found this morning.

It's called Tahiti Beach, and it's out,
like, right in the middle of the ocean.

We got a kid to videotape us,
but it was good you weren't there,

because he had red hair.
I know how that nauseates you.

That's us doing some muscle poses.

Look how firm Turk looks.

Anyway, that's when we realized
the kid was trying to steal the camera.

Hey.

Dude.

Yo! My wife gave me that camera!

His mistake was running backwards
with the camera on us.

Are you out of your mind?

J.D.: Unfortunately, the smoothing over
didn't work.

So we're not gonna talk
about yesterday?

J.D.: For anyone.

So we're not gonna talk
about yesterday?

So we're not gonna talk
about yesterday?

There's nothing really
to talk about, sweetie.

You were a little crazy before,
now it's over.

What is so crazy
about wanting to hear "I love you"

in a meaningful and romantic way?

Oh, good, it's not over.

So you just wasted
a whole vacation day

pretending to work
just to mess with me?

I recall you saying that you were happy
I couldn't spend time with you.

Oh, you knew I wasn't serious.

That's how we interact.
That's our thing.

Then you know what?

I'm sick of pretending
that we don't like each other.

It is distinctly not fun anymore.
And would you like to know why?

Because A, we are over 12
and B, we actually do like each other.

In fact, brace yourself,
we love each other.

I can't believe
you left me out there yesterday.

I was in the ocean for so long
I got jellyfish stings on my dingaling.

I had to make sure Izzy fell asleep.

Why do you have to be a mommy
all the time?

Hey, I still make sure you get sex
at least once a week.

Yeah, but you always start with,
"This has to be a quickie."

Why do you always say that? Huh?

Baby, we both know
my longies aren't that long.

I got to be honest with you,

sometimes it makes me feel
like you don't love me.

On behalf of all women,

I just want to thank you
for equating getting sex with love.

We think it's awesome
when you do that.

You're welcome.

Yeah. No, I know he's upset,

but just put him on the phone?
Okay, Carol?

Hey, buddy.

I guess you're pretty bummed
about the wedding mix-up, huh?

No, man. I got a lot going on here.

So, what's it like there? Is it awesome?

Uh, it's pretty awesome.

Yeah, I thought it would be.

But you know what, pal?

I am gonna stay on this phone with you
until I'm... I gotta go.

Carol? Close me up.

So I found you a justice of the peace.
Say hello to Van.

- Van?
- Van. Stretch it out.

- Van.
- Van.

I drive one of you.

You were right not to laugh,
that was stupid.

Thanks.

Where'd you find this idiot?

Van got me through med school.

He's the dude we used to practice
all the rectal exams on.

Did a couple of them right here
in this very bar.

Right there. With you.

I find that both fascinating
and disgusting.

You already know I love you.

I shouldn't have to make
some crazy gesture.

I'm not a big fan of those.

You just went online for three hours

and spent a fortune getting
a tiki for Turk.

Elliot, I don't really think $436

for an actual faux-marble
imitation tiki is a fortune.

- Was that total or each?
- That's irrelevant.

Besides, weren't you the one who said

we were past
all this dumb relationship drama?

And I meant it. Then.

But you don't now?

I'm a girl. That's how it works.

And guess what?
All relationships have drama, okay?

Okay, when a woman says
there doesn't have to be any drama,

it's just because she's so excited

that there's no drama
at that particular moment

that she can't wait to share
that warm, fuzzy feeling with you

before there's any new drama.

I want you to be comforted by the fact
that that doesn't sound ridiculous at all.

We are at a wedding.

Why can you not
get to a romantic place?

Elliot, it's not a real wedding.

It's a crazy cleaning person's scam
for presents.

Oh, then, by all means,
continue being an ass.

And do you want to know
why I'm a mommy all the time?

Please.

It's because I am a mommy.
All the time.

I have a baby at home,
I have one in here,

and I have another one
who expects me to work,

raise his kids, buy his clothes,
make his food,

run his life, and still have
all the energy in the world left

to sex him up every night,

even though his longies
are actually pretty damn long.

I know, right?

You obviously know
how I feel about you.

Why are you trying to change me?
This? That works for us.

Remember when my dog died
and you told me he went to doggy hell?

And then you said my mom was
gonna go to doggy hell, too,

when she died?

Because of her dog face.

Right. I wanted to do you
right there in the vet's office.

Why are you trying to change
our dynamic? I don't want to.

Suit yourself. Just leave me alone.

Just leave me alone.

Just leave me alone.

Fine. I'll see you at the wedding.
Smile for the camera, honey.

Hmm.

Excuse me. Payback time. Let's go.

- But I... Really?
- Let's go.

Bye, boys.

You're okay with this?

I've got to let my man
be my man.

Stop it.

Oh, babe, don't be late for the wedding.

Shut up.

You shut up.

J.D.: The Janitor's wedding day
seemed like any other.

- Morning, Bob.
- Well, good morning, Gary.

One Bahama Mama, please.

And, if you could,
the electric razor from my bag.

Thanks again.

For God's sake, Ted, get some sun.

I've not sun-screened up yet.

Live a little.

It's warmer than I thought.

Damn you, Mother Earth! Damn you!

Why?

Here's the incredibly
breathtaking view of Hope Town,

and, what do you know?

It's J.D. What's he doing here?

Well, he made me change
my wedding plans,

and, as punishment, he's gonna spend
10 minutes on top of this lighthouse.

That's all I gotta do?

That's it, my friend.

Then how come
I got these fish taped to my hands?

Sea birds! No!

No!

Psych! None for you, preggers.

Damn it.

- Do I look like Audrey Hepburn?
- Mmm.

- Yes, of course.
- Yep.

Crap. He hates Audrey Hepburn.

Oh, no, no, no. You look beautiful.

Let me fix your hair.

Okay. Thanks, guys.

I just want to look great
for my honey bunny.

Oh, that's my nickname for him.

He also loves it,
'cause it's his favorite sandwich.

Ah!

I feel like I've finally found
the perfect man, you know?

Oh, please, there's no such thing.

Look at Perry, he pretends
he's cold and emotionless,

but underneath, he's a sweet guy

who wants to talk about
our relationship all the time.

Face it, men are just gassy, selfish,
sex-crazed egomaniacs

who were put on this Earth
to make your life miserable, that's it.

I'm getting married in, like, 10 minutes.

Oh, you'll live.

Lady, are these some roots I'm seeing?
Is this your natural color?

No, I'm actually a redhead.

Well. I'm just gonna go
grab a sip of my drink.

- Okay.
- I touched it! It's all over me!

- Go take a shower.
- Thank you.

Nice hat.
Does it come in a human size?

Shut up.

A hungry seabird pooed on my shirt.

Go get a new one from the gift shop.
You're gonna miss it.

You think they sell this shirt?

Oh, you're an idiot.

Hey. Hey.

- What?
- It's the mermaid.

Then why doesn't she have a tail?

Because she's on land.

Oh, my God.
This is the father of my child.

Come on, come on, come on.
We're waiting, we're waiting. Come on.

All right,
I am not a strong public speaker,

nor am I that familiar with the Bible.

So we will do what we can.

Now, if you're excited
for a wedding today,

let me hear you say, "Whoo!"

Just like that. It's fun
if you throw your shoulders back.

Whoo!
Try throwing your shoulders back.

- We're not gonna do that.
- Okay, he doesn't want to do that.

Here we go.
These guys are getting married today.

And, as a special treat, they thought
it would be nice

if you all stood and they were to sit.
So. Shall we?

All right, then. It is now time to join
these two as only the Creator can.

- Where's Bob?
- He's right over there.

Of course.

Hey. No.

- It's hot!
- Too bad.

Marriage is a dead institution.

Uh, it hasn't worked for me.

It hasn't worked for anybody
in my family.

But there are certain signposts
that you can follow.

You know,
to try and make the best of it.

Try not to yell at each other.
It's always a great idea.

Don't share any money.
Always sound, sound advice.

Never strike each other
above the shoulders.

From here down.
From here down for hitting.

J.D.: Even though it was a wedding,

none of us were caught up
in the romance of the moment.

In fact, before we knew it...

Don't share cars.

You're gonna find that it always has
the other person's stink on it

and you can't get that stuff
off your shirt,

you're gonna live with it
for the rest of your life.

You don't want it
when you're driving to work.

You know?

J.D.: Before we knew it,
we were already here.

Okay, do you, Ladinia Williams,

take this man to be
your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

J.D.: Oh, my God. We were gonna
find out the Janitor's name.

And do you...

What? It's 4:37. High-tide five.

J.D.: Damn it!

It's all right, we'll just start again.
No biggie.

And, do you...

Ow! That was off the burn.

You know what we'll do?
We'll just say this.

Do you take this lady

to be your lawfully wedded Lady?

I mean, of course you do. Look at her.
She's like a little ladybug.

I'll just touch you right there
for a second.

- You're done. Out.
- Okay.

Terrible job. Good luck.

I just want to say something
before we kiss. Okay?

And thanks for coming,
even though I didn't want you here.

Uh.

I know that I'm weird.

But, you know, you'd be weird, too,

if your mother aged backwards
like mine did.

So the thing is that I always kind of
figured that I would end up alone.

- And then you came along.
- Mmm-hmm.

And you don't just accept my quirks
and my crazy stories

and my lies about my mom,
you actually appreciate me for them.

And I don't think I'll ever stop
appreciating you for that.

But I know
that I'll never stop loving you for it.

I love you, too.

J.D.: And right then, we all realized
the value of the romantic gesture.

From one person who loves someone

to another.

My baby don't mess around

because she loves me so
at least I know for sure

But does she really want to but can't
stand to see me walk out the door

You can't stand to fight the feeling

'cause the thought alone
is killing me right now

Thank God for mom and dad
for sticking two together

'cause we don't know how

Hey ya

Hey ya

Hey ya

Hey ya

You think you got it
no you think you got it

I remember you.

Got it, just don't get it
till there's nothing at all

Want to get in the water?

For shizzle.

We get together, oh we get together

but separate's always better
when feeling's involved

If what they say that nothing is forever

Hey. What time
does that wedding start?

Classic stuff, Bob.

Hey.

Everything I do is more fun
if you're doing it with me.

Was that so hard?

- Yes.
- Oh, really?

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

- No! Perry! Don't.
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

- Don't...
- Oh, yeah!

Oh! I love you.

I love you.

Bahama Mama.

Big mama.

Oh, it's cooler than being cool

God, it's so beautiful here.

Look, Elliot, I don't know if it's possible

for me to put
how I feel about you into words.

But I guess I'll give it a shot.

I never really believed I would find
somebody that I love as much as you.

I love you more than anything
in the whole world.

Elliot,

I love you more than Turk.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, I know.

That's even hard for me to say,
but it's true.

I had to wrestle him to the ground
to get this,

but it's more important
for you to have it.

Look at me.

You're my dream girl.

It's getting a little chilly.

Hey, Bob.

You been sitting here
for three days now.

Why don't you get up
and go see this beautiful island, man?

You're right.

I'll have a Bahama Mama, please.

Yeah, this is a beautiful place.