Original subtitles

Previously on...

- I am launching Nava Swimwear.

PK and I have invested a lot of money.

There's a lot at stake here.

- Camille's got a fundraiser this week.

- Oh, yeah, that's on Thursday. - Are you going?

- Yeah. For sure.

Camille, you're a stupid (BLEEP)!

It was a silly moment, a silly joke.

But when I'm wrong and if I've hurt someone,

I'm the first one to say I'm so sorry.

- It's not been a picnic for me,

you telling me that one of my best friends

is talking sh... about me.

- That's one of your best friends?

So what am I?

- I am sorry that I neglected you,

and I didn't realize you were that upset.

- Any apology from Lisa,

I'll take it.

- Lisa was feeling jealous

that I was talking to Kyle.

- Apparently, a lot of negative sh...

Was said about me.

- Well, I didn't know who that came from.

- You said that in a group.

That wasn't a private conversation.

[upbeat music]

- In this town, fame and money come and go,

but friends should not.

- Some people call me cold, but that's not ice.

It's diamonds.

- I believe in an excess of everything

except moderation.

♪ ♪

- Having the best isn't important to me,

but being my best is.

♪ ♪

- I don't have to buy it, 'cause I already own it.

♪ ♪

- The queen of diamonds always has an ace up her sleeve.

♪ ♪

[lively music]

♪ ♪

- [gasps] Hello, gorgeous!

- Hello. - Hi.

- It's so good to see you.

So I'm nervous about trying on certain things,

'cause, again, I don't feel that secure

about my body right now.

I had two surgeries in this area,

and my lymph nodes are gone.

- You look fabulous now.

Aren't you happy with the way you look?

- I am happy,

but when you're used to looking a certain way,

you just... it's my new normal.

- What are you nervous about?

Like, what would be too much?

- It's been hard for me, because...

- Why has it been so hard?

- When you have cancer and you have a hysterectomy...

I had a radical hysterectomy,

so they remove the top part of your cervix

and the top part of your vajayjay also.

I am fortunate to be in remission

from endometrial cancer, stage 2.

My body's changed since then.

- But you look amazing.

- It's been four years,

and I'm feeling stronger every day,

especially because I have a wonderful boyfriend

who's loving and very supportive.

But it takes a while to recover from chemo and radiation.

Imagine dating somebody and having to tell them

that they removed the top part of your cervix.

- But would guys really know that?

Like, is it...

- I now have a vagina of a 16-year-old.

I have a rejuvenated hymen, basically.

No. [laughs]

- Well, isn't that every guy's dream?

Wow! - Whoo!

Uh-huh. - Okay, come on.

Right? You have a new boyfriend.

- Yes, I do.

- Let's give him a treat.

I know what it's like.

After I had Amelia,

I had postpartum depression,

and so I understand what it's like

to, like, lose your mojo.

So I can only be moral support,

because Camille really just needs to see

just how beautiful she really is.

She's a stripper at heart, for sure.

- Whoo-hoo!

[both whooping]

- Look at you! You look fabulous.

- Well, let's play. - Wow.

- Be careful. - You look hot.

- Little bit sexier, please. - Okay, okay.

- Don't you feel good? - Yes, I'm feeling better.

- Are you ready?

Wow.

Okay, you're getting that.

- This one? - You are so getting that.

Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, this body, it is gonna, like,

open up like a flower.

It's gorgeous.

I mean, I know a way to a man's heart,

and it's not through his heart.

[laughs]

- So what are you getting? - I'm gonna get these.

I will wear this as a top too, like underneath stuff.

- Your total is $1,319.74. - Thank you.

Your boyfriend is gonna have a really good time this weekend.

- [laughs]

- So are you. - [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Hi. How are you?

- Good. How are you today?

- Good, thank you.

I have a reservation under "Kyle."

- Wonderful.

♪ ♪

- Perfect.

- Miss Hollywood Reporter.

- Oh, hello. How are you?

- Thank you. - You look great.

- I'm proud of you. I saw that article.

- Oh, thank you.

Yeah, it was so crazy to see it in writing.

- Right? Big deal.

- The show that I've been working on,

"Glass Houses," was bought by ABC.

I know I have a lot on my plate,

but I thrive in chaos.

It's like the expression they say:

"If you want something done, give it to someone who's busy."

And how's Tom? - He's in physical therapy.

- He's, like, powering through this and, like...

- He's giving a speech at the Long Beach bar.

- Is that, like, a big bar? What is that?

- You know, like, the bar association.

- Oh, I was like, "What bar? The Long Beach bar?"

I thought you meant...

- A bunch of boring lawyers.

No, no, not a bar. The bar.

And so he's fine.

- Hi. - Oh, my goodness, hey.

Can I have the branzino?

- I'll do the branzino too.

- How've you been feeling after New York?

- [sighs]

- Did you work everything out with Lisa Vanderpump?

- 100%, and then with Dorit, I was annoyed.

Today it was, like, such a waste of a day.

We're in New York City.

We could have been normally laughing

and having the best time, and it was, like, miserable.

But, you know, I really like Dorit.

It is what it is.

- The question is,

how blown out of proportion is this whole thing?

Here's the thing.

When other people get involved

and their interpretations come in,

it gets clouded.

- Yeah. - Hi.

Listen, now, to me, it's between them.

I've said what I had to say.

- Let them work it out. - Yeah.

- By the way, what can we get Lisa for her birthday?

- In Beverly Hills,

you better bring something really good.

And then they can be like, "Oh, no, you shouldn't have.

Oh! Thank you, dahling."

- Maybe I should go buy a pink bird.

- [laughs] A pink bird. A flamingo!

Can you imagine if you walked in with a flamingo for Lisa?

- On a diamond leash. Just, like, gorgeous.

- Happy birthday.

♪ ♪

- KP? - I'm here, darling.

- Hi, bubba. - How are you?

- Oh, my goodness, I'm just going through

the new line sheets, honey, and some emails,

'cause I've come home to a whole host of emails.

- I know. I...

- It's a very different direction.

- You told me to get involved. - Yes.

- All right, so I went downtown to the factory

and met all the swimwear team.

I think that you had

this really almost couture range of swimwear.

Quite expensive.

And I think that your brand should be available

to everyone.

- Oh, jeez.

'Cause I see that my collection has just been sliced in half.

- Right.

- Oh, hell, no.

PK, you are not a fashion designer.

You do not know what's best for this line.

He's only ever gonna look at it

as any other business that crosses his desk.

But for me, it's my creation.

It's my soul.

- And then there was one other little conversation,

and I know you're going to be a bit disappointed.

I don't like the name Nava for the swimwear.

- Why?

- I think we need a name that is more versatile,

more general.

Call it "Beverly Beach."

What do you think of that?

It's an imaginary place

where you can go and wear swimwear,

have a candlelit dinner without candles.

It's where you and I would want to go on vacay.

- I did tell you that...

- You did put me in charge.

- I needed you to go to these swimwear meetings

so I can go to New York.

I didn't expect you to go in

and just turn everything upside down.

- I'm not very good at going to those meetings

and not saying anything.

You can fire me.

- I'm so blown away by this.

It's like me changing

George's entire tour schedule

without checking with PK first.

So I definitely need a minute to process.

I know, when I came home, I was a little bit, like,

just deranged with thought and emotion.

And I'm still...

- You actually haven't really told me.

You've just given me tidbits.

- Well, Kyle says that she had heard from Teddi

that I was badmouthing Lisa Vanderpump,

so she was going to Lisa Vanderpump's rescue.

Lisa and I have hit a bump.

- How are we gonna work it out?

I love you, mainly on the strength

of loving your husband and wanting to love you...

- That's not nice, Lisa.

- And wanting to make it right.

- I would never want to hurt Lisa Vanderpump's feelings.

As long as she knows that I had no bad intention,

we should be able to get over this.

- You just need to focus on your relationship with Lisa

and make sure she's cool.

And I won't allow this to kick off Lisa's birthday.

- Coming up...

- Here's to tingling vaginas. Whoo!

And a cure for cancer. [laughs]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ ♪

- Wow. This looks amazing, everyone.

We need better towels in here.

We can't put towels like this out here.

This is disgusting. What it that?

My guests are gonna notice that.

- There's always a party in the bathroom.

Do you like the orchid?

- I like the orchid. But better towels.

I'd have those pretty, gray hand towels.

Where did they go? Pretty, gray ones.

- I will find out. - Ask Sandra.

[upbeat electronic music]

- I really don't like driving in general, though.

That's, like, my Achilles heel.

Like, if somebody's like, "Do you want to do something?"

I'm like, "That means I'm gonna have to drive

this far to do it."

- Really? - Yeah, I really...

- See, I love driving. - I love driving.

- Thinking of "American Woman"

was actually when I was driving to the desert

when my mom was sick.

Those, you know, hours in the car back and forth...

- Just reflecting, right?

- The kids would watch a movie in the back,

and I would just be thinking, and that's when I do

most of my thinking, is in the car.

[phone ringing]

It's Lisa Vanderpump. - Oh, cool.

[button beeps] - Hello?

- Hello. Are you on your way?

- Yes. - I'm just on my way too.

- Are you with Dorit?

- No, I'm on my own.

- Oh. Where's Dorit?

- I don't know. I haven't spoken to her.

Everybody's just making their own way, then.

- Oh, okay. - Is Rinna away?

- No, I think she's sick in bed.

- I'm so sick.

Oh, my God.

I actually feel sorry for myself.

Uh-huh, I'm having a pity party.

- What are you wearing?

- I have on a dress. - Dress with boots.

- Boots, over-the-knee boots.

- I've got a little chunky cork thing going on.

- A chunky cork?

I can't be friends with you anymore. Good-bye.

[laughter]

- Hey! Nicole!

You're here! Hi!

Hi. Thank you for coming.

Oh!

Hello. - Oh, hi.

- This is beautiful.

I can't believe it. How are you?

- Hi!

- Obviously, in Beverly Hills,

everybody wants to look beautiful,

and you got to smell beautiful too.

Otherwise, what's the point?

- This is the fragrance line.

- Oh! The bottles are fantastic!

- This is the scent for the foundation.

It's plumeria, and the proceeds go

to the Foundation for Women's Cancer.

Lisa, welcome.

- How are you? You look gorgeous.

- Thank you for coming. - I know these perfumes.

I love these. This is so sweet.

It's so Cartier. Erika's gonna love that.

- We all said that. We said, "That's Erika."

- Erika? - This scent is Erika.

- Have you seen this?

- So we thought of you when we saw that.

- Oh, my goodness.

- This is a very strong, powerful fragrance

for that real confident woman who...

- Oh, that's none of us. [laughter]

- None of us here. - We're all insecure.

Do you have an insecure perfume? - I do. I do.

- Everyone needs needy, insecure repellant.

Spray the whole... ing room.

[laughs]

- Hi!

- Hi.

- Hi. Welcome.

- Hi, darling. You look gorgeous.

- Hi, my love.

Happy almost birthday.

The only thing I care about

is repairing my relationship with Lisa Vanderpump.

So I'm going to inject her with so much Dorit love

that she's gonna explode.

My love.

There's my lovey dovey dovey dovey dovey!

- What is wrong with you?

- I just love you. I miss you.

- To me, a good friend

doesn't talk sh... about you the moment you leave.

- It's someone's birthday.

- Whose birthday?

- Oh, I don't know.

Someone pretty gorg and fabulous.

- So I think I just need a little bit of space and time

to make it work again.

♪ ♪

- Okay.

- What are you doing tomorrow for your birthday?

Happy birthday, by the way.

- I'm taking the day off. I'm gonna ride my horse.

- Nice.

- Ride my horse, go to lunch with my husband,

and, um...

- And then get ready for us on Saturday

to ruin your life.

- [laughs] - Ruin your life!

- Cheers to you and your new man.

He makes your vagina tingle. Yeah!

Here's to tingling vaginas. Whoo!

And a cure for cancer. [laughs]

- White wine, please.

- Um, cranberry juice, please.

- Okay. - Thanks.

- When I was pregnant,

obviously, I wasn't drinking.

You see the world so differently.

Then I would think to myself,

"Do I talk such sh... When I've had a drink?"

- [laughs] Dorit.

[laughing]

Yeah. - Clearly.

- And I... here. - Exactly.

- Have another drink.

- [laughs] You're so clever.

- Have another one.

- Yes, absolutely.

- Aren't you cold?

- If you were a good friend, you'd give me your jacket.

- (BLEEP) off. I'm not.

- Here, we could just lay this... Is this helping?

- Used to be I'd have given you the shirt off my back,

but now...

- Did you guys resolve your...

- Yeah. Well, listen.

Lisa and I are family.

We're family.

- That sounds like the mafia.

- Dorit, better get in Lisa's good graces,

or she's gonna make you an offer you can't refuse.

- We had a conversation in the park.

And the next time I saw you, you were very mad at me.

So, clearly, the information came to you

a little bit twisted and upset you.

If anyone else has anything to chime in, now is the time.

- I personally don't.

I said exactly the same thing from...

If... if it were me, it would have hurt my feelings.

That's all I wanted to say.

- What would have hurt your feelings?

- The way in which you spoke about the situation.

- Lisa said to me privately, "Dorit, I really feel like

you don't even include me."

And maybe she was feeling jealous.

How did I speak about a situation?

- I'm not gonna go in circles with you, Dorit.

I really am done talking about it.

- I haven't gone in a circle yet.

I haven't actually found out...

I haven't gone one way yet.

- We have already talked about it multiple times,

and to me, I shared the information with Kyle,

how it would have made me feel.

- If she's saying Lisa's jealous,

Lisa's not gonna like that.

That's not being a nice friend to her,

and Lisa's gonna be hurt by that.

- That's embarrassing to Lisa.

She told Lisa, and that's really all we can kind of say about it.

- No, it's not, because I don't understand

what you said to Kyle.

- Not this again. - Yeah.

- Here we go. Here we go.

- I'm actually gonna buy my perfume.

Will you come with me? - Okay.

'Cause they need to work that out.

- No, but I really am done talking about it.

I... we already did.

- How can you be done talking about something

that has had a real chain of events afterwards?

- But you worked it out.

- Teddi made it sound...

- Bigger than it was.

- Much bigger than it was and much worse.

- Here's what Teddi needs to understand.

You can't get in the fight

and then, all of a sudden, when the sh... hits the fan,

you back up.

You can't do that.

You're either in it to win it,

or you're not in it at all.

- Teddi doesn't seem to, whatever,

want to talk about, but yet, you know,

at least take ownership, because she made Kyle believe

that I was bashing Lisa Vanderpump.

- Bashing? - Bashing.

- That's strong.

- Coming up...

- [gasps] I love you too much.

Our relationship, our friendship means too much!

You can't do it to me!

- I like this sexy smell.

- These are all floral, beautiful,

and, you know, elegant.

- But this is the one that goes toward the foundation.

I'm gonna take that one.

- Everything can sort of be resolved

if all the cards are on the table.

Teddi doesn't seem to, whatever,

want to take ownership.

- Teddi, you're fine. - I'm fine.

I just... I'm not gonna do it.

I think it's so easy

to blame somebody else for your own sh...

I like to take a little ownership.

I'm honest.

If it bothers you, then don't say sh... regret.

That's the long and short of it.

I'll just wear a sticker every time, "Scapegoat."

- No, you're not a scapegoat.

You think you're a scapegoat?

[light music]

- I'll have everything, except that.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

- Oh, why you put the pasture in front of me?

- You say you don't eat things, and then you eat half my plate.

- Yeah, it's true. [laughs]

- Okay, so first of all, I want to say thank you so much,

all of you ladies, for showing up for this event.

It really means so much to me

to support the Foundation for Women's Cancer.

I was diagnosed four years ago

with endometrial cancer, stage 2.

My mom was diagnosed at the age of 47

with stage 3 ovarian cancer.

So, unfortunately, this runs in my family,

so it's very near and dear to my heart to give back.

My mom's still here,

but she's suffering through her battle.

At this moment, she's in the hospital.

Tonight this is for my mom

and this is for all of those ladies out there

that are fighting the good fight

to survive this horrible and awful disease.

I love everybody, and thank you again.

- Thank you. - Good job.

- It's not easy.

I can feel her pain.

- Thank you. Thank you for coming.

- Oh, Camille...

- Thank you. Lisa's still here.

Thank you.

- Where are you going?

- Just because as soon as you arrived,

I said, "I'm out of here."

I've got to go. I'm gonna see my husband.

- You have a date with Ken again?

- Shut up, you.

It's my pre-birthday night.

He wants to be a little bit romantic.

- That sounds exciting. You better run off.

- Bye, love you. - Bye.

See you later. Happy birthday, sweetheart.

- Thank you, darling. Thank you.

Bye, darling. - I'll walk you out.

- That doesn't sound like a good thing.

- Here. Here, baby.

- All right, then.

Do you want to talk to me?

- You're leaving? - I'm gonna leave.

- All right. I totally understand.

- It's over in 45 minutes anyway,

so I'm just literally leaving a little bit early.

You're being overdramatic.

- No, I'm not.

I'm being loving, because I love you.

- What's wrong?

- Well, Lisa, I just want to make sure

that you and I are in a good place.

- I ordered a brick phone the other day.

- Really? - Yeah, a brick phone.

My '80s drug dealer phone got dinged,

and I ordered a brick phone.

- I'm a little bit hurt by what you said,

but I'm okay.

- Well, this is what I want to understand.

What exactly did Teddi hear that she would be hurt?

- Really, what you've told me.

- No.

- Teddi has been really out of this.

She really has not... - Really?

- I'm really telling you that.

She's not a guilty party in this at all, okay?

I want to make that really, really clear.

- No, but you're making it clear because it's what you heard?

Because I'm actually bearing the brunt

of what she said to Kyle.

For me, that's it.

- Well, even what you've told me

wasn't exactly a... ing compliment,

that I'm a needy friend.

Do you not realize how degrading that is to me?

Now, I need to go. Am I okay with that?

- Let me leave this on this, okay?

- No. - What do you mean, "No"?

- Why do you always have to have the last word?

- I don't need to have the last word!

- Yeah, you do.

Go on, then. Say it.

- [gasps] I love you too much.

Our relationship, our friendship means too much!

You can't do it to me!

Listen to me.

Listen to me, and listen to me once and for all!

- Oh, my God.

- I feel like I hear, like, an animal.

- I will get to the bottom of this.

- No, just...

- But the most important thing...

- You might get what you want by straddling your husband,

but straddling me is not an option right now.

Can you get the (BLEEP) off me?

This is really annoying.

If you really want to apologize,

that's not the way.

Can you get off my lap?

- No, I can't,

because otherwise you'll get up and go.

I need to make sure that you're secure in here

and I get to say what I need to say to you.

I need to, Lisa.

And you have to give me the opportunity to...

- It sounds like you're the needy one right now.

- I am. I'm needy of your attention.

- Right, okay. - Listen to me.

I love you. I love you more than anything.

I love you.

I... your relationship and our friendship

means the world to me.

- It's fine.

- I want you to...

- No, it's fine. I'm going.

I'm gonna enjoy my birthday.

- I've got a present for you.

- I don't need a present. It's fine.

- I love you.

- You might love me.

You just don't love me enough.

That's the problem.

- [gasps]

- Good-bye.

- Cruel and unusual punishment.

Love you! I'll call you tomorrow.

Birthday girl!

I really hope

that my love and attention

and forcing myself on her

is starting to make her realize

that I really didn't mean to do anything to hurt her.

- Is everything okay? - Yeah.

- Why'd Lisa leave so early?

- 'Cause it's her birthday.

It's a national holiday.

- Oh, my gosh.

- Coming up...

- Whoo!

- So this is gonna intensify your sweat a little bit.

- Just some sweat sloshing around.

[laid-back music]

- Hi. - Hi.

- How's it going? - Good, thanks.

How are you? - Really good.

- Nice to see you again. - Nice to see you.

We have your client here.

- Oh, she's here already? Oh, cool.

- Hi! - Hi!

- Oh, my God.

I am so proud of you.

- Thank you.

- You look amazing.

- Thank you. I feel amazing.

- I'm an accountability coach,

which I know automatically,

that makes you want to roll your eyes like,

"What the (BLEEP) does that mean?

Is that a made-up job?"

Like, I get it all.

30 pounds, bye.

Oh, my gosh. All right.

Every single one of my clients

has a success story,

because I am motivating you,

and I am there, being your cheerleader,

to make sure you can complete your workouts every day,

that you're eating healthy.

Hey, what's up?

- I am at this restaurant.

The choices for my food are slim pickings.

- Can you send me a text of the menu?

And then I'll just text you right back.

- Yeah, I'll send that right now.

- You're sending me pictures of everything.

I am logging it.

I am on your ass.

Whoo! [laughs]

I did just lose 30 pounds.

It's like I put on 300.

- No, I wanted to put you in your most flattering outfit.

What's going on? These are different suits.

- Yeah, so this is gonna

intensify your sweat a little bit.

You might have a little bit of sweat sloshing around

whenever you get out.

- Ugh. Sloshing.

Just some sweat sloshing around.

- All right, ladies,

let's get you tucked in whenever you're ready.

Climb in. Go ahead and get in here.

It's just like a sleeping bag. Get right underneath.

- Enjoy your sweat, my dear.

I'll come back and check on you, okay?

- Thank you so much. - You're welcome.

- All right, ladies. Enjoy your sweat.

- What made you end up reaching out to me?

- I had been going to the gym five times a week.

I was working out with a trainer,

but I was thick.

And I saw your transformation on Instagram,

and I knew I had to do something different,

so that was it.

- Being accountable isn't just about my job.

It's who I am as a person.

When you texted your weight in

and I saw that you had lost 30 pounds,

like, I teared up.

Maybe I'm direct to a fault,

but I am not going to make an excuse for my actions.

If you're somebody that can't apologize,

you're not taking ownership,

and I'm sorry; Dorit's not taking ownership.

- Can I take a picture of this and text it to you

and this can be my workout for the day?

- No, this does not count

as your workout for the day.

♪ ♪

- This whole game thing

is gonna be... - I am so excited for this.

- Really, really cool. - You have no idea.

I'm, like, wanting them to come in here right now.

[knocking at door] - The door.

- I'm so excited. [laughter]

- Coming! - This is gonna be so fun.

- This is cool. - This is everything.

- Hi! - Hi.

- I'm Laia. - Hi, I'm Alanna.

- Nice to meet you. - Great to meet you.

- I'm Erika. - I'm Alanna.

Both: Nice to meet you.

- I've been able to conquer

a lot of different worlds,

and now Erika Jayne is digital.

- Thanks for having us.

We're super excited to be working with you.

- Oh, my God, well, I'm, like,

basically jumping out of my skin right now.

I'm gonna be a character

in the "Kim Kardashian: Hollywood" game.

It's been downloaded over 42 million times.

- So I'm just gonna run you through

just so you can get a feel for what the game experience is.

So this is my avatar. - Are you getting on a plane?

- I'm gonna take my private jet. - Oh, my God.

Yeah, let's fly private. - I know, right?

- You arrive in Hollywood on a bus

with no cash, no job, no apartment,

no friends, nothing.

It's my old life.

[laughs] I should be...

(BLEEP) the "Kim Kardashian: Hollywood" game.

It should be "The Old Erika Girardi: Hollywood" game.

- Oh, I'm on a date with this guy, oof.

[laughter]

- I don't like that guy. Can we get rid of him?

When I first came to Hollywood

in my little Toyota Celica convertible,

I worked at the Century City mall,

and I worked at the Beverly Center.

And it was like a struggle to pay the rent.

It's not easy... and especially being a single mom.

So I came up the... ing hard way, man.

Joan Crawford right here.

Like, it's not... It's not a joke.

- And so we came up with a virtual iteration.

[laughs] - Whoo!

- Hopefully, you like it.

- So this is the...

- Oh, my God, I get an avatar!

- You're an avatar!

- Oh, man. Okay.

No, I love it!

It's just so cute.

Is it bad that I want to cry?

[laughter]

- So in the game, it'll animate and move,

and it'll come to life,

but this is just what it looks like.

- Sorry.

And she's got a little waist.

You made me skinny. I love it!

[laughter]

You made me skinny. You know what?

I guess because this has been a really long time,

so it's kind of cool.

- It's very cool. - It's fantastic.

And Kim is so excited to have you part of her game.

- Well, thank you. That's amazing.

Sorry.

This is a great marker of success.

Erika Jayne is now immortal.

I'm sorry; I had an emotional moment.

But it's... you know, I wear my heart on my sleeve.

What can I say?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- You're not gonna move these two plates.

These are both two chargers right here.

- They're both chargers. Thank you.

- Don't even touch those. - Thank you.

- Just stays all at the end. - Appreciate that.

- Kevin? - Yes, dear.

Oh, wow, look at you.

You look gorgeous.

- Thank you. How does that look?

- It's stunning.

- Is it Vanderpump ready?

- Oh, yeah, for sure.

- Because we're gonna have quite a scrutinizing audience.

- Oh, my goodness.

Well, come down, and we'll talk about it.

- I've been called a control freak before.

Maybe people are right.

I like to throw my own birthday party.

But it's actually more for your friends.

I want something gorgeous that they can come to.

Hello.

- Here's what it looks like.

- Oh, look at the sample.

Oh, wow.

- Oh, that's so sweet.

I love that.

- Gorgeous, baby.

You've done a fabulous job.

Look at this. Mmm, looks so delicious.

- John? - Yes, ma'am.

- So what you don't know is,

the big fight between Teddi and Dorit

was about having the right glass.

She said, "I can't drink champagne

out of wine glasses," something like that.

- Do you mind if I switch glasses?

You know, I shouldn't be drinking the wine

out of the champagne glass.

- So let's give Dorit a glass of rosé

out of, like... what's the word?

- Champagne. Yeah, let's do...

- What about... what about that?

- This is good.

Just be like, "I'm so sorry.

Everything was dirty."

[laughter]

- Listen, it's too easy.

Why wouldn't I take the piss?

I mean, that's what I do, right?

Probably get me in trouble, but c'est la vie.

Make sure she gets her drink in that green cup.

- This is Dorit's, yeah.

- Coming up...

- No. - Whoa.

- BDSM. I love a ball gag.

- Really?

- So here's the real test:

if the swans try to get you or not right now.

- What's up, swanny?

- Nope, they're not digging me.

They're not digging me.

- I said no gifts.

- You look amazing.

- I had a late night last night. Come in.

- You did? - Hello, darling.

How are you? - Happy birthday.

- Oh, that looks beautiful.

- What would you like to drink, Teddi?

- Glass of champagne?

- What kind of glass would you like it in?

- Um, I would like it in only the best glass.

- Teddi, when Dorit comes in,

I've got a green glass tumbler.

Nobody else is gonna be drinking like that.

I've already told them.

- I never get bored of seeing how beautiful this is.

Look at these flowers.

- It's gorgeous, isn't it?

- Spectacular.

How are you, guys?

- Hi. - Teddi.

- How are ya? - Good. How are you?

- Good, thanks. Mwah.

- Hello. - Birthday girl.

- Hello, birthday girl. - Wow, look at you.

You look amazing.

- You look every bit the birthday girl part.

- Thanks, darling.

Can I get you a drink?

- I'll start with a glass of champagne.

That's fine. Thank you so much.

- I apologize; this was the only clean glass we had.

- [laughing]

- I'm not drinking this rosé out of this glass!

What, are you crazy?

- Oh, I get it. I get it.

- Don't you understand?

[laughter]

- Happy birthday. - Hello, darling.

- You look beautiful. - Thank you. So do you.

- This is the way you do things, Lisa?

- I just served her rosé out of a green tumbler.

- Very funny, Lisa.

- A proper champagne in a proper glass.

♪ ♪

- Hello. - Hi, Camille.

- Hey, baby. - Hi.

- Should we go in there?

Because it's a bit kind of cooler.

♪ ♪

Thank you to all of you for coming

and to Rinna, who's missing, whose flowers are here.

- Well, that's nice.

- Yeah, she sent nice flowers.

- What about Kyle? - Kyle's late.

But she's going to something over in Malibu.

- Happy birthday. - Thank you. Thank you.

- Cheers. Cheers, everybody.

- Cheers. - Happy birthday.

- Are you gonna open your gifts, Lisa?

- He opened this. I'm gonna open this.

- I think it's something you can use, you know,

and just... whatever you do with it.

- I love the color. - It's beautiful.

- Erika must be really warming up for me.

See what it says on there?

Both: "Blind for love."

- Aw. - Thank you, darling.

- I'm telling you,

we're gonna one off together one day, you and I.

- This is from Teddi. Teddi, what is this?

- So that's a bareback pad...

- Oh, yeah! - Amazing!

- So you can ride without a saddle.

- Ken, try it on.

- Oh, Ken! [laughter]

- You know what?

Any other fashion scenario, I'm struggling.

But you know what?

In the riding world, I got you.

Check. Nailed it.

- Teddi Bear, you're my new best friend.

This is gonna determine

how much we love Dorit in the future.

- Dorit, bring your "A" game.

- That is so pretty.

- There's the eclipse in it.

- We talk about the eclipse in our relationship.

- Is there an eclipse in our relationship?

- There was a little blight. - Really?

- We were in the shade for a little while.

- I don't think there's very much shade.

- That's how Lisa Vanderpump does it.

Every insult is always sheathed in a joke.

- I got you a couple of fun gifts.

- Ooh. - What is it?

- Oh! - Oh!

- Oh! - What is this?

- Put it on, baby.

- I actually love that.

- Oh, I love that. - Isn't that sexy?

- Of course you do.

- Lisa, that actually... - Oh, my God!

- That's in bed, honey.

- That's in bed?

- Ken is gonna have a very good year.

"Come on, Ken.

Let's go. Hurry up."

- I have something very sexual for her.

- [gasps] - For who?

- This one. - For her?

- This darling told me to get a strap-on.

- Oh, my God!

I'm gonna come up with a whole new strap-on line

named the Camille.

[laughter]

It really... oh.

- We need visuals.

- I don't know about my virgin eyes.

- No. - Whoa.

- What is that?

Oh, that's the thing you put in your mouth.

- BDSM. I love a ball gag.

- Really?

- I think fashion-wise, yeah.

Look at my Instagram.

- So that was because you talk too much, clearly,

so you need to try it on.

- Oh, no. I'm sorry.

- [laughs]

- I don't love it,

and I don't think I'd ever use it,

to be honest with you.

- You open your mouth too much, girly.

I was thinking of a muzzle,

but a gag is a little sexier.

Well...

Hopefully, she'll get the message,

which is "shut your mouth, bitch."

[laughs]

- Anyway, should we go and sit down for lunch?

- On that note...

♪ ♪

- Bon appetit. Bon appetit, everybody.

- Bon appetit.

♪ ♪

- Where's the birthday girl?

- What? - Make out?

- Hi, guys. Hi, everybody.

- No Mo? Where's Mo?

- He is in Scottsdale.

We opened the agency there,

so he had to go to some event.

- Oh! - And this is an individual.

- Wow, that's huge.

- Lisa, isn't this

what you usually have your cosmopolitan in?

- Exactly.

Oh, well, another year.

- You're still a baby, Lisa.

- No, it's been an amazing year for us, really.

I think getting to know new people,

which has been great...

- No, thank you.

- Oh, Teddi Bear.

- Oh, so sweet. "Teddi Bear."

- She always calls me that.

- [laughs] I was gonna say...

- It's hard to be the favorite right from the get-go.

- Exactly.

- You could go from Teddi Bear to Teddi Bitch in a nanosecond.

- You know what? - You better be careful.

- We all have our moments, I think, PK.

- What do you call the rest of us, Lisa?

[laughter]

- Well, it starts with a "B."

- Yeah.

- Camille, what have you got to say, my darling?

- Put that thing in your mouth, that ball.

- Wait, a ball gag?

You actually gave her a ball gag?

- I gave her a ball gag.

- Did you give this to them for their sex life?

- Oh, no, no, no.

It's meant to be funny.

- I don't mind this.

Like, this, to me, is not offensive.

It's not like a strap-on.

- She's still harping on something

that was a joke a few months ago

that I thought...

- And why isn't this a joke, then?

Then why isn't this a joke?

- Mother... er.

If you, Dorit, do not laugh this sh... off,

I'm going to crucify you.

- This is a cheeky little gift

since we've all see your pretty little puss now.

- She tried to forget it, but...

You cannot cry right now.

- Good time to give it to me.

On her birthday.

- It's fun.

Don't take it too seriously.

- Shh. Baby.

It's fine. It's fun.

Let's move on.

- Coming up...

- I think we've celebrated well enough.

- You okay?

♪ ♪

- Good boy.

I got him eight years ago today.

- Oh, wow. - Oh, today.

- Yeah. - What's that gift?

- A gift from Jig?

All: Aw! - Oh, Jig.

- Show me what's in there. Come on.

- Oh, my God! - Lisa! Yes!

- Cartier diamond earrings.

- Ken!

[cheers and applause]

- That's why I married that man.

All right, who wants this cheap piece of crap?

- All right, give these to me.

- You never had a need for these anyway.

- Oh, Dorit, those look great.

- Lisa, are you a good friend or not?

- Two weeks ago, you would have had them in a second.

But now, darling... - Oh, really?

- Well, I hate to say I told you so, Dorit,

but it was only a matter of time

before Lisa started giving you her little jabs.

- I haven't seen her at her worst ever.

- Give it time.

- Bitch, let's go.

- Sometimes these jabs are really funny

and you're like, "Ha ha ha."

And other times, you're like, "Ha ha ha, no."

I know exactly what's going on here.

This is finally Lisa's way of punishing Dorit.

Well, happy birthday, Lisa.

- Happy birthday. - Happy birthday, Lisa.

- Cheers, everybody. - Cheers.

- Cheers. - Cheers, darling.

So I'm going to Pump tonight, if anybody wants to...

- I can't say I'm in, Lisa.

I genuinely can't believe I can't say I'm in.

- Dorit, you have to.

- Not after today, I don't.

- Why? What happened today?

- I think we've celebrated well enough.

I didn't expect to come

to Lisa's birthday celebration

and be the punching bag.

This is a side of Lisa

I've never seen before.

- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Wow.

All: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Lisa ♪

- ♪ My love ♪

all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Yay! [applause]

- Blow it. Blow it. Ooh!

- I don't really feel like

the punishment fits the crime.

- Oh, you've got to have one of those.

Teddi, try that. - Thank you.

- And when I feel like I'm being poked at nonstop,

I'm done.

- Fun, beautiful birthday, Lisa.

Thank you.

- You okay?

- Don't forget this after you're done eating.

- Camille.

- Are you okay?

- I'm great. I'm wonderful.

- Are you upset about the ball gag thing?

It's a joke.

- It's a funny joke. Just laugh.

- I hope you're okay.

- I'm good. I'm very good.

I'm very good.

- Well, yes, Dorit, I'm going to have a dig at you.

I'll say it with humor.

I'll couple it with jest.

But I'm sending the message

that the relationship has taken on

a slightly different meaning for me.

- I'd love to see that ring.

And the most beautiful.

There's no upside for me

to having anything less than picture perfection.

- It's gorgeous. - Yeah, that's great.

- I think Christina picked a good model.

- She looks like the brand.

- Well, you know, clearly, I got it wrong last time.

Oh, I like that. Have a look.

You don't like it?

- I don't like anything about it.

- What?

- I saw the pictures.

- They look great. - She looked perfect.

- So I got the proofs back from Dorit's shoot.

- Oh, wow. I like it.

- She looked amazing.

- I know, but pull them.

Look, she was not happy. I can pull it.

- Dorit made such a big deal

about not looking great at the photo shoot.

It's not worth the battle.

- We made her look stunning,

and then she decides that it's just not good enough?

I don't want that energy in the magazine.

- So Mark has decided

to pull the shoot, and I knew he would.

He won't have any negativity around it.

- We're dropping it. We have a stunning model.

We have an amazing shoot today.

- So it's a shame

that they're never really gonna see the light of day.

- There you go. Perfect.

- That's history. This is now.

- Okay, all right, all right.

- That's it. - Let's move forward.

- Later this season on...

[engine revving]

- Ah! Stop! - Whoo!

- This sh... is expensive.

- What's going on? [smooches]

- [squeals] - Ah!

- I have been receiving phone calls from heaven.

- I was once kidnapped as a boy

who lived in the bottom of a ship.

- Really? - [sneezes]

- Boo! - Ah! My go...

- Hoo, hoo-oo. - [laughs]

- [laughs]

- Oh, my God. (BLEEP). - Oh! Oh!

- Oh, ah! I'm not ready to die

with these women in Berlin.

[polka music playing]

[indistinct shouting]

all: Cheers!

[all screaming]

- Hot damn!

- We're going to work later at a sex place.

♪ It's expensive to be me ♪

♪ ♪

- Ladies and gentlemen, Beverly Beach.

[cheers and applause]

- She died quickly. I should've seen it coming.

- I don't want him to blame himself.

- You okay? - Um, I'm not, really.

I'm... I'm freaking out.

- I have one issue: pretend amnesia.

[dramatic tones]

- Everyone's so busy kissing ass.

- Kyle's acting like a petulant child.

- You scared the living sh... Out of her.

- What do you give a (BLEEP) what I have to say?

- Teddi, stop. - Well, let her speak.

Enough, already.

- It's taken two... ing years

to get close to you.

- Don't ever, ever do that to me.

- Wait, Teddi. - Leave me alone!

- Ms. Crybaby.

- To learn more about the housewives,

go to bravotv.com.